The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #186 Beluga Squishy Head

Episode Date: March 4, 2022

Andrew had some annoyance at the gym because of a bench issue which leads Nikki to plead for people to have more empathy. She also explains dealing with a disagreement she had with a friend. Nikki shows off a new contraption she made for her migraine. You Heard It Here First, Wheel of Fortune or Jeopardy family?, Andrew's incredible story that involves a Blackjack table and his friends Rusty and Lettuce, a last minute cancellation and a very sad sports moment. In Fanthrax, Besties share a whale video that Nikki thinks is fake, an unfinished butt dial story, why they "I" so much, love from New Delhi and a mispronunciation. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Here's Nikki. Hello. Here I am. Welcome to the Nikki Glaser podcast. It's Thursday, everyone. Thank you so much for listening. How are you today, Noah and Andrew? And the besties. I mean, like, I can't hear them, you know, but I do care how they are. I hope they're good. How are you guys today? You go first, Noah. Well, I was going to say you're going to hear the besties later on fanthrax that's true we'll see we'll hear how some of them are later on andrew wait wait how are no you sound good oh i sound yeah i sound good because i went french i went to jujitsu this morning i don't know why i look french hell yeah you choke anyone out or fucking ripped their arms off and beat them to death

no i didn't do that oh So it was a light class. How long? Actually, I did. I got an arm triangle submission. Oh. That's good. So I'm guessing that you go like this. No, you actually put their arm in a triangle.

You choke someone with their own arm. You go like that. Oh, wow. You go, stop choking yourself. Stop choking yourself stop choking yourself do you say that while you do it you slapping your fate you slapping your own fate that's cool is was it a man or a woman um or or a non-binary i don't remember who i did it to i think it was a woman but the fact that you can't remember equals like you could do it to anyone.

Yeah. I just see a body. That's what I love about jujitsu. Like you, you can fuck up men. Yep. I can't wait for Noah to fight my nephew in three years. I give him three years and I think it will be a close match.

He'll be 11. Andrew, how are you? I mean, I'm ready. I'm, I mean, things are good. I didn't go to jujitsu i worked

out yeah had a good morning saw stew we all know stew well they don't know stew but he works on perfect strangers oh okay you saw stew at the gym yeah just fucking there was so at our gym there's one bench yeah just one it's like uh the movie the show afterlife oh is there only one bench in his well there's one bench at the grave site where he meets that woman oh they just sit on the bench together and talk about death and life oh well this was a little shout out to everyone who knows that show that was a pretty fucking sick joke for those of you who know and got it right away other people are just like no i got it and i didn't care for it there's one bench right there's three guys inside there.

The guy was already working out on the bench. It's his bench. I get it. There's one. Do you, if it's a stranger, say, look, you want to share the bench? Why do you need a bench? I'm just curious. There's a lot.

I mean, if you're doing upper body. I'm not playing dumb. No, no, I know. But if it's upper body, you're doing chest, back. You need it. Now, he was doing workouts. Oh, like you needed to lay back and do this thing. Yeah, like this or you're using it.

He was honestly using it for exercises that you don't even need a bench for. So he's utilizing this bench. It's the only bench. Is he someone that works on our Perfect Strangers? I don't think so. Okay. Now, do you offer a stranger and say stranger say hey you want to share it because for me i feel awkward and i go do you want to do he was on it for 45 minutes doing workouts that really didn't even need the bench what do you what were

you doing for 45 minutes walking a quarter mile like little try huh yeah yeah that's fast no he was doing just like little tricep things. Like he didn't need it. He was sitting on it to do biceps. I, if there was someone that was hogging a piece of equipment. Yes. One equipment. That I needed that was only one of, I would absolutely say, hey man, do you mind if I

get in on this bench at some point? I wouldn't say share. He's had his time. I mean, every sign where you go to a gym and it's like, limit your time, even at my gym at the hotel, limit your time on the machines to 30 minutes.

That's just, that's the, that everyone knows that it's about that number where you just, you have to do that. And yeah, I would have just said,

hey man, do you mind me, if I could get in on that bench action? It just sucks that I have to ask. I really feel like you should offer of course but he's a he's not a person that thinks about other people yeah i mean

it was such a weird vibe it was such a vibe of like is is he really just like he knows that you're waiting it's like when people when you're waiting for someone's parking space and you're following them at the grocery store and then they take longer getting into their car my dad always said what is that people when you they know you're waiting take longer and that never made sense to me i am so much faster when people are waiting i would go for i'll try to i'd run over five people just so i can get i will i will ruin all my groceries by jettisoning them into the back seat and like breaking all the bottles just so i can like even like you know when you're crossing a road and you do this thing to just make it look like you're going a little bit faster, even if you're not, you know, like you you got to show the person that you're aware of them. It's just that's fucking Trump's America.

I'm sorry. That's that's basically what it's about is like I am a free person. It's all about me. I get to do what I want to do and I'm not going to be inconvenienced at all by someone else's needs. I'm pretty sure this guy was from Mexico, but still your point. But that's, it's the same, it's the same mindset that makes people not want to like, I don't need to support poor people.

I'm not going to fucking welfare and welfare and like just not it's people that can't have any empathy like well i would just find a different parking space i wouldn't they never they can't see themselves on the other side of things it's insane the uh earthquake the comedian yeah he just uh neil brennan just posted a bit of his of saying like a trump supporter they're they're just so diehard they're not gonna believe anything you can say anything and he's he just, uh, Neil Brennan just posted a bit of his of saying like a Trump supporter. They're, they're just so diehard. They're not going to believe anything. You can say anything.

And he's like, so when people go, what kind of woman do you want to end up with? Earthquake? He's like, I want a woman that's into me just as much as a woman is into Trump. So they're like, are you fucking someone else?

Who's that one? Fake news. Like, it's such a funny analogy to just think about it. Like if you were acting like an asshole and just blindly you're loving him, no matter what, no matter what,

he can't do any wrong. I understand not liking the left. I totally get that. And being like, okay, well, this is my only option to like this other thing. But if you think Trump is a good leader or you think any of these people on fox news are people you

should trust or who would ever give a fuck about you outside of you giving them a rating you're so misguided it's sad these people have no care for probably even their family members honestly they are so and there's such i feel like we say that though and then i'm not even mad at them they can't help it they were raised by alcoholics i have no empathy either like these people they can't i watch tucker carlson and i my blood starts boiling but i have to remember that these people are curb stop you know they can't help who they are they just can't help it that's just the way they are because they just were born with brains that are different and not honestly it's it. That's just the way they are because they just were born with brains that are

different and not honestly, it's, it's worse for our planet to have people. It's worse for humanity to have people like that because it's going to result in, you know, reaping the fucking environment because we think, because they think humans are on top.

And so we can do whatever we want to animals and to plants and other societies because we're better. But I'm not saying that morally – they're not wrong for having their brains, I feel, because they didn't choose them. If I was born with Tucker Carlson's brain in his life, I would be Tucker Carlson. You'd wear a lot more cool pink. Bow ties. And Lacoste and uh oh man burberry dude i think though what is also very annoying is when we go fuck fox news people go oh what cnn is that no they're not cnn i'm not saying yeah people always do that though they go well if that's not good what about cnn i don't know

politics and i stay away from anything trump related because it's so you even sent me something yesterday where the fucking some secretary of the UN guy was talking to a newsmax guy. No, he was the head of fucking defense under Trump. Oh, he was? Yeah. And he said that Trump, because, you know, they're saying that Trump would have handled Ukraine and this wouldn't be going on if Trump was still. Yeah, that Russia didn't attack anyone during him. And he goes, honestly, trump didn't even know where ukraine he thought finland was finland was in russia and then people will hear that and go no

i mean dude do you really have to know where finland is i don't fucking know where finland is can and it's like well i'm not president saying that i that's why i don't watch this stuff anymore because it doesn't matter it hasn't mattered for years yeah and it's again i'm not saying that I'm that's why I don't watch this stuff anymore because it doesn't matter it hasn't mattered for years yeah and it's again I'm not saying that I'm better than someone who doesn't when someone is taking their time putting their groceries in their car because they know I'm there waiting and they take longer to do it just out of spite that person is suffering so much it just is true their life they someone honking at you in traffic someone who flicks you off someone who wants to make your life a little bit worse because they want to just for no reason other than to make your life worse they are suffering so much more than you are and

they're just trying to get you to the same place they are i gotta remember that i saw a tweet yesterday of like i knew i was in florida when i was walking across the street and the person sped up coming at me and i i know that part like that's happened to me in florida where you hear the engine get fucking where they step on the pedal riding your bike on the side of the road and someone gets closer to the bike lane just because you're there. It's absurd. It's just, you know, and I'm serious, man. Like I'm not coming at this like,

I'm smarter than these people or I'm a better person. Yeah, the things I believe in probably lead to a better planet just because that's the way it is when you think about others more than yourself. And I can be fucking selfish as fuck. I can be Trumpy sometimes. But the fact that I can acknowledge that and go, whoa, fuck. That's all I want from these people is just to go, I can't believe I believed that at one point.

I'm so embarrassed and I'm so sorry. And then I would forgive. It's fine fine just know that you've kind of are selfish and admit it it's the blind faith that at least like just that belief that nothing else is right whatever it is it's about I mean whatever it is it drives me crazy it's kind of figured out it's how much they hate liberals you know and and i have to say for the other side it's sometimes about how much we hate them you know it's like it's not about how much you like your side it's about how much you hate the other side and yeah i just have to remember that they're having a bad day because when

do you ever notice like i just ran into this in my own life. Like, I was just, yesterday, even, with someone on Perfect Strangers 3, we had like a- Oh, two. Well, now we're working on three, this guy and I. Listen, I'm dumping the gun a little bit, but I think we're going to, based on Perfect Strangers 2, it's going so well, I definitely think there will be a three. There's definitely going to be a three. You witnessed it. Like I got into kind of like I was in a state of just,

I was just in a bad mood because it was based, I realized after the fact. So without talking about specifics, someone on Perfect Strangers 3, a good friend, or two, a good friend of mine who I've been working with on Perfect Strangers 1 who I met met like him and i just like he was just trying to help me with what we were about the scene we were about to shoot and there was something about it that i was like why can't i talk why can't i do this one line and he's like because of this and this and i'm

like but i want to and and then i realized like and then i got on my high horse about like well the that's that's why society's crumbling because I'm not allowed to say things like this. It was just like this whole thing. And all I really wanted from him was to go, I know it sucks. I wish you could too. But you know, we can't. That's all I wanted. I wasn't asking him to like fight for it and like take it to the top or whatever like that.

And instead he was just like not in the mood for my tude and just kind of was like all right see you on set and i was just like cool and it was just like we both kind of were doing like silent treatment like standing our own it was like the first time me and this guy have ever had like a bad moment like he's only we've only had like great great uh collaborative discussions defense like you getting d DP'd on an NBC network is just a lot. I thought it would add to the scene and honestly, I still

maintain that it would. I was for it. It wasn't anal. It was double vagina. So yes, it does count as DP. I didn't know it was DV. Yeah, I should have been more specific. I just think that any DP could be any like I think that's where the communication broke down yeah for sure but I was just getting

ready after that and I was like sad because me and this person that is like always so supportive and like we just get along so well and our interactions like make my time on set so much more fun we're like had this tense moment and I'm like oh god he's mad at me fuck I gotta like it just like felt sad and then I was like you know I was kind of in my own thing of like I'm right and like he just needed to do this and it would have been fine and like why was he like that and then I was like wait a second why am I really so like why am I in this state of mind and i realized it was because i had just gotten in trouble about something from another kind of sit a situation

that was similar to the one that i was dealing with that i was defending with him had sprung up right before he walked in and it was completely not involving him and i felt embarrassed and like angry because I was embarrassed. Cause I got kind of like called out for some kind of thing that I did. That was honestly like I shouldn't have done, but I was like defensive of that right away because I didn't want to admit I was wrong because I was just, it was embarrassing to be wrong. And so I was already in the state of mind of like, well like my fuck everything like I'm just trying to do the best and I'm a victim and everyone's mad at me and then he comes in and I just put that on him that conversation would not have gone the way it had had I not had the previous conversation

right before he walked in that he had no idea what was going on and afterwards he you know after we shot the scene he texted me like that was great my God, it was so funny or whatever. And I was like, listen, man, I want to apologize for my toad before you walked into something that had nothing to do with you. And I took out my anger about that. And my anger towards myself on you, because it's just too much to like go inward with it. And he was like, I have not slept in three days.

I am stressed out i like i brought a whole thing and our both our things just like turned into its own thing it's like a perfect storm of perfect strangers too yeah a perfect storm three of perfect i'm just so grateful that it didn't because i think two years ago i would have still been mad at him today i probably wouldn't have been able to reach out and apologize i probably wouldn't have been i would have still been mad at him today. I probably wouldn't have been able to reach out and apologize. I probably wouldn't have been, I would have just said, yeah, it was great.

I would have just acted like everything was fine, you know, or been like, yeah, that scene was fine. Thanks. Great seeing you today and not acknowledged what happened, but it just feels so good to be able to go.

Listen, I was at a line. I was in a bad mood and that's okay. I'm not like a bad person and you're not a bad person for being sleepless and feeling the way you did and just being like i don't want to deal with nikki's fucking toad right now yeah you know like it was we were both right and wrong to be wrong you know and it was just like it felt so good texting each other afterwards and there was so much more love on the other side of this really awkward interaction that I would have, you know, in

hindsight been like, can we just skip that in our lives? But I'm actually grateful for it because now we have, we can now know the next time that bubbles up, I'm going to go, okay, remember the last time this happened, what it resolved to. Let's just avoid it now. And what sucks too about a lot of this stuff is like if i think back on certain friendships that might have ended for me or like just all it would have taken was a conversation but what happens is i think is like if you don't settle it or talk about it within the first couple days then it just keeps it's festering festering and then you just you run away yeah and then it gets too far down the line where it's like, this is ridiculous to bring up 10 years later and then get a friendship going again.

You know what I mean? And yeah. So I don't know. There's like, God, it's such growth when you can just be like, what are they going through? And why,

you know, why am I mad? Okay. I might be mad at them, but what are they also? And what, what am I going through and like not excusing your actions but just taking accountability and when you do apologize

saying no buts but you are doing this like keep it to yourself even if you know they're wrong about something let them have the space so that they can come to their own conclusions about themselves keep it in i and that's the best apology to me for myself and when i receive one where there's no butts and i i i struggle sometimes writing apologies on text unless you're getting dp'd yeah then well honestly if it's a dv there's no butts at all either so um we'll be back after this. Andrew, I'm coming. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year,

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You know what that means. It is Thursday. Just in case you're wondering, Bob Taggart is still dead. I hope you're having all this too much. Oh, wait. That was an old running joke. Yeah. Oh, wow. Do you know what happened to him? Yeah. You know, there's like

yeah, I'm so glad it's settled and it's not like it wasn't like murder or something. All the swells, by the way. Wait, oh, it is completely settled. Because for a while people were saying, well, he has the injuries that you only sustain if you get your you attacked by a baseball bat and then i had spoken to a close friend of his that was like it was probably his headboard i'm a tall guy i always slam my head into headboards it was probably that and then they noticed that his

occipital lobe was like his front part was cracked too as was the back part and so they're like was there foul play like how could this have happened what the fuck happened and they they determined that he fell in his bathroom hit his head two different ways on the way down and he's a tall man and we were talking about it and you fall from six five your head from you know even six foot you're not going to get as much pull that extra five inches is might be the difference between life and death and so he hit it on one and then two and then was able to get himself to bed crawling probably and that's where he passed away so it was so all you ladies that aren't giving short guys a break just know they might

in the shower they'll still be alive the next day just letting you know you'll be like damn it i thought i lost him and i could marry a tall guy um i slammed my knee yesterday so fucking hard on this so fucking you had left i was glad you had left you just left because i you know when you like hurt yourself and someone goes are you okay or like you're choking and they're like are you okay are you okay and you're just like ah like I need to just deal with this like I don't want to have to deal with your feelings too about this because I I knew that if you had witnessed it and like the sounds I was making you would have been like oh my god Nikki are you like and I was like oh I'm so grateful Andrew isn't here to be concerned because I

wouldn't be able to handle how scary this looks because i thought i had cracked how do you hit it so what were you doing you know this is all like precarious thing i was just jumping over this and i just slammed it on this edge on the corner and i have a fucking knot on my knee it hurts so bad holy shit that's my just my knee no i know that well that's spray tan but there's a big old uh there's a big bump there. To be honest, I thought it was the bump below your knee. I'm not trying to be a dick, but I did think it was that. No, my knees look like elephants sometimes. But yeah, it was fucking brutal.

And I was thinking, man, if that was my head, concussion. Like my knee got a concussion yesterday. I would have, every time I hit my head now, I think of Bob Saget. And that's a good thing because I'm just more aware. got a concussion yesterday i would have every time i hit my head now i think of bob saget and that's a good thing because i'm just more aware dude i almost slipped getting out of the shower the other day i thought about i got dizzy in the shower last night i was so sick i threw up in the shower i was having a migraine so i got in the shower i know i was having a migraine because i think my period's coming and i got in the shower just to like feel other things besides my head and um and I was just

like felt there's something about and I just threw up just a little bit because it was just something it was just my head hurts so fucking bad and then um I went to bed and I did this cool thing I gotta show you the contraption I made and we'll get to news one second she's going to get it right now she's going to the bedroom i don't know what she's going to bring out right now the odds are either a sex toy or a um love i think origami or a sleep mask that has um something on it like a vibrator on the sleep mask i thought great guess i thought about that. So if you have migraines out there or headaches, I get up, my migraine starts inside my eye about here,

like in the corner of my eye where you would do like the darkest line of your eyeshadow. It starts in the corner and I press that. And a lot of times I just like to have hard things hitting me there just to hold it. Cause I want to like force, it's almost like the pain has a, there's a certain amount of pain and I want to get it because i want to like force it's almost like the pain has a there's a certain amount of pain and i want to get it all out quickly to like kill it like i want to like push on the pain so that it just all gets out instead of this dull release so i invented

something last night i got this sleep mask oh in cayman that has a pocket in it so that you can put one of these like cooling eye things right like you put that in the freezer that's not going to be enough for me so last night I was trying I have another sleep mask that's just a basic one right and so I was trying different things like I would take a pill bottle and then I would put a sleep mask sorry I'll talk louder because I can't do this I put the sleep mask she's putting a'll talk louder because I can't do this. I put the sleep mask. She's putting a bottle of aspirin or something underneath the sleep mask. And then I would go like this

and I would just have it in my eye like this because it would feel so good. And this is what you're doing while you're watching the Kanye doc? No, Kanye doc, I was suffering. Oh my God, I'm starting to see things. So that was for a while and then i was like it kept slipping out like that because it didn't have anything to

hold it and this is a silk mask so it would just slip and then it would shoot across my room so then i found my sleep mask that oh my god that's hurt my vision worth it i found this one it has a pocket in it and i found this charger on my nightstand, right? It's like a big block charger. And I put it inside the mask so that it would hold in place. And I would put it so that it was like this. By this time, the pain had traveled to my temple over here. And that's when I came up with this. She's putting on a sleep mask on the side of her head, I believe.

I would bend it like this. With a charger inside it, folks. And then I had it like that. So then the charger was on the temple at the very right spot. I put the other sleep mask on top to even put the pressure on even more. And then I laid against a pillow as hard as I could

to press it in. And it worked worked it was great it was I was so excited that I had a pocketed sleep mask and I really recommend this anyone with migraines because something real quick yeah okay I'm your doctor yeah Dr. Nicole Glazer yes so I'm suffering with migraines and I I've been taking medicine that you prescribed me but I just I feel like a therapeutic. Have you tried taking the bottle and shoving it into your eye socket? The bottle of?

Of medicine. Not taking the medicine, but just using the bottle. And how would I do that? Well, I'm going to prescribe you a sleep mask from Amazon. Okay. It's made in China. It is about $5.99. Okay.

And if you have a Prime, it's going to ship for free. And then I'm going to have you take whatever charger you have lying around. Especially one I think would be great that has the sockets that you can swipe in and out

so that sometimes you can get a very direct pain poking with the socket out. Put it inside and then wrap that around your head and then... How long your head. And then... How long do you do this for? Until the end of the Kanye doc.

And then generally, you will start to feel like you have summoned the same kind of psychosis that the person you're watching on the screen is going through. And that possibly his car accident triggered this mania. And that you yourself are,

and the mania that you will feel because your brain is too big for your skull, much like Kanye described his own brain, is now what you're suffering with. I wonder, you've told me before that you've had some mania things. I forget what was the other thing. Something like this, it pulses it. Yeah.

Something else about looking in the mirror mirror trying to like i forget like you've had some issues or not issues but some things when you're just completely alone where you just like you probably like lose track of time a little bit when you're doing that no doing what migraines yeah like mania stuff i never had mania mania is when you go like yeah but you think you're god and stuff i could have swore you told me before maybe no i mean i've had like uh i've had like what you're talking about like realizing like other people are you you're everyone that's more like um that's kind of a ego death kind of thing but i haven't had mania really yeah i've had depressed like bipolar is fits of mania where you're like everything's great we're doing this i'm gonna do

this i'm gonna call this person i'm gonna do like oh my god then i'm gonna do this and we're like kanye you step into his world at the beginning of the documentary the third documentary where he's in the dominican republic he's got a man like uh engineering a gyroscope or something in the corner he's got another guy producing beats in this corner he's jump roping over here he's that's mania being like this this this this like you might say that's highly productive but that I would say most doctors would see that in a bipolar patient go okay this guy's suffering with a manic episode and then the other side of that is the depression where it's like the opposite of that but i've i've suffered with the depressive depressed like if i've had bipolar the downs but not the other things got you um what do you constitute

as mania no i don't know just like kind of you lose track of time like if you were like let's say you had a migraine headache that was so bad that you just started experimenting things and next thing you know you've it's been 45 minutes and you didn't even realize time went by no i've never had that except when i've blacked out no i know what i'm doing i'm just i kind of i just love when you can get those pressure points and just torture them but let's get to the news okay first story all right have you seen this nikki the latest wheel of fortune disaster has yes screaming at the tv yes do you have to play it well i want to see if andrew knows this i haven't seen it yet i want to see if he knows the answer to it because i was actually looked up other like idioms to see if because sometimes andrew just misses out on things that have like this is this is an example of somebody just not hearing this phrase their entire life which is

possible it's possible let's see i might it might i haven't seen this though okay i think you'll know this another feather in your hat can i see the board or no i I can't see it. No, just based on what she's saying. I mean, I would say cap. Yes, that's correct. Okay. So there's just an A left? There was, I think it was like. She didn't say cat.

She said hat, right? It was C. Yeah, blank, A, blank. Another, like, yeah. Also, your. The I and N is missing. The U and your is missing. Everything else is filled in.

It's another feather full. And then N is blank blank n then it's your is yo and then blank r and then it's blank a blank for cap can i be honest though i knew it was cap because hat was incorrect i don't know if i would have hat i don't think is the worst mistake but then let's continue it goes around to her again. Z. No G. Okay, so that guy doesn't know it either. He doesn't want to buy a vowel.

Another guy gets bankrupt. I'll solve? Okay. He doesn't want to buy a vowel. Another egg is bankrupt. I'll solve. Okay. Another feather in your lap. You. The old defender is moving around.

Christopher. Now, Christopher's going to roll again. 900. D. Oh, so frustrating. This is like Wordle. Oh, he got lose a turn. Now, Thomas, who clearly knows it, he loses the turn.

Go ahead and spin if you don't know. I'm going to go ahead and spin. Okay, she's spinning it because she doesn't know still. Well, what letter would you like? A P? Yes, there's a P. Oh my God, if she doesn't get it now after getting P. Spin or solve?

I will solve. Okay. Another feather in your mouth. Christopher, it's your turn. He's spinning it again. He gets bankrupt. Thomas, you have no money. I don't know what you want to spend.

I'll spin. Okay, Thomas, who definitely has known it the whole time, is spinning again. What do you like? A C. There's a C up there. And there we go. Another feather in your cap.

Yeah, there you go. I mean, and Piet Sajak said something about like i never like to make fun of anyone this is really a high pressure game i i like to like be very empathetic to the fact that these people you know sometimes things just like miss his butt yeah i mean he was actually said something very it was sweet i thought um even yeah so um even though i think that um alex Trebek was the one that could be like kind of an asshole sometimes when people weren't as smart. But this is Wheel of Fortune. This isn't Jeopardy.

You don't need to be like a. I do like that there's two different kind of fans. It's like a chess and checkers. This was kind of an off-putting thing. You know what I'm saying? But sometimes you just miss things. Were you a Jeopardy family or a Wheel of Fortune family? Wheel of Fortune while my mom was making dinner. It would just be on. And then we were you a jeopardy family or a wheel of fortune family uh wheel

of fortune while my mom was making dinner it would just be on and then we were a jeopardy fam my dad's my dad's a jeopardy my mom's a wheel of fortune what about you it's like chess and checkers yeah i would say um we were a jeopardy family we didn't play wheel of fortune but rusty's family a lot of wheel of fortune we We liked Trivial Pursuit. My dad really likes that. Not us. Remember we played that one time, and you were really good at it. I do pretty well on that.

There are some things that I'm just real dumb at. I like playing it with my parents because we play this old version from the 80s where there's no trivia questions from after 1986 or something so it's all stuff before i was even able to talk and i do all right on it and my parents sometimes i just like them my favorite thing is when i know a song or something even if it's not trivial pursuit like there's a song and i like know the words to it my dad goes how the hell do you know this i'm just like i just go dad i'm intelligent yeah i pay attention i just i love those moments and he's so proud that i know something that was only around like he thought

he had to teach it to me for me to know and i'm like because i i'm curious and i pay attention but you know um yeah there's some i would whip them though in a game that was you know anything current yeah if it was 19 movies from 1996 to 1999 i'm fucking any pop culture then in that time yeah i mean these people live these things if you ask me tomorrow like who invaded ukraine i'd get it right right they lived them that's such a good point yeah what about like but i live some things that i don't. Oh, for sure. Go back two weeks. Yeah. What's the next news story? Okay.

Hotel workers reveal the weirdest things rich guests have done. Ooh. Okay. Okay. A housekeeper said he saw a big company boss step into the hotel lobby with over two dozen security guards surrounding him and start crawling and growling on the floor like an animal what two dozen 24 security guards that does not this does not seem like a real thing i thought so too okay so maybe bezos was just walking upright and it looked like he was crawling next to normal-sized people. Hey, if he fell, he'd be fine.

Okay, a top 500 richest person, after a bad stock day for his company, told employees that night he wanted to sleep on the table of the restaurant and asked for around 20 cooked lobsters to be laid out across his body. No. You know what?

It's so outrageous, but I think it might be true. Yeah, I think it's the same guy every time. I wouldn't be surprised if one time we had a rich comedian come and stay at our hotel, and in the morning we found him dead in his bed. What if that was the craziest thing a rich person left behind i mean that should top the list i don't know you putting your charger on

your eyes close i mean my maid must think i'm insane she's laid out all i have like 19 sleep masks because i lose them all the time and she must think i'm having like you know blindfolded orgies because why would one girl need this many fucking sleep masks and why is it orange in her shower and why is there throw up in there now too i know it looks like you murdered an oompa loompa there's like seaweed in the drain oh because i had like i had some seaweed in my meal before like oh so bad okay um what other things no i mean i'm this you're so right this is the same guy okay other strange requests include having food served inside a special guitar okay it's like a rock and roll guy i guess like what kind of food like no it's a well uh it's

just described as a millionaire in China. Oh. I mean, these guys love people shitting in their mouths, so eating out of a fucking guitar is not. I'm just wondering, does he have the guitar and he gives it to them? No, he probably requested them to get it. Go get it. Some people like to be so specific so that it puts other people out.

I mean, this is, again, it's more about how can I exert my power that someone will do this degrading thing because of me. Or he might really like lasagna inside a Gibson. I want to hear some disgusting things. I mean, the lobster guy is pretty disgusting.

And why would you want to sleep on a fucking table in a restaurant? You got to hear the prep staff coming in in the morning. So weird. i fell asleep one time on a blackjack table really and had to be carried home by a guy that worked for the a guy named lobster yeah oh my god you know that story i'm not even kidding there was a we had a guy oh no no his name was lettuce no it wasn't no it wasn't was it really i mean it's a whole other story but we were we were in

bahamas me rusty uh my used car buddy jack was he shredded like the way i like my life so his name was romaine so we nicknamed him lettuce that's fucking funny he he like got us drugs we got him we went to polo one time like the clothes store this was the funniest moment ever so we go to his clothes store me rusty and lettuce and lettuce what me and rusty are like looking for outfits for that night we both have like mustaches we're like let's build an outfit around the mustache is this when you were rich yeah okay this is like the creepiest or the funniest or like the strangest thing of rich and we go to the counter and lettuce already has an outfit like to the bone there's a photo of me rusty and lettuce so lettuce picked out an outfit too yeah like you buy for him of course and we

got him jet ski rides we he was like our best friend on the island because he got his cocaine and um god these fake friendships based around drugs and and then one night i got hammered and i passed out on the on the blackjack table and i had to be carried by one of the employees and someone i think it was either rusty or rusty's little brother ryan they just had a feeling that i was maybe in the hallway like didn't even hear me and they open up and i'm just like a bahamian guy is just holding me up and like going do you know this i've been trying to find his room for three hours oh my god andrew you were such a piece do you remember any of that uh yeah like a little very little easy that you you would remember that yeah yeah yeah mean, it's, that was,

and then we got left in the Bahamas. We got left. They left, they took the boat back with our passports. What? So we were stuck there. Why didn't you have your passports with you? They were in the boat. I mean, it's such a Florida thing.

What boat? So you guys chartered a boat to the Bahamas? Yeah, I think we were going to fly back instead of taking the boat. But you just didn't leave, you left your passports. Yeah, they took the passports. So then we got stuck taking the boat. But you just didn't leave. You left your passport. Yeah, they took the passport.

So then we got stuck in a bot. We didn't have passports. We couldn't get back to America. So then we just, I mean, we had money. So everything changes when you have money. Then we're like, oh, we'll just fucking get a room here. And next thing you know, it's spring break. And we're partying with a bunch of college girls. How do you get your passports back?

They had to mail them back. Oh, my God. Yeah. But you partied with college back? They had to mail them back. Oh, my God. Yeah. But you partied with college girls? Yeah. Was it fun? We still talked to them a little bit. Did you hook up?

No, no. I was asexual then. That's that photo. I'll show you. We could post a photo of, oh, my God. I have the best photo. I'll send it to you. You know, of me hammered with my asexual hand down all fucked up and then

rusty has two bottles of champagne with five girls circling is this the one where he was like money is it like i'm put my face on your money yes he ended up buying every bottle of champagne on the island because he won 80 grand at blackjack oh my god what a dumb use of his money okay you guys were kings for a day for like an hour and a half he was the guy that put 20 lobsters on him but it was champagne he would dude he would do the dumbest shit i told you when we were in debt he took out a thousand dollars on his credit card just to throw it in the club not a strip club just a regular club a thousand dollars just to throw it we're like 40 grand in debt he takes out a grand

on his credit card to throw the cash from our table into the crowd just letting it rain remember letting it rain how does this person have a family now

and like he's a money manager no way what yeah and his son's name is Cash oh my god I told Rusty

he should have named him Credit that's what i don't rest all right let's get to the last news story all right larry david's two-part hbo documentary was shockingly canceled the day before premiere by larry dav Instead, he has decided he wants to do it in front of an audience. Yes. Sources close to him say that means he wants to do a live stage version of the documentary.

I think that something in the documentary he said might have gotten him canceled or something. That was my initial thought of like that. I don't know why. I mean, to cancel, like he procrastinated, like looking it over. Yes. But I couldn't picture him doing that.

I can't either. I feel like he's like very good about. Maybe he just didn't like it. You know, maybe. But why would it have gone so far to almost air? It was supposed to air Sunday. What else did they put on in its place? Pitch Perfect 2?

You know, like what did they do? That's what teaches you about. This is the thing about Hollywood is that everyone's so like, we need, the deadline is approaching. We need to do this. And it's like, it can always change. There's always something else to do. This isn't do or die.

This isn't nuclear war. Larry David can pull a thing that was... I mean, there's no... He's done enough, too. He has more money than God. But you would think that that's impossible. Deadlines are always like, but we need it on this day,

or we're not gonna... It's like, then they'll just air it later. Or they'll just figure out there's something else they can do. Yes, of course. Yes, they'll lose money and stuff. Or they'll just figure out there's something else they can do. Yes, of course. Yes, they'll lose money and stuff from... I mean, I know there's lots of money involved in this thing, but it's never like people are going to lose their lives,

I don't think. I don't know. I just feel like he's made so much money for HBO with Curb. And he's made so much... He has the ability the day before something drops. I wonder what it was. And I wonder what the drama was around it, the calls that were being made.

Maybe he kind of likes the story of him not being out. Maybe the idea of his story. I definitely think he was panicking before it about something and worried and just decided to go, no. It was like, you know, that's the story of him walking on stage to do a set before he was famous. I love this. Looking at the crowd and just going to go, no. It was like, you know, that's the story of him walking on stage to do a set before he was famous. I love this.

Looking at the crowd and just going, nah. And then just walking off stage. Like that's exactly what happened here. He's just like, no, we're not doing this. And they're like, wait, wait, what? We have, we've promoted it. I was excited to see it. So I'm actually excited to see whatever he puts out.

So I kind of liked the story. Just doing whatever he puts out. So I kind of, I liked the story, just doing what he wants. Old LD. Old LD. Let's take a break and come back with Sports Moment of Week. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities.

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like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven

and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost,

I found hope with community, and I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to Crems as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party,

your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour like LPGA superstar Angel Yen. I really just sat myself down at the end of 2022 and I was like, look, either we make it or we quit. Expert tips to help improve your swing and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. The drinks were flowing, twerking all over the place, vaping, they're shotgunning. Women's golf is a wild ride full of big personalities, remarkable athleticism, fierce competition, and a generation of women hell-bent on shanking that glass ceiling.

Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeartWomen sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeartWomen Sports. Some people won't give you the real talk on drugs, but it's time we know the facts. Fentanyl is often laced into illicit drugs and used to make fake versions of prescription Some people won't give you the real talk on drugs, but it's time we know the facts. Fentanyl is often laced into illicit drugs and used to make fake versions of prescription pills.

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Always am. Let's hear it. What is it, Noah? Okay, this is a very sad story. Cain Velasquez, who's an MMA fighter, is charged with attempted murder after police say he targeted a man accused of molesting Cain's four-year-old relative.

So the man charged with molesting Cain's relative was in a car with his mother who was employed by kane as a daycare worker and his stepfather when kane opened fire on them for what could be over a hundred times the stepfather was wounded and kane also rammed his truck into them did you know kane's name before this incident noah i did andrew i did because i didn't know it but i didn't know oh i knew ufc he won the championship at one point like he's a pretty big name yeah in that world um he's a bad shot though i mean was the guy already the guy was accused he hasn't been um charged he was charged he he was charged so this but he wasn't he was charged he wasn't found guilty yet by the court so he was he was going to be appearing in court yeah for abusing one of kane's relatives four

year old relative living at the daycare daycare yeah um I mean it goes back that's a fucking that's they'll they'll get in there they'll find a way and a lot of times women who are in their lives as well will facilitate these needs that these fucking sickos have so I'm sure the woman in the situation knew something was up oh so you think that's why he didn't have a problem shooting with her in the car? Or do you think that went through his head? No, I thought he had no idea who was in the car. He cared. Yeah.

And I think that, you know, wounding the stepdad, I got to be honest, stepdad probably fucking. Fucked around with that kid. Yeah. Or that guy. He probably fucked around with the kid who, I'm not saying that, like, I'm just saying a lot of times stepdads are the ones molesting and molesting leads to molesting leads to molesting.

Not that, I'm sad that the stepdad was wounded. He seems, I don't know if he had anything to do with it, but I'm sure this guy was so mad he didn't care. I get a hundred, hundred shots.

I mean, that's like a, I don't even know what kind of gun that is. You almost go, it was in quotation marks. Would you? Or 40 or something. Would you? Okay, if you found out that i do that no no if you found out that someone in your like a loved child and would you want that person to stand trial and suffer in prison for six years of their life which is what they kind of get sometimes and then they

get to go back to re-offending and all they have to do is like really introduce themselves to their neighbors, but they can, you know, there's a lot of times these guys, or would you rather them? No, not you kill them. Cause I don't think that you would want to,

you would kill someone. I mean, you'd want to, but if I caught it in the act, I'd kill him. Yeah. That's the weird thing about this is like, because if,

if he caught him in at the moment, he still wouldn't get off that's not self-defense he wasn't being you're defending i don't know i don't know i don't know what the world i don't know either i mean that has to happen so often though of the caught in the moment and um wait what are you asking i'm sorry would you like sometimes i think you know i definitely believe that molesters' brains, they can't help it. And so punishing someone for a brain that they can't help is not the way to do it. But we do need to put them away to protect other children.

Or killing them just to protect other children. I would want to kill them, but I would want to kill them with a more painful way. Oh, nice. Because even though I know they can't help the way they are i still want to hurt them the way that they like i want to set an example for other people who might do that that's why we put people away is as a society we need to set an example like okay if you want to molest kids that's what's going to happen to you so better fucking your desires push them down because that's what's going to happen to you your desires i know

you can't help them but that doesn't mean that you need to give in to them because this is what's going to happen if you do we need to set examples um it's less about punishing the person who did it and more about protecting other kids by setting example but man it'd be hard not to want to fucking do that i mean i run through my head of of pop Arlo, Forrest. Fucking murder. Even my boyfriend's nephews and nieces. Anyone close to you. Or just any fucking kid, man. You just see. It's just heartbreaking.

It's so heartbreaking. What sucks is like. What sucks about the law sometimes, I think, too, is like. If he doesn't get charged right because he did this after the fact or I'm sorry if he gets charged and goes they find him guilty if they don't find

him not guilty because he's revenging right that would be crazy because then everyone can revenge and it just opens up a whole can of worms that they can't handle because he took someone's life he tried he didn't took someone's life. He tried.

He didn't take anyone's life. Oh, he didn't die? No one died. No one died. He just wounded. He fired that much? That's what I said. He's a bad shot. Oh, sorry, sorry.

That's crazy. Yeah, yeah. I mean, he would have been better off probably killing with his own hands. Oh, well, then I like that. But he's being charged for attempted murder, which is 20 to life in prison. Fuck. And a bunch of other charges. I think you should get, like, I think maybe, like, two years. I think two years. Fuck. And a bunch of other charges. I think you should get like, I think maybe like two years.

I mean, a charge is a charge, no matter what comes out. I know, that's what sucks. I feel like sometimes the system is flawed in the sense of- Listen, I have a story of my own where I once witnessed someone get a harsher penalty for something that had nothing to do with a molestation charge because it came out on the stand that they had once been given a molestation charge and it had nothing to do with that one. But once the jury found out that that guy had molested in his past,

they, I could see, I could, I know that the tone shifted. And so that's why people go like, please scratch that from the record it's like bitch we just hurt like i can't men in black blinky thing myself right now i know what he did it's hard and you know that and and also sending a pedophile to prison we all know

is not gonna be a great life for them but i mean should it it be? No, I'm just saying like, if you want to go out and kill a pedophile for what they did to your beloved family member, maybe just wait till they get sentenced or don't get sentenced

and then you can do what you want. But if they get sentenced, just know that they're going to suffer way longer in there. But a lot of times they just get out so soon. It reminds me of the movie

A Time to Kill. Have you seen that? No, yes with um samuel mcconaughey yeah and samuel jackson and oh fuck that samuel jackson kills the guys while they're in court like in the courtroom like going to the courtroom i'm like that's probably not the best time to do it like lots of witnesses there's like the stenographer who's just like typing bam bam bam i just don't know yeah yeah he draws it i i i don't know like i uh like i'm even thinking about it i would fucking just i know you'd want to you just how could you not that's what's so boggling to me mind-boggling to me when someone doesn't believe their child and like doesn't stand up for their child which happens all the fucking time and if it's happened to you out there

i'm so sorry someone didn't believe you but that's the most hurtful thing it's like you either get your mom wanting to murder someone who did that to you or you get your mom going you it was just a bumpy car ride his that's not you you didn't feel him touch you that way we were just going through a sharp turn and that's why his fingers went inside you you didn't feel him touch you that way we were just going through a sharp turn and that's why his fingers went inside of you which i have empathy for the parents because they don't want to know that horror like they can't even wrap their brain around that horror yeah they can't handle it they can they're doing all they can right then and they're being bad parents because they can't be anything else and they should have never had kids to begin with

and if that's your parent you got a shitty hand dealt and it's not your fault let's get to fanthrax okay no what's the first uh i mean we've gotten to all the subject matter that we always do we really do we just haven't hit combine yet okay but it's coming up all right and no what do we got i'm gonna do a little palate cleanse. Okay, perfect. With a video that a bestie sent us on Instagram. Hold on, let me just get her name. Is she shooting a molester? No. Oh. No, no, no, it's not that.

Okay, this is from your BFF, Jess. She thought that you would like this video. And the fact that she could. Oh my God. And've already seen this video. My sister sent it to me this morning. It's a beluga whale finding someone's phone that they dropped in the ocean and bringing it back up to the girls. Oh, I love that video.

I think it's fake. Sorry, y'all. Fake, fake, fake, fake, fake. What? It was a beluga whale that was trained to get cell phones. They decided to shoot it very closely. This is in an aquarium. It's not in the ocean.

I just don't believe it. Wait, you think there's like a moon landing? Sorry, I don't mean to be like a pizza gating here and like, you know, 9-11's an inside job, but this is absolutely an inside job. I see worlds involved.

Wait, time out. Time out. They were on a boat though, right? Okay, so I think there's just no way. There's just no way. Wait, time out. Time out. They were on a boat though, right? Okay, so I think they get, there's just no way, there's just no way. I just don't believe it. There's just no way.

But don't you want to believe it? Sure, but it's just, there's just no way. So you think a whale can't figure out to bring something to someone unless they're trained? Yes, I think there is a way, but I just don't,

I've never seen, why have we never seen a whale do this with any other thing that was like in the ocean? Like bringing a fish to someone or bringing like, you know. They bring,

well, I don't know, I guess. And why is the phone like an old version of a phone? Like why are we, it looked like it was like an iPhone 7.

I'm just saying. Have you done any research on this? No, I just saw it this morning and I wrote to my sister. I think it's fake. I'm sorry to be that person, but I want to, let's maybe look at it on Snopes

and see if anyone else thinks this is fake because it's making the rounds today. It's been around for a while though. I saw this a while ago. Okay. Maybe it's another whale that did it. I just, I'm going to look it up right now.

Whale finds, let's get to the next fanthrax, Noah. But I appreciate someone sending that in. And I'm sorry I'm being a skeptic about it. Okay, well, and I fell for it. So, no, maybe I'm, someone break this open for me. I just can't believe that a whale would do that. And if you know that whales can do this, that's great.

But I just can't't i believe so many animals care about humans and deserve our love and trust and all those things but i just don't know and that they care about us and that there's possibilities for them to have empathy but i don't think they're like hey i uh notice that you're you drop your phone um here it would be weird if the beluga had a gopro on for. It didn't. It didn't. I'm watching the video again. It did not have a GoPro. I'm just, I want to Snopes it.

Let's get to the next fan thrash. Okay, this one is from Sarah. Hey, besties. This is Sarah, and I am just calling in because I have a great butt dial story. So in high school, I got my first love tap on the back of my car. It ended up being, we were very close to the school. I was at a red light and a girl hit me from behind. It wasn't bad.

It was my mom's car. And when we pulled over, it was a girl who was in my first period class we're not that good of friends but we were both so upset and crying and so we were just like okay we'll handle it in math class so we get to math class and we exchange our mom's phone numbers of course um and the moms talk on the phone. And my mom is cool. You guys have actually met her in Bethlehem, Philly, Bethlehem. Oh, nice. In Salem, Mom Drip. Mom Drip.

She is super nice. And she didn't want to go through insurance if they didn't have to. They would just figure it out. And this woman agreed to it and then ended up butt dialing her. And talking shit, saying how it's way too expensive or she's trying to scam me or this or that like just the whole time and it left a voicemail for my mom so she didn't answer so long story long um she we ended up hearing it uh she sent her a text message i do not want to skip insurance anymore and i went in the school parking lot at the end of the day and found

the girl's license plate before she could be unhelpful oh before she went oh what oh oh man actually it cut out so before she could be so i'm guessing so let me understand this the woman complained that they weren't going to like pay or that it was going to be so much that out of insurance they wanted to be like look let's not get insurance involved you hit my car this is the price i'm sure they were like it's just a fucking scratch on a bumper it couldn't be 30 grand whatever okay so the number that the the girl who called us her mom gave a number to the woman the woman's like that's a a fucking terrible number. And then she was like, actually, let's do involve the insurance company. Yeah.

I wonder if that woman knew. We got to know how this ended. I mean, was there a follow up? It's so funny that it's like the worst person you could possibly call when you're shit talking about someone like them. Like, what are the odds that you call the person? Well, I guess they're pretty big because a lot of times you start talking shit right after you get off the phone with someone. Yeah. So calling them back,

it might be the first thing that your butt hits. Oh, man. Oh, I wonder if that woman ever knew. And like, you know. And they have evidence. I mean.

Okay, let's get to the next one. That was good. I want to know the ending. But how weird was it in first period when you saw that girl? Was it ever the same with that girl again?

I don't know. I heard a beluga whale brought him money for beluga it's a great name by the way have you ever seen the video where they like shake the beluga the beluga whale's head like the top part no they press it it's like um one of those it's like yes it's like spongy and like like one of those balls like um not a bouncy ball that's like taut, but one of those like really like kind of more smooth bouncy balls. It's really like this amazing spongy material. And this marine biologist is like shaking their head and they're just like, and it's gelatinous. It's like a really, like a thick jello mold.

Whoa. And it's filled with like water. And I guess whalers used to like drink it or something or like think that it was like had special like drink it or something or like think that it was like had special nutrients in it or some shit like that but its brain is not it's not most of it's not like you're giving it head trauma by doing that it's just a bunch of jelly and it just is so yeah i'm sure it's there to protect itself yeah yeah yeah because it probably really looks like the most satisfying thing i've ever seen you know what i mean it's like how a goat has horns

to protect its head. But why would it have a big jelly thing? Because it could still ram the fuck out of you. I just wrote beluga whale jelly head. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, look at this. I'm going to show you how much you can dent it. Look at that.

Whoa, that looks bad but I guess it's nice. You can dent it so much it's so chilly um all right no next next uh phanthrax okay here's a question from nikki oh hi besties it's nikki um this is like my i don't even know how many times i've recorded this so this is my last one okay um i'm listening to 183 right now um captain crunch lung which i haven't gotten to the part you know why it's called that yeah unless i haven't i missed it but i'm looking forward to it so anyway you guys are talking about how you hate when you're telling

someone a story or an experience and then they have to tell you about theirs or like someone they know yes and i am so guilty of this But I have a question because when I do this, I'm not trying to like one up you or like brag about me. It's more so that I'm just trying to relate to the conversation and like have something to add to the conversation. So is that still annoying? Let me know. Okay, because I'm working on it. And yeah, that's it. And I love you guys so much. I listen to you every day on my way to work, my way home from work While I'm eating dinner My boyfriend knows the drill he walks in

And Nikki Glaser podcast is on TV Oh my god Yeah that's it I love you guys so much And Jack the Ripper Jack the Ripper Girl Yeah that's an interesting one I like that you brought this up

because that's a great sign of empathy of wanting to explain your experience in a similar thing, making them feel less alone. I think it's very different. I think what you're doing would not feel like a one-up. And it's just different. You can just tell when someone's trying to one-up you as opposed to when they're sharing a similar experience. So I think just different what you can just tell when someone's trying to one-up you as opposed to when they're sharing a similar experience so i think just keep doing you and that you're someone

who comes at it with like a good heart like your intention behind whatever you're doing is gonna it's gonna show through in your tone right yeah what do you feel i mean i also feel like you could go look i'm not trying to one it's one sentence like i'm not trying to one up i know but sometimes when sentence. I'm not trying to one-up you. I know, but sometimes when you say I'm not trying to one-up, it's almost like you're saying what you actually are trying to do. I'm not trying to be racist, but here's this racist thing. I've been around people where you'll tell a crazy story and then they won't even listen to your story. You've got to ask two questions before you get into your story.

Oh, that's a good practice. Just ask a question. Yeah. Follow up with two questions. Two questions. Then you could do your story. Be like, oh, that's interesting because I actually have a story like that, which is way better. And your story sucks. That's really good. Yeah. Yeah. That's really good. I like the two question rule. Yeah. The two question rule. What were you just saying about when people, oh yeah, when people don't even ask and oh man there's something my brain is not working today in terms of memory oh beluga head over there i know right squishy jelly head beluga all right uh that was thank you so much for listening to the show so much and um for like making you know i just feel like it's what how cool is it that she's like i'm

working on it like i i want to i don't want to come across but don't overthink it because i think your intention is is good and just know that you're a good person and you're not trying to hurt anyone by doing it and that's that's all you can really ask for so don't overthink it don't don't be worried if people are mad at you or think that you're one way like and if they do they're, you know, you're working on it. Love it. Okay, next Fanthrax. Okay, this one. I'll just play it. Okay.

Namaste, Nikki, Andrew, and Noah. My name is Pranav, and I'm from New Delhi, India. And I just love your podcast. I've been listening to you since the YouUp days. So I've always wanted to tell you, Nikki, is that you are the main reason that I got into watching and listening stand-up comedians after watching the first appearance on Rogan. And then I got into this rabbit hole of the YouTube algorithm with other suggestions like Theo, Tom, Bert, Bobby Lee, and just so many more. Not just that, I love, love Sam Harris too. Yes.

And his meditation app was life changing. You guys honestly feel like my good friends from the other side of the earth. So much positive vibes. And I hope that I get to meet you all someday. Me too. Sending you all the love from india don't be cur and jackfruit jackfruit i mean oh my god what is his name pranav pranav pranav oh my god thank you so much um i loved hearing your list of comedians that you're into i uh god i'm i love that it got you

into stand-up comedy i'm so glad that my uh american women uh sensibilities resonate with a man across the country across the world living in a totally different country than me and like we probably have such different lives but like it's all same vibes i love it it's so this is it's so special to me that you listen and and are you related to uh deepa oh my gosh that's so fucking funny that's so fucking funny oh my god honestly that guy I want to know what his life is like, what he does for a living. Oh, I mean, this guy, I can listen to his voicemail

and just, I almost teared up. I'm not even kidding. I know, I get so emotional. He's just like, he's such a kind person, dude. Why can't everyone be kind? I'm not as kind, but I'd like to be. You are, you really really are i don't know today i almost fucking lost it on this dude the bed driving oh he was like were you ever have

someone on your ass oh my god you you and guys either going slow in front of you or tailing you like driving with you is it's you get mad at people more than most people do, I have to say. I would argue that you get a little angry too. I don't get angry. I just steer around them. I really do. Andrew, I would have to say I don't. It's not like you scream and are like, fuck you, but you get perturbed by people around you in the car

more than most people I drive with. I would argue then this, that you do things that get people upset in the car more than i would i drive with i would argue then this that you do things that get people upset in their car and you say why are you even reacting um no i i don't feel like i have people react i don't get honked at yeah you do no i don't dude no i don't okay i really i get honked at yes when i've seen you like go in the other lane to like get out of places and people are like and you're just oblivious to it oh no i know they're just overreacting like you overreact to people that are doing their own thing because you always go

and it's just like just go around them andrew no but my point is is that person shouldn't be doing that if they were paying attention and the guy that's on my ass that that is fucking like literally like inches from my ass like fucking angry going like this behind me i'm not even angry yet yeah yeah so what did you do what what happens in that situation do you slow down do you speed up like what does that guy want you to even do so i knew he wanted to get around me and he was mad at me for not going as fast as he wants me to go right so why does he just go around you gas and i didn't let him go around me but then i had to make a u-turn see that's not the right reaction no i know let him go around you or why don't you just like move out of the way and then yes zoom past you just go back whenever someone's

in a i sometimes when people zoom past me when they're like super in a rush i just go whoa but i don't go and like get mad just let them go they're just fucking angry people just when people driving crazy just or driving slow either go around them because they're driving slow but you go fucking what do you do like if someone's doing too slow in front of you, you get so angry. And if someone's going too fast. No, I don't. You make me sound like a monster now. You're not a monster.

You just go like. If they cut me off and they're not being aware, yes, I get a little perturbed. But I don't think. No, but the opposite. If you're behind someone that's going a little too slow for your liking, or they're trying to find an address, so they're kind of breaking, you can't even fathom that someone would ever do that, even though you've been that person before.

If you're on the highway, and you're going 30 miles per hour, and you don't have your hazards on, it could cause an accident, so then I get upset, because I'm like, this person is fucking causing shit. Or call the cops, but you going... What's the number for the cops here? I don't know. Can you imagine us calling the cops to explain to them...

901010. And to explain to them that a car is just going slow on the right lane. I mean, you would do pretty good at it. Try to say the car is going slow. El carro... No, no, no, really, come on. No, I am. Car-o?

That's a car. No, it's not. El carro. Auto? I'm guessing it's That's a car. No, it's not. El caro. Auto. I'm guessing it's something. Automobilo. Automobile. I feel like car is caro.

Okay. I could be wrong. Am I wrong? Say, okay, so caro. I mean, it does sound ridiculous. So the caro is, it does, is going slow. El caro es no no rápido en la calle. Is not fast in the street.

A car is not fast in the street. They're going to go, you're not fast in your brain. That's what those... I mean, I don't mean to make fun of people, but it's just so cute when you're trying to translate things and make it like... The only thing that would work is like... You don't know the word for slow, so you say not fast.

Murder. If someone got murdered, I could go... You'd be like, no livo. Yeah, no viva en la calle. In the street? No live in the street. All right, let's get to the last fanthrax, or one of the last.

Final thoughts. Are we on final thoughts? Sorry, I'm on beluga whale searches. Okay, final thought. I'm envisioning your brain like a beluga with the thing on, with your cape, with your... Oh, yeah, the beluga whale, if they put on my device,

it would just imprint so deeply i mean you gotta see this like the way the rubbery heads you guys gotta google beluga squishy head that's all you gotta do and you'll see what i'm talking about so satisfying all right okay here's um a quick mispronunciation story from kaylee hi this is kayleelee from Atlanta. I wanted to share a story about a mispronounced word that I had. So you know how you can learn to spell certain words, you may say it more phonetically, like Wednesday would be when-es-day. Well, I did that for lingerie. When I was in college, my boyfriend at the time we're talking about lingerie and in that conversation i literally said lingerie

and the embarrassment from that moment um still haunts me years later so i just wanted to share that story was she reading it and thank you for the pod and i can't wait for nikki's new show on e oh thanks kaylee was she reading it or was it just in her brain the word looks like lingering so she said she just said lingering to her boyfriend i love that i love um because i understand reading the word lingerie and just not having it in your mind it's just going like lingering and being like what but just to say that, to have words that you think of where you see the word and you are reading the word in your head is a different kind of thing. Lingering is great.

You do it one time, someone calls you out and then every word is, what the fuck is this? Oh my God. What the fuck is this? Cheese. I'm trying to think I couldn't think of one word

yeah what's one word Whitney Cummings posted one with Giannis the other day of posthumously where people say posthumously which I said forever and I still sometimes when I read the word I say colonel I mean that's one that we got before

I think you could go with post-humor can we just say no posthumously sounds so fun it sounds just right when you say it though for me the other way posthumously posthumously but you know those um what about opossums that's oh post humans why is there an oh i mean i've got up there's got to be a reason i actually started reading this book or why xylophone not with a z that's a good question too i started reading this book called the evolution of useful things it's how everyday artifacts from forks and pins to paper clips and zippers came to be as they are and um someone had recommended it in the subreddit books about like just simple things like that like why does xylophone have an x why do zippers look like that why do paper clips look

like that and it's i'm gonna find out i like i like no i like those like kind of simple things so i'm excited to read the whole book is about that yeah it's called um the evolution of useful things by henry petrosky i'm also going to read Murder on the Orient Express, and I'm also still making my way through the book. Who are you getting these book recs from? Just, honestly, books on Reddit. Oh. The subreddit, because people are like,

and there's a subreddit called Recommend Me a Book or something, Recommend a Book, and you just say the kind of book you want and people who know books will be like this so check that out too um all right everyone thank you so much for listening to the show today uh and all this week um shout out to new delhi shout out to what was the girl's name right before the new delhi call i didn't say her name and i feel like sarah thank you so much for your message. We're going to get to Columbine. We will get to Columbine next week.

Love you guys so much. Do not be cut out there. And Jack Frost. Actually, it was Nikki. Oh, yeah, it was Nikki. How could I forget? Jack Frost, Nikki. Jack Frost.

Jack Frost, Nikki. Jack Frost. Jack Frost, Nikki. Jack Frost. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of

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