The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #187 No But Yeah

Episode Date: March 8, 2022

Nikki and Andrew both found a new shirt that they forgot about in their hotel rooms. They talk about their suitcase habits, Nikki learns there might be a flaw in her skydiving skin belief, the goal post always shifting in comedy and premeditated thank you notes. Nikki and Andrew talk about the collared shirt debacle on the driving range. You Heard It Here First: Sad Florida story, a wrong house for sale and Nikki does care about The Bachelor's Daria Rose's wardrobe bill. In Top 1 Bottom 1 they talk about beach activities and round out the show with floaters, which are actually just dirt in Nikki's contacts. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch

your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast.

Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You are cord usually invited to the hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf.

Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid.

Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I'm Tomer Cohen, LinkedIn's Chief Product Officer. If you're just as curious as I am about the way things are built, then tune into my podcast, Building One. I speak with some of the best product builders out there. I've always been inspired by frustration. It came back to my own personal pinpoint. So we had to go out to farmers and convince them. Following that curiosity is a superpower. You have to be obsessed with the human condition. Listen to Building One on the iHeartRadio app, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast.

The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the show. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, You only brought so many clothes to where we are. Yeah. Where are we, Cabo? Cabo. Why haven't I seen that shirt yet? Why hasn't that been in Rotation? This is the last day we are here. I found it folded under a bunch of other stuff. I knew there was a reason. I think I wore it one other time.

Mom's Deli. Shout out. St. Louis. Here we come. It's cool. It's a good... The mic... Oh, shit. Our out. St. Louis. Here we come. It's cool. It's a good... The mic... Oh, shit.

Our pink mics match the print. I like the black and pink. Yeah, it's pretty cool. What is your shirt, Noah? V over S. Victoria's Secret? I think it stands for... Oh, good guess.

It's my old jujitsu school. Oh. V over S? V, what is it? Vitor Shaolin. Okay. It's cool. Thatjitsu school. Oh. V over S? V, what is it? Vitor Shaolin. Okay. It's cool. That's a cool logo.

Thank you. Welcome to the show. I'm glad that we've gone over what everyone's wearing. What the fuck are you wearing? I've never seen that shirt. I'm wearing, it's not a shirt, it's a dress. It is from Lululemon. It's a long, yeah, I'm stressed.

It's a stressed. It's like a long... Yeah, I'm stressed. It's distressed. It's like a long... Yeah, I opened my closet. I forgot that when I got here, I hung up a bunch of stuff like a real person does when they check into a hotel for a month. And then I never opened the goddamn closet because I've never once put away things.

We're so similar. I did that right away. I put my pants in there. I put my jacket and two other things. And my nicest tennis shoes. I've been wearing the same three things. I've never seen them. I opened the closet the other day.

I go, oh. Yeah, it was like finding a body. I opened the thing. It was like 15 nice outfits and shoes that I put it delicately placed. I was like, who else is staying here? I couldn't believe it. Yeah. We're so,

and I did. So I like, when I first got here, I put everything in the drawers and the closet. And then when I would do laundry, I would just, I would put ever all my dirty laundry in this big suitcase, go haul it over to the laundry.

This thing, facility here, do the laundry and then just put all my stuff folded back into the suitcase. I like living

out of a suitcase. It's all in one place. It all gets mixed up pretty quickly, but at least I know where it all is. I don't need drawers. As opposed to what

drawers in a closet are. Well, drawers are, no, because drawers, it could be in this drawer. It could be in that drawer. It could be in six

different places. It could be in the closet. It could be so many places. When guess it could be in six different places. It could be in the closet. It could be so many places. When you don't have that much stuff that it all fits in one place, it's just... I don't mind it all just a goulash of clothing. I guess my only argument is you know which drawer has that actual stuff. I abandon my drawer. Oh, same.

Like, you know... It's like mixing together fucking... I'll go, this is just gonna be uh the shirts that i aren't don't work out in but like aren't that nice but are like t-shirts for sure it's gonna be a drawer of my like workout but like nice workout stuff so like if i'm working out in front of people or want to look cute when i'm running this is like all my workout stuff that is disgusting but that i can't get rid of because it's just so tried and true and it's really all i want to wear and then this drawer is for like things with frills on them that like i might wear like if i wanted to i don't and then i abandon that structure with it with the

first time i do laundry and then i just throw it all in like you know what i like i like when i have i'll have like a a pants drawer and then I'll run out of shirt space, and then shirt space will now become inside the pant drawer. But just to decide. Yep. Tucked away. And that will start building. This is where I put my pants and my shirts that I forgot

won't fit in that other drawer. I'll remember that too. I'll remember that. That's definitely, like I always convince myself, I'll remember this stack is for tank tops that are tie-dye i have a question for you guys yeah yeah you have one thing in that drawer yeah so when you're just keeping your stuff in a suitcase like let's say you're just traveling for the weekend what do you do with your dirty clothes i put them in a bag separate from the rest. I usually bring up a tote bag that's empty

or I put my, I usually put my underwear and socks in a tote bag. And so if, if the hotel doesn't supply a plastic bag in the closet, which some of them aren't now for some reason, hotels have made a sweeping change where they don't give you lotion anymore and they don't give you bags in the closet. It's just a thing that I've noticed. But yeah, I just always get a plastic bag and just throw them in there. Andrew, that answers that.

Yeah, and what I do, I just put them back in with them. I smell the crotch and I go, that's not that bad. I'll wear it again. Do you wear underwear with your... There's sometimes I'll smell my own crotch and I'm, that's not that bad. I'll wear it again. Do you wear underwear with your... There's sometimes I'll smell my own crotch and I'm sure other guys do this where you smell your underwear and just to see if it's still wearable

and it is... What? No one does that with underwear. Guys do. We do it to see if it's clean or not. Like if I never wore it or I wore it once. No, no, no. Guys will do it so they could wear it

again i think i might be alone but i'll die on this mountain that i'll fall off and smell like shit in my cool undies so i do a smell test right by the crotch and it is it's like a russian roulette but you know exactly where the russian is it's it's yes it can be really bad sometimes and you're just like oh my god yeah all right i'll wear it again yeah all right three more wears it's already smelly so i'm like yeah no but yeah no but yeah no yeah but yeah no but yeah yeah i love when someone says it no but yeah it's just such a i've never heard heard. I've never said that, I don't think. I've heard it before. Yeah, no.

Yeah, but no. Sounds like French Flintstone. No, I always smell my things. I'll smell underwear if they somehow... I feel like this pair looks a little dirty to be in the clean. I'll smell it to see if it actually is clean or not. But if it has any vaginal smell on it, it will not be worn again. I mean, I would rather again i mean i would rather wear

nothing i would rather wear i would rather wear i will never put on an apparent that is more and i'm not someone who's like really scared of germs or like disgusted by things obviously but that to me i just it just doesn't it's not even that it's gross it's just like i it it's like you want to know where i'm at where underwear? Even in jeans. I will go underwearless. Yeah, even in jeans? You know what? Here's what I'll do.

I would flip underwear that isn't too bad inside out. Okay. I like that. Can you get into that? Yeah. Yep. Then you wear, but then, I've said this before, girls who don't wear underwear and wear jeans,

you better be washing those jeans every single day because your underwear now your jeans, babe. And if you wouldn't wear underwear every day, why would you wear those jeans again? You are getting stuff in those jeans. You're creaming those jeans. But are you creaming denim different than creaming cotton? I would say no.

I mean, yeah, cotton gets more soggier and denim has more weight to it. But still, it's going to be a smelly thing. There's something that's wiped on it. Kind of like a paper towel is the denim and cotton is the toilet paper. Yeah. You see what I'm saying? Like one absorbs more.

Yeah, you might use a dirty paper towel. Again, it's the smell more. It's not so much the look of it. It's the smell. But I don't think denim, I think you could get a few, like one underwear wear. I hear this, but i don't think denim i think you could get a few like one underwear where i hear this but i don't care i don't want to wear anything that has any pussy smell on it whatsoever wow it grosses me out i i mean i rarely have to smell sometimes i change underwear a couple times a day just because i'm like no i pulled these down and I was on the toilet too long.

They're now old underwear. They're now like underwear I wore before. I can't put, this would be putting back on dirty underwear as opposed to just pulling back up my pants. Also women on, like guys, boxers, even though boxer briefs are a little tight, it's a different ball game when you're wearing really tight undies.

Like if guys wore more tidy whiteys they'd be switching and you guys aren't dripping things out of your speak for yourself that's a good point we have you know there's uh we covered this on the reddit dump yet last week where someone was like thought or someone thought period blood just like seeps out all day long yeah like you guys don't even know what our vaginas do when it's not on our period no i mean maybe you have some idea but yeah they're always like you know they're living organisms yeah guys think that a vagina is like a like like a tampon's a damn you know like oh that's blocking just this yeah yeah like it's a stream and a beaver just yeah like you need a plumber like that yeah it's just drip drip drip yeah

that would be what funny way to waterboard but there are times where you like this pussy well now you're getting waterboarded by it with the blood you put a yeah cloth over their head and just squat over their fucking head um give me the codes. Man, have you ever watched someone getting waterboarded? I've seen people try to do it. No, but for fun. Yeah, I've seen people do it. I think it was like, I think it was Richard Dawkins

tried to do it. Some philosopher tried to do it and said it was the worst experience of his entire life. He had no idea how bad it was going to be. There was some guy that was like, I want to be a waterboarder to see how bad it is. Because you don't drown is the thing.

It gives you the feeling like you're drowning. It was Christopher Hitchens. I wonder if he could drink water again. Thank you. Thank you. It was the guy that said women aren't funny. Yeah, he was a genius. Thank you, Noah.

How did you know that? Did you know that or did you look it up i looked at how did you look it up how did you google i said uh philosopher waterboarded yes fuck yes i knew it was someone i would do it i would see how it feels i would never would you ever get tased yeah but i don't know i don't know if i have the heart for it you were scared to go swimming with. But I don't know. I don't know if I have the heart for it. You were scared to go swimming with whales. Yeah, they don't have tasers. Be badass if they did, the old taser whale. That's a, you know, evolution will lead to that eventually.

If there's enough trash in the ocean, they'll find a way. Wait a second. You would be, let's talk about some things that you would do. Yeah. You went skydiving. Yeah, check.

Bungee jumping, would you do that? I don't know. Part of me thinks I will do it before I die. It's not something that. Would Brenna do that? I don't know.

She's a ledge head. She's a ledge head in ways she doesn't like water she's not a water head well this isn't over water let's just say this is over a she would maybe do it crevasse there's a chance if i could do it with someone else that like is like hey man yeah you need a little peer pressure yeah you want to smoke this pressure yeah you want this and i'm like yeah okay would you uh so far the answers to my this have been all no for me no i know you would probably skydive right no no you wouldn't never ever no thank you why wouldn't you skydive because my skin huh skin face skin oh yeah i don't want to get stretched out it could be good for you no no it won't how do you know

because every time i see videos of people skydiving their skin is back that's what women want well just okay just because let's say i make it i'm wearing a sweater okay let's say i'm wearing this dress and i want it to be tighter right and i pull it all the way back and i make it so tight because i pull this back when i let it go it's going to be looser because I made it tighter. So unless you can make your skin go like this and hold it like that, even this is making my skin looser. Do you see what I'm saying? Okay, but is there science behind it?

Well, you know what the science is? When you stretch your skin, it stretches. One time? I don't want to risk it. One jump is going to ruin your face? Well, listen, you know how rocks are formed by the ocean beating against it? I learned something in my chemistry class that I loved in high school. Okay.

Every time you touch a surface, you scratch off or you get, atoms come off of this. Right now, atoms are coming off of this. When I touch my computer, atoms are coming off of this that weren't there before of the computer. Okay. Just touching it.

If I did this for a thousand years, it would wear away. A thousand? That's several. But each one amounts to something. Okay. So one...

So one... You know, when people are like, who cares? I'm just going to litter one thing. What if a thousand people did that? So I'm saying one stretch... I've seen a sweater that one person stretches okay i'll see that that makes sense and it doesn't go back one yeah one hard stretch and i never stretch my face

that much that the the wind does that for what you fall for like at least a minute and a half that's so long to stretch your face that way no can you google though like people that jump out of a lot of planes does it affect their face i'm just wondering i think i'm sure that they're gonna say it doesn't because why would anyone do a study on that i just know what you said out of it no one i've never heard of anyone else thinking of this it's just a thing i have it's just a fear i don't want to stretch out my face and then unless i can wear some kind of like um helmet i did it i remember my face. I had video.

I don't know where the fucking video is. I have it on VHS. Dude, I have a lot of skin on my face. I know you do. Do you want me to read the results? You tell me all the time. Yes. Okay. Skydiving, the new cure for wrinkles?

Extensive testing conducted at Go Skydive, the UK's blah, blah, blah skydiving center, has shown that jumping from an altitude of 15,000 feet stimulates the skin to produce increased level of collagen, vitamin E, and other essential oils that reduce the signs of aging.

Still not interested. You signing up now? Still not. Wait, why are you putting it a backpack nikki nikki take the goggles off go in tandem yeah i jumped out in my favorite my face was like this. It looked like a fucking scrotum getting behind a gigantic fucking mechanical fan. And I remember flicking off the camera like I was cool. But your face could not...

Oh, it was disgusting. I was disgusted. I went with Rusty, actually. Back to Rusty. Famous Rusty. Man, I talked to Rusty actually back to Rusty famous Rusty oh man I talked to Rusty today and I told him yeah this morning I told him how he's like becoming kind of an urgent legend on our podcast an urgent legend an urgent legend urgent legend yeah see urgent and uh see no urgent here no uh anyways he he sent me a photo he's with kanye when kanye was on his

um first ever tour in tallahassee he met kanye yeah he has a selfie with him i have the photo now but it's a very young kanye a little beginning kanye tallahassee kanye so it was after the release of dropout college dropout so it's a young Kanye, but it's a famous Kanye because Kanye got famous right away during Dropout because... He was still doing bar shows. I'm sure that they booked the tour before... Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was one of those.

Where he's like... Olivia Rodrigo is doing 2,000 seaters on this tour. And it's like she could do arenas. Why don't you switch that? John Mulaney. Guess where he's playing in St. Louis. I want to go. The second Funny Bone? Yeah. In St. Charles. There's a picture of me on the wall there. I'm very excited about it.

I put one on. Thank you. Of me. Of you. Yeah, it's cool. It's not in a thing. It's just a random photo. It's just a Polaroid you took. Yeah, it's under the toilet. It's cool though's not in a thing it's just a random photo it's just a polaroid you took yeah it's under the toilet it's cool though people are like talking about it wait wait wait wait where's john mulaney playing the enterprise center aka the place where we went to go see the hockey game whatever we'll sell that bitch out no i'm just like that would be so awesome to play that like the thing is the goalpost always

moves there's no like oh there's always some like so you know some you're finally i'm gonna get a play madison square garden or something that i don't really care to play to be honest with you but then the next day someone would be like and do you know that ali wong just sold out space oh that's so funny i was literally gonna go joe rogan sold out space? Oh, that's so funny. I was literally going to go, Joe Rogan sold out Mars. Yeah. Yeah. She just sold 14 shows on the Apollo 80. Dude, I just sold out the fucking Little Dipper.

Oh, you did the Little Dipper? Yeah. I just did the Big Dipper. Sebastian is doing the Big Dipper, and he's doing 17 shows back to back. That was the best. That was the best. That was the best. Oh my God. That was so funny.

We go, how many shows? Like three or four? Yeah. So there was 17. Yeah. We were in Atlantic city. I was headed to my show and they were like,

Sebastian's here tonight too. And I'm like, Oh God, I don't even want to hear like how big his place is. And it was like, how many seats was it? Like 7,500 or, you know,

mine was 3000. His was 7,500. And they were like, yeah, he's doing, he sold out a show. And show and i was like oh that's not that much bigger and they're like it's his 14th sold out show in a row and i was just like okay but in fairness it's the same person and they're like you almost sold out yeah yeah maybe if you sold out more yeah no shots fired fired against sebastian don't dude i'll go there i love sebastian yeah he actually he's a fucking entertaining man it's so weird that i first met him at the funny bone in fucking kentucky the cincinnati funny bone in kentucky i was featuring yeah and i was and he was headlining and he was just like he was so nice but i remember my i was

at a comedy condo there and it had flooded and it smelled like mildew like it had flooded the day before I got there and I got locked out and I had to break in through like a window in the basement to even get into this fucking condo and then I get in it's the mold smells just it's so bad that I had to go stay with a friend because at that point I wasn't going to be like put me up in a

hotel they would have been like no I would have been fine staying another night I know Feinstein and um I would have been feinstein it would have been fine so what did he do i just remember he was very sweet about like he was just like oh man that fucking sucks and like we were just he i just remember just chilling in the back and him being so nice um and just thinking this guy is like i was kind of nervous to meet him, not because he was like a big deal at that point, but because he just seemed like a guy,

like based on his act, he just seems like very intimidating, I guess. But he was just so sweet. And he always writes handwritten cards to people. Like I remember when he did our serious show, he wrote me like a thank you card. Oh, wow.

Even after he was like super famous. I mean, he's just a fucking salt of the earth. That's such a good move. I'm not saying that it's calculated on his part. Of course it is. Shots fired. It's thank you cards are calculated. Yeah.

They are. All of them are. It's weird too. He draws like stick figures doing act outs. You can be sincere too doing it, but there's a part of it that's like, now you can't be mad at me. Women who like constantly are like, I got to get them a thank you gift i have to do this i'm just like you stop worrying about

everyone being mad at you don't have to thank you for a thank you for a thank you it's like i feel like women more than anyone else especially in the midwest are obsessed with making sure other women like them and don't have one up on them. Well, I got her that so she can't say that I didn't try. Can we just stop? Why do you even want to impress this person? Also, you know what else I think? We got to go to break.

Let's hear it when I get back. Andrew! Columbine! 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money.

We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, for money advice without the judgment and jargon.

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What turns me on is when a man sends me money. Like, I feel the moisture between my legs when a man sends me money. I'm like, oh my God, it's go time. You actually sent it? Listen to the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcasts. What do you think, Andrew?

Ooh, we're back. I know you guys are on the edge of your pussies uh so uh i want to say that what was i thinking what we're just talking about oh yeah if i had a wedding right and then i had a great honeymoon and then right when i get back i gotta send fucking 300 individual your wife does your wife. Men don't do it. But yes, I understand. If you were a woman, I'd have you back.

But I was talking for a woman. Okay, yeah. I was gonna say. No, women live in a constant state of, they're gonna be mad at me. They're gonna think this about me. And I don't live in that anymore. Copy and paste.

And maybe people, like I bet I don't, I don't always come off great to people because i'm not overly like trying to manage how people i just want things to be sincere like i'll thank you if i've in the moment if i'm grateful or like but or i'll send an email or else you know i don't know i just think doing things so that someone else isn't mad at you is not the reason to do anything yeah because that shouldn't control you they shouldn't be mad at you if your intention is always good if they're mad at you that's their shit because if i don't send a thank you card because i thanked you profusely when i got the present gave you a hug when i left and

was enthusiastic about it and next time i see you i'm gonna tell you how much i liked it if you're mad at me because i didn't send you a fucking card that's on you bitch and you know what i do is i don't even get them a present because then they don't even have to worry about sending me a thank you because there's nothing to thank you i gave someone 20 bucks cash for a wedding you have a year huh you have a year to give them more that's all you get a present that's all you get 20 bucks cash you're rich no um yeah i mean i i i just hate um obligations or things that are just like that's just tradition that's just the way oh here we go the collared shirt i don't like the way it's done yeah things so we went to play golf we yeah we went to go me and robin went to go meet you to play golf just to hit balls just not even on the actual course but yes and we show up

and no one's told me to bring a collar shirt robin claims that she knew we had to wear a shirt i'm like then bitch why didn't you tell me to wear one first of all that bitch wore no collared shirt and got to hit balls last time yeah when she went with you alone yeah so we get stopped immediately like you can't you can't and that's my boy too that was my boy there and it was pretty annoying that i hadn't like i was like come on dude it's not a big yeah and he was like really so long he's really stuck to it and i was like i don't what the fuck is this like what am i just money to you you fucking asshole so your boy says we can't play because we don't have collared shirts which i it infuriates me because this golf course is not that nice by the way what it isn't it has patchy grass there's no like i've seen a lot of golf courses

this is like top for cabo though even for cabo you're. This is Robin coming out of you. She's addicted to Pamia. I played... No, Robin said it was nice. I did not... No, Robin said it was shitty compared to Pamia. Whatever. Point being is it's a nice course. It really is.

It really is. Well, it didn't strike me that way. There was just dust everywhere. It was not even clear where the entrance was. I had to walk around like a... I did. I'm not kidding you. There was no sign. But we're literally hitting golf balls over a cliff looking at

whales swimming. Just because it has a nice location doesn't mean it's nice itself. I know, but I'm telling you it's not. Anyways, point being. I will just say I've been to golf courses with you and there's not that much patchy grass. There's usually teas. There's designated greens. This was just all just one swath of grass

that had no designated space for, this is where I drive. This is where I drive. There's no... Oh, I see. There's no... But that's how it is in nicer clubs. There's no set boxes.

That's more of a public thing. Okay. All right. It's like eating that Outback, and it's like, you're there. Regardless, a collared shirt is the most elitist, dumb bullshit. Does it help you play the game more?

I understand if that's a reason for it. No. Of course not. Are collared shirts a thing that men typically own and women don't as much? Yes. It's sexist. And I have to now go. Andrew's like, I'll buy you a shirt. I'm like, I would fucking. I will. But here's sexist. And I have to now go. Andrew's like, I'll buy you a shirt.

I'm like, I would fucking, I will. But here's the thing. I burn that shirt. I don't want anything to do with this place. I hate this place. It's just, it's about, let's get white. It's white men. It's just like, we are rich men.

And if you don't have a, because collared shirt equals rich for some reason to these fucking idiots it infuriates me. Why is it different than a jersey? Why is it different than like a hockey jersey or like a basketball jersey? Well because if I go to the fucking

rink they're not like you got to put on a basketball shirt or you have to put on a hockey jersey to play. I'm a normal person who wants to swing a club at their place and pay to do it and because i don't have a typical a certain shirt on yeah it's insane no that happened to me i i same club i went there but i was wearing uh like a like a workout shirt but like a nike workout shirt which by the way a lot of guys on tour now wear shirts that aren't college. Yeah. So it's like, what are we doing here?

This, I get it. I hate tradition too. I fucking, you have to wear like, there's some places where you got to wear all white to play tennis. Tradition of white people are better than black. It's,

it's a tradition that is based on when black people couldn't go to country clubs. I guarantee you. Yeah, no, I get what you're saying. It's one of those leftover rules. That's like, if we hold onto this, they won't take it from us. You out the riffraff or whatever yes i get it it's so it's

just laced with racism and misogyny i don't like it and it just like it felt like i don't you know it felt like one of those pretty woman moments of like oh big mistake huge i would have spent 15 dollars to hit some goal balls for five minutes like it just felt like i just it angers me so much and i understand like sometimes you go to a restaurant they're like you need to wear a sport jacket okay a restaurant they're they're making gourmet i get i hate that shit too that's even the same i went to that place louis i refuse to go back to Louis in St. Louis and if I do go there I've been there once since I was so upset about it

but I made a big scene of it the fucking waiter has to come over and read the board to us and tell us every little ingredient it's all this pomp of like and this fork is for this and it's just like we're just Americans who like to eat slop I was digging a hummus container with my

finger three hours ago you don't have to treat me like i'm the queen of england this is all so rich people can feel rich and i don't like it i get you i got you but you also don't want there without it coming like i don't think it's racist, but you also don't want people in jeans and t-shirts playing golf. It's just a look. It's not athletic. You just want... But why? There's got to be some kind of...

But here's the thing. Then raise your prices, and people who care enough to dress up for it will dress that way. But I also do want it to be, I do think that golf is still very much a rich person's sport. And I do want it to be more open. Like if I did have like an opportunity. Because think about people who like

golf versus people who like basketball. Like basketball is such a cool sport. Inclusive. But you still have to wear basketball clothes while you play basketball. That's the idea. No one's going to kick you off a court for wearing jeans if you go to play. But you just would play shittier. Of course. But collared shirts don't make you play better, Andrew.

No, I understand that. I'm just saying with golf, because it's not as athletic and whatever, you could get away with wearing jeans and a fucking, I don't know, a fucking basketball jersey and play golf. You should be able to. Look, people are wearing... You have to dress like a fucking dork to play golf? It doesn't make sense.

What's interesting is people wear Jordans now that were turned into golf shoes. Talk about a full 180 of like, oh, now that's fine. We could do that with rich shoes. I don't know. I'm sure that people who aren't white girls experience so much more of this stuff

everywhere they go, where they're just like, that's slightly just made to keep me out that I don't even notice. But this one was very egregious to me, and I'm not standing up for myself as much as like, this is overall a racial thing, I think. And I'm not trying to say that I'm like

the most woke fucking person, but there's just a tinge of like, it's about rich. And rich to me equals race. Like back in the day, you know? Yeah. Just anything that rich people get treated like better than everyone else in terms of like,

even I hate when I go to like the Ritz Carlton and like people come up and are like, ma'am, like your Perrier and they like show it to you or they have like a special way of opening it. It's just like, I don't need all of this. I get people like luxury, I guess, but I just find that so much of it is there's no purpose for it. You know? Yeah. I'm just tasting what people that so much of it is there's no purpose for it you know tasting what people that

swirl around their fucking wine before they say oh yeah these fucking jabronis who pick out a wine on the one day they go out for valentines and they order a wine you know three from the top so that it's like I'm spending a lot or three from the bottom

that's the smart unless there's only three and then they swirl it around and taste it like there's any way they would fucking know if it wasn't good or not what is that a i would love to do a test where it's a bad wine like it's which all by the way all wine is disgusting and no one really likes it taste oh i'm a pretentious asshole yeah but. What is that? But like, would you like to give people who are doing that little first test just some bad wine? Dog piss? Dog piss?

Yeah, and just, yeah, yes. And then them being, but it's at the top. You just fill up a bottle with dog piss and then they go, oh, what is this?

Swiss Alps? And they go, yeah, yes, yes, I'll have more. And they sign for, please more. It's all just made so people can feel you know even flying first class it's you just go i don't need this like it feels good though i'm not gonna

lie like when i got to lay down on that one flight fully down is different because that is actually a thing that feels good someone handing someone all that extra shit it's just laying down just laying down or calling you ma'am all those things i mean there extra shit it's just laying down just laying or calling you ma'am all those things i mean there's some there's just things about etiquette for rich people that's based on plantation style yeah servantry and like the way slaves used to have to talk to their plantation owner that's carried over so white people can rich white people could still feel a little bit better than the rest of people. Yeah.

It's entitled fucking unaware motherfuckers. I get that. And I'm not like completely going, oh, we need collared shirts. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that like. But it's so rare you encounter something that dumb. Yeah. I mean, you're not going to wear fucking.

Is Adam Sandler wearing a collared shirt to go play? He'll probably throw on some shitty collared shirt just to show that he's an all-American guy worth $9 billion. Let's get to the news. I was so mad. It was great. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first.

Oh, boy. It's Monday. You know what that means, folks? It's Monday. Hope you're having means, folks? It's Monday. Hope you're having all the swells there. We are. We're both in collared shirts, or maybe we're not. Check out our YouTube page to see and find out.

Yeah. I think we already covered that we're not. Huh? Nope. Oh yeah, at the beginning. Yeah. Yeah. Wardrobe check.

Wardrobe. So. What? I don't know. Sometimes you give me a pensive look like, I can't believe I've let this person in my life. No, that wasn't a look like that. I was just looking at you, waiting for you to do the news,

and then I forgot that we stole that job for you. Oh, by the way, can I just, because I've gotten messages. Noah did not steal your job. You didn't give, you weren't like, Andrew, you can't read that well, even though you've gotten messages. Noah did not steal your job. You didn't give, you weren't like, Andrew, you can't read that well, even though you've said it. But this wasn't the reason why Noah got the job.

People think that you took the job from me. Really? People are writing me and like, I can't believe you don't do the news anymore. It's like, no, I don't want to do the news. People are telling me, thank you for taking the job from Andrew.

No, they're not. No, I'm sure. I'm sure like four. No, they're not. No, I'm sure. I'm sure like four. No, they're not. Oh. But no, we gave it to Noah because you look down too much and because we want to include Noah more

and I like having us have both the reactions to the story. I love it. I think it works better. I do too. Things change sometimes. Both are good. People hate change. But people want to fucking put something on.

When you first listened to the show, you had no idea what was going to happen. Things change sometimes. People hate change. But people want to fucking put something on. But did you realize when you first listened to the show, you had no idea what was going to happen? Things that change from the show, whenever things change in life and people go, I want it back the way it was, the way it was was new to you at one point. Collared shirts were new to you at one point where you go, oh, I got to wear, okay.

That was a new novel thing. And if we go away from that, get used to that new thing too. Who knows what's next? When I go on shows, I always say this, whenever I go on shows and people don't know, like I'm on a show that is too famous for me or something, people go, who is this?

Who is this girl? That's just me getting a fucking sandwich. Right. Who is this guy? Did you know, were you born knowing who tom hanks was did you come out there was a moment where tom hanks was a who is this guy i gotta be honest i knew you gotta learn who people are stop that who is this shit it's so weird i don't know why i'm angry today okay noah no it's fun angry, though. All right. Fangry. Fangry. That's not a bad name. Fangry. A Florida man.

Oh, boy. In a porta potty gets crushed to death by a bulldozer. Oh, no. He's shit out of luck. The 43-year-old man was killed on the job site. The bulldozer operator had been driving his rig up an embankment at the time but his view was partially blocked by the machinery's elevated blade the freak accident happened as employees were putting away equipment preparing for the end of the day oh he just

finished the day he was probably like can i hold it till i get home now i'll just go real quick and take a quick piss and so it ran over it or like the the bulldozer hit the port-a-potty and crushed it and the operator didn't know that it was in the way so when he came out to check if anyone was in there

he found his co-worker wait what do you mean the operator didn't know so when he smashed it he's like oh fuck and he goes I hope no one was there. And he goes over to open it. You know how hard that would be to walk over. Like, you ever done something and you're like, God, I hope this, when I pull it back, it's not going to be something.

And it just, oh, my God. I wonder who's, I guess he's at fault. I hope he doesn't. I don't know. No, this sounds like an accident for sure. Yeah, but accidents are still guilty. still yeah it's still manslaughter yeah can you even like think of shitting in a would you rather die from a great white shark yeah i was thinking the same thing i really was thinking the same thing because i was thinking how much we give. Because this story is so hilarious. Just a line.

Yeah. Great white shark. Also kind of funny too. But it's hard to get like Florida man crushed by bulldozer. It's just like a made up sentence. Yeah. It's like you getting a DUI on a jet ski. Yeah.

It's like a bunch of Florida things together. Exactly. Would I rather get die in a... Honestly, I think I'd rather get crushed by a bulldo together. Exactly. Would I rather get die in a... I think I'd... Honestly, I think I'd rather get crushed by a bulldozer. Wow. See, I would rather shark. Noah, what would you rather? Probably a shark, just because I've never been

in a port-a-potty that doesn't smell like crap. Yeah, I would hate to die. The first thought, if you're getting crushed, be like i don't want the signs of this touching me oh no they're touching me too much yeah you know what i mean like it would get shit all over me while i die yeah but like also being crushed to death is just sounds like the worst death ever i feel like you die quicker though than a shark bite i mean it's

cooler to probably die by a great white shark but a bulldozer is kind of the great white of vehicles. Oh, my God. Do you ever realize you have to die someday, and you just go, fuck? Sometimes. I've been having that thought a lot. I think getting a little bit older, I'm turning into the way you were. Oh, boy. Don't go there.

I'm not exactly, but I just start thinking about the other day I was Googling some sort of thing to be like, what are the first signs of it? Probably you forgetting what you Googled. That's a good point. You're dead. I didn't want to say what I Googled because I just don't want to scare other people. What did you Google? No, I'm not going to. Why?

We always scare people. My biggest fear is getting ALS or Huntington's disease or one of those ones that i mean and honestly it's not my biggest fear because if i did i would have a plan to go like euthanize myself or i would i would absolutely kill myself before it got too bad even like alzheimer's but the thing about al Alzheimer's, it starts to take your mind before you can get the plan. Oh, yeah. As soon as you'd want to enact the plan,

you forget that you had a plan. So that's when you got to tell other people, hey, will you do this for me? It's awful. If you've ever lost anyone to any of those things, I'm so fucking sorry. But, you know, yeah, sometimes I just,

I've been looking up grim stuff lately. Can I just tell everyone right now safety measure if you're ever in a port-a-potty no port-a-potties are safe i think this is not something i read about often if you ever are by a seascape and you want to take pictures on a on rocks just know that even if you've been looking at those rocks prior to going over waves, a lot of times don't like big enough waves that would like pull you into the ocean only strike sometimes once an hour or something. So you don't know what those waves are capable of doing out there.

A big ship could, I don't really know how the ocean works, but I just know that so many people get swept to their death on those rocks, trying to get a picture of those ledge heads out there. Please watch out. And I always think, well, I'd be a good swimmer if I got tucked in the ocean. The thing that happens is you get knocked unconscious when you fall and then

you, you, you're no swimming and then you just drown. And so just be careful. Just err on the side of taking it very far away because you don't know, even if the waves look so safe. Can we on our YouTube write caution and then whatever you just said,

like all of it together? I just would love to see that. Not like closed captions. I want to see that like warning. Yeah, I mean, I don't want to see that. I don't want to see. Do you ever see your captioned out thing and you realize how many ums and likes and just bullshit sentences you start and then interrupt?

My whole fucking beginning of my podcast. Do you ever listen to Sam Harris and realize he never says um and never says like? And it's so just he talks in a way that uses the best words and he never, I'm going to try to go the rest of the podcast without using any false started sentences. You're going to talk way slower. I mean, that's the other thing. We don't talk slow. We're very quick off our feet.

Maybe talking slower would be advantageous to me. Who knows? Okay, let's get to the next story. I'm so RIP to that man by the way can i just say one more thing about this dying thing if you're 80 i hate when people go oh they were 85 you know oh they were they were due you know imagine being that 85 year old and being like no i'm not i know i'm 85 but i'm not gonna fucking i'm just not ready to die just because i'm 84 you know we always like go, oh, they were,

they're 90. It was their time. Yeah, when people's grandmothers die, I'm always like, I'm sorry. But if it was their mom, I'm like,

no, because of youth more so than it was someone more for the removed. I was thinking about that the other day because I was like,

right now I'm thinking about my grandma being 100 and I was like, oh, she was 100 though, you know? Yeah. It's fine.

She wasn't like, sweet. I'm telling you my grandma being 100. And I was like, oh, she was 100 though. You know? Yeah. That's fine. She wasn't like sweet. I'm telling you, read that book called On Living by Carrie Egan. It talks a lot about people at the end of their life and how they don't want to, a lot of them don't want to die. And a lot of them are ready to die. I find, I feel like I've heard some ums being taken or whatever your filler was. I'm trying. I'm just taking a breath.

Did you feel that, the filler going like inside her? It was the same sound that someone makes when they see their port-a-potty being crushed slowly around them. I don't know if you see that. What's your false starter? Yours is like um, would you say? Mine is to restart the sentence and also like okay and andrew i believe our minds probably likes i probably say like a decent amount i always say okay and i noticed every time i edit the podcast whenever i read fanthrax or something i always start with okay

yeah i hear that too but i think that okay is okay in that scenario because you are responding to me saying next one and you go, okay. Yeah, that's what I would think too. Right? So who knows? Maybe our fans will let us know, but I also don't want to know.

Yeah, I don't either because I'll think about my speech. Okay, next story. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Next story. Okay. Okay. Okay.

So a woman shared on TikTok her doorbell camera capturing a real estate agent showing her home that isn't for sale. Through, okay, she shows the man ringing her doorbell.

Once the client arrived, he went to the back door and she set off the house alarm. He then appeared to open the front door. The homeowner said after, you know, she called the cops and stuff, I don't believe that they were casing my house or trying to sell my house from under me. He did seem sincere.

She also revealed that the agent explained that it was an accident and he was supposed to be showing the home next door and he added that the neighbor told him to go through the back door oh yeah this is a classic just wrong house yeah i mean he did sell it though thank god it wasn't a hitman it was a real estate agent. I thought about selling my brother's Hamptons house when I was out there. Just being like, don't tell anyone. Just sell it in cash.

Like, wouldn't that be great? Because wasn't he trying to sell it at the time? No, eventually, like a few months later. Right. He goes to sell it. He's like, no, actually, your brother sold i would my mom would be so horrified if someone walked into her house when she wasn't ready and was accidentally selling it because not because the person would have you know walked into her house but because it wouldn't have looked

it would have looked like oh my god you thought i was trying to sell this house with the shape that it's in has that ever happened to you where someone thinks something about you and you go, you think I would wear this too? Oh, yeah. Like when I met Larry David for the first time, or almost did, we walked backstage at the Bill Maher show in Hawaii and I got there late because I was whale watching with Chris

and we got there to the theater late and I was in whale watching attire, just like shorts and like wet hair and I hadn't had time to, I was gonna get done up in my makeup room and bill was like escorting me to go meet larry and i'm like no no no no because he's i think i said this on the podcast he's gonna think that this is what i wore to the show even seeing bill i was like as soon as i saw bill but i'm like i hope you don't think this is what i think i'm going to wear tonight on stage. But the idea that someone might think that about you accidentally, has that ever happened? That's happened to me so many times.

But here's the thing. Oh, my God. Or they go, oh, my God, Nikki, I thought you were saying this. And I'm like, you thought I would ever say something like that? What do you think of me? Here's the thing. What I usually learn in that moment is that all that shit that I built up in my head, like, oh, he's going to see me wearing this.

The reaction you get from that person is usually almost the opposite of whatever. Larry David would probably see that and be like, I kind of respect the fact that she's just wearing this everyday thing. I have to say, as a woman who judges people a lot for things like that, if a girl came to a show and was dressed like that at a theater show where she wasn't the main event and she's opening for someone who's wearing a suit,

I would go, what the fuck is she doing? And I know Bill Maher 100%. I saw his face and he was just like, I go Bill don't worry I'm not wearing this I get that I understand though how is this different than the collared shirt shots fired great question

I feel like shots were fired but I will say I'm only doing it because you like it it's a great I love debate i would no you don't are you kidding me i think it's a great debate dude fuck you i love debating um okay so this is different because this when you dress up for people are paying 75 dollars to 100 and something dollars for a ticket it was new year's eve people are paying $75 to a hundred and something dollars for a

ticket. It was new year's Eve. People are paying $200 to hit, play that golf course. This was a driving range. I'm talking about, I understand. I would maybe have a little bit more leniency if it was on the course,

but at the same time, my performance, sorry, I interrupted. I didn't mean to interrupt, but go ahead. No, no,

no. When you were performing, I find that obviously that, that but this here's the difference okay this is not required my outfit i could wear whatever i want bill would not yell at me about it the theater would say you said he gave you a look though a look that said hey what the fuck are you thinking i'm saying that if i wore jeans on a golf course you can give me all the looks you want but i should still be able to play on the golf course i shouldn't be barred from playing on it adam sandler or john caparulo can wear t-shirts on stage with sweatpants or whatever the hell they want you can wear lulu lemons to

a theater show i get that and are you gonna get booked again by bill maher if you show up in fucking sweatpants and a tank top with no makeup that's up to him that's not a club rule that's a but that's a bill maher rule but that's like a yes but it's like a rule that's up to him that's not a club rule that's a but that's a bill maher rule but that's like a yes but it's like a rule that's understood that you don't dress shitty when other people are going to be wearing suits a collared shirt a collared shirt doesn't i can understand a call i didn't look shitty because of my shirt i looked shitty because of everything else i was wearing i can understand if they're like you're dressed kind of like a, it's just like we were, I just got a vision of you showing up at the golf course.

In a ball gown. No, just a collared shirt and no pants and no underwear. And be like, is this what you want? That'll show them. That's a great, great prank. Yeah, yeah, that's a prank. Do it before you leave. I will say that I just think that it's showing,

it's showing, I guess it is kind of similar in showing respect to the people that are playing around you. But I just have to say that I could go on stage in anything and people would still like it because it's comedy, but it's because I want to. But would you argue, though, that to be dressed up to perform was essentially at the beginning of performing a way to keep out poor people from performing like the idea of like putting on fancy clothes to perform for other rich people you know what

i mean like that could afford a ticket that's 75 so it's kind of i mean it's not completely different i mean money itself is meant to keep out poor people i know that's what i'm saying so like at what point does like the whole collared shirt that's just a idea for every fucking thing that we deal with in america and like how things are set up based off history and like what you can wear i just resent golf so much because it's white men. Yeah. And I like white men, clearly. I've dated many of them.

It's just there's something in there. Hey, don't forget Tiger Woods. No, I'm just kidding. That's what people would say. They're like, see, we're not Obama. Let's go to break and come back with why do I care. But that was a good point, Noah, and I will say that I might be a hypocrite here.

I like when Noah goes after you that one time. Oh, man, she went after me. And you know what? Her job's on the line now. Her job is on the line. Am I getting the news back? No. No.

Well, okay. It's back, Noah. You got your job back. Take a quick break and come back with why do I care. Okay. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel.

Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending. Or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early. Well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth.

That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports,

and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community.

And I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to Crems as part of the My Gulura Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. How serious is youth vaping? Irreversible Lung Damage Serious. 1 in 10 kids vape serious.

Which warrants a serious conversation from a serious parental figure like yourself. Not the seriously know-it-all sports dad. Or the seriously smart podcaster. It requires a serious conversation that is best had by you. No, seriously, the best person to talk to your child about vaping is you. To start the conversation, visit talkaboutvaping.org. Brought to you by the American Lung Association and the Ad Council. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour like LPGA superstar Angel Yen.

I really just sat myself down at the end of 2022 and I was like, look, either we make it or we quit. Expert tips to help improve your swing and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. The drinks were flowing, twerking all over the place, vaping, they're shotgunning. Women's golf is a wild ride full of big personalities, remarkable athleticism, fierce competition, and a generation of women hell-bent on shanking that glass ceiling. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party,

that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Why do I care? Why do I care? All right, Noah. All right, let's see if you care about this oh you're definitely going to care about this i think oh uh the bachelor contestant daria rose

spent four thousand four hundred dollars on wardrobe only to be eliminated on night one is she asking for compensation can she return it she's just pointing out you know she bought a bunch of outfits to try to highlight all these different designers hoping she'd make it on the show she also says she blew through 800 on recommended packing items like some random tops jeans f and pajamas, as well as hair care tools and makeup, which totaled about a thousand dollars in itself. I, I, I love that she is saying this because yeah,

this is the price of being a woman on TV. And if you have to dress yourself for these things, I was astonished when I went on the bachelorette as just a, a guest of the guests, celebrity guests. I was a guest of amy schumer's on one episode and i the first thing i asked them was do the women dress themselves do they have a wardrobe do they do their own hair and makeup unless you're the lead yeah you're dressing

yourself you're bringing all your own things which that's a minimum it's gonna be six grand to get a whole new wardrobe of crisp looking things no one is dressed poorly on the bachelorette and you got to wear always cute little tiny tops and you need to you always have to wear something different um if i had to buy my own wardrobe on this on this perfect strangers too yeah i mean i wouldn't do the gig. I mean, it would be ridiculous. It's so much money to be a woman on TV. There's got to be a stipend for these people. There needs to be. Like, even Perfect Strangers 2.

They'll say, then don't do the show. We'll just get someone whose dad will give them $5,000 to come on the show. There's always someone who will do it for cheaper. That's the problem with, like, that's why things, that's why I think we need unions, is because otherwise someone will always undercut. Yeah.

I mean, I guess, but this goes back, I mean, it still keeps going back to the collared shirt, like a certain amount of money. Like you're going to look better if you have more money, you have more access to fucking things.

You're possibly going to win the show more because, or because you have more money and you look cuter and you know how to do your makeup better because you have better products and yeah it comes down to you know what i think you should do huh if you're a hot girl or a hot guy you wear the same thing every fucking day they won't let you on the show they wouldn't do it they would then go okay well we need to go get her something and they would throw you in something from last season that someone had you you've been on perfect strangers too you are not repeating outfits and you know what I say?

Why can't I wear the same boots twice? Yes, I wear the same shoes a lot on Perfect Strangers 2 because I don't have a lot of shots with my feet in it because they're doing the Lord's work here. They know what they're doing. They don't want it to be a horror film. And so, but yeah, you just, but Kate middleton often wears the same things over and over like steve john normal girls wear i just read that h&m uh it had like there was some astronomical

number of items that they made last year to buy it was something like 3.5 million or something insane and they're now trying to be like doing ethical fashion. But they're really on point to double those. It's like. No, no, but what do you mean? They bought the same. They did a thing where if you turn in your jeans, they're going to like remake them into other jeans.

It was just bullshit. It's called, what is it called when companies pretend to be eco-friendly because it's a trend america it's called like green washing oh green wash yeah it where they'll put green on a packaging or yeah they'll just say it's like they'll put like a little bunny that's smiling and you're like oh this must like they must pet bunnies to make this for every 30 grand you spend at gucci we're gonna give a snickers bar to a person in af. It's like, what? How does that even connect? Stop it.

You know what? African children don't want to wear any more Tom's shoes. Stop buying those pretending like you're helping them. There are some companies that actually do great stuff, but you have to really vet them through. I'm sure there's Africans that get Tom's shoes and they're like, I'm good.

These are disgusting. Also, my feet are better shoes than this. His shoes are like made out of fucking dental floss. They suck. Fuck you, Tom. People love Tom's shoes. Yeah, they're pretty cool. I bet they would want Crocs.

I hear Crocs are so comfortable. I've never worn them, though. I just love the name of Crocs. People love Crocs. I would feel like your feet would get so sweaty in them but people really love them that's when you know like my dad wears crocs are cool for like young hip people that are trying to look like i don't give a fuck and then really old people but i'm 41 stocks are the same as crocs in terms of comfort i'm like there's no fucking way people are always like broken socks are the same as Crocs in terms of comfort. I'm like, there's no fucking way.

People are always like, Birkenstocks are the most comfortable. I'm like, they're- I just thought of a great idea. What? Birken Crocs. Birken Crocs. Well, they kind of have that, actually. The same material.

Oh, shit. It's the same material, but it's Birkenstock, and I have them, and I've been wearing them for like two years straight. I bet those would be comfy. Birkenstocks themselves, I get they're comfy. I used to wear them in high school, but they're nowhere near what Crocs are walking on

a gymnasium floor. They're made out of the same fabric I used to pull out from under my parents' bed to sleep on their floor in eighth grade. A gymnastics mat. Ah, yes. I love how you got there from a yoga mat to my parents i mean

it remember it reminds me of that same kind of i used to just the saddest chug of this blue thing that i used to go and it's like it's like one that you could do a back handspring on and just fold it out and set up my pillow yeah that mat oh i loved it i hate that because they're too light to like stay on the exactly where you want on the ground oh you know what I mean like the padded mat is that what you're talking about we were talking to a girl last night I remember saying sleeping on that mat in eighth grade and thinking about Titanic because I had just seen it like that weekend and I could not sleep because I was just obsessed with Titanic I couldn't believe the scale of it, the magnitude. And oddly enough, the girl we were with

at dinner last night, Wu, who you get surprised as Asian every time she takes off her mask, which is a hilarious bit. She had also, her parents wouldn't

let her see Titanic or Lion King, which are the two movies as a child that I was most affected by. Lion King, I couldn't believe how beautiful it was

and that something could be made. And Jurassic Park. Jurassic Park was big. I did the same thing Laura Dern does in the car where she takes off her glasses when she looks at the brontosauruses

for the first time and she raises up out of the Jeep. I did that in the movie theater while watching Laura Dern take off her glasses and look at the brontosaurus. Okay, we gotta get to the top one, bottom one.

Today's category for top one, bottom one is beach activities beach activities we're at the beach we're about to leave the beach tomorrow so long beach song beach back to 40 degree weather i can't freaking wait part of me can't wait no offense cabo but i'm ready to go go bo shots shots fired i will shoot some i you know what i want you know what i want to say and i realized last night i realized that i learned french in high school and college and that's the one that i have the best foundation for and if i went to france i would feel very insecure about speaking my bad French because the French are snobs and they wouldn't like, I always think that someone else,

because I started out with French, which all French people are like, don't even try. Like you are sad American. We don't want to hear that. And they start speaking English to you. When I've gone to Montreal, like when you try to speak French,

they're just like, no, cut it out. I feel like Montreal. But here they're Spanish, you know, Spanish speaking people, they're much more no cut it out but here they're spanish you know spanish-speaking people they're much more friendly i would say though i would say montreal is different than france in the sense that everyone probably is bilingual there because right but they still don't want to hear you try they're just like cut the shit let's just talk english that is my point is their english is probably better than people that actually live i understand it but there is something to letting

someone try their new language out and just, you know, humoring them, which here they let you do that when you're trying to speak Spanish. And I wish that I had chosen a language where the people who speak it are more forgiving of those who aren't perfect at it.

And I think that is a realization I had yesterday about Mexico. The people here are really nice and like happy to accommodate your like the fact that you don't understand their culture and they're just sweet.

But maybe it's because I'm staying at a hotel where everyone has to put their hand on their heart and bow when they say hello to me which is so dumb. I hate it.

No, I know. I really do. I'm like get your hand off your heart. You don't need to. I'm not. Yeah, put two hands on your heart.

One, are you kidding me? Get on your knees. Get on your knees and carry me. Kiss my toe ring. Okay. Your toe ring? Okay, anyway. Beach activities.

What's your least favorite beach activity, Andrew? Just laying there. Just laying there. I fucking don't understand how people just like, well, just get two towels and just lay there and bake in the sun. What about sleeping? I don't mind sleeping, I guess.

But just laying there with your thoughts or listening to music? I have to have a ball. I'll get to my top one. It's not a ball. Might be. Wait, you hate the wind too. If it's a windy beach, just laying there

and it's sand getting on you, fuck that. No, I like a pool by the beach. But just laying there, I just don't like that. I don't like people that are just like, we're just going to lay there and it's sand getting on you fuck that no i like a pool by the beach but just laying there i just don't like that i don't like people that are just like we're just gonna lay there fucking talk about fucking i don't know fucking shit that's my favorite yeah you can just play and talk though you can just hang out and talk men hate talking yeah we like throwing things right okay um my least favorite activity is throwing things. Throwing anything. Paddle ball.

Doing any kind of sport. Yeah. Oh, paddle. Any kind of paddle thing. Oh, I love a paddle. Anything where the sun is in your eyes. I like a Frisbee. That to me isn't the same.

No, beach is usually too windy for a Frisbee. I love a frizz. I love body surfing, things like that. I don't want to throw a ball. And I just don't want, like, men just kicking sand up so they can, like, run and, like, grab a ball fast and they just, like, kick a thing of sand in your face. I'm like, oh, I also don't like dogs, like, rolling around

and being, like, sandy and wet and, like, just dogs off-leash that come up to you and are like, and like get sand all over you. And you're just like, well, I don't like your dog as much as you like your dog. I do like watching dogs have fun. I love watching a dog on a beach though. It's just mesmerizing. Nowhere near you. Yeah.

Like damp, wet, sandy dogs getting near me. So bring a little fence for you. No, I mean, I love dogs. I don't want to be the Cruella de Vil here bill here but you know like just like a slobbery dog and people aren't like that aware that you don't love it as much as they do here's the thing sand and like wet on like a like a a long hair dog it's not a it's not a good look yeah it's like a it's a lot um any kind of like volleyball any sport i'm just gonna say sports are my least favorite. Noah, what's your least favorite? Least favorite is seeing people doing like the hand gliding.

You know, just hold on to that. Oh, kite surfing. Kite surfing? Oh, wind board. Wind surfing. The one that's not attached to anything where people just kind of go. Like they jump off a cliff and they just go with it oh i don't know yeah no that's like uh no there's like a new thing where

people are like holding and like what's that called hang gliding what about the thing is that really a beach thing though is that a beach sure that's such a fun i'm thinking of things that you you see in your spanish Spanish notebook of activities at the beach. And there's a whole kind of... It's an excursion, for sure. You see different things. Yeah, no, no, for sure. I think it's just a funny thing that that's her bottom.

What about those things that make you look like the Rocket Man? Where you have those... Parasailing? Jets. No, you have like those like parasailing jets no like do you have um oh the fighter jet like a jet pack hooked up to your back and you go like and you like fly out of it gross okay okay also i love jet skiing but like yeah i don't stop being care with it yes oh. What, what? Anytime there's speedboats that go so fast

that the front starts coming up, like too fast of speedboats. I don't want to, it's too fast. It scares me so much. Oh my God. Especially when it's like close to people. I'm getting nervous just thinking about those boats just like raising up

and I think the wind's going to catch them and they're going to go backwards. Oh, I don't like that. But one would hope. No, I don't want to see anyone hurt oh um okay let's do favorite activities surfing surfing okay it's either throwing a football or surfing or catching a football while surfing okay i love throwing a football i like paddle someone taught me some brazilian kind of paddle thing when we were in San Diego that I played, which is actually like a faster version

and the ball's a little heavier, which is actually more fun because then the wind doesn't fuck with it. I forget what it's called, but yeah, surfing. I like surfing. I know you don't see me surf that much, and I haven't surfed here once. No, I don't ski that much, but I love skiing the most.

I don't like surfing where you have to put a wetsuit on, though, either. Okay. Why? I like a boogie boarding. It's all right. I like a boogie boarding. But you almost, like, you risk getting fucking hit in the face with it. Dude, I almost died boogie boarding.

I'm just too scared of sharks. I got to be honest. Like, I know that's not a real fear. Like, if I'm scuba diving out in the water and there's sharks, I'll jump in with them. I'm just scared of things that I don't plan for. And I don't like how you have to shuffle along the bottom because stingrays, you might step on a stingray. That scares me.

But if there's a bunch of stingrays that you're going to see, I'll jump in with them. It's weird. I'm like the complete opposite. I don't want the unknown. Yeah, I love not knowing. I feel like mine is a better way to be be because i don't know if it's a competition but i'm just trying to which logically is a better one to be more scared of i don't know

let's do a poll no why not because it's a it's a try to explain that poll would you rather oh are you more scared of the unknown or known yeah i can't believe someone would be more scared of the known. In regards to the beach. But I love surfing. I just cannot relate to that fear. Surfing to me is just, I don't know, one of the best fucking sports ever. Like you're getting good shape. No, you're not alone.

People love it. You get in shape. I would love it too. You're one with the water, like all that shit. I would love to be out there by myself waiting. And like that's, to me, shark times. My stepbrother got bit by a shark. Did I say that?

I think so. He got tasted by one. Because that's what sharks do. They taste you and then they go, ah, gross. Went right back out. Put some super glue in it. What a badass. Really?

My dad's obsessed with healing things with super glue. Obsessed. Any kind of cut you get. Cancer, super glue. Honestly, he's like that fucking dad in the Greek movie. Get him to the Greek wedding. Yeah. He loves super glue and wounds.

And it does kind of work and it's kind of cool. Man, that's a way to heal warts that I'm obsessed with. You put super glue on them and then you put something on top to just only stick that part and then you rip it off and it just rips out just the i would love to do okay so what's your top beach activity okay my favorite beach activity is leaving when you finally get to leave honestly i i know that sounds like i'm just making a joke but like when you you saw because i'm never the first person to say it because that sounds like i'm just making a joke but like when you you saw because i'm never the first person to say it because i feel like i'm always wanting to leave as soon as i get there i just love when other people are like we're good and then you get to just pack up

your things and trudge out and you feel accomplished like you did something no honestly my favorite beach activity without question is watching whales i didn't i've never been at a beach where there were whales out until here and in that you could just see and that's my favorite thing is just watching whales flip around that is the coolest fucking thing i've ever done see me surf same shit come on i'm fat just playing all right just kidding i mean noah blanket uh least favorite beach activity. You're both not going to like this. Both of you are going to hate this.

Oh, no. Laying out. Okay. Okay. We hate it for different reasons, but I don't hate it for the sun. I just hate it for just laying there. But, yeah. Laying out, though, I don't like it obviously for the sun but i also

feel like you can't read a book because the sun is so bright um you can't look at your phone because the sun is so bright um if you put on a song to change the song you have to look at your phone like it's just not the sun is too bright so it's all about the sun what do you love about laying out so i don't keep my phone out because it gets overheated in the sun so i like just the nothingness and i always put a towel over my head so that my face doesn't get the sun but it just feels like i'm in a sauna and it's very relaxing to me so yeah and you could just like think you know like it's rare where you just think and you know what's kind of cool about when you do have a towel over your head

and the sun is out, you see floaters in your eyes and you can kind of watch those and follow those. I saw a really hilarious meme the other day. I used to have insane floaters. Really? I thought I had like brain cancer. I can see some right now.

Really? I have probably 30 floaters right now. No. I'm not joking you. I have so many floaters right now. It's just I not joking you. I have so many floaters right now. It's just I live with them. There's one right here. What the fuck?

I live with them too. I have so many floaters. Do you see colors? I didn't see them until I started. No. No. Everything's in black. Light eyes tend to happen.

You never see like a blotch of red or a blotch of blue or something? Final thought. No, I never see that. But I will say that. What do your floaters look like? Like squiggles? Little squiggles, like little microbes. Yeah.

Yeah. And then when you follow them, they move. And so you think that they're moving and they have a mind of their own. But they're really just following your eye moving and getting like flicked around. As a hypochondriac, there's nothing more scary sometimes. Or when I first started to see them. Really? And I don't see them as bad anymore.

Or maybe I just don't even notice them anymore. Because I didn't notice them until I just go, oh, where are they? And now I can see one, two right there. I can see one. They're everywhere. And I know someone's going to write me and be like, Nikki, you have cataracts or something. But I just have dirty contact lenses that constantly have shit in them.

I have to get a new kind of lens. I wash them so hard and they always have stuff in them. I to get a new kind of lens i wash them so hard and they always have stuff in them i love your floaters are just dirty contacts so funny and i think they are that's probably what they are clean your lens let nikki but i did see a meme that made me laugh so hard where it was like i'm never alone because i always got these guys with me and it was a guy like it was just looking at like a sunset it just had these little floaters it was like you're never alone because and they a sunset. It just had these little floaters. It was like, you're never alone because of, and they were like little, they just look like little DNA strands or little like.

Sometimes I think also with your, when your eyes are drier, maybe you can see them more. I can't really, I haven't really noticed it as much anymore since I quit drinking. A lot of it was after a fucking weekend of drinking. I wonder if I gave you my eyesight right now, how much you would freak out because they're everywhere but i don't it doesn't help with this light here too it doesn't yeah there's a light if you stare at that and then no idea floaters sometimes and then when you try to chase them they just keep going to the side and you can't really catch them yeah they always run away i but that's i first noticed floaters when i was sunbathing when i was a kid or like trying to be like an adult you know and put a towel over my head and then you would just see them in the towel

kind of i love you when there's like fireworks and stuff like i used to push on my eyes when i was a kid and it would create like all these like trippy fireworks yes that just tells you like when i do my migraine thing and i put things in my eye sometimes it'll like make that's what i'm talking about your eye is a um oh okay it's like that things that trigger you to see things are more like about something like light coming into your eye like something penetrating it because to touch your eye for that to shoot off a a thing to see wow it means that it's like physical i don't know what it tells you but it tells you something i'm sure you see it i do know

that if you the coolest thing i learned in psychology class the only thing i remember is that if you cease whenever we the reason why we get used to smells is because of evolution. Like to survive, if you are smelling something that's like really disgusting, you get used to it and can't smell it anymore so that you can invite a new smell in that will protect you from whatever that is. So that's why people can't smell their own BO. That's why people get used to the smell of like anything is because your body is like, okay, well, obviously this smell isn't a threat. You haven't died.

So we're going to get used to it so that you can be in tune with new smells that might come in and threaten you. And it's the same way with every scent or with every sense is that if you hear something over a long time that doesn't have any variation to it, you will stop hearing it.

It will just become a part of the... Like a white noise kind of thing, yeah. But yeah, you'll stop hearing it. But our eyes are constantly twitching so that we don't go... The thing that we're staring at doesn't disappear to invite new things because our eyes do the same thing.

That's why our eyes are constantly moving like this to recalibrate, to make things look new and they've done studies where if you're able to lock an eye on let's say my guitar and my eye is my eyes twitching like this right now and i don't know it but if you've ever stared eyes are always twitching and if they found a way to lock eyesight and the guitar would disappear because it wants to make room for new things much like our smell it's not cool but you know what is interesting though to that no is that things don't disappear but you just if they're not a threat you just don't notice them you ever like they disappear to you yeah yeah like i mean when i first got here there's fucking cliffs there's palm trees there's whales whatever it is it's unbelievable you get used to it and you're just

like oh i know and then literally a weekend i don't even fucking see like i see it but i don't fucking take it in at all i know i remember living in colorado and seeing like they have 300 days of sunshine in boulder or denver you know and it's just the mountains everything is so fucking beautiful and just one day i just remember looking up and being like oh my god i live here and being like i've lived here nine months on this campus and that has just been there like what the fuck and it was so beautiful you might have saw it on your first day and nine months later isn't that crazy it reminds you of when men put on those glasses that their wives buy for them where they aren't colorblind anymore and they start crying because color and just the world

around you is so beautiful and i think that that's part of meditation is like being present being able to appreciate things in the moment like as they are right now like being grateful i have hands even though i feel fat today or whatever it is. Like being grateful for the things you just take for granted. Granted. Yeah. Granted. I do it all the time. I always say granted.

Do you? I always say granted. I don't, I go with the thing that I think it's not and I always choose because I want to go with the right thing. So granted always comes naturally to me. So I go, no,

don't go with the one that comes naturally to you because that's wrong. So I go with granted. I do that with every word. Off puttingting all right guys thank you so much for listening to the pod today that's enough for us sorry i was in a mood today but you weren't at all i feel like people are gonna be like oh you would you get on your high horse about collared shirts it's gonna be something that someone we fired shots at you it's fine no No, I stopped writing at Tumblr. Tumblr? Yeah.

It doesn't matter. Hey, talk about Tumblr taking out the U. Shout out. What do you mean? Tumblr is spelled exactly how I would fucking say it. Oh, yeah. Shout out. No, you would say Tumbooler.

I would throw a U in there? Yeah, you like hard U's. No, but I'm saying it took some words out, like regular. Yeah, you like hard news. No, but I'm saying it took some words out, like regular. Yeah, it makes you. I take them out, I put them in. No, regular and regular take the same amount of time to say. Find out tomorrow, guys. Okay.

All right, guys. Thank you so much for listening. Don't be called there. And Jack Nicholson. Jack Nicholson. Shitson shit i fucking you really i got you i got you that was quick joel the holidays are a blast but the financial hangover that can be a huge bummer if you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right.

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listen to How To Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed?

Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You are cordially invited to the hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club.

Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right.

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