The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #188 Remember The Day

Episode Date: March 10, 2022

Nikki is adamant about getting rid of the Ego and Andrew is adamant about getting good water pressure. After receiving a critique Nikki is questioning her efforts of trying something new. You Heard It Here First, a bat prank, FBoy Island's Garret gets stuck and the best way to not get a stroke. They play Ester Perel's Where Should We Begin? Game about the days they miss. In the Final Thought Andrew found himself in an unlikely place. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF. And me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome. It's the Nikki Glaser podcast. We're back in St. Louis, Missouri. Well, Noah is in Arizona, but Andrew and I are back in the loo. No one really calls it that. Do they? No. Um, Nellie did. I'm from the loo and I'm proud. Was that the first time you ever heard it? I think so. Yeah. I think he maybe coined it. That wasn't a

thing going on at Kirkwood High School? No, I don't think it was, but maybe I wasn't really aware. I didn't have a lot of hometown pride back when I was a teen. You know, you're just like, everywhere's better than here. You just want to get out.

I wasn't like, St. Louis is the best. Did you feel like you were from i wasn't like a small town even though it was no no st louis is the i think it's the most populous city of like 16th that's pretty up there yeah no it is um and i feel like i traveled enough as a child that i saw like oh this is i didn't feel like you know when people hear missouri they think it's like farmland which a lot of it is but um no but in regards you said you wanted to get out that's why yeah because i just wanted to like be i wanted to do like felicity and like go to new york and like there's there's bigger things out there like i just i just wanted to do some i just wanted to be like that was my way of like rebelling even though there's no rebellion there. Are there things you know about St. Louis

that like three things that no one would know being from here? Like, I say that saying that I could live in a place for 30 years and no less than someone that just does one tour. Well, I feel like there's nothing that I know like historically that is that my dad dad could regale you.

Who founded St. Louis? I think St. Louis. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Like a guy named St. Louis. Well, what's his story? I don't know my great-grandfather's name. I'm not going to know the history of St. Louis.

I know Lewis and Clark came through here. Oh, is that the Lewis? I know that. Different Lewis? I don't know. I literally don't know anything about St. Louis at all, about the founding of it. I don't know where I'm from.

Missouri was made into a state. I don't know if it was part of the Louisiana Purchase. I don't fucking know anything. It's so embarrassing. Is Missouri part of the South or the North? It's like in the Midwest. You tell me. It's not the south even though if

you get into the boot heel which i think that you assumed we were in prior to like a week ago that's when you're getting down to arkansas arkansas house arkansas yeah how is it being back for you what just the last day it was good it was yeah i mean we got in last night at like eight or nine o'clock the yeah i, it was a long day of travel. I was pretty, you know when you get off a plane and you're like, oh, I'm wide awake. I'm like with it, but then you're kind of also out of it at the same time. Like you're tired or didn't you even know? I think that's kind of what I was.

But had Brenna pick me up. It was nice. We had some Thai food when I got back waiting for me which is that's nice fucking unreal and then we took a shower dude i don't know what your water pressure situation was in mexico yeah the water pressure at this building is fantastic yeah they're wasting a lot of water it's great yeah i want a waterfall i want fucking Niagara. Just come in. Yes. We're very lucky.

I didn't really like our hotel was three spouts. Yes. You know, you could change it on the thing. Yeah. But just it gets worse. You think it's like on the worst setting already and then you twist it and it's like, oh, this it's I guess I should have appreciated what I had. And then you go back and it's not the same.

No, it's never the same. So I was on that three clicks where I thought it was better. You took a shower together? Yeah. That was like you ate and then you took a shower together? Oh, it was awesome. We did this thing where we, what's the bath rub? Bath rub.

Whatever. Luffa? Kind of like a loofah, but it has little exfoliants in it oh okay and we do that to each other's backs and it's just like a nice thing because you don't wash your i don't wash my back i haven't washed no i don't think i've ever washed my back it's not getting washed yeah no i don't even know my legs don't get washed unless i shave them and that's just because i squeegee them with the um or i'm getting spray tan off but i don't even know. My legs don't get washed unless I shave them. And that's just because I squeegee them with the, or I'm getting spray tan off. But I don't ever wash my legs or my,

I don't wash my feet either. Well, they make that thing for your back. Yeah, I bought a lot of those. People do like dry scrubs. People, the amount of time people spend on things that, like when I start getting on TikTok, that's where I start going, I'm out. Because I start thinking I'm not a good enough woman i'm not like i don't care about like

essential oils i don't care about exfoliating i don't do all those things that i'm supposed to do i'm supposed to have a i bought like a brush you're supposed to do like a dry brush first and scrape all the skins while your skin's dry noah do you do all that stuff do you do a dry brush um i just recently started doing one but it's more for like circulation okay yeah that's what they say too so what's your shower routine like how do you like prepare your let's talk about body let's like go away from face because that's a whole different you wash your back noah do you you know i do wash my back i remember from the you up days anya was like perplexed that you don't wash your legs and i i was like do i wash my legs so i always pay attention to just like wash

everything ever since that show yeah i'm just do pits um pussy ass crack so all pits and that's all i do yeah all the pits of my body yeah I just get those because those are the smelly places the rest of my skin it doesn't I don't know why are we washing anything it proves my back doesn't stink like fucking dog shit

maybe I get it from the soap from washing my hair if I didn't have all the run down from the shampoo and the conditioner and everything yeah and also shaving my legs does feel squeegee-esque where you like you put on i put on conditioner just because it's like sometimes i run out of body wash and i just that is a continual thing that i forget and forget and forget to replenish how important is water pressure do you you really get upset if it's too strong because you think it's absolutely i do

well i take really quick showers i get upset just because i know that everyone else is really wasting so much water in here because i know how long men shower to like but it wasn't someone tell us that it gets recycled that it doesn't matter i don't know that that's true but you can tell yourself that but yeah water pressure isn't so important i i'm always grateful for it when it's ridiculous but i like i was so happy when i got it today yeah like i have a question when i would go yeah sorry is it important to you if it's um if the like shower head is just a head or do you need like with the with the cord no cord i've never used a cord and i think that's what we're talking about getting the back real good is if you have a cord.

I always associate the cord with like women being like, I don't need a man. I've got this. Well, I've never understood how that could be. Yeah. Why? Do you like a cord? It's necessary to have the handheld one with the cord because I can't get my undercarriage otherwise. I feel like it's not clean.

Well, I just go, and then I cup water and I go, like I bring the water to my vagina. I used that thing as a mic before and done like an hour set. And I did okay. Yeah? You killed?

I wouldn't say I killed. Yeah. Yeah, you know. There's a lot of pressure in there. Water pressure. Yeah. Dude, I'm telling you i i would go to new york and when i would look at apartments my first thing i would do is run to the bathroom and and the real estate agent would always look at me like weird a little bit i'm like this is the most this is top three the most important thing were you looking for the mic thing huh oh no no no checking the water pressure oh yeah yeah that's so important if it got hot right away i did that on this on

this apartment for sure i ran it and i remember yeah the real estate agent kind of being like what are you doing it's like that is so crucial that's that's more crucial than like staying at a place to see if there's planes flying overhead or gonna wake you up all night or some kind of train going by because that's I can always get white noise, but I can't get white water. No. I want to feel like I'm going, like standing under Niagara Falls for pressure.

It feels great. I want a giant pissing on my head. That's what I want. A giant pissing on your head. Yeah. So you got in the shower. You did a scrub down. Oh, a nice scrub.

And then we got in the shower. You did a scrub down. Oh, a nice scrub. And then we got in bed. Do you start making love in the shower? Or does it happen before? No, we did the bed. We made love. After you. But the shower gets you kinky. I was tired.

I wish I was like, I wanted to fucking be ravaged. Sometimes I want to just ravish, you know? But my body's like huh I think you just combined radish and ravage yeah which word is it ravage and you said ravish you sure? sounds like it's

you'll hear that for sure you want to hear him say it again if you want to hear exactly what you said I said sometimes you do want to ravage a radish. Sometimes radishes with a little salt on them. And like we used to make this thing called garbage. What's that? I don't know why we called it garbage.

But every Sunday when there was golf on and we would go for like a family hike and then we'd come back and leave. My parents would watch golf, which is very calming just to hear golf in the background. And I could just sit and kind of like binge on this like we would cut up radishes green onions carrots and celery and you put it in a big bowl of with water and you put a bunch of ice in it so it's like ice cold all these veggies and then you do a plate and you put salt on the plate and you take it out and you just swirl it on the plate and just eat we called it garbage i don't know what what why that was no no dip no dip that's wild we weren't like trying to diet or anything either like let me be clear like this is a family that was not that way at all but that was just a thing

we did where and i would hear just golf tones on tv and he's chipping and then when you hear the celery the celery is a very loud all these foods are very loud golfing was so soothing and then all of a sudden two hours later it would be tonight on 60 minutes I'm Leslie Stahl I'm Marley Safer and then it would be like fuck homework gotta go to school tomorrow

that was kind of the Sunday scheme of things yeah we watched 60 minutes the guy with the eyebrows he was was always angry. Morally safer. I always say that I have the same. What was his name? Oh, you mean Andy Rooney? Yeah.

See, what I don't understand is airports. He was the first kind of disgruntled comic. Oh, my God. Speaking of, this just reminded me of what I wanted to remember last week where I totally lost my train of thought on the show. We were talking about i think we were probably talking about ukraine or just like people like making things about themselves i loved this one post that you sent me of someone who was like calling out comedians

there's a lot of this going on right now on tiktok and instagram reels of people making fun of celebrities for doing things to make ukraine about themselves yes because they're like oh fuck i can't i can't post about myself like so they're so they're you know there's just a bunch of videos mocking celebrities about how they're gonna make it about themselves and like like acting like they're tearing up and all this stuff i just want to say as a creative person who often writes jokes that are is mocking other people i want to say a lot of times that thing that you're mocking you think of it because you are the thing so like you sent me an example of someone that was like sorry comedians not gonna be able to make this about yourself today huh sucks something like that some edgy fucking tweet and i knew instantly it was a tweet noun there no it sounded like you using tweeter this freaking tweet over here yeah

this fucking edgy tweet oh my god that is it almost does sound like a derogatory term so this edgy tweeter he is like you know doing calling out comics i know the genesis of that observation he woke up that day wanting to post something about himself and he couldn't and he thought it sucks i can't post about myself today he then felt the embarrassment of having that thought and decided to project it onto others. So I just want to say that when you, thy doth protest too much, or whatever the Shakespearean slash Taylor Swift lyrics thing is.

Adolph takes a test, I think is what's the word. Adolph takes a test? I don't know, I doff too. I couldn't think of anything good. Cut that, Noah, please. No, I like that. adolf takes a test i don't know i doffed to i couldn't think of anything good uh cut that no no i like that adolf takes a test it's like that's when someone that's called product we'll say that when it's projecting now adolf takes a test it's like it's because do you ever do that by the way because i've seen you do i've seen your mind like i sometimes try to trace your mind and how you get to things and And sometimes I'll be like, cause I will do it. I will write a joke calling out some behavior that I'm like, I do that.

And for instance, um, models who pretend to eat on camera or like, I love pizza. And I did a joke about it where they like take a bite and they say refreshing. And you're like, have you never eaten pizza?

That's because I used to be anorexic and not want to eat things on camera. And I used to be fucking like losing my mind about how am I going to do this? And like I would always want to just I was scared to have to eat on camera. Like it came from me being that. Yeah. Like me making fun of edgy comedians. Part of me. I don't want to go as far as like what my edge character is, but I do think sometimes I'll maybe hold back,

and there might be a jealousy of their freedom of going where they go. Yes. But only some of them I feel like do it in a way that's still intelligent and not just shocking, but actually very funny still. Yes. But sometimes I feel like maybe because I i feel it's like an easy way out and they get to do that and you don't get to let's mock it yeah like for sure i i like i've been doing i've just like i gotta get back into like being a more mindful and like less egotistical

like i've been just kind of like in this ugly state of mind of just hating things and judging them and being like oh and it And it's all, if I liked myself and felt confident, I don't care about anyone else. I really don't have a problem with anyone else. Last night, I received some like, just some like light concern or like, just checking in on like, hey, like with this music thing you're doing're doing like just want to make sure like you're not like you gotta you gotta like work really hard at this before you like release stuff and i like got so defensive of like of course i know that i'm not gonna release stuff but i i caveat everything that i do music wise with i suck so much and i know that and any besties that's listening right

now that's ever seen me on instagram live knows that it is crutched and bookended to the point where people are like stop saying that it's so funny because people either say you're on yourself just do it or they go god she thinks she's so good so you can't really win so you're not supposed to ever disparage yourself because you're just supposed to like be you but then the second you do or the second you don't and you're like hey i think i sound good people are like hey you know you don't sound good right like don't put this out and i'm struggling with like the fact that i'm creating music and i want to share it with not the world and be like this is my opus and i'm done and i'm as good as taylor swift and sign me up for a grammy i i'm doing everything from like i'm a 12 year old that just started like I'm I'm 18 year old

Nikki Glaser just started doing comedy like judge me against one year doing this and um and I was getting so defensive and I just was in this loop of arguing did a random committee like someone like someone no it was like someone in my like a close like family and I was just couldn't stop like just being like but I want you to know that i know that and it was just never going anywhere and then i just for a second i'm reading this book called the pursuit of happiness or the art of happiness by the dalai lama and i was like wait a second let me just take my ego out of this and see what it looks like. Like, let me just do an experiment. She was like talking to me about like what her perception of me doing music was and like

trying to explain her side of things. And while she was talking, I just kind of drifted off and was like, what is this conversation with my ego not involved with me not being like, but I want her to understand that I'm not this without me being like, what are people going to say? And honestly, the conversation is moot. to understand that I'm not this without me being like what are people gonna say and honestly the conversation is moot it doesn't matter because what she was coming with of I'm worried about people thinking one thing about you when you've just like it's kind of my mom's concern of when I was in the gay straight alliance in high school and she was like people are gonna think you're gay

and I'm like but and I almost want I wanted to be gay in high school because I wanted to be something that my mom would be like I could prove that she didn't want me to do this thing that's just who I am you know like it just because when you're gay I knew that it was just who you are and I knew that she would have a problem with it but she always said her problem was I don't want other people be judging you which is a lot of parents who accept their gay kids say that but that bothered me because it was always like well i'm but this person was explaining to me nikki i just want to protect i don't if you want to do what you do and not care what people say i don't care what people say about you i know where you're coming from with this i don't want i know how sensitive you are when people talk shit about you i don't want to have to i don't want to see you go through the pain of people misinterpreting what you're doing

and thinking you think you're cool or whatever. And I was like, wow, if I take my... That's all their ego. That's all their worrying about me. Their worrying about me is not even my issue. If you take your ego out of things, which is just this new experiment I'm doing, because ego is hard to even understand what it is. It's just a sense of self.

It's just thinking that you're an individual who when you're not really, you're just a big mass of cells that's going to die someday. Sorry. And you may have a soul, but yourself is just of it's just an illusion. And so when you take that away and you go, what would I feel right now if I didn't, if I really, if there was no stake in this for me of what people thought, what would I do? How would I act? And it's like, I don't know. It was almost like an exorcism. And I was like, this conversation's over. This is all about my ego. I'm being sensitive because I want people to be nice to me but i also want them to understand that i don't think i'm cool and i it's just all it's all ego and i really want to

free myself of that because it's just yeah but any argument we've ever gotten in the second you and i just say would set aside our egos it would be be done. It would be done. It literally, it makes everything cease to, any argument cease to exist. Putin, fucking Trump, anyone who argues with anything, it's all about ego. You're taking from me, you're making me look bad. And it's like, but if you like yourself, no one can make you look bad.

I guess the flip side of that is like, can ego protect you from like, I don't know, putting out things like for me, like sometimes I don't have any ego, so I'll just put out anything, you know? So like, I guess the flip side of that is like, do I put out shit when it's not good enough to where I could even make it because i have no ego in regards to that like there's a line i think between right like where i get mad at you putting something out too soon where i'm like oh if you just like tweaked it a little bit it would be amazing and you're just rushing it so maybe have a little bit more ego of thinking what people

are going to think that's interesting so but my point like yeah so with your music it's like also it's like people are putting uh doing something outside of whatever their thing is their fear of that yes they're putting that on you on you and if you don't because last night i was telling her i was like i'm okay people can say nikki thinks she's sweet she thinks she sounds good. I know that I don't. I know that I think I sound good for a year in. I think that's getting ahead of it though too where it's like, I don't think you think you sound like shit. No, I think I think I sound good for a year in.

I do. I think I have a lot of promise. If I was a 12-year-old girl that was playing guitar for a year and was singing the way I do, I would say, you have a future in this, girl. If you really work hard, you have a future in this. As if you really work hard you have a future in this as a 37 year old woman there's no one like everyone who listens to me is going to compare me to another 37 year old woman who's been doing

music because people don't start things like this when they're 37 so there's no context for it and that's why i continue to contextualize it every time i present it so that people know i don't want you to compare me to Taylor Swift or fucking anyone. I have a lot to say about this. Let me just, we'll come back. And I want to talk about ego when I come back. What about Columbine though? We'll get to that as well. But I want to talk about ego. I had a realization recently. Let's go to break. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel.

Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth.

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Council. What I'm saying is that I, for music, I struggle and know what maybe i like your insight on this too i'm struggling with when i so my my friend was telling me like this family friend was like of concern about me looking stupid with my music or me me feeling stupid they they don't think i look stupid they're worried that people are gonna say mean things like they did with the bob saget thing and she saw how that made me sad like how they like made fun of me and made me a little sad and angry and want to act out and respond to it and she just didn't like seeing that it made me sad and so she's looking out for me in the future if i ever release something

to get ahead of that and i've just you know received a bunch of tracks that i recorded in January with Anya and Matt that I worked like a week on and it was just for fun I even made sure that they knew I was maybe never going to release these because I just want to see what happens and the thing I'm struggling with is when I started in stand-up because she was telling me well when you started at stand-up you weren't like putting this stuff out there all the time and to be honest with you when i started in stand-up i was not like other stand-ups and i'm i'm gonna say i was i've never met another stand-up that was like me and did not accept guest sets early on never asked people to come see her never asked friends to come see her would never put a clip online wouldn't dare like wouldn't audition for things

because I didn't think I was good because I knew it takes seven years to get good. I read the books. I listened to the podcast. I knew the rules. No one's going to avoid that. But then I auditioned for Last Comic Standing because, and I know this sounds like,

yeah, right. I wanted to go on a trip with my friends. They got a van. We're going to go to, and all I wanted was to audition because I had been doing it a year and a half. And I wanted them go on a trip with my friends. They got a van. We're going to go to, and all I wanted was to audition because I had been doing it a year and a half. And I wanted them to say, you show a lot of promise,

but you're too young. Because I knew there's no way I should belong on Last Comic Standing. But I didn't, you can ask any of the guys I went with. I did not want to audition. I fought it. There were guys that,

you know, along my career, I got asked to do guest sets for so many headliners who probably did want to bang me but also did think I was funny and I turned down guest sets all the time which is unheard of but and it's not a good thing I'm not saying that's a good thing I've just always felt I wasn't good enough until I just wait and when I remember when I got last comic standing when I got I went I auditioned I got a little cocky on stage because I did have a good set I heard the two judges go Nikki you're good but

you're just not ready for this show and I lied about I said I'd doing two years I'd been doing it one and they're like it's just not long enough and I was walking off the stage and one of the other judges said to the other man I really like her and the other one goes well I could be convinced and I ran back on stage I said can I do one more joke because the truth was i didn't get all my jokes in and i knew i had one joke and i knew it'd be a funny i don't know what so i did get cocky in that one moment and i went back up and i went and made it to the night show then at the night show i probably told the story before but it's worth repeating because it's fucking insane. I go to the night show. I am.

So everyone that waited in line in Chicago in 2006, you know, hundreds of comedians, if not thousands. The night show was just 30, 25 to 30. And none of the guys that I went in my van with who were always all better than me at that time, without question, they none of them made it. Maybe one did. And we all go to the night show and then only three people are chosen and it's me john roy and jerry d and on the night show was jimmy pardo who was like they were following him around with cameras all day all night like he was clearly the one that they were like he's the big guy and jimmy pardo's

one of the funniest people that's ever existed and And it was so at this time. I'd been doing comedy for probably 15 years at that point. And it was so fucking embarrassing. Because I knew I sucked and I was getting ahead of Jimmy Pardo. It's not like I was good for how long I'd been doing it. But that's not what that show's about. It's not like American or, you know, like Last Comic standing who's been who's good for how long they've been doing it. And I remember, though, when I got the ticket to go to California to like, you're going to Hollywood. Oh, my God, it was so awkward.

That's a whole other story that I'm saving for my book of like that night and how embarrassing it was to go upstairs and see everyone that didn't make it. And they saw this girl who's been doing it a year who clearly sucked didn't even know how to stay in the spotlight on stage like no skills and how embarrassing that was and what happened in that whole thing which jimmy parto and i have had like a tumble like it i've always been a huge fan of his and i was so scared of him for a while because i thought he hated me because i got this whole thing happened backstage but i love him so so so much now um and always did anyway i remember calling tommy john again when i got back to ku and i was like i'm going what oh what do you mean oh tony john again if you don't know who tommy john again is he's

yeah honestly he's john mulaney funny yeah like. Like, he and John Mulaney, they were slightly doing it probably a year longer than me, and they were always the ones that were like, Jesus Christ, this guy. Aziz had been doing it probably three or four years. But there's got to be a percentage of you that thinks that you do deserve it. No. No, but here's what I did. Or that you wanted to get it. No, I promise you, all I wanted was them to say good job the this is like so what do you want from music but let me

just finish the story so tommy john again i called i remember i was walking into dillon's in lawrence kansas to go get like some fucking anorexic food and i was walking in and i was on the phone i was like tommy i made it through and he is just so much better than me at this point and like was the guy that i like wanted to be as good as and i remember him saying nikki if i were you i wouldn't go you're just not like he's like literally with my set of skills like i wouldn't i wouldn't go to hollywood like i would turn it down it's just gonna be it's a too big of a platform and you're too young we both had a good enough self-awareness and i remember just being like but that's but do you turn that's why i get so mad when people are like this girl keeps getting all these things or this guy gets all these things noah you're frozen so we can't see you

this guy she got this stuff and it's, is she supposed to turn it down? If the industry is handing you things, even when you don't ask for them, are you supposed to turn it down? And so my question is, is that when I'm making music, I could go to open mics and wear a wig and go as someone else and start totally fresh, but when I have my best friends

who have been doing music for 25 plus years and they write songs for me and wanna go record them for me and I have the extra money and the free weekend to go make some music in a studio, even though I know I'm really bad, do I turn that down? And if I get a final product that sounds like,

wow, this is like, it's like painting with monet's paints but you've just started painting are you supposed to go i'm not allowed to use monet's paints i'm i'm bad so i'm gonna use crayon crayons sorry no am i supposed to turn that stuff down and if i have those recordings and everything except my voice sounds great and maybe my voice sounds c on a terms of the stuff sounding like an a am i supposed to not put that out because i haven't discovered my true voice or do i get to put things because young comics put things out all the time on tiktok and get millions of views and they're at the shitty open mic their stage presence is terrible their outfit bad. Their jokes are way worse than they think.

And I go, oh, don't do this. This is how we're going to remember you. Or do I just say, fuck it. I think this sounds good. A couple people I ran this by sounds good enough. I'm trying this for the first time. I know you're going to make fun of me. Here we go.

There's no way for me to do this the same way I approach stand-up is what I'm saying. There's no grassroots for me to do except I am performing just for besties on my Instagram. I'm not asking like my comedy fans to like watch me. I continually tell the besties if anyone ever goes, where's the comedy? I kick them out of the room because I'm like, this is for people who know what I'm doing. So I just I don't want to be that person that everyone's like nikki's going crazy and like we need to have an intervention that she thinks she's sweet i just what am i supposed to do with these recordings i think the bob saget song and like the idea of him dying and then putting out a song is a completely different thing than just like no that was that was a thing that I never planned unless he died.

I would have never released that. No, I understand, but I'm saying that people's perception. Right, which I'm over that. I don't care at all. But I'm saying, though, if the woman is coming to you, whoever, his family friend, and is comparing the two, it's a different thing. That's my point.

My point is, is the Bob Saget thing. No, I'm talking about new recordings that like might not be great. I understand that. But that's not the same thing as putting out a song after someone dies. And from the outside looking in can be seen as like, what is it? I don't understand this. Right. Because it was so out of left field.

Well, let's just talk about me with the song, new songs. But I'm saying that. So put that aside. But I'm saying that's why that woman was doing that. Because of the hate you got for that. Yes. I don't think you'll get

as much hate if you're like, hey, here's a self-recorded song that I, it's two different things. But do you feel that way about like doing new stuff?

Do you see what I'm saying though? I do, that's why I'm saying it is a new thing. So I'm saying like, so you're right, like the fear that they have of me getting the backlash

is not gonna be the same. You're not gonna get it from fucking putting out fucking. That's that they have of me getting the backlash is not going to be the same. You're not going to get it from fucking putting out fucking. That's so funny because I thought that the backlash would be less because this was motivated by a real emotion as opposed to just me being like, the beach was warm on a Sunday night. Like, you know what I mean? I know. In your mind, you would think, oh, no, this is just emotion. I'm sorry to go off so much.

I'm just having trouble making, having these people understand. Okay, so. Please. I have to, I'm going to say something a little bit different than what you're saying. And I think if you approach it as, this person came to me. If you just try to see it through this person's perspective, maybe she knows that you care a lot about what people think of you and that's why she came to you.

Now, aside from that, I think sometimes we have a tendency to create these monsters, is what I call them, where we give a lot of meaning and like a narrative to something that doesn't quite exist, but maybe we just give too much to it,

like the negative comments and all of that. I think it's just like a monster that we create. It's not an actual thing that exists. And I would tell you to read that Feeling Good book because I think you're having a lot of mental distortions about singing and what you're having a lot of mental distortions about singing. And what you're doing is like, he has five in there.

And I just looked up mental filter, which is you pick out a negative detail in any situation and dwell on it exclusively, thus perceiving that whole situation as negative. Right. and dwell on it exclusively, thus perceiving that whole situation as negative. Right, so you take a detail and then you blow this little balloon that was in a packet of balloons and now you think all of these little balloons

when they come in a packet are just the same size and then you blow up one and that's the only one you're seeing out of all those balloons. And I think it's becoming the whole thing. Yeah, that's classic CBT. And there's so many apps that help you do this now that I get marketed all the time

because they know I do this. I think you're right. And then, Noah, I think what... Okay, yeah. I was going to say one last thing. This was an article that we had in the news that Andrew never got to. And I wish that you would have seen it.

It was about Bono. Oh, wow, calling on my new stuff. Okay. Uh-huh. Wow. It was about it was about oh yeah bono said that his stuff is trash right like he says that he can't even listen to the first joe feels that way too like the first like i don't know how many albums that you two put out he said i hated my voice then i love my voice now i can't even go back and listen to it. Yes. And that's the way I feel about my old standup. And,

but I do see it and I go, there's something there. And how cool that I get to see that my journey to becoming what I am now is online for other people who were starting out their journeys to see like, wow, she was not as good as she is now. Like what I used to love looking for, like Sarah Silverman Young,

like anyone young, because I knew that I shouldn't compare myself to them now, even though I was doing that. I just want to say one last thing, and then sorry to, thank you so much for letting me process this. I am paranoid about people, and this is the balloon thing.

This is the cognitive distortion. Ever since I was anorexic in high school and all my friends stopped talking to me and everyone talked about me behind my back they went to the school they went to the counselor i got pulled out of class and all of a sudden this thing that everyone was talking about and no one came to me about which was nikki you're not eating you are crazy to think that this is like a thing that's going to work for you. I eat music. Nikki is a crazy thing to think this is going to work for you.

Much like my diet back then. And we're not going to go to you about it because we don't want to like, it's too embarrassing to tell you that this is what we're noticing and that you're not seeing it. And you've, it's like, we're like all kind of worried about you. We're going to go to the top. We're going to come together and create an intervention where you're going to get pulled out of class

and all of us are still not going to talk to you about it afterwards. We're just going to... I'm just scared that there's a thing brewing where I don't... I just want to stay... I don't want to be one of those people at American Idol that's like... And then everyone's just like, Oh, honey, has no one ever told you this is terrible?

But it's not everyone. I don't want that because there are people who really enjoy. Music is subjective. Yeah, the music thing too. It's like how many albums, how many artists, the first album is the best album? I mean, Bono says that about himself yet i would say 95 percent of people know no no no but my point being is like it's like like number one like when these people hate their old shit you just hate your old shit because you were just

tired of your old shit millions of people love that yeah and i know that millions of people would like not millions but i know thousands of people would think yeah and i know that millions of people would like not millions but i know thousands of people would think the songs that i made are pretty damn good now this girl that confronted me might she just is like those songs i would never listen to them i don't like them they're not good to me and i said to this girl that and she was really scared to tell me that and i'm like she's like you sound fine but the songs are bad like not what i would like the songs for her yes i sent them to my family i got this feedback she's like i just don't like these songs and she thought that was that it took a really long time

to get to that part of the conversation she was so scared to tell me that and i go first of all i didn't write them i do i like these songs though and i i'm taking about as much offense to that as you telling me that you they're and my friend i go you know what that doesn't bother me at all because guess what my favorite song you hate and i had a prime example of one song that she like a you know a separate from me ever bringing up the song was like god you know what song i fucking hate that everyone loves and she said the song and i go that is so ironic that is my favorite one of my top 10 favorite songs so i don't care if people don't like my music i just don't want to be a tone deaf

like idiot that no one likes it but i do understand that like because they were like you know nikki if you put this out people are going to be like, people when they think of, you know, a adult, a 37-year-old pop star or someone who's trying to get into indie rock or whatever you're trying to do, they think of Taylor Swift. They think of Katy Perry and they're going to compare you to them. And I'm like, but what about Bob? I'm not comparing myself to Bob Dylan. Their voices and your voice isn't there. And I'm like, my voice is never going to be Katy Perry's. It's never going to be Taylor Swift's. It might be taylor swift's to be honest with you it's never

gonna be shakira's it's never gonna be gaga's it's gonna be liz fair it's gonna be you know uh bob dylan who doesn't sound good at all and you know i don't i this person was worried that they're gonna compare people are gonna compare me to lady gaga and be like she can't hit adele's notes or whatever it's like but i but you're doing it again music that you enjoy that it's not adele what you're doing it again where you're seeing people like everybody you can't but that was this how this was her saying yeah and i even said like yeah so i know that she doesn't know what someone five miles away from her who has a completely different life will think of your music and how they would hear your voice.

They might hear you as a Liz Phair, but they might also hear you as a Lady Gaga. You just don't know. Yes. The other thing, I mean, I'm not trying to be a dick, but it's like if you want someone to come up to you about your anorexia like right like you weren't were you putting out and it's not up to them to to be like i don't know what i want is

if i play a song for someone and they're like nikki this is this you have potential for a year in this is good that's all i want for a year in this is definitely like where you need to be but this i think you have so much before you put this out the way that i say about pictures that you put out you should edit it if i went up to you in high school and go look you're skinny now but if you stick with this you could be even skinnier yes that would have been cool no in high school that's a different story you know and i just think i get that but my point being is like, you know, I, if you can't, like people might think that you can't take criticism well because it's all,

it's not easy to tell someone. That's what I said at the end of my conversation. I said, well, you're right. Cause this person was like, if you get offended when people don't say the right thing or they say the wrong thing,

cause I'm like, I don't want you to go, Oh my God, Nikki, you should, you should release this. Now people are going to lose their fucking minds. I just want people to go, oh my God, Nikki, you should release this now. People are going to lose their fucking minds. I just want people to say for a year and this is good.

I need to contextualize it better and say, hey, I'm about to play this song for you. All I want to know is if I'm crazy that a year in this is decent. That's what I wanted. And I just need to give that so that that person or like, you know, in terms of like anorexia all i wanted was someone to go hey i'm a little bit worried about you and if we can't talk about this in a real way and you

are continuing to make excuses i'm gonna go to miss price well here's like you played those two songs for me when i was in that room it was a we could go it was a bad context that was my bad it was a bad it was just bad timing to play them we're listening to it on a phone where you can't even fucking this wasn't about that by the way i know but i'm just saying as someone that is a friend of yours who listens to your music who then feels like can i approach you in a way that tells you that this song not it's not doing it for me this song is yeah and I am honest with you about your voice. The other day, we sang the opening to your reality show.

Your voice sounded fucking fantastic. And your voice is really good. No, I know that you're capable of giving me good compliments. And if I feel like that it's not being utilized or your writing skills isn't being utilized or how the song is being played. And I know that these eight or nine songs that you made, that you spent time, you want these.

But no, no, no, I like that because i know that that that was a collaborative thing so my cognitive dissonance could or my my little gymnastics i can do is like okay everything you had wrong with it wasn't my fault or the things you had wrong with it are about me not just doing it long enough sure and that yeah the other day i realized me getting upset about you saying nothing was really my bad in not contextualizing the delivery of that in the moment in a way that you felt comfortable saying whatever you could say and that had nothing again ego so wrapped up in it needed to hear just that was pretty good that's like all i wanted but you didn't know that's all i wanted you thought that the bar was like you had to only say nice things and any

criticism that you had had to be you know squashed when really it was open for that and it really like but i just need to set it up so that people feel comfortable because as a boss as someone who is has a room of people that i'm employing i forget that they feel and i'm someone who can who can't like just shoot from the hip and just say hurtful things or not take things okay in one and i get defensive especially about my art it always comes back to me and my fucking ego and that's why i had to check it and like i realized last night because i was talking about that moment it not it didn't i shared that moment with um my friend and was like oh yeah like i there was a time i played these songs and you know andrew didn't say literally anything in that and then they said

well if he would have said something you would have said he shouldn't even say that we know what would be better if he said nothing and so he can't win. And I'm like, he has so fucking right. Whenever you say to someone, whenever you say to someone, like, why did they say that? And you have the line, they could have just said nothing.

Think about what hearing nothing would feel like because it did not feel good. But the truth is, you were not given the opportunity to say any you felt anything you said was going to be wrong so you chose to say nothing because i didn't allow for that and it was not it was not your fault it was not something that i'm glad that we talked about it and i felt so good as soon as like we exchanged texts about it. And I felt so fine about it. And I only brought it up later to share like what I had learned in my conversation

and with you is that that was my bad of not being the type of, and I'm working on this so much of like being someone that people can be honest with and not having them fear my response because it's just, I hate people like that man it sucks when you can't tell your friends how you really feel and I'm really I want to say to you and to like Noah and to like any of my friends listening or besties even I'm trying to get better with

criticism and honesty because I want to be someone who um and that's why I try to apologize when I do have those like fucking flip outs where you know when you're backed into a corner your fight or flight response thing just comes in sometimes and i just don't have a choice but to just get defensive and like you know sometimes i just really don't have a choice it's just like my anger takes over you know what i'm saying and the ego and i don't have a choice choice. What I do have a choice over, though, is acknowledging it as soon as I can. As soon as I have that fucking flush come over me of embarrassment of how I just acted. Taking that moment and not sticking to it and just saying, I'm embarrassed for how I just acted.

That's the hard part. On the flip side, people are aware of the situation. You're on a show, Perfect Strangers 2, where you're the lead actor, where you have to have confidence. You have to think what you're doing, whether you think it's great or whatever it is. You have to have,

you're standing in front of 100 fucking people. You have to have false confidence sometimes. You have to have that. And you have to have people around you kind of lying to you and building you up. But it does bring out good stuff. It really does really does it does but it can also do the we watch kanye like it yeah it can go out of control like i'm mitigating against becoming a kanye where i think everything i do is fucking brilliant and everyone has to always kiss my ass all the time and then i end up forgetting cootie's name at the grammy party yeah but but on the flip side of that the flip side of that is you don't need to apologize

for doing something that you enjoy. And you don't have to feel fucking sorry for it or feel like you have to fucking contextualize it for people that don't understand. Right. So it's a balance. It's the balance. But you know what?

It's also like, let's not make everything grandiose. It's like you're doing something. You're doing you enjoy i'm just doing something i enjoy and like same with you with golf like you might feel silly if you were to compete or like sign up for a tournament like what am i gonna do really i'm gonna do this but you know what it's fucking challenges are fun like chris is gonna play in a paddleball tournament this weekend and i'm so fucking excited that i get to go like cheer him on and i think a thing that in the end nothing matters and this thing is it is official but it's low level he's like you know i signed in as a like whatever level i'm probably not even that good but we'll see it's just makes raising the stakes a little bit and getting

thinking you might be good enough to actually compete whether it's with music whether it's with it's it's and maybe you'll fucking be so humiliated but at least you took a chance brené brown someone sent me this when i was talking about this very same thing about the bob saget thing someone sent me the brené brown quote of like that i saw her doing her netflix special i don't want i don't want any criticism from people who aren't playing in the same arena as me i'm putting myself in an arena of people the people that critique me unless you are putting yourself out there just as much as me and risking looking stupid shut the fuck up and essentially that was it like i don't want

criticism from people who are you know natashaere, I posted a joke of hers yesterday where she's in her standup. She's talking about like guys nowadays are sitting on the toilet going. I'd never fuck her. I never fuck her. You don't get to say whether you'd fuck her because you're on a toilet being a disgusting human that would never, you're not in her league. So you don't get to comment on that. You can all day,

but we don't have to, we don't have to have on that. You can all day, but we don't have to, we don't have to have our feelings hurt by that bullshit. And I'm truly, when I say all this stuff, I'm just kidding. Let's move on to the news. All of that.

All of it. I was just kidding the whole time. Noah, can we get one news story in? Yeah. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first.

What day is it, Andrew? It's Wednesday,nesday folks you know what that means it is wednesday we're coming live from you from the saint lou we're proud and we're having a good time falling asleep for a second i hope you're having all this i know it's been a long show i hope you're having all this wells because your boy is getting a little sleepy. You're in mourning over there with this. This outfit's cool, by the way. It was all an accident. It's cool as fuck.

It was all an accident. I almost want you to go, like, he's wearing, you gotta watch the YouTube back. How cool are these shoes, by the way? We're back in the studio, by the way, so the video's gonna be fucking legit. Do you love these? I love these.

Yeah, love. They almost look like Yeezys, kind of. They're called Nike Free Metcons, so the front is for running, the back is for still. Let's get to the news. Yeah, it's all black. All black everything.

How about I try to do the news? Noah's wearing a sweatshirt that they gave me two years ago that I love. It's so cute. I remember you wearing that. I fucking love it so much. And I'm wearing a Swifty sweatshirt. How about I do the news headlines rapid fire? You get one thing to say about it.

Yes. Okay. Okay. One sentence each yep all right pandemonium erupts at a theater as moviegoer releases a bat during a screening of robert pattinson's new batman film as part of a prank attempt um that makes me so upset because that poor fucking bat. I wish Tiger King was a movie because then it would be funnier to release a tiger. Yeah, okay, that's good. I was thinking Catwoman, but Catwoman really good.

I just hate any pranks involving a fucking animal and especially a bat who are so sensitive. Oh, that bat's going to probably get killed. Oh, already it's going to be killed. If it's manhandled enough to go into a movie theater. The bat wasn't killed?

The bat survived. It wins again. That's too much. It's too much anxiety into a movie theater. The bat wasn't killed? The bat survived. It wins again. That's too much. It's too much anxiety for a bat. I do want to see that movie. Bats are so sensitive. I know that about bats. I want to see that movie.

Well, they couldn't catch. But I'm wishing that bat a lot of luck. They couldn't catch the bat, so they offered the movie goers their money back, but they all decided, like, most of them decided to stay in the theater with the bat to finish the movie. Oh, that's cute. That's kind of cool. I love that. Okay, next headline. Well, some people are terrified of bats, though. Okay, next headline. Okay. F-Boy

Islands. Garrett Morosky says his passport showing Russia as his birthplace led to airport detention in Mexico. Wait, whoa, what? Yeah. I watched a video on TMZ. What was he doing?

Garrett says... Oh, yeah, I've seen him. He was in Mexico recently. I saw him... I wonder why. ...galavanting on Instagram. Wait, so Garrett from... So Garrett...

Garrett. ...it caused... Because he had a Russian passport, they're like, get out of here. His origin is Russian. And he looks terrifying. It's not a Russian. I think his stature.

But he is Russian. His origin is Russian. Yes, exactly. It says Russian on it. Was he like, did he talk like this when he said it? I fucking love Garrett so much. Interesting.

You know, I've heard about the Russian tea room that it's really struggling in New York City. Everyone should support Russian restaurants around town because let me be honest these as you know most russians are not supporting this war and are terrified of putin just as much as we are really everyone should be supporting russian owned businesses right now so much because so many people are doing the same thing that happened with fucking the china flu and not ordering from chinese restaurants when COVID happened.

Let's make up for the dumb-dumbs out there and order Russian things, including Garrett. Order all the oil and guns from Russia. No, any Russian restaurant, which I don't even know if Russian restaurants exist, but any Russian business, support them right now because if they're clearly identified as russian people are avoiding them right now to make some sort of statement he is afraid to immigrants that left russia to come here so they get it they don't like russia either i think i'm a little bit russian yeah don't come at me though and i love i love russians my best friend's russian anya okay next story. Ready? Great. Okay, we're doing great here. Research indicates that doing this daily habit could slash your risk of a deadly stroke by 48%.

Can you guess what it is? Daily habit. Masturbating. Taking aspirin. Close. Meditating every day. Oh, fuck. 48% of a massive stroke?

Yeah. Damn. I don't get these stats. I'm getting back into it, dude. I gotta get back into it. I don't understand. Because they look at people who've had massive strokes and they see whether or not they were practicing meditation

and then they look at people that didn't and they just look. That's easy. Yeah, but people that are unhealthy probably don't meditate exactly so there's other factors but but i want to say that that's pretty i've just never heard there i've actually heard of bad things about meditation some people can get kind of a psychosis from it so you got to watch out and most meditation apps and things of the sort have those kind of um you know warnings up front but i'm not meditating right now and it's definitely something that i'm getting to the point with all the things i'm talking about right now are me going like girl you know what you need to do you need to get back back in touch with yourself and what that means.

You need to calm down. You need to calm down. Damn. And not get a massive stroke. It's got to be insane to be meditating and then feel a stroke or anything like that. I mean, there's some Buddhists that know when their heart is going to stop. Yeah, they can control their heartbeat. So I guess the idea is if you're that mindful that you could actually somewhat control your brain to not have a stroke or could or just know

the signs of it feel its signs before you it happens but i think you're right people that meditate are usually eating healthier worried about breathing clean air those kinds of things yeah i've never heard a guy be like fuck freedom fries, and then be like, oh. Let's go to break and come back with the Estafarel game. On my fries, fried food. Andrew. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities.

I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early,

well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now plus you'll get special content just for podcast listeners like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's

top headlines listen on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts we want to speak out we want to awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy model. Lingerie, topless.

I said, yes, please. Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him.

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And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your tribe. With guests like Corinne Steffens. I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happened. And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off because the white said it was okay. Problem.

My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, and I called to ask how I was doing. She was like, oh dad, all they was doing was talking about your thing in class. I ruined my baby's first day of high school. And Slumflower. What turns me on is when a man sends me money. Like, I feel the moisture between my legs when a man sends me money i'm like oh my god it's go time you actually sent it

listen to the good mom's bad choices podcast every wednesday on the black effect podcast network the iheart radio app apple podcast or wherever you go to find your podcast all right we're back it's wednesday so we're doing a wild card wednesday noah um the game today is the esperel game um ester perel uh where should we begin i like that card is i like that in our text your um text came uh ester perez Esther Parcel yes Esther Perel or Purell hand sanitizer she has a game out where should we begin good for conversations just little prompts

one thing is going to be the sentence that we start with and the other thing will be what the sentence or story we tell is about right or like you know inspired by yep yes okay so the prompt card is share something off the record and then uh i missed the days when i could um okay that's great off the record something that you probably don't normally share with people that you maybe are a little bit closed off about okay um talk about i wish the days where i could miss the days i miss the days

where i could um well i'll say this is off the record because it's uh it sounds like gloating when you say this but i miss the days when i could begin a new hobby and like and do it in a way that you know i miss not i miss the days where um i miss the days where strangers didn't know who i was sometimes because it's it feels weird having strangers think they've got you figured out when you're like most people was that something you do is that what it was no it's off the record okay okay yeah I miss the days when I could go go about my life and and um I'm so grateful that i'm someone that strangers know because obviously i have this and but there are parts of me that miss the days when i could just do things and it was just my friends talking shit about me and at least they know me well enough and like that

they kind of have a right to do it i guess um but also i don't miss those days because i'm i get so much better stuff from not from not that so do you have one um i mean i'm just thinking it's not so much off the record yeah but just i literally miss the days where i could run freely without worrying about being hurt every three seconds i think it's really sad that's a good that my fucking hamstring tore that one time and i literally am like i don't think about it that much but when i do things tense up yeah well i just get sad thinking like oh i can't go out and play basketball without thinking that i'm gonna be like laying down on the ground fucking crying so if you can do those things remember just go do them.

Oh, my God. That's why I always take the stairs because old people say someday, not for the exercise, but someday you won't be able to go upstairs. Just do them now while you can. And I always think about that. But I think that with your hamstring thing, you're getting back in really good shape. You're an nba natural born athlete i think that the hamstring thing you only fucked it up last time when you were trying to

impress your girlfriend and like it was no but i fucked it up playing football i fucked it up two other times since then but it's always been when you know you shouldn't and you'd go a little hard so if you should but but that's what i miss oh you miss being able to just go hard whenever you when i know i shouldn't yeah when you know you shouldn't yeah without any worries there's something so much like i still remember like when i was a kid like i i lived really free until my parents divorced and i still like remember like i used to not i used to yeah. I was ahead of singing. I would sing.

I would fucking do like. I just was like confident with this. Like happy. Those things you can go back to. That's why I always tell smokers when they're like, I'm a smoker. It's like there was a time where you weren't a smoker. You can go back to that the same way that people think about death. It's like I'm scared to die.

And it's like, well, what were you before you were born?'s what's gonna happen again you've already done it yeah it's just gonna go back to a thing you can always go back to the way it was and i think that that's the beauty in growing older is that you kind of revert back to being a kid and your parents kind of like die you stop you get your own family you stop looking to them for stuff. But I miss the days when I didn't count calories or look at food as bad or good. That's what I miss. Do you remember the day where it changed? Yes. Because I remember the day because my parents divorced.

That's so interesting though. What was the day? One day you woke up and your brain changed. Yes. Forever. What was the day, like one day you woke up and your life, your brain changed. Yes. Forever. Well, it was a day where I remember Jamie Nash saying, you look so thin. What did you do? And I was like, what did I do?

I remember where I was sitting and I go, I didn't eat today because I was nervous about a boy, but I didn't know I didn't eat. I wasn't trying not to eat. And I was just like, huh, that felt really good hearing Jamie Nash who was my favorite person who I wanted to be more than anyone thought I looked cute and skinny and I was just like and I'm not blaming her you weren't not eating on purpose no it was

just because a boy that I liked so much liked finally was taking an interest in me and I got so nervous I was gonna kiss him it was my senior year I was just like didn't I always don't eat I get when I get nervous which is rarely happens now i lose my appetite and that day i it showed up like that because wild though this is like wild shit because a compliment and then i go what what what else can i do and then i started reading books and i started but i remember being in fourth

grade and seeing a plate of brownies that my mama just cooked and coming in from playing with my friends it was like probably nine o'clock and way or eight o'clock running in seeing the brownies having one after dinner and then wanting another and not doing it not because i wanted to lose weight i was already skinny child but because that's what women do women don't let themselves have two and i wanted to be i wanted to be a woman i also remember charlie poppelstein telling me he loved me at recess via michael olsen michael olsen came up to me was like he was in third grade he was a new student i was kind of a new student we were best friends and he was starting to act a little weird

and then one day michael olsen was like hey charlie loves you and i thought that michael olsen said that charlie said i had chubby legs don't ask me why but that's what i heard and i ran with it because i was so excited to be a woman who was like i'm fat and i remember my uh neighbor kate donahue coming to pick me up because she would pick up for my mom sometimes and she picked us up and i was sitting on the railroad track like tracks around the playground and I was just like crying and like trying to fake cry like a woman who feels fat does and she was like what's wrong Nick what's going on and I was like Michael Olsen told me that Charlie Babelstein said I had chubby legs and she goes get the fuck out of here get in the car I remember her being she didn't say

fuck but she was just like you're not getting to do that and i was just like damn it i got caught like it was almost like i had a fake id because i was just like the tiniest child but i did it because i wanted to be a woman not because i thought i was fat i thought that's what you do when you're a woman and that is fucked noah do you have one um the one that came to mind is i missed the days when i could go on like the we called it the ledge but it was the fire escape at my best friend's house when i was a kid and we would just go down to mr kim's grocery store and just buy like a bunch of snacks and we would just like sit on the fire escape and just eat them mr kim's where you hid yeah exactly as a child i used to love going to mr that sounds so fun so we just you know like do you miss the friends this was like

my hang and the it was i had one friend um that i made in third grade it was like a year into being in this country and she was my friend until like end of high school and and um i just like loved going to her house like her dad was a plumber and he had all these pipes everywhere and we would find like coins so we would do like just look for money to go down and get snacks and just like sit on the fire escape and i think i missed that because like i feel like today you couldn't do that you know they're like your parents would get fined or something like that. I guess I miss the days when I could be carefree, which is kind of like what you guys are saying.

Yeah, it's kind of like what we're all going to. You mean steal a plumber's savings? Let's all try to do something today that we... Noah just stole from a plumber his savings. Yeah, that's what she misses. Yeah, she misses being a thief of a plumber who's working hard, blue collar job, and Noah just takes his...

I miss snacks and friends too. And going in the creeks. Star crunch. The creeks for me were the fire escapes. Running through the creeks in my neighborhood and just going to places that as a kid now, or as an adult, you can't go hang out on the

rooftop or like sneak out the way like you can do all these things but like we don't so let's i don't know i want to do something today that my intuition is telling me don't do because that you don't do that anymore and but don't get physically hurt but like let's all do something and indulge a little bit in the way it was yeah climb a tree yeah they're not high honestly no i'm not even kidding like or like little things like that just explore your mom would go don't get off that find a stick make a pillow for it yeah make a pillow for it jump on the bed have your kids do it maybe your kids don't realize like certain things that i feel like a lot of kids, they're on their phones, they're playing games. That's a good idea.

Let's do something I used to do as a kid and see. They're like, no, this is dumb. My dad would probably get- Should we eat 45 Twinkies and then fucking be in a coma on the couch? And rub your cum on the carpet? Cum on the carpet. Well, this wasn't the funniest pod that we've done, but I really am grateful that I was able to get some, figure some things out.

So thank you both. Final thought today. Let's keep it, let's get back to your night. Let's end it. So can I talk about that thing that happened in Cabo? That was so funny. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Please.

Yeah. So Nikki was staying at a nice hotel and it had a great cool pool. But it had one of those day parties that you see in Vegas where like people are just listening to EDM and fucking eating Molly. It's so funny too. And just fucking just in the pool by themselves. Just feeling the beats, you know. The hotel I'm staying at was like a timeshare place for old people.

Then all of a sudden they put in one of these day pool, like day party clubs. And the whole time you're there, all throughout the day on the weekend, it's like oomph, oomph, oomph, oomph. Everywhere you go, the walls are shaking from this club. And then on the other side is Frank Sinatra, like fly me to the moon. All old people.

I was the youngest person staying there by decades. But everyone comes in for this. By a hundred years. No, I really was. It was hot shit. So it was so funny because you told me about it. We were in Cabo. Cabo is a place where you go for bachelor parties.

You go to fucking rage out, which in my 20s, I'd be at that fucking day party getting as drunk as possible, probably putting on another girl's bikini. I was shocked that you wanted to go. I just wanted to see. Yesini that you wanted to go i just wanted to see yes i just wanted to see it we got done one day early and i got we went back from the set yeah i went to eat my lunch i heard that and andrew we were gonna go read by the pool and i wrote andrew after he dropped me off and he went back to his hotel i go hey there's no reading going on because there's this fucking house party going on with like edm music and so i went into bed to go take my afternoon nap after scenes and he's texting me because you're decades younger than everyone yeah and he goes um i might come over

and see that and i was like that's hilarious like no way did i think you would ever have the balls to go to this thing alone because all you get really nervous around like hot young guys sometimes as I've seen. But you don't care at all. You went alone to this day park. You drove over back to my hotel. I just had to see it. I don't know why. I just felt like I had to like.

It was people watching that I haven't seen in so long. And I decided, you know what? I'm going to get out of bed and go too. Because Andrew had sold me on it. And I was like, I don't want to do this. I have a headache. But I got to see this. This is the last weekend we're gonna be in town so i go in it was like and i go oh yeah they go in they they they pat you down to see if you guns or knives or fucking i don't know nerds i don't whatever and then i go in and it's just it's

exactly what you think it's like the tower of babel it's just like hedonism like fucking just the end of the day too i mean this thing probably kicks off at 11 30 and now it's 3 30 it's probably shutting down around four yeah so i sit i i walk in and i'm like holy shit this is the best people watching i've seen in so long and nikki i text her i go you just got to see these fucking people and you're like is it send a pic. And I go, send a pic. And I go, I'll do you one better. I'm going to video this whole thing. He didn't say that. He just decided to.

So I was going to get a panorama view. So he's going to take the camera and just scan the debauchery he's watching. So I start scanning. And I'm scanning from left to right. Yes. And while I'm scanning, you look inside your camera or your phone and you don't see reality.

And you're looking at the whole party. You're not looking at individuals. Not at all. But as he's scanning, he perfectly lines up with this waitress

who is walking the same speed that he's decided to scan with. So you see in the video, you see her walk and then you see her slowly clock

that this guy has his phone up. And then you, just by coincidence, he's going the same speed of which she's walking in the same direction. And it looks like he's filming her. And you see her do like a double take. She has glasses on and I can feel her eyes. Oh, it's so good to do it slow motion. Oh, we got to post it. And then Andrew sends me this long thing of like, I was shooting this video, this all's like she caught me and then he went in what did what happened so tell us so i

fucking shoot the video and i see her in the thing and i don't understand i don't think that uh she's looking at me because i'm looking at my phone i'm just disconnected you're disconnected from things that happen when you're looking at your phone oh for sure so i see her staring at me and you already feel invisible because you're the oldest guy yeah and i'm drinking a diet coke wearing like overalls like i shouldn't even be in there like i'm fucking like i just shit my depends like there's no reason for me to be in there you're just there checking out a timeshare i'm filming her and i see her looking and then it hits me oh my god she thinks i'm a creep like i'm like she thinks i'm a creep i'm not'm like, she thinks I'm a creep.

I'm not a creep. I'm just here to people. I'm just showing my friend the whole thing. You see the camera jostle like he got shot and then it cuts out like Blair Witch.

Like what the hell just happened? Lo siento. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. She's like, why would you? She's like,

let me see the, let me see the video. She asked me to see the video. I go, it's fine. You'll see, once you see the video, you'll realize it's not that big of a deal.

The video couldn't be any more guilty. It's so clear he's filming her. It's pretty much zoomed in on her fucking ass. So then he shows her the text exchange between him and I to prove that I had asked for a pic, which did that suffice for her? It's sufficed enough where she was actually somewhat cool about it. But like the feeling of feeling like a creep oh god and being called out men is their biggest fear is being a creep oh my god because so many of you have creepy thoughts that i think that someone's seeing inside it even for a second

or miss misidentifying you as a creep is the biggest fear like it's a lot of like times women might feel that way when we are like, for me, when someone thinks that I, um, that I think I'm cool or something where I'm like, no, that's the opposite of what I think.

Like, it's just like, or like if you, someone thinks you stole something and I'm like, no, I used to steal like, yeah, from some change from a plumber to buy some hot Takis or barbecue chips i love that noah's childhood is

like bronx tale it's literally like hey arnold she was like a character on hey arnold yeah she was just running around you kind of look like a cartoon character a beautiful one no there's so many times this week nice caveat no it's i want to say that when you get told you're wallace and gromit like i have it's offends you but um but there are so many times since we were doing the podcast and this was not me shitting on myself i would see your face in the screen of us three and i would think it was me for a second because it's we have the same like kind of makeup style and hair and you're wearing some of my clothes and i would think for a second oh my god i look great today and then that second later it would be like oh that's noah and then i would

go wait no you look great too but i was like there was always this like oh wow and like i thought they're um so i just want to tell you that you're pretty thank you that's so sweet but in a cartoon way and you are you're really great at your job. And I'm adorable. And Andrew is actually not actually funny. He's just funny. Oh, nice. Very nice.

And smart. Nice save. All right, guys. We got to go. Yes, and smart. Very smart. Thank you guys for listening. We'll have a fun show tomorrow to round it out.

We'll keep it really light and giggly. Thank you for being there for us and being fans. And I love you so much. Don't be cool out there. And Jack Nicklaus. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your

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returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. You are cordially invited to the hottest party in professional sports.

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Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Woman sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions,

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That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling

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