The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #189 Trace Evidence
Episode Date: March 11, 2022Nikki can hear clearly now, but only on one side. Andrew has a proudest moment while losing his hearing at a rap concert back in the day. They didn't know it but Nikki has a HUGE announcement, Besties... get first dibs on hearing it. They discuss times they thought they would be murdered, sexy secrets and pandemic TV. You Heard It Here First, ham drop...ped dead, Britney saved herself and a new softer combat sport. On Fanthrax Besties react to a controversial Fboy Island moment, tell a story about a mispronunciation and react to a co'uhl invitation. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer.
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people my people what's up this is quest Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme.
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The Nikki Glaser Podcast.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
The Nikki Glaser Podcast.
Here's Nikki.
Hello, here I am.
It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast.
How's everyone doing out there?
I was, sorry, I was running to the mic
because I was trying to turn down.
Was that loud for you, Andrew?
Uh-uh.
Sometimes, I just recently cleaned up my ear ear both of them
one i didn't do that you gotta you gotta leave in the drops for too long my assistant jen got me
these like ear uh drops no they're drops and then you let them then they break down all the earwax
because it's not good to like send things in there.
All these TikTokers, like all these like pimple popper videos
have those ear things where they like go in and scrape ears.
You shouldn't be doing that yourself.
A doctor should do that.
And so I did one ear and it really was good,
but you got to leave it in for 20 minutes.
And I was like, I don't want to, I just want to go to bed.
So I'm hearing really crisply out of one.
I don't understand people that can go to concerts.
And what?
Just in general?
When I went to Kanye in 2017,
it was so ungodly loud.
Everyone in that stadium got severe damage to their ears,
no matter what.
Tentenitis or whatever?
I seemed like such an idiot,
but I was holding my ears the whole time.
I don't know why I didn't think
to put in like little,
you know,
paper towels or something.
But yeah,
we're doing severe,
like Dave Grohl said he was deaf recently.
He's essentially deaf
because of just,
you know.
Makes sense after hearing his music.
Shots fired, Foo Fighters.
Shots Foo Fighters.
New Fighters, if you ask me.
Never mind.
I went to a concert one time, like rap concerts especially,
where it was DMX, Eve.
Remember Eve?
Oh, yeah.
She had claws on her tits.
Yeah, on her tits.
Yeah.
She ended up having a nice TV career.
She cut it all off.
Now she looks like Eve.
Really?
Gay Noah.
Eve news over here.
Whoa.
Evening news.
You heard it here first.
Oh, my God.
How do you know that?
And Eve seemed like she was in her 30s back then, but she's probably early 20s.
But she just seemed so much older back then.
She seemed like she held her own, like someone that's established for 40 years.
How old is she now?
She's definitely got to be 40-something, and she just had a baby.
I like it.
I like it a lot.
And then it was also Cash Money Millionaires, which was, you know, they sang Back That Ass Up, you know know the song that i love no i've never heard
just kidding yes yeah so it was little wayne and then like three other guys and so me and three of
my white fraternity brothers show up in new orleans and we're the only white people in this
whole crowd yeah and they go uh you could have second row right here like we just showed up
they're like yeah second row right here 40 bucks each we're like what the fuck this is like is this like a privileged thing like is it
like reverse like uh like so what was the catch the catch was we were right next to the speakers
and the bass hits and dude i swear to god i thought i was gonna like combust like i really
did think i'm that this is how people...
That's always the feeling you have anyway.
Yeah, yeah.
Now imagine...
Your head's going to explode.
Now imagine being inside a woofer.
I mean, I just worry for everyone that doesn't...
I just look around myself and I'm like,
how do these people not have earplugs in?
I know that's such an old person thing to worry about,
but even fire trucks going by, I'm just like, good God.
There's so much noise.
I mean, it was great.
It's hard to get.
It was too close to be this.
But I did the girl that won the Back That Ass Up contest.
Oh, so they brought people on stage?
Yeah, to just dance.
Was she next to you?
She fought her way, because we were second row.
She started grinding with me to get closer to the stage. She started grinding with me to get closer to the stage.
Like, she was using my penis to get closer to the stage.
Oh.
And she had tats all, like, look like Eve times, you know, four and a half.
She won?
And she won.
She got called up.
You're so proud that the girl that grinded on you won?
Yeah, I think.
There was a little bit of pride?
A little bit.
A little bit.
Do you think that girl's still talking about that to this day?
I think she's probably dead.
Or was it Casey Anthony?
It was Casey Anthony.
She just killed her baby.
She went blackface and won the contest.
When they were doing the back the ass up, was it twerking?
Because twerking, I feel like, came.
I mean, I'm sure twerking's been around forever,
but what kind of dancing was it?
It was...
And is it their only song?
No, they had a couple others.
Then Big Timers had Get Your Roll On.
They had a couple things.
But I just think it's so funny to be so hardcore
and go to these shows and be like,
just listening to this loud music,
and then you're 27, and you're like,
huh?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You think you're so cool not wearing earplugs but
then you're gonna be someone that can't hear anything do you ever talk to people who are deaf
like old people who don't hear yeah my aunt nancy can't hear yeah without my dad their implants
yeah uh your dad can't hear noah oh he can't hear a thing oh do you do you have to scream at him or just um
do you several times i have to like every time i say something i have to say it several times
does he have hearing aids that's not no he refuses he refuses to get here ridiculous
wait he refuses hearing but a lot of times people that don't want to admit that they're losing their hearing just get by by going like, uh-huh.
He has a bunch of, first of all, his phone is on the loudest.
And he constantly gets phone calls.
He turns his radio on in the car really, really loud.
He has the police radar detector.
So that goes off.
There's all these beeping sounds.
And he's just driving with all
that noise can't hear it doesn't bother him yeah it's um it's supposed to be it's hard getting
older and admitting that you need help in ways that you didn't before like i always get so mad
at my parents and i'm like mom if you pass away because you needed to hang this wreath on your own and couldn't
ask someone else or even hire someone to come by and do this stuff.
If dad dies,
cause he has to clean a gutter for you and he falls off a ladder.
If that's the way he loses his life,
that's embarrassing because you didn't want to spend $40 paying a handyman to
come do that for you.
Like it's just these little,
but I don't know what it's like to have to give up
things that were so easy for you
to once do. You can't sprint
for fun anymore.
You can't sprint for fun.
With my Aunt Nancy, we laugh about it.
Which I think, if you can joke
with your mom about hanging a
wreath on her own, maybe she'll hire
someone. I don't know. My Aunt Nancy, it's'll hire someone. You know, like, I don't know.
Like, my Aunt Nancy, like, it's like,
we don't, like, go, oh, she can't.
Yes.
Oh, my God, she can't.
Well, that'd be really funny.
It'd be easy to talk about her behind her back.
You could do it in front of her back.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, in front of her back.
You just can talk like this.
You just do the, uh, Teeter Tarker.
This is what we do we go teeter
parker i love you i'll mouth to her while you tell her to go fuck herself right next to me
yes so i'll be like i love you and you're saying fuck you aunt nancy yes yeah she'll never know
and she'll never ever i mean the other day speaking of not being able to hear the other day you bare borrowed my airpods
oh these things you didn't understand because i've been saying these new airpod pros when you
have the noise canceling on and you have just even fucking jack johnson playing you are you can't hear
anything it's dangerous how the noise cancellation it's awesome i was just brushing my teeth and i
forgot i had them or what what was i doing in there i was doing something that i could hear
i was putting on my makeup and i could hear it go like like on my face like the brush is hitting it
in a way that i'm like oh my my head is like a subwoofer because it's the outside world is so
quiet the only sound that can get in is from inside the house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're dancing yourself.
Yeah.
Wait, yeah.
I remember putting it on.
You could hear, I could hear this on the airplane.
You really get freaked out.
Yeah, you could hear your own voice on an airplane.
They're amazing.
But I was sitting next to Andrew and I was trying to talk to him and he was not answering.
No, I could hear you.
No, I knew you couldn't because you didn't even twitch.
I didn't even twitch.
You didn't even do your normal twitch.
You didn't do your like, oh, Jesus, like flinching when I say something.
No, it is crazy.
I mean, it makes the airplane way, I mean.
And now I, because I used to walk around the house all the time and you would talk to me
and I would try to explain to you like when I have these in, there's no getting through.
When I would nap in the green room on Perfect on perfect strangers i would have them in and have white noise i'm not joking you tsunami warnings could have gone off and i would not hear i would
sleep through and you could have been screaming nikki we hate you to your face and i know you
were that's what we were doing i wasn't oh i was screaming this other thing no no not that either
okay so what what are you going to make?
Nothing.
Oh, I just took them all from you.
No.
Stole your toolbox.
We actually left the room and we're drawing pictures of you fucking ugly face.
There we go.
Got her.
Got me.
I love this outfit, by the way.
You look like a break dancer.
I want to see you.
I'm out of clothes.
This is when clothes start getting cool is when I'm out of clothes.
I'm wearing pink
leggings.
You could be like,
yo, back up. Everyone, back up.
Back up, back up.
Start a circle.
I look like I was
in ditties making the band.
You know the ones that the woman that would come in
and train them to dance
like an older dance choreographer yeah you know there's like the older women that just like can't
really do backup anymore but they just you still dress you danced on like janet jackson in the 80s
she knows everything and you're like rhythm is a dancer it's a song and prancer. Yeah, I'm wearing the hat. Let me see your bed.
My sweatshirt is literally a mock turtleneck sweatshirt from the 80s.
I'm not going to dance for you.
No, no.
Just do the robot.
Just a little like.
Yeah.
Wait, what's the one where you like knock your hand and it goes like around like that?
No, thanks.
I'm in a chair. no thanks i'm in a chair
huh i'm in a chair you could still have fun in a chair a lot of people do fun in a chair i don't
feel like moving i don't feel like moving today i moved so much yesterday oh my god you go i ran
four miles for the first time in a while and it's just i just moved it was just enough movement it
was probably more steps than i got in all of my time in Mexico.
So I moved out.
Where did you run?
Outside?
Yeah, I did a little of my regular loop.
I stick to a thing.
I like when I start running on a certain place, I want to do that run every time,
and I don't deviate nearly at all.
It's a perfect four-mile loop.
It takes me right back.
When I loop around, I have about a uh a half a mile walk back to cool down and just like be on my phone and catch up on stuff that you can't really now why is that
so you can compete against old time so you know yeah and just because i know i can predict like
okay this i once i reach this part it's just home smooth sailing there's always a downhill here the
uphill is coming here it's's just what I know.
I just like what I know.
It's weird to live a life where every weekend I'm in a new place
because I really do like just, what's it called, routine.
Yeah, I feel like you could stick to a routine in another place
as much as you can.
Outside running really gets me in another place.
I have certain runs and there are certain cities where I know exactly where to go because I've already established a run because I was there over a long weekend or something.
But it's scary because when you run four miles, you run two miles, you can end up in a part of town that is so not where you want to be.
Yeah.
You can't.
There's a lot of times there's just no one else is running and you're on some kind of like stretch of highway that gets like kind of gnarly
and you can't – or you have to like stop a lot at streets,
like at stop signs or stoplights and like running in place.
I'd rather get hit by a car than like bounce in place to keep my heart rate up.
It's so humiliating.
I hate it.
I love those people that fucking – they they put their hand on their
neck to act like they're like getting oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah what is that no no no nothing
i i what but i i was struggling yesterday because i don't have any music right now that i'm really
loving running to the part of town that isn't like it's so funny because you can stop at any
second like it's just such a you can stop at any second.
Like, it's just such a funny thing.
I've been like making a murderer territory quickly.
One day I went for a run somewhere
and I was like in an abandoned car lot.
And I was like, this is the setting of
the murder documentary.
Right?
No, there's been so many places where it's just like,
I'm on the set of the documentary about myself
where it all ends.
Where they find my body in one of those barrels
in bone fragments.
She went for a run at 2 p.m.
Yeah.
Around 2.18.
She didn't show up for a show that night.
They thought she might be sleeping
because she tended to take depression naps.
They did a wellness check
and thought they might find her asleep in bed.
She was nowhere to be seen.
But there were... 2.8 miles away from the hotel. She was nowhere to be seen. But there were...
2.8 miles away from the hotel.
She was found in a ravine.
We checked her Nike Run app.
And she seemed to lose...
Her mileage went down around Joe's car lot.
We actually know exactly where she is.
Yeah.
Oh, it'd be pinging off the fucking towers.
They'd locate me.
They'd show up.
Yeah, I just think though
sometimes if I get attacked
on a run,
I'll die doing what I loved
which is listening to Taylor Swift
and I've talked about that before.
Yeah.
That I wouldn't.
What song would you want
to be brutally murdered to?
I don't,
that's a good question.
Probably like Cardigan.
Hell yeah.
Like.
It's a good beat. Yeah. Cardigan. Hell yeah. It's a good beat. Yeah.
Like at the last chorus where it's,
I knew you hanging on the last train.
Mark me like a bloodstain.
Oh, perfect.
Bloodstain?
I knew you tried to change the ending.
Peter losing Wendy.
I knew you leaving like a father.
Stab, stab knew you. Leaving like a father, stab, stab, daughter.
When you are young, they assume you know nothing.
Yeah, because it just keeps going.
And I'd be like, wow.
You know, I like to do everything in my life to like a soundtrack and kind of pretend I'm in a movie. So that would be, I would kind of see that shot Scorsese style.
For sure.
You know.
If I ever see you get brutally murdered, I'll grab a red camera.
I won't just use my phone.
Thank you.
Yeah.
It's the nicest thing.
And you know what songs I want at my funeral.
I do.
Well, you just go to my Spotify funeral playlist.
Why do you have it dated?
It's weird.
It's weird that you don't get to.
Like if I could choose. I know that's really morbid. I would choose what I was born to, but you don't get to like if i could choose i know that's really
morbid i would choose what i was born to but i didn't get to choose that i'm not trying to be
morbid there's only i don't know i'm gonna get married all i know is i'm gonna die the only
thing you're guaranteed in life is dying and i wanna i wanna go out to some cool songs i don't
know what i would want to go out what about like your song that you would listen to while you were
dying let's say not being brutally murdered, but passing away.
I mean, I think the most amazing thing would be to get,
if I got brutally murdered, it would be A Great Day to Be Alive
by Trace, not Trace Adkins.
I can't remember his name.
Trace Evidence.
Trace Evidence.
Underneath your fingernails.
Don't bother.
Oh, wait, you don't have any fingernails.
If they tried to do forensics on you after you maybe struggled they'd be like there's no scratch marks on the perpetrator
there would be no signs of like you defending yourself we scraped his fingernails and we
couldn't get a utensil in there they were so how are those fingernails doing you were doing good
on for a while on those now i'm back'm back. I'm back to biting them.
You know, this guy doesn't want...
Whoever murders me, just do you.
I don't want you to get caught.
I'll bite my nails for you.
You don't want them to get caught?
I don't know.
Who cares?
I just don't want other people...
I want them to get caught so that other people...
And so that my parents have closure.
Yeah.
I mean, I want them to kill probably three or four more people
just so it's like a cool story. Oh, so you can be like one of the victims of like a serial killer but not too
many where i'm just like a number yeah because if if it's just one murder the guy doesn't get a lot
of press yes but if it's serial killer boom you got i could have my own chapter on netflix
oh he found the guy your episode two eating chick-fil-a in his car alone listening to fucking
nor jones have you ever thought you were gonna be murdered like legitimately murdered by someone
well i told you that one guy was calling and pranking me so i started sleeping with a knife
under my bed oh yeah that's that's but like in the moment though have you ever thought i'm about
to get murdered yes in new orleans speaking of uh of New Orleans, I was there with my buddy Seth that was on the podcast.
Yeah.
And my buddy Glenn.
And we were leaving a restaurant and it was like 1130 in the morning.
You don't think you're going to get murdered.
There's a certain window when a murder should happen.
I bet you most murders do not happen between the hour.
Yeah.
Not for brunch.
No.
McDonald's just started. Oh, well, I guess they're not serving between the hour like yeah not for brunch no mcdonald's has just started
oh well i guess they're not serving breakfast anymore but yeah they don't serve breakfast at
all if the hash browns are still being put away yeah mcdonald's you're not getting murdered you're
either gonna get no one's waking up and murdering you might get murdered by a guy that was still
awake from the night for the night last nine nights you know it's almost when you'd want to murder them because you just think that like cops are just like changing shifts yeah yeah do you know columbine
the kids set off a bomb this is not the columbine teaser i was gonna say before but do you know that
they set off a bomb yeah across town so that everyone would be distracted by it oh across town
so all the cops would go check on that bomb
and they would have all the cop activity there
so it would take longer to get to the school.
A smoke screen.
Yeah.
A red herring.
No, it's not even...
I don't think it's either of those things.
A smoke herring?
Yeah, a smoke herring.
Wait, what were we talking about, though?
1130, you.
Oh, yeah.
Glenn.
Oh, yeah.
So we're walking down the street in New Orleans downtown
right by Bourbon Street.
And here's the thing.
Like you were saying, on Bourbon Street, you could walk off literally maybe 100 feet.
Yeah.
And you could get murdered.
Like, really.
Like, a lot of people get murdered.
And so we're walking, and this guy.
We got to go to break.
Come back, and we'll find out what happens with the guy.
Andrew!
Coming in with a story.
2025 is bound to be a fascinating year.
It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities.
I'm Joel.
Ooh, and I am Matt.
And we're the hosts of How To Money.
We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year,
offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially.
Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt,
or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the
holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can
retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money
so you can stress less and grow your net worth.
That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays
for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. John Stewart is back at The Daily Show and he's
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Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports,
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What if you asked two different people the same set of questions?
Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers.
I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, Minnie Questions.
Over the years, we have had some incredible guests.
People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends,
EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair.
And now, Mini Questions
is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions,
including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story
with new lessons, new memories, and new connections to show us how we're both similar
and unique. Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers.
We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop.
Wow, very powerful.
I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist.
When a group of models from the UK wanted my help,
I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry.
I really wanted to be a player boy model.
Lingerie, topless.
I said, yes, please.
Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator.
You know who he is because of his pattern of behavior. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much
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he works in.
It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him.
Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
I started to live a double life when I was a teenager.
Responsible and driven and wild and out of control.
My head is pounding.
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It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction.
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I had an AK-47 pointed at my head.
But one night, a new door opened,
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The path would have roadblocks and detours,
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But when I was feeling the most lost,
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This season, join me on my journey
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A story told in 12 steps.
Listen to Crumbs as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network.
Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Hey guys, before I get back to the show, I just want to be honest with you.
This is like much later on in the day after we recorded the podcast. I hope you're enjoying it. We'll get right back to
it. I have a special announcement to make though. And, um, I wanted to do it alone because it's my
story to tell. And I want you guys, um, like my close friends and my family know this already. Um, and I've been an Andrew knows,
no one knows, but I wanted you guys to know before I put it out on anything else, I, uh,
am pregnant with anticipation that we have a merch store now. I'm so sorry. That's fucked
up, dude. That was fucked up of me. I'm not sorry. That's fucked up, dude.
That was fucked up of me.
I'm not pregnant, I promise you.
But I am very excited that we have merch available for you besties.
And if you're mad at me right now because I just tricked you, you should be.
And maybe I jinxed it for myself.
Maybe I jinxed it the way that I want to.
No one even knows.
What do I want?
But I know that I do want you to see the merch that we...
The reason this has taken
so long for us to get merch is because we cared and we worked very hard with the design team to
come up with like really cool stuff that we would all wear ourselves I'm gonna get all of this to
wear for myself we have hats we have um shirts so go check it out right now. You can get to it from my website, but I'd rather you go to
podshop.nikkiglazer.com. Podshop.nikkiglazer.com. And that will get you to the merch store.
Let me just tell you what we have. We have one cool logo t-shirt that's blue. It's vintage
podcast graphic tee is what it's called. And it kind of looks like Saved by the Bell-ish.
I'm obsessed. I just love the colors of it. It is definitely unisex.
Both men and women can wear it.
Then we have this other one that I think,
I don't know which one I like,
but I like them all,
but I'm going to get both.
There's the Besties Black Tee.
And by the way, getting these,
if you're like a,
you can get them to wear around,
but they're,
God, I find podcast t-shirts to be the best to wear to bed,
like an extra, extra large.
Or if that's just the size you wear, that too. too i'm so i've never been this proud of merch before um in terms of like i know
people are gonna want it and i'm proud to have my name and face on your bodies in association with
this podcast because i really am proud to have you all as listeners so it would mean a whole lot to
me if you would uh you know sport us if you a whole lot to me if you would, uh,
you know, support us, if you can afford it, you know, if you have some extra dough or a birthday
coming up or, you know, anything, um, if you just, yeah, like if you ask for it for a gift,
but go to the presale now, podshop.nikkiglazer.com. So the black shirt is so cool. It's called the
besties black tea. And it's me and Andrew and a picture that was taken of us like in 2018.
I want to say it's like one of our coolest pictures.
And it looks like we're in a band.
It looks like we're the lead singers of Fantagram.
And I do believe we sent that picture to Fantagram once on Instagram or tagged them.
And they didn't acknowledge us, which I found a little shitty, even though I love their band.
Then there is the podcast hat.
It just is the Nikki Glaser podcast. Very cool logo. and then there's one that says all the swells with pink
now these are just because there's pink in it does not mean it's not a guy can't wear it and
you'll definitely get people going like what is that and then you get to talk about your show
talk about us and create conversations with with strangers and then we have one that says Bestie and the Nikki Laser Podcast logo underneath that.
So two t-shirts, three different hats.
I hope you just gobble it all up.
This isn't my way of trying to generate revenue.
This is really me just putting something out there
so that we can all wear it
and be proud to be in this group of people that
share wanting to laugh, have a good time, get serious sometimes, be emotional, be honest,
apologize when we need to, be better people, call out cuz, and just, yeah. So more merch will
probably be on the way, but this is what we're starting out with and we'd love to get an idea of what you guys want so sorry this took so long to say but
please go check it out um a lot of good people worked behind the scenes to make this happen
free shipping on orders over 45 dollars um if you just buy two things it looks like that'll get you
over that the shirts are 25 bucks the hats are 20 i think that's reasonable um podshop.com podshop.nickiglazer.com free shipping on orders over 45 and it's available
now and you're the first to find out about it right now so uh thank you and some guy some guy comes up and he looks disgruntled and you know
you're like should i cross the street he was a black guy so i was like i don't want to cross
and be called feel racist i don't want to like you know what i mean but also i'm a little nervous
and he comes right up to me seth and glenn and goes, you're the motherfuckers that snuck me last night.
And none of us know what snuck meant.
So you may have snuck him.
You just didn't know.
Oh, how drunk we were the night before?
Yeah, who knows?
It could mean anything.
I think he just profiled us as like three dickhead white guys with brown hair.
Like, you fuckers if anyone knows
what snook means i think it's either like part of me thinks he worked at one of the restaurants
nearby and we didn't tip him it's maybe that's what it is yeah i could see you guys doing that
i could see you snooking we might have snuck maybe he's friends with the guy that you promised
to like give his wife and kids. Oh, in jail?
Yeah.
Okay, you snooked him the night before, though.
Yeah, so he's going, you motherfuckers are snookers.
Oh, I can tell you from Urban Dictionary if you want.
Thank you.
Okay.
Okay, the act of sucker punching someone.
Oh.
Oh.
Well, yeah, I would be upset if I were him, too.
Something that is very good can be called the snooks.
Or a gesture of defiance, disrespect, I would be upset if I were him too. Something that is very good can be called the snooks.
Or a gesture of defiance, disrespect, or derision made by thumbing the nose.
We might have thumbed his nose.
Oh, like Shakespearean. Now that I hear that.
Do you thumb your nose at me?
Isn't that like a Shakespearean?
Someone said, do you thumb your nose?
It's like a way to... I think it was in like, I think it's a Romeo and Juliet.
Or maybe even, yeah, it's either in one of those because those are the only plays I was in.
So wait, thumb your nose?
Oh, did you thumb my nose?
Wait, seriously, Noah, look up Shakespearean, like something your nose.
Like thumb, nose, some kind of, it's like giving the finger for, or like in Shakespeare. So he's yelling at us. And I think like, he's like it's like a it's like giving the finger for or like in Shakespeare
so he's yelling at us
and I think
like he's like
reaching for his
please look it up
I'm like
oh fuck
he's got a gun
he's gonna just shoot
all three of us
cause he starts like
oh yeah
and uh
me and
this is really fucked up
of us
we kinda snooked Seth
wait a second
Snooki
remember when she got snooked
oh yeah
Snooki got snooked
ever thought about that yeah Snooki that was wild she got snooked? Oh, yeah. Snooki got snooked. Ever thought about that?
Yeah, Snooki Snooki.
That was wild.
Who hit her?
Someone hit her.
A dude at a bar.
Oh, yeah.
Hard.
Yeah.
And MTV got a lot of shit
for playing it,
but I think it was good
that they played it
because it's like,
this is what people
are capable of.
Especially in the Jersey Shore.
That happens five times a night.
Insane.
That's how you get a free shot.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
So he searched in his pockets.
So he's like, me and Glenn are like, fucking.
And he gets Seth against the wall.
Like, he could have picked any three of us, and he got Seth.
And Seth is against the wall.
Why is that funny?
I don't know.
I mean, yeah, I guess he could have picked any three of us,
and he picked one of
us three to murder okay so he gets set set this against the wall he goes you fucking snuck me
and seth is going i didn't snook you oh my god and that being glenn we're like do we we didn't
run but we but you would have if you thought you could get away.
You only didn't run, not because of Glenn, but because you were scared that he might
turn on you and shoot at you.
We kind of walked fast.
We kind of left him.
We left a soldier behind.
Yeah, of course you did.
You guys aren't good friends.
No, we're very good friends.
In a moment where you think you're going to die, it's every man for himself. For sure. Yeah. Even if you're best friends. No, we're very good friends. In a moment where you think you're going to die, it's every man
for himself. For sure. Yeah. Even
if you're best friends. I think I would have
done the same. Seth is against the wall.
I've never seen a man levitate.
He was out of his shoe. He got
taller and he's like, I just snook you.
I just snook you. So what happened?
The guy killed Seth. Oh.
We had him on the
Ouija board. Yeah, it was pretty weird that was cool it's
wheat that's some wi-fi we jive so nice so anyway so yeah i thought we were all gonna get murdered
in that moment and i ran i guess we gingerly we walked fast gingerly walked we gingerly walked
fast took it away like this like when you're like like dude we had a good run seth and then he let
seth go he didn't hit him like he was like right right in we had a good run seth and then he let seth go he didn't
hit him like he was like right in his face and then did seth go what the fuck guys kind of yeah
and me and glenn were like that you were scared you bitch you got left you got to die
i mean when did you get fear of death every day obviously no no no there's only been a couple
times i thought i was like the time when the real estate agent,
I walked in and thought that guy in the elevator was with me.
I really thought I was going to be murdered, like, for sure.
And then the one time when I got into an Uber,
and there were two guys, and the doors.
Oh, you wrote me, I remember.
And the locks were sawed off, and it wasn't the car that it said,
but it was the guy's name and he like it was it
was so stupid of me to get in and yeah it was just like i knew i was going to be murdered raped or
whatever when what at one stoplight i was like they either turn here or they go straight because
the turn is going to take me right where i need to go and i know that and so it was just like
coming down to like this is it what do i do I do? And really my mindset was like,
just take it.
My,
my thing is always like,
I will,
if I ever like my plan for assault,
because I feel like everyone should at least run through the idea,
like what would happen if it starts happening,
take it.
But I think you're supposed to fight.
I went to one jujitsu class and you're supposed to fight. I went to one jujitsu class
and you're supposed to fight as hard as you can
because,
but,
knowing that,
no wait,
or did they say not fight?
I should remember.
Oh my,
it is like shake a baby.
I'm not even kidding you,
like I don't remember which one.
Noah,
do you know if you're supposed to fight or not?
Because I know that you can get really tired
really easily,
especially with your arm.
You're supposed to like fight with your legs.
Yeah, you're supposed to create distance and then just like run away as fast as you can get really tired really easily, especially with your arm. You're supposed to fight with your legs. Yeah, you're supposed to create distance
and then just run away as fast as you can.
Yeah, creating distance is the thing.
I love the idea of you being like,
do you guys got Bluetooth?
Can I throw this playlist on before you murder me?
Yeah, pull a Leo and stick it in some...
Okay, like this 84 Corolla doesn't have...
No, I do know this one trick
where if they pin your arms like this,
you go like this. You do snow angel and you go down like you don't try to go like uh uh you go you put your arms to the side like this and then they they fall forward and then you kick them over
with your legs first of all you didn't want a robot earlier that was a great robot i'll never
forget glad telling me you don't you like robots no dying horse right or something
what he said um yeah he's called yeah he's like i forget what he's it was so mean but i do remember
robot very well and it was like and he tried to spin it because i was like that's not nice he was
like you're just so stiff but it's good because you can program robot to do what you want. I'm like, just shut up.
Shut up, Gleb.
I love when a guy makes an excuse.
It just keeps getting worse and worse.
Yes.
No, you have no brain.
So I program you exactly how I want.
Yeah.
You spin around.
I throw water on electric wires.
He's just so hot.
He's like, i've never had someone
listen to what i say and call me on it did you ever just want to be like closing my eyes when
he was talking so i could process what he's saying part of me would be like just just grab my body
and move me that's what he did yeah that's what that's what that that was for me he really would
just grab me and like there's a couple dances that i haven't released because they were like ones that i you know practice for but didn't get to do and he was
he's just tossing me around i'm just like a you know weekend at bernie bernie zing that would be
a hilarious dance to do on that show is wear a pair of glasses wear a white shirt and a baggy
pair of khakis and be weekend at bernie's Gleb just like toss me around. Because that's what a lot of dances are, right?
Like it's just like let them lead.
Yeah, you let the man lead.
God, that's – but that's so hard because –
You want to fight it?
You want to control.
You want to fight it.
Yeah.
You want to lead.
Like have you ever slow danced like really with a girl and like –
I mean, I guess, yeah.
It's awkward.
It's hard to like – it's hard to surrender to a guy when you're even just rocking back and forth.
I'm just like, I want to control the pace.
I don't even know how to follow as much as I just want to control it.
Yeah, I don't know.
I remember slow dancing was, that's like the first.
Oh, my God.
Do you worry about getting a boner?
Well, it depends.
Are we doing the one where it's like, remember when you're in about getting a boner well it depends are we doing
the one where it's like remember when you're in eighth grade and you're like coming through
on you where your hands are like on her hips and you're like do i go lower do i go higher
like you're flush with the girl uh no but like i've said many times you want a half
you want some blood but not enough something right you never want to go full blood i don't think
i ever slow dance outside of cotillion which was like the mandatory kind of seventh grade
dance thing that when you learn about forks or whatever yeah you learn like etiquette but it
was mostly like dancing but like we never used it again it was just a way to get kids like touching
each other oh i don't know that's kind of creepy when you think about it. It was, but God, I needed it.
Because I was just, there was no way it was going to happen otherwise.
I don't understand how kids learn to like start kissing and touching each other without the assistance of alcohol.
It just doesn't make sense to me.
I like, I think kids are, I think people that.
I remember we had kissing contests at like a seventh, sixth grade party.
Yeah.
And it's whoever could kiss the longest
so we would like be like so fun oh yeah i've ever made out yeah i never did the bottle yeah seven
minutes in heaven do you remember seven seven seems like a long time i think it's yeah i know
yeah it was like i think it should be like two i mean seven Seven is a long set By then you forget
They're in there
You're like oh
Whoa okay
You were in there
They ran out of oxygen
You get in there
And you just go
Do we have to do this
Like that's
I only know seven minutes
Of heaven from
Childhood like movies
And TV shows
Teen wolf
Do you remember in Teen Wolf
When he goes in there
He goes in there
Is he turning into a wolf
He turns into the wolf
In the closet
And the girl runs out
And her shirt's all
Ripped up Talk about nails That boy had nails Is he turning into a wolf? He turns into the wolf in the closet And the girl runs out and her shirt's all ripped up
Talk about nails
That boy had nails
Is that Michael J. Fox?
I never did any of that
What I was gonna
Oh shit what was I gonna say
Oh um
Yeah uh
Spin the bottle
Seven minutes in heaven
Fuck what was I gonna say I forget Kids learning to touch each other without alcohol Spin the Bottle, Seven Minutes in Heaven.
Fuck, what was I going to say?
I forget.
Kids learning to touch each other without alcohol?
Yeah, kids learning to touch each other without, I mean, that's,
please let's not name the podcast that.
It's a little long.
You know what I was watching last night, and I finished, was Unorthodox.
You saw that, right, Noah?
Yeah.
Did you see it?
Yeah, you said it, and you were like, it is is so good i cried so much last night the last episode it's so good man and i did not expect to cry if
you would have described to me what happened i've never cried at someone singing yeah that's the
scene that got me her voice was so beautiful i mean that i was like real there was especially after what we talked about yesterday
emotion in it oh yeah it was so fucking good yeah it that was very similar because she's like this
girl that got piano lessons to and was auditioning for the school that is so for like experts and
they she plays a piano and everyone's like no or that one mean girl's like you suck
sorry you're fine but like which is society yes and then she fucking sings and it's so good i know
it's so good her husband is so proud of her and that was so cute that yankee was like i'll cut
off my little tendrils for you sorry to ruin it for you guys. But like, but it was, I didn't, maybe I didn't ruin anything.
But it was so, so good.
I can't believe that was there.
Like, that was, that came out post-COVID.
Right at the beginning.
I checked it last night, March 26, 2020.
So that was like, what a great time for anything to come out.
Tiger King, all these things came out right at that moment.
And some things really benefited from that.
I love the idea of an executive going, okay, next pandemic.
We're holding on to the show.
We love the show.
Listen, I think the next strain is going to come out in the fall.
Yeah, we should hold release till then.
Yeah, I look at everything through that lens.
Like I used to think of like as things pre 9-11,
post 9-11.
And now it's kind of like pre COVID,
post COVID for things around this age.
When I watch things on TV,
I go,
I wonder if these actors had to be like masked up around each other and like
getting swabs at their nose.
That came into my mind while watching it.
And I go,
Oh no,
they had no idea.
So naive. So early on. Last night, their nose that came into my mind while watching it and i go oh no they had no idea so naive so
early on last night i got a ring stuck on my finger from the finale of perfect strangers 2
yeah i cannot get it off my finger oh is that still it this is it it was one of like eight
rings i was wearing i was really ringed. I cannot get it off my finger.
I always wanted to do this trick that I've always seen about getting a tight ring off
where you take dental floss and you pull it through
and then you spin it around
so that you squish your finger down with dental floss
so you make it really tight and small
and then you unspool it.
But this ring has jagged edges on it
so when you pull the floss through,
it rips the floss,
and so you can't pull it through.
I cannot get this ring off last night.
I stayed up till four in the morning
because I was obsessed.
I was reading and stuff.
I was probably awake at two
when I started feeling like,
my ring feels tight,
and I want to get this off.
I haven't been able to.
I put oil all over my fingers.
I've been pulling it.
I cannot get it off, and I have to give it back to I haven't been able to. I put oil all over my fingers. I've been pulling it. I cannot get it off.
And I have to give it back to Danny and Emma.
Are you bleeding at all? No, but it's really jagged.
And it's
I almost, I like ripped up my finger last night
a little bit trying to get it off. What material is it?
It's like silver, but it's
like really, like feel it.
It's not, it's almost like
like the machine gun
Kelly, like Megan Fox
ring that if they take it off, it's going to hurt them.
You know what I mean, dude?
Your knuckle grew around it.
I don't know how I got it on.
Yeah, it's wild.
But it won't come off.
I supposedly have to have my hand up in the air for like 10 minutes to let all the blood rush down so it gets thinner.
Lose 20 pounds. Cut off your finger cut off my last i was really like i just want to cut off my finger oh yeah
eat less salt i already pretty much avoid salt but put your hand in ice there's all these different
remedies but i'm gonna get it off but it's really like when you when you feel like something is on
you and you start focusing on it you like i, I just start going crazy. I had to like meditate last night to get my mind off of it to like be like, okay, it's
not actually constricting anything.
There's nothing going on.
You just want it off and you can't get it off.
It's okay.
You're like a dog that had surgery and like can't get the thing off its neck and just
wants to get it off its neck.
Yes.
Even though it's not hurting them.
You have a cone.
Don't some religions like wear things around their leg that make them bleed so that they always
remember the suffering of Christ?
That's what this is.
Oh.
It is something that I'm constantly remembering because it's so tight that it keeps me present
in a way.
Pain, as Sam Harris has said in the meditation
that i was listening to what i'm going through pain pain is like one of the best unfortunately
it's one of the best things to keep you present because it's happening at the moment and you focus
on it and focusing on anything specifically that is happening in the moment keeps you you know
mindful so it's kind of keeping me mindful I wonder if your knuckle has gotten bruised
from trying to take it off,
so it's gotten bigger.
No, maybe a little bit.
I just don't know how the fuck you got that thing on.
I don't know either, dude.
How does a kid get their head through a banister?
That's a good point.
You go in, you just can't get out.
Noah?
Oh, I was gonna say,
there are people who wear butt plugs all day
as a reminder of christ
suffering is that for christ that's for christ interesting i would do that a little secret
sometimes i found like a pair of panties that i'm just like oh this is a sexy secret
some kind of like sexy i've had sexy secrets before you ever do that like some i remember like like what like um
you know this is gross but like a guy goes down on you he has a beard and you're like go to work
like that you're gonna have to like have my smell in your beard all day and it's gonna be your
little sexy secret no one's gonna know that you're gonna like have that on you or so you know
something like that doctor like like you're envisioning a guy that works in construction or something
where the smell wouldn't permeate.
No, I'm picturing him in like a boardroom with like a PowerPoint presentation.
He's like flaky.
Just Pepe LePewing around.
Everyone's like, is that pussy?
Like everyone's like questioning it, but no one can say anything.
I think that's pussy.
Or just, like, having something.
I don't know.
I guess I don't really do anything like that anymore.
But it could be.
It's kind of fun sometimes.
To, like, have a little thing that only you know.
Or, like, only, like, one other person knows.
Yeah.
I can't think of anything.
I'm, for the first time in my life, in a relationship where I really. I've't think of anything. I'm for the first time in my life in a relationship where I really,
I've never had this before, but I feel like the things,
the sexy things that we have are like the,
just the intimacy that we have.
I don't need to share with anyone else.
I know that sounds weird, but like,
because people are like, what are you talking about?
I don't keep, it's like I can keep secrets now,
but I'm not good at keeping like,
not sharing intimate things with my girlfriends and stuff
of like, oh my God, he said this thing to me,
it was so sweet or like,
because I think that I always needed validation
from other people like, oh my God, he loves you.
Wow, that's clear.
Like I need other people to see the proof of it
because I didn't really trust it or actually feel it myself but now i'm starting to feel the feeling of like
not needing to tell anyone about anything good in my relationship that happens between us or
anything like sexual or anything that's like exciting because the buck stops there like it's
enough that it's happening there whereas before it was never enough
because it wasn't what i was seeking and telling people about the stuff of my relationship was
validation from them that like oh nick you are loved oh he does love you oh someone does desire
you and i'm just either because of myself or because of like the him i'm feeling like oh that's enough it was always never enough
does that make sense yeah i also think like when i wanted to talk about sex more i wasn't having it
as much like or like i was like thinking about it because i wasn't dating someone so it's like
something that's on my mind like constantly or like it's like a foreign thing that's like still
like what you know.
Yeah.
So like but if you're, you know, having sex a good amount, you're just like, yeah, it's part of my day.
It's not that big of a deal anymore, at least for me.
I still feel, though, that is important to talk about because I think there are so many people out there that are looking to people like me and you who talk freely about their sex lives when others don't to understand
what to expect and to have because if you don't talk about sex you get in there and things happen
and you go i guess this is normal but it but based on what yeah if you're if the only place
you ever see or hear about porn is or uh sex is porn you have nothing to compare it to and i think that like that's as much as people
are like you don't we don't need to hear about your sex life nikki i'm like it's not just about
me being like guess what i did you guys isn't this cool it's about me empowering people to like try
new things and find pleasure and like not be scared because it's all stuff i struggled with
and so i think there is something to that but i oh for sure i was
definitely awkward with sex forever like and it helps to hear people talk about me too or like
here's what's gonna happen in there i just think like open conversation like being honest laughing
at yourself like not taking it too seriously is the best sex advice i could because then you relax
and then you can really enjoy it because you're not fucking worried the whole time about what's gonna happen would have told me just you'll
know what to do you'll know what feels good and you know what won't and like there's nothing you
can do wrong because anything that doesn't feel good to you doesn't feel good just follow your
feelings if you don't want to do something you're not wrong
for not wanting to do it if you do want to do something you're probably not wrong for wanting
to do it as long as it's a consensual thing with someone of age obviously all of that stuff but
like i think there was so much of my approach to sex being like well i'm gonna do it wrong
and the real answer is is you can't do it wrong if it feels good and if it doesn't feel good and
you don't want to do it you're not wrong and i think that that is the most important thing that i wish
i would have like someone would have told me is like you'll just know what to do like
i was always like how am i gonna kiss how am i gonna suck a penis it's just like just do what
like you understand when someone feels good based on something you're doing. You can, like, read someone else's.
Like, just go.
Just wing it, bitch.
Yeah.
Or ask.
Or ask.
Or go on Reddit and, like, ask.
Literally, you can find any answer you want on there.
Let's get to the news.
You heard it here first.
You heard it here first.
Yeah, you heard it here first.
Oh, boy.
It's Thursday, folks.
You know what that means?
It's Thursday, which is a day after Wednesday and a day before Friday, if you think about it.
I hope you're having all the swells out there.
You're going to have a great weekend.
It's a good weekend.
I don't know exactly what's going to be going on.
Hopefully, it's the weekend.
Hopefully, the clouds are apart and the sun is shining.
I have this weekend free.
I don't know what I'm going to do with it.
You're going to a paddle ball.
Oh, my dad is playing music. I have this weekend free. I don't know what I'm going to do with it. You're going to the paddle ball. Oh, my dad is playing music.
I'll promote that.
Saturday night, I'll be there at the Route 66 Grill,
Bar and Grill in Webster, Missouri.
From 7 to 11, my dad is playing with his band,
Glaze and the Moon Kings there.
And so I'll be there on Saturday,
definitely stopping by there.
And so love to see you.
Come support my dad.
I miss your parents.
I haven't seen them in a long time.
Yeah, you and Brenna should stop by
if you don't have anything else to do
and also can't come up with anything else to do.
On Route 68, there's a thing.
Quick, find plans.
Sorry, sorry, Route 69.
And I'm also going to chris's paddleball
tournament on saturday morning i wish we could video that in fucking fenton or something like
that i'm so excited i want to like wear a cheerleader outfit i want to dress up but i
don't want to make it about me you know but i do want to do like a funny thing
that's a good idea like wear a trench coat and just like for one moment like just do a little thing just to make him laugh like it wouldn't be to be like i'm nikki glazer
and i'm funny everyone look at me it just be me it will be funny after a tournament you go hey can
i talk to you for a minute i just have a few notes hilarious hey can we just like talk for a second
um so you know how that third point you like you know when you got in the kitchen for a little bit
like your foot went in the kitchen do you know that they call point you like. You know when you got in the kitchen for a little bit? Like your foot went in the kitchen.
Do you know what they call that?
Oh, is it called the kitchen?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They call it the kitchen.
And whenever I play paddle tennis, which is like rarely.
I got hurt playing paddle.
I always say they're like, stay out of the kitchen.
I'm like, this is where a woman's place is.
I should be here.
I can't help it, you guys.
I'm just drawn to it.
I have a vagina.
All right,
what are you doing this weekend?
Apparently a dinner,
literally,
on Saturday.
I'm not just making that up.
I,
but,
yeah,
Route 66 has food.
Yeah,
yeah,
yeah.
Are you guys going just together,
like a date night?
like people from Brenna's work
is having like a thing.
Nice.
And then like a bar and then a club.
And I'm like, I don't know if we got to go reach the club part.
You know what I mean?
You know when people are like, okay, we're going to do dinner.
We're going to do like a light bar where we're going to get fucked up,
but fucked up enough to then go to a club.
Some kind of crawl where you have to like go.
Yeah.
Well, that's the best thing about not drinking is you can peel off
and no one even fucking notices.
They go like, don't leave.
And then they don't fucking notice.
They're like, thank God he left.
All right, let's get to the news.
First story.
All right, Hamdrip.
You remember when we talked about the first ever patient to receive a genetically altered pig heart transplant?
He died after two months.
He died.
I know.
Because I read the news.
Oh, you follow that story every day?
Yeah, I've been keeping up with pig man.
Pig man.
Do you remember that from Seinfeld?
Yeah, kind of.
Yeah.
It was a weird episode.
Kramer thinks he saw a pig man in the hospital.
And he wants to rescue him.
Just the guy with a pig nose?
Yeah, he thinks he's being experimented on.
Yeah, really sad that this guy died.
I guess it's really cool that he stayed alive for two months.
Did he die from the pig heart falling or failing?
Doctors did not give an exact cause of death,
saying only that his condition had begun deteriorating several days earlier.
God, literally a ham drip.
There's like a tear coming down.
He died.
He choked on mud
let's pour one out for slop that was his name that was the pig's name yeah sloppy joe uh
yeah i mean look he went for it i heard he got a sky in his eye someone said it's covid
um i'm sorry to hear that about that.
He was a cute little man, too.
He was a cutie.
I saw a selfie of him in the bed.
But that is...
If I had a pig heart, I'd feel kind of dirty.
Does that seem weird?
I mean, I think I would feel cool,
but there would be something about it that I'm just like,
ugh, ugh.
That pig did me.
I don't know.
If you could pick any animal heart to have
what would you
I would want something big
I'd want like a
a giraffe
or like a zebra
yeah but that wouldn't
fit in your body
you would just see
all heart
oh yeah
I guess it has to be
like the same size as you
and pigs can be pretty big
yeah
like a
well pigs can be
fucking like 800 pounds
oh my god
they can be so
how cute was that pig video
that you found
oh my god it's heart I would love for it to be in my body that's how cute it was it was such like Well, pigs can be fucking like 800 pounds. Oh my God, they can be so... How cute was that pig video that you found?
Oh my God, it's hard.
I would love for it to be in my body.
That's how cute it was.
It was so cute.
It was such a good little dog.
Okay, what's the next news story?
Probably a turtle,
because turtles live to be like 600.
Oh, that's a good point.
They've got good pacemakers,
slow pacemakers,
but steady.
All right, moving on.
Turtle jokes.
Britney Spears revealed horrifying details about her vegas residency in a since deleted instagram post oh no i supported this what happened
um okay so she was back in vegas five years after her domination residency i know they didn't let
her wear tights or they didn't let her go bare-legged.
I know that.
Well, she wrote,
being a guest in Las Vegas
is way better than being me,
dot, dot, dot.
Or wait,
is it better because my family
got to be the stars
when I worked in Vegas?
And then she goes,
I was nothing more than a puppet to my family,
yet to the public,
I just performed on stage
and did what I was told to do.
But it was worse than
that because i was because it was accepted and approved by the people i loved most
what was she what was the picture on the post yeah well she like naked on top of the paris building
it was after she had posted those beach pictures it was probably some meme like sometimes she just
pictures like does like a heart in the sand or like a little child with a red rose like one of those black and white
photos of like kids kissing each other with like roses and you're just like i don't like
sexualized children like being old romantics on like a bench do you know what i'm talking about
those like old-timey photos of kids oh yeah yeah and it's like a girl blushing and a little boy is
like kissing her flower and the
rose is like red but the rest of the picture is black and white she does a lot of that stuff she
likes like cheesy shit like that um yeah i mean i went to go see her residency that's the cool
thing about vegas is like you get to go see these people that are huge and think these very it was
a smaller venue than i would have thought it was probably like 2 000 seats yeah and yeah she she i remember being impressed by her dancing because i knew
that she struggled with that especially that one mtv movie awards where we all thought she was
making a comeback and she just kind of like yeah stumbled around the stage and it just just was
like not the best look. And then her voice,
I remember she was definitely lip syncing
and also a lot of men carrying her around
and just like putting her on parts of the stage.
But she was-
She was kind of weak and it burned.
She was a little bit weak.
She put glasses on.
But she also,
I remember reading in a post
that she was very upset
that they made her wear tights and she could never go without her legs.
And so now that's why she wants to be naked.
She just like,
doesn't want to be constrained anymore.
And she always did never wanted to wear tights.
And,
you know,
famously Beyonce,
Taylor Swift,
like when you see pop stars with these like amazing legs that are just so
smooth,
they're wearing like three pairs of tights and underneath the fishnets or whatever it is and
it really like it not only it makes it makes you um it kind of does the same thing that that
floss did to my finger you wrap it around enough have you ever put your a ponytail in girls
and then with one with one rubber band and then you use two the amount of more like strength it has is so much more than
you would think i know that sounds like weird that i'm saying that but like putting on two
tights is so constricting more so than one and more so than you'd think you'd think it started
like piling up and making you look fatter almost but it constructs you more i mean the other thing
too is like if she's there how it's just crazy that she didn't have one person fighting for her.
Two tights.
Three tights?
Three tights.
You know what I mean, though?
Baby, I just want to wear no tights.
Baby, where do all my tights go when I'm not wearing them?
I'm scared.
Baby.
Red tights.
Brown tights. Yellow tights. Sorry sorry i can't help it that voice i just can't i'm not even
doing it justice i mean it doesn't even sound as good you sound more adult but i know i just can't
get over that she didn't have one like i don't know man it's like part of me wants to be like
you're a certain age you You should be able to go,
this sucks.
I'm going to hire one person that has my back.
But it seems like not one person has her back.
But how can you hire one person
when you don't have any money to hire?
Yeah.
All of your,
you have no,
you're literally a child.
I mean, no wonder she talks like a child.
I'm not too up on the whole Britney Spears thing,
but it sounds like she did put a lot of her trust in her family
and that's
what she's so hurt about
yeah they
made her work so fucking hard
that song work bitch
that was not her saying you gotta work bitch
that was them
they were writing her a text and she was like that's a good lyric
yeah
you want a Maserati you want a pink body They were writing her a text, and she was like, that's a good lyric. Yeah, yeah. Wow.
You want a Maserati?
You want a pink body?
They're kind of, you know, her family is a little bit of like swamp people.
So if you get swamp people.
Oh, my God.
I saw the funniest thing.
I'm following.
I went on a really deep dive this morning.
I woke up super early, even though I went to bed super late.
Jon Stewart's show,
The Problem with Jon Stewart.
Yeah.
Our friend Robbie Slovic writes on it.
Oh, yeah.
It is so funny,
the podcast that they do.
It's so informative.
Jon Stewart's the funniest.
I didn't use to watch
The Daily Show religiously
like everyone else did.
Me neither.
Now I get the fervor
and the obsession
with john stewart he is fucking brilliant he's so funny so quick i was watching you got to listen
to this podcast if anything just go follow the instagram account and just listen to the topics
they're talking about he's so funny all the time robbie is hilarious on there i'm so proud of him um and he has but john stewart has on has all these young
like uh diverse writers and what his head writer is this uh girl woman but um who i was like going
on deep i've heard she does a celebrity book club podcast kind of like our friend claire parker uh
parker has but it's called celebrity i think it's called celebrity book club and she was going through jamie lynn's uh jamie lynn spears book
and there's this there's this line that she was quoting from it i want to say what her name is
because i feel bad that i don't have it memorized i was just like so disoriented this morning
but um the oh chelsea here it is chelsea uh rose davantes um she's a head writer for the problem
and now she just got an overall deal deal at 20th century fox so she's leaving that show but she does
the celebrity uh book memoir and i just gotta read this hilarious quote because her instagram's
awesome chelsea uh chelsea davantes is d-e-v-a-n-T-E-Z. And she does these posts where it's like eight quotes from Jamie Lynn Spears' memoir.
And then you just swipe and you read eight quotes from, you know, Kirstie Alley's memoir.
And they're just like the most obscene like kind of pull quotes.
This is one from Jamie Lynn Spears.
My sister's voice was throaty and strong while mine was fluid and controlled.
People said we were different but equally as talented.
It's so much packed in one sentence it's just yeah it would suck to be so long it would suck to be jamie lynn there's no
question about it i could have never weathered that storm if i had a sister who did what i
secretly wanted to do as well and not even so so secretly. I wouldn't have been able to handle it.
I'm so fucking glad.
What would you do?
What do you think?
Oh, yeah.
I would have become a teacher.
And then eventually...
You would have done the opposite.
Yeah.
Okay.
Let's take a quick break
and come back with Fanthrax.
2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts
of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year,
offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah. Whether you find
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Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your
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Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show
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From his hilarious satirical takes on today's
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What if you asked two different people
the same set of questions?
Even if the questions are the same,
our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers.
I'm Minnie Driver,
and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast,
Minnie Questions.
Over the years, we've had some incredible guests.
People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends,
EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair.
And now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season.
We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions,
including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson.
Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories,
and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique.
Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers.
We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop.
Wow, very powerful.
I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help,
I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry.
I really wanted to be a playboy model.
Lingerie, topless.
I said, yes, please.
Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator.
You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour.
He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it.
He's everywhere and has been everywhere.
It's so much worse and so much more widespread
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Together, we're going to expose him
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It's not just me.
We're an army in comparison to him.
Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
I started to live a double life when I was a teenager.
Responsible and driven, and wild and out of control.
My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail.
It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction.
Addiction took me to the darkest places.
I had an AK-47 pointed at my head.
But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery.
The path would have roadblocks and detours,
stalls and relapses.
But when I was feeling the most lost,
I found hope with community,
and I made my way back.
This season, join me on my journey
through addiction and recovery,
a story told in 12 steps.
Listen to CRIMS as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network,
available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
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We're back.
So we do weekly sports moment or just get to
Fanthrax. Do we have so much Fanthrax?
I think the sports story is
pretty funny. Okay, let's do it.
Here's Andrew's weekly sports moment.
Thrilled.
Enthusiasm.
Apparently, the latest hot ticket in combat sports is for the pillow fighting championship.
Huh.
Okay.
I don't like this either. I feel like people can get concussed from even
pillow fights and it hurts so bad to get hit with a pillow it hurts and it just always takes you by
surprise the appeal is um okay so in a pfc pillow fight two competitors try over the course of three
90 second rounds to hit their opponent over the head as many times as possible and the appeal of that is that it's unlike mma where there's blood and you know these grotesque
injuries there's just are there feathers flying and stuff or it's just and is it in a ring or is
it on like it is in a ring in a dorm like bunk it's uh it's it's on a bed no i'm just kidding no it's in a ring and the pillows are not
um stuffed with feathers they're foam oh memory foam i just like it's just like what are we doing
with sports here like what's next tickle fighting you know what's next fucking who can pull the
finger and fart the best like these aren't sports. Pillow fighting is not a- It's just fun.
I know, but it shouldn't be a sport. Sports are dumb to begin with.
No offense.
Offense taken.
Fencing?
Come on.
Yeah, I mean, I don't love violent sports.
But yes, I get that this is more soft and cute.
Remember those big Hulk hands or those big sock-em-bop-ems that you get?
Yes, yes.
That was fun.
Those were so freaking fun.
I loved those.
So I can see –
Or the sumo – remember the sumo suits where you put on the big-ass suits?
Oh, yeah.
I never got to do those.
And then you fight that way and no one really gets hurt.
I can see you and Rusty doing that wasted and spending like –
Thousands of dollars.
Thousands of dollars on
buying them one time. And not even
having room for them in our car.
Pillow fights, though,
you can scratch cornea really easily
with the edge of the pillow case.
I'm just worried about people's cornea.
So worried about people. But here's
the thing. You could, that's the
beauty of these kind of, like someone
could master pillow fighting
in a way cups yeah stacking cups speaking of fencing like you can you're just going you're
just poking someone i don't get it but there's guys out there that will fucking tear you up
yeah but they gotta have a little like a pay with them yeah it's kind of weird right yeah
i mean i remember i went fishing we went we got
a guy running you can't fuck it off and but we went fishing and this we had a guide in florida
yeah and you know you put your rod in and you're like there's not one fucking fish in there right
and then he does it he went like this though like i'm like what did he do he went like this he's
twitching it and he had like 50 fish yeah like i don't know it's just this it in a way that makes it look. And he had like 50 fish. Yeah. Like, I don't know. It's just this though.
Like, why is that different?
That's what like, anything honestly.
Like, dude, putting in the hours.
Like, it's so weird to me.
Do you ever think about when you're trying to learn a new skill?
Like, you have the same, I have the same hands as John Mayer.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean?
Like, I have the same, like, everything that he has.
Like, I'm not saying, like, I have a brain,
I have no disabilities.
Why?
My fingers could do that.
And my brain could, could learn that.
But I just like, but there are things that now I can do on guitar that I never thought
I could do.
And it's just, it's, you have to unlock it though.
It's like beating a level in a video game.
Like it's in you, it's there.
It's like programmed in there. And I read a quote last night that was like think of spears um yeah this was
in chapter eight she said the cure for cancer is probably out there but most likely it's locked
inside the mind of someone who is in poverty and has no access to education and i thought that was a really cool quote for her on uh about her journey on zoe 101
i i do i know exactly what you're saying though like i was thinking about like golfers i'm like
why are their brains are they smarter than me they don't have better hand-eye coordination
they started probably younger yes they got more hours and and something unlocked when you get
when you i know when does
it exactly unlock that's what i want to know like you know what i mean like you can practice so much
and then one day it's gotta click i do know that sometimes when i'm practicing guitar i have to put
it down because everything needs to download what i just what i just worked out the fingering has to
just go like it has to go how you practice it has to and it's not
gonna happen while i'm still doing it over and over it's like i gotta sleep on it i gotta think
about i'm reading this book called the zen guitar and it's it's really interesting because it keeps
comparing it to golf the guy that wrote it is like talking about like you know there's something
called zen golf too yeah so maybe he wrote that too because he keeps comparing so many things to golf and it's just such a great book because i
can understand like you know someone like eddie van halen when he used to be alive reading this
book and getting just as much out of it as i do and like it there's something about the guitar
that connects all we're all connected in it and we all benefit from there's nothing
technical in this book but i'm learning so much about it and how to practice and how to treat it
and knowing my limitations it's so funny last night i read a chapter about like some people
are actually born gifted but talent is obviously like practicing the right way caring about it
being mindful not getting ahead of yourself being uh timing it's all these things but it was just
interesting because there was a chapter that i picked up last night when i couldn't sleep
that was exactly what i was talking about um last yesterday which was you might not be ever be as
talented as you want to be but you gotta win and i heard this on a Jon Stewart podcast, so Mark Cuban was talking about diversity
and like how people want more diverse
and how white people are gonna be the minority soon.
He's like, when I, change for me is opportunity.
So like disability or like being like,
okay, I'm never gonna be as good as John Mayer.
I could practice thousands of years,
never gonna be as good.
Okay, what can I do instead of that, never going to be as good. Okay.
What can I do instead of that,
that he maybe is not going to figure out because he has such an obvious path.
What are other things?
Play with your tits out?
Yeah, maybe.
Like something so simple.
You know what I could do?
I could put a dildo in my mouth while I play.
I just like change to everything other than.
To me is opportunity.
So whenever your face would so whatever you're saying change
you're like okay this is not like the end of something it's the beginning of something i
would never have even known but there is something about like the childhood and this will be two
seconds but like when i was learning lacrosse as a kid right i had an old stick that like was
maybe like a hand-me-down for my brother, right? I had like shitty cleats, but I would practice.
I wouldn't think about exactly how I practice,
but I got so much better by the next year.
And I would put down the stick for another six months,
but it was in my brain.
And I didn't think about like what kind of product I needed
or like how I was practicing.
You just did.
The way my foot does this,
it's just like you find the way your body works to get it done.
And then there's certain little things that you can get coaching to unlock.
But just feeling the guitar and treating it like trying to make a sound that's true to you instead of trying to be someone else's sound.
What sound would you make with your level of skill that just – because watching Unorthodox last night, when that girl finally sang a song that was in yiddish it was
obviously about like the suffering of jewish people which is like in her soul it like it
didn't matter what she sounded like there was just such emotion behind it about uber i think
oh yeah okay oh it was that new tiktok song you're right yeah no no no no no what's that one
okay i hate that song so much okay let's get to phanthrox That new TikTok song. You're right. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. No, what's that one? Okay.
I hate that song so much.
Okay.
Let's get to Fanthrox.
Speaking of emotions.
Jesus Christ.
I just love that that's Noah's love of her life right there.
Okay.
Wait, Andrew, did you want to read that message that you sent us in the text or oh yeah we can get into that some guy wrote i just sent it to our text chain um oh yeah ravish is a
word everyone i stand corrected i'm sorry he said i learned my lesson he goes ravage or ravish
question mark hoping that many people have already told you this but either word would be appropriate
in the context that you used it ravish might be even better it is better and i i am so sorry that
i pretended like i thought i knew and that you
were somehow like inferior to me because you didn't know that because i am dumb sometimes
and i did not know that ravish yeah and because ravish is just so close to ravage and people
usually say i'm gonna ravage them i've never ravish. Or maybe I have heard it and just forgot.
Have you heard you look ravishing?
Yes.
Ravishing Rick Rude.
Oh, yeah.
It's not ravaging.
What's that?
He's a wrestler.
He's a wrestler.
He was a wrestler.
Oh, okay.
Oh, my God.
The masseuse that I had the other day was talking to me about pro wrestling.
Oh, that photo I got of you getting coached.
So good.
That guy was so good.
He talked to me so much that photo i got of you getting so good coach that guy was so good he
talked to me so much about food and pro wrestling and usually i would be so irritated by that but
this guy could have talked about fucking anything he would have sold me on genocide i was like
he was digging that was the massage at the airport right oh my god it was so fucking good shout out to houston um spa the spa in the houston airport he's a uh gate 45
uh nicaraguan man amazing hands get a back rub yeah right by gate 45 in houston i'm not kidding
you guys go now all right okay first first message comes from Alyssa.
Hey, guys.
Oh, my God.
What the fuck?
What the fuck?
I just watched FBoy Island, and I didn't even finish the season finale.
I know I'm late, but I caught up, all right?
I just watched Garrett win the money, and that's it, and just, like, make himself look like such complete trash. I't believe it i just have to say that this is not that important i'm just freaking out and i have nobody to tell
how did you keep your composure nikki oh my god what did andrew think about this was he laughing
he was laughing he made a joke about this yes okay thank you alissa i'm loving enthusiasm
late enthusiasm for FBoy Island.
I love a late enthusiasm.
Because you know what?
I'm enthusiastic about FBoy Island all over again
just because, you know,
it's perfect.
It's perfect.
Strange.
People are like,
we fucking know what it is.
Strange things are going on.
No, thank you for that.
Okay, so yes,
if you haven't seen FBoy Island,
the season finale, Garrett Morosky tells Sarah this like-
In Yiddish.
Yeah, in Yiddish, he sings an old song.
Sarah has an FBoy and a nice guy in her final two.
If she chooses a nice guy-
Josh.
Yes, if she chooses the nice guy
then it's like
She splits the money.
Yeah.
Guaranteed.
Yes.
And if she chooses
Garrett
Garrett
like things don't go well
for old Sarah
and he chose to
keep the money
after she chose him
because she thought
he had given this big plea right before she chooses him.
He gives this big plea of like, I love you.
Like, I'm falling in love with you.
Cried a lot.
The night before, they spent an intimate evening alone.
There's crying.
He's just so selling it.
And then he goes, sorry, Sarah.
I came here as an F-boy.
I'm leaving as an F-boy.
He takes the money.
Ugh.
And boy, were we shocked shocked i have to say like i
yeah you were a big proponent i was a huge garrett fan i did not like garrett behind the scenes um
not personally but because i was looking at his instagram and i was disgusted by what i saw because
he's just so okay and like just always like talking about his body and like the 9-11 just be like like being
rich and like it's just all so good and i was just like god this guy sucks and i would just be like
so mad at him and then i would go and sit and like you know we'd be setting up a shot and garrett
be like hey nikki what's going on and he would talk to me, and I was instantly won over. He is, he's a doll.
He's a charm.
Charmer.
A himbo.
And I told Sarah, I trust him.
Like, I, we knew he was an F boy at that point.
They had already revealed their statuses.
But I told Sarah, I think this guy legitimately likes you,
and I think you should pick him.
Because with Josh, she just,
Josh was ready to settle down.
She wasn't.
It was, it just,
just to pick Josh because he's not Garrett
is not a good enough reason.
And she actually was like very horned up for Garrett.
She was.
I did not think, I thought he was plain.
I really did.
I really did think he was bullshitting.
I did not believe, I couldn't believe how good of an actor he was. i really did i really did i did not believe i
can't believe how good of an actor he was i think he's a cool he's a nice guy like he fucking yeah
he's very charismatic yeah and i mean yeah i like the guy i mean i like any guy that can throw
football he makes me laugh he just says ridiculous things he kind of i have to say as much as alissa
you're probably like oh my god he sucks and everyone like hated him.
Him and Sarah now get along like it's water under the bridge, but he came there to play
a game.
He knew going in, he was going to be the villain of the show.
He played a role.
He did really well.
He's also someone who was a Russian orphan.
He wasn't hugged or touched for the first two months of his life, maybe more, which
is so key in a child's development.
So, yeah, he's born to be a fuckboy.
And he owns it, and he's honest about it, which is, I think, more commendable than being deceitful about being a piece of shit.
Oh, my God.
But I'm so excited for what's next for F boy island um in the franchise and i hope you guys
are as excited as i am and that um you know if you haven't watched it just get on board now it's
just something you can just throw on and go like okay let me just like see what this is about if
you don't like it you don't have to watch it but like it's something just to put on um have on in
the background something like that and and you'll get a couple laughs in and i bet you'll get sucked
into it because it's pretty damn good.
I'm about to start watching Love is Blind season two.
I can't fucking wait.
Chris is on season one.
And I'm going to finish it up with him.
And the other night, I was making fun of Jessica on it because he was like, have you seen
Love is Blind season one?
And I go, Jessica, who talks like this?
And it's like, Barnett.
And he's shocked.
He's like, wait, wait, she and Barnett?
And I'm like, oh, yeah.
OK, I'm not going to ruin it for you.
Okay, next fan.
Thank you, Alyssa.
I'm so glad.
I'm glad I showed.
I came out at the perfect time, too.
Oh, my God, yes.
I think it would have been successful.
Maybe not.
This one's from Abby.
Hi, Nikki, Andrew, and Noah.
This is Abby from Winnipeg, Canada.
Can't wait to see you guys. I'm going to your show right away oh yeah I'm so excited I heard you guys say I really hope
Andrew's there as well yeah I love you all he will be there I'm bringing two friends that are
Nikki Glaser virgins so I'm really excited to show them how much I love you. I have a bit of a mispronunciation
story.
We were supposed to do the same time.
It's not really.
It's about my dad and apparently
ever since he met my mom,
my mom didn't know this
until they sent out their wedding
thank you cards.
But my dad always thought
might as well aka might as well was a single
word might as well they were sending out their wedding uh card thank you cards and he was just
trying to say to write might as well for something and he was asking my mom how to spell it and she was like what do you mean and he was
like m-i-g-h-a-s-w-e-l might as well no oh my god abby that's so that's good dummy but yeah anyway
love you guys love you abby um jack daniels jack daniels we'll see you in winnipeg the murder
capital of canada which someone told us about um because'll see you in Winnipeg, the murder capital of Canada,
which someone told us about because we were looking up Winnipeg facts.
Yeah, I met a guy from Canada, and I was like,
going to Winnipeg, he's like, ugh.
That was his response.
Oh, really?
Yeah, apparently.
Well, Abby's going to be there with two virgins.
Might as well go there.
Yeah, we'll be there with John Cullen.
No, wait, no, John's not on that one.
John's on the Vancouver date.
But yeah, Andrew and I will be in Winnipeg coming up.
So if you are in that area, please come out.
We'd love to see you.
And hopefully we'll get to meet Abby.
Abby, if you want to get it, I don't know if your ticket came with a meet and greet,
but they'll be for sale at the merch booth.
I love a shortened sentence.
I'll take that.
Might as well.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It sounds smart to me.
I never knew.
Come on. Seamon
When I used to read that
That is a very confusing word
For like a fourth grader
When you're first learning
Oh
When you're first reading books
And you'd read
Come on
And I didn't like
How okay
Wasn't just okay
I don't like okay-ay
I never liked that
Gotcha
I'll never forget
Tyler Schoonover
In fifth grade reading
And the crowd
Filled with applesauce And it was applause And he said applesauce Instead Whoa that gotcha i'll never forget tyler schoonover in fifth grade reading and the crowd filled with
applesauce and it was applause and he said applesauce instead whoa that was one of the
best ones that is a different kind of it was a kid finished it was kidding a wheelchair
finishing a race and the crowd filled with applesauce because i guess he couldn't swallow
or chew um but it was applause. Maya's well.
Maya's well.
And well.
Well, I kind of like the name Maya.
So like if your last name was Swell.
Maya's well.
Maya's well.
Ooh.
Wait a second.
I think it could almost be Swells.
Maya Glazer.
Maya Swells.
Maya Swell.
Maya Swell.
Like for, I'm thinking of merch. I don't know. Just ideas. Oh Glazer. Maya swells. Maya swell.
I'm thinking of merch.
I don't know.
Oh, yeah.
That's a good idea.
I was thinking of a merch thing I want to do. Speaking of merch, it's coming out soon, I think.
I want to do the Nike swoosh, but have it Nikki.
I mean, I know it's been done before.
I like that.
Do you think I'd get sued if I just make the Nike swoosh the other way or something?
I don't know.
I think you could do something really funny with the swoosh.
It looks like it's... I'd have to think of something. Like it'd be like other way or something? I don't know. I think you could do something really funny with the swoosh. It looks like it's...
Like it'd be like a sperm or something?
Or maybe like you tie your ponytail in a swoosh.
Oh, that's fun.
Yeah.
That's a good idea.
Just take it out loud.
Final thought.
Okay, so let's end with a voicemail from Ryan.
Hey, Nikki, Andrew, and Noah.
I just came across a really good video on tiktok you can look it up probably it's this dude with a fur wearing a fur coat and he opens up a balenciaga box and inside
that box is a shattered iphone it's like an old iPhone 6. And then they flip the iPhone over and engraved in the metal on the back is the invitation to Balenciaga's next fashion show.
And they're the ones that do the high-heeled crocs.
Fucking cunt!
I love this guy.
Ryan! Ryan rolls. Dude, Ryan, I love this guy Ryan
Ryan rolls
dude
Ryan
I love you so much
that's
it's such a perfect
fashion is so
but the idea of like
fur coats are
like
we're just fucking
we're hardcore
but we're also
fucking
well you know
someone was like
what
what could we use
what
how are our
invitations gonna be different
what about old iPhones and we get an engraver and we I know someone was like, what could we use? How are our invitations going to be different?
What about old iPhones?
And we get an engraver and we, it's not a terrible idea, but it is good.
It's very good.
Because I have so many old iPhones and I'm not doing Jack Diddley squat with them.
I should invite, I should have a party.
I should have a dinner party. But there's something so funny am seeming relatable by showing like an old phone that's broken wow you're like the i don't think
they're being relatable i think they're trying to do balenciaga was doing a cool invite like
what could you do my my uncle tv bob is a mailman was a mailman he's retired now but he used to he
told us that if you put stamps on anything the the postal service will send it so he used to send us bananas literal bananas no address he'd write
it on the banana but he just put stamps on it and send it and you can send anything and he used to
send the most creative things to us all the time he sent me like scrabble pieces that like and he
would always put two
dollar bills and birthday cards he was he's like one of the funniest most creative people ever and
but he uh yeah i think that this was just a really creative way of being like what can our invites
look like that and i think it's not a bad idea i will say though it's kids fuck and bragging about
being invited to balenciaga's fashion show
as kid.
But that's what Balenciaga wanted was people to post about the invite.
And my,
my best thing that I've ever done had to do with an engraving.
And I've talked about it before.
I think the best thing I've ever done,
the best joke I've ever done was my mom's iPad that I wrote, that I had it engraved on the back of it.
I am Li Ming.
I am seven.
Oh, my hands hurt.
I made this.
What is this?
My hands hurt.
Which I think is-
A great invitation to your wedding.
Yeah.
I mean, actually, I saw the best.
Chris's brother, Tim having uh like a wedding reception
a year or so after they've been married because of covid stuff just to have a bigger party
and the invitations are the coolest invitations i've ever seen i want to show you this
wait where is it hold on tell me this isn't the coolest wedding invitation you've ever seen
um sorry is it digital maybe no i wish it were i'll show it to you i'll i think they're
going out today so i'm not ruining any like secret um and i'll ask him if it's okay if we put it on
here but it's so freaking cool i can't even stand it look at this it looks like a band poster
yeah i like that it reminds me of the wonders the, the Onators. Oh, yeah, the Onators.
So look, I'll put it up on the camera.
Doing that thing you do.
That's cool, right?
It's the Onators, ladies and gentlemen.
The Conveys.
Wait, I'm going to borrow this stuff so you don't know.
But that is cool.
It makes me want to get married to come up with the cool invitations.
That's why you get married.
Oh, and I saw a girl, the same girl, the head writer for for john stewart she's getting married and she was trying on wedding dresses and there there's they were it was the first time i was ever like oh that that
looks fun because some of them are so creative and cool and beautiful still you just think that
the wedding dresses are so i just i don't know i guess i've never really gotten into it noah are you gonna wear a wedding dress when you get married don't talk to
me about that why i don't know because we have to wrap okay we're already like an hour 20 to wrap
oh shit okay well we that we find out about columbine more about Columbine, Noah's wedding dress,
which we'll never bring up again.
And thank you so much for your fan tracks,
Ryan, Abby, and Alyssa.
Love it so much.
Keep writing into the podcast.
Thank you so much for listening this week.
We will be back next week.
We are going to take,
we're going to have two episodes next week,
not four.
So just to warn you,
but you will have one Monday and Tuesday.
So just look forward to that.
As always, go subscribe on our YouTube channel and watch us.
And so you get all the visual cues.
Spread the love.
We're climbing up in the charts.
We're so grateful for you all.
And check out my tour right now, NikkiLaser.com.
Hope to see you out there, besties.
Dombika and Jack McBrayer. Jack McBrayer.
Oh.
Not bad.
On asses.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer.
If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive
balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help.
That's right.
I'm Joel.
And I am Matt.
And we're from the How To Money podcast.
Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky
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you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice
without the judgment and jargon, listen to How To Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your
podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight
straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on
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And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups,
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Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
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People, my people, what's up?
This is Questlove. Man, I cannot
believe we're already wrapping
up another season of Questlove
Supreme. Man, we've
got some amazing guests lined up
to close out the season, but, you know,
I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible
conversations we've had so far.
I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more.
Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance.
You've got to check them out.
Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
What if you asked two different people the same set of questions?
Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers.
I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast.
And now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season.
We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions,
including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson.
Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers.
You are cordially invited to... Seven questions, limitless answers. world that is women's golf featuring interviews with top players on tour tips to help improve
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welcome to the party with tisha allen is an iheart women's sports production in partnership
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