The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #192 A Squishy Marshmallow

Episode Date: March 23, 2022

The pod is taking a break from taking a break before taking a break again. Nikki and Andrew have Nikki's sister Lauren in studio. Things have changed for Andrew, he has a new member and a smooth face. Nikki and Lauren talk about bouncing back and "Bom and Baki". Nikki shares her two cents on Kim K's controversial statement and in the news they cover OnlyFans, nail salons and when is a good time to change a baby's name. Nikki shares tweets she likes and cringe videos in her Reddit Dump. In the Final Thought Lauren has her Spanish tested. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Crumbs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Here I am. Hello. Welcome to the Nikki Glaser podcast. You had a little bit of a break Oh yeah We're back

Yeah With one episode this week And then another break And then another break, but then we're gonna be back again Four episodes a week, we'll be back to normal Today's a very special episode for right before break, before we start season two We have not only Andrewrew and noah here as usual but we today we have a special guest my sister lauren it's your sister yeah you didn't know that oh

do you see it now no i'm like very soon i never realized your smiles are so similar you guys are born with like you got what i I would do for your all's teeth and mouth. This is from braces. Hers are naturally that straight. They just came in that way. But it's like big. Not the bottoms. Huh?

Not the bottoms. Wait, let me, oh yeah, you got dad's bottoms. I got dad bottoms. Yeah, I got dad's bottom body.

I got a dad bod. Everyone knows it. You got a dad teeth? Yeah. Lauren, I have to say right before the podcast started lauren just got a little cozy in the chair and like put her arm like on my leg kind of like you just set it there and it was touching my leg and it was so soothing really like i feel like we just

didn't touch a lot in our like we didn't get that i mean i used to make you like sit on me and things like that yeah do you remember we used to do that yeah just casting couch what is going on what's about to happen yeah you just lay on the floor yeah face down and then i would just like oh what yeah put pressure on you i'm so autistic time out you were put pressure on me like will you just lay on me i always wanted my mom and my sister to lay on me. Oh, like a weighted blanket? Yeah. Sister. Just like lay on top of me. It feels so good. Do it now. Alright, lay on her.

I mean, we're basically on each other because we can't sit on this chair. Yeah, this chair is hot. Honestly, I fucking love this. Can I get on? It's a lot of weight. It's so much. No, no, no. It would be too much. This is perfect. Can I get up there? Oh, yeah of weight. It's so much. No, no, no. It would be too much. This is perfect. Can I get up there? Oh, yeah.

Baby. That's good. Baby tired. Yeah. Lauren and I are sitting in this chair. And usually, like, all our guests sit here. Carlisle and Anya have sat here with no problem. And this chair cannot contain two laser hips. Yeah.

Yeah. Some hippie girls over here. Get taken back to the store. The chair's hurting. Andrew said, to be fair, one of you had three kids. No, nine kids. Oh, yeah. You said nine.

It feels like nine. Does it? Can you believe you have three kids? No. Isn't that so crazy? Yeah. You've been pregnant three times. Is your stomach like, has it come back to normal?

Yeah, is it baggy? normal? Yeah, is it back? You knew I was going to ask. I mean, I'm not even four months postpartum. So you got to give it like a good year to get back. It shrinks up in a year. It will come back. I don't have any stretch marks, actually. But I just kind of have like a little bit of loose skin.

But it does tighten up. It's amazing how it does like if you went skydiving and your face would rebound i know i won't go skydiving yeah but if you go skydiving too much then it won't come back like your face is just gonna be yeah if you have a kid while skydiving a lot of extra skin done so you have a little bit of extra skin like you were like i still have like a weight to lose i know but like let's say down the road like because you've been nine months or a year out of pregnancy without being pregnant again right have you waited that long yet yes my kids have at least two years between them this girl's turned into a dugger um okay so you've waited and it does snap back yeah it actually does

so when you see people like you remember before you got pregnant and you would see like baby bodies bouncing back like J-Lo. Did you go, I used to go, that's definitely surgery, which I think it is because a lot of times moms

will do a C-section and then do a tummy tuck with it. Oh. That they're just like, oh, you know what? Or if you go down there and you're getting stitched up because you had a

episiotomy or whatever it is, they'll just do like a badge tightening. Oh. While they're down there. Well, I don't. And you passed them off. I would love a girl that cares so much even makes a surrogate get a tummy tuck. It's like, no one's going to be fat with my baby.

And they're like, you can have a natural birth. And she's like, I just really, I'd like to get a C tuck. No one's going to be fat with my baby. And they're like, you can have a natural birth. And she's like, I just really I'd like to get a C-section while you're at it. Could you give me a nose job? I have a deviated stomach. I said that word so bad. God damn it. It was a good joke.

Let's talk about your face. You've had some face work done. Yeah, I had two babies out of my cheeks. And then have some bounce back. I want to know what happened to your face. What made you go completely clean shaven? Tight, man. Down to the bone.

First time I've gone this tight since I did one video for like Vimeo for a friend where I was like, okay, I'll never do that again. No, Brenna was like, I had a beard. I was like, oh, should I trim it? She's like, you know what I want. I was like, oh, all the way? And I think she meant the clippers. And I was like, I'll show you. And boy, did I show her.

You mean she went all the way. Like all the face hair off. And I was wearing my jaw. But wait, what's the difference between shaving and all the face hair off? Okay, so clippers, if you go bare or bald, it'll get there, but it's not like smooth, smooth. Yeah. You know what I mean? And when you don't shave your face for, it's been almost 10 years.

Does his face remind you of a fresh baby's bottom that you pass through to make you want to swallow it? A little bit. But there, I mean, you can see like the dark. Yes. You can see your hair follicles. bottom that you pass through to make you want to swallow it. A little bit. You can see the dark. You can see your hair follicles. You can see it coming through. It's been two days now. You're just going... I'm trying to push it out and I just keep shitting my pants.

That's shit coming out of your face. I'll bounce back. I'm just worried that... I think it's in my mind but it's like it's like anything like if you didn't shave your legs or maybe not your legs but wherever yeah i'm always worried when i shave my legs i have too much skin too much face skin on my legs yeah you i see it you came up last night night to grab a cord or something. You're always grabbing cords. You come up to grab cords. I'm like, hey, Nikki, your door opened.

I got to grab a cord and a tire iron. You come up to grab a noose. And I'm like, ah, it's right there. Can I use your balcony? No. You came up yesterday. And whenever you've freshly shaved your face, you kind of creep in like a girl with a new haircut. Like bangs.

Look at what I did. I was a little nervous. Yeah, you looked like a fresh face. Did you do it yesterday or two days ago? Two days ago. And I like, with a razor, and I put shaving cream on. That whole process is fun for a man. I get it. Like, oh, I'm going to my job. I'm going to put my shaving cream. Do you do aftershave?

And do you go, ah! Oh, where are my parents? Where are they? Why is Joe Pesci here? Didn't you think that aftershave was maybe the most painful thing that could ever be inflicted on someone based on Home Alone? Worse than even like a fucking iron hitting you in the head. Like,

why didn't he just like with those bandits just put aftershave, jump, I thought it was literally like acid attacks just oh he got us again and i for some reason that was like so relatable to adults it's like oh the aftershave burn maybe back in the day when razors were more dull and shittier yeah dude you want to know a really funny story my friend got married and they hired like this old man to shave the faces like old school.

Like, you know. Oh, yeah. Like barber. Yeah, where they like sharpen it with their shoe. And I was like last or like I got, no, I wasn't in the wedding party.

I was like extended wedding party. You were the ball bear. Wait, that's not, that's a funeral. It's the same thing, man. The ring bear. Yeah yeah you were the ring bear yeah i was the flower man with a fresh fat face so i uh i um i i so they go and one guy

cuts he starts cutting the fate and he uses the same blade doesn't clean it and for like six guys he shaves their face and they come out and they all have like 45 tissues they're like yeah we gotta got a real shave and we're like dude he fucking you're like this is like the watching the nick remember that show more than nick oh my nicks a lot of nicks dude it was just so because it's such a big moment that's another thing adults always do it's like so much like that you always thought what you would see more of you know john mulaney is that joke of like as a kid you always thought there would be a lot more like sand traps or uh quicksand oh yeah like it's just a thing you see as a kid in cartoons and you grow up and you're like

where's all the quicksand you know my grandpa would always have toilet paper on his with one little blood i never do i mean i guess i've done that on my leg before a little bit. Yeah. And holy shit, that ring is still on. But razors were like really shitty. The ring is still on. And now it's starting to like chafe my skin. We're taking breaks.

Have you tried to take it off? Yeah, dude. It's an ongoing. You need to just use some pliers and just like. No, because it's probably like a thousand dollar ring. Oh. I know it doesn't look like that but if you can never take it off you can't give it back to them anyways they haven't asked for it back yet thank god but i'm not gonna damage it it just i haven't tried to get it off you know i haven't used like soap and i mean i've done that before but ever since i tried

one night it was very traumatic i haven't tried since you're supposed to use windex you tried lube i'm not even kidding. I have tried Lube because the other night I was using Lube in my daily practices. Oh, Bogo? You were like, oh, I'll slip my ring on. It was injuring

myself and others. Yeah, this is really sharp. There was already Lube involved. And so I was like, oh. And it gets stuck in my hair too. Like whenever I go like this, it'll get like,

because it's just a dumb kind of ring that has a bunch of little crevices in it. And it'll get caught to my hair and I go, when I'm like shampooing. So now I've just gotten used to like doing my hair like this. Like it's just a part of me

that I have to deal with where I don't use this finger. I give hand jobs like this. It's just a part of me that I have to deal with where I don't use this finger. I give hand jobs like this. Lauren, have you ever done anything this dumb? Being the same blood and genetics? What have you done that mentally was... Because you seem pretty... I told her son the other day

that his mom put a peanut M&M up her nose one time. I know it was a Skittle. Oh. I thought it was a peanut butter M&M up her nose one time. Okay, now we're talking. No, it was a Skittle. Oh. I thought it was a peanut butter M&M because it's like the same. You know how peanut butter M&Ms

are smaller than peanut M&Ms? Yeah, but then that would like melt. I know it would have been better. It could have gotten it out. Yeah, it did get out. Oh yeah, Skittle up her nose. But that was, you know. It was on a road trip.

That was probably a year ago. That was probably 32. Yeah. My brother put a birdseed up his nose. And he's a year ago. That was probably 32. Yeah. My brother put a bird seed up his nose, and he's more well-adjusted than me. Like a bird seed? Yeah, what's the dumbest thing you've ever done? A sunflower seed? Yeah, he was like, we were at a bird, like a zoo kind of thing.

And so we were feeding the birds, and he fed his own nose, I guess, and put it up his nose and had to go to the emergency room to take it out. It's hard. Did you have to go to emergency room no it came out started freaking out in the back seat and i remember laughing at her and it just had to like push it down wait so do you ever do things though because you're a mom now of three or nine and do you ever do things that you're just like that was so stupid like mom brain of like i shouldn't be a mom if i just did that yeah i like left the water on yesterday in the faucet when i was taking a bath and i was like where is this water sound coming from and then i look up and the faucet's on i was like oh i left the faucet a lot okay i mean that was just yesterday no that was during the bath that i

was like she was probably like brushing her teeth is the toilet running yeah and then I just looked and I didn't even remember turning the water on so it was a ghost so it wasn't my fault

have you ever driven to the ER thinking you were dying or anything like she doesn't have uh no I had to I had to drive

my husband to the emergency room in college why because someone sliced his hand with a knife. Getting a ring off? Yeah.

Getting a shave before your wedding? The same guy. No, this guy like pulled out a knife and like threatened Matt. And then he slashed his hand and he's like, oh my God. And I mean, this was before we were just friends at this point, but he was like, I need someone to drive me to the emergency room. So he got in the backseat and then we drove him. And we were following directions because we'd never been to the emergency room in Lawrence, Kansas.

And someone was like following the front. They're like, OK, turn right. And I was like, all right. And he's like, turn right, turn right, turn right, turn right. Like he kept repeating the directions in the backseat. Like he was the backseat driver. On the right. He'd be like, hospital on the right, hospital like turn right turn right turn right turn right like he kept repeating the directions in the back seat like he was the backseat driver on the right he'd be like Matt got in a knife fight like that's not like a thing that I don't know yet someone slashed was it a homeless man or something no it was a guy at the party was it a frat and then the cops came and Matt was like I just got sliced with a knife. And the cop did not care at all.

And he's like, I need to go to the emergency room. And he's like, well, you better find a friend to drive you. And he found his future wife. That's a great story. That's like out of like Superbad. I didn't even know that story. My mom always goes, I knew, I knew that when I met Matt, they were just friends. And I said, Lauren, that guy, that guy's something.

He's going to be something. You guys like each other. And Lauren said, no, we're just friends. And then I was right. I knew it. I set him up. I love when someone takes like, yeah, it was me. It was my little speech there well

what was the moment you knew matt was the one was there a moment or is there a moment um when he's bleeding on your freaking celica they got drunk they got drunk for five years and it's like damn we got a kid no no no i don't know we know. I first met him freshman year of college, and then we started dating junior year. And we had a class together junior year, and I think it was when, I don't know, I just saw him in a different light. I know, but what was the light? How did it change? I saw him without light.

It was a really dark night. It used to be a joke of there's this guy that I'm not'm not attracted to and he likes me and he's a nice guy, but I just, I'm just not attracted to him. And my friend was like, maybe you just need to see him in a different light. And I go, you mean the dark? So you saw him in the dark. But seriously, like what?

What did he do? Did he like roll up his sleeve to like? I think it was just a gradual thing. Was it his palm scar? Probably. No, he was just, I thing was it his palm scar probably no it was just i don't know we just talked a lot did another guy break your heart to go oh wait this guy's always been there kind of thing no it was actually i was kind of dating someone else and but then matt and i were having this like secret relationship where we were kind of like hooking up on the side but

not really telling anyone keeping it a secret you mean cheating you're you're saying no no i wasn't but we weren't exclusive like this guy dating no and so it was it was like valentine's day and the guy that i guess was i was kind of dating put like a rose on my car like on my windshield and and then and he had told matt that he was gonna do this but he didn't know that matt and i were like seeing each other on the side and so when he saw that he was just like he was like so pissed off when he found out but i was like we weren't i mean we weren't really dating we were like talking and you and matt were oh so no no no this guy this oh and so matt was pissed and that was like the final straw to be like i wanna the other guy was pissed but then we were just like we should

just make this official no this guy did but he was pissed about what no the guy was pissed no once he found out that matt and i were like oh oh a thing but it wasn't like official with this other guy yeah so all right no i not going to feel bad about it. I said, yeah, I did it. I think you're being serious. I think you're being... Come on. I will say that when I was watching

Arlo the other day, I had no things to offer him as like someone that has no toys. So I found this and I was like, guess who's inside this button? I was like, guess who? And this button and i was like and he would just like so confused by you know he's that best bomb and i was like yeah bombs in here we don't know why but arlo has called my parent my my my mom is bomb and my dad is baki and also his other grandparents are bombaki are they but then he'll talk about baki ej nora his friend's grandparents

will say nora's grandpa so he knows how to say grandpa and grandma but i think when he first used that term it's like when we said didn't really know how to say it it's funny to think like it was a suicide bomber in a prior life? Like it's never like something like in my prior life I was a serial killer.

Nefertiti. Yeah. What does Baki mean? How does he even know that word? We don't know. We don't know. We don't know what it was. I mean Bob

kind of sounds like the ending of Grandma. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Well who knows? Well let's take a quick break and come back with 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of how to money.

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founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. All right, we're back. Yes, kid. No, we really are. Come we are i know um i just want to quickly tell you about some tour dates i have coming up noah will you tell people where i'm going to be and uh andrew will be as well with me on the road coming up sure uh april 8th you're

going to be in winnipeg canada which we learned has a very, or maybe not so interesting stuff to do. April 9th. Damn, no. April 9th, Vancouver. Yep. April 14th, you're at the Paramount Theater in Austin, Texas. Yes, two shows that night.

So we got a second show added that is part of the Moon Tower Comedy Festival. It's going to be fun. So fun. And then April 15th you'll be in Irving, Texas. Which is Dallas. Yes. Yeah. Oh, interesting. And then Houston the following night, right? That's right.

Which is not Dallas. Yeah. Houston is not Dallas. And we have not been to Houston or Dallas since right before the pandemic. That was like the first kind of theater tour shows we did. It was right when like things were getting squirrely, you know? And we did meet and greets, but we were like, should we? So I'm really excited to go back to those places.

I remember that like distinctly, like of being on stage and be like, are we still, what are we afraid of getting a cold like COVID? And Anya and Matt were wearing masks and we were just like, we're not doing it. They were. I'm not scared. They were doing masks before. I mean, they were doing it back in 2003. Yeah.

Yeah. When it was cool, man. Yeah. I have not worn a mask in so long here in St. Louis. It feels so good. It feels so good. Are you wearing masks anywhere? Have you put one on?

At school, I was. Just in front of your children to pretend like you're. I was wearing them. Oh, yeah. good it feels so good are you wearing masks anywhere have you put one on um at school i was pretend like you're i was wearing them oh but it was kind of like looking at my classes and seeing if the majority of students were wearing masks and i put one on yeah you have to make them feel safe yeah but if um a lot of them weren't i was just do they get bully each other for wearing masks no not at all our like, they're very respectful. In case you don't know, my sister's 18 months younger than me. You can spare all the comments of,

they look so much alike. They don't look alike. Dick, dick, dick. Yeah, yeah. The only type thing I want to hear is, yeah, you don't have to rate us and be like, you're more prettier than your sister. Because I've talked a lot about how my sister's pretty.

So people always go like, I think you're pretty. It's like, we don't need any of it. Even though those comments mean a lot to me and you can send them directly to me at my email address. is pretty so people always go like i think you're like it's like we don't need any of it yeah even those those comments mean a lot to me and you can send them directly to me at my email address um no you we don't need any of that but you you know what i do like is when people say we look alike i do like that yeah that makes you but when they say you don't look anything like i take umbrage with that it makes me feel sad because i want to look like her um but my sister also thanks girl

my sister is a spanish teacher wait he... Thanks, girl. My sister is a Spanish teacher. Hablo español. Wait, he got kind of good at Spanish. Estabas hablando mucho español en México, ¿no? En cabo, entiendo muchas palabras. Y recuerdo cuando joven habla. Hablas mejor que muchos de mis estudiantes You talk better than most of my students

But they're like five No, they're high schoolers Shots fired I love all my students We know you do And we're going to take it very easy on this podcast I'm very aware that my sister's a teacher She would like to keep her job

I'm not going to make her associate with any kind of lewd talk. I want your kids to be able to, your students, if they find this episode, I want them to be able to listen to it and not hear anything bad.

Did I already incriminate myself? No, you haven't said anything. You're very good. Do you want to? No. You want to take a little bit more of a spring break here?

You want to move to Daytona Beach? I really wish I was there. I made a joke last week that i kind of liked that i might as well share that um my dad was saying that you know um he was describing how they oh my god let me just tell the story real quick so mom and dad have marion right and they had arlo they were babysitting arlo the other day because he was on spring break. And I made the joke that they were telling someone a story. And I was like, oh, he, instead of going to senior frogs, he hung out with two seniors. That looked like frogs.

Did you say that? Really? Oh. But that would have been good. I didn't want to be mean because they were right there. I was thinking it. Just your dad and your mom alone. Yeah. No, my dad and your mom alone. Yeah.

No, my dad looks like a turtle. Anything in the reptile world. That's so mean. Okay. So then. Aw, he looks good. No, dad looks great. Yeah, he's handsome for an old man that's falling apart.

Shots fired. Shots fired. He's a liberal. He don't have a gun. But he doesn't have a lot of skin down here. Yeah, there's not. My dad has a tight, tight package tight tight package he's never had a baby out of his mouth your dad got a loose back so anyway they forgot marion at the river because they were like oh yeah they were like you know that we're so trying to get carlo in his car seat making sure that's okay they pulled off and they're on highway 44, which is like 15 minutes,

20 minutes away from their cabin. And they're like, where's Marion? And they're like, Oh my God, we forgot her. And so they drive all the way back. Oh God.

Oh, I heard Marion was like this. Yeah. Yeah. Marion was putting on the aftershave back at home. And. But I was asking what Arlo was saying and

my mom said that he was like it's okay grandma or he said it's okay mom it's okay everything's gonna be okay everything's gonna be okay

it was so sweet that's so sweet and so they got back and Marion was just sitting in the middle of the country road right in front of their cabin just like

oh they left him outside just like waiting and and I said did she start running when she saw your car because she knows what and they said no she waited until they came all the way back like pulled up and was just like and just like got in the car it's like that's the kind of stuff it's like yeah you forget it you forget like they were telling the story to the woman who gave me the rescue dogs who, you know, they're in rescue.

People are very meticulous about who they place their dogs with. She took them back. And she asked for Marion. She was making jokes about it. But I was like, it's OK. Like mistakes happen. Not everyone's perfect. You can, you know, but they don't like beat her.

They didn't do it on purpose. Speaking of. So I wanted to talk about a couple of things. My sister's a Spanish teacher. She loves her students. You're on spring break Speaking of, so I wanted to talk about a couple things. My sister's a Spanish teacher. She loves her students. You're on spring break. You are so good at Spanish. We're going to see how good you are a little bit later.

I'm going to give you a little test. Oh, God. Damn. And I wanted to ask, Andrew got a cat. Got a cat. Before we get to the news, tell us about your cat and how this came about. Where did it start? I don't know.

We were going gonna look for either dog or cat we went initially we were just thinking oh we're gonna get a breeder we're gonna get like a mini dachshund or something like that you were gonna go to a breeder something like that like some honestly were you really gonna go to a breeder i'm not against breeding why because i think these dogs need a home too to find love love. No, breeders need to stop making those dogs, and you need to stop buying them. Those dogs will be placed. You helping breeding isn't going to put a poor...

They're not going to leave that poor dachshund on the street. Breeders need to lose business... But then what? We should just never make dachshunds again? No, they will be made because they will end up in rescues, but you should not be to be breeding dogs and buying you should not support breeders you shouldn't it's wrong i don't think all breeders are bad they aren't all bad they're not like abuse but they're contributing when you buy a dog that's

purebred you are letting a dog in a shelter die you are pretty much doing just that but if you're not buying it you think that dog that dog will get placed by by someone else who's not listening to my podcast right now and hearing this message anyway so that was in the back of my mind i guess because we didn't do that and i'm sorry i just met with my rescue this rescue lady this week and i was like how do i what do i do when my friends get purebred dogs and like you the dog is cute i i don't want that dog to die or not like but she's like no you need to shame them you need to like i don't know i i don't feel that way because we've had i've had rescue dogs we've had purebred dogs i think if a dog's getting love and giving love to their family that's fucking a beautiful thing it's not about the dog it's about the

practice it's about overbreeding yeah people always go you're vegan what are we supposed to all the pigs just what are what all the pigs that are just right now so everyone goes vegan what are those what happens with those pigs it's like that's not gonna happen what we need to do is send a message that this isn't working anymore and those people need to do other things than create i get that but i get puppy mills. I get all that shit, like horrible conditions. Yes. But if these dogs that are being breeded are very loved and- Of course. It's not about the animal. It's not about, it is about animal welfare.

It's not about those dogs are being mistreated. Of course they're being, breeders love dogs. But also dogs are overbred and- This is going to sound really fucked up, but then go, all right, let's just not adopt dogs anymore. Let all those dogs stop so that adoption stops and then we just only buy breeded dogs. You see the flip side? That would never happen, though. But that's never going to happen because there are stray dogs,

and it's never going to happen that way. Just educate yourself. I know. You're not making sense, and you're on the wrong side of things. You really are. I'm just saying I'm for it all. I'm saying adopt or breed. I know you're going to get a ton of messages from people.

If you have a purebred dog, I don't judge you. No, I'm going to get more shit than you would. No, you aren't. People get nuts if you say shopped on a dog. I think do whatever the fuck you want. Just be happy with it. That's how I go. No, I don't think that's-

That's my thought. Well, that's okay. Then murder people because that's what you want to do. I'll start here. Okay. So anyway, so I'm looking for a cat and our dog. We go to Humane Society. We don't find anything that really sticks out to us.

We then go to Stray Dogs, which God bless these people. St. Louis Stray. Dude, these dogs are like, it feels like I got really sad leaving there. Like it's fucking, that it's. That's what happens when people buy purebred dogs. Well. I'm telling you. These dogs were very mistreated.

And, like, I can't, this sounds fucked up, but, like, whoever would take them in would have to have the most insane patience. And, like, literally, like, you couldn't have a family around these dogs. Right. Like, you just couldn't. Oh, absolutely not. Well, that's not, you knowigi and marion are rescues i'm not talking about everyone has to go get a pit bull in lieu of a golden doodle i'm not saying that either i'm just saying what we saw so then we saw that and we didn't obviously there was nothing there that really fit our needs wait can i ask you a question yeah so when you were going in this you were

first looking at dogs or were you both looking at dogs and cats? Both. Both. And then we went to – Was it reigning cats and dogs outside? APA? ASPCA? ASPST?

SPAS? PTSD. Never mind. It's really good Spanish. APA, okay, yeah. There's a place called APA, I think. Whatever. Did you get an IPA?

I got an IPA. I had to get drunk to make these dogs look attractive so i'm blowing this dog sorry lauren and your and your teenagers um okay no but i didn't blow it up um no and then we looked and there was actually a puppy there that we almost got his puppy named toad oh that's a cute name it was like a so cute a mix like like like i don't know what he was they were the cutest puppy ever but it was 11 pounds already at like eight weeks so that's gonna be a 60 pound dog so these things are tough like when you're trying to adopt you can't find it's hard to find small dogs that you should get a cat i can't believe that you found how small your dogs are and like how i don't know like yeah so anyways so you go to pet finder it's

like tinder for dogs oh that's a good one no but yeah all right well you got a cat at this point so anyway so then we're like you know what i don't know if a dog is the right thing to more i think a cat would maybe be more the play and then we were like you know what let's not get any animal then i get a text from brenna and there's an orange male cat which very rarely is like an orange cat available especially for adoption and i was like do whatever like why do people only like certain color cats i don't know black cats are so beautiful oh nothing gets again you still have bad luck i don't want yeah that was so you got an orange cat i got i got a black cat i painted an orange oh great yeah fucking a lot of money I painted it orange. Oh, great. Yeah.

Fucking a lot of money on highlighters. And you named it Mango. Named it Mango. It plays fetch. Dude, this cat. We've got a couple. We've got one minute. It's like a dog that plays fetch, but on fast forward.

So you throw the thing, and it's already there, back. And it's like, for my ADD, it's like, it's just like, it's fantastic. Is it cuddly? Dude, this thing was sleeping on me. So when it first got there, it ran behind the fridge. And then when I, because the last time, you know, they tell you these stories, but a dog attacked it. Oh, it got attacked by a dog. Yeah.

So I had my beard then. I look like a dog. Shaved it. Shaved it. Now the cat's relaxed. Aww. Because you look like a, your face is like a shaved pussy. Now I look like a dog that got shaved.

Feels comfortable around you so anyway so now this fucking cat is like sleeping on my neck and like playing fetch and i fucking love this thing so much it's wild like i did not think i yeah i connect to a cat i know and it's like like that and it's like i feel like luigi would get along with a cat oh for sure yeah he's kind of like a cat you feed it once a day it's i'm worried about the smell i'm okay oh the cat yeah yeah i'm a little worried about the smell but i'm so glad you got a cat you named it mango because and i asked you what the name was from and you said it's just the 100 top names for cats yeah wouldn't you want like a not popular name it was like 84 you know it gets the wheels turning yeah no you're right you're right and i i don't know i just like

we almost named it avid after the avid brothers because no yeah no that's how people get reacting and i never know if it's avid or avid like that's terrible name bad bad bad okay we gotta get to the news uh let's get to the news yeah so anyways mango shout out baby i'm out there i'm so i want i can't wait to meet you oh it's tuesday folks you know what that means it is tuesday hope you're having all the swells sorry about that argument about shop versus adopt adopt don't shop hope you're having a good time even though after hearing to hear all that. Listen, I'm sorry.

I just got to, sometimes I get on my little toadstool. I got to. Get up there. I got to get up there. I can hear it. I don't know much, but I just know that it's a good thing to not do. But if you do have a purebred dog and you're listening to the show and you're mad at me, don't be mad at me.

I still love you. You only wanted a good dog. Don don't judge i don't care but if you adopt and you have an ugly ass dog that smells like shit don't be mad at me i love that dog too yeah we love that dog too all right sides and you're a hero if you rescued and you're not if you did it but you but still your dog is cool and i love you i also spent 150 which i don't know how that's adoption but whatever it goes back to the animals in the end all right so you did actually adopt yeah it was a purebred no uh what's the news today someone wrote that actually someone did write that they go that looks like a purebred to me like they're even mad when you do the right thing yeah i don't know you can't win all right a woman who had brain surgery says she kept taking nudes in her hospital bed for her only fans

she said i can never because of her brain tumor uh she said like it caused her to do it no i can never bring myself to stop working and i took nudes in the bed in my hospital gown the day after surgery get it it, girl. I'm a little worried about OnlyFans. And I want to just say to any of my sister students listening who found Senora Green on this, if you are thinking about when you turn 18 of doing an OnlyFans, like, oh, suddenly there's this thing

where I can go have income, please do not do that. Please wait five years. Especially after watching, I feel like high schoolers watch Euphoria and they're like, I can make that much money. Oh my God.

I'm telling you girls, please don't do it. Have respect for yourself. No, it's not even about respect. Please just wait for like five years until you know yourself a little bit more because you're going to make decisions at 18 that are going to,

and especially OnlyFans, will haunt you the rest of your life when you have kids down the road. there are moms who like find your pictures and then want you your kids kicked out of school like the ramifications of you making this choice about your body and all the stuff you don't know who you're going to be down the road just just wait a little bit um and your frontal lobe's not fully developed so until you're like 28. But people pay for that. Yeah. Oh, my God. Barely developed frontal lobe.

That's so funny. I'm like, you got it. Yeah, it sounds like mine's barely. Barely frontal. Barely developed. Dude, so wait. So what is the, like, a lot of people do make money, but then it's like probably 98% of people make like, I don't know, maybe a thousand bucks a month. You know what I mean?

Like everyone thinks, oh, I'll just show my tits. I'll make a million dollars. It would be hard not to do if you were someone who didn't have a problem expressing yourself sexually and with your body and being naked. Like some girls just like that's not – it's like the way that I talk about sex openly. Like I just don't have a problem with it, and I don't see how other people would. Whereas I look at a stripper, and I'm like, how could you ever do that like I could never do that and I kind of admire them so it'd be hard to not do this thing that you're like I don't really care you know but it's not about whether you care it's about other people care and unfortunately people

can be really cruel about that and so you just don't don't read Craigslist ads about you know being moved down to watch hot girls wanted on netflix and it will really educate you about the sex business and and what do you think about selfies in general though at the hospital like when you're when you're like dying or whatever i think that is very sexy to just like own own wherever you are and like make whatever you are sexy and if this girl i do i do believe believe, you know, Kim Kardashian got a lot of shit talked about her about being like, you need to work, get off your fucking ass, toxic workplaces. I hated more than anything in that little rant she did.

No one talked about the fact that she was like, do not have toxic work environments. Surround yourself with people who want to work. It's like, who gets to choose their work environment, bitch? That, to me, was the most out-of-touch thing of the whole thing. Like, I believe people should work. And, like, you know, whether it's working something creative while you're unemployed. Like, always be, like, hustling. So, I didn't hate that.

But being, like, acting like people can choose whether or not to be in a toxic work environment what are you talking about people got so defensive from her saying they're like i fucking work like their first reaction is i'm poor i work i fucking work i thought you don't work and it's like she could also work hard wow does work hard but and no one wants to hear that people are like you fucking you fucked one guy on video and now you got a billion dollars. Like that's how people. She always gets said that like she doesn't work hard. And these influencers, you know, they look, people just scoff at them if they don't work hard. You know, OnlyFans.

We know just as comedians trying to promote ourselves, put up fucking infographics about tour dates. And shooting a reality show. It is so fucking hard to like put out content it and not so hard it's not backbreaking work but i'm telling you like putting out content is there even if it's just pictures of you in the new skims collection it's it's it's a lot of work editing the photos like it a lot of work i mean she's not doing that editing let's get i will say that she's doing the photo shoots as someone who does them they are exhausting they are uncomfortable they um they really drain you and this is not me being like i'm poor me i'm just saying they i have to

remember sometimes that my life can be described as exhausting when i i used to always think all i do is get on stage and talk into a microphone. How could that be exhausting? I'm not doing like dancing. I'm not singing. Meet and greets. That's fun for me, but all of it is exhausting. All of it is work. It's being on. I think people

get mad though. I don't know how you do it all. I don't know how you do being a mom. I described watching Arlo as being three hours on stage because I could not go to the bathroom. I described watching Arlo as being three hours on stage because I could not go to the bathroom. I could not take a bite of food. You could go to the bathroom. Well, he paused the TV and was like,

watch it. Come back and watch this. And I had to watch an autistic man drawing. He was just so excited to be with you. But that was different. Like being a mom, you can kind of let them do their own thing when they're in those.

We talked about this. But I did compare being a babysitter for Arlo, wanting to do a good job and be as present as possible. It was exactly like being on stage. You are perky. You're constantly talking or listening. You're on stage, you're constantly talking. But even active listening is exhausting. But you're doing it for hundreds.

Shout out to all the moms out there. Next story. is exhausting and um but you're doing it shout out to all the moms out there hundreds i think people i think people oh well i just think like people get angry because they're they equate work with being successful and rich like if you just work hard you'll be rich no no and you'll be and like a lot of times people that have two or three jobs are even poor you know yeah get even poured somehow working harder so i think that's when people real people take a lot of oh yeah they get very angry because they go oh i don't work hard that's why i'm poor because i don't work hard and then that's like working hard does not equal money so much of the time it's unfortunate her dad was a lawyer all that shit like it's the class that you'll probably stay in what'd you say i said the class that you're born into is the class that you'll stay in. Yeah, that's unfortunate.

And people being like, I pulled myself up. There are a few exceptions, but yeah. But you also had a lot of luck on your side. Okay, Noah, what's the next story? Okay, I'm gonna need you to complete the sentence. Beauty experts warn, never let your manicurist do this.

Cut your cuticles. Suck on your thumb. It's cut your cuticles. Erotic. Cut your cuticles? Yep. And the cuticle is a natural feature of the nail and serves a critical function. Oh, I didn't know that was why.

It connects the skin to the nail to protect the nail and skin from different kinds of infection if the cuticle is cut excessively and there's a separation between the nail and skin a fungal infection can get in under the nail or into the skin never yeah a lot of um warts happen from you know like that's that's where your skin it's yeah that stuff can get underneath and that's where infections can start yeah there's something about if you're a man listening and you don't know what, like, manicures are, like, what they entail. They put this kind of, like, liquid on your cuticles, and then they use this little pusher thing after they soften, and they push them down. And then they cut them with this cuticle cutter, and they just cut them off, you know, cleanly. Your nails aren't bleeding if they're doing it right.

And they actually aren't allowed to do that, I think, in New York State. In some states, that's right. Because they can cut your skin and cause infection. They classify it as surgery. So what do you do? Just keep pushing it back? No, your cuticle will not take over your nail. It will

stay where it is. It's just, it doesn't look as pretty you know if you tell a person grow up a little bit yeah if you tell a manicure to this though like don't cut my will she look at you weird no i'm just saying like i should go you know what sorry it's usually an any asian person that i go asian yeah no it usually is where i'm just usually asian people to, why you old lady hands to me? Oh, why you really?

I've had that a lot. Why you old lady? Because my hands would be shredded in blood because I would pick up my skin and cuticles back when I like had more anxiety. And yeah, I would get why you old lady hands a lot. And it would be and I would just go I don't know or like why you blood how are your nails

I kind of have old lady hands too yeah we have like the same kind of hands why you both have old lady hands why you old lady hand I love this people push up farther I'm not trying to no I know but it's just like a natural did you know that you might be a lesbian

if you're most lesbians have a lesbian if you're, most lesbians have a longer, if you put up your palm, a longer ring finger than your pointer finger. And most men have, most men have that because they're men.

Oh my gosh. Look at mine. I know mine's the same way. Look at mine. Yeah. I saw another thing on TikTok that means you have a big penis and I'm like,

yeah, we're, um, let's take a break and then we'll come back with Why Do I Care? Another thing on TikTok, that means you have a big penis. And I'm like, yeah, we're idiots. Let's take a break and then we'll come back with Why Do I Care? 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel.

Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right.

How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed?

Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour like LPGA superstar Angel Yen. I really just sat myself down at the end of 2022 and I was like, look, either we make it or we quit. Expert tips to help improve your swing and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. The drinks were flowing, twerking all over the place, vaping, they're shotgunning. Women's golf is a wild ride, full of big personalities,

remarkable athleticism, fierce competition, and a generation of women hell-bent on shanking that glass ceiling. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and badder than ever. I'm Erica. And I'm Mila. And we're the hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast, brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday.

Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your tribe. With guests like Corinne Steffens. I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happened. And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off

because the white said it was okay. Problem. My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, and I called to ask how I was doing. She was like, oh dad, all they was doing was talking about your thing in class. I ruined my baby's first day of high school. And Slumflower.

What turns me on is when a man sends me money. Like I feel the moisture between my legs when a man sends me money. I'm like, oh my God, it's go time. You actually sent it? Listen to the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcasts.

Hey, you guys. I'm Catherine Legg. I'm a racing driver who's literally driven everything with four wheels across the planet. And I've got a new podcast. It's called Throttle Therapy. This season, I'm gearing up to make history, competing in some of the world's most notorious racing events, starting at the Indy 500.

Join me as I travel from racetrack to racetrack in my quest to continue a memorable career in racing. I'm also going to bring you inside stories with legends of sports, new faces from the next generation of auto racing, and conversations with the people who've supported me throughout my career. We'll be getting into everything from karting to NASCAR, even Formula One. Whether you dream about being a pro athlete or an astronaut, we're talking about what it takes to make it.

Listen to Throttle Therapy with Catherine Legge, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Why do I care, Noah? Why do I care? Actually, I care i i want to know if lauren cares about this okay okay kylie jenner and travis scott change baby wolf's name we didn't feel like it was him that's what they said yeah and how old was the baby the baby was born in February of this year. That baby needs to get to work. Seriously.

And get off its fat ass and do some fucking work. Yeah. And stop being in a toxic womb environment and get out. Filter that baby. I think that's the name. I think that's fair. What did they change it to? They didn't say. So basically, Kylie, on her Instagram,

she posted an FYI for everyone because she keeps seeing the name Wolf. And she's like, by the way, we changed the name. I love the name Wolf. But she didn't say what they changed it to. What are they changing it to? They don't know. And she didn't say whether or not

they're getting rid of his middle name, which is Jacques. I like Jacques Cousteau. Wolf, though, I want to say, is Sabrina Jalize's babies. say whether or not they're getting rid of his middle name which is jacques i like jacques custeau um wolf though i want to say is uh sabrina jaleez's baby's name oh it's such a cute um what do you do you think i think that's i think that's fair because they were like you're living it yeah i think that's better than just keeping that name for the rest of their life and always having you just had a baby november 27th 25th 25th no no no really yeah i did my special the 28th and it was on it was the day after thanksgiving you had you had your baby yeah and i shot my special the day before thanksgiving on november 28th no i did it on the Saturday. Never mind. Okay. You checked out about the date of your baby.

That makes more sense. That was unbelievable. I was just like, wait a second. There's just no way. I've never heard an argument about that. Okay. So the 25th of November, you had Forrest. What's his middle name?

Did you really? Lawrence. I did. Forrest Lawrence Green. And Forrest, I mean, is a name that people have reactions to they either think forest gump or a forest his name is forest green that is a that's you guys being cheeky and funny i am obsessed with it now i really weren't when you know at first i was just like it's forest gump and forest gump is slow he's a slow adult like you were the first person that i like football associated forrest gump i

mean everyone probably initially does if they know the movie but right i think if you're younger than a millennial they don't they don't know one even emil joaquin who is 24 now is like i don't think of forrest gump when i first hear Forrest and so he will not he'll just get that from people my age the rest of his life when he grows up his like teachers

will be like always like have you seen Forrest Gump and he'll be like yes how did you pick it was it 100 top 100

but seriously how do you pick it I don't think it's I don't think it's top 100 either but no we I thought I was having a girl for sure. I was like, there's no way.

Does it? Well, they had a better name for girl. It was going to be Olive if it was a girl. A better name for a girl. Forrest for a girl is not as good as Olive would be for a girl. So it was going to be Olive Green. But I love that you stuck with the color thing. Because I always knew that you were going to do Olive olive green it was my favorite little secret i had and then when

he was born i was just like oh no and then i was thinking oh maybe they can come up with something else and then they came up with force green i love force green so much now because first of all i like that you guys took a risk and being like kind of funny and like having a little fun with it and i also love i was filming perfect strangers too which is what we call the other thing yeah okay and um there was a part of it where we were asking the people like what their favorite color it wasn't even we were just asking them questions one of the questions was what your what's your favorite color we were asking to this um cast member because he like didn't share a lot about himself. He's a very simple person.

And so I was like, here's a hard-hitting question. Are you ready? This might really, are you ready to really be emotional now and really reveal yourself? And he was like, I'm ready. And I was like, what's your favorite color?

And he was just like, he didn't get the joke, you know? And he kind of just thought, and he was like, Forest Green. And I was like, that's my nephew's name. And kind of just like thought and he was like forest green and i was like oh that's my nephew's name and they everyone was just like okay yeah and i was like i go no like my nephew my sister's last name is green and she just named her baby forest his name is forest

green i've never even heard anyone say forest green as like a color and everyone was just like can we move on yeah but that's cool right and it was just like um yeah nikki um can we cut we need to have a talk with her that yeah and you're like and poppy and and arla and they're like okay you know that's not what it's about it's not you we're not worried that you're not naming everyone um at what age though can you at what point do you have to go no you're wolf we've no, you're Wolf. We've been calling you Wolf now for seven years. I think six months.

Like when a baby starts to like understand. When does a baby start to like perk up and understand its name? I would say three months. Okay. You get three months. All right. Three months. But people change.

They go from, you know, from Andrew to Andy when you're, or Andy back to Andrew. He can use his middle name. I mean, people fuck around with everything. He could go by Larry, you know? He could go by 4-4. 4-4? 4-4? No, wait.

Wait, wait. I have something to say. You guys are going to really judge me on this one. Forrest's birthday is actually the 26th of November. Shots fired. Oh, my God. That's the dumbest thing you've ever done in fairness you said a different date though too but i know but i knew it was wrong yeah i knew 25th was yeah when i said it it just didn't feel right and because it's the 26th because i was just like i can't call my sister a liar right now about this like oh my god we should post a photo of me and her pregnant. But yeah, anyway.

Oh, it was amazing. I already posted it on our account. Remember that? Oh, yeah. It was so good. It was the night before. Andrew ate too much Thanksgiving food. Labor, yeah.

Andrew ate too much Thanksgiving food and literally had the same size stomach as my sister that was about to be in labor that night. And I went to the Funny Bone to run my set the night before i went to just and you went and she went to the hospital and andrew went to the bathroom at the funny bone and puked because he was so sick from eating too much we both had a baby delivered wait so we came out different ends though we gotta do red it's so good it's too good today. We got to get to Reddit dump. That's when my mouth stretched. Gobble, gobble. Ham drip.

Turkey boy. All right. Reddit dump. Karaoke mode. This is your Reddit dump. Ooh. Yes. It's time for Reddit dump. Okay.

I just, I'm going to read a couple of these like tweets that show up on reddit this one is from the subreddit me irl it's like it's just people being like this is so me and this is a tweet from kathleen bar barber and says you've probably seen it before but it says every email i ever send hello exclamation mark i'm extremely excited to be corresponding with you exclamation mark You can tell by the number of exclamation points I use. Exclamation point. Here's one sentence

with a period so that I don't come across as manic. Period. Thanks! Exclamation mark. I do that every time. So me.

Yeah, I abuse the exclamation marks. There's sometimes that these tweets where you just go, God, that's such a good comedy bit. There's so many stand-up jokes that would be like the linchpin of an entire special

that could get you on the map that are just these little tweets that people put out. Like yours, your viral tweet. Oh, yeah, the one about the rapping. The exclamation marks, but isn't that part of your voice denotation? Isn't that the word? Annotation? I don't know. Intonation.

Does it already come up for you? No, it doesn't do that. Oh, you say it? You't that the word? Annotation? I don't know. Intonation. Does it already come up for you? No, it doesn't do that. Oh, you actually say exclamation? I've seen you dictate before. Well, yeah, when I dictate, I say exclamation point. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, me too.

So my friend, Bill Dixon, he showed up. He is an executive producer and writer on Perfect Strangers 2 and 1. And the other day, I was on white people Twitter, which is a subreddit where like people have funny tweets from white people. I don't know why. I also am on black people Twitter. It doesn't make any sense. But so it said, his tweet is about five years ago I worked,

and I just read the tweet. I've seen this tweet before and I've never looked at who it's from. And then all of a sudden I was like, oh my God, god it's bill dixon so it says about five years ago i worked in a restaurant and ludacris came in ordered spring rolls and sent them back when i apologized he said don't apologize spring rolls are unpredictable i think about this at least once a week it reminds me of like a like a i can see mitch hedberg saying something in that vein that's how it's so funny i wrote to him i go my God, I read this before I saw it was you. I was like, this is so fucking funny.

He said, I'm a fucking star. He said, happened like eight years ago. I tried desperately to make it a bit for like three years because it was such a remarkable moment, but gave up and just tweeted it like five years ago. And like once a year it revirals and pops up on Moist Buddha or whatevs. He said, it's a good one.

Luda retweeted it and is occasionally asked about it in interviews can i be honest though yeah i've very rarely ever had a bad spring roll like out of out of food like i feel like and i'm not shots fired here i don't feel like they're that unpredictable i always feel like they're within the same five percent i can't understand why it would ever be a problem you can fry like shoelaces and they'll be good maybe that was shoelace fries um okay style of fry here's another me irl being new at a job is so embarrassing for no reason and someone responded to it said someone said it feels like you're a new character on season five of a show being new at a job is so embarrassing yeah um this is insane okay this is from technically the truth the subreddit technically the truth um the the caption the you know title is

i know i know y'all are feeling about this i know how y'all are feeling about this and i am very sorry and it's someone googling high five emoji and the emoji that shows up is the one we all use as the prayer hands. It is in fact a high five. What? Not prayer hands. Isn't that crazy? I thought that was, thank you. So it's not the same pair of hands.

It's two different hands. Yeah, it's two hands. Prayer hands. Yeah, meeting in the middle. It should be just two different skin tones to make it look like it's actually. Oh, that would be good. But this was before we embraced that maybe oh yeah oh they should have a prayer hands for every one or just one hand bigger than the

other hand high-fiving i guess it probably only lets you high-five people of your own race or maybe more of the arm to make it actually look no it's it's a bad look um no i want to play um i want to play the my man just gave up um that that clip this is a girl that is on a podcast and she's she's like a playboy bunny she has like bunny ears in she looks like an influencer she has a lot of filler in her face and she is not a smart person say we don't actually need gravity but that's a different thing like do you mean i thought this was a tic tac we were watching something where someone's like we don't actually need gravity we're watching this to me like we actually don't need it what do you mean that we don't need gravity what if it was never invented

whoever created gravity someone did but we don't actually need it there was a time on earth before gravity existed yes you should know what gravity is trisha why i just feel like it's important to understand the world you live in that you have to know what gravity okay well you should know what gravity is trisha why i just feel like it's important to understand the world you live in that you have to know what gravity okay well you should know something foster and you don't know her so what oh i hate when people do that you're right okay so probably at some point in that podcast also she had mentioned someone and the person didn't know who they were and yes um have you ever met someone who didn't know something like that? She has a good point.

Her knowing what gravity is is probably not going to serve her in life. Well, yeah. I mean, at what point? Like me knowing what gravity is and that it wasn't something that was invented. But could you describe gravity? I just want to know what she thinks it is then. Why does gravity happen? What affects it? The moon. I know what she thinks it is then. Why does gravity happen? What affects it? The moon.

I know, but like, that's all everyone. I'm just saying like. But I know it's a natural phenomenon. I know that no one invented it. That's the thing that I'm like. Yes. When some people think that something is that, like I'm like, but I would have asked her,

what do you think it is then? Like there are like towers that create it? Like, I don't know. Maybe she does. I mean, does gravity it. Like, I don't know. Maybe she does. I mean, does gravity have a tick tock? Was she thinking like God created gravity? Is that where she's going with that? No, I think she thinks it's like, I bet she thinks, you know, Edison or whatever created electricity.

It's like the light bulb. Yeah. When really it was, you know, like she probably thinks like it was whoever discovered it. I think it was Sir Isaac Newton, right? What, gravity? What, Gravity? Yeah, with like an apple or whatever. John Mayer? Gravity.

I just created it. What else have I done? This is a really sad one. Noah, play the guy who uses it. This is from Cringetopia subreddit. Guy who uses an MP3 file to pretend he's at a college party. So this guy is pretending to be drunk and he's filming like a selfie video and in the background you hear a lot of party

chatter and it sounds real until you realize it's a track of a party and he's acting like he's at a party so listen in do you people think i'm drunk man i ain't drunk no it's all good though trust. Trust me. If I was drunk, I wouldn't know about it. No, but I'm just having a good time. You know, living in college isn't what college is about.

So, I do appreciate thank you guys for supporting my channel. Okay. It just makes me so sad It looks like this How did they find out that it was a track?

I mean because you I think someone found the track Once you start listening to it You go Really paying attention It's not a good look We've all done things to seem cool I want to say that

that's good but it's so sad yeah i don't even think it's good i don't even think it's good it's just it's correct yeah it's it's it's it's bad um i mean i think i've done things to seem like more popular maybe back for sure in the day um it's just or caught someone like pretending like they went to a party that weekend. But there used to be this thing in high school where like pretending like you got drunk was like the coolest thing. To be like, I'm so drunk.

And like people would act like they're drunk and you'd be like, that's not an alcoholic. I've heard stories of that. Or like I remember one girl. They did that at my at my um prom a kid put odules in the first keg to prove like as a prank oh wow like and we're like great that's an expensive and then we all found out and we were like cool i guess i've gotten drunk off of 10 odules no when i first quit drinking i drank like 10 odules and i felt something it

was like having a couple kombuchas and not the alcoholic kombuchas like people always go no you can't feel anything from kombucha i go then why do you drink it why do you why do sober people love kombucha so much it's because it gives you something just like caffeine gives you something it it doesn't give you and i'm not talking about black label that actually has alcohol in it i'm talking about regular kombucha it's got a little bit of something

otherwise you wouldn't drink it it's not delicious there's other things that have sugar in them that are way better but yeah people do that with oregano

remember oregano was like oh you smoke dude you high bro that was oregano oh it's like fuck man

I'm still stoned I swear to god though so much of like getting high or drunk is based like I'll be around drunk people and I'll start stoned. I swear to God, though, so much of getting high or drunk is based... I'll be around drunk people and I'll start acting drunk. I absorb so much of how people act or

accents. We just kind of absorb your environment. Okay, so this is the one I wanted to test Lauren on. I'm going to ask her wait. Wait. Your aunt is spending so much of your time. You have so many horseflies in the tent Espera, tu tia pasa tanto tiempo de tu tiempo

Tienes tantas moscas de caballo en tu carpa Damn, girl Or en la carpa, not your tent Well, in French, this is how it is So many horseflies in the tent damn girl or in la carpa not your tongue well in French this is how it is there's something like that in Spanish with como because como can mean how and como can mean I eat

and then como can also mean like do you ever do like the mayor como they're called like travel anglers like tongue twisters in Spanish oh I like it um that's cute that's what it sounds like okay let's go into final thought I just want to give you I used to do this thing uh Taylor McGraw my one of my best friends and I used to always go into we'd spend our contact period, which was like a 20 minute period between second and third hour,

where you're supposed to like go visit teachers to like learn things or just like people would just socialize. But we would go into Hare Anderson, who you still work with, right? This is his last year. He's retiring. Oh my God.

Well, we used to go to Hare Anderson's classroom. His name was Hare? You know, it's Mr. It's German for to go to Hare Anderson's classroom. His name was Hare? You know, it's Mr. Hare. It's German for Mr. So Hare Anderson's room and he does have nice hair though.

Really good hair. A strong, a strong, he does. Yeah. Line, a strong hairline. And we would go into his classroom

and we would quiz him on like really weird words to be like, how good are you? And so we would just throw weird words at him to like stump him. So can I try to stump you?

You're probably going to be able to stump me. I know, because there's lots of words that like you wouldn't know. Yeah. But okay. Corkscrew. Oh, sacacorchos. Okay, I know that one.

Bunk bed. No say. We stumped her. You got any ones? Bunk bed. Dolphin tail. Oh, I see. Oh, la cola de delfín.

Oh, la cola de delfín. You don't even know English. Yeah. He's being stumped English-wise. Oh, is that not the game? You don't even know English words. Yeah. He's being stumped English-wise. Oh, is that not the game? I just thought I was thinking of any word. Bronze oatmeal bowl. Well, that's easy because it's just going to be

un bol de los cereales bronceado. What about avena? Avena's, yeah, oats. Okay. Because I bought a lot of amulets in Mexico. Xylophone. Ooh. Xylophone.

I think it's xylophone. Yeah, a lot of these words that are. Xylophone. You're giving me a lot of Latin-rooted words. That's kind of easy. Got it. The charging cable for my old transistor radio. El cable de cargado para mi viejo, mi antiguo radio.

Okay, this is a boring segment for a podcast. Wait, I have one, I have one. Okay, yeah, this is pretty. Okay. I got a hot dog at the library. Yo conseguí un perrito caliente en la biblioteca. Wait, what was something hot? Oh, a dog. A hot perrito caliente.

You literally say a dog that's hot. A little hot dog. Yeah. But like, what if people think that, like, what if you're saying my dog is hot and you take him to the vet? No, then you would say mi perro tiene calor. Wait, okay. So what about my dog ate a hot dog and now he's hot?

Mi perro comió un perrito caliente y entonces tiene calor. What about my sexy dog ate a hot dog and now he's sexy? Now he's a dog that's hot. And he's more sexy. What about a hot dog that... Because caliente isn't that hot. Yeah, but they just say sexy too. Sexy is like a word that's been adapted.

So when you say that a dog is hot, why are you saying a different word? Because I was thinking that he's overheating. No, no, no. He's sexy. So my sexy dog ate a hot dog, and now he's more sexy. Say it. Say it, baby. Now he's a more sexy dog.

Mi perro sexy comió. No, caliente. Well. Okay, fine. I feel like I'm like Arlo. Like, caliente. Okay, mi perro caliente comió un perrito caliente, y ahora. Muy caliente. Es muy caliente. Es muy caliente. I perro caliente comió un perrito caliente. Y ahora. Muy caliente.

Es muy caliente. Es muy caliente. I like that. I'm doing it. Lauren, is there anything, we have a lot of parents listening in that have small children who are obviously going to be going to school or are in school. Is there anything you could say as a parent to a student that you would like to say? As a teacher or just as a parent? Yeah, as a teacher. Yeah, as a parent to a student that you would like to say um as a teacher yeah as a teacher as a yeah as a teacher oh i mean or if the kids that are so respectful and nice and sweet make all

the difference in the class so if you please your kids thank you yes so many kids don't say please and thank you i realized that when i was giving out halloween candy they don't have like the reverie or respect for adults like they just look at us like you don't like they just don't they look at you like you're like they're they treat you like you're they're your peer yeah what happened to being scared of adults i was scared of literally every adult and and i would have done anything they any of them told me to. I was in the middle, probably. Yeah? You challenged authority. I pissed off a lot. Well, I think that, I mean, if they're being disrespected,

yeah, I can see that. But just the common decency towards adults. I wasn't disrespectful to them. I did call one teacher a skunk because he had white hair in between. But he was being rude to me. So I just shot back, oh, okay, skunk.

And then he threw me against the wall. Oh my God, that's so funny. Yeah, he threw me hard threw me hard against did anyone else know that he was a skunk like was that a thing you guys whispered to each other i think if they didn't know they looked and they were like that's just such a good yeah yeah he looked exactly like a skunk oh my god breath smelled like the can i ask a question when you have kids like that though that are like well i'm too cool for it and you're teaching and you're giving a lesson, do you ever look? I mean, I don't want to put this in your brain, but I know as the lights are on, if I was a teacher, I would look at Johnny in the third row being like, all right, fuck.

Does that ever fuck with you, them not paying attention or them giving you evil eye? This is like doing stand-up and you pay attention to the person that's not like oh it makes you it makes you like want to work harder to to reach what do you do when someone is not paying attention or they're like you can see them like not i call them out i mean i'm like put away your phone let's pay attention oh they're allowed to have their phone it's a losing battle you battle. You just have to accept it. And they all just stare into their laps a lot. They're very interested in their laps.

And inside their desks. I'm sure there's a lot going on in person. Oh, they just have it out. Really? Yeah. Oh, my God. The times have changed. Lauren, right before we go, tell listeners one thing about me that they wouldn't know,

that you know because we grew up together you're very sensitive what really yeah you you have like this you know you portray this kind of harder exterior, but deep down, you're just a little squishy marshmallow. Oh my God. That's like the nicest thing you've ever heard. That's so sweet. That's all I want is to be, we talked about like our favorite compliments

and my favorite one is you're adorable. So that kind of goes into that of being like a little sweet, sweet. Yeah. And you're elegant. Oh yeah, graceful. Not many people know that you're actually very graceful. That would be hilarious if Lauren was like,

she's really tidy. All right, guys, we got to go. Thank you, Lauren, for being here, my sister. We'd love to have you back. Season two is coming up next week. Get your friends involved. This is a great, we're going to start fresh. All the things that you know and love about the show

will be back. A little couple changes will happen, but nothing that is going to throw you will be here four days a week. We love you so much. Thank you so much for listening to the show this past year, no matter when you joined in. Come see us on the road. We're doing meet and greets everywhere. We can't wait

to meet you guys. We have merch available at the podshop. NikkiGlazer.com. We really appreciate you guys. Thank you, besties. We love you. Yeah, great season one. Great season one. I didn't even know

we were doing seasons until at the end. I was like, oh, I guess we're doing seasons. That's kind of cool. I love it. Feels like the OC with like 30 episodes.

We've done 196 episodes. 92. That's wild. That's amazing. So 192? Well, I thought we were impressive. November 26th.

All right, guys. Ham drips. Yeah, have all the swells. Don't be cut. And Jack Dempsey. Oh, good one. Okay. Do you know who he is?

No. Gravity. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial

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Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity,

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or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top. I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten

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I decided I wanted to tell my own story. Listen to Crumbs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.