The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #20 Climate Change Your Tone

Episode Date: April 23, 2021

Nikki starts the show chatting with producer Noa about birthdays and good gestures. Andrew is back in the apartment in St. Louis emptying his "5 days of stock" and Nikki slept just fine after an Earth Day movie night. The news inspires stories about painful liquids, dementia prevention, pushing past discomfort, 420 and Andrew makes the best joke that Nikki has ever heard. They find a good quote from Albert Einstein and wrap it all up with appreciation for curiosity. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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We're rounding up the week. Oh, my God. I'm going to miss doing this over the weekend. I don't know what to do with myself if I don't start my day with this. Noah, happy birthday. Right off the top. Thank you. How does it feel that it's your birthday? you a you're a birthday person right like you like them definitely definitely not a birthday person are because anyone who likes birthdays usually celebrates other people's very well and you are very good at celebrating mine which is why I always feel an impending sense of guilt when yours approaches and I never know it no because no no generally if people give you good gifts,

it's like they want good gifts for their birthday. But maybe that's not the case for you. But you always knock it out of the park for mine. And I feel you know what? You don't make me feel bad. I feel bad on my own accord, but I don't. I'm going to release it and I'm going to be as good of a friend to you on your birthday as I can and celebrate you. And it might just not come in the form of a gift that arrives on time. No, you already gave me a gift by waking up early to do this podcast. Oh my God, please. That is gift enough. What are you doing today for your birthday?

And you are a birthday person. Get out of here. You must be. I don't like to be the the center of attention and I feel like my birthday kind of imposes that on me it just makes me so uncomfortable

I know where it comes from and I like I don't care about birthdays it's always like a day where I just want to text or if I don't get a text that's fine too I don't care about birthdays. It's always like a day where I just want to text. Or if I don't get a text, that's fine too. I don't hold it against anyone.

But for my birthday, I'm taking myself horseback riding tomorrow morning. Nice. Cowgirl style. Which means no saddle and it's your reverse on a man. I can only picture cowgirl in the sense of reverse. So what does that mean, cowgirl style? I just get to wear cowboy boots, and it's a style of riding a horse. There's like English and Western. Okay, so it's Western.

Learning Western. Okay. Yeah. So why are we up early then doing this if you have nothing to do all day today? Bitch. No, I do have stuff to do. day today bitch no i do have something what are you doing today for your birthday so um i have my my fiance's dad coming to town and we're just gonna go that's the worst birthday gift i've ever heard for yourself my fiance's dad and i are going to

dinner i mean i assume your fiance is also going to be there but like honestly fiance's dad it's not even worth having a fiance and boyfriend's dad sounds better fiance's dad sounds like some kind of punishment and uh porn search uh but i won't put that in your head as before you go to dinner okay so you have a you have a you have a dinner with your fiance that is like the worst i don't care if your dad if your fiance's dad is like fucking tom hanks which is not you don't want to go to you don't want to go to dinner with a fiance's dad for your birthday or do you it's okay i mean he's coming to town for your birthday who set this up did you say that's what i want no it's it's not what i said but it just the timing worked out that way and um usually for my birthday we do an act like for birthdays we do activities we don't do presents

yeah and my present is coming in may like that day will be in may okay so he's gonna give you your present as of an activity in may however if he doesn't also get you something today yeah in terms of like a card a just a little thing yeah it's i'll be annoyed he will you yeah i'm sure i think he got one because he's like oh do you want your presents your your tonight, which was last night? And I was like, I'm too tired to accept anything right now. And he goes, or do you want it in May? And it is going to be a gift card to the Bass Pro Shop that my dad, Rick, and you will spend together when he comes back in May for all birthday associated activities. Yes.

Okay. So he's getting you a gift. That is before May. Wait, did you guys agree on this like activity as a gift policy? Yeah, we kind of had a discussion about it because I'm not very much a present person. I don't expect a present. If I get one out of the blue because someone saw something and they thought of me,

then that means a lot to me. Love, love, yeah. But we just kind of decided that for birthdays we'll do activities. And I've been killing it on his birthday, just to let you know. Okay, what did you do? What have you done?

I took him mountain climbing. And I also took him ice climbing. And I also took him. I remember. Ice climbing. And. Oh my God. Do you have anything else to climb at this point? Probably not.

But you know, just like trying new things. It's the climb. I'm singing that Miley Cyrus song. I think you would like mountain climbing. Those are good activities. What? Really? I think you would like mountain climbing. Those are good activities. What? Really? I think you would love it.

I have strong legs, so I think I'd be good because it is all about legs, right? People are under the illusion that it's like a lot of arms, but it's like your arms grasp and your legs are doing most of the pushing you up. According to the instructor, it's all about the rubber, man. What's the rubber? Rubber on the most of the like pushing you up according to the instructor it's all about the rubber man what's the rubber rubber on the bottoms of your shoes oh oh that grip but you would like it because i think you would like how the harness feels because i know you're into like ropes and

stuff there's a lot of knots i'm not into ropes i'm not see i'm not i like ropes just because they are part of like a sex practice that makes you stay in place and like can't move but i don't like them like as ropes themselves i was frozen in fear and that kept me in place oh my god were you so scared i was but you were but uh did you feel very safe though i mean was it had to have been very safe this isn't like free climbing no no it's not free climbing and i think that's a part of why uh i sign up to do these things he enjoys the thrill stuff i don't but it definitely is a good bonding it's like we talked about in the podcast a few days ago trauma bonding yeah that's that's uh that's a good idea um yeah just keep your relationship in going through stages where you both think you're gonna die and have to hold

on to each other for dear life and like you might have that cliffhanger moment but i've only seen the beginning of that movie i think he's like holding on to a woman and then she falls did you ever see that it's like i think it's what's his name rambo uh sylvester sylvester yeah it's like in the beginning of the movie he's like rock climbing with a chick and he's like holding her and then he loses grip and she he just watched her fall down this like canyon and then i never saw the rest of it but um yeah that's a good idea to create uh traumatic um events to like okay but i gotta ask you we talked about the book yesterday in the intro the book that i recommend everyone the book that i'm reading again that i'm

learning so much about women and myself from um so much resentment can come from birthday presents and like not thinking of like the like if my boyfriend were to say oh I'm gonna take you to dinner that's your birthday gift and I would probably agree to that and then there would be like a small resentment like you got to get me something else that was in the past I think now I would be like hey my birthday is coming up I I really value thoughtful gifts from my partner. And that doesn't have to be like a money thing. It can literally be like my favorite gift to give is a heartfelt card that is like takes up both sides of the card in terms of like just writing your feelings about someone because it's something they can keep it's something they can put in a shoebox and someday though kids will find it and know how important their you know great uncle or their dad or their

mom was to this random person who wrote a car like it's a little it's it's more important it's better than like a gift card to anthropology, which I did get you in years past. You did, but you've also given me that two-sided card and I keep it. Oh, I have. Yeah, and I just kind of keep it out like in the kitchen and here and there, like I'll pass by it

and I'll pick it up and I'll read it. Or like if I'll have in the drawer and I'll find it. It's always like a hit of dopamine and it's very thoughtful and sweet. well you you're really good about that too of like just sending me texts that are like these like towers of texts that are just like how you feel about me and they just are so uplifting and make me just be gentler to myself so yeah that's what I mean like if you're looking to get your mom a gift you can't afford anything just write your feelings in a fucking card it costs no money literally get a piece of paper from the printer cut you know fold it into fours draw a little rabbit on the front and say happy

bun i was trying to make some like rabbit pun uh like they put carrots on a cake i don't know like make a wrap just draw anything you're good at drawing even if it's one of those s's where the three lines and then three lines underneath and you connect it and then just have it open up and say mom and then write all the good things about your mom even if she is a total witch and you resent her deeply and you've spent hundreds of dollars in therapy, like recovering from what she did to you because that's all you need to do. And it will make people feel so fricking good. You can't even believe it. It's the cheapest way. So, um, now that I've already done that for you, I don't think I'm going to do it again. Just kidding. I will be letting you know how I feel about it. I think I did that yesterday, which is the ironic thing is I sent you

a text saying how great you are to me. And then I found out it was your birthday later. And I'm like, ha, ha, ha. You had a sense. I had a sense that I needed to dump my feelings about you onto you. Well, happy birthday, Noah. Thank you. Let's bring Andrew in here and get the celebration started.

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How's it going, bud-bud? Hey, you recognize this place? Ah, yeah. I see you recognize this place? Ah, yeah. I see you're in my apartment, our apartment. Welcome to the show. It's Noah's birthday. Do you know that? Of course I do.

Happy birthday, Noah, a.k.a. Lady Gaga, a.k.a. Gaga Lady. Thank you. Did you get a phone yet, Andrew? You're back in St. Louis. You traveled all day yesterday. You arrived last night at Lambert International Airport at 9.50 p.m. I'm guessing you landed on time. I did land on time.

I have not got a phone. How'd you get? Did your lady pick you up? She did pick me up. Nice. That's fun. Which was funny because two days ago I was like, Hey, I'm getting in at 10 p.m.

Be great if you came over. I'd love to see you she's like oh that's a little it's a little late and i was like jesus i was like all right and then she was like have did you write back jesus or did you just go jesus to yourself i went jesus to myself i got to her and you kind of threw your phone across the bed and like put your face down the pillow and then two seconds later you picked it back up well it was broken but yes oh yeah this was all on instagram uh on my computer but yeah so then yesterday i was just like yeah i'm gonna i'm coming in and she she's i was like you could pick me up if you want like as a joke kind of and she's like i'd love to and it was like i think she

had a couple days to think about it anyway she picked me up and it was awesome to get picked up by the airport like that hug that you come back to i don't know it's like my god so nice but it does feel better than hugging your cab driver um yes although i don't know sometimes uh yeah a hug from a man who hasn't hugged someone in a while and he's got those like wooden beaded things like kind of uh carved into his back from the seat cover and you can rub them on your hands and it feels like you're playing a it's like braille and it says i love you on his back that is nice for the blind people that is nice yeah um but it was awesome i mean we like you know we were gone two months we don't feel like we were gone two months at least i didn't uh yeah we were gone more than two months buddy two months and four days oh my bad i was way off uh

i mean it's just like sometimes people say two months and they're rounding up but it's like we're rounding down yeah yeah it was one sixth of our year i mean that's it's a it's longer than i think i initially thought it was gonna be when i left like seven weeks ah whatever i'm just leaving and then i came back and it honestly it felt very uh very easy and we like stepped right back into having a good time. There was no awkwardness. And I really enjoyed her company. It was great. Yes.

That's so nice. How's the apartment? The apartment, dude. I mean, I don't know what you got from Burrow. But... A couch. There's 16 big boxes in this house right now. Yeah. We got to put it all together.

We got to have my TaskRabbit guy. I think his name is Dave or Michael or something like that. Or Rabbit. Or Tasky. Taskaroo. He's got to come over. His card is in the drawer. I'll give you his number.

But he's going to come over and he'll be banging away all day. And he'll put it all together. I don't know where we're going to put it all, but we got to do it. We got to fit it. You know, I mean, we'll talk about,

uh, the, uh, podcast studio eventually, but you got some really cool chairs. It looks like here to could actually go well in there, but we'll see what happens. That's what I'm talking about.

I think that some of it can be used. Yeah. Um, but yeah, no. So yeah, all the all the boxes you're gonna get to work pretty soon here then right oh i'm hitting the ground running you gotta get the phone though you got a phone yet how'd you sleep last night you didn't sleep much i didn't sleep much at all how much stock did you save up how much did you not jerk off before seeing your lady? I want to know. I think because it's weird. I want to know how long because you were staying with in a condo here in the Caymans for the past since, I guess, Saturday. Mm hmm.

I wonder if you jerked off at all from Saturday until Wednesday. It's a good question. Isn't it? Yeah. No, I'm being. Because you usually save your stock, especially for a lady, your lady that you haven't seen for two months and four days. Yeah, I saved the stock. I definitely saved, I think, five days of stock. Oh, boy, Andrew, you must have been going nuts.

No phone, no jerking off. What were you like yesterday? I mean, I don't think I've ever been more calm. Once I found out she was picking me up from the airport, your boy was, that flight, it was fun to look forward to it. I know, isn't it great? The stock was ready. It's been brewing.

It's like when you put something in a pot for years, and it really brews up and gets all the juices. For years. I think that mold starts to grow and well there was a mold in there there was a situation where you need to bring in a you know a team well hoarding team there's a team of one and i mean yeah it was it was a lot there was a lot of stock that came out last night okay we don't i didn't want that i just want to know like how quickly the stock was shed. The stock was not shed quickly.

Oh, that's good. Yeah. Oh, I came home to some Viagras. I didn't even know I had them. Your mom grabbed them, I guess, from the downstairs package area. But I had like 30 Viagras, so I popped one of those right when I got home. My mom didn't just grab random Viagras. I mean, they were were yours it just sounds like my mom just like was like oh some viagra down in there and what kind of lobby we we just have viagra it's from like the the coolest lobby

ever so my mom was picking up our packages yes yeah yeah there's bowls there's uh viagras and like a cookie tray once a week new coffee machine machine downstairs, by the way. A carrying took place of a Starbucks. Okay. That sounds like a downgrade. Well, who knows how long we'll be there. How are you sleeping over there? I mean, I'm sure

it was just probably talked about. No, it wasn't. It was amazing. I mean, I'm living the best life ever last night just really quickly because we got to get to the news but last night i um i had i worked a lot yesterday all day and then um went down for a walk after after sunset like i was i was playing a lot of music i'm deciding I'm going to write a song I've hired Anya and her lover

partner Matt Pond to produce but Anya's going to write it with me and Matt's going to produce but I'm going to write it I just need a little bit of guidance I don't want any lyrics written by someone who isn't me because I want it to like I don't know I don't know how to do song writing so I wrote Anya yesterday because I was like i have a song in my heart i don't know

how to do this and she was like okay well normally i was like what can i pay you out of the gate just to get this done she's like i'll just split publishing and uh and any like creative rights and i was like yeah yeah yeah of course but like i want to pay you up front she's like babe that's not how songwriting works and i was like well i'm not gonna write a fucking song unless i invest in it like if i just go this is i'm and i don't want to make i have no idea of making money from this song but i just so i just i'm like i need to pay you so that i you know i want to put my money where my fucking heart is so So anyway, I'm writing a song. And so I worked on that a little bit yesterday by playing other songs and putting new lyrics into them about the things that I want to sing about. And then I went down at sunset to go walk and, um,

just along the beach or whatever, smoke some weed out of an apple on the beach. And, um, and then there was like a movie night here on the lawn at this hotel I'm staying at. And so it's Earth Day, though, and it wasn't a movie. It was an hour episode of a documentary on Netflix, a documentary series on Netflix about the ocean. Oh, no, it's about, it's called like Animals at Night or like Something at Night. Noah, will you look it up? Something at Night on Netflix, animal documentary. called like animals at night or like something at night noah will you look it up something animal animal something at night on netflix animal documentary and this one was about like ocean predators at night i learned a lot i also learned that i cannot handle animals being hurt or

threatened even if they this wasn't about climate change which i can't usually watch nature docs because climate change is just so imminent and like we're so in denial of it that it just is telling me what's going to happen eventually. It just makes me so depressed. This was just like, oh, animal. This is how animals are. If the world wasn't ending and how they like feed and pray. It was so good. Oh, yeah.

Night on Earth. It's called. And it's it was that the voiceover is like this the entire time and that can be annoying the yeah that's worse than climate change oh my god i was like can someone climate change your tone lady she was just but then you got used to it and you're like sunken into it and then you're like oh my god my there was it's just so cool how much work goes into filming these little tiny shrimp and how the shrimp survives the night in one of these tide pools it honestly gripped me and i had such a good time watching it i did sit to two. So I went to go there's like all these, you know,

beach chairs set up on this lawn at night with this big screen and they're like, it's movie night. And I walked in and there were like two single guys, one on each side of the aisle or whatever. And I sat next to the one that I thought was less attractive

so as to make the more attractive one think like she's maybe like she's blind yeah just like many of the animals at night in the tide pool even though billions of years

of evolution have made their eyes have 1300 lenses okay so yeah and by the way this is all about animals eating and mating at night and it was literally dark out and i was trying to decide which of these guys i would want to potentially mate with and it was at night and i couldn't see anything i was like this it was so ironic it was like blowing my mind anyway i didn't talk to either of them the movie ended and i got up and left and went inside and uh and i just wait why

did you talk to him did they give you a look at all there was no there was no i kind of looked to the side and i was also doing bunion stretches during it so i'm sure that they weren't into that but i was like my bunions hurt this feels really good and anyone who likes me is gonna like that this cute girl is doing some weird bunion stretches. Like they're watching a movie like that. They're probably, uh, pretty sensitive guys that probably like care about nature and bunions and shrimp. So yeah,

they could be good. Yeah. Or hand in foot. Okay. Let's get to the news. Oh boy. You heard it here first. Yeah,

you heard it here first. Here's a place where you'd never hear it second. You hear it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first. Here's a place where you'd never hear it second. You hear it here first, guys. Thank you so much for listening. We're not adding anything to this intro. All right. Well, I hope you're having fun out there and you're having all the swells. And by all of them, I mean all of them.

So, okay, first story. This is a great one, Nick. You're going gonna love this one okay a woman mistakenly used a nail glue instead of eye drops in the middle of the night i believe you did something along these lines one time um i did not do it in accidentally i literally spilled nail polish remover into my contact lens case did not care and then put the contacts in later because i was such a Wasted piece of shit and I wasn't even drunk. I was just like depressed and like not living my best life So this is this sounds like it was by mistake though in which of course this has happened. Wait, you saw I I

The first time you've told me this story. I assumed it was a a fatal error No, no, I mean like I didn't see it go in I spilled it, and it was very possibly in an open contact lens case that was within spill disc. Like, anyone else would have caught it. I mean, this is insane that I did it. So this sounds like a very easy error to make. Yes. It was a complete accident. She glues her eyes.

Oh, my God. She glued her eyes shut at 1am. She went to reach for a contact lens. First of all, why do you have glue anywhere near your eye drops? Why is that in the same drawer? But I get it. Because she was repairing broken fingernails. It was in her purse. Yeah, okay. I hear you.

I read the rest of the sentence now. I tried to wipe it away and it sealed my eyes shut. But her contact lens saved her eyes. Yeah, that's probably smart that I have those in there too. So if you ever get in a glue fight, put contacts in first. Oh. Yeah.

But she tried to wipe it away and her eyes sealed shut. I mean, like, I would just be freaked out because all of, I just would know that all of my um eyelashes would rip out trying to pry my eye open well with all the facials you've had you'd be fine no i i've only had to come in my eye one i mean maybe a little bit before but like one time definitely direct deposit and i've told And I tell this on stage, but one of the most painful things that you can get in your eye. And I just did not think it would be as bad. I thought it would be a little stingy like soap or shampoo.

But it immediately started infecting my eye. And I felt pink eye coming on. Because I've had pink eye before. And I was like, this isn't good. And I was right. And I went and got drops. But this isn't good. And, um, and I was right. And I went and got drops, but let me just tell you, visine,

which I always carry with me cause I tend to smoke pot. Um, it looks a lot like some super glue. Yeah. Why don't we get super glue having like very neon packaging or something? You know what I mean? They should have super glue is not to be fucked with like my dad is obsessed with gluing cuts together like if you slice your finger open

like i have a slice right there like if that was open right there it's closed up but you know you say you get a paper cut that's deep enough that you can like see the crevice it looks like makes your looks a little perfect vagina on your um hand put some clean it out hydrogen peroxide alcohol whatever squeeze some super glue in it and then squeeze the wound shut and it will just heal and it's like brilliant and uh sometimes you don't even need to get stitches but also my dad and mom avoid going to the doctor for everything yeah and that's that's why i nearly died from MRSA at one point and uh anorexia because they were like just fix it with superglue

um yeah just put electrical tape on your on your on your stomach and it'll solve anorexia i heard just put some tape on there i hope you guys didn't hear this episode but that's true it's like what's that movie with the g Greek movie where the father used Windex on everything? I mean, everyone has, there are so many people with parents like this. You might be nodding along like, yes, but like my parents just don't. Their first instinct is never to go to the hospital. It is to wait it out. He's probably just, the dog's probably just ate a bad bone.

Oh, no, he's dying? Okay, well, let's just still wait and see if the dying stops on its own before we go where you bring something where the dog is dying. Oh, I grew up. Because it might cost $900. I grew up a horrible hypochondriac, and my dad's a cancer doctor. So you're the opposite. You go right to the hospital for anything.

No, I go right to my dad upstairs. And I go, Dad, I think I have cancer on my nuts because my nuts feel a little bigger. And he's like, am I about to have to grab your nuts? And he'll grab my nuts and be like, this isn't cancer. Like, what are you doing? And if it's not cancer, he doesn't want to hear about it you know i'm like oh my hands are numb when i sleep he's like is it cancer it's not so don't talk to me you know yeah and apparently there's other things that things could be besides cancer even though cancer is a pretty big umbrella but

it could be other things one time he grabbed my shoulder and I have a weird shoulder bone. It like sticks out. It protrudes. I don't know if I ever had you feel it before. No, I'll pass. We were at a hockey game. Well, I rubbed your bunions for a little while. No, I'll totally rub your shoulder. I have a shoulder bunion.

I have a shunyan and my dad felt it and gave this look like he like diagnosed me with like a tumor on my shoulder at a hockey game. And the whole hockey game was ruined because I thought I had shoulder tumors. Oh, my God. You really. Yeah. It all makes sense.

I'm great. Our parents do the best they can. This is by no means an attack on any parents. They loved us as much as they could. They do our, their best and it's not, sometimes it isn't that great. And that's why I'm terrified to become a parent.

Um, not terrified actually. It'd be pretty good. But I always go back to Amy Schumer's joke of when people are like, Nikki, you'd be such a good mom. Um, yeah,

I know. Uh, Amy Schumer's joke was people always tell me i'd be a great mom but i always tell them yeah i'd also be a great prostitute but that doesn't mean i should do it because that's true there's so many things you'd be great at that everyone isn't like you have to do it it's like yeah i would be i would be an amazing porn star. I do know that. And someday as, uh, as I get more milfy and you know, Hollywood rolls dry up, uh,

perhaps I'll, I'll, I'll maybe I'll do some sort of drug that removes the part of my brain that is keeping me from doing porn, which I believe I'd be great at. And then I just start doing it because all it takes is worrying about what people think of you and taking quite a financial hit because no one wants to work with you anymore because you know hollywood sees themselves as better than porn

and we don't really like mix the two which i want to start mixing well i think you could start slowly by doing like kind of like an artsy porn where it's like in black and white like a french feel to it so it's full penetration and you see everything but i found a way to do porn actually a lot two nights ago there's a lot of latex uh things where they vacuum seal you in latex which i kind of like because it's like being bonded it's like bondage noah but without ropes because you know i'm not into ropes now so they like latex you and so you're completely under this like latex sheet and then they vacuum it out and then so you're just like and you breathe through a thing so it has like holes near the mouth but you can't see the person all you can see is a black latex silhouette and then they like put a

wand on your vagina and so it like holds it down so you like are like forced to come a lot and then you can't get out and then there's like holes elsewhere where they can like do stuff to you but there's no like there and then you can't see the person you can't even hear them scream so i could do that yeah i mean it's like when you put like food in a microwave you know that's like yes covered in plastic and it gets turned into something really hot and moist you know yes although i always take my veggie burgers out of the plastic even though it says keep them in all right next next story your veggie burgers out of the plastic, even though it says keep them in. All right, next story. Your veggie burgers is nothing like your porn. Nothing.

Let's see. A study finds that people who regularly sleep for six hours or less each night in middle age are more likely to develop dementia than those who routinely manage seven hours. Sleep is known to clear toxic waste from the brain, and they hypothesize that people, when they sleep less, this process becomes impaired. It also found that severely disrupted sleep could nearly double women's risk of dying from heart disease.

Doesn't surprise me. That's why I start with, how'd you sleep? Because I want to remind everyone, you and your I don't sleep kind of lifestyle you lead where I'm going on five hours. No one's impressed. No one thinks it's cool. Get more. Try to get more.

Do everything you can to get more. I can't. Yes, you can. Everyone can do more to get sleep. Everyone can do more. Don't take your phone to bed. Get a sleep mask, white noise machine. get the dogs out of the bed robin uh my friend robin and her husband have a queen-size bed and they sleep with three gigantic dogs in the bed they're both short people and the

dogs sleep at the end but her husband's not getting good sleep because the dog she sleeps fine and i go you got you gotta get the dogs out of the bed. I don't think it's okay. I don't want to tell people how to run their lives, but yes, I do get the dogs out of the bed so everyone can get better sleep. Me, myself included,

like dementia is the scariest thing I can imagine is like when your mind betrays you, because that to me is what I'm banking on growing old with. Like I'll lose my looks. I'll lose my ability to move with the same agility. But I won't lose my mind. I mean it will start to go. Because even in the Gary Shandling documentary.

Do you remember that? He's like one of the most brilliant comedic minds ever. But he started to have dementia type symptoms. And you saw it live on air when he was on conan um conan's tonight show it's in that documentary and that was like so terrifying to me like joan rivers was as sharp as ever don rickles you start to see go a little bit but he was already so sharp that even him at less sharp but gary shandling you saw like a real hit and was it sleepless? I forget what, what was befalling him, but man, I'm scared of dementia. So I wanted this news story just as

a wake up call to myself and not a wake up call, a sleep, sleep more call to you got to prioritize sleep or you're not going to be around for the kids that you're staying up for. You're not going to be around for the people, like the greatest gift you can give the people in your life. Listen up. I'm saying something important. If you tone me out, the greatest gift you can give the people you love in their, your life is a gift card to Starbucks after that,

because Starbucks is every is global and everyone loves a little treat, even if you're not addicted to it like I am. But the greatest gift you can give other people and my ex-boyfriend was the first person to say this and I always remembered it and I've heard it before or since. Shave your pussy? Shave your pussy.

Don't get ingrown hairs because you might get infected and you might get MRSA and then your dad will tell you it's just a bug bite and you need to take Epsom salt baths. Then you'll do that for a couple weeks then the stinging will start running down your leg to your foot and up to your heart

and you are getting body tremors and then you eventually go to a dermatologist against your parents better judgment and you find out you have MRSA but then after that yeah okay after that yeah is taking care of yourself because if you love someone and you want to give them a good,

they probably love you, right? Unless you're unhinged and deranged and demented because you haven't gotten enough sleep. But if you love someone, they love you. And the best gift you can give someone that loves you is to take care of the people that they love. And that is you. Get sleep for the people you love.

And I know in the short term, it's like, but my son needs more time with me. And I didn't get, he will get more time with you on the back end if you prioritize sleep instead of watching a movie with him or whatever it is. So I know this is easier said than done, but I needed to hear it as well. You know, what's kind of cool though, for my brain and how I say words is even if I get dementia, I'm not falling off that much farther than I'm already at. Yeah. We're still around the same level of comprehension for those that speak to you.

You might actually start saying things right accidentally. God, I hope I get dementia so I can say regular. No, I will be so sad if you get dementia. Like I plan on being friends with you until we're like dead, you know, for three more years. Yeah. And by we, I'll be so sad if you get dementia. I plan on being friends with you until we're dead. Oh, hilarious. For three more years.

Yeah. And by we, I mean you. Those shoulder tumors, they're looking pretty nice today. Don't fucking say it, dude. Oh, man. Seriously? I'm kidding. Andrew, you're going to be alive for many, many more months.

Okay. Seriously, you've got like 40 more months honestly i don't even care i'm having a hell of a time it's great out here as well the great thing about death is that it will happen and you won't know it it'll just you know like it'll just happen and if you get diagnosed with something you'll probably be in a level of acceptance that almost everyone who gets a death sentence faces is acceptance, which is a beautiful part of life

that this thing that you can't even imagine being able to accept. You never see someone dying just going, no, no, except Sam Kinison. Do you ever hear this story? No. Oh, yeah. His last words were like...

Yeah. So let me just really quick before we get to sports moment sam kinnison uh died in a terrible car crash and his friends were driving behind him when it happened so they pull up on the car crash and his best friend is holding sam kinnison as he is dying in his arms and sam kinnison is like it's i'm paraphrasing but he's like i don't want to die i don't want to die i don't want to go and he Kinison is like it's I'm paraphrasing but he's like I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to go and he goes why is it my time or something like that and then he's looking through his friend he's not even looking at his friend and he goes I don't

want to go I don't want to go and I'm again I'm paraphrasing and then he goes why why do I have to go and then he like listens his friend said he hears like sam like talk like hearing someone you know like when someone's eyes are kind of listening like and he goes oh okay and then he dies like he heard some something made him accept it even in that moment that he was fighting it like he knew he needed to go um it was the last time he ran the light honestly that's one of the greatest jokes i've ever heard pretty good joke i'm like i'm not gonna lie he at somewhere sam kinnison is i don't know how he laughed but maybe he's screaming somewhere that is fucking funny and by the way i don't think it was a traffic like light thing but no it wasn't but regardless it was a great joke it was a heaven light oh i

was thinking like he died in a traffic collision which is probably running a red light that's a great joke too yeah man i on many layers a lot of layers it was the he got the light and he followed it let's say that and by the way if you're you you're not hip to the jargon of stand-up comedians, when you get the light, it means you have five more minutes left on stage or two more minutes or whatever you ask for. Before you go on stage, you go, when do you want the light? And you go, two minutes. And that means when I have two minutes left.

Just wanted you guys to be hip to the ling. Well, think about it. Think about it. He ran the light. He saw the light. Then he goes, I don't want to get off. I don't want to die. Oh, yeah. He's like about it. He ran the light. He saw the light. Then he goes, I don't want to get off. I don't want to die. And then he's like, oh, he ran the light.

Then the booker finally was like, no, you got to get off. He's like, all right, I'll get off. Chappelle's here. You got to get off the stage. Chappelle's got COVID. Chappelle wants to go. Robin Williams is waiting in the wings. Dementia.

All right. Dementia. Louis body dementia. Robin Williams. Everyoneementia, Lewy body dementia. Robin Williams, everyone who thinks that Robin Williams killed himself, he did,

but he had Lewy body dementia, which is a disease that will make you kill yourself. And by the way, anyone who does kill themselves, it's not their fault. No one chooses to.

Their brain does it to them. So we always excuse people like, oh, he had Lewy body dementia. He wasn't suicidal. It's like, well, anyone who's suicidal has something in their brain does it to them. So we always excuse people like, oh, yeah, Louis Badadmensha, he wasn't suicidal. It's like, well, anyone who's suicidal has something in their brain that might not have a name for it,

but it's never really anyone's fault or choice. There's no free will. Sam Harris, look into it. Let's get to the sports moment. Here's Andrew's weekly sports moment. Every time I hear it, I understand that the more you hate when i watch sports center okay so no nfl players can smoke marijuana for the first time during the off season daring yes that too

as well it's very daring uh and the window opened on 420 nonetheless so the n NFL has a sense of humor, apparently. Oh, my God. Wait, this is huge news, no? Yeah. I mean, they're going to. So they're not going to test from April 20th to August 9th for THC. Oh, man. Now's the time for me to make some friends with some football players. Yeah, I'm sure that they could afford apples for you.

They spoke about of Apple laptops. football players yeah i'm sure that they could afford apples for you uh they smoke them out of apple laptops they don't take out the core processor yeah they don't give a fuck about money they'll smoke at a like an old mac habit is great okay let's talk about pot and and the nfl well you had a post yesterday about saying that it wasn't addictive and boy do people i never was addictive i didn't even read the comments after two minutes i just go i'm gonna edit my post to make it completely clear what i mean by this i said happy i said there's a picture that someone took of me or i took a picture in college of me hitting a bong which was maybe the last time I

hit a bong that's not true but it's like you know I don't smoke out of bongs but it's like a kind of where I look and I posted it on our story yesterday but then I posted as a main post or whatever it doesn't matter when I post it someone sent me a picture of Eminem it looked the same we both are hitting the bong the same way. I love Eminem. I put a side by side. Boom. And then I wrote, I'm not glorifying pot. I do not advocate for pot use. I don't use bongs anymore. I use apples. I want everyone to be aware that although yesterday, the cursed holiday of the year,

really glorified pot and made it seem like every smoking pot's fine. There's no risk that it is a risky drug. It is a addictive substance for some people. People think you say the word addictive and people go, that means everyone. That's not what I mean. Not everyone's addicted to food. Not everyone's addicted to cigarettes. Not everyone's addicted to alcohol. It can be an addictive substance. I have dealt with marijuana addiction to medicinally support me with my ADD, but it's still something I was dependent on at times in my life. And there's nothing wrong with saying that. And if you are able to consume pot and not be addicted to it, of course you can. I believe that's true. People got so mad so mad yeah for a bunch of potheads they sure were angry

you know i just love picturing a guy makes you irritable he's like hitting like what what dude what i'm addicted like what like they were so i couldn't read it yeah i just read a couple but uh but yeah it was interesting to see like like it's so funny how things need to be black or white. It's not addictive. There's no way. And then I did see that a lot of people wrote that the study says that one in 10 people become addicted to pot. Okay, that's interesting. Which is a high number.

That is a very high number. And the thing is, I think some comments said anything that takes you out of your emotional state and is an escape can be addictive I can be addicted to literally anything and I and that's not to say that like some people maybe could never get addicted to pot I believe anyone could get addicted to anything if you try hard enough but I I have been addicted to playing guitar I use it as an escape from my feelings, which healthy addiction. But guess what?

Even that, my fingers have bled and I could hurt myself with it. And I know it's like, my fingers are bleeding. Like George Harris said, it's like, that's good. No, it's not. You're not supposed to make yourself bleed. I mean, that's self-harm. So I've been addicted to gum. I don't talk about

this a lot, but I might as well just put it out there. I was, I've been off gum since August 6th, 2020. I will not accept another piece of gum for the rest of my life. That is the plan. But every day is a new day. I don't think about gum anymore, but I, as someone with an eating disorder and someone who is addicted to like consuming I always had a piece of gum in my mouth and I was going through much like cigarettes I was going through like I was up to like two or three packs a day and I know that sounds crazy But this is 18 pieces of trident gum per day Up to three packs and it would just make you sick. I mean like the amount of sugar-free

Aspartame and it's disgusting. It's. I mean, like the amount of sugar-free aspartame and it's disgusting. It's eating trash, by the way. It's chewing on trash. Gum isn't like, it is digestible, seven years, whatever, old wives' tale. But I was addicted to gum and that didn't start out, that wasn't the way it was for me. As a kid, I ate gum when someone offered it

and then it slowly turned into addiction and people go, what's wrong with that? Okay, not only does it make me bloated, I had a ranula. Google ranula really quick, everyone, if you want. I developed a sore in my mouth from gum that clogged one of my saliva glands. And it got cloggedged and it's called a ranula because in in latin ranula stands for bullfrog and a giant bubble like a bullfrog erupted underneath my tongue and i would have to pop it every day but then to drain it and all this like saliva would come out but i was doing it every day and keeping up my gum habit that the place where I would pinprick it to pop it, this is in college, by the way, developed a callus and I couldn't pop it anymore because it wouldn't break through. So I had to go have surgery on my mouth and I had to lie to the

orthodontist and say that I don't know where it came from. I don't know how it got there. And it was because I was addicted to gum and I kept chewing it for years after that. And I was addicted to red monster energy drink that made my tongue also have sores. And it's like these things, you can get addicted to anything and it is, it can start hurting you no matter what sex, everything. So weeds addictive. However, I want to understand the football thing. Um, that's crazy to me that athletes cannot smoke any pot ever and haven't been able to in the past well i mean pot for athletes a lot of them use it as pain management um but yeah in the past people players would get suspended now they're getting fined instead of

suspended which is better i guess i mean the nfl makes more money actually yeah but um yeah i guess it's just like you know for just a few years ago there's this player named josh gordon who played for cleveland browns and he just couldn't get his pot addiction in line and everyone's like what if doesn't give a fuck about the team doesn't care about the organization he's so selfish and it's like no he's addicted he's probably had his pain management he's probably using instead of painkillers that make him sluggish because he can't take oxycontin anymore or whatever and it's like uh i don't know it's just how you view pot use like yeah as like this like selfish thing it's like no i mean i'm sure it was needed for his mental state or whatever it was

and it wasn't whatever so i think just how it's viewed by people because it can help a lot of people like yeah oh my god it helps me immensely like it helps me really get out of a bad mood and like uh makes me more alert it makes me more curious and interested in people. But it has downsides if I do too much of malaise and possibly depression, anxiety, smelling bad. People thinking you're lazy because of the connotation of it. People thinking you're unprofessional because you're doing it before something work-related even though you kind of need it. Because pot makes me want to clean and work and focus. Whereas a lot of people, it makes them lazy. Or, of of course it's

good for pain management i hope it is legalized i hope yeah i hope but drinking i think is much more detrimental than pot um and also pot i want to say has is packed with carcinogens if you're inhaling smoke that's also cancer causing don't pretend like you're not. I certainly don't. Also, the worst side effect is a hemp necklace and talking about Grateful Dead hidden tapes. Okay. So the next segment, Nick, I'm excited for this one, but I can't say it swells. I can't. Oh, well, thank you for that sports moment. That was very related to things I'm interested in.

Oh, I fucking care about that so much. I knew it. I knew you cared. Good job, Noah. happy birthday noah happy birthday noah we love you let's get to quotes i looked up best quotes and the first one that came up and like the pictures is from albert einstein and i really like uh like in google images you know i just picked quotes and it's all these like pretty little things so it says this is from albert einstein who knows if it's true it's like a morgan wallen apology what a loser anyways go ahead uh morgan wallen it's yeah it's by morgan wallen this apology was terrible poor me poor me another drink because my music got taken off It was like a ransom letter

It was just too much So this is by Albert Einstein Apparently but who knows with quotes really You know but it's a good quote He said I have no special talent I am only passionately curious For a genius Sounds like someone's addicted to weed

I know right And that's why i said the word curious before because i just pulled that quote up by the way it was like in my head yeah but i do get curious when i'm a pot you know that um what do you think about that i have no special talent i'm only passionately curious look i love a humble person when they're very good at something and i get that but he uh you could be as curious as you want like i could look at as many theories as i want but i'm not gonna know what e equals mc squared is i'm just not einstein like there's certain things like you'd be as curious as you want but if your brain isn't available or but i get what he's saying as well like it you know a lot of people because they don't think

they're talented don't ever get curious about things so you just gotta put a lot of things out there to figure out what maybe you're good at i guess is i agree um yeah i see what you're saying like we all have limitations in different fields however you would not be curious about equals mc square or the theory of relativity or finding out about like why gravity works or black holes or string theory. Like that stuff doesn't interest you. Probably interested him.

And he was, he didn't do it against his will. He wasn't like, oh, I got to complete this math course. And like, it was like, oh. It's like he was propelled in that direction because of curiosity. And I feel like that is I I do believe if you're a lucky person which I get I am so fucking lucky I feel like I when I hear about people winning the lottery I feel like I definitely won the lottery in terms of just even making it to my mom's egg

as a dad's sperm is like the luck of that I learned last night in the nature doc that only one in a thousand baby turtles live to adulthood one one in a thousand. So it's like all these baby turtles that are filming thousands of them and 60% get eaten by sharks. Another 30% don't even make it to the ocean because they're picked over by stuff. And then one out of a thousand make it. But the odds of you being a human on earth at a time when you get to wear clothing and be in air conditioning and be loved by parents and like have food whenever you want. Like we are so lucky to not only be born, but be born in this time in America where I'm a woman that can drive and have rights. And like, it's crazy. The statistics that led me to have the life I've led. Even if you were born in America into poverty, you still are, as much as that would be so

awful, you still are luckier than people that were born during the Black Plague in medieval times, like as a woman back then, you know, like there's a lot of luck going into being born. My point is, I'm lucky enough to do something for a living that I was, I let my curiosity drive me to work. So many people work in jobs where they're like, I don't care anything about this. And there's loveliness about that too. Cause you can go home and leave it there a lot of times.

Like if you work at Quiznos, you might not be passionate about toasted subs, but you can leave it and just go back the next day. I wish for everyone to find out whatever you're curious in and pursue it, even if you suck. But that's the hard thing. I happen to be naturally good at and curious about the same thing, comedy. However, i was curious about acting and being on tv long before i discovered comedy and i was bad bad bad bad bad at acting bad at modeling bad at doing anything that i thought was going to get me in front of the camera so i had to keep trying things for years until i found the thing i was good at much like guitar i am not naturally inclined to guitar or dancing or rhythm of any kind but i am my curiosity got the best of me at the age of 36 and i picked up the fucking

guitar and guess what i'm not so bad this week i had a major breakthrough with guitar like i'm i can be good yeah and that's only because my curiosity drove me past the discomfort of being bad. And I do believe that's what talent is because I'm, I'm going to be talented at guitar. People are going to listen to me in a year and go, you're really good. And we might want to actually hear you perform live. And I might be,

I'm going to, my goal is to be a lot like to be able to do like Steve Martin with a banjo, like Steve Martin with a banjo. But not comedy songs. I want to do a pre-show before my show's in town at a cafe where people if they want to hear Taylor Swift covers, they can come see me solo, but

I don't want anyone to go to that expecting I'll be comedic or better than a person who's been playing guitar for a year, but that's my goal. But Steve Martin isn't comedic with the banjo. He's one of the best banjo players in the world.'s true i went to go see him in his band perform yeah yeah he's very serious that's what i'm saying you know it's like that ted lasso quote when a guy's talking shit about himself and he goes you know what man you talking bad about yourself that's like woody allen playing the clarinet i don't want to hear it but you could

say that's like nikki glazer playing guitar i don't want to hear it. Yeah. Or like me saying the word turbulence. Yeah. Or that's like Andrew saying a word edgewise. Nikki doesn't want to hear it during the segment. I know I've talked a lot this podcast. No, no. My ADD meds are kicking in. I think it's great.

I think I wait to respond. And I think that people probably don't want to hear me lisp. No, that's not true at all. People love you. And I am that people probably don't want to hear me lisp. No, that's not true at all. People love you. And I am aware that I talk a lot again. I am working on it, but it, it's kind of who I am and I'm sorry.

And also that's, that's what a podcast is. I was thinking about like what I was curious about. Like when I was like, if I've ever been like really, let's bring into the final thought with this. Yeah. What were you curious about?

No, I, you know, it's funny because I guess you could figure out what you're curious about after the fact. Does that make sense? Like later in life, you're like, oh, I got here because I was curious back then, but I didn't even realize it back then. And I know we have a similar curiosity in this is like every day i would i would listen to howard stern with my brother we had an hour car ride from stewart florida to vero beach florida every single day listen to howard and i fucking loved it like it made me laugh and it made our time with my

brother especially during during during uh our parents divorce and it was like it wasn't easy when we were like that around that age yes when he was like 16 and I was like 13 or 14. And dude, every morning we would laugh our fucking dick off at Howard. And now that I get to just fucking mumble and talk into a mic with someone that actually has been on Howard Stern, who I respect so much comedically, who I love dearly. And I get to fucking do this every day, it really is remarkable. And I guess I am Einstein in a way

for people that can't do math that good, but somehow still got to be a math professor at Harvard. And I'm so excited for it. That is so nice, Andrew. And I do believe that like, I mean, I wouldn't be where i am without you either right now in my life so it's like me meeting you and then recognizing instantly that this guy might be walking dogs for a living and might have a dirty coat and like might be extremely nervous

when you met me we got to tell the story of how we met but when i first met you you were like my dog walker that i knew as a that was a comic I didn't know anything about you comedically literally nothing didn't know how long you've been doing it um but you were so open and honest with me the first time we met and we'll tell the story on an upcoming episode but I just knew instantly that this person had something special that I wanted to shine a light on because people need to see this. And that would probably lead me to being more that way, which is like brutally honest and sharing something that you shouldn't share

with someone right away, even though you did. But like you, it took you many, many years to finally hone the thing that you're good at, to find the thing that was going to make you get the attention you want, that you always saw it probably as a kid, want to be on TV, want to be famous, like these things that are just like seeking love and adoration. I'm speaking for myself, but it took you until a couple of years ago before you were able to create puddles and create like the kind of comedy you do. And you still shit for it like oh you're taking your shirt off and you're dancing you're like is that even comedy and you know stand-ups will give you shit about that and it's like

yes it is because um you you've honed that that's not you just throwing shit it is you throwing shit against the wall and seeing what sticks but you did that a lot before you did find out what sticks and it just so happens to be dancing with your shirt off and you know making gross faces with your tongue and also saying hilarious things that uh people don't understand how actually smart and funny you are and quick you are it even took me a couple years to realize it but um clearly anyone who listens to this knows. Wait, it took you a couple of years. No, it took me a couple of years to understand just how, like to actually,

because you are so unintentionally funny, like so much of the time where it seems like it, or, or it seems unintentional. Like, it seems like you're making a joke that is just so like the thing before where you said the, the light,

right? The, the, uh, running the last light where you said the the light right yeah the uh running that was the last light that was the last light he ever ran i go to the traffic light thing you were talking about the light from god but i that was already brilliant the light from god like getting the light from god i was on the traffic light part which was a different kind of brilliant but it would never occur to me unless you said that first part but you say things all the time that people can mistake as like oh he's just saying stuff but your brain is actually working you your brain works very very quickly and in a way that most comedians would like work for so long to get your brain to work that way in joke form you however just need to be in the right environment to have that come out and it might

not be a writer's room in front of a laptop you know what i mean yeah i feel you and i uh i uh yeah well you're really blowing it now i mean i thought no no no no i'm just kidding that was a joke that i couldn't think of anything that i got you again that's how good you are. Maybe in five years, you'll get that. All right. Well, that's hilarious. I think you said swells. Swells. Total swells. Thanks for listening to the show today.

What a lovely little podcast. Happy birthday, Noah. Everyone go wish Noah a happy birthday. You can follow her at Noah Injection, N-O-A-I-N-J-E-C-T-I-O-N. She also has a podcast separate from ours called The Metal Injection. And that is a heavy metal podcast that you can hear her on. And anything else, Noah? Please don't wish me

a happy birthday. Why? Everybody, send her a letter. What's your address? Well, honestly, Noah is the, let me just say before we go, Noah is, really quick,

Noah, just let me. I swear to God, I'm timing myself for one minute. I'm giving myself one minute here we go hold on let me set my timer and then we're gonna go and i'm not gonna exceed it one minute of how i feel about noah and just so this is good for the the listener and i want i want 10 seconds i want 10 seconds okay you'll get 10 seconds okay here we go the minute starts now i I met Noah when I started at Sirius Radio in January of 2018. I was given a four-day-a-week show there called You Up. I was not given the choice of who my producer would be, even though normally I'm used to being able to meet with a bunch of people and deciding. They kind of just gave me this girl. My friend Roland had written me and said, Noah's amazing, But I didn't know Roland that well.

And of course, he's going to say anyone's amazing. I met Noah day one. I remember where we hugged in the lobby of Sirius. She was so kind, so nice, so cute. And she is just someone that I, again, lucky, lucky. I'm a little lucky turtle. The fact that I got paired with her randomly and she ended up being someone who's not only my best friend

and who has like lifted me up in times where I've really needed it emotionally, like the other day when I called you when I'm crying, you have the best instincts as a producer. You are my, you are my Baba Booey. You are my, who's the guy that they always talk to on Regis and Kelly or Kathy Lee and Regis, Gelson. You are my, you're just the, Gelman.

You are just like the best producer i could ever imagine having because you think of things that i don't even think of like i just wrote you that we should have a stinger that says like final thought and like you already have it i just haven't listened that far in the episode because i like live these episodes so i don't have to listen to it so you are always on top of things you're better than me at the things that i need someone better than at and you support me on the things that I need someone better than at and you support me on the things that I'm better at than you and you make me feel great about them and we have the best working relationship it is we have never had a fight we've had disagreements and we had a time

between podcasts where we didn't know if we were ever going to work together again and I'd really made peace with that and then by the grace of God we we got you brought on to this iHeart podcast experience. But, you know, thankfully from the people at iHeart, which, you know, everyone, when I was deciding, this is longer than a minute, when I was deciding whether or not to go do my own podcast or go with a podcast network, which was a lot of pressure to do your own, do your own so you own it all. I chose iHeart because i wanted their support and they're huge and i really like the podcast that they put out and the people i'd met with were so nice but they also honored every thing that i wanted for the podcast because they wanted it to be great and

they were more sold on noah than i was after they met her and that's how amazing you are and if you enjoy the podcast you owe uh some gratitude today just even in just by listening to this and smiling along with it to uh my wonderful podcast producer who puts so much good out into the world and i hope you all are as lucky to have someone like her in your life and if you're not if i can dm her and see if she's available to like be your friend and 10 seconds. Um, so Noah, when we first met, um,

I couldn't imagine my life without anyone else. Uh, you have inspired me. You listen all the time. Uh, you know, you're a great listener and, uh,

I really, is it 10 seconds? Yeah. Yeah. I put the timer but it didn't go off happy birthday

Noah we love you I was literally waiting for the timer I know you were and the cutoff it just kept going and then

I was like wait I'm about to yeah well I covered yours more than enough okay I love you Noah and that was my version of the

card I would give you later on today but I love you so much you will have a actual birthday gift in the mail or in your email at some point because you can just send on today. But I love you so much. You will have a actual birthday gift in the mail or in your email at some point because you can just send that stuff now over email.

Love you so much. See you all next week for another four days of shows, which we will be doing remotely at least until one week from now, I'll be back in St. Louis and we'll be live. But until then, I'm in Grand Cayman. If you're out here and you're a fan, hit me up in the DMs

and maybe I'll come hang out with you because I need friends. But otherwise, don't kill me and don't try to find out where I am. I feel safe and I'm fine on my own. Okay. Okay. Have a great weekend, besties. Yeah, you too. Love you guys.

Wait, I said besties, but you are a bestie. But I was wishing it to the fans. Oh, well. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.