The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #201 Red Flag, Green Flag

Episode Date: April 12, 2022

Nikki is finally back in STL and did not mind getting hit on at Starbucks before the pod. Andrew remembers cat calling in his fish monger days. Nikki noticed that there are more conmen than serial killers and always prefers a documentary over a drama about them. Andrew missed Canada because of a flight cancellation and Nikki was close to getting cancelled on Air Canada. You Heard It Here First, this optical illusion can tell you more about your brain, multi tasking is not real and TikTok can consumer all of your time. In Top1 Bottom1 they discuss "favors" and Nikki remembers one of her favorite moments from Perfect Strangers 2 in the Final Thought.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. Welcome to the show.

It's Monday. I am back in St. Louis missouri with andrew collin in studio how's it going andrew i missed you this weekend pal oh yeah oh pal how do you feel about pal by the way i like pal you don't mind pal yeah i mean pal just sucks when you like like a guy oh yeah yeah and like they pal you what's like the i know top top one, bottom one. Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am is the worst. Have you been called ma'am? It's just the go-to now. Lady and ma'am.

When's the last time you've been called ma'am? When's the last time you were called ma'am? I mean, when I travel, you know, ma'am, you've got to check that bag. Ma'am, like it's all day. I am ma'am. I am ma'am. That's all day. I am ma'am. I am ma'am. That's when you get nominated for an Oscar.

Yeah. I mean, look. You might have to step in for I Am Legend 2. Yeah. Sir has got to feel good. No. No? Sir is like ma'am.

It's like you're knighted. Excuse me, sir. Oh, yeah, sir. I could help you, sir. What do you like? Usually boss. I like gray bearded bitch. That's fun. There's no miss of boy.

Boy is derogatory. Mister sounds weird. Mister. Hey, mister. It's always like a little poor child tugging on your lapel. Not your lapel. Excuse me, mister. It just feels. Mister. It's someone who's, mister. It just, yeah, it feels.

Mister. It's someone who's either going to scam or they're really in danger. Yeah, and you might cause them to be in danger. Yeah, ma'am sucks, but it's just the way it is. But I did, I have been getting hit on a lot more recently.

Why, you think? I don't know. Because you're not single. It just doesn't seem like something that happens. Oh, maybe. That's a really good point. They just like sense it. Because you're wearing a ring? why you think i don't know it just doesn't seem like something that happens oh maybe that's a really good point they just like sense it because you're wearing a ring i am wearing a ring i mean i have one on my ring finger too because the only one that fits it's my daintiest little finger and it's the only one that fits this small one and i didn't want to

lose it so i put it on my it looks like a engagement ring um no i um yeah i just got hit on this no just on the street i was wearing an f-boy i mean i looked like shit just going down to get my coffee just woke up no makeup um but when you have your when you have long blonde hair it's kind of an eye catcher and that that was if i would have had it back it wouldn't have happened and this guy was just in his car oh oh in his car yeah he just threw the window just go he was like you know uh getting in his car after it was parked so he's in his car he just rolled down the passenger side window and was like uh he said next time that coffee's on me he goes what's your number next time that coffee's on me black guy you talked to him or you were you whenever i have to say when i gain some weight

that's when i start getting hit on by you know by black men yeah that's fine no it feels great yeah i was delighted by it and i just was like ah thank you you know like i was like happy and then um the other day there was another one too where did it happen it was so flattering i mean in my 20s i would have been like fuck you you know but now i feel like when um keep it i guess it's kind of a cat call in a way that was totally a cat call yeah definitely a cat call i i drove you know i was in the fish truck this when i like rode around in the fish truck when I rode around in a fish truck. I was a fishmonger slash fish truck delivery guy. So a lot of catcalls coming from a fish truck where I felt kind of uncomfortable. But I honestly feel like –

So you saw it happening. You saw the guys do it. Yo, look at her. But I know that guy is doing it all – if he did that to me looking like I looked like, he must be doing it all day long. This was not it's not a bad move park outside starbucks plenty of hot women hey next time coffee's on me coffee's

on me i'm like you won't don't want to know how much this coffee costs i doubt it will be on you next time it is honestly more than a a drink you would buy at a bar yeah he's like so what's that coffee you start he just peels off halfway through the order. It's like, Jesus, I hate this woman. I'm like, and two Stevia?

And if you don't have Stevia, I don't want anything at all. He's like, shut up, bitch. Shut up. What was the other one? God damn, it was really good. But the funny thing about a cat call, though,

it's like, I think every guy will be like, all those guys are like, yo, nice ass, smile. If you actually turn, you're like, oh, that's very nice of you. They wouldn't have anything. They know you're going to respond.

Yeah. Like ignoring them or, no, there was this, oh, I know where it was. It was in New York and I was gussied up for this meeting I had and it was on the street and it was just like a really old,

like an old guy, like a 50-year-old construction worker and I just saw him clock me and he's walking by. He's very busy and I was just like a really old like an old guy like a 50 year old like construction worker and i just saw him clock me and he's walking by he's very busy and i was looking for a meal because emile had my bags and i'm standing on the street kind of like looked like a lost little girl just looking on every direction because i was at this corner and he could be coming from any direction and all these i mean it's it's lunchtime and it's down it's by like hudson yard so there's tons of people like walking by and this guy, I saw him like looking at me and he's just like, oh my God, look at you.

Oh my God. And I just kind of looked at him like, what is this? What are you doing? You know? And then he kept- He's like, ma'am, you have toilet pooper on your shoe. Toilet pooper.

I don't know what I said. And he kept walking and kept staring and it was very creepy actually. Like he got halfway and kept staring. And it was very creepy, actually. Like, he got halfway down the block the other way and was still turning around and taking it all in. I mean, how does that feel as a woman? That does not feel good. This guy was, I mean, I never, there is something about it that's like, oh, I guess I still got it. But when I really break it down, these guys are doing it all day long.

And it's just a numbers game eventually i guess it's they think it's gonna pay off i mean i have seen videos of women they get hit on the guys like in a shitty car or next to a shitty car and then he moves to his lamborghini and the girl is like i don't have a boyfriend i don't know how much of it's staged did you look at the car at all do you care about the car being nice, being shitty? I don't remember. Carblind. Don't know. Carblind. Carblonge. Yeah. Carblind.com. I'll buy that.

Yeah, I don't care. But I was watching... You don't think it would matter, though, if it was a guy in a BMW versus a guy... It would probably feel better because I was watching the Tinder swindler last night. Have you seen it? No, but I love the name. It's so good. Have you seen it, Noah?

I'll watch it tonight. I've heard so much about it. It's really good. It's done by the same people that did, the same woman that did Don't Fuck With Cats. So it's really well produced. It's a documentary. I thought it was like a,

I don't like when real stories are turned into dramas. Oh, I don't either. Except the OJ one was not bad. Oh, that one was great. Okay, I don't either. Except the OJ one was not bad. Oh, that one was great. Okay, I don't want to say that I don't like it ever, but there's the WeWork guy. Oh. There's this new show called We Crashed,

and it's with, what's your name? The girl who everyone didn't like that was in the Devil Wears Prada, brown hair. She hosted the oscars with james franco and hathaway yes it was with her and then i mean sure and then jared leto that's what they got nominated for a bunch i guess it's called we crash and it's about we work which was do you know about we work yeah i mean they were like you know the timing couldn't have been worse for them for coven is that why they crashed no no dude no they i mean it was like a whole the guy was a swindler

oh another tinder site there was some tweet recently where a girl was like where's all the serial killers because i keep going to bed to women getting con now like she was talking like you know women used to love murder podcasts and now it's all just con men because there's Bad Vegan. There's Tinder Swindler. There's some other ones too. We Crashed. It's just women believing this guy. NXIVM.

All these guys, they're just culty losers. Oh, so this is about the WeWork guy in his personal life, not about the business. No, it's about the business, but it's about him being a lot like the, like, what's her name? The girl who talked like this, like lying to investors. Elizabeth Holmes. Yes, being very enigmatic and everyone investing in this thing and his company, which is basically a real estate company that is just shared space, which isn't a new thing. But he invented this like whole, he was just, you got to see WeWork. So, but I'm asking you asking you there's so there's the

drama version called we crashed and it's like a series and then there is a um documentary called like we work yeah about it i don't know what it's called what would you choose to watch if you wanted to know about something documentary all day who Documentary. All day. Who the fuck is choosing the drama? I don't know. Who are these people that want to watch that over what really happened? Because the dramas lie. Yes. And they fabricate because it's not interesting enough.

And the people are doing fake accents. And it's just... I just... I was thinking about that. There's a certain type of person who prefers the fictionalized version of a nonfiction thing. And there's... I just like documentaries so much more because I know I'm not, I mean, of course things are exaggerated for documentaries.

I'm not completely, you know, I'm just not buying everything they give me, but it just feels like I'm getting more facts. Yeah, I'm trying to think. People don't like facts anymore. I'm trying to think about a movie that I've enjoyed. Like they made so many 9-11 movies. They made some, you know, about a real-life thing.

Titanic, I guess, was better than the documentary. Yeah, but I would watch Titanic after I watched the documentary because I would want to know the truth. And I did know the truth about the Titanic. I mean, I knew enough. You knew he painted her naked. But WeWork, I knew nothing about. And I go, and the other night, I see both options,

and I go, who would ever choose the fictionalized version where it's just Jared Leto and Anne Hathaway telling you what it's like? Or the Anna Delvey story, the one that, Inventing Anna that everyone watched. I read the New York Magazine piece about it, which is why this show even got made. And it was so fascinating and i'm not trying

to be like i read and so i'm better but i got every piece of information that could possibly i mean this thing was based off of this piece this thing was a tome to read it was like a book to read this article i had no interest in watching the fictionalized version so then so then why would you be interested in tit if you saw the Titanic documentary? Because it was an epic because it was something that Wouldn't it be funny if the documentary Wouldn't it be funny if the documentary spent like

an hour on how he painted her tits? And because Titanic was fictional. What do you mean? There was not a Leo character. There was not a Rose character. There was not a Billy Zane character. That was a fictional story. story so it's all fake you're into it it was taking place during a time that was real and an event that was real but the story itself was if it was based on a real story i would not have interest in it and i was in eighth grade at the

time and you just see titanic because it's what everyone saw yeah but i saw tindler swindler last night because i thought i thought it was a last night because I thought it was a fictional, I thought it was a, I forget what they call those. But no, it's a documentary and it's so good. Do you think you could fall for a guy like this? Yeah.

After watching it? No, after watching it, no. We also believe dead people are real. It's going to, yeah, Tyler Henry's show, I'm sold on an afterlife. Sold. I mean, that is a big life i watched some of it it was i don't know i i don't know if i could get over like i don't know i didn't like more i didn't like the i like him i don't like the people that he interviews a lot or at least the first the women the first episode

i just i don't know oh the girls that have the friend. Yeah. It just didn't really catch me. Yeah, that one was not a good, that one wasn't good enough. Yeah. Stay with it. All right, I'll try again. It gets so much better. But the Tindler Swindler, so you do know anything about it? I know that this guy like stole money from women.

Yeah. And it's, he pretty much presents a business model for men to follow. He did a Ponzi scheme, which is essentially like you're paying the next person with the money you steal from the person before that. And you're stealing money from this person by paying the debts. I don't know how this guy even got started, but he um millions 10 tens of millions of dollars from different women and um it's just fascinating how he worked because he would get them to fall in love with him his jet-setting life like instantly the thing that would worry me but i have to say because i know a lot of our listeners have seen this because so many people

have seen the show where it would get me and make me worried and i'm proud of myself for this and i think more women should be observant of this is these women were desperate to find a partner which i have been before and have a boyfriend and just have this fucking done with and have someone that loves you they would meet this guy and he would fall for them instantly they would fall for him no he would fall he would you know play like he was falling for that okay yeah yeah if a man doesn't have time to get to know you he cannot fall in love with you it's too fast he doesn't know you when i have dealt with men before a famous man in fact that like love bombs like too early kind of thing yeah where he goes you're so fascinating you are there's this really famous guy that you know i became that you know kind of romantically involved with but he he didn't know me at all he never asked a question

about me he didn't we didn't have phone conversations it was all based on like sexting kind of stuff and he and you gave him 80 it wasn't love bombing but it was just like you intrigue me you are different like there's something about you i just really you're special like and i go where are you one day i said where are you getting this from have you watched my like my specials and he goes yeah i watched your special and i go okay there you go you then you did some research i can see how you would watch bangin and be like there's something about this girl that's interesting you get to know me and that but these girls this guy is someone needs time to fall in love so that's what i would advise women and men is like if someone is seeing the real you and just gets you too soon that isn't

something that is telepathed you need to actually know about a person, spend time with them to love them. You feel like you're just, a guy can literally do that. It's like Mad Libs. You're just filling in a role. He's doing the same thing probably over and over again. When this article came out. It's like a salesman.

It's like, not Wall Street. There's a set thing. These are the things. These are the rebuttals. And you do it over time. And he treated it probably like a job, like a sales call, right? Most likely.

So in the documentary, the girls find out they're being swindled. They get together. They take it to the press. It becomes an explosion. I'm not ruining too much. It becomes a thing. And then girls that are currently dating him see the article come up on their Instagram. They're like, my boyfriend, is it's his tinder swindler and because the tinders tindler swindler was coined by a

norwegian paper and um it's such a catchy name it's so good it's like whoever did yeah fiddler on the roof i don't know why it reminds me of swindler on your roof fiddling at swindler on your roof i don't know tindler swindler but they would it sounds fun they would compare all of the whatsapp messages to their own identical same and it makes them feel so special because he is a good conman have you ever seen um we were about to do top one bottom one catch me if you can what's going to be my movie for we're going to do movie that movie teaches you how manipulative and these guys can be and how charming that guy was brilliant oh to he actually really remember the part where he passed the board like he actually asked yeah I mean they're often really smart this guy

oh and he was this guy rapport you could just kind of ruin it for me I don't care I don't want to ruin it for our fans he is not we don't know yeah you're not poor but he came from like humble means beginnings and he just lied and said that his family was a diamond magnet he was the son of a diamond magnate that was like you know the 137th richest man in the world i wonder who the first girl was does it say that's what i'm saying like how does this guy get started yeah but do you think the first girl broke his heart enough that he kind of hates women in a way that he does this? I hate that story.

But that is on Perfect Strangers 2. That's often the story for why these guys go rogue. And they stick to it so hard. One girl broke my heart. And usually the one girl is your mother. You hate women because your mother is a fucking cunt and that is what like so many men hate women because their aunt or their mother or someone beat them neglected them molested them and it's really tragic but it and it's not an excuse it's real like that stuff and the same

with women they will not trust men because their father their brother you know whatever it is she never never paid me to do chores, and now I'm going to take it out on every woman. You meet his mom in the thing, too, a little bit. Really? Mrs. Mom? She has quite a bump on her back. These people that have giant lumps on their back when they're hunchbacked. Oh, that's an interesting thing, yeah. When do you just go, well, this is weird.

Maybe I'm just going to sit up straight a little bit more. How do you lean into that? No literally yeah i think some of those diseases it's like a disease yeah yeah like you can't stand straight through it right you could try but it's there's this thing let's be honest there's the phone thing that's the hump that you can fix yeah i'm like don't message me about like it's a it's a vertebrae issue like if it's a genetic bone issue different but i'm saying tech neck which we all have you're supposed to you know look at your phone from this your jaw line if you look at your jaw right below your ear that's supposed to be the little um radius point from which you do this so that you but we all go like that we do it from the bottom of our neck which just creates this hump don't you at some point go thanks wow that picture of me

i'm gonna start i'm gonna try to do something about this i've noticed i had tech neck living in new york and it's gone away a lot living here yeah because you walk around in new york always this the whole time. Yeah. 23 hours a day. I'm not like that anymore. I'm not on my phone as much. If I am, I'm in bed laying like that. So now I have a hump here. Which looks cool. Yeah.

It's like, it's balancing it out. Soon I'll lean on this side. And I'll have fucking five humps. Camel. Camel shoulders. All right. We got to take a quick break. We'll come back with more.

Andrew. Coming in now. Come on. Hold on. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Okay, we're back. or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, we're back.

Tech Neck. Tech Neck sounds like Tinder. Like, it's fun. Anything that rhymes. You could be a murderer if it's fun, if it rhymes. Yeah. You know? I'm trying to think, like, I don't know.

Grapey Rapey? No. No, no one's not as kind of forced these are forced i'm just like the grapey rapist forced um yes so this weekend i was in canada you weren't able to go because your flight got like delayed you know minutes and so it made it so you weren't gonna wasn't it delayed like an hour or something? No, it got delayed eight hours. Oh, I didn't know that. There was nothing in between. Oh, wow.

It went from 6 a.m. to like 3 p.m. flight. Right. And it was just like, yeah, I was, I felt really bad. Like I really did want to go. Felt bad, not for me though, right? Because let that go. That really annoys me to hear i felt bad because i'm just like but i i don't know what to do with that because i told you like

even when you texted me i was at dinner i was just like it's fine don't care like do you not believe me i believe you i just think like i know how much you work and how much you would have to travel to do go from la but i still have to whether you go from L.A. to Winnipeg. But I still have to whether you come or not. That's true. It's just like I think it's more about like I feel bad because I want – it sounds cheesy, but like I do like want to be there for you. Like I do feel like there's like a teamwork kind of thing

even when we're on the road, that if I'm not there, I do feel like I am part of the show in a way. Yes. I do think because of this podcast. Well, the fans were definitely sad. That's what I'm saying. Well, that's not me. I know that's not you.

So you can feel bad for the fans that were disappointed that you weren't there, but don't feel bad for me. Do you know what I mean? I get that. I think you're taking it like- That's why I asked, do you feel bad because you're letting you know what I mean? I get that. I think you're taking it like... That's why I asked, do you feel bad because you're letting me down? Because you're not.

Okay, well, that's good. Right. That feels good and bad. Okay, why? Because it feels bad because it's like, actually, I don't need you at all. I'm fine no matter what. I kind of realized it was like being...

I like having you around because it's fun, but it was just... I have some... There are some thoughts I have now about Tor having done this alone because I'm like, you around because it's fun but it was just i have some there are some thoughts i have now about tour having done this alone because i'm like there's something about doing it alone like i did miss the hangs but i'm realizing like so oftentimes i want the hang after the show and i'm not getting that with the group that i've assembled because everyone works so hard before and everyone's tired afterwards and i want more

like energy afterwards so i'm kind of like because beforehand we don't even get to hang that much on the on the tour and so now i'm like but i want you there because the fans and because it is fun to have you around but we don't really get to hang that much especially with the amount of travel and just yeah like they're and because i'm i sleep during the day you're running around by nike looking at the town yeah i'm really going to nike town but like because we have different the way we approach the road is different you're tired after the show which is normal to be i'm not and so i'm usually alone after the show anyway yeah like i'm still alone and i just need to figure out a way so that people

can stay up a little bit with me afterwards because that's the hang that i want and i was alone this time too i mean my openers left i made my openers in uh winnipeg like stay and hang out but you could tell they were like kind like, okay, can we go sleep? 5 a.m. No, it wasn't. It was like 11, but I get it. I just am so amped up after a show. What do you like to do?

Is it just talking to people? Honestly, all I want in life, all I want, literally my passion in life is hanging and talking. it's just laughing and talking watching a show together like just everyone relaxed no one being like oh we gotta we gotta go soon or like on their phone like i really oh i gotta go to bet like i just want people present and talking that's all i want like i, I was talking to Carlisle about this

because she's like working this, you know, restaurant job. And she's just like, you know, what am I doing with my life? And I'm not even happy. And if I can't make it in the business, I don't think I'm going to be happy. And I'm like, it is not, shows do not make, shows are great and they're fun but I do everything I do so that I can just hang out and have fun like my happiness is sitting on the couch with

Carlisle Chris if Andrew wants to come like with my friends my boyfriend my dog watching a show and making fun of it that is all I want in life and yeah I work really hard so that I can do that and not be freaking out about money and stuff like that that is like also that takes you out of those moments but I just I I don't get that on the road as much because everyone cares too everyone's really anxious before a show whether it's because you know they're tour managing and running around and doing things or or they're like sound checking or worrying about you know and like it makes sense or taking in a town and like going out and doing touristy things which i'm not doing because i'm like saving my energy for the show not because that's the right thing to do but because that's just what i need to do after a

day of travel i just like to sleep but i just my schedule isn't the same do you know what i mean like after a show you are you're so funny that's my favorite andrew because you're like deliriously tired and just saying wacky things yeah real wacky but you want to go i mean there's times i mean sometimes i feel like you're so amped up that like you have an ability to do 45 podcasts when there's no podcast like you have you it's incredible like i don't even know like i don't even know if anyone even has to be there it could just be a stuffed bear and you could talk its head off which is interesting but like it's hard to keep up with sometimes um but that being said like i don't know man part of me is like i i just want to feel like and i know it's just like it's an ongoing thing where it's like it's just 10 minutes

or whatever but it's like i do think that my again it goes back to my talent that like i feel like i do make a better show yes for people because I am that funny and I am that good at what I do. So there is a level of like okay, I know The Hang's great again, you know like I want to be there because I want to, also a lot of people listen to this

podcast. They probably feel like they would, you know, I got a lot of messages like I can't believe you didn't, like mad at me and stuff and I was like, well I'm'm not it's not necessarily my show but like so then there's like that whole thing i'm getting messed like how could you not come to canada it's like i dude i tried like bro like it's a 15 hour flight both ways for one show for me it's hard for me to do that yeah yeah and it's your show you know what i mean and so all those kind of things go through my head and and in regards to like i think i feel bad because like i know how hard you work and for me to be like that's why i was like look

i'll fly to vancouver because i know you were yeah so those are the things and like i know that that doesn't necessarily affect you but there is still still got to be a level of like, I'm working this much and I can do these fucking flights. He's not working as much and he doesn't want to do this. That kind of goes to him. Oh, no. Flights are annoying no matter what. And that was why I was like, no, that is not.

Don't do this to yourself. It is a fuck. Going to Canada is such hell. No offense to Canada. I love you so much. But for some some reason they treat you like a criminal like you're trying to get in there i didn't start a sex traffic country one time to canada they are so mean and they make me feel like the border control people have such a power trip they make me feel bad about coming and i'm always left in air canada are such rude flight attendants i

honestly no offense i think it's part of it's the french thing they do everything in english and french and in order to do that they need people french people working and they're just rude and they're they make you take out your headphones so you listen to their little announcement they don't let you put your fucking guitar in the overhead thing even though it fits i almost got into a karen moment on the plane like i almost snapped because my guitar was gonna snap because they were handling it roughly and they wouldn't let me they made me gate check it and i was like i know it's gonna fit but i couldn't prove it because i wasn't on the plane yet then i get in there and i go it would have fit can i get have it back?

Because it's going to break down below. And what's annoying is you bring a soft case to fit, right? Yeah, and they go, well, you should have a hard case if you don't want it to break.

And I go, well, it would have fit because it's a small guitar, bitch. There's the rub. That's the rub. The bitch. But there's something about, I loved Winnipeg and Vancouver.

They were some of the best shows i've ever had i'm sorry to say that i'm not trying to make you have fomo but they were truly the best audiences the best um hangs afterwards with the the people that were at the meet and greet they were some of my favorite shows ever i and i would tell you if they weren't i mean they were but there's something about going through customs that makes me feel like I don't even want to do this because I am treated so shittily and I'm treated like a suspect. The dogs are constantly sniffing around my bags. I get to baggage claim.

The bags aren't coming out, so we all have to wait. But then the fucking customs agents, after we've already been through customs, start going up to us going like, let me see your passport. And it's like, do you think I'm loitering here just for fun because i'm waiting for a drug deal to go down i'm waiting for my goddamn bag and they they talk to you so rudely that it just it's like dealing with a cop and in the state like cops are so rude upon approach that you already feel guilty and you get an attitude it's like going to can And so I go into Canada feeling guilty, angry, and like, I don't even want to do this.

It's not worth it. It took nine hours, no, 12 hours to get to Winnipeg because everyone's so slow. The TSA, going through. I go, who is, is there like a terrorist organization that is trying to target Air Canada because they act like that's the one that's going to be taken down.

They're like, oh yeah. No one wants to really... Just start profiling. When has a blonde girl in a Taylor Swift t-shirt ever been radicalized by ISIS? Now you're giving them ideas, Nikki. I mean, honestly, maybe I was going to say that to them.

Like, you have to take out my guitar and go through it. Look who is. Who are you, Desperado over here? I just can't. What, do you got a machine gun slash guitar? I'm sorry I'm in a bad mood about it. And I did miss you on the road. But this is my whole point.

This is my whole point, though. These are the thoughts I'm having of you having to deal with all this shit and me not having to deal with it and then they're but you but i'm not one of these people that goes i want him to have a bad time so that i like that does not that doesn't make me feel better to go i'm gonna bring you on the shit show too that's not like that does and because you being there wouldn't help me deal with these fucking people it It would honestly. We could have laughed about it, probably. Yeah.

Just like we're doing now. Also, I look more like a terrorist than you, so I probably. Maybe you would have gotten it. I probably would have gotten more of that. You would have been fine. This is the thing. You travel with me, you never get terrorized or looked at as a terrorist. Terrorized.

Terrorized. You know what I mean? Like, if anyone's getting terrorized, it's me. We got to get to at least one news story. Terrorized sounds like analized in a way. Okay, here comes the news. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first.

We started the pod a little late today. Maybe you didn't hear it here first. I'm going to apologize if it's the fifth time. But anyways, it's Monday, folks. You know what that means. It's Monday. Hope you're having all the fifth time. But anyways, it's Monday, folks. You know what that means. It's Monday. Hope you're having all the swells. Nikki really does love Air Canada. She's just kidding.

No, I hate it. Air Canada. No one from Air Canada is going to listen to this. But they really, they're the Spirit Airlines. And Spirit Airlines actually is pretty good. They just charge you a lot for stuff. But they're actually nice. I just get scared that their chairs are going to fall apart.

They look like lawn chairs in there. Really? Spirit Airlines? Really? Yeah, they're made out of weird tinfoil. Anyhow, back to you, Noah. It's fine to be made out of tinfoil. You're not going to survive a crash anyway. It's the illusion that you're going to survive.

I asked him all those annoying questions. Why it doesn't have a parachute? Why doesn't the roof fly? Why don't each seat? Why doesn't the roof fly off and then just eject? Why doesn't the roof fall off? That's not a bad idea. No one needs to get to the story because she sent us this weird, terrifying graphic. I thought this was catch me if you can.

Oh, so are you going to ask us if he's running away from us or towards us? Okay, that's my guess. Doesn't it look like catch me if you can? Yes. In the optical illusion, do you see the man running he's running away from us or towards us. Okay, that's my guess. Doesn't it look like catch me if you can? Yes. In the optical illusion, do you see the man running towards you or away from you? I think it depends on how I'm looking at it. Is this going to tell us whether we think we're a victim? The first thing.

Okay. First thing you say, away or toward? Ready? One, two, three. Away. Oh, interesting. Okay. two three away oh interesting okay so this optical illusion reveals if you have a female or male brain depending on what you see first okay wait just females already because it's a man

we think they're raping us they're gonna come if you saw if you saw the man running towards you it's it means that you try to solve your problems and past life's difficult obstacles using your spot-on analytical skills and good reason. You learn very quickly once you become curious about something, and that's when you focus all your energy on it until you come up with an idea how to approach it. You're not a good multitasker.

Once you come up with an idea you have a strong opinion about something um you're ready to back it up with convincing arguments because you're sure of yourself and your great focus and attention skills and um it's it said more male brain for that one okay yeah if you saw the man running away from you, which is what Andrew and I saw, your analytical skills and reasoning are at their max. You rely on your senses and reasoning and you don't rush when making a decision. Your brain is at its best

when you immerse yourself in something creative or you're creating something from scratch. You're a great multitasker and you always have an amazing memory. What you can always count on are your intuition and excellent senses okay so people got to go look at this picture yeah i to see for them be on our youtube it'll be on our youtube and i'll wait and it'll be on can we put it on our stories in case people sure don't see the youtube soon enough absolutely and link on our podcast description

yeah i love these things i love these things too anything that tells you about yourself but it's like 15 things it's got to be like when it's 15 things i'm like i'm that one i'm not that one i'm that one oh i'm so honestly no one's a good multitasker it's proven that humans cannot focus on two things at once there's just no no one who can do it yeah it's just impossible you think that you can pay attention to tiktok and listen to what someone's saying on the tv that show that you're watching but you can't you just go back and forth there isn't someone who can hear both those things and process them it is truly impossible for humans to do that is not a thing even the younger

generation no it's not a thing like it could evolve no i uh the book i read that said that i forget which one because i'm reading so many of these fucking books right now i'm multitasking books i am that i remember reading and some bestie will come up with the research for this but it is proven that multitasking is not a thing it's we think it is i mean we could do we can go oh i'm gonna do this while i have this going like i'm gonna chop these onions and have this on simmer and make it so it's timed out that this is caramelizing right when these are ready to go in of course but hearing and knowing what two different things are saying impossible and i've tried it before try it out try to okay here talk to me and i'll be on tiktok because here's the thing it's but really try to see because what what happens is you realize your

attention goes from one thing to the other thing it does not you can't you could almost guess what someone said at the beginning of a sentence that you didn't hear based on the end of the sentence so you think you know what the beginning of the sentence said but you actually didn't hear it i guess it depends on what the task is when did i quit you about a show that you were watching TikTok on and you missed like- Squid Game. It was Squid Game. You missed like huge plot points. You get it. Narcos too. Narcos was the one I was like, dude, this is a different, and Squid Game.

It's a different language. I was more upset that I missed the TikToks watching Narcos. I missed seven seconds of that one where the girl goes like this. I was like, what's in the middle? What's in the middle? That's so, oh yeah. I fucking- He's doing a TikTok dance.

I really tried to not do TikTok as much. much i'm trying so hard i take it off your phone i know i don't it's for me it's alcohol nope you don't get it other people can have it you don't get to have it because and because you don't get to have it you are no i have not once had a moment where i go that person is succeeding in life more than me because they have TikTok on their phone. It is always a conversation of my life is being overtaken by that. There's never once where I feel left out because TikTok shows up on Reddit, the best ones.

I asked you to send me the best ones. You can have people in your life that you go, hey, if you come across a TikTok, I don't have it anymore. If you come across one you like, will you send it to me? The only thing that's really good with tick tock instructional videos if you want to learn anything yeah if you want to learn a song real quick four chords give it to me i don't want to a lot of these youtube videos it's two minutes of fluffer it's like so when you get to the golf course and you're- As someone who is learning guitar from YouTube, you scan along and you see where the cord shows up on the right-hand side.

There's ways to do it. TikTok is not actually- You need to learn things with someone explaining it, then explaining it again. That's why none of these TikToks stick. People aren't really changing their lives because of TikToks. I like one guy that changed his whole life from one TikTok. He's like, you don't know. Seven months ago.

I'm not better than anyone because I don't do TikTok. I am so grateful that for me, it was something that I, the first time I did it, I go, this is, just an hour went by and I don't know what I saw, what I got from it. The only thing I got was that I am jealous of a 10 yearyear-old that I just saw that has better skin than me. And I don't need this shit. Yeah. I feel that way. It sounds weird with coffee.

If I drink too much coffee, an hour will go by. I have no idea what happened. I have a very short-term memory. Like I didn't take anything in. Like sometimes I'll drink so much caffeine before I hit golf balls. By the end of the day, it's i it's it's a time travel like a time warp coffee and you don't get anything actually productive done i'm doing things productive that you think would stick but i don't even know if they stuck but i guess they stuck interesting i don't know maybe i'm just

sensitive to coffee but you know it's like anything it's like if you tried to learn something on cocaine maybe it wouldn't stick maybe it does i yeah does that make sense like you ever drink so much coffee where you're like where did my morning where did that seven hours just go um well i relate when i have been on add meds where the whole day can get away from me because i'm hyper focused on a couple different things or like i'm but then I have a clean house so something did get done and I don't remember doing it like but and a lot of times with coffee as well I can get this burst that I feel that I would feel on ADD meds of just like hyper focused interested excited and and I don't and I'm just trying to keep it going because it's such a good feeling.

And the despair and the depression I was feeling before is gone momentarily. Coffee is a wild drug. But how many things have been agreed upon? It was like, at the end of the day, with the Canada trip, I was like, look, this is a sign that I shouldn't be going. I woke up in the morning. I had one cup of coffee. I go, I'm looking at flights. I'm ready to go. Because, yeah, drugs make us do things all the time.

But coffee isn't considered a drug, but it is. It is such a drug. It is, honestly, it's smoking in the 60s. People don't know the damage coffee has done. Are we going to all be getting cancer because of coffee, you think? Not cancer, but, I mean, it leads to early death because coffee is, I always think of it, I call it anxiety juice. you're drinking anxiety juice that's what someone coined it as once and i heard that and now every time i think of it i was like yeah i give myself this energy but it

it always turns into anxiety oh and you get it yeah i'm absolutely hardcore addicted to coffee as much as anyone on skid row is addicted to fucking, you know. New York City, getting too much coffee. And then being in the park and being like, I'm just taking it in the park. And then that anxious comes in. And the park feels like everyone's trying to murder. All those guys are running at me. And then I get on the subway.

All those guys. I don't know. How is not being on Zoloft it's really good yeah like I really my brain's just different than what it was five years ago or whatever when it started I still get bouts a little bit of depression yeah but I don't know if it's not being in New York and that rat race kind of thing like where I'm feeling pressure all the time. Yeah. But yeah, so far, so good. I'm not on any antidepressants or anything. And sometimes people,

I feel like they almost brag about it. I just know that it's there if I need it, which is nice to know. I'm glad that I went through it because I do really feel like, oh shit, if shit hits the fan again, I have something to lean on. Yes, and you know it works.

Which is almost enough to kind of get through any kind of anxiousness but i haven't had a good reference like a good reference point of how you could feel and be right yes i think you're right like a lot of times you don't know how good it could be or how and it makes and it convinces you it is in your head yes you know it's not just like it's not your it's something that can be cured by a pill so like this thing isn't real like if you're having anxiety about having a heart attack you're like well if i took this pill for two weeks i wouldn't be worried about a heart attack well clearly that pill's not helping my heart attack so it's not a heart attack yes it's my brain it's so true and i think your brain learns that. It adapts to that.

Like, I think that's, even if you're on the drug, again, it's like coffee. It's like, is anything really working? Am I learning anything? Even if you're on Zoloft, you're learning that your thoughts aren't things,

but they're like, you don't allow them to race. You don't allow them to get to that next level. Then that next level, and the next, you know, you're in the ER again. Yes. For fucking three days thinking you're having a heart attack.

But really, you just ate a spicy pepper. Man, I was just, I was feeling depressed this weekend. And I was talking. Because I wasn't there? Possibly. You know, I wasn't having as much social interaction. So that obviously could be. No, no, no.

I'm just fucking around. But I decided to help someone else that was going through depression. And man, it just was so interesting how you find the answers when you just get out of your own problem. And suddenly it's like, oh, this is what I needed to tell myself. I didn't realize this works, but I was hopping a friend with some body issue stuff and I was having the same stuff and um and it was so interesting like i found the answers in giving her the help like i was struggling with um you're like go to a starbucks walk by a black guy in a car you'll feel great but i was like just you know i came and the the thing for me is like i had to remember that

my body is not my business which is just something that you learn if you're in recovery which never made any sense to me because it seems like you can control it and you're like no if i starve myself then i lose weight like i've seen it happen before. That's my control. But then you don't realize that then it quickly becomes out of control. Either you starve yourself too much and your life is miserable because you're hungry all the time and obsessed with food or you eventually let your guard down

and you cannot stop eating and then you have this immense guilt and all this stuff. So it's really not in your control. And my friend, I reached out to a friend being like, I'm really struggling with body stuff. I don't know why this is coming up for me. And she was just like, well, just ask God to help you be the size you want to be.

And I was like, that seems, we were both kind of commenting, like that seems weird because being a size, it shouldn't matter what size. I should ask for acceptance about my size now. And she was like, no, you can ask God, can you help me achieve a size where I feel comfortable? Because the size I feel comfortable in is not a sickly size.

It's just a little bit less than right now. My clothes are, I just don't want to buy new clothes. And I just want to feel comfortable in the clothes that I love. And right now they're not comfortable. Now is this cool, God, or like? Yeah. No, this is just just this is honestly fucking

i don't know if it's the you're asking the air you're asking no no no i know i'm just i'm just picturing like a god being like you better be a size two like a cool guy yeah this god uh so this is like a laid back this is like a laid back god but it's just nice and loving god this god i hate the word god i really hate the word god but to me it just means it's just nice and loving god this god i hate the word god i really hate the word god but to me it just means it's just anything that's not me because i do not have control over my body and i love hearing like it's none of your business so i just ask politely like in my mind you know even aloud like god will you just like help my body be like what i would like it to be i think of god i think of my body and what i

want it to be as something that's behind a counter at a front desk of a hotel like i can see it but i don't get to go get it like i have to ask for help and if i were to go get it i could get in trouble like that's only gonna make my life so it's something i just need help with like someone needs to get so but are you looking for an answer from like i know not like but what are you looking for i'm looking for just help either with like no so you ask him and then there's a silent like what are you what happens after you i don't know just i'm not starving you're just putting it out there i don't i want to be maybe maybe it will look like uh not being as emotional and eating my feelings maybe that will what it will look like for me maybe it's like my body will naturally like let go of some weight that i don't need but it's not

going to be because i'm starving or because i'm it's not going to be anything that i'm doing to be like okay i'm going to control this but what happened was the next day i felt i like love my body and it wasn't because i maybe i lost weight but i don't think i did i think it was just like my my thing was answered because i just for me what i thought i was asking for was a smaller body but what i was given was oh my god i think i look like actually better like this like that's that was the answer and you know what then it bubbled up again a couple days later and then i remember this louise hay quote that i love which is god the universe whatever it is is not going to keep giving you gifts if the gifts that you are given you just go like i don't even like this like i don't want this like i would not give you a single gift ever again if every time i gave you a gift you were

like it's not good enough i don't like. So being grateful is always the solution to having the things that you want in life given to you. Because it's not in your control whether you get things. Even if the answer to the gift isn't what you necessarily think you want or need. Well, I can be grateful I have hands. That's a gift that, like, if I didn't have hands, I would fucking suck. And I can be grateful for hands. You know, like, that's the type of thing I'm talking about. instead of being like i'm fat today or whatever the fuck my brain is telling me like they focus on a gift that i have been given that i'm so grateful for and then the

universe hears that and goes oh my god i want to give that girl more gifts because she actually appreciates it oh there's nothing better than that so that's the answer like that is the answer when you're complaining about your life and every little thing, which I did about Air Canada, I'm a little bitch that complains all the time, but that state of mind does not lead to more good things happening to you. It just doesn't. And I just thought that kind of like the gift analogy was kind of cool.

Let's take a quick break and come back with top one, bottom one. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

All right, we're back. It's time for top one, bottom one. The category today is favors. Favors. Things people ask of you. Now, that's obviously kind of almost a negative in and of itself, but within any kind of category, there is going to be a best and a worst. Let's start with the worst kind of favor to be asked of you why do anytime i think of something

like the worst like i think of larry david like i think of her like it just like things like different scenes play in my head or like what would annoy him because like there could be giant favors that annoy you right like yeah like hey will you give me thirty thousand dollars obviously that's like or give me a hundred thousand dollars that Obviously, that's like, or give me $100,000. That's a favor I love. You love that kind of favor. Yeah. Because it's just so black and white.

I don't want to get to my favorite yet, but that is. Okay, okay. So I'll start with my least. No, no, no. That was actually, you gave me my answer. My least one was, well, I just got asked it today. This is from a friend of mine who I've worked on a show with and he's someone that I just like reached out you know

I just like love this little this guy he's a younger kid that's worked on a show and I just have an affection for him and he runs kind of depressed sometimes and I just talk to him about his life and he's just a sweetheart and he wrote to me hey I'm doing my first open mic at the end of this month can I record my little set

and send it to you after for constructive criticism and i wrote back this is real i would say yes but i think you just have to go about it on your own in the beginning i did not ask for help from people in the beginning because i knew i would suck and it's all about trial and error you're too new to receive help give it a couple years and then i can start helping you i'm really proud of you though that is me like that is not something i would be able to do normally is tell people i would usually say yes but that would be lying to him i don't want to give you help i don't think you deserve it yet i wouldn't ask a guitar virtuoso to help me making a you know b minor chord i would just go online i would just help someone that was a

little bit better than me you know or i would ask someone no you did a lot for that person in that instance i really do i think i'm being serious yeah i think depending on how they took that too and how they what they wrote back thank you for being honest with me and i appreciate you taking the time to get back to me on this exclamation mark exclamation mark exclamation mark and i said and i said back to him on this. Exclamation mark, exclamation mark, exclamation mark. And I said, back to him, I said, of course. I love you and nothing changes that. Because I do.

That is a loving response because that is me sticking to my boundaries. He doesn't get to have access to. Because of somebody else. No, it doesn't. Not at that point. I would have never asked Chris Rock. Not that I'm Chris Rock, but in terms of how much better Chris Rock was than me at certain points in my career, even when I was like 10 years in,

I would have never asked him for, I wouldn't ask him for advice now. You know? No, it's a good lesson to learn now as opposed to meaner people down the road that you ask a favor for or you think you deserve something just because you put in such minimal amount of effort.

So many people feel like they deserve it way too early. Yes. And whatever it is. I'm so psyched for it. I did give him advice about just do it, dude. Yeah. I'm happy to give advice about trying to do comedy, but in terms of helping you write jokes, you're going to find out. And you're going to suck.

No one's going gonna be good in the beginning there's nothing i can tell you at this point um look for help from people that are just a couple steps above you not a mile above you yeah there's nothing there's in stand-up there's really to really be good at stand there's no shortcut you just have to get on stage like it's not it's not ticked it's it's different than every other forum it really i mean look a lot of people can be good and get laughs feel about about golf it's about hours as well i mean no one's gonna be a natural going in it's a process yeah it's about the hours yeah i wouldn't i wouldn't write fucking tiger woods hey can you look at my swing i'm

thinking about going to a drive in the other driving range the guy that was driving me in vancouver is in a band called gob that was like a huge band they've done a bunch of stuff and he's a guitarist and so i saw my guitar and was like do you play and i go yeah but like i'm two years in and we were driving back and he'd just seen my show and he was just very like so he was just like i can't believe you're like that was insane he was just very into it and he was like so what are you going to do the rest of the night? I was like, going to go practice guitar. And then I go, I realize that you've been playing guitar. Oh, I was talking to him.

I go, at this point, if I wasn't as good as you're saying I am at standup, there would be something wrong because I've done it so much that I'm an expert because of the hours I put in. I go, just like you at guitar. And I go, you're probably so good you and you being on stage all the time you just you're just you're probably nervous in the beginning and now you could do anything you play for any amount of people and then we started talking about guitar and i got into the thing of like i'm having trouble with my pick holding my pick but before i asked for advice i said

i realized this is like someone, this would be you, you know, thinking about doing an open mic and asking me for like, what's a good closer. But like, I'm struggling with my pick. I'm just putting that out there. And I didn't ask for advice. And then he gave me some that was not me asking for it. I was just explaining what my experience is instead of asking for it. And I was 30 when I moved to New York.

And I swear to you, like, I did not even expect to get on a show, like a bar show. And partly I went the other way of thinking I didn't deserve anything until I put time in. I turned down so many things. Dude, I was like, I can't do this show. I'm not, I only have these jokes from Florida. Like, I can't, but like, you you know i think there's a nice balance of thinking you deserve things and also that you don't so like i love the effort of like even writing that there is something to um asking for help and asking for advice that is difficult

to to that you shouldn't be open to do to be able to do and i hope that didn't shut that person down because like no yeah you know what i mean good response there yeah i thought it was a good but i'm saying like there's a love oh yeah reject with love reject with love and also but don't be afraid to ask for things if you think you deserve them can i share another thing the other day was like how she was getting uh like a request from a girl that she to hang out and she was like i just really don't want to i don't like i don't have an excuse other than like i just when i have free time i want to spend it with my boyfriend no new friends kind of thing we're gonna bleep whoever's name i just said yeah if you're wondering why we bleeped it because i

just don't want to yeah yeah so and i told her i said um i i wrote a response for her because i was like because she goes i'm just telling her like i'm busy and all these things i go you're not busy that doesn't you don't need to lie yeah you so i gave her an example of something that i had said to someone of like i don't have time for my friends in my own life my family like they come first and i just don't have time from like i gave her a response but come first and i just don't have time from like i gave her a response but she was like i just don't know how you are honest with people and then i remembered that emile witnessed me being extremely honest with someone um the other night but wait wait did did that person send that to that other person and how was the response she

never wrote back to me so i'm guessing it went well if there would have been more conflict i i assure you. She might be dead. So Emil wrote the other night. He goes, and I'm not going to say. I'm going to use the name James instead of the real person's name. He goes, OK, I can't stop thinking about. This was at the cellar the other night.

He goes, I can't stop thinking about when James said, hey, will you let me know next time you're in town? And you straight up were like, no, I won't do that. Shut the fuck up. I said that were like, no, I won't do that. Shut the fuck up. I said that. That's amazing. I won't. I didn't want to lie. I don't want to lie and be like, I will.

And I just go, there was more to it than that. I said, honestly, I'm not going to, but it's not because I don't like you. I just don't, I don't write my best. Sometimes I forget. And I go, and I always know I'm going to see you at the cellar and I count on that but i'm not i'm never gonna let you know beforehand and he handled it he was just like it wasn't rude

it was loving actually because i was like i do love seeing you but i'm not gonna let you i'm not gonna lie to you right now and say i'm gonna let you know i had a very similar moment to that recently but i didn't do it to the person's face because someone else goes hey oh you're going to that city you should call blah blah blah or let them know that you're in town i go i'm like i like that person but like i gotta focus on doing this once i start opening up those then i'm like oh no i gotta call 15 people to let them know i haven't i have a website i put it on my shows on instagram like i can't like but i like that person yeah it has nothing uh but my least favorite favor back to that uh i guess we should go to those uh the uh you know the whole thing but uh the the top one bottom one least

favorite favor i don't like when someone has their phone on them and they could easily and they go what's what's the weather tomorrow when your show start what what show uh what time is the show tonight what's the weather tomorrow you have a phone you know your phone's in your hand yeah why are you asking me is it really about the weather is that a real one yeah that's a real thing like like little like a little thing like that like or like you know it's like well you i just remembered one that was just similar to this i'm sorry to share these real life examples but there's a bestie who wrote me for tickets to the like meet and greets because he couldn't afford them or whatever and he goes um so you know a month ago he wrote me

is there anything i need to know to do just let me know and i said they'll be there at the box office under your name he said awesome thank you and then i get on friday night before the show or at friday at 1 p.m hey thanks again for the tickets tonight can't wait just wondering if it'll still be at the box office before we head down. And I wrote back, why would that have changed? Why would that have changed Jesse? And I met Jesse after the show. He's a very nice, very, very nice and very gracious and grateful.

But it was just, and he wrote back, ha ha, I didn't think so. We just live farther away. So just wanted to make sure. I get it. But I told you where they were going to be. And it was sweet to follow up but i i couldn't just tell him yes i had to be like why did you yes i well i guess his in his thought

process i guess is that if he gets there late will the box office be closed or like i'm about to drive seven hours i didn't realize he's coming from fucking saskatchewan so it made and he was lovely and i love that i'm even able to say Jesse because I know that he would laugh at that, but he was so sweet and said the nicest things after the show, and he knows that I was kind of annoyed by that because of what I wrote back,

but I just, those kinds of things where it's like, I already told ya, or like, just look it up, you know? But also, I do that all the time too, so I'm just projecting.

Don't be mad at me, Jesse. the thing that I'm upset about, I also probably do. all the time too so i'm just projecting don't be mad at me jesse the thing that i'm upset about i also probably do but like the what is the weather the little favor sometimes though you've been outside and i want to know the weather because i don't feel like looking because you have to go to your phone and you have to go and sometimes it says it's raining and it's not different than indoor today the weather app you were working with on the the computer stuff and i didn't want to bother you about the weather so I looked it up. It said it was raining. Put on my rain boots.

Put on my rain jacket. Not raining. Brought my umbrella. No reason to do all that. So it would have been helpful. Let's go to final thought and let's go through these. Noah, what is your least favorite? Least favorite is when a friend asks me to tag along to when they're meeting other people

and it um it happened to me this weekend like a friend of mine was meeting this couple online that she had never met before and um swingers thing well the tinder swing it so initially i was like you know they're just like in a group together of like um uh i don't want to say exactly but like a common thing right okay and uh and she invited me they all have her herpes we'll just assume yes yes and it's out it's bad they're bleeding not that there's anything wrong with that nothing at all she invited me she's like oh you know like the the ufc match is going to be on at the at the bar that we're going to. So I'm like, okay, fine.

I'll go. Like two hours before, she texts me that she found out that the guy from this couple is also, he runs like a swingers slash unicorn group. And I was like, oh, my God. And I'm like, okay, so how did this conversation go are you sure he's not inviting you for to to kind of get to know you and your husband yes for like a wife swap thing but um i'm glad that i was just book club yeah 50 shades of gray is all we read over and over yeah so i'm glad that i went um it was kind of awkward at first they turned out to be very nice people you're telling me the favor you don't like is being the the like

kind of designated friend just in case this person that they're meeting is weird or boring yeah like what about when i invited andrew on a date with me on a lunch date because I was nervous. See, is that a thing you would be like, oh, it's not. I would know this on your own, Nikki. To meet a guy like if one of my girlfriends wants me to come along because she's meeting a guy that she's interested in. That's OK. I would go. But this is more of like a social thing where it's like, oh, you guys made this plan and now you're kind of roping me into it. Now I have to suffer through this thing

that I don't want to go to, because I get that. And you know what? That is kind of like a favor that I have asked of people before, because I have social anxiety going into something. And it's nice to hear that that's a thing that's annoying, because to me, that's not a favor that bugs me as much, because I'm like, oh, I'm a great plus one. I will make this so fun for you because i have nothing no dog in this fight you know um literally i've been to a dog fight and i'm like my luigi's not competing today so

i'm gonna have so much fun but michael vick needed you there but um i would say that favors can be so much better if they are acknowledged for how grateful you are for that person doing them or you know what i'm saying like as soon as that guy wrote back thank you so much and wrote all like i was like this guy could ask me a million times if they're at the box office because he's so grateful um for the thing um and i think that's something nice to remember is that bad favors if you're hearing one that you often ask of people here as long as you're showing gratitude you'll i would do anything that's the thing though a little favor gets no gratitude because it's a little favor so then it could be asked a lot it reminds me a lot

of the curb you're at curb scene where he's at the dinner table someone spills something and the lady goes someone get him a napkin and larry goes why don't you get him a napkin yes like why am i right one getting the napkin yes yeah that is a common one with you because there's i and i totally get it like it's not my thing that doesn't bother me for some reason because but it makes total sense why that's annoying because there's no gratitude involved because it's such a little thing yes yes then it builds up i remember one time i asked my boyfriend to get me something that i could have gotten i just didn't want to get up from the couch my feet were in the massage thing by the way that does affect it and he later said to me he goes don't treat me like you treat your friends just bossing

them around to do things for you and it made me me realize I do do that. Like when I'm just mildly inconvenienced in a way that maybe they aren't, I would ask you to go get that bowl for me because my feet are in this thing when really I could just turn off the thing and go get it. And I might not say please and thank you in the way that I should for that minor thing because I'm thinking it's three steps.

But then that would feel like too big of a thing. Like a big thank you. It's like, no, I just got your fucking bowl. I don't need a big thank you. And then sometimes people go, I just got your fucking bowl. I don't need a big thank you. And then sometimes people go, like, what are you thanking me for? Like, they make you feel bad about it. But it did wake me up to like, oh, I do that to my friends. I just assume that my friends, like people that love me unconditionally, I can just boss

them around. And I like that he said that because he was like, I'm not that guy. And I'm like, well, I don't want you to be talked to like that. And I don't want to talk to my friends like that either. It was a good wake up call. let's get to our top favor top favor my favorite favor and this is not to be asked for yes from yes this is not telling like i will not be heeding any requests for this okay but when people that are very in need of money that i love and care about in my life and this is a small list of people when they are when life has handed them unlucky situations

bad families that have led them to struggle more than others like people think that i've gotten my riches because i've worked of course i've worked hard but i've also been born with a brain that makes it easy for me to work hard and like have a I can do 45 podcasts back to back some people can't it's not because they're lazy back to back I said not at the same time

I also had parents that were extremely supportive of me to pursue this wild career that paid off I also grew up with parents who taught me please and thank you so I've been nice enough to make friends and people have given me things because i'm not you know like my talent isn't all just like i worked hard and you didn't and my money is like because i of course i've earned my money but i love love helping my friends financially who need it with no like you have to pay me backness it's the best um because i believe

that i've been i'm lucky and some people are just unlucky not because they're lazy not because they are you know at sometimes they are addicts but it's not i don't give money um to friend i like i like helping friends that way it's really hard though because a lot of friends are so deeply uncomfortable by being assisted by my extra money or my family um because it's awkward you know when you feel like you're a handout it's a handout because you're like this poor person but to me i've i've received money from friends before when i was not doing well and with no expectation of paying back and i haven't paid it back because it was given as a gift not as a loan which is a different thing and I was able to take it because I knew that that person I make a I make a lot of money for what I do and I do it because I like

helping people with my money whether it's organizations and I'm not trying to be like I'm just a saint there's something about it that feels so so good to me sometimes that it's almost better for me than it is for them like when i'm able to give my family or my friends money when they're going through something it makes me feel so much and it's not because i'm like they owe me it's i maybe subconsciously there's something there i don't want to rule it out because what do i know what's going on in my brain but i truly never i don't even remember the amounts i give i have friends that are like i owe you blank this much money and i go i don't even know i didn't even know that i don't keep tabs maybe that's irresponsible but i love that i that's what i work for is to be able to help people in need and i hope that someone who i've given money to can hear this and know that there's no resentment.

There's no me being like, you're so sad and I'm not. There's nothing of that. It's like I won the lottery essentially and now I get to share it. What's interesting with those things is that like the two different favors. Like one is someone that's starting out something and asking for a favor and you're like well you don't deserve this yet right this access or like this this um whatever it isn't knowledge yet from me because unless you work hard for it yeah if that's like same person asked for money i don't know it's just interesting to me like well for me there's I feel like if someone asks for money they need to because

I've been that person no one even asks me for money ever I just give it they're just telling me about their life and I go I know what this would do for you just take it I've never been asked for money but are they are they telling you to ask you because they fight it too and if they fight it enough I don't give it

I really don't or I I say, pay me back. That's fine. Usually I just try to do it. Like Carlisle, I've given her money in the past, and she always pays me back. And let me just say, if you are someone who has lent money to people, you never get paid back. That's why I don't expect it.

If you expect it, you're just going to end up they don't pay you back. Carlisle always paid me back, even when I'm like, please do not. Please keep that money because this was a gift for being you've you've earned it in being my friend and helping me through like and i don't even remember it when you give me this money back i go what is this but i will say that the difference is um i that my money that i'm giving you will actually help you the advice i'm giving you for like the jokes and stuff beyond telling you to move the mic stand out of the way and do it as much as possible. There's nothing I can.

There's nothing. My my advice for you stand up wise is not going to help you right now. It's it's you. That's not the way to get help. And the best way to get money from friends or like family is to work on yourself in regards to money because i've been in situations where i lost all my money and like i was in debt yeah and i wasn't helping myself i started drinking more i wouldn't give you money that's what i'm saying but that's that's that's the rub though because it's like you don't want to help someone that's not trying to help

themselves yeah but that person that can't even help themselves because they're already in debt well the people that need the money more if i realized that the money if you were someone that but you see what i'm saying though because no but that's what i'm saying then i would give you money because if i knew that that money was going to take you out of debt and make it so that you could get your life started i would gladly give you that money it's i wouldn't give it to you if i saw this guy who had no intention of getting his life turned around was down like had had no ambition uh but what comes first and no ambition well i would talk to them and say well is this money gonna get and by the way once you give someone money it's not your money to do anything with but before i

gave it out i would if that would help that person get out get to a spot where i think that ambition would flow for them a hundred percent i would and am i the judge of when ambition's gonna come no sometimes i've given money and i'm sure it's not gone to the right places but i will say that um i'm interested in getting a man in my life that i can just funnel a lot of money to and he can take women out on private jets excursions i'm looking to be swindled is what i'm saying you want to get swindled by your own money ways to get okay so andrew what is your favorite favor uh my favorite favor i think is when people

ask me for like creative advice like when you ask me for a joke advice or like or like if someone like is like hey can you watch this and they really want to whatever use my mind my creative mind yes because i do you know that's your that feels good that i mean i love hearing that because that is for me where like that's what i missed about you on the road to like bring this full circle like that um i i probably this like a year on the road ask you to like watch certain parts of my set because i like i really want to like punch it up and you're the king of like i always say about you not only do i like having you around because you just are always you make things light for me and

fun and you don't like overthink things but you are someone where i can just go i need a funny thing for this and the and i've said it before the first thing that comes out of your mouth is the most genius thing ever and i have to like tweak it to make it for me but like you are someone that um thank god for you for so many things not only just with f boy i mean perfect strangers too but like when i brought you to write for me like you you're some i i'm usually like coming at it with like i gotta fit into this dress later i have to have my hair and makeup you can just i can go hey can you come up with like 10 things that remember that one thing we did on perfect strangers this was hilarious that was my

favorite are we're talking about a pool yes yes that was the best well that was funny because i could do that for we were doing this thing on perfect strangers too that was like to promote the show i'm gonna make this real quick no i promise um my favor i'm asking you is please let us have two more even though i know you're doing this for me okay so give me money i'm like come with me later to uh so um we we had to do this thing where you wrote a bunch of things for me it was like um date scenarios where it's like is this a red flag oh yeah it's a on a first date is a red flag or is it like green green flag and so the scenarios at first i were thinking were supposed to be like real things that would really be polarizing in terms of like i wouldn't mind that

well i would and we're gonna put them on instagram and people are gonna vote and i wanted them to be like not obviously red flags like not funny and then so andrew sent me all i didn't make it clear enough i was like i want them to be polarizing and i think he meant he was like okay so set in a like a cold climate or something yeah a polar bear you you sent me all these ones that were not polarizing they were like very obvious red flags but they were hilarious they were like over the top red flag your first date pushes you down the stairs and says like you deserve it bitch and then fucks your mother on top of your head something like that those kinds and i was i was laughing so hard at how bad these were and like how they were off the assignment but they were so funny so then we go to shoot it and i wrote all

these ones that were actually polarizing like you know he says that he's still friends with his ex stuff like that that some people are like fuck no and other people are like i don't care and they just weren't fun they weren't working because i was just like that who cares you know like really who cares and then while we're shooting we just start making them insane and then that's when andrew's standing by and starts like pitching me things i mean it was so fucking funny that was the that was the most fun you me and bill had on the entire set was pitching out those absurd things that we ended up using all those ones i mean we would end dude that's whatever that was should be a show because yes we've never been funnier than those five minutes of like because i was saying i'm like what happened when you're dating is this a red flag or a green flag

you go to a guy's house and you you you go to a guy's house and you go to a guy's house for the first time. You open the fridge and inside is just one head of lettuce and a head. A human's head. What would you do? Would you A,

totally accept it? He's into weird things. But it was done with this quirky and it just was becoming so fucking insane. This guy lived with his parents who happened to have in the same house

where they died six months yes yes it was so fun so stay tuned we gotta go thank you for listening um this week i'm going to talk about the besties i met uh while in canada the gifts they gave me to give andrew i didn't get around to today um please come see me in nashville if you have friends in nashville the tickets are low for that and i'm only admitting it here on the podcast i don't know why but i haven't been to nashville in a while they're just telling me to make a tiktok today and i'm like the tickets must be not selling well i'm not embarrassed of it who gives a shit but if you do have friends in nashville or you live in nashville i'd love for you to come to the show and support me so i don't

feel like a total um jackass but winnipeg and Vancouver, you guys stepped up, sold out both shows. Texas! And Texas, obviously this weekend, three different places in Texas. NikkiGlaser.com to check out the tour. We have merch for sale. Podshop.NikkiGlaser.com to buy Bestie merch.

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