The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #220 Closed Captions

Episode Date: May 18, 2022

Nikki has been watching a show in British and there are some words she really likes. Andrew is using Brenna's cup and thinks his friend's huge Hamptons home is haunted. Nikki has also been watching the documentary Our Father and is really angry about it. Now that Andrew ordered a hair loss drug, they talk about the challenges of losing hair. You Heard It Here First, don't piss in milkshakes, comedy cures depression unless no one takes your card and Nikki loves tired guys. Andrew calls his dad to assuage Nikki's fears about her parents getting caught with high cancer bills and in Reddit Dump we learn how to pick the perfect lipstick, listen to the perfect sound and Nikki sings some jingles.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Seaman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you like to listen. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. How y'all doing out there? It's Nikki Glaser. I am in St. Louis, Missouri with Andrew Collin. It's Tuesday. We're in my apartment. Just living the life. Does your coffee mug say Brenna on it? Oh, I guess so. Yeah, that's her company's mug that they gave her. That's nice.

I thought you just had your girlfriend's name on your coffee mug. Yeah, and I'm drinking my own tears when I think about her. Yeah, no. I love a Yeti. I love a Yet. Yeah. it yet yeah what are what what is because it keeps it cold it keeps it hot yetis yeah there's just so much fluids in here it's enough water in here to fucking kill a camel but there's so many there's now genes that have that much fluid too like what is it about a yeti that has sounds cool it does yeah it's like yeti's coolers though like don't they make cooler brands and now suddenly when does? Yeah, it's like... Aren't Yetis coolers, though? Like, don't they make cooler brands?

And now suddenly when you say Yeti, it's like it means something else. Yeah, I guess so. I guess, yeah. Or Kleenex makes other things, but we all know when you say, can I get a Kleenex, no one's talking about like their brand of paper towels or, you know. Yeah. I don't know. What else does Kleenex make?

Kleenex makes... I think they make coolers. I have no idea I really have no idea what else they make I I always I think people think a clean if you ask I bet 40% of people think a Kleenex is just a tissue yeah isn't a brand name yeah dumpster is a brand name what yeah band-aid is a brand name band-aid yes bandAid's a... What do the Brits call them? Plasters. So wait, what the fuck is a dumpster? A trash can?

And you know that the Brits call... Yeah. Dumpster is a brand. Is a brand. Call back, Andrew. What? One episode. Oh, appliance.

No, I was watching... God, something British. Oh, I was watching Anatomy of a Scandal. Have you guys seen that? I heard it's good. It's so... Not good? It's good.

I love it. It's interesting because there's a lot of like, wait, did he do it? Did she? No. And there's like really hot people in it. Good, decent acting. What do I fucking know? I like Sienna Miller a lot lot but they keep saying um you

know this the main character works in um parliament and they talk about his diary but it's really a schedule you know a diary if you're like oh i'll check my diary to see if i can fit you in for you know a spot of tea or whatever that so i was wondering if when the diary of anne frank came out they thought it was this Anne Frank schedule. Yeah, from 9 to 12, I'll be quiet in a basement, and then I think I'll do the same thing in the afternoon. I mean, I don't know what else you could be doing up there. They say a lift instead.

They say the bin for the – I'm going to throw your – If someone said, I'm going to throw your diary in this bin, I'd say, thank you. That's a great place to put it to keep it secret. But they would really be saying, I'm going to throw your schedule in the trash, and then'm going to take the lift and i'd say well we don't have the lift has to be an elevator for us because there's no other a lift is just a an action i guess the lift from the airport here oh well l y f t i'm talking about the elevator they call no no

i know i know but i was oh yeah that's what we would think it was. I was just shifting. Shift? Lift. What? What? Segway? I'm just fucking around. I don't know.

That was a non-segwiter. The Q. Segwiter. I say that instead of lining up. Oh, I was in the Q for the bathroom. It wants to line... Oh, yeah. Q.

Yeah. And I hate the way it's spelled line a line oh yeah q yeah um and i hate the word way it's spelled q u e it's like q u e q u e q it's like bananas b8 and i hate cheers i hate that cheers has gotten over oh cheers for thank you cheers cheers cheers how about holiday in brooklyn day i like holiday i do like holiday for vacation we're on holiday. I do like holiday. For vacation. We're on holiday. But what do they say when it's like it's the holiday season? Do they think it's like summer? But they're taking holidays all the time because they don't, you know, they're not as.

I mean, some countries in Europe take months off. They don't give a fuck. Yeah, it's so nice. A siesta. A nice siesta in the middle of the day. They care about leisure and pleasure. Yeah. I, leisure. Yeah. Ham Drew.

Yours was kind of like a fucking vacation this weekend. No, you made it a vacation a little bit? A little bit? Yeah. Did you see your brother at the hams? No, no. He's not in the hams anymore. He sold that hampy house.

I just feel like you get another one then. You don't get out of the Hamptons forever. You're not allowed. You just stay. Yeah, you got to buy up. up yeah that's like the code there is not allowed to leave the hamptons but he did you know he had a house he had an apartment in the city so he had a house in the hamptons so that's your getaway right now he has a house in connecticut so go from house to house you can't go house to house you can't you're You're not allowed. Oh. Yeah.

It's a rule. Was it a trip? Like you guys were on the beach at one point with the truck? Yeah, no, I would consider it a holiday. We definitely like. Where did you stay? You left Thursday. I stayed Thursday.

I stayed at my friend's 10,000 square foot house. I texted him the day of. Like I said, I got the rental car. I ended up getting denied. You texted him the day of like i said i got the rental car i ended up getting the day up for the hotel no i texted him the day of to freaking just to see if he was in the hamptons i was staying in i was gonna stay in a little shitty pool house wait where in the hamptons whose house is that a different friend a different rich friend did you ever think of doing a hotel i did but they're fucking like a decent hotel in the Hampies is $5.50 a night.

Yeah. So I stayed 40 minutes away from the wedding venue to save a couple bucks. So I texted my buddy. I was like, hey, I'm staying in a pool house. He's like, hey, just stay in my house. Like, that's how they are out there. They're like, just use my car. Fuck my wife.

Was there a part of you that was like, well, if you're saying, I would much, if I were a girlfriend situation in this, I would much rather stay in a pool house where I know we don't have to talk to anyone than stay in their actual house where like we're going to be on the in there. No one was there. Oh, okay. We had this whole house to ourselves. Oh, wow. Which, by the way, I know a lot of people make jokes. A 10,000 square foot house, it gets a little haunty in there.

A little haunted. Too many rooms. Too many rooms. Too much haunted. Too many rooms. Too many rooms. Too much space. Too many weird. Rich people put up drawings and pictures of people that aren't in their families that died probably horrible deaths that we have no idea about. And you see their faces on the wall and they just stare at you like.

Oh, wow. These weird drawings that they don't know these people. The richer you get the less. Drawings like old timey drawings? Yeah, old timey drawings of like a little girl. How do you that they don't know these people. The richer you get the less. Drawings, like old timey drawings? Yeah, old timey drawings of like a little girl. How do you know they don't know? Well, maybe they're. Well, first of all, they rent this house themselves.

So you were creeped out by this brand new house in the Hamptons? No, it's an old house. Oh, it is? Old house. Okay. Not that old, but old enough. But you got scared of ghosts? I mean, Brenna was scared, which then lingers over to me having to be the man of the house.

And she's relying on me to not fight this little troll. Do you just stay in a sector of the house, or are you taking up space? Yeah, we had one room, and then downstairs living room. When you have 20 rooms, you end up staying in two. That's what I've learned. No matter what city you're in, you go to a couple places. Yeah, you go to a couple places. What am I going to do?

I was just talking about this. I do not want a big house. I love the size of my apartment. When I lose something, I know it's within two rooms. I hated growing up. Not I hated it, but we moved from a very small house to a bigger house in sixth grade. And suddenly, anything you lose could be anywhere. It's so, it just turns into a lot more work to find things now.

And then the joy of moving to New York and living in a studio or something even close to that. It's like it is within an arm's length of me, whatever this thing I'm looking for. And if it's not, it's gone forever and I can just move on with my life. How did it get in that other room? You know what I mean? We had a room, the childhood house you're not really that afraid of,

but we moved into a house when we were 12 where there was a room, we never went in. It was kind of understood that this room is kind of scary. It was like an attic slash room okay but it was and it was what would it be was it decorated was it did it have a bed so there was the tv room connected to the attic so we didn't even go in the tv room because this attic was so scary you know there were a lot of oh wow i don't know what was in there but there was noises a lot

of noise you were scared of ghosts you so you still believe in ghosts if you were getting scared this weekend you believe in ghosts um because otherwise you wouldn't be scared yeah i i don't like noises so you believe in someone broke if you're would your inclination be it's a ghost or someone broke into the house again this is interesting to me this is like the appliance talk yesterday where you're like well that's not an appliance and i go well what constitutes an appliance and you go well i don't know and i'm like but you have rules in your head yeah so there's something if you get scared when you hear noise to you it you can't get scared of something that's nothing so it has to be something to you what is it what could it be what is what does your mind go to well i guess the idea

is the unknown right the unknown is what's scary so you can't define the unknown i would say but if you but if i don't believe in like i do if you – but if I don't believe in – like I do believe in ghosts now, but I don't believe in like Bigfoot. So if I heard – Okay, I don't think it's Bigfoot. Walking in the woods, I would go, it's a man in a Bigfoot costume. You know what I mean? Like I wouldn't go Bigfoot or I wouldn't – you know the thing? I wouldn't go, oh, it's the – there's a clown in the sewer.

Like I know that's not a thing, so I'm not going to jump to that. But I think some people do. They go, oh, my God, there's a part of them that goes, there could be a clown in the sewer. When the house is bigger, for some reason, I do think there is a small chance that it could be haunted with some kind of creature, some kind of thing. Like an entity.

An entity. Now, my mind might also go there fat depending on this the safer the neighborhood the more likelihood it's a ghost and not a robber in my brain i know that's crazy that would be the opposite oh really yeah the nicer the neighborhood the more stuff they got but the less crime okay yeah but i always think like, oh, this is the, it was a quiet street. They hadn't had crime here since 1971. Yeah.

When a woman, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if there isn't. Hit a child with her car. Like there's always, there's that Dateline episode of like, we never expected the neighborhood to have anything like this happen.

There'd never been a murder. That's when it's going to happen. Oh, dude, if you see like if you saw some of the people you see in New York City every day, thousands of them. If you saw one of them on a quiet street, you would freak the fuck out. Could you imagine? Just like, yeah, it's so crazy how we like train our brains to like get comfortable with insanity. Well, it was like that Reddit thing I shared that one time where it was like, the woman's like, do you want to know if you're a real New Yorker?

And she just goes, and like screams and she goes, and she looks like the camera, she goes, did anyone turn around? She goes, those people are tourists if they turned around. And you just see there's people walking by that just did nothing when this woman is screaming bloody murder in the middle of a normal section of manhattan yeah they're like she you know having a rough day yeah i mean i i would not turn because the second you turn to something it is you're now accountable to it you have to do something about it i mean have you ever i think i checked in maybe one or two times so much it made you cry yeah have you ever needed something so bad you can't sleep at

night i want to do a lyric quiz with you because you don't know any lyrics that's not true that's such a blanket statement um go ahead well you can't do taylor swift well i'm not gonna do why that wasn't taylor so i'm talking about um what was the song that you were like this was oh the the some 41 one we were doing the other day. Okay, all right. What about, God, what did I just hear this weekend that brought down the dance floor? It was like, it was one of those fallout boys

or Sum 41, it was one of those songs that was like, I knew every lyric to and I'd go, how do I know this? Yeah, yeah. I forget it now, but what about- Stacey's mom? Here I go again how do I know this? Yeah, yeah. I forget it now, but what about... Stacey's mom. Here I go again on my own. Shit, maybe.

Honestly, are you kidding me? Noah. Walking down the only road I've never known. Okay, keep going. Like a drifter, I was born to walk alone. Okay, nice. Now I made up my mind. I ain't wasting no more time.

Here I go again. He did it, everyone. He needed a little help. But I needed a little bit of a push. Yep, yep. It's like when you go, like a roller coaster. Just a little. Why do we need that little?

Heartbreaker, you got the best of me. Oh. Heartbreaker, dream maker. Oh, baby, you're a selfie beast. What about my loneliness is killing me and I

must confess I still believe, still believe and I'm not losing my mind. Nope, nope. Okay, but that's okay. That wasn't bad. Yeah, that was pretty good. I even got the other guy. The other guy? The other guy?

You think there was another guy there? Oh my God, that's so funny. Yep, Jitney. I mean, it definitely was another girl. It was her. It was just her in the background. Or maybe background singers that sound like her. That's what you think.

But you think it was another guy? Yeah, man. It was a guy from Sweden that does all the hits. I wanted to say, if anyone's watching us on YouTube, I got a laser facial today. I got a microneedling PRP where they suck your blood out of your arm. Where did they suck it out of? Just a vein. They took it from right here.

Okay. So they take your blood and then they spin it around in a thing. I got it done on my scalp too when I was losing my hair back in the day. And they spin it around in a thing and I got it done on my scalp, too, when I was losing my hair back in the day. And they spin it around in a thing, and then it sucks out all the plasma. And then they throw it away, and then a guy jerks off, and they just use that. No, that's the show I'm watching on Netflix. Has anyone heard of this Our Father show? No.

Oh, my God. Dear God. I will never do, ever do IVF treatments with a man. I will never do, ever do IVF treatments with a man. I will never trust. Sorry, infertility doctors out there that are well-meaning, just like male babysitters. You don't get to do it. Go into some other kind of medicine. Oh, they're putting their own cum in there?

There's this guy in Indianapolis named Dr. Klein, who in the 1970s and 80s practiced for a really long time. Women would go having infertility issues they would either get a donor from you know like a catalog because back when it before it was digitized they would pick out a donor and a catalog their stats and or they would bring in their husband's sperm because they were just having trouble having sex or just like whatever it was and the husband would go and jerk off in a cup or whatever or they'd pick out the donor that they, like, you know, to become a donor, you have to have, like,

you have to pass tests that you don't have a bunch of diseases and, like, autoimmune issues and family history and blah, blah, blah. And then this fucking Dr. Klein would just throw the sample away, come, as the woman was getting disrobed, go come in his office, and then go in and inject his own semen into the woman his own warm batch and what happened was no one would have known until 23 and me and then these people started getting tests and all of a sudden they are getting hundreds of match you know like dozens of matches with half siblings and they're going what is is going on here? Oh, my God.

And they go, mom, did you pick out a donor? Or they know the mom had a donor. And Dr. Klein, as is with most donors, they don't want any population having too many of the same father. So donors will only use – they'll only use donors up to three times. Gotcha. Because they don't want sisters and brothers unintentionally dating each other three and me yeah no one 23 i mean 23 is a lot wait so wait wait one second was he still is he still alive yes oh my god so this is what this shows i like this idea dude it is the creepy it

is it is worse than any of the molesters i don't know why this thing creeps me out hundreds and still more more coming every day because women would there are women who are dead now because you know they they died of not you know of old age and their siblings are out there that might not have netflix and might not know about it if you were conceived in the 70s or 80s in indianapolis and your parents might not even tell you that they had gone to this doctor he was the only one that anyone even went to back then to help. And even if your dad's semen were used, he would throw out the dad's semen. He would jerk off in a room next to the dad and throw out the dad's and put it in his own.

So all these people. And guess what? There's nothing to try him on. There's no law against what he did for some reason. It's disgusting. I wish this guy. I mean, this guy, it's all about, they kind of get into it, and it turns out he's maybe into some kind of Aryan race type thing. Because all these kids have-

Klein, I was thinking, maybe Jewish. C-L-I-N-E. Oh. Not a K. KKK. I'm sure some kids are like, my dad's a doctor? You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. He's so ugly, though. Oh so ugly though he's such a fucking ugly bastard too he's so gross and some of these kids

have such cute dads and it's truly the most devastating thing to a family because these fathers learn that their kids who are 30 doing 23 me is like a christmas gift they get from their husband all of a sudden hey dad um you're I'm not yours. I never have been. And this is why I look different than the rest of the family. It's just so sad. And you're a nurse, Dad. Oh, yeah. Dad, you're a nurse.

I have a real doctor, Dad. Sorry you couldn't pass the boards, Dad. I'm reading about the Columbine kids right now, and I'm having empathy for them for some reason, but this Dr. Klein is honestly like Hitler levels of terrible to me. I don't know why. There's something about the deceiving aspect of it that's just really grinds your gears. I'm going to tell you an even creepier thing when we get back from break.

Andrew! I'm coming down off the road. Wait, no, you're doing White Snake still. I'm riding a frog on top of a toad. Oh, okay, so you meant to. Yeah, yeah, you're doing white snakes still. I'm riding a frog on top of a toad. Oh, okay, so you meant to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, dude. I'm brilliant.

I'm Menson. Omar. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics

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requires a serious conversation that is best had by you no seriously the best person to talk to your child about vaping is you to start the conversation visit talkaboutvaping.org brought to you by the american lung association and the ad council okay so one of the creepiest things about this documentary called our father i watch everything with captions on you know and in the beginning of the documentary it just it's a lot of dramatization uh that they it's and they really creep factor it up but they show this doctor and he has all these like you know i don't know if he's catholic or he's christian i think or maybe luther i don't even know what he is but he's Christian, I think, or maybe Luther.

I don't even know what he is, but he has all these signs around that are like just religious mimeographs and like little like weavings. And, you know, I don't know. He just has signs everywhere about like being Christian is the only way to be kind of things. And and they show him in this like these rooms just like jerking off and then in the very beginning they show him like from behind in his office really like dimly lit office and him just going leaning back like oh like in his office and it's just like and you see him like leave a patient and then like walk and like be like just real i'll be right back and then he comes goes in his office and he like you hear him jerk off so that's like the beginning just setting the stage for like what is this is guys this is weird right and then every single the the documentary

is cut up into sections of like how many siblings there are so it would go the first is like sibling number one and then every time and every time they always preemptively go like, and my mom was told that, you know, based on the donor she chose, there would only be up to three more siblings. And then it would always go to cut to like a sibling. And then there's a, there's a black, you know, uh, screen and then it says sibling number. And then it goes, and the number keeps going like, and it'll go 15. And then it shows the story of sibling 15. And then it's like sibling. And then it goes, and the number keeps going, and then it'll go 15, and then it shows the story of sibling 15,

and then it's like sibling, and then it'll go, and then Dr. Klein says, well, I only did it 10 times. There's only, I only put my own sperm in because these families were struggling. I only did it 10 times,

and then it goes sibling number 37, and so it keeps climbing throughout the thing, but every single time because of the closed captions, it will say sibling number and then it goes like there's like this kind of like ominous like tone underneath it when the number comes up it's just you would just think it was like a boom boom like almost like a law and order kind of you know echoey tone but then it says in the closed caption in like brackets

man moaning so you you realize that these people have put this guy's like cum sound throughout the documentary i showed it to chris the other night i was like you haven't even seen this documentary but can you just see what i'm noticing from having closed captions on closed captions open up such a world to you that you don't know like where things appear that you go oh i didn't even know the director definitely was like let's let's emphasize every number with the sound of an orgasm yeah but you would never know it unless you had closed captions also when i'm watching the show like the ultimatum or like any of these reality shows it will be like tense music like it'll just say that or it'll be like

it's almost like they they didn't realize that they're giving away what they're trying to do emotionally gripping music um music that makes you think these two might break up like it'll be that specific of like telling you what you're supposed to feel and it becomes it's a nice way to see how manipulative things are on television because they're giving away their secrets. Yeah, we would have no idea. Could you hear the cum sound when you turn it? It just sounds like boom.

Okay. It really sounds nothing like a cum, but every single time the number comes up, it just says man moaning. It's like, ooh. It's not that sound at all, but you know that someone was like, let's secretly put this sound in. Like the Beatles on a certain song called, I think, Girl. I think it's the song Girl, which they pronounce girl instead of girl. But they do this part where it's like, tit, tit, tit, tit, tit, tit. And they got a kick out of it because they were saying tit, tit, tit, tit, tit, tit, tit, tit, tit, tit.

But it sounds like tit, tit, tit tit tit tit tit tit tit but it sounds like tit tit tit tit tit and then you know in lady gaga's poker face she says poker face poker poker face but she's really saying if you listen it says fucker face fucker face whoa yeah and it's secret things that they put in there's even one in in Britney Spears. Could it be the caption guy's wrong? I'm a slave for you. And it goes, oh, in safe, she goes, I can't deny it.

I'm not trying to fight it. There's some part of it that has like some, it's almost like the Disney things where it's like a dirty lyric instead. Okay. I forget which one it is. But no,

I don't think the caption guy's having fun. I think he's reading the script, which is for producers. You know, so... Part of me had sometimes thought the closed captions was just a guy going... You know what I mean? It's always just like a live guy going...

I was thinking that's what it is when live things are like debates. You thought it was a computer. I always wondered how they get the closed captions in there. Like how that even works on the TV. It's someone going off of a script usually if it's something that's scripted. And then if it's, I think a lot of it is AI just like hearing it. Because you know on, you've done it before.

Yeah, you could do it on your phone. You could do it with Siri. I'm wondering though. But even in the 90s, before computers were so advanced, I remember you could turn the closed captions on for The Simpsons, and I would watch it with closed captions. I think they would have people type it out. But The Simpsons wasn't live.

I think they actually had people type it out. Because I think I knew some people in the 2000s when I lived in L.A. who would do that for temp jobs, is closed captioning. Oh, for live stuff? No, not live stuff. For tape stuff, before it airs. you know when you do i'm wondering i see it all the time on these reels and on tiktok mostly on instagram reels where it will have it'll caption it for you are you not able to go in and correct what it is you can't why does everyone not do that well it depends

it bugs on curse words on curse words or just random words? No, random words. I know you can do it. Certain ones you can do it and other ones I don't think you can. I've never done it, but I can't imagine they don't have a way to edit it. They go, we'll get this right as much as possible, and then you can go back in and change it. No one does. I know.

People are lazy, including myself. Oh, my God. I've done it before where I haven't changed it. It doesn't seem to make that big of a deal, but yes, it definitely like. Does it make sense to you? I think at this point, I think honestly,

I think now closed captions and visuals are so ingrained in us that it's like, okay, make it nice, make it right. Like a lot of people are now doing it. Yeah, because there are people called deaf people who actually rely on it to make sense or sense as you would write it of what you're saying.

Why are you rubbing that? I don't know. I'm thinking of Dr. Klein. God is ass. Or did he get me? Wait, what were you going to say? No, but like even like a comic like Gary Goldman

you put up a thing of his. Yeah. And for some reason I think Gary Goldman I think he would never like he wouldn't put the captions

because there's something about you know, stand up that you shouldn't have to read it like, you know it kind of takes away the medium but he did it perfectly like, you know he took time on that.

Well, yeah, because he's like me. I can't stand, I tell my people who do my own stuff. We learned you're like Lizzo. Yeah, Lizzo got very mad about the way that you do the dance for the, It's like this. I'm gonna need a sentimental man,

a woman to pump me up. But I want to say that Gary's like me. There's something that bugs me so much and every comedian needs to do if you're listening comedians and you make clips of your stand up you're doing yourself a disservice if you give the punchline away

before you say it the word should not appear on the screen until you say it there's a thing called timing in comedy that is essential to the joke being as funny as possible. And when I read fast, and so do a lot of people, I read the joke before people say it. And I go, oh, and there's a part of you that goes, I know where this is going. Even though you didn't, you read it ahead of the person saying it.

And it ruins it for you. I mean, in Veep, I watch it all the time where I see the joke before they say it. And I allow that because that's TV. It's not like if the writers were doing the closed captions, they would be more emphatic about it. But I can't stand when I outsource my captions and it just pops up because I want it to, it builds to like, you don't know where this is going.

And now you do. If you just write the whole sentence out, I don't know, maybe some people are slower readers and it actually does time out right. No, I think it also depends on your standup. If some people speak so slowly that their joke that is a minute long might have 40 words. So it's easy to type out, essentially. It's easy to time it out. If you have a lot of words, harder to type, harder to write, harder to –

some people do it in clumps whatever this is all technical setup it can be set up is fine but when you're doing a punch line you need the dot dot dot boom right on this right on the time you say yeah well you say it you say it the way for a reason like you might be like no i don't pay attention that stuff you do yeah you do come noise yeah so bottom line is i got a laser facial yeah so you got the laser facial you go in what what does it draw the blood they whip it around then they come back in and she um it hurts so fucking bad they put um numbing cream on my face that's just now wearing off. And they rub it all over your face. And then your face is numb and tingly. And then she comes in and does microneedling, which is.

Just a little needle? It's like, no, no, no. There's like, it's a machine, but I'm guessing it has a bunch of needles on it. And it just like penetrates your skin all over. So it just kind of like almost like tattooing kind of putting your plasma into your no no it's just it's poking needles and so it's just poking holes i'm guessing i don't know how it exactly works but i know that it's like needles everywhere and then they take your plasma and rub it in the open oh my was there a part of your face where

you're like i can't stand this oh the forehead because there's no fat there. It's just like bone on skin. I think it probably relates to, I know I'm such a skinny forehead. But definitely my cheeks are easier because there's more padding. Eye, yeah, it's a little bit more bony. But you got a laser too, right? Or no? Well, I just call it laser because it just looks like, it just is an easy way to say that your face looks all fucked up. But I got, it was microneedling.

There's no laser involved. But I used to get laser stuff. Yeah, there is a laser thing as well, I've heard. Well, there's tons of different stuff. Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, I get some stuff done too. Yeah, you get it done too. I actually just ordered my first balding spray.

A balding spray? Yeah. What is it? For receding hairline. It's like Rogaine. Is it paint? It's like Finticide and Moxo. I don't know the words. It's like Rogaine. Is it paint? Finticide and Moxa.

I don't know the words. They're both big. Is it a foam? It's a spray. And when do you put it on? You just put it on four times. Well, four sprays a day. Oh.

Like one time, four sprays. And where did you hear about it? Instagram. Late last night, Instagram. Hims is the name of the brand. Yes, yes, yes. I've heard of that. And I don't know. We'll late last night. Instagram Hymns is the name of the brand. Hymns, yes, yes, yes. I've heard that. And I don't know. We'll see what happens.

Yeah, we'll see. I'm sure my face will fall off and I'll regret it all. Is it supposed to grow hair or just keep the hair that you have? It regrows. It should regrow and thicken. So a lot of times it's oral, whatever, the finticide or whatever, and there's side effects of um your dick doesn't work yeah i've already gone through that with zo loft i'm not gonna put a pill in my mouth

that's gonna affect my cock because my cock is finally back it's back to normal teenager level yeah small and pathetic but no the spray the spray i don't know we'll see what happens i'm like why not it's not that expensive it's not not crazy. Yeah. I used to do Rogaine. I'll let you know if it works. I used to do, and I've done PRP. I've done, you know, Nutrafol. How much was falling out? Or was this a preventative?

It was a, no, it was hormonal. I mean, during the pandemic, my hair was, it was like. Really? I know we didn't hang out much during the pandemic. It was awful. It was a lot. Like clumps in the shower? My ponytail was like, I had we didn't hang out much during the pandemic. It was awful. It was a lot. Like clumps in the shower? I would do like wall art with my hair in the shower.

I had like tapestries of like, I would do like horses. And like, it looked like a cave from the Mesolithic period. But I know how like, like. Insane about hair I am? Oh, it was, it was the worst time of my life. And I have so much empathy for anyone whose hairs my mom's going through like you know stressful hair loss like it sucks every i wouldn't take showers because every time i did it would fall out so much but when you stop showering or when you stop i wouldn't wash my hair yeah yeah yeah because so

much would come out it would be like so um traumatizing but then when you skip showering or when you skip washing your hair more falls out because it's just like releasing so it's just every single time i would just go ah and i would put it up on the wall and i'd go bob look i'm not crazy and then one time my i came home from doing jimmy kimmel live like guest hosting and i remember i like came back into my parents house and I like greeted my dogs and I like was rolling around on the ground with them and they were all stepping and I remember Wiley stepped on my hair and like ripped out 10 strands and what went from like I just had this amazing day and like weekend or like I just could accomplish this thing that

you know I thought my career was over and then suddenly during 2020 in the summer I get to host guest host Jimmy Kimmel I was inconsolable I just couldn't believe that like in addition to all my hair's falling out naturally something pulled out like 10 10 like it was it was the worst thing that's ever happened that sounds crazy it was honestly one of the worst that I would have rather I told my dad i was like i'd rather my arm fall get cut off i'm not i wasn't joking like it was that devastating to me that just the idea that something that didn't need to go went when i was just so i just love his little paw taking his big paw oh he's taking it off it was just like all so now i never lay on the ground With the dogs Because if they step on my hair In a weird way

I like know that I'll just Lose my fucking mind I remember I remember When my hair started to fall out A lot of it was stress related I remember being in the shower And having like clumps

For some reason My hair has like Stayed kind of this I don't remember Was it longer? It just was thicker It was just thicker You know

Oh oh oh I'm saying Your hair falls out probably now And then it just was thicker it was just thicker you know oh oh oh I'm saying your hair falls out probably now and then it just falls out of your hair because it's short oh and you don't realize it

you know when you have long hair that's why girls that's a good point yeah and especially if your hair is curlier or more textured

when it falls out it just stays in there until you wash it and then you run your hands through and that's when it all comes out whereas if you're someone with straight

like hair that kind of it's falling out throughout the day in a way that others aren't oh so maybe it is falling i don't even realize it but but as a woman as a woman you know it's like you go bald as it's not supposed to happen yes to women it's a you know that look and it's not like bald spot that you can be like, oh, I'm like, it's alopecia, which almost would... I don't want to minimize alopecia at all, but at least when you have like a bald spot, you can be like, something's wrong.

But when it's all falling out everywhere and your hair's just like thin and like you can like see through on your scalp, it just feels different than like... My friend, Sarah Lena, used to have a bald spot and it would just be one area or my one friend has trichotillomania and she has one area. That's just a bald patch right behind her ear.

And she could kind of flip her hair and show it devastating for sure. There's something about it being concentrated as opposed to like when it's everywhere. I don't think alopecia is though concentrated. No, I don't think it is. I think that's your, I like everything.

I'm not trying to like be like, I know what it is, but that's your eye like everything no that i'm not trying to like be like i know what it is but no no no i think you're right i just read about it because of will smith i was like what is that oh my god it's horrible yeah jeff ross came out about it after oh he had it and he had it for years that's why he had that hair on the roast and a year later he was bald yep and he lied about it and said it was just a choice. He had no eyebrows. He suddenly, as a comedian, couldn't make it. His eyebrows, it's weird to show your

expressions. He suddenly was just robbed of how he emotes and how he looks on stage. It was devastating and he had to lie about it. He was like, I lied on Rogan about it. I just said it was a choice and it was not a choice. His hair just started falling out of fucking nowhere. And then he wrote this, he came out about it because of like i lied on rogan about it i just said it was like a choice and it was like not a choice his hair just started falling out out of fucking nowhere and then he wrote this uh he came out about it because of the oscars yeah because he had full-on like dreads the year before

and then he was completely bald the next is alopecia yeah and he he says that you know he knows a lot of people that have it that that wear wigs, and no one knows. People in Hollywood. I mean, it's such a shameful thing, hair loss, that people don't talk about. My grandpa used to go, don't use a towel. Don't ever dry your hair with a towel. Because he was bald from an early age. And he would have.

My grandpa, Marvin. Did he say, don't wash your towels? Yes. Because you stuck to that. You know, I'm not dirty anymore, nikki you can't keep bringing it up that's the old me brenda does it now and i actually do it some but my grandpa marvin yeah he would take one hair he had like 10 hairs that you don't have anymore and then he would grow it to like to hear then swirl it around. And swirl it around. Oh, my God.

And then it'd get a little windy. And that bitch was like Bill Murray in Kingpin. Oh, which you never, I don't know how you know. I know. It would just start turning into like a, what's that snake? A cobra. Yeah, like a rattlesnake out of a basket. Don't ever use a towel, Andrew. Okay, we got to get to the news.

You heard it here first. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first. Oh, boy. I hope you're having all the swells out there. Apparently, we are here. It's Tuesday, folks, too. Man, have you ever thought about life and think about stuff and then everything falls apart?

Back to you, Noah. Oh, my God. You guys are going to be on the road this weekend. Two shows in Boston. Boston. And then two shows, two or three shows in Connecticut at Foxwoods. Really? Two shows.

Two, I believe. Oh, my God. Two and two? Two and two. It's the big weekend. The Wilba. Buckle up. The fucking Wilba. Yeah, the Wilba. Two Willba. Buckle up. The fucking Willba.

Yeah, the Willba. Two shows on. I think they're selling well, too. But get in there. We're doing meet and greets, all that stuff. Have new merch available. And you can, as always, get our merchandise at nickiglazer.podshop.com. Or podshop.nickiglazer.com.

I'm excited for June 11th, because you'll be in Phoenix. And I'm going to come see you guys. Yay! Oh, we should do a live pod. June 11th. That would be so fun. Maybe. Maybe.

Who knows? Put it out in the world. Just throwing it out there, world. Just tossing it out. Okay, what's the news story, Emma? Okay, first story. I think you're going to love this. Boom, boom, boom.

I think I know what it is. Rapid fire. You want to guess? I'm going to say. No, I don't want to guess. Okay. An Arby's manager was caught urinating in the milkshake mix on two occasions while under investigation for child pornography. Wow. 23andMe, they found out.

That is hilarious. I love these while, you know, the things that people do while the other thing. You know? Like, wow, making a milkshake. This is what he's doing when he's on bail. You're like, the child pornography wasn't enough. Let's pee in some milkshakes. Oh, I thought that's included.

Oh, okay. Oh, I see. He urinated for sexual gratification. I guess that was, like, I see. He urinated for sexual gratification. I guess that was found out. And when officers executed a search warrant, they uncovered dozens of photos and videos depicting the sexual exploitation of children as well as the urine video on his digital devices.

Oh, my God. Oh, this poor fucking guy. What made him this way? You know, what the fuck happened to this guy this is what he's into i mean i know that's the worst thing to go to there's people victimized by this guy especially people who drink those milkshakes and children um but jesus christ what makes someone like this i mean i don't know i wonder if people work how did he get caught like did people just taste the milkshakes?

How did it? Well, that's what it was. While he was being investigated, I guess they uncovered that like from the videos. So. Oh, wait. So what came first, the child porn or the milkshakes? Probably the child pornography. He was being investigated for child porn and then they found videos of him pissing in the milkshakes.

Yes. Oh, God. The videos took place at Arby's. People just drank those milkshakes and didn't fucking know yep so oh god i think this is the best vegan um way to get people to go vegan is just say that you know what they might be pissing in your milkshake yeah i mean just trying to think of if i've ever had a i haven't have you ever had Arby's? Oh, yeah. I used to love Arby's.

So much meat in there. Oh, boy. I love Arby's. The five-stack thing. Oh, boy. I love Arby's. That weird barbecue sauce that's sweet that tastes like piss. Oh, my God.

You're right. It is a little vinegary. Oh, my God. Shit. I get the beef and cheddar there. God, what a weird order to go to. I've never... Arby's was always like... Why is my mouth watering? I hate this story. God, what a weird order to go to be like. I've never, like, Arby's was always like.

Why is my mouth watering? I hate this story. God, sorry. No. But, like, pissing and I wonder why no one else saw him do it. Like, why is anyone ever alone with the milkshake machine? He's a manager, so maybe he. Oh, manager.

Oh, yeah. God, these people cannot help themselves thank god they can't help themselves they they want to get caught they know they're doing something wrong and they can't help but just push it to the point where someone's gonna catch them i just heard he's tough on interviews my god and you know like i've said the child porn thing is so fucking weird you guys they don't do it for money they all do it just because they want to provide content for other people who are into it it's all about trading and just like lending out like that's the weirdest part of that whole thing for me for some reason

did you ever eat a fast food and go i wonder what they're doing to the food you ever have no and you know what i think it's so weird when people find out you know what goes on behind the scenes or they go you know the other day chris was talking about on this radio show like he worked somewhere and he saw them he worked at some restaurant and was really disgusted that they were washing out you know the bins that keep the food in or the they were washing plates and then the woman took the same sponge and used it to wipe wash um the sink and like dump the pan of like dirty mop water in there and then washed it down with them and i'm like of course they're doing that i just don't if something is microscopic i do not care about

microscopic germs how macro does it have to get it piss ounces of piss ounces but i assume i'm assuming there's grams of piss and shit and everything i eat and you can't taste it like you know you can't taste bugs you're gonna you have i had taco bug one time and then taco bell yeah and i swear to god i'm not kidding i pulled out like a little tiny bug and it kept moving and i go it's good boy it just kept it going yeah i mean it was small enough where i was like it's not like a fucking eat it no i took the bug out but you didn't he seemed like what's the odds of there being another but they never travel in pairs honestly i don't think it's gross if there's a bug in my food i just i only take it i don't want more bugs in my i don't want to eat a bug i don't think it's gross if there's a bug in my food. I only take it. I don't want more bugs in my food.

I don't want to eat a bug. I don't care what the bug left behind. I assume there's fly shit everywhere. Larvae. Yeah, but if I can't see it, I don't care about what I can't see. Now, are you afraid to send things back due to someone spinning on it? Oh. You ever think about that?

No, because I'm very nice when I send things back, and I make it very aware. I know this isn't your fault or back there. I just, like if it's, yeah, no, I'm never scared. Because usually things I'm ordering, I would be able to tell if they spit in it. And if they did and I can't tell, then it's fine. The piss thing, I think I would be able to tell piss.

I don't want to drink with piss in it. But I think that if it had even the slightest taste of piss I would not just go it tastes a little off I would just go and vegans are not pissing in things it's all a power thing

it's like control piss to come it definitely is ready for some good news? sure the UK's public health services It definitely is. Anyhow. Okay, ready for some good news? Sure. No. Okay. The UK's public health services are officially prescribing stand-up comedy classes to men at risk of suicide from mental trauma or depression. To push them over the edge?

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I was like, this is a horrible idea. Have you ever bombed? Okay, so they're prescribing comedy classes. Yep, after a pilot program proved outrageously successful, according to the study. What kind of pilot? Like a TV pilot or like a flying pilot?

No, like they tested, like a pilot, like they tested it, a pilot program. Oh, I thought it was a different word in England. I thought pilot there meant an actual flying thing. Right, right. Q. Q. Q and on.

You, yeah. I mean, that's sweet. I think anything that is a class, something that people are learning together, something that gets part of your brain working in a different way is always helpful for depression um all jokes aside a class that class really did like i was very depressed when i started stand-up and i was seeking and you really did put all jokes aside when you started well yeah i mean i wanted to save them for later and by later i mean i'm still waiting if you want to do comedy yeah all jokes inside you should have on the paper and the diary no it's so it's anything that is social and like

making you interact with people and like think in a different way and think maybe outside yourself and support other people the problem is is like anything the high is so high from doing well in it and like doing well in the class and then you think you get cards i got cards made like within the first week of like becoming you know i had my first show wait you got cards yeah and you want to know what i did you know what i did you know what i did it's so funny i had cards made of just me i gotta find them it's a drawing of me with a mustache and my grandpa's hat and the Wookiee and then I just put my name on there.

No email. No phone number. I go, if they're gonna want me, they're gonna find me. And I just put Andy Shallows on there. Swear to God. Wait, were you, was there a presence online at all of you? No. Then how would they ever find you, Andrew? Through the phone book.

Were you even in the phone book? Andy Chalice wasn't even your name. What are you thinking? Did you have a MySpace page? No. I think I had MySpace. I think I had Facebook. I think I had Facebook.

Maybe that. But it was absurd to think I'm going to be off the radar. Whatever. My whole point to this is the depression was so, like it was cured kind of, and then if you don't get success boy does it come back strong yeah i think this is more not like turning men into comedians like depressed people it's more about like just giving them a fun thing to do yeah well here here's how it works so it's So it's a woman who founded the course. It says that trauma victims are encouraged to process their trauma in a different way so they can change who the victim is and choose the narrative.

They can actually go right down into it. This is what I was thinking, and then this happened to me. This enables survivors to consciously use comedy to change their perspective on their experiences, but also puts them in a physically powerful position because being on stage is very powerful. Oh, I like that. So they're probably learning how to make, that's like a class about rape jokes.

Yeah, or like rape or anything horrible that happened to you. Car crash, killed three people. That's just funny. I mean, if you do keep telling your story that it can't be funny i mean we do that all the time and then we're like you got to be depressed about that it's too sad well to make funny you shouldn't be allowed to be funny yeah well it should be allowed to be funny but i also think that some people just cannot not be funny about things and then they never feel sad well yeah that's a whole and they just they need

a different class they need just regular therapy yeah where they just perform without making a couple's therapy today and we got there and we're in the waiting room and we sign in and we're like wait we're both so tired he like literally is like putting his head in my lap and we're just like can we just like sleep here and i had to crawl out of bed to get to it and because i got my micro needling then i went back to bed because i was just like oh i you know sibling number 55 oh and then i caption open ears got into the i drove it's like 30 minutes away i drove there got there and uh we are waiting and waiting and waiting and then we're starting to like just talk about things like in the waiting room that almost like gear like pre-gaming for therapy and then she is not

coming out and she's very prompt usually and then um she we call her and then she calls us back and it's like oh did you get my email i couldn't do that time she's like oh my god why are we doing this and then we we chris she was on speaker and he goes i just want to let you know like this might end us like the drama this like it was funny she was like no wait oh oh she was like we'll talk about it next time can i be honest that that goes back to the thing of like now you're dealing with this late whatever her not showing up as a couple and it does bring like now you have this thing that brings you together. You can talk about the lady not showing up. Yes. And it instantly can remove any kind of other shit.

Man, I love a tired boyfriend. Oh, yeah. I love when your, like, boyfriend is usually, like, in control and, like, you know, like, running the show, which is very hot, when he's just a baby. And he's just, like, oh, he's just like oh he's tired and he's i just love it what about somewhere in between i just want him to what about like a lazy kind of ingadro guy um i just want him to i like vulnerability i like when when i think i think when guys or anyone gets tired they're just more like i'm just like i can't be cool right now like

they're not gonna be defensive they're not like all and i'm just like, I can't be cool right now. Like, they're not going to be defensive. They're not like, I'm speaking for myself, too. Like, I think I maybe get more defensive when I'm tired. Because I don't know what happens when I'm tired. Huh? Cranky. Cranky, yeah. I mean, getting, there's just something when guys, my boyfriend, I like him the most when he's –

I like you the most when you're tired too because you're just like – you say silly things and you're just like, I don't know. I'm just tired. Well, a tired guy would know. I want snacks. And then you just say funny – because you're not – there's no – it takes away any ability for you to try to be cool or try to hold in something that wants to come out.

And if you're tired and in a good mood, it's just, there's nothing but genuine happiness and love emanating from men. I think they just get, it's almost like that post-orgasm, they're just kind of jelly. Or when people smoke weed. You smoke weed, you're just like,

whatever, it's fine not everyone not everybody but yes there's something there's a tired guy will never rev an engine you know like that goes back to like yeah you can't be good could take so much effort so much yeah so much anger so much like rage to be good it's so ego egos drop when you're tired so you're not yes oh my god uh i just like i just there's something about and even like children like when poppy is like sick and she just gets like cuddly and it's just like i just like i guess i just like being needed and i like something that is like not going to require a lot of i mean i guess kids that are sick require more attention but they're just like they don't want to play they just want to like cuddle i might i might be

a woman that like the munchausen thing where you like keep your kids and your family sick so they need you oh wow although i always say that ch Chris loves, Chris's favorite thing is helping people. And I was saying to, I was driving back from this wedding with his dad and him in the car. And I was talking to, I was talking about like, we have some friends who are like building a house

with a guest house and all this stuff. And I'm like, they must be like fucking killing it money wise. And Chris is like, you could do that. And I'm like, no, I couldn't buy, build that big of a house with a guest house and a pool and a pickleball court and all.

And he's like, yeah, you could in that neighborhood. Yes, you could. And I'm like, I could. And he's like, you don't think about what you can do with your money. And I'm like, but I would just feel like this is, if my mom then dies of cancer or is like getting sick from cancer

and I can't spend all that money on her for treatment. And his dad was like, what are you talking about this cancer thing? And I go, well, we're all going to get cancer. I want to be able to, you know,

pay for my parents' treatment so they don't stress about it, which is always my theory about saving money. And he's like, don't, don't, don't live in the wreckage of your future. Nikki, don't live in the wreckage of your future.

And I was like, I need to hear that, Mr. Convey. Thank you. I know. He might be in with Chris to get a pickleball court. That's what it sounds like to me. I'm like, that's the wreckage of my present is pickleball. Also, how much is cancer if you have good health insurance?

Well, my parents don't. Okay, they have Medicaid or Medicare. Do we know, though? Should we look into it? I'll say it's probably between 300. Okay, they have Medicaid or Medicare. Okay, so. Do we know, though? Should we look into it? I'll say it's probably between. Because I think whatever your number is. 300,000 and 1.6 million. No, I don't think it. For the best, for the best.

Yeah. Best cancer treatment in the world. Oh, that's my dad. He's a cancer doctor. Text him right now. Dad, with Medicare, if you're talking about five years of cancer treatment, for the best kind of cancer treatment for, let's say, a colon, you know, what are we looking at? I want to be able to go, Mom, I got it. Don't worry about it.

It's covered. And I don't want to not be able to do that because I wanted a pickleball court or I wanted a guest house that Andrew could stay at, you know, and get scared of the ghosts in the other room. So ask him about alopecia too yeah i mean i don't even know what my point was initially but nicky's parents man i'm feeling sick and got cancer okay i'm gonna we're gonna take can we take a quick break and then come back with reddit okay let's take a quick break because i or why do i get sweaty in my mouth really like? Like, oh, not from the Arby's thing? You know, like, nauseous? Maybe. No, it didn't start there.

But I'm going to figure out what this is. You went through a lot today. Your face. Yeah, maybe I'm a trauma victim from my face being, like, hell-raised. You think it's about a stand-up class. You think about stand-up? I'm going to go sign up for one. Make a card over there.

Nikki Deeps. Nikki Deeps. I look like if, you know. You look cool as shit. You look like Spicoli. I look like if, you know. You look cool as shit. You look like Spicoli. I do. I look like if Spicoli married fucking Tony Hawk. Okay, guys.

I got to go check out my sweaty mouth. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines.

Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Dr. Laurie Santos, and to welcome the new year, my podcast, The Happiness Lab, is releasing a series of happiness how-to guides to help you in 2025. I'll distill the wisdom of world-class experts into easy-to-digest, actionable tips. It's about never feeling good enough. I feel like I'm always failing. You'll learn how to handle relationships, how to be inspiring, and how to find your purpose. We make it this big pie-in-the-sky thing, and then of course we're all frustrated because no one knows how to get there. Struggling with tough emotions? We have a how-to guide.

Worried that you're not enough? We got you. Self-obsessed and want to get over yourself? There's a guide for that too. The ability to approach somebody and make them experience desire for you in minutes or even hours is a rare and rather unnecessary skill, historically speaking. The Happiness Lab's how-to season starts January 1st. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist.

When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a playboy model. Lingerie, topless. I said yes, please. Because at the center of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behavior. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him.

Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven, and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery.

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Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you know that companies hire the most in the first two months of the year, or that nearly half of workers are worried about being left behind? I am Andrew Seaman, LinkedIn's Editor-at-Large for Jobs and Career Development, and my show Get Hired brings you all the information you need to, well, get hired. People are forming opinions of you even before you log into the Zoom or walk into the room. And so you really have to think about what is it I want to display? You don't plant a garden and then just walk away and expect it to thrive.

You are in there pulling out the weeds. You're pruning it. You're watering it. It's the same thing with your network. You should always be in there actively managing your network. If you don't feel confident to say a number, even admitting that to a recruiter is going to be far better than saying, well, what is your budget for the role? A lot is in the follow up, right? Don't wait to follow up. Whether you're a new grad, an established professional or contemplating a career change, Get Hired is for you.

Listen to Get Hired with Andrew Seaman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you like to listen. And we're back and we're calling Andrew's dad to find out how much cancer treatment is for about five years with colon cancer and Medicare. You know what? I don't even know if five years is, that seems too long for colon cancer. It usually gets you. I don't mean to be dark about it. Wow, your dad is really pulling your childhood on you right now. Come on, Dad. Be there for once.

You know the best thing that's happened? Leave your message for 7-7-2-4-8. Okay, do it before it says his number. Oh, shit. Call him over. All it takes is for you to figure out his number. I think we got all the numbers except three. So it would take a thousand tries to get it right.

You would get Andrew's dad's number. What the hell is he doing during the day? He just got a new hip. He ain't running around. Yeah, well, what I was going to say is that I don't have voice. I don't have voicemail anymore. I don't have outgoing voice. I mean, I barely do today, but I don't have voicemail anymore.

My phone will not get voicemail. Have you deleted all your deleted messages? You don't understand. There's no voicemail to be had. There's no number to call. There's nothing to do. I've put my brother-in-law on it, is a tech wizard and he's like, I've never seen anything like this. I have to go to the

store and I know that's going to be a whole afternoon. So I just don't have voicemail anymore. Guess what? Don't need it. I have not had voicemail for almost a year, everyone. And I am a very busy person. If they want to get in touch with you, they'll find you on MySpace. It's almost like the Andy Shallows

business card. No one needs voicemail. Voicemail's stupid. Just send me a text. You really need me. I haven't checked my voicemail. What is going on with him? He looks like a little kangaroo. Alan, Dr. Colin. Dad.

You're on the podcast right now on Nikki's. Hello. People are actually listening to it. Hello, Andrew. So Nikki has a question. So Nikki has some money. She's worried that if her parents ever get sick and get cancer, that she's going to need an insane amount of money set aside

to save their lives. They both have Medicare. She's wondering if they, let's say they got like stage three stage four cancer what are we talking out of pocket cost wise if i just wanted to go don't worry about it i got it covered you don't have to worry about it what's it going to be for like three years of cancer treatment um you know i don't know what kind of cancer we're talking about ballpark three years out of pocket do they have secondary medical insurance i'm um let's say they don't so they have medicare let's say no but they they

absolutely need a second okay i'm sure they do okay so if they have a secondary one what what are we looking at if the worst case scenario. Medicare pays. Medicare doesn't pay for everything, first of all. Right. So they say that Medicare pays 80%. There may be additional and probably will be additional costs over and above Medicare. You do not want to be responsible for the rest of the 20%. How much would that be? 20%?

Well, it depends. It could be... The new oncology drugs cost $10,000 a month. Thank you. So that's $120,000 a year? But listen, I don't want to scare you. Most of the time, Medicare and a secondary will

cover most of the costs. But you must have... The major thing to know is you can't just go on Medicare. You must have a secondary because no one can afford a prolonged, significant illness that requires heavy-duty chemotherapy and try to pay the 20%. Just think how much cost that would be over the course of six months, not three years.

So they need to have secondary medical insurance. Okay. Good to know. And you and Andrew, even though you're young and healthy, both of you need health insurance. Yes. I have health insurance. I do too. Thank you.

Thank you, Dr. Colin. Is that it? That's it. How's your hip? I didn't want to know what I was doing. I finally got into the pool. I was doing exercise. Oh.

Without a cane. Yes. I'm feeling good. Yeah. So glad to hear it. All right, Dad. That's the end of your segment. Like, you know.

I would talk to you so much longer, but we have to go. We're running out of time. Sorry. There can be a secondary conversation. Goodbye, St. Louis. Goodbye. I love you. Bye can't be a secondary conversation. Goodbye, St. Louis. Goodbye. I love you. Bye.

Bye. I love you. Famous face. Okay. That was good to know. Yeah. So you have. Sounds like I'm right.

They got to get secondary is what we learned. And if they don't, 20%. You ain't getting pickleball. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. But don't live in the wreckage of your future even though cancer is imminent no but your parents can definitely get secondary right now and they're doing a disservice

they already have secondary but I'm saying even if I'm out 2% I just don't know anyone I want them to be able to take ambulances everywhere like Ubers and I want to be able to go I gotcha mom it sounds like your fear is not rational.

No offense. I don't mean to say something fucked up, but do you think the more you talk about it, the more you're going to will it onto them? God willing. I want to get in that will. You know what I'm saying? Hell yeah.

No. No, I guess, yeah, possibly. But I also think that, I don't know. I would rather have that peace of mind. It's like having insurance, like me keeping that nest egg of money for, and I'm doing that as an example of a catastrophe. There are many other things. Maybe their house gets infested by swallows and then their home insurance doesn't cover

it. Yeah. And I want to just go, you know what? Don't worry about it. I'll kill two birds.'ll i mean i'll kill two these two in the corner 200 birds and then i'll kill yeah 200 birds and i got you covered you don't have to stress about this i want those kinds of like i i keep money away for those kind of like rainy day and i'd rather that than buy like a big old house and be like, and then go like, oh, gotta worry. Then I have to worry about money again.

I just like, I like money being saved. I get that. Because that, and that gives me great pleasure more so than a trampoline. But I guess, I guess. I guess trampolines aren't that much funny. No, they add up. That's what I define as like being very rich. A primary trampoline?

We gotta get to final thought. Okay. Final thought takes us into reddit dump okay this is your final reddit this is your

reddit dump I love your laugh there that's so ridiculous that clown in the store Noah

I think people will like this one can we go to the one where the woman's talking the lipstick yeah she says how to always choose the correct color lipstick for your skin tone yes okay here it goes it's from life

hacks masks were coming off in wa today i decided that i was going to wear lipstick i read somewhere that the best shade of lipstick for a woman is the same color as their nipple. So I took a photo of the top of my nipple, took it into Mirka and picked a lipstick color. And all day, my patients, my reception staff and people are complimenting me on my lip color. They're like, Alex, I love that lip shade on you. And it's taking everything that I have not to be like, thanks, it's the same color as my nipple.

You know what it did? It made her face a tit. If I go like this, my lips have become the nipple of my face. Yes, I do not, I do disagree with what you're saying. Disagree? Yeah, I do disagree. Sounds like you said agree. I was going to say I do not disagree, but I do not I do disagree with what you're saying disagree? yeah I do disagree sounds like you said agree

I was going to say I do not disagree but I do actually disagree why? because I understand what you're saying but I don't think it's like it makes your I think it makes sense that it's your natural color so it's not going to look like some crazy color it's going to be a color that is that you don't have an example of on your face

but really your lip color is the same as your nipples color it's going to be a color that is that you don't have an example of on your face what but really your lip color is the same as your nipples i'm pretty i'm a little confused so is she saying because i might want to do this a little bit later at sephora you take the color of your nipple and then when you put it on your lips is it so does it make the because you're adding color on a different color you're no you're just it's just a way to find what natural kind of lip color will look the best on you so it's going to be different than your lip color but not that much and it's just going to be your nipple color is usually like in um it goes along with your skin tone like usually your nipple color is related to your overall skin tone i think that most people that are like have a you know a darker skin tone

olive skin tone have like more brown nipples or like more you know irish women have like like i'm trying to think of like the my favorite lip color always is a and every makeup artist i've ever worked with knows this about me and it's always i cannot stand a dark lip color i will not take anything that's even slightly dark i like beiges and i like pinks almost like this microphone that's why i like this color pink because i just i like a um almost bubble gum translucent pink and i gotta say let me just check yeah are you describing your nipples hold on don't look they're translucent honestly it's it's not wrong like my nipples yeah you know what i mean but but that woman in that video if you saw her nipples are definitely very dark yeah because her lip color was dark but her also like i think there's something to it because the i've gone the other way where i i know i already know what lip

color looks best on me it just so happens it's the same as my nipple and i and so it kind of checks out i thought that was very interesting um let's listen to um this is from oddly satisfying the subreddit and it says the small duck running around the house and it's the sound of a duck's feet on different surfaces in the house. Or around the house. Appliances. Let's compare the sound of her little flipper flopper feet on different surfaces.

It's on a deck. It's on a deck. It's on a deck. It's on a carpet. It's in the hallway. So cute. Where is this one? Concrete. Oh! This is a hardwood. Hardwood floor. Is it that satisfying to you? Which one's your favorite? Ducks would be terrible burglars, I'll tell you that. They really can't walk quiet, huh?

They are so cute. Everything's pretty loud. Kirsten and I used to love to throw duck, you know, bread on a duck's back because it would go like the sound of like a thick piece of bread like on a duck's back where it would just like land on the, we would try to hit them in the feathers like on the back, like not hurt them. No. But like soft pieces of bread going like, it was like our favorite sound. Is there any kind of sound that really is satisfying to you that you can think of? I mean, that was nice. Yeah.

There's something about like a flap. I love the sound of Marion When she is sleeping And she goes The cat's purr That's really nice When Mango just does It's like white noise kind of thing Wait tell me if it sounds like this

This is my white noise machine app And it has a cat in it I think There's a vibration in it, I think. There's a vibration to it, too. Like, you could feel the vibration. Oh, my God. Feel the vibration. Man, we used to have these little, like, cats that had a hollow, like, they were, like,

you know, play animal cats. Oh, here it is. Let me see if this. What does that mean? Like, yeah. So, we used to have this. You feel the vibration. You could feel it.

Yeah. Right? I wonder what, well, it was the coolest toy. I want to get one for Poppy. I wonder if I can find them on eBay. But they, if you had one of these,

will you write to me? Because I feel like me and my sister were the only ones that had them. It was a, they were little purr cats, the cats that would purr. And what they had was a hollow head that had probably plastic lined inside

with little spikes and a little head that had probably plastic lined inside with little spikes and a little ball that would roll around inside it so it would make the sound of purring from this ball rolling around in its head. Oh, so satisfying. It was a toy. And I loved it so much. Much like this toy that I found on a Reddit dump.

I didn't even send this to Noah, but I feel like I can just play it here this was my favorite toy and i referenced it on my on my show um uh welcome welcome home nikki i was like where is nikki glazer question mark over here that would have been a good name for it we'll go back but i remember this commercial and i remember every lyric to it like it was the hit song of the time. Skip it. Skip it. Oh, this is what your mom was playing at Goodwill.

Yeah. Your best thing of all. There's a counter on this ball. See if you beat your very best score. See if you can skip a whole lot more. That was my favorite part of Skip It. It's so fun. Skip It's like the solitaire of jump rope.

But the very best thing of all, there's a counter on this ball. I just love that. That guy said there's the very best thing of all, there's a counter on this ball. He must have been so psyched when he came out with that. It's a good rhyme. Oh, man. Good rhyme. I think I'd be really good at making theme songs for kids' toys. his ball he must have been so psyched when he came out with that it's a good rhyme oh man good rhyme i think i'd be really good at making theme songs for kids toys yeah like uh jingles jingles i think

jingles are just the perfect amount of like you know even writing the theme song for my show it's the perfect amount of time that like there's i don't have to write too much it's just quick we're we're in and out it's a joke yeah yeah jingle short it's not a bit it's not like a whole story a couple lines that really get you going yeah that those two lines really make me want to buy a skip it well there was this time when i was in thailand with chris like early on in our first month of our relationship we went to thailand and um i just i came up with the jingle for there was so many dogs like just chilling everywhere little stray dogs and there was a dog on a bike one time that was just like waiting outside for its owner but it was like on this

bike just like yeah chilling and i was like everybody loves a back dog man, that has lasted forever. Just that little, everybody loves a bike dog. Yeah, I could see it. I could see it. Yeah, you see a bike dog. You feel good about yourself. Yeah. Not good. You feel, it's just not, it's relaxing.

You just see him just a little pause. Another jingle I created in college when people would litter on the street. And I said, that's not cool and then i realized that a lot of people litter by just placing things upright like you're it's not littering if you just set the cup down people do this in parking lots where they'll just dump their trash but it's not trash because they put the cup upright oh gotcha like almost like they're just setting it there to come back and get it yeah right you're not but if they don't throw it then it's not litter gotcha and i realized a lot of people were just i one time

was making fun of those kind of people and i go it's not littering if you hang it on a pole and that was another jingle i created and i mean we ended the show with raps every time you want to kick us off i kick us off that makes me think the cup thing of i remember being hung over in vegas and if you sit on a bench, you're just a regular person. You lay down on a bench, now you're homeless. Laying on a bench makes you homeless. I mean, you can kind of put the bike dog thing to anything.

Oh, yeah, that's true, too. So we gotta go. This is the end of the show. I'm not trying to rap, but I gotta give it a try. Rapping's really hard. I'm not pretending like I'm good. This is just the way it is. It's not the way it should be.

I gotta go. I'm gonna go take a nap. My face got microneedled. I'm bleeding like a wap. A wet ass pussy. Not one that's wet with cum. One that's wet with blood. And this rap is really dumb.

I wouldn't say it's dumb. It's definitely full of cum from your Dr. Klein. I'll kick it from behind. I've never slapped my balls, but I feel like I'll rewind. Every time I look at my watch, it goes to three. It never went to two. Is that because I'm a honeybee? No, it's because I'm sugar.

And that's where I go to eat and deliver. I always wear socks. We need a whole show of this. I think people would probably... But the people that stick around... People would erase their reviews. They would actively go back to re-review. Even if they were negative, they would get out of there.

Yeah. Guys, thank you so much for listening and putting up with us today. We gotta go. I'm microneedled. And Andrew is? Micropenis. We'll see you tomorrow on the show. Don't be cuh. And jack.

Chemo. What? I was thinking about your parents. Shit, man. I'm fast. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show. And he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast.

Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Emi Olea, host of the podcast Crumbs.

For years, I had to rely on other people to tell me my story. And what I heard wasn't good. You really f***ed last night. It felt like I lived most of my life in a blackout. I was trapped in addiction. You had to grab the lamp and smash it against the walls. And then I decided I wanted to tell my own story. Listen to Crumbs on the iHe to crumbs on the I heart radio app,

Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You are cordially invited to the hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of welcome to the party. Your newest obsession about the wonderful world. That is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour,

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on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world.

Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult.

He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From Novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.