The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #222 Call Him "Bine"

Episode Date: May 20, 2022

Nikki and Andrew think renting bowling shoes is useless and a money scheme. Nikki is thinking a lot about people committing to stuff that doesn't work. She and Andrew have very different experiences at first Frat parties but no regrets about it. A news story prompts a pitch for Amber Alerts. In an extended Fanthrax segment they hear from Besties about going to shows alone, a co'uhl, birthday feelings, the weight of a soul and setting boundaries with a mom.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Listen to mini questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. It's the Nikki Glaser podcast. Welcome to the show. I'm Nikki Glaser. Andrew Collin is with me. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. My best bud, my apartment complex neighbor. Pulling up the black socks. I got black socks on too with white Adidas and shorts. Is that okay? Yeah. Black socks,

black dress socks with gym shoes. Cool. I think. You know what's cool? Anything that you have confidence wearing. I saw a guy

walking down the street very confidently with a hospital gown on and gym shoes and nothing else. He was definitely a crazy person. Oh. But there was something chic about it because he didn't seem to mind that

his ass was hanging out in the back and that he just looked like he was just confidently looking for meth. I'm sure that could be... If Kanye put that out, people would spend $700 on it. I used to always think that. I remember in 6th grade being like, bowling shoes are going to

be cool someday. Because I remember just wearing... How often do you go someplace and you wear a type of shoe? You have to wear a type of shoe. I mean, we're not talking about roller skates or ski boots. It's a shoe you have to wear. I mean, golf, I understand. Golf cleats, soccer cleats.

Well, I guess, yeah, cleats. No, no, but bowling, it's a different thing. It's a different shoe. You can't wear cleats on the street. No. You can walk around in a bowling shoe. You might be slippery. But wait, actually, they're not slippery

because they have to be on slippery floors. They're slipperier. Why do you need bowling shoes? Why? Because they scuff up the floor, regular shoes. That's the idea. Then just get the scuffs off. Why don't they make you wear, if you go to a gym like a YMCA, They scuff up the floor, regular shoes. That's the idea. Then just get the scuffs off.

Why don't they make you wear, if you go to a gym like a YMCA, why don't they make you change into shoes that aren't going to scuff up that floor? Why are bowling alleys so, you know, oh, we're bowling alleys. You can't scuff off our floor. Like, your places are soaked in, like, urine and Pepsi from 1980. Like, bowling alleys are disgusting. Why are they so- Tennis courts make you wear tennis shoes. No, not at my local park.

I never had to, you don't have to check my feet. Well, not at the local park. The YMCA makes you shower before you get in the fucking pool. Why are they not caring about their courts? Why are bowling shoes needed? Don't actually write in and tell me

because I don't care. And I'm sure it's a very good reason to be honest with you. I mean, I think I told you the reason. To scuff? Yeah. But that doesn't make sense because if'm sure it's a very good reason, to be honest with you. I mean, I think I told you the reason. To scuff? Yeah. But that doesn't make sense because if it's just about not scuffing,

first of all, you're not walking into the lane that would make it an illegal throw. So they don't need to worry about it getting scuffed on the lane, which is where the ball is rolling, which is what you would not want scuffs to impede a bowling ball from doing certain things. So if there's scuffs before the

takeoff who gives a fuck well there's those little dots okay do you want to know why yeah i just googled it okay so your normal sneakers will stick to the lane and cause you to stop abruptly preventing you from making the correct sliding motion and that will prevent you from getting hurt because you move better and stop safely with them on. I don't, okay, this makes sense. I know you don't care. First of all, the proper equipment is needed when you are really training for a sport. Most people frequenting a bowling alley

are just doing it for fun. Bowling alleys, you cannot tell me they actually care about preventing injury to like, oh, stopping short, like your arm might hurt the next day. They don't give a fuck about those kinds. It's a rent the shoes it's an add-on no they'll get sued they'll get sued no because i don't think they will because i think the injuries we're talking about are not like the ball like flying and hitting you in the face it's like oh your arm

is dislocated which is like that's kind of on you i mean you could fall at a skating rink and they you wouldn't these places have insurance in place to protect them it's a weird thing and i think you're right it is about money it all comes down to like someone figured out and it makes you commit to the game more makes you play more games because now you have these shoes on that you had to lace up and you got the wrong size and you had to trade them in. There's commitment. Once you get someone to commit enough, they go, I got to keep doing this because I've already, what's it called? Bill Maher told me about this theory and it's well known where if you commit enough to something, you keep doing it even if you don't, even if, because you've already put enough money or effort, you just keep going.

Relationships, this happens all the time. Well, we've been together this long. It took us a really long time to get to this place, even though I'm still not happy. It's because – but first of all, the past is in the past. Like literally – The more time you put in too, the more you think it could be even better in the future because you already put time in it's like a minor leaguer in baseball sticking to it even though he's seven years in and the idea of him ever making it to the major leagues right is impossible yes but there's that small choice enjoyment out of it they're making like 500 bucks a month but that's a whole other

thing love the game love it again those shoes they got him to buy the shoes you know those shoes will keep you committed i feel like in my own relationship, which is obviously not perfect because none are, I stay in it even when I have times of like, this is not ideal. And I feel like, oh, this could be a possible deal breaker because I've seen so much growth in the past year from both of us who are actively trying

but i think a lot of people stay in things where there's no there's been no change for years there's no change coming and they just stay in it because they just go well i've already wasted so much of my life on this i can't like a bad movie a lot of people keep watching a series this happens all the time with series where people will be like oh my god it was terrible don't watch it and I go why did you see all of it and they go because I watched three episodes I had to see one and it's like I don't because I give up on any show that I don't

like and I walk out of movies that I don't like because I'm just like I don't want to waste more of my life on this thing that's already disrespecting my intelligence so much horrible bosses take your relationship out of this, but like the idea of like, no,

I'm putting it in. Actually put it in. I'm rubbing it all. Let's only talk about your relationship that you've been in, uh, where you start, like the idea that it's improving is great, but could it already,

can you already get into another relationship? That's either a already where your current one is, or is it already even better where you wouldn't have to work as hard? Yeah. And that's why I'm where your current one is yeah or is it already even better where you wouldn't have to work as hard yeah and that's why i'm always i'm not married so i'm open to that and so should he be i think that that's i love cardi b's thing like um you uh without a ring on my finger you ain't going on my gram like yeah i'll put my boyfriend on my gram but like my my therapist always used to say well you're not married so you're not married like my abusive uh uh doctor was your mother she well she used to kind of talk with my mom's cadence

for sure but she used to say you're not married so yeah you can entertain anything you want and so can he because a marriage is agreement that we we're gonna tough this out before you have that yes you can have loose commitments but there's nothing um i he has to we both go out in the world knowing that someone could pull us away from each other and we take that risk and we also both i like i actually enjoy that because it makes me work harder and have to like earn this thing that I love, which I do. I like earning and people go, you shouldn't have to earn someone you love. It's, I don't feel like he's like constantly putting me to the test. I like having something that is valuable and that I've worked for. And I like to continue to work for it for some reason. I've, I've, first of all, I didn't date for years, right?

For years, I would just have drunk sex and not date and be afraid of whatever. You're so similar. And then, but in regards to dating and like, oh, you're not married, so just play the game. But date as many. No. Like my uncle would tell me that. Like, date 10 women at a time. And I was like, that sounds exhausting.

So I was always almost, if I did commit at all, I was out. I was off the field completely before even the field before the relationship really started well i would get so excited about i just wanted to have a i wanted to well i just wanted to like have someone that i could get be comfortable with have comfortable sex with have like inside jokes just a friend really like a friend that you get to fuck yeah um is what i always wanted and that's what i want from my girlfriends too aside from the fucking like sometimes i just want to rush a friendship and be like i just know like let's just do this you're one of my best friends

like the first time i met katherine at college i said to her on our first walk which we didn't even know each other we met at a frat part we met we were in the same um freshman hallway like a dorm room and she was down the hall and our whole dorm a floor of girls went out to go to like the you know uh frat parties i think it was the first weekend of school and all she knew of that's a big party weekend that's when you oh that's a first impression none of the boys get to go because they are all rushing and like they don't get to go to these parties but this is when they take advantage of freshman girls yes yes yes and um so she had only known of me from we did like we went round robin with like hundreds of kids in our whole building all the girls and we like told like hi i'm nikki and then you like tell a story and i told the story of hitting the garbage

man and she said what that's what you open with in college yeah because we were supposed to say funny like something interesting about you. Yeah, no. I love that. And my interesting thing was like that's the most interesting thing that's ever happened to me. I also looked like a, you know, a little like Mr. Bones from Nightmare Before like Nightmare on Elm Street or whatever

that. No, no. Nightmare Before Christmas. Yes. That's what I looked like. Oh, Halloween is here. Oh, la, la, la la la, la la la, Halloween Christmas time. Was there a taller girl just holding you with strings? I could see it just like No, no one wanted to get near me. It was so sad. But I

I remember Party though! Party! Yeah, I mean I was like so lost. But I we went to this frat party and we were just like overwhelmed. We didn't know it at the time but I could tell this girl was like party and we were just like overwhelmed we didn't know it at the time but i could tell this girl was like nice because she was just like she had had anorexia before so i think she kind of saw what i was going through and could relate even though she didn't

appear to have it at the time she was still struggling with stuff but we went to this frat party and i just remember being overwhelmed by k like i had just come from high school where we called out constantly with all my friends. Like we did not tolerate it. We mocked it. I always had someone in my corner to call out K and just like, you know, it's everywhere in high school and college.

That's all you are is K, especially your freshman year of college. So she had a roommate who was, love you to death Meg. And I actually don't mean that. Like, I love you. You are a good person, but you were

cuz fuck she would just be like very like i'm from new york and she would like play up new york and just be like kansas yeah no this was colorado she was just like she was like very cool but like her new york would like come out and she was just like cool like i don't even know if she was good but we caught her being a couple times we were she ended up being one of our close friends but she was k and so was i no no judgment but she was very good and i remember us katherine and i locking eyes in the hallway of this frat on the second floor and it was first week of college i had no friends but something k happened and we kind of locked eyes and i like kind of rolled my eyes like i gave like a k with my eyes and I like kind of rolled my eyes like I gave like a a cut with my eyes

and she like kind of giggled and then I walked over to her later and I was like Do you want to get out of here? Do you want to like just go like walk around the city because we were in boulder We'd never been there. I wanted to go find john benet ramsay's house. So I was like, let's just go walk around We had no phone. This was flip phones. No gps, you know t9 texting at bat We didn't even have texting. I don't think, at this point. Maybe very, very first day of texting. That really tickled me.

What? Go look for Geminis? Yeah, like freshman year in college. You're like, let's ditch this Delta party and go to John D'Ameri. Dude, I'm not even joking you. I almost went to Colorado this week to go see Phoebe Bridgers at Red Rocks with Catherine. She still lives in Denver. She's from Chicago.

But I almost went out there, and I would have gone had I read this Columbine book a day sooner. Oh, just to go visit. Because I am so fascinated by Columbine that I want to go see the school as one of these losers that wants to go. And I also, I've been to the theater where the Aurora shooting happened. I don't know why I like this morbid shit. i did want to go see the john bonnet ramsey house one time i was at a college party during the same freshman year we were at a house party where we didn't know where we were the cops showed up we had to hide in the basement and i remember i was trying to be funny we're like hitting the basement like whispering and

like giggling you know and i go you guys this is the chabonet ramsey house this is where she was murdered this is the this is the room and it was like a big story and she was murdered in the basement like that's where the crime scene was and people all ran upstairs so scared and then like got caught by cops like the cops were i mean we were gonna get caught anyway probably but i know that people did not appreciate that joke and i thought it was not funny. I love a kid. He's like, I'd rather spend the night in jail than with this woman talking or this girl who looks like sticks. Yeah, this girl who looks like JonBenet had she survived and never gotten help for her. Or died.

Yeah, or honestly. I was wearing a necklace that was probably too tight. That's for people who know about the crime. So wait, so you're at the frat party. You're like's get out of here so she's like yes i mean that's a lot of like for a young person to go this isn't for me that is such a hard choice and i could after we go like i could talk to you about my first party where i went the complete other way like my brain was not ready to go that's i'm out well let me just say that we did many we we put up with many parties wearing high heels cold being treated like just stupid sluts

after this like this was just too much for me i wanted to leave i saw a girl that i had the same kind of connection with and then we left and this is what i'm saying about like i just know instantly and this is what scares off boys, but girls, it doesn't scare off. And that's why lesbians always talk about their, their U-Haul lesbians where they're like, after the first day of meeting,

they're like, let's move in together. Like the women just, they're not scared of that kind of stuff, which brings me to love on the spectrum to us edition. But I digress, which is, should be the name of this podcast.

I, we were walking down the street we're a block down the street literally a block away and we just probably laugh about something in common or we just have some moment of like oh my god me too and I said I just want to stop I know this is a really weird thing to say but I'm like certain our children are going to know each other they're going to be friends like that's how much we're friends like we're like it was my way of being like, this is for life, dude. And she was like,

I know. And I told that story at her wedding when I gave a speech. And I said, and I believed that that day, and it's not going to be true because I'm barren. And I thought it would get a laugh, and no one laughed. It was, everyone thought I was serious. And I probably am. I mean, I probably

jinxed it at that point. Could have been a Barron Trump too soon. Trump wasn't around. Barron might have been, but we didn't know about him. Your first party, do you remember? Well, it's funny because I met one of my best friends ever at the same thing, first party. Glenn, I love you.

You're out there. We did um there was these this thing called vat vat i think it's v-a-t where it was uh fraternities would make a punch right like with like 151 so it was the strongest oh yeah david spade has a joke about it where he goes if you uh they they go listen um dude uh it's like they would just be stirring it like a cauldron in a disgusting like um you know trash can and it was like you know lethal the amount and they're like dude uh if you give her this much she's gonna have a good time if you give her this much she's gonna die uh it's like it was like the negligible by like just

yeah yeah yeah like a millimeter that's from his first special, which I'm sure he couldn't get away with that joke now. But it's true. I mean, it was so bad. I mean, literally when- Jungle juice, I think is what they used to call it. Yeah, jungle juice. They'd make the drink and they'd be like, that's why. And you would just scoop your cup, Red Solo cup, into it.

It was no like, there was no punchable. It was so dirty. God, it was dirty. And it tasted like Kool-Aid. You couldn't taste the fucking alcohol. It was like like, there was no punchable. It was so dirty. God, it was dirty. And it tasted like Kool-Aid. You couldn't taste the fucking alcohol. It was like a fucking Arby's shake. And I remember I drank one and I was like,

oh dude, this goes down so easy. And I went to Glenn and I was just like, let's have a contest. Let's see who could drink it faster. I swear to God, I drank like 10 cups of that. So dangerous. I can't believe you remember anything after that.

Well, this is the thing. I don't remember. Apparently, I had my shirt off. This is my first ever party. Shirt off. And apparently, I was kind of biting people. Someone's nipple. Kind of a nibble on people.

Oh, I thought it was a nipple. I said nipple, but you said nibble. Okay oh i thought it's nipple i said nipple but you said nibble okay i was nibbling nipples luckily your teeth are like no back then they were strong yeah you had those canines actually they may be sharper now from me whittling away right yeah you were biting it's like a sword like the things you do when you're blackout drunk is so humiliating to hear about later on because it's such a departure oh from what you when you're blackout drunk is so humiliating to hear about later on because it's such a departure from what you think you're capable of yeah i mean look i'd bite someone sober but not everyone but i'm biting everybody apparently my brother made me leave

the party i i'm i'm in the frat house and apparently i'm spitting i'm throwing up and spitting all over this person's room that i've never met before and then i i somehow stumble back to the dorms this is my first part i stumble back to the dorms i wake up around 11 a.m and my brother calls me he's like dude are you all right like where what are you what's going on with you and i'm just like damn the coolest thing i got so drunk i didn't even throw up and he's just, what do you mean you didn't throw up? What do you mean you didn't? You were spitting and biting.

I witnessed. And like, that was my first ever night in New Orleans. And then I just leaned into that character for another four years. Yeah, because that guy is funny. He was fun. Everyone's got a good story. The next day, you're like a legend in certain ways. Like, what's this guy going to do?

What will he do next? Also, you get to shut off your fucking brain. Like you found a way to make the thoughts, the insecurities, everything would just go away with one of those cups of stuff. We got to go to break, but we'll come back with more after this. Andrew out. I'm over the shadows and through the storms. Lightning crumbles and thunder goes away. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. Lightning crumbles and thunder goes away. and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt,

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Come on in. Choo-choo. Off the heels of Andrew's song in the last segment that we had. Did you ever drink that Jungle Juice? It was storming today pretty hard. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, I got blackout.

I don't remember so much of anything in college because it was all just – I don't watch Euphoria, but I like it's like a one of those like flashing lights and just people's faces and like did you ever lean into that though and want to rush a sorority because yeah i rushed oh you did what's it called i what is it called rushing oh you went through pledge yeah i mean i was a kappa kappa gamma oh i didn't know you went all the way oh yeah yeah i dropped out like Halfway through the year But I went I got in Kappa Kappa Gamma You pledged Kappa Kappa Gamma

But you never were officially I was I was in it I did the whole ceremony With weird leaves and like A coffin and There was a weird shit I believe there was a coffin we went downstairs And there was like some kind of like thing We had to like

Hold these leaves and say these weird chants And learn a handshake a coffin we went downstairs and there was like some kind of like thing we had to like like hold these leaves and say these weird chants and learn a handshake and do all this these rituals your handshake you remember yeah it's just like you know oh we're not allowed it's like scissoring with your hands are you are you allowed to talk about this isn't this private i was a pike and you had to put a finger here and cover up it's so stupid. Yes. We're going to get a lot. We might get cancelled for this. I don't have any respect for any fraternities or sororities. Sorry. No respect for you. None. I don't care what you do, the

charity you do. You're all just, it's just a big front to look cool and to meet friends, which is a noble pursuit, but it's all to look cool and make t-shirts and like, you know, get bulimia and get laid oh and get laid um yeah i was in cap and capigama and um but i never told the story no

i realized i wasn't gonna be a good cap like i wasn't i was doing it to make friends it's like the same reason i do everything like dancing with the stars or like all these things where i get like i go why i'm the first pitch like saying yes to things because in i didn't want to regret it later on and be like I have no friends and be like well it's because you didn't do that bitch but it turns out all my friends did not rush and those were my friends that I wanted to be with and every time like anyone in your pledge class there's no one that you're still friends with no oh god no I don't really remember their names I was so like a big sister like They fucking hated me. Yes, I did.

She was very nice. I think her name was Taylor. But she was really nice. But this was when we pledged day, when we found out we were Kappas. We all loaded into this double-decker bus, and we are going to this park to go drink and celebrate. And we're on the top of this double-decker bus. And at some point I was like, hey guys, I hope we don't go under any low bridges because we might get decapitated.

Great joke. And this one girl goes, did you just think of that? And I was like, yeah. And she was like, oh. And it was silent. Like nothing, dude. Nothing. And I just realized, no one's gonna give me

credit for that being kind of clever and fun and like the fact like i connected a lot of things there we were in a bus yeah that's not just i was like doing a dad joke that like it was a pretty skilled dad i mean it's still a pun yes but it it takes into a lot of things into account so it's like fuck you got and then we just had to just i'm so happy that i am a kappa kappa gamma like all these different tears i knew then though that i had to get out that was the moment where i was i just will never forget did you just think of that which for some reason why is that why is that a question anyone asked did you just think of that is it is the answer you want yes or no i never know what to give people when they say that did you just think

of that i mean did they want you to say i know i thought no i planned this i was waiting for the perfect time and i actually suggested we get these buses so that the joke would work because someone wanted us to get a bunch of limos and i said nay that will not work for my joke i need to be elevated to the point where our heads could get chopped off therefore decapitated. I wish that girl did. I hope she's out there. There's something about a joke at that moment, too, where it's like, was there a lot of silence?

Was it out of nowhere? Do you feel like? Do you think you sold it too hard? I'm not sure I was thinking about it a little bit before of like, when is this going to be a good time to say it? But I'm guessing I came up with it within seconds. And I probably sat on it for maybe a minute tops, and then I think I probably – I'm not an idiot when it comes to when to put in jokes.

I remember it being met in such a way that I go, you guys aren't cool. Like that was not on me. Maybe it was a little lame, but I know when I'm lame. That wasn't lame. That was actually fun, and that should have gotten me friends, and none of you – I like none of you. What's interesting, like I'm lame. That wasn't lame. That was actually fun. And that should have gotten me friends. And none of you. I like none of you.

What's interesting, like, I'm thinking back. I was a pike at Tulane. And, you know, I've told some stories on here about it before. But I was so depressed my freshman year in college. I wasn't going to class. I was watching Rudy and one porn every day. Sounds like the Columbine kids. Pretty much.

I just didn't have a trench coat. I'm sorry, that's all I can think about right now. Yeah. And I had no sheets on my bed and I was anti-fraternity. I was doing the fraternity because my brother was in the fraternity. Right.

I think about this now, like maybe I was actually a little bit ahead of myself, but I didn't do anything about it in the sense of knowing that this wasn't for me. Although I do have great friends from that fraternity, but the whole idea of hazing, I never hazed, even when I became a... Well, good.

That's good. I'm glad that you made it then because you were maybe changing that. Well, yeah. Well, plenty of kids got hazed around me. My boyfriend's trying to start a podcast, and he's like, all the podcasts that are successful with three guys are all just like so broey and like sports and like

and he's like i just don't know that we can do that and i'm like that's why you need to do it because they're if they're all like that we need you need you joining a frat a guy that's not gonna hey is you need someone to go actually we're gonna try something different and maybe no one likes it maybe they go get out you fucking loser there aren't a lot of podcasts where it's just two platonic friends that are man and woman. You know what I mean? Like where we don't have a, uh,

agenda and we just go boom, boom, boom with the news. We get through so many stories. We are on fire every day. Just going through the topics, topics, topics.

Um, yeah, I mean, I, my point was, but no, I'm sorry, but yeah,

to get, yeah. When you aren't the same as something, it's maybe important for you to join. It's hard too because- Because you're like, I don't fit in. Because you don't know, you know, like anything. It's like, what's my friend group gonna be like outside of that, you know? Like, if I decided to quit this fraternity freshman year

after I just, again, I gave six months to it. So now that I gave six months to it. So now that I gave time to it, huge regrets in life. I think about this. They were talking about it on, um, Mulaney and Conan when they were talking about on, uh,

his podcast, uh, Mulaney was talking about people that say like, or Conan, I guess said like people that were like, no regrets. And Conan regrets working too hard at SNL and taking it too seriously and not having a little bit more fun and enjoying the process and Mulaney talked about how the first time he did

SNL as a host he was so in his head that everyone doesn't want me here they look at me as a writer they're like why is this guy coming back to host like so much pressure he had like no fun the whole time and it went well but he promised himself if he ever did it again he would have fun the whole time and he did it again and he made sure he had fun during the process and then that he said if the show isn't as good as it's it doesn't matter because i want to enjoy my life and um and they're talking about no regrets and melanie said the funniest thing of um yeah no regrets uh that's not something we uh we talk a lot about in there's no like no regrets rehab he's like that's not that no... It's all regrets. It's all regrets. You should, this no regrets thing. But I do believe I have no regrets

because there's fewer regrets in my life than I would think that I would have because most of my regrets have led to things that I wouldn't see happening. But there are some things that I go, I wish I would have done that differently, but not a ton. Do you have any that come to mind?

I think when you become successful or whatever your idea of success is that I go, I wish I would have done that differently, but not a ton. Do you have any that come to mind? I think when you become successful or whatever your idea of success is and what you're pursuing, it's hard to go. You look back and you go, if that was different, I wouldn't be here. Exactly. So then you can say, I think it depends.

Those kind of people say no. Noah, what do you want? Noah regrets. I think it depends how much you like yourself at the moment that you're being asked that. I don't think it depends on your success. Oh, God. Or where you're at. There's everything about that or where you're at in like whatever you were pursuing

but that being said i mean i could go back to a time in high school where i know i could have tried harder and worked harder in regards to sports also school but also mostly sports where like i just i went by because I was decent at, so I didn't try that hard. I think about that too with singing. Those kind of things. I'm like, oh, I wish I wouldn't have listened to that person that said I was a good singer

and started younger. And then I think, well, maybe I would have already been burnt out by now. Maybe I would have played and been like, I know so many guitarists who are just like, yeah, I'm good, but I just don't even play. And I'm like, the enthusiasm I have for guitar right now in my life is just, I would not trade that for anything.

It's the best feeling in the world, being this novice and being excited about it. So in some ways, I'm glad I did it. Or the way you feel about golf. No, that makes sense. That makes sense. I feel like- It's like, I don't want to throw a football.

For so long yesterday, I was trying to edit the podcast. Oh my God, I played for like three hours. And watch you go live on our Instagram page, Nikki Glazer Pod. And you were just going boom, boom, boom through all like these different genres and singing and standing, sitting. It is my favorite thing to do.

I played for like three hours yesterday and it sucks because I have to be on my phone doing it. And if you go away from the live to check an email or anything, it goes blank and you lose people watching. And I just don't want to disrespect people that are giving their time to watching me play guitar as good as I can. I'm not going to insult myself, but you know what I wanted to say. And so I see all these texts coming in from my assistant being like, hey, this email I just sent you responded.

I'm just like, for this moment, no one can get to me to me it's kind of beautiful it's like i'm on airplane mode i'm on jefferson airplane mode and sometimes i play a jefferson no i don't know any jefferson airplane songs but i and it's golf it's the same as golf to me it is my favorite thing to do people that watch on our instagram live thank you so much for being there I would perform for two of you but the fact that there's a lot of times like 50 people watching and a lot of people who are confused it's my favorite thing to do I mean I still

remember you like debating on playing in front of people and then that was kind of like the first thing you did it was go on live and it gave you a feeling of confidence I think the first time we were on live and I was like can I play one song and then you just like sing to it because it was kind of like the first thing you did was go on live and it gave you a feeling of confidence. I think the first time we were on live and I was like, can I play one song and then you just like sing to it? Because it was just always like, I don't want, I never wanted to be like, I always wanted it to, which I do this with standup too. Like if I feel like my standup isn't good enough, I'll like have a dance at the end of it.

Like something you can get from it. So like if you didn't like me singing at least andrew's gonna be funny in this so like i'd incorporate andrew like you can get something out of it and now at this point everyone that's watching knows that i don't think i'm good i don't think i'm cool i kicked kyle dunnigan out of it yesterday he showed up and i was like bye kyle and i literally kicked him out because i was like no this is for people who know or not gonna i mean kyle is so sweet and he wrote and he was like you're so good why didn't you let me watch i'm like because you're

a singer song he's a musician and a comedian and it would be a fun idea though to go live with him and him play piano problem is it you can't go live with someone it with music because the delay you cannot sing with someone um it's kind of a great thing because that way i don't have to like sing with i could just keep it because i just i i've gotten so much but people go how have you gotten so much better than the last time i checked and i'm like this is the only thing i do i don't practice that much outside of that and if i do it's so nice because i'll work on a song and i'll bring it there and people people will be like, whoa, this is really good. And I'm like,

Oh my God, practice works. Like it's like, at least two hours, you know that, right? Yeah. It was like three hours.

It was so insane. I have to put the pot out soon. I know it's, it was ridiculous. And you luckily came into the chat and we're like, Hey, could you review the, um,

imaging for like, you were like sweet and being like i'm just gonna go in here and bring her inbox to her like it's time it's time you gotta go yeah i speaking of golf i gave andrew this um i bought him some golf magazines for his birthday and i went through it and i did what my friend taylor does which is a great gift if you're a funny person and you like writing jokes going through a mag buying a magazine and then writing things in the magazine, making like little captions, making fun of stuff in the magazine is just a really fun thing to do. So I just want you to flip through that and maybe read some of them. I don't even remember what I did.

This was April 17th I did. No, it's 18th. But who's counting? I did it on the 17th is what I'm saying. Oh, you did the day before. Okay. Petro, this is easier. Okay.

Elin Wood said if she attacked Tiger today, this would be. Wait, it's an ad for a golf. It's an ad for a golf club, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this is an ad for a golf club. Elin is Tiger Woods' ex-wife. And what Nikki thinks the ad should be is, Elin Woods said if she attacked Tiger today,

this would be the club she'd use. And it's actually, did you know? Is it the same kind of club? No, but there's a second joke here that I don't know if, it's called Rogue, so going rogue. Oh, the club is called Rogue. I like that. She would have gone rogue.

Okay, a blade unlike any other. Men love... Wait, what is this now? This is for a putter. Okay. This is for a putter. Okay. A try-hot putter.

Men love when things they buy are displayed in pieces. Oh, so it's like a deconstructed putter. It's like... So either I make a comment about the ad itself or I act or I put it in quotes like the ad is saying it. Or I put it in quotes like the man in the ad is saying it. So what do you mean by that? Let me give you, here, can I look at it?

No, no, no, like in pieces. What do you mean by that? Oh, like men love when objects that they want to buy are deconstructed to be like, this part goes into this. If they buy a toaster, they want to see the insides of it. This is a machine.

Tesla is always like, Oh, okay. I was going really dark. Terminator. like really dark terminator no no terminator i was going dark no not like up in its guts i was thinking like a body like oh jesus okay well you got this john bonnet in my head all right one size doesn't fit at all this is all for drivers different drivers the stealth driver the rogue and the ltdls nikki wrote if your club doesn't look like a Transformer goose, then you're a little pussy bitch. Yeah. These clubs all look like Transformer gooses. Wait, just show it really quick.

No, turn it around so the goose heads are. If your club doesn't look like a Transformer goose, then you're a little pussy bitch. I like that one. It is. They all look like big man toys. Right? Yes.

That's what this is all about. They all look like Transformers. Like toys that you would buy your nephew at Target. What does that say? I probably can't read it. Yeah. Really? Wait, let me see.

All right. It's an article that no one reads. It's in the front It's always these Like long articles That are always In the beginning That are by the editor The editor's always like

Hey I'm Ted So this week's This month's issue Is really part of my heart You know When I first grew up In South Carolina It's always this

Like dumb thing That literally No one ever reads Or the article's about Last Last week Last issue Of like oh Hanging out with Tiger all day was so amazing.

So this is a thought. The feedback we got from the Tiger Woods article was fantastic. Yeah, this is a bubble coming out of the guy's mouth. Is this what he's saying? Yes. No one reads these ever. To prove it, I wrote the N-word above below. A bunch below?

A bunch below. Yeah. Well, that's not a bad thing. No, no, no. I just saw N-word and then I... He literally could write the N-word a million times and he wouldn't get buzzed at board because no one's ever read a note from the editor. Actually, it's Golf Magazine.

More people would buy it. These are missing... Okay, this is... Oh, okay. Okay, let's go to this one. This is a man and a woman. It's a guy standing next to his golf clubs and the woman just goes why am i here again i feel uh more warmth and affection from these clubs and then the clubs have something to say about it what do they say they say leave her john

so it's a woman next to a man who's standing next to his clubs the woman is not why is she there we don't know it's just to be like i have a wife and she's probably like i'm getting in on this photo shoot john and i like that he has two sets of clubs like yeah it's like just like uh he probably has two sets of girlfriends too look it's open um so yeah that's i mean no this is really fun it's so fun to write like you just it's a really fun thing. No, this is really fun. It's so fun to write. It's a great little gift you get. I wish you told me this. I thought you just bought a magazine like whatever. Well, I thought you would open it up and it would be a fun surprise

because I thought you would open a magazine. What did I spend? $9.99 on that? How much are those? It's a custom amount of a book. Oh, wow. $8.99. $9.99 in Canada.

Well, I was thinking about Canada that day. I was thinking about M, the police officer. Let's get to the news. This guy's awesome. Oh, boy. You heard it here first, apparently. Hope you're having all the swells out there. It's been a hell of a week.

Got a great weekend coming up in Boston and Foxwoods. Oh, my God. Four shows in two nights. Driving, though. Listen. Which is nice. Listen, I'm bringing it. I'm gonna have a very I got it. I gotta keep these shows tight. You're not getting an hour and a half from

old Glazedog because I will not be able to give a good show if I do that. So I'm figuring out my set list tonight and I'm gonna do a very concise boom-ba-da-boom-ba-da-boom-ba-da-boom new jokes, rapid fire, fun. Just like the news rapid fire yeah we're not gonna go over it's not gonna be about one bit there will be no but i do want to say if

you're going to the meet and greets um we got to keep it quick especially if it's on the first show like i know that that's a lot of pressure don't feel that pressure don't be like oh my god i don't want to waste your time take your time but like we going to have to make them a little bit snappier. So just think about what you want to say or don't or just wing it. Fucking I don't care. I love it. But make it quick. But seriously, like speed it up.

Speaking of that, back to you, Noah. The family of a 12-year-old boy is suing Apple, claiming he has permanent hearing loss after wearing his AirPods during an Amber Alert. It caused tinnitus, and now he suffers from dizziness and must wear a hearing aid. I would not. I bet this is a thing.

I mean, those Amber Alerts are so freaking loud. You can't adjust the volume. That's what they're saying, that even though he had the volume down while he was watching a Netflix movie or something, the Amber Alert came in so much louder. The Amber Alert still comes through louder, almost like an ad for Amber Ale.

Yeah, I mean, those Amber Alerts. Did they win? Any kind of siren. When a fucking fire truck comes by, I plug my ears. That stuff is so damaging. I think so many people have tinnitus and suffer with it because we are living in an age of loud.

Since the 60s, it's been just loud music. I know. What? You think it's a little litigious and ridiculous? Yeah. I don't know. I mean, look. I always find it interesting when these things happen and then it's like, oh, we get to sue now.

Or they connect the dots. Anyone that dies from mesothelium nova or whatever the hell that word is, they're like, I almost died listening to you try to get through that word and I'm going to sue you. Oh, do you have tendonitis? Tendonitis? You have tendonitis in your ears? Tittitus? Anyhow, did they win, or how much money are they going for?

I know what you're saying. You feel like people just get too excited as soon as something bad happens to them. They're like, sue! Well, that and connecting a 2D Amber Alert, I guess maybe the kid came in at that point. Yeah, because I'm sure he was like, like, and threw them out of his ears. Nikki, you've talked about wearing your AirPods and how they just cancel all the noise outside.

It's so blocked. I've never had an Amber Alert through it. But now it makes me a little bit nervous. I'm sure they're going to update something so that it doesn't happen that way. They do block out the noise in such a way it is. I wore them yesterday without any noise.

I was listening to a podcast. Something got distracted me. A call came through. It didn't start again. And I just had them in my ears with the noise canceling. And I was hearing my thoughts. I was hearing my brain making connections. I'm not kidding you.

I felt like I was on drugs because it was so like open that cabinet put away the glass i could hear like my dogs looking at me it was so weird no i get i that's what i was also like on mushrooms but no i also think it's so funny though this family's like suing for the amber alert and now amber alerts are just gonna be like hey there's a child gone like they're like no what's good hey what's that is that an amber alert doesn't sound like an alert that sounds a lot like a whisper there's a baby in a car somewhere whatever i don't even hear it yeah well actually that would get my attention more if my phone was like, psst. Yeah?

Hey. What's that? There's a baby that just got stolen by its dad. What's the license plate? It's XR2. Uh-huh. BB Killer. BB K-L-R.

Then the Amber Alert person is going to sue that their kid didn't get found because it wasn't loud enough. Yeah. I mean, I hate to make it about Columbine, but I always do. I thought we were never getting to Columbine. Dude, this book. I cannot recommend it enough. I have never. You know I don't recommend things this heavy.

I recommend everything. But this is like, this book is so fucking good. I already searched the guide. I go, what else did he write guess what he wrote the book called columbine it's called columbine by the way a lot of people wrote me being like what is it called he wrote another book parkland so i'm just like he's just writing all about all he's so good anyway um a lot of because of the killer the killers killed themselves obviously at the end of it people didn't have anywhere to

put the anger and to blame oh yeah and so the guys that sold them the guns unknowingly fucking people sell guns to minors accidentally i think like the back of a truck all the time they got he got you know the maximum penalty and then ended up being you know but like they they had to punish someone so they that was the only person that was tried maximum penalty and then ended up being, you know, but like they had to punish someone. So that was the only person that was tried for this. And then, you know, their parents got sued, you know, the killer's parents, you know, people were just suing everyone after the fact.

And it's just a fascinating rate. Oh my God. And I just got to the part, like, do you want to know why it happened? Do you want to know why he did it? Why Eric Harris did it? And Dylan Klebold was just more of a follower than anything. He thought he was going to kill himself before it actually happened. He really didn't even want to do it, but then he forgot to kill himself.

Or he didn't get the nerve to kill himself, and so he was like, fuck, I got to do this. He really didn't. He only shot five. Compared to Eric, he shot 2% of the bullets that Eric shot. Eric was the mastermind. But did he kill himself too, though? Yeah, they both killed themselves. Oh, so he went through with that. He's not like 2% of the bullets that Eric shot. Eric was the mastermind. Did he kill himself too though? Yeah, they both killed themselves.

Oh, so he went through with that. He did. Why? Why did, do you know why Eric Harris did it? Did he get denied by a girl? He was a psychopath.

Oh, which is a very interesting thing to go. Why is this happening? Was it about the jocks? Was it, he was a nerd. He was mad about a girl. He,

no, he was a, a psychopath. And psychopaths don't always go to murder, but he was a nerd. He was mad about a girl. No. He was a psychopath. And psychopaths don't always go to murder, but he was a murderous psychopath, which is a small percentage of psychopaths. But this goes back to... And they are incurable.

Okay, but people go... And I get giving someone that's mentally insane, I feel like we give them the benefit of the doubt. Like, oh, he's not going to jail. He could plead insanity but the jocks didn't help play play insanity oh and he had nothing

he didn't care about jocks no no no I'm saying though like a lot of times we separate those two things I feel like yeah I mean it was definitely like you know what I'm saying like the fact that he was able to get guns helped the fact that he was able to yeah and I'm sure he's mad at someone he was a psychopath but other things led no no no he i mean yes things things lead to

things but he yeah ultimately you see what i'm saying though that all of those things would not affect him if he weren't a psychopath i go back to my point of all this is that so this buffalo shooter that happened that was fucking horrendous and fucking had the n-word on his gun he had uh someone that whatever he was insane racist that was yeah people are claiming people then go he's a psycho like uh tucker carlson didn't take any blame even though he fucking puts this shit in people's heads he goes well he was a psychopath and then once you hear psych it's like it's a way to like go well oh then it, then it's a way to get out of it. Well – All the racist shit was still there.

He's also a psychopath. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, they pick and avenue. I mean Eric Harris was a racist too. He was completely into being a Nazi. He used the N-word all the time throughout the shooting, throughout – What kind of Nazi is not a psychopath? But that's the thing.

It's like psychopaths will – if they are set on destruction and are these two different types of psychopaths are the ones that commit mass murder like this. There's many different psychopaths, but there's two types that they've found that are the ones that do this. They'll find they will be racist. I mean, Fox News and stuff like that definitely got in this kid's head. But without his, I'm not saying it's an excuse. without him being a psycho, Carlson can't even help the fact that he's a fucking idiot.

Like I almost don't blame him for that. I'm not, I don't blame literally anyone for anything. I just think it's unfortunate because there's no free will and I'm, you know, operating on that level. It still makes people still make me mad and I still go like, fucking,

you need to be stopped, but no one can help the way they are. And it's so interesting just to hear that throughout this whole book, you're just going, why did he do this? Where was his motive? He had a good life. He was a cute kid. He got laid. He had a job.

And it was because he had an extinction fetish. Extinction. He wanted the whole world to burn. He wanted to bring about the extinction of man he hated humans he was he saw himself as a god not god but a godlike and it's fascinating that it's just a great i mean i'm sorry to spoil it for you that he's a psychopath but it is an interesting part of the book where you go why did because he seems to have compassion even people that watched i mean

sorry there's this thing but was there a thing that was there a catalyst no no it was always it was always going to end this way he became yeah he became more and more there were different things that happened when he got he got arrested at one point and that made him really angry he um he his one of his friends got a girlfriend like there were things like that that made him really angry he um he his one of his friends got a girlfriend like there were things like that that push him along but um they're almost there's a part of the book where they said they went through his journals and they read well if it wouldn't have gone this way here's another way it could have gone because he was already writing about fantasies of raping and ripping girls throats with his mouth and crushing their skulls. Like visceral, disgusting things that,

I mean, he would have turned into a Dahmer or a Ted Bundy type. Like this was- Or like an LA comic. That's hilarious. Okay, let's go to break. Sorry to get so much into this, but it's such a good book.

I'm so fascinated. We'll go to break and we'll come back with Fan Thrax. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah. Whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt,

or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, you guys. I'm Katherine Legg. I'm a racing driver who's literally driven everything with four wheels across the planet. And I've got a new podcast. It's called Throttle Therapy. This season, I'm gearing up to make history competing in some of the world's most notorious racing events starting at the Indy 500 join me as I travel from racetrack to racetrack in my quest to continue

a memorable career in racing I'm also going to bring you inside stories with legends of sports new faces from the next generation of auto racing and conversations with the people who supported me throughout my career we'll be getting into everything from karting to nascar even formula one whether you dream about being a pro athlete or an astronaut we're talking about what it takes to make it listen to throttle therapy with katherine leg an iheart women's sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Happy holidays from me, Michael Rapoport. to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rappaport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss entertainment,

sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it, and there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Here's a clip from one of my favorite episodes. You are not a real fighter. You will never be discussed anywhere in boxing history ever. Fake Paul. The movie is The Apprentice and the movie is about young Donald Trump and his apprentice, Roy Cohen. Real character, obviously both are real characters. It kind of has a Scarface vibe to it which I thought was very interesting listen to the I Am Rap Report stereo podcast on the iHeartRadio app Apple podcast and wherever you get your podcast hey y'all I'm Dr. Joy Harden Bradford host of

therapy for black girls and I'm thrilled to invite you to our January Jumpstart Series for the third year running. All January, I'll be joined by inspiring guests who will help you kickstart your personal growth with actionable ideas and real conversations. We're talking about topics like building community and creating an inner and outer glow. I always tell people that when you buy a handbag, it doesn't cover a childhood scar. You know, when you buy a jacket, it doesn't reaffirm what you love about the hair you were told not to love. So when I think about beauty, it's so emotional because it starts to go back into the archives of who we were, how we want to see ourselves, and who we know ourselves to be and who we can be. It's a little bit of past, present, and future all in one idea, soothing something from the past. And it doesn't have to be always an insecurity. It can be something that you love.

All to help you start 2025 feeling empowered and ready. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We're back. We're going to skip the sports moment today we're just gonna get right to fantharx we got too much to get through let's do it one guy's angry i like picturing a guy with one of those finger things those fan the phone fingers yeah and he's just so mad and he's like putting on face paint and he just stops he's like that was my one time a week. Now he's a psychopath.

Shooting. Come on. Okay, wait. So I wanted to start off with a letter that we got. An email to the Nikki Glaser podcast at gmail.com. Hold on. Okay. And it comes from Bestie Sarah. She sent sent a photo of you guys oh cute that was in um

god where was that that was that in san francisco maybe uh that was when we all new jersey oh that was last week okay cool okay so she goes hi nikki i just wanted to write in and say thanks for such an amazing show in Montclair. I had the best time. You and Andrew both killed it. Okay, blah, blah, blah. The meet and greet. I also wanted to give you a little plug to encourage other besties to attend your show alone if they can't coordinate something with friends. I was really nervous beforehand, but as soon as I sat down, I met another bestie and we hit it off right away it was exactly

what you said when we instantly had so much to talk about because we both love the pod then throughout the show it was so fun to have someone to turn to and laugh with when you refer something we heard on various episodes yes so anyway thanks again for all you do love you bestie xoxo sarah that's like a missed connection kind of story through you. Yeah, that warms my heart so much. And I so appreciate people just having the nerve to go do something that might be scary for them to go alone. And then to strike up a conversation with someone else going along. It's just really cool.

And thank you so much for writing that. I wonder if we could have, probably should say it off air, but because it could probably be impossible to do, but like a bestie section, like all the people that do go alone. Oh no, that would be so fun. That's a great idea. And don't tell them though and have them figure it out,

but no, no, it could be really cool. It would be fun to have like a little section where they, you just, we direct certain things to them and then it would get other people that don't know about it to be like, what is this thing? I want to know what Ke is.

Yeah, yeah. The Ke section. No, no. Non-Ke. Not Ke. Anti-Ke. Wait, speaking of. So I was watching you on with, what's his name?

Kevin. No. Oh, yeah. On KFC radio. KFC radio. Yes. And you brought up Ke and it was so funny. Because at first, he just kind of kept talking.

But then you're like, yeah, this is a word that I use. And it was so... He liked it. Just incredible. That was what I liked about it was that he wasn't like... He just got it immediately and was just tickled by it. And I really appreciated that response as opposed to being like, okay, this is a weird girl with her weird word.

But it's like, choogy is another word that the kids are using that means kuh. You know, we're talking yesterday about Taylor Swift saying things are cringe, but kuh is just, man. Ik, ik is a new word. Oh, he gives me the ik.

But choogy, C-H-E-U-G-Y, is a thing that kids are saying a lot. That, you know, Gen Z is... But it's... I think if Cuggy, like, really took... I just want it to take off so bad. Who said Cuggy to me yesterday? Oh, yeah, I ran into a bestie on the street yesterday,

and she was like... I think she mentioned Cuggy. I mean, I just love anyone mentioning Cuggy, because it really is a thing, and it happens all the barstool world i mean oh yeah they want to call out they every day those guys fucking see shit or hear shit that's so bro and so just like fratastic that they're like real like just because you're involved in it doesn't mean you don't see the dumb shit. Kevin Clancy, I do like because he knows that Barstool's care. And I like those guys.

I saw some Twitter where someone was calling him out for going back on liking Big J's song about you or something. Oh, yeah. Well, he apologized to me for not defending me during the oh yeah on the show when the song was going during the legion of skanks oh you said it you said it i've heard that they are mad that i'm not addressing which podcast it was it's legion of skanks if you want to hear them talk about uh my body sagging song i still have people like i went live with rachel the other night on instagram people were like all right p-bop saget. I could see those guys making fun of me. No, Big Jay and I are actually hitting the road with Bert Kreischer this summer.

And we got some plans. And don't worry about us. We're doing just fine. No, it was nice of Kevin to say, I should have stood up for you. I mean, he was. It's hard to do anything in that situation. And maybe he was just saying that. That's fine, too.

I don't give a fuck. Call him an ass kisser. I don't give a shit. Call him Bynes. Call him Bynes. Call him Bynes. It's so funny. Oh, my God.

Okay. All right, next story. Boom, boom, boom. Okay, let's go to Emilyily since we're on the subject of hi nicki no and andrew i'm emily from denver and i wanted to share a potential co with you it's actually perpetrated by me and i'm afraid to tell anyone else about this because i think it comes off so co but i joined a band and after a lot of our shows like drunk strangers strange guys like will come up to me kind of expecting a hug like opening up their arms for a hug being

kind of touchy and talking to me like they've never seen a girl playing guitar before it's just so annoying um but i feel like if i were to tell anyone else this it sounds like i'm just complaining that people are just so into me because I'm such a cool rocker. Right. And I just have to beat them away with a stick, but it's really not like that. I just feel like I just have to deal with these drunk guys' punishments

because I want to play guitar on stage. But I'll defer to your judgment for this call. No, you're not cut. And I'll await your sentencing. No, you're not cut. And I'll await your sentencing. No, you're not cut. Because they're just trying to get laid and trying to I mean, as a female comic,

people always want to go like, you're the only female comic I like. Or like, I don't like female comics, but you're pretty. People like, and they're not a lot. We don't see a ton of female. I don't know what guitar you play. Lead guitar, whatever. You don't see a ton of female, I don't know what guitar you play, lead guitar, whatever. You don't see a lot of female shredding

as much as you do men. And it's a way in, man. Yeah, the whole idea of a lead guitarist, Keith Richards fucking, the dude from Aerosmith, the other guy. God, will you send me your band? I want to see you. Fucking, you know what I mean?

Guys do it. And they're in Denver? I have friends in Denver. I'll have them come see you. That's so cool. But no, I don't think you, because I often guys do it and they're in Denver I have friends in Denver I'll have them come see you that's so cool but no I don't think you cause I often talk about things like oh I have a lot of people saying this to me or I got recognized

here and it's like you're just stating facts you're not saying a lot of times people do say that stuff to be cool but sometimes it's just a fact and it's like some people get mad when I'm like well I'm a little bit more famous now so this they go ew why are you saying that it's like because it's just a fact. And it's like, some people get mad when I'm like, well, I'm a little bit more famous now. So this, they go, ew, why are you saying that? It's like, because it's true. I'm not saying I'm fake.

Like I'm Angelina Jolie, but I, it is true. More people know who I am that I don't know. So that equals true. So it doesn't just because if it's, it's cool if you're saying it to be cool, but if it's true and you're just stating a fact to support another statement, not cool i deem you not gavel not k yeah and she also like some people they it comes off k but they're just they're feeling embarrassed or they're they're feeling insecurity and if you're scared you're being if they're not hugging you they're not being good they just don't want to hug you like that's i think oh people forget that sometimes that people can come off as like too cool too care for school yeah they might be scared of germs they're just afraid it's just fear also a

lot of times besties i'll be like this person hated me and then afterwards yeah they write me and they're like i got so nervous i didn't know what to say and i'm like i never ever think someone hates me now when they're like a little bit weird and don't worry you will not offend me if you like don't know what to say and you're like well she probably thinks i'm an asshole i know so much now that that usually means they like you a lot or i just protect myself in that way so um not good all right so up next we have Ben with a little bit of information for you since you talked about this recently. Hey, Nikki and Andrew, this has been a big fan of both of you. I appreciate this podcast and Puddles and hope to golf with Andrew at some time in my lifetime, some point in my lifetime. I was listening to the most recent episode where you were talking about how much a soul weighs. Oh, yeah.

And I've been an ICU nurse for several years. Oh, wow. Several. And multiple families have asked me to weigh their family members as they were on comfort care and dying. So while they're on a morphine drip and they're still breathing, they'll have me weigh them. And then when they're declared,

declared dead by myself and the doctor, then they'll have me weigh them to, uh, yeah, to see, I think it was like they wanted seven pounds or something. Yeah. That's what I was thinking.

Um, and yeah, so far for me, the weight has never something. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. And yeah, so far for me, the weight has never changed. And yeah, I'd never heard about it until a family member asked me to do it on, you know, to weigh their family member. Interesting.

You know what I think? Anyways, we're just thinking about you guys in that scenario. That's a tough job, dude. That's all I have for you. Wow. You know what I have for you. Wow. You know what I think the soul could be? Jack Russell.

What? People shit themselves when they die. Oh, so it... But the shit would be on the scale with them. If they were... Like, if the scale was the bed. Oh, okay. You know?

Or I was thinking the morphine drip could, like, add to them if a little drip would like doop. Also, I think it's not something that would be negligible on a regular scale. I think it's like grams, which is like the size of like, you know, a few feathers. I think that's what like a soul weighs. It's something, there's some movie called something grams and it's about. 21 grams you said.

Yeah, but I don't think that's right. I think that was 21 Jump Street is what I was thinking of. I just combined 33 dresses. What was that. Yeah, but I don't think that's right. I think that was 21 Jump Street is what I was thinking of. I just combined 33 dresses. What was that, 27 dresses? I don't know. Maybe, yeah, your soul weighs 27 wedding dresses. Okay, next. That guy, I really...

Man, I want to know his story. I want to know the things he's seen, what's brought him there. And how does he not see it at night, and how does he separate the two things? Oh, boy. I don't understand how people compartmentalize. I never understood how my dad could do it.

That book that I read about hospice care nurses, or Chaplin was so good and talked a lot about it. All right, thank you, Ben. We'd want to hear more from you. And we hope you're doing okay. He'd be a great guesty bestie. Oh, yeah. Like end of life stuff.

Talking to him about seeing. ICU nurse? Fuck yeah. Okay. Maybe we'll have him on. I see you, nurse. I see you, nurse. I see you over there.

Call him by. And I see you, nurse. The gap ahead. Yeah. I mean, we're on a roll today. Heads rolling. Heads rolling. Decapitated.

Wait. Ramsey. Oh, shit. Okay. All right. No. Next fanthra all right noah next fanthrax okay next fanthrax is from our bestie jordan oh jay hi nikki and andrew and noah i hope that all three of you are feeling all of the freaking swells today. Um, I just turned 25 yesterday and I realized that it's the first birthday in a really long time. Um, that I was not like overly sad or crying on my birthday, which is honestly really where I thought that everybody is sad or overly emotional on their

birthdays. Um, but then I found out from my friends that that is not normal so anyway um two parts of the question one i'm curious if any of y'all feel overly sad or dramatic or just emotional on your birthdays and two if you had a song or a song lyric that you think fully encapsulates um your 25 of your life what would it be or well something that encapsulates your 25 or that you wish you knew at 25 what would it be what a good question anyway i love you guys so much this podcast has truly changed my life. And I'm so, so, so grateful for you guys so, so much. Don't be cut. Don't be cut. And just been a while.

Just been a while. Jordan, happy 25th. Okay, first, do you guys get emotional on your birthdays? I think I don't. If anything, I go the other way and I try. I don't make a big deal out of it usually. Most birthdays. Is it to avoid the emotion?

Maybe. And to avoid the people celebrating you and talking about you're older? That and maybe I just don't want to talk on the phone on my birthday. Yes. Oh, my God. There's those things. But, yeah, I definitely don't get too emotional. I don't think like, oh, another year.

I don't go that deep with it usually i wonder what jordan if we could figure out what jordan's getting sad about i'm sure there's something deeper than just like oh it's just my birthday i get sad like you know what i mean or like it's and it's if she does it every year and it always has been this way as long as she can remember she's a young girl it's not about aging i doubt i doubt it's about oh yeah it might be about like aging out of childhood maybe it started for her then but um or knowing another year she was 35 i could see her being like i get sad because that's when people start going i'm old even though you're so fucking not but um and i say that as a woman who's about to be 38 in like a week and i i will say though

i get really sad on my birthday because it means it's almost over. And I don't really even look forward to my birthday. I don't even look forward to my birthday anymore. I don't like, I'm not, it's almost like a burden because I have to do something and I have to like answer a bunch of calls and texts and stuff like that. It's leftover from childhood

of being so excited about my birthday, a day all for me, fun, presents, all those things. And just that residual hangover of like so much fun and now it's over and I have to wait 365 days, 366 if it's a leap year

for another one and that's, so like this year I'm doing karaoke on my birthday but I'm doing it, my birthday's on Wednesday, I'm doing it on Tuesday

because I want, I don't want to feel sad at the end of it. Like at least tomorrow is my birthday and it's not today. Good plan. It's not the end of it. At least tomorrow is my birthday and it's not today. Good plan. It's not the end.

I mean, shit, some people do birthday month. I'm going to bring in a birthday year. This year, it's my birthday. I celebrate the whole year that every year it's my birthday. Noah, what do you feel about birthdays? You're someone who's kind of like, eh. Yeah, so I think even though I would probably want to say I'm not emotional, I think the fact that I don't,

like I try to push down my feelings about birthdays means that I am emotional. That tells you more. Yes. Yes. And I had a huge breakthrough because I did the hypnosis thing last Friday. Oh, yeah. Wait, how did that go? About like being like center of attention

and all that stuff and um I just I I had a memory of when I was a kid like maybe 13 or something um I don't have to like I don't know if I want to go like all the way into it but I connected the two about me wanting to be like not wanting to be center of attention or not having eyes on me and stuff and basically the reason for it is because one I'm a middle child so I was always craving attention but whenever I got attention it was always because I it was always negative because it was always like if I did something bad or you know just like a negative comment or something so it's like you crave it so much but when you get it it makes you feel bad so I'm avoiding it as an adult because I my brain thinks that whatever it's going to be it's going to be bad yes if they do see me if they do attend to me they'll see that I'm doing something wrong

if they look too closely like if I do get seen because in the past I've been seen when I'm doing something wrong therefore if someone looks at me they'll start to notice she's actually not that cool like there's something wrong that's interesting and the whole thing with like the wedding dress and stuff and not wanting to do a wedding or anything I I just could not believe the memory that came to me. So I'll tell you real quick. When I was a kid and we moved to this country, I only got hand-me-downs from my cousins who had big breasts.

I was like the skinny little thing. Nothing ever fit me. My mom used to sew clothes together for me and she was not a seamstress. I just looked so gross i just hated when she would sew me stuff so we had one big argument she made me wear this like velvet black dress that she sewed and it just looked so lopsided and we were supposed to go to like the ballet and i just remember having so much apprehension about being outside and people seeing me in this ugly fucking

dress that she made for me and um that is connected to my ill feelings about being in a wedding dress because i had no control over what i was wearing dress that you were out of control and that was going to give you attention which you already were scared of getting oh wow oh my god i was just like i can't be outside i don't want anyone to see me like this i just wanted to like crawl into a hole and die it's so wild so that came up out of nowhere that memory like you had not thought about that since then i haven't thought about that dress and that was from how long hypnosis yeah i got brought up whoa i love it were you under hypnosis that got brought up. Whoa, I love it. Were you under hypnosis when it got brought up? Like, did you say it verbally and the guy says it back to you or what happens?

Yeah, so it's like a whole process. You talk through stuff and then, you know, she'll count down. And I felt like I was like partly awake and I was just trying to like, whatever the first thing that came to my mind, that's what I would say. And that whatever the first thing that came to my mind that's what I would say and that was the first thing that came to my mind that that memory I love that because it's crazy it's again no free will like you can't control your thoughts I love when a thought occurs to you where you're like I don't know where that came from that just like came out of fucking nowhere which literally every thought comes out of nowhere. But when you really feel like,

whoa, that was somewhere, this memory and it just served up and like I think that hypnosis can really let you see how much and also meditation, you aren't in control of your thoughts and that things come up that you might need someone to help you like give, clear the passageways

for those things to come up. Because they're trying to get through, and they might not be able to. And you're repeating bad behaviors to avoid those thoughts. Definitely being exposed to meditation and having done it, even though I haven't done it for a while, which I probably should get back into it. You know what else is the reason why?

It makes me think about why I don't like birthdays either. And I'm a middle child as well. But I think if I had to connect the dots, the bar mitzvah I was kind of happy about. Then my parents were officially divorced. And any time there was an event where it had to have both parents there, it had to be organized. One had to do it.

The other one didn't. It was always a thing. There was a lot of anxiety leading up to it. Like you would see your mom get nervous. You would see just like, it would just be a whole thing. So that would be my birth. So then maybe that's something.

I don't know. That is definitely. Maybe through hypnosis of Noah, Mai got hypnosed. Final thought. Hypnosed, you know? Can you come to my birth next, I think it's next Tuesday.

Yeah. Tuesday. It's two Tuesdays from now. Chris is going to find some room to get karaoke. It was so funny. He wrote me a list of people. He was like, I wrote a list of people to invite to it. I have no friends in this town.

And I'm not asking for any because I'm a little backed up. But I've got- Why don't we have besties come? I might put out the, I might say Besties invited. I'm going to see how big the space is and what we can do with it. But again, it's going to be... I like karaoke because I want to do every song

and I don't want Besties to just have to come and watch me and my family. But if that's something you might be into, knowing that your song might not get picked because the priority is going to be my family, no offense, then I'd love to have you. And I would definitely hug you and take pictures

and talk to you and accept your gifts. Just kidding. Yeah, maybe I'll put it on Instagram Live too. That's a good idea. Because it would be, oh my god, my parents and me doing karaoke. It's going to be so fun. My mom always hurts my feelings because I want to sing a song with her and she just wants her own song.

And I think karaoke is something that you can do with someone. You just – No, no, no, like with people you like. No, I know, I know, but it's funny. Oh, I'll sing with besties. Oh, you'll sing with besties. Okay, gotcha, gotcha. And I think that actually is better because I think karaoke is so embarrassing

to be like when you're really belting something out and trying to own the room like an American Idol audition. It idol audition it's like ew like i remember when your mom said no i want my own song she's like i don't want to sing with you i want my own song and i'm just like okay actually i would never sing with you unless you were my daughter exactly hurt my mom goes you know they made me say that i go no they did it no one made no one even knows that that's a thing that you could even possibly nikki i was giving them what they wanted when i said that i was giving them what they wanted no mom no you weren't you were being honest it's okay you're you wouldn't be a fan of mine but i was giving them what they want i know my no my mom you didn't

see the cue cards nikki my god i know it's it. I know. I've been in that situation, Mom. They did not ask you to do that. You could have said any number of things, supportive things, actually, and that would have been fine, too. But you chose not to. You chose to say a thing that no one would have even come up with. The thing they wanted you to say was, if she wasn't my daughter, I could enjoy this, but it's hard to listen to my daughter talk like a porn star.

But instead, she gave them, if she wasn to my daughter talk like a porn star but instead she gave them if she wasn't my daughter I still wouldn't like this the only reason I'm here is because she's I'm her mother and the line was delivered that's what always bothers me

about being a mother or being family is that they love you just because they're your family I'm like I want to earn it I want you to love me because I'm nice

and I'm fun and I'm funny like I don't like this but you do that with everyone else, though. That is the beauty of unconditional love, right? No, because I didn't do anything. I understand, but I want my mom to like me for me, not just because I came out of her puss. Oh, for sure. That's what I'm talking about.

So there is an episode coming up, I think, where I go, Mom, why do you like having me home? And she cannot come up with a reason. Agape love is when you come out of the puss, right? Agape, I think, is a sugar substitute that has no calories. This is a grappa. Oh, yeah, a zevia. All right, one more Fanthar sweet time. Sure.

Actually, this is right on subject. Great. Okay, so here's a voicemail from Anna hey Nikki, Andrew, and Noah my name is Anna and I just wanted to come on here I don't have a script so I'm gonna sound like a crazy person because I have ADD and I'm gonna go all over the place and I just know it but I was like I'm listening myself some advice on how to set boundaries with my mother specifically because I just feel like she's still trying to keep me in her little child bubble. You know what I'm saying? Even though I just graduated and became a fucking doctor, she still is just acting like I'm her little

daughter and wants to know what I'm doing all the time and wants to know when I'm leaving town to come visit my hometown, which is about an hour and a half away. And I just I can't anymore. And I just need some help on how to address it. I know that I rely on you guys kind of for a lot of different advice because I feel like people ask the same sorts of questions that I do. But anyway, I also wanted to say a thing that my mom does because I'm just annoyed and like going off in my head about her a little bit lately. And it's the Costco cards, man. The Costco, like showing your little membership card when you walk in the door. It's so good.

Like they don't even look up. No one even checks. You have to have a card to get in. Like if you don't have it, no one cares. You don't get in. It's just so it's so cringe that we're like flashing this little card like below our belts and it's just so weird anyway i love you guys so much i love god and jack off okay i love that it got off um she's fun um okay i think anya actually gave me or you some good advice backstage when we were talking about something related to this.

Where if someone is like really annoying you with something they're doing, you just go, I love you too. I know you love me and I know this is how you show it, but it's pushing me away. And I love you so much. And I love that you want me in your life and that you want to know what I'm up to all the time. But I'm just letting you know that, you know, if anyone did this to me and I know that you're my mom

and I know you can't help it, but I'm telling you, I can't help that. I know you can't help it because you're my mom and this is your instinct, but I can't help that this is making me resent you. And I want to love you you and I know this is coming from love and so I give you the benefit of the doubt but I'm going to have to say to you I I'm this is this is making me so every time your name comes up on my phone I roll my eyes and I don't

want to feel that way about my mom and I don't't, and I, and it doesn't have to be this way. Here's a way that it doesn't. So how about we, you, you just give her certain things that are off limits. Like I've, I've had to do this with my mom with certain things where it's like, you please don't call me when you're drinking. I just don't.

And then if she calls me and she, and I can send, she's drunk. I hang up the phone immediately. Cause that's a rule we've established. It's good for our relationship. I get triggered even if she's being so loving and fun. And like she's not really, she's had one glass of wine.

I can hear it in her voice. It makes me upset. And I hang up the phone. And if she texts me when she's drunk, I can tell that too. I sometimes engage because it's fun. But, you know, my mom does not have a drinking problem. Or like my mom does not, her drinking problem or like my mom does not her drinking is not does not do to me what it used to do but because it upsets me so much and

I know it's going to set me off and I cannot help that it's my problem not hers I set the boundary of if you're going to drink it's so fine I don't give a fuck if you drink have so much fun but I'm not going to be around it but I do not judge you and I want you to do it I'm not going to be around it. But I do not judge you and I want you to do it. I'm not going to take it as like you love drinking more than me. I just can't do it. And it's really just – it's been a great thing for our relationship actually. I feel like, yeah, setting boundaries. There is something to – she became a doctor.

I feel like we have all these moments in our lives where we're like I'm an adult now. Now my parents are going to treat me like an adult because I accomplished this. And what you learn is you're still their kid. And you're always in their eyes. Unless you go, look, you have to say something. They're not just going to learn it on their own because they still see you just like you saw. You see your mom and dad as, like, whatever age they were. They see you as a 14-year-old kid that just, you know, you just mom and dad is like whatever age they were they see you as a

14 year old kid that just you know you just graduated middle school playing doctor exactly yeah so i think you just got to go look mom i'm this many years old my you hold up your fingers scope actually works it's all a plastic play school one it's a real but also also i would urge our bestie to remember that this is how her mom shows her that she loves her. By asking all these questions. To say, I love you too, mom. That's what Anya said to say. Like when someone's doing, go.

Like if someone's like, hey, did you do that thing yet? Hey, did you do it? Like bugging you about something? Just go. You're coming in town, do you want to? I love you too. This, I know you're saying that because you love me, but I, for some reason, for some reason that really bothers me.

So you've got to set boundaries with your mom. I feel like I've been going on too long, but we've got to close up the show. We always do it with a wrap. And that was that, and this is that. I don't really know what else to say. There's a llama and a hedgehog sitting in my way. I'm going to toss it over to Andrew because it's his turn. And you know what?

We've got lessons to learn. Yeah, you've got to tell your mom that you know a lot about tonsillitis and all the organs and shit. Tell her to back off. Say, look, Mom, I got it. Tell her, look, I could get into an R-rated movie now. I don't need you to hold my hand, you dumb

bitch. Don't say that. That was a joke. But if your mom holds up that Costco card again, you know what to say. Call your friend, Larry, and he'll fucking call her a bitch. Make sure you get those free samples at Costco. Yeah, get those. Those are really good. All right, guys. Don't be cut.

And we'll see you this weekend in Boston and Connecticut. I think tickets are still on sale. We are also on tour all next week as well. And up until July 4th, pretty much. So check out those dates and we'll see you on Monday. Jack Lemons. Jack Lemons. Different. S.

Grumpy Old Men. Classic. Two guys. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors.

And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated.

We're an army in comparison to him. From novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You don't need another podcast. You've got too many already. But if you're looking for one that actually changes something, a way to take control of the chaos and find meaning, well, then maybe the one you feed is for you. I'm Eric Zimmer, and I bring real conversations with real people to help you feed the best part of yourself.

No hype, no fluff, just wisdom that works. Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season. But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E. Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard

these episodes yet hey now's your chance you gotta check them out listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcasts

or wherever you get your podcasts what if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast. And now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season.

We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynchch delaney rowe and cord jefferson listen to mini questions on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts seven questions limitless answers