The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #226 The Pawing Starts

Episode Date: May 27, 2022

Andrew overcame a hiccup on the golf course that he's proud of and Nikki loved playing guitar for Besties for hours. They talk about work ethic and changing plans last minute. You Heard It Here First, free the nips and don't worry if your partner looks.Voicemails from Besties include a mispronunciation, gay dating apps co'uhls, creepy history and a ball duster! Check out Anthony DeVito's new special for free and get some discounted pod merch until 5/31: podshop.nikkiglaser.com.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch

your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast.

Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF. And me, Mandy B. As we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love.

Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry.

I really wanted to be a player boy in my dog. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and badder than ever.

I'm Erica. And I'm Mila. And we're the hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast, brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Yeah, we're moms. But not your mommy. Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened.

And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your tribe. Listen to the Good Moms, Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki.

Hello, here I am. It's the Nikki oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, You're wearing a Titleist hat I saw that hat on I think it was Etsy I was like I don't know Maybe I was looking No it was on Bet Yeah eBay I thought you said Etsy I saw it Etsy And I'm like

When the fuck are you Floating on a man's body Yeah that's what I thought No it said titties But in that font It was kind of funny Or titty list Yeah that's a cool font

I like it How much did that hat cost 82 No Like 20 bucks Really Yeah It's pretty That's kind of funny. Or Titty List. Yeah, that's a cool font. I like it. How much did that hat cost? $82? No, like $20. Really? Yeah. That's pretty nice for $20.

It's pretty nice for a golf hat. Yeah, no, it's a nice hat. Have you been golfing today? Yeah, I went out there. I just told Noah my whole debacle of yesterday, embarrassing myself. Why? Overcoming it? Overcoming adversity of the driving range. Oh, my God.

Wait, what happened? So we lost a lot of good men. They're floating at sea with their hats. Well, after I hit them with a golf ball when I shanked it. It is great when someone shanks it so bad that people have to duck. You know, like it almost hits other people. Right. Everyone looks around and the guy's like.

So what happened? Where were you playing? No, so, you know, I had, you know, I've had two different golf coaches. So my first golf coach that I left, you know, where I was scared to leave him and like I was embarrassed to see him, whatever. He was there. He hasn't seen me hit golf balls in a while. So you were nervous. Nervous. I wasn't even that nervous to be honest i just i just i did want to

show him that i was solid oh right yeah and um yeah and i hit my irons great and then it came to my driver which i usually hit like 270 or 310 like like really mean irons you hit your iron is great irons is is the metal ones. So the driver is what you use to do the first swing. Yeah, the driver is the first swing. Why wouldn't you start with that? Why wouldn't you say, like, the driver, like, if you're going, oh, because you were saying I did great with this. Yeah.

Got it, got it. So usually when you go to- Irons you do, like, later on? No, when you go to the driver's range, driving range, you usually start with, like, a 56 or a 52, which is a wedge. Is that a driver? That gets your swing going. 52, which is a wedge. Is that a driver? No, that's a wedge. A wedge is the shortest club possible.

So you start with the smallest and usually work your way towards the driver. You usually don't start with the driver because the driver is actually a completely different swing than the irons. Not crazy different, but a little bit different. So if you're in a driving range and you feel good about yourself it will not translate anywhere else what do you mean like you would the it just bugs me when like when you do something for fun and it's nothing like the thing that it is replicating you know like you're we're just using wedges and then we go out of there and we have to use this other club that we need a whole different swing for so like how do you why don't you practice with different clubs on the driving range?

Oh, I do. I do. I go through the whole set. I go from wedge to nine to eight to seven to six to five to four to hybrid to three wood to driver. And then I go putt. All right. Gotcha.

God, there's so much. I know. Okay, so you were doing good with that. Yeah, get to the core of the story. There's a really nice lesson to this besides the technical shit. I'm trying to, but she's asking questions. Should I ignore her? Yeah, that's a good point of the story. There's like a really nice lesson from this besides the technical chain. I'm trying to, but she's asking questions. Should I ignore her? Yeah, that's a good point.

Go on, defensive. Jesus Christ, I can't even talk about- He doesn't get to play defense in golf, so he plays it here. Go on. Oh! Offensive. So- Why does no one ever go, offense, offense?

Why is it always defense? Why do we have to cheer defense and not offense? I'll tell you why. Do you really want to know? Because offense is obviously like everyone's trying offense. No. Why is it always defense? Why do we have to cheer defense and not offense? I'll tell you why. Do you really want to know? Because offense is obviously like everyone's trying offense. No. Why? Because you don't want to make noise

while the offense is on the field. You want to make the least noise possible. So then the quarterback and everyone can hear what's going on. That's why. Je suis désolé, but... Can we get? I'm sorry. But people are loud as fuck when people are going offense.

When there's someone that's going for a touchdown or something, people are loud as fuck in the stands. Well, usually they're trying to be as loud as fuck to distract. That's so weird. I would not... If I was a fan and my yelling led to my team winning because my yelling distracted the other team, that's cheating.

It's so funny you say that. I just saw this video. That's cheating. There's a guy that shows up at every Vanderbilt baseball game, which baseball, if college baseball, a noise is going to stand out because it's usually not the loudest game. Because no one's there.

Yeah, and he whistles. But like an annoying, it's all about him. And he fucking whistles like when the right before the player swings but i just feel like anything you do it's like tanya harding shit like she didn't do it but like injuring the other side so that you can be making them worse through nefarious things that have nothing to do with how good you play because your fans are being loud and like waving around fence posts like yeah that's cheating they literally call them like the 12th man in football is when the crowd gets involved

i get the crowd being like encouraging i guess that's could be construed as cheating under this thing too but anyway go on with your story no so anyhow i i don't hit the driver well i hit it like 210 yards it's very embarrassing the more I try, the worse it is. Are you playing for your friend? What's going on here? I'm hitting in front of this coach and a couple other buddies that I know from the ranch. Is he just there randomly? He was there randomly, but that's where he teaches.

Gotcha. Do you kind of try to learn his hours so you don't go when he goes since you're trying to avoid him? Well, I usually wear a mustache and a rubber nose. Are you still wearing that right now? Yeah, I am. What are you talking about? A mustache on top of your mustache is a rubber nose. Are you still wearing that right now? Yeah, I am. What are you talking about? A mustache on top of your mustache is a blonde mustache.

It might stand out from the sport face. That is such a funny visual. Yeah. All I have to do is put glasses on to become that thing. It looks exactly the same, yeah. So I'm fucking playing terrible. It's embarrassing.

The more he tries to teach me, the worse I'm swinging. And I was really fucked in the head. It's like when you were on your show the other day and you couldn't hit the high note and it was really sad. Because you probably hit it before. No, no. Sometimes your throat is scratchy and it's not going to happen. No, I know, but you've done it before.

Yeah, but I didn't expect it that day. But I know what you're saying where you're like i could do this i've done it a thousand times i couldn't have done it that day because my voice was shit maybe i couldn't have done it that day because i had an injury or something yeah i had a big dump it would be the same if you had an injury and you're like well i can't do it's an injury but yes go on so oh i hate that when you're just like i know it's all mental that's why you realize it's all mental and fucking so i was like so i hit balls for like i'm not kidding like three hours like i just i just destroyed myself by like yeah and i felt kind of good you know like i i get i kind of have that

little bit of pain gene too i think you probably weren't um yeah you definitely do you weren't practicing as much as you were just like exercising some demons and avoiding like the feeling that would come when you get in the car and you're disappointed in yourself is that correct well I think what happens yes and I also what happens is instead of being able to stop

and go what is going on here why am I fucking up let's just back away it's like you know i'm trying to make an analogy to sing or whatever but you just keep pushing it's like when you're doing a stand-up show no i i know exactly this feeling everyone knows yeah but when you're bombing and so you push harder going and you should really just take a break oh i should have like went fucking meditated meditated masturbated any m with a dated i should have, like, went fucking. Meditated. Meditated, masturbated, N-E-M with a dated. I should have done.

I should have. So, anyhow. Emancipated. I take the rubber nose off. I'm like, maybe that's it. So, anyways, I fucking, I can't do it, and I just suck. And they leave even before I leave. And then I was like, all right, well, I was going to go to this workout class, but I'm

so fucking, like, depressed and, like, deflated. I was like, no, I'm not going to do that. And then I was like, you know what? Do the opposite of whatever is going on in your brain huh oh yeah i just answered i went to the workout class i got so exhausted the workout class i almost forgot about the golf swing got home looked at a couple videos of what i was doing wrong because like in the past maybe i wouldn't i was telling noah like you know you sometimes you just avoid it you're like oh i i suck i'm not gonna i'm not gonna attack more and then i woke up this morning i like learned i like really broke down like what the fuck i was doing wrong and like

i was able to use my logical brain where i wasn't just pushing and i went to the course this morning or driving range and i was like don't try to kill the ball just do it just do this look and i went to the course this morning or driving range and i was like don't try to kill the ball just do it just do this look and i was able to do it and it wasn't perfect though it's still not you drove all the way out to tree court no no no i just this one here in forest park but i'm glad that like there's two different ways to do that you know like you can either fucking just be like skip the workout class then not hit golf balls because you're like no i just suck i just suck i'm gonna suck until i take another lesson two weeks from now people like eat too much and then they go fuck it i'm just gonna eat everything yeah well

you could just cut the losses right now and stop doing what you're doing or like what like having one drink and you go well i broke the seal and then you drink all of it or like you just or you just give up you just give up right away is there something that literally everything everything yeah i do that yeah literally everything i even told noah yesterday when i went on instagram live she was watching i was playing guitar yesterday for you know like 40 to 50 besties given you know the time and i played for like three and a half hours something like until your fingers bled i couldn't stop because i didn't want to i first of all i didn't want to do whatever was waiting for me on the other side of getting off that like i would be alone my apartment's a mess i have emailing to do i have work to do there's just

stuff that's not like pressing but i should be doing and then also um like if i practice alone then i have to like really look at how bad technically i am at certain things and if i just like breeze through them i can just move on to the next thing and not like think about what i'm doing that's like not technically working for me so yeah like i and then i even told no i was like i feel like i just like can't stop like can you ever like not stop like i can't like i hate when i have addictive behaviors where i'm just like i can't stop and people even on the chat are like whoa you're still doing this and i'm like shut the fuck up like i don't know i just hate like little snarky comments that people are just a little bit judgmental of like yikes still going and i'm just like yeah i have a

problem they don't get it i'm lonely and well for one they don't get it but i was thinking about what you texted me about like oh you know like i don't want to like you said that you hate addictive behavior yeah and i didn't see it as that until until like you you mentioning that i because i don't have an addictive personality, I couldn't, I couldn't recognize that. So I just wanted to make sure that my encouragement was not something that would be enabling that. No,

I think she was nice. Cause she, no, it was like, no, when I was obsessed with the guitar, I used to just like stay in my basement all day long, like for hours and hours,

like start in the night and then like stop at 4am. And I would just put on my headphones and go into like a trance because you're just like obsessed with learning a new thing and playing yeah i mean it's partially that but it is partially like i'm always aware of like oh this feels good and this is distracting me from either feelings or tasks i have to get done and when i'm doing this it's like my phone is like when i'm on live no one can text me no one can get through to me um i'm like i'm in a tunnel i'm like airplane mode and so it's just like nice it's an escape and um i feel that way about sleeping i feel that way about reading books like sometimes i just cannot stop reading a book because i know as soon as i stop the world is

waiting for me but right now i'm immersed in this. I don't feel that way so much about TV shows, but I know that people do feel that way. TV shows, I'm like, no, my phone's in my lap. People can get to me. But when I'm reading a book, I put it in an airplane. I mean, that's why people play golf. That's almost 80%. For four hours, you can just turn it off.

I don't understand how people don't have addictive personalities. Noah, you're someone who suffers with mental anguish sometimes of worrying about something something why is it that if something feels good to you you don't want to keep doing it until it or it feels bad and you keep doing it so like yeah i do get obsessed with things don't get me wrong but like if something feels good like it makes your mind go like yeah i don't have anything to worry about like why not this is i just don't understand people that just go i'm good i have a bad joke about myself and it's just like i just procrastinate too much like i i'm too lazy to get addicted to anything it just it takes too much effort i'm like that with a lot of things

except for the things procrastination is what drives my addictions because I just – I have such guilt over the things I'm procrastinating on, whether it's life stuff where it's like getting a boyfriend, like whatever it's been, like anything, like having kids, like shit like that that I'm just like I don't want to think about all the guilt I feel about not having accomplished this thing or like not calling my aunt back or something like that that I just want to keep feeling like being

trapped in this world where my aunt does not exist when I'm reading a book about Columbine like my aunt is not have you ever put her in the story maybe I would just to you know take care of things not have to fucking deal with her anymore put her in the library around

I don't know 1245 p.m. April 19th or April 20th, 1999. It would be funny if everyone's like, what was he and Sally doing there? It is interesting like with addiction too where it's like, because so many people when they got great at something, they're addicted to it. I mean, you know.

Because you've got to get those 10,000 hours. But when you're younger, people are like, man, that person that person they work hard and then when you get older and you have real responsibility people are like well that addiction like what are they doing doing that so much gives you about being addicted to something productive like if i was writing for eight hours a day you'd go great because it fits into like things that's gonna make me money but guitar is not making me money anytime soon it's not that's not even the goal for it for you golf like it's not about this isn't gonna help your career it's not gonna help you know you start a family yeah and buy a house someday if anything it's gonna hurt that and like for same with guitar it's like yeah that's a key

if i was a kid playing guitar this much with my skill level oh great yeah so much time yeah but right now it's like what are you there's so many other things i could be doing and it's really about like i don't know i just feel guilty at every i'm trying not to feel so guilty like this today i slept until 11 45 i just kept hitting snooze snooze snooze snooze snooze and going back to sleep and having awesome dreams oh fuck so fun dude i what were your dreams i kept just going back i can't even talk about them they're explicit but they were so fun and i can keep going back in and that's the best is like i would wake up and go like no this life sucks go back and i would go back and it wasn't lucid where i could control it but like i got back in there just an orgasm for every snooze i wasn't coming but it

was just it was flirty and fun i uh i ate one of those gummies that you get um melatonin tones just one just one that's all i was supposed to eat it said i mean one point i think they're 1.5 milligrams i take 10 milligrams of that for one dose but i was out yeah it works yeah yeah made me a little tired in the morning but i don't think that i don't i think that could just be placebo and how much i worked yesterday on the golf range for yeah i mean but anyhow that'll do it yeah i just felt like last night i guess last night after i um finished playing so yesterday we did the podcast and then and before the podcast i had done some work i like justified like oh i get to i did work today like i wrote on i wrote my

i'm writing a like sample chapter for my book because for a proposal you have to write like all what all the chapters are going to be summaries of what the chapters are going to be then you have to write a sample chapter of like this is how i write and i'm trying and i was working with this woman and i'm trying to write about this experience I had and um and then I had to talk to I wrote down all these notes about it it's funny because she's like because I've had like days to work on this and I waited obviously to the hour before it was due 45 minutes before it was due well you had to play that last Taylor Swift song 45 times this was in the morning so this wasn't this was before then but yes um i waited to

the last second and then i will say that i'm so fast at working and getting things done especially when it comes to writing that people think i've been working for days on something that i've been working on for 40 minutes so i didn't lie but when she was like so is this what you've been working on the past couple days and i was like is that a lie to say yes because i've been thinking about it yeah and it was what i was supposed to be working on for days so i said yes and she was like it's amazing i you have so much stuff here i mean i wrote like so much but it was like 40 minutes of me like she was was even in the Google Doc. I'm sure she could see me just going like. And then I got on the phone with her and talked about it.

And it was interesting because it's like it's a story about. Well, I'll tell you what it's a story about when we get back from break. Andrew! If you're going down to Times Square. Take a cab, not a horse. Because that will take longer unless the horse is fast. That was, we're switching gears with those. Like, yeah, horse gear. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year.

It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah. Whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to

optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit

and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The more you listen to your kids, the closer you'll be. So we asked kids, what do you want your parents to hear? I feel sometimes that I'm not listened to. I would just want you to listen to me more often and evaluate situations with me and lead me towards success. Listening is a form of love. Find resources to help you support your kids and their emotional well-being at SoundItOutTogether.org.

That's SoundItOutTogether.org. Brought to you by the Ad Council and Pivotal. Can you hear it? It's the whisper of two wolves inside you. One says, you're not enough. The other says, keep going. You can do this. They're always talking.

The one you listen to shapes your life. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. On my podcast, we explore how to hear the voice that matters, the one that leads you to courage, wisdom, and love. It's not about perfection, it's about direction. Millions of listeners have fed their good wolf. Now it's your turn. Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Good people, what's up? It's Questo, Questlove.

And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody, every type of musical effort. We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements and some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers. But we also love speaking to the folks who are making it happen behind the scenes and they paved the way for those that followed. You know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations, like I'm Pete Bill chatting up with hitmaker Sam Holland, Sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe, and I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and The RZA.

These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else. So make sure you go back and you check those episodes out, all right? Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Wait, you can write a book about how to write a book in four hours everyone be like whoa isn't that funny four minute book four minutes four hour book god it's so weird time is weird because people are like work week how to work a four hour work week but that's great but that's where i then hustle hard when go, you work so hard, I'm always like, this looks like I spent hours on it, but I spent 40 minutes on it.

Like, that's where I get tripped up, where I'm like, I'm not going to accept any accolades, E.J. Glazer's favorite word, for me working hard because I don't... I just... Here's the thing, though. I cram really fast. Like, I'm a fast person, which is good. Yeah. And so I can cram in as much as it would take people to write other stuff.

But it doesn't mean necessarily that the quality's there. Yeah, but is length... Is length... I guess if you're working extremely hard for a short amount of time, is that the same thing as working... Yes. ...mediocrity for a lot of time? That's what I'm saying. Why is it measured by time? is working, yes, mediocrely for a lot of time, that's what I'm saying,

why is it measured by time, I mean like, I don't know, because nine to fives, I know, but your experience, like working on TV shows, being in writer's room,

and all that information, that you've garnered from your career, like that counts as time too, and that's, what like 15 years, I guess it's just because of, you know capitalism and making you think that like if you're not up at this hour and then work and

then you get done and then you get to drink i was gonna bring that up because if people they go to their office they sit at their office for the first half hour they talk to tammy about you know what they did yesterday what show they watch if they really how you break down how much work you've done or how we do it when I go into work zone it is no distractions it's a ton of you would probably add up 45 minutes of actual data entry work exactly so if they really broke down how much work they do I'm sure there are people being like fuck you guys I'm working the whole fucking time can i tell you there are some because yeah i had i had an issue at work a little bit ago like a while ago years ago and my therapist and i also had a lot of guilt and my therapist said to me this line that i constantly repeat

to myself she goes 80 of people do 20 of the job what do you think about that so that means that 80 of the job is being done by 20 of people yeah yeah so you're kind of most people who you're comparing yourself to is that 80 are not doing most of the work yeah i mean it's it could be like just their work habit or they don't make work a priority in their life. They do whatever they can. Yeah. Do you make lists?

I don't make lists. I sometimes think. No. I don't do that. But, you know, when I have done that, it's – I don't know if it's helpful. Like sometimes, yeah, of like things I need to get done. Yeah. I mean, I have a schedule in my phone that shows me like this, this, this for the day.

But other than that no not really i don't think i've ever written down a list i'm just wondering i mean i'm not a list kind of person i wonder if if you would accomplish those things if you see them written down i you just hear about it you hear about people like scratching off things yeah able to get them done more no i just feel like um like right two hours in your book right how do you feel like... Like, write two hours in your book. Write this stand-up. But how do you feel like when your apartment is a mess? And you like... I feel like if your apartment is a mess,

that should always be the number one thing you do ahead of anything else indulgent. And so anytime I indulge in anything when my apartment is a mess, or my room is a mess, or there's laundry that needs to be folded, I feel like I'm just being lazy and i'm just being not like a good human and like i feel like i'm just kind of trying to i'm i feel like i'm cheating

because i'm not doing what i need to get done or like i just feel like yeah being productive within a messy space like a messy space should be the bottom line like that should a clean space should be like people that have clean houses all the time like i envy you so much and i understand it takes a lot of work but i just you must be able to get and i know that they can't get a lot done because my friend taylor's like i envy that you can just leave your apartment when it's a mess like i can't function if my place is a mess. Like, it's OCD. Like, I freak out if things aren't in line when I leave.

I always used to get, because she's my friend from high school, she's like, I always used to get jealous of you that you could just trash your room, leave your bed unmade, like, and just leave and have a free day and not have it in your mind. So when did that change? When did what change? That mindset. Or was it, were you always guilty no i don't think about it if i leave but i will say that it like it i don't feel i don't feel

good i don't there's still this little gnawing like you're a bad woman because your place looks like a man's man cave who is planning a school shooting like you just your apartment my bathroom looks like britney murphy's like you look like you have a mental illness in your space therefore you aren't deserving of love i guess it comes down to like who would love a girl that like lives like a pack rat like that's a secret your mental illness is everywhere i have very pack rat uh yeah but you don't have guilt over it for some reason i have some guilt especially i have more guilt now that i live with someone that does clean yeah so like i'll i'm more on my shit to please her not so much myself but it is

interesting now that it's been clean for you know we've been living together almost five months. Our house is pretty dirty right now. And it does, like, now it fucks with me because I'm, like, tasting the good life now of a clean place. So I get what you're saying. Like, I do notice it more now. I've just never had it the other way. You know, my dad's the same way. My dad, he was an oncologist.

If you went into his office he had folders like i wouldn't want to be if his patients saw his office thing is i i lose stuff rarely in terms of like i know where he doesn't lose it yeah he didn't think like people don't you have a system i was watching tommy boy yesterday and there's that one scene where she's in her office the girl and he's like why don't you oh the system yeah why don't you have uh you know when his shirt his shirt rips off yeah why don't you have what are they called that you pull it out of folders and then you pull out a dress um violent cabinets and she goes because i'd have to open them it's just like it's too much time i know where everything is and she has a system and i was like that's kind of like the way i run my life except hers is an organized system with shit

everywhere but i i do know where stuff is most of the time but um it just and then i just realized when you're a messy person i get more done because i'm not spending time yeah organizing and folding folding laundry is it takes so long to fold stuff and then i don't understand when you're looking through the folded clothes you fuck them up like i can't look through folded clothes and not fuck them up and like even when i'm at the gap or something the store the retail workers are just like i'll just leave it i'll get it later because i fuck it up looking for a size whatever i have a brain where I'll fold the clothes. Yeah.

I'll divide the clothes and then I won't put them away. Like that's. Yeah, I do that too. They're out on the bench. That's my kind of brain. Yeah. I mean, what is that? Like you're doing every step except for the final one to put in the fucking drawer.

You know? It's because you feel like you don't deserve to be someone who puts clothes in drawers. Or to go back to the fine cow, I could just. It's right there. It's right there. Why do I need to put it away? Gaffigan has a joke about why his wife wants him to make a bed. And she goes, why don't you make your bed in the morning?

He goes, because I don't tie my shoes when I take them off. That's why. Yeah. It's stupid. Yeah. And then it's like, why do we have so many pillows? And she's like, it's for, I forget what she says, presentation. He goes, how many tours are you giving of our bedroom?

What is going on here? It's a great point. It's like, who's seeing my bedroom? Oh, throw pillows are ridiculous. That's why I love Chris. It's like, you know, our relationship isn't perfect, but when I think about the things I appreciate that I think so many other men or like people would give me shit about.

He has never once judged me about being messy. Never once judged me about like just the weird things he finds in drawers like a toothbrush with like spray tan on it. If you go to his place, is he really clean? He's clean. He's really clean. He's very organized. Everything is regimented. He has like two shirts for this and two pairs of pants for this. And like he's minimalist. He really clean he's very organized everything is regimented he has like two shirts for this and two pairs of pants for this and like he's minimalist he's clean he's

organized he loves label he got me a label maker he loves okay so then this goes back to the point of that you don't feel lovable if you're messy but he proves time and time over again that he will love you if you are messy yes so why don't you take that in because well i guess there are other things that i question if i'm lovable that he might have more judgment over than that so it just switches to something else where i think we do that in every relationship where the person you're with has some kind of irritation about the way that you are fundamentally for sure and you go fuck like this is just the way i am and you yes you can cut try to change and be like okay that actually is a detriment to my life and like I can see how that would be annoying I should work on

that but then there are some things that I'm just like I will work on them but while I'm working on it if if you can't accept me like I just know that I'm I'm not you. And this isn't about Chris. This is about literally anyone. It's like, I am not you. And I know you can't understand why I would eat that thing off the floor. Or you don't understand how I could change my mind about that thing that I said I was fully on board with this yesterday. And now today, I'm just changing my mind. I just did. I don't know. I can't explain why my thoughts changed. Those are those things that make you lovable because they're so

unique though yeah i just the changing my mind thing is something that is uh rattled my life in many ways of like i've just never been confronted with it just in a relationship setting of like me being like i want to do that and then the next day having processed myself like i don't want to do that anymore and then being like oh yeah i decided i don't want to do that and he's just like well i thought you wanted like where was this can you share the calculus that you went through where you were like gung-ho and then today you're not and i'm like but in my brain it makes complete sense that i'm just like i'm tired now and i don't want to do that anymore.

And he's like, well, how did this just change? Like, I think that makes people nervous, whether you're working in a business with them, whether in a relationship where it's like, well, I wish you could just going to change your mind on me. She's just going to like decide that she doesn't want to do this anymore, whether it be a job or a relationship. And so I think that's that makes people feel uneasy that I can so easily just change my mind about something. But I think at the same time, it's a huge attribute in terms of like, I am not stuck in my ways. I can be flexible and I can figure it like,

I can bend to whatever change of plans or change what might happen to our partnership. Yeah. I mean, being able to shift on any second, I don't know. People are dependent on that. I get that. I gave him an autism test. Oh, how did I do?

We didn't finish it, actually. Oh. We should finish it. Well, that probably makes sense. But we finished it. Well, because we pulled up to the hotel. I think I saved it. Oh, where is it?

Did I save it? We should do it on here. Because Bestie sent it to me, and they were like, you should do this autism. It's not like an official, it's for people that like have never been officially diagnosed to see like if they're anywhere in like the kind of range and it's kind of like an official thing but um one of the things is like one of the questions for the autism test is like do you get upset when plans change and chris was like yes like that then that was one

where i was like nah yeah i i'm just like okay that was one where I was like, nah. Yeah. I'm just like, okay. I mean, if I was like excited about something, sure. But if it's just like a plan, it's like, okay, we can just. And I think there's something nice about that. But at the same time, you know, I can see how it would be extremely frustrating. Jesus Christ. I'm going through my Google history. It is so insane.

Can you give us a taste or no um bare naked ladies tickets um dog meat um uh young harlot dp'd uh swift cringe uh private anal lessons well these are just like um private well that's the name of becca tilly, the menu for salt and smoke barbecue, Harry Styles, Harry Styles house, Harry Styles. And then here's the, here's the autism autistic test. And then finally I found it. It's literally like an ADHD brain. Yeah, I know. Um, well let's get to the news and then maybe we can do a little bit of an autistic test

at some point. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first. Oh man, it's get to the news, and then maybe we can do a little bit of an autistic test at some point. You heard it here first. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first. Oh, man. It's Thursday, folks. You know what that means? It is Thursday.

Apparently, you're having all the swells out there. I hope you are. I hope you have a great weekend out there, everybody, even the dogs and the cats and the parakeets. All right, back to you, Noah. No hamsters. Nope. No hamsters Nope Okay much to nobody's surprise A new study indicates that Heterosexual men

Act differently around women with visibly Erect nipples Wait what was that? They act different around She has erect nipples so you couldn't hear Men act differently around Heterosexual men act differently around Women with perky nipples.

Oh, for sure. When they're hard? Yeah. So here's what they found. Here's what the study had. Probably because you want to suck the milk as a kid. Ew, gross. I hate the word milk out of your mouth.

I don't like it. Ew. Okay. Stop. Mucus? Better. Honestly, better. Okay, so a part of the study was,

would men be more willing to assist women with nipple erection as opposed to those without? Oh, like assist them with... Save my baby. Yeah. Wait a second. So basically, heterosexual men were asked to rate pictures of women with and without nipple erections.

They were then asked if they would lend her $100, help her if her car was broken down, or provide tutoring sessions the male group was much more likely to help women with erect nipples particularly when the help would require them to be close in proximity to the woman with erect nipples yes okay and so what have we learned so and they also they said in social groups they would like more women with erect nipples so like in your friend group yeah like like just any social situation have been such a problem in my life in terms of like you people just find it so it's such a thing that makes

men uncomfortable because they feel so they can't stop thinking about it and it seems they think that it's like it's almost like um you know if you have them on camera it just becomes like an issue for everyone of like is that even allowed because they feel so horny and weird about it that they can't they can't understand like if this is like is the FCC gonna allow this like they just don't want to function this study found that men act more altruistic around women with erect nipples while women have the opposite effect. Yeah, women hate when... Well, like, we just hate girls that...

We don't like women that seem to be using their sexuality to get things from men that might be our men or might be the things that men would give us. I mean, it's about survival, and that woman might get something that you're going to get because mean it's about survival and that woman's might get something that you're gonna get because her nipples are erect and yours aren't i mean i um yeah but i don't think men understand erect nipples at all like i think they just think that any any woman can have them at any time first of all most women are wearing bras that

have enough padding that an erect nipple no no matter how erect, is not going to poke through. Agreed, Noah? Agreed? Most of the bras on the market are going to hide an erect nipple, right? Yes. Even if they're not wonder bras with lots of padding, usually a bra has a significant enough amount of padding that an erect nipple is not going to poke through. The one, when you do have an erect nipple poke through, it's because you're not wearing a bra. You're wearing a bralette, which is just a very thin layer of fabric that a lot of women don't wear, especially women with huge tits do not wear bralettes because they offer no support. I mean, bras usually are something that has an – like the one I'm wearing right now, Underwire, has enough padding. There's no padding, but it's like, you know, three layers of something.

It's like, you know, there's no erect nipple going to get through this bra. But if I'm wearing a bralette, that's when it gets through. If you're watching either someone, I don't know, doing stand-up, giving a speech, whatever,

and their cock, their penis, is clearly showing the intention of their penis, what does that do to your brain? It makes me feel like, it just makes me distracted because it's like having a stain on your shirt or something. Well, that's I think with nipples is kind of the closest thing I could think of of how I feel.

But I don't give men with bulging penises directions more than a man without a bulging penis. That's what I'm saying. It's distraction, but men, it's a distraction that men reward whereas i i would i would say women reward thick cocks and and pants i mean if you go on any tiktok if you see on any there's tiktoks now where like guys will go on and they'll show the imprint of their penis i don't think people go crazy women go crazy i don't think that's strange yeah because it's on a screen and they can't get you think Oh, you think like, oh, in person. If a man is asking for help and he has a bulging dick, you are not going to give that man help,

no matter how hot he is, because that means you're about to get arred, possibly. Yeah, yeah, I hear you there. I guess there's two different kinds. I guess not a hard penis, but like a penis that... No, like even a big dick. That's a guy that's trying to show you that he has a big dick and is too sexual out of the gate.

It's just, I don't think women who might be stupider than most, no offense women, but if you're like helping, if you're Gaga over a guy, cause he's a big bulging penis coming out of his pants and you're like more likely to help him find his dog or like carry something heavy to his car. You're that's Darwinism.

Like you're going to get eliminated from the herd because so how do you know what guy nipples yeah i feel uncomfortable when i see guy nips through a chair really i just never cared i feel uncomfortable seeing my own nipples and t-shirts yeah i mean andrew has nipple yeah a little puff envy so when you see a hard nipple through a shirt do you from a guy do you go god man i can never do that i could do the hard i can't do soft nipples in a shirt if you see the puffs no i know but if you see a man with like he has like pokers oh yeah they're good for you bro yeah do you think about it is it like a man with like the way the men i'll give directions to my house you go just follow those nips straight ahead.

Just follow my penis that's indented in my body. Wait, wait. It's interesting because guys, yes, they'll be more willing to help a woman, but I also feel like guys won't listen if the nipples are hard. I don't know. It's a weird thing because nipples have gotten me in trouble before with my ex-relationship. I don't know if's a weird thing because nipples have gotten me in trouble before with my

ex relationship i don't know if we ever talked about it on here but hannah burner showed up with no bra and i just her nipples were out i noticed like your girlfriend was there yeah and she's like how could you look at the well they're just they're just there did she just catch you looking at them yeah oh god i also was going, which was a little weird. Well, you were thirsty. But I was just like, guys can also see nipples and not feel sexual about it,

if that makes sense. Not true. Why would you disagree with me there? If I'm telling you what I'm telling you. Well, I mean, you're drawn to them because it's like a stain on a shirt. You're just like,

oh, there's something there. And you can not be sexual to them. But it doesn't matter if you're drawn i get it you're drawn to them because it's like a stain on her shirt you're just like oh yeah something there and you cannot be sexual to them but like the it doesn't matter if you're sexually women need to get over the fact that the man that they're dating is going to be attracted to other women you're well that's another you're such an you're an idiot you're truly an idiot if you think that once your man is with you they aren't going to be attracted to other women's bodies you're you're living in a fantasy go jump inside a disney movie you're truly there's no you don't want to be with a man who is not turned on by other women it he would not be turned on by you because if you disable

that thing that makes him attracted to you yeah you take away or that makes him attracted to other women you take away you can't just there there's no way a man is only, and if he says that he is and he's not attracted to other women, he's lying to you because he's scared of you. It's gotta be annoying to be in a relationship

where a guy will enjoy nipples on other women, but he'll tell you to keep your nipples. Like, I'm sure, I don't really care. Yeah, because they know that they are feeling, so they are so horny and can horny and are so turned on, but they think

every other man will not be able to resist and try to fuck you. Noah, how do you feel if Avi... You said that Avi likes certain body parts. He likes long legs, and you're like, I don't have long legs. Do you struggle with that if a girl walks in and she has long legs and you're eating at a place and long legs like do you struggle with that if like a girl walks in she has long legs and you're like eating at a place and like you're like oh god he's gonna love her like what do you do with it

well I kind of get excited like oh he's gonna he's definitely gonna look and I'm gonna see him looking and it's like an affirmation yes but again it used to bother me and then I really reflected on it and it's like well I look at certain guys and think they're hot. Like I still get kind of horny by certain types of guys.

So it's not fair for me to tell him, well, you have to shut your dick down and not get horny for a girl with long legs. I mean, that's just like, it's hot. I do not get horny for other men because it's not our nature. Whereas men, they have a different nature. And so even though that does help you let it go, there are some women that go, well, I don't. And it's like they truly don't get turned on by other men.

But I think there are some women that are so into their guy and they're kind of asexual and they probably don't even like their guy to begin with. Honestly, I'm being completely serious. I think there are women that are not into sex or men for that matter and are with men because society. That's what they are supposed to do.

Yeah. And then they can go, but they could still be jealous and fear losing him and be mad when they look. I don't know. I just... I think there's a different way of like seeing

when you're in a relationship, seeing something that's attractive that like there's when you can fuck versus when you can't. Not can versus can't, but there's a different way to see beauty. Sometimes I want you more because I can't. That's why I'm like, I feel like when it's taken from me, it makes me more like, God, I want it so much more. That's the same thing for everything. If something is like, well, that's special on the menu.

We only let certain people have that. Don't you want it so bad? Things that you can't have, you want more. But there's something with my brain. When I seen a very attractive woman, I could go, that's an attractive woman. If I was single, it would be someone I could possibly want to fuck. with my brain when i seen a very attractive woman i could go that's an attractive woman if i was single it would be someone i could possibly want to fuck but i really don't like either i stop my brain or whatever it does but i don't go god i want to fuck her like which i would feel more

when i was single no i agree so i mean i don't know what that is i think it would just threaten like yeah you want to fuck that person or like could put like everything in your subconscious is like fuck that but like your survival and your happiness is more guaranteed by it that would threaten your happiness with the person that's giving you so much happiness and so then you don't do it yeah it's not because you're not attracted to that person which is a lie that women have to convince themselves of to sleep at night but it's no, he's staying with you because you provide him more happiness than those pair of tits or legs that he might want to fuck more than you. Sorry, because you're old, like not old, like, but you he's already had you. Men like novelty. But what they like more

than novelty is integrity. And they like to be be and they like to have integrity and they like to be like well i did i chose not to fuck you because i love you and then you're you go thank you so much for not fucking other people and then they feel really good about themselves but that's literally the only thing men like more than new pussy so you have to be respectful of your man for not fucking other people because secretly that's what they want they want your admiration because they are they are stopping themselves from fucking other people for you it's the patrician neil bit i'm like they do it for you they're not fucking other girls because they don't want to it's because they don't want to hurt you so you need to be yes and they love you that they do and i think women go well you should

just not want to it's like the breakup you i want you to want to do the dishes well i don't and i'm never gonna no i'm never not gonna want to fuck other women but i don't do it because i love you i do the dishes because i love you not because i want to do the dishes and shouldn't that stand for something i think so i think if especially if you also do the dishes and shouldn't that stand for something i think so i think if especially if you also do the dishes and i fuck you you know that's a double whammy right yeah while you're doing the dishes while you're doing the dishes i'm never harder than when someone's doing a chore that i can't do yeah i i yeah i i yeah i think there's a lot of things that we want to do that we don't get to do that doesn't mean that you need to be angry or upset that you don't get to do those things. I was reading on Reddit about – I think I talked about it before on here.

It was one of the – it gets reposted a lot, but the question of what makes you horny. What's the thing that guarantees makes you horny? And someone said, when I know that I'm making someone else horny, I don't know if it was a guy or a girl said it, but like nothing makes them horny or than being, than turning someone else on. I think that I would think that's very interesting. You were talking about like fucking someone while they're doing the dishes.

I love when I'm trying to get something done and someone's pawing at me. Yeah. Like when I'm like trying, like, like we shouldn't be fucking right now. That's the type of porn I think of like, you know, the girl's stuck in the dryer or whatever. And she she's like but she's exposed in a way that the

guy's like you look fucking good and she's like i'm trying to get out of this dryer like i mean there's there is an element of like she can't get away to that which is gross but like the the thing of like no i'm trying to just do this thing please leave me alone especially when it's not sexual at all that's even hotter like the other day i was showing chris like poses that um like my posture that i learned from his guy and i was just having better like literally i was just sitting in my seat with a better posture and he was just like i could i caught him like looking me up and down which is like such a hot thing where you catch your boyfriend who's seen you in every position wait are you naked at this point no No, I'm just in clothes.

We're just talking. And I just saw him like – I was talking about the podcast or something, and I just saw him kind of like getting distracted by like – he's like, I like your posture. And then the pawing starts of just like he just wants to give me a hug, and then I'm just like, I think I know what's going on here. I just love that so much where you – Where his nipples are?

He has good ones, but I don't think so. Yeah, I just love that. I love a distracted – like I'm trying to get this done, and then they're like – I love the thing where you turn on guys without the intention of turning them on, where you're just like, I'm just bending over to get this thing. Yeah, I'm just like wearing edible panties for no reason um it is interesting because i feel like the other way around when you're with someone for so long like yesterday

i had a moment where i had food in my teeth and i did my i did my move where i grab any object that could possibly be a god what did you grab like uh like some kind of cardboard. A laminated ID. Yes. I grabbed a toothpick case. No, like the box it comes in. No, but I just started picking my teeth right in front of Brenna. And I don't think any – we've seen each other the grossest moments ever. Yeah.

And she was like, what are you doing? I was like, don't do that. She said to me, I go, well, what am I, trying to turn you on? She's like, yeah. Yeah. And she was like, what are you doing? I was like, don't do that. She said to me, I go, well, what am I trying to turn you on? She's like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, all right. So you just forget, and you sometimes will do things to turn the other partner off because

you're so comfortable. You don't know because you're too comfortable. You're too comfortable. I'll never forget living with Chris. And one time we were watching TV, and I was never forget living with Chris and one time we were watching TV and I was just being myself yeah and I'm not someone who like farts in front of a murder like does really disgusting things yeah but I uh we're I think I was trying to like get something off the ground like I was just feeling horny later on and he was just like I just just not feeling it right now and I'm like okay and I was like really hurt and stuff. And he's like, I just,

if you burp, I like, it's, it's hard for me to be like into you within like a half hour range after that. Like it just, it's just like a thing that like, I just, you become like a dude in their eyes.

And I was like, I burped in front of you and he goes, you do it all the time. And I'm like, what? Like, I didn't know I was doing it. Cause I was so comfortable.

Just like, you don't know you're picking your teeth. I'm doing something that grossed him out he can't help it like that's just not I would never do that in front of someone I want I would be very aware if it was a first date so why am I doing that in front of someone that I want to sexualize me

a half hour later and now I'm just I mean I'm still I'd still mess things up and I can be completely comfortable in myself. But that was a eye opening moment. And he wasn't trying to like shame me or be mean. He was just trying to explain to me like what was going on with him physiologically without it. What I didn't feel shamed.

I was just like embarrassed. Like, oh, fuck, I'm sorry. Because of course he knows I burp, but I can hide that from him if I want to preserve the sexiness in our relationship. He's like, you know what? We could do doggy for the first 20 minutes of after a burp but after that i don't think it was even about my breath it was just like me being like scratching my nuts and like i don't know i know it's pull my finger just do like it's too dude there's something so beautiful though about letting like completely being yourself even if it is gross and you still want to fuck that person.

That is beautiful. But what's the – I just don't – I don't care about – I can just be that way in front of my friends and alone. That's why I live alone. And if I do – and that's why I have separate bathrooms when he is here. We just go different places. But listen, I mean, he's seen some stuff and he can get over it you know like you can you can heal after trouble and it really does depend on how horny a person is

like if a guy like i i'm someone who will oh if i haven't come in a week... I time out when we have intimacy because I know that like, oh, I want to really... I know this night, I'm going to have a lot of fun because I have to, you know, I could... The dogs aren't going to be here.

Whatever reason, like my room's going to be clean. I'm going to have worked out recently. Like I'll have my hair done, spray tan. And I'm like, I want to have a good time that night. I'm not going to let him do anything before then.

Because I want him to be ready. Whereas I can go anytime. Gotcha. I feel like, yeah. I can be convinced anytime. And I think he could too. Like he really is, he's a miracle child. But, you know, if you want to have a really good experience, it's so funny.

You got to like, it's like hunger. You got to make them wait. You will not enjoy a meal as much if you have just eaten recently yeah no if i haven't eaten in like a week i mean brenna would have to do a lot to not make me horny like yeah i mean she could stab me and i would still why don't women who don't want their husbands to cheat on them just make them jerk off before they go out i really that is a true answer if you think your husband's going to cheat on you why don't women just go can you just jerk off before you leave tonight because i'm a little bit i'm just feeling insecure and i just want you to go out with empty balls well honestly because every time i read on instagram about like how do you not cheat guys go they masturbate before

they go out no but it's the same kind of ignorance to men not thinking other women are attractive you're ignorant to the fact that even with a full cup of balls he's still not going to want to cheat on you that's in your mind that's why you don't want to address it who is a sex addict and who keeps reoffending and doesn't want to why would the solution not be honey before you go out because you don't want to do this because when you have full balls it makes you do things that are irrational that you don't want to do that harm you why not go it's like gun control people think that if we get rid of guns it's not gonna if you can't get guns then you can't you can't people go oh the gun laws don't change

anything why did this kid wait till his 18th birthday when he could purchase a gun if gun laws don't do anything why didn't he do it before then you know so it's like hold on hold on because i think saying sex addict you're opening up a door for something else but like for a guy who likes to go out and get the attention of women and stuff isn't it kind of like you're telling him what to do with his sex organs isn't that kind of like possessive um i think it's just i think it is saying okay it's the same as if someone is like i don't want to drink tonight okay well why don't you go to a meeting before you go out it's a thing that will the urge will not be there as much if you eliminate or like i don't want to go out and binge like i have a problem with food if i wait to eat too long before i start eating if i'm starving

by the time it's presented to me, I will not be able to stop. Whereas if I have a couple light snacks in between, if I know lunch and dinner, I'm going to have a late dinner, if I wait until 9 o'clock to eat, I'm going to be so fucking hungry. If I have a snack at 6, another snack at 7, by the time dinner rolls around,

I'm going to eat a normal amount of food that's not going to make me sick. I'm not going to do something. So I think that jerking off leads you to go out. It's a snack. But that goes kind of against the first thing you were saying about not having him come so he wants you more. So what if the guy goes, hey, I don't want to come before I go out with three buddies. This is talking about a couple that wants to stay together. That's already cheated.

That the cheating keeps ruining them. Okay, well then that's a different story. Because I do think that cheating is not always about the guy doesn't love you he doesn't respect you it is about an addiction and i i know bringing sex addiction into this is like okay well that's a so many men are sex addicts and the reason so many men cheat is because they're sex addicts and women can roll their eyes at that but it is a true thing it's a huge dopamine hit it is like any other drug sex is i've been dependent on at times in my life to feel good like sometimes when i don't want to binge i just go masturbate or if i don't want to fucking starve myself or work out i go masturbate

it's just like okay quick i'll feel this really intense feeling that makes me feel great and then i'll feel calmer i mean that's what sex is so if we're talking about men who keep cheating and don't want to which i think there are talking about men who keep cheating and don't want to which i think there are a lot of men out there that don't want to cheat but they can't help it because sex has always been the thing they turn to to feel better about themselves especially in a relationship where they're constantly being harangued for being a cheater and they feel like a disappointment to their girlfriend and she doesn't even want to fuck them for whatever reason because she's tired or whatever yeah jerk off before you go out why wouldn't that

be a solution for couples just saying uh let's take a quick break and then just come back with let's straight up just go to fanthrax but what about sports no 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year it's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities i'm joel oh and i am matt and we're the hosts of how to money we want to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts

so you can retire early. Well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else.

Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The more you listen to your kids, the closer you'll be. Find resources to help you support your kids and their emotional well-being at SoundItOutTogether.org. That's SoundItOutTogether.org. Brought to you by the Ad Council and Pivotal. Can you hear it? It's the whisper of two wolves inside you.

One says, you're not enough. The other says, keep going. You can do this. They're always talking. The one you listen to shapes your life. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. On my podcast, we explore how to hear the voice that matters, the one that leads you to courage, wisdom, and love. It's not about perfection. It's about direction. Millions of listeners have fed their good wolf. Now it's your turn.

Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Good people, what's up? It's Questo, Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody, every type of musical effort.

We enjoy speaking to the people who were the face of some movements, some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers, but we also love speaking to the folks who were making it happen behind the scenes and they paved the way for those that followed. You know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations, like I'm Pete Bill chatting up with hit maker Sam Holland, sugar Steve chatting with the legend

Nick Lowe. And I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna and the RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else. So make sure you go back and you check those episodes out.

All right. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeart Radio app, Apple apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast all right and we're back let's get to fanthrax i'm doing the grape zevia soda Sodi How many Did the company send you zeves?

No I got them from Amazon Oh I was gonna say I mean the amount you've promoted for them I can't believe they haven't bought you a car I know every single picture I post myself on stage I have one in my hand

It's like come on Or in a green room There's like seven just laying around I know I love them so much Okay Let's do fanthrax okay we have so so many good voicemails so thank you to all the besties who are filling up our mailbox with them thank you guys uh let's start off with uh courtney hi nikki andrew and noah um it's courtney in rhode island um i just went to your show in connecticut it was

amazing i had so much fun and i go oh my gosh they were great i'm so proud of them at the end and my boyfriend was like you literally talked to them like you're friends with them i'm like well i am they're my besties anyways i did want to give you a little mispronunciation story that i just realized um so i was reading an article on the New York Times about this professor who had 10 year and, and I looked it up and 10 year is what I was saying, like the number 10 year all this time. And I thought you can only achieve 10 year after 10 years professor, if you were there for 10 years and not tenure like a contract. I had to look it up.

I had no idea. And I felt very stupid. However, I learned my ways. That is all. I hope you have a great day. Thank you so much for all that you do. And jacket. That's so funny.

I thought that 10 years, I always thought it was, you earn it through 10 years. How many is it? But always thought it was, you earn it through 10 years. How many is it? But I thought it was, I knew it was tenure, but. How do you spell tenure? T-E-N-U-R-E.

Yeah. How many, is it 10 years though? I think it's contractually. It depends how long it is. But I always thought it was, I guess, and I always assumed.

What happens when you get tenure? You get guaranteed money? for doing anything, pretty much. I think that's what it means to me it was i i guess and i always assume what happens when you get tenure you get you can't be fired for doing anything pretty much i think that's what it means to me with when it comes to like teachers and professors like they just can't be fired they're protected is it like rent stabilization or something do you remember like uh well i remember when teachers would take sabbatical and i would hear that and i had no, I thought that they would go on like a religious excursion in their life. Yeah.

Yeah. I was like, what is that? I never understood. Sabbatical, is that like, I think that's when they like go and they like study something and they write a paper and then they come back. Yeah.

Or they just sit on their porch and say they went somewhere. Yeah. No, teachers get, you know, June, July, August. That's the best part. They actually get June and July, August That's the best part They actually get June and July August is like

Now when kids start up again It's not Not nothing It'd be so weird To get a summer Like to live that Like life still Like throughout your whole life

I think I If I was a teacher I'd be like Well I don't have to get Second jobs Unfortunately That's what I'm saying Like how am I gonna make money

In these next two months Or do they get paid During those times They get paid Did I just say daring i think i said daring yeah it's contagious no but i think you were talking more about like how like scary it could be over the summer yeah so daring yeah yeah i dare you to not make i dare you i believe it's pronounced months it is nice my sister's about to have that time off. What does she do during the summer? She hangs with her kids and they go on trips with the family.

Do they have any trips planned? She's going with me to Colorado to go to Red Rocks to see If I Had a Million Dollars. If I Had a Million Dollars. And also Hey Jealousy. Yeah, it's going to be so fun tickets are like 600 i'm not

joking what it's insane it's truly insane all these bands you're like they'll never get back together or put out anything else they're just fucking making bank on some they should on their tenure fucking bare naked ladies okay next uh next fan tenure okay next fanthrax comes from jay hey nikki andrew noah how's it going love the podcast i went to the boston show you guys killed it it was amazing so much fun i had a meet and greet i was first in line to meet nikki she noticed my taylor swift shirt i was so excited but i was so nervous i was standing in line i didn't i was thinking over my head i was like what am i going to say? I'm going to say that you helped me through my eating disorders, my depression.

I look up to you so much. I walk up and instantly I shake your hand and I just say, you're so pretty. That's all I could muster. I had no idea. I blacked out. That's all I wanted. I had no idea what I said. So I really regret not saying more.

But that was amazing meeting you. I wanted to say something cuh, very cuh. And that's gay dating apps okay it's probably the same as straight dating apps honestly but all the guys on there are beyond okay it's just filled with let's talk about gym selfies that in itself is beyond i could never even fathom standing in front of everyone at a gym and point out my phone looking in a mirror and take a selfie especially the ones when they lift up their shirt like how could you not hate yourself how could you yes that's all i shirt and he was like yeah and um he was wearing i think it was the new red taylor's version shirt

but um yeah he was so nice and i totally get that of like being like what am i gonna say and then you like just can't i mean it's happened to me so many times in so many different situations um and yeah i love that made me laugh so hard i could not fathom when people are just like when you're just like incredulous about like how could you like i have that feeling so many times of like how could you ever do that how do you have the there's almost something like brave about it where i'm like you can board planes before me you have the courage to to take a gym selfie with your shirt up oh there's times where i'll do the thing that i find insane to do well we all know what you did in my dressing room.

Look, you know what? That was three times I got caught once. I know. How many things have you done that we have not caught? What's next fan threat? Oh, man. Okay, here's a suggestion from Heidi. It's a Nikki pleasure Heidi. It's the Nikki Kledger podcast.

Hi, Nikki. Cute. This is your bestie here reporting from Lone Rock, Wisconsin. I thought of you because I know you have a curiosity for pedophiles and their stories. Yes. You know, I like what you said when you said just because you like murder mysteries and murder stories doesn't make you a murderer like Wilds just because you're interested in pedophilias. Or not pedophilias, pedophile. Gosh, there I say that word four times.

Anyhow, do you know about the Children of Table 34 and the Kinsey Institute? Have you heard of this? It was a government-funded organization back in the 50s, I want to say, where they did experiments on children from infants to 12 years old and they would make them orgasm and a total bunch of just creepy dudes messing around with kiddos.

No! Creepy. Look up the Children of Table 34 Kinsey Institute. I don't know if I could do that either. But that's a good suggestion for my fucking sick interest. Just sharing one creepy pedophile. And you guys are the best. You get me through my tortilla making days.

I make tortillas and listen to you. Say hi to Andrew and Noah. Okay, bye. Hi. Was it Erica? Hi from Wisconsin. Hi., was it Erica? Heidi from Wisconsin. I wonder how many shitty things in the name of science has happened. So many.

You put on a lab coat and you can do whatever you want to a human. I know. I probably will look into that one night when I can't sleep and want a new reason to not sleep. And why Table 34? It sounds like a great Italian restaurant. It does. Can you imagine?

What do you think? I don't even know. I wouldn't even want to guess why it's called that. There have been so many experiments like that. Think about if that's happening in the 20th century. What was going on in other centuries in the name of Who the fuck gives up their

adopted kids? People used to literally think children were small adults. They used to think that you're born... It was a... This was up until the mid-20th century. They thought that children were just small adults. What did you say? People who need money,

these experiments would pay people to use their children yeah they didn't realize that children have like different minds it's so weird because when you're an adult you've been a child before don't you remember being a dum-dum maybe you don't live as long back then i don't know but they used to that's what they used to think where children were just just smaller but they have all the same you know cognitive ability it's very interesting and sad and god we're just so lucky to not be children at any other time um and and there's lots of children during this time that are not uh living in great circumstances the hardest i've ever cried on reddit or on anything

yeah reddit was yesterday no it was actually more tragic it dare i say then der der der i say dirt um it's hard for me to even talk about but it was a little girl that was like five being led away by an old man who her family had sold her to to be a bride and she was about to endure just like her looking back at her family being like why and crying like and not understanding thinking like that was the that was the worst thing i've ever seen literally the worst thing i've ever seen in my life it haunts me that little girl's face there's a video of it it was on cnn it's on cnn because they were just in a country where that's legal and the family was gonna starve to death they didn't sell their daughter and this man is so disgusting and pulls her away yeah oh that's it's happening right now. It's happening today.

And this girl, can you imagine being five and being taken from your family who loves you and just going with an old man who is about to, like, I mean, God only fucking knows. It's just so,

it's the worst. Okay. This fan took a turn. Thanks a lot, Heidi. Yeah. Let's go to something lighthearted. Let's go lighthearted, yes. Okay, here's a voicemail from Johnny. Table 26. Hey, Nikki, Andrew, and Noah. a lot heidi yeah uh let's go to something light-hearted let's go light-hearted yes okay

here's a voicemail from johnny table 26 hey nikki andrew and noah this is johnny from colorado into the mullet house episode you guys are talking about attractive celebrities uh yeah for starters for uh male celebrities Andrew, definitely in my top ten. But anyway, started talking about facial hairstyle Andrew had back in the day, just the chin hair. And we like to call that one the nut duster. So I don't know. Take it, leave it, whatever. Really hope you guys at least hear this

love you guys so much you guys make my day literally every day so thanks for being there you made my day I love getting hit on by gay men it really like makes me feel so good yeah you know when guys just have this part of their well you have this

just this which is the soul patch right yeah or just just a little bit the nut duster because it would just bump up against the guy's nuts if you're blowing him makes sense it does feel so good you know what as much as it feels good to get hit on for you by a gay guy when gay guys like me no better feeling in the world i don't know if that makes gay guys feel like oh am i just like a little novelty to you like it makes you feel like why is it more special when i like you than anyone else like i don't know if that's like a good singling out that you like but there's something gay gay men just have better taste well to me at least in my in my mind and maybe that's me like not really seeing the full scope because obviously on gay dating apps, they're lame as fuck.

But I just – when a gay man likes – because I feel that gay – heterosexual men are driven to like women by their penises. But gay men have no – like women are not going to add to their life unless there's intellectually stimulating or like, oh my you are serving girl like like so there's something more there's when you earn a man that is heterosexual to like you there's some part of you that's like he just wants to fuck me but when a gay guy likes you like there's more you're like you're like look it's either a gay guy or a guy that just jerked off like that's the guy that wants to find you that's so funny final thought my buddy Anthony DeVito can I just give him a plug he just put out his special on YouTube May 26th Anthony DeVito check it out whatever he has a joke about how gay men write women magazines and so like the hot women in these magazines

gay men are picking them out you know what i mean so like their idea of beauty is what so many women strive for so if they're if you're getting it in real life you're getting what you've seen in magazines your whole life yeah like high fashion is usually gay men pointing it out yeah but let's be honest like most women in magazines straight men would definitely fuck oh yeah for sure. I think that's more like high fashion, but he's right about that. Like the women, like some high fashion stuff.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I feel like straight men write Maxim. Like Maxim magazine. Yeah, but like any magazine though, like yes, I know that there's some like couture, like men are not like horny for couture. Yeah, there's some. Do you know what couture is Men are not horny for couture. Yeah. Do you know what couture is?

Yeah. It's tenure with a C. All right. We got to go. It's the end of the show. It's the end of the show for the week, actually. Is couture just high fashion? It's like, I think, well, couture is like, I think, made to, it's made for, it's like a custom high fashion. that's what i would think

it is i love that but it's usually like angular and like but i'm just saying like i know what i get what you're saying where it looks futuristic wow looking like they're bondage and like just too much and it's kind of like stuff that you can't buy off the rack okay you can't go to marshals what it is all right we gotta go do you want to do a wrap? I sure don't. And we're going to be off for Memorial Day. Just want to let the besties know. Oh, we're off for Memorial Day. My birthday's next week.

My birthday's on a Wednesday. I'm feeling 33. I'm going to be 38, but I feel 33. Do I really? No, I feel 38. But it doesn't feel great. And don't look at me like that with your tireless hat. Looking all cool like you just smoked a bad tea that's the what we used to call when we smoked uh pot out of those little uh metal straws yo yo yo yo yo hey if you play golf play nine holes

don't play 18 because you got to get back and drink the mean green. I'm seen, seen. I don't feel fiend. I'm a fiend because I get after it every day, every morning, and every night. So look at me in the eyes and tell me I'm not right. That's good. Thank you so much for bringing it. I've really been feeling really insecure about the rapping,

but I'm going to stick with it, and there are some days where I will bring it. I will bring it in the future. I'm going to bring it every time. Maybe some days you set me up with a weak one and then that will encourage me to do a strong one to close. Okay. Because I think I just need something in my soul. I'm just feeling a little bit like demoralized about the rapping but we got to stay with it.

We don't have to. No I like it. It's a challenge. It makes me feel awkward. I like it. Alright guys thank you for listening to the show. Have such a good it. It's a challenge. It makes me feel awkward. I like it. All right, guys. Thank you for listening to the show. Have such a good weekend. We will see you on Tuesday. What? We have a sale going on on podshop.nikkiglazer.com.

Oh, yes. So sorry. We have a Memorial Day sale, by the way, on nikkiglazer.podshop.com. All of our t-shirts are, oh Oh we have up to 40% off T-shirts and hats We've been seeing besties wear it This is the time to get merch If you've been thinking about it

Now's the time Free shipping Memorial Day sale Nikki Glaser Podcast merchandise It's podshop.nikkiglazer.com Podshop.nikkiglazer.com Up to 40% off

Podshop.nikkiglazer.com Go get your merch now And post about it Why don't ya Post about it. Alright guys, thank you so much for your fan threats. Don't be cut. And Jack of all trades.

What's his last name? I don't know. I don't know. Joel, the holidays are a blast. But the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel.

And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports,

and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love.

Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry.

I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From Novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tomer Cohen, LinkedIn's Chief Product Officer.

If you're just as curious as I am about the way things are built, then tune in to my podcast, Building One. I speak with some of the best product builders out there. I've always been inspired by frustration. It came back to my own personal pinpoint. So we had to go out to farmers and convince them. Following that curiosity is a superpower. You have to be obsessed with the human condition. Listen to Building One on the iHeartRadio app, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts.