The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #229 That Might Trickle w/ Taylor McGraw

Episode Date: June 3, 2022

Nikki's long time best friend Taylor is in town and joins her and Andrew in studio.They talk a whole lot about stealing and freight trains. Nikki wonders why Andrew left her birthday party early. In Fanthrax they hear about a guilty pleasure, a misuse of a deadly word and some fun facts about Pittsburg. In the Final Thought Taylor gives her perspective as the passenger that time Nikki hit a man with her car. Do not miss the video version of the show, subscribe to The Nikki Glaser Podcast Youtube channel now!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh guess it started in middle school, right? Yes.

It's Taylor. Do you want to say your last name? McGraw. Do you want to know it? Taylor McGraw. Yeah, I didn't know it. That's my secret. Hard C.

That's how I forget my best friend's last names. And then I go, do you want me to say it? And then I make them say it. It's a new trick to figure out your best friend's last name. What was that dog name in high school that would scare you from drugs or whatever um something mcgraw scruff mcgraw yeah scruff mcgraw mcgraw did you feel yes was there a face i hated that guy why did you hate he creeped me out he was in a trench coat he seemed like i was gonna say like the burberry trench It made me like No I didn't like it He was always sneaky

It was just like Be out and open Why are you undercover You're teaching us about drugs I don't know I just didn't like He always seemed like to be You know

Coming out of the shadows Or like a dark bar He was up to no good It'd be cool To just talk to him When you're high You know After smoking a little weed

With McGruff You know what I mean Like he seems like What a high guy would do to teach that's like probably what they can't how they came up with him when they got high what if we had a fucking basset hound in a trench coat dude and he like had a badge that he would flash is he on a leash no dude he is upright he walks on two legs he has like an attitude like a grizzled cop that's been at it for like 25 years who's like on the beat still and should have retired, but he's just too good to give it up. Maybe their idea was like, look, we're going to give to kids when they look at a normal

dog what they would see when they're high. We're going to give it to them when they're not high so they don't need to get high. Yeah. You got it all with McGruff and Taylor McGraw. We're going to give it to them when they're not high so they don't need to get high. Yeah, yeah. You got it all with McGruff and Taylor McGraw, her friend. Think of all the, like, smoky, the bear. The bandit? No, the bear. Like, any kind of, like, animal that they tried to teach us a lesson through.

Yeah, they're like, yeah, you're burning down my house. He just had big eyes. He looked like Teddy Ruxpin. He just looked animatronic. But I think they, yeah, he just wanted to prevent forest fires. I'm trying to think of anyone else. Dare. There was no face of Dare.

The only people that wore Dare shirts were people that got high. Yeah, it was like the first ironic thing to do as a teenager. I bought one. Wasn't there a Dare guy? You bought one? The day after I got stabbed. What? It's a whole long story if you've never listened.

Someone told me they were in New Orleans and they drove past the hospital where you went when you were stabbed. And I was like, oh, a landmark tour. Just different places I bled out. Taylor lived in New Orleans. Oh, you did? For a year. Just a year.

It seemed like you wrote a story about it and it seemed like the story I read, it felt like you were there for seven years. Yeah. Riding around on your bike. I became McGruff. I was very grizzled and leaning against brick walls all the time. How old were you?

Probably like 25. Taylor, she was just surviving on nothing. You were basically homeless kind of, just making it work. I had a home, but I had nothing else. I played car check. That's how I got money.

That's when you go and you check the door of cars and if they are open, you may steal anything you find there. You may. That's the law. That's the rule.

Wait, what did you, what made you convince yourself that that's okay? Uh, poverty. Some kind of animal in a trench coat. A crawdad. But you used to,

you used to go around, would you ever make, roller skating go around. Would you ever make. Scrolling, skating, crawdad. Would you ever make cars go. Yeah. And then you run. But, oh, no. What we would do, actually, is we would just tip a bunch of garbage cans around it and,

like, create a distraction. So they go, oh, that's why. Yeah. And be like, oh, I fell on it. What stuff did you find in people's cars? And what would you. I mean. You never broke a window.

A Big Mac. No. Like, we would I mean a Big Mac no like we would find like half a year or just straight up like cigars I don't know just straight up fresh my friend ate it CDs and stuff I don't know there wasn't like

that much stuff change stuff that I did I would sell anything if I broke into a car and a Big Mac was not touched I'd think it was a trap. Yeah. That's like the only thing you have to stop someone from getting in your car. Yeah, who's leaving behind an uneaten Big Mac? You're just sitting like dainty.

Where would you sell stuff? eBay. That's why I couldn't be a criminal because I would, whenever like I see these groups of people that are now going into malls and like groups of seven people and just like all of a sudden ransacking everything very slowly and no one can do anything about it. I get stressed out for them because I'm like,

oh, they have to list that on eBay. Like they have to list that thing. Like they have to look up the SKU number. I like really, I literally get stressed out about like, are they going to use eBay or Poshmark? Like I think of all the clerical work that is on the other side of them, scooping things off of shelves into trash bags and then running out.

I think pawn shops for that kind of stuff, right? For perfumes? Maybe. One time I stole a $200 bottle of perfume and I put it in my butt crack. I sold it on eBay. It was almost empty. It was the most expensive perfume in the world. Where was it? Lord and Taylor or

something oh so it was I would I would just steal the testers of the expensive for you hot stealing when I was five no I wasn't oh wait yeah I was I know Chicago by well what I did was I at some point i just became like sticky fingers mcgriggers and i just took a sushi and then just like went right outside and ate it and then the cop came around i was like you can't you just stole it i was like there's no evidence oh there is because they took me in the back and the size of like this whole wall i'm not joking was a blown up picture of me stuffing it in my purse oh my god God. I was like, I got it from CVS. He's like, they don't sell it at CVS.

That was like a rollercoaster ride at the end when you see the photo you put in your hand. Do you want the framed version? It would be hilarious to get a picture of you like getting caught like what? I did ask. I did ask if I could take a picture of the picture. Yeah.

He was like, absolutely not. This is crime. They just mailed me a ticket for that, which I just obviously didn't pay. Yeah, that's what happened to me at Urban Outfitters. That's the thing that happens when you start to just steal so much. You just think it is a thing you can do

because you get away with it so much that you just forget to have any kind of precaution because you're just getting away with things so brazenly that it becomes like. Especially when you're living in New Orleans. And you even phrased opening people's car doors like you may take anything you want. Like you created a moral rule in your head that it's allowed. Shoulda lacked it. Shoulda.

Didn't. You got to stop stealing. Do you steal shoplifts? Yeah. What? Taylor! What? Why do you do that?

I'm just thinking if I lock my Corolla, if you want to court. If you hate capitalism, you should. I don't steal from people anymore. I know, but like businesses are still trying to thrive and there's people that like. Walmart is trying to thrive. Walmart's driven. I'm the one who's never thrived. But you're living, you're doing a crime. You're living a

I mean, I guess you're being honest about it so you're not living a lie. No, there's no lies involved here. What are like things you do to make it look like you're buying something? Because this used to be the way you were in high school but we all dropped it and you didn't. Because now I'm old. No one expects it from you now no and i and i would just be like oh golly i'll like go into lowe's and like just steal every single thing instead of

buying it and if i got caught i would just go gee whiz i'm 39 prison that's not what happens well you're gonna get you're going to get arrested. Have you ever been cuffed? Not for stealing. Really? Can't catch me. I love that. You're going to get so fucking busted.

Well, now I am because of whatever copper here is this. What's the biggest thing you've ever stolen? Yeah, what's the most expensive thing you've ever stolen? Well, most expensive and also the largest. We're going to have to modulate her voice to be like, the biggest thing I've ever sold. Am I backlit? The biggest thing

makes me laugh though because you can't. Allegedly, what's the biggest thing you've ever sold? Large. I stole a car. I stole a cop car

and drove it around for a while. I put it back. I put it back in a different spot to fuck with him. Were you drunk? Yeah.

It was at the Jimmy, it wasn't like out on the street. It was at the Jimmy Buffett show parking lot, which I wasn't going to go in the show. I just go to hang out in the parking lot

and steal all the stuff out of the cars. But if you were stealing a cop car, Taylor, don't you know that that's probably a felony? She didn't steal it though.

I didn't steal it. I stole his badge. But you did steal it because you can. Because his name was Taylor, coincidentally. Then my friend, we would pass around. Stealing a coffee badge has got to be like you could be beheaded in our country. Oh, it's like hitting a horse cop or something.

It's probably on that level. It's probably really bad. So you didn't do that. You allegedly did it. You're full of tall tales. Tall tales. Wait, what's the most expensive thing you've ever stolen? Or like the one that you were like, oh.

No, but you did. I don't know. Why would you? Don't be, you stole a cop car. You have to admit that that is so dumb. If you had children, would you say, yes, mom stole a cop car? Please say it with some level of like, I was an idiotness. You're saying it like it was a normal thing to do.

I can't be friends with someone. The keys were in it, Nikki. It's not an How old were you? You are not allowed to steal a cop car. I don't allow that. I don't want you going to jail.

It was I mean, I don't even know if I was the one driving it. What were you doing? Why were you stealing it? It would have been funny if you drove yourself to jail.

You think you're gonna live because it was Okay. Actually, I'll tell you why. The reason we did it is because he left the lights on and we jumped the car for him. Oh, you were helping him.

Yeah, so we drove our car all the way across the Jimmy Buffett parking lot through. People brought sand. We were skidding in it, you know, like they lay out in the sand. Yeah, hell yeah. And coolers were just drinking everybody's beer. And then, so we decided to be nice

and we jumped his car, but then we're like, we're gonna just drive it around and then we'll say we were just making sure that it would keep running, but we parked it somewhere else. I used to do this too where i would always have an excuse for when they did catch me like oh i was trying on bracelets i didn't realize i left this one on exactly you know like i would i would create a scenario around we helped the cop in reality because he would have got out of the parking lot it would have been dead and he would have been in trouble you need to do better than this it's

you gotta stop like a pretty good j Buffett song. Stole a cop car just helping him jump. Stole a bunch of Lay's and coconut bras out of the backseat before we stole the car. Wait.

Okay. Are you at a point though when you're stealing that you do you steal now to resell or do you steal like to keep things or do you steal

just for the thrill of it because I do know that really? I don't think I don't know. I don't get like a a thrill i'm not like oh titillating i like need stuff because i'm impoverished usually that's true i just like yeah i don't mind for some reason i don't mind that like it doesn't hit me if you're stealing and you don't have that much money and it's a little thing here and there maybe some toilet paper a cop car i guarantee you it's wrong

i guarantee you through you can say whatever you want about capitalism and i'm getting back at the man but i guarantee you it's the man it goes down to hurt the lower class it's not trickle down i bet you the economics if if big companies are losing money because of people stealing stuff who do you think they're gonna punish in their company they're not gonna take a bonus they're They're not going to take a bonus that year? They're already punishing them. They're going to lower wages. And they shouldn't be that big of a company in the first place.

Also, they're never going to know. Oh, you taught them a lesson. Yes, right. Oh, Taylor McGruff over here. She's breaking down the big business. Listen here, kids. I'm an anti-crime fighting dog. Kids, you got sticky paws?

Old gumshoe over here. I just picture Taylor going to Ikea dog. Kid, you got sticky paws? Old gum shoe over here. I just picture Taylor going to Ikea and like grabbing a dresser and then going around.

I would. And around. And then just walking right. And ma'am, what are you doing? It's like, oh, I thought

I saw another arrow outside by my house. Yeah. I just was following the arrows. There are a lot of signs with arrows. Just continuing arrows everywhere. I just was following the arrows. There are a lot of signs

with arrows. Just continuing arrows everywhere. I just, then I went out on the street and there were also arrows there.

I made a left at the light. You asked. Well, I just used this eyebrow gel on Taylor and I was like, you can just have it.

And she was like, no, I'll get some. And I was like, I knew you were going to steal it. I had a feeling. I was like,

that's why I wanted to give it to you because I'm like, please do not steal from elf they they do cheap cosmetics i don't want them to up their child labor i don't want them to up their prices because they are cheap for a reason and i hate when i go in there and i see people have ripped things out of packages you're such a loser to do that like just buy it or don't have it like they're gonna be like okay st louis missouri on the 2nd of june somebody stole this brow gel which is three dollars we're up in the price but trickle down people do that because they see and it's just you you know well if everyone went out and

just like threw their shit on the ground it would add up to a lot of trash so you it's just it's small things please stop stealing What's the most expensive thing you ever stole? Other than the cop car, like you ever get drooled? No. You ever do a heist? No. Could you see Taylor doing a heist? Oh, well, the level at which it becomes a felony of like a merchandise? Yeah, it's way more than I steal

at once. You said you go to Lowe's and you steal everything. Yeah, I wouldn't add up. I have a vague idea. None of this is ad-not. Also, I'm not... I'm like a terror. My favorite 10 minutes of this podcast ever.

It's amazing. Okay. I mean, I cannot believe you've only been caught once and it was sushi. And you sat in front of the grocery store you stole it from and ate the sushi. Yeah. Because I didn't think there was a camera

behind the cereal boxes or whatever. I've done that. I've done that. Yes, I do. But it was not. There wasn't one. The picture was straight on like it was actually behind a cereal box or something. I don't know how they could have gotten it.

Didn't that make you worried for the rest of time that there were cameras behind cereal boxes now? I can't be living like that. Yeah, I know you can't be living like this. I'm trying to get you changed, girl. This is an intervention. I kind of like this i don't want to join where are you going later today you want a brow gel too no i want a golf club can you get an iron for how would you steal a golf club i just take it but just walk out no if you just if you just have some confidence they won't catch there have been times where i'm like the other day i went to um amazon to

return some like or not amazon but whole foods where you can return things from amazon and i got the wrong flavor of this protein powder and i see the flavor i want on the shelf and they're like they won't let me do it because it's the time has lapsed because i forget to return everything oh okay and i'm like i but can i just exchange can i just swap out these two do it no because it's in their system. It'll be like, okay, a chocolate one's missing, and now we have an extra vanilla. Poor Amazon.

No. I'm not trying to be like a goody two-shoes. I just think that that stuff adds up. You got at least one goody shoe on that foot. And it always trickles down to the people in the warehouses being punished or the people being like- They're already being punished, though. They are.

I don't think- Okay, so just add on to kick a horse when it's down okay why add more punishment just because they're already being punished that's a dumb argument i guarantee you if you ask every single person in the warehouse if i if i stole something if they would be mad there would be you can't steal from amazon i mean you would have a fucking field day in there oh oh amazon the four stars thing they touch i bet you steal packages off doorsteps. No, I don't steal stuff from people. And also, I only steal stuff that I need right now. So you really don't steal packages? Because that is like the most, that's like candy from heaven waiting for you.

I don't steal from corporations. Watch out if you are one. But also, I don't steal from human people. Well, I have a package room downstairs. There's no such thing as trick or ban. Sometimes I'm like, man, I could just take one of these and no one would fucking know. Then you're even more fucked up than I am. No, but I don't do it.

But there is a part of me that's like, I don't know any of these people's people. I don't know their faces. So they can seem as entity-less or impersonal as a corporation. No. Really? You think a person. I like that you have a little bit of a moral code. Fucking Peter Pan or Peter Rabbit. She a little bit of a moral code.

Peter Pan or Peter Rabbit. She doesn't steal from a small business. It's never a small business. Robin Hood, that's right. We'll be back with Taylor McGruff and Andrew Collin when we get back. Everyone steals a little bit at a time, but over time

does it add up? It doesn't when you subtract. Yeah. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money.

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Listen to the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect podcast network. The iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast or wherever you go to find your podcast. That mic will be gone today. All right, we're back. Yeah, just take a look of all of our equipment here. Because honestly, this is owned by iHeart. It's not even owned by me. Yeah, you can steal it from iHeart.

Oh, I'm justifying it. Well, they support you, and that might trickle. I'm going to get some trickle. It might trickle. Look, it's going to trickle to me or Noah. Nikki's fine. I love you, and Noah, I would never trickle like it's gonna trickle to me or Noah Nikki's fine I love you and Noah I would never trickle on you yeah I get it I stole a

Chick-fil-a sandwich almost in college almost every day from now you're talking tell me more I didn't even think anything of it but you grow up and you realize that like that's not the way you want to and you can get in trouble that can lead to like a lot of money being spent in court and arrested down the road. I don't want a record.

Yeah. I barely want an MP3. I already got a record, baby. I have Spotify. I don't need a record. Old dad joke. In New Orleans, though, you could do a lot and get it off your record. We had this lawyer named Fred King.

Yeah, because you have a rich dad. Fred King. Yeah, but you have to pay Fred King a lot to get it off your record. No, a couple hundred bucks. You're good. I swear to God. My record got Katrina'd. Well, he's dead now.

Your record got Katrina'd? Yeah, I had a record in New Orleans and it got Katrina'd. I called one day and was like, I need my records. And they're like, they are gone now. I was like, are you kidding me? They all got wet? Yeah, they got sapped. Wait, what?

I called the courthouse. For having jobs, you have to prove what your record is. And so I would call them and they'd be like, these are the crimes. And then one day I called them. What were the crimes then? Come on. Public intoxication. Hopping freight trains.

Wait, who is this hobo? I don't. Who do you know? Come on. Public intoxication. Hopping freight trains. Wait. Who is this hobo? I don't. Who do you know? She's like from a Bob Dylan song. Honestly. She was like this in high school and she's not changed. Hopping trains?

I didn't even think. I didn't want to know. How did this happen? And why are you hopping trains? It's so dangerous. I don't do it anymore. I'm so old and crickety. They're company freight trains, Nikki. They're not. Yeah trains it's so dangerous i don't do it anymore i'm too old and crickety they're company freight trains nikki they're not yes big railroad

you're not stealing from like a hobby shop big rr why are you hopping trains what's going on i i was a train you just pop right on pop the top because the top. Because it's fun. Oh, because for fun. Yeah. Was it you and your friends? Yeah. I love it. Because you don't have to pay, because you can go wherever. It's fun.

You go wherever, like you know where the train is going? Yeah, sometimes. You act like a hobo. It's fun. What if you fall off and fall onto the track? I would never. Well, I don't think anyone thinks they're going to do it. I don't go in a part where you could fall.

You go deep within. What do you mean? How do you hop on then when it's still? No, no, no. I would not get on if it's moving. Yeah, when it's still. You go to a train yard. I picture you like running.

Hell no. Like someone who's trying to say goodbye to their, you know, sweetheart going to war. Like, no, John. And then you jump on. No, I would not. I just love Taylor getting on there. I'm not danger. I hate danger.

Were there ever characters inside the caboose or whatever? What do they call them? The freights that were kind of scary? The boxcars, boxcar Jimmy Joe. Yeah, did you meet other hobos? Yeah. What? How were they?

We were chill. We'd just hang out with hobos whenever we'd be on the trains. Oh, my God. You'd drink Wild Irish Rose and stuff. I was probably seeing Bob Dylanylan so you got busted by the cops how did you get arrested for that because uh we're like sleeping on the train and these cops came they're called are you sleeping on the they're called bulls was this an amtrak railroad guys are called bulls balls b-o-l balls b-u-l-l-L-S and they saw

little heads pop up and he came over and he said are you on a sleeper car? Is this an Amtrak with people on it? are you on freight trains so it's like delivering goods and services eyelashes

brow gel you can't believe how good my eyebrows looked on that train call back we get on empty box cars or grainers Odell? You can't even believe how good my eyebrows looked on that train. Call back. No, we get on like empty boxcars. Or grainers are the ones that have like a little bed in the back. So a bull caught you and they're looking specifically for hobos like you? They said they put a gun in my face. They took a gun out?

Yeah, and they said, I thought she was the Mexicans that's been stealing my sandwiches. And he was like, but I already called you in, so I have to take you you to jail so you were the person that stole his sandwich out of his car but you were in mexican first of all there was no photo of it nikki what do you mean like her giant where she's eating can't prove it oh yeah yeah i love that yeah so did you go to the did you go to a jail cell yeah and what happened to go to court day of my life uh no because no i skipped out on that i went because it was so you had a warrant out for you because you skipped court for sure yeah well i didn't at the time i didn't live in new orleans i had hopped the train to new orleans and i was hopping it back and when i got busted so i was stuck in jail you were like gonna drive the train

to like st louis like go back where we caught it in st. Louis and rode it all the way just get on a fucking Greyhound bus for 28 bucks I didn't have 28 bucks back then do any but I had a Megabus scam that was so good what was that one remember that

yes I remember Megabus you could ride for like a dollar I decoded the like code and back then we didn't have smartphones so I figured it out you still don't have a smartphone by the way

yes that's right she has a flip phone by the way I did like the like dini nur math like where I put all the things on the wall and put like a string around it You still don't have a smartphone, by the way. Yes, that's right. She has a flip phone, by the way. I did the like, dee-dee-doo math, where I put all the things on the wall and put a string around it and I figured it out, the code,

and then I could just change it and then I would just show the guy the code and it worked every time. Oh, you took a photo of the code on the wall? It was free or it was $1. Huh? Because they would always offer $1 rides. Yeah, I was too slow for that or something.

Or I wouldn't have paid it. I would have done the code. I just didn't know you could make a code. I don't think anymore that you probably have to scan your beep ball. I think there's a part of you that likes being broke. You're like my mom. My mom could be a millionaire tomorrow, and she would still go to Goodwill.

She would still be like, Nikki, we can't get those pot stickers. They're $7. Not doing it. No, I don't need them would still go to goodwill she would still like nikki we can't get those pot stickers they're seven dollars not doing it no i don't need them you go if you want to get them i'll have a couple but i'm not getting them and i'm like you're a millionaire you have endless money like my mom yelled at my dad the other day for getting strawberries for four dollars ej why'd you get those and my dad was like it's insane nikki like she can't she's yeah it has nothing to do with the money every single

yeah it's like this obsessive don't you think you're like that you would still go to Goodwill you don't like to pay for shit

I don't think I'm like that you're not like as rigid raised with that but I just feel like if you have money you should

I like paying for things that I like supporting things if I can afford if I can afford them if I can afford them. But I don't know. I'm just not,

if you had, if you had millions of dollars, would you still be hobo? I don't think I'd ever have millions of dollars. I can't see what if you stole a lottery card and you wouldn't pay for a lottery. That's what I'm saying. You would steal it first. Wouldn't get caught.

Want a million dollars. No, I would still, uh, I, I would just, uh, spend it on taking my friends places and I would,

uh, yeah. still go to Goodwill the will what else did you get arrested for all kinds of shit like what DWI oh yeah well driving a train while drunk

beep beep conducting while drunk wait how many DUIs have you gotten two um and aren't those fucking miserable yeah okay well doesn't that feel as bad as getting caught stealing like whenever i've been in trouble with cops it's like it makes me want to just walk us follow mcgruff and just do what he says because i don't want to ever deal with that again. I haven't been to jail in like 15 years

because now I'm just good. Okay, so what were your DUIs like? Ba-da-bang. One, I was under 21 and I was not drunk. It was like a zero tolerance one. The other one was not fair because my friend, we only brought to this winery

because she didn't drink and then she refused to drive my old shitty car. She was like, I can't, it makes me nervous. So I drove it, which i only got pulled over because the taillight was out which it wasn't out it fell back into the car because the car was shitty wasn't my fault yes i'm a victim of circumstance yes you were a victim so wait your friend was hammered too and but wouldn't no she was sober but she wouldn't drive her shitty car because she was scared that she wouldn't be able to operate it shitty but it was't shitty, but it was very old.

But it was a car to operate. Yeah. I've never heard of a car eating its own tail light. And then they said, do the alphabet backwards. I'm like, what? I could never. I couldn't do that sober. Z-Y-X-W-V-U-T-S-R-Q-O-N-M.

Nikki's my DD for life. That's another disease. That's another reason why you should be a dad. I used to say that my mom drank so much that when we were little she taught us the alphabet backwards. While trying to say it forward? Are you really good

at walking a straight line? I don't know what that means. No, like she's trying to say it forward but she's so drunk. It's just like a thing that drunk people have to say

when they do field sobriety tests. This guy you have to do? Yeah. Andrew's done crime. I've done some crime. No, he gets caught because he does things because he's done he

does things that like he doesn't know are crimes like you know he'll get caught in fight or something and like get arrested for fighting like stuff the crimes of passion you're like i'm gonna hop on this little train that's passion cop car no this isn't this is no no no no no i i like crime i do i I don't. What? Yes. I'm not like. Reel them in. Crime is. It's kind of fun.

Crime for a reason. Crime's kind of fun. What's the last crime you committed? We're going to have to disagree on that right there. Last crime I committed. Crime is crime for a reason. It is crime. The reason's stupid a lot of the time.

Okay. I'm trying to think my last crime. See, you don't like crime that's why crime because you're an adult person who doesn't want to fuck up their life because crime it doesn't pay you pay crime you end up paying and you have to deal with lawyers and you have to like go show up at a courtroom at a time and like stand at a certain time it sucks i I masturbated on a dog owner's couch or something. That's not a crime. It should be. But sitting on a freight

train going like, wee! And singing Bob Dylan has a crime? Yeah, I don't get the freight train thing. I don't think that that should be a crime. You know why it's a crime? Because if everyone did it, then there would be millions of people hopping trains living on trains that are being used to carry stuff

that you can't take up space with bodies. What are you talking about? That's why it's a fucking crime. I think I'm living in a bizarre world that this is acceptable. I feel like tomorrow, if people go, hey, man, trains, open season, maybe 10% increase. I don't think. No. No.

Yeah, nobody would do it. If she's hopping, they're scared. Homeless people are going to be living in trains. Why wouldn't you want that? And we have a homeless situation. Because homeless people live on the street. They think they could live in a train, right? No one's stopping them from living in a train. It would be dangerous and people would fall into the train. I mean, these people

are drunk. I'm sorry, but people who are homeless are oftentimes being drunk or doing opioids to get through the hard life i don't blame them for doing it but you're not supposed to hop a fucking train when you're an opioids it leads to destruction and death and be able to clean up your fucking severed head it's dangerous there's crime for a reason i don't understand what you are this is like trickle up crime i don't like it i don't like i feel like heads are rolling everywhere i don't

know when i became no my point though is that goody two shoes but you're right now you're saying it's a crime that's why people don't jump on trains yes it's to protect us and to also but then you're also trains are there for a reason not for people to sleep on i know it's a business but the homeless people right now sleep on the streets and stuff you think they don't go on trains because they think there's a law against going on a train? Yeah. Because it's, yeah, Taylor got arrested immediately by guys that look for hobos on trains. Eating sandwiches.

They have a name. It's only because of the sandwich. Oh, yeah. He was mad about the sandwich. And it wasn't immediately. Oh, my God. Got away with it. Well, my birthday party was last night.

It was really fun. Andrew, why didn't you sing karaoke? We were talking about it earlier. I just wasn't feeling it. I wasn't feeling like, I don't know. I was feeling insecure about, I can't sing that well. Sometimes I get shy. Like, that was a moment, I don't know.

There was only like 15 people in the room at a time. It just felt very like, it didn't feel judgy. I just didn't want to, I don't know why I didn't want to get up. And then you left without saying goodbye, which is't feel judgy. I just didn't want to, I don't know why I didn't want to get up. Yeah. And then you left without saying goodbye, which is a very weird move. Why? Because I left. There were 15 people there.

You could just go. That was so weird. It was annoying. I thought you went to go play basketball or something. No, I was. I was doing that. And then. Text me.

You fell and tripped out the door. Well, you didn't have your phone. Well, I could have gotten home and seen, hey, I know you don't have your phone, but I left early. I'm sorry. I guess I could have done that. I just, Irish goodbyes when it's like a hundred people party and you're not my best friend or fine but like it's just weird it seemed like i thought oh no

is he mad at me like oh no no no no i mean not at all i was just really tired and uh and i just like i don't know like you were the exact reason i didn't want to have a party you shouldn't have gone because what are you talking about? I was very- That's what I'm talking about. No, I'm just saying because I thought my friends are going to feel like they have to go and they don't want to be there. And that's exemplary.

But that's not, I think you're- But you didn't want to be there. You didn't want to sing. Not true. You felt awkward. No, that's true. And then you left early. You're bringing up all the negatives.

And you were tired. You're bringing up all the negatives. It's because of the train hopping I rolled her up. You're not bringing up any of the positives. But I'm just saying- I was a great- negatives. It's because of the train hopping I rolled her up. You're not bringing up any of the positives. But I'm just saying. I was a great. Everyone was like, no. I was a great.

For the first, I would say 70%, I was extremely involved. Yes. And a great fan, singing along. Yes. Being the number one supporter, getting the party going. That's true. Sorry, too. I won't do that.

So then I just fell off a little bit. I was just tired. And it's a long drive. Yes. I had two drinks over the night. Yes. I just fell off a little bit. I was just tired. And it's a long drive. Yes. I had two drinks over the night. Yes. I didn't want to have another drink. And I was like, you know.

So you stopped drinking. No, I did. I did. Done. No, I did. And then I stole. I just, to stay there, you got to keep drinking. I know, but you're looking at a lot of negatives when there were a lot of positives.

Well, I'm just saying that everyone goes, no, Nikki, everyone wants to be there. And it's like, I just got confirmation. Someone did not want to be there. They left early in a sneaky way to not have to say goodbye and not make it a thing because they didn't want to be there. That's why I don't like parties. It's because of the expectation. But I think you're putting that on that.

I think the idea that I didn't want to be there, I didn't want to be there past a certain time. That's all. Gotcha. And then you were about to sing Stevie N stevie nicks and i didn't want to i don't know you were about to have a moment with your mom it just felt very like okay they're not gonna mind me being gone like i just didn't feel but literally everyone said goodbye there except you you could have just literally gone like this it's not like we would go andrew's leaving

why i was just i was just right before that i was getting shit that i didn't sing a song so then i didn't give you shit I just go no some other people did okay well that's not my fault I'm just saying if you want to know exactly what happened and I apologize for not saying bye I did say that that's how the conversation started

I apologize for stealing but you're still going to do it no I don't I am old where are you going to do it. No, I don't. I am old. Well, where are you going to get that brow gel? I can pay two bucks, okay? It'll be very embarrassing if anybody sees me paint. Well, I did have fun at my party last night,

despite now realizing someone didn't want to be there. Oh, my God. But it's okay. You did rally, and you were really fun. My mom did stand-up comedy. My mom was the MVP ofp of the party it was insane she is so funny i can't even take it she was doing she literally was doing stand-up comedy i was just giving her prompts to talk about and um she was killing i think i have to like get her into doing stand-up because it was a form of expression for

her that i've never seen and my dad was like we need to get her into doing stand-up because it was a form of expression for her that I've never seen. And my dad was like, we need to give her a mic more often. Seriously? Because she was just like, okay, what do you want to talk about? I mean, I just had her list all her brothers and sisters and then rank them from her face.

And that was pretty fun. And then she was down to do any of it. And then she was talking about, she was just going off, she was just telling stories and just being like, what are you bitches doing? Nikki. She was like heckling, yeah.

Yeah, she was kind of heckling. Chris yawned at one point during her like performance. And she just goes, wake up, like really quickly to him. And it was like really like pretty great crowd work. I was kind of impressed. So I want to encourage her to maybe do she did stand up that one time yeah but she had like jokes i think like this time like she just needs to like tell stories like i need to get her to tell stories and then because chris was

saying to me like i know it'd be annoying if your mom like started doing stand-up and i'm like no i would fucking love it i would love it maybe just bring her out on stage and do like a q a yeah that would be or q and on yeah q and q and a what do you know about q and i don't even want to talk about it that was my mom's like whole thing which she was she was getting a little like uh yeah i felt kind of cornered into having to she wanted like a political statement against uh yeah she's she is i'm just disgusted i don't want to talk about it um but she was she was singing a lot and she was also she just she wants to sing every song she just and she's taking singing lessons my singing teacher was there my art the woman that aria that

helps my mom and gives her singing lessons was there and like encouraging her along and she was singing like really hard songs was pretty impressed um but overall it was good uh taylor what was your favorite part of the evening um i i really liked what ass pussy done by nikki glazer yeah and your friend that was like very like a sweet girl she just had a baby it's um chris's brother's wife emma she has like a you know four monthold at home, and she was singing Wet Ass Pussy. And it was funny because Tim was kind of blushing at her husband. But she was smiling. And it's just so funny to see this sweet mom singing this song that is very explicit. And everyone can see what the lyrics are because they're big on the screen.

So this whole room of people is watching this sweet mother sing wet ass pussy. And we were going back and forth with it. And it was funny. Cause Chris goes, Tim, you know how I feel now? Like, cause there,

Tim was feeling a little bit embarrassed of like how raunchy Emma was being. And he was like, now, you know what my world is. And I was like, Oh, that's nice to see.

Okay. We'll be back with some fan threats. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year,

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Fanthrax! Fanthrax! Fanthrax! Fanthrax! Fanthrax! Fanthrax! Fanthrax! All right, let's get to it.

Noah, what do you have for us? Keep going. Sorry, Luigi. You can't get up here. Noah, what do you have for us? Sorry, Luigi, you can't get up here. Do you want to get up here? Come on up. Let's start with a voicemail from Luke. Okay, Luke. Noah, Nikki, Andrew, this is Luke from Lincoln, Nebraska. And I'm calling about episode 219 and 220 about that college in Canada offering that Taylor Swift class.

And I couldn't help but think what band might be least likely to have a class about it. And I couldn't help but think about my favorite guilty pleasure band, Third Eye Blind. Specifically that song, Semi-Charming Life. I wish, Stu. You know, I want something else to get me through this through this semi-charmed kind of life right so the music sounds so happy it's got that summer fun vibe yet the lyrics if you read them they're pretty dark and dirty um maybe a fun game you guys could do is play uh is this a third eye blind lyric or something

from your mom's adult romance novel collection I don't know just a thought so love you guys don't be cool and oh my god oh my god wait hold on let's look at those lyrics.

And I love that song. The sky was gold. There was a second to my nose. Okay, so it says, and I speak to you like the chorus to the verse. Chop another line like a coda with the curse. Come on like a freak show takes the stage. We give them the games we play. And then it goes

on to, the sky was gold. It was rose. I was taking sips of it through my nose and I wish I could get back there someplace back there smiling in the pictures you would take doing crystal meth with you up until you break i won't stop i won't come back down i keep the tiktok rhythm a bump for the drop and then i bumped up i took the hit that i was given then i bumped again then i bumped again i said how do i get back there too and then i believe in the sand beneath my toes the beach gives a a feeling, an earthy feeling, I believe. Okay, so.

It's about meth? This song's about meth. Yeah, it's about meth. Whoa. It is weird when you like, start singing songs and look up the lyrics to go,

whoa, this is what it's about. What did you think? There was some song yesterday that you were like, I always thought it was. Someone said they thought Hey Jealousy was Hey Chelsea. And you thought it was Hair Someone said they thought Hey Jealousy was Hey Chelsea.

You thought it was Hair Jealousy. Hair Jealousy. Hair Jealousy. I bet 20 bucks on it. I lost. Hair Jealousy. Okay, that was a great suggestion and I loved Third Eye Blind.

Yeah, what band would be your least... Like UB40, like red, red wine or honestly Maroon 5. It maybe like jagger is my least favorite song of all time of all time but they have a big catalog to teach maybe like a one-hit wonder to do a whole i actually like a lot of maroon 5 i just hate that song so much i hated that i'd like to know more about mr. Big. Come on, little girl. Tell me what you're up to.

That band's called Mr. Big? I think so. Whoa. I thought he was just a... What about Chumbawamba? Oh, I... Oh, the... How do you do a class on it?

What song do they sing? I mean, it's hard to break it down. It's like another language. I get knocked down, but I get up again. That's it. Dancing. It's pissing the night away, I think. Yeah, when you really break down that, I mean, what's that mean? She It's pissing the night away, I think.

Yeah, when you really break down that, I mean, what's that mean? She drinks a whiskey drink. She drinks a vodka drink. She drinks a club soda. She drinks a Capri Sun. We're going to need a professor to figure it out. She does stand up about her family. She does, yes.

Yeah. I guess that that would be my least favorite is just a song, a musician. I don't really hate any musicians except DJ Khaled. Okay, let's... Calling him a musician is just a song a musician i don't really hate any musicians except dj khaled okay let's and i'm calling him a musician is quite a stretch best class on earth though it would be the greatest because he said so okay um no uh next fan tracks all right here is a story from taylor hey besties this is taylor from chicago i was just listening to the reddit dump uh bukkake episode which it totally does sound like bullshit and i think i might start using that as a synonym for

bullshit but i wanted to call in with a misuse of word story i used to work at a salon as a receptionist and it was at the front desk one day and a stylist brought up her client to get her all checked out and on her way. And the stylist said to the client, like, oh, your hair is just so much brighter now. Like, it's very rejuvenating and blah, blah, blah. And then she goes, yeah, it just really euthanizes your look. And I had to sit there with a straight face. And it was honestly one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I just wanted to share that with you because it's absolutely ridiculous. And other people need to know about it.

That's so funny. But love you guys. Love the pod. And I got nothing. That's what was the days we don't either that's so funny I used to have a joke that I was like I when I played a care like kind of Sarah Silverman ish joke where it was

like I say things that I don't know that they're bad I was like I took my dog into the you know vet and he was looking old so I was like is there anything you could do like I heard about this thing where you can euthanize him to make him younger and they and so now I don't have a dog anymore and they killed him and i act like surprised about it yeah yeah but that is so funny yeah really euthanized you gotta correct people on that you gotta go and

it's so funny that two people that you listen to like they both think that that's a word yeah you could correct them i don't just go there are some people that'll be like oh i know or i they just wouldn't take it way well i don't know who doesn't take that well funny to go you just picked a word that it's not like it means something that is it means to put to sleep forever so it's like it's it's funny that that's a funny correction to make to someone i would i would think it's not like being like well excuse me i think you mean yeah yeah you think that maybe then instead of then yes it's not that yeah um but that is so funny and it does sound like it should be yeah you use for a second i was like what's wrong with that yeah right

but i like the two people were just like it does euthanize you but that does that does sound like a treatment i would want to have is the euthanizing face mask yeah it just makes your hair look dead i mean it's like botox because it freezes it and yeah it just doesn't move and you know that's why you look shiny with botox is because when you become dead your skin atrophies and it becomes very shiny and botox people you get a shiny forehead when you get botox because your skin kind of thinks it's dead. Oh, wow. I don't know the exact chemistry of it,

but there's some kind of thing about that. Have you ever seen an open casket? Yeah. With people in it? Well, there weren't because Taylor happened in there before me. She was open because Taylor, because it was, she used to crash for your house. Listen, if there's a casket that's open,

it is your duty to take what's inside. See all the rings off the things. His name was Big Mac. Wait, who did you see dead? I mean, my grandma's boyfriend, which sounds funny, but he was like 90-something. What did you think, though, when you saw it? Because I've only seen one.

He already looked dead. He already looked like... He already looked like the guy in Seven who coughs up dust and you think he looked dead. He already looked like, oh, he already looked like the guy in seven who coughs up dust and you think he's dead. He already looked like that before. Like he looked more alive when he was.

They gave him a little bronzer. The guy that, my friend who shot his, blew his head off, essentially. I could not believe they would do it in open casket, but they really fixed him up in a way

that like, he just looked very pale. Yeah. And like, yeah, it was creepy creepy but i couldn't believe because i was just like where where is it i was trying to like look for the well maybe because it's the back of his head yeah they could they can do amazing things i mean that's dark yeah it's dark as but listen um i saw my grandpa i was like he's not in there like there was nothing in there yeah i just read this really sad story about a woman who was like writing about you know losing her child in sandy hook and writing like a kind of a letter to parents that lost their kids in this recent shooting about like here's what i went through and here's what to expect and like she was talking about like holding

her child's hand after it was like and she was just like it's just it's they're not there they're not there I know oh shush I know children might be listening oh my god I got shushed recently Taylor had a great moment with your dad last night this makes me think of so your dad you know telling the story he's like I'm losing my voice but I'm also gonna talk the

whole time my dad was I mean he sounds terrible but it makes me sound kind of cool i thought it sounds like that so it sounds like he's drowning in mud constantly he's talking it's really awful he was telling this story though he's like this guy we were going around telling stories we were at the graveyard and uh oh yeah he went to his 50 year reunion and all of his friends walked around a graveyard to see their friends. He goes, they took him off life support, and then he lived another four years. And Taylor goes, that doesn't really make sense.

And you can just see your dad. I don't think he's ever been called out on the truth. But he did say that the wife yanked the cord like she was starting a lawnmower. That's what the guy said the joke of. So this guy got taken off life support which and lived for four years to then laugh about it he said three times no that did not happen first of all my dad exaggerates by 30 so if it's four years take off a take off it was a it was at least two years but not more than three there's nothing better everything my dad does is 30 exaggerated everything every number every

quantity every uh length of time any kind of number it's always exaggerated because he knows how to tell a good story is what he'll say and i say no you know how to lie constantly well it's funny the thief called out the liar you know oh yeah i know you have a moral code when it comes to telling tall tales. Is that what you guys do on the railroad? You make sure everyone tells the truth? Taylor's like, don't rob me from the truth. God, did you read the boxcar children as a child?

No, I don't read fiction. This is like Taylor's fucking shame because it's a lie. I hate lies. Wait, you don't read fiction? No, because it's fucking made up lies. But they're... You just read things that a lie. I hate lies. Wait, you don't read fiction? No, because it's fucking made up lies. But they're... You just read things that are real. I understand that.

I don't like fictionalized things either. But you have to understand... For me, it's not my preference. But don't act like it's not valuable in society. No, I just don't read it. Okay. No, I'm just saying it's not valuable. You only read books about like spider carcasses.

Oh, yeah, yeah. And how to pin them in a... Taylor's hobbies include collecting bug specimens, cartography of old rock quarries. This is real, by the way. You're like Lucas from that movie, Lucas. It's the Taylor shame show.

No, it's not the Taylor shame show. You're so interesting. I don't understand you. No, it's the best. But Taylor loves collecting bugs. And you make your own deodorant. What's the best. And, like, you should, but Taylor loves collecting bugs. And you make your own deodorant. What's the best bug you've ever stolen? I stole his life.

A scarab. Scrawl. Wait, do you ever kill bugs? Of course. Then take them? Or you think I just find them dead? Yes. No, you gotta kill them dead.

Damn it. Well, if you don't want to make this a shame show, we just walked into a territory I don't have a lot of. I don't kill dogs. It's just a little bug. I would protect you. It would go on you and you would be pissed. No. So wait, what do you do with the bugs? How do you kill them?

Pin them and I have a collection. Wait, how do you kill them? Do you have any centipedes? No. That's not an insect. I mean, well, I do actually. It is an arthropod. Yeah. Really? Is that right? Actually, I don't know. I only know about insects. Okay. Well, let's do, I don't know. I only know about insects. Okay. Let's do... And Taylor has

given herself all of her tattoos. These are all her own. She does her own tattoos with pen on the freight train. On the freight train. In a thunderstorm. How do you do tattoos? Body to mosquitoes and put it in her arm.

It says obscure facts on here. That doesn't seem... That's what I like. My dad was trying to and you got mad at him. It was the best. Oh, it was great. You have an apple core. You have something that says mag...

Maggots. Magic. Guess I'm not that good. Magic. You better euthanize that sentence. Oh, my God. Magic. Okay, let's...

Mitt says maggots. Final thought. Let's go to another Fanthrax if we have time for it, Noah. Yeah. Okay, so this is a message that came from Kira on Instagram. And you guys are going to be in Pittsburgh on Saturday.

So she wanted to share some fun facts about Pittsburgh. Oh, great. Please. Okay. Has more bridges than any city in the world, 445, which is why it's called the City of Bridges. Didn't know that. Okay.

Suicide joke, TBD. Yeah, which one do you pick? The world's first T-Rex skeleton is displayed at the Carnegie Museum of Natural History in Pittsburgh. Whoa. It was until Taylor stole it and put it in her living room. Taylor's favorite band is T-Rex.

Isn't it? It was at one point. Yes. Yes, score. I love that they're tying it together. Okay, how about this one? There is a gravity hill in North Park where your car

will roll uphill. Will we know who's probably driving it if it's going somewhere? Oh, it's just the gravity took it for a spin around the lot. I was borrowing it for gravity. Research. I was at a Neil Young concert. That's crazy.

Okay, so gravity doesn't work somewhere? You gotta find that place. The car apparently rolls uphill. Goes up. Maybe because of the moon or something. Okay. Any other facts? Just famous people from Pittsburgh?

Yeah, let's hear them. All right. Jimmy Stewart? You can stop. All right. Just kidding. Yeah, Jimmy Stewart. We like Jimmy Stewart.

You know, Wonderful Life. Harvey. I don't know that guy. What? I mean, I've heard his, you hear his name, but I don't know what he, I know he's an actor, comedian kind of thing. Really? But I've never seen his work.

Jimmy Stewart. He talked like this, I think. They all did back then. Coitin's for you. Coitin's. Well, you've heard of this, It's a Wonderful Life, right? It's a movie? Yeah.in's for you. Coitin's. Well, you've heard of this It's a Wonderful Life, right? It's a movie? Yeah. It's a movie.

It's another movie, but It's a Wonderful Life. Okay, who else? Gene Kelly? Oh, another oldie. Anyone within the last two centuries? Mr. Rogers? Again, what about

the last 30 years? Christina Aguilera? Oh, there we go. Come on over. Do you have any fameys from Port St. Lucie besides your boy? Megan Fox. Megan Fox. Oh, yeah. The thumb thing. It's something about...

Her toes are her thumb. No, her thumb. She has the same thumb. Yeah. That's a good one to have from your town. Where about from your home? Oh, wait. You're from here. Bob Costas?

I mean, before we leave, I just want to say that Taylor was in the car with me when I hit a garbage man. Crime. We've been through a lot. Crime. I didn't know you were in the car. She was in the car. Do you want to tell what your perspective was? We were rocking out.

We were going to an 80s game. Basketball game. We were dressed in like 80s because we were in the pub. And he jumped right out. I mean, I testified to this. He jumped straight out. That's why I don't like getting in trouble. I've been to court.

I don't like it. Which is why you don't start off 15 minutes saying you're a thief and then there's the person backing up your one story of when you killed a guy. I didn't kill him, I'm sure. He got jacked. Was he even really hurt? Yeah. The story's not adding up.

He flew a little bit. He did fly. He was like Superman. He jumped and was like literally like... Did he hit your windshield? Running mad. No, he hit the front of my mom's big ass Land Cruiser. It was, yeah. So Taylor, what did you... Did you say your windshield? Yeah, he was like running mad. No, he hit the front of my mom's big ass Land Cruiser. It was, yeah.

So Taylor, what did you, did you say keep driving? We started laughing. We used my mom's car phone. We laughed? Who did you call? I did. I laughed hysterically because, and that's what happens a lot of times

when you have a traumatic event. People just laugh hysterically when something weird is happening. Like that. I remember feeling really guilty. Like, why am i laughing but it was just so i mean i know i can remember exactly how we looked and it was funny yeah we looked we were in 80s gear and we were just like did you call 9-1-1 with your mom yeah

yeah yep and i was like there's a garbage man down and we got out of the car and there was a part of me that was like i should leave leave. Yeah. I should just go. I didn't think that. Well, that's what you think. Honestly, I understand hit and runs when people just run, because you're not a bad person. You just are so scared,

and you think they might be dead, so what are you going to do? I don't know. You do weird stuff. Oh, my God. My Aunt Sally's calling, and I've been avoiding her call. She gave me a card for my birthday

from my mom that said, pick up your fucking phone in the middle of the card you open the card it says happy 38th birthday pick up your fucking phone love aunt sally it was written in like jail font chicken scratch yeah like she's in a wheelchair and like can barely write and it oh that could be why not jail it looks like one of your tattoos um magic callback ham drip um any other um memories from our childhood that you want to share uh tree court days we were we used to like rule the roost at um we were the mayors of this place called tree court was it and we would just that's where harass people harass people yeah like the all the uh lifeguards oh my god we were so in love with them we would like stalk them and write poems about them and give them to them. There was one guy

that looked like Tom Everett, Tom Scott Everett from American Werewolf in Paris and so we called him A-Whip because it's American Werewolf in Paris. So we called him A-Whip and there was another guy

that wore sunglasses and we were like, he looked like cool, like vzoot suit riot. So we called him Swinga. And so Swinga and A-Whip were these like hot lifeguards that we were like

Did you ever fake like drowning or whatever to get them to like pay attention to you? Taylor got like one of the you started dating did you date Swinga? Yes.

Swinga! So jealous. And I remember one time I was like we were just I was so interested in sex obviously but none of my friends

were having it I wasn't having it and I thought Taylor was a little bit more experienced than me and I remember going over your house and being like,

what did you and Swinger do? And you drew a picture of a hand and you just circled the finger. And I was like, it was so crazy to talk about what we did.

I couldn't just go like this. I had to draw an extra hand. You couldn't say he fingered me. You had to circle a finger. Instead of just going like this.

Take one second. Oh my God. Well, Taylor's here here i gotta go um i'm going to another show i'm going to a radio show it's in chesterfield taylor's gonna drive me um i don't know how i feel about that but i actually do it's gonna be fun she's driving me in a car is it the one that she stole a couple years ago from new orleans no she had to give that back because it had a fucking siren on it this one's her mom's kia sorrento we're gonna have fun never let go damn we always end in a

sometimes i think about jumping on a train yeah but i feel like it'll bring my parents so much pain but i get back i sit back and i relax when i eat the sandwiches like a mexican boy who gets um told that he did it, but it was really me, and I feel really bad because he got hit in his knee. This isn't taken out of context at any point. It just sounds racist. Oh, does it? No.

It won't be taken out of context. It's not. Taylor, do you want to rap about literally anything? I'm sorry about all the shame I've caused the Glazer name by telling you all my crime at this very hard time. That's good. That was really good.

I did not mean to shame you, but I do want you to stop stealing and I love you so much. No, no, keep going. And I thank you so much for being here. Like, we've never had anyone this interesting on the podcast. No.

Ever. Like, I can't even believe how crazy your stories are and I want to have you back and I hope you don't feel like it was a shame fest I I can use a little shame every once in a while yeah well shame is my I that's what I I do to people yes it's what well that's what I love do it to myself so I give to other people quite often I'm sorry about that she's a giver but Andrew you should have said goodbye to me last night, but you apologized, so I accept your apology.

I apologize for my crimes. I was just bringing that up as a joke. I really wasn't harping on it again. I accept your apology. I appreciate it. Thank you. Is this still a rap? It's a rap as in W-A-R-P.

All right, guys. Thank you so much for listening to the show. Oh, look at Luigi. He knows when I'm saying goodbye. Don't be cut out there. And Jack. Jack thin eyes. What? Jack And Jack. Jack thin eyes. What?

Jack thin eyes. Jack thin eyes. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon,

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People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season, but, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Sheckner, Billy Porter, and so many more.

Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance. You've got to check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, and now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season.

We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. You are cordially invited to the hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing,

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