The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #232 So Tiny w/ Chris Convy

Episode Date: June 10, 2022

Chris Convy of The Courtney Show , E!'s Welcome Home Nikki Glaser? and Nikki's LOVER joined the pod. There was a lot of chemistry going on. We learn about chasing bodies and door etiquette. They share stories about seeing their partner in a different light, being telegenic and behind the scenes of the podcast.  You Heard It Here First, Nikki might have Witzelsucht syndrome and this podcast might be a band or a family. Or both? After discussing important "shower leans" they hear a voicemail from a Bestie which prompts Andrew to come up with a new monicker for the listeners. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Crumbs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast.

Welcome. It's Thursday. Well, it's Thursday to you, but it's Wednesday here. I'm always honest with you. We're taping YouTube to see that. It's going to be a couple of days. He's in St. Louis here with me. Noah is in Arizona. And then we have a special guest that, you know, was just a last minute add on. But man, have I been waiting for this guest to come on for a while. I have too. See?

It's such a treat for me. I've had so many podcasts since this person has been in my life. And I've always been like, you want to do an episode? But then like, you don't have to, but like, I would love for you to, and it was, it never really happened.

And then I have been on this person's radio show and podcasts, the Courtney show. Um, many times you've seen him, you can see, you can listen to him every day on the Courtney show, uh, podcast where you can find anywhere you get podcasts.

And, you can also see him on welcome home, Nikki Glazer question marks, uh, this Sunday at E on E!, which is the season finale. It's almost over. And saying that to him. And please welcome to the show my love, my boyfriend,

my ex-boyfriend, too. We are many things to each other. We've been so much to each other. Chris Convey, everyone. Welcome to the show. Oh, yeah, I was waiting for some... There's usually music and we just didn't have it ready for you.

Here, here. Oh, look at that. You've never had sound effects like that before. When the hell did we get that? Only for Chris. So Chris, can I ask? You've never done a pod with Nikki. Do you feel like if the invite was

stronger that you would have been ready to do it or do you think because it was a half invite like you could come on if you want or what was the it's probably a little bit a bit of probably a little bit of like everything it's like yeah how are we doing like yeah you know at that moment like how am i feeling that day? How much does Nikki really want it? And how much of it is her just being like, be nice to me about it? She she's I would never do it to just be nice to you, because I know that most of the time you wouldn't really want it. But you would do it to be a good friend.

You would do it to be like, oh, she needs a guest. Like, I'll do it. Or at least that's what I would think. Yeah, I mean, I'm doing this now because I want to do something fun with you, but because it felt like you genuinely wanted me to do it. Yes. And that felt really nice. Yes, and I do genuinely, well, when we did radio the other day to promote the show,

you know, this isn't someone that, it's not Kirsten or Taylor or my sister, or my mom even, who when they grab a mic, like, I'm used to looking over here and seeing the person with me hold the mic like this.

It's been good doing this show, you know, and like having to be Kirsten, you got to put it up. And that's not, nothing against them. They're, you have to learn in some way

I'm on a mic all the time, but it's nice that you would have been that way before because you wouldn't, like. Well, maybe I'm a, I've also been a television producer

for a while. So like when people, when people that aren't like you know you and andrew season veterans you know those were things that i had to look out for for people yes but you um but i also wanted to be here because this you and you and andrew have such a special relationship and this podcast and like the besties and all of this is an important part of your life and it's a big part of your life and you love it and so it is i'm i'm very happy that you wanted me to be a part of it so i want it i'm glad to share well i like hearing that you too it's it's very teary-eyed that's really nice you just wipe it with your bangs yeah that means a lot you better get me another pizza cutter by the way offended that every time i come over to Nikki's, pizza cutter and pizza tray

still here. I have a cutter at my house. That's why. So I left the cutter here. Oh. And she's a cutter. Yeah. I need a tool to do it with.

But she's the worst kind of cutter. She cuts in line. What do you mean I cut in line? That's like the worst insult I got in my life. That was good. That was actually good. Can I ask you a question? You like dad joked a cutting joke. If you go- You got it back to like clean. that's like the worst can i insult like i didn't mean that can i ask you a question if someone you like dad joked a cutting joke if you go you got it back to like clean like yeah you took it away from me cutting myself with a razor and you made it like oh at whole foods i

cut lines i liked what you did there it's six flags she wants to get on the rides faster can i ask a question yeah if someone you walk into a place and it's one of those places where you can put your bag down and claim a seat, but you're behind, let's say, four people, but you claim to seat first. What do you do? How do you handle those people?

Are you one of those people? I'm not one of those people. What? I'm confused about the scenario. Chris got it. So this is what happens. So you go to, let's say you go to a gypsy.

Can I just follow you and you just tell me where to sit in this scenario? Because I don't know where to sit. You're just a lady. I'm just a little lady girl. Who is this person playing? I'm a baby girl that doesn't know nothing about her. You're just a lady. I'm just a little lady girl. Who is this person playing? I'm a baby girl that doesn't know nothing about her show.

This person scares me. I know the exact scenario you're talking about. So you get to Chipotle. Let's see. And it's fairly busy. And it'll be hard to find a seat. And then you set down bags. So you reserve that like four seats for you and your friends.

Then you get in line. But in the meantime, other people are finishing and there's a system. I mean, it works out pretty well that people will be finished by the time you get there, usually. But I think those people are scumbags. What do you think?

Claiming the seat early. I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't do it. And if I did do it, it would be, and I saw someone, I would do it because we were a four-seater and I thought everyone in front of us

was not a four-seater. But then it turned out somehow that they needed those seats. I would give them to them. Yeah, if there's a way, if you're being thoughtful and you figured out the math or something, then yeah.

Or in like a, you know, when... I'll tell you what I am. What are you? If I'm pulling up to a Chipotle and I can tell that there's another car that's parking at the same time as me pulling up to Chipotle and I will run into the store.

I will run to beat them into it. I think that's acceptable. Get in front of them. That's acceptable, I think. I'm already a fast walker. That's acceptable. Okay, okay. That's acceptable.

What about a movie theater? I'll shove them out of the way. Would you not hold the door? Oh, so you're not, what are you going to do? Hold the door for someone that's behind you? I'll make it look like

it was not planned. You hold the door like this. No, you hold the door where you go in first but then you let them come in, but you're ahead of them. The double push while you're walking in. How dare you hold the door for someone, and they walk in, and then they get in line,

and you go in behind. Unacceptable. You should be public executions. I just saw someone at a Trump rally say that, so that's why it's on my mind. What about a movie theater? I think movie theater rules are different. Like if you've got three people you're going to the movie with and you've got,

you know, you and three other people and two of you are there, you can save two seats. I think. Yes, I agree. Even if a prime, I'm with,

I'm with you on that. Here's my thing. I would, if it was a really packed theater and they're pretty late, sorry, your friend's gonna have to sit alone two and two if you were a one person

saving for two more people I am I'm probably gonna say okay wait for your friends because you need a friend sir but if you already got someone with you and you're trying to save for two more people you guys gotta split up

sorry they're late I don't think I don't agree with that two and I think two people saving for two other people you and I should go to the theater

no unless we're together no more maverick nights for us. First of all, I got to see that. I mean, I got the stash and everything. I'm ready to go. Oh, yeah. You're ready for Maverick.

Yeah. I can't stop thinking about what's in there. If they're late. Wait, what? If they're late. Wait, one sec. I don't know what she said. Did you just tell me the end?

No, no, no. I talked the next day about it, and I was like, that hangman guy was pretty cute. Like, the new guy, the asshole guy. I don't remember you saying that to me. I didn't say it to you, but I was going to say it to you at some point. Someone got hung? I said to you now. I could see his appeal. He was a cutie.

I could see his appeal, but he isn't. You sensed it. At some point, you kind of went like this with your hand, and you covered up his torso. I do this thing when guys that are better looking than me come on screen no no one is and then i'll put my hands over nikki's eyes like she's and i've seen something pornographic i just did it to like fast fast jets in the movie like when they would go too fast because i know that that's what he was like lewis hamilton there is something about those things that i'm like yeah they're f1 cars with with wings exactly yeah exactly but yeah this guy by the way oh yeah that's that's i kind of like that story too Those things that I'm like... Yeah, they're F1 cars with wings. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly.

But yeah, this guy, by the way... Oh, yeah. I kind of like that story, too. Great looking guy. That got me a little bit horny. We were chasing each other in the gym. So we went to the same gym in Los Angeles. They were chasing the same body. We were chasing the same body, is what I told Nikki.

And he beat me by a mile. Wait, was he at the... So there's this gym in Los Angeles. It's amazing. Oh, okay. So the guy that was in the movie was at your gym in L.S. Training for that movie when Chris was still living there.

So it was a while ago. So at one point, I was like, I had a good, consistent job in Los Angeles and I was like, I'm gonna see if I could get this kind of trainer

that could transform me into a different... A fighter pilot. Yeah, a fighter pilot, essentially. And there's this gym in Los Angeles where literally they they they teach you how to eat they they do all of these things it's wildly expensive but they had like a bunch of famous clients that were training for movies and one of them was this guy and so me and this dude are literally doing the exact same exercises chasing the same body at the same time and i'm looking over at him and i'm like

it gave me some motivation to be like i'm and then they would be like he's going to be in that new top gun movie and this is like this isn't 2017 motivation though i yeah i like i like when you chase a body like you you're getting in shape right now because you're going on a bike tour yeah i am toward of but has andrew you have you chased he chased i've chased bodies like i've chased so many chasing a body i've typed in so many different actors workouts and they're like their clothing their the drinks they drink the the sponsorships that yeah yeah like i definitely like i've typed in daniel craig uh coming out of the ocean and 007 i mean is that the hottest photo?

In the little gray pants? I mean, I know the photo, but it is not as resonant to me as it is with you guys. I mean, that's the perfect body. Because he's muscular, but he's not. But he is. What?

Really? If you ever move back to Los Angeles. I'm ready. Let's change that body. You can go to this place, Ultimate Performance. I'm telling you, these guys, they're the solution for people that are looking for that what happened to you he moved back to st louis and ate toasted ravioli i was chasing you you always you get

into these like shapes that i really i do i do i oh i see you transform all the time and it's guys can transform very easily. Dude, we were talking about it on the podcast this week because he just shaved his mustache. I love a new guy that shows up in my boyfriend. All of a sudden, you shave your facial hair, and I'm like, who's this guy? Who's this guy?

Who's this turkey? It brings a fun element to it. Well, you had a beard for a little while. You don't come off as a beard man. You have a beard now. Well, I don't know what to say. It's a hot 5 o'clock shadow me and chris are just okay flirting way more about the mustache situation yeah i just trimmed it for brina as a

joke and she likes it and so he kept it he did as a joke and then i did and her dad was in town the last two days so i kind of does he like it too i think he he was he's in he actually flew f you and his dad are the same age no i'm older'm older. Okay. Yeah, he flew behind me. Yeah, I taught him. Noah liked it. Yeah, yeah. So he, it's cool. Like, you know, I, no, is your guy ever chasing a body?

Yes, he does. He's an Israeli machine. Or no, he's not Israeli. Noah's Israeli. So when you told the story of men changing their facial hair, I remember something at the pandemic where usually I would agree with that. But so Avi, he's bald. So at the start of the pandemic, he had a beard and a bald head.

And one day he comes out of the shower. His hair was kind of grown out on the sides. And he shaved his beard. And he just looked like this Polish man that walked off the street into the apartment and i was like who are you you want to be married to me you weren't you were like you thought there was a home invasion you weren't like this is like a sexy new guy showing up yeah we lived in greenpoint you know it's like highly so funny so many yeah very polish oh my god that's so funny great pierogies in green i lived in green i mean i'm trying to think if there's ever a time where i've looked like that drastically different to you uh

i know a time oh wait i know a time oh my god i can't believe i just set me up yeah that's insane she looked way better after she got hit by a car oh my god what did i call you either called you there's two women who like have been like who have helped apes out one's jane goodall did i call you goodall or did i know i know i know your relationship i know when it was yeah you know thailand yeah yeah yes i was i i didn't wasn't expecting to see him and he would surprise me and I know it. I know your relationship. I know when it was. Yeah, you know. Thailand. Yeah, it was. Yeah. Yes. I wasn't expecting to see him, and he would surprise me. And I didn't know that he was going to be at the airport. And I thought I had at least 18 hours to get gussied up and to look presentable to this

person. I had just started dating, and I flew on China Eastern Air. It was the worst fucking airline of my life. I land. It's my birthday I'm tired I am bedraggled I and then yeah and then I felt like I had so much

time I get to go get picked up at the airport Chris said there's gonna be a person there to pick me up bring us to the resort he'll be there tomorrow and of course there's three Thai women that work for the airline holding a cake and they come up to me and they start quietly singing happy birthday a cake with candles

so Nikki got off the plane and I could see them and I wanted these women who worked at the airlines that were amazing these Thai women were just so nice and friendly I was like hey when my girlfriend gets off the plane can we sing her happy birthday and give her this cake and make her feel really special when she gets off the plane and they're like yeah great

show me a picture we'll like see if we can find her show me a picture and like nikki was on like a you know a big mtv show at that point called nikki and sarah and so i just pulled up one of it was the quickest thing i had like nikki on the show just like this is prime nikki yeah yes and um my body in a, in a, in a, you know, a ravine would have been more recognizable than what I showed up as. So,

so they, somebody was like, I think I see her. And I'm like, no, that's not her. They were asking for my dental records to confirm that this was me. And so then they're,

they're looking for her and they're, let me see the picture. And they're looking and I'm like, that's her. That's her. And they're like, no, it's not.

And, and I'm like, that, that's, that's her. That's Nikki. And, and she's looking and i'm like that's her that's her and they're like no it's not and and i'm like that that's that's her that's nikki and and she's like they're like that what did they say anything no she's like they were just incredulous yeah they were like i don't think that's her and i'm like that's her and nikki looked like she she was she'd been on a plane for 26 hours or whatever it was layovers and all these things and she looked like she'd either been at like a dave matthews concert or maybe like things. And she looked like she'd either been at like a Dave Matthews concert or maybe like in the woods helping apes for six months.

Yeah. And like super comfortable, flowy stuff. Studying their movements, living amongst them, eating with them. So knowing how you felt you looked. I dropped to the floor.

Yes. And I went into a tiny ball to hide my face so that he couldn't see. And I just said, no, no, no. And then I had the same thing that happens every birthday where I feel bad that I'm not being appreciative enough. And I'm rejecting this nice thing.

So then I'm like, well, it's a good surprise. And I have to be happy about this. And I do want to see him. But you can't see me like this. You won't marry me. It's like seeing a wedding dress before him. But except you won't want to marry me, not out of bad luck, but because this is how I look. Maybe it's like seeing a wedding dress beforehand but except you won't want to marry me not out of bad luck but because this is how i look maybe it's like a frog turning into a princess situation so i just i just talked to you like this i was like hi and i was just like i'm

so embarrassed and you were so sweet and then later on when i like returned to my normal self you we were able to joke about like yeah it was rough oh that it was, that it was rough for you? No, that I looked rough. Like you were so sweet about it. You weren't like, oh, you weren't like mean about like, well, you look weird. You were so sweet. But then later on in retrospect, you could be like, yeah, it was shocking.

I don't know if I said that exactly. It was an acknowledgement that we could all not look our best sometimes. And maybe that was not Nikki's best look. It was a good message because we can all not look our best sometimes and maybe that was not Nikki's best look it was a good message because we can all not look our best and I remember one time in particular in our relationship where I felt so great because I I don't know what happened I still don't to this day I had about of the worst acne like cystic like acne at like the that I've never had in my life everywhere and just these big

and they and they wouldn't heal they were almost like staph infection wounds on my face on my cheeks where I don't like really bizarre and this came in like the middle of nowhere like I don't know why it was caused but it was there and it wouldn't go away and they were kept erupting and erupting and I would like pick them because I was trying to like heal them. It was just awful. And I remember just like being in the dark and crying and being like, you can't look at me. You can't look,

like I can't function and just like crying. I would go to the gym and just like, I was like, I don't know what to do. I can't be on, you're there to go make Not Safe the pilot. It was when we were living in Beverly Hills. And you were really sweet to me at one point because I was crying in the dark

and I was like, I want you to leave. Which is by, that was by choice. Yeah, I mean, you had asked me to do that and I was crying in the dark and I was like, I want you to leave. Which was by choice. Yeah, I mean, you had asked me to do that and I was in a mask, but even so, you wanted it dark in there. And you said,

you were just like, you made me like look at you and you were like, I don't care. Like, yes, I can. I remember you, what I liked about it was like, I acknowledge,

I know what you're talking about. Yeah. I'm not going to say, what? You look fine. I was like, I'm. Was it as bad as she thought'm not going to say, what? You look fine. I was like, I'm... Was it as bad as she thought, though? No, it's never as bad.

See, it's never as bad, I feel like. It's never as bad as any of us think. When you feel insecure, which I've seen happen before, not very often, because you're a stud. Everybody knows it. Oh, stop it. I throw 28 touchdowns and you think I'm great. Man, that was one of the most inspiring moments of my life.

Let's talk about it. We got to go to break and we're going to hear exactly what Chris is going to say about my face. And we're going to hear what he thinks about Andrew's football playing skills right after this. Andrew. Every time I look into your eyes, I see nothing but a surprise. Baby, you're my eyes too. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities.

I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early,

well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics,

entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts i started to live a double life when i was a teenager responsible and driven and wild and out of control my head is pounding i'm confused i don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery.

The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community and I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to Crems as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Can you hear it? It's the whisper of two wolves inside you. One says, you're not enough.

The other says, keep going. You can do this. They're always talking. The one you listen to shapes your life. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. On my podcast, we explore how to hear the voice that matters, the one that leads you to courage, wisdom, and love. It's not about perfection.

It's about direction. Millions of listeners have fed their good wolf. Now it's your turn. Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, Minnie Questions. Over the years, we've had some incredible guests. People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends, EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair.

And now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories, and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique. Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions,

limitless answers. Okay. And we're back. Chris is confused and I love it so much. The magic of podcasting. We don't know what anything is. How that started.

We don't know how this started. This is what you have to do. We don't know how this started. This is what you have to do. We don't know why he sings little songs at the end there, but it's just a tradition and it's happened. Was that made up on the spot? Yeah. Oh yeah. They're always,

I mean, isn't it? Believe it or not that he can do that. You know what I used? Wait, do you see us wrap the front side of my brains? Whoa, you have two brains.

You know that joke? I think it's from wedding crashers i think it's one of the best jokes i've ever seen in any movie ever or i've seen it oh this is really good even though i was might be a vince vaughn this might be on the roast joke you've never shown her good fellas oh did they say that i was in writing crashers with vince vaughn saying that I was Owen Wilson. Oh. And everyone laughed very hard confirming that it's kind of, you know what, he's an attractive man. You have longer hair than him.

That's a really good point. Yeah. Thank you. You're welcome. Yeah. I honestly look more like him right now. That's a good point. But the joke is,

it's when it's really, I good point but the joke is it's when it's really i love it but i think it's it's either vince vaughn or owen wilson talking to a woman and he says you know how they say we only use 10 of our brains and he goes i think we only use 10 of our hearts no that's good it's like as a part of like a montage of them hitting on women oh that montage is one of the best brilliant just tits it's so many tips remember them flopping on the bed tits tits tits what do you mean what oh like girls laying back and it's just tits tits tits tits just them fucking at every wedding you could watch just the first 10 minutes that movie and you would be like this is great yeah i know it's a movie that i would love and i've seen clips from it and been very impressed but

that is a weird one i haven't seen i don't know why i'm not gonna be a movie that I would love, and I've seen clips from it and been very impressed, but that is a weird one I haven't seen. I don't know why. I'm not going to be a movie guy and shame you for not seeing a movie. I'm not that. Yes, but that is a bizarre one I've missed somehow. And I know I would like it. She hasn't seen some pretty big ones. Goodfellas, she's never seen. What? Who's the what?

That's the cannoli. Chris. I'm being serious. Chris, I'm being serious. Are you even a human person? I'm in the bed. And how can you even consider yourself an artist? No, Chris, I'm being serious, though.

Ray Liotta. You know what I've seen is the scene from goodfellas that is essential for real though for real though for real it is always three hours long when people are like you've never seen goonies oh man what are you and then there's nothing else to be had because they haven't seen it so they can't even understand anything that you would they're almost frustrated they're like and the scene with the and they go you don't even know that yeah well he just did that no he was doing he was doing a character oh that was a character you thought he was really that no

no I'm saying he did it with wedding crashers you never saw this scene I am anti movie shaming gotcha when that becomes a thing same but the people get mad I haven't seen young Frankenstein it's black and white get off i love that you remember though that in black and white good point like who cares no one wants it no um what do you mean it's i mean it's old and i'm sure it's amazing but i don't i that's that's what you do to your phone you put your phone in grayscale if you want

to spend less time on it because it's less fun to look at so stop telling me black and white movies are easy to watch they're not you guys just aren't artists man yeah what's your last black and white movies are easy to watch. They're not. You guys just aren't artists, man. Oh, what's your last black and white movie? You guys can't appreciate things like the way I do. He loves Buster Keaton. Oh, Mr. Yeah, he's this guy. I only like movies where they hit one of those big wooden circles with a stick. That's how the kids are playing.

Oh, whoa. Oh, my God. Those are my favorite toys. Wait a second. We've arsed off on so many tangents. Hold on. No, I do a yearly Schindler's List cry. You do?

Yeah, I love Schindler's List. I've never seen it. Yeah. What side are you rooting for? Yeah, we can watch it. Yeah, I always get... I don't have what it takes to make that joke. You look Jewish.

I get it all the time. I'm sure. People think that regularly. That's probably why Glazer even likes me. I like a Jewish looking man. She does. She always does. Here's a story that we could do real quick.

What? Nikki played a joke. We just started dating. I think Andrew knows this story, but I doubt the besties know it. Before you saw her. Shout out to the besties. By the way, to the besties. Yes.

Nikki and Andrew really love you guys. I'm just saying, when you're not around, I hear about the besties Yes Nikki and Andrew Really love you guys I'm just saying like When you're not around I hear about the besties I just want you guys To know that You're appreciated Oh that's so nice

They appreciate when you Show up to the shows Yeah they're great They They love you So I just want to say that Yeah that's so nice That means a lot to them

I know Because we do I do talk about them a lot I hear about the besties Regularly And it's such a Silly name That it feels silly sometimes But I'm glad that you can say it With no irony And just It's just I do talk about them a lot. I hear about the besties regularly. And it's such a silly name that it feels silly sometimes,

but I'm glad that you can say it with no irony. And they show up for you guys. We have a whole segment that's dedicated to them that we're going to do later in this podcast. Oh, so you guys appreciate them regularly. Yeah, fan tracks. They didn't need to hear that. No, they definitely do,

because we tell them, but you're always hearing it from someone else that's around some people that could go, hey, I always like to tell people what someone says about them. We've literally never had a bestie come up to a meet and greet and go, this person. Like, they walk away and you're like, they were fucking terrible. You know, there's some people where you're like. None of them are lame.

I swear. That's really cool. I swear to God. It's really weird because they're all. We have never had any group of fans that as a whole are just cool people and every single time Andrew and I go to the green room afterwards we always go

the besties are the best you can just tell them right away they don't cross a line they don't give you a weird gift that you're like oh this is nice but it kind of smells weird instead of an old backpack that was carrying some kind of tuna sandwich and tinfoil before like their gifts make sense it's all in the name like i made a cool shirt i know i heard a old radio story because i work in radio now there's an old

radio story where uh the the person that i'm on the the show with courtney was on another show called uh i think steven dc i don't know if it was Stephen D.C.'s days, but I think it was called Phillips and Company. Oh. And they did this... I might get in trouble for this in some way with them, but it's really funny. They did this contest where they had listeners

who were crazy about the show. I mean, there's listeners to this day that still love the show. They had their own version of besties. But they're like, hey, let's see who makes the best. It wasn't eggs. It was deviled eggs. Who can make the best deviled eggs?

It was deviled eggs. So they were like, this will be great. We'll see who makes the best deviled eggs. They do a contest on the radio. They make this whole thing. Then they had the listeners bring in the deviled eggs. And all the listeners were great, except one brought in the deviled eggs and did not look like the kind of person that you want to touch anything their devil eggs and they

had to eat those deviled eggs in front of all of those deviled eggs are so gross already i don't even i barely want like i barely trust my mom to make them right and she's brilliant yes yes that's a delicate thing it's already so gross. So they had to eat the deviled egg in front of the person that made it and then pretended.

And that person did not look clean. They got to see this person's fingernails and they were very excited. It was not... Were they delicious? Ew,

a fingernail? Were they good? Cutting into an egg. You don't want to see someone... Now you have a face for outside radio but that is a big... For outside radio.

For outside radio. Radio that's done... Outside. Yeah. Getting a tan. On location. Inside. In bars and grills.

In stadiums. Yeah, under a palm tree. No, but you have a good-looking face for radio. There is a common misconception, or maybe it's not a misconception. I remember seeing our radio disc jockey, 92.7. They were disgusting. I remember seeing our radio disc jockey, 92.7. They were disgusting. I couldn't believe it. And I had a crush on some of the DJs just from their voice of being like,

he's probably famous and hot. And then you saw and you're like, oh, what? It's like he has croc clothes somehow. He is a crocodile somehow. It was Florida. I mean, they're very alligator friendly. No, Chris and his brother Tim are both now on the show. And then Brando's not a bad looking guy either either and courtney's obviously so fucking cute and always

has been but like you are exceptionally good looking as is seen on my show and i'm always telling it because he's always doing the filming in the studio and i'm always like turn that camera around give the women what they want no there's a oh you don't you're not here's the thing this show this i've never been on records i've records it. I've never been on television. I've never done anything like this. So when we did the Nikki's, the Welcome Home Nikki Glaser, I had no idea.

I was like, you know, you're self-conscious about things. And then I saw the first episode and was like, I look significantly better on camera than I do. I feel like I look worse. Than I do in person. You do feel like that? I do. But you've been on TV and cameras. Not much. You've been on this stuff I do. I feel like I look worse. Than I do in person.

You do feel like that? I do. But you've been on TV and cameras. Not much. You've been on this stuff a bunch. Not much. I also put on like 30 pounds before the taping.

I made sure to look as disgusting as possible. So you had an excuse? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had him in a bath the entire time. Yeah, I wasn't at my best. There's no point for it.

I couldn't, but you look great. I've never seen, because in pictures it doesn't come through. When you're because in pictures it doesn't come through. When you're on FaceTime, it doesn't come through, but somehow on this television show. It's called telegenic.

Something happens. Being telegenic, which is the first time I ever heard that was Gary Goldman told me I was telegenic. You are. Teeth matter. Teeth are big. Which is, you look good on a moving picture. I am photogenic to a degree,

but the sphere of someone being photogenic, I'm probably a six if you're talking about like people who are just you know like models are naturally no I look good but I'm talking about

if you're talking about someone that just photographs nice every time models their tens I'm a six six is high I'm around there I have to say six is high

I'm not selling myself short but when it comes to telegenicy whatever that word is I'm a ten I look so much better. I'm more comfortable. I'm dynamic. There's something interesting.

Even I can watch myself, but I can't listen to myself a lot of times. And your face. You go to like total different. You're otherworldly. Likewise. When you even get gussied up in person, in television,

you just take it to a totally, it's an insane level that you get to. I think close camera, I'm solid. Like I have nice eyes, like close, straight face, straight on. Yeah, close so that your eyes are almost crossing and it's a blur. Yeah, like I'm looking at a penis right in front of me.

That's what we said, Ryan Reynolds, his eyes are so close together, he always just looks like he's like, a penis is coming at his face. I don't know why, I guess because I said his voice sounds like he's kind a penis is coming at his face I don't know why oh I guess because I said his voice sounds

like he's kind of gay is that a rude thing to say I think that's what got the conversation I was like his voice is a very it's not super masculine

even though I think he's so hot well that's why Daredevil I think is such a I think Daredevil is because he doesn't come off as like

a grunt man. That's why it's- It's Canadian. It's not. Oh, yes. It's Canadian. There's a thing about that. Yes.

I went up to Montreal like, I don't know. Okay. I remember this story. You went up to Montreal and you went to the strip clubs. I don't remember that. Oh, I remember that you did. It was right before we started dating and I was very intrigued by it. I don't remember doing that, did you?

I just remember you went up to Montreal as a single man with Andy and someone else. Yeah, we went up there. And you were just up there just talking to the ladies, and I'm like- Love a strip club with a couple buddies. What kind of damage did you get into? With a guy who's like- Damage. He's next level.

Everybody's interested in him. Everybody is just crazy about this guy. Andy Lee is his name. He's a famous person in Australia. Very famous person. But he's magnetic, and he's all these wonderful things. He is. He's warm.

He's tall. He's tan. He has great hair. Unbelievably funny. He's funny. He laughs at your jokes. He is just... I want to meet this guy.

He's like, you met Hamish. Didn't you meet Hamish? No, I never got to meet him. Tom met Hamish. But they're just the nicest guys. But anyway, you would go out hobnobbing around town with that guy and i mean he's what at six four what are we talking about compared with next to me he looks like he's six nine yeah but yeah he i mean he's he's magnetic and so people are

like wild about him so you know at some points in these nights we're talking to people that are just you know extremely beautiful yeah and multiple And multiple groups of ladies talk to us. And he and I, I mean, you know me. I'm a guy, but I'm not wildly masculine. I'm not some tough guy. I'm not a very big fella. And Andy's not some brute. Yes.

He's not like Jason Momoa. But 6'4 in a bar, things change for you that's a different life they kept telling us he looks famous they kept telling us they're like you guys are the most masculine men we've met in years they're like they're like oh because because we're just yeah we're just like a little bit i wouldn't say even aggressive it's just we we weren't as like deferential as canadian men were So I think Ryan Reynolds has this. I've always felt that way about, I've said that when I go to,

no offense to Canadian men, I know we have many Canadian men who listen to our show. I've always been up there. I remember back in my early 20s, I used to say, when I was a single girl and being like, what could happen?

How does anyone have sex in this town or these towns? Because men do not make any kind of move. They're all so respectful. I think they were respectful sorry's you start but we were like i like the idea of like if you apologize enough yes then you're there like it does it's the opposite like yeah well i don't understand because we were just talking chris like for someone to make a move they have to take a risk yeah you gotta take a take a risk. But maybe you don't there. That's what I'm saying.

Maybe it's so in their personality where it's just understood that, oh, we're gonna be pleasant until... Things get crazy when you're out on the ice curling long hours. Me and Andy were up there... Throwing back that poutine. Up there to see what we could... What sort of...

We were looking to fall in love. You were? What? You were looking to fall in love? This was before you. Yeah, but you were looking to fall in love? know, we were looking to fall in love. You were? What? You were looking to fall in love? This was before you. Yeah, but you were looking to fall in love? No, we were looking. Oh, j'adore les hommes des Américains. Oh. Et Australiens.

Oh, oui, oui, oui. Vancouver? Yes. No, Montreal. Oh. Okay, but you were looking to fall in love. Oh, but I just think the guys there are respectful, and I think that Ryan Reynolds, because he's so nice, that that seems like it's not masculine. And I just, I find that to be unfair at times. It is unfair. And you know what?

I used to feel that way. Because he's not alpha then if he's nice. Yeah. And he's just like, he's just like comfortable being himself. And maybe he's talking more softly than most men. Yes. Or whatever it is. He smiles a lot.

He's enthusiastic. It just comes across. I hate to say gay, but men that are that comfortable and that easy and fun are usually more gay. That reminded me of my mom when I just said that. That is very. There's a tinge of like he just doesn't come across as like when women are like, oh my God when I just said that. That is very. There was just, there's a tinge of like, he just doesn't come across as like, like when women are like, oh my God,

he's so hot. Well, they call him metrosexuals. I mean, it's like, it's obviously a term. But I'm crazy about Brian. I love Brian Reynolds,

always have. But what I do want to say is. Well, there's something hot about a guy dressing rugged and then. You're like that. Also being nice. Like, yeah.

Yes. And we do have, it's like seeing a guy, you ever see a guy with a bunch of face tattoos and a piercing through his nose and you're like this guy's gonna talk like this and he's like hey how are you right you're like that juxtaposition yeah it's not yeah it's you probably get this sometimes too because you're so friendly and nice that people might assume that that you that you're gay and it's like not fair because you don't have to be gruff and like weird and rude to people to be.

I also have a look. I have a hairy, like I could be, have a stern looking kind of face at times, but I'm, I feel a lot like Howard Stern. I just feel like a very silly assistant thought you were gay. Oh really?

Remember when we, when you came to meet us for dinner? Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And she goes, I thought he was gay. And I was like, no one's ever said that to me about him.

But it's just because you're nice. I think as a compliment, really. Oh, totally. Yeah, you got to. Well, what I really like on the flip side of this is that I do think it's incredibly sexy when someone that is generally very nice and personable and fun can have that other side to them,

like the sexual side. You, no one knows that side of you except me like it and several women and by several i mean andrew's definition of several um many women know that definition or know that side of you but i like that it's not just you're not it's not there it It comes, it's, it's, I, when, when it comes out of you, it's like very special occasions and it's not like just part of who you are. It's like, but it is, it's essential part of who you are. But I just, it's a, it's a, it's just exciting when I see it come out and I'm just like, oh my God, this guy is just like a guy that just like, he let, he's a sexual man.

And I sometimes forget like, oh, this guy just likes, he's like a dude. Like, and not that I can forget that, but it's so attractive to me. Can you imagine being with a guy that's a sexual man and I sometimes forget like oh this guy just likes he's like a dude like and not that I can forget that but it's so attractive to me that's always sexual can you imagine how fucking exhausting that would be

but I just love like you're at the bottom of the span of steps and he's like before you you think that what I just said was weird I think that was Spanish

but I just love you know that I love when men get like stupid when they're horny it just turns me on and that's what I mean like just love, you know that I love when men get stupid when they're horny. It just turns me on. And that's what I mean. You are just a guy that's just, sometimes you're just susceptible to feminine wiles

and there's something so hot about that when a guy just becomes like, just kind of starts looking at your body while you're talking to them and you're like, oh, are you not, you know, listen, can you not hear my,

what's going on in your body right now? You can't fight it's just like cute it is because you don't have any control that's what it is it's like but you do have any control because that's the dynamic i like in a sexual relationship but it's funny because you you suddenly see this person losing their faculties around you because they want you so bad and there's something so nice it's nice about that like right now i just sense this urge from you. Should I leave? Should we do the news or should you just guys bang uglies?

Is that a word? Bang uglies? I think the phrase is, I don't like it. Bump uglies. Bump uglies? Yeah. It's a weird phrase.

News. You're in here first. You're in here first. You're talking about my football career? Okay, let's do the news. Oh, yeah. Thank you, everybody. Apparently, it's been a great day.

It's Thursday. You're having all the swells. You know what that means? It is Thursday. I really messed this up. I think Chris made me nervous for doing the news because I had to get very serious. Yeah, what's going on with Andrew right now? He's so serious.

Oh, I'm having a stroke. He's just warning. Sorry, I'm getting too serious for you over there. Anyways, back to you, Noah. Okay, did you... I started reading the news, and then they took it away from me, Chris. You gave it to me.

Oh, because Noah's probably great at it. She is great at it. No, I'm that bad. No, just kidding. Because Noah... Just kidding. I've heard that Noah is very smart and very sharp. And I've always said that.

Just kidding. No, she... No, Noah is smart, and she just... And I've always said that. Just kidding. No, she... No, Noah is smart. And she just... You know, she talks clearly. People don't hear enough from her. It felt good to just give her that role. And sometimes Andrew would present information

and I would need more context or... He would look just down on his phone. Yeah. As if he's reading it to himself. And he would just be like this on the camera. It's not Andrew's vibe. Like, you did the right thing. It's not setting Andrew up for success. could do it but it seems like anything he wants

and i've always said thank you nick you believe when you wear that wig that really makes me feel like i'm talking to someone who i would say that too you can do anything you want it's me here in the kidney you can't right there in the solar plexus 10 of my kidney right here call back ham drip earlier about the show all right noah okay your camo hat did you know that it's camo 10% of my kidney right here. Call back, Hamdrip. Earlier you were up to show. All right, Noah. Okay. In your camo hat. Did you know that there is a neurological condition that makes people who have it tell inappropriate jokes?

Andrew should be doing the news, right, guys? I mean, after that, I feel like. It was. It just feels like an Andrew. This should go right back to Andrew. Well, he won't be able to pronounce this. Well, he won't be able to pronounce this. What? You won't be able to pronounce this.

The pronunciation was a hard thing to do. Oh, no. Patients with Witzel-Sucht syndrome tend to make jokes compulsively sometimes without realizing that what they said was inappropriate or even funny. And another bizarre aspect of the disorder is that patients can sometimes have difficulty

reading sarcasm. Oh, I sometimes have that reading sarcasm. Oh, I sometimes have that too. Nikki has kind of... Sorry, go ahead. No, you go. No, you go, silly. No, it's you. This is your show. I don't give a fuck. There's no hierarchy here.

There's a patriarchy. You shut the fuck up. Oh, yeah. We should both shut up, actually. You go, Nikki. I want to hear what Chris has to say. He said my name, and I was like, what chris has to say because he said my name and i was like what's he gonna say nikki does this thing which is it's maddening at the time but it's respectable always in hindsight yeah which is we'll be in a legitimate we have this hasn't happened a long time because we haven't gotten in like real serious legitimate fight discussions where it's like we might we might be going our separate ways but i'll i don't have a great example and i wish and i wish we did do it now but i'll say something

and we'll be in a real fight where we're like really serious and she'll make a joke like a really hilarious joke and you kind of have to acknowledge it and be like that's really funny and you're charming but can we keep but we really have to get through this stuff but it's inspiring because she's her brain is just constantly she can't turn it off and for me i do i can turn it off i think i do those i swallow a lot of those when it's really bad between us not that i did not intend that but i i spit some of that. Ballin'. Ballin'? No. I say those sometimes when I see,

when all of a sudden we are in a dark, dark spot in a fight where it's like, ooh, this might be one that might fracture us in a way or it could go that way. I will wait until that fracture seems to have been stabilized, glued back together, and the glue is not totally hard yet, but I can give it a little wiggle. And that's when I will start peppering in jokes that will make him just kind of just go like the second,

the second we're able to give each other a little bit of like, that was good is when I know we're on, we're on solid ground. We've been in situations that where it's like, we are five more words away from being done forever and she'll throw a joke

oh yeah I cannot believe I don't even know what you're talking about yeah yeah I wish I could remember because it would be funny and people would love it

but like in that moment I'm not in like a position to be remembering things no oh my god I mean that's something that is inspiring

it helps me with the radio show too sometimes what do you mean to find comedy and like serious yeah when that sort of thing is when things are a little bit tense or when i'm not i'm not doing my best or i'm not feeling my best or i don't you know think i'm doing a great job is to still be thinking about something that's funny because that's part of what you do for a living yeah and just trying to get something out of it. But we were just talking about that, showing up to work and like,

you got to do a podcast every day. He's got to be on radio four hours a day. Some days you're in a bad mood. And you don't want to act like- I mean, radio, I think you can't even be yourself less than here. Well, and with you guys, you know, like you guys have a-

His show is pretty good about them being themselves. As far as morning radio shows go, that's why I like listening to it. I think we're as authentic as morning radio shows for morning oh no i think we're as authentic as you get yeah yeah that's great i mean we're not terrestrial for sure yeah well i mean yeah i would probably drop like some bad words and stuff naturally but i would say that none of us we're not like hey how's it going this is a thing oh i can't believe we're talking to them good though no you know we don't do it like that just like andrew could do could read the news you guys have a big challenge too because you guys are legitimately friends you live close to each other you see each other all the time you're also co-workers and so

you're on weekends together where you're having tons of fun and you clearly love each other but then you have to come in here on days where you're like you do have a relationship that's like a little bit like co-workers and siblings and best friends yes and you're almost like a relationship that's like a little bit like coworkers and siblings and best friends. Yes. And you're almost like a band that loves and hates each other. Oh, it's messy. It's a roller coaster. And you have to come in here and do this show.

And I've never listened to the show. Do you guys just, do you guys work things out on the show? Oh, yeah. Yeah, we work things out. I mean, it's gotten a lot better than the first season, first year we did this, where we would have really bad fights where it would be like, this is unlistenable. When we lived together too, it was. That was insane to me. It was a lot better than the first season first year we did this where we would have really bad fights where it would be like when we lived together too it was that was insane it was a lot living together on tour podcast everything because i would get in the middle of a point that i felt

like i needed because it would be the one place where we could like let it out and i almost didn't want to get off air because then it won't be safe anymore to just like have a little bit of a referee once Noah says goodbye then you guys are just sitting here together and I yell you know what Andrew go to fucking therapy and you go you need to go to Nick and I slam a door but you know I have your back sometimes too because

obviously you go upstairs and you talk I don't know downstairs I don't know where you live but you go and you say like oh you know maybe Nikki bummed me out doing this today and sometimes I defend you well thank you oh yeah you do, maybe Nikki bummed me out doing this today and sometimes I defend you. Well, thank you. Oh yeah, I love when you take us

because you can, I think it's important for partners to obviously hear their partner out about why they're upset and acknowledge it but I think I actually really rely on you

to add the other person's back in the story because as much as I probably want you to take my side and be like, fuck that, just having a little, you don't go, you're wrong just go i can see maybe i think why he would do that or why he would think this i feel like the best advice that she told me that you

told her in confidence that i'm bringing up to you now in front of her face no this is gonna start a fight listen to friday's podcast it's gonna. No, it's just that your friends in Australia, they have a very strong bond, a great radio show, but they have their own lives too. But when they come together, because they have their own shit going on, it makes for a better show. And I think since I moved to the third floor,

nine floors down, but I've honestly, like I've branched out a little bit and having my, like I've never had to live with a, like I'm like growing up a little bit. I don't think. Right before our eyes. But you know,

and so is she. And I think like. I'm not aging. Shut the fuck up. No, no, no. I'm not growing up. No. Just your elbows.

Just emotionally. I'm a little baby girl. I'm the smallest little baby host that there's ever was. Look at how tiny Nikki is next to me was look at how tiny i just want to begin this book for the littlest baby i don't even know how you're on that chair i'm a little baby girl but but i do think like that was someone yes because we come together and i really do think it just makes i don't know it's a it's a lot for anyone to work together, live together, whatever. It's impossible.

But you always want the cast of Friends to be friends. You always want the band you like to get along. It doesn't – luckily, I know that our besties don't have this illusion about us that is like – or a delusion where it's like they're just best friends all the time. Because we're so real in here, they've heard our worst fights, literally our worst fights because we'll recap them. They're worse than in real life. Yeah. But to me,

those relationships, like bands, they're the closest relationships that I know about because it's almost tighter than family because with family, you can go and treat Lauren horribly, but you would never treat-

And I will. Tonight. Or your mom, you can say something horrible to your mom. Yeah, I cussed my mom out the other night. I've talked about it. You probably wouldn't do that to let's just say noah or never another like or like you know another new friend but like you and andrew are so close as friends that you've crossed over into this family territory where you can say horrible things to each other and get over it

and get past it but be our worst selves be your worst selves and things to each other and get over it and get past it. Be our worst selves. Be your worst selves and still love each other. And that is like family. It's like a band. That is true. That's a really good point because I wouldn't say certain things to like Noah that I would probably say to Andrew

because I do know that it's... And Noah's not annoying, so you wouldn't have to say that. Yeah, I wouldn't have to. Thanks. I didn't mean to take a shot at you. I was just trying to make a joke. I'm too dumb to realize. No i i i think that it's true i do look at andrew as like

family for sure for sure at this point you guys are like a band you know family that you know there's a little bit more complications within it because we work together and things like that that add to it another element of things but that's why it's almost like a hyper like family sometimes i think it's a band our friendship if i didn't work for her even though i love working for her like it could like our friendship would be so hilarious if we were on the same like i wasn't there was no like working stuff where we'd be so such even better friends where it'd be like oh you think it's holding us back no oh listen to friday's podcast yeah yeah yeah what are what are some of your favorite

things about this podcast about doing this with nikki like a regular check-in what are your oh my god well i think that nikki's brilliant i think that i learn every day from her. I admire her work ethic. I think that she, I don't know. She's just, she is so dynamic. And the fact that how much shit she does. Little. Huh? Very little. Little.

Well, she's small and quaint. It's kind of weird because you think she'd be bigger in person, but she's so much smaller. So tiny. And she does. She does so much stuff. Yeah, so much stuff with her little hands, which is weird. You're like, how does she do all this with those tiny little hands?

And also her bunions. They look big because she's so little. Yeah, that's why they look big. That's a good point. No, that's Andrew. That's very nice of you to say that. No, and I feel like... Chris, thank you for asking.

I'm going to ask you too. And just her in a swimsuit. No, as her boyfriend, I just want to talk to you about that. Her tits are seriously dope, right? They actually are. It's... I don't really want to get into this necessarily,

but it's sort of a departure for me. No, please. Take the reins. I don't even know how to talk. It feels sleazy. She's special. They're special. You're very special.

Thank you. Some next level stuff going on. Thank you. But what is one of your favorite things about doing the podcast? I hear it from you because you do talk about how funny andrew is regularly my favorite thing well andrew is just so just he he will adapt to whatever circumstance there is and make he's always will you know i pick someone because i'm a moody bitch that my being talented and good is really based on what mood i'm in and if there's someone around to possibly lift me out of it i'm going to hire that person to be near me because

i want to be consistent so andrew's someone that like i can always rely on as being in taking whatever mood i'm in and you know he's the son of an alcoholic so he's good at like reading depressed women and being like i'm gonna make this person laugh and feel better he's good at that. And that's not why I selected him or anything, but like he has a talent for reading my energy and matching it and not making and making it so that I am my best self, even when that's probably an unhealthy codependent type of thing for me to

need that from him. But, and he, and he just says things that I would never think of. Our brains are totally different in, in, in many ways, comed comedically that's one thing you've said a lot of is that like andrew cracks you up because he's saying things that you just that my brain doesn't work that way i can't believe how funny they were and how fast and it's like mad because because i want to figure out every angle for a joke and then there's some things you say that i'm just like oh i would have

never looked at that equation that way like you break you break an equation that i would like spend all day on a chalkboard and you're just like 82 and it's just like that's annoying but so handy to have around yeah but you the way you can i mean it's crazy watching her on f boy and take a script that isn't done by any means and she can work it well in real time and organize her thoughts and just destroy and make it clear and just TV ready. And no one else can fucking do that, dude.

No one else can do that. We were on our way. I mean, you produced her. I've witnessed her doing it's wild but i get reminded of it but she's so small too which is weird weird even though the camera adds 95 pounds and you think like her brain her brain must be she's so tiny her brain would be tiny too but it is but it's in her purse there's a lot in there yeah yeah i, we were on our way up to my brother's wedding and we were writing roast jokes about Tim and Emma and you know, that was really cute.

She wrote these six months ago. Honestly, it was something I would expect that she would, it would take her, it would take her three weeks to like just really get this stuff out and we're just on our way up there and she's saying some of the funniest things I've ever heard. And the,

and it isn't about like, you know, Blake Griff, like famous people. This is specific things about my brother and sister-in-law. And they're unbelievably, I mean, it was brilliant. It was really sweet. Yeah, the next day he was just like, I can't get over yesterday. That stretch of highway that we were on where you were just firing. It was just like I've never seen anything like it.

It was really, that was really, that was cool. She'll take a lot of my dumb ideas that are maybe outside the box and like. Yeah, that's what I like about us.

And then she narrows and she can like. Right. Bring it in. She gets to the like center of it. Where I'm like, oh, I would never write it like that.

What do you guys like about Noah? What do I like about Noah? We have to go to break. Yeah, can we go to break? I can't wait to tell you when we get back, but we will say that when we get back. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year,

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We are back. What I love about Noah is… Man, we really crushed a lot of news stories there. Boom, boom, boom, man. We just get in there and we get through them all. We've never once done more than two news stories. There was one day that we did where we did for a podcast where I was like, the podcast is down, but we're going to get through news stories,

and we're going to go boom, boom, boom. It's like an after season two meeting. We're going to get through the news. We're going to have five news stories. And so now we never even get through one hardly, and it's not boom, boom, boom at all, and we always mock it. I want to just – I've got that – I've only been doing my radio show, The Courtney Show, for a little while,

and I just recently got that feeling that I've been talking – you know you get that feeling where you're like, I'm talking too much today. No, you're not. You're great. No, you're really good. So I want to apologize to everybody that's like, I came to Nikki's podcast to talk to Nikki. There's nothing worse than pulling shit out of a guest.

I hate when my guests just sit here and just kind of like are quiet because I feel like they're not having fun and they're not engaging. Like this is how much you would talk in a conversation, you know? For me, this is like I would even want more from you. What I will say though, what I wanted to, well, you know why I love Noah. Noah is someone that I can call at the drop of a army hat that she's wearing. And she will give me great advice.

She's so thoughtful. She will send a bunch of different articles. She will be thinking about the thing that I'm going through that I call her about. She's just a tried and true best friend that will always be there and like really loves me you know like I always said that when Bob Saget died I was like there's just one less person on the planet that loves me like I know that sounds selfish but that's what I just couldn't stop thinking about like it just made me sad like he really got me you know and not many people that I am acquainted with as little as i was bob just get it right

away but he was one of them and noah's one of those people too of like she would do anything she just loves me and i know that because it's it's it's i almost said conditional it's um it's uh mutual and so i know how what she feels about me back at me and and she just said time and time again i i just know she's always in my corner it's awesome and she's fucking good at her job right yes you said that many times no that's amazing at her job never complains always deals with me being like i did i forgot to do the the ad read and she's like it's okay so if you find time today it would be great but tomorrow it's totally fine tomorrow i'll talk to them listen, you have had a rough week.

You've had a long week. You were in Idaho, for Christ's sake, on Thursday. So no one is going to expect you to do these ad reads when you said you were going to do them. And even though I'm going to get in trouble, I'm not going to make you feel that I am. And it is going to be fine. Everything's going to be great.

And yeah, I can't wait to see them. And yeah, i'll set a reminder in your calendar cool all right okay great all right i'm gonna go to the jiu-jitsu okay great bye love you too that's noah just nothing but positive even though on the other end of that is a shit ton of work for her so but i love it what a gal i get to do what i love and i get to work with like two of the funniest people that i'll ever know in my life so no complaints here before we start the pod i i usually upload the whatever the disc or whatever i do all the hard labor around here which takes about three

minutes but nikki's always throwing on like some last second makeup even though she doesn't need it because she's a little and you can't even see her pores because they're so small. It's lit. She was doll makeup? I don't understand. From Polly Pocket? I don't get it. She just puts on a little blah. But me and Noah

All the words are shortened too. They can't even fit on the containers. I put on some mask. But Noah and I have like mini podcasts before we start rolling where we just talk to like today we talked about the George Foreman grill and then the other day

we talked about my nephew doing jujitsu and we just have this like little bond for five minutes right before the show starts that is so sweet and puts me in such a good mood and that's what you do you fluff me up right before the show starts that is so sweet and puts me in such a good mood and that's what you do like

you fluff me up you fluff me up no so no matter what mood Nikki is in I'm already heart is a rock yeah tornado glazer

comes in and is just like where's my Starbucks wait so Andrew do we even record that thing okay cool oh god this room

is such a mess hold on one second I forgot where's my Starbucks just like running around like literally. Kirsten was doing an impression. No, the other day we were doing an impression of Love on the Spectrum.

Yeah. The new one. There's a guy on there. Which one? The curly hair? Long curly hair guy? Long curly hair blonde guy. He's so great.

Oh, yeah. I mean, I really do hope that she likes me. And if everything goes as planned, I mean, God willing, she will be mine. I am very nervous for tonight. I do want to get a haircut. I like my hair. I hope she gets an appetizer. What if she—I hope she does look fine tonight.

Should I pay for dinner? Yes. Anya was doing— That was really good, dude. Thank you. Do you know why it's good? Because he is me. I am him.

Anya wrote to me and did an impression because she was doing impressions of all of them. She can nail it. And we're not doing mean impressions, by the way. It's just these people are so beautifully complex and the way they talk is so interesting. And she sent me him because I go, oh, do the blonde guy because I love him. And I thought, I listened back to it and i thought she sent me me i thought it was me oh she was going oh i don't know one of my favorite impressions of you and i don't know

who did it maybe it's kirsten with anya it was anya the impression that's just like walking in of yeah you walking in oh with all the bags just throwing bags on the floor going kirsten does that this is that's the sound and you k. Kirsten does the same one of just Sometimes she'll drop a coffee and she'll I think she's going to have an aneurysm. A cool one, like a small little aneurysm. On 30 Rock the other day though,

Liz Lemon, oh it's so tiny. Liz Lemon was like having a moment where she did that, where she was exerting, she was with Jack and she was like, my doctor says I can't make those noises because I lose my voice. And it was like, I related so much because I will make a sound sometimes when I drop

something or I lose something. And my voice is fucked for a week. You ever yell into a pillow? No. No. It feels good. It's like, you know, it's like going into the forest to yell. I've never done that.

I've never punched a wall. Have you ever cried into a pillow? I've in a um shower against your hand against the wall i do i do this slow uh what the fall down what's the beep the slow slide down the shower wall oh yeah cry in the yes in the bathroom that i've done that before but do you remember the joke you're on camera right now what's going on oh well do i remember the joke what the joke from 30 rock it's so good i feel like it's one of those ones that you would remember when he if you don't You're off camera right now What's going on? Do I remember the joke what? The joke from 30 Rock It's so good I feel like it's one of those ones That you would remember

When he If you don't remember Then I'm not gonna get it You don't We'd have to go look it up Can you remind me? You ever punch a wall soft? The slow shower cry

I don't remember that You've said it to me before Oh really? Yeah God damn it You've never punched a wall soft? I've never I've never been so

And then I like Stop my Cause I know I'll break my hand Well it's a double edged sword Liz Just like the one Mickey You've never punched a wall soft? I've never been so... And then I stop my... Because I know I'll break my hand. Well, it's a double-edged sword, Liz. Just like the one Mickey Rourke used on me sexually. Yay. You know what, Mark? It's called fidelity.

And that's not just the name of a bank that's suing me. Lines like that are just the best three rock lines. What I was going to say about, I was trying to reference when we broke up and I heard that you told me that one night, when we went up after we broke up the first time, I thought you were just like fine with it and getting on with your life.

But then once we went to the park and met up, he looked like he, it looked like the end scene of Philadelphia. Like he looked like he had lost a lot of weight and was not doing well, which felt- How long was it from the breakup? Three weeks. Three or four weeks. And he looked not well.

Are you sure he just wasn't going to that gym? Yeah, he was chasing that bod. The Philadelphia bod. Me and, what was the guy's name? Tom Hanks. You knew that too quickly. Me and Hangman chasing the same bod. Anyways, yeah, so he looked sickly. He told looked he told me though that and i'll never forget it and it made me sometimes you just don't especially

back then i just didn't know that he was complex emotionally i really didn't we just didn't show that those sides of ourselves until we were breaking up and had to get real about it and i remember him telling me that he was in the shower when and he would just he was so sad that sometimes he just couldn't stand up and he would just that he was in the shower and he was so sad that sometimes he just couldn't stand up and he would just lean his head against the shower and just lean. And him putting his arm against the wall and then resting his head against his arm.

The one I remember is just a long sigh. You just never really expected. It just wasn't a part of your personality to do a long sigh. You didn't realize you had been holding it in for months. And you're just like, I really liked that. and then you told me the songs you were listening to and i was like dude this guy is emotionally very complex this guy this guy contains multitudes and i want to get back in there and get him i might have found this thing enjoy your weepy slide down the

shower wall it's a it's the robert furlong quote he's saying it to amy oh yeah oh yeah that makes that makes sense the only time i've ever done that wasn't a heartbreak it was senior year in high school i was playing two days in football so you do two days in florida and i took ecstasy the night before i've never taken ecstasy this cool kid came up this guy Dale Bischoff he came up from Miami he like transferred and he was like cool and he's like no everyone takes ecstasy down in Miami they take it when you play the actual game and I was like okay Dale and I went to a rave and I fucking took ecstasy and then I did two a days and I just remember falling down the shower wall because I thought I was gonna die yeah like after two days and a hundred degree Florida heat.

I just remember sliding down and just being on the ground being like, I'm not an ecstasy man. I'm not that kind of kid. I did that same thing in Cleveland. My worst hangover. When you're in a hangover, right? You were crying in the shower. That made me quit drinking.

I curled up in the ball in the shower. The other night I was curled up on the bathroom floor when you were sleeping because I didn't want to wake you because you had a radio. I cramped so bad the other night. I didn't even tell you. And I was like- You mentioned it a little in the morning. I was in the morning.

I was on the ground, but I didn't want to disturb him because it just was, there was nothing he could do. And so I was literally on the ground, just like, there's something about just being on the cold bathroom floor

that makes you go, I deserve this. Or like, I don't know. Like, this is what I need. This is what like, like I wanted you to punch me in the stomach the other night because I wanted something to make it hurt more than or match I don't

know what it was plan P I just don't know why the bathroom floor feels good when you're sick but it does because it's cold plan P P like punch I like it get rid of this stuff when's the last time you been on the floor crying on the floor crying or no like when or on the floor andrew is very interested in if people

can get on the floor because he struggles oh my god i saw the backstreet you know backstreet boys obviously they're still on tour somehow and they haven't changed their name which is creepy to what backstreet men sure front street men front street they were always grown up huh they were always men even when they got together that's even creepier though yeah well at a countdown but the guy like to when they became they were like one guy was singing down to the front person in like the front and the other guy goes to get down and he's like and it like and then he sings to them like he takes so long to get down

it was so funny he was just like and then he puts the microphone on his knee to pull up and you hear you hear it creak the first time I realized

I was old I was at a Rancid concert were you into Ruby Ruby Ruby Ruby Soho Rancid concert in New York at a place called Terminal 5 and we were up fuck yeah

it was awesome I love Terminal 5 I don't know if it's still if it's still going but Terminal 5 you know it had that balcony that surrounded the was awesome. I love Terminal 5. I don't know if it's still going. Terminal 5, you know it had that balcony that surrounded the entire floor. Someone jumped off it, right,

and killed themselves or died recently. Okay, sorry to bring that up. That was a terminal disease. Oh yeah, that's okay. Never mind. Yeah, that's fine. It was a stage five

of a terminal disease. Okay. I liked all of that. Man, this podcast is great. It's pretty quick. You guys really have something special going. Oh man.

You're like a band or a family. Aw. Family. Fam. Fam, but a family. The first time I realized that I was old, I was at the Rancid concert, and I'm on the balcony, and I'm with my brother and a few guys from MTV, because that's where I was working at the time.

And I see people moshing down in the pit, and they were crowd surfing. And I hadn't crowd surfed in 20 years at that point, maybe since I was 15. I can't believe you crowd surfed once. I've never crowd surfed. Oh, we used to have ska bands down the street here in St. Louis that would play, and me and my brother would go, and you would stage dive, and you would crowd surf.

It was amazing. Well, a lot of them were... I'm sorry. I don't want to interrupt. But anyways, go ahead. I'm going to get hurt. Oh, well, so I'm like, oh, my God, this is awesome. They got a guy in a wheelchair up.

He was crowd surfing. How do you think he got in that wheelchair? Crowd surfed at the last concert. Yeah. But it's like, I was reliving a youthful moment. I loved Rancid. And I was like, I'm going down. I'm going to go crowd surf.

And then I felt, I was like, I'm going to go down. I was going to give my brother my wallet. And I was like- How old are you at this point? I was probably 35. Maybe like 33 or something. Yeah, yeah. But 30s. I'm gonna go down I was like gonna give my brother my wallet and I was like how old are you at this point I was probably 35 maybe like 33 or something you know

35 I'm guessing yeah and I felt something in my pocket and I was like I'm not going down there I don't want to break my Kindle

that is so funny you had your Kindle I had my Kindle at a Rancid concert and you know like in New York you like read on the subway because there's nothing

you know we didn't have cell phone like coverage down there at the time. What book are you reading? I'm sure it was Game of Thrones. Almost positive it was Game of Thrones. Okay, final thought.

Can we get to one Fanthrax? Yes. Let's start off with Tom. I can't believe you can fit a Kindle in your pocket. It would have fell out and someone would have been like Is this a fucking Kindle? What a fucking badass dude

No but a lot of that was straight edge Like fucking rock and roll right? Like back in the day They were known for that Sorry me and Chris are hitting on each other Sorry to Thomas Tom Tom I wonder what his body is like Tom

He'll tell you. Oh. Hi, Nikki, Noah, and Andrew. This is your friend Tom calling from Oregon. I'm calling in regards to the term bestie. Now, I consider myself a bestie. However, I am also fat and bald and middle-aged, and I'm a remodeling contractor. And it just seems a little weird for someone

like me to identify as a bestie like if I came to a meet-and-greet and introduce myself as a bestie I'm sure outwardly you'd be very lovely and gracious but in the back of your mind you look at me and think oh man I I hope grampy doesn't miss the activity bus back to the retirement center. So I guess my question is, is there a term that's a synonym for bestie that might be more appropriate for those of us listeners in our demographic? Anyway, just thought it'd be a funny thing to talk about. Hope you guys are doing well. I think I have a good idea. I work alone most of the time and you

guys still company and i really appreciate that take care bye oh i tom thank you so much and you're right like when people come up there i can tell there are times that people want to say they're a bestie but they don't they just feel so uncomfortable saying it it's like ordering like i've got an example at uh st louis bread company other people call it panera there's something that i love there. It's the top of a muffin. Do you know what it's called? Top of the muffin to yours?

No. It's like the thing. No, I know the top of it. Do you know what it's called at Panera? Like a top of a scone? Oh, it's called like a muffie. It's a muffie? Yeah, you're not saying a muffie.

So every time you go, you have to be like, can I have a little muffie? Give me a root beer and a roast beef sandwich, extra roast beef. I like muffie. And I don't know,

what are those things with the muffin tops? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, is it a muffie? Whatever, whatever. It's for my daughter. Yeah, yeah, extra roast beef. I like muffin. And I don't know, what are those things with the muffin tops? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, is it a muffin? Whatever. It's for my daughter. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the bottom called?

That's what I want to know. What about diabesty? Diabesty? Like diabetes? No. Why would we want to reference diabetes? Because he was overweight and bald. Oh, he's fat and he's bald.

I don't know. It's maybe a joke. I love that Andrew looked over during Tom's thing and he goes, I got one. I think I got one. You don't like it? It's Diabesty.

You don't like it? Is it too mean? Well, first of all, diabetes and bestie don't rhyme. Beatties and bestie don't rhyme. And it still has bestie in it and he doesn't want to say bestie. It'd be like asking Chris to order

a cool guy Muffy. Yeah. It still has Muffy in it. All right. Well all right well i tried sorry um well it was a nice try and i don't really have a better alternative but i i was gonna say you know what suck it up and just be called a bestie and just you own it because i never i don't think it sounds weird to me anymore because i just hear it so much but i understand that people that just live in the bubble where they're just a fan of our show they don't say it a lot to people or if they do, it probably sounds weird. And one thing I want to know,

I want an alternative. I think I actually don't think there needs to be an alternative. And one of my favorite things about the show that I work on, um, Oh, you guys call them great taste gang. We call them the great taste gang. And we have people that are from all over the place.

My favorite people that call into the show are people that we wouldn't expect. Like we, you know, we've got people that are like, like you know 55 year old mechanics who listen to who listen to this and they're like this is I love your show this is so great and we're like oh I didn't think that was I didn't think that was our audience so when I hear Tom yeah describing himself and saying who he is like he doesn't know that there are other Tom's out there yes there are

other Tom besties and there are people that are like him that yeah that he just doesn't know about because there isn't one place. That's my favorite bestie too is one that does not look like the other ones. No offense to the ones that look like each other, but like when there is an outlier. Yeah.

That I feel like is outside of my demo. One million percent, I don't think we should call him. I'm saying if he really wanted to be something else, but I do, I so appreciate Tom. I think now Daya Bestie has to be it and if you want to go by Daya Bestie, it's almost like analized. That's what I so appreciate. I think now Diabesty has to be it. And if you want to go by Diabesty,

it's almost like analize. That's what I'm saying. This is the same as analize. That was where I was going with it. Andrew wanted me to name my special analize because I talk about anal a lot and it sounds like analyze. Yes.

But it would be, and then the cover of the thing would be me and my eyes would be assholes, right? Was that it? And it would be analize. There was a few different drawings. And I said, I can't be because I don't talk about eyes.

If I talked about eyes and ass, that would be hilarious to call it anal eyes. Like anal eyes. Like anal eyes. But you see things. You see the world. Yes. I was like, that doesn't matter. But you see them through an anal eyes.

You see them through. Eyes are always implied because you're seeing things. Yes. Thank you, Chris. No, he's saying that. Thank you. No, I think he's saying it very... You don't get sarcasm. This guy.

I have that disease. It is interesting. You are sometimes the quickest person I've ever met in my life, and then sometimes I'll say... Because you'll get in like a ranty thing. Yes, and I'll turn off. You'll turn off airplane mode. Airplane joke brain. Yeah, it's like... There are times

I miss jokes all the time i mean people the besties hear it they probably go you didn't know someone wrote me saying that the ceiling made sense oh it did in the astronaut joke okay anyways what were you saying i just want to talk to tom again and just let him know that there are people like him out there that go to your shows and there are people just him. And he needs to know that the whole thing about the besties situation is you're not alone.

Like you guys all have these common interests and there are people that are just like him out there. I think it's the word. It's Muffy. What about you with a Muffy? Why don't you start saying Muffy?

I was just being folksy about that. Have you tried Dye Muffy? I don't care saying Muffy. Have you tried Dye Muffy? Well, I have a friend who doesn't like saying Dye Muffy. I have a friend who doesn't like saying shrimp nibblers I have a friend who doesn't like saying Shrimp Nibblers Oh god, that's bad

He doesn't want to say that word I mean, you don't even need shrimp on there My dad one time was saying succulents a lot And I said, that word is We've taken that from you Go back to accolades You're not allowed to say, she had all these great succulents in her house It's like, ugh.

Also, you could just change the tone. You could just be like, I'm a bestie. Yeah, sometimes they go, I'm a bestie. And you can say it under your breath. Well, you know how bestie started because it was the most obvious name for fans. Because we talked to these people like we're best friends. So we were like, oh, it's going to be funny

to name the most generic. Yes. But it also fits. Like the Nicky heads or the Muffy face. The beauty of the show is that people like Tom. They get that. Well, they get that, but they also feel like they are your friends. Like even though you don't know Tom, he knows you guys like very intimately.

He knows everything about you guys. And like he says, he's working alone. So he's like, it's part of him gets to feel like he's hanging out with his friends. And that's sort of the beauty of what you guys, the club that you guys have created. Yeah, just friendship. Yes, and so there are people like Tom out there. Yeah, Tom's not alone. You're not alone, Tom.

Do we have time? Oh, we gotta wrap up. Okay, well, Chris, thank you so much for being, I never call you Chris, babe. Chris Convey, thank you so much for being here. You can follow him on Instagram at ChrisConvey, C-O-N-V-Y, gonna be mine someday. I don't even know if I'd change it,

but I do like your last name a lot. It's not a bad last name. Oh, it's a great last name. Chris Convey, I hope you'll come back. You were so funny and good. They're gonna love it. I'm sorry for talking so much, besties. I just wanna give a shout out to besties.

I'm sorry. You have to know that they need a break from me, and also you did not talk too much. I know what I'm doing here. You were, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that, but I am just really enthusiasm.

Nikki Glaser. So this is like a, I'm enthusiastic. Yeah. Oh yeah. People are psyched. People love the show. Thank you for saying that.

No, it's very nice. But I'm just very enthusiastic about you guys and about the besties in the show. So I'm sorry if I was too much, but thank you for being nice. You are not too much. Stop it.

Okay. So we have to wrap. I'm really mad that I made up but thank you for being nice. You are not too much at all. Stop it. Okay, so we have to wrap. I'm really mad that I made up this rule where at the end of the show I'm gonna wrap a little bit. Tonight I haven't eaten dinner. We just went on a run. We ran around Forest Park with my hun.

It's not something that we've ever done but man, we gonna do it again. We loved it so much and I love Andrew like a friend. Now listen, we gotta go. Andrew's doing a little dance. Things are feeling good right here on this on the right i got romance on the left i got my friend he's wearing a blonde wig

and things are cool and i'm ready to dig uh out of this hole that i've made for myself but i can't get out so i'm gonna put it on the shelf andrew yo yo yo yo yo chris convie yo yo yo okay he's the middle brother they call him the middle one he Yo. Yo. Okay, he's the middle brother. They call him the middle one. He's got the big cock and he's got nice guns. His favorite movie is Top Gun because it's an F1 racer with long wings. He's got fucking his own wings coming out his hair. And it looks so good, so you better beware.

2029. Whoa, what's going to happen in 2029? Oh, I can't wait for 2029 now. I'll let you know when it comes closer. Great stuff, guys. Thank you. This is so great. Thanks for having us. Thanks for listening to the show this week. Thanks for Diab and us. Oh my God, you just did the... Bless you. Thank you. This is my podcast

style. You're on my podcast. Take it, man. Me and Nick, you're better friends without the Diab. Bless me. Thanks, Diabesties, and thank you, Besties. friends without the dynamic, man. Bless me. Thank you. All right. Thanks, Daya Besties, and thank you, Besties. Don't be cut. And we'll see you in Idaho tonight and then tomorrow in Salt Lake City.

And then Sunday or Saturday in Phoenix, and Noah will also be there. Not on the show, but she's going to be around. So come to those shows if you can. Love you so much. And Jackpot. Daya Jackpot. Love you so much. And Jackpot. Love you, Tom. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer.

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Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

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