The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #235 Is She Your Teacher? W/ Natalie Garcia (MaeDay Rescue)

Episode Date: June 16, 2022

Andrew's fingers may have been shaved off and Nikki kinda gets having pride for sports teams after hearing the emotion tied to it. Natalie Garcia of MaeDay Rescue joins to answer all questions about being a lesbian and rescuing dogs. They talk about age gaps in relationships, Sheldon the blind poodle and Nikki reveals that she is getting vetted for fostering a bird named Elmer. Also, you'll never guess who came up with the name of the  #whosyourdoggieseries.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season. But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Sheckner, Billy Porter, and so many more.

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I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences. Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Hello. Here I am. Welcome to the show. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. Andrew is here with me spinning a basketball on his finger. I can never do it, man.

Oh, man. These things are n it, man. Oh, man. These things are nubs, too. Maybe they got to be pointer. Yeah, maybe you do have to have a little bit of an actual point of a fingertip. Yeah, they do all look like they were sawed off about a half an inch. Like you were raising your hand in class. Well, if you're wondering, my dick looks exactly the same. A low-flying drone just went like like, those things that, like, hedge, trim hedges.

Oh, yeah. It was my trigger. You were trying to reach the top of a hedge, and it was like, No! No! They don't get smaller at the top. They're, like, the same width. Sausages. They're like little hot dogs. Yum, yum, yum. They're the same width. Sausages.

They're like little hot dogs. Yum, yum, yum. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Your mom's birthday meal. Oh, if I only had beans in my hand. Hey, mom. Your mom's ideal mother day is you just serving her beans in bed with your hands. Thanks, son.

I have always loved you. I wish your hands were a little longer so I could have more beans. Oh, my God. Yeah, no, these are interesting. Yeah. It's like they painted nails on the third quarter of a finger. Well, you bite your nails down to the little, so they're like little, barely, like if you looked up in the sky, you'd go

the moon isn't there. And you'd go, no, it's the most waxing it will ever be. You know, like a sliver of a moon. Oh, yes. Yes. I have a clips nail. Yeah, you have a clips nail. You've clips them a little too much.

With my teeth that aren't there What teeth are you getting them with? Just gumming them down for a while I always do the same tooth The only place where my teeth Meet every single time And I know that they do Yeah, you do this weird thing where you tuck them

Wait, show me your strategy Because I don't understand how I'm trying to figure it out I don't know, I'm in a trance every time I do it. I'm serious. You do. Underneath the bottom. Well, how is that getting anything?

Is there a nail file on the bottom of your tooth? Because I need both teeth to clamp down on the nail and bite it. I think I get it going with the bottom. This is insane. Wait, wait. Try to figure out what you do. This is insane. Because I don't.

You know what i'm doing i'm using a can opener uh manual and then using that's what i'm saying andrew uses one just his lower teeth to bite his fingernails he doesn't even use his top teeth i use the top teeth to finish the job i use the top to finish the job what do you oh to get it uprooted and to lift it up oh you use like you know those little things that get staples out yes yes that's what you use for your bottom teeth to pry the nail open from its bed i'm so sorry to everyone listening oh no i'm thinking about i had to do that once out of my finger because i you never stapled your fingers oh yeah you always tell you told me that you still do your fingers a lot as a kid you can still feel

it if you've ever done it clamped down all the way. Like it stapled shut on your finger. It closed. Oh boy. I had to turn the paper in with my thumb. I used to love those little things that you would I used to love those little things that you would yeah to get the stapler stapler remover. They're great. And you go

I'm hungry for stapler. That's what took care of these fingers. I had a kid in my class his dad ran over his arm And you go, I'm hungry for a steakball. That's what took care of these fingers. Yeah. God. I had a kid in my class. His dad ran over his arm with the lawnmower, cut his arm off, and then they reattached it. Isn't that insane? The whole arm? Whole arm.

Like it was just dangling. Oh, man. I was thinking about that guy that got eaten by a shark. Oh. The other day. From like six months ago. Yeah, but we focused on that a lot. I mean, that was a big moment on our show.

That was a horrible, horrible thing to happen. I'm still thinking of that guy. Yeah, getting a whole arm ripped off. Did you hear he lived? No, shut up. The spirit lives on on this podcast. I'll tell you that. Up there, man. Yeah, point up at him. There he goes.

There he is swimming. Are you watching the NBA Finals? No doubt. I watched it the other night. How did you feel about it? Well, I'm watching it because Chris was watching it and he really likes the guy from St. Louis. Jason Tatum? Yeah, Tatum.

Tatum. Yeah, I hear he's a good guy. Chris's goal, Chris loves St. Louis, you know, and he wants St. Louis, like, just to achieve everything. As if St. Louis was his, like, you know, special needs son. He wears it on his sleeve. He just loves St. Louis, and he wants

St. Louis. So his goal is that this Tatum guy does enough impressive things, wins Boston a championship. Can I guess? Yeah. Daddy gets a basketball team back here. No. Damn.

He wants Tatum. He wants, you know, everyone who's not in Boston hates Boston sports teams pretty much. Well, Boston fans are known to be pieces of shit, but all fans are pieces of shit, but they're extra. Yes, they're extra. Okay. So he wants a statue of Tatum, who is from St. Louis, erected in Boston so that a famous St. Louisan is being heralded. And there's a statue, and he thinks that he could probably get it, that this kid is that good.

That someday there would be a statue of a St. Louisan in Boston as kind of like a secret fuck you to Boston. I'm like, yeah, you claim this guy, but we started him. I think I kind of like, yeah, you claim this guy, but we started him. I think I kind of like it. It's like it's such a- I know, I'm trying to think where Michael Jordan's from and if people feel- He's from North Carolina. Yeah, so he's from North Carolina.

Yeah, they have pride. I'm sure, but I wonder if they're like that statue in Chicago. That's how I always feel about baseball teams where Chris is like excited about the Cardinals and I go, because we were talking, I go, David Freeze is the only one I think that not David Freeze was that David Freeze yeah but he's not playing he was from I know but he but he was impressive for a while and yeah um he had a great home run oh yeah yeah he I mean Chris has had me

watch that highlight it was an amazing that's the thing like I can get into sports if someone describes to me what they mean to them and like what and what they meant at the time like chris walked me through how he felt when the cardinals were it was the sixth game of the seven game series boston was about to take it all and then all of a sudden david freeze stepped up and like like he just described the moment where he was and him and tim are on the couch jumping up and down in their greenpoint apartment like You could just tell it was me talking about meeting Taylor Swift or something. It was just so palpable, the excitement.

He also told me that he was playing pickleball the other day and his favorite tennis player is Nadal and that there was this that they were playing pickleball against two guys that were much better than them. Him and my friend Rob Durham, his friend, he's a comedian in town. They were playing to pickleball against two guys that were like much better than them and him and uh my friend rob durham and his friend uh he's a comedian in town they were playing

against these two guys and these two guys were like get a little cocky like because they were just like we're so much better and we're gonna beat these guys and chris and rob had them at the first and then the guys came back and they were losing a lot a lot and then chris was like he remembered this moment that nadal was like down really like like it was like zero it was something love you know which i don't hear that word out of chris's mouth a lot so when i do hear it i perk up i go what you're talking about and he goes no i'm talking about a sports score and i was like oh that was close enough um so uh i think he would like that joke and so then he was like and then nadal just came out of nowhere he had a screenshot of the moment nadal like turned the game around and like went

for this like lunch for the shot and everything turned around and then he ended up winning consecutively winning so many well i don't even know what game it was or whatever but it was like this moment that for him he was like he channeled that with these cocky guys that were like think thought they were gonna take it and he was like it doesn't matter that we're so far out of the like we're not gonna win we could and then he turned it around in that moment because he was channeling nadal and he's like that's why sports matter to me and i'm like sports matter to you so that you can do well in sports like it's always like just yeah you can apply it more to sports yeah And that's how I helped a village. No, yeah.

It was, yeah, exactly. By giving them T-shirts that weren't used in a championship. And that's how I won a non-professional pickleball game against two guys from South County. It sounds like Chris loves an underdog story. So it's like that's what St. Louis is to a lot of people. A lot of times with sports, it's the smaller city against the big city of boston and that's the idea of tatum like he's from a smaller even though st louis pretty big city it's not like he's from the farm but 16th

biggest yeah yeah but still like i i get that like i would dude if i showed you i gotta show you a picture of when i was a sophomore in high school playing high school football. I was- Tiny. Like, Nikki, the jersey went past my knees. Yeah. Like, I'm not- I mean, I remember seeing a picture of you.

When was that picture where you were the tiniest of all the girls? I mean, they were lined up by height and you were smaller than all the girls. The grass was taller than me. Yeah. I was like, like i'm over here and then they shaved my nubs off so did rudy inspire you did like the little engine who could the little don't even get me started on rudy rudy i've watched field mouse i've watched it 300 times yeah rudy and i'm kidding because you felt like you might be rudy yeah dude and my, here's the funny thing. My coach would be like, dude, you have so much heart. If anyone had heart like Colin, I'm like. Heart is the worst thing to have.

Sorry. Heart is like, he's a nice comedian. That's 30 heart should be the name, the score. It's zero. Heart sucks. Love. Yeah. Yeah.

So I'm saying it's like. Well, it's like the coach's award that was a thing i used to get most improved and stuff like that most dedicated that's all heart yeah even like i i complimented someone yesterday and i was like you work so hard and i was like oh boy why did i say that they're just talented why do i have to say you work hard just give them a fucking compliment the funny part was is like i didn't have that much heart i was gonna say you have i barely are i was too small to have art yeah you what you had was a negligent family home and a desire to to succeed outside of it just to have

friends and to get a warm cooked meal with another family. You wanted that like carb load meal before the game that felt like a... Dude, I hit... You probably had a heart. No, I did. I mean, for how small I was, but... And you're just a good athlete though. I mean, can you say that? Or was it just that...

Is that what you say to someone who looks so tiny that has a good athletic ability, but it's like, it's never going to happen for you. I mean, did you like Muggsy Bogues? I mean, I was- Were there people like, didn't you look up to shorties? Yeah. Like Danny DeVito.

I looked him in the eye. Yeah, Danny DeVito was my sports hero. My sports hero is Webster. Did you look up to any short basketball players that were like dunkers? No, I fucking love Mugsy Bugs. Spud Webb. Spud Webb was 5'7", and he could dunk. Of course these guys both sound short.

Oh, yeah. Spud Webb? Sounds like what we call your pants. My pants. Spud Webbs. You want beans, Mom? Oh, my God. You want beans? mom you want beans perfect name for your hands so yeah boogs is also like a tiny guy's name yeah dude i was i was obsessed with these i didn't want to pick them just because i was small too like that's the other thing it's like you're small

you need to like these small people it's like but yeah if they could do it so could i that kind of idea yeah um yeah and i just remember just like i would i started on special teams and uh i'm we were in what does that mean so special times special teams okay how do i describe you know when they kick off yeah and there's like 10 guys running down and then the guy receives it? That's special team. Now imagine if I'm Chris. Imagine if I'm Chris telling you. Wait, special team.

That doesn't make any sense. So the people that start the game? Yes. And the punt. Do you know the punt? The punter. But why is that special? Why is that different than the rest of the team?

Well, there's offense, defense, and special teams. Oh, wait. There's a third? Why, defense, and special teams. Oh, wait. There's a third? Why doesn't anyone go special teams? Special teams. Because it sounds pretty bad. It's always defense. There's never offense being yelled, and there's never special teams being yelled.

And special teams, is it for the worst players on the team? They're not the best. Okay, so that's a yes. Yeah. Okay. But there have been special teams guys that have become like is the kicker a special team yes so it's like things that aren't offense or defense yes so water boy no ball shiner maybe inflator ball deflator tom brady kiss his mouth son baby boy

so i was on specialty oh this was the best. My coach one time goes, there's two things you got to know about football. Two things. Offense, defense, and oh, special teams. Oh my God. What a moron. And it was one of the biggest speeches before the biggest game.

Where do you learn all this stuff? What do you mean? Where as a young boy do you learn about football and what it means like how do you that's all we learn but how did you learn like there are four downs and there's this many points and like how do you how do you put up where do you put all that when you're a little kid that's so much information there's so much technical stuff in football well football baseball every sport soccer um well usually as a kid it's just like hand it off run that way and then you slowly it's not like you don't really know it's almost like being in band where you just like blow into the instrument and kind of like mime it and then

over time you're like maybe i should learn a note i never learned i know but i'm yeah no no no i know when you're doing football do you like you didn't start if see this is the thing about me yes i would have had a panic attack because i didn't know all i'd be like well i don't understand what the the yards are i don't know what you play field hockey yeah and i used to panic because i didn't know the technical stuff and so i didn't want to play like i don't i need to know everything before i start something because what are you doing if but you learn through doing there's so many things that you've learned not an official game what's the worst that could happen you look bad you hit the ball

the wrong way or you send it to someone who isn't you send it to someone who's not that person was open over there what were you thinking you fucking idiot like that kind of stuff i would say why do i feel like you would if you fucking idiot? Like, that kind of stuff. I would say, why do I feel like you would, if you leaned into competitiveness in that stuff, you could really like it? You like being competitive. Yes. I agree with Andrew. But only on things I'm naturally good at. But you are naturally pretty, you're, dude, I've seen

you throw that fucking, whatever that your dad's, like, Navajo like, throwing ball thing he had out his... Oh, yeah. I mean... You're good at that. You would have been good at lacrosse. It just doesn't bring me to it.

I told you to read Come Alive. It talks all about this. Oh, yeah. I'm reading it. I started reading it. Nice. Yeah, I got to read that. Oh, my God.

Did Noah give it to you? It's so good. Well, because it's that guy from the tools book that we love that I read a fourth of. Not even a fourth. Maybe I got the tools to read that book. Yeah, that one was so good. It's, what is it called? Coming Alive.

I downloaded both the audio book and, at first I downloaded the audio book and I was like, fuck, I didn't mean to. I wanted, because I like reading self-help books, like listening to them, I'll just fall asleep. And then I downloaded the, and I was like, okay, I guess I'm spending $30 on this book

that would have cost me 15. So I downloaded both. And then I was reading along as they were like talking. The audio book though is like, okay, I guess I'm spending $30 on this book that would have cost me $15. I downloaded both and then I was reading along as they were talking. The audio book though is like the authors insisted they read it. Not the best choice. I know there's a guy with a very thick Jewish Brooklyn

accent, Barry. There's no difference. He doesn't get excited. There's no tonal shift anywhere. It's very monotone. A couple of voice cracks. I like that idea though. But listening, it's kind of like subtitles.

It's like, it reminds me of being in class. And the problem is I always read ahead because I'm like, you're so slow. And so I started doing it faster. And then I was, but anyway, it was, it is helpful because as soon as I wanted to go to sleep, I was like, I kind of just want to drift off with this and then you could put the audiobook on stop reading at 30 minutes so it stops so you don't just read the whole book throughout the night

then you don't know where to but I do know about us let's talk about special teams there's a thing called the special force the the the part x part x X? Part X is a thing in the book, and it's the thing that prevents you from, it's like someone with a gun to your head telling you not to do things and to stay in bed. Don't, don't. Hey, dude. Eat that extra helping.

Hey, man. Don't exercise today. There's constantly a part of you that is forcing you, pointing a gun at you, making you feel like you have no choice but to surrender to these bad habits that prevent you from reaching your full potential as an NBA athlete, which is what I'm going to be once I really stop listening to this thing. You can be anything you want. At a certain age. Exactly. That's what I told Chris. Was it insulting yeah that's x yeah well i told chris last night because he was talking about um all

right i'm gonna be in the nfl starting now is this insulting can i just ask you a quick question as a boy yeah um no that's the answer yeah i know going to say. I was talking to Chris last night about he's training for this bike trip he's doing. And he does sometimes two or three hour rides a day. He's really training and he's working with someone and he's doing nutrition. He's just doing a whole regimen, but he's very dedicated to it. But it takes so much time. And I said to him, and he's like, I don't know. I just really feel it. He's like, dedicated to it, but it takes so much time. And I said to him and he's like, I don't know. I just really feel I was like he's like it's not sustainable, but it's you know, I'd like to do it the rest of my life in some way.

And I was like, oh, there's probably a way to moderate it. But he was like I was like, but it's cool, though, that you can like get so dedicated to something and like actually do it. Like he does not skip a workout like he's really good about it. And I said to him, he was like, skip a workout like he's really good about it um and he i said to him he was like i just feel like i'm really good at it and i could actually be really really good and i said that's true like you're an nba i've always said that to him a natural born athlete which is a joke that it makes it sound like i'm a dumb sports girl that's like you're an nba like it sounds like i think so i said you're you're obviously a natural born athlete and um yeah you could be you could be the like the best for your age bracket is that a bad thing to say no no it's true though like he could read he could be because there's like sports competitions at every level of age right yeah that's how it is in jujitsu was that yeah was that was there

offense taken no i was just worried to send it because I did have the caveat of like, okay, he's not going to be as good as he could have been at 22 doing this. But he's about to be 41, and I think he could be the best 41-year-old at this thing. I do feel like... He didn't take offense. I think he was complimented. But at the time, I was like, if someone told me you could be the best for your age group i'd be like um fuck you yeah i i'm too insecure to handle that age thing well here's the thing about cycling i really do think if you took it serious you could

be almost just as good at 41 as if you started at 22 and took it. It's like a weird sport. Ping pong, golf. Long distance running for women, they're usually in their mid-30s when they're winning for all women's ages. So there are things like that. Now if you said you'd be the best for 60 and older.

At 41? That would be insulting. Alright, let's go to break and come back after this. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year,

offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah. Whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early. Well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show, ears edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines.

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Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories, and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique. Listen to mini questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. We want to speak out. We want to raise awareness and we want this to stop. Wow. Very powerful.

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Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, welcome back to the show. We have a guest now. We took too much time, and so I didn't properly introduce her before and warn you guys, but we have a guest on the show. She runs the Mayday Rescue, which is where I got Luigi and Marion in Los Angeles, and she's also a lesbian. Please welcome to the show.

She also is the host of the possibly online series Who's Your Doggy? Which I just filmed yesterday. Please welcome Natalie Garcia. Hello. Hi. Natalie's in town because we filmed, she came to me from LA to film the finale of the show,

Who's Your Doggy? Yeah. Where we find out. If Natalie's gay? Yes. Yes. It's literally coming out they can tell through dna now yeah we can just talk oh you're a shih tzu and a lesbian yep pretty

much so the show is like where we you do you like uh we get swab samples from the dog and then right you come back and then we reveal oh my god this is like finding out like your family tree kind of exactly I mean it's sent shockwaves through Luigi's life after this revelation he is not the same I cannot reveal what he is yet because that episode will come later but I'll tell you off air yes

so but Natalie I said she's a lesbian because we talked yesterday about like what we're gonna talk about and she's like can we not talk about like we can talk about rescue stuff. Yeah, a little bit. I just didn't want to like, you know. Yeah. Like there's more to me than just a dog lady.

Yeah. There's another dog lady. As in a lesbian. Yes. Yes. There is another dog lady I live with. Okay. Well, Natalie.

So when did you know you were gay? We get to ask all our lesbian questions. I mean, I kind of have a lot. Great. I love this. Let's dive on in. When did you know you were gay? We get to ask all our lesbian questions. I mean, I kind of have a lot. Great. I love this. Let's dive on in. When did you know you were gay? When I used to want to be like my teachers,

but realized I didn't want to be like them. I wanted to be in them. Wait a second. You wanted to be like them. I'll hook up with your female. I'll hook up with my female teachers. What age was this like seven

seven just like wanting to like you're like yeah I was like oh I want to be like that when I'm older like I like how she dresses and I'd always be kind of

obsessed with them but like didn't realize it like everyone else would just kind of leave to recess and I'd like hang out and just literally thought oh maybe I want to be a teacher yeah

but then I would do that with every profession that was a hot woman any little girl out there who wants to be a teacher means you're a lesbian you might not girl out there who wants to be a teacher. Means you're a lesbian. You might not be a person that wants to help our youth,

but you just want to get in them. Yep. That makes sense to me. I feel like I've even said that a lot of times where guys I've dated, I'm like, oh, wait a second, they don't like me. They want to be me. Like I've had the opposite where it's like they don't,

they don't like me. They just go like wait how did you get that thing like I want to they want to because I have a very masculine energy so they're like they they want my confidence this is how they found out they were gay exactly I was gonna ask I was like is that where we're going it's weird two roads lead to the same thing yeah wait when did you know no no no no um i came out when i was 14 14 so i like knew so i am a gold star wow you are no penis here yeah oh my god real 14 yeah how did you struggle with it before you came out or was it not really honestly for me i kind of was just

like that kid that like i like to shock people yeah so i was like pretty excited my mom is also my parents are divorced but my mom has always been bi but she also likes to like embarrass me so like my friend picked me up for like we were literally going to like have coffee or something and when he picked me up my mom was like make sure to wear a condom I mean seat belt and so I wanted to just get her right away and I was like mom I'm a lesbian I like chicks and then I left and when I came back she was like was that serious like I don't care and I was like. And then I left. And when I came back, she was like, was that serious? Like, I don't care. And I was like, I mean, maybe.

I don't really. I kind of want to date girls. And she was like, great. And so then from that moment on, I kind of was like, I'm going to do this because I came out. And so now I'm a big dyke. Now you're locked in. Way to stick to a bit. Yeah. I really took it.

Yeah. Talk about determination. And actually, I'm straight. And I'm getting here. I'm just kidding. I've held on this too long i just really always wanted to be a teacher i realized that was yeah and now i'm quitting everything and i'm hoping to get my teaching degree um but that is interesting like wanting to shock that's what i want i used to like want to be gay just so i could make my parents mad yeah because it was a thing that i knew that they knew i couldn't choose

because i knew my parents fell on the right side of like no one's choosing to be like it's not it's just you're you are yeah and so i knew that they couldn't get mad at me about it right you know but that they would be secretly a little bit disappointed because of the whole i just don't want my daughter to have people judge her and struggle even though it's like their judgment that they're projecting on other people. Yeah. But it is, you know,

it is tougher to be gay. I mean, that's what my grandma said right away. She wasn't like, I don't want to, you know, she's Catholic. She's Hispanic,

all the things. Yeah. But that was it. She was like, I just don't want you to have a hard life. And here I am like marching in pride parades, making out with ladies. I'm like,

I don't know how this is going to be hard for anyone. Well, it's hard to march for that long. It is. Your legs get so tired. It's true. Yeah. Bunions.

What happened to sit-ins? Yeah. I'm sure your grandma's life was so easy being straight. It's not all that hard. I love when women are like, my life, because I'm straight, is just so simple and easy.

Yes. Yes. Dealing with men is so just easy, breezy. Exactly. Literally, men cause women and and vice versa uh cause uh so much pain in their lives like just and not that lesbians don't have that same i mean the thing about lesbians though that i always feel is that you guys just fall real fast i mean there's the u-haul lesbian where's like, because that's the way girls,

like that's the way I fall for guys. Like I just know right away, let's just do this. And then when you have two people feeling that same way, does it happen fast? Oh yeah. If we actually, we joke.

I mean, my wife and I feel like are the very, we're like the opposite of that. Like we were together two years before we moved in and then it took us seven years to get married. And so now it's been 13 years. But in 13 years, which is a long time, we know people who've been married like three times,

gotten divorced, all of a sudden they're on Instagram. I'm in love, I'm in love. A year later, they're sobbing on Instagram. And I'm like, what the fuck is happening? I know. Get off Instagram. Yeah, get off Instagram is really the answer. So you have a wife.

I do have a wife. What took you so long to, you think, pull the trigger on moving in and then getting engaged? Do you want to fight the stereotype? That was it. Yeah, I was like, fuck you guys. It was like, fuck you, mom. Fuck you, stereotype. That's like your whole life.

That's my whole life. Fuck you. I'm doing what I want. I'm going against everything. No, I don't know. There was just no rush. I think we what I want. I'm doing it, going against everything. No, I don't know. We just like, there was just no rush.

I think we're just like level headed and I was a little bit of a whore before that. So I think she was trying to be like, but it was that hard being a whore as a lesbian because wouldn't, because when you have sex, girl, girls get attached from sex and intimacy. Did you,

I'm saying, was it a struggle for you in terms of like girls getting attached to you and you having to be like, oh, this is just casual because a lot of girls enter into things thinking it's going to be casual and are like,

oh, I'm fine with it. Right. I mean, that happened, but I'm just kind of like, I hate to say it because back then I feel like I was kind of just like an ass

and I think I just broke hearts. Like I was totally that person. Like people being like, that was really fun. You want to hang out tomorrow? And I'd be like, yeah, maybe keep on trucking. I'll call that person. Like people being like, that was really fun. You want to hang out tomorrow? And I'd be like, yeah, maybe. Keep on trucking. I'll call you sometime.

Hell yeah. Keep on trucking is such a. Keep on you hauling. Yep. Keep on you hauling. How were you able not to get attached? I mean, I guess I did. I don't know.

I don't know why I wasn't able. I think I just like liked. I think also when I just moved to LA, I was like really wanting to meet people and get out and yeah you know and I had a relationship prior to that and I really just didn't feel like ready to dive in because exactly like you said it's like then I knew I was going to be in another relationship and another relationship and I was like no yes let's have some fun that's a good yeah but it's just it's so hard because you think you're gonna have fun and then you just want more of the same thing fun but are you do you um do you feel like you have a more because i get it i get a sense of a masculine energy from you or are you like in your relationship are you the i'm not not top bottom but like every

relationship straight or gay oh yeah has someone who's masculine and it could be the man is the feminine totally totally oh yeah 100 well that's what's funny is like if you see maria everyone's like oh she's a butch lesbian like you would just think that but she is like so much more femme than me she cries at like any story of like someone being nice like she'll see like an old lady a guy jump out of a car to cross the street with her and she'll start sobbing in the car and i'm like are you kidding me and like yeah so i'm totally more the guy if you were going to do that which is like understand what you're saying i hate saying that but yes, if you were going to do that. Yes. Which is like, understand what you're saying. I hate saying that, but yes. Yes. But if you look at me, I look like a femme lesbian.

Yeah, you look like the feminine energy role. But who made the first move and everything? Who was like, okay, we're doing this? I did. Because also, spoiler alert, guys, she's 20 years older than me. So that probably was also why I took a little. Right. So I think that was it.

Because she felt like a creep. She was my teacher from second grade. Mrs. Ivner. Honestly, that could be a huge possibility. Ruth. 20 years older than you. Yeah, so that was, of course, an issue. When you started dating, was that,

I mean, how did this even get kicked off? Which also, can I just say that I thought that Maria and I were the first age gap lesbian couple couple then here comes sarah paulson and holland taylor holland taylor that is i'm sorry what is that like 33 years or something yeah something like that yeah but like we were the og anyway um 20 years is a lot it's still a lot yeah for sure because now i look at myself being 36 and i'm like obviously a 16 year old but even a 23 year old is what when we met there's no way i would even think about dating a 16 year old but even a 23 year old is what when we met there's no way I would even think about dating a 23 year old now yeah and that was her thing is she wasn't even

entertaining it either we just like met at a party like she lived near me and she literally was like oh you just moved to LA like sure I'll show you some cool places like it wasn't romantic I was seeing other people oh really and then it just we like decided to hang out all the time and my roommate literally finally came in my room one night she's like you talk on the phone with her for like two hours a night and you're just laughing and laughing and laughing she's like I've never seen you so happy and I was like yeah but she's old and I'm a child like yeah there's no way yes and on her end her friends were saying the same thing where they were like yo it's a 23 year old what are you doing and she's like I'm just gonna have fun like this isn't going anywhere it's just gonna be fun yeah and so she didn't want to be a creep and so it was up to me basically so I think we got drunk

one night and then we like I like made a move and we like made out and then we both were like wait a second and then at one point we broke up for like 20 minutes and we're sobbing in a cafe by saying like oh we shouldn't do this all of our friends are saying what are we doing yeah and we basically were like if we're this upset let's just keep doing this and having fun until we're not having fun anymore. Oh, that's great. And it's been 13 years. I'm still having a pretty good time.

Oh my God. Yeah. 13 years. Yeah. Yeah, we were talking about this yesterday, I guess, about how couples are, how you think couples will be doing well from Instagram and then all of a sudden they divorce like out of nowhere.

Yeah. And like how that happens. So like we just or you hang out with couples and you think, oh, they're great. You go out to dinner with them. And then a week later you find out they're divorcing. You're like, we saw no signs of it. And how much people kind of hide that stuff. Yeah.

It's crazy. From everyone. Or you just don't know. Maybe they are just really good friends and it's fine. And one of them just realized I need more than that yeah and like everybody needs different stuff yeah so healthy yeah yes but i mean that what do you mean it's so healthy are you you're being facetious no no i mean i'm not being sarcastic oh you aren't uh-uh oh okay i was being for real like that is healthy to just be like oh we're just friends yeah let's yeah yeah they just go your separate ways just because you both decided maturely that this isn't right but no hard feelings yeah and everyone's sad

about it i love a couple that stays friends after they divorce like stays good friends and you can tell they're almost like brother sister friends yeah it's like raise kids that's so cool to me i know i don't know how people do that. Someone recently. But like, and you're married, right? Correct. When did you get married? Six years ago, this past Saturday

was just our six year anniversary, June 11th. Oh yeah. Was it hard to get people, your family on board with someone, you having a wife that's 20 years older than you?

At first. No, same thing. I kind of was just like, fuck everybody. I'm doing something different. Like I kind of was just like, fuck everybody. I'm doing something different. Like I think it wasn't like surprising to them. Do the age, do you see, what are the big discrepancies with your age where you're like, oh, just references?

No, I mean, that's the other thing is, so for me, like I actually hate to say this to you, but like I don't really know any Taylor Swift songs. Like I don't know stuff of I Know. I don't know anything this. I'm just like, I've always been a 1960s and 70s buff. That's always been my thing. So there's a lot of references.

Actually, this morning I was watching Three's Company. Great show. And I actually called my wife. My wife called me and was like, I have to go. I have to figure out what Chrissy's getting into. And she was like, who? And I was like, you know, Three's Company. And she's like, God, I haven't seen that show since the 70s.

I was like, it's a great show. We should watch it. It's so funny. But yeah, no, there's not a lot. I mean, you know, yeah, I can't think of what, I think when we get, when we're the Holland Taylor age, that's going to be a little. That's going to be different.

Been wanting to ask Sarah Paulson, what do old people taste like? Oh my God. Depends. Ayo. Ayo. different but wanting to been wanting to ask sarah pulson what do old people taste like oh my god the comedy to the comedians over here um yeah that's gonna be that's gonna be the weird thing when the i mean andrew was in a 16 year gap relationship yeah and so he is are you a lesbian too i am you know it's a choice I made. She's the feminine energy lesbian. I was 13 and a half, actually. No offense.

It's pretty impressive. Do you have cultural, was there any kind of thing? I thought there was. I mean, she knows some songs that obviously I hate. But I think it has to do with who raised you like your parents like a lot of the music you love as a kid is just what your parents listen to yes so like

you know her parents listen to you know o-town and i love her parents like listen to tom patty and she's a music wise and all all that shit, I don't know. I know it sounds cheesy when a guy goes, you know, actually, we have a lot in common. Does it? I know she's an old soul, but you always make fun of that. Like an old soul. Yeah, when guys say that girls have old souls. Right.

It's really obnoxious to me. Why is it obnoxious to you? Because it's not the truth. It can be, yes, she can all... I think you would still date her even if she... The old soul isn't what's reeling you in for a young girl. Right, right, right. But I think people get mad when you're like,

look, I'm 42. I was insanely immature and never been in a real relationship. That, it checks out. And then she... You're a young soul. Yeah, I checks out. And then she... You're a young soul. I'm a young... Yeah, I'm a young... And she is too.

That's where it matches up. She's not an old... I mean, she is extremely mature. Wait, so how old is she? In her 20s? 26. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. But I'm just saying like some people are like, that doesn't matter. The number is what... You know, like some people don't want to hear that shit. Like some people are,

oh, you're immature for your age. That's why you should be with someone 20 years younger. It's like, yeah. No, I don't. That's just. Yeah, I think it really is fine. It's just like I think that I just get annoyed when it's just like don't rule out the fact that she's young and hot. Right.

And that you have time to admit that. No, that's 90% of it yeah she's gorgeous because this is the thing it's like you know if I think there are men older men that want kids and let's say like yeah let's say your wife wanted kids and didn't want to have sure right she would need someone who and but she doesn't know when she wants to have them she wants a little bit of time right You gotta pick someone in their 20s if you want time. If you wanna have kids, you cannot marry a girl in her 30s

if you still want 5 to 10 years of no kids with the person that you wanna have kids with. You can't do it. So someone like me, for a guy in his 40s who's like, I wanna have kids when I'm 50 or whatever, he's entitled to that. I'm not gonna, I'm ruled out and that sometimes makes me upset where I'm just like whatever. You know, that's, he's entitled to that. I'm not going to, I'm, I'm ruled out. And that sometimes makes me upset where I'm just like,

oh, I can't. Every, every guy I think thinks that women in their thirties and especially me at 38, they're like, well, she can't even have kids probably.

Just surprise them and be like, yo, I froze so many eggs. You're welcome. I didn't. And I don't want to. They don't know that. That's a good point.

Just lie. I mean, they know now if they're listening, you can buy any eggs. I mean, they don't know. They don't know. I just say I good point. Just lie. I mean, they know now if they're listening. You can buy any eggs. I mean, they don't know. They don't know who's egg it is. I can just say I have froze eggs. Yeah, and they'll be like, cool.

They are my eggs. I bought them. Yeah. I know I'm vegan, but I want to get them. Right, they're organic. And then when it comes time, you're like, oh, weird. We waited too long. They're shriveled up.

Sorry. And he's like, what about those frozen eggs? And I'm like, they're in the, what does that have to do with us having a baby? Right. Do you want those? I can th What does that have to do with us having a baby? Right. Do you want those? Do you? I can thaw them out and make you an omelet. Hard-boiled eggs?

But can you make an omelet? I think that's bigger lie. Oh my God. The other night. Oh my God. We have to go to break. We'll come back with more after this. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year.

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he was like could you if you made it i would eat it i was like i get to make something for you i felt so domestic even though i burnt the broccoli and it actually was good it was a little bit charred but it was good and i felt i've never cooked anything ever for boy and i love i loved it i loved like oh does a baby i like when boys are babies yeah so much well you do that with luigi i yeah so it's the same thing you just want to date a dog that's a man luigi is only nice to me honestly and like loves me when i go like oh i pretend like he's sick and then he goes oh and he like falls into me i go are you a baby and then he'll just get like really like slumpy but it's

like that he can only i feel like i can only give love when someone or something is sick right and that they like can't fight me off right that sounds bad but maybe it's like a competitive thing where like like if they're too strong then it's like i don't know like why wouldn't you want to help a strong person i do but i feel like they're always like i got it oh okay i feel like either with luigi like when they when someone needs to be babied because they're sick they get a little bit more like soft and they're just a little bit more loving needy i like i like neediness wait did you say that your boyfriend wanted you to cook chicken did you say chicken yeah but i and he eats chicken that's not like a deal breaker for you no interesting if it were i would be alone forever and ever and ever ever

i mean there's no vegans out there are you a vegan i'm not but i'm a vegetarian but there's a lot in la yeah i don't live in la i live in st louis where you know dairy is king chicken is vegan here i guess it's not me he's really sweet and like he only brings over chicken because i told him it was okay like generally he's like he'll respect you he really he he tries and he really wants to be vegan like and he goes he goes, I know that doesn't mean anything. And I go, yes, it does. Like, it means something to me that you, that is a goal of yours at some point. Like, that's all I need.

And if he's just conscientious about it and like probably cutting back eating meat when he's with you, which is something. And he bought all this plant-based stuff and he sent me like a picture of it. Like, he wants to try, like he knows it's the right thing to do. So that stuff matters to me. It's romantic. The chicken was alive. Nikki had to kill it herself. It felt like hunting. As long as he came over and I got to cuddle with it. It was sick. It accepted my love.

It died of old age. A piece of seed. A little baby chicken. Speaking of, I'm having a bird lady come over to the house today. Oh, that's not you? That's not me. No, she's a dog lady. Yeah, different.

U-Haul dog lady. I'm getting a, I'm probably fostering a Quaker parrot. So it's religious. Do you know where it came from? Yeah, it, well, it's, yeah, it came from some fucking breeder situation where the parents probably got it for their kid being like, I'll get my five-year-old a parrot.

Right. And we want one that talks. So we got to get this one. So it probably came from a breeder. And then they realize it lives 40 years. Right. And they're like, fuck. Because I think it's like five to eight years old is what they're like placing it.

Does she bring like a cage and all the things for you? Yeah, they're going to bring everything as as a foster they like supply you with everything and you know they don't usually like people that are like i just want to try this out to see if i want it like you know you work in rescue no screw that yeah and i mean that's what happened to me with where i was like can i just keep them and i didn't but i didn't know that i wasn't like i just want to try this dog out because they were telling me that a lot of people go like um they'll foster a bird that works for their lifestyle. Yeah. And then they'll be like, I don't really like it.

It's just like not. And they're like, well, this isn't about you liking it. Right. You're just giving it a home until we find a home. If that was about you liking it, you would be buying a bird forever. Yes. This is just temporary. I put it on my shoulder and I was like, and brought it to a bar and that was cool. But now like. Right, forever. Yes. Right, this is just temporary. Like I put it on my shoulder

and I was like, and brought it to a bar and that was cool. But now like. And I took some selfies. Yeah, I took like three selfies. I got 300 likes and they keep going down.

I don't know if the bird's getting uglier or I'm getting older. This bird isn't getting me enough likes. Can I return it? Yeah. It really is. That's what you should do. Do a,

rent a puppy. I should. For Instagram. Just for Instagram. In LA. You can make, and take a picture in front you should do. Rent a puppy. I should. For Instagram in LA. Just for Instagram. You can take a picture in front of a pink wall with the puppy. Yes. And then have an account called Bad People. And then you just tag those people and we know they're bad people. Right.

That just want to rent a dog. Yeah. I mean that we kind of do that on accident, which we don't mean to. But we offer trials. And so it's like people can have a week before they adopt. And so we have to seed those people out to make sure. Cause we've had those few people that are like, they get the dog.

And for five days, they take them everywhere in LA and we just are following them. And they're taking picture, picture, picture. And then literally day five, they're like, this is so much work.

Um, I just realized we're not a good fit. And I'm like, yo bitch, your Instagram. Oh, it looks like you were best friends. My God.

Yeah. And then what, don't people have questions? Like what, what happened to the dog? No. People are idiots. People just follow, you know, like. Yeah. People read private plane.

20 something year olds now, they just like comment with stars or flames. Like there's no, like, they're not asking. They're like, can we trade it in? Is that your dog? Like nobody's. Yeah. Can we trade it in for like a younger, two day younger one? Yeah, exactly.

This bird doesn't get me. With Botox? I mean, I need to get a million followers. Do you know a million followers do you know what the bird does not push me over his name is elmer which is such a cute name because i kind of liked it because i was over there looking at this i was because chris for my birthday contacted this rescue in town that i have already sent in applications to and they just like never got or they got back to me but it went to spam i don't even know what happened but i've already like been like stalking their bird page and um and they never had a bird for me because it always said like not good in an apartment not good with other

animals but then um this one bird so i was over there playing with different birds because he just set up a play date for my birthday and so i was talking to these women and um and they were like i could see them like kind of going like because i was like i want to get a bird at some point i just want to do it responsibly i want to make sure to give it the best life i will have a bird sitter come over like i want a bird that can like have people come in they won't freak out like i'll always have someone with the bird it will never be left alone whatever you tell me to do and they were like are you thinking elmer for her and like it was just kind of like almost getting set up.

They're like, I don't know. He's really great. I don't know. And I was like, wait, tell me about Elmer. And they're like, well, he needs a lot of attention. Like he likes to be a little baby. And I was like, I love, I want a bird that's a baby. You cook him broccoli.

I almost didn't want to say that. Charred broccoli. He's five two, he's seven pounds um i almost didn't say because i didn't want to say like i want a bird that will just be a little baby and i could just pet it all day because that's about me that's not about right rescuing so i didn't want to obviously that's what i want is right but i'm not gonna everyone wants that bird so i want to be able to just give a home to a bird that maybe isn't that way that other people might reject so i never started out saying like i want a bird that'll be my friend and that'll talk and it'll sit on my

shoulder all day but that's really what i want right and so when the truth came out they were like well how much attention can you give them i'm like i literally won't leave my house like four days a week i can be here like all day long i go out for a run like once a day i don't literally leave ever and they were like i think el day long. I go out for a run like once a day. I don't literally leave ever. And they were like, I think Elmer might be a good fit for – they were like kind of whispering. And I was like, wait, show me a picture. And then I'm like, he's hot.

Like I was totally like – Was his hair like this? How big is he? He's like this – like his body is like that big. Like he's a parrot, you know? Green? Green. All green.

Cute. Oh, hazel. And I think Luigi and him will get along like luigi loves being an only like i know he loves all the attention on him but i see them him with marion a lot of times and i just know that he most of the time he does not play with marion at all they are just on separate sides of the room but there's some times where they like he likes to be annoyed like she'll like start like biting him and then he'll start playing like he needs to be pushed and like to it yeah and i think he would get along well with a bird that would just like

pick at his fur and stuff and just be like you know like i just think it's gonna be cute so what's the end goal are you like will you to get a little saddle i want to adopt it yeah i want to adopt a million followers yeah i want to adopt elmer I want to be a bird parent I think it's like I think I always say this like it will be if I if I died tomorrow it would be my one regret that I didn't have more birds in my life like that's I just love them so much and I just feel like that is just it's always something I think about oh I'll get a bird when I'm older and retired and I can't wait till I stop doing comedy so I can just have tons of birds and start a bird rescue but it's like why not do it now if I can do it yeah so um but I also feel like getting a parrot that has a beak that could you know hurt like parrots bite and they like if

they're threatened they will bite yeah um this is me pretty much getting my tubes tied because I'm signing up for a 30 year old a pet that will be my life for 30 years and it's me sending a sign to the universe of like no babies in my life because a baby is in birds do not mix no so it's kind of me getting a hysterectomy I love it like and being like no kids I like it's a sign to the universe because no guy I go I mean I'm I have a boyfriend now but like let's say something doesn't work out and someday I meet a guy that wants kids and I'm like, I have a parrot that will pluck our baby's eyes out. It's not conducive to-

Would that be a deal breaker for you, Andrew? Who needs eyes? That's true. It's like a boy named Sue. He'll grow up no eyes. He'll be tough as shit. I have a dog with no eyes. He's great.

Oh, yeah. You have a dog with no eyes. He lost them? Well, I have them in a jar on my mantle, so. He's great. Oh, yeah. You have a dog with no eyes. He lost them? Well, I have them in a jar on my mantle. So they're not lost. Oh, he had like cancer, eye cancer? Yeah, 100% I have them on my. No, it turned out, when I got him, he was a rescue.

And he actually bit my face first. And then everyone I knew. Like badly, too. Yeah, badly. Like 20 stitches. Surgery. Plastic surgery. It was fun.

Whoa. And then all of the dog trainers I know were like, you have to give this dog a bath. Plastic surgery on your face? It was on my lip. My lip was dangling from my face were like, you have to give this dog a bath. Where did the plastic surgery on your face? It was on my lip. My lip was dangling from my face. Oh, my God. You see a little bit of the scar. It's kind of cool.

So your revenge was to rip his eyes out? Yes. That's crazy. So I was like, now you can't see me to aim for my lip. So that's what happened. Then he bit my pussy. No, wait. Wait.

Wow. Whoa. So because since he was so aggressive, but he was already blind, he wouldn't let me put eye drops in his eyes and so the cataracts turned to glaucoma which is really painful yeah and so it was like i think it was last year it was like 20 maybe 2020 i just could tell like he was like in more pain he was rubbing his face on the couch every day i could tell they looked different like there was it just looked weird so i took him to the specialist and she was like he's in a lot of pain

and he's blind so either he can be in a lot of pain and be blind or no pain and blind. And so I was like, let's do it. And then I literally just asked just for like my facts, like as an animal person, I was like, what do you do with the eyes? Is it like medical waste? And she was like, you can send him out for a biopsy, which I don't think he needs that. Or we do put in medical waste or you can take him home. And she started laughing and I was like, I'm sorry, what was option three?

And she was like, are you? Wait, she was like, in 25 years, Natalie, nobody's ever taken his home. And i was like i'm sorry what was option three and she was like are you wait she was like in 25 years natalie nobody's ever taken i want the eyes and i was like fuck yes i love that you took the eyes because i would so want the eyes i want to stuff marian when she dies i want to stop sheldon you do yes yes why i'm so excited i don't think it's weird either in like japan when people die they like keep their tattoos and their pieces of skin and like frame them I would do that. Why is that weird? That's art.

I don't think it's weird at all. I really don't. Is this right here, this little- I think we're practicing for Marianne. I had a miniature llama in that dog. That was her childhood llama. Yeah. Is that your childhood animals?

Do you have a little dog that walks him around? Like a little senile dog for the dog? She has a senile person. Oh, I wish. Yeah, it is you. No, he's too much of an asshole to have that. Well, have you seen those things that the dogs can wear that have like a little like a halo and then they bump into things and they know it before?

He hates those. And actually, because he's like a poodle, he has like a, we always make sure he has a fro when we like shave him. Oh, so it's almost like a halo. So it's's like a poodle, we always make sure he has a fro when we shave him. Oh, so it's almost like his halo. So it's almost like a halo. So whenever he hits a wall, it brushes the wall first, and he stops and bounces off. Have you seen him adapt to being blind?

Oh, yeah. Is he OK? Yeah, he doesn't move fast. He kind of almost looks like he has a cane. And he kind of feels. And in a new area, he'll navigate it. Whenever we get anywhere, he figures it out. I just have to make sure I don't put like boxes

in places and things like that to like mess with him when you work in rescue is it like a competition who can have the most fucked up dog yes pretty much pretty much it's like oh right Maya has no ears no legs yeah I'll see other rescues and I'm like damn it they got that dog I want

that dog he doesn't have a halo but I do because I'm a goddamn fucking angel for rescuing this blind piece of shit. Pretty much. No, that's so true. What a sweetie. Are there ever dogs, though, that you do find? I mean, in a rescue, you see being a rescue person.

I was actually reading about this last night i'm sorry to be so tangential about it but i was reading last night about people that have um no empathy there was some study that i was reading on reddit about like a lack of empathy in certain people or lack of um emotion like the like you're talking about your wife like cries at the smallest thing there are certain people that like the smallest sentiment or like sadness thing makes them like lose their minds and there are certain people that like the smallest sentiment or like sadness thing makes them like lose their minds. And there are other people that are just a little bit more cold, turned off to sad stuff.

And those people, there was, it was really interesting. They were saying, thank God for people that are a little bit more, less empathetic, a little more sociopathic. We might say,

because those people are EMTs. Yeah. They're the people that clean off the, you know, when someone kills himself on the train tracks yeah like most people you wouldn't be able to function oh it was someone on reddit sharing that they were in a train that hit a person jumping and they just felt the bump and because of the bump they felt of someone dying they were like i can't continue my like i'm so depressed i can't stop sobbing right and yet there are people on the train around me

that just seem to be like going on with their lives, talking on their phones. How could people do that? And people are like, well, you're someone that couldn't be an EMT, couldn't be a doctor, couldn't be a surgeon. Do you feel like, I think that people in rescue are so empathetic,

but at the same time, I could never do it because of the horrible things you see. I was going to say, I think it's like almost with practice because like I almost now feel like I do have like a cold heart. You have to get to something. Because I'm so used to it. You see it too much. You see it too much. People come in all the time to like our store and they'll say like,

you know, like they'll just tell me about their own rescue dog and they just want to like tell me the story and they're like, can you believe it? It like was found like this and like that and I'm like, yeah, like that's nothing to me. I don't even know what you're talking about. And what if they're not rescued? You have to deal with the other side, right? It's real difficult. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Especially now that we own a pet supply store. In my mind, I really just thought, like, everyone rescues. Nope. Oh, so people come into your store that are like, it's my French bulldog. Yeah, or I'm getting my puppy in two weeks, and I'm like, oh, where? From Kansas? I'm like, hmm.

And then, of course, they're like, let me show you pictures. Again, Maria, my wife, she's so nice and she'll be like, great, let me, yeah, sure I'll see pictures of your puppy and I'm just basically like, do you want to buy something?

Get out. Yeah, you love buying. I don't fucking care. So do you want to buy something for me? Yeah, do you want to buy something for me? Otherwise, get out of my store. I'm not going to sit here and talk about your corgi.

Me and my girlfriend who's 16 years younger than me and really hot and with an old, middle soul. Not that old. Middle soul. It's just in her tits.

Great. That's where it all stocks up. But we went and looked for a rescue dog. And Nikki found Luigi and Marion. And I was looking for something similar to that. I love Luigi. I love Marion so much. It's insane how much I relate to this dog. And I relate a little to that. I love Luigi. I love Marion so much. It's insane how much I relate

to this dog. And I relate a little to Luigi. Is he dead? What's going on with him? And now Nikki needs a new dog also. But I feel like it's so hard. We went to, I think, five different shelters. And just to find anything even remotely

in that area was very... You're talking about small dogs. Small dogs. And I guess there's that website that you were telling me about that I... We ended up rescuing a cat. Oh, that's nice. Well, I think, first of all, the one mistake is, no offense, is people get in their mind

what they want, and that's fine, but I also feel like just try to open it up to personality. But what about size when you're talking about... Sure, if you have to have an apartment or something like like that i guess then you have to do that but i still just say like kind of be open because i hear that all the time where they're like my friend's dog looks like this and i love that dog yeah so i want that so weird that the i need a dog that looks a certain way and and i don't mean look i just meant more of a vibe like

it didn't have to be i I mean, nothing looks like Marion. Yeah, believe me. She was in my house, and I still regret giving her away. I know. There are so many people that wanted her because she was up for adoption for a short time when I had her, and I was posting. How did you find Marion? No, no. How did you get it done? Were you on the web ready to go, like a day trader?

Because I'm sure there was a huge demand for... No, Natalie wrote to me, I think, and was like... I was looking into getting another foster just because I was like, I think I want another dog for Luigi. And then I think she was just available at that time that I put the word out. Yeah, it was kind of the perfect time, yeah. Because we had her in our house for a bit,

and I think I kind of knew that I was like, if she stays longer, I'm going to keep her. And you're like, we can't. Yeah, and this was, like, before No-Eyed Dogs, so I was like, I only wanted two dogs, and I was like, I can't keep this dog'm going to keep her. And you're like, we can't. Yeah. And this was like before no-eyed dogs. So I was like, I only wanted two dogs and I was like, I can't keep this dog.

You can't get another leaky-eyed dog. And I think there was another foster who needed me quickly. So I was like, I need that dog so if I can find a foster.

Where did you find Marion? I remember. She was at a shelter. Marion, when you sent me the picture, I have to say, I was like, oh,

this isn't like the kind of dog I want in terms of like looks. I just don't like little, I've never liked shih Tzu dogs, like the dogs that look like Shih Tzus, the dogs that look like, you know, just those. Yeah, Yorkies.

I just don't like that look of dog. I never have for some reason. I love those dogs, but I just, the look of them is not what I want. And it just didn't matter. Like I had to just put that aside and be like, okay, it doesn't matter. And then obviously the thing is you can love any animal yeah the second you just get to know them right and i mean i love all animals no matter what i can just say i don't like certain dogs just the looks of them yeah corgis i'm just like right right but i just i just they gross me out sorry

if you own a corgi i'm sure they and as you know with my who's your doggy show that's kind of the whole point of that is like then you're getting to learn what your dogs are and there might be a breed in there that you hate yes for whatever you know in quotes because you just have a generalization about like you know someone that had that dog and they were annoying and so you project it onto them like i don't right if you have a corgi out there please do not be upset with me that i don't like your dog but they just seem like i just i have neighbors that have corgis and they just seem like paranoid and like and they're just like a little fat

like they're scraping the bottom of the carpet all the time and they're just like and they're always like pulling on the leash and they don't seem like in tune with the world and they I just there's something I get it there's nothing against their bodies are made like bridges with nothing to hold them up in the middle so they're freaked out because they're like i'm gonna collapse at any

moment and i love that i'm so sorry for corgis i'm sorry corgis and if my neighbors hear this i it's nothing against your you probably hate my dogs because my dogs are constantly off the leash freaking your corgis that are properly leashed just owning the building yes yeah i don't know i just always say it's like dating. Like everybody has a type, right? But does anyone end up

with that type? It's like you gotta like, a lot of times people are like, I like this type and then it ends up being about the personality. So it's like the same with dogs. It's like,

don't have a type. Just be like, I'm open. I want them young. Yeah. I wanted like 14 years younger and I got 16. And an old soul.

It was just weird. It was weird. I never expected two more years. You want a dog who's two years old but like 47 in people years. Yeah, who listens to Tom Petty. Elmer loves. I wonder what music Elmer loves.

Oh my God. I know, when parrots dance and they do that like. So cute. And they're just like. That's so cute. I can't wait. I know.

What time is he coming they're coming at 6 to check out my space so I gotta clean up and make it presentable my flight's at 6.50 tell them to come in an hour I know

well I can't I need to straighten up a little bit I have not had time to unpack and this yeah there's I just gotta get

all my bird hazards out of the way my open fans that have no no covers. Your scissors that say kill birds. Yeah, my scissors that just are cutting in the air no matter what. They just are constantly cutting, slicing the air.

My knife sculpture. Your AR-15. You got to give it a regardless. All the open windows. Does it just say jump? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Wait, are his wings clipped? No, I don't think so. They will be when they go through the scissor gauntlet. Poor Elmer. Hey, it'll be tough. Yeah, I think he, all the birds that I met that day were just like, you know,

this, the kids wanted to get a bird. They got this bird and then they didn't realize it bites that it doesn't talk as much as they wanted to. It doesn't do tricks. People just are such idiots. They're such idiots. Just I also don't get why it's not illegal to have a bird like they should be.

They're a bird. They're supposed to be free and flying because breeders. I know, but it should be illegal. It should be illegal because the breeders get them originally from people stealing them out of nests in the rainforest. I know. There's one bird they had that they were like, we, because it's so good with humans, we know that it was stolen as a baby. It wasn't from a breeder.

It was definitely taken as a baby out of a tree, which is what they currently do. I mean, you've seen these things of people crossing the border going through customs and they find like 18 birds on their belt type and like put in these little tubes along a belt and they're just birds in these little tubes like who have 40 pounds of cocaine i was just gonna say yeah and then inside them also like these guys are smuggling birds it's a fucking ostrich with heroin in it right yeah that's how the birds stay calm as they're all pumped with heroin inside them yeah it's fucked up um yeah and my i had a friend write to me the other day being like my daughter wants a bird um where where should we go and i was like nowhere you don't get one yeah like you i just go um get a guinea pig but make sure to get to

like if you need a quick animal guinea pig make sure to get to like, if you need a quick animal, guinea pig, make sure to get to, because they will kill themselves. They literally will bang. I started disturbing her so much. Good. I wrote to her. This is such a funny conversation. I don't even know who she is, but I don't like her.

No, I, I was mad because she was like, my kids just keep asking me for a bird. And I was like, um, no. Okay.

So this is, this, she goes, was, she goes, was it hard taking care of a bird? This is out of nowhere. And I said, yes, do not not get one unless you rescue please don't buy one from a pet store or breeder parakeets are easy but please go through star st louis at avian rescue thanks

for asking she said oh that's good to know i've never heard of star i said i hadn't either she goes was it a pain in the ass to take care of i said um yes read up on them parakeets are easy if they have each other or get played with enough but buying birds is the worst they steal them from nests in the rainforest she goes that is so sad i said it's such a gross industry honestly any animal breeder is disgusting even dogs rescue is the way to go and there's always a rescue for any animal you want to get she said for some reasons i only for some reason i only thought dogs and cats were important rescue animals i didn't even realize other animals had the option i said just, just don't buy from PetSmart ever, ever, ever, ever. Yes. I said, it's so unknown. She goes, I'm so glad I asked. I said,

I do a lot of bird rescue work because no one knows. I don't know either. I didn't know either. And she goes, that's awesome. I said, there's a documentary on Netflix called Parrot Confidential that taught me about it. Might be good to watch before you get a bird anyway. She said, okay, totally. We probably won't get any animals, but I was just curious because the girls keep begging us. I said, it's a great, it's's a great pet but kids get bored of them quickly and the birds that are an interactive are big and live like 30 years they are a huge commitment guinea pigs are good but they absolutely need to be bought in twos or they'll die young of loneliness she goes that's so sad i said they sometimes bash their heads on the size of cages

to commit suicide pet ownership is is tragic. I don't recommend Googling the truth. It'll make you want a guinea pig yourself. And she goes, that is the saddest thing I've ever heard. And that was the end

of the conversation. Well, I'm glad you were honest. I just like to scare people away from, because that is true. But it's true. I think chinchillas do it too. They will literally commit suicide

by banging their heads on the sides of cages. And it's illegal in Europe to have one guinea pig. Yes. You have to have two. Why isn't it illegal here? Because people are idiots

in America. Because we just like don't care about animals. It's just so sad. Do you do cats too? Should I have two cats? No, cats are more solitary.

I'm just wondering. No, I mean you shouldn't or should but I mean I also do think that because cats don't go out and like see other cats. Like they're only by themselves forever so maybe get a second but i'm sure it's fine yeah maybe just look into it cat loneliness doubling up on just google it yeah yeah yeah and see the truth i love this fucking cat you love he hates me but mango mango yeah i

know isn't it weird when you love an animal so much and they just don't care for you? He sleeps on the bed. I swear to God. I have a king now, not to brag or anything. I'm on this side. He sleeps on the far left corner. Like, it literally- As far as you can get from him. 38 feet away from me.

Do you live with your girlfriend? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And where does she sleep? I don't know if you just had a king bed. She's in the- You're like, I have a king bed.

I lay on one side. And she's on the other corner. I was like, where is she? Yeah, no. That would be weird to have a king bed as a single person. Especially if you slept on one side and she's on the other and I was like where is she yeah no that would be weird to have a king bed as a single person especially if you slept

on one side and not even in the middle that's why I was asking I was like but even when I'm in a hotel room and I have a queen bed or a king bed I'm always on one side of it

I never go to the middle do you go to the middle yeah you go to the middle I like get in it and move it and I'm like this oh I've never done the middle

I'm like I sleep like I'm in a box car for some reason. It's so weird. Okay, we got to go. Do you want to take us out on a rap? All day, never go away. The shelter took my dog's eyes.

I can never see him and he can't see me, but I can see his heart. It's a reality. His legs were short and my heart is long. Man, this is not a rap. It's a song. Oh, I love it damn

you can check out tell us where we can find out all about that so Mayday Rescue the rescue that Marion came from M-A-E-D-A-Y Rescue on Instagram it'll be on our YouTube as well and hopefully we'll sell the show and you'll see it everywhere

yes so you're taking that show out Who's Your Doggy which my mom did name yes Nikki we'll sell the show and you'll see it everywhere yes so you're taking that show out yeah who's your doggy which my mom did name yes yes Nikki's mother named the show we were filming it a while back the first part of it where we're

getting swabbing the dogs and Natalie was like we're still trying to think of a name and my mom was just like you said yesterday the mom she pictured my mom just she's in her phone

just like after we shot something just kind of like going through Instagram and she was just like who's your doggy yeah didn't even look up didn. And she was just like, who's your doggie? Yeah, didn't even look up. Didn't even like skip a beat. I was like, I've been stressed for three months.

I can't figure out the show name. And she literally was like, why not? Who's your doggie? And we all were just like, that's really good. I was like, done. And then it was done. My mom's like, all right, name the show. Got it.

Did it. All right, Natalie, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. This was so much fun answering all our lesbian and rescue questions. Of course. Don't be cut. We'll see you tomorrow on the show. Jack my eyes. Rescue. Jack your eyes. Put them in a

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People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season. But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance.

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