The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #237 Dirty Nude Bra Strap

Episode Date: June 28, 2022

Nikki and Andrew share some tidbits from their time off. Andrew golfed a new record and Nikki went to Columbine twice. Nikki has mixed feelings about wearing a bikini on a comedy tour and Andrew wonders how personal to get with a stranger? Nikki was a little confused with Toronto's sense of humor and nationalism. However, she was too smart for a religious conversion at the Columbine Memorial. In Top 1 Bottom 1 they each talk about fashion trends for their sex. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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You really f***ed last night. It felt like I lived most of my life in a blackout. I was trapped in addiction. You had to grab the lamp and smash it against the walls. And then I decided I wanted to tell my own story. Listen to Crumbs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, you guys, I'm Catherine Legg. I'm a racing driver who's literally driven everything with four wheels across the planet. And I've got a new podcast.

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or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. Welcome to the show.

It's Monday. We had last week off. Thank you for hanging in with us and allowing us to have a vacation. It was nice. It was nice to take a break. It is good to be back. Very good to be back. What did you guys get into? Noah, you went to Florida. Eventually you made it there. You had trouble getting there. Oh, my flight was canceled on Monday. So I like lost a day of vacation. An entire day. Did you leave later monday well the flight was scheduled for like 5 30 in the morning and then they're like we're canceling all flights for that day because it was the weekend of uh flightmageddon or whatever they were calling it

oh yeah yeah yeah so uh actually it worked out in our favor because we had we wouldn't have taken the day off i mean i guess it was it waseteenth, so it was like a federal holiday. We had the day off. But we just had our bag. You got a free day. For the first time, my bag was packed early. I had a whole day with a packed luggage that I just dread packing all the time. Yes.

So we were able to just like. That was the only time you've ever had a day before you leave for a trip where you literally have nothing to do. It's the only way I ever have nothing to do is if something gets canceled. Yes. So I really understood it because I always wait until the night before. And then I have like no sleep and I'm just groggy. And my whole first day is ruin of vacation. So we just like gallivanted around town, just had sex.

We were just like we had nothing to do it was awesome what a great day that was seemed to be so devastating when you got the message did you get the message at the airport or like before that it was they must have canceled at like three in the morning it was the so we got an email at 6 30 but like no text and of course we didn't check our email until nine o'clock at night so that's when we're like like, ah, we got to change the car rental and all that. Okay, at least they let you knew a little bit ahead of time. Before getting to the airport, which was nice. Yes, that is so nice.

Yeah, and then Florida was great. Yeah, Florida was really great. You look so tan. Thanks. I do catch sun very easily. Yeah. And I'm no longer- You no longer glow. Translucent, as you. And I'm no longer- You don't want to look low.

Translucent, as you say. How long were you in that Versa spa? I don't understand collecting sun in a natural way. I'm like, what setting did you use at the Versa? Eight. Yeah. It looks really good. Yeah.

What'd you do, Andrew? Golf. So much. I literally played, I think, think i'm not kidding maybe 85 holes like an addict like but i shot the best shot i've ever shot in my life yes i shot a 76 at like a hard-ass course what does that mean to people who don't know only four over par damn like it's insane still don't like i was it was insane it like all came together amount of shots it would take you to shoot it if you hit par it's like par 72 so par is like

they give you an allotted amount of hole no par is an a why do they make par why does it sound like well he if someone's subpar it means they're below average par means average right yeah i guess i guess in golf terms though par yeah he's on par yeah you're on par i whatever it's the allotted amount of strokes they give you per hole like the best players on earth might shoot in the 60s like every once in a while so like yeah it was a big deal that's huge where were you at this place called the landings which it's right next to a private airport so you just see like the richest jets landings yeah yeah they just watch me fucking or they're not watching you at all no they're watching you think they're watching you love that they they might be

watching yeah they saw me you know i don't give a shit i i it's funny that apparently there's like a um a hangar where they just parked their like very expensive cars but then they have they've turned them in the man cave so it's like how can i avoid my family oh yeah they're like yeah i gotta get to my flight you know it's at 9 a.m and they're just at their man cave like fucking someone else like until they get on their private plane like private anger hangers or like the lounge area when i've been in private when i've flown private like the lounge area it seems like there's it's a place people go to escape all these places are yeah so yeah i. So, yeah. I mean, it's just, it was pretty amazing. Is it called The Landings because it's next to an airport and people are landing? Probably.

Or My Landing Strip, maybe. You know how I like to keep it tight. Yeah, they named it after you, your pubic hair situation when you went to the bathroom there once. It was fucking awesome, though. We played with, it's funny. So, I go. So, this guy from golf i made a

friend that works at golf galaxy i paid to have him be my friend what do you get off 40 i don't know yet i'm gonna go back in today and see uh he's a very good player so when you know like anything like he's he shot a 72 he shot par so like I tried to keep up with him. Yes. So I've learned, just fucking play with people that are better than you. So I go to these golf places a lot by myself, and they pair you up. So I've been paired up with the most random strangers. It's a good way to meet people, get stories. One of the guys was from Vero Beach, Florida, from my hometown.

Did he care? Because this is the thing that happens a lot when you go, oh my God, I'm from there. And then they keep just talking about themselves. That's exactly what happened. I knew it. I I'm so tired.

I witnessed this happening. Wait, wait, what do you mean? Wait, what do you mean? No, this thing that people do where it's like,

I will meet someone from St. Louis or from Kirkwood, like a town. I'll go, I'm from Kirkwood. And they go, yeah, I went to Hazelwood West.

And I go, oh my God, where did your parents live? They tell me, oh, my parents live off this. Yeah, they got a place out there. It's like they don't ever acknowledge that it's cool. It's so weird. It is weird.

That is exactly what happened. It happens all the time. And I see it happen to you chronically on the road of being like, oh, I'm from Vero Beach. They'll say Port St. Louis. And they will not acknowledge what you just said to be like, oh my God, really? Where did you?

They don't ask. People have a real problem where they don't care about anyone else. Well, no one's from Vero. Vero Beach is a small town. Exactly. It's notable. And he goes, Vero Beach, Florida. Mind you, like the chances of this, one out of maybe 10 million, or not 10 million, but

one out of what? A million or so? Par, whatever. Not one out of a million, but one out of what? A million or so? Par, whatever. Not one out of a million, but okay. Several. So he goes, Vero Beach, Florida. I go, are you fucking serious? And he goes, yeah, so I'm from Vero.

Like gave me absolutely nothing. That's why you were excited. Yeah. This is honestly antidepressants, what's ever in the water, just depression. People have no spike of curiosity, no interest in anyone else. Sorry, but this is mainly a man thing.

You gotta ask about other people at some point in your life. And this has nothing to do with the fact that I just got off the road with most men. But a little toss back of a question even once and it's not all men for sure but man it's a man thing because and they don't do it to each other either and they don't have it done to them men need to be more curious and complimentary and kind to each other but there is no men are so scared to share anything a little bit personal

that it will get them mocked that they have no interest in anything personal from anyone else and i'm not talking personal like you know well how personal should it get with a stranger i'm sick no but i mean you know are you're from vera beach oh cool like they've just become uh muted to any any kind of curiosity in anyone else and i will say that this is a common thing that I see on Reddit for girls going on dates. You see it as a meme all the time. Oh, he doesn't ask me anything. He doesn't ask you any questions.

And men learning the simple thing of like, oh, you just hit the question back. That blows men's minds. And I'm not even mad at men for this at all. It is cultural. It's not your fault, but you need to like stop only talking about yourselves and just even fake interest in someone else's story even once well that being just learn

how to fake it uh i played with another uh random strangers and uh it was a uncle and a nephew that he flew in his 16th birthday and it was like their like fun weekend it was the most adorable thing yeah they were strippers yeah they had hokers in the back of their car i wouldn't be surprised yeah they flew in on the private plane what part of st louis is this cocaineville or illinois the 16 year old was such a cute kid and he's like a cubs fan the cubs were playing the cardinals this weekend so we were like going he's playing like shit he got shot he's playing terrible i go how about you start saying the cubs suck every time you hit a ball right before you hit say the cubs suck and he goes the cubs suck and he hit it great and he's like maybe the cubs suck and he

just loves saying that the cubs even though he loves the cubs yeah and then at the end i swear to god like i didn't even like think they liked us that much because we were like way better than them and we were like waiting for them the whole time. And he said to his uncle, I almost started crying because he goes, he said to his uncle, he's like, I couldn't imagine playing with two better guys. Aw.

I'm telling you, this generation of kids has more emotion. It was nice. It was really cute. They say the cutest things. And the Cubs do suck so it's so sweet i don't know i don't even know what they're doing anyway so you were on the cubs suck because i'm from st louis and that's just what i have to say yeah if i'm gonna get along with people here if you're from florida and you like the dallas cowboys people are like what the fuck

are you doing like in dallas you're from florida how could could you like Dallas because it's just as random as you like in Dallas because none of these people are from Dallas they're only here because you paid them more they actually probably fucking hate your city you're gonna leave as soon as they get cut from the team oh so you were on a you were on a bus you weren't on vacation but you also went to Colorado before that oh yeah I did go to colorado first um yeah i went on a girl's trip to colorado i was there um sunday i flew from toronto to colorado toronto not toronto i learned the hard way there were a lot of i said toronto there is did you watch my act so um toronto is the way I was saying it

because there is a second T and I like hard Ts. Hard seltzers, hard Ts. And then I was saying it and I could sense the audience being like, she's saying it. I could just sense there was a hesitation to laugh at my jokes about Toronto

because I was saying it wrong. And i go is it toronto or toronto and they're like toronto and i'm like wait a second clap if it's a hard t and they're like dead silent and i'm like you guys i was saying it with a hard t why didn't you stop me and they were just like uh it was so funny and then i went off on a whole drake tangent where i called him a pedophile allegedly and i literally thought i was going to get like, you know, cancel. I thought I was going to maybe if it,

if the video I did in Toronto, Toronto came out that my career would be over because Drake is so powerful. And what I said about him cannot, we definitely be getting, you might be getting shot at, but he's not really that gangster because he's a rapper i said that his people would make me look like he didn't degrassi

he's in a wheelchair so i i was just i don't have any evidence for him being creepy to young women but i definitely think that he is and i um made a bunch of jokes about it. It was so fun and freeing. And then I also made fun of the CN Tower there. Yes. And I called it, we came up with the joke that it's, did you give me the, it looks like the Seattle Space Needle, but with healthcare?

I don't know. I don't remember. We were writing jokes, but yeah, we said it was the Seattle Space Needle with healthcare because it does look like the Seattle Space Needle. They wouldn't even let me get out with healthcare because they were booing so loudly at me comparing it to the Seattle Space Needle. And it unlocked this thing for me where I was like, do you guys have a problem with Seattle?

Like what is this booing? Like I go, your CN Tower, it looks a lot like the Seattle Space Needle. Boo! I was like, is it a bad looking thing? And I go, you guys didn't let me get to the punchline because you were booing so much with healthcare. And they go, ah ha ha ha. And I go, what is this? You guys really

don't like your CN Tower being made fun of. And then I just, I was just, you know, said it looked like a robot. What's it called? Q-tip. They didn't like that. they just didn't like any but it's it does look it's indistinguishable on a skyline from the seattle space needle i think they liked it though i think they like of course they liked it they liked that i was

then making they really didn't there was something that they didn't know about pride they have like pride in this thing yes i mean and i'm sure they've been compared before. Which one's taller? I mean, is there one that's actually better? Well, I asked Noor, the girl from Toronto, she lives in Toronto, about the sand tower. And I was like, does it ever get compared to space? And she was like, I don't even think Canadians know what that is. So that's why I was shocked.

They booed Florida when I brought up Florida. And I was like, how north do I have to get for people to not hate Florida? I think they just rightly are kind of disgusted with America. I said that, you know,

one of the interesting, I look up interesting facts about Toronto and it was like, fact 10, one of the headlines was 10 facts to get Americans

to visit Toronto. That'll convince any American you gotta visit Toronto. And the convince any American, you gotta visit Toronto. And the number one was, Toronto is the most ethnically diverse city in the world. And I was like, clearly you don't know Americans. We don't want that at all. That's the opposite.

And they loved that. They loved it. It took them a second to get it. I was like, no, we don't like anyone else other than what we are. Ethnically diverse, that would get us run the other way. Do you disagree? Well, I think that America is pretty – but yes, I think if you look at like St. Louis or something like that, it's very segregated.

I'm sorry if you go. We have an amazing Chinatown. You'll come here and you will meet so many people who don't speak your language and food that you think is stinky because it's not yours. Most Americans, when they travel abroad, they go to Paris, like, safe places. They don't really want culture. They want, like, Disney Paris. They want culture in, like, restaurant cuisine,

not in actual culture. I mean, even in New York, you know, each part of the city is separated. And I'm speaking for myself. I want what I know. You want what, yeah. Yeah, when I go places, I mean, I do get York, each part of the city is separated. I'm speaking for myself. I want what I know. Yeah. You want what, yeah. Yeah, when I go places, I do get adventurous, but I'm a typical American too.

It was just a joke about how Americans are racist. Is that news to any of us? No, it's not news. I mean, I was in the South yesterday, and it's just interesting. I took my shirt off two nights ago in Georgia, and then when we get to Mississippi, it was,

there was a vibe of like, don't take your shirt off tonight. Like if that nipples pops out, we could be going to jail. Yeah. Like, really the Rolling Stones. Yeah.

Well, with Roe versus Wade lifted, you know, overturned, this is the slippery slope that it is. It's like, you could lifted, you know, overturned. This is the slippery slope that it is. It's like you could get, you know, people are telling girls to not take off their, you know, get their period tracker apps off their phone

because you'll get in trouble for getting your period or miscarrying. I mean, this is, so the idea that taking off your shirt and showing your nipples, which I just saw something where a girl had her nipples photoshopped off. They cut out just the nipple part, which is the only part that needs to be ever blurred. And then they photoshopped in male nipples, which I just saw something where a girl had her nipples photoshopped off. They cut out just the nipple part, which is the only part that needs to be ever blurred. And then they photoshopped in male nipples and it was able

to be shown. Does it look any different? No, it looks no different. That's the irony. If you put my nipples on any girl, they'd be like, those are extremely feminine nipples. Oh yeah, she must be lactating. She just gave birth to quadruplets. Alright guys, we gotta take a break. We'll be lactating. She just gave birth to quadruplets.

All right, guys. We're going to take a break. We'll be right back with more. Andrew! Hey! Coming down the road. Lifting up my moat. I'm nothing but a frog and a toad. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities.

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Happy holidays from me, Michael Rapoport, and my gift to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rapoport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss entertainment, sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it, and there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days here's a clip from one of my favorite episodes you are not a real fighter you will never be discussed anywhere in boxing

history ever fake Paul the movie is The Apprentice and the movie is about young Donald Trump and his apprentice, Roy Cohen. Real character, obviously, both are real characters. It kind of has a Scarface vibe to it, which I thought was very interesting. Listen to the I Am Rap Report stereo podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcasts. The more you listen to your kids, the wherever you get your kids and their emotional well-being at sounded out together.org that's sounded out together.org brought to you by the ad council and pivotal and we're back um but the tour was so i went to colorado after toronto i was there for Sunday through Thursday.

I went to Columbine twice. Twice. It was the best thing I've ever done. One of the best things. I told my dad it was like you seeing like fucking pyramids in Egypt or something, even though he doesn't even care about Egyptian culture that much. But it's like to me it was that. It was that like profound like, oh my God, so much history has happened here.

I don't understand why i don't know me going to columbine is definitely different and like people don't really understand it or they might like laugh at it or like but when people visit concentration camps i'm kind of uncomfortable with that why are you going so that it never happens again or because you kind of have a morbid curiosity about the worst atrocity to ever happen to humankind going to the place where things got that fucking bad and that's a little you're a little bit morbidly curious is it that or is it because you just need to learn so it can never happen again because although obviously we want it to never happen again i don't think people are going on those tours to pay homage as much let's say non-jews there is a morbid curiosity but there's something acceptable about going to look at a gas chamber and then if you try to get into columbine

high school you're arrested i guess just like if they i guess if there was a killing of jews like a week before people would be more sensitive to it. I think people are just sensitive. This was 23 years ago. No, I know. But the Texas shooting was a month ago. I'm just saying it's still a hot. You could disagree, but that is where people are coming from.

Then I think it's even more important to go if it's still something that actually is needing to be acknowledged so that it doesn't happen again. For sure. I don't have any problem with it. I'm just saying people will think think don't connect those two dots that it's too soon to be but i'm not excited about it i'm not saying you are i'm saying i mean i'm thrilled by it but i'm not like giggling like like oh so excited it's just i just think that there is a commonality between people listening to murder podcasts and just the way I said that I'm interested in pedophile stuff and people are

like that's so weird it's like why is it weird if you listen to people being brutally raped and murdered and two girls making little jokes about it why is that different than me reading a book about a mass shooting or about a pedophile it's because one

is so egregious and I don't know what the difference is. I really don't. It makes it seem like I'm collecting data to go do it, whereas people that go to visit the September 11th memorial are just like, I'm just honoring it. It's like, well, no,

you kind of want to see the morbidness of it. You want to see the sadness. You want to hear the phone calls. You want to see the falling man. You want to see the morbidness of it you want to see the sadness you want to hear the phone calls you want to see the falling man like you want to see kind of sad shit scary stuff i i agree i'm just saying that i think the difference is one is very specific like planes crashing into a building happens once in a hundred years maybe who knows if isn't that weird if I wait to go to Columbine because a school shooting just happened? And by the way, when will it ever stop

so that there's a window where I've come out so much from a school shooting that I can visit Columbine without any kind of, you know, inappropriate context? There's not.

So I went in the only window I know of where a school shooting hasn't happened within 10 days of note and it's probably not even true because probably wouldn't happen the day before we didn't even hear about it

but I went there twice so what did it feel like going there and seeing I loved it so much I was captivated I was emotional I was like what's what's the word there's a word that i don't feel

that often but i felt like uh quiet reflectiveness i felt i felt it felt spiritual it felt really spiritual and it felt creepy at one point i mean it'd be weird as shit if they had like a museum at the school like it is they have a memorial they do this is one of the most beautiful schools i've ever seen in my life by the way like whatever you can picture for the the most beautiful high school ever like where it is mountains lake uh sprawling grasslands with little groundhogs everywhere rolling hills flat so you can see all of this like i don't even know it's just in this columbine valley it is i mean i want if i have ever kids i'm going to move to littleton because i want them to go to the school because it is so beautiful there's so much pride there's so much like there's something

about that school because they survived that and went through that that is just there's like a strength that you feel and then so we went the first we went on um sunday night and we didn't get there in time before it got dark because we needed to eat dinner and we were starving so we got there at at night and we are kind of like nervous because we're driving past and we're like is this creepy like they're probably waiting for us to show up. It's 23 years later. It's Father's Day, you know, 23 years later, 930 at night. No one cares. The only one that cares is you. There are students that go there that don't even know what happened at that school.

Like, that's how far removed. It's not, like, in the air. There's not memorials everywhere. There's not, like, flowers on flagpoles. There's not, like, white bicycles or whatever the fuck. You get pulled over. Like, ma'am, are you just driving by because of morbid curiosity? They like oh no they pull us over and we're like i'm sorry i didn't call by they're like your taillights out what are you talking about what's columbine that's the name of

the town is there anything else happening so we go we go and we walk from the back um we park in like a subdivision which by the way like even the subdivision had a part to play in Columbine because when the kids sprinted away from the school there were like triage units set up like in all these houses in the front yard so I like recognize the front yards I know like I'm like zillowing so I can maybe buy one of these houses just because I just

they're just such I don't know why I'm so obsessed with it but we park what do you think the obsession is though? Like if you had to like, honestly, like, because something happened there that changed everything for me and for any,

my high school was bookended by Columbine on, in my ninth grade year, September 11th, my senior year. Like it was just, it was the first time to me where it was like, I was an adult processing the news like with the nation and like shock and horror and just like i don't know i just really got into it in terms of like i remember all my friends being like over it immediately

same with september 11th i'm not joking you friends over it just like oh god that was weird weeks later i was still like captivated by it like i couldn't understand why i was falling out of the news like it just seems so catastrophic i don't know i just i guess it's for me it's the same thing of like why i feel like i'm drawn to comedy it's because i feel like or the things i talk about on stage it's stuff that i'm like why isn't everyone talking about this it's really important sex is really important why does everyone act like we're not doing it it's just weird to me it doesn't make sense and it bothers me and so i don't know what it is but i we go and we walk this trail and we're walking and it's behind the school that you

have to like go up a hill to even see the school and i'm kind of annoyed because i can't see the school and i don't really know where we are i can't get my bearings right i'm looking at the map it's none of it's making sense and then we walk up this trail that says columbine memorial and um uh there i took a picture of the like sign that was like all the no video no loud music no smoking no drugs no trust you know loitering and it said the no was crossed out on no drugs and it said only so i was like yeah damn killing and so we climbed up this little hill that took us to the columbine memorial which snaked which is beautiful and then we snake around and it goes down to this amazing memorial that is made with all these plaques and i'm there's only story i'm going to tell from columbine at this moment

because it's a little um long so we go to combine all these plaques um 13 plaques for each kid that died and then you know eric and dylan the perpetrators they don't have a plaque but so the 15 total 13 um 12 students one teacher and each student has a plaque each and the one teacher that their loved ones wrote from them of like and they're all just like biblical references mostly like she loved the bible jesus loved her like every single one of them it was it's like it's kind of painful um and then except one kids made me cry so much and he was the only one that made me cry i forget which which one he was but he was at the end matt i think his name was his plaque was the best if you ever go. We go there. It's me, my sister, and Catherine.

I'm sorry, it's me, Catherine, and Kristen. What did his say? His wasn't like, Jesus will love you. You'll walk in the garden. It was like, you made everyone laugh. You could always we'll miss you so much. Whenever there's someone talking to a dead person

and you, in first person, talking to a dead person like they're still there or it's a dead person talking to people from like in a letter like I'll miss you guys like if it's ever that either those situations waterworks for me immediately

it's first happened in Forrest Gump Jenny you'd be so proud he's real smart boy Jenny like that like talking to a dead person about them being proud or i don't know it get me so i'm i'm crying but before his is this girl cassie bernal her plaque and as we get there let me just say that there's a woman there talking to like a family and i didn't really know the dynamic until later so some of this is pieced together afterwards but there's like a group of people talking.

And then as we make our way around the plaques. Wait, at 9.30 at night? Yes, at 9.30 at night, there's a family of four, two kids, two younger kids, and two adults, and then another woman. I don't really see the makeup of them. This is after that I put it all together. But we get there and me, Catherine, and Kirsten are like quietly reading each plaque

as we make our way along. And Cassie's, which is where these people are kind of situated, is the 11th out of 13. So we're making our way around. While we're doing that, we're trying to read the plaques, but we keep overhearing their conversation because it's weird and it's very quiet. All you can hear, there's four fountains going. I don't know what they symbolize, but there's water trickling, but it's quiet. And the girl, I thought they were talking about a person they both know because she kept saying well he is always going to be with us

and he cares about us and he's trying his best and like I thought they were honestly talking about like planning an intervention for someone because the way they're talking about this person that they love but that is like sometimes not there in their lives but then it turns out they were talking about God okay so he oftentimes is not a person. I don't assume people are talking about God when they say he. That's why I always say, if you want to know what a Christian rock song is,

if you want to be able to identify the song you're listening to, if it's Christian rock, if it's a man singing about he, it's Christian rock, because otherwise it's gay rock. No one's ever like, he will be the one.

He will walk with me. That is, it's either rock no one's ever like he will be the one yeah he will walk with me that is it's either christian rock or gay or both so probably both so um she's saying he a lot then she goes can i get a hug i just really feel like connected to you and i can hear the hug from you no to the couple she was talking to and then they part ways and katherine and Kirsten are also piecing together more parts of their conversation. I'm really trying to focus on the victims and read their plaques and not hear this woman talking to this family. We finally, so the family leaves. Finally, it's just this woman in front of Cassie's plaque.

And by like 25 minutes later, we get to her plaque because the plaques are a lot to read. And we get to her plaque and this woman's standing in front of it. Now, this is a giant, it's a pretty big, rotund, gazebo-type cement thing, stone thing with all these plaques. There's no reason to block the plaque that you know we're about to read because we've been making our way around. It's like a circle of plaques, and we're making our way around, and we're right at the end, and she's standing in front of Cassie's.

Now, the story with Cassie is Cassie is the martyr of Columbine. She was the one that, you know, Eric Harris put a gun to her head and said, do you believe in God? And she said yes. And then he blew her head off. Okay. But guess what? I read the Columbine. That's not what happened at all. And if you've ever heard that story, it was, it's fake news. She got attributed that story because there was an eyewitness who heard Eric say that in the library. But the thing is it didn't happen to her. It happened to to another girl and that girl did get shot when she said yes but she survived cassie got that story attributed to her he never asked her if she believed in god she wasn't a martyr she probably would have said yes had she been asked because she was a huge

christian but her mom got a book deal afterwards and he like she became this martyr of columbine literally the only living martyr that we have as or that the christians have not since you know biblical times had someone had someone go do you believe in god i'm gonna kill you if you say yes and they say yes like she was this new driving force and she was cute pretty she had been saved by jesus she was this great story that the christian church now had to push its agenda she's the face of it especially in columbine where it's like all these kids and they wanted to really get a lot of kids into the into religion yeah and so everyone wants to be like cassie you she was a crusader for christ you

know then it comes out as investigations like she wasn't the one that said it it was this other girl and the and the girl is embarrassed that now she doesn't even want to say hey i said it because she didn't want to take this from cassie this poor girl who died she survived like give it to cassie her mom sold got a book deal million dollars that publishing company it put them on the map because of this book everyone's buying it still it still sells very well eventually cassie's family and it came out that this other cassie cassie didn't say that but it never got anywhere because the story was already done and that's cassie's legacy to everyone that knows and hasn't read the book columbine by dave colin so then i get to give any money to their family the girl

that lived i don't know but i get to the plaque and it's a really interesting story of how that all comes to be and how they find out that she was the one that said it so you should read the book but that's that's the fact so this woman's standing in front of her plaque and so we get up to it and she goes what are you guys doing is it your first time to the memorial yeah i'm visiting uh we we all like what you know we're freshmen when columbine happened it means a lot to us and we're just paying our respects and she's like you know oh yeah i was in i was in eighth grade and i'm from you know up aurora area wherever she was you know some area not too far away so she wasn't a student i didn't feel like i need i was trying to suss it out to be like i don't want to say anything i want to like respect if she's here and like i don't want to

even be here if she's like having a moment and then she just keeps asking like so what brings you are you from here do you live in denver i'm like no i'm thinking about moving here though i love it i go katherine's from denver we're talking and then later on she's like calls back katherine's name which we're like how did she know her name but she was paying attention to her names because she's a fucking god freak that was trying to get us into her cult which is what we found out later. These people stand in front. Anyone who goes to the Columbine Memorial probably is a Christian looking for, say, like they go to visit Cassie's thing

because Cassie was the martyr of Columbine. If you're religious at all, you've probably heard of her if you were a Christian in the 2000s. So she waits there at 9.30 on a Sunday night. And she waits there for us to come up. And probably every fucking day. And she waits there for us to come up. And probably every fucking day. And she waits. She's younger than us.

And she tries to convert people, which is what she did to the last family that kind of had it with her. And we're kind of trying to get away. But she's still like, can I give you a hug? Let's stay in touch. Here's my number.

So I don't realize any of this, by the way. I just think she's a random girl that didn't go to Columbine. I knew she didn't have any family there. I knew she wasn't a sister of Cassie's so while we're reading the plaque i haven't told the person or catherine the story of cassie but it says on the plaque she said yes blah blah and i go no she didn't i go she probably would have but you guys and i told her the whole story and the girl goes what and i go she didn't say yes when they they didn't ask her if she

believed in god it was was another girl across the room it was falsely attributed to her it's been proven it's been like you know debunked completely that's a completely false but they let her have it because why not she probably would have said yes and she's like where did you read this I'm like there's this book Columbine by Dave Collins you know

it's a factual account and which doesn't matter to religious people most of the time anyway but she I didn't even realize what i was doing i i bet you anything this girl her whole reason for christ was probably because cassie said yes like that probably when she was in eighth grade made her go i want to be like cassie and like i'm gonna be into christ so i completely debunked within seconds of meeting this girl her entire reason for loving god i like i because she just all of a sudden i went back to the plaque and she disappeared into the night and i you know a couple minutes later we're looking at the plaque and then we look up and i go guys where did that ghost girl go and she disappeared into the night

you can't get to this memorial without walking like a quarter mile and she just disappeared into the grassland. She was wearing an all black. She kind of just like slinked away. We thought she was still right there because we didn't hear footsteps. She was totally a ghost. But that was the first night that we went to Columbine

that this creepy woman tried to convert us with her fucking standing in front of, blocking the plaque, acting like she's some ambassador for Cassie who she had nothing to do with. Like this is why i don't i i think i love religion and i love god for the fact that it did this girl cassie she was like doing hardcore drugs she was a she was about to be a runaway she was totally fucked up and then she did find christ and it gave her purpose it gave her a direction she cleaned up her life that's why i love love God. And I love when people find Jesus.

That is a beautiful story. She probably really did believe she had a connection with Christ. Like her poems were like, good Lord, this girl, one of the girls, Lauren, that was also murdered. She had, they had just excerpts

from her journal. And it was all like, I cannot wait to meet Christ in heaven and bathe his feet and kiss his head. And I'm like, this girl was so horny for God. Like, I think a lot of girls get horny for Jesus, which he's kind of hot. He says, yeah, he's a good looking man. He's like you with a beard.

Thank you. That didn't feel bad, kind of. Compared to the son of God? Oh, that's a good point. Okay, that's why you said it. Okay, we got to go to break. We'll come back with top one, bottom one. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year.

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so uh back to the show let's do top one bottom one we got a good one today i think we've done one similar to this but i switched it up by making it our our sex gender whatever if we're doing if we're doing a binary system male female we're going to talk about top one bottom one uh fashion statements of our same sex fashion statements things we like things we don't trends fashion trends statements what annoys us what What do we like? What do we not like? I'll go, we'll start with top. We'll start top or bottom?

Bottom. Bottom. Bottom. We always leave a positive note. Yeah, I think any guy, I mean, I just hate any rich branding, whether it's like Prada, Versace, or for guys wearing especially Balenciaga shoes that are about, I don't know,

they look like they're the size of a fucking yacht on his feet just to show how rich he is. It just annoys me. Yes. Just anything showing how rich and how much better you are than people on fashion just annoys me. Like just leaving price tags on kind of thing?

Well, I guess you leave the price tag on by seeing. What's the difference between you wearing a Carhartt shirt? Like you're wearing that. Well, this is a $25 t-shirt. The Balenciaga shoes are $1,000. Oh, it's about saying I'm rich. Yeah. Okay, yes.

It's just the gaudiness of like thinking you're better and just, and I mean, look, you could talk to them and then be like, no, I just really love the shape of the shoe, and that's not where I'm coming from. It bothers me that I know they only wear it once, and then it goes to waste. Or they can't, I don't know, any clothes where it's like, if I get it creased, they have certain shoes that they can't get dirty.

And it's just, I don't know, there's just something about not being able to live because you're just stuck in this rich rigid body of looking cool yes doesn't do it for me but uh if you buy me a pair i'll wear them for sure um okay i hate um for myself um bra straps showing when they shouldn't be showing like a nude a dirty nude bra strap which is like most of my bra straps like i can't stand like showing on purpose or showing on accident like where it's supposed to like stay with the strap but it can't go and then i hate then i hate strapless bras because they also cut you halfway through your boob and your boobs change so much that i feel like i just hate bras but i also love bras i sleep in bras a lot of times but i feel like bras

are a burden and you have to always consider like when i'm packing i have to bring all different types of bras and all different types of shirts because something's gonna go with something else and and if you go bra less you are somehow tempting men in a way that is inappropriate. And it's like, I'm just, I mean, sorry to be on my feminist high horse today, but Roe versus Wade lit something up in me, even though it doesn't really affect me anymore because I probably can't conceive because I'm old. But man, the idea that like I, you know, hanging out with men a lot this weekend,

there were times where I just didn't want to wear a bra, but I had to because it would have been a topic of discussion. Like it would have been, it would have made them uncomfortable. Not me. Really not me. But it would have, not them uncomfortable. It would have made them think that I was trying to seduce them or something. Do you know what I mean?

And you're on a bus. It's tough. Like you just want your, yeah. Yeah. They're jiggling all over. It sends a message. There's just this bus bouncing yeah the bbts it just uh my my thing is like i hate when i that that people think i'm doing something to be perceived as hot and like i'm just doing it for comfort yes my my nipples are showing but it's because the strapless bra

that they had for me is too padded and it makes my boobs look like are showing but it's because the strapless bra that they had for me is too padded and it makes my boobs look like a cone so it's not because i'm like i want men to think about my hard nipples and masturbate to me it's like you're made to be a whore for dressing skimpy even though it's 111 degrees in georgia and it also depends on your tit size on if you're being more of a whore or not i feel like if if you have bigger tits, you can't go braless because people are like, whoa, Rich, your tits are out. But a little titty girl can go braless all day long comparatively and not be as whore-y. Don't you have any more done studies, though?

What? Oh, yeah. From the news segment that men are more inclined to help women whose nipples are showing through their shirt? Whose nipples are showing through their shirt whose nipples are hard yes but that's i guess you're gonna get more help but like is it the right help you want but guys would go oh she's doing that so she can get me to lift her suitcase or she's using that to manipulate when it's really like i'm doing it because bras are uncomfortable and it's hot and i don't want to wear one but i was constantly i mean this is no one's fault but my own but constantly trying

not to dress hot like being in a I bought a I didn't know we were ever going to go swimming on this trip with a bunch of guys and I don't like my guy friends to see me sexually at all like I just don't ever want that when I if I'm in the front like friends

it's just like I never want any friends to sexualize me ever. I can, it's fine if they're like, you look nice tonight, but to be like, maybe whispering about me behind my back or like thinking that I'm just looking at my body in any way that makes me not a person. I just get grossed out about it. Of course I want to be sexualized by men that I want to have sex with. But you know, on a comic trip, I bought this, uh, I was in Denver at at target and i was like i need a simple black

bikini mine are all like this frayed and terrible and so i was just like oh this one's on sale and i just bought it not even thinking i would ever wear it on this trip because i didn't think we would go swimming but burt kreischer had such an amazing trip lined up for us with all these activities to do all day yesterday there was one there was like a water slide thing and it was the only swimsuit i had that wasn't like wet from the day before because there was another swimming thing that we did and i had to wear this tiny little skimpy bikini and i thought god everyone probably thinks i'm trying to be like so cute and like seductive because i would think that about a girl that had a tiny bikini like me, but it was really because it was the only one at target that had a matching bottom and top

that I thought might fit me. And guess what? It's a little bit smaller than the old glazed dog is right now. And so the whole time I'm just like, I have to give the caveat of like, guys, this is so much smaller than I thought it would be. I'm not trying to be like I oopsie seductive but you just I guess my my fashion statements are when I want to dress slutty and it has nothing to do with you wanting to fuck me it's just I want to dress like Dua Lipa I and it's not because I want to be perceived as hot even though that's a big part of my life as well Noah oh so for bottom i guess just the current fashion trends were were coming to mind and i'm having a hard time choosing between bell bottoms and crop tops oh god um okay so that crop tops are dependent on what are we dealing with on the bottom or is it low rise are we doing gross yeah so crop tops i just feel like i'm paying

full price for half a shirt which annoys me right away it's a true statement and then when i put it on i feel so conflicted because i'm like all right i don't look that terrible in this but considering my age is it kind of like you're doing the same thing i'm doing you don't want to be perceived as trying too hard even though it's just cute and it might just be what you want to wear i just i i don't know if it's that i just feel like a like a like a dissonance of some sort when i put it on like yes this is like for younger women to wear. And I don't know what. But younger women equals sexually attractive. So we equate younger women with like,

they should do this because they're sexy and small and we're old and don't deserve to be looked at. And it's embarrassing for us wanting to be perceived as young when we're not, because we're gross and old. I think where it comes from is um when i was a kid i used to love watching those makeover talk shows where like the girls would bring their slutty moms on and would tell jenny jones or whoever please please have her um have a makeover mom yeah my slutty mom needs a makeover so i'm like am I at the age where if I was mom I would be brought

why does a slut mom need a makeover because it's embarrassing that your mom would be a slut that she would be a sexual human that's shameful Roe vs. Wade is overturned because they hate women beings they think we're sluts if we have sex you guys they think we're sluts men think women

who have sex are sluts even when we have sex with them, they question, man, if it was so easy for me to have sex with her, she's probably slut. It's not even their fault. It's society's fault. It's their brains. It's women being slutty. They want it so bad. They pay for it. They encourage it. And then when you do it, they shame you for it. And this isn't all men. It's not men. It's even the men who are outspoken about it. I'm not even mad at you. It's inherent.

It's like part of our DNA to hate sluts and to think women who are pro-sex, sex positive are sluts. When I took off my shirt this weekend to emulate Bert Kreischer as a bit, which is funny because I'm a woman and women don't take off their shirts. It is part of the the

funniness of it if i was a man taking off my shirt would not be like a thing i was so concerned about doing it because i didn't want anyone to think i was trying to be sexy or i was doing it because i looked good or because i love this bra and my boobs look so good and then i want you to see it it was because i just wanted honestly i did it i got inspired to see it. It was because I just wanted, honestly, I did it. I got inspired to do it because Burt does it. But also, it was kind of a fuck you to that. I don't know. My friend, Romaine, was like, I can't stop watching your shirt taking off.

She was like, there's something about it that's so in response to Roe versus Wade. Like, oh, you hate that when we have sex, when we do sexual things. Fuck you. It's kind of like burning your bra like i really feel nudity and sex and like sex ambitionist talking about sex i'm even thinking about making a porn and i'm not joking you i really i though my only fear now truly is obviously losing my career and being ostracized from hollywood which i already am so who cares um but really more than anything it's that i will be put to death when they like if they if they end

up going as far as the religious right wants to in this country if you have had sex on camera you could be literally imprisoned i mean in women get women get tried for being raped in certain places in certain countries that aren't too far off from where we're we're headed but but back to fashion final thought um the the top thing for fashion for men i mean probably just a black t-shirt a simple black t-shirt because i have 35 of them yeah and there's a reason why i do because it just goes with everything you can wear it to work out you could wear it to do a show you could wear it to dinner no one really questions it because it's maybe kind of classy it's just

all around simple you know i'm just simple i'm boring it sucks my top one is nudity my top one is women show your bodies whenever you can like make people uncomfortable with it that's my new thing i i really make people uncomfortable be loud like you don't have to love your body to do it either you don't have to be like god i'm so beautiful and this is me loving my body no you can still like look in the mirror and go oh god i hate my body i want to change things because that's the human condition but honestly take some chances to put it out there and make people uncomfortable because i'm really upset about rover i have not had time to like let it in my heart what's happening in this nation because i was on a bus with uh a lot of men and i was around a lot

of jokes about how it's not a big deal immediately before i even found out about it um but it is the reversal of our rights that were so fundamental to like we don't even know what it's like without this right a woman my age um it's like taking away our right to vote it's it's on that continuum it's like this isn't that far off it's really bad and i get it there are people that think that abortion is killing a baby and for those people i totally agree with you to be pro-life because that's you think it's murder but these men don't give a fuck about lives they don't for people who are pro-life because they really care about lives all the more power to you i get it let's all we'll fight to the death on that and i'll let you fight on your side.

But you're just one of these fucking guys who would pay for an abortion from your fucking mistress, for your mistress, and you are trying to take away her rights. It's not about that. It's not about because you care about rights or baby's lives.

We all know that. And that's my final. That's my, yeah, my favorite fashion accessory is an abortion. Just kidding, please. Okay, I literally will be hung on the town square in four years for that. Or whenever, you know, he comes back. Noah, what's your favorite fashion accessory?

I don't know. It's kind of hard to follow that. But, well, that's why I'd be... I was going to... Actually, I was thinking like the gold rim glasses or like Coke bottle glasses. I really like those.

You like those? Like the grandma glasses? Grandma, like nerd. Like hipster girls wear? We wear them sometimes. They're cool. Oh my God. They look so good on you.

I like those new John Lennon sunglasses, too, that are coming back. They kind of look good with bell bottoms. I'm not even kidding. I know. I really want to follow up with your hatred of bell bottoms because I love a good bell bottom. It reminds me of the 90s mud jeans. L.E.I.

flares. Oh, because you're tall. Interesting. Oh, yeah. Well, you just got to cut the ends. Couldn't you just cut them? Because then you look cool. We're the same age.

Couldn't you just cut them because then you look cool. We're the same age. Couldn't you trim them? I just, it's just stump. I don't like the stumpy look, which is why I like high rise jeans because they make my legs look longer.

They make you look longer. And that's interesting because I would prefer to cut my jeans because I would always buy flares and they wouldn't go all the way to the ground

so it always looked like, oh, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, flood, flood, flood. Like, it looked like a hoedown. I rarely found ones that perfectly cuffed over my sneakers. Yeah, bell bottoms just looked like they were like taller person's jeans and they had to cut them to give them to you.

Oh, I love the slouchy look. God, I used to envy girls that had the perfect, it would just hit the bottom of the floor so that it frayed just slightly. And it would almost get that lighter color at the bottom on some slinky muds. Mud, M-U-D-D, L-E-I. Those were like the brands that were so in the 90s. They're back, baby. And so we're at low rise. And let me just say I'm getting on board with low rise. And I never thought I would say that. We got to go.

I got to go to therapy. Clearly, I need it. Thank you guys for listening to the show. We will be here all week. You'll hear my daytime Columbine story tomorrow. If any of you agree with anything that I said, because I feel like

everyone in this podcast hates me, please write me, because I could really use the help today. Love you so much. Jackpot. Jackrabbit. Just pot, actually. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up,

well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general.

You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How To Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups,

this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives

dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences,

Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Emi Olea, host of the podcast Crumbs. For years, I had to rely on other people to tell me my story. And what I heard wasn't good. You really f***ed last night. It felt like I lived most of my life in a blackout. I was trapped in addiction. You had to grab the lamp and smash it against the walls. And then I decided I wanted

to tell my own story. Listen to Crumbs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey you guys, I'm Catherine Legg. I'm a racing driver who's literally driven everything with four wheels across the planet. And I've got a new podcast. It's called Throttle Therapy. This season, I'm competing in some of the world's most notorious racing events. Tune into my new podcast, Throttle Therapy, with Catherine Legg, an iHeart women's sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports.