The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #24 A Big Component Of...

Episode Date: April 30, 2021

Between you and Nikki she is trying to be more organized and to remember to follow through with it. Andrew shares some of the upgrades to his morning routine. Nikki encourages him to give back to the universe for the man who syphoned his gas in the past and also gets into the spectrum of her spray tan. They dissect unending orgasms, T-Pain's DM issue and popular baby names in the news. They talk about getting outside of the box and have a come to Jesus moment in the Final Thought. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

John Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF,

and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions

on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry.

I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top. I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From Novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. lamp and smashed it against the walls. And then I decided I wanted to tell my own story. Listen to Crumbs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Some people won't give you the real talk on drugs, but it's time we know the facts. Fentanyl is often laced into illicit drugs and used to make fake versions of prescription pills.

You can't see it, taste it, or smell it. Suppliers mix fentanyl into their products because it's potent and cheap, and the dealer might not even know. Keep yourself and others safe by knowing the real deal on fentanyl. Get the facts. Go to realdealonfentanyl.com. This message is brought to you by the Ad Council. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. This message is brought to you by the Ad Council.

Here's Nikki. Hello. Here I am. Oh, God, guys. Hey, Noah. Hi. How's it going? Good.

Oh, my gosh. I'm wearing your old shirt, so I feel like you're hugging me. I know. I see you in my jacket that I used to wear on my show Not Safe on Comedy Central. If you want to see the jacket we're talking about, you can pull up the YouTube clip where I interview Riley Silverman, who is a trans comedian, but more than that, just a female comic who I interview about being trans. Yeah. So anyway, you have, that's so fun to be able to see the things that you used to wear on other people and realize that you want them back because they look cuter than they looked when you were going through your closet being like, I don't need this. This would look better on Noah.

Like I might borrow it back sometime which is a beautiful thing sure Whitney Cummings gave me a bunch of clothes when I hung out with her in December I went over to her house and she was just like this whole rack you can like have whatever you want and don't tell me that I mean that is I wanted everything it's so hard to show restraint when someone's like you can have. When I was like just starting out, it was probably 2006. I had just moved to LA. I'd been on Last Comic Standing. I had a manager, but he was like very, he was a very young manager.

So he was trying to prove himself to me. I was trying to prove myself to him. But he was at Brillstein, which I'm still with them. And he had a hookup to this guy that worked at the Puma celebrity, like, like shop where it's like, literally you go in this warehouse and if you're a celebrity, you go in and you just like pick out everything you want and they just give it to you. And I got like $10,000 worth of Puma clothing and like shoes, workout stuff that I wasn't even wearing back then because I didn't work out. Jackets, hats, hair bands, like anything you wanted. And I remember the guy that ran the

celebrity center, like knew I wasn't a celebrity. He was kind of like, well mean, like they know, but they are working with the management company. So they let you in. But like, I remember the guy from Heroes coming in at the same time. Remember him? The Asian guy from Heroes. Forget his name, but he was big then. I mean, this was 2006 when Heroes, that show just came out. He is a big fucking star.

And he came in and, you you know did the same thing of like pointing and just like bagging up I mean it was wild people couldn't believe I think I probably got eight thousand dollars worth of clothing yeah it was hero uh sorry he played hero but his Masioka uh he was in there I remember and uh yeah it was like, but I don't like that thing of like, my dream as a kid was doing that thing on Nickelodeon where they let the kids go through the toy store and just pick out everything. I mean, it's pretty much what being an American is once you reach a certain level of money. It's like being the kid from big, like having whatever you want. And I, but when things are free, this thing clicks in my head or like their bargain, I have to have them, which I just want to talk to people a little bit about the psychology of that, because I understand it a little bit more. I remember hearing, I think it was maybe, no, it wasn't Dr. Phil, but it was someone on Oprah back in the day talking about like money management and like how to save.

And she's like, okay, when you have a coupon for something that's 50% off, um, it's not, what was her gist of it? It was like, let's do a pair of shoes. Cause this is more money. Okay. You save $70 on a pair of shoes. Cause you get them half off. This is Andrew with his Hawaiian shirt. He was like, it's $70. And I was like, that's a deal. That shirt is fucking ugly as shit. But I didn't say that until, yes, I did. I said it immediately. That $70 that you saved on that shirt, you didn't save it if you go spend that $70. If you go, okay, well, now I can go do this other thing. You didn't save the money I mean I guess that doesn't make as much sense because I'm thinking oh you could put it towards something

you actually care about but that's the gist of it is like put it towards something you don't that you care about go don't go spend it on like a Gatorade and a pack of gum and like shit you don't need at the gas station because you just saved that money on the other thing also things are I have to remember I'm trying to think of the rule of thumb that I've used now to keep me because now I can afford things that I want and I could really stock up but now I actually this is before I even had money I agreed that like I read somewhere like don't get a piece of clothing unless it's better than every piece of clothing you have. And that means you only are bringing in stuff that is going to stand the test of time. And you know, that's, that's not exact science, but it should be better

than most of the things you have. Um, I mean, this is like Marie Kondo stuff, but I've, I've given away Marie Kondo things. And then, oh my God, I was doing this is like Marie Kondo stuff, but I've, I've given away Marie Kondo things. And then, oh my God, I was doing an analogy last night about Marie Kondo because I was talking about how, oh, so I have a friend who we're talking about guy stuff. I had two girlfriends over last night. It was so freaking fun. Um, they came over, we just like hung out. We try to watch TV, but there's nothing on.

And so we just hang out and got room service and like talked it was so freaking fun and and i got my hair cut my friend robin cut my hair during all that we were gonna go out but we were like why let's just get let's just order in but we were talking about men and how we want them to be better and to take more chances. We want everyone to be better and to take risks in their life to like prove to you that they're worthy of you. I'm saying nada, you're knowing. Noah, you're nodding. Like we want our men to like stand up and like risk something to be with us.

This is what I was talking about the other day, like with the book that I'm reading, like when a man decides to commit to you monogamously and decides to not have sex with anyone else, whether it be like he's your boyfriend or your husband, that's a really big risk to his manhood. Even though he's a guy that might not be getting laid a lot or, you know, isn't't scared of commitment so it seems that still you have to acknowledge that it goes against his biology to not want to fuck anything else or to to agree to be with you so that's like really important and like you should honor that and be like excited that a man's willing to take that leap now there are other things in a man's life that he might have to switch around to be with you too like he might have to put up with this

thing about your life that he doesn't really like her and you take risks too. But I'm just so like, we were talking about this guy in my friend's life who did a bold thing to be with her. Like he was with someone else and he like decided to move out. Right. Okay. So he's in a relationship and he moved out and he's like, I'm ready to be with you. And the girl was like, well, you still don't live in my city you're just down the street you're not living in the same place as the girl but like you I understand you guys have things together you can't exactly leave the area and he's in this apartment and he's not furnished it he's not done anything with it for two years and it's like, he's still holding onto that because he's staying

in the same neighborhood. He did take the leap and she's like, oh my God, yes, let's be together. And so now they're officially together, but it's like, he's not actually doing, he didn't do the full leap. He went, he climbed up the high dive, which I know you're scared of heights. So that is so cool that you even got up there, but you haven't jumped yet. And that's what I do with Marie Kondo. I Kondo my whole room. I'll go through and do the hard part, right? The hard part is being like, babe, I love this other woman. I'm moving out and this isn't good anymore. And you get out your own place. That is really the hard part, but the consistent part that you do that you need to also get that a lot of men and women don't give

in relationships is they do the hard thing and you go, Oh my God, he did it. He left her. He, uh, he, he decided to quit that job. He decided to quit drinking for me, but then he's just quitting drinking and he's not actually trying to work a program that would keep him sober. Let's talk about that. Like he's actually not doing the rest, but he did the hardest part. He quit, you know, oh my God. Or he quit beer or he's just doing beer now. That's so much better because he used to love liquor. Oh my God. Thank you for doing that for me, babe. It's me me with condo clothing I go through my closet and I have these hard decisions like I wore this jacket at this thing this thing this thing this is something I would like to give my daughter

am I going to wear it anytime soon I don't know will I be a zombie um Kurt Cobain for Halloween some year maybe and I'll think about the shirt and be like why don't I have that shirt that would be perfect for my sexy zombie Kurt Cobain you still still have that? No, I don't. I don't still have any of the clothing that I wore during that. But like you hold onto these things thinking, maybe I'll wear it for a Halloween costume. And it's like, then go buy it, go find it a thing. Right. Then I put it all in a bag. Right. And I'm so proud of myself. My closet looks clean. I organized my closet and I put it in this bag. And then that bag sits in my closet or in another room forever until I move out. And then I go through it again and I take things out.

So we do this in every part of our lives where it's like, when you take those risks and you do the thing, go through with it all, like have a plan for the whole thing. Because I did it. I cleaned the beach one day and I picked up trash on the beach and I picked up a huge trash bag of trash. And then I brought it back to our room and it was there until the day we left. A month later, it was still on our porch. And then I went and threw it away. And I just, because I'm scared of throwing out trash. Like I'm scared of giving away clothes. I'm scared that it's going to – I'm putting it in a landfill. But it's not. It's all going to a landfill eventually. Get it out of your room.

Yes. So that is – I don't know what I meant by all of that, but it was a good analogy last night. Maybe it helped someone. Let's bring Andrew in. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more.

Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out. We want to raise awareness. And we want this to stop.

Wow. Very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a playboy model. Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please. Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator.

You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven, and wild and out of control.

My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community. And I made my way back.

This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to Crems as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour like LPGA superstar Angel Yen. I really just sat myself down at the end of 2022 and I was like, look, either we make it or we quit.

Expert tips to help improve your swing and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. The drinks were flowing, twerking all over the place, vaping, they're shotgunning. Women's golf is a wild ride, full of big personalities, remarkable athleticism, fierce competition, and a generation of women hell-bent on shanking that glass ceiling. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeartWomen sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeartWomen Sports. I'm Tomer Cohen, LinkedIn's Chief Product Officer. If you're just as curious as I am about the way things are built, the insights behind what it takes to create a world-renowned product, then tune in to my podcast, Building One. There's so much to learn, like how Patagonia innovates with its supply chain. We had to go out to farmers and convince them it was really damn hard. Or the way Adobe thinks about the first interaction

somebody has with Photoshop. I was always so fascinated by how people navigate and find their way. Ever wanted to know how Nike builds emotion into the Jordan brand? You have to be obsessed with the current state of the human condition. And it doesn't stop there.

What about how Gleam reinvented knowledge search with AI? You can learn about how a Michelin star chef is redesigning seeds for flavor and how Pixar is nurturing a creative culture. Listen to Building One on the iHeartRadio app, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, Andrew. Morning, Nick. Welcome to Thursday's show. It's the end of the week.

How'd you sleep last night, buddy? Pretty good. Pretty good. Got a little... You look a little sleepy sleep. Do I? Yeah, you look a little bit like you just woke up. I have a whole morning routine going.

I'm surprised. I know your routine. What's my routine? Go through it. Okay, you get up. You kind of stumble the kitchen blindly uh you kind of like open the fridge but then you remember that you don't eat until later and then you kind of like walk around the island a couple times then you put on your gym

clothes well this is when i used to be out at the island this is what you do you walk out you walk around the island a couple times realize you don't eat in the morning watch me eat kind of talk to me then you go in you put on your workout clothes and then you go to the gym eventually and then you which is like within the next half hour you go to the gym no no no you go down and get a coffee then you go back up to the common area and you sit and you sip your coffee in the common area on the third floor which is a lovely area with billiardard room and it overlooks the pool. You sip that coffee and then you wait for it to kind of kick in. And then when it kicks in, you go to the gym.

You get a little workout. And then you go back upstairs and you finally eat. None of this is my now, my new. My new thing is I wake up. I lay in bed. I try to go back to sleep for an hour. It doesn't work. I get frustrated. I go in the, I try to go back to sleep for an hour. It doesn't work. I get frustrated.

I go in the shower. I shower, brush my teeth because my toothbrush is on my floor in there. I still have a coffee stirrer on the floor in there. I don't know when that happened. I think that's probably from January 3rd. It's been a while. Then I come in.

I drink one of my hydrated drinks. I forget the name of the brand. I apologize. And then I go downstairs. Not to me. I drink one of my hydrated drinks. I forget the name of the brand. I apologize. And then I go downstairs. Not to me. I don't want to hear it. I go downstairs. I get a coffee from our new Kearing coffee machine that has Starbucks beans in there.

Then I come up. I have my coffee. I make flaxseed oil. Or not flax. Flaxseed oatmeal. Then with protein. I copied you. Completely stole your morning breakfast.

Of course you did. And I apologize for that but I can't apologize because it's so easy to make. I know, it's so delicious and easy. We talked about it on an earlier episode. You gotta go back and find it if you want to know what the oatmeal is. Or DM one of us. But I would recommend DMing me because Andrew probably doesn't do it exactly right with the right – like I would like to make yours someday because I think I could make it better for you.

Look. Because I'm an expert at oatmeal, protein powder, stevia, almond milk combo. Yeah, but the problem with that is the person will make it. You'll make it great and then I can't recreate it and then I'm frustrated every time. I'll teach you my ways. Two minutes, put more water in than you think because you're adding protein powder. So don't put the same amount of water

you would put in a regular bowl of oatmeal, duh. You can put it all in the same time. And then when you put it in for two minutes, press the 30 second button four times, pull it out, add a little almond milk to make it cool down a little bit, stir it, it's probably too cool, throw it back in for another 30 seconds. Boom. You got yourself

some cereal. I eat two bowls of that shit. I really slam those every single morning and I have for, God, a year now. It's great. It makes me shit good. Everything's good. It fills me up. Oh, God, that made me think of the porn

I was watching last night. This girl at one point was like, I feel so filled up It fills me up. Yeah. Oh, God, that made me think of the porn I was watching last night. Oh, God. This girl at one point was like, I feel so, she goes, I feel so filled up and stretched out at the same time. And I was like, that's a good line. Filled up, stretched out. That's the way I like to fuck. Wait, wait, what does that even? How can you be?

I guess, yeah, I guess if you're stretched out, you're filled up. I mean, it makes sense. This lady had a lot of things going in her, and so she felt filled up, and to accommodate all these things, a little stretched out. I see you rolling up to a gas station when you get back here and throwing the 87, 89, and the 93 in that puss. Oh, right.

Like me putting, like when I go fill up my car, I go, I haven't even got the diesel in the, I just put it in the muffler, even though it's pouring out everywhere. I told you when I filled my car up with diesel. I mean, that is so sad. Dude, I couldn't even get it into, I was driving through the night. It was like. Right.

There were like a million things that were stopping you from doing it. Like the button wouldn't work. Then the thing wouldn't even go in your car. Dude, I was at this old school gas station in Florida, like by Destin area. There was like nothing around. And then one side is diesel and one side is regular gas. So I went on the diesel side and I'm thrusting the diesel because it doesn't fit into a normal gas tank. And I shove it in. And I fill up my whole tank, my silver Xterra, with $40 of diesel.

And then when I go to put it in, I go, oh, that's not right. That's diesel. What does that mean? Like, I didn't even know what it meant. Next thing I know. I know. That's what I said to Robin last night. How do these men survive?

You didn't know what a SIM card was. But at 2 a.m., call this guy they're like we got a guy to take care of it they called the local handyman it's like a population of like 40 in this town and he shows up at two in the morning in a wife beater i think he's also the mayor and he he siphons the gas with his mouth and spits it out and takes out all $40 at diesel, but the engine kept stopping it. So he did it for like two hours, siphoned it out. And I go, what do I owe you? And he's like, I just wanted to do a good deed.

I was like, no, man, I'm going to give you the money. I go, how much? He's like, $100. I go, give me your address. I'm sending it right when I get home. And your boy never sent it. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew, I'm aghast.

I am too, aghast. I'm a diesel. A diesel gas. Come on, man. Dude, I wish, if you're listening, by the grace of God, in 2000... Can you find maybe that gas station? You got to give someone $100 to make this world right,

like a random person who needs it. I'm serious, dude. This will make you feel better. I know. In 2001, if you siphoned an Xterra with your mouth for two hours in the middle of the night around Destin area, let me know. No, no, no. You just got to put it out there because you're not going to find this guy.

He's probably dead from having to ingest the gasoline that he siphoned. It got into his gum line probably and death absorbs death comes from the gums that's gums we all know that that's why you're flossing more right or at least chewing on first of all things or chewing on the starbucks plastic since we've had this conversation i am 65 brushing before i go to bed. Love it. See, that's the thing I like about you, Drew, is that you will actually take the things that I recommend for your better life and if they work for you, you add them in 65%.

65%. Look, I'm happy with 65%. That's a regular D, and with a curve, that's a C-. I don't know how I'm going to you to uh say regular instead of regular but that is look if we keep talking about gas who cares i'll get there if we have a bunch of gas stories how did you sleep you slept late wearing your multi-colored robe i love this robe well i wasn't wearing this but i do love this robe jacob i was sweating a lot last night because i can't keep my ac down like it's it just stays at 71 you keep this ac down well i do regular uh 87 87

um no i i was i just sweated so much and i got a spray tan two nights ago and I sweated so just like the colors that came from my sweat made it pink and blue and, or like, it was like this technicolor, like it looked like a, yeah, I mean it really did look like, I'm trying to think of what it looked like. It looked like an alien gave birth on the bed. Like it was looked like, it looked like not blood, but it was like it looked like an alien gave birth on the bed like it was looked like it looked like not blood but it was just beautiful it's like this watercolor of like pink and purple because all these colors are in this spray tan and i and uh the maid was like and i had to go to walk her in and go listen this is spray tan i promise you but i'm trying to explain

it because i didn't speak her language um she was speaking gibberish. Just kidding. I can speak that. Yeah. She was like, no teenager. I know. I only speak in gibberish to maids. So wait, do you feel like it's worth it then?

You're a big component of spray tan. I got two. Did you say component? What'd you say it was? Tomatoes. No, what did you say? You're a big component of spray tans. Okay, I just want to play back

because I think you did say component. I'm a big proponent, which is a word that is hard to... I won't give you shit about that, but it was adorable. I'm a big component of spray tans. You almost said component for real, though, I feel like. No, I was saying it as a joke. I felt component-y. Well, I was compelled.

Water. Compelled. Yeah, I slept badly. I don't know what's going on with me. I sleep so much, but I've been exhausted. I've done like a million podcasts over the past four days, and this is the one that I love the most, but I've just,

people can't really, I don't think my podcast style is for everyone. I talk a lot and I just want to take over the podcast. And I met with a lot of, I'll say like a thing where I'll go, and like end on a really, I think is a funny note. And the podcast host is just like,

wow. Okay. Well, um, on that note, like I get met with so many on that notes where people are just like kind of weirded out by me. And it makes me feel again,

like I'm the, the girl in high school who one time I was working out like 10 years after we graduated. And I was at the local gym when I was working out like 10 years after we graduated and I was at the local gym when I was back home and this girl from school who was a friend of mine in high school like peripherally was I saw her and she saw me working out and she came over and she was like oh my god Nikki good to see you and I was like it's been so long she was like oh my god I was working I was watching you the whole time and you are still such a spaz.

And I was just like, what? Like, I didn't know I was a spaz. Like everyone just always looked at me as a kid and like, kind of like, yikes. Like when Joe Rogan said I was a lot, that really hurt me because I don't realize I'm a lot,

but I'm, I'm a fucking lot. I talk so fast. I'm really sorry about it. It's only gotten worse. I think it's something I have to like get looked at. Like I talk so fast I'm really sorry about it it's only gotten worse I think it's something I have to like get looked at like I talk too fast I'm like that guy on Saved by the Bell the teacher

Mr. Testaverde's midterm and he would talk like this and they would like write in their notebooks to try to keep up and Jessie would start and the smoke would come from her pencil because she was writing so fast on that note you were waiting so long to say that I didn't think I had to wait as long as I did

yeah I know that's why I made you wait because I because I'm a spaz what were you doing so spazzy you think on these podcasts or like what I worked on why would she call you a spaz you know me Andrew like everything I do

is like herky jerky like i press on buttons fast on the treadmill probably and i'm like over i'm done and then it's done and then i like take my sweat towel and i'm like i put it on my like everything i do but why is it hard makeup artist robin but why do you think says that everything you do is abusive like i take contacts out fast i like put moisturizer on fast i wash my face. Kirsten right now, my best friend from fourth grade and on, is laughing because she always used to make fun of me. When I plop down on the couch, the couch almost breaks. If I was a

heavier person, I would break so much furniture. It's not about... I'm just not gentle. I wish I were, but it's just not who I am. You're gentle until you do... You're gentle 99% of the time. It's just the 1% when you're gentle until you do. You're gentle 99% of the time. It's just the 1% when you're doing something, putting a box away or whatever.

I don't know. And I just get really rough. That's why things break. And my mom, throughout my childhood, you don't ever deserve to have nice things. You don't get to have nice things because you don't treat things with respect. You break everything you have. And so I just grew up thinking, I'm just a piece of trash.

I really truly struggle having nice things, because I know I will break them. But the truth is, now I'm like, things are meant to be broken. You shouldn't have plastic on your couch forever. You shouldn't keep things in cases, and just look at them, use them. Yes, put a case on your phone so it doesn't crumble

before your eyes when you're in a foreign country. Andrew Collin, protect the things that you're rough with, but don't be delicate with everything. This ain't for the best. My reputation's never been worse. He must like me for me. We're singing the song Delicate by Taylor Swift, one of my

favorite songs. Let's get to the news. You heard it here first. Yeah. You heard it here first. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first. Hey, out there, everybody. I hope everyone's having great and fun time and swells. Okay, so. Wow, that's really taken a turn. Or like you're just having a lot of liberties with that.

And I like it. Let's get into it. You can tell when someone loves a liberty when they point out a liberty. No, I liked it. It's going into different directions. Yeah, I want to keep people guessing. I want to keep people guessing. It doesn't do it. I don't think it's.

Okay. Yes. Go on. A woman on TLC's sex sent me to the ER says she had a four-hour orgasm and now has orgasms on a regular basis without stimulation, as many as 12 spontaneous prolonged orgasms a day. She could be just sitting around, watching TV. Next thing you know, the girl's coming.

She couldn't stop orgasming after sex with a partner eric a lot of women are trying to find out his last name caused a physically emotionally and mentally taxing four-hour pleasure so now she just comes like she can't even control it i need to interview this woman wait four hours was eric like, what the fuck is happening and just waited? Or did he like go about his day and come back? Did he go fill up his gas tank, get some errands done? And then she came back and she was still going like, I want to. And what happened to Eric? Oh, my God.

She is in love with Eric. I think Eric drowned in a puddle. But I think what happened. We lost Eric that day. I think she came and then just didn't stop coming. I think it was like one come and he didn't keep going. She just kept going. She said the first one was four hours.

And then after that, it was unrecovered. Then it was 12 a day. Meaning like four hours of straight orgasm. Not from Eric, though. I think it's just from. I know, but I'm wondering if Eric, once she started coming, just kind of bore witness to it and like set up a chair and watched her. Oh, I got you. I get it. I i get it he probably came and then left yeah but she started coming and i

mean that sounds really terrible and i know everyone's like that would be amazing no one fucking wouldn't that would really suck i have a lot of compassion for this woman who's struggling with that and man i have i have a lot of compassion for a woman who had a an intimate moment that set off this obviously psychological response of like obviously it's physical but this guy she loves or like had a very what did it say it was set off because of their intimate like physically emotionally and mentally taxing is that her oh actors recreated scenes oh my god okay yeah i think eric has hair in real life well the guy that played eric is bald listen that guy could fuck look at that guy i think that guy's sexy he has a fully shaved head which is

what prince william should do to his whole head we decided and eyebrows um liz has started to have orgasms on a regular basis without stimulation it's very physical emotionally and mentally taxing experience um yeah i agree like when you let that animal out of the cage it's hard to like make it stop sometimes and like i my first orgasm bound me to somewhat like my first orgasm was with you know comedian pete lee when he went down on me when I was 20 and it was like I was already in love with him I wasn't really but that sealed the deal it's like someone gave you that experience and then I was like so in love I couldn't stand it and it

was because of the orgasm but have you ever had an orgasm things are very at another time where you were just sitting around or like not getting pleasured? Have you ever had a phantom? No, mine are very elusive and I have to track them down in the night and wait for them and be steady and still and go on blacked raw for 45 minutes. Yeah, they're really hard for me. Would you rather have multiple orgasms throughout the day or a very tough orgasm not you couldn't get work done if you're coming all day like that that is a that's a disability i mean this woman could obviously it would suck and i've i've heard stories of this kind of thing before and it's not it's always funny to joke about but it's it seems like pure hell yeah um because orgasms are

kind of painful because to me at least because they feel like you go like don't do they feel like this way to you guys at all or am i totally like they feel like someone's tickling me like i'm laughing but i'm also like ah stop it's too much and then you like relax and then you're able to let it like fully the the orgasm go like go through you and then you like relax and then you're able to let it like fully the orgasm go like go through you and then it's not uncomfortable but the the build up is like oh my god like it's like going on a roller coaster of like ah i'm scared i'm scared i'm scared it's too much and then it feels like the release and then you're just like okay i'm letting go does that does that mimic what you guys feel noah you probably should answer this since you have a vagina i mean i'll go either way

yeah the best way that i can describe it is if i were to take a seltzer bottle and shake it and then screw up screw off the top yeah and it like slowly like erupts and then it's like but when you're shaking that seltzer or is your body going like i don't know if i want this i'm scared this is too much like like being tickled and held down kind of thing. I don't feel that, but I know that I have to be in like a very concentrated place in order to get to that explosion. So I can't move. I can't like do it, think or do anything else. It just has to be completely present. Mine is like my body. I've gotten past it, but my body like fights. But I understand how that could be the same feeling, just different interpretations of it.

Andrew, is there any part of your body that doesn't want it, that fights it? Do you relate to that at all? Yeah, I do. Does any listener out there relate to me? I relate to you a lot because... It feels like getting tickled by your cousin who's pinning down your arms and you're like, this is making me laugh

and it feels amazing, but it's like, stop i relate to you there's no release because of taking an antidepressant and taking zoloft my brain does need to get before i used to just come i wouldn't even i'm not even but is the build-up was there any like anxiety in the build-up of like coming like when you're about to where you're like no not now like I constantly orgasms will start to come for me when I'm masturbating with porn and I'll push them down because I'm like it's not good enough yet like I want this to be better yeah do you

push them down like that no sometimes sex not when I'm jerking off when I'm jerking off I'm just like let's get this done so I can you know do Zumba I want it to be like magical I'm the opposite of Andrew what do you mean like want it to be like magical I'm the opposite of Andrew what do you mean like with sex it's like okay okay just happen just happen I don't want to lose it

but if if I'm masturbating then it's like okay wait I'll wait I'll wait I'll wait because you're still dependent on someone else feeling fulfilled by your orgasm probably because you don't want to you don't you're not going to let down the computer but you might let down your partner if you don't grab it while it's there it's not that it's just like i have a certain time limit where like after a certain time passes i'm like no longer stay on but your partner might not be able to get you to the the later ones that makes sense right but i don't like to come unless like there are some times when I'm with a partner and I'm like, I could, but I'm like, it's going to be so much better

if they tell me I can't and then I have to wait for the next one. So I literally will tell a guy, tell me I can't come. And he's like, what? I'm like, just trust me on this. I want to so bad, but do everything you can to make me come right now.

Like do everything that you think that would make, like try your hardest, but demand that I'd not be able to like say that if I do it, you're going to be really upset with me and that I'm a dumb, like that I'm a better whore than this, stuff like that. Like you could do better. Like,

don't you fucking come. And then when I'm like begging or like when I've just given up, then you're like, you better come or I'm going to be fucking mad. And then you make fucking come. And then when I'm begging or when I've just given up, then you're like, you better come or I'm going to be fucking mad. And then you make me come. And that is the fucking hottest shit ever. And it's hard to get someone to do that because it's like telling someone to be dominant to you. But it does work.

And you can train someone to do that. It's an interesting approach. Because as a guy, I think sometimes we'll have to cum in the first 45 seconds. It'll be so intense. And you pull out. And what I used to do when I was cumming very quick, I'd grab the head of my penis to keep the cum from coming out. I don't know.

It worked somehow. But wouldn't it work? Yeah, it worked. It would somehow. But wouldn't it work? Yeah, it works. It would work. But then you do that, and then to get the cum to come back around once you tell it to go home, it's very difficult.

It's very difficult. But I'll tell you, if you had a girl saying, don't fucking, because you're like me in the bedroom. We're both like to be dominated a little bit. I think you would probably, what I just described, a girl saying that to to you if someone's listening that might sleep with you

would be good of being like Andrew like don't you don't fucking come and then later on it would be much easier for you to come if she was like like you like just telling you not to would make you want to and then find not doing the thing of don't come or or you better come from me that would probably make too much pressure on you but i bet you would benefit from someone being don't don't don't and because you like being told not to and then you're gonna do it so i think that could be a fun dynamic with you and your lady if you want i have been more dominant lately which i've been loving i do doggy style on the floor looking at the mirror, which I don't. So you're looking at yourself, but you feel sexy when you're with this girl. That's one of the things that you told me about her that I loved was like, she's the

first woman that you've been with or not maybe the first, but you feel like you're turning her on with your body and your aura, which is like made me kind of, I'm sorry to share that because that to me was like a very vulnerable thing you shared with me. But that to me was so sad that men don't get to feel like sexy as much as women, because if, if, if a woman said to me, this is the first guy that's ever made me feel sexy, I'd be like, what the fuck have you been living? Like that is no way to live. But for a man, women don't often say like, you're so sexy. And guys like to hear that too. It's so nice that you have that, but it took you 40 years. you read my journal without asking but whatever okay so it

didn't take you 40 years i hate when people go it took me 40 years to find the woman i'd marry i'm like were you trying to get laid when you were seven let's take some years off of that like only go for the years you were i say the same thing about Jews crossing the desert. I was like, 40 years? Really? Really? Let's add up how much they really tried. Alright. When you were seven, you were trying to cross the desert? Yeah, right, Moses.

Okay. So T-Pain is Next story. Oh, yeah. T-Pain, this isn't related to the orgasm lady. New story. T-Pain is just now figuring out about the message request folder on IG. Yeah. Did everyone see this? He put a TikTok video out showing that he's accidentally ignored a ton of celebrity DMs,

which is kind of cool. For those of you who don't know. It's kind of cool to show how many DMs. This was very... I saw this this morning. So, yeah, it's the dumb tick tock voice of like, I found out about, so T-Pain is sitting there smiling with the green screen kind of image behind

him. And he's going, the green screen image is showing all of his DM requests, which is a special folder. If you're anyone above 10,000 followers, that puts the requests of people you don't necessarily know into another folder. You have to go into that folder to see people who are requesting you. I go into that folder

a hundred times a day. Andrew's probably around the same time, like just to see blue check marks might be sliding in. Fans might be sending me pictures or videos of their warts. I go in there constantly. By the way, if you do have warts to send me or any video, please send them to

the Nikki Glazer podcast at gmail.com. Please label your subject wart so that I don't click on something else. And, and we'll go from there. Thank you so much again for sending those in. But this folder he's going through has so now he sorted it by importance. Like you can sort this folder and get only the blue check marks. And it just shows

so many celebrities trying to talk to him that he hasn't spoken to because he didn't know about this folder and it's like how who's in there viol davis's uh assistant fergie on her account fergie uh like people that would probably want tyler cameron from the back i mean someone like dip or like fergie someone that would probably want to work with him or want so he probably lost out on probably over a few million dollars not being able to check this, to be honest. But if his life is happy, there's like a lesson to be learned there that like, oh, just because you missed these opportunities,

it really didn't affect you because you never knew about him. No, didn't affect him. And it's all meant to be like he's going to get – people always go, my god i didn't do that thing we could have done that like we missed like when when we do a recording and it fucking fucks up or like t-pain missed out on all these opportunities the fact that now t-pain is making this video of all the requests is going to end up being more good for him than if he would have followed through with these so like every mistake

or thing that you're like i didn't even know i could have been doing this the whole time i promise you that will lead to better things than you thought it would have if you discovered it soon not to mention it's a good story that like andrew put the diesel in not to mention that diplo or like these people that aren't getting written back they always get written back so the fact that T-Pain isn't writing back they're like dude I gotta work with T-Pain like it's such a great point sleep and not text someone back and they think you're cool but you just passed out but you just took a nap in the middle of the day when they thought that you were just like ignoring them it's the best move ever it's so fucking good yeah if you can do that i mean i hate that people only want what they can't have or seemingly can't have but it fucking works it does work okay next story the data is out about the most popular baby

names around the world arlo is like the top of the list on like so many different countries like arlo's everywhere i don't know if the movie came out later nephew's name i don't know uh luna what what movie there was a movie called arlo no really argo argo are you serious okay are you serious that's what you thought the movie wait wait hold on a big proponent of it ben affleck yes i was he thought my nephew's name was argo no i thought it was the name of the movie i really did you thought that the ben affleck movie where they are trying to escape a country that might i forget what they were doing there but that's a great fucking movie okay and then luna is the number one girl name luna we know yeah i love luna i love what a beautiful name um what would

you name your okay so tell us some more i love these kind of things well essentially um and those are going to be the names of every like no one's going to be nicole Andrew's or Alex's Nicole's number 246 on the list okay so she's still up there Andrew's like in the 40s so okay he's still doing well too but yeah but it won't be as common I mean what were the most popular baby names in 19 let's see when we were born 1984 baby names that's when I was born at least four years before that was quite similar okay yeah it's probably okay so it makes sense so the most popular names what's the number one name again okay girl names in america girl names in america luna right mave aurora these are number one aurora isla and are these new ones or most common? Because that seems insane

These are like new ones showing up These aren't the most common Well, that's what it says I'm looking up 2020 I feel like this cannot be And then boy's name is Silas Old Renegade Okay, I'm sorry to tell you guys

In 2020 The most popular baby name was sophia for a girl um liam for a boy but it's 2021 still low i understand that but we're not even through the whole year i'm just going if none of those names are showing up in the top for 2020 that then i think these are probably the most like growing names. You know what I mean? Well, boy named Silas, Atticus, Arlo, Theodore, Finn. Liam, Noah, Jackson, Aiden, Elijah, Grayson, Lucas, Oliver, Caden, Mateo, Muhammad, Mason, Carter, Jaden, Ethan, Sebastian, James. Then we go girls.

This is 2020. Number one, Sophia, Olivia, Riley, Emma, Ava, Isabel, Aria, Aaliyah, Amelia, Mia, Layla, Zoe, Camila, Charlotte. That's the top four. I love how they're all in the A's. People are lazy. Let's do 1984. Ready? Yeah. Jennifer, Jessica,

Ashley, Amanda, Sarah, Stephanie, Nicole, Melissa, Heather, Elizabeth, Megan, Crystal, Amy, Tiffany, Rachel. That's top 15. Boys, Michael, Christopher, Matthew, Joshua, David, Daniel, James, John, Robert, Joseph, Jason, Ryan, Amy, Tiffany, Rachel. That's top 15. Boys, Michael, Christopher, Matthew, Joshua, David, Daniel, James, John, Robert, Joseph, Jason, Ryan, Justin, Andrew, Brandon. Andrew's coming in at 14. You know what that sounded like?

That sounded like Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting. You're like, John, Jerry, Jeff, John. When he named his brothers. Okay, let's do baby names 1950. This is really fun for me. I don't know if it's fun for anyone else. I feel like I would be interested in this if I were listening. Okay, so 1950,

most popular baby names, and this is America, I believe, for both of these. Maybe not the one that said Muhammad in it, but maybe. I don't know. Muhammad is obviously the most popular name ever. Number one is this 1950 baby names. Top 15. Here we go. James, Michael, Robert,

John, David, William, Richard, Thomas, Mark, Charles, Stephen, Gary, Joseph, Donald, Ronald. Then we got Mary, Linda, Patricia, Susan, Deborah, Barbara, Deborah, Deborah, Barbara, Deborah with a BRA, Karen, Nancy, Donna, Cynthia, Sandra, Pamela,

Sharon, Kathleen, and then we go into Carol, Diane, Brenda, Cheryl, Janet, Liz, Elizabeth. I mean mean this is so fun wait should we try 1920 just for fun 1923 and then I'll be done okay because this is interesting because these are like our grandma's names yeah I was gonna ask you what your grandparents names were

I got a Jean and Margaret and then a Bob and a Edward what about you Bob and an Edward oh you did the women first okay I thought Jean might have been here I have a Henry and Shirley Bob and an Edward. What about you? Bob and an Edward? Oh, you did the women first. Okay. I thought Jean might have been here. I have a Henry and Shirley and Marvin and Selma. Oh, my God.

Noah, what do you got rocking for grandparents' names and parents' names? You don't even want to ask me. Really? Because I have Eastern European descent. Exactly. Okay, well, what's the weirdest name out of all of them? And by weird, I mean one that Americans haven't heard as much. My grandfather's name is Sebastian.

Ooh, that's a great name. Can we just hear the name? I kind of want to hear them. Now I'm intrigued. Yeah, let's do it. You're like, keep paying. Yeah, open those requests and give us those grandparents you're like viola davis okay so i have three sets of grandparents so it's sebastian and leah betty leah's betty and lotsy

betty is the number five name for girls in 1923 lot I like that. It's like lazy with a twist. And then Esther and David. Oh. Esther's a great name. I thought they were going to be like question mark. You don't even want to know. You don't even want to ask my grandfather's name. David.

Whoa. You know him. What? Whoa. Okay. My grandfather's name, David. Whoa! No one. What? Whoa! Okay, 1923, baby names. Here we go, boys. Number one, John, Robert, William, James, Charles, George, Joseph, Edward, Richard, Donald, Thomas, Frank, Harold, Paul, Raymond. And then we go into Walter.

Walter is a great name to bring back if you're naming a baby. I think Walter is so cute. Here we go. Girl names, is a great name to bring back if you're naming a baby. I think Walter is so cute. Here we go. Girl names Mary, Dorothy, Helen, Margaret, Betty, Ruth, Virginia, Mildred. Number eight was Mildred, 1923. Elizabeth, Frances, McDormand, Doris, Evelyn,

Anna, or Anna, Marie, Alice. And then Marjorie is number 16. Taylor Swift's grandmother's name is Marjorie. The song Marjorie on number 16 Taylor Swift's grandmother's name is Marjorie the song Marjorie on her second album of the quarantine called Evermore is one of the best and saddest songs and would have topped my list yesterday if

I hadn't come up with something else what do you think what would you name your kid and your experience with your sister and brother-in-law with their naming of their kids whether they tell do they tell you during the pregnancy or after the baby's born

they only tell us after and it's announced pretty much like because they don't want our reactions to like they don't want to go like we're floating around these names and we go eh because famously and I put it on my Instagram yesterday let me just read it to everyone famously in my family I might I'm going to do it as a main post on Poppy's birthday. But my niece Poppy, her birth was announced almost two years ago.

It was May 3rd, 2019. And this was the text that came in at 3 a.m. And she was born at 2 uh 3 a.m and this was she was born at 2 37 a.m and this came in at 3 a.m um my time in new york i was in my bed i woke up in the middle of the night knew my sister was in labor and things were going well but knew like was waking up on the hour to get this text it was a mass text to my dad my mom and my uh brother-in my mom, and my brother-in-law. Or like my brother-in-law sent it. It was to my mom and my dad and me. Poppy Louisa Green.

A picture of the baby, but above it, Poppy Louisa Green. 5'3", 19 at 2.37 a.m. 7 pounds, 13 ounces, 19 inches. And then I didn't wake up until the morning. I didn't wake up until I guess two hours later. My mom gets the text almost immediately at, uh, what time was it? My mom gets it at like almost writes back immediately at three in the morning and says, is that really her name? That's what she writes back to the text of the birth announcement. And then nothing after that. And then I write back, Oh my God, she's so beautiful.

Love the name. She's perfect. Congrats, Lauren and Matt, blah, blah, blah. And my mom never responds again. Like we haven't talked to my mom since. No, we have. No, my mom was not drinking. It was, she was in the middle of the night.

She thought they were joking about the name. And I go, you thought they were joking when they wrote the ounces, the weight. Why didn't you go seven pounds 13 ounces is that really her weight that would have been a funnier text so we've my mom will never live it down that she thought poppy's name was fake because it's just it was such a different name than we had thought they did the same thing with arlo when they named their baby arlo my at first everyone's kind of like but then you were like oh my god there's no better name for poppy and arlo so i can't wait to

hear the third kid's name it's like i'm more excited about that than the kid yeah my and what would you name your kid wait you gotta get sports let's final thought kid names uh well my my brother named his last so anyways i wouldn't oh you you have amazing nephew names what are they august augie uh leo and it's a door and they call him Sid, which I love. So I love that, too. And then my little brother named his kid Theodore, and they call him Teddy. I mean, they are. They did very well.

So good. Great names. Noah, what's your nephew? My nephew's name is Gerard. Okay. Not great. I'm just kidding. That's how I was feeling, too.

No, I've never heard a child named gerard great kid though keep to yourself yeah no gerard is such a cute but like any name that you usually think of like an old grizzled man with a piano bar that like as a place called gerard's which is what my mom my mom used to go this piano bar and like drink with her friends at a place called gerard's, which is what my mom, my mom used to go to this piano bar and like drink with her friends at a place called Gerard's and the Gerard would be at the bar. That's what I think of your nephew. But he's just a kid that likes to play Fortnite with his aunt, Noah.

Roblox. Oh yeah, that's right. Andrew, what were you going to say? So like if you were to have kids, Nikki, and you went with like Poppy or Arlo yourself, I don't think your brother or your brother-in-law or sister would be stoked about that. They don't. Whoever gets the kid named first, you can't name. Like my little brother's name is Sam.

And then my uncle named our first cousin Sam as well. So that would be kind of the same exact thing. I can't name. If I name my kids Poppy or Aldo, it would be insane. What are you talking about? No, but my little brother's name is Sam, and then we have a first cousin also named Sam. They did that. Yeah, that's really, that's not okay.

I think if you grew up in different states, it might work. Wait, but Sam based on a great, someone in your lineage? Well, Jews will take the first initial of someone that died recently and go from there. There's a lot of S names. You could do Sirard. No, don't do that. Don't do anything that relates to Girard.

That's a terrible name for a child. Just kidding, Girard. You're so cute and I love you and I'm just joking. My nephew's name is Barlow, which it sounds like he should be... Oh, no. Maybe we can't do that.

We can take that out, I guess. No, that's so funny. Gerard is so funny. No, don't take it out. But I don't want Gerard to hear this. But I bet Gerard is going to be a strong enough kid to handle whatever comes with that name. If he has a cool aunt like Noah, she'll beat anyone's ass that tries to fuck with Gerard. But that being said, I would name my kid Boy. i would go i i like my grandparents names i like marvin or henry i think

i'd bring back marvin i loved my marvin is a great name for a boy like everyone be like marvin what we haven't heard that in so long it's so short marv and then women i'd go with uh cunt head and twat face is oh so you're naming it after your mom? You son of a bitch. Yes. It's a family name. It's a family name. You're right.

What would you go with? All right, let's get to your sports moment. Oh, well, I guess you'll have to wait for the final thought. Oh, shit. Here's Andrew's weekly sports moment. Man, you sound thrilled again. It almost sounds like a recording okay retired boxer floyd mayweather and youtube star logan ball have agreed to fight at the hard rock uh stadium on

sunday june 6th so okay so floyd mayweather is this retired boxer he's never i know who floyd mayweather is okay all right So he's never lost, ever. No one has even, like, touched him. He's, like, been hit solid, like, one time. He's, like... Why isn't he, like, as good as Muhammad Ali, then? Why don't people talk about him like that? They have. If he's never lost.

They do. They say he's... But he's just not as, like... Well, he just... He's kind of a... Muhammad Ali kind of changed the world. I mean, Floyd Mayweather, you know, owns strip clubs, you know. But in terms of athletic capability and achievement, he's up there.

Yeah. Why is he fighting Logan Paul? What's going on, Andrew? So this is the problem. Logan Paul, this is what they've been doing. Logan Paul and Jake Paul, you know, big trolls on YouTube, but they've made a name for themselves. They are smart with their marketing, but they just troll. They figured out they've worked really hard boxing,

but the idea that Logan Paul, who is 40 pounds heavier than Floyd Mayweather, could beat him. And like 40 years younger. Yes, but he will not touch Floyd Mayweather. I will bet. I mean, this will be so exciting to watch because who do you want to watch get beat more than a fucking YouTube scam? Oh, I know.

That's why Jake Paul, he went to the latest UFC fight and everyone's going, fuck Jake Paul. And they're all leading into him because everyone's talking about Jake Paul. Here's the thing. Jake Paul could actually box a little bit. That's the problem. It's like you're not just going to beat the shit out of these YouTube guys, but they don't want to fight like regular boxers or boxers in their prime. They're picking out big names that have big followings. It makes sense.

Okay, and so do you have to buy this fight? And how much are they being paid for this fight? How much are they each making? And how much will they make if they win? I would say Floyd Mayweather is probably going to make $10 million. $40 million? Maybe $20 million. Maybe $20 million.

And Logan Paul would make, I think, half that. What did Rose Namahunas make on the fight that she won last weekend? Do we know, Aunt Noah, how much these people are making? Because I hope a lot. Because, you know know she can go in she can go into like endorse she obviously she has tons of endorsements and is making so much money but i wonder how much she she made let's see worth i know these things don't actually say what they're worth well here's the thing ufc is notorious for underpaying one million for underpaying their their fighters but the idea is is that ufc will promote you

oh what is it okay so on ufc 261 she made um 182 000 uh it was 100 to show 50 000 for performance no that wasn't the latest one the night but That had to have been an old fight. There's no way she only made $150,000. $182,000. I mean, that is so bad. If that was the same fight, $261,000, right? Yeah, UFC 261. Really?

That was Saturday, April 24th. Yeah, that was last weekend. That is so alarming. I know that sounds like a lot to a lot of people but that to me in terms of how famous that fight was and how many people tuned in that is no money dude that she's probably made money off endorsements yeah but still like you know pro football like the people that are at her level in other sports are making salaries of millions plus endorsements. That's larger companies.

Floyd Mayweather made over a billion dollars boxing. Right, okay. So it's there. She's fine. I'm not worried about it. No, but that is insanely low if you ask me. I think so. That rate seems crazy.

There's more fights on the card. No, but that is insanely low, if you ask me. I think so. That rate seems crazy. There's more fights on the card. Yeah, so anyways, but the Paul brothers, they figured out a way to really piss off these UFC guys, which it's kind of fun to see these guys that their asses are kissed so much. I've never watched a Paul brother. Are you entertained by them? I know he was the one that went into that Japanese forest and was like, whoa. Yeah, that was Logan Paul.

Yeah, he said the suicide guy. But no, they're not that entertaining, to be honest. They're not. Pete Davidson actually went on the Jake Paul-Ben Askren fight, and he told Jake Paul he wants him to win. And then he talked to the other fighter and just completely roasted and trashed Jake Paul. Can you send me that clip? I want to hear about those jokes. Can I make a quick correction?

So her total payout was $310,000. Still not enough. I'm trying to get these numbers. Thank you, Noah. But that is seriously, that really shocks me and i'd like some clarity on that uh if you have any send it into um ufc payment clarity as the subject at the nikki glazer podcast at gmail and noah will read that and and educate us about what uh these people are really making and if it's uh kind of bullshit compared to other, you know, sports leagues. Let's get to the blankest thing.

This is the segment where we share the blankest thing we've ever done. And every time we do it, it changes. Last time it was the grossest thing we've ever done. We both shared stories. You guys sent in your own. We read some of those later. So today's topic, Noah, will you let us know what we'll be revealing today? The blankest thing. What's the blank today? The blankest is the most out-of-the-box thing I've ever done. The most out-of-the-box, unlike-yourself thing that does not go with, if someone was looking at your life and read a biography of you,

if this detail was left out and they read it later, they'd go, that is not, this is not, it does not go along with what this person does. Now, let me say, based on Sam Harris's free will, nothing you do is out of character. Everything is, if you did something truly out of character, it wouldn't, it would make everyone put you away in an insane asylum. But maybe that's something on here. Anyway, all of the things I was thinking of are actually in my character, but they're little pieces that they're more my character than anything actually, because they're what I've always wanted to do. And only moments have let myself actually do.

So Andrew, I'd love to start with you and find out what's the, the most out of character thing you've ever done. Here's the thing. I was confused. I thought it was out of the box things that have happened to us, not things that we actually did. So i i'm so now i'm like can i give you mine for you that was at a character that i witnessed that you did because i also

suggested we share things that we've noticed in each other as like i feel like i know you so well when i saw you did this i was like well here's an out-box things no you can't there we go not letting me do what i tell you i'm going to do it do it that is hilarious that was really really good i hope everyone's laughing or at least going that was good to yourself right now thank you besties for uh having our backs um i will say that when you shared with me, actually at the very same beach I am looking out on now, we went to this beach one day for a shoot and you were with me. I know where you're going. We wrapped early, which means we got done with the shoot early, but they were still

shooting other stuff. And we went down the beach a little bit and went in the ocean for the first time because this beach was a lot nicer than the one we were staying at and we were in the water and it was the sunset and i left to go get some food because i was like starving and i left you in the ocean during sunset like by yourself because i had been in enough we had done like a race i'd shown you my butterfly i'd shown off enough i'd got it so i went in the race yeah you won the freestyle race. But my butterfly is really impressive.

It is. And that's not a character. You are much faster at freestyle than I ever thought you could be. And I thought I was pretty – I'm not that good at freestyle, but I still didn't think you would be as fast as me. But you're way faster. Same with the sprint too. Andrew is a great athlete.

My butterfly probably looks better though, but that's only because it's – but you probably still beat me in butterfly. No, I couldn't. Anyway, I left you alone. And what happened? I was sitting there in the ocean. It was the first time I really had some time to myself. We were together a ton or we were on set a ton.

And it was the first time I was in the ocean water since I'd been there. And the sun was setting, and I started to think about my mother who's sick, who has COPD. She has emphysema which means uh her lungs are not working because she smoked for 30 years uh cigarettes uh and i just started to get real emotional thinking that my mom couldn't like travel to a foreign country again because she loved to travel and she essentially couldn't be sitting in that ocean experiencing this with me or experiencing it for herself now the rub is and wait wait a second no but you cried i teared up yes i'm not gonna say i i have cried before but i wasn't a like i wasn't and i'm not like but your eyes well my eyes welled up a tear fell i've seen your eyes welled up. My eyes welled up. A tear fell. I've seen your eyes well up before. A tear did fall into the salty sea.

Yes, a tear fell, and I believe it killed a seahorse, probably. It's so much anger in it and toxicity of your resentment towards your mom for smoking for so long. The seahorse got COPD. Yeah, the seahorse got COD. Seahorse, B-O-D. got co c seahorse pod okay we only have two minutes left so anyways so i was like crying a little bit and then you go well god did your mom love the ocean i was like no she lives in florida she never goes in the water so he was crying about his mom never going in the ocean again. And she never goes in the ocean.

She hates the ocean. It was so funny. We were crying laughing about the idea that you were crying about your mom going in the ocean. I understand exactly what you're talking about. Your mom did love to travel. And it was a beautiful moment. But it was just so cute that you were thinking. And then we started

joking that like everything could remind him of his mom not being able to do things we were watching mean girls and in the scene where regina george gets hit by a bus andrew's like i just andrew i go are you crying and he goes yeah i just realized my mom will probably get hit by a bus and that's something she'd love to do I mean you guys if you have someone in your life who's dying and like you're losing like they're scared of losing them and they'll never do this again truly make yourself laugh by thinking of all the things that would be hilarious like they'll never you know yeah they'll never yeah like um slip on a banana peel. They'll never, uh,

they'll never, well, fall in the showers. I was going to say, but they'll probably do that. And that's probably how you'll lose them. So my thing that I, uh,

um, I mean, I was going to ask you to answer this since we only have two minutes left and that's how we're kind of doing this one. Have you seen, oh, the last six days? Yeah. Wait, truly. Like, can you think of something where you're like whoa that was so out of character because i think this is more

interesting than me being like oh i did dancing with the stars i think um out of character because we know each other better than yeah i feel you know me i think out of character for you and i kind of brought it up on this podcast before, is like literally right before I left, you just really taking the time to get to meet like the people that worked on the show. And I think you might have been starved from that because you weren't allowed to talk to those people or whatever. But like, I don't know, like before just you reaching out and like really being social with like not comics. And I just thought that was out of character for you and maybe i don't know you as maybe we don't know each other that surprised me because you were always like nikki like you got to meet other people you got

to go out and meet people other than comics and i'd always go andrew all my friends are not comics like you're my only comic friend and then like but the people i talk to on a daily basis are not comics and you'd go but they're people you met through work and I'm like but how else do people meet like you meet through like how am I supposed to just meet people but yeah I mean I am very social I have no problem going up to people very interested in people's lives don't care if they know me or not like people are surprised that I can be especially as I get more famous and people think I'm like famous or whatever that is. Like, it's always very sweet to hear that people are like, oh, you're actually like a nice person. And I think that anyone reading this podcast or reading this, if you're reading this podcast, good for you. That's a lot.

But people get that. I do feel like I'm a nice person, but I can be very, very bad and very ugly and very, you know, physically ugly and like a bad person. And I can think terrible thoughts and wish terrible things that I can't even begin to admit to you all, um, or to myself, the things I've thought and wanted to happen, uh, to people that I've not liked. But generally I try to live a life where I want everyone to be as happy as possible for me with Andrew that's a really struggle for me sometimes I just want to treat you like my little brother and like challenge you to be better and like be mean to you so that it makes me feel better I mean it all comes from the ugliest place so the fact that I'm able to be

nice to you now it's easier for me is really stupid that it took me that long, but it is, it is really feel like now I want to, or is it like, yeah, it's like, I don't try to be nicer to you. I just like you more. What do you think? Did I do something different? You think, or no, no, no, it's me. It's always been me. It's always like, if someone is being mean mean to you it's not like you can't control it because it's always coming from their insecurities moving into the final thought of the show I mean this is some serious shit here that I'm admitting but whenever Andrew and I have gotten into like disagree or like come to a head of like you're mean to me kind of thing or like you're not pleasant for me to be around you're a nightmare like i walk on eggshells because you know you make fun of me and then everyone around is trying to please you so they start making fun of me and it's not even good and it's just like

whatever i mean you could speak to it a little bit like i can be a real mean i can be a bully to you sometimes yeah a lot of times i think um we just dude i mean coming back here we were together in the cayman islands more than married couples more than more than really any brother and sister even like we we quarantined together for two weeks we lived together we went to work together we were in a car together we We were on an island together. You know what I mean? Like, like, so the idea. That doesn't excuse it.

Yeah, but I. Because I don't want to even treat my husband or someone I live with or my kids the way that sometimes I was compelled to be mean to you because I was so miserable in my own head. Like, it was all whenever Andrew would do something. something I essentially, and I think this is like an interesting place to get to when I would, I bully Andrew sometimes for saying words wrong or for doing a joke that is so stupid. It's like makes him look a little bit dumb and maybe didn't kill because it was like not that funny or people weren't ready for it. It was too weird. He takes a risk that I'm just like, and I want to make fun of him for doing that or saying the word wrong because he, because I am scared to take those kinds of chances. I'm scared to say a word that I might

say wrong. So I don't say the word, I choose a different word. So I don't, I even risk being wrong, which means I'll never learn how to be right, which is not a good, you should take risks like Andrew. I'm jealous of Andrew taking these comedic risks where he does a character or does something really like crazy. And everyone's like, what the fuck is this? But some people laugh and others, sometimes it fails. Now, the thing is when it fails, I like to make fun of you because to me it validates, Nikki, keep not taking those risks because when you fail, look how embarrassing it looks and look how much people make fun of you, i.e. you making fun of Andrew. So you're right, Nikki, to not take chances.

So it reinforces to myself not to be like you. But really, it's my own insecurity. It has nothing to do with you doing this dumb thing that just maybe embarrassed you. The fact of the matter is, that's what makes you so special is the fact that you will say things that are maybe inappropriate. And that's what makes me so special. But you take it an extra step that I'm too scared to take it.

You have a little bit more freedom with that. And I want to squash that because I'm threatened by it because I know that it will make you funnier and maybe leave me and not become my friend and go do things without me. And it also then validates to me when I make fun of you that, Nikki, you're doing the right thing.

So that was tough for me to realize, but that is exactly why I'm mean to you when you a say regular or B do a bit that goes nowhere. And, um, I have to make fun of you for it because all my bits go somewhere because I only choose bits that I know will go somewhere cause I don't ever take a risk,

but by not taking a risk, you don't grow. Yeah. I think like, and you know, I, in a way that was a compliment and i appreciate it like but i hope it wasn't i wasn't trying to be no no no i wasn't i'm not being sarcastic but i think like and i'm in so in awe of you when you were working on this show and like the the strength it takes to like get in i we really i can't wait till we could actually

talk about the show and we could get into detail of it but your work ethic your ability to think on the fly your ability to write well and concise and and and brilliantly uh is incredible and i do learn from it and you make me better and that's why i stay not because you give me money or because of whatever this shit is because here's the thing i come from money i could go back to my also no no but i'm just saying like i i know yeah i get my point is like i come from like i could do other things but i don't want to do it because i i love our friendship and i love being around you just to because you make me better

and I know that sounds cheesy but it is true. Yeah that's the bottom line for me too is like you teach me to be more free and to be sillier and to like and because you when you say the dumbest things the top of off the top of your head sometimes they're like so brilliant

it's like astounds me and sometimes they're so brilliant, it astounds me. And sometimes they're so dumb, I'm astounded by how dumb they are. But either way, it teaches me to be more free and not care about what people think as much or dance to make a joke as opposed to doing a perfectly worded bit. Not all comedy has to be this precious thing. And actually, the best comedy isn't that. The best comedy is people taking risks and actually not caring what the outcome's going to be. And precious thing and actually the best comedy isn't that the best comedy is people taking risks

and actually not caring what the outcome is going to be and it's not just about comedy it's just our lives no but also I mean if each of us wasn't brilliant in our own way we probably wouldn't be attracted to living together and working together because obviously we get those things from each other

like I have you on my show because you're funny not because you're like someone I can make fun of the way you talk like that's not it for me but I also think that we hang out as much because we also like bring out the best in each other like I would hope as much as I have bullied you in the past I think that I try to build you up and I hope that I do and I'll do better about it in the future because this is the kind of conversations that remind me to get back to that place of, like, being proud of him. And being like, okay, I have him around for a reason. Because he's great to have around.

And we, like, emotionally, off air, definitely support one another. And, like, are really good friends to one another emotionally. I think if you asked me, like, a year ago. Even though I make fun of you when you cry about your mom. Look, she'll swim again one day okay we gotta go but a year ago no no no I mean essentially like it won't it's not even that good a year

ago you don't think this could have happened because we were fighting all the time when we were when you were in New York and I was in St. Louis my point is okay even before that when I was in New York and we were on the road and stuff, I felt like I had such a narrow lens of life where I felt like I could not live without you in my life because I'd be a failure and everyone credited my success to you, right? But now I feel like I'm staying not because of outside pressure.

It's because I want to be here. And it's not because of what I think people would want me to do essentially and I had to look at myself and look at the way I treated you to realize that this guy doesn't need to stick around forever so if whatever relationship you're in whether it's romantic or friendship if the person will eventually leave you if all you are if you don't work on the things that are wrong with your relationship, whether they're little or big, like you have to work on them. When I'm mean to Andrew, I'm in a state where like my brain cannot shut off and look at it

logically, but hopefully when my brain calms down, I can go listen, bud, that was not cool. And I apologize. And then we could start over because apologizing is great if you really believe what you're saying. So try to get there, everyone. We got to go. Have a great weekend. Right into the show, the Nikki Glaser pod at Gmail. Follow us on Instagram. Make sure you rate, review, subscribe.

Get your friends into the show. Tell them they can just jump in. They don't need to listen to back episodes. The Nikki Glaser podcast. And thank you so much for listening. I am so touched by all the DMs all the messages that I see uh like all the love the fact that we have thousands of followers on our private account I'm like I can't believe I've always astonished people enjoy the things I do and especially on a daily basis and so it means a

lot and I'm I can't wait to for the show to even get better based on your feedback and your support. It means so much to me. I truly think we have the best fans and I've never been able to say that until this podcast, like the people that listen to this podcast are the best, the best people. So keep introducing the best people in your life to this podcast, who you think would enjoy it, because I think we'll all get a lot out of it. So spread, share it just because I want to put out more good in the world, not because

it's going to make me more money. I really don't care about that. I just want people to have fun and feel good. Any other thoughts? Okay, I've done a million final thoughts. We have to go. Thank you. Have a great weekend. We'll see you next week. Keep sending me award videos. I'm not kidding. I'm really into them. And I love you. Bye

besties. I don't know what to do with that. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors.

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