The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #249 Manurysm

Episode Date: July 27, 2022

Nikki is back in studio with Andrew Collin. They talk a little more about her "girl's trip" and ads on a PSA for pilots. Nikki is not miffed about a review Anya sent her on Good Clean Filth. She saw some familiar faces in the green room at Late Night w/ Seth Meyers last week. You Heard It Here First: Nikki and Andrew talk about the behind the scenes moments that were not shown during an intense day at FBoy Island, which you can watch now on HBO Max. Nikki's Reddit Dump has some crystal ball humor, advice about the last drop of pee and a good "Me IRL". In the Final Thought Nikki tells Andrew about a private island she visited.   Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Get Pod Merch: Podshop.NikkiGlaser.com Nikki's Tour Dates: www.nikkiglaser.com/tour Andrew's Tour Dates: www.andrewcollincomedy.com   More Nikki: IG More Andrew: IG  More producer Noa: IG      See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the show. It's the Nikki Glaser podcast it's Tuesday I'm in studio with Andrew Collin back in St. Louis Noah is in Arizona via um the computer even though Noah I don't know why I just feel like over the weekend it was it was like we didn't skip a beat like some I kind of think that zoom works to make you feel like you're in the room with the person. Do you know what I mean? Like if you hang out with them every day on Zoom.

Yeah. I mean, you could do that. I'm sure you have friends that were there that you haven't talked to once in six months. I know, but they felt like less tangible when I was like, look at your body. Like I can't. But no, I feel like it does feel the same. Also, when I came to see you guys in phoenix because i'm so you guys are little tiny like blurs on my computer are you saying we were so fucking big in person and then

i'm not the littlest podcaster in the game yeah were you blown away by our size tiniest little podcasters but seeing you in person i just like i felt like my eyes kind of crossed because i had i was just kind because my brain was processing two people that I see on a daily basis who are now life-size. Why doesn't anyone talk about... I mean, I'm sure there's articles about it. Does Zoom actually work

to make us feel like we're hanging out with people? Is it enough? Was it something that helped during the pandemic? I feel like we haven't even gotten into now that we're out of the pandemic as much as like you know in denial of it now or just tired of it people being at the airport yesterday no one wearing masks it being so crowded i'm just like what changed like isn't everything kind of still the same like i'm still getting covet tested for every time i'm on a tv show or anything like multiple so that hollywood world is still like April 2020 in terms of how much testing and masks and stuff.

But maybe like April 2021, a little laxer than April 2020. But do you think that it must be better than just phone, FaceTime or whatever? It's got to give you something. I mean, I think if you're in a long distance relationship, it helps a ton. You just see mannerisms. Mannerisms. Yeah, mannerisms. Which are aneurysms, but if you're a man.

Oh my God. Jodi Mitchell just learned how to play guitar again after having a brain aneurysm in 2015 did you see that i just learned how to speak wait what do you mean she what happened or she had a so she i didn't know she had a brain aneurysm which is always the thing you hear about just kills you in an instant you know i didn't even know you could survive them i'm i mean maybe i i thought that there was different kinds but she had a brain aneurysm she i was just watching this clip last night you guys guys got to go see it. Look up Joni Mitchell. She performed over the weekend

with Brandi Carlile somewhere and she's so old. I thought we would never hear her sing again and she has extreme stage fright. So she had to learn that again. But Joni Mitchell, like never liked to perform live. Almost she forgot it probably.

That was kind of cool. But she said she was doing an interview and she said she forgot. Wait, what do you mean? Like she doesn't even know where she's at. You can't have stage fright if there's no stage. She's afraid of stage four cancer, which we all should be. I have stage four fright.

Stage four fright. I mean, don't. I had a friend, my uncle's friend died of a brain aneurysm. And my brother ran him over with a golf cart. And I don't know if they're related. if those two things oh like i i mean we would have to have like a neurosurgeon if you've been run over by a golf cart get your brain checked is what i'm saying even though what about your nephew uh-huh oh my god shit dude that was insane i know okay but joni mitchell she was talking to this guy this reporter and she said she had to

relearn she was like i'm learning how to reporter, and she said she had to relearn. She was like, I'm learning how to play guitar again by watching YouTube videos. I don't know of herself or whatever, but she's like to see where my fingers go on the guitar. It's interesting to see someone

who is so proficient at guitar learn again, but be very good. Like she's just naturally good. You know, like whatever is going on. I like that you're so competitive with someone that hadn't.

Yes, because it's like, oh my God, Joni Mitchell started from the same place I did. And yet she is so on. I like that you're so competitive with someone that hadn't. Yes, because it's like, oh my God, Joni Mitchell started from the same place I did. And yet she is so good. You have a full brain. I know. And I have, what excuse do I have?

Lazy fingers. I'm pixlexic. Kelly Pickler? Yeah. Man, that would, I want to get that last name. So maybe it would help me hold a pick. I have a show on Sirius. I think she has one now. Does she? I don't know i one of those country stars anyhow but um yeah she not only had to

relearn how to play guitar she had to relearn how to get up from a chair like get out of bed like things like like things and some days i need to learn how to do that and it's because my dog needs walking but like learn how to get down on a bed. We all know that. Ham drip. 18 episodes ago. Maybe 34. 18 to 34.

That's a demo. Aneurysm. Mannerisms. Mannerisms. That's a T-shirt. We'll forget it. Yeah, FaceTime. But anyway, Joni Mitchell, it was just interesting. I love, you know I love this.

I love seeing, I have a bit of my act about it but like I like seeing YouTube videos of like the beautiful the beauty queen who fell in a fire and had to develop a personality because her face is burned off like so she is still like when you're stripped away of this thing that you totally depend on all the time like what are you capable of learning a new face I don't know well no it's like my asshole like going through fishers and everything I had to become a new man did you't know well no it's like my asshole like going through fissures and everything i had to become a new man did you have to like is there ever been anything like that for you where i think it's maybe even like death like where you're like oh i count on my spouse to always

be there and then all of a sudden and it's like obviously that's the worst thing to happen but you have to relearn oh relearn like you just take things it's about taking things for granted i think panic attacks are like mini granted granted panic attacks are like mini. Granted. Panic attacks are like mini restarts of like, I'm going to die. And then you're like, okay, I got to do these things. They're like things, like little mini ones. Girls Trip, we were talking about anxiety, about Anya's like, my hand hurts a little bit. That's cancer, stage seven. Yeah, she goes, oh, and then she goes, oh, it's not like.

Oh, yeah. I know we've talked about this before, but I'm so grateful I don't have that, that thing of like my head hurts and I go tumor. I just go, oh, my head probably just hurts right now. It's going to go away. I mean, I almost have the opposite of it of like it'll go. It's fine. And then.

You ever hear that old joke where the guy goes, he goes to the doctor. He goes, I'm in so much pain. I touch myself here. It hurts. I touch myself here. It hurts. I touch myself here. You have a broken finger.

Yeah. Yeah. That's like kind of a metaphor for something. Something out there. So Anya goes to like something. Well, a lot of the girls on the trip were saying that it was like they struggle struggle with that of like a little cough and they go oh i have lung cancer or like i have my i see like a little floater and it's like okay or my my eye twitches it's asl yes i used to do that asl american sign language no i meant uh als wait no no that's american language sign

no als yeah asl my eye twitches and i'm like i'm learning sign language i think this might be a ALS. No, no, that's American language sign. No, ALS, yeah. ASL. My eye twitches and I'm like, I'm learning sign language. I think this might be a symptom, whatever just happened there. I kind of want to learn sign language. I think it's like a... Well, that's loud and clear. No, that's not it. It's not what you think. You don't know what it is.

What if the middle finger in sign language was like... Well, this in England means fuck you too, which is interesting. P sign turned around. Because we do P signs with the palm forward. Oh, maybe this is fine. This is not good anymore. I just feel like there's something. It almost, I will say there's.

Someone just gets a snapshot of me like this. My desire to suddenly learn sign language, which has been about for like a year and a half now, this creeping, like whenever I see it online, I watch it and I'm just fascinated by it. That makes me think something's going to happen to my voice. now this creeping like whenever i see it online i watch it and i'm just fascinated by it that makes me think something's going to happen to my voice because why would i all of a sudden feel this urge to like prepare it's almost like i'm a prepper like i need to get beef jerky and stuff because

something's gonna happen like i feel like i might fall on a fire then you inhale flames and your fucking vocal cords are burned like i'm and for that would be my guitar, like my voice, obviously. Your hands would be fine when you fall in a fire. But does your vocal cords burn? No, because the girl that fell in the fire on YouTube, she did fall face first

and I think her hands were fine because she just passed out. She was just on a diet and didn't eat enough. My voice, my volume. Yes. And face. And chest.

What did you get from Anya though? Like what was her conclusion about fearing that her hands won't work anymore? I don't think she had a conclusion. Did she have one, Noah? I think she was just struggling with it. I guess my conclusion was I was grateful of all the things that I struggle with jumping to conclusions of I'm going to die. Because I am going to die.

And I just don't. I do know that. Oh, it's so much better when you die. I used to have numbness I am going to die. And I just don't, I do know that. Oh, it's so much better when you, I used to have numbness here when I'd sleep like this. You're radially along your hand and your arm. And then this would go numb, just this L and it started in college.

The L inside his hand. Like if you're making like a, like a loser symbol, like the L, like along the L. And I told you this story where I was in the fraternity and I wasn't hazing the kid bad, but I was, and he blew his nose in the dark

and some of it went in my mouth. And from there I go, this guy fucks a lot of girls. I'm starting to get radial numbness. This is where I get my AIDS from. I get it, man. No, but like, that brain is insane. You sound like you're having a mannerism.

And then like having the numbness and then living with that and then asking my dad, I checked my, I thought I had cancer on my balls. when you have that. Not when you ask him to touch your car to save you of cancer.

Did he touch your penis? I was like, why for so long? Why for so long? Why do you need to tug it? Somehow the cum helps me get rid of the cancer, Dad?

Yeah, well, he uses it for the medicines he makes. Dad, why do you need to swallow it? Do you think my dad has dead snakes that he uses?

I don't know. I'm just thinking of what a guy would tell me. He uses real medicine nikki dr collin um he's not practicing anymore what was your your takeaway from girls weekend now that we've had like a day to process oh yeah i mean i barely had a day because i was in the did you did you have you had flight delays too right oh my god the travel part was the worst thing in the world for me but Noah left at four in the morning.

For three days. So we stayed up till like two and a half hours. We stayed up till 2.30 and then I couldn't sleep. What's the bedding situation? Is everyone just sleeping on the floor like camp? Hell no. No. Saralina's house.

How many rooms? I'm not kidding you. Every room is, besides two, I'm in the the second third best room and it's like wait why are you third best because it's like because the third best it still looks like a master bed so how are how we picked how do we pick straws just kind of no we kind of just were like who because we had to double up in beds but they were all like king or queen beds and we love sleeping together anyway yeah and um i love sleeping in a bed with another man on a, on one of those kinds of scripts.

Yeah, it's so fun. I like, you feel protected somehow more. I don't mind it. In all of the friends that I sleep with sleep like little, like sarcophagi. Like they don't,

like they're not splaying out like gross. They're just all very quiet. They all like white noise. They all wear sleep masks. We're all like girls who like take care of ourselves. So we're all just like peaceful, like um yeah i mean this house was insane i talked about it on yesterday's podcast but it is insane how nice it is and um just the way it's decorated like it was a nightmare for me because spray tan and like i i can't touch anything because it's all white all everything

is white or beige yeah hampton's houses are a lot like like you god like they're like it's a summer feel relax yeah but don't sit on any furniture i mean i have to say though i was thinking about it and saralina was such a gracious host because when you have eight people in your house that you designed and you put so much effort into and everything is brand new, she did not give a shit about us leaving our stuff around, how we like use things. Not once did I see her getting annoyed. She is wonderful. She did not care. When her husband comes home.

He's cool too though. No, I'm kidding. Like make him like a monster. It is actually wild how chill she is. I mean, every single piece of furniture she has is top notch. Real top notch, yeah. Really well designed. She picked it out.

She didn't care at all. All her towels had so much orange all over them. She did not care. She didn't care there was crap everywhere. When you walked in this place it was immaculate i don't even know where she puts her stuff she started i was like where are your things she started opening cabinets and like the cabinet would be completely clear and then there would be a bin with things in it but i'm like the bin was even organized like the bin

was tucked away in an organized way it was just it was so nice i would say and then we left so noah left at four in the morning and then you got to the airport you had like so many delays my uh my the pilot was late he was stuck in traffic so of course first the flight was delayed initially for some reason they bored us on the plane and they kept us waiting an hour and a half on a plane there was no air conditioning they didn't give us anything to drink jet fumes yes it's just something about a pilot being like he's hung over he left too late to get to it yeah it just humanizes your pilot in a way that you're like i don't need that yeah remember we had that the one time we're on the flight and some guy that had to check out the engine they're like oh there's only one guy in town and we're like what the fuck you're like

i don't want to hear that he has a gender, a name. Like, I want it to be machine. Like, I want it to be. A machine. Yes. I don't want a name to be. I wasn't upset at the pilot. I would never be upset at anyone who's like running late because I know how tense that is, especially if it's to work.

Yes. What I was upset about was like, why didn't you just like let us off the plane, wait at the gate again, and then scan us back in? Just totally. You know what? I am upset at pilots, and I seriously want to make a statement. Why do you not alert us more of updates about what is going on?

Why do we have to wait 45 minutes for each update? I don't even care if the update is there's no new updates. Stop just sitting up there in silence. Stop telling us, and I've said this before no one needs to know the temperature where we land the direction of the speed Grand Canyon is the wind speed we don't need to know

anything else except when are we going to leave when are we going to land and then when they're delayed no one tells you what the new landing time is you have to pull up your app and find it I don't care about takeoff time i want to know when i land because now we're delayed and i have to do fucking math and then i have to subtract time zones the simplest shit that we need to know pilots what some pilot write to me why are you not telling us more updates and i know you're like because we don't have updates tell us then that we don't have updates be a cool pilot update

no update right like saying hey guys still waiting on updates this is frustrating for us as well like i've heard pilots say that before yesterday my the guy at la guardia was like um he didn't say cluster fuck but he goes you know i i appreciate your patience for the cluster fuck that is la guardia he didn't say cluster fuck but he said the nightmare of travel that is la guardia he didn't say clusterfuck but he said the nightmare of travel that is la guardia airport like he acknowledged it i know you have the ability to do that without getting fired let us know what's going on and by the way when there's turbulence and you are not updating us of like how it is for you up there i don't have stress when there's turbulence but everyone else on the like i would say 50 of people on a plane have extreme fear of dying in a plane crash,

yet they're still traveling. Have a little empathy for those people, and let them know when there's turbulence that everything's okay. Because when there is silence, and there's nothing coming from the pilot, and it's getting very bumpy in the back, and you warned us about turbulence an hour ago, it might be a bumpy flight, or you just go, flight attendants, take your seats.

That is not enough. Because then when it gets really bumpy, I'm pict go, flight attendants, take your seats. That is not enough, because then when it gets really bumpy, I'm picturing you up there going, oh my god! So just get over the thing and just go, ladies and gentlemen, this is very average. Don't worry about it. Everything's fine. Give us something.

What prevents you from giving people peace of mind when you know as a pilot that things are not going to go in a – and if you do crash and you've lied to us and say we're not going to crash, we're all going to die. No one's going to hold you accountable for that. Just fucking lie to us. Why? I don't understand. If there was an airline that communicated all the time with its passengers, they would get more people flying than any other one because the rest of them don't communicate at all and the people at the desks working the counter i know

you deal with rude people all the time but the way you are able to completely ignore people who aren't standing right in front of you even though i know you can see me in your periphery is fucking expert mind-boggling um disassociative, psychopathic behavior. And I want to understand how that develops over time and how, I mean, it's just, yesterday I was like, I was telling Anya about my five-hour delayed flight, which was, it's fine.

I understand planes don't work. People don't show up. But here's the problem, and my final statement on this. You don't, let us know that you don't work. People don't show up, but here's the problem. And my final statement on this, you don't let us know that you don't know when the plane is going to take off. But when I, my plane is not even, it says we're going to take off at two 30 and then now it's three and it still

says two 30 on the board. Well, I don't feel safe going to get a sandwich or something to feed myself because your plane, the plane still says it's taking off any second. Now it actually says it took off. It already took off. Yeah. It's up in the air and they, they won't update any second now. It actually says it took off an hour and a half ago. Yeah, it's up in the air.

And they won't update it. They won't actually put it to like, okay, it's delayed till five. And no, it's four o'clock, so I have time. No, it's every time we go past the time, then it will jump to 15 minutes before. It was infuriating. And so I couldn't eat all day because I couldn't leave the gate area.

So five hours I'm waiting, I'm tethered to this fucking gate. It was so rude. And I wrote to Anya. I was complaining about it. And then she sent me a text back that said air travel is rape. Nikki was the quote. And I was like, when did I say that?

Oh, I said all air travel is rape. And she said probably 2014. And I'm like, it is. It's just they can just take advantage of us. They know we can't do anything. We are at their fucking, and I know the people behind it are nice people

just trying to make a living, but please, a pilot or someone who works for the airlines, let me know why there is no communication to passengers because that is what causes us

to lose our minds and scream at you because you're shunning us. Cutting someone out giving them the silent treatment is not the way to run a business but it is how Nikki Glaser is running for

mayor get behind her right here on the screen you'll see me and that's all I'm gonna say because I'm not gonna talk to you at because I know how well it works the other candidate was a pilot who fucking

didn't say anything I just cannot anymore but you don't have a choice. That's the thing. They have a monopoly on getting places fast. What are you going to do, take a bus? There's no fast trains. No.

Get some fucking fast trains. Chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga. We've got to take a break. We'll be right back. Andrew! Coming in now. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight

straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else ready to laugh and stay informed listen on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts welcome back to the show i'm feeling i feel better after i got that out I was usually someone who doesn't complain about air travel,

but man, it got to me yesterday. It was a long freaking day. Especially after a nice trip. That's almost when it's worse. Yes. Because you want to go in. It's kind of like when you take the subway in New York after having a good show or a nice dinner.

And there's some screaming and there's a piss puddle that's making its way down there. And all that happiness is gone that's the thing when yeah and and being alone too just being around eight girls all weekend and then all of a sudden i'm alone at a gate with just a bunch of people going to st louis and i go god st louis is a full of ugly people and i'm just like i've just came from the hampshire this is the ugliest group like every single gate was going somewhere else and i could see like what those people looked like in my gate i was like st louis boy we need to step it up no offense to ugly people i'm one many days of my life um i have some tour dates coming up in the fall if you want to um come see

me uh las vegas sarasota florida west palm beach florida oklahoma city tulsa new york um new york i would really like you guys to come see at the beacon i just was there last week taking some uh video to promote those shows and um the beacon theater is a big old theater so i would love if you could uh buy tickets to that and come see me in new york city it would be uh awesome and then um fucking a lot of uh european dates yeah i can't wait for your travel in europe and what that's gonna be like well i did um it's it's gonna be like 13 cities in like 12 days i don't even understand what my schedule is but i'm going to tel aviv and i did an interview with uh the guy from there Did you tell them that word?

Sababa. Noah gave me a word, Sababa, to say, and I go, you know what? I just really want to get into the culture and just your way of life, Sababa. And he was like, yes, Sababa! He was excited. Is that right? All you have to do is know one word. And they're like, you are...

I always feel so pandering when I know one word. Yeah, of course, because they're like, what else always feel thank you so much yeah of course because they're like what else uh sababa again yeah sababa more yeah and it does sound like a brand of hummus do you mind if i say a few things with my dates sure chance because i've never headlined before now i have eight dates and now i'm like freaking out that no one's going to go. So please come. Nashville, St. Louis, Austin, Indy, Buffalo, Raleigh, Philly. And it's all the, where can we check this? It'll all be on andrewcollincomedy.com. The dates aren't up yet because I haven't got the links, but they will be up.

I promise. It's August 30th, October 6th. Well, yeah, it's August or January. So. Oh, nice. Any anyhow, that will be fun. Yes. I'm already sweating. Go check out tour dates at both of our websites and support our comedy.

That would be awesome. Come see us live and then meet us after the shows. Yeah. Yet, in terms of these European cities, I have never been to, okay, I'm going to Helsinki. Never been. But very excited. Oslo.

So freaking excited for Oslo because I'm obsessed with the worst person in the world, the movie. And that is shot there. And I think I might, I'm only in Oslo for one night and then I gotta go to Stockholm the next night. But man,

I think I wanna go back to Oslo from that movie, which I cannot stop watching. Oh, you've seen it more than once now? Dude, I've watched it probably full, because I just watch different scenes over and over. That's my one regret that we didn't get to watch it this weekend. I'm so mad we didn't get to watch it, because Taylor was like,

no, I don't want to watch this movie. I hate movies. I only like documentaries. No, ew, carrots are stupid. She hates carrots and movies. Any fictional movie. And I'm like, bitch, you introduced me to The Labyrinth when I was in high school and made me watch The Labyrinth

because it was a childhood favorite of yours. What kind of magic spell do you use? Slime or snails, puppy dog tails. Anyway, yeah, that was my biggest regret too because that movie i made sarah lena watch it with me last week the worst person in the world it's on hulu streaming right now you can watch it and you can watch it like you take your time like i think you even said like i i watched half of it and i think some most people i've talked to have been no i've done it in chapters i've watched the whole thing now but yeah right right but like. But like if you need to.

Well, it's subtitled. Just letting people know. Right. It is subtitled. It's a book. I know that's not a big thing to you, but some people, they see subtitles and they get very. Yes, I didn't know that I had to warn people about that because I got a couple people being like, you didn't tell me it was subtitled.

I'm like, I didn't know I had to. I didn't know that was a thing you had to warn people of. You got to. You send the text. Let them read it. Man, it is so freaking good. You haven't seen it yet, Noah, right? No. Oh my God. I just

wanted to watch it together. I'll watch it with you if you want to do like a Hulu stream fest because I can't stop watching it. It's so freaking good. I have it almost memorized at this point. Do you watch it from start to finish again or do you... In Norwegian. Start to Norwegian?

No, you know what? For a while, I was just going back to certain scenes because it is erotic. And there are certain scenes that, and it's so, I cried so hard during it in a way that was beautiful that it felt like this is allowing me to get out feelings.

Not in a way that makes me feel depressed the next day but i will say i felt hung over i've watched it two times fully but the rest of the times i've just watched scenes over and over um both times i felt hung over the next day because of like how much emotion it stirred in me because it's just i don't know why i it's so freaking good how did you feel about it i mean as someone that's dating someone considerably younger, it obviously hit close to home. Yes, without giving too much away.

Yeah, without giving too much away. But I thought it was extremely well done. I think it's hard to like her character at times, like Fleabag. Much like humans. Yeah. That's what I liked about it is that the protagonist,

you're like, do I like her or not? i like this the the there's one character that says or she says at one point i think i feel like i'm the supporting role of my of the story of my life yeah and i liked that because you can really relate to every single supporting role in that movie too like you find yourself being like, Oh, I'm like the boyfriend. Oh, I'm like the other guy.

Oh, I'm like her. I'm like, and her relationship with her dad, her relationship with herself, really. Like I, I said this,

uh, last time I talked about it, but like, I feel like everyone can relate to this girl. And if, and, and I think the, the,

um, reviews that came out about it that were negative were mostly from men i believe to be honest with you saying that it's like how could this woman be so indecisive and not know what she wants because there's this one part and this isn't giving anything away but um you know her and her boyfriend are talking about kids and she's like i just don't know like i she's 30 and he's quite a bit older. And she's like, he wants kids. And she's like, I want kids too, but like not yet.

And he's like, well, what haven't you done yet that you need to have kids? And she's like, I don't know. And he's like, well, let's figure it out so we can do it so we can have kids. And she's like, I don't know what it is. And it's like, I have never related to a statement more in my life of like, I don't want this, but I don't know why I don't want it.

And I don't. You can't verbalize it. You don't know exactly. And you don't know what you. It's like a pilot in an airplane. He doesn't know what update. It's like the weather patterns in your city that you're landing in. Yeah, no, it is hard.

You can't really articulate it. It sucks because someone wants an answer. And what else could you say? Like, do you want something more specific from me? Well, I think some people want, you know, especially with the kid thing. It's like, I want to travel more. I want to write a book. I want to know what I'm doing with my career.

She didn't know. That was her. That was a big thing with her. But she couldn't even say that. And she didn't really even. And there was another thing of, know she she is this is in the first scene of the movie so it's not giving literally anything away but she's someone who just like picks different careers and just keeps shifting which i really relate to of like i'll do

this now now i'm gonna do this no this this is my who i am and she says and and even this was another criticism from um reporter or like one review I read where she chooses to finally be a photographer. And then they're like, but it doesn't even she doesn't even we don't even see her get into the art of it. We just see her hooking up with people she's photographing. So it's just like making everything sexual for this woman. It's just like, no, because a lot of times you pick this thing that you're like, I love photography. This is what I really care about. And then you do it and you're like, isn't it either but you know what i can't

switch careers anymore i'm just gonna stick with it and how many shows what do you want to hear in a black room just a dark room i mean a black yeah a dark room being like oh i figured out uh the contrast and then that's a whole fucking scene that's 10 minutes in a movie explained why movies aren't feminist enough like that is so weird to me but and even someone did a there was a paste review of my special that i just sent to anya because i knew it was negative and i didn't want to read it and she didn't she read it and she just sent me like you know um she was just like uh this girl the the review was the the headline was Nikki Glaser's good clean filth isn't messy enough which I freaking loved because my complaint with my special which is on HBO max right now I'd love if you watched it even if you've seen it already

just stream it and walk out of the room and put it on mute and it'll still count for a view um I um my my complaint was was that it was too messy it wasn't like the jokes weren't tight enough the setups like i did too many i was a little bit too loose for my style of comedy but that's just what i was feeling that night and that's fine and it's it's it actually turned out great in that way but that was my biggest complaint was that it was too messy and then she said it wasn't messy enough anya said her point was this girl is perfect and she's lying about being gross and she's lying about that was the whole dichotomy of dressing like that i know being gross yeah in a pretty outfit yeah so i didn't

read it so i can't exactly say but anya was like this girl is just very jealous of you which i honestly i relate to being jealous of people that come off as like so coiffed but and i was very coiffed spray tan full hair and makeup versace vintage dress that fit me to a t cool boots like but that made it interesting to me what next one you're gonna be in garbage and you're gonna fucking talk about north korea well i just need to be more of a female comic that wears you know just like what I I didn't dress like John Caparulo it's like no I don't it was so I didn't read it so I can't actually say

but it was just and it's also nice like anyone who good press is bad press or bad whatever bad press is good press so I'll take it. Bad sentence is good sentence but it was it's nice that when you get insulted for something it's nice where someone you get insulted for something,

it's nice where someone goes, like it's on a day like where you- It's like if someone told me I was too tall. You're too fit. I'm too fit. Yeah, yes. And you go, oh my God. Really? Because I don't feel that at all.

Like seriously, you're too tall and you're like going to hit your head on our ceiling so you can't come in here and you're like, oh great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. Why do you have such a short house? This reminds me of when you were on seth meyers last week you looked so stunning i loved your outfit

thanks and you sat there and like the myself the the basis of your joke was that you and seth look like the nelson twins or something yes yeah i love that yes andrew i wait who was it you who discovered that first? Unfortunately, I told you, but yeah. Yeah, you told me that I looked like the Nelson twins, and then we pulled up a picture, and it was on any given day. You don't know.

But it was so fun to have two people that look the same and that we both have blonde hair, and it was such a good- You know what my favorite part about that was, which was so Nicky to me? What? Is he put it back down on the desk, and then you grabbed it because you knew that it had to be shown longer it has to be shown when i was like this is so

nicky to know exactly i'm like seth this is this joke you're not doing it right yeah dude and i'm i'm mad that we smiled because in the picture they're not smiling and i wish i would have looked at the picture better but i came up with that idea like five minutes before the show started. And they just went and printed it out? Yes, like old school Letterman. Of course. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, so that was really fun.

I love Seth Meyers so much. He seemed to be very tickled by you. He's an extremely great interviewer. He's so nice. He matches people's energy so well. Yes, and he's so, like there's a casualness to talking to him that is,

I was more comfortable doing that show than maybe anyone I've ever done, even podcasts where you're like alone with a person. But his audience, they're really far away, like further than you would think. And also on that show, the craziest thing is the director, Alex Viedemeier, and then his stage manager, Tom – I forget his last name. Tom. And his stage manager, Tom, I forget his last name. Tom? They both started on that show in around, I think when Seth Meyers started, 2013. Or maybe they came on a little bit after that. But they were both my director and my stage manager on Nikki and Sarah Live, which was my first TV show.

And so they left, I think, right after we got canceled or maybe shortly before. And Tom was like, we did Nikki and Sarah live. Like it was so terrifying. It was the first TV show I ever had. I'm hosting. Sarah and I are in Times Square with the TRL window behind us. And we are going live.

It's like my nightmare. No shows do that. Yeah, that's so scary. I don't even know why we did it. So scary. Just going to Times Square, I get. I can't even be myself. Yes. Because it's just such a fucking energy mind fuck every day you had to do that so anyway not every day

it was but you know what i mean yes but it was once a week and um but tom was like our stage manager and he was the guy that was like you know did the countdown came up to us right before i mean he's he's the dude uh on on set who we are communicating with. And he was so gentle and so kind. And so I just loved him so much. And so I got to see him at Seth Meyers. And then who stops by my room? It's Alex Viedermeyer, who is the director, who is just also so freaking awesome and such a sweet, warm, compassionate, cool guy. And like it felt like a little bit of a homecoming.

And then there's Seth Meyers, who looks like me. And he came back and was just so nice and um and I've hung out with him socially a little bit um I think I went to a Scar Jo and um Colin's uh Christmas party one year I got to talk to him there and then he stopped by Amy's when I was there in the Hamptons and so we we've hung out a little bit so and Amy's wedding I saw him and there's a great picture of us together but he was just so um he was so nice and it was uh really fun to come up with like I know Chris was there and um my publicist was in the green room with me and we're just brainstorming uh things to like jokes to tell and and things to do on the show and it was ended up being so much freaking fun and easy how do you feel when you go out there because you know you you you killed it you had a

lot of jokes do you feel how do you prepare for something like that and do you do you want to get to your jokes more than like i don't know like kind of walk through because I don't think people people don't really know what's going on backstage and like so like three or four days before you do the show you talk to a producer and they just say hey do you have anything like usually with comedians I mean the guy that I talked to I forget his um what was his name oh he was so nice I'm sorry I forgot your name you were awesome such a good producer I mean that's why the segments shines is when i have good producers uh there's a woman rachel at conan that would always produce my segments but you talk with a producer they kind of ask you if you have anything and generally they come to the table with a bunch of ideas because they've scoured your instagram

they've read every interview you're doing they kind of like look for funny things that you can maybe talk about and that's the thing with like like New York compared to anywhere else is like, Oh, they're going to do their homework. Like this is their job. Like they treat it like the biggest job on earth to go through your Instagram. Like that's how New York is like they are fucking prepared.

Well, so yeah. LA too. Like even when I did the talk, the producer at the talk too was also awesome. She was like, okay, we found this one photo on your Instagram of you and your,

and I'm like, that was from years ago. Like, how did you find that? And then just, they, they come up with ideas and then I go, actually,

that one's not great, but you know what it makes me think of is this other story I can tell. And so I start going through kind of like my act. Cause I also, David Spade, I think is one of the best talk show guests there is. And I've noticed through the years that he incorporates stuff from his special, even the special they're promoting. He'll just do jokes from that in person.

He even gave me the advice. He was like, if you can't show a clip from your special, just say instead of showing a clip, let me just do the joke for you and just take over and do the joke. And really what it's about, I find is like, get having good jokes. I don't like going into talk shows and just being like, Oh, I'll just tell you an anecdote. Like I need to have the boom, but like I need to have the punchlines to get me out of it.

Interesting stories are fine, but that's what sets me apart from a Demi Lovato or a Alison Brie is that I actually have punchlines and I know how to tell a very succinct, like punchy story. And I think that, um, I also realized that talk show hosts as, as someone who's been one before you love when a guest just like,

you can just kind of like put on the, you know, uh, what's the auto auto, what is it called? Drive when you drive. Cruise control. Cruise control. Cruise control.

And you can kind of just let them go. Set them up and let them go. And so I used to think that they would be upset because I'm trying to take over their show or something. But then I realized they do this every fucking day. And usually they're interviewing musicians and actors who don't have the ability to do what I do. And so it's nice once in a while to just let someone just take the ball and just go for it. It reminded me of when Rodney Dangerfield would sit.

I thought you were going to say Rodney King. A little bit. I felt beaten down after watching it. But, you know, by more cops. But anyhow, it was cool, though. I really liked it. No, it's very punchy, Rodney King. No, no. more cops but anyhow it was cool though i really liked no it's very punchy yeah uh no no ronnie dangerfield would sit and carson would just let him yes fucking go the ones i like to watch i like

to watch people get set up for just jokes or like a story that they are telling for the first time on there like i'd never told the first pitch story before oh dude that played so well and seeing the throw for the first time like yeah like forcing and and from that angle you actually did throw bad yeah like it was actually like way it wasn't i saw it live those were the only two times i've ever i only lived it once and then it was bad and the audience groaned uh it was perfect though man that shit's perfect it was funny because they were like do you do you want to because i go i still haven't watched it and he was like would it be is it okay if we watch it and i go i don't want to at all but i will do anything for entertainment

so that's the only way which is why i watched my special with my parents for those promo clips that i posted on my instagram i didn't want to do that in a million years i didn't want to do that but for the sake of entertainment i I will do pretty much anything. And sometimes it's the only way to get me to do things that I probably need to do, uncomfortable things. Because when you watch yourself do a bad first pitch, when you watch, look at a picture of yourself where you might not be the size you want to be or you might not, you know, whatever. You force yourself to watch your special even though you know it's uncomfortable. You learn on the other side of things that it's not that bad. And it's also like so funny.

So funny. To make fun of yourself. Maybe a little space, which you threw to the left. Yeah. I need to think about as much space as there was between home plate and where I threw it.

From every video of myself doing embarrassing things. Look, from a little leak field, it would also have been bad. Oh my God. You and these like misdirects. Listen, once you watch it again no it's because of danger field and i'm like doing uh my doctor uh dr vitty bomb boom or whatever his name is okay we have to get to the news boom boom boom yeah

john stewart is back at the daily show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with the daily show ears edition Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first.

Oh, boy. I hope you're having all the swells out there it's nice to be back in person in here uh it's tuesday folks you know what that means it is definitely tuesday is it maybe not who knows left turn left turn right turn i know one show that nikki does like to watch that she's involved in and that's oh baby one three six now on hbo max if you're all caught up i love it uh the next three episodes or maybe four i don't even know are dropping um on thursday and if you have not seen it yet do not think that you can get away with not watching it because it is not something that takes that long to get you will get invested in it and you will you'll'll have fun. It's not gonna be something that you're like,

oh, God. Me and Brenna are having a fucking ball watching it. It's so fun. And I don't even remember, being there, we don't know anything that happens, right, dude? Well, now the cliffhanger is Peter an employee or not. And so I have Brenna going, what is he? What is he?

And that's when you know the show is good. I know, we all tried to get it out of Nikki and she was so good at keeping it. I go, he's Asian. Left turn. Left turn. Left turn. Is he? Yeah, it is so captivating.

It is so interesting. It's so funny. How funny is that one clip of Nico going, if she does not hear it from you that you called her a dumb blonde, you will be fucked. There's so many funny things like that. What about on the date with, what's his name that was boring?

So they just go, this date was boring. Oh, they didn't even show it. We're cutting to the next scene. Dude, and one of my favorite things that makes me laugh, the boys, it's the boys,

the songs. I like them boys. Boys. I like them boys. Why? What is that song? I think that song was the song originally, too, of first season. That song started out as, I think, like serious.

Like they were trying to. And then now it's just so funny because it's so stupid. How she says boys is so. Them boys. Oh, my God. Kirsten was doing the best Samaras. Like, I don't even know. Like, she was talking like. Who was doing that? Kirsten's doing the best Tamaris. Like, I don't even know. Like, she was talking like...

Who was doing that? Kirsten's Tamaris. I don't know. Like, Tom's abs. Like, you gotta listen. I'll get her to do it for you. Kirsten's impression of Tamaris is so funny. And how about on the sixth episode?

I think maybe on the fifth when Mia has the panic attack. I mean... Can we give the real details behind that scene for y'all? Yes. Yes, if you can. Okay, so if you have seen the episode- I'm trying to remember. You know the scene at the elimination

where Mia's foot is going buck wild? No, no, no, I remember that. I'm going to have to call a paramedic. And she's just being a little bit like, she was already off that night. She was probably underslept, stressed out. She doesn't want to send, I think, Dwayne home is who she sends. Spoiler alert, sorry, it really doesn't want to send i think duane home is

who she sends spoiler alert sorry it really doesn't give it you can still watch the show it's not going to give anything away there honestly duane is an afterthought um what about when duane asked for a hug and she goes no that was so i remember that i remember that i remembered it i think i was looking at my body in the mirror you were downstairs with your shirt off in my green room during that um so my green room was at that house where those eliminations are happening and andrew is uh is for most episodes i'm looking at my body but um so wait what happened why did so mia has a panic attack that danny goes down and like helps her gets in front of the emt and she i know like pushes that guy to the side.

The reason that she, and I, you know, the reasons are always like dozens of reasons adding, creating the situation, but I did not know. I,

so when I do the elimination, Kirsten, I think, or someone asked me, like, do you have cue cards? And I don't have cue cards. I have an earpiece in

and the producers are telling me what to say and then I go, you know's there's a loose script and then we uh you know then I just like kind of ad lib stuff along the way but that's how that's how we run the show is that there's someone in my ear and at the end of that scene it was to the point where we were just about to reveal who's an f-boy who's a nice guy everyone's going to reveal their status I think it was to the point where we were just about to reveal who's an f boy who's a nice guy everyone's going to reveal their status i think it was the episode before that so we needed to kind of do a final tally of like louise you've not you've eliminated this many f boys and this many nice guys tamaris this many f boys this many nice guys now tamaris eliminated all i think all

f boys at this point louise eliminated like mostly f boys and mia i think maybe all nice guys she eliminated and this show is about you know if the girl so what the promise is if the girl at the end chooses an f boy which she can do because by the end they do know the status of everyone if she chooses an f boy she's taking a risk because all the money will go to him and he will decide whether or not he splits it with her or takes it all for himself and if they choose a nice guy they definitely split the money so you're trying to eliminate f boys because these guys are guys that came into the show yes maybe they can change by the end but it's not likely it's way more safe to choose a nice guy and it's safe for your heart too even though f boys are so attractive for whatever reason so when i established at the end bill dixon's in my ear

saying like or whoever uh sam dean is saying like you know let's just go through and say how many f boys each girl eliminated just to reset it wasn't about like shaming like mia you idiot you only eliminated this many you know f boys it was just to to you know set it up but mia i think was in a state that night that was vulnerable and when i said and mia you've eliminated all nice guys yeah it just i think it made her feel like i was shaming her which i understand completely after after the fact i was like oh i'm just like repeating a voice in my head i'm not thinking about the context of this how how she's already feeling so upset and she was already a little off that night

and so I walk off and then all of a sudden all hell breaks loose because she's having a panic attack and I found out the next day it was because of me and I'm so glad that they didn't keep it in but apparently she was saying, why would she say that? Why would she say that? I go, because Bill Dixon told me to.

Honestly, and Bill didn't have any nefarious uh needs in me saying that either we weren't trying to give but that just shows you how like she she got so enthralled in it like she forgot that it was a tv show and the cameras were there and stuff so maybe she just didn't even see that this whole process was happening that's how much emotion she knows she's like liking the f boys i mean it's a real thing i mean i think you have to look like yeah yeah you have to look like oh my god i can't believe it's like yeah but you that's who you knew you know what peter was before you knew yes like you had an idea and she even said i think it may have been her and early on was like i don't care if

they're an f boy i'm still gonna go like yeah go. It doesn't matter. And for me, if I was a girl playing this game, I wouldn't care who is a nice guy. I think that I can switch anyone. And I know these girls feel the same way. I almost won an F-boy so I can prove that I flipped one. I guess it depends if I could pay rent.

My money situation going in, I think I would definitely go for a good girl just so i can make sure i get to get the 50 grand but there's a really fun episode coming up where we do this challenge where these boys are kind of put under the in a pressure situation where they have to answer questions or they have to do this thing and and that's what i thought was cool what uh that i didn't nico getting drunk did Did you see that? What do you mean? He got hammered.

And he was trying to talk to Tamaris. And I didn't realize that was one of the reasons why she also eliminated him. Oh, I didn't... I never knew that when we were there. Oh, I didn't see that scene. Maybe I was going in the bathroom or something. Do you remember that, Noah? Oh, he was hammered and he was like cross-eyed.

I vaguely... You know, Nico's... And that... Nico's so cute. He was trying to apologize, but he was just coming off. That's why. Okay, that makes sense because I was wondering, why is Tamara so upset with Nico that he is not standing up for her

instead of, I forget who he was upset with. Well, he stood up for Kylan when Kylan said that she was a kissing booth. Yes, a kissing machine. Louise was confused of what was said about her. She was like, I'm not a kissing machine. And it was just like was said about her she was like i'm not a kissing machine and it was just like wait see what's happening here because the kissing booth is like literally a 1950s throwback like who the fuck knows what a kissing booth is so but what i do want to say the next challenge the next day after mia's panic attack we have like this

challenge and i hear that like i'm like oh no mia's like mad at me and thinks that i was like trying to like get her and like make her feel bad which it was never oh no Mia's like mad at me and thinks that I was like trying to like get her and like make her feel bad which it was never my no one's a tent on the show there's so many other things like that on the show but I went up to her right afterwards or like right before the um challenge that you'll see on the next episode and I was like Mia listen I am so freaking sorry that like I don't even know what I said. I was just repeating what was said to me. And I don't give a fuck what you do, girl.

Like, I don't care if you eliminate boys or nice guys. It doesn't matter to me. I have no judgment. If I were you, I'd be eliminating all nice guys because gross. They're like too trusted. And so we it was good for us because we we had a moment where it was like I got to be like real with her and be like, listen, this show is stupid. Nothing matters. Let's have fun.

I will never, ever try to make you feel bad or try to shame you for any of this process, because I don't think there's any, I know that it is very fraught, like, oh my God, are they gonna choose an F-boy or a nice guy? But I don't think, I didn't think Sarah was dumb last year

for choosing Garrett. I don't think i didn't think sarah was dumb last year for choosing garrett i don't i didn't think i don't have any judgment on these people because and neither should you watching it because you don't know what it's like being there you don't know what it's like to eat sleep and breathe boys and everyone you talk to talks to you about boys and you don't have a cell phone and you don't have tv and you don't have sleep you are like sleeping a little out because I mean you sleep, all you do is sleep and talk about boys, that's all you get to do,

and be in hair and makeup, and you don't have phone or internet, unless the producers give it to you, no phone or internet, I mean that is insane, you don't, sometimes they would give them like a DVD player, like with like just a screen,

and a DVD player, and they could watch like, and you don't see the boys, you know, kangaroo jack, their bodies in person, you don't see, because god are they they fucking listening when you're on this island where these guys it's ridiculous and peter comes in and everyone's like why does mia like peter so much he's famous dude and he's gorgeous she watched

him last season in person and i kept telling all these but he's a gorgeous man and i told all these girls listen or i told the guys i'm like and i think i told the girls too the reason you're attracted to peter so much mia is because you have you have familiarity with them which is how i feel about celebrities like i get so nervous with new people but if i am able to stalk them on the internet or watch their interviews on a podcast i feel like i already know them and i i want to date them more and i think that people would say like peter got a lot of air time on the first season yes he did even as getting voted first

I told all the guys stop being jealous of Peter you're all going to be him next season like you have been on this show like he just has one episode more than you kind of like so just chill out and it's interesting though because the Garrett and Peter fight I remember being there

and hearing about it oh Oh, my God. And that was so fun to watch. It was... It reminded me of, like, a Zoolander skit. Garrett was so ridiculous. And I was proud of Peter for standing up to that gigantic tower of a man and almost getting punched, honestly.

And it would have been bad because Peter is much smaller than Garrett. Who, Noah, would you be into on FBoy island if you were contested i think we all asked all my girlfriends in um on like who do you think is brenna clearly into someone and being like and rooting for someone do you can you get a sense because i you probably don't want to know but who no no i would want to know i'm trying to at will you text her yeah i will which guy would you be going for on f boy island okay i'll tell you who i was just like please don't let it be an f boy please don't

let him be an f boy okay kind of had the hunch and then i was like no no he's like he and at first i did not like him i was like the guy from staten island danny like that's danny staten island accent just rubs me the wrong way and i I was just like, ugh, this guy. But then just the things he was saying. He was so attentive to Mia. I was like, no, he's a good guy, please. And then I don't want to say what he is. But you either got confirmed or denied that.

Yes. Do you think you would have been the most attracted to him? His hair, though. You could get past that. Yeah. You know what? The beard makes up for the hair it's a nice beard yeah he and he's so nice like he was and he was there for me he didn't seem full of shit like i know these guys come in as f boys but sometimes they really do get swept up in in the like being and he disassociated himself from uh mikey d or whatever when he oh my God, this guy was lying to everybody.

Yes. I think. When he went off about being cheated on and it just kept going, like four times. Like he goes, I had this girlfriend. She cheated on me. Then I got this girlfriend. He did it four times. Yeah.

I mean, four times. I know. Poor guy. I know. But it just like, like you could just say, I had four, like going through each one

was like. You could just do times four. I don't think I can say who I would go for because that would compromise my position as a, but I think we all can kind of probably guess

because. fucking unbelievable. I mean, I knew, I bet Brenna and I picked probably guess because fucking unbelievable. I mean, I know I bet Brenna and I pick the same person. Benedict. Benedict. I think she thinks I'd be upset

because he's also a comedian. No, Benedict is definitely Andrew's guy. Like Andrew would probably go for Benedict. You guys have stuff in common. Benedict is great. I never talked to him and I wanted to talk to him. He was Casey.

I like a lot. Yes. I think that's who Nicky would go for. Well, I'll tell you. I have an affection for Casey because he's been on the show for two seasons and he's someone I look at as a little brother.

Because I've given him advice with his career. I have an affection for him, but it's not it would just be too weird to say him but i think he is adorable and a younger version of me would be like have posters of him on my wall i'm sure but i gotta say that uh asante is so cute and fun yeah and also i i can't deny it i am mercedes i think he's there's something charming about him.

He really annoys me. I hate him. I know he does. And I hate that that is my answer. I can't. I can't with him. He's too cocky. He's like, but he plays the game well.

When he goes, hey man, thanks Austin for doing all my work for me. How bad was Austin? He's Lord Fonkwa. Oh my God. Oh oh and brayden i i mean i have to i like peter i think i would be a mess on this show because i would be upset that the other girls like got because i wouldn't be able to just choose that's the other problem to focus on i would want all of them i think that's not the problem but like yeah once things are locked in i know it's locked in and it shows up and tamaris is like he's on my team and louise is like okay i guess it's like well it's i call dibs um what she's saying i swear

i'm not a chuckle fucker i think she meant chunky fuck wait what did someone say about benedict that i laughed so hard over the weekend god man he uh i do like benedict a lot he's a stand-up comedian i did not like though noah sent me a video of him he did a reel on instagram where they he was asking who's this benedict he was answering questions about f boy island and the last question on this series that noah sent me was who was your favorite girl on the show? And he said, honestly, none of them. He said they were all bad. He said they were all bad. They were all bad is what he said. And I wrote under it, I go, that last question.

Yeah, because Noah sent it to me being like, I go, it's probably he was joking. Like, there's no way he would say that. Because you and I both know Benedict, well, at this point, Benedict is still very much in the running. And it's like, why would you say that? You fuck it like and so i wrote underneath this thing like maybe the last question what what is that answer is that supposed to be funny because there's not and they weren't all bad the girls were awesome by the way and i want to know i want to write to

louise and say will you tell us if your lips are god-given or doctor-given because if they're doctor-given i need to know exactly what is in those lips because i want it in mine because she is so sexual and so beautiful and um they're just the girls were just gorgeous and so sweet and i think smart and i'm really proud of the casting this season um and all the extra jokes in the editing was like a lot more than the first season they did so good yeah they're really leaning into it and i think next season god willing is going to be even funnier because it's just the show is learning what it is and i think the show's a hit i mean i if you watch the show you won't stop watching it i don't know anyone who really can stop watching it and isn't excited for more episodes but um i want to do more of the show it's so fun i want to be on the show so bad

because now i'm watching the reality of it i'm like god damn it i want to be on it'd be great like you versus two other like well i guess they don't have i want them to do an old f boy island like you know if if there was a different world, I would definitely do a show like this. Like Arthritis Boy or something? They come... It's not even at the beach. It's just like at a coffee shop. Fibromyalgia Boy.

F-Boy. I don't know. I was trying to think of one ailment. I couldn't think of one either, and I went with arthritis. I couldn't think of one else. Let's get to Tuesday's segment, Reddit Dump. Karaoke mode. This segment, Reddit Dump. Karaoke mode.

This is your Reddit Dump. All righty. Boom, boom, boom. Okay. It's loading. Okay, so this is from the subreddit, meIRL. It's just like funny tweets and different things. This is a tweet from from it doesn't even say

it looks like maybe a facebook post the name is blocked out but it said when i bought my giant crystal ball the lady looked at me and looked me in the eye and said whatever you do never ever leave it uncovered when you're not home and i said oh wow because of spirits and she said what no because if the sun hits it in a weird way it'll'll burn your house down. And I liked that. Oh, this was something that I felt like you and all our male listeners or those of our listeners that have a penis. Oh, me, Dave, and Jeff? Yeah.

What's a way to... Our testes. Oh, I like that. Instead of besties. Our listeners who have male genitalia. Why don't we call our besties besticles? It's kind of fun. Yeah, our besticles.

Diabesticles. This is from the subreddit YouShouldKnow, and it says, YSK, YouShouldKnow, that for guys, you can get the, quote, last drop out quickly by a simple gesture. Last drop meaning of pee.

Okay, guys, I'll tell you something you'll thank me for your life for. When you finish peeing, put your finger down there behind your balls just between your legs and push gently upwards you'll feel the last drop stuck coming forward and going out of your penis in fact your urethra

does something like a valley and the last drop is the lake in this valley you can see it here and there's a diagram so yeah the last drop is a struggle for many men as it often finishes its course in the underwear and this inconvenience can be avoided easily so behind your penis shoot up and then the last drop will like drip out and not into your underwear your taint area yeah i guess yeah they'll just

i've gotten back into bed with and with a wet penis and it's women don't love that yeah it's a lot it's not cool when the guy's wet this is another one from me irl this is from a tweeter twitter named john house of 308 and he says i have a very huge respect for those who didn't watch game of thrones at all not even a single episode even with all the noise made online and offline these set of people cannot be affected by social pressure, peer pressure, or any kind of pressure in this world. And I felt like I'm one of them. Like I'm thinking I watched one episode,

but I do not understand how people were like, that became like, it's like football from Game of Thrones and football are the same for me of like, this is a thing that Americans widely and worldwide agree is like so addictive and important and I could not get on board and I wanted to I wanted to be in the club my boyfriend was obsessed with Game of Thrones and would have people over and I would just have to go take a nap in the next room

because I couldn't I couldn't get I couldn't understand it I couldn't follow it there's a lot of um different families I never if i watched every episode i still have no idea what happened so i'm like your brain but i like stuck with it for some reason but there's a lot of shows i have i mean there's so many shows that we have we haven't seen sopranos breaking bad um but you have seen those no no you've never watched i mean i've watched some episodes really yeah you would. You would love those, though. I know. Because you love football.

I do think they, football and Game of Thrones and Sopranos all are like in the same thing. That of things, and I do know that I love the Sopranos. I just can't stand violence. But I did watch every episode of the OC. But a Soprano guy died recently. Yesterday. Mira Sorvino's dad. Tommy Meatballs. Yesterday. Mira Sorvino's dad. Tommy Meatballs.

Yes, Mira Sorvino's dad. And he also played I just made up a name. Mr. Sir Capulet in Romeo and Juliet. Baz Luhrmann's Romeo and Juliet. He was like,

Juliet! Juliet! He was like the mean Clardian's dad in that. Okay, here's another from me, to me IRL, for me IRL.

It says, babe, you're not an empath you have ptsd from an unstable household and are sensitive to emotional change as a defense mechanism and not the same thing though but i think the empaths are always like i just am i just like feel people's emotions oh like for no reason you feel people's emotions because you're scared that your mom or dad is going to haul off and smack you and so you have to be super sensitive and yeah you're right it is the same thing but i think some people associate being an empath with like like it's like they're a fortune teller you know what i mean like it's just a skill they were born with like they're teal swan which you have to watch this documentary with it's called the deep end it's on victoria's secret one oh how's that you'd love it really it just turns into a real big Epstein fest.

Yes. We were just talking the other day. Isn't it weird that conspiracy, like three years ago, was kind of like, okay, there's, okay. You know, there were like maybe 20 people really into conspiracies, and now it's like, it's the biggest thing on earth, is diving into Epstein. Do you believe it? The Victoria's Secret one?

The one that they present in that one? Yeah, I think, I think. It's not even conspiracy. I'm guessing it's like, this isn't about like having a pizza place and having sex. No, Wexler gave Epstein

like $400 million. I mean, the Epstein thing, will we ever know the truth of all that? Final thought. Over the weekend, we went on a boat ride to, in the Hamptons,

on this amazing boat. And then we went to this weird island that the, the boat captain told angel, the boat captain told us that, um, what was it that it was the second biggest privately owned Island in, um, in America. And I was like,

um, and I was like, and it's the only one that isn't overrun by pedophiles. I said some pedophile joke. And I think a couple couple people were just like, oh, Nicky and her, and I was like, and I think Angel, the guy that was talking about it, was like, laughed a little bit,

but was deeply uncomfortable, but yeah. Was it just y'all on the boat, or was it random? Yeah, it was just us. Oh, okay. It was a speedboat. We got up to 60 miles an hour in in the i don't even know where we were exactly there's some kind of sound um sound yeah yeah long island sound we were going so fast it was so amazing kirsten was like we were acting like golden retrievers because our faces were

like and i was getting we looked so windblown um it was so freaking fun. And the wind was whipping my hair around, and it felt like a guy was grabbing it. It almost felt sexual. The wind made me feel held. It was awesome. You guys kind of get the idea of why a cigarette boat is such a turn-on for women in Florida. It was so fast.

Oh, my God. And then he had this little thing that you can can go under the water on oh my god i did that before it was so fun it's the best but my swimsuit bottoms were loose because i did my sister didn't come on this trip she was supposed to bring me a swimsuit because i ended up staying in new york longer and i was supposed to come home i didn't have a swimsuit so i had to borrow one it was too big on me and angel's like this hot boat captain and all my friends are getting naked in front of angel and i'm like i am not and when you went on this thing your your swim trunks they would fall off immediately and i just didn't want hollas on this thing completely butt naked just going through and katherine has her tits out

everyone's naked and i'm like i don't want my butt exposed to angel and um so i didn't get to ride on it as fast as i wanted to because my swim trunks were trunks my bottoms were falling off um but yeah everyone was getting naked so much it was so fun and I would have had we had like a boat captain that wasn't like kind of a babe not that I was like trying to be like he needs to see me naturally I was just like it was just having a man on it was a woman boat captain I wouldn't have cared but it was just uh too much but that thing was so cool and holla was riding it and she said that um the jets coming out like were right on her click she was getting like turned on by that thing yeah she probably feels like she's fucking a navy seal you know so it basically it's a jet it's a jet ski that you

hold on to and she said she went all the way to the bottom of the ocean yeah yeah and back up because we were like in nine foot deep water. And we were diving off. And we taught Sarah Lena how to dive, which I didn't know was a thing people couldn't do. Like just a natural, gentle dive. Oh, wow. So it was really cute to teach her how to dive. It was like teaching a kid.

But she's never learned. So how would she know? It was so sweet. And she was proud of herself. It was adorable. I love when an adult doesn't know. Brenna tried to swim underwater. We did that.

You know how you have the competition? Yeah, I just see if we could get it. She held her nose with one hand and swam. And I go, what is? This is a joke. But it's real. Like, people can go. Unless you get swim lessons.

What the fuck? How would you know? Yeah, Chris has a hard time spelling. Like, he's not the best speller. Underwater? Yeah. With sign language? He struggles with it, I think.

And I know he does. But not terribly. It's not dyslexia or anything. It doesn't matter. He's one of the most intelligent people I know he does, but not terribly. It's not dyslexia or anything. It doesn't matter. He's one of the most intelligent people I know in my life, and it has no bearing on his intelligence. Some people just can't spell. I'm a terrible speller.

It's like this one thing that I'm like, how can I not? I can't spell spellcheck. It's bad. It, to me, is so fucking cute. It's one of my, I would never say this to him but i think it's one of the most adorable things in the world to me i mean i would say it to him but like the fact that he and he's not the best swimmer either and those i'm a decent speller i'm probably like but he's not the best swimmer and but he doesn't care he still tries very hard and doesn't even

know he's not a good swimmer i recently was like and you know because you're not the strongest swimmer and he's like what i was like you know you just like struggle to swim a little bit i'm you know you're just it's not you're you're an nba but your swim skills natural born athlete but you're just not that doesn't always transfer and he he's just like, wait, I didn't... And I was like, oh, you thought you good? Baby boy. And I just... I think there's so much cuteness when a man... Like, he's so good at so many things,

but he... I know that probably makes men feel like when they're not good at things, especially that their girlfriend might be good at, that it might make us be like, ew. Like, you're not a man. But I don't know. It's just so freaking cute.

It makes me love him so much more. How do you feel about when a man, if he lets you win, is that terrible? No. I don't mind that at all. But I want it to be acknowledged. Like, I am severely downgrading my talent in order for us to have an even. So if a guy played ping pong with you on a date and he played left-handed to let you win. Yeah, I don't mind that.

You wouldn't mind? Not let me win, but try as hard as you can left-handed or with a hand behind your back or whatever it is i would like that or blindfolded or not at all uh i'd still wait where are we now i don't even know just later in the day but uh yeah i think that our flaws are cute oh there it was the cutest thing ever yes that she didn't know that she didn't have to hold her nose it literally an adorable thing. It literally looked like a manatee had special needs. Like, it was, she couldn't figure out. I mean, I have so many things like that, too. Yeah.

It was unbelievable. And I swam three. You know, I did three or four. She did one. Before you had to breathe. That's pretty cool. But she's probably underwater just as long because it took that long. It was, I don't know.

I love, yeah, I love a love yeah i love a flaw i love a flaw i love just a cute like oh you know no no nothing like it's so so cute all right we gotta go thank you for listening to the show do not be cut we will be back here tomorrow and jack be nimble be quick john stewart is back in the host chair at the daily show which means he's is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.