The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #25 Tongue In Cheeks

Episode Date: May 4, 2021

Between you and Nikki she is figuring out how to find her voice in music and wonders if being chill when everything goes wrong plays into being controlling. Andrew wonders if Nikki dreamt of having fans waiting for her at the airport and they dissect Bob Dylan's style. In the news; Kissing to break a spell, skepticism over algorithms, speculation on the return of "Bennifer" and Billie Eilish's new look. Nikki saves her Reddits to dump and a Final Thought on misspellings on heartfelt notes. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, Thank you. Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections.

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Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season. But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E. Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet hey

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what if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, and now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions,

including Jane Lynch, Delaneyaney rowe and cord jefferson listen to many questions on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts seven questions limitless answers the nikki glaser podcast Here's Nikki. Hello, Noah in Arizona. Hello, everyone listening. Welcome to another week of the Nikki Glaser podcast. I am so excited to be talking to you guys again. I listened to our podcast last night.

I don't listen to the show because I live it. People always want me to like watch things I've done. And I don't really, I'm too self-critical. And I just don't want to, it was so fun when I do it that I don't want to go back and watch it because it can't be better than the memory of living it. But guess what? It was.

I was like, I don't know why I was in the mood for it. I think my ADD meds were kicking in. i was in really good mood i just played guitar i had like kind of done a thing on a song that i've been working on like so hard and i recorded myself and i watched myself on guitar and i'm like why do i love watching myself play guitar and i'm terrible at it my voice sounds like shit because i've just been like i need to take singing lessons again and i'm saying that like i have a good singing voice but it was just not it's not i'm not doing what i need to be doing with it i need to be saying that like, I have a good singing voice, but it was just not, it's not, I'm not doing what I need to be doing with it. I need to be,

it's like, it's like I'm playing guitar with my voice because I quit doing formal lessons with guitar. And now I'm kind of just like learning songs I like and just trying to figure it out. Like as if I found a guitar on an Island and I have to teach myself, like I realized, um,

and I had a couple breakthroughs with guitar too I want to talk about I have so much to get to so I'm gonna be motor mouthing it for a little bit this is uh this monologue but we're gonna get through it I um first of all major revelation with guitar Noah you also play guitar you have sent me songs that you have I forced you to send me songs that you've played and um I never got back to the one you sent uh i think it was no woman no cry or it was some bob marley boom boom boom boom it was so good you more you do more like lead stuff i just want to master rhythm and like be able to be a girl with a guitar in a cafe with nothing else and a couple things about that I realized that you don't need to be good at guitar if the what

you want to do is really I want to express myself more in lyrics and my voice and I already know how to do that but not like I have to take singing lessons again is what I'm saying because that's the important part and the guitar is usually just like to have nice in the background like no one really is expecting me to be Stevie Ray Vaughn but i could be you know and and then there's a whole other issue of finding your voice like i was watching all these youtube videos on my flight back from the caymans the other day where i was watching youtube videos of like how to find your voice which in stand-up comedy literally took me i mean i was if you watch early clips of me i was i was recognizable but um for my voice of what I want to say I think it was like

this year that I found it like with the start of this podcast of like okay this is what I want to say I'm confident about it and this is just how I am and I'm not going to try to be someone else um and that you know the Billie Holiday quote is in line that I shared with you is in line with all this as well of like if I'm gonna have to sound like someone else if I have to sound like someone else to be successful I don't want to be successful I don't want to sing is what she said if I have to sing like someone else I don't want to sing and for me with singing I always am trying to sound like someone else when I try to do an impression of someone I'm a better singer like if I do like whoa like I can't hear myself because i'm not but if i had control over this right now i could sound pretty good if i try to do like lady gaga i could be like um what's another

impression of like even ariana grande i know that sounds insane but sometimes i do an impression of her and it sounds like her i'm not gonna try it right now but if i do like britney spears i can be like she's so lucky she's a star but she But if I sing in a different register, I can be better. But then my own speaking voice, I don't know how to sing the way that I would sound. Billie Eilish, who has a new single out, and we're going to talk a little bit about her. You heard it here first coming up with Andrew. She has the baby voice that we talked about the other day and a lot of people adopt that baby voice and it's it's all like you know who you heard coming up if you

like billy eilish i want to give a shout out to charlotte lawrence she is a new artist who is just i mean follow her on instagram she sings these songs acoustic in her bedroom on her bed just like at night and it's like i wrote this day and her voice is exactly like billy eilish's it has a different little like i think they're the same age too and we're andrew and i were talking about it because we're friends with charlotte because we're friends with her father bill lawrence um who created scrubs and who is married to hold on is married to the actress oh my god this is so embarrassing this is my like pothead, hold on, is married to the actress. Oh my God, this is so embarrassing.

This is my like pothead brain. Hold on, Bill Lawrence wife. This is the problem with women giving up their, women like, if actually, I would just talk to myself out of that argument because I was like, this is why women need to keep their own name it's like wait she did her name's krista miller she's an actress i was like it'd be much easier if her last name was lawrence i could just like plug in a name

uh krista miller that's why it was a struggle for me because i because honestly this bitch tried is so independent and had her own thing going on that she didn't change her name to her husband's name bill bill lawrence of course uh also created ted lasso which is the best tv show uh ever i'm like it's like the wire of feel-good shows and it's funny and it's great have you seen it yet noah i've seen one episode but it's only because i don't have i think it's on apple tv yeah apple tv it's worth it's worth buying Apple TV subscription And then canceling it as soon as you get through It's 100% worth it I'm going to like buy you a month

Subscription to Apple because I want you To get into Ted Lasso because Everyone needs it it is literally like Prozac for your soul It's like TV Prozac I've never had a TV show make me feel so Fucking good against my will Like during the pandemic and that's how everyone feels about that show that sees it and by everyone i do mean everyone not one person has not liked that show but the truth

is i've never heard someone say they don't like it i'm on like a ted lasso fan reddit uh subreddit i'm like i'm i'm a big fan it's up there with veep for me. And I can't wait to rewatch it pretty soon. Charlotte Lawrence is his daughter. I became friends with Bill through developing a TV show together, possibly. And now we're actually good friends. But Charlotte was becoming famous right around the time that I was talking to him. And he was like, my daughter's becoming famous. I was like, what?

And then I got into her music and I was obsessed. I mean, I had her on You Up when I was in LA. in la she performed i mean she is so fucking good you guys charlotte warrens and i mean i gotta be honest i bet first of all she's exactly where she needs to be as an artist she's not billy eilish like everyone wants billy eilish's success but like the fact that she's not as successful as billyilish yet means nothing about her as an artist. Or she never reaches that level. She's supermodel gorgeous. She just was on Jimmy Fallon the other day and did an amazing performance. And she's, I think, 21, maybe 19.

Maybe she's 19. I don't know. She's just such an amazing voice for women that this young woman that is able to poetically describe some trauma in her life that she's written about. 36 year old woman about to be 37 in one month um have struggled with you know pinpointing and even just feeling and these girls this this you know 19 year old girl is helping me feel my feelings laura charlotte lawrence uh just to get you into her she has a new single out i'm not like literally i'm not doing this for any other reason than i want you guys to like good music the song is slow motion is her new song and it's so freaking good but uh if you're into her and you want to know more songs that i like uh dm me but don't use this as an excuse to dm me like some people i think use when i sometimes i'm

like dm me if you want to know how I recovered from my eating disorder or how I'm you know if like sometimes I'll do that as like an outreach of like hey if you want to know how I did it DM me I'll give you details and sometimes I think people use that stuff as like to hit on me I'm like hey my cousin has trouble with eating and what did you do and i'm like no no your your cousin can ask me you can tell your cousin that i have a secret solution to that it's not even secret but uh as always dm me if you want to know how i am been um not eating compulsively for a year of my life and it's a it's extraordinary uh achievement in my life as someone who is struggling with an eating disorder forever so i just want to say that

here's the thing i'm getting to charlotte lawrence reminds me and all i love female artists who sing about their heartbreak obviously taylor swift is my number one but there's you know billy's up there now charlotte um and now i'm going through i'm trying to get into joni mitchell i've just gotten into i've always resisted joni mitchell because my mom always used to like her and it always annoyed me how much my mom like sang joni mitchell and like joni mitchell like was so loud in my house and i'd be trying to go to bed my parents are like partying and my mom's listening to joni mitchell so loud and i'm just like oh so i never and joni mitchell's like she's

always up here like she's singing all over the place and I can't mimic her voice and it's too like I want it to be a little bit more commercial but now I'm into Joni Mitchell big time oh big time and it's it's lovely because I feel like it's like a thing I'm sharing with my mom because I knew my mom probably listened to these songs when she was going through heartbreak and stuff and like related in the same way I'm talking like my mom's dead I could literally talk to her about this uh anytime I want because now I live back at home and I was with her yesterday and I wanted to I wanted to murder my family yesterday within an hour of seeing them and that is me that is on me they are just the same people I left and I love them so much it's me I have to really recommit to accepting them for who they are and not trying to change

them and not trying to say like you know I just want them to be well rested and happy and like calm and not anxious like that's all I want for all of my friends and it's I'm becoming kind of a control freak about it like I'm getting ready to go on tour again and I just I I want to bring my friend um Anya who does this song Anya Marina she opens for she used to open for me on tour with her boyfriend and her boyfriend and her who's also a musician he wouldn't play but he was like they were my tour managers also on tour and this time i just want anya to not be a tour manager because i don't want her to ever feel stressed and i just want to be around people that are happy like i'm bringing her because she's talented but the best way to be talented and to be the best friend that you can be to me on the road and have the best time

is like let's all just calm down and like remember that this is does not matter like yes these people came out for a good show and they and they paid good money to come see me at this theater that I'm touring this summer. But they don't want me to be backstage being like, Oh, God, the lights. Oh, the song isn't queued up like no one wants that from you. So like, if that stuff hits shit, it's the fan. Let's just roll with it baby like let's just all be on the same page of like everything's okay like we had a lot of technical issues starting this show today getting set up in my bedroom i'm bringing andrew in very soon and like i just want to roll with it like i was there was a moment there with noah on the line where i was like

why doesn't this work like why every it's everything's new out of the box why I was literally like pleading with it and then and that was a bad space to be in because you never you never have to be in that space you guys ever you can always just go this is the way it's supposed to happen and I'm gonna learn something from this and I want to also just say before I bring Andrew in final thought because I final thought of my monologue up top, I can be a twat sometimes and not think about other people. Also, I've been soliciting wart videos and pictures. If you didn't know that I'm into, I'm a wart head. I'm into warts. I want warts on your feet. I want to look at pictures of them. And then I want you to tell you to do things to them. And it's weird. It's a

weird thing. But, and, and someone wrote me and and said I feel really negatively I don't I'm paraphrasing but they said I feel bad to say this because I'm a big fan but the way that you act like people's warts are just like fun for you to get and you can they'll just video them and then you can send them I have a word on my foot that causes me to have a limp I can't get it worked on because I don't have insurance my insurance won't cover it I don't have insurance. My insurance won't cover it. I don't have insurance. So I'm living with this thing that you just like want videos of that's. And I know that this is probably me just being angry because of the situation I'm in and

I'm taking it out on you. He said that even he was like, but it just seemed I just want you to know. I'm like, wow, I didn't understand that side of things. Like I didn't consider that. Of course, I understand that side of things. I've had things that I'm sure people would love to see me pop over and over in my mouth like we that ranula I told you guys about when I was chewing gum incessantly um I just want to acknowledge that I'm not always right and I'm very emphatic sometimes but I uh always stand to be corrected

so if you can empathize with where I'm coming from and also put your point of view into a dm that's always the best way to approach it with me in terms of like disagreeing with me. So I appreciate that. Let's get Andrew in here. politics, and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Over the years, we've had some incredible guests. People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends, EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair. And now, Mini Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions,

including Jane Lynch, Delaneyaney rowe and cord jefferson each episode is a new person's story with new lessons new memories and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique listen to many questions on the iheart radio app apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry.

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We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven, and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head.

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Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your tribe. With guests like Corinne Steffens. I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happened. And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off because the white said it was okay.

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You actually sent it? Listen to the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcasts. Andrew, welcome to our show in its rightful place, which is our apartment in St. Louis. Hey, man. It's good to be back. I had so many people at the tarmac waiting for me.

Yeah? Yeah. You can't even do that anymore, buddy. That's been since September 11th. You can't go to the tarmac. Did you ever think when you were getting into comedy that you'd get so famous people wouldember 11th you can't go to the tarmac did you ever think when you were getting in the comedy that you'd get so famous people would be waiting for you at the airport um always a dream yeah right i'm not even joking you there's a thing that i made my

friends do i didn't want to do it but i wanted to see i heard a rumor like my friend said that he pretended to be famous and had his friends come up and ask him for an autograph in an airport and then other people did it just because they thought he was famous and i remember talking to my friends being like i really want to do that but i didn't want to be the person that was fake famous because i wanted like i want to be real famous but i just want to see if it works and i want to be a part of it and i want to i want and maybe i want to do it what like so did he actually do it did it work and it worked for him that was the the tale who did he pretend to be like an actor i don't

even know people just took pictures of this is 2000 so it was like our 1999 so it was before cell phones but like you know he got like an autograph thing in the airport or something yeah i mean i used to just dream of being recognized and and people ask me all the time do you get recognized all the time which is what i used to ask famous people or people that i like that i met i'd be like oh my god what's it like and i wish i i i'm gonna become more famous probably if the world keeps going um and so i'll be able to say what it's like if i get recognized everywhere but it doesn't happen that it doesn't happen often i don't live my life thinking I'm gonna get recognized literally ever I do love that your fame and the world

Falling apart is like Hitting at a path Oh I'm aware of that That irony that the World is deciding to Cook itself When my life is greatest No I am like I could die tomorrow and be like

Yeah I like had the best life. Do you think, it must have been so wild for like the Beatles to get off the airport from like England. Yeah. And have. Screaming fans. Like a hundred thousand people. Oh my God.

I'm going to fucking eat your balls. I mean, Dealmania was, oh my gosh. Those women would have done anything. That was me with Dave Matthews. I understand that just like Billie Eilish with Justin Bieber. Were you a new kids girl or no? No, they were too old for me. Every girl had a different guy on her back.

On her back? What do you mean? Not like fucking. Like Joey or like they each. Oh, like on. They had a denim coat and they would have like. Oh, got it, got it. They would pick their guy that they relate to.

And I love the one girl that wasn't like as attractive. So she had to pick like Donnie or whatever. And it's like,'t want donnie i want fucking that was the you know jc shaz no jc shazay was hot how who is the howie joey fatone joey fatone howie it's so wild like the fat one and his last name is fat oh it's beautiful it's one of the most beautiful things i the most ironic lovely lovely coincidences of life. And Chavez in English means skinny bitch, which is weird. Chazay is his name. So that didn't really work, but okay.

Chavez. He's from O-Town. He's from O-Town. He's from O-Town. You don't know about chavez oh yeah i mean i don't know the otown boys but man i i used to i loved loving those loving uh celebrities um i wanted to talk to you about well first of all how'd you sleep last night i slept good man we're back in our apartment i'm like really happy here i really like it here i have like a little

bit of a routine you're getting laid on the reg i mean that is so i'm so happy for here i really like it here i have like a little bit of a routine you're getting laid on the reg i mean that is so i'm so happy for you i really like andrew's back in town he's getting like i'm convincing you to stay in st louis now you move me to st louis i'm like our lives just fucking switched big time yeah we like what's that movie where they switch that'd be so fun to do one day i always feel like i'm elaine and george in in the uh when they switch in seinfeld with you like i will be on top of the world and then suddenly i'm you're having the summer of george over here it's the summer of george just doing the opposite and everything works out i love that i

think that's a similar one but he was do you ever see that one yeah yeah it's great way too much no i watched a good amount of seinfeld so wait what did you want to bring up you said you wanted to bring oh i wanted to bring up the thing that i showed you last night um the uh i'm obsessed right now speaking of because i was just talking about charlotte lawrence at the top of the show trying to get people into her because we were talking about how her and billy eilish sounds so similar i was trying to find my voice playing guitar i'm like whose voice like you can just start sounding like someone and we both thought that they were probably influenced by the same people because they're the same age so like whatever uh similar interest those two had it resulted in singing like oh like

your dance work on again oh singing like a baby and sometimes going oh well the chorus is always like they're yearning for something you know what i mean they're just like and then he went to go it's's like you're. Yeah. They go into this like falsetto that I just. So they sound exactly similar. But anyway, they were influenced by similar people. That's why like I sound the way I do because of all the people, artists I was into and like mixed together to make me whatever I am. And all of my funny friends whose things I've adopted over the years.

It's also probably like an easy register to like not I mean look a lot of people can do it but like that register to sing in no like speaking sing no I don't oh that like singing like this like that well you know there's anyone enjoys Bob Dylan by the way like how he not not that I love Bob Dylan and I'm like deeply moved by Bob Dylan but how he thought he would be a singer. And he just fearlessly was just like, I'm going to sing. And that is not a good singing like this. You would just think that like no, no one would be like, keep going.

Like, you're amazing because everyone judges singing like operatically, you know. So for someone to be like Bob Dylan and Beyonce are the greatest entertainers of like generations and one of them sounds like this and sometimes he goes and hit her like a freight okay the one song that i had halo can i just talk about one bob dylan song you know that one song halo halo halo halo halo down on fourth street, okay. The one song I'm talking about, Simple Twist of Fate. I think he goes, can I look up the song real quick? Because I just have one issue. Wouldn't you agree, though, that Bob Dylan's songs, if he was singing, like, belting out these songs, it wouldn't ring as true to you.

These are, like, spoken word. It's poetry. No, I think that someone could make that song sound beautiful if they were singing like, you know, you've got a lot of nerve to treat me as my friend. That's pretty nice. That's pretty good, Bob. That's pretty good. That sounded like Bob or Dylan. I was just trying to sound like some girl that was on American Idol trying to spice it up.

It all is the same thing his songs are beautiful no matter what but the fact that we settled for them sounding like this mostly and like hit him okay the the lyricist hit him like a freight train so this guy's going through life and he he i think he gets a hooker early on he like meets this hooker she leaves in the night and he wakes up and he has this new emptiness inside that he can't even place and he's like all he does the rest of his life is look for another simple twist of fate where these two could meet again and it's like he says something hit him like a freight train he's like hit him i gotta play it i'm i literally have to play it because you guys gotta know what i'm talking about where i'm like this if if some artist just came out of the blue with this song, right? Yeah.

And it was like, hey, I just wrote this song last night. My first song I ever wrote. Okay. And I think this is probably genius, but I think this is like songwriting that I don't understand, right? Like I don't understand. Okay, here it is. I'm going to sing along with it, but you guys aren't allowed to hear it. Okay.

"'Twas then he felt alone and wished that he went straight and watched out for a simple twist of fate." Okay, so this is the next part. They walked... Okay, hold on. I want to get to the... I swear to God I'm going somewhere with this okay do you are you listening to this yeah okay and and him like a freight train like the train like just why don't you just say hit and hit him like a freight train or or hit him like a freight

train or like well he's trying Or hit him like a freight train. Or like, well, he's trying to hit the freight. Because in the last one he said, and wished that he went straight. Move in with a simple twist of fate. And then he goes, hit him like a freight train. Move it. I'm like, don't fit in train. And also just say freight.

That reminds me of my favorite. Everyone knows what a freight is. So will someone tell me why Bob Dylan chose to shoehorn the word train in there? Oh, I see. Well, it could have been a freight carrier, like a thing that you actually put on the train. You know what I mean? I know, but hitting something like a freight. Like a freight car.

I like that he did the train part. I kind of like it, but it is weird. What I wanted to get to, what we're going to talk about on the show this week without question but i want to just tell people to go check it out is just give it a listen because i'm preparing you for don't look into it just give it a listen i want us all be familiar with a song that someone recommended to me about a love that got away and like feeling like talking to someone who's i said i i have an affinity for songs sad songs where you're talking to someone who has let you down i mean i guess it's all brokenhearted songs but it's like they're saying a message of like you'll you're not gonna forget me

someone said listen to silver springs by fleetwood mac now i was very familiar with the song used to be in love with it uh in high. I listened to it all the time. And it's the live version that Fleetwood Mac did. So pull it up on your Spotify. Listen to the live Silver Springs. Don't Google it because I want to tell you the tale of the Silver Springs renaissance that happened with that song. And I'll tell you that tomorrow on the show. I saw it last night.

It is worth a watch. And I gave Andrew the whole, like I told him the whole story of it and then we watched it and it was so powerful. So don't watch it. I know this is hard. We kind of look like them.

Lindsey Buckingham and. No, you look like. I look like Stevie Nicks. And I look like the guitars from. Yeah. I mean, I don't think you look like the guitar. Identical, I think. He's a very, he looks like Lyle Lovett. I mean, I don't think you look like the guitarist at all. Identical, I think. He's a very...

He looks like Lyle Lovett. He's a skinny, very thin guy. He's got curly brown hair. I guess. You're right. You have blonde hair. You're right. Listen, I love Stevie Nicks now, and I'm leaning into a Stevie Nicks look.

So go. Don't watch it, but please go and listen to Silver Springs. And I want to talk about that song because it... Thank you to the bestie that recommended that one to me. Oh, my God. I can't stop listening to it. I was singing in the shower. uh, the bestie that recommended that one to me. Oh my God. I can't stop listening to it. I was singing in the shower. Did you hear that?

I hope you did. And I hear all your songs, not all of them. Sometimes they get really like specific for how I'm feeling and it would be humiliating for you to hear me. Uh, what, what is it? What did that mean? By the way, I hear all your songs. No, I hear you singing.

Okay. I probably said it in a tongue in cheek way. Okay. But not in a mean way. Tongue in cheek. Yeah. No, I hear you singing. Okay. I probably said it in a tongue-in-cheek way. Okay. But not in a mean way. Tongue-in-cheek. Yeah, yeah. Tongue-in-cheeks. I don't know that either of us understand what that means.

Not at all. Just in a playful way. The Beatles said it when they got off that plane. Callbacks. Hello. Tongue-in-cheeks. No. First of all, no.

Callbacks. You can't just pick something that you had a good run with. You're like, that was my moment on the show. The Beatles coming in. I set the stage. I'm going to call. You can't just. A callback needs to have a relation to the thing.

That's what people think. You're changing callbacks. I am changing it. Tongue in cheeks. Tongue in cheeks. You heard it here first. Let's get to it. You heard it here first. You heard it here first. Let's get to it. You heard it here first. You heard it here first.

I hope you guys had a really great weekend. I swear. I hope you went out on the river. I know it's getting a little warmer out there for everyone. So I hope everyone had fun and you're having all the swells. I think I said it a little too tongue in cheeks last week. I really do mean it. I really want you to have the swells

I'm not being sarcastic I love that that phrase too like just wishing people the swells because that if anything is an anthem for our show like that's what I want every day is to like I want to feel the swells after this and that is a thing we coined we don't even know it's just like I don't even know how it

happened I'd have to go back and listen or someone would have to tell me but yeah I hope you're feeling the swells it's just like i want everyone to feel swell after this but also like feel like you're riding a wave like the swells are good like kind of nar nar pow pow oh dude surfer lingo oh dude swells just freaking hit the lip dude you guys start using feeling this do it 180 in your life bring out into the world we're coming out of covid this is the this is it's like the roaring 20s this is the roaring swells of 20s oh my god it is getting it's getting crazy out there what's going on in the world uh people want to get laid dude people want to fuck yeah apparently yeah everyone's like oh now i could be horny like the government's

letting you throw that pussy around disneylands the disney people are going out is that gonna set you oh yeah why don't you get to that story? We'll start with that one. That's a good, you know. So the revamped Snow White ride at Disneyland's. The what? The revamped Snow White ride.

Snow White ride at Disneyland callbacks, tongue in cheek. Sparks backlash over the added true love kiss scene because she is asleep and not able to give the prince consent. And critics say it models bad behavior.

Okay, so can I just decipher what he said to you, everyone? Why? Why do you have to decipher? Everyone understood that. Because I was reading it as you read it, so I don't know if it actually sounded like what it is. This is a bad setup. This is a bad setup. That wasn't a good headline at all the daily mail makes just terrible headlines um so the sleeping beauty ride is that the ride

that we're talking about that is the ride noah can you share your screen of that story from now on i'm gonna read off so we're not both reading the story yeah because it's too much pressure on the left side i'm sorry i didn't mean to give you pressure at all i literally did it it was just up there and i couldn't help myself okay so so snow oh snow white yes oh that's right okay that said that in the thing okay but also sleeping beauty i think needed to be kissed right i mean i think they all need to be kissed there's yeah there's this is an unconsensual kiss but that's the thing but snow white could only wake up if he kissed her so like because so if you are in a coma and no one and the old the doctors are like the only way is if you finger her will she wake up no one's gonna do it because i can't consent to it please finger me

if i'm in a coma actually honestly do like someone someone um who like uh because maybe that'll wake me up also i i like uh if i'm sleeping i wake up to a blowy or a kiss i know we watched summer house last night and there was a scene summer house is so good we're catching up on all those things remember the scene where she goes they like got in a horrible fight lindsey and what's his name and then they go to bed and you just see this couple like, that's inevitably going to break up, get in this terrible fight. They barely make up. And she's like horny and drunk. She's like, well, you just Hey, if you think he's like trying to sleep and like doesn't want to be intimate, you can tell because he's like still pissed about the fight. She's like, if you want to finger me in the middle of the night,

like that won't be a problem. And I was just like, Oh, God, uncomfortable because it was just like i've done it before that's why it made me uncomfortable like just tried to get a guy to like love me again by like being sexual when he's art when he's pissed and i also hate him and then you end up having sex and it was just like it was very uncomfortable to watch that show for me last but snow white has she hooked up with the prince beforehand or is this the first meeting? Because that's a different kind of kiss. I don't know. You know what I mean?

Yeah. If they're in a relationship already, yeah, you can kiss me when I'm sleeping. That would be weird to wake up from a nap to a kiss, though, or like from anything. But if you're in a coma, I mean, I got to say. I don't think she's in a coma, though. I mean, she was in a coma. Yeah, I don't think she's in a coma. Oh, oh, oh.

I mean, I think she's probably comatose, but she's like under a spell. I thought she was in an actual coma. It's a spell. That's why I'm saying it's like if a coma could like. Oh, I thought she was in a DUI accident. Oh, my God. Oh, that's a different story. Okay, yeah.

He kisses her and it will lift her from the, yeah, the curse that was put on her by that old woman with the apple. Maybe we'll take a poll on like, if you like to be kissed awake in a relationship, I think everyone would like that. But I actually, I don't want to say that because some people might be like, that triggers me about the time.

My, I woke up to my uncle kissing me or something. I mean like shit like that happens all the time where people are like Disneyland. Oh God. I read, I can't wait till we get to Reddit dump later. Oh my God.

At Disneyland. Yeah. They have like little sections where it's like Reddit dump dump just sounds like you're taking a shit and reading something I know the thing is you can pull up reddit and take it like a dump and like go on your reddit that's probably when a lot of guys are on reddit but I always look at it have your legs ever gone to sleep because you sit on the shitter watching reading reddit so long no I've never sat on the shitter for a long time i'm usually just done very quickly next story all right you're gonna love this one okay netflix rolls out the play something feature

that suggests new series or film based on your algorithms and hopes to help and endless scrolling so like no more like what am i gonna eat at the buffet should i get the tempster should i get the steak should i I watch the thing about the octopus? I recommended the story last week and I sent it to you guys because I just was fascinated by... I'm very interested in the paradox of choice, which is... Or like the... Maybe it's not the paradox. It's the... Paralysis?

It's paralysis of choice. Thank you. I knew it was another P word with the same... I think the same number of letters as paradox. But anyway, theysis of choice oh thank you for Doing that math really quickly that you didn't do Just guessing as much as I am but Definitely did know it it said it with the confidence

Of someone who says ducks have Seven vaginas and three of them are Rape resistant or something That was like So anyway there's too many things to choose From nowadays I always used to go I used to remember this when i'd go into barnes and noble and try to get a book to read on my vacation i'd always walk out without a book because i'm like there's too many things i want to read and i can't choose so i that was the first time i was like this is a dilemma and now

it absolutely people scroll all you do is endless scrolling trying to find the perfect thing and that's what i do with porn like always always looking for like, something will be better. And this is what people do in relationships. Like it's like Tinder. There's always something better. There could be a hotter girl. If I, if I just,

you know, wait, or if I keep swiping, like it's endless people, never, it never ends. And now Netflix is introduced. They're realizing that people are not watching as much because they scroll.

And then they don't watch as much as they would probably watch they scroll forever but it's not as long as if they or they're watching maybe 10 minutes of each show because they think something better's out there but whatever it is it's waste because if if that was enough to keep people plugged into netflix and using their our attention they would be fine with that if that was the entertainment but it doesn't last as long as if you choose something so they're trying to get people to choose and people are requesting that people are citing like all i do is scroll this is so frustrating so now they're doing this play next thing which is gonna kind of be like i read this article does it right now yes youtube does it yeah

but this is more of like treated like channels like it's almost like it's taking us back to just basic cable. Where you flip around and whatever is on is on. And so you. And it keeps. The algorithm knows you so well. Just like the YouTube one does. But it just sounds like they've done a lot of research on it. That they really want us to be happy.

And they want us to waste our lives on these things. And they are coming up. Guys be savvy. And Nikki. I'm talking to you too. i'm talking to myself here like be aware of how these people are just fighting for your attention your attention is money and so when you give your attention to something it is like you're giving a part of yourself to it and that's fine but this is just reminding me that i have to meditate again because that's what's learning meditation is all about like telling yourself what you're going back like it's so like we're gonna have to like read the netflix tv guide now and like be like oh i could watch uh

blossom at seven on next at three tuesdays from now i love when i'm at a hotel and you turn on the tv and you're like i don't have netflix now all hotels have netflix and you can connect everything but back you know a couple years ago it was just like oh i'm just gonna watch and you turn on the TV and you're like, I don't have Netflix. Now all hotels have Netflix and you can connect everything. But a couple years ago, it was just like, oh, I'm just going to watch whatever's on. And then you end up watching something that you wouldn't have normally watched. Dude, my friend Glenn, my friend Glenn sounds fun,

but in college he was like, oh, I do streaming. And we were all like, what the fuck? You don't do cable? You're fucking weird. I can really remember like when we were like you're not gonna fucking watch television you're not gonna watch tv you're not gonna watch cable what do you mean he was doing streaming like he knew about like stream like he was so ahead of his time streaming stuff wasn't around i'm telling you he did something with

computers where he knew before he would watch stuff like he would pull up what he wanted like on demand like yeah yeah like what yeah oh he would download stuff, like he would pull up what he wanted. Like on demand, like yeah, yeah. Oh, he would download, what were those things called when people were downloading? MP3s maybe? No, it would be like these RARs. Yeah, like I remember LimeWire. I mean, I got all my music that way, like I stole my music. But yeah, people would just like download stuff online. And he was just way ahead of his time.

We were all like, you're crazy. You're insane. Even with email. It's not even on the dark web now. Like, it's just it's just and TikTok. I really want to do a study. I want to find a time where I can watch someone on TikTok scrolling and then I can go up to them and ask them, how long how many TikToks do you think you just watched? And they give me a number. And I want to know if that number is wildly off or on.

Like, I want to I know we all look at our phone time usage and we go holy shit whoa i have limits on all my apps and so it goes off and so i have to like be reminded after it goes off like you're doing too much you can only watch seven black draw videos today black draw and not the name of it it's blacked raw. Oh, black, black draw. You thought is what I was watching. Well, I guess that's something to like the black draw. Like it's a showdown. Yes.

What they pull out their dicks. Like, no, it's they walk 10 black raw. Oh, black. And I honestly really recommend it because all of the gangbang videos, the women seem to be having a great time and they're respected but this is what tiktok does and i wonder if netflix will do something similar because tiktok does essentially what we're saying like they'll pick something based off your past views but tiktok will go from like my tiktok at least will be like you know a girl dancing in a bikini to someone getting

murdered oh really and i wonder if netflix will be like smart enough where like i just because i watched a romance comedy i don't want to watch another romance i want to watch someone die after that i promise you they're smart enough they will they'll they know stuff that they have more money than maybe they don't have more money than tiktok tiktok has china there was a thing on reddit the other day that was like did we all just forget that china like has all of our information on tiktok like is that like did we resolve that or like are we gonna check in on that company had to be sold and it's like we're just like we don't care yeah we just don't care we don't who are we i mean china is doing

surveillance on you through tiktok and gathering your data and like we just don't care it was like a news story for a week and then Trump wanted to like get out of it. And everyone was scared to go. I don't go on TikTok. I do have an account, but I don't go on it because it is like a drug that I am scared of because of how fast it is. It's like, it's like vaping.

It's the, it's like the vaping of, and that's why I hate Reddit. Cause Reddit to me comes off too much. Like I'm reading a page, like an old paper. That's why I just reddit because reddit to me comes off too much like i'm reading a page like an old paper that's why i just hate how it's like set up it's just not good for the eye i don't think i mean i i guess it does it you it isn't good for the eye so you can't go on forever yeah there's a limit because now tiktok is like they things are make you they just want your time

oh i always feel dumb sleeping they want because if you stop sleeping you'll do exactly what they tell you to buy because when you're drunk when you're sleepless and you're sleep deprived they don't care about you sleeping no comp no these people these people do not care about your health they want to keep you alive enough so that they can get you to spend money and like they want you to work obviously so that you can make that money but they don't care about you you sleeping at all because it makes you drunk when you don't sleep. And then you'll buy the things they tell you to buy.

And these are not conspiracy theories. They're just like the truth. Yeah, if you saw that documentary, The Social Dilemma. But also watching the one that we watched with the data collection, Cambridge Analytica, that documentary. Good Lord. It's just like we're all just – We all think we're like free will. Yeah.

The computers are just telling exactly. But you know what, though? There's something to it where like let's say I go to the gym and the guy's like, you're going to do this workout, this workout, this workout. I don't have to think. I'm on computer. I'm like on sleep mode. Yes. And next thing I know,

I've worked out for an hour. I haven't had to think about it. Yeah. And I, I remember when those things started coming out, the apps on your phone, I'm like, you're going to just follow a computer on your phone.

Like I want to like choices of what I want to bench or whatever. Well, just make, but I don't like it. Computers won't treat you well. Computers don't have your best interest at heart. Do you understand that? Like robots aren't like it but computers won't treat you well computers don't have your best interest at heart do you understand that like robots aren't like gonna have compassion because humans don't have compassion for animals which are things that we know we treat animals like

garbage so that we can and so why would robots be any i hope that we see how uh the so should we just stop making robots? Should we just stop now? I mean, why don't we keep going? Why don't we just stop? Because at this point, they're making themselves. And so there is going to be a... It's so scary to hear about when the robots start to like... I mean, have you watched these videos of the Boston Dynamics?

Yes, yeah. The Cambridge Analytica Boston Dynamics. Like there's a lot of like... Yeah, the Boston Dynamics. The robots that look like the NFL robot come to life and come to like rape and murder you yeah yeah the Omaha Platonics have you seen that okay next story it's terrifying yeah so let's just live in the present they're kind of cool though like when they hit them with hockey sticks and then they fall over like on their side oh my god over the weekend I was doing this Jimmy Kimmel live they'd like

Jimmy Kimmel hosted this thing for autism and it was on youtube with this other this like youtube like kind of prankster that's like this older guy and they're i'm watching it before my segment and they're like don't raising money for color the spectrum this autism charity and every time they reach a limit on their little thermometer they're like they celebrate and this guy mark rober is his name he's a youtuber he like has this he goes okay so we reached this limit so we're gonna have the robot uh kick a water balloon and so they go out and i'm like what is this gonna be like a robot kicking like it'll pop right away and that's exactly what happened just popped right away then they started in slow

motion it was there was nothing cool about this at all you had to follow that though yeah i came into it i can't wait because i and i'm trying to shoe her in this joke but it took me a little you can go watch it on youtube but i finally get to it and i'm like jimmy congratulations on all the money you guys are raising i can't wait like till the next i can't wait till you're the i can't wait till you hit the next uh marker or like whatever i can't wait till you hit the next marker because i can't wait to see that robot like kick something even more thrilling than a water balloon like i think i hear next up your next limit you reach the robot's gonna kick some uh a wind i was like it's gonna kick a light breeze and jimmy and jimmy really laughed and i go that was like watching a water balloon you could have

just popped it with a needle that was the same thing i go that was the most worthless i go that was such a waste of everyone's time mark and jimmy the way jimmy laughed was so it was like 20 million of tax dollars to just see a fucking thing they brought they flew in this like robot that they put together and it like like anything could have broken a water balloon it was so dumb there's actually i just stumbled over it but i really nailed the like i was thinking about the punchline the whole time and I was nervous to shoehorn it in so it was very satisfying when he left there's actually a very funny TikTok guy that someone

will come up with a way to be for instance there's the bag for the bread the plastic bag the bread goes in, someone cut it and then tied it around and then figured out a way and he's like like just puts the thing on there like he does everything the easy way when

people are trying to be like creative and like like try new ways to do things and he just is like why i mean it was like us trying to record this podcast today doing all the advanced things when really i literally just got equipment from the other room that i had that was like could have been working i wish people. I wish people's watched you put stuff in in black and white and put that Charlie Chaplin music to it. What do you mean? Why? Because you're very fast moving.

Everything's like, you're plugging in, you're taking out, you're plugging in. You should be so happy I'm fast. If I were a slow person, we would literally everyone that works with me benefits from me being a fast ass bitch because i like i do you think you're at a measure for measure twice cut first or are you cutting 30 times i'm cutting 30 times that's what i'm saying but then it takes just as

long yeah i agree uh but when i know what i'm doing then it's like fast like i know what by the way i'm gonna cut 40 times too and not ever i'm gonna cut myself after this conversation uh measure first okay next story next story friendly exes jennifer lopez and ben affleck are spending time together again after her why can't you just say it like you know what this is hey nikki ben affleck and jennifer lopez are hanging out again why can't you just say it like that do you like reading it yeah I kind of do okay then then read it okay so yo you know JLo and BF yeah yeah so Benefers they freaking did you listen to Howard Stern today like how does Robin read the news she does it way better no it's not that she has a better like no no you know this story you could just be like our next story is Ben and J-Lo are hanging out again. Like, Bennifer's back.

Like, you could do it like that. Yeah, I don't want to do it like that. Okay, you literally want to read it, like, with no kind of, it just. With, like, no, like. It's like. With, like, no judgment or, like, without you, like, interrupting. No, I can't listen to it without judgment. Okay.

All right. So here we go. Here we go. Yo, J-Lo and Bennifer. I don't know why you're making this like Charlemagne in the morning. Yo, you want my reel. I'm showing you my reel. Come on.

Let's do it. Black draw. Here we go. Okay. Friendly exes. Okay. Now I'm just reading it. Okay.

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck are spending time together. They broke up a while ago. You know, she broke up with A-Rod because she thought he was cheating. Can you believe that shit? I think he was probably cheating. I don't know what happened here, but I have been wanting them to get back together. They broke up a while ago. You know she broke up with A-Rod because she thought he was cheating. Can you believe that shit? I think he was probably cheating. I don't know what happened here, but I have been wanting them to get back together.

Ben has recently split with Anna D.R. Miss or something, whatever. She showed up on my Explore page on Instagram the other day. Good Lord, she is gorgeous. I was obsessed with the photos of them over quarantine of them like canoodling ever.

And she just seems so sweet when they would walk the dogs together. I was obsessed with her photos of them over quarantine of them like the most canoodling ever and she's got the she just seems so sweet when they would like walk the dogs together I was like obsessed with their paparazzi shots they broke up now he was spotted getting out of JLo's car the other night and he was also at this live performance that she gave last night where she did like four dances and sang and like he was in the audience which is like so like hot to be like oh my god she was like getting to be hot and like impressive and he's like sitting there watching it's like we're on the boat and she was in the thong and he was like had his hand on her yes yes i mean they definitely if they had something then where he proposed they have something again like they're both like older and both have kids like i feel like it could happen i i love that i love the

idea of like people meeting up later in life and being like, let's give it another go at this stage. I do like that. I don't like when people, because they break up, they're like, fuck you, fuck you for their whole life.

Instead of like, no, you really love this person at one time. Yeah. That's about being able to forgive. Or that's about that person being able to, it's about being able to forgive ultimately, because that's all you have control over.

But it really does help when the person like, you know, apologizes. But if you don't get that, it's hard probably for people to lift a grudge. Okay. How do I put this? So let's say you think someone's cheating on you, right? And so you break up. And then two days after you break up with them for cheating you go fuck someone else isn't it kind of like wow you were like because you were like kind of close to wanting to fuck

someone else too if that's if you were able to fuck someone else in two days that's why i that's i was talking to my mom about this yesterday and she was really upset with me but i just couldn't like if we were talking about like once a cheater always a cheater and i'm just like i understand that i could get if i was with someone who i knew cheated that they could cheat on me but i also think everyone's capable of cheating i think anyone could do it like you don't understand the circumstances i don't think that um and also if my husband wanted to have sex with someone else i would say that's kind of normal right like i wouldn't that wouldn't be crazy to me if my husband had the desire in his penis and his body to put his penis into someone else's body he's a man right okay so that's fine if he

acts on it um that is something that he i hope he can be honest with me about so we can talk about it and i can go okay well obviously you're not getting something in this relationship that i'm not satisfying that i possibly can't maybe um it's a newness that you are seeking a novelty that is like i can't recreate oh i'll wear i'll try it let's try role play stuff if i like let's look into the symptom that this person is filling now if i set it up a scenario where a man feels like he can't be honest with me about having a crush on a girl at work like a legit crush like i like her and can't tell his wife i have a crush before he acts on it the first time it happens like that's how open they are. Like, hey,

I have a crush on a girl at work. That won't be fun for me to hear, but it also will give me a heads up of like what, what's going on. And if a guy, and, and then you can get in the way of it. If,

if he doesn't tell me that the crush, then it builds more. Yeah. And then his resentment for me builds because I am letting him get away with this thing and he feels guilty for it. He can't compartmentalize the fact that he feels guilty on his own. He has to put it, he has to be like, he has to justify it. So he finds reasons to hate me.

Then he's building a bond with this person over the fact that I'm like, then he's getting closer. Now there's an emotional bond there not just a physical whereas if it was just a physical thing we could have gotten it that out of the way okay maybe you need to go have sex with someone yeah maybe you wanted a girl on tinder let's find a girl that knows that i exist yeah and if and if that doesn't fulfill it what is what's what's the problem here i just think that cheating i don't have a problem if a man is like gone away

for an extended amount of time for him to be intimate with someone that he is not pursuing an emotional relationship with i know you can't always like uh figure out exactly the way that you want that to be and sometimes emotions can evolve from that if it's just but i feel most of the time men can get a blow job and not like fall in love with the girl. But if they do fall in love with her, just tell me and let's like work through it. Like, or, and I want you to go be in love. If you met someone who's better than me for you go as much as that will hurt. I will feel so dumb if you like always could have had this girl and you're fucking me and you're thinking about this girl that got away.

That is a terrible position for me to be in. So I want to afford my partner the ability to be able to communicate that to me at any point because i do not expect a man's man's libido to shut down and i don't expect to be enough for every man sexually and that's okay it doesn't mean we have to break up okay would you possibly want to pick the woman that he could fuck? Like, what if you had more, like, if your husband wanted to cheat, he just wanted new pussy. Like, it wasn't even anything more than. Yeah, it could become a fun thing.

But maybe the guy likes the fact that it's secret. Maybe there's something that he likes about lying. And you got to look into that. But, yeah, I did a thing on my show, Not Safe with Nikki Glaser, that i was trying to find a guy a girl for my boyfriend to fuck and so i went on dates with girls and interviewed them about because i'm turned i'm turned on by this whole idea but i'm trying to speak from a place of a woman who would be threatened by this kind of situation but yeah i i like but here's the thing too the guy that you're fucking would probably end up getting more jealous of you seeing you with her like you know what i mean like it would backfire on him

but i mean like picking out on tinder it could be a fun thing to be like okay let's let's put on tinder that's what i'm saying like put on your profile i have a girlfriend she's cool with it and uh it's the lying and the deceit which actually then will like you said like make the feeling stronger and if you like lying and to see if that's what you need to be in a relationship like that's not going to do it for you because because it's not about the sex that you want to cheat. It's about, I want to trick this woman. Then go. I don't want to be with that person.

Yeah, you don't want to be with that person. It's making a lot of sense. Yeah, I'm trying to make sense. Why do I care? I'm alone, by the way. I'm single and have no idea what I'm talking about. Why do I care? Why do I care?

Why do you care, Nick? Let's find out. Fans have mixed reactions over Billie Eilish's Vogue cover shoot. Why do I care? Why do I care? Why do you care, Nick? Let's find out. Fans have mixed reactions over Billie Eilish's Vogue cover shoot. She's a 19-year-old. She's dropped baggy clothes, and now she's doing, like, hot designer lingerie. There's controversy? Apparently, yeah. I mean, look, like, her whole thing was not showing her body and, you know, like, not

letting people judge her, and now she's, like, leaning. She has blonde hair. Now she doesn't have the green hair. It was inevitable that this girl was going to embrace her sexuality and her femininity. Her new song is so sexy. It's just like oozing sex. It's like it's an angry song about a love, a lover who like cheated with a young girl. Or maybe she's the young girl in the song.

She was like, you did. And you said you did. She was like, you did, and you said, she was only just your age or something about her age. And I'm like, you're 19. How are you talking about this guy? How young was the girl

this guy cheated on you with? And she's keeping, you can't keep up a character. It's a character when you're wearing your green hair. It is you. Everyone wants everyone to stay the same.

But we also demand artists to change constantly. So it's like, what do you want, people? It's like when Lady Gaga, she kind of stopped with her whole thing and people were mad, all her little things. Yeah, people just don't want you to change. But here's the thing. There's a lot of Billie Eilish fans that are wearing these really baggy clothes

and they finally leaned into it. She'll still wear that stuff. All she did on Vogue was put on a satinyiny like kind of boudoir look and it was kind of vamped up but billy eilish is fucking gorgeous and she is she used to love justin bieber she's like a sexual girl that had like really like strong sexual desires when she was young from what i can tell from that documentary she's like she should be empowered to be sexy i'm so and i'm not saying you're not saying this is like everyone is so worried about the sexualization of girls and they should be because a lot of that is to exploit them but like feeling being sexy it's it's very if this is tricky because we have to

protect young girls from sexual predators and from being looked at as objects sexual objects but at the same time i love feeling sexy and feeling like a little bit of objectifiable or whatever. Like last night we were watching Summer House and they were talking. These girls were talking about in the workplace. They have huge boobs, this black girl and then this other girl who's Hispanic, I think Latina and Danielle. And they were talking about just like having to tone down their sexuality because they're so sexy like they have great figures but having to like press down their boobs and like even her like really long curly hair like guys just sexualize her ethnicity so much that she had to like tone it down so much and i feel that way that's why i never show my cleavage because i don't want men being distracted i

don't want to have to like have my male friends be like uh trying not to look at it like that and and then if i catch them looking at it then my male friends be like uh trying not to look at it like that and then if i catch them looking at it then my male friends i'm like oh god they're like wanting to fuck me it's just so gross but at the same time i love being sexy it's very confusing yeah i you know like they say you know a girl with huge tits can wear the same thing that a girl with small tits and somehow she's being a whore as opposed to the girl with small tits is wearing the same thing i really girls wear whatever the fuck you want all the time that's the rule agree really that is the rule

but i think like billy eilish you want for whatever reason even if it's too desperate to get people to love you do whatever the fuck you gotta do to get what you want like truly if that's why i don't care that girls people go it's so clear she just like wants guys to like want to fuck her okay good you could dress and now you could dress and feel beautiful and not like care about the guy wanting to fuck oh yeah yeah that's why yeah do whatever you that's why i wear short shorts and i cleavage my nuts it's time for reddit dump this is where i read the saved post that i wanted to like regurgitate to you guys i read reddit every night before i go to bed and um the stuff i come across in there is just so good

and i'm always like i want to share this with them so this is where i just go through all my saved posts as quickly as i can oh this is this is a good one it's called sad cringe this is from the subreddit sad cringe and these are just things that are just like oh that's so sad and like make you cringe this was a tweet from blockbuster it's a screenshot of a tweet from blockbuster from what year september 22nd 2011 it says tweet while you're leaving netflix the top three most creative tweets using hashtag goodbye netflix will win a one-year subscription to blockbuster it's just so sad they were trying sad cringe um this was a good one this is called from the subreddit shower thoughts which is just interesting like kind of high thoughts uh when a loved one

dies you become the sole carrier of inside jokes no one else will understand i thought that was kind of poignant and i had never thought about that before um but i feel that way like when a relationship ends and you can't talk to the person anymore you're like oh that's and someone wrote the first comment to that is i feel this deeply and i was just like oh that poor i like felt sad for that person um this one was great this is from a subreddit true off my chest so this is just like this is something i gotta get off my chest and it's i don't know true off my chest i think off my chest is also another subreddit but this is true off my chest it also another subreddit. But this is true off my chest.

It's a subreddit. This is from outlying underscore bounds. My parents died in a car accident. This is like, I'm going to, this is probably going to take us into the end. My parents died. This is a story. My parents died in a car accident. Can you say like Robin Wood?

What do you mean? Like Robin Quiver is like quick. Oh, yeah. My parents died in a car accident when i was little that was kind of good robin that was pretty good robin uh my parents died in a car accident when i was little and i was taken in and raised by my aunt and uncle i was in the back seat when the accident happened apparently it happened when i was three me and my parents had spent the afternoon at the park and we were on our way home as it rained they went through a four-way intersection and got hit on the driver's side by someone in a tow truck who tore through and hit

our our car the car rolled a few times until we landed on the sidewalk i still have small scars on my left cheek from broken glass that hit me but apparently i was okay in my car seat my parents didn't make it to the hospital though i was actually taken in by my grandparents after it happened but my aunt and uncle took me in permanently when i was four. I spent years just calling them my mom and dad as I just didn't know any better. And my uncle does kind of look like me, so other people just assumed he was my dad. They finally broke the news to me, I think,

when I was eight or so, and told me everything that happened. I remember not crying or getting upset, just kind of dumbfounded by the whole situation. Though my aunt was crying having to relive that, though my aunt was crying having to relive that though my aunt was crying uh having to relive the horrible event they reassured me that they we love you like our own daughter we always have and always will and i believe them i stopped calling them mom and dad

a little while after that a little while after that simply because i knew the truth i now knew the truth but i still love them the same i think what really broke me was when we spent an entire weekend watching old family videos my uncle had converted from VHS to DVD in his free time, showing stuff like weddings, birthdays, holiday parties, all that. I saw family members in those videos I'd never heard of or seen before. It was when we would see the videos of my parents that I got choked up and cried. Those videos are the only things I have to know what their voices sound like. And what really sent me over was seeing how much I look like my mom.

They seemed just so happy and not having a thing to worry about other than me. I never knew them, but I miss them like you can't imagine. But I'm glad I was lucky to be taken in by my aunt and uncle and not put into foster care. I see them as equals to my actual parents. Whatever good parents are supposed to do, they've done it however many times over.

And even when I've had my angry, angsty times with them, for whatever reason, my uncle was always the first to either open his arms for a hug or wouldn't push me away when I hugged him first to apologize. He's always made me feel safe and as if nothing bad will ever happen to me when I'm in his arms. And my aunt is the purest soul on the planet next to my grandma. I honestly am crying right now thinking about how happy they've made me and how happy I am to be theirs. Isn't that so sweet? It's ironic to get hit by a tow truck.

What do you mean? Because that's the truck that usually takes the crash cars away, you know? That's what you were sitting on the whole time I read that. No, I'm just saying. But yes, it is ironic. It's like getting hit by an ambulance. I mean, that is... No, no, no, that was...

Can you imagine? I was getting emotional with that. I was wondering at what point you're three years old and you just stop crying. At three, you're talking, right? My poppy is two. She turned two today and she's talking. And what point do you just go like, these are my... That you forget about those parents.

Or if you try to keep the memory alive. But this is what I loved. This was a comment that someone wrote comment isn't it better that she was that young i mean i mean imagine being that car wreck and is it better because she doesn't remember them she only sees them on this videotape and like there'd be some part of you that's like i wish i remembered anything about them but yes i understand like it would be better remembering that wreck would be oh my god yeah your life would be it's a very interesting thing to just some like your life split because seeing my puppies too, if something happened to her parents and like,

she, like she would just, but she knows my sister and brother, like she would be more in their law. Like she would be like confused, but she wouldn't remember that morning. You know, like that's the

weird part is like it's not like a two-year-old doesn't know her parents like they would have to process that somewhere in their head whether they remembered the trauma or not and we would raise her me and you oh together as a team oh i i don't think about that but this is what i love this is the comment that i loved she said this comment on this goes i have to comment on what you said about never having known them you knew them you did My daughter's two and a half and we know everything important about each other. Science says that when you were born and both your father and another male were having a conversation, you would turn your head, you would turn your head towards your father. Toddlers can be blindfolded and find their mothers in a room full of women by feeling their

faces. You knew you were safe and loved by your mother's scent and her body had physiological, yeah, physiological changes because of your proximity. You knew each other. I'm sorry you you were safe and loved by your mother's scent and her body had physiological uh yeah physiological changes because of your proximity you knew each other i'm sorry you didn't get to know her as a peer and share secrets the kinds of things that happen only when you're grown but you did know her while she was here if she were to walk past you now you'd both instinctively know it i thought that was so lovely do you think though like whenever you hear these stories i swear i'm not just trying to be like pessimistic here but it's going to come off that way like we always think the parents were

great like what if they were horrible parents and maybe this was like a blessing in disguise to like have her raised by better people yeah but like we always just assume like you never got to know well maybe they weren't no i mean that's true it's like whenever someone dies everyone's just like so sad but maybe they were a real piece of shit and now so many people are gonna like not suffer because that person was like yeah that's true that's a nice way of looking at a

thing that already was a nice way of looking at it I thought we closed in a nice way but now you're like suggesting that her parents were terrible people I mean at first i was thinking oh i probably want her to hear this at some point like the girl that wrote that maybe like me reading it but now i definitely like don't after what i said can i can i go back then okay i'm sure your parents were dope i'm sure they were great and they loved you very much.

It's just, death is so weird. And I went to a Reiki healer the other day as we go into the final thought. And she read my energy and told me that I have spirits around me all the time and angels and spirits trying to to guide me and I'm not like open to hearing their words so I like can't let it in and I was like are they dead people it was like very confusing because she was like they're angels and spirits you need to listen to your spirit guides and I'm like I sometimes talk to dead people but like do you like who's the in your life the your biggest like death loss oh she goes do you know a lot of dead people and i'm like i will like everyone i know will die or i will die and but like that would suck to be

the last person you know to die then no one's gonna be sad when you die there's different kind of impacts i think from death like when it's your grandparents you kind of have an understanding that they're older but it could hurt a lot and could have a huge but in your head they were 80 yes so i had a friend named dan who died of an overdose and uh that hit me a lot going to that i've never been to a funeral where someone was like my age right and that's like a whole nother i know also he died of like overdose and i think i've told you this before the person telling the speech was like high was high and talking about him like dan was always the number one partier dude he loved to jet ski off mountains

dude and like everything he was saying is like why dan is dead like he always went hard in the paint like he was the shit dude he always He always went for it. Were you guys laughing so hard? No, I was just, like, terrified. And I was like, this is why he fucking died. Yeah. Like, this is the guy. Sometimes at funerals, people can give, like, you can start chuckling so hard at a funeral because you're just so, like, the laughing and crying are so similar that sometimes something at a funeral can really make you laugh.

Oh, dude. Like, when, I have an absurd, like my family from new york and we had you know burying my grandpa marvin and like we're like putting the rock i love when you were wait wasn't the grandpa you were on a greece vacation oh my god this is a really funny story this is really so i was in eos and so we were six hours by boat ride away from athens where you could even fly out so this is the trip where you saw Heath Ledger four times, right? Yeah, I saw Heath Ledger twice. We could get into that.

No, no, another time. Yeah. Okay. So mind you, we're in Eos and we're, this is the same day I met Pacey. My grandpa died. Yes. So my grandpa dies and we can't get back. And they're like, you know what?

He would want you to just, you know, do, you know, jello shots off a girl's tits like that's what grandpa henry loved so we're like all right we'll do that for you grandpa so i write a poem and i spell grandpa g-r-a-m-p-a and it was read in front of everyone and apparently that happens sometimes but grandpa. It's like how we say it, kind of. Yeah, it's how you say it. Grandpa. But instead of grandpa. Got it. Yeah.

So I wrote this poem that was read in front of everyone. Everyone must have been like, this is like, it was. Wait, so you faxed a poem to be read in your honor? No, I wrote an email, I believe. Oh my God, that's hilarious. I sent the bird. But yeah. You're like writing a poem hung over like on a poolside just like pacey from dawson's creek oh

my god i asked dawson how to spell grandpa so he fuck him he fucking tricked me because i took his girl but yeah i don't know it's it is funny when you have a misspelling on something that's like yeah heartfelt yeah that is like if you've read somethingpelling on something that's so heartfelt. If you've read something heartfelt, I feel like you couldn't get past the spelling or grammatical error to really take it. I mean, sometimes little kids write, like, Santa, thank you for Christmas. I want my mom to have legs. And it'll be like legs is spelled with a Z, and it's cute. Oh, yeah, you were were 22 that's the thing no but i just feel

like i i do think like i'll like i'll read a sincere instagram post and someone will use then and then wrong and it's something like i really like and i go fucking learn how like sorry your dog died but yeah then i go thanks for your fan ship, but blocked because until you learn there, there and there, they're there. They're there. My friend is hard, though. It is. And who's and whom?

Who's? Oh, who's and who's and who's a W.H.O. S.E. And W.H.O. Apostrophe S. If you're wondering is like if you're saying if you say it and you could replace it with who is, then it should be who's with an apostrophe. If you can't, it's the other who's.

All right. Other who's. We got to go. I got to jump on the Sklars podcast. Name drops. Yeah, I got to jump on my own too. Thank you for listening. We'll be here all week.

And go listen to Silver Springs for me. Please be prepared. That is your homework for tomorrow's episode. Bye. Bye. Bye. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears

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just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be

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