The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #252 Loose Lipped

Episode Date: August 2, 2022

Nikki is a little puffy from having so many nightmares. She recaps her time at Just For Laughs Montreal and updates Andrew on her latest Columbine read. Andrew spent his weekend watching House of Gucci and hanging with "the boys". They analyze FBoy Island in the segment F Anal Eyeland by answering questions submitted from Besties via Instagram.   Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Get Pod Merch: Podshop.NikkiGlaser.com Nikki's Tour Dates: www.nikkiglaser.com/tour Andrew's Tour Dates: www.andrewcollincomedy.com   More Nikki: IG More Andrew: IG  More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki.

Hello, here I am. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. Welcome to the show. It's Monday morning-ish, somewhere. It's Monday morning somewhere, right, Andrew? Amen. I just feel like we're in a Corvette within glasses. A low convertible. I look a little too puffed up. I just woke up from my second nap of... Well, I took a nap to sleep last night, so it's nap two, but no actual sleep. Just terrible nightmares all through the night and puffy eyes. And I have to be on camera for this.

I'm doing Girls Gotta Eat after this, the podcast. Listen to me on that next week. And I just don't want my eyes to be puffy for that. But they are not. Well, they're going to de-puff by then. Right now, they're puffed up. Puff Daddy. They're also going by P. Diddy and-

Sean Combs. Sean Combs. And you can see them in a jacuzzi. Yeah. Smoke hell is why you do me. And they can see them on a date on Demois yesterday. And he was being very respectful. Like someone, Demois, you know that thing that people send celebrity sightings into and gossip?

They're like, Sean Diddy Combs on a date. And he's being very respectful of her it's like what did you think he was going to be doing pouring champagne down her ass and like licking it off her labia and while he slaps it it's a rock maybe yeah well definitely sir rock if it's gonna be anything god you can you can tell so often that they really want to drink something else but they have to drink their own stupid stuff yeah brian brian cranston and aaron the other guy from breaking bad they have their own tequila yes i mean it's stop it with the tequila do a taste test with kyle with um kendall's tequila um george clooney um that screaming guy from breaking bad who probably is truly unlikable in person just based on his

demeanor and everything else about him. And just being an actor in general. These guys are making billions of dollars. There's someone else that has a tequila, too. Kevin Hart. Get all their tequilas and have them all

taste test them, blindfold them, and see if they can tell the difference. Because I guarantee you they can't. And replace them all with vodka. That would be amazing! I would love to do that! Oh my god, that would be my dream. If I could ever make a wish, it would be for all of those

charlatans to get together and have to try to guess which one is their stupid tequila, acting like they go to the lab, and they actually taste different ones. What? Nick Jonas has a tequila brand. I love how the rock is like,

he's like, I lived inside a cactus inside Mexico for nine months. He does have, if he's putting his arms up, he does look like a cactus. He's his own brewery. That's how they get it,

out of his nipples. They really do act like they, and if i ever make something too i'm sure i'll have footage of me in the lab with a fucking coat on talking to scientists like and your instagram caption will be like 18 paragraphs about how it changed your life and how yes you know making kiwi and my daughter will be in the picture with me who you don't even have yes yes just a made- up one, a dead one that you dug up to put in the photo.

One of the scientists lent me theirs. You have a coat on and you're like, with a beaker and a dropper. I'll be in some vineyard acting like my feet

are on the ground touching the roots, tasting the grapes to make my tequila wine. I'm going to do tequila wine. Hey man, it makes your clothes fall off. Wait, isn't that the song? Tequila wine. Wait, is that a thing? No, do tequila wine. Hey, man, it makes your clothes fall off. Wait, isn't that the song?

Tequila wine. Wait, is that a thing? No, no, strawberry wine. Straw-tquila wine. 17. Wait, is this going to be an inappropriate song? Which one? You know how you dissect songs and they sound so rapey and a little pedophilic?

No, that one's fine. Strawberry wine, 17. Hot July moonlight. Saw everything. First dates of love. You were 43. 43, yeah. Okay, there we go.

Maybe it is bad. You know, the first verse, not so much. You get to the second verse, it really just starts falling off the deep end. By the third one, he's- Giving me math lessons In your basement You took off my bra

And you said how many bras do you have on now God I can't wait to taste that Sounds delicious Yeah so What were we talking about Tequila I look hungover. Now, how do you de-puff?

For all the women out there that want to get a puff out, how do you get the puff out? Oh, my God. Other than sleep. Well, preparation H, I've never tried. But, you know, because it makes the thing on your asshole kind of shrivel. The hemorrhoids. Yeah, it sucks the moisture out. Yeah.

It's all about, I really believe it's all about light touches on your face to get your lymphatic, like you're supposed to touch right below your neck, like right below your ear on your neck, like lightly to stimulate your lymphatic system. And then you sweep the moisture out

towards those spots and lymphatic drainage, I think is what it's called but I didn't have time to do that today and so I look like I'm a horse doing dressage I love that word dressage

I didn't know that was a word horses go like clunk clunk clunk and they dance, is that dressage? yeah I think it's like a beauty pageant for horses or something I love a horse Is that dressage? Yeah, I think it's like a beauty pageant for horses or something. I love that. I love a horse. I think that's my favorite word.

Next to brandish. Or brandage. I don't know if you listened to the podcast with me and the ladies last week, but we coined a new term. What is it? It's called arope, when something is ear rape. Like a word or like something, you know, Anya gave my favorite example of when someone posts something on instagram like they do like a tribute to their husband and usually if

someone's posting about their husband it's not his birthday or an anniversary the the marriage is failing and it's a last-ditch attempt to prove to everyone that you love your person because that person just came to you and said i'm not showing up enough on your instagram and then they make a caption that says this one that's so bad that was my favorite one today um on the girls chat that noah you're not in because you don't do whatsapp and i don't want to overwhelm you with those things but you're welcome in if you ever want back in thank you you. We were talking about Irapé, and Anya was like,

Nikki, do you have any Irapés? And I was like, I really don't. None come to mind for me. And she was like, you're just so accepting of others. And I was like, Did you hear my new theory about marriage? I'm not coming to your wedding unless you're over 40 or have been together for four years.

No, Anya said that. She was was like you just don't judge other people i'm like i can i don't know words don't really bum me out as much but today we were kind of getting into it and anya said a new irape was i'm gonna tuck into this gnocchi like the word gnocchi for me is disgusting but tuck when someone says they're gonna tuck into a meal yeah that gnocchi that is a what's the g it's a gnocchi it sounds like you're going it sounds like you're choked yeah let's throw a g on chokie oh i'll take that is that what you're having? Gnocchi's being made, though. That's a very soothing thing where they roll them up. Oh, they're little pillows.

They're so cute. I do want to get in there. Oh, they're just little pillows of pasta. Yeah, just put a little weight vest on me. And what were the other ones that someone said? Oh, yes. Have you seen House of Gucci? No.

Oh, no. But I heard that accent. You got to watch it. Terrible. Please watch it sometime. Well, she was trying something that really a lot of people enjoyed and a lot of people didn't. Now make that Italian. Now, did you talk like this?

Was it more like this? Was it like this? You're taking me back to last night. You watched it last night? Yeah, it's two and a half hours. Why would you watch that of all the things to watch on TV? It's a nice in-between of a girl and a guy. Oh, that is true.

Yeah. Yeah. I like those kind of stories of how the family felt. Biopics. Yeah. Just a true story that's made up. It's really good. It is.

There's a lot of... I mean, I heard people say either it was great or it was terror or it was i think it's both it's both i mean pacino tries to do elvis yet because i'm wondering if tom hanks's colonel tom parker is a lot like lady gaga's whatever yeah where it seems overdone who is she who is she doing impression The woman, I don't know how much you want. Versace? No, that's a different woman. Gucci's wife.

Okay. Like third generation Gucci's wife. Okay, Gucci. Do you know the story? Nah. Oh. I answered that like, do you want to hear the story? Nah.

You got it all in one word. I got it. That nah was stronger than the okay. Is it a really good story? Then why wasn't it made before? It's not that long ago. There's a lot of great stories out there that never became three and a half hour Ridley Scott movies. Does it get to the point of when, you know, like Gucci becomes like this just like late.

I guess maybe mid-aughts becomes like this. It was mostly from like 1970 through. When did all of a sudden everything has C's and G's on it? Everywhere. They had that for a while. Oh, they did. But 70 through 95. They were actually hurting a little bit.

Yes. It's all family betrayal. Spoiler alert. A movie has a part where things aren't good? Well, surprisingly, yes. Yes. But anyhow. Do you think it's a spoiler to tell someone?

Not Jay Leno. No way. What's his name? I can't wait to hear who you're going to say. Jason Leto. No. Jared Leto. Actually, I can see how that would be one.

Oh, I had a mannerism. That really was because you confused two men. Yeah. I'm dumb. Jared Leto is in it. That's right. He plays any time a character that's so good looking plays ugly. It's amazing.

Did you see Brendan Fraser looking fat for that new movie? I thought that was in real life. Yeah, I know. It looked like it was just a scene from his life now. But he plays a movie that he's the 600-pound man or something. Oh, wow. Yeah. But it looks real.

And I know people are like, why don't they get a real 600-pound man? It's just like, I don't know. They're probably too lazy to learn to... No, don't say that. What? That is fatphobic. What? It makes people think that fat people are lazy,

which they are not, Andrew. Oh, sorry. They either don't give a fuck and just like the way they are, they have a thyroid condition, or they have a eating disorder. And that's just straight up. That's not me being facetious.

Wait, is it a spoiler if I tell you that a movie ends disappointingly? Is that a spoiler for you? I feel like it. No. I didn't like the ending. It ended kind of, uh. Is that a spoiler?

I don't think it is because it's your opinion. Most movies end like that. That aren't a romance comedy. Yeah, that's a good point. I mean, what movie ends happy? Oh my God. I mean, like, most of them. I mean, that's kind of a trope of movies that they all end happy.

It's usually, if a movie ends disappointingly, it's like. I love a movie that ends disappointingly. Oh, I love an ambiguous ending. You don't even. Draw your own conclusion. Build your own story. I like the biopic pick, and then you go to Wikipedia to go what was the real story and you find out like two other things

or like 14 things that didn't happen speaking of biopics and stuff like and well I guess it doesn't really relate but yes it does true events I'm on my third Columbine book I'm reading the book

A Mother's Reckoning believe that the name of the book is by sue klebold dylan's dylan klebold's mother and it is great oh my god a mother you know because when that stuff happens the boys weren't around to punish so the parents became the worst people in the world like it's obviously their fault it was worldwide yeah i mean even i thought that i mean i was young but even i remember being like these parents must have been either negligent abusive or kind of but they did draw up the plans which i thought was weird well no she thought it was for a play they were doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. She wouldn't have got the foam core board to plot it. Well, how much is it negligence on the parents' behalf

that they didn't notice anything? She admits that it was negligence because she's not, she is so good about not ever making any excuses, but she truly, if these were your kids, I have never heard, and by all accounts and i've read you know there's my third book now and i've read a million different subreddits and things about it those parents were the best parents like pick your friend with the best most involved parents those were them and they had no idea their son was suicidal and also building bombs with his

best friend no idea and really the only way that they could have been differently different is if she would have just been extremely annoying about his depression which she said that you know subsequently her sharing her story has led a couple parents to like pry much harder with their kids who were acting just a little bit stranger and unravel some stuff that like she's been proud that like she's inspired parents to just stay with their kids who were acting just a little bit stranger and unravel some stuff that like she's been proud that like she's inspired parents to just stay on their kids so if you have kids and they're acting funky and they're like not telling you the what i've learned from this book is just keep asking because you know better than sometimes even they do and they're

not gonna tell you they just want to handle it on their own you know you were a kid once even though we don't remember really what that was like um but they were good parents which is the weirdest thing i just remember thinking they were the worst but anyway i started my columbine book yesterday because i finished another book that i really recommend it's fiction it's recommended me to my friend jack post it's by colleen hoover which i guess a lot of people read and it's um called uh and it was was I never remember the names to books like ever A Mother's Reckoning I do remember that

it was called what the hell where did it go I just finished it it ends with us I really recommend it the ending is satisfying it's really good it's about domestic violence I'm not giving anything away it's about love it's about it's about domestic violence i'm not giving anything away it's about

love it's about child like bearing hips children it's about friendship it's really really good and it made me cry and i'm gonna read the next book by colleen hoover so i recommend that to anyone who's looking for something to read but i um i came back from montreal yesterday how was that it was really good. How was the meta thing? Or should we get into that the next? Yeah, the crowd work thing, I was dreading so much

because I don't do it. But there was something about it that was like, oh, I can't prepare for this in any way. And really, you know, and then I- Did you go up first? Yes, I went up first.

You really did? Moses Storm was hosting it. And so he went up And then I... Did you go up first? Yes. You really did? Moses Storm was hosting it. And so he went up. And then I was running late to another thing they asked me to do across town where I just had to do a two-minute monologue where I made a joke that I was filling in for Carrot Top because he had a show in Vegas. And I go, and props to him. And I go, literally.

And then no one laughed. And then I had to go, ready to start the show? I thought it was going to be like uproarious. Had no... Carrot Prop. It's so funny.roarious. Had no- Care prop. It's so funny to bomb so epically with a pun. Especially when you're like, it's going to hit them in a second. It shouldn't have.

They were right. Canada was right. But anyway, I made a couple funny jokes in it. And I really don't care. It's fine. For the meta thing? No. Oh, the meta thing was great.

But I get there and it's me. So the lineup isoses storm me natasha and mosha going up together um nicole byer and then pete holmes and we're supposed to build on each other's stuff and it's all going to be watchable on facebook for on facebook and then mostly for oculus so they're shooting it for vr and so you go up and you are supposed to pile on what the person before you opened up, but you weren't really allowed to see what the person before you was doing. We had a little video village type thing

where we were all in a green room together. Pete, me, Natasha, Chris was with me, and Nicole were all watching Moses go up, and it's my worst nightmare because we're all watching someone do comedy. I hate knowing comedians are sitting with each other talking shit, quote unquote,

if they want to, about me on stage watching and especially in a crowd work show where at one point Moses did a bit because you can't help but sneak bits in because it's just you need something like a little bit of a flotation advice. device flotation advice yeah i like being like so when i was a child it's like wait what i just yeah he slipped into some bits and which made it good because i was like okay i can slip into bits too but i knew when i did pete holmes was gonna go

it feels like a bit and just go we're doing bits now like i knew they were gonna judge me for it but it's okay um and i did really well except it was funny you know watching there was a feed but you couldn't really tell where the because it was in the round you couldn't tell where people were sitting because it's in the round they are if almost you get no sense of which camera it was in what direction it was pointing in so i was looking for this guy with hair that had hair that was kind of like swooped in front of his face like kind of goth but it was kind in. So I was looking for this guy with hair that had hair that was kind of like swooped in front of his face, like kind of goth, but it was kind of receding. And I was going to say he looked like

he was in the band Fall Out Boy, but more like Falling Out Boy. And I couldn't find him. I was like, where is the guy with the hair? And I couldn't say what kind of hair because I was doing the joke. And then by the end, I was like, okay, if any other comedian wants to find it,

the guy has hair that looks like he's in Fall Fallout Boy, but he's actually kind of older. So I was going to say it looks like Falling Out Boy. Good night. And so there was a lot of like just weird moments like that. And so it was it ended up being really fun. And then I went to my next show. And then I have more to say about Montreal. And we'll get to that after we get back from the break.

Andrew! Live from Montreal. Coming up soon. Nikki Glaser has come in here. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need

to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Alright, we're back. Yeah, I

so I did that show, but no offense to JFL, and I know Nick might be listening, and his lovely girlfriend Melissa listening and his lovely uh girlfriend uh melissa marissa sorry marissa might be listening because they're both besties but logistically it was nightmarish getting venue to venue no just getting to the country it was you, no one intends to make these mistakes

and me even complaining about it felt so stupid after the fact. And I wasn't super complaining. I was just like, okay, we got sent an itinerary to go there and we get to the airport and they're like, you were on the 3.30 flight

and we're there. Or no, you were on the 12 o'clock flight and we're there at 3.30 for the 3.30 flight. And they're like, well, we'll get you on it. So we're supposed to have first class but now we're you know whatever seats it's fine yeah is this going there coming back oh going there so we're stuck with the luggage in the bows of the fucking plane and uh then our flight our connecting flight in chicago gets canceled so

we're not even left st louis and now we don't have a way to Montreal and we're like, fuck. But our bags are already loaded. This gem of a woman named Jenny at the United counter in St. Louis. I love her so much. She really took it upon herself and she did recognize me, but I don't think that helped

because she was already like, honey, give me your ticket. Let me see this and let me take care of it. And then she was already like honey give me your ticket let me see this and like let me take care of it and then she was like we were just talking about you in the break room

she did not specify what they were talking about in regards to me but they my name was spoken they probably saw some kind of suitcase back there

reminds me of something wait so wait oh yeah hastily one yeah so wait so you got to Chicago or you were still in st louis our flight our connecting flight cancels and she's like let's get these bags off the plane we're gonna get you on another flight through toronto and so toronto i mean sorry toronto i've said it

wrong again oh yeah yeah they take my bags off the plane she's communicating with the guy in the walkie but she's also boarding the plane that we're not even getting on and she's like group five okay so it's gonna be a pink bag and then okay group five and uh we're going to group four and premium class and remember if you need to check a bag okay john i need you to grab a brown bag what size is it carry on okay group six like she was yeah so amazing like no i've never once i wanted to do like a i tried to do, but we didn't have time of a post on my story where it's a celebrity being like, I just want to say that when I'm flying,

I will never, ever go to anywhere else but United because it was amazing. Like celebrities are always like, Delta, you owe me an explanation for your customer service. They're always just like always like, Delta, you owe me an explanation for your customer service. They're always just like so like. And it's usually during like when the war in Ukraine starts. And you're like, really?

Yeah. You're complaining that they didn't let you bring your guitar on as a carry on. It's like the end of their impassioned speech of how we have to save Ukraine. But also, Delta, you could go fuck yourself. It has been the longest day. My baby is crying. My nanny is tired. I can't get to my vineyard to taste all the wines for my new wine.

Yeah, my nanny. My wine tequila. I have to sit and coach with my nanny. So she helped us out, got us on another flight. We get there, we land at, you know, where flights are delayed. This is a new thing with flights. They don't delay them and let you know they're delayed. Your boarding time just comes and goes with no update on the thing. That is the new way. Expect it. If you are flying at

all, expect that when you get a delay, it will not come through your app. It will not be a little text alert you get. It will not even show up on the gate sign. It will not be announced at the gate. Your time to board will come and go people will start getting up talking to each other like did it board while i was in the bathroom and then it will just all of a sudden start boarding about 20 minutes to five hours later without any explanation or apology that's the new way just take it as it is folks trust me it's happened to me so many times it has never before been like this but that's the way it is now and um okay so you get because your pilot huh no i was gonna say so did you get to montreal yeah finally got to montreal at midnight we land oh they had me at

the double tree midnight midnight which is fine because i was supposed to think get in at like 10 30 something so okay and i was supposed to do a midnight show so i was like oh i'll just walk on the show later but by the time we got there i was kind of spiraling because i was starting to feel really nervous i was starting to feel social anxiety about seeing all these comedians i started seeing comedians there that i desperately did not want to run into um that were stressing me out and i just felt like oh god i'm such a social pariah so how how was that every time i do it um it was fine because we go to the double tree and i know that this festival puts up i mean chris there must feel a little bit of a buffer oh my god traveling with chris was i mean i i just it was the it was

the best i i was really nervous i gotta be honest to invite my boyfriend to come with me on like a comedy. Yeah. Like he can come on the road with you and me and Matt and Anya and that's always fine. But like at a comedy festival, bringing your boyfriend, it's kind of a look. It's kind of like a thing. And I know a lot of comedians do it, but it always creates like you bring this person in that just is kind of you can tell their partner doesn't even want them there and they are resentful of being there and they're they're

socially anxious because they're around comedians and comedians are socially anxious because they're around a normal person it's just but he was the bell of the ball he was so nice he was so everyone loved him he made friends everywhere he went and he was just so supportive of me and i understand now why people have partners like and like have a teammate in life because i was up and down with my like nervousness which made him steady as a board flat as a board light as a feather that game that girls play at slumber parties except he's very bulky because he's been working out a lot. But he was just so nice and calming. Like everything I would complain about, he'd be like,

but you know what? If they didn't accidentally put us at the Doubletree instead of the W, because there's the W and the Doubletree. W is clearly a better, yes, that was Nick Brazow. You know,

if you're listening, Nick, that was his joke was like, hey, you can't, Jesus Christ, that fucking thing just fell behind me and I jumped.

We should do a slow-mo of my reaction just there because i thought there was a mass shooter in my apartment um he thought uh he was like they both have the word double in them if you want to be fair and i'm like oh that's a good point so um i will not tell you the name of the hotel i'm saying it but i will tell you it has two u's in it it's a mitch headberg joke but it's i adapted it because usually it says two trees so um it also reminds me of the john mulaney joke where he's like i'm not gonna tell you what airline i flew with uh but let's just say they're called delta so i'm flying delta airlines and um so we get to the doubleree and I'm a little bit like, I should be at the W.

I'm sorry. I'm a bit, I'm filling in for Howie Mandel on this gala. The other comedian who dropped out for this other thing I'm doing, I don't even know what comedian that is. They tried to convince me that they wanted me all along. And I'm like, I got asked two days ago. There's no fucking way.

Who got COVID? Save the best for last. But they wouldn't tell me. Yes. So I'm at the Doubletree, which I've stayed every time I've gone to the festival, but I wouldn't tell me yes so i'm at the double tree which i've stayed every time i've gone to the festival but i haven't been the festival in many years and before then i belonged to the double tree not that there's any where anyone belongs and i'm not too good for a double tree i love a double tree i stare at them all the time on the road you get

those warm cookies but when there's a w to be had and all the headliners on the show i know all the people staying at the w because I can see, I know. And I'm, you know, you got the Mark Marons, you got your Amy Schumers, you got your, I don't know, Jimmy Carrs. They're all at the W. And old Glazedog's at the DoubleTree. That's fine.

Emile's at the DoubleTree. And then while we're waiting for our room, which they do not have a room for us. So we arrive at 12 o'clock. There's no rooms. That's not good. My name is not on it oh my god and the festival is apologizing did you say howie

i like the idea too that they had to cancel his room because he definitely had a room at the w yeah well they asked me if i have a a pseudonym or a you know oh yeah one of those names which this week last week alias alia yeah yeah alias left eye mine's jennifer garner alias this show um but they asked me if i had an alias alias and i just made one last week because jen asked me my assistant was like do you want an alias because some people ask for one i'm like yeah actually i have a good idea for one so i do have one now so i gave him that name and made everyone laugh and um wasn't there and then they finally are like you know what we're just gonna give you one you'll pay for it the club will the the you know you'll get reimbursed for it i was like fine just get us in like i just want to like lay down so chris and i go we get in our room um wake up in the morning feeling like pete diddy and i have a text that's like you're supposed

to be at the w what are you doing there i was like i knew it so we had to packing up after you've unpacked at a hotel is so you just went to the wrong hotel that's why but they told us to go to the double tree yeah they told me it was on my itinerary the double tree so they misbooked that and so we do the festival. It's fine. I mean, it was great, actually. I had a really good time. I hung out with Nick a ton. Nick Brazow, who I love so much.

And I have a really, I have a fun thing to announce for Nick at some point when that happens. But I'm going to tell Noah off. I'm teasing that one. That's going to be exciting for everyone involved. A Bestie is doing something pretty cool. I think with a connection to our show. I'll tell you guys off air, but I can't announce it here because it's not my story to tell.

So anyway, we're leaving yesterday. We get a late flight because we wanted to stay in Montreal all day long and just hang out after my shows were over. And we get to the airport at 4.30 for our 7 o'clock flight. Check me in. And they go, you're not, we don't have a flight for this guy. And he missed his flight at 12.

They had a different, they booked a different flight for him out. You're actually flying the W. Like what is going on here? I'm not joking you. There's nothing exaggerated about how, and this is over less than 48 hours, you know? Jeez. And so Chris had to stay in Montreal

because there were no, we had such a late flight. Yeah. My flight was the latest. There was no room. There was no even standby. What flight was he on? He was on 1250 out,

and we weren't even told. This is exactly what happened on the way out. Yes. Same time still. And so, yeah, he gets stuck there, 50 out and we weren't even told this is exactly what happened on the way out yes same times too and so yeah he gets stuck there and he's so cool about it i mean i would have been so i was so annoyed and i was like should i just stay for you but i had you know i had this podcast i have to do another podcast after this and i had um a covid test and things this morning and so he was like he jokingly was like well this means you have to go in for radio for me and i was like babe i don't know if i can't have a really long day and he was like i'm just kidding no you don't andly was like, well, this means you have to go in for radio for me. And I was like, babe, I don't know if I can.

I have a really long day. And he was like, I'm just kidding. No, you don't. And I was like, no, but I would want to. And he's like, no. Oh, my God. No, I was just kidding. Like, no, because I was going to go on Tuesday anyway.

And then I start going through baggage claim. I know I go through baggage claim. And I'm like, I know this guy wouldn't hesitate to do that for me like he goes out of his way for me in innumerable ways like he doesn't question it he is always if I'm in if he is like that's the thing I love about it most like if I'm in bed and I just get in bed and I'm like wide awake and he's like so tired and like had a hard day and I'm like I can't find my sleep mask he will get out of bed to look for my sleep mask or if I'm like oh I forgot my charger in the living room if I'll just say it being like I'm gonna he goes stay there I'm gonna go get it like he never he always

does things even when he's tired he will always put my needs first and even when I don't need him want him you know like ask him to I. And it means a lot to me. And so I was like, I'm going to go in. So we tricked him this morning. He didn't tell anyone else on his show that he was not going to be there. And then I waited. I got there. The show starts at 6.03 usually.

I think Tim and Courtney, Brando wasn't there because he's in Colorado. But I thought Tim and Courtney already in studio. I have the Arch app pulled up. I called another guy from another show in the building to let me in the door because you need a key card I get in the door I'm waiting in the stairwell with the arch app listening to the show about to start and then all of a sudden Tim bursts in the door because I was gonna walk in after they are like where's Chris he's not showing up and they start like frantically texting him because sometimes people run late on the show like very seldom this happens but you kind of hear it go down live on air of like well chris isn't here yet anyone want to go try to figure out where he

is and um so i was gonna like take that panic and just go like guess who's here instead of them and like burst in but then as i'm hiding in the stairwell i see tim walk in late and i go why are you late it looked like i was just mad at him being late but i was just really mad when he walked into the stairwell yeah because he was running late he's running up the stairs he was on time because he saw me he just assumed i was coming in today and he was like oh and i go oh god why are you late and he looks like a surprise birthday party getting ruined. Sorry I'm not late. Yeah. And so he goes in,

I go, don't tell Courtney. I'm just going to surprise Courtney. So I was like, okay, at least I'll get her and she'll, because she's up there alone. Tim isn't there. Chris isn't there. And Brando,

who is not on, is on vacation. So Tim and Chris both still haven't shown. Tim, I know, is on the way up. So Tim goes up. I hear the show start and she's like,

oh my God, I was panicking. It was just going to be me in here. And then H hayley this girl who's running the board that brando usually does and um so i start slinking down the hall to like creep in to get ready for my big entrance and i'm standing like right outside the you know uh the studio mustache and a rubber nose on i should have had that because all of a sudden i'm videotaping it because I'm going to videotape. I like secretly I'm videotaping Courtney through the window that you can't really see through from her end. And then all of a sudden she looks at me and this is what this is.

This is me creeping. Guys, start it. It's me. So I see her all of a sudden see me and I go gosh darn it but I obviously I would have said god damn it and then but I was already in radio mode even though I was in the hallway and so I said gosh darn it which I want to start

saying Josh Hartnett I literally was just gonna say that I swear on my life I swear on my life I was putting that together to say I go why does that sound like Josh Hartnett yeah god what happened to him I don't know but I was putting that together to say I go why does that sound like just heartache what happened to him I don't know but he was so freaking sexy how great was that movie where he had to not come for 40 days

40 days in what was it called I don't know that's like every movie 40 days in 40 sighs yeah there's one with Anne Heche and Harrison Ford there's another one with Sandra Bullock I can't come I gotta get out of here the whole movie was i can't come and i didn't even know what coming was when that came out i was when that came

i did not know what caming was oh man i really didn't know noah do you know do you remember when you found out about like come and what it was i know when i found out i mean boys i feel like that is even it's almost like when you get your period it's like you're like what's coming out of me yeah you get pre ejaculate before you get a full post i guess so do we i think they're like by junior high school in our face junior okay but i just didn't understand like i just didn't know like boners and like i didn't know any it's just so weird what just didn't know boners. It's just so weird what you don't know. It really does feel like you shouldn't have to figure these things out in the real world and that there should be some kind of lesson being taught.

But it's like if you teach the lesson too early, then the kid is like, what? There's like a moment of like, do you teach after the fact? Well, I remember when my cousin JD was like, Nikki, it goes in the vagina. Like the penis goes in to make a baby. Because I just thought they kind of rubbed together like sticks making a fire. And I could not believe something docked inside you. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't even believe I had a hole.

I don't think I'd ever put my finger up there i mean this was probably i was in fourth grade or something but i remember being totally taken aback by the in it goes inside you which is a wild thing that you know men don't have something enter in them which is very invasive unless gay men but yeah the yeah but yeah i mean i i'm trying the first time, the idea of putting yourself in something, putting something inside someone, just connect. You're connecting like bodies. It's a weird fucking thing. It's so weird.

We just, with sex, we're always just like, yeah. And then we were 69. He was eating my ass. Well, because everyone just forgets it as soon as it's over because you have to because it's too weird to focus on it's like it's my obsession um but how was your weekend i mean i had a great weekend i did five shows at helium nice with francis francis and this comedian goes by little sasquatch why and you would i don't know what you're envisioning when you hear little Sasquatch. I picture a tiny hairy man.

No, it's like a boyish guy from Barstool. And he got very big on Twitter through this name. And so now he's just the name. But he doesn't look anything like Sasquatch. Nothing like a Sasquatch. And he's not little. And he's not little. He's tallish.

He's 21 years old. He's like, whatever. Has a following already through Barstool. Extremely nice kid. Like trying to do the new york circuit but understands that he's nowhere near where his celebrity or like how well he could draw versus how good he is on stage draw means how many people you can get to your show but he was so nice and he actually is going to be very good like i think he will be yeah whatever so we just had like a boys weekend we played golf we all played out of the same bag out in the middle of illinois out in no middle of nowhere francis is a d1

athlete harvard you know what kind of athlete he played lacrosse ah he's like six four he's just a adonis of a man i feel like and uh we always talk shit and i beat him so which made me feel so good because all that practice yeah i was just like, we were playing with my own clubs, and he had to play with my club. And he doesn't golf every day. No, not nine times a day. Yeah. Just eight. And he was a D1 athlete 15 years ago.

Look, these are all asterisks, Nikki. These are asterisks. And he was a D1 athlete at a sport he probably doesn't play as an adult either. You know what, Nikki? When you're right, you're right you're right okay i famously went on a date i guess notoriously went on a date with did we talk about that no i don't think so oh we should francis ellis i don't think he'd care i love francis no i think i've talked about it on you up he's so funny now by the way oh yeah he was fucking really making me laugh dude dude. He has some, he talks in a, he almost talks in a Gaffigan kind of cadence, like kind of a happy man that's like, I don't know.

He just fucking. Does he talk that way on stage too? Yeah. Or off stage too? Yeah, both. Yeah. Oh, good. Yeah.

He, but it was funny. We were at this place in the middle of Illinois and. Illinois. Huh? You say Illinois, like Ellis, but it's Illinois. No? I'm Illinois, like Ellis, but it's Illinois. No? I'm Illinois-ed.

But do you, say it again the way you say it. Illinois? Illinois. Ill, like I'm feeling ill because it's I-L-L, right? And you say L, like it's E-L-L. Yeah, I say ill. I don't say L. No, you say L. He fell L.

Play it back, but you said L. Oh, no, I'm not saying i didn't say yeah okay illinois i definitely say illinois yeah like eleanor it's like saying missouri and it's like where's the zay coming from people do that so this old guy is at the counter and there's one guy in front and there's two other people like it's not a busy clubhouse but you get outside st louis people move like turtles like the slowest people i've ever seen in my life and i know i need more patience but then it's also like like like they're just like it's just the simplest stuff they somehow

make complicated were you in a rush we weren't even in a rush but it was just like it was like so you are getting a cart? We don't have a club for you, so you're going to get a cart. Right. Are you sure you want, because I think one of you is going to be walking for a minute. And it's just like this. And then it's like, I was going to get a Powerade,

but I didn't want to add one more task. Yes, I just, yeah, I stole it. I mean, sometimes you just want to. I know, you do. I almost tailored it, but I didn't. And I just yeah i stole it i mean sometimes you just want to i know you do i almost tailored it but i didn't and i just tailored it i fucking but it was so funny to not add one task you know what i mean oh yeah i do it all the time with things where i just like nope it's just gonna make it's gonna make it even harder but it's not even my head already yeah

it made me three by the way that's a lot lot on me. So you want the blue one. Okay, so the price on that, let me see over here. Yes. The list needs to go down on the blue Powerade and you can type one, point, Oh, that's the red one.

which is... Oh, wait a second. I put in a nine, nine. No, I don't want to charge you for that extra cent. You look like a guy who likes to keep his cent and then he has to subtract.

It's like, Jesus Christ. I'm like, what? We don't have time. Golf is slow as it is. That's why I love Chelsea Handler tells a story when she's at Hudson News sometimes at the airport. She'll just hold up the M&Ms in the magazine in the water and just throw down a 20 and just go,

putting it here, just walk it out, keep the change. I can't do this. That could have worked. Yeah, if I just go Powerade, throw down a five a five yes and but then you go but don't you and then you probably walk out and go excuse me sir you probably want this three dollars it was 50 cents because that's gonna get you too much quarter tank of gasoline gas prices are high aren't they jesus christ so anyways we had a lot of it was a very fun weekend. It was a very testosterone. It's funny when it's four guys

in a small little green room. You know, it's just weird. Well, there was the opener too. Oh, oh yeah. This guy,

Ronaldo, a funny young comedian. What are the times you guys are doing? I did, it was like 12, 15, 30,

30, or 12, 15, 25. I just came on. so they were co-headlining. Yeah, they were co-headlining. Got it, got it, got it, got, 15, 25. I just came on. Oh, so they were co-headlining. Yeah, they were co-headlining. Got it, got it, got it, got it, got it.

The crowds were great. It was fun. Nice. Yeah, it was fun. Yeah, that's a good club out in the Galleria Mall, which used to be the coolest mall in St. Louis. Was there always a club there? No, no, that came in probably five years ago.

Is Galleria known as cooler than Frontenac? I know I'm saying it wrong. No. No, no, no. Oh, it's not. No, it's just ridiculous that you asked that. Really? I know I'm saying it wrong. No. No, no, no. Oh, it's not. No, it's just like ridiculous that you asked that. Really? That's just like a funny thing.

Frontenac is like the nice mall. Yes. And Galleria is like trash. Oh. It used to be the nice one. That used to be like when I was in middle school, that was the one that everyone went to. But then it's still nice,

but I think there's been shootings there and things like that and so all the people in west county now look at that as like it's dangerous and we're going to stay away and so they just go to frontenac now oh because st louis is deeply sounds segregated and racist yeah yes sorry st louis i love you but you've got a problem. Yeah, I talked a little bit about that on stage. Yeah, and did they acknowledge, did they laugh at their own? Yeah, they do.

They laugh at it, but then they're like, why are you laughing? Like, you're laughing at a different part. You're laughing at, yeah, you're not laughing at yourself.

You're laughing at- I have a joke that puts the racism in their heads about like, I don't say the line, but it's already thought of. Oh, I know that joke, yes. No, it's a different, I think it's different. I don't say the line but it's already thought of oh I know that joke yes

I think it's different I haven't told it before but anyways long story short I don't even know they get to the punchline and then I was like you thought I didn't that's in your head the old switcheroo

we'll get back right after this and we're going to do a special Monday segment about FBoy Island. Ain't no lie. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture you get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment politics sports and more from john and the team of correspondents and contributors the podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else like

extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines listen to the daily show ears edition on the iheart radio app apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, let's do it. It's time for... F, ignore eye lines. Those are crying girls. And producers. Is that Mia having a panic attack?

Yes. Which I empathize for because I deal with them too. Yes, you do. All right. So yesterday, F. Boy Island, of course, is now eight episodes available on HBO Max. The final two, episode nine and ten, will drop this Thursday. I am not caught up fully. What?

What episode are you on? Eight. Oh. Yeah, that's it. Oh, you're in the middle of it. Okay. I was watching it with Chris, and we got a little amourous during it. And I definitely was hank help you orgasm watching yourself to myself doing a

consent coyote i swear to god i was like gently kissing my boyfriend in a loving manner and having this really intense like love moment and i hear like well is it okay to talk to a girl on a treadmill when she's got her AirPods on? It was like me doing the worst puppetry. It was so bad. We were laughing so hard. It was really funny. I love that you find out the only way you can orgasm

is watching you on HBO. No, it is not. It was the opposite. I was like, please make it stop. I could only orgasm if Louise started talking. Kinsen Coyote was a... I really love these little like well interstitial yeah it's fun yeah just like a little scripted kind of thing that

it's very silly yeah the show is so fucking silly so silly yes and we we have tons of questions that um yeah our listeners submitted yesterday via instagram no Noah is shaking her head in disbelief of how many questions we got. So many, so many good ones. I would love to get through all of them and my questions too, because I also have- Yeah, well, let's-

Burning questions. Yeah, please. Ask yours. Let's start with yours. Okay, so I only have two of them. And the first one is for you, Nikki. And I guess for Andrew too um the date where they went on like with all the three guys i was wondering if you would ever be able to go on a date with

like three guys who are really into you yes you would love it because i really i get off on um for myself when girls are into my boyfriend. And I think that. Oh, you're talking with you with two other girls and your boyfriend. No, I'm talking about me and three other guys. So I'm saying I think that it would be good for, I would instantly know who I was most attracted to by who seemed to handle it the best. I want to say that like this this weekend Chris encountered people that he knows I've been with before.

He was such a pro and was so sweet about it. It was kind of flirty about it and it was fun. It was sweet because at one point I think he said he was like, you know what I like? He was like, I like that guy looked really

happy to see you. So I could tell that he probably really, you know what I like? He was like, I like that guy looked really happy to see you. So I could tell that he probably really liked you. And I like that you were, you liked someone that really liked you. And that made me really happy. He was like, I loved it. And then we saw Hannah Burner, who I've also said that I am very attracted to. And she's attracted to me. And we're like the only two women that we each have extremely, like, she was my first

like girl that was just like, I think I kind of want to go down on her like i don't know it was just a weird feeling i had the first time i saw her and she felt the same for me and um she really spiced things up for me and chris because she came and met us and was just we were just all over each other and it was very it was fun it was fun for like not all over each other physically, but we were just saying inappropriate things jokingly, but it was all really hot and fun. So I think I would love it. Would you not love it? Noah?

I think it would be way too much, and then I would probably lean into the bad thing that I do, which is, well, I have to people please, and I have to make sure that all of them are getting adequate time and i know that too the girls all said that it was very awkward even though they did like all like the worship and stuff you know yeah i wouldn't prefer it but i actually might did you see that part did you see that part on the show yes i did see that all right please turn it danny handled it so well. Yes. Danny was a pro with Peter stuff.

And it really made me like them way more. That one little scene when he has the kite on the beach and Peter comes up and they're like kind of flirting with each other through Mia. And almost is like, why is Mia even there? I thought they were about the fuck. But it was like. Danny was not handling jealousy before very well at all. Oh, yeah. And it made him very unattractive to me of him being like this is

the Garrett's act acting like it's his house it's our that's true like it's his house it's like Dan we get it you think that he acts like it's his house you think that's a good line so you're saying it three times just say it once is enough that's the thing that I say in this camera yeah you're goofy you're goofy you piece of shit you goofy that's

what they do these guys need to realize if you repeat something twice it makes it lose its power like if you have a good line just say it once okay say it once let's get to the questions just say once one time you have to go and girls gotta eat okay keep going okay we got a couple of these what's the deal with aaron and the boring guy edit he got that is something that came out of you know what we knew we we noticed we noticed he was quiet during the whole thing we started um making fun of it a little bit i'd be like wow aaron that was that was really intense like he would just say oh i think during the pepper challenge i asked him what i was like aaron are you ready for this this

is one of the hardest questions and we're really gonna get to know you i was like what is your favorite color like we were just joking about how he's just so boring and um so we were already like kind of teasing with it within the show and then i think in the edit um they realized it would be fun to just like instead of trying to make this guy interesting or trying to make more jokes about him let's just take him out of the show completely i saw it the first time that they even addressed him being boring was the very quickest little thing he had his like name played up and it was probably on screen for a minute a second and a half but it said silent film star under his name and later on it was under his name longer but the first time i saw it i was like i wrote to bill dixon silent film star lol and i

loved it but elon um the creator of the show called me like probably a couple weeks before the show aired and just told me like nikki this season is so good and we're doing some weird things and he told me about him deciding to completely cut the date out that he went on with tamaris and instead just be like here's 10 seconds of abs because this date was boring and we're not even trying to make it funny yeah or make it interesting and i just i go that is genius and i really respect it it means you respect your audience you're not trying to like give them stuff that they don't want it was interesting though aaron i do remember well i guess that's next week but on the mansplain he does finally

speak and he's very aware. When he's talking about Miami and people moving there and them being like, you're not ready for this. He lived a lot of life. Yes. So he's like. Just because someone is boring on the show does not mean they're a boring person.

It just means that they just don't. He was almost too mature for the show. The show, you will not succeed on a reality show like this if you do not feel comfortable interrupting people and thinking you're the shit and it's like i'm i just realized someone said over the weekend they were watching someone special and said that they like lingered on stage a really long time afterwards like waving to everyone and even at montreal this weekend they wanted me to come out because i opened this one show this big gala and this thing lifts up and it's me and they're like Nikki Glaser and everyone gets on their feet

because they're instructed to do so it's a taping and they wanted me to really vamp and like go to the side and wave and then go to the other side and wave and then hit my mark and start the show and I was like that ain't me if you ever see me live I will be running off stage as soon as possible I know that you might like me

I just think that you might like me i just think that you want to get home and i've already taken up enough of your time and i do not ever want to see someone rushing to get out i just don't understand people who like love to just like thank you thank you like that's a person with a personality disorder not that i don't have one but i don't have that one they hand out roses to the crowd to throw up at the stage. I can't. I can't. You have to be a vampire.

You have to be someone who has a huge ego to do well on these shows. And if you don't, you'll either get written around. And I do believe we don't hear a single word from Aaron the entire series. Yeah, I feel like the silent ego just doesn't work. You know those strong silent type? It doesn't work. But I've been told by producers that the joke becomes they completely give him no lights the rest of the show all right okay next question but he's hot on instagram go watch him like hit a tree he does shit like oh really yeah

nice all right how much insight do you get about how the contestants are feeling um i get a lot of insight into how the girls are feeling um and yeah i think i get a lot i think i get a lot like i think the producers come in and tell me a lot about like who likes who and how the dates went but in terms of like you know you could only you really only know how someone's feeling based on what they tell you or what you observe. And sometimes I think that the producers don't observe correctly or they do and it's not communicated to me. That's why I've realized I really want to be

more so involved in watching the footage, even though that's going to be hard to do because they shoot so much. I mean, you see 5% of what gets shot. There are thousands of hours of footage that are being shot literally. And so it'd be impossible. But yeah, I really do care about how they're feeling.

And so I ask a lot. I think I probably know more than most reality show hosts. Okay, I like this question. If Andrew was picked to be on the show, would he be an F-boy or a nice guy? Nice guy, 100%. With F-boy tendencies he be an F-boy or a nice guy? Nice guy. 100%. With F-boy tendencies. Reformed F-boy.

But your F-boy tendencies would have been because, not because you just want sex and you don't care about women and you want to be cool. It's because you have anxiety. Yeah, I would be a nice guy. But you pretending that a woman that you slept with at Sephora was that you were invisible in front of her like is what a thing you did once when you saw someone you hooked up with was not because

you hated her or because you were like oh she's a dumb bitch and i don't want to talk to her again it's because you had anxiety yeah it wasn't because i was like i fucked it and left it it's just i fucked it and i don't think it loves me yeah i don't think it can love me i don't think it i think it's embarrassed of me i'm embarrassed of what i did i know it's so funny when behavior can be interpreted that way yeah so often i think people hate me or something and that they just are are bad socially all the time yeah but yeah i think a nice guy would come definitely a nice guy okay let's do some behind the scenes why are the men wearing the same necklace does it give them access to the gym it is that's hilarious it is a microphone yeah so you'll oftentimes see people

on these shows with like all one necklace and puka shell or whatever and the girls don't wear a necklace because they are miked individually which is a huge process getting miked when you're wearing these little outfits is like it's really hard to conceal the mic so it adds so much time and so for the guys they just and the guys are shirtless most of the time so it would be weird to have a mic taped on them so they just do it via necklaces I've always wanted to call it out because it looks so

insane yeah and you kind of don't notice it on some guys they'll be wearing a shirt that kind of covers it or it fits in with their other thing going on so I next season I've made a note to like we need to make jokes about the mike necklaces because it is a i don't want people at home going like why is this guy his outfit is impeccable except for this fucking ugly wood bead necklace i always feel bad for like when you have to get mike the guy's like so i'm just gonna go

up through your vagina i'm gonna come out your out your mouth. And they're very professional, but it's just like. They're always so shaky and so nervous. And like, so I'm going to just tether the line through your lips. And then I'm going to spin it around your clit and just tie it around. Is it cool if I clip it to your clit? And they're just so gentle and nervous. Can you do a sound test? And I do not understand.

I love everyone that works in sound. Thank you so gentle and nervous. Can you do a sound test? And I do not understand. I love everyone that works in sound. Thank you so much. Yeah. But mics are not that difficult to put on as mic people. I think men are just so nervous. I think tech guys that usually worked in theater probably didn't get a lot of experience with bras and women's undergarments.

So they're just like nervous nerds, like fumbling with your bra. And they're always so nice and so respectful because they know they're being so nice and so respectful because they know they're being invasive but um the first day you should just be like i always grab my tits just grab my tits first day i think i'm going to next time except i'll probably be that's trying to help the guy yeah all right next question okay great questions Are the eliminated F-Boys really living in Limbro? No.

Yes. You lied to me. They are at a hotel that is not as nice as the one that the nice guys are being put up at. So it is a shittier situation. And they are stuck on this island with a security guard making sure they don't leave for the remainder of the show so that they can come back for the mansplain so the reason that the mansplain which is the kind of reunion show that happens on i believe the ninth episode um the reason that even became a thing is because of covid because we when we did the original show in cayman island we had to ice we had to isolate everyone for 14 days before they got to be on camera and if we just eliminate the guy in the first episode then we've paid for this guy to be on the

island for two weeks for nothing and so they were like you know what we need to find a reason to make all of this worth it let's keep them around the whole time and have this reunion show prior to the you know which is a different thing about our show is that we bring

everyone back for these girls to have all the information they can to make the right decisions before the end of the series which most of those reunion shows happen after so these guys are all kept around so limbro and the nice guy grotto were born of the fact that we have to keep these guys around for this this um mansplain and where what do we do with them oh let's put them in either a purgatory which is a place for you know sketch work i was really upset the first season because i was like no one's gonna believe these guys are sleeping here this is so stupid that's gonna make the show fake i was thinking too i was like and then it turns out no one expects anyone to believe that they're sleeping there it's okay that you know that they're not the show is very wink wink like

you know the parts that are real and you know the parts that not. The show is very wink, wink. You know the parts that are real, and you know the parts that aren't, and it's very clear, and that's what I... It would be so amazing if we kept them in limbo, didn't feed them, just made essentially a concentration camp. Ripped all their clothes. Yeah, and they're like, no, yeah.

They're like 30 pounds at Mansplain. Made them have sex with a coconut sand woman. Look, we killed four off. Like, look, that's what the show is. Yeah, yeah. Like, just the darkest shit ever. That's so funny all right um next question and these i'm loving this by the way like all the behind the scenes

stuff um do reality shows like f boy island have several takes per scene um no no not in the reality aspect of the show, which, by the way, is different than my stuff. So the elimination rounds, I will do, I come out, this is how the elimination goes. So the reality stuff, they're never going to do second takes

of Garrett approaching Peter or Tamaris confronting Casey. That stuff all happens the way it does, right does right yeah because they have more than enough content it's not like they're trying to shoot on a budget where it's like we only got seven hours today we gotta make sure they do not know what's gonna happen i mean they knew that bringing garrison would be weird but they didn't know that he was gonna go confront peter had no clue like that that was all just like what the fuck is this guy doing this is what they do like you set up people to be in a situation where and you give them enough like confidence before you go in like dude they're gonna freak out when you get in there you are a guy that they are all dreading to see you're gonna stir things up they're

gonna be jealous you're there you were the guy that's been on the first season everyone reveres you so he walks in with this inflated ego and when you send someone into a ring like that who knows what's gonna we don't know what's gonna happen but something will happen so um but then the eliminations how it works is that those nights i go out and i stand by myself with um no one there and I just do cold reads is what they're called and cold reads means like it's just getting the lines just to have it for safety in case God only knows what happens and it's just me going

welcome gentlemen so tonight there are 12 like 12 of you left and then I do a bunch of roast jokes where they use maybe 1 or .02 percent of all the jokes I do. I mean literally I think they should do

a gag reel of all the jokes that I said that didn't make it. It would be amazing. All the roast jokes are so you don't even have to have the guy that I'm roasting. You would just know exactly what I'm talking about. Do you guys write those jokes? Yes. Andrew and me and

Bill all get together and we write all the jokes because usually the guys come out and they look so sad so we just write jokes of like did you guys just find out joe rogan was canceled again did you guys just find out that only fans isn't allowing nudes did you guys just find out that snapchats can be saved what's wrong with you guys you look so sad did you just and then andrew wrote the joke did you guys just find out that no matter what you do you'll never be as fuckable as pete davidson like these things of like you guys look sad why did did you just find out that um you know i don't know we had i looked him up this weekend because i was looking for like the hair thing the chest

hair the asshole that was that made it oh yeah you have you have less hair than my asshole yes on your chest on your chest that joke, I love that one. That was so funny. Yeah, you wrote so many good ones. Those are some of the most fun moments, obviously. But yeah, the fact that they don't use, they use less than one. Less than one per episode, seriously.

But you know what it is? I think it's like- They just don't have room. They just don't have room. It's just 10 episodes. I would maybe ask them next time, instead of airing a date of errands, let's just air a bunch of jokes of Nikki's that we couldn't have room they just don't have room it's just 10 episodes i would maybe ask them next time instead of airing a date of errands let's just air a bunch of jokes of nicky's that we couldn't have time for instead of abs well why don't we show aaron's abs while we they hear our jokes

yeah it's just like a me like you know it's a juxtaposition of me over it with like waves crashing in the background just saying jokes that would be amazing a montage um so then i go out and do cold reads and i just go like okay mia who are you limiting tonight mia who are in your bottom two mia who are you in your bottom two your bottom two mia who are they so i just do a bunch of different versions then tamaris then louise then casey what are you f boy or nice guy casey f boy so some of those times where you see me go, it's like from the cold read where no one was standing there.

Then we go into, then they bring the girls out and I talk to them without the guys there just so that they feel a little bit freer to say things that maybe we would like them to say, but they wouldn't feel as comfortable with all the guys. Then they bring out the guys. But most, I will say,

most of the stuff you see that airs from eliminations i would say 90 99 of it which i'm remembering for next season so i don't have to do cold reads anymore is all at live it's all we do everything the same way there's some stuff we get just in case so i get clean reads of it is what it's called but most of it is all everything you're seeing is happening in the moment. And the biggest things you're missing out on from the eliminations that get cut around are how fucking long it takes people when they walk off to recompose themselves

and do an interview while they, so if Mia walks off because she's having a panic attack or just really upset with Peter and she walks off, which is great TV. Thank you, Mia. You're doing the right thing. Everyone has to wait about 40 minutes because it means she has to have her meltdown, which is going to take however long. Someone's going to go comfort her, which will also take however long.

Then she will have to be then individually interviewed. You know, when you see on reality shows where the person's just like standing off to the side it's called a uh on otf on the fly so it's like an interview you get while the show's happening on the fly it's not scheduled so they take you and put you by a palm tree and they interview and you're and your hair's blowing in the wind you're like i just really don't understand why peter said that those are called otf on the fly so then they have to get her doing that to explain why she went off camera and then finally everyone's like me is coming back me is coming back and then it's places and but during that time we're all kind of um another lingo word stop down so we're all just like waiting around and i sit down on the couch with the boys and i'm not i'm not talking to them because i'm not really

allowed to but like i don't have anywhere to sit next season i'm definitely going to have a place to sit because everyone's sitting besides me even though I'm the host and I probably should stand. So I probably will still be standing. Okay. I'm shirtless looking in the mirror. Yeah, it's tough. And if you guys want to catch Robin, my makeup girl had a terrible fall during this one. If you look at where I'm standing on a wide shot, you know, wide meaning like you see

the whole. Robin fell? Yes, dude. You were down in the green room probably. Looking at my chest yeah i it probably was you we had just gone up to where did she fall so you know when i'm standing there by the pool at elimination yeah right to the right of me i'm facing the ocean right to the right of me is this tiny sliver of concrete that is carved out so that there can be water from the one pool

to the next and it is probably six inches long or six inches wide and and she anyone could have fallen and her foot just goes into it and i was so scared her leg was gonna break thank god it didn't but just look for that sliver and know that that was very treacherous final thought a couple more questions all right i don't know if you can answer this did the producers tell Danny? Yes, I fucked one of the whales. Did the producers tell Danny to check on Mia? No. No, you know what?

I think he probably got permission because Mia was in a place that the F-Boys were not to go. But I'm positive that at that point in the show, if they were trying to get anyone to do anything they would have asked Peter to do it. So the reason that you know they didn't ask Danny is because at that point Danny really

didn't have much of a chance with Mia. That if you look back was the turning point because Danny took it upon himself to be actually concerned about Mia in a real way and go find her and comfort her. And so that's kind of where you can look at it. I think Peter was looking for a new beanie at that time, so he couldn't get to her.

Yeah, he was looking for the new winter collection from Zara that he had up in his room, like a new scarf or some shit. Man, he's changed. Nick, you have changed. That was a good beanie, dude. Yeah. No, seriously, like it's just like who you are as a person you know what annoys me about these guys you just have to like believe in yourself if you are an f-boy who wants to go on the show next season or a nice guy and you are please look for other ways when these women want compliments i know that you think being an f

boy you're trying to hide your f boyness even if you're a nice guy and when you compliment women stop saying you're so strong you're you know you're driven you're like you know like independent women okay that's nice say it once but stop stop dancing around the thing you want to say, the thing that is natural to you to say is, I want to fuck you. You're extremely hot. You've got a great face. You've got great legs.

You've got a great ass. These women, including me, and I'm not saying do this to me on the show, but no woman on this show does not want to hear that. Look at the way they're dressed. And these women can't get those kind of compliments. Mercedes does it very well. Good.

Because he's smart. I know. He's so smart because these girls are starved for those compliments because every guy is trying to toe the line and seem like a nice guy by not focusing on the sexual elements of these girls. You can still be a nice guy and want to fuck us. Do you know that? Well, Benedict has that trouble in the show of being sexual because he looks very sexual.

He's a very sexual man, like looking wise. But then because he works on his body a lot. Yeah, he's just strong cheekbones. He looks like an F boy, I think. Yes, he does. He does his eyebrows. He is. Yeah.

Like you said, resting F boy face. She gives me an opening. Oh, he called Jason Mraz on steroids about Tom, which was so funny. Oh, that is funny. That was so good. Yes. Dude, Tom punching that table. Tom gets a lot of airplay.

Yeah. And he just looks like the rock, the man made out of rocks, you know, from Never Ending Story. Yes. He seemed like he was saying that he eats rocks. Yeah, he eats rocks. Yeah. I love Tom. Tom wrote me a DM and he said, sorry I took the show so seriously.

I don't know what I was doing. I was like, no, Tom. You need that. And he feels embarrassed now that he was taking it so seriously because after the fact, he's just being mocked constantly. There's like a trumpet

like kind of playing behind him when he walks or does anything and he's being mocked constantly. Trombone's what i meant um thank you noah you're always on me about my wind instruments and you always keep me humble um but uh he it was really sweet of him to say nikki i'm sorry i took the show so seriously and i was like no tom i like that you did because you know what he brought brought sincerity to it. He really did journal. He really did. He does love Tamaris. Like he, I'm so excited for you guys to see the finale of this, how it all shakes out.

And thank God these guys took it seriously. I think it's just hard because you don't, you, you understand, you hear, I love Tamaris. I do everything for, we don't see enough of that to really understand the bond and how much time they've spent together. Yes, and now let me just say they spent a lot of time together. And he's a little, I can tell he's a little frustrated right now.

Like they didn't show that enough. And so if you are wondering why the connection between Tom and Tamaris is so strong or why Tom is acting this way, just know there's a lot of things you didn't see because it had to be cut for time, but they really did have an intense connection

that we all knew about. But I'm so excited for you guys to see the finale and follow all these F boys and things on Instagram if you're a part of the show because these guys

are constantly going live with each other and divulging things about the show and they're much more loose-lipped than even I am I think because they don't have a third season riding on it. So anyway, thank you for watching the show today or listening to the show and they're much more loose lip than even I am I think because they don't have a third season riding on

it. So anyway, thank you for watching the show today or listening to the show. We'll be here all week. Don't be cut and Jack the Boy off. Jack the Boy Island. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's

also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late night legend John Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.