The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #253 Myth...

Episode Date: August 3, 2022

Nikki and Andrew have a Disney moment over the filthy mic cover that is still on the floor of the studio. Nikki touches upon Esther Perel's article on Relationship Myths but it seems like Andrew pays attention to the wrong parts. Nikki has a question for women who don't want to give blowjobs. Andrew has been getting heartburn during sex. Nikki digs deeper into her perfectionism and Andrew tries to sell her on a new luggage idea. Nikki does care about CO2 emissions but is not giving Taylor Swift grief. She shares the Reddit threads she's been reading late at night and in the Final Thought finds a new sex toy at her local pharmacy. Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Get Pod Merch: Podshop.NikkiGlaser.com Nikki's Tour Dates: www.nikkiglaser.com/tour Andrew's Tour Dates: www.andrewcollincomedy.com   More Nikki: IG More Andrew: IG  More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Hello, here I am. Welcome to the show. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. I'm here in St. Louis with Andrew Collin and that mic cover is still sitting there that smells like poop. From where you threw it a week ago. I mean, who knows what it smells like now. Maybe it went away. I can't test it again. Can you? Can I kick it over to you? No, you go. We go at the same time. I'll smell it in between us. Okay, we'll smell it like a, what's it called?

Like a lady in the trance. Here, put it on the llama's nose. Okay, okay. Ready? I think it's gone. We think it's gone. I didn't get a good enough whiff I didn't either

Will you Wait get in there Shit goes away Okay I mean I regret writing Amazon They told me I had to return it I was like

I'm not touching that thing No It burned the fucking packaging Yeah And Amazon famously If you return anything to them They throw it away It ends up in landfills

Whatever you return I like that That was like our version. It ends up in landfills whenever you return. I like that was like our version of eating spaghetti together. That's what I said. It was the lady and the tramp. Who's the tramp? Can I be the lady? Sure. Thanks.

With those sunglasses. Andrew has on 4th of July sunglasses. Did you get those on the 4th? Cardinals game. Oh, really? Yeah. That was like the prize that they gave you? No, I bought them.

I mean, it wasn't expensive. They're not polarized. They might be polarizing. Yeah. If you know what I mean. Because people either hate them or they really hate them. Well, I think if anything is really pro-America, if you're a guy wearing like an America flat,

like for a cape, people think that's a little much. I was trying to test Chris's vision the other day because he's like, I think I need to like get glasses for the first time ever and so I started like asking him we were just like in at the gate and so I was staring out at like the airfield and I'm like what about that like can you read what's on that and he was like I think it says flammable but I just kind of know that it would say flammable you know or like you know bags only or whatever it is and so and then i was like what about that

how many stripes are on that flag it was american flag do you know how many stripes on the flag yeah how many i'd have to see it no i would say it's uh fuck it's not it's 50 stars and then it's i think it's the original colony maybe so 16 stripes 13 13 damn not bad though

why did they end on a unlucky number they should have just done one more do you think it was unlucky then when did

13 become probably later because of witches and witches came after colonies yeah no witches were before colonies weren't they

no colonies like Jamestown witch witch trials, Salem. Okay, I guess. That was all after we settled. Yeah. They were burning witches. And they used to do that thing of like, they would drown you. And if you survived, you were a witch.

And if you drowned, they knew you weren't a witch. So either way, you're fucked. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, so they drown you? So like if they suspected you were a witch they would like tie like a fucking thing to your leg and throw you in the water and if you were able to like float up and survive or somehow get out of it you were a witch and it confirmed it

and then they would maybe burn you or whatever oh so you're gonna if you drown they'd be like oh well whoopsie gotcha guess she was immortal so either way you die mortal die. A-mortal, not immortal. Yeah. How does the witch become, is it just a woman that got a little loud at the bar? Well, you know, it was all, they fled for their, like the Puritans fled to have religious freedom to be religious fucking insane people. So like anything that would go against religion,

which was witchcraft or, you know, girls swooning, people fainting in church or like, you know, just a woman that would be kind of weird or like older that no one wanted to fuck anymore. And she was just kind of like said something weird. And then someone's dog died. They'd be like, she did it. And then they would just because it gave them an excuse. And it was and it was anti-religion i just love that jesus turned you know a snake a stick into a snake or water into wine right he was a huge witch yeah such a witch long hair that's blasphemous no but like a hot witch oh

yeah like a sandwich yeah yeah like nev campbell in the craft do you ever watch that movie what's the other one with the three girls? And not Heathers, although I loved that movie back in the day. I never saw that movie. Oh, you would like it. Yeah. A lot of betrayal and love. Kind of cruel intentions.

Yeah, it's that kind of feeling. A lot of murder. Christian Slater. What's the other one where they're all witches? There's three of them. Maybe it is The Craft. Okay. Oh, man, I love this scene

where the popular girl in school who played Jan Brady or who played Marsha Brady in the revamp of the Brady Bunch, also married to- Ben Stiller. Ben Stiller. Yes. What's her name? Christine Taylor, I think.

Stiller. She was also in Hey Dude. But anyway, she was the popular girl in high school in the craft. And to get revenge on her, they put a fucking hoax on her or whatever. And all her hair fell out, which is like a popular blonde girl's nightmare. And she's like- That's your nightmare.

It's my nightmare. Oh, my God. It's my reality. It's my daydream. It's your reality, Noah. Yeah. Also, she had blonde hair, right? Obviously.

Then. Ben Stiller's wife's a blondie. Yeah. It's always the cool girl in the high school she had blonde hair right obviously then it's been so white so blondie yeah it's always the cool girl in the high school movies i like that they broke up they almost like they separated oh and i think they were really divorced and then they reconciled and now they're back together you know i like that oh a nice reconcile people just are this i was talking to girls gotta eat girls yesterday about getting back together with your ex-boyfriend. And so many people are so anti get back with your ex. And I've never understood not doing that. Because you already have love there.

You probably, a lot of times I think you break up because you don't have the tools to get through a fight or a disagreement. And I think, yeah, and you're too young to understand these things are fine. I just reposted this Esther Perel

story. Did you see it, Noah? I just pitched her a large thing of lotion. I don't know why. Esther Perel. Yeah, she's very... Esther Pirell Pirell

I just see it in my in my bathroom and she says seven relationship myths to stop believing wow it does sound like her right you got it

thank you myth people in a relationship don't flirt myth honesty is the best policy myth

bad sex should always be a relationship deal breaker Myth Your significant other should be your best friend Myth Fighting is always a sign that something is wrong Myth Myth Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Myth. To get past cheating, you must forgive and forget, or just dump the cheater. Myth. Now, did any of those strike you? I know you were focused on saying myth. Yeah. Did you hear anything of what I was saying? No. Could you either repeat one of those back to me, besides

once a cheater, always a cheater? Myth. Honestly, I was listening. No, I got best friend, shouldn't be best friend, people don't flirt. Well, these are myths. I got the first four. That your significant other should be your best friend. I always do. I mean, good for you if your significant other is your best friend,

but I think that that shows signs of like well you might not be having other you just don't have other friends because you're a significant other is everything to you which leads me to believe a little bit of codependency it's not bad if they're one of your best friends which chris is one of my best friends but is he my best i wouldn't be like he's my one and only it's like people who say i bet people who say that their boyfriends or their girlfriends are the best friends are the same people who say their dad or their mom was their best friend you need friends bitch you need to get actual girlfriends who aren't like you know he's my only friend like sometimes you have that

in relationships they're my only real friend well you know and sometimes that's the case like i've talked about friendship before if you can't find friends it's sometimes it's not you it really is just circumstantial and but that doesn't mean you should give up and be like my boyfriend's my only friend my best friend well i think it's tough when you date someone and they don't want you to have any friends that's a whole nother thing oh boy yeah what um but i think some of these bubble in my throat um do like they do they are things that people really do think that bad sex should always be a relationship deal breaker and i just to me i would say that if i didn't have a good um fulfilling sex life with my partner I would probably well that's you know what

you would give it a conversation or two yeah that's what she says you could work on it yeah and you can maybe you know if the person doesn't because some people are asexual and they still deserve to be in a relationship and maybe you just go okay well you can have sex with other people or you know there's a way around it you don't it doesn't

have to be a deal breaker. I think if someone's bad at sex or is not giving you what you need and then also is stubborn about changing anything, that's a different thing than, you know what I mean? Yes. I don't know. Yeah, I think that you just have to be open and honest. I think so many relationships you probably just go,

well, this person's fucking me bad. It end they don't they're not really into me they you know without having a conversation or it's too scary to have a conversation because you feel like you're gonna hurt their feelings or you'll find out something about yourself that they don't find attractive maybe yeah or yeah well yeah you might find out that they're not into you. It might be a fear. Or my fear would be they might, I'm so scared of, like, if I were to be like, I don't like when you do this or I do want you to do this more. They'd go like, well, I want you to, then you're messing up this. Like, it gets offensive and tell you what you're doing wrong. And the fear of that would make me just shut down.

What was that? But then are you in a relationship or are you just like in a hookup? I feel like someone who's in a relationship with you probably wouldn't say that. I've been in relationships where I couldn't communicate like that because of fear that they would just say something back

and I was like, well, you do this. People that do that in relationships or like any kind of argument, I just can't. I'm open to like, yes, I'm not coming at you because I'm perfect. Let's talk about my shit at another time. But like the instant defense of like, will you do this? Is like, okay, well, you know what?

This conversation is over. I can't do it. Unless it can just be. I mean, I'm open to that. But do you see what I'm saying? Like when people just instantly. It negates everything you say. Because no one's perfect.

Of course, everyone's going to be a little hypocritical. it doesn't it's hard not to get the it depends how you come like we've talked about this like defense you you get defensive if you feel like someone's being too offensive so then if you come at them and go you know i i would really appreciate it if you might go down on me longer or you haven't been in the last few weeks yes i really could use you know a good head and yes that'd be great as opposed to like you never eat my pussy right you see those two things like then the words never and always you should probably try to eradicate from any kind of conversations that you have i've heard that advice before of like because no one always does something or never does something and those words man they already set you up for like

those trigger me well they set you up for this person's lying this person's exaggerating so all of a sudden if you say nikki you always do something i go well he's full of shit because i don't always do something so already i have you as a liar and like don't take what you're saying seriously because you're just you're being emotional you're exaggerating so that's good advice um i have a thing where it's like in the past i've felt like so often men care which i'm so glad that men care about my pleasure when i'm having sex like there's been a lot of times where it wasn't even a part of the conversation my pleasure but then i think sometimes there's always this thing in guy's head where like they need to make you come.

They, you, you have to come. Like it has to be even. And sometimes I'm like, I, I don't mind not, I don't mind just being a come a CD.

You know what I'm saying? Right now. I don't mind. I kind of like it. And I really, really don't understand this. Can you help me understand this from a woman's perspective? Mm-hmm. Why women suddenly give up on blowjobs.

And I know this is like a cliche thing, but it is real. I read about it on Reddit in different forums. Women stop doing blowjobs after they get married or eventually they... I would rather give a blowjob if I'm not feeling in the mood for sex which happens about three days before i start bleeding those three days no interest in sex no horniness dry as a bone those days i i would rather if i still want my partner to be pleased during those times and he's horny and i want to give him that pleasure because I love him and because I want him to feel close to me and all those things and I don't mind it I would much

rather suck a dick than get a penis in my vagina because I'm turned off down there like it's like yes my cd drive is dusty and I'd rather just suck a dick but why do women stop why do women think blowjobs are so hard to do i think it's harder to have a penis in your vagina than to suck it i think sucking dick is like very simple i just feel like i actually go ahead sorry i'm i was gonna say uh just very quickly i don't know because because I relate to you, but maybe women think that they have to give a blowjob from start to finish instead of mixing it up with their hand. And it's like, oh, too much work.

Oh, you need to do hand. Guys want hand. Yeah. I think what it is too is I think guys, once you get a blowjob, you're thinking, no, look, some guys just want to have an orgasm from a blowjob. But I would feel like as a woman, if I start blowing the guy, he's going to expect to have sex with me. So let's say you want to be closed off down there, your CD.

Yeah. But it might be scary for you to start blowing him. And then next thing you know, the starts to open you know the CD player is like okay now it's time to go there and it's like no this is just that yeah I'd be hard-pressed to see a guy you know some guys don't like blowjobs either which is not I would say the minority there's a lot of women who don't like giving blowjobs and I want to understand is it because it takes too long for them to come sometimes is it because it hurts your mouth because it's too big or something like that like to me it's just the easiest way to get a guy off that isn't like putting it in your i think i don't know i mean

as a woman i as i would just rather be used in a hole that does not is not supposed to feel anything as opposed to putting it in a hole that is supposed to feel something and doesn't like i hate when i'm having my vagina stimulated and there's nothing there's no feeling like i feel like i'm broken as opposed to if i just did this with my mouth which already does not have any sexual sensations inside it i would rather just get that job done with my mouth because i'm and then that means like that's almost what i can offer you during that time more so than any other time but i i think i've had to in the past communicate that like a blowjob does not mean i want this in my vagina and when i say i don't want it like like it's not like oh i'm not ready it's

like nothing is going to get me there do you think that people are just inherently selfish and they're like well if i'm just blowing you nothing's happening to me i'm not gonna have an orgasm i'd rather just watch this show than blow you you know what i mean like i gotta say women if your husbands aren't getting blown or not getting off they're gonna blow up the house they're going to something's getting blown it's your head yeah yeah that's bad they're gonna get they're gonna go you can't deprive someone of a of a human need that they have and not expect them to cheat on you i hate to say that it's like someone could never cheat i know that's the worst thing ever but

what do you expect them to do i think what do women expect men to do they have an insatiable need to come and spread their seed just jerk off the rest of their lives. But some women don't even like that. But here, I think, honestly, I think you won't fuck him. I think the onus there is kind of being put on the woman. I think a lot of times guys were not vocal about like, I would really love a blowjob. Instead we go, let me go, you know,

shoot guns instead of asking my wife for a blowjob. Like, like we're afraid to get rejected. I don't think it's like women. I'm not telling like just do it even if you don't like it that's not what i'm saying don't please don't misconstrue my words i'm just saying like if you you know i even say this to my friends who like are in relationships and they don't get touched by their husband and i'm like well then he should expect you to he knows that's a basic need of yours. Yeah. If you've communicated that to him and he still can't do it, then honestly, he should not be surprised when you go get touched by someone else.

Dude, I've heard of relationships where they, they're together. They live together. No sex for over a year. No, I know. That is nothing compared to what I've heard. Whoa. You've heard a decade? What are these, witches?

I mean, yeah. Drown them. Drown them up. That's wild. We have people listening right now that are going, that is nothing. Yeah, I don't mean to hate on you. It just doesn't get brought.

It gets to the point where it gets so past a date where you can't even bring it up anymore. And then your anniversary is coming, and you're like, God, fuck, I have to do it this weekend. Oh, you think they dread eventually having to do it? Oh, they dread it. Yes.

Oh, I thought. Because usually sex is stopping because one of the people is not wanting it anymore. Or maybe both, but I think it's usually one. And the other person just feels, what is worse than asking for someone for something that they don't want to give you? Oh, God. That's tough. And it's not like women, like, this is usually the woman woman thing like the women being less into it because our libidos are

more you know uh at the behest of our fucking raging weird hormones and so i'm not saying like just suck it up literally and just do it but like how many things do you do in a relationship that you don't want to do because it's the nice thing to do? Why do we think of touching someone or kissing someone or giving a blowjob is like, oh, you should never have to do that. I would think that my – I would think – Guys don't want to take out the trash, but they do it. But I think the – Or kill a spider for you. But I think the percentage of guys...

Put a spider on your dick. ...that go down on... Or no, wait. The other way around. ...that go down on women without expecting with their CD being off is way lower than...

Like, girls just blowing guys and not expecting anything. Men have a bigger sex drive and more need than women do. Okay, I see. So that's why. So you think, okay, so men are more backed up.

That's what I hate is that every time I give something, I'm always with generous lovers that demand that I get something back. They want it to be a fair trade. And they also like getting me off. It's part of that for them. But sometimes I do not want to come. It's not in my, sometimes I can push through,

but there are a lot of times I do not want it and I just want to be able to just give a blow job. And that's been hard to communicate at times in my sometimes I can push through but there are a lot of times I do not want it and I just want to be able to just give a blow job and that's been hard to communicate at times in my life because it's it also makes it seem like I'm not attracted to you I just want to be this wife that's just like giving a blow job just because you deserve it but it's like no I like giving yeah it's like giving a foot rub to someone I like giving pleasure even if I'm not getting any in return that actually gives me pleasure it's called compersion. To give someone pleasure, you get to gives you pleasure. So there you have it. Okay, let's take a quick break and come back

with more. Andrew! Coming down with a Kit Kat bar. Remember that? Yeah. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines.

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It's late in the day. I wake up early in the morning. You know, Brenna has a morning with a bottle of Jack. And she has work in the morning, so I was telling Noah how I make her coffee. And it's like I pack her a little school lunch. Cute. I'd pat her on the head. What do you make for lunch?

I cut up peppers for her, and I cut up, like, different things. I'll make her a sandwich. Just get her peppers. I don't know. I was like, is she eating enough? I let her smell a pepper, and then I say uh you could go out the window do you know that you can eat a pepper like an apple what with the seeds the seeds are i mean they're in the middle so you can bite into it they're pretty hollow yeah they are pretty so you can eat them like a like an

apple you'll get some stairs it's kind of hard to cut you know this there's always one slice that's kind of hard without they're shaped in the middle i love peppers so much oh you ever put it i'm sure you don't maybe you did this put the vegan cream cheese in it with a little everything bagel seasoning so good fucking delicious it's a great meal um anyways yeah so i've been about meal but snack yeah where's the protein in that it's somewhere so then i went and i hit golf balls i go to this place called tower t and they have like the most amazing setup there ever like it's insane like they have all these different track mans that keep track of like how far you're hitting it

and i just hit balls and it's my meditative thing. Where is that? Stop calling it meditative. I just can't. Meditative? Wait, what is the word? Am I wrong? No, it's not wrong. I'm just like, guys convincing themselves sports is, I know it's not that it's meditative. It's just like, it's a thing.

It's a leisure activity you like to do that makes you feel good, but. It's a quarter meditative. Okay. It puts you in a certain mindset where you're just honed in and focused on where you're doing something over and over again yes you're very just um what do you think about during it do you think of golf or does your mind wander everywhere literally i think of nothing other than

yeah the shot that's why it's meditative to me oh yeah okay yeah that makes sense sometimes thoughts will creep why did you why did you go to this new place and why have you never been there before if it's so amazing? I didn't know about it. Someone told me. Sometimes you just don't know about the treasure right in your backyard. Where is it? How far of a drive?

15 minutes. That's not bad. That's pretty much what I do. That's pretty much my life. I just do that. I cut up some peppers and I hit some golf balls. I had sex last night and I had heartburn. And it's so funny. When you get older, instead of taking Viagra, you take a Zantac.

Do you ever take Viagra anymore? Yeah. Yeah. I took one the night before and I had too bad a heartburn to even fuck. But you had a boner? And Brenna called me out on taking it because she saw it in the trash can. So she knew that you wanted to fuck and then you couldn't? She's like, are you hard right now?

I'm like. I'm going to tell Brenna to start digging in the trash because he's going to start hiding it now. Oh, yeah. I'm going to eat the whole wrapper start digging in the trash because he's going to start hiding it now. Oh, yeah. I'm going to eat the whole wrapper like a pepper. Eat the seed. I saw your family the other day. That was wild. Oh, yeah, that's so wild.

I just saw them today. Oh, how was that? It was so fun. I bring presents to them every single time. Dude, Forrest is amazing. Isn't he so cute? He's the third. He's the third kid.

He was born in November. He's a big boy. He's like, he was born in November. He's a big boy. He's a big, big baby, but he's so like, his eyelashes are so long and he's so happy. He's just like,

he's just a little rumpus. I love him. And then Poppy and Arlo are, they've gotten in this trend of like, they know that I always bring them presents because kids toys are so cheap. Yeah. I keep them all in my,

um, in your trunk, in my car. And then I have a drawer here. So every time I'm anywhere, I just buy toys so that I always have something to bring them because I just want to be associated with, but then every time I come over,

they Nicky and they like hug me. And then Arlo starts just looking at my bags and like looking on the porch because i might leave something out there like they they know i'm yeah and then they they open the present they you know it's like they make it start working then they start crying because it's not working the way they want it to it's just exactly how i used to do it and then they want encanto put back on and then they don't even say goodbye to me when i go i love you and i'm like kissing them no goodbyes so i don't think i'm training them right they look at you like

the guys like a valet parks your car like at a hotel and wants a tip and you're just like i just don't uh it's like that awkward yes like feeling sorry do you have venmo and really like i don't care if you die in your car i just want money yeah they just i want them to associate me with presents because it's it's fun to get a presence and presents are kids toys i mean you go to target i just i went to tj maxx today before i went over there 7.99 for like this amazing squirt gun i'm like how can i pass that up like seven bucks for a barbie i mean kids don't care i think i think the only problem you're gonna run into is that and I don't know why people do this. Like they save it for birthdays for Christmas or for like,

after you do well on the honor roll, it's always like, it has to be like, you did something for this. Yeah. As opposed to here's just a gift. No, it's just like,

cause I love you. Yeah. And because I want to buy your love. Cause I'm not around enough to really get in there. And I don't like to play enough. So here's a toy. So for $7.99. I want to buy your love because I'm not around enough to really get in there. And I don't like to play enough. So here's a toy. So for $7.99. I want their dopamine to shoot up when they see me.

And then every time they see me, eventually Pavlov's dog, those kids are going to be drooling. That's what I want. But Poppy is so cute. And she really reminded me of me today because I gave her this Barbie. And it was her first Barbie. And it was a mermaid. And I told my sister, you know, all Barbies like give your daughter body dysmorphia. But at least this one is actually an unachievable thing for her.

Like it's probably more achievable than most Barbies with legs, you know. So she puts on the mermaid fin, like the end of the fin because it needed to be like clipped on. And then all of a sudden she's just like screaming because she wants it off she wants it off and it's just not right the way she wanted it came out of the package without the fin and so she wanted it that way and she screamed like crying and i'm like this toy has brought terror into this child's life and it reminded me of this barbie i got for easter and it was the one time i remember my parents really it was the first time i remember them looking at each other. Like our daughter is special because the,

the Ariel's hair was like crimped in this one part. Like the, her bangs were like a little too long and weird. And just for it being a little off, just like it got bent in the package or something. Cause the hair is plastic. And I could not handle that. It wasn't perfect.

Like I couldn't fucking handle it. or something because the hair is plastic and i could not handle that it wasn't perfect like i couldn't fucking handle it and i took off my seat belt and was just throwing myself around the van screaming we were on the way it was for easter i got it and we're on our way somewhere and i was just and i just remember them being like pulling to the side of the road and like having a real like oh my god and being like this isn working. Whatever I'm doing is not working. They're not like giving me what I need. Whatever it was doing, it didn't, I don't know what I needed.

Was there a perfect toy for you when you were a kid that like just killed it? Like a slinky or like something that wasn't? No, everything I always had was stained. I was trying to think of the band, the song. I was just mad that ken's penis was so big was it no no yeah no like the idea of my penis being so small that i was jealous of ken no i realized that i just everything wasn't perfect from the very start of my life things just i

my sister always got things that were nicer like her dolls just looked nicer if we got the same food she had more on her plate like I always found a way where everything I got either had a smudge on it or are you looking for negative you think so much as a kid and it's like the way my life still is like it's and I have to say reading the book A Mother's Reckoning by Sue Klebold, I am very Dylan Klebold. Like the kid, the quiet killer. The one that was like, he was a perfectionist as a child and she said that he threw tantrums because like he would get embarrassed very easily. And if anything wasn't right, he would like scream and like couldn't handle it. And it was like he just had a perfectionism that led him to

have severe suicidal depression that she didn't know about and i'm like i i've never thought i would relate to one of the columbine killers maybe that's maybe why my fascination with it not that i would ever do that i've never been homicidal i've never been i've been suicidal not you know in just ideations but there's something about that that perfectionism of like i and then when you scream about it and when you yell about it and when you are like when i'm asking like my parents like my barbie like fix it like it wasn't them they there's nothing they could do about it i just wanted them to acknowledge like you're you're bad that's why you get these things you're fucking not you're not as good as other people.

You're not enough. Oh, you're not as good. Instead of being like, just be happy with what you are. I just wanted them to be like, yeah, you are gross. Like I wanted some acknowledgement of it and then I think I could have been free of it.

But of course I don't want that. I don't know what it was, but when kids have perfectionism like this, because in this book, she kind of gets into what that means. Like when kids are, when they lose a board game and they fucking flip the thing and they freak out and they and if they they're sore losers they over time there's nothing there's nothing that will soothe you so you just learn to just keep it all inside because it gets annoying to people that

you're never perfect enough because no one knows what to say to you. There is nothing to say. So then you internalize it, and internalized anger is depression. I feel like I was almost the opposite as a kid with, like, if I got hand-me-downs or whatever. I was too afraid to say, I deserve that. I've never been able to say that. I'm almost jealous of people that are like, no, to have this thing you know what i mean yeah so as a kid i never i got like hand me down lacrosse sticks and like hand me down cleats and like my dad was a doctor it's not like he

couldn't afford it and i still wouldn't open my mouth or be able to i don't know what the hell was happening in my childhood yeah that kept me from being like don't speak up do you get new toys i guess i guess we got some new toys i remember getting like um you know what kids love is those automatic trucks those remote control trucks and cars i love those as a kid jumping those off ramps but usually i got a skateboard i remember i was really excited like but yeah presents were i don't know i still to this day do not like buying really nice clothing because i'll find some way that i picked the wrong one out of the five size mediums i'll pick the one that is has a stain on it somewhere or has a stitch out like sometimes i go through them all to find which one is the most perfect and i know that no matter what I choose in the store,

I will get it home and realize it is not right, that it doesn't look like that. Something will be off about it. So that's why I went to TJ Maxx today and was like, I'm free to shop here because everything's fucked up. Everything there is made in factories by children,

so the stitching is all off. Maybe you start a brand where it's already come stained like like that's the whole brand yeah well there's this new luggage brand that um because i'm really scared to get really nice luggage because i'm scared it'll get dented and i'll have that fucking fit again meanwhile you had the one bag because i guess at that point there's no expectation it was like duct taped and yeah there's no yeah it's disgusting it can get so but there's this new brand of luggage

that's, you know, like hard case luggage and it comes pre-dented, almost like a dirty pair of jeans, like with like that are already torn. Yeah, yeah. With like holes in them. So that it already, that's the style of it. And so you're only going to be contributing to the style of it, which I think is very cool. Yeah.

And I want to get it. I love it. So there, that should be the thing. I get, which I think is very cool. Yeah. And I want to get it. I love it. So that should be the thing. I have stained clothing. And like condoms with holes in them. Yeah. You know?

Like already, like ready to ruin your life. Oh, you know what? That reminds me. If there is a bestie listening, we had two besties. Do you remember those two girls that came to a show one time

and they were like freaking out? Making cards. What? That one? Sorry. Maybe, yeah. There were two girls that came to a show one time and they were like freaking out? Making cards. What? That one? Maybe, yeah. There were two girls that were backstage and one of them, her dad was a doctor in Chicago. They made cue cards for her. They made an outline.

Didn't they write something down for us? Yeah, they did a whole thing for us. Yeah. And it's somewhere in a bag somewhere. Okay. And if you're listening or her friend is listening, you offered me some services from your dad in Chicago. And just out of the kindness of your heart, because you were my friend, if you can contact me, I would really appreciate it. This isn't bad, Noah, is it?

No, it's fine. Okay. Yeah. It wasn't because of our show. It was because she was a best friend of mine that I can't remember her name. But she said that her dad would offer me mine that I can't remember her name. But she said that her dad would offer me something that I was looking into in Chicago. And if you are out there, will you please DM me?

Because I forgot your name and I really want to take you up on that offer. And then I'll tell you all about it after it happens. I can't remember her name. I can't either. But I hope her dad comes through on that thing. I think he will. I'll take a train up to Chicago. I'm just trying to think of what would be the funniest thing using this platform. I also got another guy.

No, there's this other... It's a separate thing, but I started following this plastic surgeon. What's his name? I'll give him a shout out because he's been wanting to be on the show, and I was like, we don't have guests, sir, except unless you were my best friend in high school, there ain't no chance you're coming on this show.

Yeah, do you steal anything? Have you robbed a train before in New Orleans? And then this other guy hit me up about him. Oh, Dr. Ryan Neinstein. Dr. Neinstein, N-E-I-N, like nine as in German. Dr. Neinstein, I saw a girl,e-i-n like nine as in german no dr neinstein he um i saw a girl of like one of these tic-tac influencers posted about like her body she's like had this fucking perfect ass and perfect like torso and she was like body by like the gym and she was like and also liposuction and fat removal and bm like by dr nine side and i was

like i love this girl's being honest about what's going on here because she's a very skinny girl that could get away with being like i just work out and i eat right and um do you think he gave her percentage off no i don't think she like was leaning into it you know what i mean maybe maybe maybe he gave her some kind of deal but it doesn't matter like at least she was honest yeah i don't mind anyone getting i'm just saying if you're honest getting thirty thousand dollars worth of like i'd be honest too if you gave well i wouldn't say the doctor's name but i would be so honest about it if i got something done if i got a facelift i would say i got a facelift but if i paid for you know yeah no i hear you i hear. I'm not trying to throw dents in your luggage. It's already dented. Pre-dent.

And he wrote to me because I posted it and I started following him because he does amazing work where you're just like, oh my god, these before and afters. And then a friend of his that I'm friends with texted me today and was like, he would love to give you complimentary services. I mean, not liposuction or anything like that, but I just, I don't want to do liposuction, and we talked about this before, because of how rough they are. When I see them do it, they're going in and out, and it's herky-jerky, and they stretch your skin, and it's just like, Jesus Christ. It's a lot.

I don't want to go under. I don't know how that helps. I don't know how they come. I want to go down under. How did they learn that? What? If I just beat the shit out of this with a metal rod i don't know it's wild well you you know to become a doctor and to do surgery you have to have some sort of like you know people we talked about this before but you know empathy is such like everyone needs empathy and we love people with empathy people People need more empathy. We're not going to have many doctors if you have too much empathy because to carve open a human person and to deal every day with people dying, if you had too much empathy,

you would be destroyed. So we need people that don't have empathy to be able to do those things, to even deal with animal rescue, like the things those people, I could never do that stuff. I mean, my dad was a cancer doctor. Yeah. That was his job. So he probably lacks empathy based on things I've heard about your childhood. Well, I'd complain he goes, is it cancer?

And I'd be like, sorry. No way. Really? I mean, that's kind of a joke, but kind of not. Things were put in perspective. He saw someone die an hour ago, and his son's complaining about an old lacrosse stick. It's like, you know,

I think, I think there was ways where I think he was probably shut off because of what he had to deal with. What stage is your lacrosse stick in? A four. That's why I need a new one, dad.

And he's like, well, we'll just give it some chemo and we'll get you back out there. Fuck, dude. My dad had breast cancer. That was wild. Yeah.

I mean, when he got it, was he like, oh, well. Well, he's got them big fat titt. Yeah. I mean, when he got it, was he like, ugh, well. Well, he's got them big fat titties. But was he, did he have a, do you think, do you feel like he had like a less, like, grave, you know.

No, more, I think. I think more. The truth of it. Well, here's the thing. He felt it himself. He self-diagnosed himself. That's kind of wild. Is that how he comes? To what feel his own tits? Yeah, he had to give himself a little exam. That's how he found it. He self-diagnosed himself. That's kind of wild. Is that how he comes? To feel his own tits? Yeah, he had to give himself a little jam. That's how he found it. He actually

found it in the shower, so maybe... Does he have puffs? Huh? Does he have puffs? Oh, yeah. So maybe he was trying to puff up or tweak his puffs. Well, he just started lifting again. He started working out because he retired. Oh, so he was doing the Andrew thing. So he was feeling his own nipples. He was feeling his own facts. He was feeling himself. No, I just found out. Stop it. Oh my god, that just scared me. Andrew acted like he felt feeling his own nipples. He was feeling his own facts. He's feeling himself. No, I just find out.

Stop it. Oh, my God. That just scared me. Andrew acted like he felt a lump inside his chest. That really did scare me. So he right away knew, time means everything with this shit. So he went. He had a mastectomy within, like, days of feeling his.

And it didn't get to the lymph nodes. Do you ever want to get one just to get rid of those puffs? or wait do you have the brack gene have you gotten just for that oh i mean we did that thing 23 and me yeah maybe we'll find out yeah i mean i'm sure i've some i mean i don't have great genes when it comes to cancer i mean it's in my family in the butt and the tits i'll probably get in the cock or something i'll look like ken so my dad though he dealt with it in the best way ever because he got his boob removed and we're all like stressed out and stuff he's like oh son well he didn't go oh my baby boy yeah does he call you son oh my dearest son he was like it helped my golf he, I wish I got the other one removed.

So then my golf swing would be better. Oh, yeah. Because small-titted women do better in golf. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And big-titted men don't do well. And tiny, tiny men do well in F1.

And also jockeying. And they do well in golf, too. And so he was talking about how he'd make the senior tour. And it was just a way to look at it like this pretty, you know, tough thing to go through. There's always a bright side. Yeah. I think. I mean, I don't know about like with genocide and stuff, but I feel like even the other day we were like checking into the wrong hotel and we had to wait and it had been the longest travel day.

And it was like I was so annoyed and like apologetic travel day and it was like, I was so annoyed and like apologetic to Chris because I'm like, I pulled him along on this. It's just been the fucking biggest waste of our time all day long. And he was like, and then we end up having to be

at the other hotel and I'm like, I cannot believe, we wake up in the morning, I'm like, I can't believe last night all of that was for nothing. We could have just gone to the W

and been in an amazing hotel room and slept and he goes, but we wouldn't have run into Rachel Feinstein. And that was really special for you and me. And I was like, yes. I thought he was going to look at you and go it wasn't cancer. It's not cancer. Maybe that's

our new saying whenever we're complaining. It's not cancer. It's not cancer. I mean and then someday it will be. And then you'll go, well, at least it's not. I mean, yeah. Because, I mean, eventually it gets you. I think that if you live long enough, like humans, we can – I've heard that our brain – like they could probably –

How long are we going to last? We're going to keep living longer and longer. But the problem is you'll eventually – the odds are you'll get cancer or your brain will just – like you can't – they can't keep our brains as youthful so your body but like eventually around 100 your brain starts just i mean it is weird to think with literally with botox and everything like you could look 45 would be 208 yeah like you're just like people be looking younger than ever right now it's crazy wild. Okay, we've got to take a break

and we'll come back with Reddit Dump. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news

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As you notice the stress come up, Jay, you're simply going to say, let them. You have no idea right now how much time and energy is being wasted because of other people's behavior. It's like a death by a thousand cuts. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We're back. Let's get to the news and just skip right to... Why do I care? Why do i care okay well i had to include this story in the news because um we got a lot

of besties chiming in wanting to hear your opinion oh all right the celebrity with the worst private jet co2 emissions oh god i know is actually taylor swift a report by the marketing agency The Yard said that Taylor's jet flew 170 times in the first 200 days of the year. This is more emissions in just seven months than 1100 average people would put out in a year. And there's been an update as of this morning. She said that it's mostly not her and it's been loaned out. That's from her rep to BuzzFeed. But today... Is she on tour?

No. Oh, interesting. She's not been on tour, no. You think I'd be here if she was on tour? That's true. Camping out. And pictures have surfaced from July 5th

before the report came out of Taylor Swift coming out of her private jet hiding herself under a huge umbrella. Okay, so she has used it. Yes. She has two private jets. They are, private jets are terrible for the environment.

They are, yes. But my thing is, every American, i'm not gonna say every american 90 of people if you were taylor swift and could afford a private jet you would do it too yes i mean every it's so easy to point your finger and go like how could she you have never been on a private jet you don't know what it's like to be a celebrity where and neither do i where everything you everywhere you go is just hell and like everyone's bothering you and if you aren't nice to them you have you're labeled a fucking cunt um i listen she is what i think she should do because i saw this and i was like this isn't gonna be good but it's gonna be good for me because I might see Taylor Swift at the airport because she is definitely going to correct this.

You think you're going to see her in Southwest now? I really do. Not Southwest, but I might see her on like a Delta or a United or even an American. In the middle eating peanuts. Like, I'm just like you guys. Don't touch me. Yeah. No, she's not going gonna be in group c wait if

you saw her on your flight what would you do would you go up to her it's a great question oh man i would just i would do what i instruct everyone to do with the celebrity i would just say i love you and then i would just walk on and i'd say thank you i love you and thank you for everything. And then go on my way because you know what? Any part of me going up to her and giving my energy of like, I love you so much. Like I can't,

like it's going to take something from her. Now this is, listen to besties that meet me when I do a meet and greet, I'm asking for that. Like that is me putting myself there for you to bring that energy to me. But in public, and I, and listen, I'm not as famous as Taylor Swift,

and I don't have as much work to do as she does in terms of writing songs and stuff. To me, I know she would be so sweet and go like, oh, thank you, and like, oh my God, that's so nice. That energy she has to give me is sucking her creative force out and is going to lead her to be able to maybe work less that day put less energy into songwriting put less energy into her friends and her cats and the thing that she loves like she doesn't need to have to like scaffold my fucking falling like but this is exactly why she would put she'd rather instead of dealing with that

put CO2 into the sky. Yes, that's exactly why. I mean, she's doing it because she doesn't want to deal with meeting people because it's constant and if you don't be nice to people, they will write about you and word will spread that you're a bitch and like Taylor does not want to be a bitch. It's weird too to be like, if she is renting it out

I mean, then you're going to get mad at every airline. Because an airplane is $40 million or whatever it is. You get a return on your investment. It's like an Airbnb. You're getting money. Yes. What are you doing?

It's not like she's flying 170 times. I'm actually getting my pilot license. She doesn't. Oh, my God. Could you imagine if she was? Most of her trips, by the way, were to St. Louis. What? Most of her flights. And the thoughts are that her mom has relatives here.

Oh, you're being serious. Yeah. To Missouri. I don't know if they've said St. Louis specifically, but to Missouri. Taylor's plane has landed all the ding-dang time. But, I mean, I really feel, I know I'm a Taylor Swift apologist through and through, but there's a part of me that feels really bad for her because this all came up of how terrible it is for the world a couple months ago when Kylie,

or like a month ago when Kylie Jenner got busted. That's why they even led them to do these reports to see what celebrities are burning the most fuel. And it's so bad. And I saw Al Gore on a fucking Southwest flight. DiCaprio is like the big person that flies everywhere, but he believes in them. But this is again the like, well like flies everywhere but he believes everyone's but this is again the

like well then but you did this you know like this is again the classic like okay it negates everything she's done for the lgbtq community it negates everything she's done for like women's rights oh well it negates everything she's done maybe even about like you know um supporting democrats in her state oh oh you really care about the environment? Look what you did. It's like both can be true. This is the Amber Heard, Johnny Depp thing. It doesn't have to be like

just because she's a little hypocritical in this way in a way that she probably didn't really understand the impact of. And once she does, because she is a smart, compassionate person, she will correct it. And that's why I'm excited to see her in line to get some carrots and hummus

at the Delta Lounge I mean look if she was flying to fucking Tulum every weekend I'd be like she should fucking you should spit on her we need an underground railroad for celebrities now yeah but even that on there I mean who knows you're gonna

mess something up that's the pull quote that someone says where they're like nikki glazer makes uh slavery uh joke about like oh mocks abolitionist the abolitionist movement how could you by making joke about taylor swift and how celebrities need to do the same things slaves did to free themselves and And then I would be like, you don't even know what Nikki Glaser does for Taylor Swift. You don't even know how fucking dumb she

is and doesn't really understand what the Underground Railroad is. Yeah, I mean you think it's literally a railroad. Someone was just wanting to do, oh, Carmen Lynch was wanting to do a joke about that. Remember when we were backstage and she was like, I really did think I'm trying to do a Carmen Lynch, that the Underground Railroad was the

Underground, was an actual railroad. I thought that for a long time. I think we all did. Yeah, until now. Alright, let's get to Reddit. Karaoke mode. This is your Reddit Dom. Hee hee hee hee. I love the hee hee hee hee hee.

Okay. I liked this. This was kind of like a thing going around on Reddit the past couple days. This is the first time I saw it. It said it was from AskNYC, the subreddit, where they just ask questions about New York. It said, I'm looking for a poor quality yet expensive restaurant to suggest to an enemy.

Any suggestions? So someone that probably thinks that this person doesn't hate them ask them for a restaurant suggestion and so people go um someone said haven't heard the best reviews of cipriani downtown someone said nello on upper east side it's unimpressive bistro food catering to well very wealthy people who all know each other and your enemy's bill will be astronomical. The New York Times negative critique of it is the funniest restaurant review I've ever read. Let's just take a look at this review and see why it's so funny.

I mean, literally in New York, though, you could send them to Olive Garden in Midtown and it's so expensive. Oh, that's a good one. But they wouldn't go there. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's true. That's a good point. Okay, I found this was really good. The review was on a paywall, so I couldn't bring't bring it up okay this is from the subreddit too

afraid to ask how do obese people have sex how do people who weigh around or over 450 pounds or 200 kilograms have sex kilos um can they have sex in the traditional sense i mean no disrespect with this question just curious that reminds me of f traditional sense i mean no disrespect with this question just curious that reminds me of f boys they always like no disrespect with all respect like i just think that you're a snake okay um and i found this answer really interesting and perfectly visual a friend of mine who's an ob-gyn had a pregnant patient who was quite large and also quite forthcoming with details about her sex life. Per the patient, she would lie on her back.

She and her partner would lift her excess skin using a broomstick held horizontally across her abdomen. Then she would hold onto the broomstick and pull up while he went to town. I thought that was very innovative and I liked it a lot. But what if he was also overweight i think that's well i think he just could get on his um knees and eat you know like i was picturing yeah maybe two brooms two brooms someone said have you ever watched someone put eye contacts in they kind of awkwardly hold open one eyelid with one finger and the other with a different finger then try to shove the lens in with another hoping they don't drop the lens or let go of an eyelid or poke themselves in the eyeball.

It's like that, but with your naughty bits. I thought that was interesting. Okay. This was from Cool Guides. It's like a visual guides for like cool things. Cool Guides. G-U-I-D-E-S. And this was about rescuing a dog.

And this is really important so if you or someone you know is about to rescue a dog there's a rule in the um rescue trade called the 3-3-3 rule so three days it takes three days for your rescue dog usually who's traumatized by past by being in a shelter or by their past trauma three days give your dog three days before you take them back because they need to decompress they're feeling overwhelmed they may feel scared unsure of what's going on they're not comfortable enough to be their self they may not want to eat or drink and they shut down or hide or under furniture okay within three weeks give your dog three weeks to learn your routine allow them three weeks to start settling in feel more comfortable realize this could be home forever figure out their environment get into a routine let their guard down um and they said

behavior issues may start to appear three months is when the dogs to start to feel at home finally feels comfortably comfortable in his home begins to build trust in a true bond gains a complete sense of security with his new family and sets into a routine. Three, three, three. Do not return your rescue dog if you really want to see it through. Because when I got Luigi, I really did think the first day I was like, I'm being kind. I'm being soft. I'm being gentle.

Why won't this dog fucking like me? I cried. I was like, I'm bad at this. I'll never. I was already looking into finding him a new foster home because I just didn't want him to be miserable. I thought something is wrong with me. It wasn't. I just needed to wait, and he just needed.

So the 3-3-3 rule. I love that dogs don't give it up right away. I really do. I mean, not that they're tortured and that they fucking feel. But I like that you have to earn it a little bit. I don't know. It just makes the bond that much better. This is from Ask Women. Yeah, I think you're right, too. You have to earn it a little bit. I don't know. It just makes the bond that much better. This is from Ask Women.

Yeah, I think you're right too. You have to earn it. Yeah. Same with cats. I mean, cats sometimes never give it up. When Mango, when we got him, he was already adopted. The dog that they adopted was trying to kill him, so he was afraid of everything.

He went behind the fridge for like four days. Like, I don't know. So eventually he came out and now he's like hates me in different ways, but it's cool. Okay. This one is from Ask Women.

It says, what is the thing you saw other women doing that you thought was so stupid and now you do it and it makes perfect sense? Someone said, I didn't think it was stupid, but seeing women be really rude or mean to men seemed unnecessary but now i realize you kind of have to shut their advances down fast or else they just keep trying interesting i will say that i used to see women on tv shows just hearsay like

demand things from their boyfriends or nag, or like even seeing my mom be like, EJ, you need to take the trash. Like that kind of tone or like, I don't like, get off me. Or I don't like when you do this. Oh, you're watching this again. Like being bitches or nags. And I never understood how you could do that because then they'll just leave you. But isn't the point is now that you would do it

is that what no now i realize that that yes they went too far with it yeah but having boundaries and being like i don't like when you do this i feel like you haven't been doing a lot of this around the house or like that stuff i would have my first relationship with chris like i look at ourselves as having at least four relationships my first two years with him never complained about anything never once ever if he hurt my feelings if he you know i felt abandoned by him if he said something rude that he didn't like i would never say anything because i was so scared he would leave me because and so and then the first time i did have a complaint he did leave me so it like then it validated everything but his my complaint was a boundary that i had that was

important to me that i didn't know he couldn't give me and so he respected himself by saying like well i can't give you that and if you need to be with someone that wants that i thought he was just going to cave and give it to me which was like saying i love you and he was like i don't say that and i don't feel it so you waited on I waited forever and then I finally cracked and was like I need I need you to say I love you because I thought yeah that's all you do is like someone's got to say it first I was like he's not gonna say it first okay fine I'll say it first and then he didn't say it back and he was like I just don't not going to I don't feel it so I'm not gonna say it and I was like well I need to be with someone who says it and I thought that would get him to do it and he still was like well then

you need to be with someone else and i was like oh fuck yeah and then we had to break up and so then when we got back together i was even more stringent about not asking for anything because i was scared that you know he wouldn't he was going to be his own person and stick by what he you know will you at least say you like me like you start no he said that's what he said he was um i'm enthusiastic about being with you. Oh, yeah. Final thought. But now he says I love you all the freaking time, almost too much.

Like, can you stop? Yeah, it's awesome. He says it constantly now. That's what leads me to believe that someone, like, do not get back together with your ex-boyfriend if they haven't changed or if you haven't changed. Like, that is a good, like, if you broke up for a reason, like stay apart. But if you've taken time apart and you feel like you're different people, absolutely get back together.

You have a good foundation obviously of something. And yeah, it's the best. I recommend it. Okay, this is something other, the thing, let's get back to the top. What is the thing you saw other women doing that you thought was stupid and now you do it and it totally makes sense? Moisturizing. Using sunscreen. I realized when I was 28 I don't want to look like an old leather handbag by the time I'm

35. And I want men to buy me old leather handbags so I'm going to keep moisturizing. Just make one out of your face. Asserting dominance against males. I need to know, oh I need to do it now because I'm an engineer and I work with old conservative men in their 50s okay um opening their mouths when putting on mascara or eyeliner that shit helps and works yes um a lot of parenting things says one woman most notably kids on a leash

uh someone said taking your bra off to go to bed no joke like i thought why would i why would i let these things flop all over themselves in my sleep? And now I understand that bras are terribly uncomfortable, and I'm genuinely confused by how tolerating wearing one. I tolerated wearing one 24-7. I used to do that, too. I used to wear a bra every single night to bed because I wanted to keep those puppies in place. But then they kind of atrophy because they don't have any – they don't have to build muscle to support themselves and then they get even more sloppy um okay uh this is a really cute um thing from made me cry if you ever are in the mood to just read really touching things that won't make you

sad they'll just make you feel like oh happy sad um made me cry it says i told my five-year-old that i had tried to be an opera singer but couldn't cope with the stage fright today my husband sent me this and it's a it's a like the child's drawing of a stage and two people on the stage and then little dots little circles for all the audience members and the two stick figures he says by the way the the husband wrote with this by the way I don't know if you saw this picture she did of you and her you're on stage together in front of an audience and the stuff coming out of your mouth is opera and it's just like a bunch of stuff coming out it's the cutest child's drawing um he probably drew it and then this is from sex subreddit i bought my husband a sex toy and now i'm jealous of it my husband and i have a great sex life and we are very open i am

bisexual and he is straight he loves buying sex toys for me and using them on me there's really never a time we have intercourse where he does not use a vibrator on me as well. We have bought him penis pumps in the past which we both would really enjoy because they would kind of get him ready for action. And Andrew, you know about penis pumps. It was just one year of my life.

For a few weeks, he has been hinting about wanting to buy this vibrating sleeve. It's not that I didn't want him to buy it. I just didn't get around to it. Yesterday, we finally did, and he was excited about it all day. I was too. So later on, after the kids were asleep,

we started fooling around, and I asked him if he would like to try it out. When it came time to use it, his reaction to it was so obviously better than anything I've ever done for him. His thrusting into it and the moaning, it did not turn me on to see it. It actually kind of made me feel sick. I pretended to come so so he would too and then quickly told him i was tired i hardly slept

though all i kept thinking about was his reaction to this vibrating silicone toy and the horrible effect it's having on me i want to move past this i have never felt this way before from sex she had an update i spoke with my husband about it and he totally understood where i was coming from past relationships he has felt a little intimidated by toys and he doesn't want me to feel that way he offered to throw it out but i told him no fucking way we're trying it out again tonight also thanks so much to everyone who advised me to speak with him and gave me some icebreakers on how to approach the subject this is why it's so nice and then they have a link to the toy that's what i was gonna say i bet you so many so many of our listeners are like what what is the fucking toy it's from

target it was a great marketing it's called our listeners are like, what is the fucking toy? It's from Target. It was a great marketing. It's called the Cake Vibrating Stroker Rechargeable Massaging Toy. By Allen Iverson. I am getting this. This is amazing. Oh, okay. It looks like an embryo. Yeah, it looks like a goldfish cracker.

I'm definitely getting this. I love that we're that far in things where it's like, yeah, it's on aisle four. Yeah, it's right next to the fucking fake mouth that you fuck. I can't believe they sell these at Target. They have a lot of good stuff. It's by Cake, the brand Cake. I mean, I lost my mind when CVS had dick vibrating holders for your cock. Yeah?

Yeah, I just didn't know that they were in there. I never was looking. I guess I wasn't having that much sex. You could also just wrap your CVS receipt around your dick, and it will get so thick with all the winding up of it that it'll be a good stroker. You haven't been a queen in a while, the CVS queen. Oh, yeah, Miss CVS.

It's just draping it across myself like a pageant queen. It's a fun little thing to do at CVS if you ever get a long receipt from there. So much paper. Taylor Swift of machines. Yes. Oh my God. So much wasteful.

Nikki Glaser wastes so much paper at CVS. But I didn't buy it all. It wasn't for me. I was loaning out my shopping. It's just so funny. Taylor never does anything wrong. And so I know she's spiraling about this. My thoughts are with her.

I'm sure they'll figure it out. Guys, we'll have so many more episodes this week. They're probably giving food to someone. Like dropping off food to Africa or something. She'll find a way out. She always do. We have two more episodes this week. I'll be in Los Angeles tomorrow for the next two.

But we will be here for you. I hope you listen. Thank you so much for listening. We love you, besties. Don't be cut and check. That's prices. Joe Biden. Got him, dude.

You and those sunglasses. Fuck that, dude. That's a look. Prices are going down. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews and more.

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