The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #254 Do What You Want

Episode Date: August 4, 2022

Nikki considers changing her name to Nikki th6 Goddess. Not really. She's back in Los Angeles while Andrew is in studio touching the stuffed animals in indecent ways. They talk about celebrity couples who are on Dancing With The Stars vs ones performing sex scenes. Andrew tells a new story he's working on for his Nashville tour date. Nikki does care about what Sidney Sweeney has to to say about the unglamorous and expensive side of Hollywood. They play the Esther Perel game Where Should We Begin? and tell stories about hurting someone unintentionally.   Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Get Pod Merch: Podshop.NikkiGlaser.com Nikki's Tour Dates: www.nikkiglaser.com/tour Andrew's Tour Dates: www.andrewcollincomedy.com   More Nikki: IG More Andrew: IG  More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Here I am. Welcome to the show. It's the Nikki Glaser podcast. It is Wednesday. I am in Los Angeles, California in my hotel room. Don't know why I did that. And Andrew is in St. Louis. Noah's in Arizona. And yeah, it's a beautiful little day over here in sunny Cal. Walked down Sunset to get my Starbucks. Saw a bunch of new billboards. A lot of new TV shows coming out. Shows that I'm just like. God.

So much goes into these things. And they don't get canceled. They all don't get canceled. Like. You just look at like this. There's this new billboard for. Charlemagne. The.

God's. New. She has a new show coming out on Comedy Central. I'll promote it. Why not? It's going to get canceled like everything else. No offense to him. You know. It's gonna get cancelled like everything else no offense to him it's called I like the name of it because whenever I see a good name for a show

I always think back on like the times I've had to come up with names for shows I have a document in my phone like full of possible names for shows podcasts talk shows specials children bands plumbing companies i don't know where my

career is going to take me and um his is called um a hell of a week and it's once a week and it's a talk show maybe it'll do well i mean i mean he's amazing it doesn't i mean shows get canceled all the time that are great but it'll get canceled just like everything else does. There was some quote I read recently that someone said, oh, this was from, it was a subreddit about the, it was in the Deux Moi subreddit, which I don't even subscribe to because it is such a toxic place. But sometimes on Deux Moi, D-E-U-X--m-o-y on instagram they have like a blind item where it'll be like this b-list comedian was a terror to work with no this this blonde uh badass in

quotes female comic was a total cunt to everyone she worked with and I'm always like was this me and then I read further and I'm like it's like you know it says something about like uh she there's always like one thing that makes me think it's not me um and it's like because I I could sometimes be a cunt but then it's like to every single person on the crew and I'm always like not me you know like i'm not gonna i've never been i don't think rude to a camera op or like i don't know whatever so i always go to demois subreddit because that's where they break it down and they go who could this be and everyone speculates and usually people know exactly who they're talking about so i went there the

other day just to like see what was going on i think andrew's mic is muted okay that's not good um hold on i think he's muted because i was wondering why he's being so quiet i like this silent film star andrew andrew's like aaron from f boy island oh now he's kissing the llama now he's up it looks like he's about oh my god things are getting brenna needs to be alerted oh no oh no he's telling us to be quiet while he penetrates the you guys he's fucking the llama which represents me andrew i oh no now he's going down on that i hate this so much andrew you're not gonna be able to ever run for congress because of what you're doing right now. This is really... Not that you ever won, but I mean, you could.

Who knows what you'll want to do with your fame or infamy at this point. Is it bestiality if it's a fake? Yeah. God, that was funny and disturbing. Oh, that was on? Oh, we were still going? Is that what you...

I'm using this. This is all going in. No, that was on? Oh, we were still going? Is that what you do while it's loading? This is all going in. Keep it. Look, Nikki wants to get into porn. I took a chance. Now I won't get on the hell of a week. You guys have to watch the video of that and go on our YouTube because

what I just witnessed, you really get a little look into how Andrew might fuck um yeah that's why like Chelsea Peretti used to have this joke of when guys go like oh really and they do like the jerk off motion yeah you can tell how they jerk off like it's like a little window into how they jerk off when they're like oh yeah oh so I'm gonna wait in line for 45 minutes yeah and then she's like and then she does a great thing where she's like you know like women when they eat it she's like i hate eating a banana because it's just so sexual and i just can't stand it so instead i just i pull it off

with my fingers and then i smush it in between my fingers and i like it out from between so she's then just doing the pussy eating side. That's so funny. Well, when guys do the jerk off, they always make their dick way bigger. It's always out to here and their hands are wide. You never see a guy like go, you know. Right.

Like get real close. You know, it's always closer than what that is. You know what I mean? It's always like, oh, you fucking, fuck you, bro. I mean, I'm sure this joke has been done, but women are never like, oh, really?

I'm going to pay $400? I'm like rubbing their clits for a fucking haircut? Yeah, I'm just going to, ugh. Not that that's a phrase that, I don't even, is that when you use that fucking symbolism?

Yeah, whenever the barber charges me too much. I know you were quiet before, but did you have any thoughts on what I was saying about Charlemagne the gods? I thought you were like friends with Charlemagne the god when I was like mouthing off about his show. Oh, did I not tell you I'm right? Is Andrew trying to be so quiet because he wants to be in with Charlemagne the god? I'm the ghostwriter for God.

I like the idea of you naming. It's just so funny how like if you named yourself Nikki the Goddess, and then everyone just goes. Like, hey, that's your name. That's who she is, Nikki the Goddess. I mean, you think it's not humble? You don't think that's chill? But I wrote the.

I spelled the with an A. What if you spelled it with a six? Okay, imagine waking up in the morning, and you're Charlemagne the god. Wait, a six? Yeah, you know how like, where's the six? Yeah, the six is like an A, and like hacker speaker or whatever.

Oh, yeah. Like, really? Is it? Noah, you are into some definite different little. Weird shit. The dark web. Yeah. Dark web.

Noah finishes every email with that little like emoji face that has like glasses, but like the eyes are brows are furrowed. If you know what I'm talking about, that's a good joke. She puts on a wig and she's like a little bit more eyeliner and she's like hello welcome to 4chan's i don't even know what 4chan is imagine if i named my yeah like wake up like imagine yourself 10 years ago 15 years ago and you're getting in the comedy or you're getting in the radio and before you really even made a name for yourself it's like bringing a wookiee on stage i mean that's just as much of a look that you are committing to

i mean what it is it's like it's the same thing though andrew because it's like oh because you're just starting out overcompensate for the fact that you don't have talent yet gotcha so you need to like do you have something else which we else. I brought a cigarette on stage. I have open mics. It's all the God. And if you're from the rap world, it's not too weird. If you're a black person, it's a little bit...

I don't know. I think it would be lame for... I mean, not that it's just... This is not a race thing. But maybe it is. I don't know. You can find the rest of that thought on 4chan. The way I said black person did sound like not good.

Nikki, I just want to let you know, that was cool. That was cool with what you said. Oh, thank you, Andrew. Oh, I'm so glad I got a pass from you. Yeah, you got a white man pass about a black man thing. Thanks. I mean, I just feel like- um no i get it you it couldn't

i don't know how to describe it but everyone knows what the fuck i'm talking about right like think i don't know i just feel like it looks cooler when yeah of course although you know kesha i'm trying to i'm thinking of like lizzo like names like that, Cardi B, Meg the Stallion. Jay-Z, Lil Wayne. Yes. Eminem. That doesn't sound as cool. I mean, it is cool.

Why do we let that go? Because they're rappers. Are there any other comedians that have names like that? Any white people? Are there any radio hosts? Eliza tried to lose Schlesinger and I think she goes by Eliza. But I think that's just because she was like Schlesinger is hard

for people to get. And it does make a statement of like I'm fucking Eliza. Or like I'm Adele. What's Adele's last fucking name? Do you know? Computers. E I think. Adele? can you imagine not anymore bitch uh i uh god oh no oh no it's too early or Or I think Adele was actually her.

I think Adele was her last name. And A was her initial. And her first name was the farmer. Or her last name's computer. Yeah, that's what I said. I said that over E. Oh, my bad. Oh, God. Lady the tramp.

Dude, you're getting Adele. I'm old man what man yeah so um yeah i i don't know like what what could i change it to like i could go by nikki i don't think anyone else is just nikki there's no other like famous well there's nikki taylor there's nikki reed there's nikki uh nikki be Reed, there's Nikki, Nikki Bella, Nikki Minaj. Fuck. I think Nikki Minaj gets Nikki. I'm going to give it to her. Not, you know,

just based on the coolness factor. It's, she's got to get it. Who would you just say? Nikki? Oh, Nikki and Bella. What's her name?

Bella. Nikki Bella. Yeah. Do you know that I got her? I mean, I think you do know, but maybe my listeners don't. I, when I did dancing with the stars,

she was on the season of all me before me. I was just in Montreal. So I'm going to slip in some franglais. And she left behind a robe that said, you know, had Nikki etched onto it. So I stole her robe, kept it. I'm like, if you don't want it. How do you not keep your robe from Dancing with the Stars, which is like this beautiful velvet robe. That's how well she's doing in life. She's just like, I don't need this.

I'm sure she went back for it. She's just like, I don't need this. This perfectly embroidered robe. I'm sure she went back for it. She went back for her husband. Who did she marry? John Cena? Artem. Artem. Artem was her dance partner.

And they do this really sexy dance in an elevator. Like the scene is like an elevator. And they were not fooling around during the show. Allegedly. She was very much in a relationship and nothing went on that's impossible it's impossible that that didn't occur i'm not making any assumptions but as someone who was on this show for one episode, I know that you feel things that you can't help when a hot Russian man is throwing you around. Your husband doesn't exist. Your boyfriend doesn't exist.

Nothing in the world matters when a hot Russian man be throwing you around. It's just not possible. I can't believe these guys, Robert Herjavec as well. That was awesome. That was very meatloaf. Thank you.

I would do anything for my career. Yeah, it is interesting. Except just burn it down by alleging that Nikki Bella and Artem maybe had feelings for each other before she, at the end of the season. Yeah, I mean,

it's kind of like doubt just because you didn't, you didn't fuck then you still were rubbing genitals. Like there was sexual. Yeah. It's okay. Like you can't turn it off. I don't even begrudge anyone feeling things for other people when they're in a relationship.

Like if you were to get mad at your partner because they felt something for someone else at one point and developed a crush, I mean, you can get mad at them if they let the crush like go on and on and on and like possibly lead to betraying you. But you can't help your feelings, y'all. You just can't help it. And crush is going to happen.

And hopefully you can, you know, talk to your partner about it and crush is going to happen and hopefully you can you know talk to your partner about it and get ahead of it I kind of gave um Chris a scenario the other day where I was like because we're talking about long-term success of our relationship and I was like okay let me give you an example of like maybe something down the road when we are like our worst nightmare of like, we're a couple and like, um, I don't know, like this, I meet someone at a show or something and I just feel some energy in me. That's like,

Oh my God, I'm like attracted this person. And then he makes a flirty joke and maybe, um, you know, our arms touch or something. And I feel it through my body in a way that's like arousing. And then I think about it and like,

can I go to you about that? What would we do? And and he's like is this a real thing that I'm like no it's not I like made up a total scenario and it was funny because he was like this sounds so specific I'm like I'm a writer I'm good at this like and I did you know I pulled from like obviously like things I felt before when I wasn't in a relationship but um he was so five foot eleven and a quarter he's 182 pounds his name's jeff he's from wyoming he was cool about it it is funny though the more specific you get with this situation he has this great opener where he's like oh he's a comedian yeah i well i i did i did kind of chris's worst scenario which is like you're gonna get dazzled by one of these comics who like is funny and charming and like

kills on stage because he's heard my act he knows how i feel about male comedians sometimes how women just cannot help but be attracted to them because instinctually they're you know if you watch my special they look powerful they seem like the tribe leader. Everyone's watching them. There's something like horny about it that you can't help. I luckily have been exposed to it so often that it does not dazzle me anymore. And to be an actual great comedian and to really knock my socks off or get my socks wet from like, you know, my pussy juices flowing down my leg you really have to like be a really good i mean i i see potential in people all the time as young comedians and go wow that guy's gonna be good wow that guy is so good for his age but there's not there i know every comedian now

i've been through them i've seen them all i've been no one's i have you know it's not like but i've like i've seen them all well i've been through them in the sense of like i've trapped i've clocked them do you know what i mean yeah no i get it they've all been in your vagina i guess i get what you're saying they've been through me all yeah they've been through me all y'all but like i there's no one that's gonna emerge on the scene that i'm gonna be like oh my god like i i just doubt it because anyone who's gonna emerge on the scene that i'm gonna be like oh my god like i i just doubt it because anyone who's gonna emerge is gonna be young and comedy is a fair industry like no one is good out of the gate in a way that is good in 15 years there's just no one i would almost like if i was sending

my girlfriend over to do dancing with the stars i'd be like you know what just fuck the guy the first day i'd rather no buildup. Just get it over with because you're going to realize it's okay. It's going to be good. No one should ever let their partner do Dancing with the Stars. I'm not kidding you. Just let them fuck the first day, though. Get it out of the way.

I don't even think, like, if Brenna wanted to become an actress and she got in some movie where she had to have intimate love scenes with someone, I would say the same thing to her there because I just don't think that you can have these, if, if the person's single and you're in this like location

and everything's trying, like, you just, it's not like cheating's gonna happen, but there's going to be a removal from you because you're not gonna be on set. There's going to be this like secret world

that you have with this person and it's gonna get, you're gonna need a plan of action for when these things spring up what if i'm the guy that puts the sock on the guy's cock before he does the love scene if you're there that's fine that's i heard jada pickett smith was there for every one of the love scenes and make out scenes um for will smith will smith did that movie with Margot Robbie. Just looking at him. Oh my God. Just staring. That's so weird. And apparently Margot Robbie and him did have a thing. They did have a thing. If you look online and you go to Deux Mois, which is where I was last night.

There's this one. There's this photo series of them at the after party. You could tell for the wrap party or maybe the premiere party for... What's the stupid movie they did? Blink. I don't even think it's stupid i think it's good i haven't seen it i hear it's good they did a movie together with one word and it's like blink or like space or something and um bounce slap or something yes like slap or something like that and there there's a photo booth pictures of them and you can tell they're both drunk and letting it fly a little bit too much of like them being hooking up and um anyway you think you could be orchestrated do you think like

they're like you know what get in the photo booth we're gonna start no i think i always wonder with like celebrity shit like that it's like we're gonna put you we're gonna have you hold hands we're gonna look strong in the eye and then we're gonna put jada in the back photobombing and i mean yeah it's a good idea it really is have you noticed that justin timberlake and jessica beale like right after he got caught like holding hands with that girl and on the balcony in new orleans while he was filming like afterwards they started wearing all these jazzy outfits together like they match in outfits they're like doing this whole promotional tour for like our relationship's fine go look at like justin timberlake and jessica beale lately i cannot either the relationship is stronger than ever or weaker than ever it's kind of like instagram posting either couples are about to

break up and they're doing one last like push or they're strong and it's consistent. We'll see if the jazzy outfits are consistent, but they keep wearing matching outfits on, in everywhere together. And I'm jealous of the relationship. Um, not that mine isn't great because I do have, it was nice to just like run that scenario by my man SeaWorld and just be like,

uh, and he's like, Oh, you know, I, he had a good, i don't think you'd want me to tell you what he said but he had a good non-nefarious um way of handling it that i liked that maybe if he ever comes on the show we'll talk about it again but um yeah it was

it was because acknowledging those things instead of pretending like they're not gonna happen because if you plan on spending the rest of your life with someone and interacting with other people in the world when your partner isn't holding your hand next to you you're gonna get crushes you know my only thing is like why even bring up a worst case like i feel like with brenna like she'll bring up she'll bring up like things that are why have a planet during a tornado why having why i don't plan i don during an earthquake you should go under a desk? Agreed. I'll just die in the tornado anyway.

You can maybe survive it. No, I'd rather just die. Didn't have the conversation about it. Well, I'll tell you why. Because if you have a relationship that spans decades, someone's going to have a crush on someone else because you are people that have working sexual organs and hormones agreed but my only thing is like i i feel like i'm not saying women but brenna she'll bring up things like four years

from now like what what about four years from now and this is the scenario and i'm like well i'll just we'll do it that we'll deal with it then you know what i mean like why are we even bringing up these future problems or future things like why why do it why you're what i mean like why are we even bringing up these future problems or future things like why why do it why you're gonna die in a tsunami you're gonna go out and clutch seashells when the when the shore starts pulling from the oh yeah i'll be like whoa don't run out and be like guys come on out let's play football they're like remember thailand nah dude that was different yeah no that was different dude you guys are fucking weird, fucking planning. You're not wrong.

I mean, there's ways to handle it in both ways, but I think that I would wonder what Esther Perel would say. Well, we are going to play Esther Perel's game later, and is this accent insulting to her? For some reason, because she's French, I feel like it is not. Because when you mock the French accent inherently, or Austrian, okay, well, still, I feel like Austria is not because when you mock the French accent inherently or Austrian,

okay, well still, I feel like Austria, that region, I feel like I can mock it, not mock it, but imitate it because I inherently think it's better than me. Hey, as a guy from originally Russia and Florida, it's cool. Okay. Thank you so much. Yeah. Andrew gives me a pass. All right. When we get back, I'm going to tell you the thing I read on Dunois

that I was teasing before we realized Andrew couldn't talk. Charlie Chaplin, be right back. Andrew out! Snickers bar. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors.

The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Good people, what's up? It's Questo, Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got

something for everybody, every type of musical ever. We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements and some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers, but we also love speaking to the folks who are making it happen behind the scenes and they pave the way for those that followed.

You know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations like I'm Pete Peel chatting up with hitmaker Sam Holland, Sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe, and I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and The RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else. So make sure you go back and you check those episodes out, all right?

Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction.

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and I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to Crems as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world

that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour like LPGA superstar Angel Yen. I really just sat myself down at the end of 2022 and I was like, look, either we make it or we quit. Expert tips to help improve your swing and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. The drinks were flowing, twerking all over the place, vaping, they're shotgunning. Women's golf is a wild ride full of big personalities, remarkable athleticism,

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stops here if you like witty women then this is is your tribe. With guests like Corinne Stephens. I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happened. And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off because the white said it was okay. Problem. My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, and I called to ask how I was doing. She was like, oh dad, all I was doing was talking about your thing in class. I ruined my baby's first day of high school.

And slumflower. What turns me on is when a man sends me money. Like, I feel the moisture between my legs when a man sends me money. I'm like, oh my God, it's go time. You actually sent it? Listen to the Good Moms, Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday

on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcasts. We're back, and Andrew left us off last, before the break, with a song about, calling it a song is quite a stretch,

about Snickers bars. It's getting shorter and shorter. Yeah. It's like a jingle. Yeah. It's like a jing. Well, that sounds like a slur. You posted recently on Instagram your Cali bit. My what? Your DJ Cali bit.

DJ Cali. No, come on. No, no. I let him say it. DJ Salad. Salad? You said DJ Cali. Yeah.

Yeah. The DJ can get silence, I believe. I'm not wrong. DJ Cali. Yeah. The D, I think, is silent, I believe. I'm not wrong. DJ Khali. Like, the D is very soft, I think. I'm sure his is. Okay, so, yes. Can I just quickly say the Demois thing?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that there was a subreddit that was like, or like a post on Demois that was like, it's all people talking about celebrities. And they're like, what's the best celebrity, what's the best advice you've ever heard from a celebrity? And you might actually have some of this too because you've fallen asleep to books on tape

of celebrities, Andrew, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. On top of it. That's where real good advice comes from, I think, is like when they write books because none of them really know how to talk like in interviews a lot of times. Usually YouTube you get a good quote oh yeah yeah well there was one from god I forget who it was now but it was that um when you make a tv show and

this goes for like anything in your life it will eventually get canceled so make the show you want to make because if they cancel it and you make a show that you're trying to get people to like it's gonna go away eventually there's only so many shows the Simpsons um Friends Seinfeld those are the only shows that I can think of right now that people don't that that ended you know simpsons hasn't even ended but friends and sign federal the two ones that i go oh they walked away from them when they could have kept going but that doesn't that's so rare that's like literally you're a better chance of getting you know struck by lightning while getting eaten by a fucking shark um so your show's gonna get canceled so make the show you want to make i wish I would have read that advice because I think that and I'll probably need to read that again like I think I've gotten

better at it in my life of doing the thing I want to do like the carrot top joke I did the other night that bombed I wanted to do that joke I thought it was funny even though it didn't do well the audience sucked for everyone that show so that was a good news but um not doing what people want of you and doing what you want to do because it's going to something's going to go wrong with it anyway and if it goes wrong at least you can say i did it my way i did it my way that's every man's favorite karaoke song what's interesting too the more you do stand-up if we're just talking about stand-up even when you do well like that kind of goes away too so you might as well do exactly what you want because yeah you know what

i mean i have this whole idea i was talking to myself in the shower i have this like because i'm i'm performing at zany's in nashville and i'm already planning i'm planning the opening and i'm thinking about nashville and i literally told myself this whole like seven minute, not seven, but maybe like four minute story that would be like an opener for Nashville. That's a little out there. But you gave me a pass, I'll say. Yeah. My point is, is like. You looked yourself in the mirror and said, that's fine, dude.

You know when comics do made-up stories, and they're these long-winded stories where you're like, let me take you into this scene. Richard Pryor would do it. And he would like. Yeah. Anyway, so I have this whole idea, and I'm like, I can't do this. What if this bombs? Because to come back from a five minute made-up story would be insane why don't you just do it later why don't you just open yeah when

they've already i mean i know you're gonna do what you're gonna do but like yeah there are tricks of the trade that tend to work so you can get this you can do that and not risk anything because you should open you never listen to my advice on this and it always goes well for you but you can't you have no um uh impulse control when it comes to like something you're excited about like yeah it's that's just who you are and it's like a really good thing about who you are yes like i think that's a good thing for you to follow is like you're the guy that like if there are things to put on your hamburger that will make it taste better but you're hungry and they're across the room you will just eat the hamburger instead of walking to make it slightly better

because maybe it would make it better yeah but maybe the story would have been better off so i mean i would never know like so the idea very quick is like, is like this whole scenario of a guy named Jimmy Ray from a small town in Texas. He doesn't even have Wi-Fi, but he has six songs on a CD, and the whole town believes in him. And he gets in his pickup truck that the whole town paid for him, and he drives all the way to Nashville to meet with Warner Brothers. Warner Brothers goes, you know, how many TikTok followers do you have? Are you trying out a bit right now? No, I'm telling you what the bit is I'm not trying it I'm telling you what

it kind of is gotcha I guess it's kind of already I'm not I'm really it's fine just do it but I would never do that I'm just boggled with when you do this because I'm like people are listening that are gonna be at that show oh yeah okay find out the rest of that come

in yeah I mean what do you does that not register to you because that show. Oh, yeah. Okay. All right. Well, find out the rest of that. Come in. Yeah. I mean, does that not register to you? Because I know people are going to be like, Nikki, don't stop him. You're being a bitch. But I'm like, when you hear something a second time, it takes some of the fun. I mean, I'm just so precious about stuff.

Continue if you want to. But like, do not think of that. I think of that all the time. Well, here's the thing. I don't think I'm going to do it at the show. That's why. Right. You have so many weeks before. Yeah, so I just like almost, I'd rather it be here.

So Jimmy Ray has a mixtape and everyone believes in him. And he goes, he packs up his stuff and he moves to Nashville. And he's like, I'm going to make it, Mom and Dad. And Mom and Dad, you know, sit on the porch and yell, you know, check the oil. Mom stares out the window and says i'm leaving my boy exactly seems he didn't seem like i left long ago so he gets to warner brother and they're like first of all we don't even have a cd player here we can't even listen to your cd but he got hot chicken by the way he had to stop get the hot chicken he heard about that i'm kidding nashville

is like known for hot chicken i like the idea that like he still. Okay. So I got to know you're jumping. You're jumping around. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay. I'll go back. I'm just saying.

But he got the hot chicken. No one's going to know what you're talking. No, in Nashville they'll know. They'll know. No, I know. But even in not, I knew exactly what you're talking about, but I also, I need to play devil's advocate a little bit here and say that you go, he gets to the place. He's got, they don't have a CD player, which is hilarious. say that you go, he gets to the place. He's got,

they don't have a CD player, which is hilarious. But he got the hot chicken. I pictured the record execs with hot chicken. You're in, you have, you planted us in the recording studio. You planted us at the studio at Warner brothers.

And then all of a sudden you go, but he got chicken. It's like, well, he just, no, he got the hot chicken before he went to the studio. Okay.

So you need to say that. Yes. That would be a joke about like his ass the hot chicken before he went to the studio. Okay, so you need to say that. Yes, that would be a joke about his asshole's already burning before he even gets to Warner Brothers. Gotcha, gotcha. Okay, so now he gets to Warner Brothers. Okay, you skipped that part before. Yes. Got it, got it.

Because I was doing the Cliff Note version because I was scared. Okay, well, you can't drop a ham drip without the ham. I don't know what you're talking about. Hot ham. Hot ham. Chicken. So they go, you know, get the fuck out of my office. And then the guy comes out.

It's a gem. Jimmy Ray doesn't even sleep a night in Nashville. He just drives right back to his small town. And he's just so sad. And he's with a dog. A dog somehow showed up. And the dog's. Huh?

The dog showed up in his car? Yeah. Like he's in the back of the truck. He's like, I don't know. I guess I picked this guy up on the way. So the exec comes out. huh the dog showed up in his car yeah like he's in the back of the truck he's like okay no i guess i picked this guy up on the way okay so the exec comes out he goes i don't want another motherfucking jimmy ray in my office i don't want anyone fuck jimmy ray now if we could get jumping jackie from tiktok who has 25 million followers i'd love to have her and they're like

well she doesn't sing he goes that doesn't do you think I fucking care if she sings? And then late at night, he's sitting in his chair. And he comes across Jimmy Ray's CD. And he plays it. And he just starts smiling. Wait, he got a CD player? Yeah, he had one at home. At home, okay.

And it's an old box. It's okay. I just need to home. At home. Okay. And it's an old box. Okay. I just need to go on this journey. I just need to understand where this record executive is. Okay. So he's at home. After he's yelled about Jackie and the fact that she can't sing, he doesn't care. Jumping Jackie.

Who's viral a lot. I mean, this literally is the movie Elvis, if you haven't seen it yet. This is what happens. He's what? He's what? He's what? You mean he's what? Okay, go on. So essentially, he plays the music.

He smiles. He runs back to his office the next morning or drives back. He's so excited. Jimmy J's already killed himself. No, Jumpin' Jackie. Okay. I heard the six most amazing songs in my life last night get jumping jackie's reps on the phone she's we're giving them to her so jumping jackie now

has these amazing songs and jimmy ray five months later is driving in his truck and he hears on the radio his own song by jumping jackie and then he just drives off a cliff. Okay. I think he should go to get a lawyer and sue. I know. I had a few different endings. Okay. One was getting a lawyer and suing. Wait, I don't understand where this story came from. I think this is your fantasy

of what might happen to you or something. Well, no, I think, well, I'm sure it's some kind of projection. I mean, all our stories are about us. About TikToks. And like everyone who's famous now is a TikTok star. And like, you know. Just Nashville. I feel like Nashville more than anything.

The way I look at country music. Well, Jimmy J could go be a songwriter at Nashville. Those people make tons of mun mun. Yeah, that's true. Maybe he'll drive back i believe in jimmy jay i want him in his dog wait jimmy jimmy well i think jim jumping jackie and jimmy ray should collab and jimmy ray the god so so now we're talking i think we should work at warner brothers my other thought is that he was he would do a dance

to his own song by jumping jackie on tiktok and go viral and that's how his career would then okay but man so that whole thing that whole thing to open with would be it would be a fun ride like we had fun yes we had fun yes but i just don't i'm a little confused if it's a joke it like how you get into it like what do you say to them and go my my idea of the nashville dream is i mean i think that that makes sense yes yes yes hey nashville this is how i see you doing it because you're so excited about it hey nashville how's it going okay so jimmy ray he's a guy that believes in himself he's from texas and he gets in his car because remember you are no that was one time that was one time i jade the j no i do it too sometimes where i'm just like i need to get this joke out right away or i'm gonna forget it and so then you, how are you going to get into that though?

I really want to know. No, exactly how you said. Well, I have to joke about how Nashville used to be really country. Now, whatever. Every pickup truck is a bachelorette party mobile. They're like, we're going to live forever. Morgan Wallen wets my pussy. If Johnny Cash was alive today, he would shoot all these people.

Nashville's just not the same. Like Nashville now now i think when i look at a country story of nashville this is how i imagine it something like that yeah yeah okay no i like that i think um i think it's i like it i think it's just i mean i could have fun with it needs all the i don't think it needs the story as much as like your point about i think you could make it just a joke about how you know i don't know it could be yeah it could probably be good songwriters are being replaced by tiktok stars who named something like jumping jackie jumping jackie is so funny though and jimmy ray yeah no are you jimmy ray who wants to know who wants to know? Who wants to know?

Are you Skinny Ray? Who wants to know? Who wants... I mean, that song... This hasn't been that long that good music is not making its way to the front. Because that song was not good. I don't even know that song. Who wants to know about that? Are you Skinny Ray?

Who wants to know? Who wants... You don't remember that song is that 80s definitely knew it um it's almost like i'm blue and i'm from 1989 okay what are the lyrics uh oh it's actually are you johnny ray are you johnny ray are you slim ray are you slim ray who wants to know are you failing are you fey ray who wants to know? What the fuck is this? Are you Faye Ray? I don't know it. Are you Faye Ray? Who wants to know?

Are you Sting Ray? Are you Sting Ray? Yeah. Are you Ray Romano? Are you Link Ray? Are you Sugar Ray? Oh, Sugar Ray. Every morning there's a halo and I'm gonna sometimes host entertainment tonight.

You ever see that video of him getting angry tonight um oh this guy's like mocking him this kid and he just goes nuts he was so cute yeah he was like so my type back in like the 90s like that kind of surfer boy that like kind of looks like he's looking at the sun too like it's like he doesn't have sunglasses on like he's kind of squinting like oh i don't know man he's like hungover looking he can light a match on his face kind of while being a surfer boy they had a couple good hits yeah every morning do you know that hootie and the blowfish hold like the record for the most album sales ever like it's one of the top five and in the world ever and he's had an insane country career on his own too.

I know, but Hootie and the Blowfish were so fucking big back in 1995, 6. How did they come up with that name? And everyone calls him Hootie, you know, like who wouldn't think his name was Hootie? I call him Blowfish. But it's Darius. Blowfish.

I mean, that is insane. What a weird name. It is weird. But it was, I think that was part of their appeal. But almost like you would go, don't do that. Like, if you have a band, you're like, that sounds too ridiculous. I don't know. I always thought if I had a band.

What's a hootie? What is a hootie? It would be called. Do you have any band names? What's a hootie? I don't, I think it was just. Hootie who? Hootie who?

I don't know. Is it an owl? Is a hootie an owl? Maybe. I don't know. I don't think it was ever... Hooty Hoo? I don't know. Is it an owl? Is a hooty an owl? Maybe. No, I don't think anyone's ever called a hooty an owl a hooty. Hooty Hoo? No, have you ever been in a band? Like for a hot minute.

And it was a cover band. Oh, that's a cool band name. For a hoot minute? For a hoot minute. Hot minutes? A hot minute is a good name for a band. What was the band's name? We didn't even get to that part.

Okay. But it would have been a Hoot Minute. Crib Death. Yeah. What was your idea for a band name? You had one. Stars Without Makeup. Oh, that's good.

It reminds me of that Lizzy song. Or Lizzy. What's her name? Stars. Lizzo? She's supposed to be Liz. Oh, Ellie Goulding? Goulding?

No, even before her, there was a song about stars. Mazzy Star? Yeah. Okay, that's not about stars. Her name was about stars. Okay, let's get to the news. How's the song go? How's the the news. How's the song go? How's the song go?

How's the song go? Fade into you. Strange you never knew. That song. No star in it? No. Fade, I was thinking. Fade into you.

Stars fade. Strange you never knew. It is a good song. And she's so beautiful. She looks like Angelina Jolie. Did you ever see that YouTube? She never did anything else. She has a good YouTube video of her singing that at like a day.

Yes. It's like the only video of her. Oh my God. It's just like Fiona Apple, Angelina Jolie looking like. Okay, we got to go to break. We'll come back when we'll, maybe we'll do Why Do I Care? And then we'll play a little game. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show,

which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from Jon and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Good people.

What's up? It's Questo. Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody, every type of musical ever. We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements and some people you've seen on stage or tv or magazine

covers but we also love speaking to the folks who are making it happen behind the scenes and they paved the way for those that followed you know keystones to the culture this season we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations like like I'm Pete Bill, chatting up with hitmaker Sam Holland, Sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe, and I've had pleasures of doing one-on-one conversations with Willow, Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and

The RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else, so make sure you go back and you check those episodes out, alright? Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven and wild and out of control.

My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls, and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community, and I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery,

a story told in 12 steps. Listen to CRIMS as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional

and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour like LPGA superstar Angel Yen. I really just sat myself down about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour,

like LPGA superstar Angel Yen. I really just sat myself down at the end of 2022 and I was like, look, either we make it or we quit. Expert tips to help improve your swing and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. The drinks were flowing, twerking all over the place, vaping, they're shotgunning. Women's golf is a wild ride, full of big personalities, remarkable athleticism, fierce competition, and a generation of women hellbent on shanking that glass ceiling.

Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. The OGs of uncensored motherhood

are back and badder than ever. I'm Erica. And I'm Mila. And we're the hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast, brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened.

And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your tribe. With guests like Corinne Steffens. I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happened. And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off because the white said it was okay.

Problem. My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, and I called to ask how I was doing. She was like, oh, dad, all they was doing was talking about your thing in class. I ruined my baby's first day of high school. And slumflower. What turns me on is when a man sends me money.

Like, I feel the moisture between my legs when a man sends me money. I'm like, oh my God, it's go time. You actually sent it? Listen to the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network. and sends me money. I'm like, oh my God, it's go time. You actually sent it? Listen to the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you go to find your podcasts. All right, we're back. Why do I care? Why do I care? All right. Euphoria's Sydney Sweeney gets candid about the not so glamorous side of hollywood here's her quote it's built to try to make you backstab people it's insane my agent is my best teammate and i'll have her forever i see how people are like we support each other and i'm like

no you fucking don't um and then when asked about whether she talks to co-stars on euphoria about it she said we didn't really talk about that kind of stuff i liked this article because also in it she talks about people being like you're so rich do you own a house and she's like no i have i rent a one bedroom apartment i can't afford a house do you know how much actors make and noah had sent this to me being like you were the first to say this and i don't know if i was the first but i definitely said celebrities do not make a lot of money unless they are tiktok stars and monetizing their youtube channels that's why brie larson has a fucking youtube channel you guys if you don't know marvel isn't making her

enough money because what did sydney sweeney say about that no i thought she said um she's famous dude she's in tons of stuff she is she is the it girl right now and she can't afford how much do you think she's making an episode on euphoria 50 50 yeah and then take that out so 25 literally split that in half yes she has to give five percent to her lawyer she said 10% to my agent, 3% or something like that to my business manager. I have to pay my publicist every month

and that's more than my mortgage. Do you know what publicist costs? $6,000. Between, they were three in 2012, three a month, 3,000 a month and that is not just, you know just for the Brad Pitts of the world.

$6,000 isn't for just the Morgan Freemans. I don't know why his name came to mind. It's for everyone. If you want to publish this, they have blanket. It is a flat rate fee for everyone, $6,000 a month. And that is why I go off and on for having them and i you know sometimes when i'm not having things to promote i i turn that faucet off and i go all you know i'll turn it back on when i have something to do and i was going to turn it off

recently because you know f boy just aired good clean filth came out but then i got i got tour dates to promote and they get me in different magazines and publications locally so i got to keep that faucet on the rest of my life that's six g's a month you guys for you know and they're they're very good at what they do there's no denying that but that is a huge cost and yeah so every time i get any kind of check you know i taxes you already take out i take half i cut it in half and then i just cut that number like i cut like 20 off that number and then i take away that like it's about you know i always give 30 to taxes and then another 30 goes to at least 35 goes to lawyers lawyers, manager, agent, business manager. It's insane.

It's so much money. Yeah, the day of A-list celebrities making like 30 million a movie. Not unless they have a wine company. No, that's why these guys all, Brie Larson has a YouTube channel. You know, Zac Efron is the face of Zodiac beef jerky or some shit, you know, like this is why they, and they don't have touring money.

That's the problem with actors. Like, thank God people are always like, Nikki, are you on the road? And I'm like, yes, because that's the only way I make money.

It's not the only way I make good money from I heart radio. I make good money from TV, but it's not enough because of all the things that you, I have to keep going on tour. And I feel bad for actors who don't have that ability to go on tour i don't feel bad for them but like that is a thing that we get to do she also said uh which that um she goes they don't pay actors like they used to and with streamers you no longer get residuals no rizzies nope i didn't know that you just yeah there's it's it's not uh you know tom cruise made something like a billion dollars like 80 million or something off of top gun because he had points or like you know on the back end

so at some point you can negotiate that stuff. But I mean. That's like one guy. You got to be a real, you got to be good with money to be able to, like you got to be an investor. You have to own property. Like Hannibal Buress owns apartment buildings. You know, Andrew Schultz is starting a whole fucking conglomerate. Like you have to think, you have to be very good with, you have to be good with money. i just thought you could just do whatever like you could just do your talent it's just so not enough

i mean it is it's enough for me but i i'm leaving so much money on some like actors have a finite career i mean oh you know she has till what yes what age to be a big time actor. 36. I mean, look, it happens. And then 36, if she hasn't solidified herself as one of the greats, like one of the great greats, she's not going to get work. Someone yesterday on Chris's show, they were talking about Ashley Judd and they're like, because she got written out of her mom's will. Her and her sister both didn't make it in her mom's will nothing nothing from and you know i think it was like worth 25 million dollars or something

and um they were talking about like oh ashley judd's doing fine she doesn't need money and i go i'm screaming at the radio or my phone i listen on the arch app i'm like no she doesn't first of all she got wine i believe she got Harvey Weinstein'd, where she got... I think she married a race car driver, from what I understand. That's true. But I'm just saying, from acting, that girl is not making money off of, Home is Where the Heart Is from 1998.

She's not raking in those TBS dollars when that airs once a year. She's Jeopardy, that movie, Double Jeopardy, she's not making money off that anymore that money's long gowan and it's just um i just think that we have the site i would have never known so like you know you're an actor you're on tv like you probably have so much money and not to say that fifty thousand dollars an episode is not a fuck ton of money but it doesn't last especially if you have to keep up this image of having lots of money. Like I've told you guys before, when I get styled for a TV show, it is $1,500 before tailoring and, you know, spray tan and hair and

make, and then hair and makeup is at least $500 a piece for, so that's $1,000. So for me to go on Seth Meyers, if I want to get styled, which my stylist wrote to me being like, after I styled myself for Seth Meyers, I just spent the $1,000 on an outfit. And they wrote to me being like,

hey, if you need us for anything, you could tell they were like, that was a miss, honey. You need us. Like they're just, but do you were like that was a miss honey uh you need us like they're just but do you think it was honestly a miss i could have looked better my hair was um not my favorite but um who did the outfit um i didn't do it i got that was hbo actually paid for me to have that's what i'm saying so for that i don't know i mean sometimes i think you got to be like well what is the cost effectiveness of

like why do i need to spend that much money it's huge because i look amazing every time i do something and that's i know but i'm saying though if you looked amazing i can't be adam sandler wearing basketball shorts on letterman you know i think it would be i think it'd be amazing yeah one one person can do that and then it would be funny but you as a woman you need to look like sorry you need to look a certain way and you don't need to but in order to keep the image up like you're killing it like i talked to um we'll get to the game in just a second that's my last thing uh a female a fellow female comic wrote me or sent me a voice memo yesterday. A fellow Philly. Sent me a message yesterday saying that she saw my special and how it made her, she loved it.

And it made her laugh and like almost cry because she was like, you just talked about so many things that I didn't even, you know, know I was grappling with. And it was so nice. And she was like you know I'm really struggling right now um in my career and this is someone who you would not think is struggling and it was so nice to hear that from her because listen I know that everyone I attribute so much success to struggles but it was nice to hear this and I think she had she was kind of writing to me and being like I know you're killing it right now like Like maybe I could hear you tell me something about how you chose to do. You're so yourself. You're so you, how did you be able to turn that into what you've turned into? And I was like, babe,

read my interview magazine interview because you will see the truth behind all of this, which is like, it's all like, no matter how much I look like i'm killing it how coiffed i am how much i'm i'm on hbo i have a special i have a podcast i am on conan i'm like i still question everything every day and still am jealous of people still feel like i'm hanging on by a fucking thread i still don't know what i'm gonna do in the future I still like I've achieved all these things and then they didn't bring me the kind of happiness that I'm looking for like I'm grateful for everything I've gotten but it's still it's never enough and so I'm I'm desperate to always let other people know like yes I don't want to say that I'm not killing it and that my life isn't

so blessed and I'm not so lucky but it's not don't ever ascribe any perfection onto me because it ain't what it looks like and I wish more people would do that because I know all these people I prescribe or prescribe whatever write a prescription for perfection yeah by you know Pfizer um that they're not feeling that way and and I like that Sidney sweeney came out and said that like it's not you know it's it's not what it looks like and uh we don't all love each other on set and it's not it's just so nice to hear that because god it hurts to look at this stuff sometimes to go god they're fucking killing it and as someone who looks like they're killing it online all the time i'm telling you it's it's not what it looks like.

And not that I'm like so depressed you should worry about me or anything or that I'm not grateful for my life, but God, it does not change anything. Why do you think people get such positive response from someone looking like they're larger than life? I always wonder that because, I mean, I get tricked sometimes too. You know, you'll look at someone and be like, oh my are killing it man whoa i'm i'm nothing compared to that which you know it sucks to have that feeling but you know it's just so weird how like we'll see someone on a private jet and be like man what a fucking awesome person you know what i mean like we give them such power because we want to be happy everyone wants to be happy

and it looks like happiness they're happy yeah yeah we think they're happy we think like if i had that i would be happier i would be more loved i would be all these things you know i would have and and no and then it's like it even if you know that things aren't what they seem it somehow doesn't really make a difference it's it's weird like i'm really frustrated by this psychological phenomenon where like you can trace what makes you fucked up and be like okay i go after this type of person because my dad did this or whatever and that does and you can uncover it all but it doesn't change what you're attracted to you know like anya was saying to me in a text the other day she was like because i was talking about my jealousy issues and she was like but you know that it doesn't make you happy and i'm like it doesn't matter

that i know that i know that i know i've read statistics about it i've read books about you make as long as you're making two hundred thousand dollars your happiness above that will not change i know that for a fact doesn't change it so why doesn't the cog why won't it work that you know it emile and i were talking about it emile this weekend was in montreal and had the best showing and he's having all these huge successes come his way in what like from one performance and he's like and then i had a bad set or like i had a mediocre set later at a bar the show he jumped onto that you know they were all french and so they didn't understand him and that's probably why he didn't do as well as he wanted and he's like and i just feel like

i'm a huge fraud and that i don't deserve any of this and i'm like god man and he's like he goes but it doesn't matter that i know it doesn't matter that that set doesn't matter and that all these things are still true feel it it's still it still doesn't knowing something the only thing where knowing it changes it has been that back book, healing back pain. When you know your back pain is from your cognitive struggles and your mental turmoil, your back pain will go away.

And I wonder why, knowing that you go for unavailable men because you're seeking the love that your father never gave you or whatever you unpack in therapy, why that doesn't't make it stop i'm still attracted to the same men even though i know that they're bad for me and that i'm only attracted to them because my dad didn't love me enough like why doesn't that make it go away and that's what people have a problem with talk therapy it's like yeah i'm figuring out why i do things but that doesn't change the fact

that i still want those things so when does that end does it ever end it ends when it what I believe and I don't know this to be true but I believe you start doing inner work and you start giving up this idea that you can change yourself and you just accept yourself and when you're able to accept

yourself then comes the love for yourself and when you really truly love yourself then you can start making good decisions but just knowing that you're fucked up doesn't make you able to it's it's a it's the first step literally in your aa the first step is admitting you have a problem and seeing but if that was it there wouldn't be 11 more steps after that then you'd be done you know acknowledging the problem is not enough and changing too quickly doesn't really work you know what i mean like even if you could trick yourself and be like i'm done fucking those kind of guys i'm over that i'm on the nice guys i'm a

different person today about being in a relationship and thinking your partner will never be attracted to someone else like you can you can say i'm gonna love you forever and i'm never gonna like anyone else you can't help your feelings. It's funny you say that. That's a Jimmy Ray song, actually. You can't help your feelings when you're driving straight out of town. The road behind you is longer than before.

That actually happened to Garth Brooks. You know that? What? Garth Brooks drove, and now that I think about it, maybe that's why the story was in my head he drove from oklahoma i think to nashville failed miserably like in two days and left went right back to oklahoma and then came back another time isn't that crazy whoa that other time that's the ticket keep trying i like this other quote that I read in the Columbine book that said, when you're going through hell, keep going.

Tony Finau, he goes, I'm not a winner. I'm just a loser that didn't stop trying. Oh, I like that. Yeah, it's really nice. That's really good. I might have messed it up, but that was pretty close. No, that's the same thing. Like, if you're going through hell, keep going.

Like, don't stop. Final thought, let's play the quick-ass-there-paral game. Oh, the lotion game? Yeah. Okay, all right. So the prompt card is share something unbelievable. Okay. And the story is a time I unintentionally hurt someone.

Okay. Mine is, um, the day Burt Reynolds died, I was at dancing with the stars promo shoot and it was, um, we were backstage and I got an alert on my phone. Like we all did,

you know, like a push notification from the, you know, fucking CNN actor, Burt Reynolds dies, age, whatever. And I just said, my phone like we all did you know like a push notification from the you know fucking cnn actor burt reynolds dies age whatever and i just said oh my god burt reynolds died like just whatever and this guy goes what and i was like where i don't know he's like oh my god he's a really dear friend and i was like oh my god fuck and that was a good lesson i learned that like and it was the same reason i got loud at the about the pete davidson guy like celebrities know are loved by

people and have people that care about them and have personal relationships and when you mouth off about them nikki about you know everyone i talked about today on this episode like their relatives might hear and like care about them and like don't want to hear you say bad things and so it was a lesson that i probably needed to learn early on in this episode what about you guys unintentionally that's tough because it's usually intentional um no no no but like sometimes like there's a I love that you just no, no, no. No, no, no, no. Like we were going, Andrew, no. And you're like, no, no, no.

But it was just dead silence. Please stop. Please stop. Okay. Yeah, we weren't saying anything. Okay, okay, okay. Settle down, everyone. Settle down.

Everyone, calm down. Calm down. What I meant was that... that well that was a joke that obviously didn't land cared up i was in between unintentionally like when you when you unintentionally like it was it was it wasn't pre how do i put this just tell it so like when i filled up when i when that guy helped me fill up my gas okay so i was driving through florida i stopped in a small town in florida this guy jimmy jimmy ray no no this is believable though this is not unbelievable that was part of the prompt so i stopped in florida with my buddy glenn i parked on the wrong gas station and i filled up my car with diesel

yes i filled up my whole fucking car tank with diesel and i had to shove the fucking thing it didn't even fit in my gas tank i just i was like man these gas tanks are weird in the middle of no oh my god i love the struggle to do something that you don't even need to be doing. So anyways, this guy ended up siphoning it out at two in the morning. He had to literally put the gasoline in his mouth. It was the nicest thing pretty much anyone's ever done for me. It took him about an hour to siphon it out with his mouth and I was like, I'll pay you $200.

And I never sent him the check. And you were like, I'm going to send it to you, man. Don't worry about it. I'm going to get it to you. And he gave you his address and everything. Yeah, he gave me his address. And that's why I've told Andrew through the years, you have to spend $200

and pay it forward to someone who doesn't see it coming. You have to get rid of that karma. Or if you know this guy, it's in Pensacola area. No, no, no. Just give $200 to a charity and then you'll be good for the world. But is that unintentional or intentional?

That's my point. I don't know if that's... That wasn't intentional. I didn't want to hurt him. Well, you can fix it by donating $200 to something. And then it will be literally your karmic debt to the world will have been paid. All right. I'll give $200 to a homeless guy tomorrow.

To a golf center. To a golf center for a set of clubs. For a membership, yeah. Noah, do you have one? Yeah. So this happened when I was in high school. And the unbelievable part about it is that you won't believe that I ever did this to someone. My friend and I, we just found this guy.

This was like the time of chat rooms online. This is Noah who meant to murder right now. I know. Cyber bullying, I think. You're about to find out. And we pretended to be, like, we found this guy from our school. He was not in our class, just some random guy. And we pretended to be a girl that really liked him.

And he wanted to meet us, meaning the girl. And we, like, arranged, oh, yeah, let's meet by the doors on the second floor. And he came. He was at the doors, like a single rose, and we just looked through the stairwell doors, and we never showed up. And that, like, I didn't, you know, at first we thought it was funny.

You need to go fuck someone in a stairwell to make this right in the world. Yeah. While holding a rose in high school. A guy that smells like gas. And he'll pay you $200. You guys figure this out. Money involved? Oh, that's...

Listen, that has been a dream of mine. To fuck with someone and tell them to... With someone that deserves it. To make them think... I know. My buddy did that. After he had sex with someone that deserves it, you know, to like make them think. I know. And that's my buddy did that one after he had sex with a girl. He goes, yeah, meet me out under the dock out on sunset. Oh, you're friends with that male comedian that I know did that to women he slept with.

Who? Chris D'Elia? No, no, no. No, no, no. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down, you guys. No, no, no. We got to go.

Thank you guys so much for listening to the show. We have one more episode this week. It'll be tomorrow. We love you so much. We're going to hear your fan threats tomorrow. I'm in L.A. Andrew's in St. Louis. Noah's in Arizona.

Don't be cute out there. And Jack the God. A car up. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind.

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or wherever you go to find your podcast. People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season, but, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss

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