The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #256 On Delay! On Delay! w/ Ian Fidance

Episode Date: August 10, 2022

Nikki and Andrew catch up with their pal Ian Fidance who hosts the new podcast Bein' Ian ...w Jordan. Ian reminds everyone about the time he had to check Andrew's penis at Au Bon Pain. Nikki shares how she met Ian on the set of Bonnie McFarlane's movie and what their roles were. They talk about tattoo culture and break ups. In order to save her voice and still make her commitments, Nikki invites a college radio DJ named Justin to interview her on the pod for a very funny mashup. Noa gives them a quiz about Gen Z terminology and they all understood the assignment! ----------------- Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Get Pod Merch: Podshop.NikkiGlaser.com Nikki's Tour Dates: www.nikkiglaser.com/tour Andrew's Tour Dates: www.andrewcollincomedy.com   More Nikki: IG More Andrew: IG  More producer Noa: IG    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Seven questions, limitless answers. The Nikki Glaser podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the show. It's Nikki Glaser podcast. It's Tuesday. I'm back in St. Louis with Andrew Collin in studio. We have special guests all this week. As I said on last Thursday, I announced it on our Instagram story. But I have vocal cord damage. Damage, that's French for damage. It's not. And I need to not talk outside of my podcast and my contractual obligations. And so I'm a little quiet baby, baby,

a little baby bird who can't talk no more. I love that. Like I can only talk on my podcast, my five other things I'm doing. And, uh, you know, it's just,

no, well, I can't talk. I can't hang out with anyone anymore. I can't have, I can't talk on the phone. I, um,

I'm seeing my therapist today because i'm losing my fucking mind not being able to talk or have friends anymore um so i will be talking to her but other than that no talking i was just thinking about why you've been so quiet to me since you got here and then i forgot that you have vocal rest or you hate me i don't know what it is yeah you kept looking over at me it It's so... I forgot. Andrew does this thing. I forgot. Do you realize that everyone can see? Do you have peripheral vision? Is that where I can see dead people?

Let me just bring in our guest. Yeah, there he is. Because I need the help. Today, not only is Noah joining us from Arizona, but back by popular demand, and because I just love him so freaking much, you knew him from multiple hundreds of appearances on You Up with Nikki Glaser on Sirius XM. And then he was also on my podcast that I did during quarantine a lot. One of my best friends.

He's in New York. He has a new podcast coming out very soon. When is it dropping, Ian Fidance? It dropped yesterday. It's called Be an Ian with Jordan. Me and Jordan Jensen have what? Wait, Be an Ian with Jordan? Yeah, me and Jordan Jensen have a podcast.

We got the Lumineers to do the theme song. And it's like Pee Wee's Playhouse. Oh, I didn't know. I don't know who Jordan is. You have so many friends. She's hilarious. You got to many friends. She's hilarious. You got to know her. She's the girl that's in the in the.

I of course I know who she is. She's so funny. She works the cellar, right? She works the cellar every night. She's fucking hilarious. Yeah, she's great. I see her clips all the time. She's so funny.

I'm sorry I didn't. I was picturing a boy. Tell her she's a boy name and I don't like it. Well, I also have a boy in my basement, but he's not part of the show. Show him. It's great. I'm so excited. It's really fun.

Be an Ian. It's like a be an Ian in prison for the boy. But you got the lumineers to do the, oh no, he has a. It's a shofar. A shofar. Yeah, it's a very dewy thing. It's a shofar. A shofar? Yeah, it's a very dewy thing. It's a shofar. Shana Tova.

Well, shofar, we're not impressed. So tell me, Ian... You went shofar. You used to always bring in a little slide whistle in your jacket. I used to have a slide whistle. Now I have a ram's horn. Ian Fightance is one of the funniest people. If you don't know who he is, maybe ever to live,

he makes me laugh so hard. He's one of the only people who has conjured pee to come out of my vagina hole when I've been around him because he makes me laugh so hard. Even when he's sad, he's funny. He is all over the place. He is so honest. What else about Ian?

I showed him my penis because I thought I had an STD. When was that? That's when you first met? No, we were at a restaurant. We were at lunch with you. Did Ian throw up like your dick doctor did? We were at Obon Pain and Andrew put me in a lot of pain

when I had to look at his penis. It was really something. You didn't have to get on your knees. Oh yeah, we were in the room. It was so small. I had to get in there. I've never seen Braille on a penis. Well, it was just a reflex for him. A guy takes off his pants.

Wait, so Ian, you did look at Andrew's penis? What did you think was on it? You were just having anxiety about... I thought I might have had herpes, but it turns out to be... Ingrown hair? Yeah. Always ingrown hair. Or mesculum.

It was enough to make my doctor throw up, so I thought it was bad. Molluscum contagiosum. Yes. I love that you knew exactly what it was. He definitely probably ran into something similar before. How do you know the Lumineers? Oh, so Wes Schultz has become a dear friend of mine, the singer. He was at greenwich

village comedy club years ago uh and there were like eight people there and all the comics were going up they're like i'm so embarrassed i'm sorry the lumineers are here and there's no one here this sucks and i went up and i was like are you really in the lumineers and he was like yeah i was like i was in a scab in high school. I get it. Anyway, and then I just like was myself. You just didn't care. Yeah, I didn't give a fuck. And you guys started chatting afterwards.

Yeah, you're someone who makes friends with everyone. You're friends with so many people. Oh, thanks. Yeah, I have worms in my brain. I can't be alone. You're just a person that has always been just like a little sponge for friends i met you on the set of bonnie mcfarland's film um uh anything boys anything boys can do i think is that what it was called yeah a b c d yeah i think that was the

acronym for it but we met because he at the end of the movie, I'm like a murderer and I tie up this guy that I'm murdering and Ian played the guy I tied up. And so we met at this hotel room on this shoot and he just like, I was just like, you are, much like how I met Andrew, just was like,

what are you? Will you just be my best friend? Please bring it in. And it, you were just so funny and so fun. And, um, I'm so happy to see your success and that,

that you have a theme song with the lumineers and you have a really cute, um, intro video for your podcast that I love. Just you like skipping around town, just be an Ian. And it's, and you've got the lumineers to sing about you, like taking it or

giving it to a guy in the ass right well no not a guy just in general I'm off guys that was my Bowie phase oh you are yeah yeah yeah yeah that was a fun that was a wet phase my Bowie phase David Bowie you're on a

delay for some reason can we alleviate this because it's hell. If you have a podcast, you've got to fix this. Dude, I'm... It's like I'm getting a weather report from Al Roker in... You don't have a hurricane in 1997. Do I need headphones?

Yeah. I don't think it's the headphones. It's not, because if you can hear me, it's it's i don't know it's that reception in the basement yeah are you gonna have guests on this podcast that you do you have on remotely look look lady it's fucking 2022 almost 2023 we're not doing zoom anymore we're not in the middle of a pandemic it's everything's live well you don't need to then you don't need to be on this show then because that's how you're a year brother awesome you just tried to shut us off y'all um your studio does look awesome and uh i love how much work you put in this podcast i hope it's gonna be your your your big thing it and i think it will be i think it's gonna it's gonna get you i mean

you were friends with so many people who are huge comics who really believe in you and um and everyone's been talking the gospel of ian for so long and i think that people are obviously catching on you did a thing for a while during the pandemic and I think shortly before it called stolen valor where you would just you know there's a thing called stolen valor where people if you are dressed in military regalia to get like a discount on donuts or something like a lot of people pretend to be served just so that they can get laid or get discounts or just like you know they have personality disorders and people will film them like you know a real veterans will film going up to them and confronting them and being like okay what battalion were you in you're a fucking liar you pussy and then they confront them and it's

just like really fun to watch so ian does a thing how do you do stolen valor well i i love stolen valor because you see the people affected by it around the soldier like it's usually a heavy blonde wife in a mall and it's some guy that's like what's that what's that patch on your shoulder and it's just some overweight autistic guy that's like my sergeant was in kentucky and he's like stole a valor stole there my friends died and there's a wife that's like keith keith stop keith and he's like shut up he's like having a mid-war flashback and videotaping it all so i go to people on the street and do the same exact thing except my wife lives in my head and i uh i i yell at people when they're faking the funk for like wearing a band t-shirt that they don't really like the band or like have you ever uh called out stolen valor and been wrong like and they're

like actually i know all the hits like have you ever yeah because he'll be like stolen valor you're wearing checkered sketchers and you've never been in a ska band stolen valor yeah yeah the guy's like dude i was in one for seven years dude one one time i went up it was november 1st and i was in a like a sketchy part of queens and everybody was lined up to go into a bar in halloween costumes and i stolen Valor them for it not really being Halloween. And I was like, grow up. It's not Halloween. You don't deserve to be Spider-Man.

And, uh, I forget what happened to the video, but I, they really, really didn't like it. You really, um,

is there, is there ever a part of, are you only able to do that stuff because you can flee the scene right afterwards because i'm pretty good at being able to do embarrassing things like that as long as i'm able to like flee and then i watched certain people like i've been watching nathan fielder's new show and he will do things that are uncomfortable not like that but just you know things that make people uncomfortable or make people go what's wrong with that person and he'll sit in it are you someone that can sit in in things because i think you you kind of can can't you i mean i can and i can't i mean i think that's why i have so

many friends because i have a hard time sitting with self so i'm constantly like on the go at all yeah i mean your legs are twitching already um how did you even get that fucking sleeve of tattoos on your leg with how much you fucking twitch i know it's the only time i'm still when i have a needle in my body um so well the last time that ian and i hung out um i was in new york and i was going through a breakup for three days and so ian was also going through a breakup oh sorry and um yeah and he and i was was like, for the first time ever, during breakups, I've dyed my hair brown before. I've gotten bangs.

I got Invisalign, which I'm still having from the time that I got it broken up. I just needed to change something. It's so funny to imagine you not getting Invisalign and just getting adult braces after a breakup. You look like a secretary to Dennis' office. Just like, what?

Wearing your night gear all the time. My next breakup, I'm going to stop wearing my Invisalign. I'm going to go back to Crooked Teeth. So then you'll never get a guy. Yeah. I don't know it looks british that is true oh no there's people listening that are british wait so ian ian was like man i want to get a tattoo like i forget what i or i said it because i was like for the

first time in my life i kind of want to get a tattoo like i want i i don't i know that it's so cliche to have a thing that you do after a breakup to really like you cut your hair or you get a new style or you do you know blackface or something that really just changes the way you look but i know there's something about getting a tattoo that's like the before and after and wait so it sends a message to the person that hurt you that goes or that that you feel was your past life that I've moved on. Like you used to love, the girl you used to love didn't have tattoos.

Now I can't go, like you will never love me. I'll ruin the person that you thought that you had. There's something in it about that. So what were you gonna get? And I also, well, I'm gonna get to that, but I also was thinking like, how do you always read my mind? It's on your forehead.

So that was a temp that I got this weekend. So, but I was realizing that I think now it is more to not, to be proud that you don't have a tattoo, to not get a tattoo because you're like i don't have a tattoo and i'm in this special club is actually good oh okay having a tattoo now you can still not have a tattoo if you're just like i just don't want a tattoo but if you're not getting a tattoo and you want to get a tattoo but you're not getting one because you want to remain pure

and different than people that get tattoos, you are actually doing the opposite of what you think you're doing, and you are actually could. And I've convinced my sister of this as well, because she wants to get a tattoo, too. And we are both, she's going to be divorced pretty soon, based on that. But she wants to get one, too. And so I did get one, but Ian and I were thinking about what what to get. And we were like drawing things in a notebook. And I think we landed on something. Ian is going to get a tattoo that I recommended to him.

Ian, will you get that one that I recommended? What one was it? Oh, well, I thought you would remember. It's well, there's there's this meme. Have you guys ever seen the meme? Oh, yes, yes, yes yes yes yes yes yes will you describe it yeah okay so it's like um it's a dinosaur con like it's a it's a cartoon comic of a dinosaur of a t-rex comic stand-up comic and it's four panels and the dinosaur says like a joke

and then he says this setup. And then he says the punchline. And the punchline is like so incredibly bad. And then you see the people in the crowd and it's other little dinosaurs. And they look so scared and awkward. And it's such a fun thing to send when someone doesn't respond to you in a text. Yes. And Ian is one of the best people with memes and gifs like gifts everyone say he is just an expert at sending the perfect thing that will make you laugh so hard if you have the privilege of

ever being able to text with ian finance he just sounds the funniest shit ever but he sent this one time and there's this little dinosaur in the background of it, I want you guys to go find this. Just type in dinosaur stand-up comic meme, M-E-M-E, and then look at the cutest little dinosaur in the back of the table because there's a bunch of tables of dinosaurs, and there's this little dinosaur that is so adorable, and I guess he's a little like a, you know, what's the ones that fly?

Pterodactyl? Yeah, he's a little pterodactyl, he's so cute and i want you to get him so badly and i will get him too if i end up getting like lots of tattoos i will end up getting that now tell me the difference with tattoo culture i recently heard there's this comic who's the um the female comic really pretty natalie cuomo yes yes okay okay well she has a ton of tattoos but she was saying on her instagram i think she's really funny and i like her a lot she um she was saying that she was like not all of these tattoos are god there was a word for it like when you get a tattoo and it's just like spur of the moment uh yeah what is it called there's like tattoo culture where they're like impromptu no it's like it's a cool word flash that's it

she's like now these are not all flash these are patchwork this is not a sleeve this is intentionally not a sleeve everyone's saying like you should get a sleeve i don't want to sleep the sleeves don't age well she had like all this it was like interesting to hear like the thought process behind tattoos because it seems like it is so willy-nilly much like yours were andrew yeah mine were a lot of thought this was because a jaguar i like the face i was gonna get a tiger but then i was like everyone has a tiger so then i went to the jaguar oh it's nice oh my god oh yeah you just got one did you just get that one on your knee no i've had this it's a jaguar with a dagger through its head yeah this one's just more chill this one's just hanging out this is before he started drinking this is the jaguar before heroin yeah no i i got i thought there were a ton of jaguars in florida i

learned there were none i didn't even google it before I got it. And then? And then I got a palm tree because I knew those were in Florida. You're missing the two big mistakes, though. Oh, the writings on the wall? Yeah. Puddles? Your first. Yeah, I don't know.

I'm probably switching the name. Did you get jackpot first or puddles? Puddles first and then jackpot I got. And you got separately two different days. Yeah. Yeah. Jackpot was at a real shitty place in west village and i think they they weren't it wasn't centered the guy didn't even have his station set

up he kind of did i don't know i don't even know if they were open do you look at that tattoo and go what was i thinking or are you just like oh because i kind of like tattoos when it's a bad decision because i like i've said this before i like when i have scars on my body from like day you know when i did last comic standing in Chicago in 2006 I remember I was walking to Starbucks and the door cut me on my hand and I still have a scar from it and it just reminds me of that day and I think it's so cool and it was that's why I like it and I want tattoos because of that that's what tattoos are everyone's like it's got to have meaning no the tattoo itself is meaningful for the time in your life that you got it all my tattoos tell a story bitch

yes um no i can't see the sign you're holding up but i do want to know noah do you have any tattoos because i don't think you do i don't have tattoos. I'm glad that I never got the tattoo that I really wanted, which would have been at the age of 16 or 17, and it would have been Axl Rose's face on my entire back. No. Jesus. Wait, no. And then the word Rocket Queen.

What? What does that mean? Why? I didn't know you were a Glenn Rose fan. Like a Steve-O thing? Like your whole back would have just been Axl's face? I was obsessed with Axl Rose. And it was...

But is that such a gamble to get his face? Because those can be so bad, Noah. Like faces are so tricky. Do you have any faces, Ian? No, but also Axl Rose gained a lot of weight, so you would have had to put on a lot of back fat if that happened. Just to keep it. Yeah, with his cornrows.

Correct. Wait a second. Ian, do you have any portraits on you? No, I don't really like tattoo portraits. I truly like flash. I like the old American traditional style tattooing. What, what is on the wall?

What you see is what you get. And you just piece these pieces together. I really love roses, butterflies, uh, skulls. I just like it. I think it looks really neat.

I, um, Jennifer Aniston has a tattoo of her dog's her dead dog's name on her foot oh so that she can remember

his name I mean it's it she has it on her foot and I um is that what you're thinking about getting Luigi well

yeah but I I have to kill him first he's to die so I'm gonna put him down because I really want to get it that was a joke I did on Conan and it didn't go well on Conan either

um no I was just thinking about like do you really want to get it. That was a joke I did on Conan, and it didn't go well on Conan either. No, I was just thinking about, like, do you really have to wait for him to die, though? No, no, no, no. You could probably get him. I'm going to actually get – I think the tattoo I would get is Kirsten draws really cute drawings. And Kirsten's my best friend since fourth grade. And she draws, like, these amazing little drawings. And her husband has all their animals of Kirsten's drawings, like, on his arm. And they're so cute. She just does the drawings and she's it's one of my favorite

things about her where would you put it and so she drew me a bunch of luigi's i want to get it on the bottom of my foot because i want it to be i know this is weird but i want it to be my secret i want it to be i want to have a tattoo that no one knows i have not even like my lovers like i want i want it to be for me i want it to be my own joke with myself yeah because i feel like i i want to have things that i feel like i give i always share so many things and i never have any secrets and i just never have anything that i keep to myself and i want something that like has and maybe not even luigi something that no one even knows about me that means something to me that is a private thing that I've like been through I don't even know

but I honestly I gotta get something that's private because everything I fucking share with everyone so let's take a quick break and come back with more with Ian Fidance and me telling things that I'll never be able to get tattooed on me because they aren't secrets right after this Andra remember

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So we're doing something a little special on the show today. I am stacking the guests this week and for weeks coming up because I didn't finish what i was saying but i got um i have polyps on my vocal cords and i had a hemorrhage and my vocal cords are bleeding and have been damaged for many many many years and i may never even remember what it was like to not have damaged vocal cords i don't know what happened to me but at some point um something

happened and my vocal cords have been i've been operating with damaged vocal cords i don't know what happened to me but at some point um something happened and my vocal cords have been i've been operating with damaged vocal cords for my entire career so i'm very excited i'm getting surgery september 6th or 8th i think and um so there we'll figure out what to do in the podcast for that but i will be back better than ever and i'm not scared i'm not in pain it's just the way it sounds and I have to be on vocal rest. And I know I don't sound any different than I have before, but that's because I have been walking on broken legs my entire career and I continue to,

but I'm getting them fixed. You might as well go all out if you're getting the surgery. I was thinking of getting like a facelift at the same time and also getting my, I'm getting, because I have to take three weeks off

where I don't talk at all. Yeah. And so I can't do any work. Essentially, I can't do anything. Please don't tell my book agent that. I literally can't do anything because I don't want to write a book during this time. I really want the time off.

And I was thinking of getting a BBL. Everything I want to get done. Yeah. Yeah, well, BBLs are out now because Kim Kardashian's getting all her fat sucked out now. And now my ass is back in. And right when my fucking flat ass is becoming in again, I'm getting an ass.

It's like nothing is working. Okay. So I'm bringing in guests all this week. And up until my surgery, we'll have guests. And then once I have my surgery, we'll see what happens. And you can send your flowers to uh four six four two i'm just kidding uh that was close right andrew looked at me like you're gonna give the real address it's like no i mean i don't know you're reeling the flowers though i could see you um but uh so today i also am um i'm not able to do press anymore i'm not not able to do interviews, nothing extra.

I mean, I have a contract with iHeartRadio. I have a contract with certain TV appearances. So I am still keeping those. And those are the only times I am talking in my life. I don't get to talk socially anymore. I don't get to do anything else outside of that. And so when I got approached to do a radio interview by a nice gentleman on

Instagram in my DMs, I said, I would love to do it, but we're going to have to do it on my podcast because that's the only time I can talk. So with us today is Justin. Justin, where are you from again? I am from Long Island, Nassau county and uh i've been a fan of yours for so long so it's such an honor to get to talk with you right now i'm so excited to talk to you so you said that this and then this interview is for it's for my college graduated from there a couple of years ago and then i ended up you know working there and uh i have a show that kind of features pop culture. And I love talking about comedy.

So I figured I'll get one of the hottest rising stars in comedy who's been kicking ass for the last. Thank you. You're up there. Thank you so much, Justin. I appreciate it. Oh, Ian, you take a back seat. Ian Fidance is here. But Justin is. So we are. So this will air

on Justin's radio show. Justin, where can people find your radio show? What is it called? It's called The Radio Rumble. And you know, you were talking about having surgery. I had surgery a few years ago and I've never talked about that on the radio. My surgery involves...

I can't believe I'm saying this. It's called anal fistula surgery and it was we know a lot about it man it was i'm listening guy right here mike it was um my podcast co-host andrew collin has um anal fissures and had that same surgery yeah yes i had the exact same surgery uh did you did they tear your tushy wider to help the fissure, which is weird? No, so there's a difference between a fissure and a fistula. I've had fissures as well, but basically it's no good. The bottom half is just, it's a mess.

I know what a fistula is because of an Oprah episode in the late 90s, early 2000s about women who in sub-Saharan Africa, for some reason, oh, when they get like clitorectomies or something, they get fistulas, which are essentially holes. That's how I got it. Between the lining between their anus and their vagina. And so they will have anal leakage into their vagina.

Yes. And so what was going on? So you had a fistula, which is a hole, man. Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah. So then the hole would like fill up and it would just grow this like engorged sort of thing. And it would burst like every three or four years

this would happen. Oh, man. To the point where... So then eventually I was like, I need surgery on this. And I finally got it. And I've had no issues since. So it's been like three years.

That's really interesting. Well, thanks for sharing that. What, Ian? I love how you toughed it out for four years of like, you know what? I got a hole in my high knee. And it's bleeding into my penis. I did the same thing. It'll go away.

This is what people do. It is so rare that someone actually gets surgery when they need it or addresses problems when they need it. It always becomes something that people address once it's gone past the point of no return. The only reason that I'm getting vocal cord surgery, I've been told for years,

there's something going on. I went to go see a specialist. They told me had polyps they said i needed surgery and they were like you don't need it today but it's and it's just like you just you just wait until it's so bad that you can't do anything anymore and the same thing for you andrew like it's it's just yeah i had uh the fisher stuff and yeah you because what happens is it comes and goes. So if anything comes and goes with anything in life, you're like, oh, well, it's good for four days. I'm fine.

Yeah. If it's every day and then it starts becoming more and more every single day. And that's when you finally take care of it. It's like anything. It's like alcoholism. It's like a drug addiction. It always starts like, oh, this is manageable. I can drain my fistula when it starts acting up.

Because I had a thing called a ranula. Look up a ranula. I think I've talked about it before. I used to chew so much gum because I had an eating disorder, and I would just chew gum in between meals to prevent myself from eating, that I got abrasions inside my mouth because of just overuse, and it would callous, and it block my my uh tongue duct like my saliva and it would ranula is latin for bullfrog like the bullfrogs like bubble and so it would

look like i had a bullfrog's bubble and i would have to pop it with a needle and i would do it all the time i would do it at work and i would just drain it because it was just like saliva inside of it would you sterilize this needle i mean I would like do you know do with a fucking mat lighter you know whatever that does and over time I started getting a callus on the thing itself because I was just stabbing it so much so then I had by the time I went and got it done it was so embarrassing because he goes what the hell have you been doing and so that's's not why I had- You're like that radio DJ in Long Island with Oficiala. Well, this is not why I had Justin on the show. Justin wanted to interview me about my career,

but I love that this- Speaking of Oficiala. This is so often what happens in interviews is that we will always go off topic and just start sharing things. And I'm glad you admit it because I'm sure there's listeners out there. I mean, I don't know um you probably have a couple dozen yeah i'm sure one of those

has no someone who who has experienced this or has some embarrassing kind of ailment that they're like i've never told anyone so i appreciate that um so let's uh let's begin the interview i guess yes yes good thing we didn't curse we just talked about holes in our butts oh yeah one of our one of our guidelines was that we can't curse because this is you know airing on terrestrial radio well i can i can edit everything so so we're good but uh i do want to thank you You're talking. You're talking. You're talking. You're talking. You're talking. You're talking. You're talking. You're talking. You're talking. You're talking. You're talking. You're talking. You're talking. You're talking. You're talking. You're talking. You're talking. You're talking. Ian, come on now. Ian, fuck you, dude. Okay, seriously, guys. Don't make it. Justin's got a big course load of work.

It was all together. At NCC. He doesn't go there anymore, but he doesn't want to have to edit this thing. He still hangs around college kids, though. Justin, okay, so you were saying about the Cardinals. Yes, the Cardinals. Your Cardinals swept the Yankees, and I just want to thank you guys because I'm a Met fan and I needed to have

that for going into this week. I despise the Yankees and you also this year did something with the Cardinals that I just found out. It was Nikki Glazer day I guess at Bush Stadium and is it still? Yeah, you missed it.

You threw out the first pitch. Wait, the Yankees just got one of our guys. I know a little bit about sports, and all I know is that my driver the other day was like, ah, Bader's going to the Yankees. Yes. And he's injured, so take him. Have fun.

Harrison Bader was the player for the Cardinals. When they get traded, do they leave the next day? Pretty much, yeah. Is it like a breakup where it's like, I'm moving out now, Jonathan? He got a tattoo and left. So he leaves. Because that would be so awkward if he had to suit up the next day and everyone's like, you just decided to leave.

No, that is what happens. No, but I mean if he had to suit up with the Cardinals. Oh, okay. Like show up again. So he left. So he with the Cardinals. Oh, okay. Like show up again. So he left. So he played the Cardinals this weekend. Yeah, and they whooped the Yankees ass, the Cardinals. Is that awkward?

I would assume it is. You know, you're in the trenches with these guys, you know, in their locker room for years, and then you just leave. But that's just what happens with sports. You know, it's all about money, and there's no real loyalty in sports well harrison bader was living in our apartment complex and we i would see him riding his uh the scooter yeah around those little lime scooters and so when my sister and i went to the game one time we just and he went up to bat we just kept going ride that line bader right that line scoot Bader! Scoot that scooter!

And so, if Yankee fans or Mets fans want to harass him... You know he's from New York. I think he's from the city or something. Yeah, he's going back home. Alright, so... Is this hat backwards or did you cut the brim off? No, it's backwards.

Rocking the backwards. Okay, alright. I thought it was a new style. It could be. Maybe I'll bring that. This doesn't look like a guy. When you threw out that first pitch, how did you deal with that sort of pressure? I'd rather talk about your fist shillings again than my first pitch. Hey, I'm all for that.

I could talk about the fist shillings all day. Okay, when I threw out the first first pitch what do you want to know like like what what difference as far as like anxiety is is that like compared to going on stage so different so different because you know going on stage that's something that i feel like i'm an i i am an expert at this point i feel like i've gotten my 10 000 hours so i'm just very confident in that way and throwing out the first pitch is the number one thing that I'm, I'm most insecure about. I, I'm not joking you.

I would have rather throw out the first, like I would have rather threw out the first fist into my asshole. Oh wait, I can't say that on, on home plate or wherever the, then threw out the first pitch. I would have rather done anything than any sports.

But the truth is of it, Justin, I was asked to throw out the first pitch because E was promoting my show, Welcome Home, Nick Glazer that has already not been picked up for a second season on E. So maybe it'll find a home elsewhere. Thanks a lot for everyone watching it, but it wasn't enough.

And so, 2B. So yeah, find it on 2B this fall. To be canceled. Yeah. So, and I love that they don't say canceled anymore. They're just like, they're not picking you up. And it's like, you mean canceled? This is my third show canceled,

so I don't care literally at all. Do not send your condolences don't care i'll be fine um but uh the thing about it is that um i i did not want to do it i only threw out the first pitch because i was living every dream of my male friends who are just like that's the coolest thing you get to do that and so i often i often say yes to things justin that i don't want to do but i because it's someone else's dream and i know that they would like kill for that opportunity i do it for them but i really i asked first if i could instead sing the national anthem and they said that robinson elementary was

already doing that gig and that got booked like, like, you know, six months out. They booked the first pitch, like, two weeks out. And then they booked the national anthem, like, a year in advance. I mean, in her defense, though, Nikki did go all the way to the top of the mound. She went. Well, I didn't know you had a choice not to. A lot of people just go from the grass. First of all, no one gives you any fucking direction.

Did they let me warm up beforehand? No. Did they tell you anything? Literally nothing. You get nothing beforehand. How was the pitch? It was bad, but I will say this. I did practice a lot before that pitch,

and Andrew Collin is here to say that no matter what you see from that first pitch, will you tell people, based on what you thought I was capable of and what you think most girls who have never pitched in their life are capable of, what percentile do you put me in? For girls my age who have never pitched in their lives. I mean, in that case, top 1%. Thank you. Yeah, no.

So that's pretty good. Yeah, no. For someone that pretty good. Yeah, no. For someone that's never thrown, who claims to be the most unathletic person ever. Right. Who's 86 years old, who has no vocal cords. Right. I mean, you did gigantic burns. Lou Gehrig's disease.

You did better than today today today so i i i was it was something i tried and practiced but it was something justin that i would i had to um let go of being too like caring too much about because if i cared too much about it it was there was no world in which that was going to go well for me there's no there was just no world in which it was going to be something that i was going to be proud of and and so now it's something I don't even like to talk about it. And I'd like to move on, actually, to the next question, if you wouldn't mind, Justin. It was better than Baba Booey, so I think you have that going.

Yeah, that is true, but, you know, that's not saying much. I think he threw it behind him. What a high bar. Well, you mentioned the reality show, the Welcome Home Nikki Glaser. Were you, like, weary of involving your family on a TV show like this? Because we've seen it before with like Hulk Hogan and his family and it went to shambles. Right. Were you like worried about you're going to Hulk Hogan your family and just like tear them apart?

You know, I wasn't. And that's a great question. And I've did so many interviews about the show and no one asked me that. And I think it's a great question because it wouldn't be one that I would even think to ask because it wasn't a question I even thought to ask myself before I did it because it does if you look at the track record of what

these shows do like you know the newlyweds the Osbournes it kind of like fucked up their family Jessica Simpson Nick Lachey like literally every single family that's done a reality show I don't think it's really done any good for them but and I will say that it um the interesting thing about it that that I will say that I did not expect because I thought you

know my family has a great connection that we're they were just doing this for fun we're none of us really want to be famous I already like have achieved that for myself I'm not looking to get anything out of this that i don't already have and none of them are looking to like steal the spotlight the thing that did um did come up that was unfortunate was that in these like interviews where you get interviewed privately apart from the show you know you see these reality shows and then they'll cut you'll show a scene and it'll cut to a person talking about the scene and you always watch those scenes and you go bitch don't you know the person that you're talking about is going to watch this someday and you're gonna have to like answer to that because you know them in this circumstance

like you know whatever bachelorette oh i thought you were talking about like your own personal stuff no like you just go i always go do you think they're not gonna see this like anyone on below deck like and um and i i did have that happen to me where i saw interviews that my mom did or my my dad did or you know that um my boyfriend did not really my boyfriend but um even that i did that i had to answer to after the fact where you just get in there and you say stupid stuff or you just, it's a long day and you try to like give them whatever you think they're kind of like wanting to you to say to shape the show,

not a lie, but just something that might be a little bit exaggerated. And then afterwards it airs and your mom's not talking to you for a couple of days and you realize something's up and you finally go, what's going on? And she's like, you know what? I was really hurt by what you said on that and then you go mom i didn't

mean and then it's a whole thing so um it it did not it did not hurt my family actually it actually brought us a lot closer and that conversation in particular that i had with my mom that she got upset about was uh really good for us because it cleared the air, much like arguments often lead to like, oh, you're better than you were before. Okay. Well, I am short of time. I had like 75 million questions I wanted to ask you. Do you want to get one more question, Justin?

Okay. So, hmm, hmm, what should we go with? Oh, I have an idea for a show. Maybe you could take this because, you know. That's not a question. You're just pitching now, Josh. First pitch. How about this?

So my question, this is like a basic question I'm sure comedians get all the time. But in this day and age, I feel like everything is basically getting... It's harder and harder to push the envelope with content without receiving backlash. And I'm sure you've received backlash countless times for some of the raunchy stuff that you've said.

Do you feel like this is only going to get worse? Do you feel like it's... Did you hear Andrew sigh when you asked that question? Andrew, do you know that your sighs are audible? No. Andrew just goes... I said PC. I knew where it was going.

I mean, it's a good question, and you're right. So what was the question again? Sorry, the end of the question. Do you think this is only going to get worse, or do you think it's cyclical, so maybe in 10, 15 years, people aren't going to care as much? It's not going to matter, really. Yeah, I think it'll be cyclical.

Can I chime in? Yeah, please, Ian. What do you think? Ian, finance, everyone. If you're listening to Justin's radio show, cyclical and I do think that um I always yeah please Ian what do you think Ian finance everyone if you're listening to Justin's radio show you can listen to Ian's new podcast called be an Ian and it's now available everywhere you get podcasts Ian finance uh what do you have to say about it thank you no I just think the funniest part of this question is you think the world is going to exist in 10 to 15 years ah I know that's that's really is a good point um yeah I uh I Yeah, I don't think envelopes will even exist

because everything's digital now, so there's no envelopes to push. And also, that's a great joke. Cut to meme of those dinosaurs blinking silently. So I always say, God, I think that's, I think, I always just say whatever I want to say because I am never trying to hurt anyone. And if I do, I usually apologize for it. And I don't have, I think the problem is when people are like, I'm never going to apologize. Never apologize for a joke.

It's a joke. Fucking take a joke. It it's so and like so lame just if you hurt someone's feelings do you does anyone really want to hurt someone's feelings i mean that is an insane thing to want to do i'm a comic we don't apologize and so what if i go to the bank in blackface i'm'm not saying I'm sorry. I'm saying give me my cashier's check and let me get out of here. That is a great James Acaster impersonation. Because that is exactly that bit that he does.

Have you seen that? I'm a stand-up comedian. I tell jokes. If you can't take a joke, maybe you shouldn't listen to it. I'm a stand-up comedian. If you can't take the truth, don't listen to my shows. I'm a stand-up comedian if you can't take the truth don't listen to my shows i'm a stand-up like it is like this like these guys these guys that talk like that beware if you're a comedy fan and you like anyone who says that like if you can't take a joke then you're not

cool or like i'm never gonna apologize you can't handle the truth this is a fucking idiot who really is not a smart person who is really just a an egomaniac probably a narcissist and the if anyone truly wants to use comedy to hurt people's feelings and make them feel bad about themselves you're a bad person and um that is a different thing than comedians who just want to make jokes to, you know, make jokes. Yes, sometimes you're going to hurt people's feelings. But and sometimes I argue like a joke is so funny that I don't care if it hurts a couple of people's feelings. But if those people's feelings do get hurt and they write me and they want money back from the show that they paid for because they were so uncomfortable they had to leave. I will give that I will Venmo their money back. I've always said that I will always do that. But just write me a letter.

DM me like you did, Justin, and tell me why I have it wrong, why I offended you, why I ruined your night, because that's not my intent. But I do hope that people can, you know, laugh at themselves and not get offended as much and not use being offended as like a personality trait, like get tattoos or something, do something else to set you apart. Because using being being offended is not isn't it's like saying that you like the office it's not interesting or that you like whiskey and tacos like get a personality like actually get a hobby because being someone who gets offended about everything is not interesting and it's not a personality and offending people but if you're transgendered and you're like standing up for transgender rights or if you're not transgender and you're standing up for

transgender rights that's different i i do think that is part of my personality i do i'm a trans rights activist for sure and i do get offended by jokes that are not funny about but i've made jokes you know about trans people uh because you know i did the roast of caitlin jenner and or uh you know alec baldwin and made jokes but they were done not in like hatred of trans people and wanting to make them feel worse about themselves and want

them to like go away and stop going in little girls bathrooms or whatever the fuck people think it was just done to make a joke that they you know they have bigger feet than you know people who

were born cis women or something it's just like you know it's based on it's laughing about facts rather than my me trying to hurt someone so with that said i'll uh finish up yeah and if anyone has a problem with what she said like all your freaking listeners tell them to shove it in an envelope someday late at night and it'll make me want to cut myself because that's what happens yeah but she's cutting herself to offend you and that doesn't we don't care even we don't even care my granula underneath my tongue

and it needs to be drained yeah she's been doing that for years ian i beat you to it uh justin thank you so much for letting me have this chaotic interview with you on my podcast i appreciate it so much um and yeah uh thank you so much go mad right back after this catch john stewart back in action on the daily show and in your ears with the daily show ears edition podcast from his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts,

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Listen to Crems as part of the Mike Udura Podcast Network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour like LPGA superstar Angel Yin. I really just sat myself down at the end of 2022 and I was like, look, either we make it or we quit. Expert tips to help improve your swing and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club.

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I am Andrew Seaman, LinkedIn's Editor-at-Large for Jobs and Career Development. And my show, Get Hired, brings you all the information you need to, well, get hired. People are forming opinions of you even before you log into the Zoom or walk into the room. And so you really have to think about, what is it I want to display? You don't plant a garden and then just walk away and expect it to thrive. You are in there pulling out the weeds. You're pruning it. You're watering it.

It's the same thing with your network. You should always be in there actively managing your network. If you don't feel confident to say a number, even admitting that to a recruiter is going to be far better than saying, well, what is your budget for the role? A lot is in the follow-up, right? Don't wait to follow up. Whether you're a new grad, an established professional, or contemplating a career change, Get Hired is for you. Listen to Get Hired with Andrew Seaman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you like to listen. Welcome back to the show. We are now just in list, but we are here with Ian Fidance, who has a new podcast called Be an Ian. And so I'm on vocal vocal rest we're trying to i'm not trying to talk as much even though i've talked a lot this episode ian um andrew why don't we play a little game noah do you have a game plan

for us um should we do reddit no we can play a um a quiz a quiz game on, let me just get my... Ooh, fun. Okay, okay. It's game time, everyone. Alright, today we're going to be... We're going to be talking about Gen Z slang terms. And I'm going to see if you guys know what they mean. Alright. I don't even know what the Z stands for. Me neither. I don't either. Zaddy, probably.

Okay. Zaddy probably Okay Zaddy daddy When a Gen Zer says No cap What do they mean? I know No joke That means I'm not lying man No lie

No lie Cause cap means That's cat means That's lie No cap means No cap means That's a lie No cap means I'm not fucking around

Yeah so that's Cat man that's cat Means that's a lie Andrew? Yeah I agree Are you going to sigh during that one? Your sighs are so audible No no it was a joke I said PC

I didn't know I even sighed. That's what I'm saying. Sometimes I just have trouble breathing. I got these fat tits that make me hard to breathe. Andrew's just a pug sitting in that chair. I know, you need to stop reading him. I could use a pug after that. He's an act against God and science.

All right, next up. My natural body is you smoking for seven years Okay, I don't even know how to pronounce this So I will probably do it wrong Chuggy? Yeah It means k Pretty much, alright, Nikki, you're killing it Chuggy is spelled C-H-E-U-G-Y And it means like It means k. Pretty much. All right, Nikki, you're killing it. It pretty much means k.

Chugi is spelled C-H-E-U-G-Y. And it means like... You ain't got no alibi. Yeah. That was my favorite rapper. Chugi, right there, right there. Thanks, guys. Be the infamous podcast.

On Spotify. Yeah, Chugi means... I remember reading the definition of it because it came out a year and a half ago. And I remember being like, oh, that's K. It's like when something's cringe. Yes.

Kind of, right? No cap. Yeah. This music's amazing. I know, it's intense. Is it too loud? No. No, I kind of like it. It Is it too loud? No. No.

I kind of like it. It's not choosy at all. I feel like I'm about to get news from the president about some bomb that's about to drop. FBI raids Mar-a-Lago. Mar-a-Lago. Oh, yeah. That happened. All right.

When a person has drip, what does it mean? That's when their dick is smelly. I think it means they have jewelry. That's why Andrew made me look at his dick. He had drip. You mean a necklace around it? Dude, drip is style. You got drip, dog.

You dripping with cool. It was wearing an oversized condom equals regular size condom and it looked so drip. That's how I got the drip. Oh, man. Okay, so drip means like, so how do you use it, Noah?

Okay, drip refers to your look or style, particularly when it's considered extremely fashionable or sexy. So how would you use it? What would you say? Like, man, you got drip. Or like your drip is off the charts. Oh, you got that drip. Oh, you got

that drip. Okay. Ian knows. Ian's really on point here. It's because he has little boys in his basement telling him all the words. Hey, man, cool it, all right? I'm talking to the boys. Yeah, who are you talking to?

Because the kid just was like, is someone trying to save me? I heard someone trying to save me. He goes, hey, man, cool it. Ian's like, no cap. Take your hat off before we fight. No cap. No cap. No cap. No cap. No cap. No cap. No cap. No cap. No cap. No cap. No cap. No cap. No cap. No cap. No cap. No cap. No cap. No cap. No cap. No cap. No cap. No cap. No cap. No cap. No cap. No off before we fight. No cap. No cap. No cap.

He's from Thailand. His name's Chuggy. He's a Jewish boy. Chug it. Chug it. Chug it. Chug it. All right. Sorry.

When a Gen Z-er says the new Adele album just hits different, what do they mean? That means it's really good. Yeah, it's like it hits you deep in your soul. It's a vibe. I think that's kind of like ear rape to me. We have this new phrase that we, instead of saying ear rape, which is just like as a word or a phrase that makes us go, ugh, we say ear rape just as to not torture people that have been raped.

A man in Sheepshead Bay was charged with Irapé this weekend. Yeah. So for me, that hits different is a little Irapé because it just feels – it almost feels like Gen Zers don't say it anymore. It feels like we say it. Yeah, it doesn't feel like a Gen Z thing to me. Is this a BuzzFeed list from 2019? Can I just say, the next generation is so fucked. Could you imagine a parent, a kid that's like 15 now, being a parent, telling their child that their father died and be like, listen, I got to be honest, this is not a vibe right now.

And no cap, your dad died. And the kid's like, ooh like oh yeah but imagine if like and the kids like dude this hits different what about like your dad lived a radical life hit him different too yeah but our language sucked too like your dad lived a radical life before he got hit by a car or whatever well that radical was kind of gen well i guess it was your yeah are you reading someone's eulogy? What the hell was that? That's how my buddy died.

That's how this. Radical? No, he died of a heroin overdose. And the guy that gave the eulogy was like, dude, he was radical, man. He always went hard. We're like, that's why he's dead, you fuck. I remember at my grandma's funeral, I called her a badass in the Catholic church and everyone gasped.

But she was. She was rolling in that urn, yo. That's because she had a smelly butthole. Okay. How dare you? She did have a colostomy bag towards the end of her life and I do not appreciate that. Mimi, wherever you are, sorry.

You probably look like truck nuts back there. Alright, Noah, what else you got? Okay, when you're talking and someone stops you in your track and says skirt, what do they mean? Like, what did you say? Like, it's almost like a

record scratch, which Gen Zers don't know what that sound is, I've heard. Yeah, it's like, it's when your computer is slow, or when Ian talks on this podcast. And especially when people roll down their window, when they're like, hey, roll down your window, and you do this. No one has a window.

No one even does that anymore. Is that Arsenio? Yeah. It means, hey, will you roll down your window so I can ask you if you watch Arsenio Hall's new show? Yeah. It means Hey Hey I'm really hungry Can you watch Our St. Louis Halls new show Yeah

Can you feed me soup Really fast Please Please I need soup Alright what else When someone understood The assignment

They do something Right or wrong Oh that's when they just Like really brought it When they like Dressed to impress Like oh Look who's serving Like yeah Assignment. They do something right or wrong. Oh, that's when they just, like, really brought it. When they, like, dressed to impress. Like, oh, look who's serving. Like, oh, that is, like, really.

Yeah. Assignment feels very old. Wait, I have one. If you guys want to try it that I just heard. I'm bricked up. What does that mean if you're bricked up? It means you got a lot of money. What was that, Ian?

Constipated. That actually should be what it means. Okay, I'll give you a hint. It means money. Like a brick. You have a certain amount of money. No. No, I'm bricked up. Let me just say, I cannot be bricked up.

Noah cannot be bricked up. But you guys can be bricked up. So when we're hard as a rock? Yep. When you have a boner. I guess our dicks are bricks. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I like that. But there is a thing called bricks where they call it

where you have a stack of money. I got a big dong. I'm cinder blocked up. Say less. Say less. Yeah, say less is like you've said enough. I feel like that's... I think it's a discount shoe store.

It's pay less. When someone stops you in your track and says say less, they're not being rude. They're just telling you that they have the point and they understood what you said. I think... Okay, you can say it's not being rude, but just telling you that you've got the that they have the point and they understand what you said i think okay you can say it's not being rude but sorry that's rude it's a way to say shh in a nice way yeah isn't shush amazing i really implore people if you are on a plane or if you're in like a crowded restaurant if you shush, watch the power of the shush

because people do not know where it's coming from and everyone will get quiet. It's like we all turn into kindergartners again and just everyone will get quiet. I've been... No cap, dude. I'm bricked up after that. All right.

All right. And then the last one, very easy. Vibin'. Your favorite. Oh, yeah. Vibin'. You're feeling it. Why do I hate the word vibe?

I loved vibe for so long. I thought it was so good. Because I used to be like, this is my vibe today. And I used to post funny pictures. And now it's just so cringe. Well, it's vibed with a Z. Now that's like the thing. Don't hate on my vibes. I saw there was a guy at a show the other night his hat said vibes only on the front row oh it was a lot

it was a lot to handle everyone went after him yeah i wish i was dead what saying is that? What? Is there a reason when your clock behind you, Ian, 1130, is there meaning behind that or is that just... It means that the clock is broken. I need to get it fixed.

It's a normal clock. I just looked up new slang and I just pressed on the news just to see the latest one. Okay. No, but that's what just came up. Why is that? That's a song by the new slang.

Is it a good song? It's amazing. You're going to love it. Okay. I will listen to that, but okay. So part of the beauty of TikTok is that, okay,

so this is someone saying guy at G a G Y a T T is the latest one. Okay, I will listen to that. But okay, so part of the beauty of TikTok is... Okay, so someone's saying, G-Y-A-T-T is the latest piece of slang circulating on TikTok. But what does it mean, G-Y-A-T? What do you guys think it means? Guy named Wyatt. Okay, so users who have seen the word G-Y-A-T used either in a video or in a caption may wonder what it means.

But as it turns out, the word's meaning is actually fairly straightforward. Can you do it in a sentence or in like a That's the name of one of the boys in my basement. Quiet. I think it's quiet. Quiet.

Quiet. Quiet. Okay. So well it's actually saying that it could mean So the term could be a couple things. People don't It's actually saying that it could mean... Onyong. Onyong. So the term could be a couple things. People don't really know.

It's either a shortened version of the phrase goddamn, like, guy-a, like, goddamn. The phrase was first used by streamer YourRage, who would use the term whenever he saw someone curvy pop up during his streams. Okay, that is annoying to read. Yo. And then... Honestly, we're is annoying to read. Yo. And then- Honestly, we're going back to caveman times.

Our language, our written word is just becoming symbols with emojis. We're mashing these words together and just using phrases and guttural yells. Gaiat! Gaiat! Lit! Vibe!

Gaiat! Lit! Vibe! I like it. But now, I like this now too Gaiat is G-Y-A-T that can mean get your act together and I like that

but not if you're saying it to an overweight woman you know what I mean it doesn't work there that's what you say to Andrew before he goes on stage did you hear me this is one that says... No, you're on a delay. Why am I on a fucking delay again?

Okay. No, we all heard it in real time. You're not on a delay. It didn't work. It was on time. On delay, on delay. Mama, yeah, yeah. Uh-oh.

What's happening now? What's happening now? Final thought. Okay, so wait a second. So I just Googled this because I want more of these. God damn it. So there's one called... Oh, shit.

I just actually clicked on a pop-up for the army, and I just signed up for the army. Nikki, got a hammer? This says, forget about it. Oh, fuck yeah. 12 New York City slang terms you should know. Who the fuck doesn't know forget about it? If I get 12 New York City slang terms, you should know. Who the fuck doesn't know forget about it? Okay.

Number one. I'm walking over here. Forget about it. Bodega. Hero. Brick. Okay. Yes.

Many New York City buildings are bricked, but that's not what brick means. Okay. What does brick mean? It's brick. We already said it. Dude, it's so brick right now. It's cold. It's cold. Okay, what does brick mean? It's brick. We already said it. Oh, it's cold. It's so brick right now. It's cold.

It's cold. Okay. Bronx cheer. Let me buzz in. What's Bronx cheer? Oh, Bronx cheer is when you yell at someone or you're mean. That was me buzzing in. Yeah.

You can't buzz in after you answer a fart noise by blowing through your lips is suggestive of the perceived uncouth manners of those in the bronx so it's what what the fuck is that no okay um schlep pie dead ass okay we all know what you know pie pizza schlep is to carry um dead ass are you serious the new yorkers may label you dead ass a term dating back to the 1950s Okay, we all know what pie, pizza, schlep is to carry. Deadass. Are you serious? The New Yorkers may label you deadass, a term dating back to the 1950s that once referred to resting on one's posterior, but now means something more like sincere.

Like, I'm deadass serious, obviously. I think that's Kim Kardashian's ass. Regular coffee. Regular? Yeah. Coffee black. Black, yeah. Apparently, it says, do you want a black coffee?

Ask for black coffee. Do you want a coffee with cream and sugar in New York as well as in Boston? That's a regular coffee. No. Who wrote this? Some Gen Z-er? Yeah, I guess. Who's a regular?

I heard, so I watched the movie Casablanca yesterday. Here's looking at you kid yes have you ever seen it just that part it's so good have you ever seen it Ian uh no um but they they had a phrase in there that I really liked that I want to bring back no it's um um he's talking he's talking to her about, well, you told me a story, kid, and that was... It had a real wow finish.

Is this story you're going to tell me right now? Is that going to have a wow finish? Because I'd really like a wow finish. A wow finish meaning like... Have you ever heard that? A wow finish? I've heard wow. I've heard it while I'm having sex.

Wow. Finish. Finish. Wow finish?. Wow. Finish. Wow. Finish. Guyette.

Guyette. Guyette. I really did not think I liked old movies and I think I'm into it. Oh, I just saw an old movie the other day. What? Called Hard Times. You've got mail? Oh, really?

What was it? I've never seen a movie with this charles bronson guy i've always heard about him from quentin tarantino that's wish you gotta get into charles bronson yeah he's great he doesn't talk at all he's just this strong silent type and they just really lean into it like the end of this watch it with you no i just watch it alone yeah it's like i don't know at the end of the movie like they're like you got anything to say and he's just like no and just walks off like it literally there's nothing there's no ending it's just him walking off like a strong man i really want to watch more old movies because i think i i always didn't want to watch them because my dad always wanted me to watch them

and i was just always just like there's no anything my dad wants me to do i just didn't want to do and it's such a dumb thing because my dad has great taste. And so I finally watched Casablanca because I saw some meme. I actually saw a meme of all the gin joints in the world. Yeah, that dinosaur one. And I was like, you know what? I need to see Casablanca. And I love movies where the people don't end up together in the end.

And I'm not spoiling this because that movie, if you don't know the ending, they don't end up together. the end. And I'm not spoiling this because that movie, if you don't know the ending, like they don't end up together. But if you have any movies to send me where the people don't end up together and they love each other, but they cannot be together, like Romeo and Juliet style, will you please send them to me?

Because that is my favorite genre and I don't know why. Here's my Gen Z term about my last relationship in regards to Casablanca yo my life is a movie can I watch the movie of your life yeah my life is a movie they don't end up

together Ian how are you doing on your breakup as we close out the show I just want to check in on your how you're doing has the podcast filled the void I'm great the podcast the cat void? I'm great. The podcast, the cat, the bike. Positive vibes only. Hey, man.

You know what they say. Best year of my life. God bless. I love her. You know, different people, different places. So was it one year you were together? Moving forward. Yeah, a little longer than that.

But, you know, I put- I'd say it takes half the amount of time in the relationship to get over it. I spent all this money on getting us like a hotel for our anniversary at the at the beach and everything and had to get the deposit back so i'm just getting tattoos on my body of the um beach the receipt of the activities of what we should have been doing. Wow. No cap. That was cool. That was kind of cool. I don't know.

That was not that. You should get that one with the big fucking wheels that you ride them as a couple. Oh, yeah. The big beach bike things. Oh, yeah. No, man. It's like, what can you do?

It's life. You move forward. How are you doing with your breakup, Nick? Well, we're back together. So pretty good. But I'm sorry. No apologies. No apologies.

I do enjoy breakups. And I have to say this. And I know that they're hard. And I don't wish them on anyone because they're so fucking tough. But you do come out of it you most of the time i mean there are some times where people are like and my dad never recovered after my mom left him and he does you know like there's always those but i do feel like for the most part breakups you just get to enjoy music more i think that's the best joy of it is like being able to listen to songs and like and feel i don't know i feel like so many times my emotions i'm reading this book about

women with autism and i'm realizing i definitely is that the book you're working on it's insane every book i'm working on is written by a woman with autism but um it's uh it's about how like autism um people with autism you know uh don't really have they they only feel their feelings if they're like extreme otherwise they just don't they really are kind of like running pretty muted and i think that's why i kind of like breakups sometimes because I feel normal. I feel human. I feel like tapped into feelings that other people are having more frequently. Like I know people that cry like all the time. Like my, I have girlfriends who like will cry every day and not because they're

depressed, but because they're just, no, it is being sad, not every day, but a couple of times a week, like having a range of emotions that you go through is normal, and I just do not have that.

That's emotional dysregulation. And I feel like during a breakup, I get to feel things. Well, yeah, but I feel like that's emotional dysregulation if you're crying every other day. Crying is good. It releases a valve and lets these poisons and toxins get out, and it's absolutely necessary. But I feel like doing it every couple of days

is like a deeper issue that needs to be addressed. I don't know. I think that some people are just more emotional people. And that's just like anything. Some people are more active and they need to like run every day. They need to work out really hard to like work off that energy.

I think some people just have their hormones or whatever like cause because i have friends that can just cry and then get about their like they could just weep on their bed yeah for like 15 minutes about whatever's going on in their life and then they go and they're great watch a video of like an old man like hugging his grandson yeah just like it's so i was like i've how and now we're just gonna eat dinner used to call it like uh like you know like coming for your tear porn yeah like where he would just watch like a a mentally you know handicapped person get into college and then he would just feel like be able to like get it out oh dude one time in the one time in the middle of the night i was watching one of those soldier come home videos and it was like the dog at the funeral and i was crying so loud

my roommate tried to come in and goes hey are you all right and i was like i'm masturbating i'm sorry like i was so embarrassed i was crying that's so funny that is the problem with um guys men and emotions. They'd rather their roommate think that they're... I'm fucking my own ass. I'm fucking my own ass. There's a lot... There's a fish, isn't it? It hurts.

Justin's here. Yeah, it's... Yeah, I think that... Man, dude, I'm reading this book and I'm fucking... I just sent it to... But is it like one of those things with horoscopes when you read them? Like, that's me. No, well, that's what I thought

because I was like I first read the book and one of Bestie sent it to me and if you want to know the name of it let me just quickly because I think I have

a lot of those tendencies too that they probably carry over well this is about women mainly it's called Divergent Mind it's by Janara her name just went disappeared

Janara Nirenberg and she sounds smart right thriving in a world that doesn't, that wasn't designed for you. And they listed all these things and I was reading them and I was like, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.

But then I'm like, I think everyone has all these. So I sent it to my group chat with all my girlfriends with, I think there's eight of us on there. And I said, guys, is this like just one of those things where it's like all of us and I'm just trying to figure out,

and they were like, no, Nikki. All of them were like, I think I relate to 10% of these things, and I relate to 80% of them. Oh, wow. Will you send it to me? Yeah. I want to play it. Yeah, but it's for women.

I'm sure, but there doesn't. It's different in women than men. But yeah. I feel like it'd be similar, but that's just. Well, I'll read some of them if you want. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just real quick. Okay.

Seeing things at multiple levels, including her own thinking process. Escaping in thought or action to survive overwhelming emotions and senses. Continually analyzing existence, the meaning of life, and everything. Experiencing feelings of confusion and being overwhelmed. Experiencing, feeling extreme relief this is this is the one that i is so me but i do think this is i think a lot of people have social anxiety now because of the pandemic and phones and everything so this but feeling extreme relief when she doesn't have to go anywhere talk to anyone answer calls or leave the house but at the same time harboring guilt for hibernating and not doing what everyone else is doing literally that is the that is the headline of my life it's like i don't want to do things but i'm i want to try to be like everyone

else perceiving visitors at home as a threat i think i'm i'm reading the same list getting mad when you have a dream that your boyfriend cheats and the being upset with him for most of the morning. Oh, my God. Who the fuck does that? Yeah, right. Are you serious? People do that? Women.

Leave her. If a woman is getting mad at you about a dream she had about you, leave her. Run. No, not mad, but just upset. Like upset. Like little pouty and like well get go to therapy bitch that is so insane bricked up in that dream um perceiving visitors this is a weird one perceiving visitors at home is a threat this can be even a familiar family member knowing logically that visitors are not a threat but still feeling like they are

well um obsessing about the potentiality of a relationship with someone particularly love interest or new friendship like obsessing about just the potential i am only obsessed with potential i don't even like to obsess when i'm in things it's being confused by the rules of accurate eye contact tone of voice proximity of the body okay listen to this thing and i know this is me being like i'm a main character and everything is me but this i've never related to something more i um uh chris used to coin this thing for me early in our relationship where i would just when i wanted to leave somewhere i'd just go like okay i'm gonna go and like stand up

and he coined it he called it the glazer exit because there was never any like warning or anything yeah and i just never understood what that meant and i even find myself the other day i was with someone and i knew i needed to go and i realized and i stopped myself because i know that that people are jarred by me leaving early, but I don't understand what you're supposed to do. So this says that... But did you have to leave to get to something or were you overwhelmed? No, I was just like, I was just ready to go. Okay.

It was time to go and I just didn't want to go, well, I think I'm going to go in five minutes. Yeah, that's annoying because then everyone goes, no, stay, stay. I just pick up my shit and go i'm ready to go so some people like to hear stay no stay we need you here isn't that a version of the irish goodbye like we just get up and leave like me and the way it's described in this it's people are the idea of doing things so that it's socially acceptable and makes other people feel comfortable just to like because.

But really, I'm not saying anything wrong. I just have to go. It has nothing to do with you. But I have to make you feel safe. It's so stupid that the Irish goodbye is like leaving without saying goodbye. And your thing is that you just get up and go. I do the Italian goodbye, which is where I say I'm going to leave. I tell a really long winded story and then people ask me to go.

And with that, we will go. Thank you so much for being on the show. Ian, we missed you so much. Please come back as a guest. I know everyone is so excited that you're on this episode. Check out Ian.

It's now available everywhere. Podcasts are please support him. Download his podcast. Rate and review on podcast things, and we would love it. And support the Lumineers, if not Ian. They need help. They're a young, new band. Yeah.

Don't forget them. Hey. Hey, home. Thank you for listening. Don't be chicken. No, no, no, no, no. And Jack. Jack and ears.

Jack and ears. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups,

this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics

surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star.

To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove.

Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season, but, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, Eve, Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance. You've got to check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast. And now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Listen to Minnie Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers.