The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #258 A Ledge Headly w/ Chris Convy and Julie Glaser

Episode Date: August 12, 2022

Nikki is rounding out the week with Chris Convy and Good Will's new potential ambassador Julie Glaser. Nikki and Chris may take a note from Andrew's book about a king sized bed. Julie recalls the time from Nikki's childhood when she became a bitch (not her words). Nikki and Chris discuss their favorite Norm Macdonald jokes, Nikki does 2 second impersonations and Julie talks about her lung. In Fanthrax, besties discuss gibberish techniques, Peter Park of Fboy Island and lies that parents tell.  ------ Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Get Pod Merch: Podshop.NikkiGlaser.com Nikki's Tour Dates: www.nikkiglaser.com/tour Andrew's Tour Dates: www.andrewcollincomedy.com   More Nikki: IG More Andrew: IG  More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out and we want this to stop.

Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. It's Nikki Glaser Podcast. Welcome to the show. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, And recurring boyfriend. I gotta say, you're looking very handsome today. Oh, thank you. You look lovely. And so does your mom. And my mom is also here, everyone.

Welcome to the show, Julie Glazer and Chris Convey. You can hear Chris Convey on The Courtney Show, which is not only a radio show, but in St. Louis, if you're here, 10 106.5 the arch but you can also listen on the arch app if you are not in local you can listen live on the arch app which i do every morning because i am not in my car or you can listen to the courtney show podcast and i mean anywhere it would be a long way to get through but we mentioned nikki basically every day you do and you are a part of you're just a part of our it is the fabric of the show it is fun to be listening and to just like hear them get on get you what you guys like we'll get on a subject that i'm like i know chris has an anecdote like yeah and then all of a sudden

my name comes up and it's like it's not even just you like brando and courtney like i'm i'm in the theme song yeah you're in the theme song it's awesome and then really we're gonna start talking about you a lot mrs blazerzer. Would you? Could you? And Noah now, now that I know all these new things about her, we're going to start talking about her a lot. Yeah, we just learned that you are the most fascinating woman. Well, what did you just learn about Noah, Mom? I just learned that that wasn't her first language.

What isn't? English. Yes. So, what is your first language? First language is Hebrew. Hebrew. Okay. Got it.

Mrs. Glazer, what are your 15 favorite things about Noah? No, please don't do this to me. You should know I hate being put on the spot like this. I could name 15 right now, but I'm not going to have to put her on the spot. But no, I love Noah. Yes. I've been to her home in Arizona. Yeah, they like hung out when my mom and dad were

in Arizona for a month. Not going to say which one because my mom doesn't want people to know when she's out of town. Exactly. Nikki, if you let people know when I'm out of town, they're going to come. They're going to steal our artifacts. Your dad has artifacts. They're worth a lot of money. He has arrowheads. You guys, do not even

bother trying to rob my parents. Oh, man. Take the driftwood. My mom doesn't even know where she's hidden things that are valuable. My mom hides valuable things. And they're hidden for what? Good. Forever.

Like, she'll hide things and then won't remember where she put them. I'm so good at hiding things. Do you ever find things like years later and you're like, I've been looking for this? Of course, of course. You kidding me? I don't know. Why am I here?

Because you could just be me, Nikki. That would be the answer to the whole- My poor mom. I was in such a toot this morning because I was running around packing, and I'm also trying to stay on vocal rest. So she's like, don't talk, Nikki. Stop talking. And then she's like, are you being good about talking and about not talking?

And I'm like, the truth is I haven't been great about it. No, that's not what you said. No. Well, I'm telling you. It's none of your business. I said it's none of your business because here's it isn't but um but my answer to that was like do you ever have people ask you a question and especially like your mom or someone that cares about you and you know that the answer is not going to be what they want so you're only the answer that i

was going to give her if i was being honest is, is no. No. I haven't been great. Yeah. And then the answer, the thing that will precede that, proceed that, will be, well, Nick, you gotta do, like, there's not going to be, like, oh. You know exactly where the conversation is going. It's only going to be a scolding. Well, she thinks she does. Well, what were you going to say if I said, no, Mom, I haven't been good? No. Well, you gotta be good, Nick.

You gotta be good. Oh, well, I know that. You're not contributing. You have no information to give me after that sentence than just a shame or scold, which I'm already doing to myself every time I talk. No, here's the thing. Okay. I have not, we have not conversed, period,

since you've gotten these polyps. So I don't know anything. I've had polyps for 20 years, honestly. And so you guys haven't talked in a long time. So we haven't talked for years. And this explains it. It explains why we haven't talked. But no, all I was really looking for was,

I never heard what the doctor said, what anyone has said to you. Let's just run the conversation and what you would have said if I gave you the right answer. Will you ask me again? Let's just do it. Let's just simulate it.

It's okay. Oh, yeah. Okay. Have you been good with your voice? Honestly, no. Really? What have you been doing? Have you been talking? Yeah. I mean, has the doctor said that's allowed or not? No, they said it's not good. Oh, because I didn't know what the

doctor said. Okay, well, they said it's not good and I've been not following the doctor's orders. Well, what can I say i'm i'm not gonna say anything i'm gonna say you're not allowed i'm not allowed to say anything to be a mom you will never know what i said you know there's another example of it of um what was the other thing we got into this morning where i was rude to you god i mean it just came right off the bat yeah. Do you remember the first time that Nikki was rude to you? Me. Me.

Me. Me. Remember when you were- It was me coming out of your vagina and going like, it's too roomy in here. Oh. You were like- Dad, what'd you do? You were crying right off the bat.

I was like, what the hell is- No, when did I become a bitch? Like, when did- Nikki. She's right off the bat. We're going to do this. No, when did- I do want to know because I'm trying to-

I'm kind of become interested in the fact that i might be a little bit autistic because one of the besties sent me a um a book recommendation that and then yesterday after the podcast someone wrote me and said you might have borderline personality disorder and then i looked that up and i was like oh god even though the only thing i don't have for borderline i pretty much do all the checklists i don't i don't have fits of anger and i don't even though i want to a lot of times i don't like i do like get upset but i think it's a normal amount people with borderline like scream and like will cut people off really brazenly and just be like like shut people out of their life like in an instant and it's really like you it that just didn't

resonate with me and i sent it to anya who knows me very well and she was like i know people with borderline you don't do this and even though i've wanted to cut people off and be like we're done here i don't normally follow through on that but i do have that desire does that make it i don't know i have to get on he goes you have to get diagnosed by a psychiatrist and i was like i do you think i think a bestie is a doctor someone dming me of course i know that but there are bestie doctors but not that one but there are besties who you know either suffer with these things or know people and might have and there is something about you know googling what you have and like everything leads to cancer or whatever but like there are times where you can find out what you are and then go consult a doctor and be like hey i read a checklist and

some of these things so anyway anyway i've been reading this book about neurodivergence and where do i fit in this i was wondering as in my borderline like when i was a child i had sensory issues with socks yeah you did like i remember just blankets certain blankets certain socks okay like what would you but i did it kind of yeah what would i do well you would go no i can't have that like i don't like that but i just remember being on our in the first house we lived in in st louis and having to put on those socks that I had to wear to the Catholic school I went to. And it's part of my uniform. So like I have to.

And it's like, also, we're new in town and my mom just doesn't want her daughter to look unpresentable. And like, I just remember being like, Nikki, you have to wear these. And it was like putting on a like. Oh, because it's a canvas. It's like sandpaper. No, they were just they're like they were nice wool socks that were soft. Most people liked them, but it was just like hell.

I think they were cheaper socks. They were thinner socks than you were used to. I don't know no like it. It was like nails on a chalkboard. That's kind of like it's in your mouth almost stuff. You're like, oh, I can feel this. It's like you're eating it or something. It's like Kirsten used to put her socks in her mouth

when we'd go to gymnastics just to torture me and be like, what? Did I follow you? And I'd be like, stop it. But when did I become like a straight up, like when did I, because I think a lot of people have kids. You've never been a bitch.

Who would ever say a child's a bitch anyway? No one would do that. Oh, okay. Maybe I did say that oh boy you said it a lot but that's i understand it because i think i was and it's like so hard to deal with like everyone talks about this like everyone i know that has kids that have made it to teenage years they always say i thought i was ready but it's something happens around this age and it becomes very like your kids go from sweet

to like they are like get away and like I hate you when did that happen? I mean I can remember you throwing fits like when you were three months old I mean we could tell that you were just

not you were just not... Did Lauren throw fits? Not like that. I see. I mean, you were two different kids that were totally different children. Was there any part of you that was like, we should get this looked at? Or it wasn't like that extreme? No.

Okay. Because I had a sister. You reminded me of my sister. Peggy? Yeah. Growing up. And I was like, I thought a sister kind of you reminded me of my sister peggy yeah growing up and i was like i thought it was kind of normal i was like well that's what little kids do and me and peggy are very similar you kind of are in our adulthood as well you definitely are right i think so that's so weird but you don't think so no i do think so okay good she's very successful yeah she's driven yeah she one time we went to a

spinning class together spin not spinning yeah spinning spin class spin class i think it's spinning class which is twirling around no it's called oh it is a spin class yes okay so we went to a spin class i've never been to one i hate that they call it really dizzy at one of them just say biking class like recumbent not recumbent but like stationary bike class just say that's a lot when it started saying spinning i was just like i hate that it was like kind of a rap to me so but now i've accepted it's part of the lexicon but i remember we went to a spin class once and she we were so we're both competitive people obviously like that's what makes us driven i think she's she you know she started her own design uh graphic design company in san francisco and became a fortune 500 company shortly after like she's so impressive in her

field yeah and as this like independent woman like who's just made her own money and like made her own name for herself she's like so impressive so we went to the spin class and we there was just this tacit like competition between you know niece and aunt and i have never worked out so hard in my life because i wanted to keep up with her because she's very fit um i threw up i fell off the bike and threw up because i was in the class or you like i got to the bathroom but i i've never vom like i've heard will smith be like you didn't have a workout unless you throw up i was always like shut up will smith i know it'd be funny if you guys were next to each other in stalls throwing up because you made each other i mean that was later after lunch.

But just kidding. Just kidding. Just kidding. Wait, I want to hear that. Just kidding. Oh, God. Yeah, there we go. There. That's a good one.

But yeah, so I'm just reading this book, but it's just making me kind of look at things differently. I was so mad at her when you went out there. Why? Because you threw up. She worked you so hard. She didn't do it. No one makes you do anything.

We went to a spin class. I chose to be like... I know. Those classes, you set your own settings on the bike and they say, hey, if you want to go to an eight, go. But no one's going like,

if you don't... She wasn't like holding a gun to my head. I think you hate guns. You had wine the night before too. Oh, probably. That's why you probably got sick. No, no. It was because I was working out too hard.

Well, I know, but you had drinks the night before. But it was my own fault. I love when you go, I'm mad at her. I was mad at her. What did she do? Well, no, she's a very, when I go visit her, she's like, we're going on a 17-mile hike up this mountain. I'm like, F you.

I'm not going up that mountain for, you know. She does that to you. She does. And then you feel guilty like a loser if you don't follow through. She is so fit. When she comes to St. Louis, you should do the same thing to her. You should be like, we're going to 17 Goodwills. Exactly.

She would. See if she can hang with you. She'd be throwing up in the bathroom. Yeah, mostly because the clothes are filthy. Because of the smell. She'd be throwing up. Speaking of feats of endurance, guess how many hours Chris rode his bike last Friday? It was Sunday.

Okay, last Sunday in New York City, Chris went to visit his friend Vaughn. Chris is going to Europe in, I'm not going to say when because his house will be abandoned and you might go in there and get artifacts. Don't say it then. But that's my mom's role.

Nick, don't you ever post when we're out of town. I don't ever let anybody know that I'm out of town. They're going to come get us. So he's going out of town. He's going to europe um what are the dates and what's your address and uh he is um he's going on this bike trip explain what you're doing so i've got i've got these four friends that we go we've gone like for several years now on these big bike trips and one of our friends is just this he's just an amazing human person and he sets up these unreal bike trips where you're doing like you know hundreds of of miles in a few days and

i hate him already no it's actually i really do i think that's ridiculous no it does sound i'm just kidding just kidding i wish you did thank you just hit thank you just kidding anyway we go on these big elaborate trips we we're going to Iceland. Iceland. He's got like four and a half days of just beautiful cycling. We're going to go see the lava. What? There's lava right now.

Yeah, I haven't told you yet. What? Really? Yeah, so there's like an active volcano right now. It's not like erupting, but the lava. Is it Irapé? Because that's Irapé to my ears don't be in danger I'm not going to be in danger

Chris is a little bit of a ledge head which is a thing that we coined it's people that like to get close to the ledge when they're taking pictures or when you're like at like Brenna, Andrew coined it Brenna is a ledge head they will go to Castlewood Park and there's like a she will They will go to like Castlewood Park

And there's like a lookout Right And she'll go to a place That's like If If by any chance There was some erosion That happened that day

She would fall to her death But you know It's not likely She's not afraid of that She's just She just takes it To the next level Where it's like

Okay if you If you got dizzy right now And fell You would die That's not gonna happen But like I always stand from a distance That even if I like Somehow got Started having a seizure i would not tumble off the mountain but

like ledge heads just live on the edge and you say that she's gonna die but that's just allegedly it's not definitely gonna happen and you don't want to be a dad um that joke would have killed on my show so um yeah you are a bit of a ledge head in that way like we when we were in keen um up in new york there were just times where chris was just getting a little too close to the ledge and i was just like this guy's gonna die and then he was telling me about these bike trips and he's like i go i like going fast down the mountain. I'm really bad at going up the hills because I'm not as strong as the other guys I go with. You're right.

It's hard. They're all a lot stronger than I am. But going down the hills. You like to fly. I smash them all. Well, he says that he even goes faster down the hills than the trainer that you guys, or like the guy. Well, no. I was following closely behind a pro who wasn't going as fast as he could but i was keeping up with a guy who's

who's been in like the tour de france and i was it was like probably the proudest i've ever been in my life and he wasn't even trying he was just like letting gravity do its you know its its job that tells me that tells me that guide is reckless first of all no. No, no. Chris. Because he's. Chris should not be keeping up. Chris isn't a pro. So the fact that you're going as fast as a pro makes me feel like you. He wasn't going. Hey, listen.

I don't want to make it sound like I was keeping up with a pro because I wasn't. I was going down without breaking as much as my friends were. You're going to break a lot. Was this a straight down or a gradual? We talked about this before when we watch that dumb movie not it's not a dumb movie but that guy that like wanted to climb those 13 peaks right in in a short amount of time fast and the furious you love that reference i don't know why i keep going back to the well um there's 13 of them yeah so he climbed that that's what i want

to do i want to watch 13 fast and furious is in no one's ever done it in one year most times it takes seven years to accomplish that so i'm gonna do it like i did but anyway watch the show and i got so mad at chris because he was like there's this one hill or hill there's this one mountain called k2 and they're like people that climb maybe it was anna perner or k2 but um it was like 50 of the people that attempt this die and i go because chris the whole time was like god this looks so fun i would love to do this stuff and i'm just like kind of keeping my mouth to just you know about the other mountains that aren't as treacherous and then we get to k2 and i go would you do that one and he's like yeah

and i go with the 50 chance of dying you would do that and, yeah. I've wanted to do all of that for a while. But it's just casually the way people are just like, oh, I want to be an astronaut. Or like, I want to do these cool things. I don't want you to die. If I could get somebody to fund the whole project, I would be like, yeah, I'd be there tomorrow. I'd start training. But with the 50% chance of dying? Yes.

They do not. Why? People don't 50% chance going up K2? Mom, yes. The one in Everest? Mom, yes. The one in Everest. Mom, yes. I swear to God, it was on this documentary. That is the stat.

50% of people who attempt it. Or maybe it's like, let's say it's 25%. Why would you do something where the people who trained to do this, 25% of them die? Why would you do that? I don't understand it. It was because it would be awesome. But you have- It would be so much fun.

You only have one life yeah but is anything worth that in life that is like an accomplishment like that would make you i think that would that would change you fundamentally if you could accomplish something like that change you because you won't be existing anymore there's a 25 i but i really don't understand that there is nothing there's no thing in the world that I would do for the experience that was a 25% chance of me dying. No, no thing. You really wouldn't,

like if you, if you, like what is a big dream of yours? Like, you know, performing with Taylor Swift in an arena show at Madison Square Garden.

And there was a 25% chance that you would. Never, never in a million years would I do that because I want to live. And that is a high percentage of dying. We've got to go to break. We'll explore this more when we get back right after this.

Andrew! Andrew. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors.

And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Dr. Laurie Santos, and to welcome the new year, my podcast, The Happiness Lab, is releasing a series of happiness how-to guides to help you in 2025. I'll distill the wisdom of world-class experts into easy-to-digest, actionable tips. It's about never feeling good enough. I feel like I'm always failing.

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People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends, EGOT winner, Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair. And now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories, and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique. Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry.

I really wanted to be a playboy model. Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please. Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated.

Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don is pounding. I'm confused.

I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses.

But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community. And I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to Crumbs as part of the Michael Dura Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What would you say, Mom? Well, I mean, I feel bad.

Andrew's gone. Chris and I are taking his place. Andrew's in Jackson Hole hole wyoming and he's having a good time he lives in apartment what what wow he's at a town mom's worried just i'm worried about andrew's apartment yeah i don't know why i would even worry about 2c yeah we wouldn't want anyone stealing his willie t-shirt. Or his golf clubs. Oh, his clubs. That is the thing.

His clubs. His precious clubs. Those are probably locked up. No. Knowing Andrew. Do they keep a nice little... Our building is very secure. Do you think he keeps them in his apartment?

In a closet. Do you think they have a place? But I also think he probably just keeps them in his trunk in his car because he goes so often. So his car is parked on the second level. I figured they just slept in between Brenrenna and andrew he does love them and they're king size he does love them they do have a king size bed and babe we gotta you have to i have to i can't do this anymore i can't do it anymore either like i we were talking last night about like our relationship and like

things that we want to do to to show each other like we're in this and and i was like i was on a run the other day and i was like getting a king-size bed will be a message to chris i care about him and his comfort i haven't wanted to to say it because it's just like i'm not gonna pressure my sweet lady into like getting a king-size bed when she's got a bed that she really is happy with i'm not happy but this is the greatest news this is the best thing to happen to our relationship it is the best thing that we ever did you're getting a king-size bed i'm not kidding like right now like i'm ordering it as soon as we get on you are sniping in so quick i think you should get the king-size and give me your own can i but But you just said the best thing you ever did was, I have a queen. Why do you want to go back?

Because I need one for the extra bedroom. All right. Okay. You can have it. Just kidding. Just kidding. Say it with it. One, two, three.

Just kidding. Do it again. 3D radio. One, two, three. Just kidding. This is the whole episode. Love that. Yeah. Mom mom is there anything you would do with a 25 chance of dying and i know smoking is something you did for 33 years of your life so

that was kind of maybe god you've got that thing how'd you know 33 i just had to actually go to the doctor yesterday yeah and get all this lung stuff done. And what did we see? Well, I haven't told you all this, but my last time I went to the doctor, I, oh, that's much better. The last time I went to the doctor, I mean, I've had, you know, I've had a collapsed lung before. Yeah. And I haven't smoked for 14 years. I know.

My mom quit. How'd you quit? Cold turkey. That's not true. Yes, it is. No, it's not. Yes, it is. You use the Alan Carr method, Mom.

Well, that was cold turkey. No, it's not. Yeah, it is. It's saying, I'm not smoking anymore. No. But you can smoke the whole time you're reading the book. Yeah. No, that book is what got you to-

And then at the end of the book, you stop smoking. You do. But that's not smoking anymore. No. But you can smoke the whole time you're reading the book. Yeah. No, that book is what got you to- And then at the end of the book, you stop smoking. You do. But that's not cold turkey. Cold turkey is not using any method. That's a method. It's the same- You got to give him shout outs- I got to give him a shout out.

Because that's going to help people quit smoking. Yeah. Because cold turkey does not work. You will go back to it. It's people have had success with that, but the Alan Carr method is how you quit smoking. Okay. All right. Well, I definitely have to give how you quit smoking. Okay. All right.

Well, I definitely have to give it credit. Yeah. Okay. So anyway, on my last report, I did have a whole physical and it came back. I'm reading the bylines underneath and it said emphysema. And I called my doctor. I said, oh my God, it says I have emphysema. She said, no, you don't. So she said, let me call the technician.

So I was like freaking out. I didn't want to tell you any of this because I didn't know what was going on. So I took six months to get into this pulmonary doctor that I had to go through all these tests yesterday. Pulmonary? Pulmonary. Dr. Maneri? Paul Maneri. Dr. Maneri. Okay.

Dr. Paul Maneri. I hear he's good. He's so good. He's actually a pediatrician. You dare make fun of my dad joke. How dare you? No, the other one. I don't even want to mention it anymore. It wouldn't have killed on my show.

It would have gotten a lot of eye rolls. Anyway, I went through all these tests and then you get an x-ray and I went into the doctor all morning. So for six months you thought you might have emphysema? Yeah. And you didn't tell me? Yeah. Because it's none of my business.

Because it's none of your business. Okay. Well, it is kind of your business. You are my daughter. So I was going to, after I found out the test and stuff. We don't talk that often. So six months is nothing for us.

It's the polyps thing that we haven't talked. Okay. Anyway, it turns out she's like, you have, she said, I wouldn't have even seen this on the x-ray. You have great lung capacity. She said, I wouldn't have even seen this on the x-ray. You have great lung capacity. She said, you have so little emphysema that it's not worth talking about.

But you do have it? Oh, yeah. I mean, I smoked. You just get emphysema if you smoke for 33 years. But she said it's not going to get any worse. Oh, my God. Nice. She said, it is so faint.

She said, I couldn't have seen this. And the other doctor looked at it. He couldn't see it. Your lungs are so tiny. They're so tiny. You can't even see. Your emphysema is so skinny. Please, I cannot believe this.

What's your emphysema secret? It's called green tea. Green tea is great. And vodka. It keeps it at bay. Wait, that's so exciting I know it's a Just kidding No

You just said just kidding He just ruined my whole story With that just kidding button No you just said just kidding I had to You know Emphasize Anyway

It was all good news to me I was like That's so great Oh celebrate Oh my god Because that is scary Like when you know People are always like why would you

smoke when you know what could happen yeah like the whole time i'm watching casablanca i'm like one of my questions for that movie was like everyone's smoking all the time in that movie literally every single scene is just smoke and that's just the way it was back then in the 40s, like 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s. I mean, smoking indoors all the time. Didn't, when did everyone realize, didn't everyone feel sick all the time? Like I feel so, when I smoked, I felt sick all, like you're constantly breathing in a smokestack.

Like you feel tired. Like didn't people feel like this is killing us like how do they not know but the truth is even if you know something's killing you it's not if it works to see disgusting lungs or if it worked to see like to know surgeon's general warning and have these graphic pictures on cigarettes it does that doesn't work like that does not deter people from doing it there's a cognitive dissonance there that you're going to be the exception. Like, um,

that's right. So it doesn't work that, but, um, my favorite Norm MacDonald joke that I can remember off the top of my head is like, Hey, you ever see,

uh, you ever see a picture of a smoker's lung? Disgusting. You ever see a picture of a healthy lung? It's disgusting. It is like the same thing. What's your favorite Norm joke? Off the top.

Oh, my God. Off the top of my head? Yeah, I mean, like, just... What, you want me to go into the moth joke? No, no, no. How much time you got? That's like the moth storytelling show. I mean, the one that I think just popped into my...

I mean, God, there's so many good ones. The one that just popped into my head was the one about... oh, man, I just want to do like a hundred of them. I heard a good joke from Jessalyn yesterday. Growing up, my family moved all the time, but now they're all fat pieces of shit. That's a Norm joke? No, no, it's just a jessalyn joke but it was usually his jokes are very long and then the end it's like someone's dead or molested that one was just like one two

and i really liked it that's funny um uh i'm trying to think of like quick norm jokes but they're well there's one that was like he's like have you seen these i mean i just there's so many of them that i love this isn't the one that i love the most it's the one i remembered first but he's like um these uh olympic events they're getting crazy i saw this guy uh run run 1500 miles and then fish that was bad no that's funny it was so good um i yeah we chris and i were talking about like stand-up jokes or like just observations and i really loved the one like you said that what was the one you had chris that you were like it about um talking to people in your car.

Can you share it? Which is what? Like when you're like, I don't always, but when I do, I like this one. Those memes that are like, I'm looking at my favorite Norm jokes right now, but those memes that are like, I don't always do blah, blah, blah, but when I do, I da, da, da. Mine was, I don't always, when I communicate, what did I say? I was like, I don't always communicate with cars on the road. But when I do, I talk like this and make motions with my hands.

Yeah, it's so weird. And let little bits of volume come out of my head. You've got to roll down. Your gas tank, your gas tank is open. But you're not even whispering. You're just like, it's even worse. It's like, your gas tank is open. It's such not even whispering. You're just like, it's even worse. It's like, your gas tank is open. It's such a weird noise.

Why are you sort of talking? You were like, I sound like Marlee Matlin. Here's a good norm one. You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

Mom, do you know any standup jokes that like, you are a big fan of Kathy Griffin care for them. Mom, do you know any stand-up jokes that, like, you are a big fan of Kathy Griffin. I know. Oh, I knew you'd put me on the spot about remembering jokes. My voice coach works with her. Are you kidding?

No. I once walked in on my parents having sex. It was the most embarrassing 30 minutes of my life. That's funny. No, I can't think of any. Isn it funny like you can consume stand up all the time and you like even for me i'll go to a whole entire show and i'll laugh the whole time and i won't remember a single fucking joke like you can't re tell a single joke what you know yeah i've read a lot about this and it's and i've probably said this before but it bears repeating that when you go to a stand-up show that's why the opener is the most

important joke and then the close the opener and the closer the middle does not matter um and if you're doing a special the end is actually the least important because people usually don't even get to that anyway the opener is always the most important people um in life understand the first and last of something and people usually remember jokes they don't like versus the joke they liked the most because evolutionarily it is more important for us to remember things that cause us pain or cause us suffering so that we don't eat that berry again we don't travel down that path that has a grizzly bear on it that's going to serve us more for survival than remembering like,

oh, that made me feel happy. Yeah, that makes sense. What I'll remember after this podcast is not remembering any Norm jokes. Exactly. You're so right. Here's another one I love. It's ID is a strange abbreviation.

I is short for I and D is short for... Dentification. i is short for i and d is short for identification oh god it's is it like for him it's like delivery or the joke itself i can't really tell because when you said that joke it's hard to separate those two yeah yeah i loved his special so his latest quote-unquote special so much i know the people that whole thing where spade and uh letterman and uh molly shannon and chapelle were all talking about it afterwards and sandler and conan that was so uncomfortable and i really did not like that but i liked the special so much and i thought it was so funny i

thought it did count as a standup special. I thought it was everything. It was pretty much what Bo Burnham did just without an audience and just quietly in his room. I thought it was just as satisfying as the standup special. I really was like,

this could be the new model. I would watch someone just at their computer telling jokes to a screen. I don't need to see crowd shots. I don't need to hear laughter to understand when I should laugh. Like that stuff does help. And it even helps me like laughter is contagious. I think it also helps that both of those guys,

like you could do it. And there's a, you know, like does a few dozen comics that could do it, but you kind of have to have the gravitas of a Bo Burnham or a Norm McDonald. Like those guys, they're great

incredible performers so like right you can't just be you know anybody the stand-up I hate is the stuff that is bolstered by the audience and the and the pauses and the looks after they hit the punchline of yeah and what's essentially a laugh track yes it's like those those comedians that if you i'm someone who's that a gift to be able to no i hate if i get a big laugh you will notice i will step on the laughter because i just feel so self-indulgent like riding it out and being like isn't that a gift i just gave you everyone because as a comedian you are you can ride those waves yeah and you can abuse that if you i'm not trying to brag but if you watch my special and add up the amount of words i say versus anyone else's hour i guarantee you it's not just because i talk fast it's because i'm not letting those moments like and and probably

to my detriment like some people like when things breathe and like that you don't you allow the audience to like the laughter to die down and then you take a breath i think it is so self-indulgent i am someone i've never understood comedians who after a show stand out and wave and take it all in and walk from the side of the stage to the what in canada remember yes yes yes but what i like what you do is you you're out of there but i i kind of assumed a lot of this stuff was because it's just a natural part of your personality to talk fast and get through things. Yes. But I do like how you're not basking in it like a bunch of other people do.

And we know who they are. But what I do like is you don't sit there and try to take it all in in like that setting in front of everybody. You go talk to people afterwards. Yes. So like that's what you like kind of that one-on-one interaction with people because you like a little bit more. Well, I just don't want- What were you saying, Noah?

I feel like people need to get hold of their babysitters. But I will say at the same time, when I went to see Dave Matthews in the year 2000, I had the best seats that I ever had, 16th row at Riverport. He, when he said goodnight, I wanted him to stay out there so freaking long. So as a fan, I do, I just feel like I've already done an hour and a half.

These people are tired. They want to get home. That's too much talking anyway. I've overindulged in talking. I need to leave the stage. These people need to get to their cars and get the fuck home and relieve the babysitter. And when you say an hour and a half, you really mean two hours and 15 minutes, right? Like me talking an hour and a half for the

whole show itself yeah but yeah sometimes no you i've been at shows where you're where you go to like two hours it's funny the whole time it's that's too much and i feel bad that i do that and that is me without taking these long these comedians i i don't understand it is just a different that's like they want to bask in this. They like it. But stop it. You're just telling a joke. You don't need to.

Yeah. As an audience member, like all these things that you're pointing out, it makes sense to me now listening to you dissect it. But when I'm at a comedy show, and I like all the different comedians, even the ones that you don't like, I'm too stupid to know their techniques. And I don all the different comedians, even the ones that you don't like. I'm too stupid to know their techniques

and I don't care. I'm just there to enjoy the jokes and the laughs. I know. But as someone who knows the tricks, it bugs me. I guess it's just like, I don't, if you were in a,

it's like anything. When you can see people within your profession, not doing it earnestly and not actually getting when you see that. And I've used tricks before. I've admitted to this on the podcast. There are definitely road hack tricks that like every comedian does laughing at your own joke, you know, hitting your leg, acting like it's the first time you say it.

That's Chappelle thing of like, oh my God, that's so funny. Like everything I say, up it's it makes everyone laugh it makes me laugh it tricks me like there's these things that i utilize i'm not a perfect person but i am there is this thing in comedy that i just i can't stand the gloating afterwards and but i will say that as a as a fan dave matthews when i lingered at that 2000 show i got on my seat and i everyone started going to their cars and dave was still on the side of the stage kind of still waving and he saw me and i was one of the only ones still fucking jumping up and down and waving and he waved he like waved directly at me and i had a

moment with dave matthews before the moment where i told him i was in his sphere and also before the moment where i told him that he should play a song that's funky and he did not like it so this was my the only good moment I've had with Dave Matthews was in the year 2000 like September pre-9-11 and Dave Dave definitely saw me in that matter to me that moment what's your what is like a favorite type of thing a bestie can do or does at a show or like what is what is the thing that you like at the shows after the shows right when you're like when you are waving or whatever i love and i love you i love when they cry i love when they shake some of them are very embarrassed because they're like i'm shaking this is like i love all that because it's real like whatever's real for you i don't care if what's real for you is like i'm sorry i kind of want to fuck you like if that's real for you say it like don't touch me

but like you can say whatever you want i might, if that's real for you, say it. Like, don't touch me. But like, you can say whatever you want. I might go, well, that's a weird thing to say. But like, you know, as long as they're being honest, I don't want anyone to try to be kuh. Yeah. Just don't be kuh. Just be yourself. And that's what I like. Mrs. Glazer, when your fans come up to you,

what are some of your favorite sort of? Well, I do like when they don't touch me or hug me. You don't like that? I don't like hugs. Really? From anybody? From strangers? No. You don't like that. I don't like hugs. Really? From anybody? From strangers? No.

You don't like the smell? Back to my childhood. Yeah. But you've gotten a lot of attention from the TV show, right? Oh, my God. No, not really. Oh, really? Yes, she has.

Not really. No, people are, I mean, just a few people recognize me and they're like, but if you were like actively online and knew how to read your message requests and like things like that, you would see, you would be getting flooded with stuff. That's where I get most of my love is like DMs. And if you did meet and greets after your grocery store runs, you would also be. You should do a meet and greet at Goodwill's all around the city. You should do a little tour.

Well, I did get recognized the other day by this codgery old guy i was like oh god he's like movie star i'm like what saw you on a commercial or something i know they always have to like daughter well that's see that's not nice it's it was just weird movie star because they're jealous and so they have to do the thing of like oh you think you're big time it's like no you think i'm big time and that is why you're saying movie star you're jealous that you think that i think i'm better than you when i don't think i'm better than you you are thinking that you that i think i'm better than you because you're insecure that you could never

be on tv and it is kind of your dream isn't it it, you old codgery man? So you have to say, movie star. I don't think I'm a movie star. You do, clearly. Well, I've never been in a movie, so I don't know what he's talking about. Let's go to break. We'll be right back just again. I'll put you in one. We'll be right back with Fan Thrax. Jon Stewart is

back at The Daily Show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Dr. Laurie Santos, and to welcome the new year, my podcast, The Happiness Lab,

is releasing a series of happiness how-to guides to help you in 2025. I'll distill the wisdom of world-class experts into easy-to-digest, actionable tips. It's about never feeling good enough. I feel like I'm always failing. You'll learn how to handle relationships, how to be inspiring, and how to find your purpose. We make it this big pie-in-the-sky thing, and then of course we're all frustrated because no one knows how to get there. Struggling with tough emotions? We have a how-to guide. Worried that you're not enough? We got you. Self-obsessed and want to get over yourself? There's a guide for that too. The ability to approach somebody and make them experience desire for you in minutes or even

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Listen to Crems as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. She knows everything. Welcome back to the show. My mom during the break was like, I'm going to go get my coffee. And Noah goes, I think there, I get my coffee. Noah goes, I think there is a coffee cup right now. Does she imitate

everyone? How's Chris? How do you imitate Chris? I don't. Nikki, I love you so much. Ah, my girl! Glaze. No, you're great!

No, really, you're great No really you're great You have to have something right What? Some sort of impression That's what was my impression You haven't perfected it yet You're great Nikki what people may not know

Do people know how great you are at two second impressions? Have you talked about two second impressions on this? I think people get a sense of it on the show a little bit because I will drop into it sometimes. I don't know if besties really can know how good you've been at all that stuff. The thing is, I realize I'm so not as good at impressions as Anya and Kirsten. Being around them and their just cursory impressions, they are so fucking good. It's really insane how good they are. I could be better you are

really good oh my god it's just because they're in my vocal range yeah i can do it do do aniston well for you i will say that um i can oh the other day by the way melissa via senor um she like was writing me and was like i just want to let you know like your special was amazing you know like she was like she wrote me about my special it was very nice and then she was like and i'm working on an impression of you she's like like guys like i don't know like old souls it's not a thing like she did and it was very flattering and it was actually really good and i was like thank you it's the first time someone's not done an impression of me that's like oh god i hate that like every time someone does an impression of me it's like oh god i hate that like every time someone does an impression

of me it sounds like the guy from love on the spectrum season two where he's like i can't find my sword oh this is not working i lost my debit card dad this is not good oh god dad where's my cloak and dagger um i know exactly what you're talking about it's a great impression he's very me so my impression the thing I will say is that I don't do an impression of Chris but Chris's mannerisms have worked their way into my stand up anytime you hear me go and you know

that's what you do kind of jackpot that is something I've picked up from Chris okay yeah that's a good one I think we're gonna do it that is something I've picked up from Chris. Okay. Yeah. That's a good one. You know what? I think we're going to do it. Like that is something,

I mean, this goes back to 2013, 14, where. Yeah. Cause I don't even know if I'm doing that anymore. I don't think you are, but I got that from you initially.

It's funny. Cause I'm like, when I, when you do that on stage, I'm like, that's good. I like that. I like it.

Yeah. That's you. Have you, have, has my, Mr. Glazer, have you been on the podcast before?

I have no idea. Okay, so people have like explored your relationship. Yeah, you can. Yes. Wait, can I just hold that button and do that? Yes.

You can. Yeah, we've, I wish we could explore it right now, but we have to get to Fanthrax. Oh, Fanthrax, sorry. Yeah, our messages from besties about the show. And I'm really excited for you guys to hear these actually is there a section for corrections and compliments you know what that's

kind of like a part of the voice messages so they can go onto our instagram and um okay they can send voice memos to us through this link and like um and and let and they let us know sometimes like hey you were talking about this and actually this was was... Yeah, so if you ever want to write into the show... I could do a correction and compliment. A fanthrax. But I can't do it on the show today. No, you can do it right now. Okay, cool.

You want to start us off? I don't want to mess with fanthrax. Fanthrax is the bestie. We can do a live fanthrax. You can start us off. Let's get to fanthrax. Welcome to fanthrax welcome to fanthrax is the part of the show where we hear from people our listeners about the show compliments criticisms not really criticisms but corrections and we've got our first one live here in studio let's do the other ones because i then i'll then i'll just hear the vibe

of them and then i'll pepper mine is that okay i love that yeah. Let's get a sense of it. Let's do the first one, Noah. Okay, let's start with India. Hi, Nikki. My name is India. I'm a longtime listener here. Big fan of you guys. I was listening to your segment on gibberish, and I'm so excited. I've been speaking gibberish with my mother since I was five years old. She's the only other person I knew who knew about it, so I'm starting to think she made

it up until I heard you guys talking about it I did want to chime in The way that I have best taught people How to speak it You had it right when you said Break it up into syllables But the best way after that Is that you add the ivega

To the vowel in each syllable So my name, India, like the country Is ivegin, didigi, ivega, is Ithigin, Dithigee, Ithiga. Ithigin, Dithigee, Ithiga. Yes. Andrew, Ithigan, Dithigoo. Nikki, Nithigik, Dithigee. Add it to the vowel.

Noah, Nithigoo, Ithiga. So adding the Ithiga to the vowels in each syllable has helped me teach people. So, you know, nobody picks it up except for me and my mom, which we use all the time. Anyway, big fan. Thank you, guys. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

In that song, she's like, Thank you, India. Thank you. Noah loved it. Oh, Noah. That just warms my heart over there. I love when Noah has a burst. It's so cute.

It really is the best. It feels so good. Wait, I can't believe that exactly how i feel when nikki gets into these gibberish things because no matter how many times you explain it i my brain just can't maybe now you can get it because you add it to the bow and noah knows several languages too and she's so i was just gonna make that joke this could be your third noah oh my god no Nikki, you would never teach me that. The guy with the goat to the geese. That was your secret language.

The gats of the gout with the gee to the gout. Green vase. Did you make this up with Kirsten? No, this was something we learned on spring break from some boys that we met on the beach that taught us. What boys? It was before I met you, Chris. It was before I met you, Chris. Yeah, it was before I met you. So I didn't talk like this to those boys.

I promise I didn't talk like that to those boys. Thank God. And anyone I met in spring break in high school, we know from me having Daniel, the bestie on the show, a guy I met, one of the Alabama boys we met in spring break, I was not hooking up with boys. There was no hanky-panky going on. If anything, there was like the hokey-pokey going on and we met on spring break. I was not hooking up with boys. There was no hanky panky going on. If anything,

there was like the hokey pokey going on and we were dancing to that. That was the most, I was not grinding on anyone. I was like maybe going to grind coffee. Have you used that joke? No. Hanky panky hokey pokey. No.

That's good. We bring, you need to bring that to the show. Okay, well remind me of that. You should do that sometime. All right. Are you ready for your one or do you want to get another sentence?

I'll do a, I'll do a correction and then later i'll do a correction and a compliment one correction yesterday i was i chose accuracy over what i actually felt during something on the that we talked about on the podcast and you were like what do you you didn't say it was a great show and i was like no i saw i said this is great television and yes your show f boy island is a great television show you're the best host of any reality show i've ever seen i've watched a lot of reality tv you are by far the best best host you do things that no host has ever done and you're and you're funny and you're saying things that people at home would want

would be thinking or saying or like the funny version of those things. So I just want to clarify. That's so nice. I could tell that it didn't sit right with you. And it's true. It is a great TV show and you're great at it. Thank you. You're welcome.

That's a very good first correction. I appreciate that. Noah, are you still there? Because you just went blank on the screen. Oh yeah, I'm still here. And on that note, can I play a voicemail about F-Boy? Yes, please. Okay.

Yeah. Thank you, Chris. Thank you, babe. I love you. I love you, too. Hello. It's Bestie Bad Boy Riri. I love you, Noah, Nikki, and Andrew so much.

Love you. I started some F-Boy drama. I was stumbling upon nikki's uh stories and then i started watching that you know that cute comedian on f boy island i forget his name benedict but um that guy and i clicked on mia and i was like let's see what this gorgeous girl's doing and she was live so i started watching the live and i commented peter gives me small d energy and she started uncontrollably laughing and i i was shocked and everyone was saying you have to you know you can't say anything end the live and she had also confirmed that she's not with peter girl i'm

just stirring up trauma and i sincerely apologize but know, I'm living my grandma life here in the suburbs of Chicago. And it was an accident. Nikki, please get on live again. I just need to listen to you sing Taylor Swift and not stir up F-Boy Island. I love you. But, you know, tell that comedian Danny to hit me up, if anything. Love you all so much. Oh, Benedict, I think.

Okay. Who was this bad boy, Riri? Is that what he said his name was yes um bad boy you are so cute i fucking love you and i want to be friends with you um did you say he gives you small dick energy because peter is an asian man or is it something else because not a fan of that stereotype i'm? Because not a fan of that stereotype. I'm kind of not a fan of any of that shaming sort of situation at all anyway. This man seems like

the way he's talking, he seems like he might know about penises. Yeah. So I feel like he has a right to kind of maybe say that stuff more

because he has one. I don't like when girls do it, but for some reason when gay guys do it i it's not my favorite but that's i'm not shaming you right big boy re-read i appreciate well i mean let's be honest this guy's got his name is this guy has yeah bd he's punching down which i don't love right well he also said he's a grandma in the suburbs of Chicago. He maybe was having a bad day and was maybe... I get it.

And listen, he did not mean to start up drama, but... What about Peter is like that, though? I don't think I necessarily... That's what I'm saying. I think it might just be... But to me, he does not hide the thing. He has total BDE to me. Peter.

What? Could it be the height thing? Because Peter... And the camera's kind of blurred how... Oh, the Garrett. Like the height thing because Peter and the camera's kind of blurred how like the height difference between Mia and Peter is very tall Mia's like 5'11 and Peter's probably I'm height blind as you know thank god I know um but I'm guessing Peter's like 5'9 10 I don't know but he literally could be be six two i don't like that's i'm not good at guessing he seems smaller than most of the other guys out there i would say that he's probably

five eight but i actually i don't know i think but as as a lady who's been with shorter guys that has nothing to do with been with just you know spiritually like been standing next to one thing that when i feel their penises oh my god one thing that i didn't expect i love my fans that's a nice greet that's some nice meat oh come on please um one thing i didn't expect was to like so many of the guys on the show i know aren. Aren't they nice? Yeah, a few of them were just like, these guys are great. They're funny. They're so natural. Yes.

And so much of themselves. You don't expect, you think they're all just going to be a bunch of D-bags, but so much of them are cool. Even Mercedes. Mercedes, who is the biggest F-boy, and you watch him and you just go, God, this fucking snake.

You know what? There was something endearing about him. Remember when Lukasz, during the mans mansplain comes out as bisexual and announces that he is attracted to Mercedes? Mercedes is a very straight man. And I was very scared during that moment on the show that Mercedes was going to be like, that's some gay shit. Don't fucking involve me in that.

And lash out. Because I had heard rumors that Mercedes had sort of a temper kind of thing which was addressed on the show and which we saw on the show so i was very nervous about that but i love there was something that made me love mercedes so much when he just goes i like you i like you too lukash well thanks lukash and then he just he accepted it he didn't have this like a lot of and i know that in black culture there is a lot of like anything gay is like fuck you like it's it's it's different i've i've heard that maybe i'm totally off base but i've heard that you know that's why the down low exists like men are not able to be openly gay or like you know

even a little bit catholic maybe an extra stigma yes and so i even and just the fact that he was able to take that and handle that situation such he seems like the the smoothest person yes alive alive for sure and you know what as much as i'm like i don't like how he you know i didn't see the last one you know that when he calls people a fucking idiot or calls him goofy and like it's just like i'm you know i'm a 50 point lead i didn't like all that there's something about me that that goes, this kid has been told he's a fucking idiot a lot in his life and I feel sad for him. But that doesn't excuse it.

But there's something I can find. There's endearing things about the F boys. I think to be an F boy, you have to be, to be an F boy at the level that those guys are, there has to be something a little bit broken about you. Absolutely. Right? Like you to need all of that. That's why I say the F stands for fragile oh yeah that's really good who mrs glazer who are some

of your favorite f boys do you remember any of their names like are there guys you're like oh you're rooting for that you're like i already she loved the comedian benedict oh i do like which by the way benedict but i haven't seen the last one benedict if you come i'm only keeping one tour date um because i'm getting vocal surgery um in early september i'm only keeping one tour date um because i'm getting vocal surgery um in early september i'm only keeping one date i'm kind of clearing my schedule so there's going to be rescheduling for a lot of shows um but september 2nd in vegas i am keeping that i thought i thought i was i didn't even realize it was a date that but anyway as september 2nd in vegas if you come to see me you will see

benedict pelosi oh that's awesome for me so it's going to be an f boy show i'm very excited to have him on the show i think people are going to be so excited to watch him because we he was so funny on the show and we wanted to get a chance to see but i want to get a chance to see his stand-up i know from experience that the way you're portrayed on reality tv isn't necessarily the way you are in real life yes but i think benedict came off every i'm rooting for him big time in all in every single situation yeah he seems like a really good guy i picked him from the get-go well as a nice guy honestly you knew i liked him you're so intuitive well benedict did a q a the other day on instagram and it was something about like you know uh right

tell us some jokes about the show or something and he was like nikki glazer um gave the has the energy of um a substitute teacher who would try to fuck your dad or something like that and i was like i was just having a bad morning i was like in a depressed mood and i was like this guy's calling me old like i'm gonna fuck your dad like why why wouldn't i try to fuck my students like i was offended that he was like making i'm like you know just and then someone was like but he said substitute teacher that like kind of means younger and i was like took it as like i'm old and i was just like yeah fuck this and i was mad and so i wrote underneath it um oh thanks for laughing after all of your punchlines so we know

when to laugh otherwise we wouldn't know or something like that because he is a comedian that he does this really great laugh and honestly i was just lashing out and then i took a shower and i was like still kind of like fucking mad about it and being like i'm old because i woke up on the wrong side of the fucking bed my craftmatic adjustable bed because i'm old and i was like really how did i do that and so i wrote to him and i said benedict that was so uncalled for i just erased the comment he goes why did you erase that that was the best thing ever that's ever happened to me you roasted me i took so much offense to it though because i was having a bad

day and and the reason he's opening for me now is because I was like, I'm just mad at you for because of my own shit. And I was like, come open for me. Like, so it was kind of beautiful that this thing where I got and I appreciate any of these guys, anyone talking about me ever. I swear to God, even if you say something bad about me, I appreciate it because it's acknowledging I exist, which is also is my what I want. Yeah, you know, and it And it was a playful joke.

I roasted these guys so fucking hard every night when they had their – Right. They were – everyone – I posted a joke last night that I did, and people were like, oh, the guys, their reaction to it wasn't that great. And I'm like, they put up with so much shit. They would come out for these elimination rounds, and they were so tense. like they're worried about the show they're in love with this girl and i'm like oh my my period is tonight and you guys look like you're farting a lot like they were just like oh god like can we not that's a good point you are kind of mean to them so i'm gonna take back what

i had to say it's not a good show final thought let's next next fan frags okay let's uh go with erin hey nikki andrew and noah this is bestie erin from charleston south carolina um i have a suggestion maybe for uh i don't know maybe just like a good game or short segment of like lies parents told us as kids that you learn later on into adulthood were just so not true santa um one of what one of mine is when i was younger i desperately wanted to try out for american idol and i am a terrible singer um this memory just came back I was belting the lyrics to You and I Both by Jason Mraz and um yeah that was one that I used to record myself into my pink razor and my poor family um it got to the point where they told me that it was impolite

to sing indoors so if I wanted to practice my vocals i had to do it in the backyard and to i mean well into my adulthood i thought that it was horribly rude to break into song indoors uh anyways yeah there's a lot that's so funny but I love you guys so much. And I would love to hear your versions of what your parents told you. Signing off. You and I both. Jason Mraz. I love you so much. First of all, I sang you and I both with Jason Mraz at that show in San Diego.

And I love it so much. How does it go? Oh, because you and I. Yeah, but it starts at, was it you who spoke the words that things would happen just not to me? Oh, things. Oh, this is so rude. I'm singing indoors.

I had a similar thing to this. When I remember singing in front of you and dad at one point, and you guys said, you know where you should sing is the bathroom because the acoustics are better and so you sent me away to the bathroom and i was in there and i realized as i was in there i put it together that they wanted to watch the tv show they were watching and they wanted me to get out of the room out of there because what does have great acoustics it's yeah what that's it acoustics it's true

it's true I love this question I love it too we've done it on our show before and somebody texted in our show and I love this one so much so obviously like the you know every summer

the ice cream man comes around and it's it's hell for parents apparently I don't know you know like Brando on our show yeah it's just like but it's also like

disrupts the entire family they do it at dinnerertime and all this stuff. And somebody in like, you know, Columbia, Illinois or something, Breeze or something, said that their parents told them that when they heard the Ice Cream Man song, it meant they were out of ice cream. That is so good. So they only played the song when they were out of ice cream. Oh my God. That is brilliant that is brilliant that's pretty brilliant

um i'm trying to think of ones for me was a huge deception huge i i mean i know we went to extreme issues to this day about it well we we wanted you were so in love with santa and the easter bunny and all this wasn't it was just like i I liked him, like the idea of him. Just like as a friend. Yeah, you weren't in love with him. My favorite, one of my favorite things that I've ever witnessed was at Nikki, at Lauren's wedding, Nikki did a whole big speech. And part of her speech was, you know, Lauren did everything before me.

And like, obviously Lauren got married before you. And Lauren does all these things before me. She's doing this before me. But she- Which is ironic because she's my younger sister which yeah because she's my younger sister and she found out that santa claus wasn't real before me which is like really embarrassing but at the way there were kids at the wedding so they found out they found out that santa wasn't real from my fucking yeah best woman speech or whatever the fuck it was oh who cares they were

crying in the bathroom i was like honestly it's better they know now because later on they're gonna feel so disappointed when they're in fifth grade and they finally find out that santa isn't real it was a tough revelation for you what about you mrs glazer because you would have had things that were her parents didn't from like no she existed she was one of 10 they didn't they they there were some hard truths if anything they didn't lie to her. Yeah, they never told us anything. Do you remember, though, anything? Like something they told us that would have been... Yeah, we just gave several examples.

Yeah, no, not really. They really never... Talked to you. They never really talked to us. They didn't know we existed. My mom would just run around the neighborhood and like, it is a miracle you weren't molested. And I think you could have...

Maybe I was. It was like the 70s, though so weren't there any like old times where they like don't get don't get high on your own supply it was no when i was really young i mean i was five and six my mother said you never met a stranger and i'm like well god damn it mom you let me sit at the bus stop and go home with strangers and go get a cookie what she meant was you never met like everyone was your friend right and that is what she meant but what she should be saying is don't talk to strangers but instead she was like you love strangers and we just let you go off with any stranger just did i knew everyone on our street i'd been in their house intimately. The one thing that, and they've been in you intimately. I will say the one thing that I remember my mom telling me as a young kid, and I've said

this before, is that if you go, we lived on a river, Nikki. Oh, yeah. If you go down to the river. Had to. I said, you will die. So my mom told me. If you go across that street, will fall down and you know it's not it wasn't you might die you will die and you will never see us again i had to scare the shit

out of you say to me i had to do it but i think that was like an like the undertone of your entire relationship with your mom like through your childhood yeah because you're dangerous was your first word and like everything was out to get you we moved on a white water river and she could have died but hey she's not wrong you're alive right yeah you're alive could have died but then the irony was my dad would come home from work and want to go kayaking and go nick come on let's go in the canoe let's go kayaking well that was good on fish and i would go he's trying to murder you yes well that's why you hate me wanting to climb mountains and doing dangerous things but that's like there was this one time i know that makes sense there was this one time that i was with sabrina jaleez walking in brooklyn and we came across these little girls that were probably like four years old two little girls

four years old and they were on razor scooters their little razor scooters and they were going so fast and there were busy busy roads i mean and these little girls definitely shouldn't have been out they got out and they just like went on a little adventure just you know probably a couple blocks from their apartment but i started chasing them because they were going so fast and i was like these girls don't have a chaperone. There's no one in sight. Their ears are pierced. What do you mean? I'm just kidding.

Oh, so I went and I started. And I chased them because I was like, I need to find out where they're going. And these girls, no one's watching. So I chased them. They went back to their house. I went up to the door and I was like, were you? Or on the street, I was like, were you or on the street? I was like, girls, is anyone are you with anyone?

They were like, our babysitter's inside. And so I went up to the porch and I was like, hey, these girls got out there. She was like, oh, shit. And she seemed to be alarmed. And but I know actually they said she's inside and the girls went inside and through the screen door. I said, girls, if you ever do that again and sabrina witnessed this and this was before i put together my mom's kind of like weird warnings for me i said if you ever do that again you will die no you didn't these are very these

were roads that were like i'm not kidding you like manchester road like 40 miles an hour right outside their door these girls and i go you will die and i went back to the street after i said that these girls are looking at me through the screen door that they've run inside because a woman was chasing them and they're in the screen door just like look at me like shaking like and i go you will die do not ever go out without an adult ever ever ever such good and i went back to the street and sabrina and her wife Shauna were just like, Nikki, what was that? That was really disturbing. And they were both like,

that was, and I was like, what was wrong with, like, I had no idea what I had done. And they were like, you told them they would die if they go outside. And I was like,

but yeah, because that's going to scare them from going out and doing something where they'll die. I mean, we've come full circle. You cannot do K2. You will die. 25% chance. All right, guys, we got to go. Thank mean, we've come full circle. You cannot do K2. You will die. 25% chance.

All right, guys, we got to go. Thank you so much for watching the show, listening to the show. Have such a great weekend. Don't be cuh. And Jackie Joyner-Kersee. Andrew's rich brother. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show,

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