The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #259 From One Wet Mouth To Another w/Ben Gleib

Episode Date: August 17, 2022

Nikki and Andrew are excited to talk to Ben Gleib about his new special THE MAD KING which is available for free. Andrew's mouth can't help but add some sound effects while Nikki tells Ben about her favorite jokes from the special. Ben points out something problematic with Nikki's PSA about sharing the road with cyclists. Nikki pays scrupulous attention to porn analytics and that is too much for Ben's ADHD. They play the Blankest Thing and discuss the "smartest" thing they've ever done. This leads to conversations about relationships, how to find confidence and beating speech impediments.    Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Get Pod Merch: Podshop.NikkiGlaser.com Nikki's Tour Dates: www.nikkiglaser.com/tour Andrew's Tour Dates: www.andrewcollincomedy.com   More Nikki: IG More Andrew: IG  More producer Noa: IG    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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iHeartRadio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult.

He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Hello, welcome to the show.

It's the Nikki Glaser podcast. Here I am. I'm in Los Angeles, California. I am visited by, visited by? What is this? Night before Christmas. Are you kidding? What is this? Night before Christmas. Andrew Collin is haunting me from, I'm guessing, his apartment in St. Louis.

Am I? I think so. I recognize that wall. Yeah, I'm here. I'm home. I'm home. And we have Noah in Arizona. And also joining us this week on the show is my dear friend.

One of my, I would say, I would say best friends. And that's not just something I would reserve to say after you've passed. I think people sometimes bump up people in the standing once they've passed. But one of my best friends, he's a comedian. He has a new special out on YouTube that you can watch for free right now called The Mad King. Please welcome to the show Ben Glebe. Thank you, Nick. What's up, girl? Hi, Ben.

How has premiere weekend been of your stand-up special? It has been good. It's been really good. People's comments have been really nice, and some really nice people have been... You read comments? I read comments only for big events. I don't read them for most things,

but for big things that I've been working on for a very long time, I'm curious. But that said, I feel like I'm being shadowbanned by YouTube. It's on YouTube for free. Oh, really? And I feel like I'm talking about a lot of things in the podcast that...

I mean, the podcast in the special that you're not maybe supposed to talk about i feel like i'm being shadow banned like the views have not been great even though the reviews let's change that the reviews are insane and they should be i you know i'm i like to support my friends my friend ben is i know hilarious it's been like a while since i've seen your stand-up i mean i've watched you you do uh you host a lot of shows it you have like a comedy club in your apartment called club nowhere which you started during zoom um where you do a lot of improv sets and different shows on that but it's been a while since I'd seen your stand-up I mean maybe since like 2009 or something dude I'm sorry to admit that but it had been you know since i was i don't watch

anyone stand up but like maybe saw you at the improv back in the day your stand-up special the mad king is so freaking funny so good i was live texting you about it the other night when i was watching it and i was blown away man i mean i knew you were funny but i really thought that because you're such an improv guy and you're such a guy that's does these specific shows where you play characters you do like filters on your face where you'll do different impressions and they're so fun I encourage everyone to check out everything Ben has going on because he's just one of the funniest but this stand-up special is like top-notch your stand-up is great thank you so much that's very kind of you your text chain to me was very encouraging during my premiere night.

That made me feel very good. Yeah. I just put it on and I, I started writing to him as I was watching like all the bits I loved and I was watching it on two, like a 1.5. I think I started at 1.7, but you're a fast talker,

which I appreciate. So I had to take it down to a 1.5. And I, as soon as I started at 1.7, but you're a fast talker, which I appreciate. So I had to take it down to a 1.5. And as soon as I started going, I know that Ben is so neurotic, just like I am, that I go, by the way, Ben, don't think that I'm skipping bits. I'm watching it on double the speed. That is how kind you are. That is how nice of a person you are. You're not only being nice watching it, but you're taking care of my psyche and you're telling me i know you oh yeah i would

have been so confused you were like i think youtube is glitching because i was going too fast you're four minutes in and you're like your closer is incredible i love how you closed out the show with those credits that was amazing and she like live live texted me for the first like two thirds of it and then dropped off and then i texted her like an hour later i was like oh so you hate the last third of my special i know that's how not good of a friend i was i didn't tell you that i dropped off because i assumed that you would think like there's no way I would not like keep going. Even if it sucked, I would like find something to like about it. Even if I, but I had to, I got

distracted because someone was like, I need this answer on something. So I had to go shift gears. So I haven't finished it, but man, I like, I was, it made me, and that's the mark of something great. It made me want to really like buckle down and focus on my writing. And it was just so tight because I know you, you and I are very similar in the sense that we're both, we can get very tangential, very quick. And we, it can be, we just get distracted. We're very ADD on stage. Andrew, are you, do you have something in your mouth?

Because it is an active slapping of the gums. I can't. You know what it is? I've been here for two minutes, and I was going to not say anything, but it's too much, man. My brain can't handle ADD stuff. Are you eating taffy?

Yeah, I'm eating airheads. Are you tying a cherry stem Into a knot with your mouth right now To impress us I'm impressed I've lost a few teeth over the weekend I'm down to negative four What is it

It's my gums I thought you said Well you know what it is so i thought you had an answer for it i thought that i never do i never have an answer it's my shitty mouth i got it my wet mouth from my dad you gotta go back and listen to what i i that was yeah it sounds like a sea lion eating chips i know i'm bad i'm bad. I'm bad. I'm disgusting. I get it. That's not what I was saying at all. If you would have known how long I let it go before I said something,

I am a changed person. I'm drinking coffee. The old Nikki would have commented on it. Andrew gets wet when he hears about my jokes. That's how it always has been. Oh my God. But seriously. Oh, stop. I'm drinking coffee. That's how it always has been oh my god but seriously i'll stop i'm drinking coffee that's what it is i'm drinking it is wait what that doesn't explain anything

look i don't know if your guests are allowed to do their own ad reads but if you'd like coffee that makes your gums wet try the new wet gum coffee company it makes your your... That is honestly better than whatever I was hearing. Okay, you know what it is? I think I did figure it out. I have food in my teeth from six weeks ago. We gotta give you a water pick, brother. How does food

get stuck in your teeth when you don't have any? I don't know. I mean, there's sockets. Those empty sockets. You gotta get a water pick. Sockets. You're keeping sockets or pockets. If you use promo code PUCKYGUM, you get three free beans.

Dude, sockets or pockets is the funniest thing I've ever heard, dude. Sockets. Well, go back and listen to what I was the sound effects that were going on Sockets are pockets is the funniest thing I've ever heard, dude. Sockets are pockets. Well, go back and listen to what I was, the sound effects that were going on while I was talking to Ben about a special. It sounded like a...

It was just so wet. It sounded like a bathroom that was like a leaky bathroom. Wet bread. We're good, though. Yeah. I don't know if we're good. You know how a lot of radio shows have a cough button? Andrew needs a mouth sounds button.

You know what I need? I need one of those dentists to carry around one of those vacuums. Oh, those are great. I love when you get to suck on one of those. I don't like that. I don't like that at all. Oh, you don't? What do you mean?

It holds on to you. I feel like I'm going to get sucked into the machine completely. I love it. Wait, you think your whole body is going in the machine? My whole body is going in there like an ectoplasm thing and Ghostbusters sucking me in there like Slimer. And hopefully the black and white doesn't release me at midnight into the street. It is funny. Every mouth on earth has something.

How skinny do you think you are, Ben? How skinny do you think you are ben how skinny do you think you are he's a tiny tiny man that is funny boy the sucker always like gets the water first and is like and it like does its job and then it goes like and it just like holds on for dear life to like skin and it just like starts freaking out and then you gotta like pull it off like the the nurse needs like help from her friend to get it off. She's pushing it against the wall. She's around the corner trying to tug your body back. That sucker thing always – it's like me dating in my late 20s.

It just is cool at first, and then it's just like, no, don't let go. Don't let go. Sucking for dear life. I get it. Yes. Yeah. Oh, yeah't let go. Don't let go. Sucking for dear life. I get it. Yes. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I was. Every human sucked on the same piece of plastic like three times that day already.

It's not pleasant. They're very clean at that dentist. But you know what? I will say that Ben has some great bits about just – what I like about your special is that the part I saw the third i saw which i read thirds of books i watched thirds of specials um you saw two i i did i saw i saw two thirds but at 1.8 speed so that's a third exactly it's math it was you talk about things that i was like god this is there's no way that you could,

there's like stuff that's just, that you think has been done, but it hasn't. Like your stuff on religion, which whenever someone starts talking about religion, I'm always kind of like, I'm out because I don't really know about religion and I don't really know what I'm supposed to know. And I feel like I used to think Cain and Abel were like the two characters from cheers that sat at the bar. Like I didn't know anything about religion. So I,

I think of wrestlers. I don't know why I learned a little bit. Like I love, can I just say, can I like spoil one of your bits? Yeah. I don't think it's bad if I do. Yeah.

Um, the, what you were talking about, how, why has God never shown up again? Then he did. Can you just, can you kind of like run us through that? It's just so funny.

Why did God only talk to us once, thousands of years ago, during an era of very poor record keeping? Why was that when he chose to speak? They didn't even have pens. We didn't have feather pens. You had to carve shit into stone to get your message across. God's on, Moses on top of Mount Sinai. He's like, slow down. I'm on one.

You're on seven. Is it kill or thou shalt not kill? I'm carving this. Run it back, please. That was such a great point. I mean, it makes, yeah. Talk one more time. Talk one more time.

The carving makes it so official. You know, like if Moses just wrote it in notes on his phone and came down and was like, Hey, you shouldn't kill a guy. It's like, that's in your notes.

Like, that was the original voice to take. He wrote it on the back of a job, but juice receipt. You'd be like, I don't know if we're going to trust this. Wait, time out. of a Jamba Juice receipt. You'd be like, I don't know if we're going to trust this. Wait, time out. There's Jamba Juice back then?

Listen. Well, in your scenario, there was a phone, Andrew. That's a good point. That's a good point. Once we got a phone, you got to have Jamba Juice to balance it out. There's a tablet joke in there. Oh, boy. There is, for sure. iPad.

I wanted to talk about... Voice um i uh last night i posted something on or i guess it was two days ago on my instagram story i saw a clip from a comedian that you know that handsome british comedian what's his name jack oh yes jack, yes. Jack Whitehall or something? Yes, Jack Whitehall. Yes. Gorgeous man. Thank you. I was thinking of you when I saw this clip.

I swear. Yeah. It's rare that... It's not rare. Let me be honest. There's a lot of times when comedians have a really hot take on something. And most of the time, it's like comedians hate uh cyclists they hate by people they don't want to share the road with cyclists that's such a point they like to make

about like they're going too slow and like get off the road and that just causes people to like be angry at cyclists and it causes them to because my dad's a cyclist and he always gets run off the road by just people that are like, get off my road. It's just so stupid. Your dad is always getting run off the road on his bike? That's not happening. How often? No.

It used to happen a lot. He doesn't bike anymore. But when he was cycling, there would always be people that would just go right next to him just because they were like, you think you're better than me, guy in spandex? It's working out and I'm jealous of you because you have a better. Nikki, you were driving that car. that car it was my dad's car the irony it was my dad every time it's a 97 centra what is it um and whereas i'm someone the other day i was i was on the sidewalk and there were people biking

on the sidewalk and i was like the get off the sidewalk i yelled at them i go guys and i didn't yell i did it as nice as possible there were there was three of them and i go nikki don't say anything they're a family they don't know but it wasn't a family it was like people my age and then there was three more in this group and i go guys you gotta bike on the road the road is right it's biking is on the road and it's not on the sidewalk i'm on the right part no but you're hold on a second are you both deserve to be on the road keep cyclists on the road but you're also saying that people don't respect it and they're getting run off the road and you're sending them to their death you're sending them back to their death drivers need to

be more drivers need to be more respectful they need to give them room they don't need to be more respectful. They need to give them room. They don't need to be so angry at them. It's not – I love – I give cyclists so much room. I'm almost in the next lane. I love giving them a lot of room. You're in oncoming traffic just so you can let a cyclist get his chance. I really am. I think God needs to come down and make this a commandment.

Where is God now? To keep cyclists somewhere in the middle. But Jack Whitehall was going off about, you know, I got to the airport. And when people are, he's just so hot, so I'm watching it. He's like, people are late. When people are late to the airport, they just cut in line. I don't like people cutting in line. Whereas I'm like, you're a famous person.

You've 100% cut people in line to get in clubs because you're like with Kate Beckinsale in tow. You've 100% cut in front of people. But he's really taken umbrage with these people cutting in line at the airport. And his thing was like, they but i'm late and it's like i get it it's funny it's almost like the louis ck joke of when someone like cuts in front of you in traffic and it does like a dumb thing and you're like what are you doing and the woman's like but i want to go there and you're like well you can't she's like but i want to do it but i can't like that's not a good enough reason i get the joke

but truly i think it's bad propaganda for people traveling if if you if you everyone has been late to the airport if someone is looking under duress and they show up at the airport and they're gonna miss their flight and you are in line at tsa and you were two hours there early because you're responsible and all these things that you want everyone to know well you should have been there earlier just like me because I'm responsible well guess what not everyone's you so sometimes shit happens in life your alarm doesn't go off whatever let people go in front of you this is so stupid that everyone should have to wait in line there's so many times I get to the airport late and I am fraught with like wanting to interrupt like if I ever see someone looking

nervous about missing their flight I'm always like go ahead I don't even like wait for them to ask because it's so there should be a line for people who are late do you and Ben wrote to me and said I agree with you on this 100% Ben I I just think too many times there's there are people that skip the line that get off the plane like i had a girl today or or the other day she got up right away got in front yeah skipped the whole line got off the plane we got out of the fucking little tarmac whatever area and then she stopped walking right in front and just blocked traffic so she hurried to get off the plane oh yeah and then was in no hurry off the plane right which kind of drove me insane because she didn't have anywhere to go but i guess her

brain had somewhere to go because she was feeling probably anxious and anxiety and all that are are you know you're gonna find people that are going to break the rules and just line cut because they just want to but that is i feel like it's few and far between as opposed to like when people are late and they're gonna miss their flight because if something happened the uber they called an uber it canceled like there's a million things that can not be your quote-unquote fault and then people just look at you like sorry you should have been like me i'm really responsible and it's like well sorry i had an alcoholic father who didn't teach me how to get to the airport two hours early like you bitch like just let me go in front like why are you andrew's a huge andrew whitehall fan and jack whitehall fan and i don't think you just love

the british is that what it is he's a jackie because yeah i can't i can't name one other british comedian but god they're they i God, they mean so much to me. You just relate to their mouth issues. They have teeth things that get in the way and it makes people empathetic to them. I get it. Well, look, I just think that I had one guy skip me in line and I had headphones in and I started talking shit about him. But I didn't realize I was too loud because the music was on. And so I pretended I was rapping about the guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was like, you bald ponytail motherfucker. Like, it was very specific to him. You've never called out anyone for skipping lines or anything? Oh, yeah. Oh. But not at an airport there's a difference between someone going i'm really late i'm so sorry like looking sad about it yeah and then

someone who just is like i want to get there sooner because i think i'm better i mean there is a total difference jack whitehall's joke was about people who are late and are like can i get in front because i'm late and he's yeah, that's not a good enough excuse. We're all here for a flight. You think we have all these bags so we can go buy a giant Toblerone? Oh, God. That's okay. Is that the word?

Oh, God. I mean, that's not a bad joke by any means. It's a funny joke. It is good. It's a funny reference to justify the bad opinion. It's a false premise because he doesn't believe that at all either. Jack, I know if he was late to an airport, would want someone to, like, he's a nice guy. I'm saying sorry. I have to catch a loo in the air.

You know, whatever they call planes. That's what I liked about your stand-up special is that there aren't false premises based on like things that are you're just not angry about things that don't really make any sense that are just for the joke like they're all based on actual stuff that's happening in your life and I want to get to more things that you talked about in the first two thirds of your special when we get back after this with Ben

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on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcasts. All right. We're back with Benny Boy Glebe. Ben Glebe has a new special out called The Mad King that you can check out on YouTube. We do think it has been shadow banned,

so we would really appreciate you guys to watch it. You are going to love this. I do promote people's stand-up a lot, and especially my friends. I was so happy that this was actually great. And really, Ben, I'm serious like and I already told you this via text it truly inspired me and made me go but I mean I said this was Burr levels good like Bill Burr levels good without question like this if any of these jokes I could see coming

from they are if Bill Burr were to say them Carlinlin-esque, you know, all these guys, like it's up there with that, where it's like the way you make, you change the way I think about certain things. I really, really love what your point about, I don't want to spoil it. The different TV shows and the different kind of media that women watch versus men. Yes. spoil it yeah yeah tell me i mean it's just all gender roles are kind of it's confusing that people are even like so rigidly holding on to like oh you can't use this bathroom

or that bathroom all gender roles are blending anyway they're kind of reversing like we all grew up believing that men love action movies and women love romantic comedies. I don't want that to be true at all these days. Like my favorite movie is When Harry Met Sally. And every woman I talk to, she's like, I just binge watched 12 serial killer documentaries on Netflix. Like I couldn't sleep if I watched one of those.

How do you do that? Well, I wrote Ben and I was like, Ben, my favorite movie is When Harry Met Sally. And you're like, but you're so, that really cut through because you're so right. Like the, we, I really loved all your stuff about gender because I'm huge trans rights advocate. And I just, I don't see what all the fuss is about.

Like just let people be what they want to be. And I really loved your take on it and i always get nervous when anyone even goes there because i'm like god please don't have the wrong take but i love that you said wait you go america loves we love trans people why are we so up in arms we love transformers in america are you kidding me? We love Transformers. It was so funny. It was such a great point. Like, we like, like, you had a really, you had a lot of great takes on that. And I loved that it was, it just, it just, you made great points.

And then you even got into more personal stuff of like you dealing, you know, your girlfriend, now fiance, dealing with depression during COVID, her painting all the walls gray, which is so funny. You talked, yeah, you talked about your diagnosis of having ADD, which I also was like, oh my God, I was just diagnosed with ADD. Tell me a little bit about that, because how did you not know? Because you're a boy, and I feel like boys usually get a diagnosis early. Yeah. Yeah. I had to go to my parents and be like, guys, so you've been aware that I've been unable to finish any to-do list my entire life or get out of bed or focus, stay focused on a, on something. They're like, yeah, we just thought that was you. I'm like, yeah,

but people can have problems and still be them like yes i know that we just thought that was you is a very thing like we just thought that's who you are and it's like but there are solutions for this thing i'm struggling with like i'm still struggling with in my 40s now fascinating though though because ben you are so highly i mean i almost would err on the side of your parents because it's like you look at you and you look at how accomplished you are so highly, I mean, I almost would err on the side of your parents because it's like you look at you and you look at how accomplished you are. I mean, Ben Gleib, if you didn't know, he ran for president. And I'm not kidding you.

It wasn't just like, I'm going to run for president just as a bit. This guy really ran for president and gave it his all. And I thought it was going to kill him. I love a president i love a president that runs on i will not do my whole to-do list i i promise you i will get through four of them i will i i will start with the big ones because i trail off but it's not my fault i will not play golf as much as other presidents because I will not get out of bed most days. Because the walls are gray.

You get a whole team. You get a whole team when you're president. They keep you on schedule, okay? You're so right. Someone recently said to me, Nikki, because I'm going on vocal rest pretty soon after surgery, and I was talking to someone who works closely with celebrities, and he was like, you're the hardest working person. I know you deserve a break. And I said, harder than Fallon. And he goes, Fallon has a team. And I was like, okay, well I have, and it's a good point. Like once you get to that level, president Fallon, you, it almost gets easier because there is so much. Did you think about that, Ben, on the way to becoming president? Like, once I get there, this has got to get easier. I can see Ben being like, the only thing holding me back is I got to get someone to get me a toothbrush.

Get someone? No, that's. Like, I forgot it. Well, first of all, as America is going right right now we're probably one to two years away from america being called the united states of america starring jimmy fallon he will probably also have america he'll have four or five oh yeah he would win a hundred percent he would win oh my god this incredible so excited to have the president of china here this incredible i'm such a fan of all the toys you make all the stuff you make we really love it we really love it here we still have uh

concentration camps is that cool jimmy i'm a hair judge i'm a hair judge we'll be right back with uh mary kate olsen she's got a new handbag she's a secretary of state um so yeah ben what what's how did you i mean you were getting it done what what made you even want to get a diagnosis what what made you look into it you said that you can't get out of bed like that to me does not when you were talking about like you stay in bed all day sometimes with your girlfriend and your special i was like i felt good because i was like you seem such like a highly productive person that i felt like oh he never takes a day off um you're someone that i i think we were we relate to each other a lot in the sense that of our work ethic i think you read my thing in um that interview magazine you were like i relate to

all of these answers about working yes so how how does it work for you? I don't often take out full days. I just am on very weird sleep schedules always that you think is going to kill me and I think you're, you know, you're gone or something. I need to fix it. Like I'm on three and a half hours. Did you sleep last night? No, three and a half hours.

It's not good. And so I don't know. I just sometimes when I'm relaxing, I try to like do it, but I feel like I have like sleep paralysis in the morning when I wake up. I just, my whole life, I can't know. Sometimes when I'm relaxing, I try to do it, but I feel like I have sleep paralysis in the morning when I wake up. My whole life, I feel like there's the world's heaviest weighted blanket on me and I just can't get out of bed. I'm in a coma. I wake up and I'm like, I can't move. I'll snooze like 300 times when I can. I don't have a day full of stuff. It's

pretty rare, but on the weekends, I'll just sneeze. I'll sneeze. I'll sneeze all day until being awake. People bring a little dish of pepper under my nose when I sleep. Well, it makes sense that you once you do. Is that a fear of yours about like actually going to sleep? Is that you you know that the desire to stay in bed will be so strong that you almost don't want to go to sleep because it's going to be hard to get out of bed that's exactly why you avoid it so late exactly right is that like people that get things done before like in the morning wake up early like i'm gonna run a mile and then i'm gonna get i'm gonna

edit this podcast and then start my day of tasks like i just won't ever get to anything until my first appointment, and I'll probably be late to that appointment. I'll probably be almost late to the flight, and I'll have to pass British people in line on the way into the airport. And then they'll write bits about you on the back of a job. Would you have tob around? I can't even say that word. You said it almost like a British ghost.

It was weird. You were the ghost of the chocolate past. My intro is joining us. Or whatever I say. That's so interesting, Ben, because... And Adderall fixed that for me. It was the one really thing that Adderall helped. Yeah.

In my life, I was able to, like, bounce out of bed. And I was like, oh, humans could actually not feel like they're connected to, some kind of a I felt like I'm in a coma when I wake up normally. And it solved that. But I had to quit it recently because it was just too intense. Well, let me just ask you about this coma state, like when you are in bed and you're not able to get out. Is it a physical like I just can't get out or is it do you I mean, everything that's physical is mental. But are you aware of the mental anguish going on is it like i have so much to do today it's like if i get out i know that it's so long before i get back in i'm just projecting of what i kind of think about in the morning of like

here's another fucking day like i don't understand people that are like i love the day and i'm ready to start i'm always like god another fucking day like i'm ready to start. I'm always like, God, another fucking day. I love going to bed because it feels, you know, the Nick Griffin joke, mini suicides. Yeah, exactly. Every night you get to check out. No, I love it. When you're hitting that snooze,

do you feel like, do you, are you, because you're a guy that I feel like has such a zest for life. You're always like, let's go do karaoke. Let's have a pool party. Let's do this. Like you love being around people. You love socializing.

Is part of that because you want to keep busy because you don't want to focus on this, whatever happens when your mind is alone? Is it, are you, when you're in bed in the morning, what are you thinking about your day? Do you dread your day? No, I don't dread it. It's just that I have a, you're totally right that I have a big zest for things

and I like to plan big events and fun things because when I go do things, I want to, I want to, I'm like a salad dressing. I want to make the most, I want to make the most of things when I do them. But in the, like some reason, like all day once I'm up and then to make the most, I want to make the most of things when I do them. But in the, like some reason, like all day, once I'm up and then all through the night, like I have the most energy and I want to do a million things and I'll never get tired and I can stay up indefinitely.

Like I wasn't even tired when I went to bed at four 45 this morning, I was like, I wanted to keep doing stuff and do on my phone and read the news and shit. But then in the morning, there is nothing that I want more than sleep. And I will change every part. Like as I'm about to go to sleep, I'll be like, all right, so I have to do this and I need 15 minutes for that. And I'll shower and I'll do that. And I need to get up at nine 45 to possibly get to the thing by 1130 in the morning. Immediately I wake up and I'm like, I, I can get up at 1125 and just speed there and text. I'm sorry. I'm a little bit late. I just, there's, I just push every priority in my life. I'd rather fail at 1125 and just speed there and text her. I'm sorry I'm a little bit late.

I just push every priority in my life. I'd rather fail at life in the morning. I don't need to shower. I can go with dirty hair. Let me cut off 20 more minutes. I start doing all this math. I don't need to – oh, you know what? I don't need to go see my sister.

Okay, I'll cut that out. Like you just start – I do the same thing. It is fascinating, and you found that adderall was something that you know in your special you talk about oh it's this like miracle drug it changed my life and then by the time we were texting about it you go i i'm i'm it's it's not in my life anymore can you speak to that at all yeah i mean that's that's the only two words in the special that i regret is when it is saying that uh's a miracle drug. And I would have had them cut those two words out, except I'd already made one. Four words.

That's a good point. Yeah, that's a good point. That's a good point. That's a good point. Also four words. Sorry. But miracle drug is probably what you're... Andrew is a stickler for word math.

That's true. Eight words. That was eight words. It wasn't the words i regretted in special andrew i don't know if you man do i regret saying it's i could have said they are a miracle drug and i really phrased that in a very direct way that ruined everything maybe if you were back on adderall you would have you know figured that one out it's a good point i like that you say you regret it and we'll get to why in a second but it it it it did strike me immediately when you said it i go oh good okay

i can do it now it was ben's doing it i can do it there is something about when someone you admire i.e i'm watching you you're funny you're killing it everyone loves you i'm watching the special it's so good you're you're operating on a level where i'm like i need to i i aspire to write some jokes like this and then i hear oh he does adderall he thinks it's a miracle drug okay i'm gonna ask my doctor about it so i like that you do acknowledge that you endorse something that might inspire people to go i'm gonna go do that and and now let's talk about the flip side why why you feel like that maybe was a little too sure uh yeah not not maybe the best thing yeah i feel like snorting it out of like an asshole like by the end of it yeah i was like i was like adderall also it doesn't smell good i don't know what it is that's what's dr prescribed

nurse a suppository but you put it in a girl's ass and then you snort it out of her ass in here Nurse! A suppository, but you put it in a girl's ass and then you snort it out of her ass. I don't know. I think she's tired of this shift already. Her back hurts. She can't be a downward dog all day, according to her. I don't know what this is. Is this a health care system or not? The thing Ben is most worried about is,

are we using the same straw? Are the straws clean and so i i don't regret it in the way that i know it is it is a miracle drug still for a lot of people so it's fine yes and i didn't ask them to edit those words out because i already had made one editor quit when editing my special based on my notes. And it was, I was going to say, man, I want to know about that process too, but let's stay on this. So yeah, it just, for me, it was making me like, it was a marginal, it would help me wake up and it was a marginal benefit to my to-do list. Not really. Cause I had started, I had the horrible problem that I started being able to justify whatever I was doing as something that

it was helping me focus on. Like for a minute, I was able to actually be like, oh, I'm using Adderall on my to-do list. And then once I got to the place where I was like, okay, the Adderall's helping me focus on finishing masturbating quicker. I'm like, I've, I've hacked the Adderall. Now I'm making it help me focus on whatever I'm doing, even if it's my old bad habits. And so I like outsmarted the pill, which was the problem. And it made me very irritable and sad. I think this is the movie Limitless.

Yeah, it was like movie Limitless. It was. I love that the movie Limitless was at the end, he's like, I'm jerking off faster. I don't remember that. I never saw it. Don't spoil it. No, that is the movie. It actually is pretty good.

It's just him jerking off for two and a half hours. Mickey never sees him come. Oh no, that was me during A Star is Born. Wait, so I do want to get back to this. Because I'm on subreddits about ADHD.

And once I got diagnosed about different medications and everything and how some people respond to them, that is a common complaint of people on these stimulants is that, yes, it helps them focus on stuff. Yes, it helps them get their to do list done. But then they find that they start focusing on things that they shouldn't be focusing on. Because ADHD, what I just realized from reading this book that I am reading, read a third of, called The Neurodivergent Brain or whatever I think it's called. I didn't even read a third. I didn't read the full title, apparently. Got a third of the way through that. The first word, the second third was,

if you don't make it to this sentence, you are neurodivergent and can't focus your brain on anything properly. It's called, oh, sorry, Divergent Mind is the name of the book. So I was close. But it says that, I think it was in this book, it says ADD is not, people think it's about not being able to focus.

I have not read the whole book, and I don't know the title, and I'm not sure the purpose, but let me tell you what I think might be in the book. Every person that buys this book about ADD is definitely someone who is not finished. Do you even have the book? Do you really even have this book?

It's right here. You've just been reading the back cover of a Diantoblerone container. I mean, honestly, you can see my percentages on these books. Let me just walk you through this. Hold Me Tight, a book, seven conversations for Lifetime of Love, 12%.

The Art of Seduction, 31%. Coming Alive, 25%. The only ones that I finished are Columbine books, as you know. Oh, my God. But it says that ADD is not a disorder of you can't focus. Because the thing thing is people with ADD, that's where we think anyone who's like, oh, a squirrel, like that's – you don't – you're not able to focus. You have – you can't – you don't have attention to put anywhere. The problem is you have a lot of attention and you focus on the wrong things intensely on the wrong things. So I always thought of ADD like oh you can't hold my focus

on anything but ad is not that it's like we are able to focus very much so on stupid shit and that's why for me ad makes me really super depressed borderline suicidal because i will I will focus intently and obsessively on the fact that my life isn't the way I want it to be. I don't have these things that other people have. I will obsess over that stuff. And that's my root of my depression was my ADD, which I had no idea about. So how do you manage your ADD now, Ben? Yeah. So that's exactly why I didn't know I had it, by the Do you ever, so how do you manage your ADD now, Ben? Yeah, so that's exactly why I didn't know I had it, by the way, for my whole life, was I had thought exactly the same thing,

that it was like squirrel and a million things that distract you, and it's not. I have incredible focus. Like, I can be up all night editing a flyer, even though that's the least important thing in the world for me to be doing, and I've got like eight other projects that'll advance my life, but I'm like stuck in Photoshop world for a fly. I'll probably never post. And it'll be eight years from now. And I'll be like, why did I waste the most key time ever?

And so that's what somehow they said that Adderall was able to do it beyond just keeping you focusing on one task. It somehow like helped you realize like what you should be focusing on and like helps you remember like, oh, this is important. And it worked for like a few months. And then suddenly I just, I outsmarted it in the way where I was like justifying like the breaks I needed. So then I told my brain with the pill, like, even if I was like, again, if I was like looking at porn, I was like, oh, it's been such a stressful day. I need this mental break. I need this relaxation. And so this half hour to maybe an hour break looking at porn is very important for the rest of my day so I can reset and relax. And my brain was like, great, Adderall is working for you. And I was able to completely.

It's funny when you're watching the porn on Adderall and you're just focusing on like a paper clip on the table or instead of seeing the pussy it's like i can't focus on the pussy i'm i'm busy looking at this fucking i think i choose being untied well i don't know why his shoes are still on as i'm looking at the porn too i'm sitting there i'm focused on that i feel like it's good then the nurse is like can i get up now or are you gonna re-up this thing or no I'm really happy that you that you just admitted that sometimes you spend an hour looking at porn because I also have a problem where I it's I don't even think it's ADD for me it's I I really I if I'm going in I gotta find the perfect video I want to come to the perfect thing i don't want to waste it on whatever there is just there because there's a lot of stuff that could get me off and there are times where i'll be watching something and i'm like i'm close and this could do it but it's

this guy doesn't deserve it this girl that this performance this this grainy footage whatever it is this security camera and a massage parlor doesn't deserve it there's got to be better out there yeah i get my own to-do list part of your yes i get my own to-do list within porn like when it may be the greatest advancement in porn is that every site now has where you can just put your finger on the thumbnail and it gives you a preview and i can tell if it's going to be hot to my standards or not and so i'll get a tab and i'll be like, I have to come back and watch that one. But this one looks also good. This one might get me close,

but not all the way. So I'll open the next tab and I'm like, I have to go back two tabs to finish, but I really want to see this first. And then that one, and I think I'll probably finish back on that third tab and maybe I'll not, not get back to it. And hopefully remember the next day to go back.

Before it's over, your vibrator stops working. And then the whole operation vibrator always stops working right before the end that's correct i always i always i always toggle to is it the word toggle is that the word yeah i toggle to the reveal of the penis a little bit of a blow and then right to fucking usually on top and the backside. And that's what I toggle. And then I'm done. Three toggles.

That's interesting. Well, usually they show you on porn like where, you know, they have a little. I don't even know how to describe it. Like it shows you the most popular part of the video. You're looking at the analytics. You're looking at the analytics. That is the next level. That is the video. You're looking at the analytics? You're looking at the analytics? That is next level. My God.

Oh my God. You're making your coming far too complicated. Jesus. I thought I was bad. You're like, when the bar graph reaches the top and most people have come, I edge just past it so I can come a little harder than the rest of the population. Oh, I'm a big edger.

I do look at that. Well, I always go right to the grossest part of the video. Like, I'll just go. Like, I don't want any tease. I'm just like, let's see what the fuck. I go right to. You're like, this porn is big in Norway? Oh, my God.

There's Norway. I'm coming to that one. Analytics? You know what I'm really disturbed by is that every porn I really acknowledge analytics and I will say that

Ben Glee makes an analysis joke in his special. Ben, we have a history of, Andrew wanted me to name my special anal eyes because I talk about anal and it's like also analyzing things. But I also was like, but there's no, why the eyes part? And he's like,

because you see the world with your eyes. And I'm like, if the special were about me, talking about my eyes and also anal like i could see why it would be called anal eyes but i'm like it's not enough to just be so anyway um we have a whole running bit about that but i was so delighted when you also had a take on the word analysis can you tell us what it is sure i can but first i have to finish like picturing what you just painted for me as as what andrew's pitch for your special was, is you're getting

fucked from behind, but in the front you're like an explorer looking out at the world. Yeah, that's fun! This is the beauty of it, Ben. There can be thousands of interpretations. That's the beauty of it, dude. Thank you.

You are such a good salesmanman i forgot that you used to work in bullshit because you did not think of the beauty of it there's just so many different ways to interpret it it's it's up to the viewer i mean good clean fil clean filth. It was great. Don't get me wrong. Yes, but anal eyes. I mean, it never ends. Well, thank God you didn't use that title because it would have stepped on my joke maybe too closely. But what my joke is, is that, look, it's important to be in therapy. Therapy's been great for me. But, you know, don't overdo analyzing your life.

Analysis is important, sure. But if it was that important, it wouldn't be made up of the words anal and ISIS. Keep that in mind. I loved it. Analysis also sounds like you're fucking your sister in the ass a little bit. You know what I mean?

I want to see the analytics on that. Sure. Can I pull up the analytics on that? Pull up the analytics. All right. We will be right back after this break. More with Ben Lee. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show,

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Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Can you hear it? It's the whisper of two wolves inside you. One says, you're not enough. The other says, keep going. You can do this. They're always talking. The one you listen to shapes your life. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. On my podcast, we explore how to hear the voice that matters, the one that leads you to courage, wisdom, and love. It's not about perfection. It's about direction. Millions of listeners have fed their good wolf. Now it's your turn. Listen to The One

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Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community, and I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery, a story told in 12 steps. Listen to CRIMS as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and badder than ever. I'm Erica. And I'm Mila. And

we're the hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast, brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your tribe. With guests like Corinne Stephens. I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happened. And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off because the white said it was okay.

Problem. My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, and I called to ask how I was doing. She was like, oh dad, all they was doing was talking about your thing in class. I ruined my baby's first day of high school. And slumflower. What turns me on is when a man sends me money. Like I feel the moisture between my legs when a man sends me money.

I'm like, oh my god, it's go time. You actually sent it? Listen to the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcasts. All right, we're back. Ben Gleib is with us here today. We just blew past the news.

Ben has a new special on YouTube that you've got to check out. You will freaking love it. I promise you I would not be promoting it so much if I didn't believe it. It is called The Mad King. Make sure you watch it. Give it a view. Post about it on your Instagram stories or wherever you tell people to watch things. And you're going to love it.

I just was so – even the start of the special. How did you open the special again? It was really a delight. Oh, you were asking the the crowd how are you guys what did you say i walk out and i'm like i'm like how are you how are you doing can i get you anything are you warm comedians aren't allowed to do mature aren't allowed to tell jokes anymore so it's gonna be all questions for the hour can i bring this really can i make you more comfortable like a jewish mother yes it was a great comment on like you know comedians always all we talk about is like we're under

persecution we can't talk about anything but it was a great comment on that without going too heavy-handed which is what i i really just can't say enough i thought so much of your special was just because you you have a. You can get very political. You can get very passionate about certain things. I mean, you ran for president. You are passionate. And you've wanted to argue with me about one night Ben and I had a practice debate about whether or not there's – Wait, what are you practicing for?

We want to have a debate about free will. We believe there is free will release that podcast soon like our nine minute pre-debate oh yeah so we recorded it and it was really good and then i was like ben i've got to go to bed we were in the lobby of my hotel and i was like two in the morning at the end of a long night of karaoke ben was just waking up yeah exactly ben's like you want to watch free willy his first he was having his first sip of wet coffee Ben was just waking up. It's 9 a.m. to me. Yeah, exactly. Ben's like, you want to watch Free Willy? He was having his first sip of wet coffee, wet mouth coffee.

Ben's like, I got to buy an inflatable alligator in the morning for this pool party. And I just can't. Ben, I swear to God, Ben is, you are one of the best people going out there. I always tell Ben this whenever we like end our hangs because usually it's like very late at night or there's it's just you know ben will keep you until you've tried to go home hours before but ben will somehow keep you there you didn't even want to go out you tried to you tried to get out of it a million different ways and ben will stay on you and ben is a – I've always given shit to people who make their friends feel bad about bailing.

Ben is not like that. He will let you bail, but he will hear your bail. He'll hear your reasoning for bailing. He will understand it, but he will talk you out of that bail, and he will give you every reason why you can go, and if it's not fun, you can – you're very good at getting people out and getting people on board. He's no Ben ben bailey boom let me call you a cash cab if you don't like my pitch to stay for the rest of the

night um thank you i just like to present options to people i have to give them of course if you want to leave go but but you might change your mind if you knew what i have in store from where do you get this from this like you are so like even i you are so good and i am very um aware when people are trying to get like us i'm very like i'm not doing it and i know what i'm not doing and you will get me out of that how have you read books about like the psychology of persuasion, how to win friends and influence people? I mean, you have a lot of that going for you, but I don't feel like it's put on. It just seems to be a part of who you are. Yeah, no, I haven't read any of that stuff. I think it's just because I love human connection

and I love hanging with my friends and we all are so busy. We make so little time for it. Then we do it. I want to make the most of the night. It's like, we're probably going to go back to our hotel room and like be on Tik TOK or ourselves anyway for another three hours. So I'll just like remind you that you could do that instead of you could do that anytime, but this is a rare chance for hanging with him and live in the same city. I just like, I just want to make the most with my friends. I want to, I mean, I failed at getting you to that, that spa after karaoke, 24 hour spa, but I came close and I think you'll go with me next time. And we ended up recording a podcast on free will. And the fact that you even got me to go to the karaoke, which is something I wanted to

bail on. Like you, you got, you got a lot more out of me that night than I would have ever given anyone else. I mean, there's constantly things like that with you. And I do never regret them. And that is a good point. So did you have free will to leave? Yeah, barely.

No, I didn't. I didn't. No, I just think it's funny that the argument has now become about free will. Right. Well, wait till you hear our debate on free willy and whether or not that was a good movie because although it did you know uh give us a good argument for supporting the whales it did actually probably hurt some whales in the process of making that movie so ben and i will release those tapes at some point as well when the whale jumps over the

young boy at the end i don't know if you you look closely, he does tug on the whale's dick really quickly as he flies over him. He freezes really in more ways than one. And is that animal cruelty or not? Wait, time out. Whale's dicks just hang? Yeah. I didn't learn that. Hell yeah.

How do you think they paddle through the water? By accident? No. No, I know whales have dicks. I remember I saw a sperm whale's dick in marine biology, and it was like 18 feet out of the water. Wait, in marine biology? What is that?

Huh? It's a class in Florida. It's all biology in Florida. Oh, that's cool. It's marine biology. But yeah, Miss Mac, who would smoke cigarettes during the break, in two minutes, she'd take down a non-filter. It was pretty impressive.

At like 140 years old, she's probably dead. But yeah, I just remember her dicks being so fucking... Whale's dicks are unbelievable. You've got to look into it. Thank you for saying that. Thank you for saying that. I totally agree. And on that, I'm going to be in Ben's Secretary of Treasurer.

I'd like to go now to the Secretary of the treasury flappy gums to tell you about whale your cat just got so scared when you did that isn't he used to that by now he just andrew just flicked off his cat andrew's been frozen i don't even see him for the last 10 minutes, so it's all purely imagination for me. He's got a huge penis. He's got a huge cocked penis. A huge cocked cat walking around. A huge cocked penis.

Man, your penis has got a huge cock on it, Andrew. Does Mango have a penis? He does. It's in there. Wait, you looked for it? I did. It's not a hanger i'll tell you aren't they like corkscrews or something no that's ducks is that ducks oh you thought ducks had seven vaginas too so what's going on nine dicks marine biology it's all beautiful wow ducks have nine nine vaginas talk about a socket pocket holy shit no no ducks ducks have secret pathways to their to the pussy hole that actually gets impregnated then they have fake outs they have little pump fake vaginas where so when they get you know

raped unfortunately the you know the people that they don't want... They use the fake vagina for that? Yes, yes. I am on the floor right now. I'm sorry. Wow. I'm fine with human rape, but duck rape is where I draw the line.

Andrew, getting very solemn. Andrew getting solemn about duck rape. Having a moment where he was a little bit scared of getting canceled. You know, ducks

get raped. I'm so sorry. We gotta stop it. Can we have a moment of silence? One for each vagina. Make sure you say to duck rape.

Thanks, Donald. I cannot believe that was so funny, Andrew. You being really supportive of dog rape and the victims of dog rape. Duck, duck, don't is the new anti-dog rape campaign. Duck, duck, don't. Dude, I am crying, dude.

Ben, you can't see me, but I'm laughing hard. Oh, God. I'm glad something else on your head is wet. Yeah, I don't know if it's tears or just spit from my own mouth. Dude, that was so funny. Oh, my God. So, yeah, tell us, now that we've honored the rape duck rape victims i mean i think i got the point out beautiful point you made very important oh my god okay well let's get to our wednesday

segment i feel like there's no better time uh we have a uh today is a wild card wednesday so we'd pick a random segment today's segment noah is, is The Blankest Thing I've Ever Done and the topic is and the topic will be The Smartest Thing I've Ever Done. The Smartest Thing I've Ever Done. The Smartest Thing I've Ever Done. Who wants to go first? Noah, do you

want to kick us off? Okay, I'll kick us off. The Smartest Thing I've Ever Done ever done i'm gonna choose reading the book getting to i do yes front to back side to side memorizing it and taking it seriously well ben ben might not know about this book but uh... I've heard about it. Yes. You talked about it in your special too, didn't you? I did, yes. Yes. Why is that your answer, Noah?

Because it just taught me how to feel better about being in a relationship, how to get what I need out of it, and how to communicate better and not have such like a tumultuous relationship with my partner. Yes. And just being in a healthy relationship.

Is this the same book that you explain in your special, you also need to lie and misrepresent yourself and, and crap somebody basically? There's no free will, Barry. Once you get a guy, make sure he loses all of his free will. I don't want to do any of that. I know you want to leave but you don't have a choice you're with me for life i read the book it's chapter nine not being able to leave

for comedy i may have misrepresented some of the themes in the book but not even misrepresented exaggerated some of the things i didn't do a uh you know false premise but um noah will you just dispel kind of what ben is saying And just say what the book Because you always have a really good response when people are like Because sometimes I go well I guess Sometimes I get mad about the book Because I'm like okay so I'll just never Drive again I guess so I'll always just

Take 45 minutes to get Somewhere like slower because I have to let my Boyfriend drive because he's a man and I gotta Let him do it and I get so mad Like I have to be a fucking handmaid. So will you talk to that? So it sounds like a very like anti-feminist book, but it's actually the contrary

once you get past the first chapter. And basically it just taught me that you can't have the same like forces in a relationship. You have to have the, you're either the giver or the receiver and it's always got to like maintain that harmonious balance so that was a big one the the i think the thing that really helped me was um the three points that she makes about knowing what you want out of relationship and letting your partner know as well. So you want exclusivity. We're only dating each other if there's sex involved.

You want continuity. This is something that we're going to work on. And like, we're going to see each other. John Mayer albums? It's continuity. We're going to see each other every week. And, you know, it's going to be gonna see each other every week and you know it's gonna be something that is consistent and um longevity we're both in it for the long run

i was waiting for the third and i was like any any any any Itty, any itty. Any itty. Yeti, baby. Yeti coolers. Holy shit. So I think that, just knowing and memorizing those three paragraphs about the three John Mayer albums helped me get in a relationship with my now fiance. Yes. And it just kind of set us up for success.

You don't think that you would be with Avi right now had it not been for that book? Hell no. Oh my God, no way. He would have left me a long time where would you be why because the things that i would normally go crazy over in a relationship help it just helped me not get to that point of like anger and instead get ahead of it communicate my needs and just be like receptive of him making the effort after I gave him instruction for what my needs are and not left him guessing, which is what I used to do

because I used to test guys all the time. Like you should know what I want if you care about me, which is such a stupid thing. When did girls get that idea? How did that come into the system of you should know what I want without me saying it instead of just saying it into the system of you should know what i want without me

saying it and because we feel like we know what you want and we try to meet those needs so why but then why don't you tell us what we what you want like i that's the thing that bothers me we'd like you to dress the certain way that i like. Make me a TV dinner. Yeah. Cook me up a TV dinner, woman. I love the name of that. I guess my point is if you don't know what we want, then why don't you fucking ask? I ask all the time. I don't know.

Brenna would do this thing where she folded the clothes and then was waiting on me to put them away, and I just never did it because I didn't know it was a test. Right. But then she's like, I'm not testing you, but I'm like, it feels like a test. Yeah, right. Like, somebody's test, you don't even know you're being tested,

and then when you say it's a test, they say it's not a test. Well, I guess she's doing here because she's probably I always do the laundry. I fold it and then I put it away. And she's like, I wonder if I didn't do this one thing, if it would ever get done. And the answer is it wouldn't. And how are we supposed to know the body's been broken? Yeah. You come to rely on his side. How are we supposed to know the pattern's been broken?

You come to rely on the pattern. I'm not going to suddenly... I'm not a detective coming home like Sherlock Holmes in my own house. Wait a minute. What's different than the usual pattern? Oh, the laundry basket to the left of where it normally is. I'm not doing forensics. I'm looking at the analytics of my house. The only pattern I know is baldness.

That's the only pattern I know. No, but yes, I agree. It's not fair to you guys, but I do feel like there are some times where I'm just like, why don't they ask more of what we need? Why do we always have to tell them what we need? Aren't they curious about how to please us

and how to make us happier? Like, what could I do to make you feel more loved by me? But men don't think about things like that. Like, I've been I'm not kidding you. I have sent Chris, my boyfriend, the love languages quiz two times now. And he said, I will get to it. And I'm like, it's fun to take. All you have to do is just you press on a bunch of buttons. It like two minutes to take I just want to know your love language I want to

I want you to know mine we'll exchange them once you do it and he always is like you know it's not it's not always two times now I do I send it a third time or do I just like take it as like this isn't gonna happen like what what's my? Oh, I think your move there is just to maybe find a time, even when you're hanging and be like, it's important to me. You have to express how important it is to you and say, it's important to me that you take this. Do you mind taking it right now?

Let's just take five minutes. Texting it to him twice and saying, babe, could you please take this? It's important. Texts are very easy to like not prioritize right then you can. No, you're right.

You're right. So you got to be able to say, No, you're right. You're right. I may not have used the words important. You're right. I may have actually made it seem a little less important to me because I didn't want him to feel like this was some sort of test, even though it literally is a test. I think it was like, this is fun. Just send me your results when you get them.

But it really was, this is fun. Just send me your results when you get them. But it really was like so important to me. Have you Googled what's the love language of someone that doesn't fill out a love language? I'm sure there's... I know. My love language is taking quizzes about our relationship to prove to me that... Or not taking quizzes. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I have... My mom took it. It was so hilarious. I made my mom take it. And hers was... mom took it. It was so hilarious. I made my mom take it. And hers was, I took it. Mine's like 35% touch, which is like the leading, like my number one is touch. 85% tournée.

That's 120%, by the way. Hey, it's five o'clock somewhere, Ben. My mom's was 0% touch. She wants no touch. And I was like, oh's was zero percent touch she wants no touch and i was like oh my god how do you want no touch but i do think that it is when you take this quiz it's really fun to take by the way and i'm not just trying to get everyone to are you talking to chris right now it's really fun to take by the way it's really easy it takes less than five minutes and you learn a lot about yourself and you have fun along the way. You think he's gotten this far into the podcast?

Yeah, right. I could say so much. You just did. You just did. Let's go into final thought because we got to get through the rest of these smart things um andrew what's the smartest thing you've ever done um probably stop doing real estate because i wasn't good at it i just and follow a passion instead of money i guess i know that sounds cheesy but yeah stop trying to chase money as opposed to chase something that I actually enjoyed.

Yes. That's probably the smartest thing I ever did. I just did a roast. I ate actual ants one time off a log. You know ants on a log with the peanut butter and the raisins? How does this connect? I put actual ants on there. It's another very smart thing I've done.

And why did you do that? Why did you do that? Show the ants who the Mad King is. It all comes back. Andrew is a king of promo. The Mad King now streaming on YouTube. Go check it out. Ben ben glebe's hour-long special brand new very topical of the times you'll love it ben what's the smartest thing you ever did

wow oh man it's hard i'm usually thinking of the dumb i've got a big list of dumb things i've done right the smartest thing i've ever done i don't know it doesn't have to be the smartest thing but let's just go with the smart thing because i know know my brain goes like, if I can't think of the one thing, then I can't. There's not a gun to your head. You're not going to be tested at some point on this. God, I mean, the smartest thing I've ever done is just killing it at this answer. You know what I mean? I feel like I'm really on top of my game right now.

There's another way to answer this question is like, what is something that from your life that if you had a child, you would want them to make a similar decision for theirs? Just, I think just realizing that, that like confidence. Your blood is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit. So you'll never be cold again. That's a pretty good one. I can solve anybody's problem with cold and you can all of a sudden enjoy cold temperatures in a much different level i studied with the ice

man no big deal but point is um no i think probably it's just realizing that like confidence is fake so you can create it whenever you want and you don't need to be intimidated in social situation that's more of like advice than it is a decision if it had to be a decision it would be just wait tell me tell me about that because that seems like you're you're on to something that i think a lot of people will be like wait what do you what do you mean by that because so many people suffer with social anxiety feeling less than even myself like insecurities what do you mean by that like it you know being confident is what do you describe how do you do that how do you mean by that? Like it, you know, being confident is what do you describe? How do you do that? How, how do you hack that? So, I mean, I learned this cause I

grew up with a very severe speech problem and it wasn't for me ever. I don't think physical. Grew up. I'm still a child, but I speak better now. I had to get it back at you. I mean, the whole wet, flabby mouth. From one wet mouth to another. I don't want to get that flabby mouth too hard. I was just running with the earlier joke. I think your mouth is wonderful, Andrew. One of the prettiest mouths I've ever seen of any man. Now this is that confidence you're talking about.

That's right. That's not real. That's right. That's right. Wait, Ben, what was your speech impediment? I had a severe stutter and a disfluency. So I not only stuttered, but I couldn't make sounds come out of my vocal cords a lot of my life. I couldn't even say hi to a friend passing me in the hallway.

My vocal cords would shut down. I couldn't talk publicly. God, where's that, Ben, when you need a girl? Also, I think with that speech, you didn't have any friends. Let's be honest. Not a good sign when you're a guest on someone's podcast and they're like where's the ben that talks less that's not ideal no no i i how did you get over that that's crazy i mean that is honestly so the opposite of you and it explains i mean oftentimes

people that are so one way they come from the opposite so it makes one it makes sense like i used to have crippling stage fright and people like how could you so how did that how did that when did that come to a head and what did you do to you know well your legs were weak from being anorexic what crippling should we do another uh duck psa pause we pause for a quick word about ducks let's just quickly so ducks have seven words i love that you had to explain that joke the seven puppies of highly effective ducks andrew's favorite motivational book is the seven pussies of highly effective ducks and it's a very good book that talks about the seven duck languages. Each pussy stands for a different duck language. Hey, not bad for a guy that didn't have a mouth until 15.

Wait, Ben, wait, how did you overcome this? I'm so good. I can't believe this. Yeah. So I couldn't talk a lot of my life and I realized I was seeing it wrong. And it leads exactly to why confidence is something that you can always fake is that I always felt like you have intense pressure when you're called on to speak, when it's your turn to be perfect, you have to present perfectly and, and you can't have any errors in the way you speak. And in fact, the opposite is true. It's that people have very low expectations. You don't realize that like people are barely listening to you when you speak. If they're listening at all, they want to get maybe like a kernel of a message. They don't care how you're

saying anything. They're not expecting Martin Luther King Jr. up there doing some soaring oratory. They want to maybe get some nugget for themselves. They're barely paying attention. And so that reduces so much of the tension I always felt when i was called on to speak or had to speak publicly and then i also would just take a breath and realize like it doesn't matter what you're like it only matters what you're saying not how and then you take a step further back and realize like if you think what you're saying is so important it's so insane there's like eight billion humans and like trillions and quadrillions of creatures and beings on this planet and you think that what you're saying and that's in a vast unknowable universe floating on a marble through

outer space you think that not only what you say are saying that one individual organism but how you're saying it the pauses you're taking means shit to anybody it's so vastly insignificant that it just melted away all tension how did you get mushrooms at such a young age yeah and i how the fuck did you realize all of this i heard two thirds of that 22 oh this is still 22 yeah it was on and off through college so it's better starting at 18 but then it was through 22 did you have like a psychedelic breakthrough because this seems like you know getting into like you don't matter you're a speck of dust. The world is like, in, you know, that sounds like stuff that you achieve through some sort of, uh, you know, ego death. What, what, was there a moment for you that it all broke or was it, cause it sounds like

a epiphany type thing. Yeah, maybe. I mean, I think probably weed helped a lot and probably a little bit of mushrooms, but mushrooms would have been later in life so yeah mushroom no it was it was just weed maybe to some degree helped me see things differently and my brain kind of goes on crazy tangents but i just realized like there was something weird because like certain times of the year i could speak great through childhood and then certain times i couldn't and so i knew it was like also like society based and like social environment based and like i I knew that at times when I felt confident, I could speak better. And at times when I was nervous. So it wasn't about you because there was something about like you could do it at some point.

So there was it. You realize it wasn't in you the problem. It was something around you that was happening. The way I was seeing the world was wrong because I knew there was times when I was fine. It's very smart. Social construct that, that was affecting it. And it wasn't within me.

And so that's part of like how I was your bar mitzvah. Uh, it was scary. Cause I couldn't speak. Like in my bar mitzvah, I like, I could sing the Torah portion. Well,

I can always sing well. Cause your vocal cords open and relax. But, but for my speech, I was really, really nervous about it. And then at my video at the party, I'm stammering i'm like i'm here my performance it was like really intense and weird and and like i would just go up and down with that kind of

stuff and i just i mean it even came back once like it officially kind of went away at the end of my college experience and then i started you know professionally pursuing entertainment and being a performer and comedian and then it came back once it only came back really once professionally live during an episode of chelsea lately on the round table my speech problem came back hard and i couldn't talk suddenly and i kept trying to make a point and i could not speak it was and and to set this up properly you have to remember that that show was pre-cancel culture and it was the most inappropriate show on earth and you were allowed to like roast everybody for every inappropriate racial joke or anything to set this up and so i'm on the round table and it's chelsea handler there and then bobby

think of a new slur for asians correct couldn And you just couldn't come up with one. That's right. Yeah, my brain really wanted to marginalize the Asian community, and I couldn't do it. They had all been used at that point, so you're trying to come up with a new one. Wait, so who's on the panel? Set the scene. You could only come up with a slurp. He's back! I'm on the panel, and his video's back right then, too. I'm on

the panel sitting in between Joe Coy and Bobby Lee. And already like pretty intense and like Asian performers. Two of the top Asians. And I'm there on the round table. I'm trying to make some joke and I cannot. And I'm hitting a block and I'm like

and then It's the worst place to be to have that happen too. With Chelsea just like looking at you across. Oh God. Immediately Chelsea, like the greatest talker ever is like, oh my God, what's happening? You're on a broadcast right now.

What's happening? Joe Coy, who I've known forever is like, your childhood speech problem's coming back. Oh no. And he's like, it's okay man, it's just TV. And they're like all like hammering and coming at him. Almost is kind of better that they called out maybe what, Ben. It's just TV. And they're all hammering and coming out of me. That almost is kind of better that they called out maybe what was happening. I don't know.

Kind of, yeah. And then Chelsea's like, holy shit, should we get you a water? What's happening? This is on the air. And several times I couldn't come back. But I call it my rope-a-dope episode because I came back so hardcore and destroyed them seconds later. Then eventually I was able to get my breath and open the block up and came back strong. And I had two lines that I came back with. I then said, after they're making fun of my speech problem and all kind of

closing on me, I said, that's okay. At least it's not as bad as these two guys were very excited to be here on Cherisee Ratery. And it crushes the room room and then i happen to bring in my pockets because i knew how to be on with them i pull out two fortune cookies and i go hey in case you guys are hungry and i throw the fortune cookies on the round table and it destroys the room when they take them out they're like you son of a bitch i'm hungry they both eat the fortune cookie and it was the best ending, but it was very frightening for a minute there. My God, how terrifying to have that happen on air.

I mean, I really, I feel like as you're talking, I relate to this so much. And I also like, I want to even say back to you, like, how do you, I feel as a performer and when I'm putting together a standup set or when I'm on, when I'm on a podcast or like, I should be funnier. I need to choose every word should be great because I do feel like that, that pressure is on me.

Like that people are expecting that. I go and I, I sometimes come across comments where people say like, she's not good. She's not that funny. She just, you know, just you know she they call me out for the things I know that about myself and then they'll say this person's like you know the difference between someone who has a great vocabulary who is able to express themselves so well and then someone who isn't and I feel like sometimes I do fall like it could I be could I be aided in my kind of paralysis sometimes on certain shows where I'm so intimidated could I be aided in my kind of paralysis sometimes on certain shows where I'm so intimidated

could I be helped out by that what what mindset could I get into of like what I say is not important just think what I'm just like how do you relax in those moments because I I have that happen to me like when I did Conan's podcast like I do not like my performance on Conan's podcast because I was so intimidated by conan so nervous so just like having listened to so many people on there be like millennies and you know uh millennie really just like the hater always you know like these great comics who have like every fucking line is funny every word they choose is is there's no ums they're just like so articulate and so funny i felt like almost my level of being funny and relaxed was diminished by 90 percent

because i was so in my head of not about not being those those guys what should i do next time well i mean what i can tell you to that is this as a comedian, what I said earlier really doesn't apply. You got to be pretty perfect. And so, yes, you do. Sorry about that. No, no. I'll say that to be funny. You kind of do.

Definitely. It's a much higher bar. It's a much higher bar. But you can definitely also remind yourself in the moment. Like I used to get so insanely nervous. Like it was it was kind of stage fright mixed with my speech problem where I would just feel this enormous weight and just remind yourself in that moment. And I've come to a place that my speech problem come back a little bit there, but you just kind of get through because you don't care. Is that is that I've come to a place where my heart rate doesn't even raise one beat a minute.

If I'm going to go on stage in front of an arena, you know, opening for some of the greats I've been able to open for or on TV live to millions of people, whatever, on the Today Show or something. And my heart rate doesn't even raise a beat because you just have to remind yourself it doesn't matter in the grand scheme. Like, you know you're funny. You've gotten to the place where you're one of the funniest people, one of the most sought after guests.

You know you're hilarious. In those moments, Ben, I don't know that. And I think I'm a fraud and I have all these feelings of like, what am I doing here? And it really like cripples me. Like I almost don't want to do these shows anymore where I have such reverence for the show I'm doing

because I feel I have such bad showings on them because I just, I'm almost like gonna cry right now because I just, I feel paralyzed. I feel like I'm like someone off the street that just got pulled in and had a mic put in front of them as opposed to someone with like 20 something years experience. Like it's really, it just feels like, uh, I don't, I like I'm inarticulate right now, even talking about it. Like I really can't get past that. And to the point where like, I've said to myself, I'm not accepting any more of these things where I i have such a high bar set for

myself because i won't live up to it and i will the whole time i was on conan's podcast i could not relax i all i was thinking of was say something funny be funnier oh my god riff on that think of what they're saying like i was not present at all and i don't know how to overcome it well that let me help you thought about taking ethnicity and whatever the ethnicity is, put stuff in your pockets? So like for Conan, you could do shepherd's pie. Potatoes? Yeah, potatoes. For a Jewish guy, throw in a couple matzo balls.

You know, a black guy. But yeah, we can talk off air about this, but I really do struggle with that. No, I can help you with about this, but I really do struggle with that. No, I can help you with that. Yeah, I really do. I'm going to help walk you off the sledge while Andrew keeps sending racial slurs through the background. I learned it from you, Ben.

I prefaced it. This was 10 years ago on a show where you were allowed to say shit like that. I prefaced it. You're saying it now. It will be taken out of context in a clip and it will be used against you in the future and you will not be able to run for president.

But I don't want you to anyway. So that is my campaign to keep you alive is that I'm going to release that clip. I appreciate that. Just Ben saying, trust me lately. No context. It's all for you, Ben. Thank you appreciate it so i mean look you have to realize

it's just counterproductive to have those thoughts so you just have to shut off that line of thinking that's what to what i meant about when i said confidence is faked confidence is you have to remind yourself that the whole reason confidence exists is confidence. You can never, you don't need confidence for something that you know for sure is going to go well, right? You don't need confidence to flip a light switch on because you know for a fact the light's going to come on when you flip it. So confidence only exists on things

that you don't know for sure. And the whole presupposition of it is that I'm going to kill it at this thing even though you don't know for sure. You just believe that you will because it's more adaptive look at things like a light switch look at them like walking down a hallway like things that I know are already foregone conclusions that is going to be successful don't don't just already know that it's going to be great and therefore it will be right you're there for a reason and like remind yourself all these performers have had such insecurities look at conan's first

two three seasons doing his late night talk show where he is like i mean look at him now he's an insecure guy even now you're now even now and the top of the game and bill maher i'm sure has had the same things and you go on these shows it's like these are we are all people that came from this like very insecure background that brought us to a place where we can share what we do with the world. And so it's just, you have to stop your brain from thinking that and you have to fake it till you make it.

Just pretend that you're going to kill it. Because that's what comes. It's not fake. I'm going to light switch it. That's what everybody does. That's what everybody does. That's the takeaway. The smartest thing I ever did was ask Ben to articulate how he overcame that and how to help me because i honestly if i just think of things like the light switch was a great little trick you just gave me of like i don't go into a bathroom going like i really hope this goes well like searching the wall being like i don't

want to fuck this up everything's riding on this Like you don't do that in so many situations. Treat the things that you get, that you do feel that way about like a light switch, just light switch it. Yeah. And you're at the point in your career where it is true for you. I mean, you've been invited back on Conan's podcast.

You've already been there. Every show you're on, you're going on more and more shows. So you have to now look at, from now on, look at your talent in even things on talk shows or improvised things as a light switch. You already are there.

You don't have to worry about it anymore. You're already at that level. So just for your brain, what if the light bulbs out though? What if it's one of those weird switches that has like the, like the dots on the side and it goes like up and down and you don't know, like if you hold it or if you're supposed to press it once, that's my that right now.

Like my normal switch. Alright, well, I'm guest hosting. I am guest hosting Jimmy Kimmel Live on the 25th. So I'm going to use this, even though I'm not nervous about it, I feel like there's going to be something

at some point that day when I'm doing that show of being like, how did I get here? I'm going to fuck this up in some way. So I'm going to use the light switch analogy on that day and watch me guest host Jimmy Kimmel live.

Set your DVRs. July or August 25th. Gelato. I think you said. You're saying gelato. Eat gelato while you do it. Set your DVRs to gelato. Put your DVRs on gelato while you do it Get your DVR to gelato Put your DVRs on gelato

And go warp speed straight to the universe I'm hosting Jammie Jambola Bend Glebe will be with us tomorrow On the show join us then Thank you so much for being here Ben You're hilarious this was so much fun His YouTube special is The Mad King it's on YouTube right now.

Check it out. Follow him on all socials. Ben Gleib, G-L-E-I-B. Thank you so much, Ben. We'll see you tomorrow. Don't be cut. And Jack. Jack. Stutter. Stupid mouth. Dumb kid.

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You got to check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore

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Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives

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I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app,

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