The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #260 Horse Head w/ Ben Gleib

Episode Date: August 19, 2022

Nikki and Andrew have another dose of fun with Ben Gleib. He drops a huge truth bomb on his warming up theory that Nikki has been living by. It all leads to a story about doing drugs with a homeless man in Amsterdam. Nikki is excited to be on vocal rest because it will give her more of a reason to zone out in the elevator. Andrew tries to manifest a new penis. Nikki admits that women find it hard to ask guys to use condoms, Ben and Andrew admit that men want sex no matter what. In Fanthrax, Besties leave voicemails about rectal care, fighting rudeness with kindness and learning dirty words by accident. -------------------------------------------------- Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Get Pod Merch: Podshop.NikkiGlaser.com Nikki's Tour Dates: www.nikkiglaser.com/tour Andrew's Tour Dates: www.andrewcollincomedy.com   More Nikki: IG More Andrew: IG  More producer Noa: IG      See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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It's Thursday. I'm in studio in St. Louis. Just got back, flew in, landed about an hour and 15 minutes ago. I am in studio with Andrew Collin here in my apartment. And joining us via Zoom is Noah, of course, in Arizona. And then also, repeat guest from yesterday's show. We're so glad to have him back. He feels like just so much a part of the show, the fabric of our show. He is just woven in already.

It's Ben Glebe, who has a special out on YouTube right now called The Mad King, and it's on YouTube for free. Make sure you watch it. It might be shadow banned. We don't know any updates, Ben. All I know is after your podcast yesterday, the views have gone up somewhat significantly, so whether I'm still shadow banned or not, it is working. I'm so glad to hear that.

Your kind words are working. Ben was so funny yesterday. He was like, you know, on your long flight, a great way to pass the time is to finish a third of a special. Did you finish it? It's so sweet. Did you do it?

No, Ben. Well, that was pointless then. No, it wasn't. I wasn't trying to be funny with that text. I was trying to get you to watch the last third of the podcast, of the show, special. I wasn't trying to be funny with that text. I was trying to get you to watch the last third of the podcast. Honestly, I never finish things, but I have every intent to finish it. And I even talked to my parents about it today, and I was like,

you've got to watch Ben Special. You're going to love it so much. Nikki's defense, it's a short flight. It's only what? Three and a half hours. I slept the whole time. It was this morning. And watching it at 1.7 speed, you could have finished it in 90 seconds.

But the point is. Instead, this morning. It was so early. And watching it at 1.7 speed, you could have finished it in 90 seconds. I know. But the point is. Instead, I watched Sam Harris on this. Do you know these guys, the Trigonometry guys? It feels like guys you would know. No, but it sounds like a title you're not supposed to say out loud. Are we allowed to say that? I know.

I got really nervous as I said it. Yeah. But I was listening to, I was watching Sam Harris on that. I'm going to send it to you, Ben, because I really want to hear your thoughts on Sam. What about my thoughts on Sam? Well, can I tell you some of the words that I wrote down that I heard that I loved that were so hard for me to... that I want to use in my daily speech a little bit more?

Yes, even though I feel like Sam talks way too slow and it's a little self-indulgent, but go ahead. He does, but there's no ums, and he's very thoughtful about what he says. It feels like he's trying to fuck me the whole time he talks. He's always like, I'm mother. I think you want to fuck him. I think he's actually getting to you and your dick gets a little hard

and you question yourself whether you should get married. In this video too, he looks so I gotta say he looks hot. I refer to him in my own mind as Sam Hairless. He's hairful in this. He's got a good head of hair and he's got a good beard. Hairful on that.

Trigonometry. Okay. I was trying so hard to think of one for geometry and I couldn't. Gemerogitry. No. Okay. Here's some words. Vitiate. What? Vitiate. Yeah. Okay, here's some words. Vitiate.

What? Vitiate. Yeah. Vitiate? What is that? That's not a word. I don't think that's real. Yeah, it is.

Vitiate. I think it means to destroy. To vitiate. Is this a game where half the words you say are not real? No, these are real. Vitiate. Wait, hold on. Let me look up the meaning.

Vitiate? Vitiate. Like if you're about to be like a line judge in a tennis match? Oh, to spoil or impair the quality or efficiency of. To vitiate. Okay, invidious. Invidious. Yeah, you did.

In a tennis match. Invidious is a new Russell Brand movie. That's right. John Mayer album. Are you not lacking vocabulary? Invidious. It's a car? Is it a kind of car? Invidious. It's a car? Is it a kind of car?

Or it's a computer. It's a computer brand. Likely to arouse or incur resentment or anger in others. Invidious. That's a good word. Wait, is there a... We should eviscerate invidious. Is there a comma in there?

Is it likely to arouse or cause anger? Or arouse anger? Likely to arouse or incur resentment or anger. So arouse anger. Yeah, not likely to arouse or cause anger or arouse anger? Likely to arouse or incur resentment or anger. So arouse anger. Yeah. Not likely to arouse. And then atomized. Atomized.

What does that mean? That means you like vaporized. You like get rid of something. Atomized. That's a guy named Adam looking through his eyes. New special coming out on Showtime. Reduced to atoms. Reduced to atoms.

I got that one right. I got that one right. I got that one right pretty much. Yeah. To distill something down to its part of this. Smallest form. Smallest parts. Yeah. I don't know.

I'm just trying to... It's so hard to get new vocab going in your life. I really want to be better with words. It takes me back to what I was saying yesterday. I feel like sometimes I'm just like... But do you think that sam harris practices learning no he's just well read but also i think that the general public is so stupid that it's i try to not use big words very intentionally so that people know what i'm

saying like there's so much disinformation in the world now we need to make sure we say gets to everybody so the bigger words you use you're just pleasing yourself and maybe Sam Harris. But there's Google. Look it up. I think we should challenge people to do that. So we stoop to their stoop? We atomize it? We break it down to its most basic invidiousness.

I don't think... Hey, eviscerate that thought. When people use words they don't understand, I'm not like, wow, they are so cool or smarter than me. I just am like, oh, that's a more interesting way to present this. It's more... It draws my focus more. I don't know.

I like when people... I don't think there's any part of Sam Harris who's like, look how smart I am. He just uses these words like they are, you know, just slang. Some people will speak with quotes. I don't really understand that. Like learning a quote just to make it point. Do you guys know any quotes?

I don't know one quote. Do you have a single quote? I do. Here's something. You want to know something crazy? I don't know one thing my dad. I don't have one like my dad always said. Really?

I don't have one of those. My dad always said, I'm not going to be home tonight for dinner. Okay. No, did he say that? Did your dad say that? Well, he said that with a look. Andrew. Or just with not being there.

My dad always said. By taking his car phone off the line. Can you do that? What did your dad always say, Ben? My dad always said, go to the dance with the girl who brought you. But I think he's getting it wrong. Because why is a girl bringing me to the dance with the girl who brought you. But I think he's getting it wrong. Because why is the girl bringing me to the dance? And if you're already at the dance with the girl, you already did go there with her.

So what's the advice? I'm not really sure. Sadie Hawkins, he's talking about. Yeah. But if she already brought you there, then she brought you there. It was. It was. That was the pitch.

Wait, just again. What does that mean? I guess it means like be happy with what you have. Exactly. Don't try to change. Don't change horses midstream. mom used to say that a lot don't try to be happy with what god gave you come shut up about this you're stop it just be happy with what you got okay that's a good quote i hated it because it's just you know what it is it's admitting yeah so you're ugly just just accept

it and i don't like that my mom's best quote was you really are gonna keep the beard oh yeah it's a passive aggressive way of being like you look disgusting oh god yeah people just can say that so much so little my mom would get from her jewish mother and then it would just pass and then she'd complain about how her jewish mother's too you know like you know breaking her, you know, breaking her down. You're wearing that dress. You're doing your hair like that. Old people in general, and especially Jewish grandparents,

had this incredible ability to just insult you straight up. And, like, people can't do it anymore. They'd be like, oh, you're gaining some weight. You've gained a little weight, huh? And it's like, I mean, I suppose, but the fuck? Yeah, you're old as shit, bitch. There's such a judgment about gaining weight.

Like, it shouldn't be this huge thing when you're a huge thing. Pun intended. Yeah, exactly. We have so... Pun intended. We have so much

shame around, like, what it means if you've gained weight. It means you're lazy. It means you don't care about you've gained weight. It means you're lazy. It means you don't care about yourself or other people. It means you're just a glutton. Like there are so many sins that are checked off if you've gained weight. When really it's like, I don't know.

There's something about it that when I've gained weight, it means like I'm so embarrassed. Like everyone's going to think that I'm, because my biggest fear is being lazy. But the thing is, people that gain weight are not lazy. And it's just such a misconception, I think. But that is my biggest fear of being deemed lazy in some way. And not just about gaining weight. I mean I don't think gaining weight is an indicator that you're like particularly like on top of things or a go-getter. But it doesn't necessarily mean you're lazy either.

To me, it does no i feel like most people that gain weight are stressed out about the life that they have that is so i mean there of course there are people that just think could that cause laziness see i think that's where i get hung up because yes the first part but then it causes them to be late like yeah because you eat a lot and you become your blood gets coagulated you don't really want to work out and move and it it begets laziness because you can't like move as much but gaining weight is just a it's because food is the cheapest and most affordable and accessible drug and unregulated drug everyone's in pain everyone wants to escape their egos and their

psyches and feeling bad about themselves and the stress of life and work and everything and money. And the only thing to anesthetize it is either get wasted, which has much quicker consequences in your life than stuffing your face. It's like when you stuff your face, you feel like shit, but it doesn't show up for a while. Like it's food is just this drug that we don't really track but when i see someone who's over you know morbidly overweight which i i think don't think obese people like that term i rarely go oh they have a thyroid condition i just go they're in pain and they're just trying they're they're a drug addict and i don't feel any kind of like judgment of like that lazy piece of shit i'm just like oh that's what i do with pot or you know whatever what what does it mean to you what does it mean to you i'm out that that you just did that rant about how how food is

this this very destructive drug and it just made me very hungry yeah i mean because i was not deterred at all it's soothing have you had breakfast yeah quick breakfast because we need food that's the only thing you don't need heroin to survive. That's the difficult thing about food is that it's hard to put it. You can't quit cold turkey, no pun intended. I think I would eat heroin if mayonnaise was in it. Well, that's interesting. That's interesting.

Yeah, yeah. No one's ever put heroin in a sandwich. Yeah, or in a salad. That's not a bad idea. Chop it up. See, I think they're doing the whole needle thing. Just put some heroin on a nice sourdough.

Have you guys ever been close to doing crack or heroin? Because I think that some people are... It's out there more than we think. Or meth, even. In college, there were a few kids

that we'd get really fucked up on every other drug and then they were like, well, what's the last thing to do is buy crack off a guy in an alley? Yeah, there's always a guy in an alley. I was like, dude, I did crack last night. What was it like?

I don't know. The rest of my life's also horrible. I heard it tastes really bad. It smells and tastes disgusting crack. Oh, interesting. The closest I came, I did speed in a park in Amsterdam with a homeless guy.

There's always a homeless man involved when there's these hard times. Wait, wait. Go back. Get us there. Is this when you were able to finally speak? No. This was actually the same night that I figured out how to not be cold. How to not be cold outside.

Is it really? It is the same night. Oh, my God. So, wait. and not be cold outside. Is it really? It is the same night. Oh my God. So wait, Nikki's been living off this thing and you came up with this thought with a homeless guy on speed. Ben Gleap has changed my life

with this little life hack where if you're ever cold, all you have to do is think about the fact that your blood is probably around 98.6 degrees where if you drew a bath that was 98.6 degrees,

you'd be fairly comfortable. I mean, that's a warm-ish bath. Even if you were in the snow, even if you drew a bath that was 98.6 degrees you'd be fairly comfortable I mean that's a warm even if you were in the snow even if you're outdoors in the snow and that's just external and your blood is inside your body coursing through your veins think of that having like this piping of like this hot liquid going through you instantly you get warmer it is a great

life hack it will keep you warm in the winter months that are never coming because the world is heating up. That's correct. So you learned this from the homeless man? No, no. I realized it separately. I was tripping on mushrooms in Vondelpark in Amsterdam.

I was with my girlfriend at the time. And during the course of this very long night, we ended up doing – we were smoking weed and mushrooms. I did a little speed with this homeless guy in the park. We befriended him. What is it like to do speed? Do you smoke it? I think we snorted it. Did you go to him or did he come to you?

He came over into this little playground we were playing in and he gave me a gift of a crushed gold ring when we first met him. I trusted him because he gave me a gift. Normally homeless people ask for stuff and don't give you stuff and so i liked him a lot and then and then he invited us to see his home in the park under a huge umbrella then he invited us onto his house boat that he was squatting illegally on and he had a brand new bottle of cognac and books and we snuck into this boat and that night ended up with him with my

girlfriend and i inviting him back to our hotel room this five-star hotel room and we and i got engaged briefly that night as well while he was using our bathroom and then yeah it was the ring that he gave you with the ring that he gave me yeah but the ring that he gave me because i realized i got a ring and it was this magical night and i've been thinking about asking her to marry me oh my god and he was in the bathroom was his name gollum like i feel like this is all a magical how old were you and then what happened with that engagement like did you wake up the next day and you're like oh god like pretty much was she still psyched or was she like we're gonna let that one pass well she was psyched she was psyched so the whole trip we like stayed and in like budget it was like 50 a night like terrible hotels but then she was pretty well off my my ex-girlfriend she

was a tv host and like this model experience successful yeah exactly and i wasn't but she treated us for the last night of the trip to this like 500 a night hotel and so we invited this guy to come experience luxury because he'd been living in the streets or whatever and he was afraid he was gonna die and when the when it started snowing in Amsterdam so I went went to an ATM and I gave him $500 and like saved his life so he could go to Spain and live in Spain he ended up sending me a postcard from Spain so I think we did save his life but sweet but then he came to our hotel room and everybody in the hotel thought we were about to fuck this guy for sure because oh yeah why are we bringing him in there

and i told him like go enjoy the bathroom for like an hour shower and shave and use the bathrobes and hang out i want some private time come out and murder us if you want yeah well i put a coffee can on top of a chair under the doorknob so i would hear if he came out of the bathroom oh really that was a little bit of mistrust. Thank you. Thank you. And while he was in there, I was like, oh my God, he gave me a ring. And just to collect change

if he wanted to panhandle just a coffee cup. He likes a jiggling noise. Are you hearing what's coming out of this? No, I mean, this makes a complete sense to me knowing Ben Glebe. Like makes friends everywhere he goes,

never met a stranger. Like especially a younger Ben on speed. I mean, this is textbook. Yeah, yeah. And then... Okay. And so I asked her to marry me. Going to the ATM to give the guy $500

so he could move to Spain. That was a mistake. I would do the same thing. Yeah, it was a mistake. I don't think so. It was a mistake because... You know where it paid off in this story. Yeah, that's true.

But the part two of that, just to flash forward quickly, we then came back. We were having lunch with my parents, and I very proudly – and my girlfriend and I were at lunch, and I very proudly told them the story of giving this guy $500. My parents' jaw dropped. They were like – I said it with pride, and they were like, you're broke. You can't afford that, so you're going to go on a $10 a day budget from now on for the next year.

Jewish parents just being rude. Yeah. Ruining my vibe. And so I did it. I hate when that happens when you tell your parents something or anyone something and you're like, look at this thing.

And they go, wait, what did you do? And it's like, oh no. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So keep going. Girlfriend. My girlfriend was actually cool because she lived in a house.

She was a famous TV host. She had Aston Martin, and she was cool with living on $10 a day. Do we know who this is? Sure, yeah. She's a wonderful human. Courtney Hanson. Courtney Hanson, okay. Yeah.

While we were dating. I don't remember you dating her. Yeah, while we were dating, she was one of the 100 sexiest women in the world on FHM. Oh, my God. Wow. That was a thing. So she was a little older than me, and I don't know if I should have said that. And so she was cool with it.

The same way with the duck rape yesterday. Unfortunately, she was older than me. Unfortunately. And I want to get ahead of this. Also, she only has one vagina, just for the record. That you know about. That's a good point. That's the homeless guy.

I mean, that looked pretty close. Oh, but that brings up a thing. So back to that. So then back in the room. You're $500. He's better off than Ben was at least he's not missing me for my money

and my old eyes or whatever I don't know oh my god so he's in the bathroom and I realized he gave me this ring and I wanted to ask

her to marry me so I asked her to marry me and she says yes and then the guy comes out and I have him take pictures for four months oh and that's two months and months that's pretty long that's a good point and then the guy comes out and i have him how long have you been together four months oh and that's tomorrow in months that's pretty long that's a good point and then and then he

like hugs me to celebrate and then he hugs her and then the next morning the bloom's like totally off the road she tells me just so you know when he hugged me he kind of rubbed his finger up my asshole and i was like oh oh my god so we met him the next day. So then she was a ruined woman and you broke up with her. Correct. I was like, well, you're now no good to me. Please. Wendy flowered. You're an asshole. And this comes back.

Saving that for marriage. To your dad's quote. Go to the asshole with the finger that brought you there. And with that, we got to go to break. We'll be right back with more Ben Glebe after this. The Mad Gang. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast.

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We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail.

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That was a very fast pee. Well, it was a fast pee. I just took a pee on the break. We're back. I didn't wash my hands. I just want to be clear about that so no one touched me. Didn't wash your hands?

No, because I was just inspired by that homeless man story. Wait, we can't touch you at all? It's just your hands. Well, my asshole. You can graze it. I'm Nikki Grazer I'm just picturing

why am I picturing a horse eating grass do you know what is back you know what is back that actually is turning me on oh my god open asshole

open asshole no what is back is men telling just being creeps oh or maybe i'm just like putting out a vibe or something but you know i went through the airport uh tsa the other day with a mask on also the guy that was checking my id had a mask on and he goes smile to me he tells

me to smile and i go you smile like after it took me about three seconds to like get the courage to be like i'm not gonna have this asshole tell me to smile you're going through yeah tsa okay so that's a tsa officer and maybe you shouldn't get an attitude with them but i'm also like fuck you so i go through give my idea he goes smile and i go and he's just a little twerp and i go you smile and he goes i do and i was like that's a good point he was like he actually was like he was already said i am or something and i was like oh okay that reminds me i told a girl one time like uh you have contacts and and she goes you have contacts and it was just like an ultimate response where you can't argue that back oh yeah yeah it was like you do you do that's how it feels

so wait so what and then did you just there's this guy in our building that I can't stop seeing. I see no one in our building. I don't even see you. I don't see anyone in our building regularly. I can guess who it is. I bet you I know who it is. Yeah. Well, he's not like, it's just.

The doorman? No. He's always holding the door open for me, waiting for me to come through the door. Yeah, he doesn't know what my day is. I see him all the time. Hello, Miss Glazer. He's holding a package. I've got a big package for you, Miss Glazer.

Yeah. No, it's this, and he's totally harmless and he's probably sweet, but there's this thing that I really don't like when men get like, the attitude with you of like,

cheer up. Like, what's going on like i was just in i just saw him for the third i think it's been three times that i've encountered this man and he outside he said hey neighbor one time to me and i was kind of like oh hi another time he it was just a just a basic encounter and then this time he was just like wow you're really zoning out there and i'm like i'm in an elevator am i supposed to look at you i'm looking at when you are in an elevator do you look around no you zone out you zone out yeah you try to end this as quick as possible and you're and he's like well it's a lot of luggage like there's always these like negs of like how long were you gone yeah like this this new baggage huh yeah yeah

i hate elevator jokes i get mad when i don't get hit on is this what getting hit on is because i don't know well you used to say you never get hit on and now it's happening a lot i mean if you're gonna be so incredibly judgmental of any attempt to talk to you it's gonna discourage people from saying hi that is a good point okay but it just friendly hellos not just this like let me figure something out to make this girl feel bad about herself isn't that maybe not the approach yeah zoning out it's not a nice thing to say wow you're really zoning out there it's like what yeah why don't you smile and stop zoning smiling and like just happy about the world it's like i well you're creeping me out why

that wow life sure is beating you down would you like to fuck yeah what are you in a depression doesn't have a lot of line you can tell that he's trying his best so maybe i shouldn't be so judgmental but i just don't want to can't we all just not talk to each other yeah i wonder if it's a like a pre-conceived like i'm gonna neg this girl to get her attention yes it is do you feel like it's that more than... Listen, I mean... Or is it just like a friendly kind of, hey, neighbor.

I know we have single men listening that are so like, what do I do? How do I talk to a woman? If it's not meeting on the apps, like what do you say at the grocery store? It's like saying something nice is maybe a better approach than saying something negative. Of like, if he could have been like,

where are you coming from? That would have been, I wouldn't be commenting on it right negative. If he could have been like, where are you coming from? I wouldn't be commenting on it right now. I really wouldn't be like, there's this creep that asked me where I was coming from. I really don't think I would. It's this negative thing. I'm looking forward, I'm going on vocal rest for three weeks, zero talking, not allowed to make a fucking peep.

This is wild. You got to film this, I think. I know, I kind of want to document it. You should definitely document this. I'm getting vocal cord surgery on September 8th and it will be three weeks of no speech at all. Not a peep, not a laugh, not a clearing my throat, nothing. I've got a shirt that says I'm on vocal rest. Can't don't talk to me. Are you allowed to sneeze? I have a sweatshirt that says don't talk to me. Can you sneeze? You know, deaf people do not make a sound when they sneeze.

So sneezing and going, achoo, is an affect that we take on. Yeah, isn't that interesting? While you're on vocal rest, can you go up to duck rape? Yep. I want to make sure that I didn't step on that. Make sure people know that. But when you're on vocal rest. That's also my advice to women about avoiding rape duck rape duck rape smart very smart yeah that's a good campaign that's a good campaign that's gonna be my b best

if i'm ever first lady duck rape while you're on vocal rest are you gonna go up to people in the mall and hand them pamphlets to read and ask for donations? Oh, yeah. They do that, right? I don't know. I feel like you could do that. No, mute people. Or mute people.

That shirt. That shirt. Do not wear that shirt. I don't think you should wear that shirt. Well, because here's the problem. It's like a reverse psychology thing. Everyone's going to come up to you and go, oh, you can't talk. No, no, no.

It's not true. I feel like it's going to backfire. This is the problem. I was on vocal rest recently for a week where I did not. I tried my best. gonna come up to you go oh you can't talk no no no no no it's not true this is the problem i was on vocal rest recently for a week where i did not i tried my best i could talk but i was trying my best not to and it was such a struggle being like even being with friends who i was like will you talk for me being with my mom she would just talk too much she would start asking we were checking into a hotel so i could go to this ent to go get my you know surgery pre-op meeting and we're checking in this hotel in boston and my mom is

checking us in she can't understand the woman's accent already we're having issues where the woman's like two keys my mom's like what two keys it was just like oh my god the classic boston accent and it was just already a struggle i'm like if if it were me i would be like okay there's already a language barrier here i'm struggling i feel stupid that i don't know her language i don't want to make her feel bad i'm gonna try to keep this as minimal as possible but my mom the woman's talking about the amenities and she's like unfortunately our restaurant is closed right now and my mom goes It's like, why do you need to know that? And my mom goes, I love a hotel restaurant.

Why is it closed? Oh, God. Yeah, that's a follow-up. And I looked at her. I shot daggers into her face because I can't talk. And I'm just like, you're talking for me, and you're talking so – I just want to go. We had a long travel day. Why is it that parents need to know?

Yeah. Banal reasoning. When people ask questions like that, do they expect to change the restaurant's mind? Like, you know what? You're right. This is a mistake. We're reopening it up.

That's what I keep asking. You know what? I'm going to call the chef. I'm going to get him in here. I need to know the purpose of it. His wife died an hour ago, but we're going to get him back. Yeah.

What answer was going? What did you want from that? What's the best case scenario for that answer from my mom? And she was just like, I just was curious. Why would a restaurant be closed? It's like, I don't know, because you and dad don't tip enough, and people are walking out of these minimum wage jobs, and you guys treat them – you yell at them when can i see the look that said all that yeah i looked at her i started talking i go i think we're done here

you don't need to know and she goes i want to know and then and then my dad you know my flight got fucked up yesterday because this the people that were booking my flight misunderstood if i wanted to come back tomorrow and if tomorrow meant today or whatever because it was around it was like around 12 30 at night midnight past midnight when I was booking it and I said tomorrow and they thought tomorrow meant the next day because we were already in tomorrow whatever and my dad the next day I told him hey I'm my parents stayed in LA till today as well and they were going to stay an extra day I was going to leave early and I wrote to them and said hey I'm actually staying I'm going to leave with you guys I'm staying an extra day and my dad goes why and I said oh you know the flights got fucked up and

he was like why what who who messed it up and I'm like what why does it matter to you that is the thing that I can't stand like I love my parents so much. They are so desperate to place blame. They want to find a scapegoat. They need to know whose fault it was because in my family, and I think in a lot of families, it's like everyone is so worried that they didn't do anything wrong. It was because of something else. And I go, what could I say that will make you,

what do you need to know here? Who that who fucked up? I don't know. Who's booking your flights, Nick? I mean, what's going on there? I heard you tell the girl last night that you wanted a flight tomorrow, so you need to reconfirm with her. Did she not do it right?

And I go, so you want to be mad at her? Do you want me to put the blame on her so you can hate her? Maybe. What's her email? And it's like, why? Where does she live? Let's dox her. Maybe your parents are secretly like mob life down low,

and they're like really fucking up these people that are messing with your life, and they're like, just tell me your name. And all of a sudden, she's gone. Look out for a horse head in her bed eating her ass. Yeah, this is like Dexter. Your dad is Dexter, and he kills anyone that wrongs you a little bit.

But I'm going on vocal rest, and I'm looking forward to it i mean that's three three weeks is insane i can't tell everyone's like nikki i'm so sorry and i'm like this is your burned face moment this is what you know how you're always like oh if i just burn my face i don't have to do anything this is your moment to have well you have an ultimate excuse right this is the ultimate. It is. I am, I'm so excited to, for what it's going to bring out in me.

Cause it's going to be kind of fucked up. Like I think you're, you know, these people go, people go on silent retreats. Anya would go on silent retreats for like five days and like come out of it and like have a ego death or whatever it was, you know? And so I do think that I'm going to learn more about myself, about others. I'm going to learn how to like listen more and, and observe more. There's, I think it's going to be a struggle for sure to not be able to communicate. But I found that when I was just trying to be quiet the past couple of weeks, it is so I had on my phone, like on my, you know, face plate on my phone, it said, I'm on vocal rest.

Can't talk. Sorry. But every time I tried to show it to phone, it said, I'm on vocal rest. Can't talk. Sorry. But every time I tried to show it to people, there would be an alert that pops up. So it would be obscured and they'd go, what is going on? But as soon as people saw that, I would show it to so many people. Front desk of anything. Every time. Show me it.

Okay. You're walking up to the front desk. Okay. What can I do for you? Like, they totally got it. They totally respected it. No one was ever weird about it it was it was almost like beautiful how much people wanted to help out as soon as they knew they understood so i'm getting a disability at that point like no one's gonna go it really

this fucking bitch can't talk and isn't it ironic that i'm not even joking you i think less than a month ago i said i think i've been interested in learning sign language recently because i think i'm gonna need it and this was before i ever dreamed that i would need vocal cord surgery so is it negative karma or positive karma i don't know if that's um i don't know but i think i i kind of predicted it because what the series of events that happened is that my vocal teacher i want my dick to get bigger no you have to talk about a thing you might need if your dick got bigger. Okay. I'm learning how to...

I want to learn how to fill up a bigger hole or something. I didn't even link what you said to what we were talking about. I just thought it was a total non sequitur. I thought just mid vocal rest conversation. I want my dick to get bigger. What? I was trying to figure out a way to get my dick bigger. Manifesting.

I got to start filling random holes. Is that really still a thing that you wish? Aren't you happy? You have the girlfriend of your dreams. No one could even, your life could not, how could it get better with a bigger dick? These things that we want,

and I have them too, where I'm like, if I really got that, what's going to fucking change for me? if you got a bigger dick yeah i think a lot would change everything would change for you just imagine your next special the things you could talk about is there anything physically that you are constantly like focused on ben like there's men that like are obsessed with people's hairlines like andrew already commented on your hairline because men that like are obsessed with people's hairlines like Andrew already commented on your hairline because men are obsessed with hairlines they're obsessed

with dick size I get it women are obsessed with like oh my god her hair is so thick her legs are so long she's so skinny like we have our own things too is there anything that you feel like God if you could snap your fingers and and have about yourself you would yeah I'm not trying to sound too shallow I just wish I had

more medium sized asshole asshole, you know? Yeah. Wait, your asshole's too big? Well, listen, I'm not going to tell you what end of the spectrum it is. Oh, Mad Libs. No, I need to... You got to atomize that asshole. I would like you to avitiate over my asshole.

I think my chest is the thing that bothers me a lot. I feel like I've got kindiate over my asshole Listen I I think My chest is The thing that bothers me a lot Like I feel like I've got kind of A man boob situation And I don't Really work it out And so I have bad postures

I think specifically Kind of subconsciously Because when I lean over Like shirts come off Of my chest And it covers it But then I look short And weird

And so I should stand tall But then my boobs stick out And it's not ideal So that gives me A lot of joy in my life. Andrew has puffy nipples that he's insecure about. And my posture, similar, similar stuff.

Sarah Schaefer, my ex- When you have man tits, you tend to- Co-host, had the same thing she used to in high school, be so insecure about her small breasts that she would wear baggy shirts and lean over.

So it gave the illusion that there might be big tits there. So she has bad posture now because she was trying- Oh, man. To give the illusion that there might be big tits there. So she has bad posture now because she was trying to give the illusion. At that point, just stuff your bra and walk around normal with a regular shirt. Or do the classic.

That's got to be so demoralizing at the end of every night when you're like pulling out multiple tissues and you're like I know this is all a lie. Makeup off your face. And seeing it all go down the drain. Pulling off your eyelashes or taking out your hair extensions. It's the same thing of like, this is who I really am.

And it was all a lie. What would you do if you went home with a guy and he stuffed his boxers with so much? It's just so not part of our... Multiple fake dicks down there. Like a bunch of padding dicks. Like, baseball donuts for when you're in the batting box. It wouldn't be okay because that would just show, it would just be like, listen, makeup is an active lie

that we all kind of embrace as a culture. Dyeing your hair, hair extensions, like these kinds of things men know about. If it was like, no, I would be very concerned about this guy's insecurities if he was doing that or if he had like lifts in his shoes or something that was like come on man just i took a viagra the other day and uh i i had sex i had an orgasm and then my penis was i had more blood in my penis than i've ever had where I thought I needed a doctor. But then I was like, wait, this is just what happens to –

I don't think I have that great a blood flow in my penis. I think that's where the problem lies. Or in general. Yeah. My blood pressure – I actually took it the other day at the 120 over like – whatever, my dick is 125 over. I'm happy that you at least had sex. It'd be weird if you took Viagra

just to see it get bigger and then just walk around. I have done that. I jerked off in a condom first time. Whoa. Did you ever do that? The first time you ever jerked off or for the first time?

First time, just to try what a condom, I did a test run for years. Before you had sex? Yeah. I don't like a rubber smell on my hands. I'm not looking for extra rubber exposure. Right.

I don't need my hands to smell like I'm at a children's birthday party doing balloon animals. You know what I mean? Or you're at like a Speedway in like grease light and burning rubber. I don't need sex for me to sound like. I guess you'll never work for NASCAR. You're damn right I will not. I actually talked to a friend recently. Maybe you guys can help me out with this.

She said she's in her 30s and she's been hooking up a lot. She's a single woman that just kind of got out of a long-term relationship and she's been hooking up. And men cannot get hard. They either lose it or they just can't get hard. And she is a very beautiful girl. And I told her, let me just see if this is right,

is that it is not you. If anything, it is you because you're so hot, they're nervous and it's like, I said the same way that women,

we sometimes get in our heads because we're so nervous that the guy's gonna think we like taste weird or we're bad at sex or they're gonna see our cellulite and sometimes I can't get wet

because I'm so turned off. I like this guy so much that I'm so in my headulite. Sometimes I can't get wet because I'm so turned off. I like this guy so much that I'm so in my head and so worried that I can't get wet. Can you imagine if you had to fill your dick with blood and keep a beam supported? We just have to get wet and you can spit on your hand and slap it on.

I mean, I can imagine it. That's my life. I know, but it's like, I think women get so offended when men can't get boners but it's it's not just get it's keep it's the sustainability thing and I said to her men is this true that

she's dating men in their 30s 40s like these guys wouldn't be hooking up with her this beautiful girl if they weren't attracted to her in the first place right guys you're not trying to just get through it sometimes you don't know if you're attracted to somebody, even though you think that they're hot. Like, I've had this issue,

and I don't know if it's true for you too, Andrew, but, like, when I was single, like, I sometimes would have that issue, but only if it was, like, somebody that I, like, really actually wasn't that attracted to, and whenever it was somebody I was, like, really attracted to, it was never an issue ever. And so it is sometimes just about chemistry.

It's not them. They don't need to feel bad. It's about chemistry. Because these are beautiful women, right? Like it's a woman that you are like so into. You obviously took them out 100%. But like sometimes you just get naked. But something about the chemistry of your pheromones.

Yeah, the way that they think, whatever they think is sexy just doesn't match what you think is sexy. Your dirty talk doesn't match your you think is sexy your dirty talk doesn't match your vibes and all of a sudden I'm like

what are you saying and doing is not my favorite and what you're saying she's a bad person and no one will ever love her right yeah basically

it's just don't worry it's not just sexually it's overall you're bad yeah you should just become a nun

there's a few things one alcohol condom putting a condom on can affect the... No one's wearing those. Let's skip that one. Go on.

Really? Everybody wears them. No, everyone does, right? I always did. I don't think people do. Good for you. Unless I was in a relationship, I always did. I look back at how stupid I was in not demanding them every single time.

I really empower women to do that and to not just let it slide. Literally. I can't believe that's an option. I mean, girls do it all the time. Noah, can you speak to this? I'm just like,

you just, you want it in the moment. Almost as much as men do when you are stupid enough to put your dick in something that you don't know. And you go, why did I do that? It's like, you get so horny that you're just like, I't need a condom who cares noah or you just think

that like oh well he knows best so he would know to put one on yes and then it's like you just feel awkward bringing it up yeah i and i know myself doesn't have any diseases and so if he's not putting on a condom he must not have diseases because otherwise he would protect me from that because he cares so much about me this guy who's drunk and i just met i remember talking to a friend where i i had for a long time i just had this idea of women will never or would never choose to hurt you or like would never lie to you so like i remember this woman was like hey you want to put your mother what yeah i know she goes look where'd you get that she never told me to put a condom on. She just told you to shave.

She just told you to raw dog it? Look, she couldn't get wet if I had hair on my face. I'm not talking about her pussy. I'm talking about the wine in her glass. Anyway, so the girl was like, hey, do you have a condom and i was like i was telling someone this story and i was like oh she must have thought i had a disease and they were like no she might be worried about giving you something and it was like the first time like i ever thought like oh you're asking me to put a condom on because you might have something to give me i always saw

it as like you don't want to get something from me. I don't know. It was just an interesting way to like- that I could give to a guy, I would not just be like, wear a condom. I would tell him what I had, or I would just- And that's when we'd stop getting hard.

I would be abstinent. That's when our heart onslaught went. Well, I would not bring up, I have herpes in the heat of the moment as I'm about to take his dick out. Like I would have that conversation probably prior to that. But how hard is it just to say, Ken,

I'd say, do you have protection? It's like two and a half words. Do you have protection? You can just say, do you have protection? It's like two and a half words. It's not that hard to say. There you go with your word counts again. Well, because it feels better without it.

And you feel like there's something as a woman that if you really like a guy and you feel like you're asking him to do a thing that you've heard over and over guys go oh condoms he might like you less because you're making him do this thing it might push him away because you're saying I don't trust you

and women we are operating from our own perspectives of like if a guy told us to put on was like I need to get a condom to fuck you we would take that as like he doesn't like us or he thinks I'm dirty so was like i need to get a condom to fuck you we would take that as like he doesn't like us or he thinks i'm dirty so so if we ask you to wear a condom we think you might think oh i don't like him and then you're like no but i like you so much and i don't want him to think that noah can you speak to any of this yeah yes everything that nikki says i think

a lot of girls think of 100 but the thing is what, what girls don't know, and I need to make this clear, is that when you have boundaries for yourself, men are so fucking horny for it, and I wish we could just fucking drill it into girls' heads so much sooner that when you say no to things, guys will like, it doesn't ever fail to not write back to his text,

to play it a little cool. It never fails to actually go, actually, I'm not comfortable with that. I'd rather this like that's unfortunately true it's it never doesn't work it doesn't ever not work i i can't think of one example of a girl giving the guys what they want and they like them more than a girl actually doing what she wants also with condoms specifically i mean you want to guys want to get laid so badly. Literally the only, I guarantee every woman listening to this, the only thought in any man's head, if, if a girl said, do you have a condom? Literally all our thought would be like, oh, if they don't have one, oh my God, how can

I get one right now? Immediately. Absolutely. Like they're never going to think, whoa, whoa, hold on a second. I think we're different though, Ben. I'm not kidding you. I think there are some like younger guys who would go like fuck you bitch like

like there's like some real dirtbag f-boys that make women feel bad there could be a thing too where you let a guy have sex with you without a condom right then the next day he goes man she let me just fuck her raw dog she he's gonna put he's gonna project her being

a slut I'm telling you, girls. Where she lets it be easy, so then he's not going to respect you. You're right on it. This is fucked up. There's something to that. But when you sleep with a guy too soon, even if you're someone who doesn't sleep with guys too soon, and this guy's different,

and you've only slept with one guy in your whole life, and you're choosing to sleep with this guy on the second date because you feel something, there is a part of his brain, even if he were to know that, that goes, this was pretty easy to get her to do this i don't know if i can trust her outside of me because i i'm i don't i can't believe i got this girl to do this i didn't even do anything so there's a part that he will respect you a little bit less and i know that's hard to hear

and that's anti-feminist it's like but you gotta sometimes you gotta fake like you even if you know you trust him and you feel like you're ready to do it there's a part of men's psyche that they cannot help that make them go well that was easy and so she must give this away all the time there's something too also like when you're in a relationship you you know you start you you have sex with someone that you know might just be a fling and you wear a condom and then you have sex more and you work and then after like 20 times you go hey you want to go no con like there's like it's almost like saying i love you there's like a big moment when you're like let's just leave the condom the worst is when you've had sex with someone or you've had sex without a condom and then you decide that you want to not have sex with them oh you can't back. It's very hard to go back.

Now you want them to wear a condom. Very hard to go back. And girls, you can go back. You can. You can change it up whenever you fucking want to. But even my 38-year-old woman brain still has a part of me that goes, I can't not fuck him now because I already gave that away. I can't go back to just dry humping or making out.

But you can. You can't go back to just dry humping or making out or, you know, but you can. You can do whatever you want. Yes. You can also just make up You can also just make up that it's your period and that'll buy you a whole handful of days. No, because then they go, I don't care. Yeah, that's also true. The right guy will not care is what I'm saying.

Bluff on that. That's true. But also, can I ask you a question? It was about about sex styles too. I could use the blood in my penis like your dick's like a straw like that vacuum thing we're talking about i will tell you before you get to their question but getting having sex on your period when you've just started there is a plunger effect to it of like it gets things going and it like you're so crampy down there that it feels so good to have something just like like get in there so period sex for me a plunger effect you said is that what you said yeah just

like it plunges it out it like gets out all this like i'm here to remove the period the blood let's do it knowing nikki she actually has tissues i probably have a plunger in my bed i think i do it was on my show that pussy pump thing okay ben what's your question well i don't know if i can follow that but we were we were we were my brain is in eight places at the moment but uh we were talking about you know sexual styles and chemistry like do you guys like like some and it totally isn't an insult to someone's hotness, like we said, because it's just about vibes. But like one move I always hated was when like you're about to go downtown to Chinatown

and the girl's like, I'll be right back. And like, she'll come out of the bathroom naked, like fully naked. Or we'll just like take off all of her clothes before I'm ready for that level. Like, yeah, you want to immediately unwrap it. Give you a present. No, it's like 70s sex. It's like coming out of the bathroom. Like, I'll immediately, I want to unwrap it. You don't want someone to just give you a present. No, it's like 70s sex. It's like coming out of the bathroom like,

I don't want 70s sex. I'd like to remove your clothes. Let me do it. I like that too. But here's the thing, they're probably going in the bathroom to freshen up their puss.

Of course, but just put your clothes back on. No, but then they're worried about probably putting on the dirty underwear that they just sweated in for the last three hours.

Well, keep it a little loose then. Keep it, or take it, I don't know. Girls, they're not gonna care. They're not like smelling your underwear that they just sweated in for the last three hours. Well, keep it a little loose then. I don't know. Girls, they're not going to care. They're not smelling your underwear as they go down there. No, nobody cares. They're just going to take them off.

They don't care. They don't care. We've got to go to break. We'll come back with more with Ben Glee right after this. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more.

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A story told in 12 steps. Listen to CRIMS as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party. Your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour, like LPGA superstar Angel Yen. I really just sat myself down at the end of 2022 and I was like, look, either we make it or we quit.

Expert tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. The drinks were flowing, twerking all over the place, vaping, they're shotgunning. Women's golf is a wild ride full of big personalities, remarkable athleticism, fierce competition, and a generation of women hell-bent on shanking that glass ceiling. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party. That's P-A-R-T-E-E on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Did you know that companies hire the most in the first two months of the year or that nearly half of workers

are worried about being left behind? I am Andrew Seaman, LinkedIn's Editor-at-Large for Jobs and Career Development. And my show, Get Hired, brings you all the information you need to, well, get hired. People are forming opinions of you even before you log into the Zoom or walk into the room. And so you really have to think about, what is it I want to display? You don't plant a garden and then just walk away and expect it to thrive. You are in there pulling out the weeds just walk away and expect it to thrive. You are in there pulling out the weeds. You're pruning it.

You're watering it. It's the same thing with your network. You should always be in there actively managing your network. If you don't feel confident to say a number, even admitting that to a recruiter is going to be far better than saying, well, what is your budget for the role? A lot is in the follow-up, right? Don't wait to follow up. Whether you're a new grad, an established professional, or contemplating a career change, Get Hired is for you. Listen to Get Hired with Andrew Seaman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you like to listen. All right, we're back with Ben Gleib. Check out his special on YouTube, The Mad King. Ben,

it's been so fun with you. We are now going to do our segment where we get our listeners' voice memos that they send to the show. Questions, concerns, comments, compliments. It runs the gamut. So you're going to play a part in this. It's time for Fanthrax. Fanthrax! Fanthrax!

Alright, let's hear. Just to face your dad name. Before we get to the first voicemail, I just want to let everyone know that Ben has other things besides The Mad King. He has Glebe Off the Top, which is a virtual show at Nowhere Comedy. And people can buy tickets for that

at BenGlebe.com and that's on September 3rd. Those are so fun. Ben has a comedy club in his house and it's virtual and you watch on Zoom and Ben does a show completely off the top, meaning like

completely improv and does all these characters and interacts with people on Zoom. If you don't want want to interact you can totally opt out of doing that like i don't want to discourage because some people are like i don't want to be called out but it is so much fun to tune into if you don't have anything going on september 3rd absolutely turn it tune into that is so so fun and just wear a t-shirt that says i don't want to interact with bang yeah um and it is you know what I can recommend? It's a really fun thing to tell your family. If you have family out of town that you haven't seen in a while,

it's a good way to connect with them and watch something all at once that is this unique experience. I think it's fun if you have family out of town or lonely moms and dads that don't really know how that world works. It would blow their minds. They can download. It's on Now on nowhere comedy club just check it out yeah it's on top of zoom and just one thought about it too just we have a bunch of other shows still too if you go to nowhere comedy club.com and even if that show's not for you there's like paul prevenza's green

rooms coming back and we're doing it there you can see stand up it's really really fun and it really feels like a night out at a club but in your own own home. So you don't need to get a babysitter. You don't need to pay for parking, drink minimums. You can get fucked up in your own house and not have to drive anywhere. It really is fun. We make it feel like it's a live night out. One time experience.

And it just feels like you are a part of something that only you are witnessing. It's really special. And I really, I can't recommend it enough, especially for people that just have social anxiety, scared about COVID want to like, it's just something to do inside.

Save money and buy tickets to go see New York comedy in the safety of your own home. All right, let's get to Fanthrax. Okay. I got worried for a second that wasn't Ben's hand when he scratched his... Oh, really? Well, he does. Oh!

I don't know why. The angle of it really... All right. Sorry. So, Andrew, this message is kind of sort of for you. Oh, gosh. Hey, guys. This is one of your besties, Cash.

I'm just going to your podcast starting from 1. I'm at 149. Oh, my God. And Nikki's comments on Andrew's butthole about how it's a dog-eater is just cracking me up, especially as the GI doc. Andrew, I am happy to give you a complimentary rectal inspection exam when I see you guys. So offers out there. Love you guys. Offers out there. Love you guys. Jack Aranda.

Wait a second. Would you do that? That's so nice. Maybe you can meet me at the Nowhere Comedy Club. It has a doggy door? What does that even mean? Andrew has a lot of asshole issues. He runs in his family. Or walks. It's bad.

Leaks in his family. What? Oh no. Ben has a little hand going up. Is that my GI doc? That thing might be able to fit in there. Scrape around. Would you let a fan

investigate what's going on back there, a GI doc? I mean, his name was Cash. He accepted that, though. Your doctor cannot be named Cash. That is not ideal. That is a K. It's with a K. Jesus Christ.

Cash with a K? Oh, boy. I'm Cash only when I go in the back door. Oh, my God. Yeah, I let him look at my ass. So let me know where he's at. Do you have a GI doc? And credentials with a K, huh?

The only worst name for a GI doc than Cash would be Joe. Why? GI Joe would not be I. Oh, that's funny. The best I think, we got to put together Every joke that Nikki has to be explained Did you get G.I. Joe? No I didn't I'm not saying that you should

The one yesterday I don't know if it was good enough To not be explained Oh the anorexia where you said I was crippling Yeah I mean it was a leap Which I couldn't do back then Or I would have broken a leg No that's a part of the autism Member of the checklist of things I mean, it was a leap, which I couldn't do back then or I would have broken a leg. Okay.

No, that's a part of the autism. Remember the checklist of things? Oh, I don't think you were on that episode. There's this book I'm reading called The Divergent Mind about autism that isn't diagnosed in women. And one of the things is has a hard time understanding jokes. And I know that's ironic for me, but I really do often go like, I don't get it. Well, I feel like your brain is one or the other like either you're in joke mode or you're in serious mode yes and if you're in serious mode i can't you can't you it's like a there's like a speaking of jokes i'm so

fucking excited this weekend because i was supposed to be out of town in la still but i'm gonna be in town in st charles at the funny bone uh dan mince is going to be there and he's one of my favorite joke writers ever and i get to go watch him i mean i honestly it's like i might check that out seeing headberg it's like it really is he's he's as good as headberg i think of writing jokes it's he's the he's the best he's so good in my opinion he is so funny he's so good and he's the voice of tina on bob's burgers he's like the star of Bob's Burgers but a quick thought I have to share about being neurodivergent this was a pretty

weird moment that happened the other day so like a couple months ago a buddy of mine he's like the showrunner of a TV show that just sold for an ABC sitcom about it and one of the two lead characters is a neurodivergent character and he had me audition for it so I like worked on it for like four days I like studied being neurodivergent I, and he had me audition for it. So I worked on it for four days.

I studied being neurodivergent. I really figured out. You just looked in the mirror a lot? Looked in the mirror. I'm neurodivergent. I just picture someone having Avenger-like skills. He's neurodivergent. Yeah.

It sounds very badass. I think neurodivergent people would really like that analogy. I think they would. But my point being is I did not get the part, even though I felt like I embodied this thing because, and so I made a tape and I sent it in. And then he said to me, it was really great. It was amazing.

But we realized we probably should hire someone who actually is neurodivergent, which is great. And that's really nice of them. But then I immediately realized, oh, great. So now there's just a tape floating around of me pretending to be neurodivergent. Oh yeah, your I am Sam reject tape.

It's just floating around there. We did not hire him. Here's the thing, you lean into it, you lean into it and then you get the next show about a neurodivergent, and everyone will think you're neurodivergent.

Have you watched that new show on Amazon, The Way I Am or The Way I See It? It's a Rick Glassman show. Rick Glassman is on the spectrum and it's all the cast members are on the spectrum. It's great. It's a great show about adults living with autism. It's really funny and heartwarming and I really like it.

He's a very funny, weird dude. Oh my God, he's so fucking weird in the best way. His podcast is insane. Yeah, that was a trip doing that podcast. It was, I had to take, it's called Take Your Shoes Off. You have to take your shoes off when you go to his apartment. He has a lot of things that he needs you to do. Organize, right?

Yeah, but it's like he's special and he's so funny too. Rick Glassman, check out his podcast and his show about people on the spectrum. Okay, let's get to the next. Ben, I really hope to see you on something on TV soon. You're a great actor. Thank you. Thank you. I would like that.

I have a show on Disney+. You can watch me act as an old ghost, a 1920s film star who died in a fire. Oh, they didn't want to cast actual ghosts? They didn't cast actual ghosts. They tried. They tried very hard. The show's called Just Beyond, and it's an anthology series,

Marl Stein, so I'm in episode two. I'm on the poster, too. I'm like the main ghost in this thing, or one of the, it was really fun to do, and it was cool, and you'll watch it,

and you'll enjoy it. And you had not texted back enough women that you've had sex with that they were like you're a ghost I did the live research on that alright next okay so last week we had

Chris on the show, Nikki's boyfriend and we have some Nikki and Chris sitting in a tree will he throw her off? Alright so we have Not feedback but something learned I think you two

Are really cute together And I loved listening to you Oh my god I thought that was I thought that was a voice I was like oh my god this person is so weird I feel so bad their voice sucks Alright here's Jamie Oh my God. This person is so weird. I feel so bad. Their voice sucks. All right. Here's Jamie.

Oh my God. Hi, besties. I'm calling in because of Chris's story about the guy at the gym. He wanted to cut that out and I loved it so much. Chris on the show is also amazing. I love you guys. I love Chris. I love it all. Anya. I love the story also because something happened to me similar to that. I was parking my car and I was parallel parking and I guess I got really close to the car in front of me. Didn't hit it. The guy gets out and yells at me for getting so close. And I realized I have one of two options. So I decide to just say, oh, sorry about that. Didn't realize it got so close. He proceeds to yell at me.

And I just said, sorry about that. Have a great night and walked away. And then the next day I see him again and he came up to me and apologized and thanked me for reacting the way that I did. And it just felt really, really good. Um, I never saw that guy again, not like Andrew. I mean, uh, Chris, he's the guy at the gym, but, uh, it's such a good feeling to meet that type of energy with kindness or just what, what the other person's not expecting. They're expecting you to react and get a reaction from you. Um, so it's, it's nice to expecting you to react and get a reaction from you.

So it's nice to give them something else and they might actually accept that. Anyway, love you guys. Don't be cuh and gih-ah-kuh. Oh my God, I love that story. Yeah, it was about, Chris told a story about confronting someone. Someone confronted him at the gym. He spilled water and was like,

oh, I guess I'll just clean this up for you. And Chris was like, okay, what the hell? And then later on, Chris confronted this guy because he was like, know the he he was you know enforcing all the rules of the gym and he saw that this guy had his gym bag out and there's all these signs that say like no gym bag so chris days later saw the same guy with his gym bag out and he goes oh what does the sign say and the guy was like man i'm sorry and chris was like I am too. I don't know why I did that. And they both like hugged and now they're friends. And it's just like, I love that. The other day I was at Starbucks

and I was waiting for my order or something was up with it. And the guy was clearly ignoring me. There was no one at this Starbucks. They were not busy. He was just socializing and not even like doing anything. And I had done my mobile order like 10 minutes beforehand and there was no action happening.

And so I was just going to go, oh, did you get it? You know? And I go, excuse me. And he ignores me. And I say it a little bit louder. I'm like, excuse me. And he just, he literally goes like this. And I go, I'm sorry. Was that rude what I just did? What's going on here? Because he goes, what? And I go, you just rolled your eyes so obviously. That was insane. I go, what's going on?

Am I being rude when I'm asking? I go, I just ordered a mobile order. I'm just trying to see where my drink is. I know this job sucks. I'm sorry. And his coworker was laughing so hard because this guy is obviously like such a little like just tired of all these Karens and really gonna let us have it

and I just go I'm sorry and he was like I'm really embarrassed that I did that I'm really sorry and like apologized and it was nice and then he was like can I get you anything else and I was like have a good day I know this job fucking sucks and I'm sure that I represent everyone that sucks coming up to you, but it was just a nice moment,

but I've never had my, the eyes rolled at me so hard and ignored twice. It was so rude. Did you ever consider maybe it was a little bit your fault for having ordered a coffee? I know from a business that makes coffee. Yeah. Think about it. I mean,

it's like this guy's got his day and his own agenda, and you're sitting there and just popping an order in. I consider that to be on you almost 95%. An eye roll followed by a head roll. Oh, dude. It was so crazy. I've sat there. And he thought I was not going to call it out.

That's the thing. He thought I was going to be a little bitch and just take it and go, I'm sorry, but I just go, what did I do that warrants this? I really needed to know because I was like, I don't get it. Yeah, you've waited before. I mean, no, I've done that where someone's ignoring me and I will just not – because I don't want that interaction, I'll be like, oh, I guess I'll just go to Dunkin' Donuts. Or like, oh, it's been three days later and we're just still standing here. You almost took your own peripheral vision to go, maybe they can't see me so you kind of turn and go can they and they go

no they can absolutely see you and listen i know customer service is a fucking terrible job and people treat you like shit out there um but it's just it's i i would i wish that people who work in customer service could i wish that they could be rude to the customer more. Like I know that is going against what I just said, but I wasn't being rude. But when a customer – When they're rude, totally. The reason he did that to me was because – Because there are a lot of rude.

Because there were a lot of rude customers that he does have to put up with. And I bet he has to keep his mouth shut for those, and he just had it that day. It was during a lull, and he just had a bunch of traffic, a bunch of Karens coming up being like, excuse me, I wanted soy and he's like, it is soy. And she's like, oh, okay, sorry. It just tasted like different, but it's like, okay, well, can I have another just in case? Like, because I'm lactose intolerant. It's like, just

don't explain it, bitch. Just, so I wish though that there was this new shift in customer service where, fuck you. The customer is sometimes wrong. Restaurants are so desperate to stay afloat and they rely on customers so much they have to just kiss their ass.

It's just, it's awful. All customer service should be the style of a Philly cheesesteak shop where they just are allowed to be as rude to you as possible. Yeah, I like that. Yes. And the Bevics or whatever.

And the Bevics, I love that place. It goes back to the- Have you been there? Yes, where they insult you and they're like, hurry up, love that place. It goes back to- Have you been there? Yes. Where they insult you and go like, hurry up, sir. Oh, you want a side salad, you little bitch? Like, oh, it's so good. It's like I'm at Denny's.

Oh, I used to love it. What do you do? Dick's Last Resort is another place that's rude to you. Oh, really? Yeah. That's their theme. But I think that, yeah, I wish that more people could just talk back to the customers. Whoa.

Because the customer's always right. It's just a bad. Is it called Dick's Last Resort because being rude to people is a dick's last resort? Wait, what? Oh, yeah. It's the last thing in their arsenal. Oh, like the last resort could be. Yeah, if a guy's a dick, his last move is like, well, let's be rude to everybody then.

How about that? Yeah. Shit. I bet you if I was a whenever I have a rude waiter I always tip them more because I want them to think because I know that they think I'm not going to tip well and so I go I'm going to actually prove

them wrong I've had the worst haircuts of my life so it would work for companies and I tip them so well really why I don't know because I want them to like me because when a waitress is rude to me I think it's that thing of the pretty woman thing

where they go oh she doesn't have a lot of money she's not even gonna tip me well and I go this bitch is rude to me because she thinks

that I'm not gonna tip well I'm gonna prove her wrong by tipping so fucking well and then it's like what am I doing no but then it's fulfilling what she already

thinks of me exactly and then she's gonna never have bad reinforcement for that behavior. You know what you should do? You should find the waitress at the table next to you and go, can I give you $100 right now?

Because I'm very generous with money to people who seem to be good at their job. And I just love to reward it. Have you seen these people on TikTok? They'll give like a $1,000 tip, but they'll film it and be like, am I going to change your, they get off on it. It's all about them. It has nothing to do with the tip. I support it though still.

Anything that's getting more people to get money out there. I agree with that. I mean, I'm sure they ask for it back though, right when the camera's off. I accidentally gave you a hundred bucks. Do you mind if I get that back

and exploit you on the internet? on the money that I make off of TikTok from this. So can I get at least 20% back? Because I need four more tattoos on my face. Final thought. Next fan, Drex. Okay, this next one is from Stevie. Hi, Nikki, Andrew, and Noah, and Luigi.

I was just responding to, I've heard you mention several times on the podcast now, how you find out what cum is and what all these adult things are when you're a kid. And that story specifically sticks out in my mind of come when I was maybe 10 or 12 years old, cell phones were just starting to be a thing and like, you know, cost $80 to send a text message and could only be like a hundred characters. and me and my girlfriend had just gotten phones and we're texting each other and my mom was super overbearing and always like just really religious growing up and always thought like i was always doing these like nasty horrible things as like a young kid and i was so naive i had no idea what like blowjob parties were

the bracelets or anything like that so my girlfriend texts me that this boy she was supposed to go on a go out on a date with didn't come like he didn't show up to the date, but she shortened it to see you M in the text message. And my mom freaked out and was like thinking me and my friend were having sex and all this stuff. And I'm like, what are you talking about? It's just like he didn't come and didn't show up. And my mom realized it and had to like then explain to me what come was as like a young child so that just sticks out to me so vividly as a memory sorry for this being so long but anyways i love you guys and jean jacket if you've seen nope oh that is so sweet what a sweet misunderstanding when kids say filthy things and they don't realize it

yeah he didn't come and her mom's like well we need to talk about a lot of things yeah first of all you gotta use more hand yeah that reminds me of a horrible one that happened in my childhood so my mom's israeli and i don't speak hebrew but i maybe know a few sentences that i should have remembered and i had these two israel friends in eighth grade, and so I was hanging with them, and I asked them to teach me how to say, so I could say to my mom, teach me how to say, I want to speak Hebrew. And they made me memorize

a phrase, and I went to my mother as a 13-year-old boy, and I said, I said, which means, you know what that means, Noah? Yes. You want to say it? I didn't hear the last word. What was the last wordat Ivrit. Noah, do you know? Do you know what that means, Noah? Yes. Do you want to say it? I didn't hear the last word. What was the last word?

Ivrit. Okay. So I want a dick in my butt Hebrew. Hebrew. They knew I would know the word Hebrew, so they threw that on there. And my mom... Sorry, just at the end you go

like razzle dozzle like hebrew and so i made my mom translate it back to me because she was laughing so hard i'm like what did i just say and she's like you said you want to dick your ass hebrew and i'm like oh no god this was the most mortifying but maybe not as bad she probably thinks like that's how you were coming out of the closet. You've worked so hard on this. He doesn't know a lot of Hebrew. He's just studying. And he wants to say it in the language of my... Oh, God.

Yeah, this is really heartfelt. Yeah, like Moses coming down. Oh, my God. He carved it. Really not ideal. But then also one time I had a one-night stand with a girl, and the next day she texted me something very confusing she wrote i know i'll never see you again but if i do i'll

see you then and i just wanted to reply zeus not with me she was very poetic yes and and not with me and and and so i just wanted to write back huh h-u-h huh and my phone auto-corrected it to hiv and i sent it to her the moment after oh my god you should have wrote back i meant aids oh my god that's so funny hiv is like the k of fucking things to get you know what i mean like it's so short yet says so like you know when someone writes this k oh yeah oh my what did she write back to that she was like WTF with a million exclamation points which she meant to write as herpes yeah and I was like

I'm so sorry I just meant huh I meant huh and I don't correct it she's like are you sure and you go I'm positive

she's like wait wait what alright that's our show with Ben Glebe you guys thank you so much for listening all week Ben you were such a great guest

you'll have to come back. It was too much fun. I would love it. Check out Ben's special. Please support him. Check out his show off the top at the No Word Comedy Club. Follow him on social and check out his... You have a podcast?

Yeah, you've been on it. My podcast, Last Week on Earth. Last Week on Earth. I cover everything that happened in the last week, and it just came back a brand new season, so check it out. God, busiest man of alliest man I do a lot of I mean when does he sleep

Never Yeah how much sleep Did you get last night Three hours and forty minutes again Did you nap At all yesterday I did I napped Two and a half hours

But today I can't do that I have like back Okay so you're going on Like six hours a day Okay that's not good We're gonna work on that We'll check in with you Later on

Thank you so much Ben We love you so much Love you too Guys have a great weekend don't be cut and jack carl and kennedy catch john stewart back in action on the daily show and in your ears with the daily show ears edition podcast from his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors it's your perfect companion to Thanks for watching. or wherever you get your podcasts. You are cordially invited to the hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional

and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on theHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations

get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get

ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry.

I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From Novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Dr. Laurie Santos, and to welcome the new year, Apple Podcasts, or got you. Self-obsessed and want to get over yourself, there's a guide for that too.

The Happiness Labs How To Season starts January 1st. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.