The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #261 The Best I've Ever Had

Episode Date: August 23, 2022

Nikki and Andrew remember colloquialisms from their early days. Nikki is so done with forwards and introductions in books. They discuss 'The Princess' and Nikki points out the jealous in Princess Di and Prince Charles' relationship. They discuss the good, bad and ugly of a punchline about Jewish people. Nikki gives more details about her upcoming vocal surgery and luckily the procedure won't require something from one of Noa's metal albums. Nikki and Andrew had some recent interactions with fans. In the Top 1 Bottom 1 segment they talk about parties that they've been to. ------------------------------------ Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Get Pod Merch: Podshop.NikkiGlaser.com Nikki's Tour Dates: www.nikkiglaser.com/tour Andrew's Tour Dates: www.andrewcollincomedy.com   More Nikki: IG More Andrew: IG  More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRad surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms.

Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten

industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When I smoke weed, I get lost

in the music. I like to isolate each instrument. The rhythmic bass, the harmonies in the music. I like to isolate each instrument. The rhythmic bass, the harmonies on the piano, the sticky melody. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Careful, babe. There's someone crossing the street. Sorry, I didn't see him there. If you feel different, you drive different. Don't drive high. It's dangerous and illegal everywhere.

A message from NHTSA and the Ad Council. Welcome to My Legacy. I'm Martin of the King III, and together with my wife, Andrea Waters King, and our dear friends, Mark and Craig Kilberger, we explore the personal journeys that shape extraordinary lives. Join us for heartfelt conversations with remarkable guests like David Oyelowo, Mel Robbins, Martin Sheen, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, and Billy Porter. Listen to My Legacy starting January 20th on MLK Day on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. podcast here's nikki hello here i am it's nikki laser podcast i'm nikki glazer we are here in st louis andrew collin is here what's up andrew what's up nick yo noah is in

arizona noah was you're in a different space today. Today, physically? Not really mentally. Physically, I'm in New York. Oh, you are? Yeah. I went to visit my dad, so he's storing me in this little room. Well, you got a good setup there. Thanks. You got a good mic stand. This is the only part of the house that doesn't have some weird Romanian relic on the wall. What's like an example of a Romanian relic?

He has these like weird like dolls. Like weird dolls and figurines and things. You have really white teeth too. Have you been whitening? No. Recently? I think it's just the lighting. Oh my god they look so white. Oh thanks. It might be. Well I need to get that ring light.

Tooth whitening is so interesting because it works, and your teeth look white because I use the little light. You put the stuff, and I put it in my Invisalign trays, and then I just hold onto the light, and I redo the light over and over. It says to do it for three minutes, but I just keep going. And then my teeth will be so white, and then the second I have a beverage that is – second i gargle with diet cola yeah cola what am i yeah what's going on over there you had some pop yeah some tab when i um call it pop as a kid that's a big thing i remember remember when you're younger

oh you call it pop yeah that was soda i remember when the first time i ever went to an open mic night with my dad to see what the what it was like andy woodhall who is a comedian that is still out and about he's so good his he it was his first time doing stand-up and that night i saw him go up and i like loved his joke he was like i think the next civil war is going to be over whether you called it so soda or pop and i thought that was i was i remember i went up to him afterwards and i was like i really like that joke about the civil war and it was his first time on stage, which I did not know. And he never forgot it. And then I ended up being obviously a comic on the scene.

And he was like, you were the one that came out to me on my first time I ever did stand up and told me that joke was good. And that's why he's still doing it today. Probably. I mean, maybe. I'm not even lying. I know. That's how much it it matters when

someone especially like a young cute girl probably at the for you know he was a young cute boy it was probably like he's like that's why i've written 30 hours on soda and pop what did you call it i mean florida i think is a soda land right it's yeah soda yeah soda for sure i think pop is more east coast is that right, Noah? Were you a pop? I thought pop was Chicago, Midwest. Oh, yeah. Maybe.

Well, I grew up in Ohio and Missouri. We called it soda. My cousins called it pop. Yeah. Let me get a pop. When we moved here, there were a lot of things that people said that we were just like, what the fuck? Like white trash. Get out of here.

Honestly, white trash is one of them that they burned in our zoysia yard. Is that the kind of grass? I like the idea of someone getting, a white person getting more mad at another white person, another person being even whiter. White trash is so mean, but it's such a good, it's a crispy word.

It really is. White trash. Trash is just like, it's one syllable, it really is white trash trash is just like it's got it's one syllable yet it has so much trash because white is kind of looked at as angelic and oh what you know for a wedding and then trash yes it's a nice combo it's a nice balance well that is an interesting thing that you say that that was one of the words in cincinnati we called white trash hillbillies oh and here in st louis they call them mayor i don't know uh what do you think they call them in st louis like white trash and not the word white trash no i know i uh rednecks no that's i think that's more that's

a florida south and that's more like celebrating like I'm a redneck it's not like derogatory yeah um Hoosiers oh whereas in Ohio Hoosiers were like that's the Indiana team

that's the that's the the movie about the guys cycling yes you know but but in

but here we moved here and no one used hillbilly and we were I mean we had songs about hillbillies my sister made a song that was like hillbillies busting up the town hillbillies running naked all around hillbillies having lots of fun hillbillies gotta get one i don't know why you gotta get one yeah hillbillies busting up the town hillbillies running naked all around hillbillies having lots of fun hillbillies gonna get one.

I didn't express that. Dude, you got some cardio with that little jig. That was good. That was fun. My sister used to do a jig where she would... Almost very similar to that. Oh, it's a fun... That's incredible that that elicited... I love a nice jig.

...that came out of you. I just want to hold a... Not a teapot. What are those? A jug. Oh, yeah. They call it something else? A jug?

Man, a canteen? Oh, that's another... call it something else a jug man a canteen oh that's another i think there's two different names for canteen oh my biggest uh word that i used to fuck up was um that people go what did you say where are you from was um c-o-m-p-a-s-s wait what's that c-o-m-p-a-s-S. How do you say it? Oh, compass. Yeah, people say compass, but to me I was like, it's not C-U-M, it's compass. Oh, or I thought you were going to say compass on my chest. Yeah, there's a little valley. It's the compass.

It's the never-ending story where the two things shoot. It's a flash flood coming down. Yeah, I don't. Canteen. I love the canteen. I love the feel of a canteen. Oh, yeah? Yeah, that metal. And then you would put a cover over.

I don't know. There was a very nice texture. Kirsten had one in her basement, and we used to film a video of a homeless man who had a record release. Wait, wait, wait. I think I talked about it before. I don't think you said this before. Okay, so there was this,

we did a series of videos. We were, again, I hate to brag, but we were so funny. Kirsten's one of the funniest people alive. Yeah, she's great. And so she really inspired a lot of this. But we had this canteen. We would put on a bunch of coats

and then I would sit on the stairs and play my canteen and just like go, oh, oh, oh, and just kind of like grunt and hit the canteen we would put on a bunch of coats and then i would sit on the stairs and play my canteen and just like go oh and just kind of like grunt and hit the canteen and kirsten would do the voiceover that was like he's back with another album it was just like me just this we would do uh jump cuts like we would just press record and then unrecord record unrecord so it was just this hectic thing of like oh oh oh and it was like it was so weird we were so weird and that was i think that was probably the same night we were down in her basement making videos and i remember her mom came to the top of the stairs and was like girls princess diana's

dead and we were just like we're you're fucking up our shot, man. Yeah, dude. Playing the canteen over here. I remember I was actually deeply affected by it because I could tell how much it mattered to the world. But do you remember? You don't remember where you were for 9-11, let alone Princess Diana. Do you remember anything about when you found out? Princess Diana dying? I think I was in the car.

You found out about 9-11 like three days later. I think I was driving behind her. I don't know. Do you remember now? Was that a big deal to you at all? I remember it, but it didn't really like affect me emotionally. I didn't understand. I didn't grasp the size of a princess being chased by a

paparazzo. I don't think anyone put that together until later. Is paparazzo a male paparazzi? It's a single. Interesting. Yes. I also just found out that mitochondria is the plural. Plural of mitochondro.

Chondron. D-R-O-N. Chondro. What is that again? Is that a disease? You recommended. Mitochondria is like the thing inside of a cell that is like the center where all the stuff happens, all the energy happens.

I don't know. I'm reading a book about fucking science and the mind. I'm reading a book on enlightenment right now. Oh, yeah? I've gone through like three pages, but so far things are positive. Where did you get recommended it? brother recommended it yeah to like see positives and the world that's falling apart oh i've heard of this book where it's like about how everything's okay yeah yeah yeah people are talking about this book oh really where it's like it the the theme of

the book is you get to the end of it and things are getting better as opposed to worse yeah essentially yeah and then after you read it you feel are getting better as opposed to worse. Yeah, essentially. Yeah. And then after you read it, you feel a lot better about the world. And I don't want to be lied to. So I'm not going to read it. Well, I'm at 2% right now. And I think that includes the introduction.

I am so sick of introductions. I've said this before. I've never read an introduction in my life. Get out of here. Why am I going to buy a book? A forward? Forward? I'll forward this book to the trash.

I'll backward it. I don't want to hear another. I bought this book to hear you write. I don't want to hear your friend tell me how good this book is. I bought it already. And I don't need you to give me a synopsis of how good it is or what it's about. Oh, my God. Just start it up.

It's what inspired to write it. Stop it. to just like for john for mom like that's all i need out of a page i do not mean i am i will tell you do the authors not realize that forwards the only forward that i will say is worth reading is um that i've heard about because i haven't read the book yet but i do own it sona mosesian um uh is conan's assistant and he wrote the forward to her book and i read it because they posted it on the subreddit and it is so fucking funny as is the book because there's so many excerpts from the book you're really getting off your that's the only one i want to read unless the person that is writing it is is the funniest person alive conan o'brien i don't want to hear

forward i'm i can't even believe we bought your book yeah you want you're in i think they think that people when they buy a book they only read they start they when they're at browsing at barnes and noble this must be based on like trying to get people to get your book so a forward will it's like the preview for your book. Yeah. You know how long a trailer is? A minute and a half. You want to do a forward, an intro?

Two paragraphs. A double space. That's what the back of the book is for, is to tell you what the book is about. Yeah, show me a photo of the guy. I'll tell you if I like him. A black and white picture of the guy in the corner. Tell me the Canadian price. That's a couple dollars more.

Why is it so expensive? I don't know why it's more. Can't that. And it's $99 at the end. And they got more trees up there. They got more paper. Stop trying to trick us with this $99. We know.

It does work, though. Every time. It works. It makes you think that it's $12, not $13. It's just $12.99. Oh, you go all the way down. I was thinking $11.99 is $12. You think thinking 11.99 is 12 you think 11.99 is 11 no no but that's that's why they do it is because people do think and you do too whether or not you

know it it's like it's a it's a proven method to make people think that they're getting a deal when they're not they're saving a cent but i feel we've talked about this before. If something is 13-0-0, I see zeros and I go, I'm getting a deal. Yeah, I see. When I see 9-9, I go, oh my God, too many high numbers. It could be $200. It's a free book if it ends with zeros. $199 seems so much more than $200. $199?

Fuck you, dude. I'm not going to spend that for that eraser. By the way. Nothing is $199 anymore, by the way. I don't think anything is hey somewhere uh stephen pinker is the guy's name oh yeah yeah it's called enlightenment now the case for reason science humanism and progress i have a lot of stephen pinker books sample download yeah he he um he's written a lot of stuff that is recommended by like sam harris i one time went

to a list of books that sam harris recommends everyone read and i have a big problem another big problem samples stop filling it with the intro and the forward start your sample i think on chapter one it's a good point no they it's a good point andrew but you're getting off i actually thought i had a teammate that is is the only... No, I got to get off this train. Sorry. You're a Hoosier. Taylor's on it, stealing something. Probably the book.

Taylor is on it. Amdrip. So... 14... 40. 40. I don't know. Yeah, who knows at this point.

Give or take. 99. No, I actually... The best part about reading digitally is that you get a sample okay you can sample any book you want and i do feel that someone is actually whoever creates the samples for books doing a great job because it is enough to actually give me a good sense of the book i would think it would be some program that they'd run it through and just go oh the first 25 pages cut it off and it would it would just be that way for every book.

But someone's paying attention to go, we're going to give them enough. So I got to say that I think people take it into consideration. Whoever's choosing the samples, at least for Apple Books, they're taking into consideration that the forward, no one wants to fucking read, and they go beyond it. I don't think you've made it past the forward, though. I don't feel like they give you more.

No, no, I'll fast forward the forward in a sample. Oh, right, right. And then I get like they give you more. No, no. I'll fast forward to forward in a sample. Oh, right. And then I get maybe 20 pages of book on the phone. So that's like, you know. And then you make it bigger space. Depends on what your font size is. You ever make a children's book 3,000 pages? Oh, my God.

I mean, that is what every book is for me, is like three words per page. And I'm like, God, I'm fucking flying i'm like you're like reading the iliad it's like no this is bear steam bears mandela effect you know that yeah yes you always ask me that like i've never heard it before i saw um there's a show on hbo that was talking about the mandela effect about oh there was i forget what it was i swear swear. Yeah, it's the guy that, if you watch the rehearsal on HBO, they suggest this show. Did you watch the Carmichael movie? No, but I watched The Princess, which is another thing that you recommended to me. Did you watch The Princess Diana?

Did you watch the Manti Tao? No, we were watching something else. You recommended that as well. I'm going to watch it. You guys will fuck him. Have you watched The Most Hated Man on the Internet? No. Oh, that one's good too

noah arnie these ringing a bell did you watch the princess die one who's it chris d'alia you could cut that out that's part two and just leave it there just put it back in but like copy and paste it throughout the episode no can i just say the princess i really recommend the princess on hbo um about princess Diana. It is so good. Captivating. I am riveted by her. I'm halfway through. Just how soft she spoke. Every time she talked, it was always like this.

She never once raised her voice. It was always this soft. I felt bad for her because I felt like she wasn't able to talk. And that's why it probably built up inside her and then she left and then she went through a tunnel really fast because she was being chased no no but i think part of the marriage she probably got tired she kept getting older and more mature when she met him she was so young right that first interview she was like oh she's 19 they met when she was 16 suspish because he was definitely in his 30s when they met.

But in England, that's, you know, it's like you get your beans and your eggs. Yeah, in tooth age, it was 80. He was 80. Yeah, and then the interesting part about the princess, because I thought I knew everything about Princess Diana, just because late nights, just Wikipedia-ing and going down those wormholes

um going through those paris tunnels um i did not know that he was jealous of her and he was jealous of the attention she was getting for sure i did not know that was a part of it because he just seemed like a guy that actually was more like prince william prince harry didn't really want attention was happy that it would go to someone else how did he not know she was going to get so much attention she was this beautiful girl that he like kind of plucked out of not nowhere but she was a nanny and um but this this little pipsqueak motherfucker was so jealous of her and she did not do anything to try to get this that's probably made him more mad can you imagine i just imagine i do everything i ride a horse. I murder poor people. I do everything.

You know? And then this girl just wears a sweater with shorts and everyone loves her. Oh, yeah. She was just so... I love that look, by the way. Sweater with shorts? What do you mean? What is it?

It's just a great look. She has... I think you have the... Don't you have a photo in your bathroom? Oh, like big, big chunky shorts? No. You mean bicycle shorts? Yeah.

Yeah, okay. With a sweatshirt. Yeah, yeah, that is. It's not a sweater. Sweatshirt. Yeah, but a sweater's a very different thing than a sweatshirt. You know, when she wears a, not corduroy. Do you know what they call sweaters in the UK?

In the Midwest? I guess in London. Popnecks? And I think also in Australiaralia they called it noah do you know what they call them jumpers i know oh what is it jumpers then what are jumpers well what are jumpers here enough people that jump no but there's a no jumper jumpers hi i got my jumper wearing a jumper oh i don't know they're sweaters yeah oh maybe so interesting let's get back to this right after this break andrew coming around the mountain and i come

catch john stewart back in action on the daily show and in your ears with the daily show ears edition podcast from his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now plus you'll get special content just for podcast listeners like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines listen on the iheart radio apps, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven, and wild and out of control.

My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours stalls and relapses

but when I was feeling the most lost I found hope with community and I made my way back this season join me on my journey through addiction and recovery a story told in 12 steps listen to Krems as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network available on the iHeartRadio app

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When I smoke weed, I get lost in the music. I like to isolate each instrument. The rhythmic bass, the harmonies on the piano, the sticky melody.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Careful, babe. There's someone crossing the street. Sorry, I didn't see him there. If you feel different, you drive different. Don't drive high. It's dangerous

and illegal everywhere. A message from NHTSA and the Ad Council. I'm Tomer Cohen, LinkedIn's Chief Product Officer. If you're just as curious as I am about the way things are built, the insights behind what it takes to create a world-renowned product, then tune in to my podcast, Building One. There's so much to learn, like how Patagonia innovates with its supply chain.

We had to go out to farmers and convince them it was really damn hard. Or the way Adobe thinks about the first interaction somebody has with Photoshop. I was always so fascinated by how people navigate and find their way. Ever wanted to know how Nike builds emotion into the Jordan brand? You have to be obsessed with the current state of the human condition. And it doesn't stop there. What about how Gleam reinvented knowledge search with AI? You can learn about how a Michelin star chef is redesigning seeds for flavor

and how Pixar is nurturing a creative culture. Listen to Building One on the iHeartRadio app, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, Minnie Questions. Over the years, we have had some incredible guests. People like Courtney Cox,

star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends, EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair. And now, Mini Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories, and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique. Listen to

mini questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. All right, we're back Yeah, I could not believe I just am just So grossed out by I guess I'm so lucky

In my relationship that Chris lets me Shine And it doesn't get jealous if I get a lot of attention And he's kind of like Not, he has no issue with that which i could not handle that i would be a prince charles about it but if i were prince charles i wouldn't marry someone who was going to take more you know i wouldn't marry a

princess diana i would marry a camilla parker bowles no but i think that's what in his mind he envisioned i met a nanny in a field i'm'm going to get attention for this. I'm going to get it. Well, I'm going to still shine because she did seem somewhat reserved. She's pretty, but she's not like vavoom kind of look. She has like a very like regal, wow, like. She's so beautiful. No, but she is. But I think in his mind, he didn't. When I look at her, I see like a well-sophisticated looking,

not like a model looking kind of yeah people he didn't know people would just be so drawn to her because she was so kind yeah and people just wanted to connect with her and it was the first time you know the british royal family was actually like approachable yes everywhere she went little kids coming up with flowers she would be like beating off paparazzi, and then she'd see a little kid, and she'd be like, oh, thank you. Oh, my gosh, thank you. She was just such a sweet person. She went to the AIDS festival.

Not the festival. Yeah. The AIDS hospital. Yeah. And at that time, people were still afraid to be. Oh, my God. People thought you could get AIDS from the air. Yeah.

They didn't know. And she's holding hands with the AIDS victims. Yeah, it was a lot. And and so sweet i cried so much in those scenes where she was just so kind to people who were like invalids but um yeah i just i i it makes me scared of like the idea of ever being out there again and having someone seem cool about like oh you're in the spotlight and then start to have this shift of like wow you really yucked it up today like he made little snide comments during press conferences and you could only imagine the fucking vitriol that came out when they would get on the plane where he got no attention and she's like waving and getting so many flowers you can tell him i i could even i could predict i bet you anything at one point he was like you love this

you love it she's like i'm not doing anything charles i'm not i just tried to walk to the plane he's like you love it you are you meanwhile he's cheating out in the open oh my god on other relationship yeah that he was in love with this other girl and she really wanted that marriage to work i just it was so much that i didn't know about and the documentary is really done so interestingly because it is not narrated there's not talking heads that usually drive a documentary narrative it's just sound bites of the press talking about her and the public weighing in on what they think of her and it's just so interesting how quickly they go from like we love diana to she can't get enough attention she loves leaving her house like she's being hounded by paparazzi to leave the house so she can go to the gym and they're like why doesn't she just i have a gym in my i have a recumbent bike in my living room why

can't she get one she lives at kensington palace and they're like because she likes people and they're like oh she loves attention and this woman is just whenever you see someone getting a shit ton of love the flip side of that is gonna be so fucking dark and negative it always happens to people yes and that's what happened to this football player his i could tell you like a little bit yeah i remember it kind of his grandmother and his girlfriend died on the same day and that was the big story and people all rallied behind him and then the girlfriend was ended up being what everyone was told was made up he got catfished before catfish was a thing right so he thought he had a girlfriend but everyone thought that he was lying

yeah because he never met her before and she died of leukemia right that's what her what you just got to see it she made up a whole family he ended up playing in the nfl for like eight seasons okay married with a kid no no he didn't die the other documentary the most hated man on the internet is so good and it's about i didn't even know about this website. I always knew about revenge porn, but I did not know about the website isanyoneup.com. That was huge from 2011 to 2012. And it was a place where guys, girls would upload photos of their exes or people who had scorned them. And then leave also their address, their Facebook, their Instagram,

everything so that you could troll them. And these girls suddenly wake up one day and they go to work and they get a call from their friend being like, you're on this site naked. And the girl's like, I've never sent that picture to anyone. And that's where it begins.

It was like, this wasn't a boyfriend. This guy was starting to get into some stuff where it's so good. There's so many heroes. It's a beautifully done documentary. A lot like that Don't Fuck With Cats one where it's like, whoa, this is a roller coaster. That was so good.

Yeah, there's so much good stuff to watch out there. The rehearsal, we talked a little bit about it, but that is amazing with Nathan Fielder. I think a new episode just came out last night that I'm so excited to watch. what's interesting about these documentaries is like even something like that or or the the teo thing the world has changed so much in nine years yes where you know the big story was is he gay is he gay he's a football player and he's gay oh wow everyone even anderson cooper's like we all really think he's gay like everyone's jumping

on this like he's lying you know this guy was loved his grandma died his girlfriend died now everyone's like he's he's made up a story because he's really gay and that's literally every story it's it is wild you're right that's so that the culture has shifted so much that would never never it just wouldn't be the main headline maybe like people would be like he's really good you know like in their privacy of their own but it wouldn't be the main thing wouldn't be on cnn across going across on a scroll is he gay and the idea of nudity on the internet like now only fans is here where i'm not saying like you don't you know you have control of it but then was just like people fucking loved it and didn't see a problem with it now that would be fucking insane it's like that's progress there yeah is that we

don't you know lambast people for being gay yeah probably and that we would probably it makes you think about what is happening right now that will either not be cool but there's also you know the woke thing the woke trend of like where it goes overboard yeah yeah yeah where there's a lot of things that i think we're gonna pull back from that and we're gonna get a little bit more lax about stuff and well teo was there go are you finally he did an interview and they're like are you gay and he goes whoa far from it like he like had to like like lean into the and the whole audience goes and i'm like is this like bizarre i'm like what people are still like that about gay like they're still like that about i wonder i mean as someone who's not gay at least i don't

think so yet or it does doesn't identify as bisexual or anything, it still must hurt to be gay and then hear things in society that still people go like, I'm not fucking gay. There's still this repulsion to the idea that you might be gay. And that same person. We have not progressed that much.

It becomes part of the DNA of like, I'm not gay. And then you go, well, that comes off a little homophobic. You're like, I'm the last person to be homophobic. it kind of reminds me of like when i tell someone i'm jewish not in like new york city and they go you're a jew and it like comes off like like in a way where they don't even mean to be this happened at the gym the other day like whatever someone at

the gym really you're jewish well actually you look like a jew like they're like you're Jewish? Well actually you look like a Jew. Like they're like saying it like that and I'm just like I'm not kidding you. I'm not excusing it. People in the Midwest are so fucking dumb when it comes to Jewish people.

We just don't No I'm not saying I'm not like mad. It's just like they don't even realize how it comes across. In Nathan Fielder's show The Rehearsal

there is he is having this guy rehearse having a conversation with his brother about um this you know the the show is about rehearsing really tough things in life that you're gearing up for and so he's having a conversation with his quote-unquote brother played by an actor about his father's inheritance and he's trying to get his his brother to give him some of it because his dad wanted it that way but didn't write him in the will and his brother thinks he's gold digger so he's trying to convince him his of it because his dad wanted it that way but didn't write him in the will. And his brother thinks he's a gold digger

so he's trying to convince his brother like my girlfriend is not in this for money. Like if you give me money, it's up to me what I do with it even if I do give it to her. Like dad wanted it this way. And they start, I mean this is in I think Oregon.

You know, again. In the woods of Oregon. Yeah. You know, again. In the woods of Oregon. Yeah. Yeah. And so within seconds. Is his girlfriend Jewish? No. Oh.

But Nathan Fielder is standing above them with his little laptop around his shoulders, monitoring this rehearsal, helping them practice. And then he's like, don't be a Jew about it. And he starts saying, and Nathan's just looking around like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And he goes, I have to just cut in here. he starts saying and nathan's just like looking around like uh whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa and he goes i have to just cut in here brother went to the the other brother don't be a jew about it and give me some money yeah essentially it's telling the brother the actor brother in and nathan goes

i have to say they're the actor no the the real guy i'm sorry i'm sorry obviously this show's a little so the real guy says that yeah and he says some other stuff too and nathan is just like and nathan goes i feel this is very it's anti-semitic and he goes and he's like but i don't want you to not say what you would say and he goes is this a conversation you would have with your brother and he's like well yeah that's how we talk and he was like well it's really reeking of anti-semitism and um and he was just like he there was no acknowledgement. He didn't, this guy's a sweet guy too. This guy is, you find out, you come to love this guy for what he does

for this old man. He's such a sweet guy. He just doesn't know that that's... I mean, that was my whole childhood. It's crazy. That happened, I remember being... You're still encountering it in St. Louis from adults. Well, it reminded me that conversation, because living in New York, there's no plight of the Jewish person in New York City because New York, all the Jewish people, they don't

really understand. They get anti-Semitism a little bit, but people are well off and there's a lot of Jewish people there. And there's a lot of identity of like, we're Jewish and like, but here. And proud and loud about it. And there's a lot of identity of like, we're Jewish. And proud and loud about it. And it's great. But then here or in Florida, right when I hear that, I just go right back to my childhood. Oh, my God.

Yeah. But I heard that so much. Don't be a Jew about it. Don't be a Jew about it. I didn't mind Jewish jokes. But when it became such like part of the lexicon, you know, like, hey, don't be a Jew about it and pay extra or like, dude, fuck it. Wait, that's when I would get like a little upset. Yeah.

But those same people, again, would literally like one, they would give me money if I really needed it. They would fight for me. They would. They were really good friends. Yeah. They were just ignorant. And it's just like, what do you do with that? I don't, you know, they're still my friends. I mean like what do you do with that i don't you

know they're still my friends to i'm not i mean i guess you could say it hurts my feelings but then you get called gay yeah yeah then you're a gay jew yeah i mean i wasn't gonna say it but i was having this conversation when we were watching this with chris about can you say jew if you're not jewish he's i i i feel like it sounds derogatory, even though it is the correct term. It depends how it's used, right? Well, if you're just saying someone's Jewish and say, oh, they're a Jew. That's fine.

It sounds yuck to me, and I know that sounds Jewish. That sounds... But it doesn't sound... It doesn't... It sounds... I guess because people... Yuck is way worse.

People who say, who talk derogatorily about jewish people how do you feel when you yeah it's how it's said it's the tone i think atonement yeah it is right like it is the tone but there is something kind of dirty about it i agree just say jewish people it's like saying just say he's jewish or she's jewish not a jew i think it's you know the way uh black he's black and he's african-american used to be i think now black culture has like adopted like we're black and that is like a fine way to say a black that's bad that's what i'm saying like that's equivalent she's a jew well yeah uh that's not that's not

the right but i do feel and then i start to well, is my feeling that it feels weird based on my own? Am I not saying it because I really want to? Or whatever it is. But we're comics, too. A lot of times a Jew is a punchline. So we think of it as like, yeah, maybe it's that. I think that's why. It's because every joke about Jewish people is not like, oh, don't be a Jewish person about this.

So it's always't be you know so it's always just a quicker jews a strong word it's just like it's long it's like clue it's like trash like the word i was saying before like it has a lot of crunch in it and i don't mean to say that's not what i was it's just like the the phonics of it is like crunchy, sticky. Don't put this on me. I wept when I wasn't Jewish from my dad's 23 and me. I want to be Jewish so bad. Jew is like trash.

No, if you wasn't, please do not take that out of context. No, put it in and copy and paste. Yeah, cut that out and then put it back in. Yeah, look, when I grew up, I think I've told you a story where I went to temple with my Christian Italian friend on like a high holiday, like Yom Kippur or whatever. Neo-Nazi spray painted my whole temple, like six million left, die Jews, swastikas, like all this. Six million left? Yeah, it was pretty clever. What does that mean? I guess, like, you know, because six million Jewish people were killed in the Holocaust.

Right. So six million more to go. Like the idea of like, oh. Wait, they only killed half of you? That's not a statistic. That makes no sense. Well, they're not the smartest people. Well, you said it, you just said it was good, kind of.

You were like, it's pretty clever. Yeah. I find there's nothing clever about that. I guess i gave him too much credit so anyhow because i don't think there were six million left it was six million killed yeah right maybe like they left the earth or something yeah i think he was talking more like six million more to go like hypothetically like kind of thing or like rip you know that it was it's some there's not any anti-semantics about it don't be anti-antisemitic just let them be let them have written what they wanted to write and i remember my buddy's never been to the synagogue before he's never you know

so he's seen this wait was it fresh paint like it happened right before they did it because it was the high holiday oh shit and i just remember my friend being like, does this happen all the time? Like being like... I think a funny joke would be like, you should see the inside. People are so jealous of Jewish people. I mean, that is the... So much hate for different people

comes from this, and just jealousy, that you're not that. Because I think that there's no reason to hate anyone unless you're jealous. Yeah, and they don't believe in Jesus. Or you feel threatened in some way because you're jealous that they have something that you want. Well, here's the weird thing is when I was in public school with a bunch of,

everyone pretty much had the same amount of middle income to lower. I never heard, granted I left in like fourth fifth grade fourth grade but i never heard anything really about you're a jew jewish like if anyone found out it was nothing yeah and then i went to private school all christian school obviously it's going to be a little bit maybe more anti-semitic parent but i think it's more about not just religion but like jewish people coming and making money and taking their money. You have what we are taking. You might infringe on the things we want.

Where I live, you still couldn't be a member of certain country clubs. And that was just like, if you're black or Jewish, you can't be a member here. And those were friends. That was not long ago. Oh, my God. It's so fucking weird. But then if you say this, i don't think people understand how

weird it is to be jewish outside of like big cities you know yeah it really does get a little bit weird but the the thing about it that's different from a black part like you don't have a like you can say that people go oh you look at but people don't know it by looking at you of course of course so you don't walk and that's even worse because we're sneaky because we could pass as white yeah you guys are so sneaky yeah we're so sneaky oh my god it's so weird like i i really do remember the first time hearing like a jewish stereotype was when my dad was reading a joke of sarah silverman's out of like the new yorker and i was probably in high school yeah and it was like I was you know I was molested by a doctor which as a Jewish girl is so bittersweet and I just didn't understand it I still am like kind of

like wait what well I don't get it every Jewish mother wants their daughter to marry a doctor he had to explain it to me and I I i understand like anti-semitism is like heartbreaking and but most of the stereotypes about jewish people are like kind of i never understood it was like so they are good with money and they are good in hollywood and they're funny and they run the media have like little curly tendrils on their hair like what is bad about any of this like it just didn't seem but you know there's a history there that I wasn't aware of you're like I would love to have curls

that's where you're thinking no how do you when you live in New York City did you deal with anti-semitism or I don't want to like talk for people that grew up in the city but just from what I noticed like when I would tell the jokes of being from the south and being Jewish they didn't hit as hard because I don't think people lived it as much.

Not that way. Honestly, I think because I grew up in Brooklyn and it's pretty culturally diverse and stuff, I never really experienced anything directly anti-semitic but i think like through maturity or something i realized that all those jewish jokes that i would laugh at or even if like they had like a positive connotation like jews are doctors or whatever like i realized that like that creates anti-semitism so it's like i don't know i guess like in that way um and then like having to laugh at it is kind of like awkward oh my god oh my god yes so i mean i i can only relate as the only kind of i guess not minority but a disenfranchised group of which I'm a part of as being a woman. Yeah. And jokes about, like sexist jokes,

you laugh because you want to just get along with people. You even say them. Yeah. Because you want to get to it before anyone else can hurt you. Yes. That was like my whole- Dan Mintz had an amazing joke this weekend. I went to go see Dan Mintz in St. Charles. He's one of the best joke writers out there.

And it was the first time i can remember going to a comedy show ever and being served and like getting there and sitting at a table and like having a comedy experience it was so fun he if you you gotta go see him dan mince he does the voice of tina belcher on um bob's burgers but he's he's one of my favorite joke writers ever ever it's just all one-liners he's looking's, he's one of my favorite joke writers ever, ever. It's just all one liners. He's looking at a, he has a paper and he does like 200 jokes in a night, 200 one liner jokes.

But some of my favorites were, um, uh, having long hair makes it really hard to get it, makes it a lot harder to get a job, especially cause you're probably a woman. And then the other one I really loved was he was like my wife is the only one i've ever been with the rest of the women were nines or tens he's the only one it was so i mean

when they don't land as hard he just keeps rolling through or he'll he'll address it a little bit and go like well because one time he did a fucked up he fucked up a joke he goes every belt is a snake skin belt if you think if you really think about it every belt is a snake skin belt and no one laughed and he goes what did i say did i say and we were just he goes i should just tell you that you guys that joke is too smart for you all to get because there wasn't an aspect of it of like was that too over our heads but he was like no the joke is every snake is a snake skin belt yes oh yeah so he just fucked up one word which i've done before when i tell a joke sometimes and it gets nothing i either go i said it wrong or i already said it and on two show nights it frequently happens where i have done the joke on the second show i will not know if i have done the joke twice or because i know

i've done it once but i'm like did i do it in this set or did i do in the set before you ever realize so you realize it on stage now do you stop yourself and go let me move to something else did i do that joke and then if no immediately people be like yes if you did it rarely happens that i did it i would say maybe one and one percent of times i think i've said that joke have i actually said it again because i will call it out because i do not want people to go is she having a yeah or are we in a matrix of some sort like that would be so crazy if you did a half hour set and then do the same exact half hour but don't even address it oh my god it would be like the

rehearsal kind of thing wild what happens often is that you have this happened all all the time in the clubs when i used to have just like random people open for me i wouldn't watch their set and they would tackle a subject that then i would tackle and there would be no connective tissue to being like i know you just heard about this and people would just be confounded and then at the end of the week, I'd catch this guy's set, and he's been doing the same set all week. And I go, oh my god, I have been doing the same subject

matter, very close to it, and these people must think I'm insane to have even gone. How does this guy also have a baggy pussy? I don't understand. Wait, did they hook up? Is that why he knows that experience so well? Yeah, it was.

Yeah, I mean, it's funny. I never have picked openers before. And you have to kind of think about that a little bit of like, what do they talk about? Yes. Well, have them not be dirtier than you. Have them not talk about things that you're gonna talk about like subject wise because you can like i've told you certain times opening for

me like don't talk about eating ass and it's just it sounds like i'm like policing you but it's just because you can only ring that bell once you're very you're very kind about material of what i can i mean usually we don't have too many things that cross over, but I've never felt once like keep it clean or whatever. Like it's literally been one line or one subject matter in fucking three years. So it's like, but that is stuff to think about.

You can go see Andrew August 30th, Tuesday, um, coming up at Zaney's in Nashville. And you can see me in Vegas on September 2nd. I would love if you would go. Benedict Polizzi from FBoy is opening. If you want to see a way hotter version of me,

a young, hot man. Is he doing shirtless or no? Well, I always tell you not to do the shirtless part but i'm going to actually ask him to include it in his um yeah i'm excited for him to do it yeah it's gonna be fun does he live in indiana where does he live he lives in indiana i think yeah i'm pretty sure uh but he's flying out for that so that'll be fun you'll get all i think we'll do a little q&A about FBoy Island. I'd love for people, if you want to plan a quick Las Vegas trip,

it is Saturday, September 2nd. And it is my last show before I have my cords taken out. Now, is there – I mean, I don't even want to put this out there, but I will because it's kind of fun to talk about. Are there chances of this surgery? But he said in the 37 years I've been doing this, I've never had someone not. He goes, you have to understand the risks because they are there. And he's flying back from Israel the day before.

He gets in that morning. And my mom was like, I thought my mom, because my mom was at the pre-op meeting and she was like what about jet lag are you gonna have that and he goes i'm a surgeon i sleep anywhere i like your mom asked yeah she asked it was a good question at first i thought she was talking about me i go mom i'm coming from st louis it's gonna be an hour different shut up about the jet lag and she was like no him and i go oh that's actually a good point um but i uh i talked to um a friend of mine had vocal cord surgery john mayer and i reached out to him this weekend because i was having a lot of stress about it i'm sure that just started like i was nothing but excited but all of a sudden i'm like really scared about the three weeks of not talking like really like yeah am i i'm almost like solitary confinement for my brain like

am i gonna go insane like how am i if if you know even leaving the building like people in the elevator always urge like chatty and like how or if you know someone holds the door for me and i don't say thank you are they gonna think i'm a fucking bitch you can't say a fucking word nothing oh my god i'm gonna tape my mouth shut so i don't talk in my sleep like that kind of thing oh shit are you gonna go to your parents river house um you know chris and i are gonna go away to some sort of resort and so no is the answer to that you should be able to have no no you should have activities but i'm actually scared that if i go there noah i will not someone might come across the cabin or like neighbors and then i will i'll have to try to communicate like i just i got a t-shirt that says um vocal rest

can't talk um chris and i are gonna make more t-shirts that i can so every day i can just wear a t-shirt because it's too hard to hold out your phone and be like here but i i dm'd john and was like i know you went through this and he he did a lot longer he did months and months maybe a year he was no talking and he said he suffered pretty hard the first for he said i was going to discover things about myself he said it was going to be amazing you're going to write so much you're going to learn things about yourself you never knew it's going to be an amazing experience um but in order to be social get an ipad put it on a stand turn it around so you can go to dinner with people turn it around get a bluetooth keyboard

and just type on it and then it comes up on the ipad facing out and that was his tip and i thought that was so helpful i was so excited and he asked me you know if the doctor said not to because he had the same doctor um he asked me if he told him not or me not to work out and i was like no because i he said sometimes uh when you work out you're like like you grunt and i'm like i'm not doing any grunting so mine's just like i can still work out i can still eat because nothing really touches your vocal cords unless you're like choking on water that's the only time something touches your vocal cords. Otherwise. Oh, okay.

When you swallow. Yeah. I didn't really understand vocal cords. I don't think they have nerves. So I don't think it's going to hurt. You know, there's very light bleeding. It's mostly done with like a laser. It would be funny. You get the surgery and then you have, you now speak in an Asian accent and then you,

you can't stop speaking. And everyone's like, dude, this is not right. And you're like, you don can't stop speaking and everyone's like dude this is not right and you're like you don't understand the surgery it's not me oh my god that would suck so i would just choose to be silent the rest of my life if i just seemed like i was doing an impression of an asian person like you get canceled because you're vocal i mean what is the surgery exactly like it's done with it's called a oh man let me just hold on she's going to get something that explains the surgery um what i'm guessing is they probably take a scalpel and they cut around the vocal cord and uh what they do is they uh they bleed it out

and then after you bleed out for about four or five days you can speak better uh you gargle your own blood um and then the blood vessels will then turn into a crystallized you're telling them about it already yeah i just explained exactly well then i don't need to say anything because i'm sure you nailed it essentially uh it's the old medieval time of they bleed out your vocal cords oh my god they put leeches on it the nick version of what i'm doing how funny is that dude you go in for a cold and they're like you know what we're gonna drain your body of blood we're gonna put leeches and maggots on you well leeches and maggots are actually maggots are great to clean out what's that noah's favorite band?

Leeches and maggots. Okay. So it's called Suspension Microlaryngoscopy with Laser. And it's a green laser, so it doesn't burn anything. It uses a green laser, a G laser, a glazer, some may call it. Why not? some may call it um why not you know and uh if you google this doctor you will it's really interesting he's he's operated on fucking everyone every i mean he's it's going to it was like going to planet hollywood to go to his office with how many pictures on the wall of so many that's how i knew john went to him i was like oh there's a sign thing is it all singers is there any other like no there's comedians or uh joe buck joe buck is

the reason i'm going to this guy joe buck saved the day and swept in because i went to a vocal uh coach who you know saw heard something i went to a doctor she recommended who trained under this doctor and then um i talked to joe buck about it i was like i think i'm gonna need this surgery because i knew he had had some and he was like you need to go to where they just put extra hair in your mouth yeah wait what no he's got oh yeah the hair transplant thing yeah that's how he fucked up his vocal cords because they put a tube wait what in his throat you know like into for the surgery for the surgery and it sat on his vocal cords too long and damaged them. So he got out of this hair transplant surgery

and he couldn't fucking talk and he's a broad I mean he's the voice of sports. I was thinking because the guy talks obviously a lot. So he got it from an actual surgery. So you could get it in a lot of He had a different operation than I did. Yeah.

It was really nice to hear the doctor say first of all i got they stick a uh a scope down your throat and so they spray the stuff in your throat to numb it and then they stick a scope down and then he makes me go uh like do like uh and like sing and um he said what you're the best i've ever had at this is that you are that you are the best i've ever had at sticking a scope down someone's throat and them singing and not gagging he was like you are the best at having something down your throat and not gagging and i was like well i was believing in college and my second life is a pop but i really was i had no gag reflex nothing and i could sing perfectly and he was like i've never he was like you're great and and then my mom was like she is and he goes well her chords are terrible he was like this is so he looks at it and he was like your mom's like i would never watch her perform a scope while singing surgery i would never watch

that myself but i get why people would like it if i wasn't her mom i would not be here right now i was like got it mom so uh i love the idea of your mom being like a cancer what is going on luigi what's going on he's wiping his butthole on the ground here come here can i it's your butthole come here you want me to green laser your butthole off okay so then so yeah so you get the scope and then he's like it's really you know this is bad and so my my cords you know it looks like a vagina there's like two sides to it and it's all wet and mucousy and it looked like the places where it hits it's like all calloused and bumpy on each side and it's supposed to be smooth.

And then I've got this weird web space at the bottom that he might cut. He's like going to be like, that might free up some more room, but then I'd have to stitch it up. So I'm going to actually make- You make people sing incredible after all this. Well, I might have to have two surgeries, which is another thing.

He's like, I'll decide when I get in there if it's going to be one or two. I'm never trying to make money off of you. Please don't think that, but this might need two, which is just like, oh God. Can you firm up the tits dude but that's what i mean i'm gonna double up on the surgeries because i'm out of work so it's i might as well have maybe a little a nip tuck a little uh ponytail lift um let's talk about uh this and uh top one bottom one all when we get back catch john stewart back in action on the daily show and in your ears with the daily show ears edition podcast from his

hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now plus you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven, and wild and out of control.

My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community, and I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery.

A story told in 12 steps. Listen to Krems as part of the Michael Dura Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When I smoke weed, I get lost in the music. I like to isolate each instrument. The rhythmic bass, the harmonies on the piano, the sticky melody. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Careful, babe. There's someone crossing the street.

Sorry, I didn't see him there. If you feel different, you drive different. Don't drive high. It's dangerous and illegal everywhere. A message from NHTSA and the Ad Council. I'm Tomer Cohen, LinkedIn's Chief Product Officer. If you're just as curious as I am about the way things are built, the insights behind what it takes to create a world-renowned product, then tune in to my podcast, Building One.

There's so much to learn, like how Patagonia innovates with its supply chain. We had to go out to farmers and convince them it was really damn hard. Or the way Adobe thinks about the first interaction somebody has with Photoshop. I was always so fascinated by how people navigate and find their way. Ever wanted to know how Nike builds emotion into the Jordan brand? You have to be obsessed with the current state of the human condition. And it doesn't stop there. What about how Gleam reinvented knowledge search with AI?

You can learn about how a Michelin star chef is redesigning seeds for flavor and how Pixar is nurturing a creative culture. Listen to Building One on the iHeartRadio app, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, Minnie Questions. Over the years, we've had some incredible guests. People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends,

EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair. And now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons,

new memories, and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique. Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts seven questions limitless answers yeah we're back um so yeah i'm gonna

sound i'm gonna sound different it's like i'm a little bit of are you worried that your voice gonna be too high or like i think think you have a nice in the middle... I'm shocked that I don't get mocked more for my voice. Really? Because it is harsh and low and husky. But it's something that is... I get recognized for my voice more than anything. Anytime someone recognizes me, they always go,

I heard your voice. And I go, I know that voice. Dave Matthews. And so... What do you mean? Oh, Dave Matthews. Well, that is a different voice entirely. So people don't tend to recognize me on that.

But yeah, it is. I don't think that happens to most people where their voice is. Although I was staying in LA this past week and I heard, yeah, well, we're getting, we're waiting for another 2.3 million to finance the deal. And so we're going to, we we're gonna try to make it happen. And I was like, that's a Baldwin. I looked over and it is definitely a Baldwin brother and I was like,

yes, I think it was Danny. He was the tall one. So I do get recognized for my voice. So there's a little part of me that's like I know people are gonna be like, I miss, because people hate change and so I know I'm gonna have fans be like you sound miss, because people hate change. And so I know I'm going to have fans be like, you sound weird. I don't like it.

But the truth is like, I'm not doing this for my speaking voice. I'm doing this so I can sing because my, like Keith Urban and I are having, had the same surgery. And Keith Urban, I was reading all these things about him.

And he had always sung on a fucking broken voice. He didn't, he broke his voice early on in his career singing in loud Australian pubs, and then for the rest of his career, it just got progressively worse, but it was like running on a broken leg. He just made it work.

He was Jackie Channing it. You ever see those videos of Jackie Chan breaks his leg doing a stunt, and then he just keeps working on it? So that's what keith urban was doing and he said that once he had the surgery it he was able to write so much more and it freed up so much space because he was always so fucking worried about losing his voice not being able to hit this note like it was consuming his life and then after he got it done he he didn't know

what it was like to not worry about his voice and every time I sing or do like a little like you know even by myself alone in my like you know it's the thing I enjoy most in the world and every time I do it I'm always like how long do I have before this gives out like I have a sweet spot of about 10 minutes where my voice sounds the way I want it to and even then not really the way I want it to just the best that I can sound. And then the rest of the time, it's shit. And it's like, after this, my speaking voice will be a little clearer. He said I'll still probably have a little grit to it like I normally have, but that my vocal range in terms of singing is going to be crazy,

like exponentially different. And it's all because I think yelling in my childhood home, we like having a big house when we moved into a bigger house, the yelling to communicate with each other, I think did broke me good, but it was just very, I almost started crying when he was like, there's a lot of trauma on these vocal cords,

just the word trauma, like validated, like, so, and my therapist is even noticed that when sometimes i'm talking to her on when we're on facetime like when i'm having a hard time when something is really affecting me i just start grabbing my throat like this and it's like that she's like that tells me that you have so much is being held back through your your i think you're just pushing the skin

back to look yeah i'm like yeah please like me. Please tell me I'm pretty and young. You said that fans are... Sorry. You said that fans might be upset that your voice might sound different, but I was watching an old clip, and your voice has changed over the years. You still have the same quality that makes it recognizable but i think like your pitch has changed totally i listen to even if you watch perfect or even if you listen to you up like some clips from that i sound much younger and like spryer and yeah it's just i'm so

freaking excited to get that back and to have like a voice that isn't like grizzled and like my chords are just struggling every day. And the cool thing, like Steven Tyler has a lot of damage on his vocal cords I've heard, but he makes the little space that he does of his chords that actually are soft and like he makes that little space work. He's like a genius he's figured out a way through just training to keep to maintain even though he has damage so like your chords you don't really have control over them they're not muscles that you can control

but some singers that's why they're better than others there's something that they can do in there to make it work that i haven't been able to do it It's so, so it's, yeah, I'm, I think that if I'm able to like sing well and train it, it's like getting my guitar fixed. It's like I'm trying to play with a guitar that has one baggy string. And like going like, why can't, this is really what I want to do for a living. But like, well, you're never going to be good if you have a shitty guitar. I feel like the second week is going to be the yeah obviously it's in the middle i'm gonna see the delight at the end of the tunnel so i think the second week you're gonna start going okay

like because the first week it's kind of it's like a new like challenge it's kind of cool like i don't have to talk to people i can actually focus on writing i don't have to really do anything which is so nice for the first time in your life as much as i love to talk i really love not talking yeah like i love it i love a fucking nothing i love especially if i'm like having a little bit of a depression like i just want to be i don't like talking to people in elevators i don't like talking to people in elevators. I don't like... Today I got a weird fan thing. I was at Starbucks. Yeah. Got my coffee, sat down.

And just to like... You sat down in the Starbucks. Yeah, just to have a couple sips and to think about our top one, bottom one. I was just trying to like sit down and think for a second. And this girl across the way just goes, good morning, Nikki Glaser. Hi, Nikki Glaser. And I just go, oh, hi.

And I didn't know what I was supposed to do with it because I didn't want to have a conversation then. It almost sounded passive aggressive. Yeah, it was just like, I know who you are. And it was like, it was fine. But maybe just add to it like, big fan or like, oh, I know you from this. Or like, not just like, did we go to high school?

Like, I don't know. So I felt rude that i didn't go hi what's your name but she didn't seem to even want that she just wanted to go i know who you are yeah and um so that was interesting it sounded kind of scary which yeah was it brie larson hi nikki glazer she's very sweet what was that was it brie larson oh my god brie larson knows who i i mean i was in train wreck with brie larson and we went to lunch together i think once or twice uh during that process and i definitely talked to her and this was before she was marvel yeah less mazel um before she was like superhero brie larson she was you know played amy's sister what's that movie in train wreck where they were underground or whatever oh yeah uh room the room yeah that was great i read that

book i didn't see the film but um she was very nice so she knew i think i don't know if she connected that i'm that person that she's watching on f boy island but last night on her instagram stories got a lot of people messaging me being like brie larson's watching f boy and she was being like when you're supposed to be memorizing lines and preparing for tomorrow's work day, but you can't stop binging FBoy Island. That's a great song. And then she just kept writing facial expressions

of watching, being like, and so it was like, yes, Brie Larson's watching. Yeah, I mean, it's so funny how marketing works now. It's like, that will get more people to watch the show yeah that necessarily wouldn't have watched it in any commercial or billboard in fucking la is about it makes me regret not doing what you said with my reality show of asking my famous friends to just

post about it because it made me realize like that does get me to watch things is when i see someone whose taste i trust or who i'm a fan of is watching something that's for sure biggest endorsement ever dude it was funny i got recognized at golf galaxy i went of course just as a guy that's on the range a guy that's there every day the guy addicted do you work here he's like you don't have enough money for how much you spend here and i was like i know um it was funny though i showed up right when it was opening at like 9 a.m and this so there's a i'll keep it short but there's like a famous guy that makes putters named scotty cameron and he makes these special select ones and so right away they'll be they'll jump in value by like double if you could buy one right

and next thing i know i'm on a line. I just was dropping Brenna off at work because her window got knocked out again. That's a whole other story. Oh, my God, really? And next thing I know, I'm in line to get a putter. I don't even want the putter. And there's a whole bidding war going on. People are standing in line.

It's that $11.99. It makes you want it because it's in demand. Other people are wanting it. There's a line. And it's already on the internet for like $1,500. Right. So you think about the resale. And how much does it cost 650 okay so double so anyways long story short like the uh there's kids that can't even afford it selling their place in line i'm like and they're like what do you want i was like i'm just here to get teased like i don't even want to be part it's just just funny to be like. Oh, so you weren't trying to get it.

No, I wasn't. Oh, okay. Anyways, one of those guys that was in the line to get one recognized me. And, like, was really nice. He, like, really is into the podcast. And, like, sweetest dude ever. And then his other buddy came up. You do podcasts?

And I was like, yeah. He's like, I don't know who you are. And I was like, I'm not even trying to, like trying to like it's the prince charles thing like you love this and i want to let you know that you're not as cool as you think yeah i'm like i'm just trying to putt he ended up being a nice guy but you know it is um it was just a funny moment of being like caught in a bidding war that you're not even supposed to be in it's like it, it's funny to think like, if you, like you, you go downtown and next thing you know, you're in a protest and you're like,

I'm not even part of this protest. You know what I mean? Like, Oh, these people are protesting abortion. I'm just getting a, a, like a soda.

Sorry. What happened? Chris is entering the building. He's going to be on the show tomorrow, which we're going to tape right after this. Let's get to final thoughts. So final thought, let's just do top one bottom one real quick today's top one bottom one the subject is a party that you've been to already that you've been to okay the worst party i've ever been to was the one my sister threw in high school at my parents house when

they were out of town she was a sophomore no she was a freshman i was a junior um she was very popular and so there were like seniors coming i was a junior and there were seniors showing up for like my sister and it got so out of hand too many people found out about it everyone showed up kids were drinking stealing my parents' liquor. A kid threw up in my parents' bedroom, like this bright red throw up everywhere. My sister left at one point to go get fro-yo with my friends and left me to deal with the party. I literally slapped her in the face.

What? At the party? Because I was so mad at her. Yeah. Because I just felt like, you are so fucking coo right now, not showing any accountability for this. It is out of control.

What did she do when you hit her? I mean, I think like walked out of the room. I mean, I don't know if I did hit her or if I wanted to. So I remember it almost like I can't remember because it might as well have happened because I wanted to so badly. The next morning, the kids were having sex in bedrooms i mean it was insane and the whole time i'm running around just trying to manage it and the next day i found uh my parents like liquor that i was that i had protected all night long had been drunk as soon as i went to bed eventually and i found the empty bottles and i just walked out and was like

how drag this and then chased kids out of my house down they ran from me i chased them with the bottle holding it screaming down my street literally like from can't hardly wait like that girl that you know like yes from the party that's like you can't go in the blue dress i was that girl yeah and my i cleaned everything up and my parents came back in town and they it was really creepy because my dad walked in he goes it smells like sex in here no he didn't i swear to god teenage he said it smells like sex and i was like i don't even know what the fuck that meant yeah but he knew something had happened and then um you were able to get a bottle cap and that broke open the whole thing

and then you know my sister was probably grounded for a day or something. My parents aren't good at enforcing. But that was the worst. These house parties, you can't stop them. I felt betrayed by my friends. I felt betrayed by my sister. They just went off with my sister to get froyo and left me at this party with all these fucking freshmen

and these seniors that were showing up that I was trying to be cool in front of, but I was also trying to like, man, it was awful was awful i mean what kind of person has a party at their parents house and then gets fucked up and they're like yeah let's keep breaking shit like you it's never i know fun for the person hosting never never you just want to be cool you want like 10 people to like you you know what i mean like you want like you want some recognition yeah and there's always a fight there's always a fight and that's why i was trying to rack my brain to try to think of my parties today i couldn't think of like my favorite parties because i was like

and then i go well think about your birthday parties and think about parties for and i was like never has my like we talked about this any celebration of me i am not going to be having the best time as possible because i am worried going to be having the best time as possible because i am worried about everyone else having fun and you know especially if it's at my house like and definitely would never have a party at my own house i mean that sounds like complete hell like people just judging my hand towels i couldn't even handle it um that's my biggest concern is like the hand towels in the bathroom they like don't match anything they're sometimes you'll find them on the stove hanger like the door like hand towels couldn't go anywhere in my house and

i know that certain women are like this is the bathroom ones and these are the kitchen ones god nikki glaze are really just her hand towels are just really yeah you should see my hand jobs what about your favorite party or your least favorite well my least favorite i guess is probably in high school when i shit my pants and was that a party it was a party in your pants yeah there was a party in there and everyone died uh yeah i just i mean i think i've told the story on here before but just i'm trying to impress like 10 of the coolest guys by getting fucked up smoking some weed got a 24-hour virus shit in my friend's bed and then they yelled at me while I was naked in the shower, like crying.

And I'm like, I'm naked. Don't come in. And then they made me sleep on the phone. I was so worried about getting made fun of at school that Monday. But that Monday, someone else shit their pants? No, no, the next weekend. So for about four days, I was shit boy. And then someone else did it.

And then someone shit their pants way worse, which was the best party I've ever been to because that guy saved my life that's so funny anyhow but yeah um noah what's your uh least favorite party okay least favorite party was at a company that i worked for and they definitely had a lot of resources and money to throw the employees good holiday parties But one year they threw a party for us in like the lobby of the office. And the food that they ordered was like all cold. They had these like cold like meat sticks. And I just remember feeling like,

oh, this sucks. Just realizing this place doesn't give a fuck about you. Even when they're celebrating you. It's like one time a year. I love it. Nikki slapped her sister. I shit myself and no one's like this cold me in the lobby i mean honestly her sounds worse way worse because no no there's a lot to it that's the one time where you're like you know this we're gonna celebrate working at this shitty place we're gonna like enjoy each

other's company here's the treat it's just like example of it there was some um thing on reddit that i saw recently of someone that works at michael's that you know the craft store it was like employee celebration and it was like a gift and you scratch off to figure out what you want and it says unpaid time off so it's like it's moments like that where you just go well they give you little treats they just give you a little they're like here's a you know free coffee yeah oh there's ping pong here oh my god i'll live you know i'll fucking die here making an excel spreadsheet so i could play ping pong for an hour man i was walking by an office place the other day and just look inside and just saw these women wearing these uncomfortable shoes and like these you know skirts that they didn't want to be wearing and

having to sit at these just it's if you work in if you have a ssdj my heart goes out to you and um i want to hear about yeah just there must be something nice though about being able to leave it there and i hope that if you do have one of those jobs you don't have to take it home with you the stress doesn't come home and you can just like pick it back up when you get there but oftentimes those things follow you the best party i ever went to was the premiere party for the movie snatched that amy was in with goldie hawn she invited all of us to go we got to go on the red carpet and then we saw the movie which was i i really love that movie if you haven't seen it with with Goldie Hawn, Wanda Sykes, Amy Schumer. So good.

But afterwards, the premiere party was nice. Like, those parties are always so swanky and, like, great food that's warm, not in a lobby. People aren't really fake at those parties, though? Or you feel like – No, I just – I don't feel – I don't know. L.A. parties do not make me nervous. Yeah. Because I just know I don't feel, I don't know. LA parties do not make me nervous. Yeah. Because I just know where I stand.

And like, I'll go on these red carpets. This is an example of one of them where Rachel and I, Rachel Feinstein and I are there. But we know no one gives a fuck about us. I mean, this was. So just lean into that. Six years ago. And like, no one knows who I am. And I love that because it's like you just know you

know where you stand you're not trying to be anything you're not and I would go Rachel let's do the red carpet and then you know usually when you want a red carpet your publicist follows you like in front of you and go and tells the photographers this is Nikki Glaser she is the star of this or like either if you're the start of it they know who you are but if it's like you're just there at the premiere they'll say she's got this coming up and then everyone's like Nikki over here and they don't even know who you are but they know because the publicist announced you and I saw that happening all the time and I was like all I need to do is do that for myself so I'm like I'm Nikki Glaser this is Rachel Feinstein we're the next big things in comedy we're gonna be famous you're gonna want to have photos of us they're going to be sold at some point like just i mean and so the photographers would laugh and

then they take a couple photos and then you get ahead of it you would just address the obvious so what happened at the party that was memorable the best part about the party was the after party because goldie hawn had amy and select friends over to her house and we got to party and sit with Goldie Hawn Kurt Russell in this amazing house and Kurt's make like mixing drinks and there's great music and we're just sitting on I just remember sitting with Goldie Hawn around a fire on their like back porch having a private conversation with Goldie Hawn with you know other people but just being like this is the coolest thing ever and she's treating me like I'm you know Amy always did a good job of making her friends who weren't famous co-mingle with her famous friends in a really seamless way where everyone respected

each other for you know I met Diane Sawyer through Amy let Diane Sawyer came over to Amy's house one time I'm just in a kitchen talking to Diane Sawyer I mean there were just so many examples of that but that was that was one moment where I was like, I snuck a picture, I think, just to be like, mom, I'm at Goldie Hawn's house. Like how insane is that? Yeah, your mom would lose her shit. So in terms of like fun,

I don't remember any of the fun we had, but it was just a cool moment. Yeah. What about you? It's pretty good. Surprisingly, it was for my own birthday, my 30th. My brother threw that surprise birthday. I show up and everyone's dressed in medieval times.

Oh, yeah, that's right. And everyone's dressed as some kind of medieval thing. One guy is wearing the best thing. He wore a Hoosier, Indiana Hoosier sweater. And he was. Oh, my God, a callback. He was Bobby Knight, which is. Oh, Bobby Knight.

Like, that's good. And then one, you know, my one friend dressed as – not everyone's stuck to script. Dress-up parties are fun because you know what? They take the pressure off because we're all going to look stupid. Yeah, we're all dumb. And so we go to Medieval Times and I'm dressed as the king and I take the king spotlight. Then next thing you know, the party, we have a drunk bus. We go to this one party.

My two friends are dressed as the burger kings and my buddy's on the on the bull with no underwear oh my god gross he's riding the bull and it's going and you see everyone able to see his dick and balls and everyone's going oh my you just see the reactions the king and i'm in the shower and everyone's like dude did you see the king's why is it so fun to see people's reactions there's this video i saw yesterday of this baby that his mom put eyebrows on him you know these fake eyebrows and the baby's facing the mom yeah and again away from the door and you see the dad get home from like a construction job he's in this like neon like fucking neon neon fucking sweatshirt and you see him walk in and then you see the dad like kind of double take on the baby and just start

laughing and it just makes you so happy to like wait for a reaction when someone notices something there's something so gratifying about it people getting grossed out by something oh i used to always watch reaction videos to two girls one cup like that was that was the first time where you were like oh this must be bad. I mean, that's what Sigur and them do with that live show. Yes. It's all about reaction. It is good.

And yeah, it was a crazy night. Noah, best party? So the best party that I could think of was on the roof of the building that you worked on. Was hot meat. We had hot meat. Well, it was okay so um my friend roland he got me and my best friend rob into the wwe 2k event which is like the video game that wwe puts out right before summer slam and this is like maybe five years ago i was

so obsessed with wrestling so we got to like interview wrestlers for a podcast and then there was the after party and um one of the wrestlers her name is sasha banks her cousin or her uncle is snoop dog so he came out and he was djing and like passing around blunts and stuff oh my god and i just remember like having the most fun because I could see wrestlers and they were just talking to everyone and you just like have conversations with wrestlers and they're just like your best friends.

And you didn't feel like you didn't belong. I didn't feel like I didn't belong. I didn't feel like it was work. I didn't feel like I was like a nobody amongst celebrities, you know, because everyone was just like engaging and just having a good time was it weird meeting the wrestlers like in regular like you see this guy's like xbox like in fucking tights and then you see him like hey how are you yes oh how's the dress is a night

oh wait i'm mixing up my parties they look so big on TV or even like seeing them in the ring and stuff. They just look like figurines. Even the women. So with the exception of Charlotte Flair who is like six foot three or something. The rest of them are- But they're tinier? I don't mind height or smaller.

Yeah. That's the thing about famous people. They're always smaller. And fucking, I don't know. Andre the Giant. When he was part of that one where they wore all black when they became like,

there was three of the guys. It was the biggest people I've ever seen in my sometimes they're they're either gigantic or smaller than you yeah that is true I saw a picture of this is the last thing I'll say Ben Affleck this week I was looking at paparazzi shots from their wedding that J-Lo and Ben got married um Ben Affleck is walking down the street with his daughter violet who is 15 and she is just probably two inches shorter than him oh wow and i looked up ben affleck's height to be like what is going on here this and she looks exactly like jennifer garner exactly but she is and she's wearing flats she's walking like uh with his her arm around him so like it's not a depth thing there's not a depth thing. There's not a depth thing.

It's not a Johnny Depp thing. And I looked it up. He's 6'2 1⁄2". This girl is 6' at 15. I'm so jealous. I think it's so cool. I love a tall lady. Did you see the video of him taking photos with people while he's smoking a cigarette? No.

I got to show it to you. Really? He is. So wasted. He's doing the nicest thing ever while being so upset that he has to take photos with regular people. Oh, really? He's smoking. Is it recent?

Oh, I thought it was a video of him meeting a publicist. And then he's smiling. And then all of a sudden you see him just drop it. Totally sour. Oh, it's that Zoom end meeting where your face just, bye guys. Thanks so much. Take good.

Drop. All right. Speaking of dropping out, we got to go. We're going to tape a new podcast that'll be out tomorrow with Chris. So look forward to that. Come see me in Vegas, September 2nd. Go see Andrew August 30th at Zany's in Nashville. Show up.

We would love to meet you and see you. And don't be cool. And Jack Harlow. Jack the Ripper. in Nashville show up. We would love to meet you and see you. And don't be cool. And Jack Harlow. Jack the Ripper. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show ears edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes

on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or

wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star.

To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When I smoke weed, I get lost in the music. I like to isolate each instrument. The rhythmic bass, the harmonies on the piano, the sticky melody.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Careful, babe. There's someone crossing the street. Sorry, I didn't see him there. If you feel different, you, hey. Careful, babe. There's someone crossing the street. Sorry, I didn't see him there. If you feel different, you drive different. Don't drive high. It's dangerous and illegal everywhere. A message from NHTSA and the Ad Council. Welcome to My Legacy.

I'm Martin of the Kingdom Third, and together with my wife, Andrea Waters King, and our dear friends, Mark and Craig Kilberger, we explore the personal journeys that shape extraordinary lives. Join us for heartfelt conversations with remarkable guests like David Oyelowo, Mel Robbins, Martin Sheen, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, and Billy Porter. Listen to My Legacy starting January 20th on MLK Day on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.