The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #264 She Was So... w/ Chris Convy

Episode Date: August 26, 2022

Nikki is feeling like she is in good hands for her hosting gig tonight on Jimmy Kimmel Live! She, Andrew and Chris Convy talk about the art of the one liner joke and how Dan Mintz inspired them recently. Nikki talks about a time she bombed at Just For Laughs: New Faces of Comedy. Nikki and Chris share some stories from the green rooms they've been in recently. They all chime in about Nikki wearing a pantsuit for late night TV and what she imagines it would be like to have that as a job. Nikki tells Chris she has no idea what kind of engagement ring she wants and her younger self to find Allen Carr's The Easy Way To Stop Drinking sooner. In the Fanthrax segment they help a Bestie out with addiction and hair loss and get some breaking news from a Bestie who is monitoring a potential friendship between Nikki and Taylor Swift.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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We want to speak out, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated.

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You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. the nikki glazer podcast here's nikki hello here i am it's nikki glazer podcast welcome to thursday's episode andrew collin is here with his basketball tossing around like boys do whoa alley-oop. Still got it. Still got it. Pistapede. Yeah, very Globetrotter-esque in the sense that you'll never play pro.

So also with us today is my boyfriend, the star, one of the stars of The Courtney Show. Oh my God. On 106.5 The Arch in St. Louis. You can also check it out on The Courtney Show podcast. Anywhere you get your podcasts daily. Jesus Christ, you two. What's happening? I'm just having to, I feel like a kindergarten teacher.

I'm so happy to be here. I love hanging out with you guys. Love having you here. Thank you for coming back again. You already did a four-hour radio show today and every day this week. Yeah, that is true. Yeah. But I just like seeing you. Yeah, that is true. Yeah. But I just like seeing you guys, and I love Noah. Yeah.

Well, the fans like you. I've noticed. We're not as corporate here. Yeah. You could let loose. Yeah, you could play basketball inside. I don't think I'd have you back if they didn't like you. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If people weren't a little supportive. Yeah, if you weren't good at this, I don't think I would you know and if you didn't enjoy it that's another thing i love it to enjoy it i love it and i just try to like you guys are obviously professional comedians and you're very funny so i just try to have fun with you stay out of your way a little bit you've got some good lines so you had some of the best ones you're learning you we went to go see damn mince the other night as we talked about. And that was like a joke. Because sometimes Chris is like,

will you teach me how to write like a great joke? Like there's gotta be a formula for it. And Chris is very, he's so good at wanting to like learn and appreciating like the work that goes into something. And so we went to see Dan Mintz and it was like, we learned, oh, even I learned how a new,

like I was even today thinking about the kimmel monologue and you got to write jokes like that very short jokes like dan mince's he has a joke for everything he told 200 jokes at night i guess i talked to him after the show he goes someone asked how many jokes do you tell in a night and and i guessed 81 and he was like 200 oh man do i do this professionally how many times does he switch it up too and like And I guessed 81. And he was like, 200. And I was like, oh, man. Do I do this professionally? How many times does he switch it up, too? And how does he do a new hour every time?

Well, I was waiting for old jokes that I'd heard before. And I only heard two repeat jokes. Damn. That you can Google and find. He's extraordinarily talented. But I think once you're in this mindset, and you're as smart and clever as he is, he's like a machine with them. That's true. true you can kind of we realize you can kind of he's he's brilliant

but his technique if you want to know is taking a saying that everyone says like a pack a day habit or like a turn of phrase that we use a lot um you might call it an adage, a dodge, a maxim, a axiom. These are different words that we learn in- Idiom. In idiom. These are all crossword things where it's like an old saying

and it's either axiom, A-D-A-G-E, which I don't know how to pronounce that. I think it's adage. Adage? Oh, yeah, adage. I always say a dodge. Yeah, I don't know any of those words.

Adage. Belgian French of you. But yeah, you take a common saying and you flip it. Yes. Or you go. Adage. Belgian French of you. But yeah, you take a common saying and you flip it. Or you go to left turn. So whatever. Yeah. Yeah, you take something that everyone knows and then you flip it.

So you can do it with really anything. His are just some of... We were saying probably the percentage of ones that are brilliant, where you go, fuck, 25%, which is a high batting average. It's crazy. For a brilliant joke where i could never see it coming yeah and then probably you know the maybe 10 are like what is probably a new joke and then the rest are like oh fuck that's good so it's it was really he's just so great do you do this andrew because

like we you know like we're enjoying the show like immensely but at some point your brain switches and you you're trying to predict the joke, especially with one liners. I mean, that's the fun of it is like, what, what is the punchline? And was I right?

And then you don't laugh. You're just like, you're calculating. You kind of look like them, you know, like you're like, it's just figuring out an equation at that point. So it kind of loses,

but if you're, I find like people, they laugh so hard, even if they don't get the joke with jokes like that like i remember i saw dimitri martin and um people are like they would look around to know whether to laugh or not because they don't get the joke like somewhere over people's heads yeah yeah yeah that happens too i hate when they laugh at the setup because sometimes the setup is funny where he's like i slept with a hundred girls in college and people would like laugh and it's like that's not you're not got it yet let him like you know what i mean like it is funny just to say that but there were a lot of times that people i really

think thought the joke was the first part and i'm like yes haven't you already heard 81 of these jokes and know that the first part is not the funny part yet you know what i love about those shows he messed he kind of messed one joke up. He just... The snakeskin one? The snakeskin one. Just, you know, the slightest mess up. But, you know, I've seen Nikki do it

in like her, even like her special taping. She had like a hair like that was out of the way. And I was like, we got to fix that. Anytime where the audience, like where you break the cadence of the show and then you have a moment with the audience. I loved, he had a moment with the audience. Yes. And a moment with the audience yes and everybody got you know that's why i remember that joke laughing so hard the whole time but then then they cared about him like a little bit extra and i

kind of like those real moments human side yeah it's really important to have that i started doing one line i when i started stand-up i did one-liners and i did it with a wookie uh while he played slide guitar. He was like seven feet tall. How did he have his fingers on the guitar? I go, can you play guitar in the Wookiee costume? And he goes, I'll cut the gloves. Like he said it like, obviously I've been thinking about this forever.

He just cut the gloves. It's a common thing that people at Guitar Center talk about. Yeah, Zach Galvinak is Purple Onion. It was like my favorite. I was like, I want music. I'm not good enough at music. My buddy Crapo can play, and he always dressed like a Wookiee. I was like, what if he wore it?

On stage, I didn't address it, and I just did one-liners to his guitar playing. I mean, your one-liners were fucking great. Give us some of your best. My best one, I think, is I have a wonderful memory of skipping rocks and going straight to needles nice it's just one of those that is just like and then you know but i i gotta say yeah are rocks cocaine in that situation like once you say needles are we supposed to think that the original thing you were going to say was because you don't rocks is is crack cocaine okay so okay then that makes sense yeah i always thought like why is he skipping like what was he doing with rocks well now i get it yes no that's great but i eventually the wookiee quit because he fell in love

that's how you lose people it was a very yoko oh man it was a yoko Wookiee, a Wookiee Yokey. He met at Jar Jar Binks. Dude, we'd go to open mics, and he'd put this Wookiee costume on, and it's 100 degrees in Florida, and we're doing it for three people in a fish tank. And he's just like, I don't think this is really for me. Yeah, you guys were never going to. And he's not getting the laughs. You're getting all the laughs.

And are you splitting any of the money you weren't making with him? One liner, the Wookie You're getting all the laughs. And are you splitting any of the money you weren't making with him? But I let the Wookiee tell one line, or the Wookiee would come up and go, ding-a-ding, wah-wah, wah-wah-wah, wah-wah-wah-wah, and it would crud.

Yeah. So I'd give him a little bit of the spotlight. So anyways, long story short, so I had a character named Andy Shallows. I wore my grandpa's hat. I had a mustache, a real mustache, and I would do these. All because you didn't want to be yourself, right? Like you didn't have enough confidence in yourself you had to invent a character yeah i guess so and it works so well that it's hard to you know the i remember the

head of but why improv be like you could skip hosting and go straight to featuring for i was like who's gonna host with a wookiee like that's a weird like how you guys doing tonight the first time you did andy shell is why did you choose that instead of going up as yourself? I don't, I guess that was, because Shallow Thoughts, it was the opposite of Deep Thoughts. Jack Handy kind of thing. Yeah.

Yeah, gotcha. Oh, I like that. So I quit, so Wookiee quits the band, but then I just go up, no music, and just try to do these one-liners without the, like. I mean, even Mitch Hedberg, that one special had the boom, ba-dum even mitch hedberg that one special had the boom oh yeah like his buddy on the bass and i was i bombed like i was bombing so hard and the jokes weren't hitting and then with one-liners the scary parts

there's so much silence and this old man after each joke was like that's all right that one was okay i don't know about that one that one was good i guess and every joke and i'm like and i'm like really new and i didn't know what to do oh yeah finally i broke this like i have a wonderful and i go look you motherfucker if you keep fucking doing this i'm gonna come down there i'm gonna fucking beat your old ass and then i was like anyhow did that kill no they pulled me aside they go you'll never work this club again if you threaten our patrons he was simon cowling you but i tried i guess the whole point of the story is i tried to get back into that character and if you're not talented

you can't you can't right break it like dan, Mintz broke that rhythm. Because he is Dan Mintz up there. He does talk like that. Even the character Tina Belcher that he plays on Bob's Burgers. I was telling Chris because he's never seen Bob's Burgers. Me neither. He does the same voice. His voice is his voice.

And he does the voice of a girl. But that's why it's funny. And the way he talks is funny. It really is. It was so. For me, when I watch Veep, when I watch 30 Rock, when I go see Dan Mintz, when I see a great comic that has just tons of jokes, man, it makes me better. For sure.

The next set I did, I wrote, when I was sitting there next to you during Tim's set, I wrote like three jokes, at least, that I did on stage that worked so well that they're going to be, you could see them in Vegas, September 2nd at the Virgin Hotels Casino. I don't know where it is, but just look at my Instagram. Please go to that show. It's going to be so fun, and it will be the last show I perform with my voice that you know now. I mean, you're so good at left turn jokes.

Well, one-liners were my first thing, too. Yeah, yeah. you know now i mean you're so good at left turn jokes like well one-liners were my first thing too yeah i think that's the best way to start for any comic like depending on how you who you admire when i got into it sarah silverman and mitch hedberg wendy liebman these were the people that i enjoyed because you could back then there was no youtube yet so seeing videos they were sparse but also they just you could quote them and they would be dimitri martin also one of my favorites and zach alvin ackes purple onion if you guys haven't seen that which i think we have like a lot of young listeners yeah that maybe missed that and you know zach is just the guy from the hangover or like maybe you don't even know him because he's been out of movies for a while one of the best comics ever had some of the best jokes one time i saw him on

stage in montreal live i got to open for him. It was one of the biggest moments of my career, 2007. How did that, did you do well in any act too? Because I was there doing New Faces. No, they were just, you know, when you were there for New Faces, which is, Emile just went this past summer, you're like, it's your debut in the industry.

It's a huge comedy festival. There are headliners doing shows and they need openers and so they choose from the New Faces. Have you told your New Faces joke from that year? i don't think so on this podcast i should yeah you it's yeah it's that was one of my best one-liners um but on that zach alfanakis show he one of the bits that i saw that i never saw him do again i think on a taped thing was he stops during the middle of his jokes and he goes i'm sorry i'm getting a call and he pulled out an altoids can and he flips it this was during flip phones this is 2007 he flips it open they

just spill all over the stage and it was he's like hello and just the it's such a funny bit that they would fly everywhere it was so good um and he was wearing he was dressed like annie for that i remember um my joke that i did in montreal i remember robbie praugh who was the head of he booked he was uh he now works at netflix and is the arbiter of deciding who gets specials and so he's a very powerful person was even then gave people new faces so nice such a nice guy it always was like a really good champion of mine and still is and he told me hey this joke that you do that you know you audition with that is going to be the crux of your set i think it was my opener the joke was do you guys know that there's this website where you can type in your zip code and it or your area code and it gives

or your zip code and it gives you a list of every sexual offender in your area uh match.com it was it was that i think i said did i say myspace i think i said myspace.com at the time that was yeah yeah you know and um it's a great joke he goes in canada it's facebook now that's what we're using that's no one uses like it's it's gonna be and to me facebook i just couldn't wrap my head around how that would be a social. It was so about the, just college kids at that point for the, in the U S pedophile with college kids either. Yes.

And for, and he was, but what I didn't know is that in Canada it was my space and I should have trusted him. Like, or what? It was Facebook. Yeah.

It Facebook was like my space in Canada and I just should have trusted him. And it just set me up to do, cause that joke usually hit so fucking well in the States that it was honestly, from the first time I told it never once got anything other than huge laughs. And it was the first time there on my biggest show of my life where it just gets nothing.

And then it's like panic mode. And like every other joke after that was just like, Oh God, what am I going to do? But yeah, my first jokes were were all especially when it's a joke that hits every time and it doesn't hit yeah if you're a newer comic you could see it on the face of defeat and you just go and they always go oh boy or they'll they'll literally mouth something save if i would have said oh boy that i would have killed yeah honestly if i just called out that it was bad like you oh well even yes even at the funny bone the other night you were just like well that joke needs more work and then people people were laughing at that but you've got to tell the

other the story about when you came back from from new faces oh god oh my god this was so brutal and this was funny because we are in mont chris and i are in montreal we're backstage with pete holmes natasha leggero moshe kas Kasher. This is the current, recent one. Yes, recent one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we've been together that long. So we're at- In your heart.

Yeah, he was always there in my heart. He was actually there. We're backstage. It was such a fun hang, by the way. I loved it so much because we sit down and Pete Holmes immediately goes, who is this?

What was the word you said? I hate to repeat your own compliment, but he said, what's a word for when it's like comes easy to you naturally or like uh easily he goes who is this effortlessly handsome man and i was just like yes this is my boyfriend chris and the irony of that was he was like i think he said who's this effortlessly handsome man in a white t-shirt yeah the irony is i had just steamed the t-shirt in nikki's dressing that was so funny it's like and nikki's like i just haven't put my makeup on yet yeah chris had to put on what did you wear on top of you were wearing so they asked me if i wanted to steam my outfit for this performance and so the wardrobe person

takes mine and chris is in the room with me and he goes is this so weird can i ask he was she was really nice and he was like i just put this on it was all wrinkled it was crumbled from you know traveling i was it was in the luggage yeah and so he goes would it be weird and i go please ask you got to do it so i he takes off his shirt she's steaming it and he puts on my oversized denim jacket and he barely i think you did one button yeah and then natasha and moshe come in the room and i've forgotten that he's dressed like oh my god this is your wig moment exactly like when you were wearing the thing my first impression yeah and so he's wearing you can pull it off though you have a like you can pull it off anything mosha was like man i really like that look like most dresses like yeah mosha's like wow one button

yeah yeah so it was and then there was another moment the other day oh you were wearing so how did you respond did you did you did you mention it or did you i mean i think i think under the like without knowing me because it's not crazy enough it's it's just crazy enough that he might think i'm the coolest person alive because without knowing me you'd be like man this guy could be really cool yeah but then i but then i was like i don't this isn't what i dress like yes this is the first time meeting you. I don't dress with one button on a girlfriend's jean jacket. And as soon as I looked at him, I go, oh my God, he's having his shirt stained.

Because I didn't. Which things just keep getting worse. And I love Mosher. Like, you know, he doesn't know me. I met him once before. And I think they're so funny. Yeah, they were both on our show, Not Safe. So Chris has met Pete Holmes.

And they gave us COVID. So they got to be nice to us. They keep apologizing for that too. Yeah, I'm sorry i gave you cove doll i'm really sorry um it's not a great natasha but it's a try um and so we're backstage and oh so this guy comes in um uh josh lieberman he's an agent i believe yeah maybe an agent and I've known him since 2007 he used to rep my friend Chris Porter

who I was really good friends with then and we were always hanging out with Josh and he was his agent and I see Josh and Josh was in Montreal 2007

and also in 2007 I was are you getting that low for this story getting low is this the proposal happening right now I'm gonna get get to it.

It's going to take a lot longer. You're going to pose like this. It's not even on one knee. You're on one ankle. This is like Tony Pena. He was a catcher for the Cardinals and he would catch like this.

Oh, that's cool. Every other catcher would do it like this. Do you remember this guy? Yeah, of course. This is the coolest. That's cool. What about the one dude

that would throw people out in second from his knees? Hijacked by sports. He was a baseball player. He played for the Marlins. Spanish catcher. He would throw from his knees. Are you looking at me like I know? No, I don't know why. He'd throw from his knees? What do you sports. He was a baseball player. He played for the Marlins. Spanish catcher. He would throw from his knees. Are you looking at me like I know?

No, I don't know why. He'd throw from his knees? What do you mean by that? Yeah, Santiago or something. All right, we got to go to break, and we'll be right back with the rest of this story. Andrew! 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities.

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And I'm thrilled to invite you to our January Jumpstart series for the third year running. All January, I'll be joined by inspiring guests who will help you kickstart your personal growth with actionable ideas and real conversations. We're talking about topics like building community and creating an ideas and real conversations. We're talking about topics like building community and creating an inner and outer glow. I always tell people that when you buy a handbag, it doesn't cover a childhood scar. You know, when you buy a jacket, it doesn't reaffirm what you love about the hair you were told not to love. So when I think about beauty, it's so emotional because it starts to go back into the archives of who we were, how we want to see ourselves and who we know ourselves to be and who we can be. So a little bit of past, present and future, all in one idea, soothing something from the past.

And it doesn't have to be always an insecurity. It can be something that you love. All to help you start 2025 feeling empowered and ready. Listen to Therapy for Black girls starting on january 1st on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcast where in the world is that guy named santiago it was like a big thing but anyhow yeah go ahead sorry so welcome back to the show i'm in montreal we're backstage chris just proposed by the way it was wild yeah nikki said maybe yeah i said i'd think about it um and i give him an answer in four weeks when i can talk again i really went up three weeks to think about this

and um so you could just nod you know yeah i just i feel like you deserve a verbal you could write it down on a piece of paper i don't know i don't have any pens she just writes back get a bigger ring it's like that seemed she's writing for a while yes yes feels long i just write out the directions to jared uh that's why please don't go to jared would you give me a ring i like i don't even know what kind of ring i'd want i think i really that's subway for sal you gotta go to Jared. Would you go be a ring? I like, I don't even know what kind of ring I'd want. I think I really want something. That's Subway for sale. You got to go to Shane Company. Oh,

okay. Shaneco.com. Yeah. The Shane Company at the corner of I-1-7. Shane Wayne's specials company. Oh, You've got to see what the, the owner of Shane Company looks like.

Does he look like the guy from Men's Warehouse? Wait, what's Shane Company? Shane Company is this. He's like handsome. But by the way, I think Shane Company is almost, it's like cross country.

Oh, it is? Because I've been in other markets and I've heard the same company oh i didn't know that at the corner of highway 270 yeah and lee may ferry um so we're back to y'all okay this guy josh lieberman who was an agent that was was in montreal with me he pops his head in the room and i am triggered because i have not seen this guy since 2007 when I got back from Montreal. Montreal for me, I nearly broke my hand. I was pursuing a guy who didn't like me

and confessed my attraction to him. He rejected me on the dance floor. It was very awkward. I was drunk the whole time. My set did not go well. I was deeply anorexic because I was so nervous about it that I was like working out too much,

trying to control things. And like I got there, I looked like a skeleton. Things were going well. No one remembered me from the new faces. I was broke at the time. I was temping. It was just terrible. When you opened for Galifianakis, did you do the joke again and do it with Facebook? No. I probably just dropped it from my set because

I still didn't trust. Now, as a more experienced comedian, I know it would have worked. Okay. Anyways, go ahead. I should just trust people that know. I was just wondering if there was a redemption yeah when i go to you know when i go to canada i now change it i don't say cvs i say shoppers i don't say fourth grade i say grade four you know things like that i make little adjustments um i don't say fries with gravy on it and cheese curds i say poutine um i don't say uh what's our other things anyway so um i don't say about i say a boot i don't say toronto toronto

i say toronto i've learned so josh lieberman pokes his head in and i'm like oh my god this reminds me i go josh i gotta tell you you're a part of one of the most eye-opening moments of my life i go 2007 i'm there that's my story of montreal i come back and i don't know that i've i've done as poorly as i've done it's just i was drunk i was too drunk to really notice people need to know the the lineup that you were on i mean it was i that's why i always tell people that are like i want to go to new faces it's every young comic stream i'm always like every year you're rejected you are going to be so much better when you finally go you want to be the best there you want to

be the oldest the comic that has the most years under the belt because no one goes look at this old guy on stage they just go wow he blew everyone out of the water everyone else looks like amateurs so i was on with kurt metzger tommy john again amy schumer um tom segura tom segura and then many and then this other guy that's like the number one most famous person in in the uk he's like i forget his name now but he's he was huge even then so i was completely forgettable in the lineup tom papa was our mc i remember that and um he wasn't a new face but he's just you know he's helping yeah he's helping out in his fedora and but i see josh and i go josh and i was almost reluctant to tell josh the story because it was such an fucking not it was almost the example that we talked about yesterday of someone telling a story where they are clearly not a nice person.

And they don't notice that in the story. It was me kind of being like, you were an asshole. But he didn't mean to. And I've changed. He's changed. Probably don't know. He's still an agent. Probably not.

So he pops his head in. And I go, Josh. And we're about to go do this crowd work show. We're all kind of nervous. I'm like, I got to tell the story. So we're at the improv. It's the week after we get back from Montreal. And I'm still kind of like, did I, did anyone care about me being there?

Like I didn't bomb, but it wasn't great. And there's a sneaking suspicion in me. I might've done well. Like I just, I was just have bad self-esteem and I was drunk the whole time. And I was more worried about this guy or whatever. So in this circle, I remember it was Chris Porter, who was a big deal at the time, and then Josh, his manager, and then some other big people, maybe Dave Attell, maybe Dimitri Martin.

There was one night at the Improv where Doug Benson, a big circle of people I want to look impressive in front of, people I feel like an idiot even being in the same circle as and Josh something about Montreal came up and Josh goes guys you should have seen Nikki Glaser at Montreal she was so drunk and I thought I was almost starting to get verklempt at so I was like Josh stop she was so she was so wasted that wasted is what he said and i was crestfallen it was because you thought he was gonna say she was so amazing i mean the way he started was like guys stop everything you need to hear she blew me away with how fucking wasted she was and it was devastating it was one of those moments as

someone who quit drinking because i could feel like comics liking that story i blacked out that's when i like from embarrassment oh i couldn't even i mean couldn't you see comics being like you got fucked up and you're like experienced comics would be like you got fucked up at new faces that much no everyone's wasted at montreal yeah and he was talking about like after parties and so yeah it just was the first time i had heard about how ridiculous and like that me when i was because when you're drinking you don't know how dumb you are and how you come across when you're around everyone else everyone thinks they're the

exception that they're not as annoying as literally every other person you've ever seen that's drunk is annoying you are that way too did you see hannah burner's instagram she just went to a wedding and she had people say like hi to her bit hi this is my first drink of the night and then hi this is my last night and it is we gotta start doing people are doing those yeah they're so funny it's it i don't care if it's been done a ton of times keep them coming they are so funny and they really give a lot of focus to how bad you look when you're drunk and that was the first time it had occurred to me that like i might not be the best thing to be around when i'm drunk it might be notable and then there were several other but that was the one that i go i'm gonna have to quit doing this at some point you know like where you just go i know i'm gonna have to

let go of this at some point it was that moment in a relationship where you go we're not gonna make it you know like where it's like it's not now i haven't felt that way with you in a couple months but um you know that moment where you go i'm going to have to loved it i'm gonna have to leave this job i'm gonna have to like you just know the moment you know taylor swift wrote a song about it it was when jake gyllenhaal didn't show up to her 21st birthday it was called the moment you know, Taylor Swift wrote a song about it. It was when Jake Gyllenhaal didn't show up to her 21st birthday. It was called The Moment She Knew. How old was he? He was probably 32. Oh, okay.

Something like that. But he, yeah, her dad, you know, she references it not only in that song, but then again in the extended version of All Too Well. She was like, you sat like you went to dad with, and I blew out my candles and I stared at the door waiting you to come and my dad said it should be fun turning 21 yeah and it's like she couldn't have fun at her own birthday because this guy and then in the song the moment I knew she's talking about that birthday scene which is a very cool callback that an artist will rewrite a song add new lyrics that

reference a scene that you know very well from another song and a different perspective of it. That is very good. It would be funny to do a version of her songs, but actually be very literal. Because she's always like, who is it? Who could it be? And it's like, no.

Well, Dear John is not pulling any punches. Yeah, Dear John's pretty straightforward. And also the song Mad Woman where she says the master of spin has a couple side flings. Good wives always know. And it's like, she was talking about the whole song is about Scooter Braun.

She has a billboard on his way to work. She would see her face. And he was like, and she talks about Scooter Braun and his wife. And she fucking calls out Scooter Braun for cheating. And then says. And so all of her fans. That is cold blooded.

Went on Scooter Braun's wife's page and wrote, good wives always know. Like hundreds and like thousands probably of comments. She knew that was going to happen. And then now they're divorced. Are they really? Yeah. I didn't know they got divorced. Yeah.

Yeah. Wow. And they were like the perfect couple. She was like. That's my only contention with taylor swift is that that line first she wrote a bunch of lines you can't come back from that you see 3 000 comments that your husband cheated on you you're not that's that's my only beef with tate and then when i become friends with her someday i'm gonna ask her about it but like you can't

that that that was a recent lyric i mean that was off i feel like evermore and it was like you knew what you were doing there but that you know i've done things like that too where you're just so vengeful you need to like hurt someone as much as possible and she also had a vendetta against that woman because that woman also um really wronged her so it wasn't like she was just going after his wife like this innocent wife the wife wasn't on it too she had an axe grand i prefer the mean song vendetta oh the mean that one is good to me that one is feels like the right way the a good way of doing it you're a liar and pathetic and in lone in life and mean i don't remember that part yeah that is pretty cruel too all about like a music reporter straightforward

that one well we were talking about like jokes and joke writing and stuff like that you're going to uh host Kimmel pretty soon which I think is like a massive cool really awesome deal yeah now I know you did it like from like a home it was like a remote thing during COVID so weird is there what is your approach to doing like you know the the monologue for something like kimmel and that's i was talking about it on yesterday's show what's that noah that's gonna be tonight this episode is gonna oh yeah tonight tonight on i'm going to be on kimmel tonight so this will be thursday's episode oh okay cool yeah so tonight check me out on kimm. Please watch. Send ABC a message that you like Nikki Glaser. You'd like her in your lineup at some point.

I'm freaking out, Chris, because I said on yesterday's show, I woke up this morning and it's Tuesday. I'm hosting. And then I didn't brush my teeth and I'm never going back. And I hugged Jerry Seinfeld and he pushed me away. And then I fucked a ghost and now i'm doing it then um and i'm probably got my own gin brand they all have brand yeah they do i'm getting one too i'm gonna start one it's gonna be called you were so um it's gonna be called, You Were So... It's going to be called Just for Laughs.

New faces. I'm feeling weird that I am not worried about it at all. And can I just share why? I've noticed that you are not stressing about it at all. I'm not thinking about it at all. Because if I do, then it gives merit to the fact that it's a huge deal. And then it won't start getting in my head. But I really want to treat it like I'm hosting a show every single day. And this is, I mean, I'm going to give it all my all like I would if I did host a show.

But there's something about the producers haven't reached out to me. So if they're not freaking out, I'm taking that as a sign. Like they think I'm going to trust them. They know better than me if I'm going to be okay. Because there were sometimes, I remember during Dancing with the Stars that I'm like, but I have going to trust them they know better than me if I'm going to be okay because there were sometimes I remember during dancing with the stars that I'm like but I have to practice all

the every day and they were like we've done this a lot trust us four hours a day is all you need and like you don't need more than that that will be a bad thing for you and I just couldn't

believe it but I trust that these people know they would be reaching out to me if they thought I had to but I'm already thinking of jokes to write and there I mean one thing you've

expressed to me is these guys are some of the best writers in television they're so creative some of the best producers yeah jesse jesse joyce wrote all like a bulk of greg geraldos oh uh roast jokes okay and worked with him for a really long time i mean midnight oh yeah he was he was prolific on that dude he's one of the best joke writers ever and um and i have to say this i am so i'm so excited about the prospect of maybe ever hosting a late night talk show again because the collaboration involved like i thought you know i wrote to them initially and said hey i really want to have a monologue that stands alone it can go viral and i go isn't this really a cool unique idea that i

want to go viral i was just like kind of already like like rolling my eyes at myself for saying like who doesn't want to go viral with something yeah but i do feel like i said i want hard jokes i want them to be like as perfect as roast jokes i want to like really concentrate on them nothing not a wasted one and they were very excited they were like we're so excited that we're working with someone who understands the importance of like what this monologue could be and that was a lot of you chris being like let them know like what you want like communicate with them let them know this is a big deal to you they will you know this this would mean something to them that it means something to you because they're among the

best in the business and i think you are as. So it's like the collaboration between these two groups could lead to something really, really amazing. I also think like leaning into the funny. Like I think, you know, you hear a lot of stories about Fallon. Like he won't do certain jokes because it doesn't fit within this certain persona that he wants. And Kimmel is a little bit, I mean, as he's gotten older, he's a little less, you know, dark or whatever.

I mean, I obviously haven't watched his stuff in a while. He's fearless. Yeah. Absolutely fearless. So Nikki, that's where I think you leaning into that as a writer too. Most stand-up, the darker the joke, the more we laugh. And the fact that you're leaning. And I know that when I, that's why my roast sets have crushed so hard and gone viral because they're

so dark and people, it stands out. And especially at girl doing it, like people just don't see it coming. So I do want to do that, but I have to tow the line of like ABC, CBN, anyone who's watching that network world know that I am not going to do this

kind of thing ever. So there's this like delicate balance, even what I'm wearing, like we, we got into a little thing the other night because I got sensitive. I showed him what I was wearing and he was like, I like it. You know,

like he gave me an adequate response. And then he was like, do you see, do you remember what Brie Larson wore when she guest hosted? And I was like, I know what she wore. I've heard about it before. You've already said it.

It wasn't exactly in that order it was pretty I think I realized why you need vocal cord surgery no that actually didn't hurt at all because I was in my like upper no no I'm saying like from the back like him just like saying outfits in a real moment though like

what did Brie Larson wear it's amazing she looked fantastic it was like perfect for her put up a screenshot of it if we can afford it on the YouTube because it is great. But what I quickly said was, I really liked what Nikki wore in her first Kimmel thing.

It was one of my favorite things she's ever worn. I was getting text messages from people left and right about it. Like people were like, this is amazing. So to me, that's the look. That's my favorite look. And then Brie Larson that's my favorite look and then brie larson is my second favorite look yes and then it's it's she i was a little worried because

i said to chris i was like some people are telling me like i should be sexy and some people are telling me i shouldn't he was like and is it me and i'm like look at it i think i know what chris is saying here and i know there's a lot of cleavage no it's so good but it's a great balance of extremely sexy and then no one could get mad because it's like a tuxedo so it's like it's a lot of cleavage. No, it's so good. But it's a great balance of extremely sexy and then no one could get mad because it's like a tuxedo. Yes. So it's like, it's a balance of like,

you're crushing both sides. I'm sorry, you are not paying attention as much as if the boobs weren't out like that. But that, not that I, The other thing is that

you don't get really, Nikki's already chosen this outfit. Nothing else is going to happen between now and the time she does it. So even if I didn't love it or did, you know, there's nothing I can do about it. No, there was.

We have time. And that's why I think I was so. Here's my real deal opinion. And Andrew, I don't know how you feel this way. Give me a real deal. I personally. Get down on one knee when you say it. I personally have never seen a, in this, you know, people might not like this but i've never seen a woman in a

suit and thought this looks awesome to me i've just never seen it and so that's that's just been my opinion from beginning i think you look amazing this suit for that it's like side tits all the way down it's gonna be amazing i'm sure it is but but that is just my interesting my own thing i've just never seen it i find it i don't know maybe wasn't that a video or suit suit studio or whatever they're all like slick back hair and they're in like suit suit studio no i think it was robert palmer yeah where they're yeah but i think that's like a dress suit no i really do feel a lot of times. Wait, what is the word?

What are the words? Sousa studio. Well, it's a made up thing. That's kind of the whole thing of why it's so stupid. Sousa studio. So I think I'm right. Well, it wasn't the right video. I think you're talking about Robert Palmer.

Yeah, I am. Addicted to love. My point is, I think a suit can be extremely feminine and really hot. I do find that women wearing suits it's them it's them leaning into a masculine thing and i think the problem i don't want to be too masculine on late i don't want to like chris and i were trying to think if i did late night late night show what would it be like and it's like the problem why there's no ladies in late night doesn't work it's like because women are trying to fit into this masculine role we need to feminize it a little

bit to make us more comfortable and saying that for a while well here here's my stance on all of this stuff is it doesn't matter like you know you're not doing it for the male gaze and you're not doing it for me like that's just my preference my actual opinion is where the thing that you are going to be most comfortable in and feel like the most badass the most badass that's that's that is my opinion on everything that you ever wear yeah but to me this brie outfit to when i look at it i see like a sailor suit like i see a sailor outfit but it's still a dress no no i agree because you see a lot of semen on it in your fantasy now that i look at it again, I'm not a fan.

There you go. That a boy. Look, your tit fell out on Fallon. On Fallon, yeah. So what are we doing? Everything's going to be great. Whatever you wear is going to be great. Quote, unquote, fell out.

Oh, my God, that was hell. How do you feel about uh how do you feel about like the pantsuit situation i just like i think it does have this connotation of serious maybe like a little too serious for the moment i mean business yeah i realize that like dressing in that yellow dress for my special every time i see it pop up on my feed i'm like oh who's that yeah i want to watch this because it's pleasing aesthetically pop up on my feed i'm like oh who's that yeah i want to watch this because it's pleasing aesthetically to the eye not because i'm like i want to fuck myself but because i'm like that's a pretty girl that it's drawing the eye and that's why i always told

andrew like care about lighting when you're shooting a video like make it and he goes i don't care about lighting i don't care if i look good and it's like it's but it's not about you it's about it draws the eye that's why when you put your phone in grayscale you're not as drawn to it color pops of color like these are things that do attract the eye so i made damn sure that my tits are out for this but um it is a really i think i feel sex exactly what you're saying the second i put it on i was like i almost started crying when I was pulling up the pants cause they were so tight and they didn't really go on my thighs that well. But once,

um, the jaws of life were flown in, we got them on. And then I was like, this bitch is a television host. And I felt so good. And so that was, you know,

I got to, that was my Andy shallows. It was made it. So I'm like, I'm able to encompass this role. That being said, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Like, I know that we're doing a field piece tomorrow,

which we've done a lot of those together, Chris. Oh, yeah. You are going to be so good. I'm talking to kids. And I made a point. I said, I want to do a field piece. By the way, I just wanted to say, the Camel people sent me ideas for field pieces.

They're so good. And they blew us away. Yeah, they're so good. I mean, I was like, this is top notch. I'm'm so impressed i'm so excited at the idea of working with you guys or like ever having a show like this where i can hire people this fucking good that could you know be you know i don't know i'm just like god if stand-up comedians hired writers it would be insane it's like it's such a lone wolf pursuit. We could be so much better if we collaborated more.

Yeah. And a lot of people, and a lot of those comics too. When you close your eyes, do you think, you were talking about MSG yesterday, or was it? Yeah,

I was talking about the additive they put in. Yeah, and how you're still hungry after you eat. No, but you were talking, you were thinking about like,

oh, if I close my eyes, I can see myself playing. Do you see yourself as a talk show host? Because I see that my eyes, I can see myself playing. Do you see yourself as a talk show host? Because I see that. Yeah, I honestly see myself walking in to work and like saying hi to people. That's how I picture that life.

It's like the writer's rooms, the like, you know, watching all these Conan clips of him backstage with Sona. Knocking things out of people's hands. Just being silly with everyone and wearing jeans pulled up high. Giving someone a wet willy. Just abusing my staff. For my own. Walking on their backs with heels and spikes.

What are you most excited about? Because we've got a monologue, we've got field pieces, and then we've got guests. Danny DeVito! Danny DeVito, dude. I'm most excited about... Good night, everyone! Thanks for watching! And then we've got Danny DeVito guests. Danny fucking DeVito, dude. You're so good at all of those. Good night, everyone.

Thanks for watching. Like that's when I'll feel like I, that's what I'm most excited about, to be honest with you, but most excited. I'm excited about going. So check out this little piece. We did like,

I'm, I'm excited to pit to, cause I know that field piece is going to be fucking great because I remember when I did a speed dating thing with the last time I hosted hosted they did a field piece where i speed dated online and the their editors were so good they whipped together this thing that was so funny and all i just know that i can trust them that they're going to put together whatever i do with these kids and i've been watching that recess therapy i think is the name of the account we were watching it last night it's such a great account on instagram recess therapy you Therapy. You've got to follow it. Basically, kids say the darndest thing, but for Instagram.

But edited way better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With sound effects. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the guy is just so much better than Bill Cosby because he's not raping him. Something about wolves or cops. Or raping people. Isn't that where the kid talks about eating people?

Yeah, he's like, Komodo dragon. And they eat people. I want to eat people. I want blood. Who's the other guest? I'm sorry. I forget. Jamila Jamil and Danny DeVito.

Oh, yeah. She's from ESPN. No, no, no. She's from The Good Place. No? I think she's on SheHulk. Yeah. Sorry.

And she brought a video that I'm going to get tossed to that we're going to. And as soon as I heard she was announced, I was like, yes, because I have a rapport with her. She's funny. She's a good laugher. You know what's got to be cool? And all I have to do is set them up to be great that's what a host you know when when you i was lucky enough to go to your fallon show and and when he comes in he's like so hey how you doing so what do you

want to what do you want to work like that little bit of like you really feel like you made it if you come in as the host and it's just that little conversation do i drop by and say hi to you you know i believe i do yeah you have to Because he doesn't know who I am. Remember when Seth Meyers dropped in on you? Oh my God. We had broken up that day. We had broken up that day.

That morning. Let's talk about it when we get back from break. Okay. Because this is such an insane story. Let's wrap up this relationship. I have teased it,

but I have not gone into it. I'm so glad you're here for it. So we'll go into as much as you want, but I think it's so funny. We'll be back right after this. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt,

or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics

and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Happy holidays from me, Michael Rapoport. to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rappaport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss entertainment, sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it, and there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Here's a clip from one of my favorite episodes. You are not a real fighter. You will never be discussed anywhere in boxing

history ever. Fake Paul. The movie is The Apprentice and the movie is about young Donald Trump and his apprentice, Roy Cohen. Real character, obviously both are real characters. It kind of has a Scarface vibe to it, which I thought was very interesting. Listen to the I Am Rap Report Stereo Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, y'all. I'm Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, host of Therapy for Black Girls. And I'm thrilled to invite you to our January Jumpstart series for the third year running. All January, I'll be joined by inspiring guests who will help you kickstart your personal growth with actionable ideas and real conversations. We're talking about topics like building community and creating an inner and outer glow. I always tell people that when

you buy a handbag, it doesn't cover a childhood scar. You know, when you buy a jacket, it doesn't reaffirm what you love about the hair you were told not to love. So when I think about beauty, it's so emotional because it starts to go back into the archives of who we were, how we want to see ourselves, and who we know ourselves to be and who we can be. So a little bit of past, present, and future, all in one idea, soothing something from the past. And it doesn't have to be always an insecurity. It could be something that you love. All to help you start 2025 feeling empowered and ready. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, Minnie Questions. Over the years, we've had some incredible guests. People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends, EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair.

And now, Mini Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories, and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique. Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. Okay, so. To me, it's less about the stuff that happened before. I know, but it.

Just the moment that. Okay, well, that's a good point. Why do I always have to take it to like, you need to know the whole story. You're like, so Just for Laughs was created in 1975. So we're in the green room with Pete Holmes. And they're like, please don't go back to that story. And Josh, the agent, was born. Did Schubert crush it that night?

She was. Did she go before that night she was she was already killing it on Last Comic Standing and so she flew in like she could barely even fit it in her schedule it was like such an afterthought to her

so of course she did yeah and she was you know then even then she was as confident did it make you more nervous

did she go before you or after you it was the first time I met her we had been MySpace friends for a while we reached out to each other

and would talk on the phone all the time we developed our friendship long distance and you? It was the first time I met her. We had been MySpace friends for a while. Oh, I thought you were. We reached out to each other and would talk on the phone all the time. We developed our friendship long distance, and then we met at the Hyatt. So the first time she ever seen you do stand-up, was that set? No, we had watched each other on clips of each other. But live? Yeah. We were on different shows, too. So she didn't even see mine.

Oh, okay. Anyhow, sorry. So go ahead. So Seth Meyers. But Seth Meyers, yeah, we're backstage. And I only preface it with that because we had had a rough morning. We had a rough morning. And we were broken up at this point.

Like you were just, we had already broken up. And then I go, please, I just really want you at Seth Meyers. We'll probably work on this. But even if we stay broken up, I'd still want you there. Like just come with me and help. See, that's a person that I could never be, I don't think. Like if i just broke up with someone i'm like okay we broke up but you come to a big event in my life well it doesn't

change that i still love you no i know i know it's very mature like i just i don't know if i could do it i don't understand how people can do that and these moments are so big yeah for glaze like you just want her to be in her best yeah so you probably had trouble going at some point right or were you feeling like no but one of my favorite things afterwards was when i told people i go i met rob reiner and within one hour i was me and nicky were broken we broke up in the morning he went to seth meyers then i went to go interview with rob reiner we had a great those were so much fun we really connected during that we still needed to talk about the breakup and like see if it was going okay we made up after the rob reiner thing we were like we're gonna be good then we broke up

again in that same conversation after we were like we're back together this was ridiculous this morning we broke up in frustration in the morning and then we broke up as like adults for like a logistical reason well i was an adult but i'm just you were an adult i'm i was kidding this is juicy now this should be your jimmy kimmel it was this should be the gimme we broke up in the morning yeah she was not an adult in the morning no she was not a child yeah yes and at night we were we were both adults yeah we were we both were like this we've talked it out we talked for like an hour and a half an hour of that we were like this can work i was like oh my god i'm gonna marry this guy i was i remember thinking like whoa for the first time in a really long time i'm like this has the potential

to be lifelong. Like, I could see myself with this person and the stuff we're talking about forever. And I was like, God, oh my God, I can't believe I'm here when this morning we, like, I was like, there's no chance for this. And then within a half hour of feeling that, we start down another road and it leads to a complete breakup. And yeah, it was like an hour and a half after meeting Rob Reiner. But prior to that.

What a day. Prior to that, Seth Meyers. Insane. Book ended by breakups. I show back up at Seth Meyers and we were very happy to see each other. Yes. And we were kissing, just being like, come here. Let's just enjoy this moment.

That was ridiculous this morning we're still kind of broken up but like it's funny that we are so we're like he's leaning over my suitcase i'm on the other side of it and we're like kissing like like meeting in the middle and like having a moment like i love you i love you too like kissing yeah and then seth meyer's like hey walks in and just i think he was already he was like standing there witnessing it for a while it was really really bad for me and then I go wait why was that bad for you it just was like

embarrassing it was just so humiliating all around yeah Chris is private about PDA and stuff like that which you should be I'm private about

like everything like even this conversation yeah I'm proud of you okay thank you what was more embarrassing getting walked in with the denim jacket on

or Seth Meyers seeing you kissing Nikki? Seth Meyers one too because like it just wasn't, it's not like the best. It's not a cool look. It looks like you're just a boyfriend that's like, I want attention. No, it wasn't about that for me. It was more about like,

it was time for you and him to have a moment and he walked in. He didn't have a clean slate. You know what I mean? Like I ruined his moment with nikki oh my god from my perspective like it made my moment it's memorable now otherwise it would have been oh he was nice but it was like so funny um yeah it was i really do something has to happen at jimmy kimmel between you two that's like something spicy well he's gonna be engagement or land i'm gonna be in iceland. I'm going to be in Iceland.

He's going to be in Iceland. I don't know how you're going to watch it. I'm going to be hanging out with lava. Yeah, you're going to be... I'm so excited about Iceland. We're going to see volcanoes. This trip is so fucking ridiculous. Lava's wild. Did you see Hamish's eye?

Yes, Hamish and Vaughn within the last two weeks have both gotten stung. His friends. Near the eye by a bee. While biking? While biking. My dad got that too while biking and almost died. Do you run into the bee or the bee?

The bee flew down his shirt and my dad was freaking out so much that he flipped his bike and his tooth went through his chin and he had to have stitches. And that's why we coined when a joke is really funny we call it a lip grabber because my dad whenever he would smile he would have to hold his lip because it would split open because of the stitches so he'd go oh that's a real lip grabber it was all because of a b but his friend hamish hamish blake who you gotta follow on instagram because he does the funniest stuff he might be the funniest man hamish and. And yeah, he's going on a trip with these guys. Same with Andy. Yeah, Andy Lee as well.

They're both going? Andy's not. Hamish is. No, Andy's not going. Hamish is going. But yeah, both of these guys, these are two of the funniest people on the planet. And they've got a show called Hamish and Andy.

And I mean, it's so charming, so funny. If people just want a no-brainer, like Ed Sheeran, Hamish, and Andy, you will get a really good idea of who these guys are. Yeah if you're ever at a thing around a computer and trying to make people laugh whether it's your mom i mean these guys are clean they're family friendly it is universally they are universally maybe the most funny people that have ever lived and i i cannot believe the u.s has not like just grabbed onto them and forced them to be here because they are so fucking good but um they hamish andy i would google um hamish andy ed sheeran that one was great hamish andy

um uh what's the pickup artist one or like the pickup wingman wingman ultimate wingman ultimate wingman when he was the bodybuilder that was very oh the bodybuilder yeah i produced that so good yeah chris met them on the show that they did in America. So you get your eyes stung by a bee. Does that affect your sight? Or is he worried about it? I don't think it got stung in the eyeball. It was just really close.

And so both of their eyes got all puffed up. So we're sending each other pictures back and forth. And Hamish, we got one from Vaughn that was like, his eye was shut, swelled shut. And Hamish just got one too. You got to get one. I got to get Hamish just got one too you gotta get one I gotta get one we gotta get you stung I'll lock the fuck up I have been dying to get stung

getting stung feels like it's gonna be like a new thing get stung well Hamish has a hilarious video up this morning of like being like guys and he's covering up his eyes like I went to the doctor I had some work done what do you think and it just looks like he just had a bunch of you know facial surgery and he's like listen i know this is probably i i don't know it's gonna it still has to like settle in i might get the other one done the doctor i'm a little

suspicious it was a b he is and he was like you go where is his training like um and he goes and now he's dead so that's gonna be a so that's a little bit of a red flag. It's so cute, so funny. Hamish Blake is his name, and you can search him on Instagram, and you'll see that he has 1.2 million followers, so you're not going to be alone in thinking he's hilarious. Final thought.

You're doing an 11-day, or is it 11-day? Yeah, I think we're going to be together for 10, 11 days. Boy's trip. We're going to be bike riding, and yeah, it's basically like a where are you sleeping yeah yeah yeah you all do a group in cabins hotels maybe like a sock on the cock in front of a lava well they have their bags no i'm this all of all of their bags are on a like a hummer type car that's going to drive from place to place it's like and meet you at

your destination it's like a huge adventure van it's like a follow van so it's going to take us to different places and then we're going to ride for how many miles some of them i think are like 70 miles a day yes some of the rides and then some of them are more about like going up the mountains some of them are more about like like cranking out distances and yeah like going through cool areas going to a hot spring. Do you bring your own bike? Usually we do. This time,

we're getting bikes when we get over there. Gotcha. They do this every year. It has been delayed two years in a row because of Coco. Coco.

And Conan O'Brien. Here's my recommendation about things like this. If you have a group of friends, because that's a lot, it's so hard to get together, especially as you get older. It's just people have kids and all these things happen but there is something about getting a small group

of friends this is five of us so it's me plus four other guys it's so important to have like adventure trips on the books with friends you don't get to see very often you get to text all year long about how excited you are and then the next half of the year is about how great it was and then you put another trip on the books and then it's the anticipation. You know, if you plan something

six months out with your friends, you guys are getting excited about it for six months. I get, I gotta say though, before trips, me no excited

no matter what it is. Even girls trip, Noah, I was like stressed about like, oh, the travel and like everyone getting there

and like we have to get the right food and make sure like i get stressed by that stuff yeah but you are you're on the road constantly like noah were you stressed about it were you thinking like i always i'm nervous about it was i always stress about travel like the act of traveling i do not enjoy it i don't enjoy packing or preparing for it but once i'm in the other place, I lose all of that. And I enjoy myself. I know it's worth it. And you just got to remember that it's always like that.

I remember Noah having a sense of relief on the girls chat right before the trip. When one person asked like, Hey, are we going to any like nice dinners or anything? And I was like, guys, I don't plan. I don't plan on us leaving.

Like I am. This is what I'm bringing. We are not dressing up like no one's. And honestly, we can all share each other's clothes. We love that. This is what I'm bringing. We are not dressing up. Like, no one's... And honestly, we can all share each other's clothes. We're all around the same size. And she was just like... And we did.

Oh, thank you so much. I needed to hear that. I think depending on how long the trip is, travel is more important. So, like, let's say you have a 10-day trip. Oh, no, my flight got delayed. I lost a day. You still have nine days. Like, you know what I mean?

So, like, that weekend for you... I'm not worried about the delays. I lost a day. You still have nine days. Like, you know what I mean? So like that weekend for you. I'm not worried about the delays. I'm worried about just everything running smoothly. I'm worried about once we get there. But you only had a weekend. You only had two nights there. I wasn't worried about the travel at all, like of delays.

That for some reason, it's not bad. So what was the travel part then? I was worried about, I was honestly more worried about everyone getting there in time, making sure everyone had the rates. That's what I'm saying. Delayed.

No, no, no. Well, no, just like people. It's just making sure that people are. People feeling alone, not feeling like they have a friend. It's like things running smoothly and people having fun. Like worried about 11 girls emotions and making sure that they're having a good time. It's got to weigh on you a little bit. 11 girls that you've brought together.

You're the nucleus of this. What are you packing for this trip? You need some workout gear? He's been packing so much. The only way a guy... We've got to get to Fanthrax. Holy shit, I forgot about it. Yeah, Fanthrax, please.

Thank you, Avi, for that. Was that you? Is that why you had to get surgery? That's Nikki Free Surgery. I'm going to miss that voice. Oh, my God. That's so funny. That was good.

I liked it. All right, Noah. All right. So let's start off with Kyle. Hi, besties. It is your bestie Kyle calling from Orlando. I miss hearing you guys four times a week. Nikki, I hope you're getting the rest that you need right now. And I'm eager for you all to, you've helped me really identify a lot of addiction that I have had consistently in my life. Most recently, I've been trying to cut out weed. I smoked pretty much every day for the past five years. And I am someone that has a lot of anxiety, and I think weed really triggers panic in me a lot of the time and with that I've experienced

quite a bit of hair loss. I'm 23 years old and I feel the same way about my hair that Taylor Swift said she feels about her body and her eating and her documentary when she said that it has the strength to control her whole entire life. That's literally i feel i know that i don't need to go into that a lot because you probably know exactly what i'm talking about also um like whenever i smoke i literally could feel hair follicles just like getting zapped off of my head i don't know so i cut out weed recently it's been about five days without it now. I've had a really unhealthy relationship with it. And I'm kind of struggling right now because I don't know if it's benefiting me or not to not be smoking weed at least once a day. I don't know.

I wish I had more time. I love you so much. I love you, Kyle. Holy shit. Five days is amazing. And I do want to say that alan carr now has a weed solution and alan carr was the one that i used to quit smoking uh cigarettes and drinking and recently i talked to them and i was like why don't you guys have a weed one and they were like oh we do and so you could

look into that um there's also uh marijuana anonymous ma and you could uh google that and there's like zoom meetings happening all over if you want to get support for that there's also the subreddit leaves for people who are leaving marijuana and there's a lot of support there that has helped me so much in like getting me it's just people that are relapsing all the time and being like i wish i wouldn't have done that that but listen man if you you've heard me talk about this before the best way to let go of this is to be be very nice to yourself about it so if let's say by the time i've heard this message you're already smoking again which i'm guessing you are because it sounded like you were a little bit like

what is this even doing for me and which is always the kind of thing i think about right before i start doing it again of like am i even like my life is still shit and this isn't even working um just allow yourself to have it and know that it's the only thing you have right now to cope with your feelings but and you'll if you are accepting of that and being like i'm not a bad person i'm just trying to feel good you're not if you're not driving you're not harming other people and you're just harming yourself like there's really nothing to feel bad about you're just no one wants to feel good you're not if you're not driving you're not harming other people and you're just harming yourself like there's really nothing to feel bad about you're just no one wants to feel bad no one wants to be an addict so just be kind to yourself and know that what if you're smoking weed that you're doing it because you're in pain right and if there was a other solution you would

fucking do it but there's not clearly but there are ones out there you just haven't found them yet yeah and so be nice to yourself because it's the only way it's going to go away because if you're mean to yourself about it, the only way to soothe the anxiety you feel after being mean to yourself is to smoke more weed. And so it'll just make you do more. And the hair loss thing.

Yeah, it seems connected. He's sad about, I mean, probably a lot, but the hair loss. Oh my God, when I was losing hair. The sadness of the hair loss and then you turn to weed to try to you know escape it but really it's just making it's compounding yeah i mean i don't think weed is making your hair fall out but it's certainly when you get high you're super aware of things and things feel different and your sensory my grandpa my grandpa

marvin he was bald since he was like 20. And he was a huge stoner. He had a story where he didn't smoke weed a lot, but he'd go on fishing trips in Panama, and he's like, I was at the El Gato Negro. And it was the name of the bar, and he's like, I was so high, I could feel my hair grow. Like it was the opposite of that. I mean, he's so bald.

I really do think you're right. The anxiety of losing your hair. You're losing your hair because you have that gene. You're not losing it necessarily because you're smoking weed. I don't think the two are connected, but what do I know? I'm sure you have Googled it and it is connected in some way. It's not helping for sure because inhalation of smoke just cuts off blood flow and it's just not good for you.

I would really forgive yourself for losing your hair because you didn't choose to. If you could push a button and have hair, you would. You're not a bad person because you're losing your hair. You just got a different set of genes than other people that have full heads of hair. And also, toupees look fucking great right now. They do. And also, you maybe don't have the money for

it but hair transplant is always an option there's things down the road that you'll be able to do and um you're obsessing over the hair because there's something else going on here well no i mean the hair thing is very real for real especially for young men that are losing hair i'm 40 and my stuff is receding and thinning at a level that I'm not comfortable with. So Kyle, I have a hint of what you're going through but I mean,

I'm sure at a younger age it's much tougher and it takes a toll on you and that will lead, you know, if you've got a few other things going on, a hair loss situation for a young man

will help put you into a bit of a spiral. So it is really, really tough and I definitely understand to a certain extent what you're going through and i'm sorry that you're going through that i really would avoid any kind of thing that is going to make you feel worse about not having hair like sometimes

i like to like look up men like this look that i don't have and i like really like surround myself with that thing i don't have and i'm like it validates like you are worthless because you so don't read stuff about how women are men. I don't know who your affinity is for, or maybe no one, maybe you're asexual. I don't fucking know. But whatever's making you feel like this is going to hold me back in life. Stop reading and consuming those things because it's not true. Like bald, baldness, like, uh, can you, I mean, fucking look at Bezos.

Like you can be, well has 100 billion dollars well i know but it can inspire you to do other things and like oh yes yes yes yes also my first boyfriend was bald i didn't give a i just i don't know i'm kind of bald blind height blind i don't if you love someone and remember the day i realized like oh my god i love this man was when you were talking about not wanting to take a medication because you heard a side effect was hair loss and i was like i almost laughed because i was like that wouldn't i would never care if you were like it right it just wouldn't register to me but i understand i'm not invalidating you know i don't think you're invalidating it is

tough because some people will be like oh you could just go you know if this is happening to you just go stay them and just do this this. And a lot of this stuff, it isn't an option for a lot of people. No, it isn't. Some people will be like, Propecia does work for a lot of men, but there's a small percentage where there's a small side effect that is horrible. And then there's Minoxidil,

which actually does work. I'm sure Kyle, I mean, if he's- I'm using stuff right now. I spray it on my head. And there are little things that you can do to help, but that doesn't, it's the emotional impact of of like you know it's you're you're confronting that you're deteriorating body at a very young age yes and kyle there's just there's other guys that are

feeling the way you do and you know it's i know that doesn't help either but a lot of men are going through this and you know there are people that are working on solutions but there are minor solutions that work for some men that you can find um you know some of those are on reddit and you can find them there but minoxidil you know there's studies it does work starts with the finistride or whatever i put both on my head i think i've been doing it every night and honestly like it feels thicker here you know my brother is fully bald it's funny i was like damn you know i think i'm going bald i don't know you know he's like you're 42 you made it like like that's the other thing to think about like like you made it well that's not helping kyle no i don't know but it's maybe

i've come to terms with it in some degree but i just i understand what kyle's going through and the other thing that he's going through and this is a tough one is is he addicted to weed it does he have addiction issues you know or is he or is is he like depressed and this is just a coping mechanism i think it's a tough thing to identify and if he does have addiction issues all of these things all all addiction issues will get worse and worse and worse until they're addressed. And I do agree with everything that Nikki said. But if you do think you have addiction issues, it's, you know, there are obviously programs out there that can help you and it will continue to get worse. I really, you know, the last time I stopped smoking weed, it fell away, Kyle, because I

read the first third of the book coming alive. I'm not kidding you. There is a tool in there about impulsive behavior, things you want to do impulsively, and how to deal, whether it's like acting out sexually, acting out with drinking. There's this one tool that they talk about in the very beginning of it. I mean, the first third, and I have not

I've had one desire to smoke weed since then, and I use that tool again to go, okay, focus on the desire. Okay, imagine, just feel inside yourself. Like they kind of run through these steps that I run through and then it goes away. So I, that is also something, but I really do recommend if you're ever available, able to get into a 12 step program for anything that you have. And this is to anyone listening, whether it's like you have an alcoholic in your life and you could go to al-anon you mean literally everyone that qualifies for al-anon because everyone is friends with at least an alcoholic or works next to one or

something those support groups are incredible and it's free and you will find people there that you know it's not all talking about the addiction it's talking about how it teaches you how to love yourself because that is what the core problem with addiction is is that you feel not enough you feel this dis-ease with your own self you're not enough you've got to consume something to get out of the feelings and it's just really helped a lot of people that i'm very close to that might even be me yeah i mean me but one of the person people i'm most close to in my life is somebody who's been sober for 14 years. And he went from being, you know, just like, you know, a normal, slightly, you know, a bit not friendly sometimes to now being the happiest person I know. Happiest person I know.

And he has worked the steps and he has embraced the program and he's the happiest person that I know. Yeah, there's something to it. Okay, let's, can we do one more, Noah? Yes, please. is embrace the program and he's the happiest person that i know yeah if there's something to it okay let's can we do one more noah yes please and nikki i need you to promise that you will not scream when you hear this oh my god taylor swift go on promise me okay you're not gonna scream i won't scream let's pretend i'm in silent mode all right we got rebecca hi nadruki og pod listener listener Rebecca from Philly here. As a part of the exclusive Bestie and Swifty gang, I feel like it's my duty to let Nikki know that the soundbite from

Welcome Home Nikki Glaser, where she talks about how Taylor Swift is her best friend but doesn't know her, is now on TikTok. It has been used in several videos, and those videos have actually been liked by Taylor Swift herself. There have been no other developments and potential friendship goals but just know i'll be looking out in my own personal mission called besties anal eyes swifties and so yeah thank you guys love you love the pod love brenna kisses and janitor bye janitor nice can you react how nikki should have reacted andrew and then no you do one what noah can you do a nikki how

i can't i can't even do the high pitch you do have an impression of what i would say right now? Like your best guess at what? At what you would do? Well, I like the Anya one where you're just like, well, that's out of frustration. What if I did my little John impression? I don't have one. I think that's what I kind of did. Okay, my response to this is, okay, Taylor Swift obviously knows I exist, all right?

So she's commented on my instagram before my apology to her she has also there have been fans of mine that have met her backstage and she they've been like oh nikki glazer loves you do you know her and she goes is that the girl that said i'm a bad dancer so i want to go on record and say that i did say taylor swift was a bad dancer once because i justified being on dancing with the stars because i was like taylor swift's not a good dancer and she does it and she looks cool. So maybe I could, and it was not right. It was not how I actually feel about Taylor Swift dancing. I actually think she's way better than me.

She can do the splits on a car. Like she, I've tried to learn the dances. She learns they're very difficult. She's a good dancer. So she's aware of me. I've met her. Um,

but this is really good news. And I am fucking, like my insides are, like things are happening inside my body right now because Taylor Swift does not often like things. And that's how she operates. She's very shifty in a great way. She's swifty.

She gets shifty. And she likes things to just remind us, the Swifties, like, I'm very aware of stuff. I'm seeing it. I cannot believe no one else has told me this. Thank you so much

for being on the lookout. Please DM me, personally, any updates and write Taylor Swift update if you see any more likes. Please send me videos

where this is being used because I am not on TikTok. I do not see this clip being used. I do know that it was a great soundbite and I'm glad the Swifty community has embraced it. But, that is it but um what's the same what was the same one more time

i said taylor swift is my best friend and she doesn't know it or something like that it was something like that but it really is like i feel that way the other day phoebe bridgers it was her birthday and i was like i have to wish her happy birthday because i spend more time with phoebe bridgers than i do with any of my friends really yeah like she's talking to me and singing to me constantly um and it felt like it feels like we're friends and and that's why whenever someone says i feel like you're my friend or someone goes you're my taylor swift i'm always like i get it girl or guy yeah i try to reach out to whitney houston constantly yeah through the ouija board yeah you're in the best thing so much time anything because i watch the bodyguard let me get anything back um i just want to close by showing you my

first headshot oh god um actually i want to close by showing you a book of my first headshots and just like there's a whole book yeah they wrote a book about it oh my god yo i've seen these i love these are so i love your face in these. Oh my God, Clay. It's like your own yearbook. It is so insane. But I do... This picture,

this was the girl that went to Montreal and drank too much. This was right before that. That's up in Bloomington. That's up in the Bloomington... Yeah, it is. I love this fresh face girl. I'm a huge fan.

This was 15 years ago. Is this even reminiscent of my face now? Like what's going on? How have I aged? Yes, there's definitely hints of it in here. I mean, she's just like a little. Are you a brunette? You're fresh faced and there's like a cherubic quality to them.

I'm still doing my makeup the exact same way. And my hair was very full that red is a good color on me that's a nice reminder my eyebrows look a little spermy but that's okay my bottom lip or my top lip is non-existent which it usually is yeah i mean i feel like i don't look so different but she is she's got a lot more fat on her face she's completely adorable what a baby face is yeah yeah she's she's a cutie she's got a lot to learn girl you're gonna go what would you say to that girl right there i'd say bitch read alan carr sooner than later and then i have this picture of me and chris at a wedding

um noah what would you say to this say to this girl the show is over and we gotta go i'm mesmerized by these oh well i gotta put some of those on my instagram story because they're at least put them oh god these this is the type of headshot you take when they're like we want to give them different looks like so you could play a librarian role and it's like how many librarian roles are coming up that i have to do this sexy like i mean this might be the most relatable looking person i've ever really seen in life. Really? Why didn't I book anything from it? I don't know. All I got was that book. I know. That was us not that long ago. All you booked was this

book. Yeah. Alright guys. We gotta go. Thank you so much for listening to the show this week. We will be back next week with four shows. It will be the last week before I go on break but we are going to have content for you during the break. So make sure to check out those episodes. Thank you so much for supporting the show. Come see me in Vegas September 2nd go see Andrew at Zany's

in Nashville on the 30th if you can please plan trips around those dates that would be so fun trips with your friends and meet and greets afterwards yeah trips with friends things to look forward to love you guys so much thank you for listening don't be kit and

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