The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #268 Slow and Measured

Episode Date: September 2, 2022

Nikki is feeling much better today. She's leaning into love and the possibility of having a new persona after her vocal surgery. Andrew's anxieties about his headlining show were put to rest after he had a great gig. Nikki has been watching classic movies from the 90's and they both have been digging Hannibal Buress' rap career. In the Fanthrax segment Besties leave voicemails about working in restaurants, wanting an update on Anya's lost bikini, awkward movie scenes, why Nikki is a bird and feeling seen!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch

your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors,

it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You are cordially invited to... The hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party,

your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production

in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Woman sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday,

we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry.

I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. It's the Nikki Glaser podcast. Welcome to the show. It's Thursday, everyone. We made it. We got through the week. I'm in Los Angeles, California still. I don't know why I'm talking like this. I feel like maybe that's how Meghan Markle sounds on her podcast, Dignified.

She has a new podcast out. If you haven't heard it yet, don't. I haven't listened to it yet. Is that what it's called? It's called like Renegades. No, it should be. That's such a good point. I think it's called like Archetypes.

It's just like, come on, get over yourself. Is it just her talking in the bathroom? No, she has a guest. But apparently the first episode was with Serena Williams and she didn't let Serena get a word in. And I go, well, I'm just like Meghan Markle. I felt for the first time I was like, wow, we're similar. You could be royalty. I used to do impressions of her on my Instagram.

Just being like in a closet like, welcome to Archetypes. Don't tell Harry or anybody that I'm doing this. I know I could get murdered for talking or even... Well, I was thinking the same thing about it. I was like, man, she's... Because she... Apparently, the most controversial thing she said on the first episode was like... Oh, no, no.

It was the second episode. Mariah Carey was on. And Mariah Carey, I guess... I don't know why i'm saying that i'll like my carry my carry said um turning into you um you know we all carry the weight of mariah carey uh it's it's all of our burdens culturally uh but she apparently said to her like to megan mariah was like well you've got a little inner like you've got a diva in you. And Megan was like, like it was nervous. You know, I'm getting all this from the Daily Mail. Who's like, you know, anytime a celebrity walks out,

they're like Rebel Wilson flaunting her flawless pins. And it's like, she just was walking to her car. She wasn't flaunting anything. So it was like, I read it on the Daily Mail because they're obsessed with her, but she does have to tread so carefully, especially in light of watching the Diana documentary. But she's free from the royal family.

That's the point. She can do anything she wants, even though I cannot imagine how much money she's making from that fucking podcast. And rightfully so. I think it's number one. But I mean, what do you think? Especially in British pound, it's a lot.

Well, she lives in California. You know that, right? Yeah, but- They escaped. I know, then it gets sent over. It's so hot to me that Harry left his entire family for her and said goodbye to all of that for her, to protect her. To be honest, though- Because she got suicidal.

What is he missing? Like his mom. It's not fun over there. He's not having a good time. Do you know how hard it is to leave that, though? I'd get out. It's like fun over there. He's not having a good time. Do you know how hard it is to leave that, though? I'd get out. It's like leaving Mormonism. It might be hell, but it's all you know.

No, I know. I don't know. No, I know you are. But I do find it so fucking attractive that he did that for her. And just how by her side, you can tell he just like loves her so much and you know risk everything but i was thinking that um this podcast that she's doing i was like it like i would be worried even though she's free of the royal family like she has to still tread so carefully because everyone's watching her every move wanting her to fuck up um even me you know manifesting it in my daily rituals just being like please let me get marco

misstep but um for sure but she's i love that i forget that interview she did with oprah where she said she was suicidal which anyone of that nature admitting as someone who has those thoughts as well admitting that publicly is so brave and maybe i'm tooting my own horn but like i was just talking to last night whitney and um ben glebe we were at the comedy store and we were talking about admitting things that you think i forget who he was saying something about but if you say it people won't want to work with you like if they if you if you say too much you might become a liability and that's always been my worry about saying i have suicidal thoughts is like we don't want to work with you like if they if you if you say too much you might become a liability and that's always been my worry about saying i have suicidal thoughts is like well we don't want to give her the tonight show she's gonna kill herself and then what what are we gonna do it's

like well it'd be great advertising it'd be great press for you yeah yeah if i do it live on air no i'm i'm like but it's not no one cares no one people, you know, Chris Farley was on a path to death and people were not intervening. Like, as long as you're making people money, they don't, they're not looking if you're a liability down the road. They want to make the dollar right now. So it's like, it's almost sad that no one cared that I was suicidal when I said it on, like, that none of my reps were like, hey, do you need a break? Or like, or on Rogan when I said it. They're like, look, we got you four more shows in salt lake they're like can you say that more because that got you a lot of press i'm like there was a

bump there was a bump i'm gonna do a couple to feel better um but oh i was thinking about it occurred to me when i was doing kimmel um and i was you know we were talking about the hardest part of the show for me was like trying to be present during the interviews hear what they were saying laugh set them up for good stuff not try to make it about me don't try to shoehorn punch lines no one is going to go wow great comeback with it like just be natural and there was a point that i wanted to make when he was talking about and maybe have gotten cut because i didn't see the interview but he was talking about um mel brooks and arnold doing voices for his cartoon and how it all happened during covid and i just wanted to say like i picture arnold under a blanket like doing voice it's such an inside

thing of like people who do audio know like how like crazy it looks. Like sometimes you're under a blanket like in a closet in a hotel room being like Dave Matthews band radio channel 30 this week on Labor Day weekend. Like I can see Arnold

like inside one of his horses. Yeah. You know, like, like inside a Clydesdale. Does like I'm in yes so I'm gonna do this formal Clydes I don't know why did I give him a British accent why could he I why do I picture him in a horse that's weird that I can because he owns horses he's all about horses oh yeah there's like a pony like walking around his house he punches a horse in the face in one of his movies oh and that one I love that scene it's unbelievable because you can tell it's so fake like he didn't actually

hurt the horse because the horse kind of just there's a minute it's a beat where it kind of goes like someone off camera goes fall and then it like falls well i'm sure there was a conversation where arnold was like look i want to hit the horse it's got to be should i just punch it should i just do it we can go to lunch earlier um they're like we might i bet back in the 70s though there were there were like a little bit of lax laws about like yeah stuff on yeah for sure like you know what hit it with your left hand arnold animals were getting punched oh yeah hit it with your left give it yeah give it a break How many animals in Braveheart fell? Just don't break its leg because we'll have to kill it.

I don't know how they did that, but Braveheart, they got hit all with spikes, remember? They all ran into spikes. Oh. Well, Mel didn't care. The horses were Jewish. They did have little yarmulkes. He made sure to have Jewish horses for him. Andrew, your, I did not see it, your show,

I kind of texted you late on um tuesday night to see how it went i assumed i mean i had no doubt it was going to be like epic and i hate that word but how was it tell us about it i mean zany's headlining cheesy so yeah i got to finally i did an hour the only other time i've ever done an hour you saw it was when i did my one man yeah and it was an hour and a half yeah yeah and i and i like ran through an hour and a half so i had no question about the time i was still worried about the time of course especially you know because you know there it's more relaxed about but i was like i'm gonna do these longer stories i'm gonna fucking put them in there i don't give a fuck and um i don't know the stories it's just you've done it so many times but the the timing and of a doing an hour verse like 15 to 20 minutes i don't tell stories though dude oh yeah that's different but but it's like this like

feeling of like like getting joke after laugh laugh but like you could have moments where they're still listening and i was just proud of myself where like i wasn't crushing that at some point at some points and there was some quiet and it was like and i just kind of sat in it and i was very present and i went good about that yeah you're good i watch you even in your smaller sets that you do and i i sometimes resented because i can't do it but you are able to get them back to a place where they're like calm down again and they're like on the edge of their seats you do not need to fill the silence you're not insecure in that way on stage and i think that i don't know how i'm not i don't know either dude because it doesn't fit anything else about you but you really

can do this thing where you just kind of like will be you'll just take your time and I know that you know what's next and sometimes you'll say like you'll make it like casual but you just can be in those moments you can like take your time it's really I want to get better at being slower like that but I remember Louie saying like you can't have the highs without the lows like if you're going on a roller coaster and the whole thing is just down you're by the end of it you're just like well we gotta have to you're gonna have to have moments where everyone goes what's he like wait what's next like we're kind of like back down to but i always get worried that because i know about human psychology and sociology and what people remember that they're going to remember the moments

where they didn't have faith in me to keep going but the truth is they do have faith in you I am thinking that they don't think I don't have faith in myself you do though but yours goes across as like I'm fine watching you I don't get nervous

like there is a way to do it where you take beats. I gotta learn how to do that. So you felt like loose and natural one man showy? I felt present. I felt like there was a hundred people there. So I was really like surprised. Yes. On a Tuesday night, that's fucking amazing.

Do you think it's because you played sports as a kid? That it helps me for moments like this? Yeah. No, because I never was like the man on sports either. No, no, but. I was always like the fifth best guy on the team or something. Why would that help, Noah? What's your reason?

So I was playing with my nephew the other day, and he's into sports and stuff, and we were playing monkey in in the middle and he would like come up to me and try to tackle me and he had like no hesitation about it and i was thinking like wow i wonder if this is gonna like translate to later in life where you just go into something with no hesitation and um i just know that i never had that as a kid i don't know the older i got the more fear i i I had in sports. Oh, yeah.

Sometimes with stand-up, it's the same way. It's kind of a weird thing. You'll go to a competition, and the person that's two months in will have the most confidence in the room because they just haven't felt pain of failing so much. Defeat, yeah. They don't know how bad it feels to get tackled yet.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like your nephew has not been punched in the face or beat up you know what i mean like he doesn't know because that's when you start flinching is when you know when you burn yourself on the stove otherwise you're putting your hand on the stove true and um yeah that's interesting like i think you're right like the more you do it the the more you have more data where you're like, I know how bad this can go.

Badly this can go. I did a set last night where I was trying to be more slow and measured. The audience was terrible. No offense to people who were at the comedy store last night on Wednesday,

but main room, you were drunk. It was not all of you but there was like a couple people that were just too drunk laughing at the wrong times like trying to make the show about them and like when they laugh and so it was just I heard it backstage and I go oh this set that I'm gonna try to get something done on it's worthless like I heard Tom Papa set and then when Tom brought me up and we crossed paths and I just go, he goes, they are drunk. And I was like, and then it became so fun because I was like this all,

I don't have to, I can just experiment. I'm going to go through like new stuff. And it was, um, easier. And there were times where I was like, I'm not doing well.

Like I am, I, these setups are longer. Um, there was just moments where there's like too much silence for me where I start to go into, you're bombing. If there's not laughter. But I got off stage and Ben Glebe watched me. Maybe he's just being nice, but he was like, that was awesome.

Like, it was great. It was actually great because it wasn't that I wasn't funny. People were just listening and it was interesting. And people were, you don't was interesting oh and people were they're just listening and it's yeah i know it's it that and we need you know what i learned we need people to go uh-huh really okay i'm still listening like that's what comedians need is like constant like are you guys still there and that's why that's what laughs confirm but otherwise you think they're they're tapped out when they're just listening we We definitely had besties there two nights ago.

And there was this one guy. And there was a couple funny moments with crowd work. Because I was really happy with my crowd work and going back to the guy and bringing it in. And really just the rhythm of it. But one guy had his shirt unbuttoned all the way down to like his his belly button and i was just like this is and you're sitting in the front row facing the i was like you're what what is this like this can't be your look and whatever like i went in on the guy but like in a fun way and uh and uh did you call him like benjamin untoned? Did you like have a fun?

Well, listen, I'm in a relaxed state right now. No, but no. But my point is that, so I'm like razzing him a little. And his girlfriend goes, he passed a kidney stone and still came to your show. I was like, oh my God. That's so sweet. That's like saying he just gave birth. Yeah.

And then I go, can anyone beat that? Does anyone have seven stage cancer? like who has a better story of like what they overcame to get here how hard did you drive like how many people like but i went right to cancer like like late cancer and then like it hit pretty hard but get there eventually it would have hit harder though if like i probably didn't pick the most oh good dude how but my point is comedy for you is just like taking a risk like that and then going oh man i was on the right path but i overshot it a little bit like his buttons um i've done that so much where i go i take it oh my god this is so embarrassing i don't even want to say it because I don't even know how I can say this without,

because I'm trying to be obviously more private about my personal life and my relationship because I like am so obsessed with it right now and it's just the best thing in the world and it's because I've chosen to be just more loving and like not as freewheeling with it's like I can just say anything about my relationship like I'm trying to respect it more but I'm gonna I'm gonna try to get through this without breaching anything because I think it's funny I was on stage and people already kind of

know that I don't get I was talking about jealousy and being jealous of JLo and then I was talking about I honestly I've said it before like I don't care if on stage so i think it's okay i don't care if my boyfriend like hooks up with other girls i'm actually turned on by it and these two really hot girls in the front row like frontish row original room in the store if you've been there it's like kind of like a more like intimate setting yeah it feels like like a bar show i was talking about like uh you know i've been the other woman before no women admit to it but like i don't care if you like i i went after a guy that had a girlfriend i didn't fucking care and um i don't really feel that bad about it and i'm grappling with that and they were like well we're gonna and i go no one ever admits to being a woman and the girls go we and i go

accept these fucking whores and they go we're gonna fuck your boyfriend and i go it's funny you say that you think that i would be threatened by that but i actually like that you guys are very hot honestly dm me i will set it up i will be turned on by that and um and then i just took it one step too far like do you ever like the audience was kind of on board with it because it's just such an outrageous thing to say. But then I took it to a place where things I say in the bedroom that are like the shorthand that Chris and I have in our intimate bedroom setting of like the kind of dirty talk that we do. I'm so used to talking that way and having it be totally fine and like acceptable and almost sound like that's just the way you talk in the bedroom. Everyone must talk that way that i said the most filthy thing i've maybe ever said in the bedroom but it's something it would be you know it's up there and i said it about them

fucking my boyfriend and then like what i would do afterwards and it shut the room down and set like it was crickets so fast where people were like like it was it was all of a sudden like someone saw my porn search history like it's almost like i opened my laptop at a starbucks and like my porn from last night was like and you're just like oh my god they just saw like it was so gross that everyone was just like oh and it was so funny because i also had this guy from esquire magazine who's following me around that night and watching my sets and he witnessed that and i i hope he does he references it in some way because it was such a perfect example of me just being like too where i'm exposing part of myself that i think

me being such an open person i say everything there are still things i can say that can absolutely shock people and um it was but you know what it was it was kind of like i've talked about it before how i would like to do porn someday like it was impressively impressively pornographic in a way that i think the silence was also people being like horn too horny for it i hate when i say horny it goes but like horniness and comedy don't mix like your dick if it's like has blood rushing to it you you know i've talked about in my special so i think it was that too but it was just it was that thing that you talked about where you're just like oh man i had them and i

lost them on a dime because i just said something so gross. But I do stand by it and those girls can DM me and I would like to set it up. But no, that's not my relationship right now. It's a, you know, not everything he fantasizes about has to be a reality. I just have to say I'm very happy in my relationship. It's the best it's ever been and he's been in Iceland for eight days. It's awesome. Do you find the distance makes the heart grow fonder yeah no it does if for sure um i mean i was only gone for two days but yeah no i when you get back i don't know i was

driving back and i was listening to someone talk about how much they love they have for their partner and i was like literally getting teared up while driving back thinking like, wow, this person really does love me for just, just my, who I am. And I don't know, just like the love I was thinking about the love she has for me, not how much I love her, but like,

how can someone love me so much? And I was just like driving, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, fuck, man. She fucking loves me, dude. I just had that, too.

It's sad to say that I just let that in after nine years with this person or going through so many different phases of our relationship. But I just had that, too, of like, I think, you know, I hate to speak in F-boy island talk. But at the end of the day, his walls are coming down and so are mine because I had to bring my walls down first i did not realize in my relationship that i was the one that is avoidant and scared of commitment and scared of forever and scared of like i think that i got into this archetype talk about archetypes now on spotify but i got into the

archetype of the girl that is like why doesn't this guy want to marry me? I want to get married. He's afraid of commitment. Like it's easy to play that character where, you know, even on my reality show, it's like I was pursuing Chris. He doesn't want to get married. It's just a, that's a role I play. But I'm the one that is creating this vibe from him that then makes me me this desperate character i'm setting the stage for that like if you you you don't realize like you can create the narrative about yourself that

you want by having people like and it kind of showcases you yeah like like i was listening to the same thing but like like you can make up make up a story, but you can make a story where it's like, my mom did this. So then I'm like this. And maybe you, like for me, like maybe I'll even like, you could exaggerate it or whatever to make yourself. So give you an excuse for why you are the way you are. Yeah, the excuse for who you are. You're not a bad person.

You're not like, it's someone else's thing. This is why I'm this. We'll be right back and we'll investigate this more right after this break. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Ooh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money.

We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon.

Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show, ears edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is

when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community. And I made my way back.

This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to CRIMS as part of the Michael Dura Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of

Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour like LPGA superstar Angel Yen. I really just sat myself down at the end of 2022 and I was like, look, either we make it or we quit. Expert tips to help improve your swing and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. The drinks were flowing, twerking all over the place, vaping, they're shotgunning. Women's golf

is a wild ride, full of big personalities, remarkable athleticism, fierce competition, and a generation of women hell-bent on shanking that glass ceiling. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment.

Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Some people won't give you the real talk on drugs, but it's time we know the facts. Fentanyl is often laced into illicit drugs and used to make fake versions of prescription pills.

You can't see it, taste it, or smell it. Suppliers mix fentanyl into their products because it's potent and cheap, and the dealer might not even know. Keep yourself and others safe by knowing the real deal on fentanyl. Get the facts. Go to realdealonfentanyl.com. This message is brought to you by the Ad Council. Yeah, we were talking about love and feeling loved

before we went to break. And yeah, I'm just starting to be like, oh my God, this person, because I was so depressed last week and he was so like, I just kept telling him like, get, run away from this. Like, who wants to be with this?

Like, how could you possibly want to be around such a negative nelly and like i just picture him on top of a mountain in iceland like he's in ice having the time he's like holding up like a like a stake that he used to climb the mountain and he's like yeah and you're on the other end like i just don't understand i did and he's like it's fine yes i was like i run away from me and i wasn't trying to push him away i was really like this just check back in when i'm a better person like just forget you have a girlfriend because this is not fun to deal with and there's nothing you can do and he

was just like he just was like i am not going anywhere i don't care like this is this is it like this is i this is what you are and like it's just the way it is like it was almost kind of like sickness and in health like i yeah and he thrives in that state too like it's a he's he likes being there for me in those times and just not having to fix it but just like listening being there it's um i think it makes them feel closer to me when i can be you know really honest about how shit like how bad i feel and i sometimes go because i remember in our relationship prior like i would talk bad about myself or i would say i'm so like ugly or whatever i was struggling with and i would be like i remember him maybe he didn I was struggling with. And I would be like,

I remember him, maybe he didn't say it, but I just remember someone being like, when my partner talks like that about themselves, like why would I want to be with someone that doesn't even like themselves? Like, what do you think of me if I'm with you? And I think whether he said that,

or I heard that somewhere back then, it's not the way he feels now. Like he, the love we have for each other, it's, I could say anything bad about myself and it's not the way he feels now like he the love we have for each other it's i could say anything bad about myself and it's not going to make him go oh i never saw that about you i was always kind of scared of revealing something that's like now you're going to see the real thing and now you're going to run away it's like he's i could become you know he accepts you i could be in an acid attack and have no face

and he would still be attracted to me. He would still want, yes, he accepts me. And that really confounds me though. I'm kind of similar, I think, to you in a way where I don't like to ask for help. I don't like people helping me a lot until it gets to the point where I need all the help sometimes. And I feel like with you, you're so strong in so many ways where it's like this person doesn't

need anything at all and then it's like no i do and because i think like some people like go oh you can help me today like like it's like little increments of help you know what i mean yeah and so then it's like and that's chris's love language yeah he likes to be of service he and it makes him feel good it makes anyone feel good to help out others i always talk about it whenever i'm if you're depressed out there the number one way to get out of it and i should have told myself this past weekend but i was not you know depressed people are not in a state to figure out things that'll make them feel better because the problem with depression is that you convince yourself this is the state that you... This is reality and anything to get you out of it would be an illusory, dreamlike world

where you don't want to be one of the sheep. You want to know how bad life is and so you get stuck in it. So I really don't want to take advice, but anytime I'm just like, can we start talking about me? Can I just hear about your life and like give you some advice like helping someone else takes you out of it but he um he loves doing that shit and i think that um i just need to get depressed more often for our relationship no it's it was really like i don't know i was just like sometimes it does strike me where it's the same thing with when my mom says she loves me and I go but why like I want actual

I want information about what you love about me because I feel like I want to hear like you're you make me feel this like I get it from my friends but sometimes I feel like you know when people just love you um unconditionally the way that, you know, Brenna loves you unconditionally, the way you're talking about where it's just like, oh my God, someone like deeply loves me in a way that like my mom does just because I exist. And I'm that person, like, that's what I'm replacing. Like, that's what you get a partner for, I believe,

is because your parents die and that unconditional, someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally is going to leave this earth and you need to replace them with someone else that is just like I'm in it I'm family and I have that from my friends but I'm really starting to feel that like okay I just have I stop questioning why Chris loves you even though he puts up with all the stuff that you think makes you unlovable just surrender yourself to the fact that he does and it's just like the way your dad or your mom loves you like it's it's that deep now that there it doesn't need

definition it doesn't need evidence and proof i would fine-tune that and take out puts up with to accepts well i guess i'm saying i'm so i was saying puts up with to be the most negative version of myself in that scenario but you're absolutely right accepts but you're right but in my most negative state i go god what am i offering him except like i know sexually like i blow it out of the park every fucking time but like that is not enough to keep a relationship going and it's certainly i know him enough to know that like it takes more than that so sometimes i'm like what is he getting out of this and um and i think that that just is me needing to i do need to know more of like i need to know what i

do that makes him feel like he loves me so much so i can do more of it and I figured out that with men just from reading reddit really and having male friends but really reddit and I've talked about this before men are starved of hearing what they mean to you what how complimenting them about their personality their looks like men are so thirsty for it and I think that in the past with Chris I was so I watched Jerry Maguire last night and I'm like oh my god this is our relationship like if you remember that movie I was up till three watching it I'm just going through all my favorite movies when Harry Met Sally Jerry Maguire I and it's so interesting to see these movies from an adult lens because in that movie I thought Renee Zellweger and Jerry Maguire liked each other

equally and then it just didn't work out but she was so in love with him put him on a pedestal would do anything to make it work he did not love her in that way because he wasn't capable of it and also she he shouldn't have because she loved him blindly so he didn't actually feel you can't love someone that you go i don't really this person loves me they don't really know me he didn't feel seen because he didn't let his walls down she shouldn't have loved him that way so eventually she says to him like this was a mistake it was my fault i i thought i could love us enough for both of us and it's not the case so then they get you know they separate and then he finally you know lets his walls down and like and loves her and it kind

of happens a little too quick for my taste upon second viewing but it's a movie and they got to get it under two hours um because they used to respect your time back in the 90s with movies but i just feel like um i used to want chris to love me so much and just get that like i love you that i um that i didn't leave him space to actually do it. And I think once, and now I'm so cagey about putting too much love on him because I used to not get it back enough. Like I used to be like, I love you so much.

And then he'd be like, love you too. You know, like he was trying to match me to be polite, but I can tell it wasn't the same as what I was feeling or, but the truth is I didn't love him in that way. Yeah. Yeah. So he was reacting the right way, you know,

like, but now I feel like I need to be more about my feelings because I think with Jerry Maguire and I think maybe even with you a little bit, it's like, but honestly kind of like he, Jerry Maguire, like the whole point of the movie is like he searched for, you know, as many clients as possible and being a ruthless agent. And his career was fucking everything.

And that's where he found his happiness is signing the most money and and all this like ego stuff. And I feel like with you where you've like you couldn't you had your head down so much for your career this whole time that, like, how could you love someone if you're that focused on, you know, finding happiness in your career and finding. From the outside. Yeah. From. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Outside validation. Of course.

That is so, and that doesn't mean anything. But you have to go through it to learn that. It's kind of like the monkey in the middle with noah's like nephew it's like he doesn't know that like oh this he never you experienced so many highs in this business already and you're gonna only get more but it's like trying to feed that like whatever like that validation from outside i really related to that movie yeah you're right yeah I related to her and him and fucking Cuba Gooding Jr. Well, she has blonde hair.

I mean, I related to it all. Yeah. And the baby boy wears glasses and has blue eyes and weighs eight pounds. I don't know why they had to make her 26, though. I would have liked to see this woman

be a little bit older in his age. He's 35 and she's 26. And I'm like, well, couldn't she have been 34 in the movie? Like, I'm glad they cast her and it was probably based on that but like i don't need her to be so young and but it makes sense because she's maturity wise they're kind of at the same place because he's so stunted from having this like career and she's grown up more because she's a single mom so it does make sense but man i just feel like um do boys do men i should say like boys to men it's

i think that you if you want more from people you got to give it first like you got to be the one like if i i and i think that i've just been so cagey about showing like being so loving to chris because i used to not get it back that if I give him that again he won't give it back but our relationship is different now it's like I'm dating a different person so I have to be I want to be more effusive because he seems to really respond to it and then I get it back and it's like oh my god whoa this is I think I've just been so it's like yeah it's exactly like the monkey in the middle thing of like I got tackled too much early on with the same person. And I didn't get back.

And it hurts so much that I don't want to give up anything now. And I'm more cagey with my feelings. And I just have to realize like I got to do the uncomfortable thing if I want to get that back. Well, what's so cool about life in general, but with relationships, like let's say nine times in a row, the person doesn't respond how you want them to respond. But then let's say the eighth and ninth time you finally speak up and you go, okay, this isn't working like this, like whatever. You got to change. And then the 10th time they actually change. It's not like life. You're like, whoa, they're going to go back to change. And then the 10th time they actually like change. It's not like life.

You're like, whoa, they're going to go back to the, you're like, okay, this is who they are now. And, and this is great.

And let's go from here. Like that's, I like that. It's hard to, you know what I mean? Like, I think like in life, you will relapse.

You will have those moments where you go back to the first nine times you were doing it because that is so ingrained in us. And it, and by the time we're 35, I'm learning this from this book that i actually am finishing you guys um breaking the habit of being yourself by joe dispenza nice i have so much to say about it i want people to read it because i want to make fun of it so badly okay i'll read it the life of a mafia so and you gotta listen to his meditations because i love this guy's writing so much but joe if you're listening

your meditations are fucking insane and i can't i just need you guys to do one of his meditations on youtube and just so i can make fun of it we can talk about it um and see if you can get through it because i could not um but what you're saying is um yeah like i i actually was on a run recently and i told Chris because we were doing, we were just on such a good stretch of loving each other so much. And I, he's like, hey, if you put in this effort that the things I need from you, my love language, if you work towards doing these things that for you, you just don't think like, why would that matter to him? But it does. Like you need to understand these do. So please. And I said the same to him, but it does. You need to understand these do. And I said the same to him. And I said to him, I was on a run recently and I was like,

oh, I got to tell him this analogy of our relationship is going to be like a run. A long run where I'm like, I'm not going to stop running, but there are going to be stretches of it where it looks like I'm walking almost. there's going to be times where I'm never going to give up. I'm giving you that promise. Like I obviously haven't yet, but just know that my, I'm not going to always be sprinting. It's not always going to look that impressive and it's going to look, but I'm not going to, I'm not going to walk. Like, you know, if you, if you go on a run, if you're a runner and you start walking, don't run again i mean it's rare where you go i'm gonna just take a break and get some water and then you get up to a pace again once you stop you're kind of like well i'm gonna stop my app nike run app and then

they say something you know like hey girl you got out there today and every run is just a little change in the penny jar and someday you're gonna cash out and you're like that is insulting um it's like usain bolt being like whoa i saw you out there today you almost caught up to me i gotta watch my back and you're like stop this condescension but um that's how it feels like i just don't want to stop running and it might look like i'm one of those old men who runs like they're throwing a baseball where they're just like limping like the old man in town that you would see running on the side of the road constantly. It might look like that.

And I told him I was like, Chris, I am always going to. I'm not going to walk. I'm not going to sit down. I'm not going to give up on this run. I got to complete it. But it's going to be it's not going to be perfect. I'm going to forget dates that you tell me to save. I'm going to schedule things sometimes without thinking about you. I'm going to be perfect. I'm going to forget dates that you tell me to save. I'm going to schedule things sometimes without thinking about you. I'm going to forget stuff, but I don't want to forget

it. And my intention is not to, but I'm going to slip up again. And is that kind of like what you're saying about that? I almost feel like, well, I'm thinking about with the run analogy, like the tortoise and the hare, like I feel like you're very hare, like with your life. Because your life is fast moving. And it's hard to pay attention to things. So it's like, maybe run like a little. I want to do that with everything. I'm so excited about this throat surgery because it is going to make me, I cannot talk.

So I will be listening constantly. I will just be observing. It will be a completely almost meditative experience. I want to get quiet and calm and slow. I need to like purposely talk slower too. Yeah, I think your life the last 16 years has been, your life has been on 1.8 speed or maybe maybe 2.5 need to talk slower and that is actually for my vocal health remember vacation no because you've never been on one i thought you meant the

movie you know what i mean no not the movie no no i'm just saying like your vacations are even work you know like you just haven't let yourself because you've had no trips in your brain i go but for two days yeah they're always so short yeah this is the best thing i would not have been able to do this break where i don't do any podcasts i don't do like i just posted a tweet yesterday that said normalize free time as not something that means i it was something about like just because i have free time doesn't mean that is i'm available like free time does not equal oh we should like put some press interviews in here or like because there's always something i can put in there and the only way that i was able to get actual free time is to have my nice bumper sticker to

ariel and to have ur Ursula take my voice. I'm calling Dr. Zytel's Ursula because he's taking my voice from me and I have to figure out I it's the only because otherwise if I let's say I took a break from the road and was like I can't go on the road like I pull a Jonah Hill and I go it's giving me anxiety I'm not doing this part of my life there's always something else I can do. I could do Zoom interviews. But when you can't talk, it really is like, I think it's going to make me a better guitarist because man,

I got to figure out how to express myself in that way. Together, together we're like Ariel because you can't talk anymore and I have a tail. Can I be Sebastian? And you brush your hair with a fork uh yes you can be sebastian um i was talking

to anthony jessel no there's no wiggle room anymore you know what i mean like there's no wiggle room for you then with this no voice no there's not like you have no option that's what i love about it it's like literally being thrown in prison and i'm like i there's nothing it's like um bondage that i talk about where it's like you get to be lazy in bed and it's forced laziness like i don't no one gets to say i'm lazy in bed i'm like i'm tied up i can't move it's not my fault um is there any part of you though that goes like any part of your ego where you're like even without a voice i'm still gonna fucking do a special or not a special but you know like like you're gonna figure out something oh yeah this to do work people are going to actually do i know that people are gonna steal

my idea and have their vocal cords fixed because there's so many people with damage nearly everyone who sings as no no i'm just talking about you i'm just i'm just saying like within the three weeks so much during it it's going to make people go well what this it's you know like when melanie quit drinking that was i was like that's his special sauce like i need to do what this guy does because he's on a next level and i do believe this is going to take me to a next level not comedically necessarily but it's what my intention for it is to find like the artist I want to be after this and to shift into who I want to... Just find who I want to be after this.

And I'm going to... My intention is to pull a Hannibal Buress and reinvent myself as another artist and to start over. I really want to do it. I cannot sing as myself. I don't want to be a singer-songwriter as Nikki Glaser. That's a comedian. That is a TV host.

I want to get... I'm going as Nikki Glaser. That's a comedian. That is a TV host. I want to get like, I'm going to do a, it's so fun. I'm going to do like a character name and be, cause when I started doing comedy, I was thinking about it. Cause I'm trying to write songs right now. And I'm like,

I cannot, this is so hard to do. I keep saying I can't do it. But when I first wrote jokes, I just was like, what would Sarah Silverman write? Just write for Sarah Silverman. So I need to create, right now I'm kind of like, okay, write for Taylor Swift, write

for Dua Lipa. Like if you had to turn the song to them, what would it be? And that's an easier way. But I need to invent a character for myself that is me, that is, and I'm waiting for what that is. And I think it's, I just, the name has to like find me. So I'm, my intention is like, I come out of this and I know, and I'm not going to reveal,

I don't think I'm going to reveal who it is because I want to become famous in my own right without any help from my current career. And because people will always say, if you get famous and, you know, Michael Jordan maybe not, would not have made the baseball team if he wasn't Michael Jordan.

And they gave him an extra like, let's just see what this guy's got. Well, yeah, they wanted to sell t-shirts or whatever jerseys. He actually probably would, but he'll never know because he went in as Michael Jordan. And people can always say, no, they gave him an extra shot because he's Michael Jordan. Not that I'm comparing myself to him.

I'm just saying, I don't want anyone to be able to say, she's actually not good. I want people to go, I want people to go, that girl, whatever my, you know,

name is, is so good. And they go, do you know that's Nikki Glaser? Hannibal Buress is doing it with his rap career. He has to, he started this new, I forget the name of the.

He's good. And he's great. I listened to his freestyle the other he's amazing it was like did you hear the freestyle on um i saw him yes it was so good i mean that guy's a genius i mean artist and it it makes sense like comedians are that's what sway was saying they are i think it was sway someone who is interviewing i don't think it was so actually but it might have been on a show, was saying to Hannibal,

comedians are good at being artists and they can bridge that stuff. Look at Jamie Foxx. Did you hear Jamie Foxx's Trump? I saw that. Yeah, it was incredible. It was. That guy is probably the most talented person alive. Jamie Foxx.

Oscar winner, Grammy winner. It's one thing to do the voice while also being so clever with things throwing out. Oh my God, when they go, that's how they get you. That's how they get you. Because he was like, so what is your favorite death row artist? And he was like, I see what he did there.

You guys got to watch the impression he did of Trump because it is number one almost deep fake levels of like two uh two spot on you know um someone was talking about how deep fakes are not funny who was it oh we were talking to um we're talking about kyle dunnigan doing impressions and how it's really funny the filter he puts on his face to do impersonations if it was a deep fake with that voice, it looks too much like them that it doesn't make it funny. You need to be a little bit off to parody it.

And that is how good Jamie Foxx's is, is that it sounds so much like him. I mean, I keep watching it. I'm like, this guy is the most talented person ever. And I never even saw Ray. I mean, he didn't either uh but uh so that reminds me of the best line of the show maybe ever is when i go how do you know what your asshole looks like and you were like how does stevie wonder play the piano yeah does he know what the keys look like? I don't think so.

That was one of the greatest of all time. Yeah, you're going to always know where your asshole is. But I think what's crazy about that is, obviously, he's a black man. He looks nothing like Donald Trump. But some of these character actors can embody him where you're like, oh, you don't even have to. If you're that good at things, you don't even have to fucking.

The reason I'm good at comedy is because I wasn't good enough at acting or singing to actually do. I would have been I would have been those things. Right. Like those are the avenues that you learn about early on to become famous, which is what I craved being on TV. And then comedy was the last thing I tried out of all those things and it stuck but the truth is what I didn't know then and I talk about all the time is like I just didn't work at those other things and comedy I just got lucky the first time and had a good set and so and someone goes I mean I talk about it in one of my specials of like all it takes to get a girl to blow you all the time is to be like you're really good at this like make her feel special and then you'll do it forever and that's

why everyone has to be more heavy-handed with compliments when you are impressed by someone because I was talking to um who was I talking to recently oh uh the guy that's following me around for Esquire his name is John McDermott he's written um so much for Esquire. He's a great writer. And he goes, I mean, he can trace his becoming a journalist to one teacher going, you could actually do this for a living. But the one teacher saying that. And like his whole career is based on this one person who believed in him. And I just didn't get that from singing and acting,

whereas I got it with comedy. But the truth is, I could have come across someone that actually thought I was a good actress because I do have potential there. But I just never got in front of the right person to say that or I would have been an actress because all that does is push you

to then practice enough because you know you're good. You have it in your head that like, I know no matter how bad I suck, that person who I respect thinks I have it. So I'm unwavering so I'm and you respect that unwavering that's what you need to become great is an unwavering confidence that I know I'm good somewhere in here I'm good and if you don't have that going into something and you also don't have

the uh you haven't read a book like the talent Code that talks about like talent is not born. It is practiced. You will not get good at things. Like you need that. And especially at a young impressionable age. I have it now for myself. I realize like I'm having a lot of epiphanies about being at an age where like I have to decide if I'm having kids. And I was like, what if I don't have kids? And if let's say my ideal daughter is like, she's like this olivia rodrigo like emotional

artist who's like knows herself is like inspiring people but like why can't that be you why can't i give that same yeah like opportunity that i would give my daughter to facilitate that to myself because i don't have to pay for swim lessons I don't have to pay for dental appointments for my kids. I don't have to, I can mother myself. I can start over because also I think a lot of people don't pursue talents later in life because they have jobs, they have kids. They don't have time to spend hours it takes

to get good at something. I'm not bragging, but I don't have kids. I have jobs that I can actually walk away from in a responsible way I've saved enough money that's why Whitney last night was like you need to buy are you gonna buy a house and I go no I'm going to keep living moderately because I need to finance my pop star career like I need to be like Miley Cyrus's well not Miley Cyrus's mom but like you know these young moms of like these young girls that go like, we're going to move out of Ohio, move to LA and fucking take a shot.

And I'm going to bank all my money on my daughter pursuing her dream. I can do that for myself because I would do that for my daughter no matter what she wanted to pursue. So it's a nice way to flip it in my head of like, if I don't have kids, I can mother myself and start over yeah there's something about there's something about uh like hannibal doing rap where the analogy the thing is is like a lot of rap is comedy right it's just like yes one-liners that are like left turn so there it's it's not it's not too far off from comedy it's not so well that's why you're good at freestyling

you it's the same kind of but i'm that's why you're good at freestyling. It's the same kind of way you do comedy. But my point, though, is if you go from comedy to singer-songwriter, where it's a heart and emotional and you have to really, it's a bigger leap in a way from going comedy to rap or comedy to acting. Well, I've already faced the backlash of being trashed about my Bob Saget song. and exactly that's why i'm like i gotta kill off nicki glazer singer like matt pond is releasing some songs with his new band the natural lines which they have a new song out i really implore everyone to add it to their spotify because it's my friend and that say one more time the natural lines in the new song is the problem is me i recorded that song he wrote

that song for me to record and I recorded it. And so I know it already. It's such a good song. He did such a better job with it, obviously. I've been playing it nonstop. It's called The Problem Is Me. I put it on my Instagram story yesterday. But that, what was I gonna say?

He's gonna release some of the songs. I think St. Lou, which is the song that was on my show. And this other song, Not Still Summer summer i forget what it was called endless summer we're gonna release those two on a record next may and he's getting together all this record design and it said nikki glazer with the natural lines and i'm like can you just do the natural lines featuring nikki glazer like i don't want this is the old me and like she had a she had a voice things are great the songs are great but I gotta I'm gonna reinvent and um and so that people so that I can if people go oh my god Nikki Glaser's singing it's so embarrassing I'm gonna

go no she's actually Nikki Glaser's not singing she Nikki Glaser does comedy um you know George Funk is singing I don't even know what my name is gonna be it might be like a boy's name I honestly am like I get to be anyone I want and it's so cool because it's also like having a baby you get to like name yourself like I know this sounds very transy um and I mean that in the best way but like I get to create a new person and maybe that's just what i'm thinking now i'm gonna do i feel like i want to be a new person with this with i'm thinking what like because garth brooks obviously yeah chris gaines with chris gaines it was a little much because he went to like straight hair and it was like he i can't say

he just like for by the way i love that album i listened to it when i had mono and i was crying in a fraternity house writing poems so like yeah a lot to me but but i'm just trying to do you know it was garth brooks like i forget how he did that uh yeah but yeah there was like is that garth it definitely was it like this is it was sasha fierce like i'm beyonce but this is my alter ego ziggy stardust yeah yeah yeah i i believe that's how it was all the only thing he changed was straighten his hair and he had like a little soul patch i might do wigs like i want to do i want really like i can't i don't want to look like myself i want to sing um totally like maybe

do like a dead mouse thing like in a fucking helmet or something you know like I want and the character gives you an ability of freedom know who this person is but I might daft punk it of like I don't want me I want people to go like I want to be I want to disappear into it and I don't want anyone to know it's me. But I also can't shut the fuck up, so I probably will end up just being Hannibal about it. I'm like, don't judge this person. She's a new artist. It is me, though.

But that's the trick. You've got to create a separate persona. I love picturing you, though, doing the podcast with the Daft Punk helmet on. I mean, I basically do that on days where my eyes look like shit with the sunglasses. Punk helmet on. I mean, I basically do that on days where my eyes look like shit with sunglasses. That is another thing. You forget the world's collide.

That's what I love about Sia. I don't know if people know this, but Sia did not put on a wig and sing with her back to the camera because she felt like she was ugly or embarrassed. Maybe those things were self-esteem stuff she didn't want she wanted to have a normal life where everyone didn't know was her everywhere she went and so she purposely did that to be separate from the artist anya said to me recently that

sharon stone was always like when people talk about sharon stone in the tabloids that's not me i'm a different person um she didn't have to give herself a different name even though sharon stone is an amazing you know pseudonym but i gotta come up with a new name which who knows if it's gonna be like kesha or it's gonna be like two names or it's gonna be i don't cincinnati sue uh andrew's frozen again but we'll be right back with fanfrax 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt.

And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, for money advice without the judgment and jargon.

Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics entertainment sports and more joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors and with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else ready to laugh and stay informed listen on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head.

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Hell yes. Let's hear what the besties have to say this week. So many good voicemails. Let's start off with Alyssa. Hey, Nikki, Noah, and Andrew. I love you all. Bestie for life since the beginning, blah, blah, and Andrew. I love you all. Bestie for life since the beginning, blah, blah, blah. So I work in a restaurant and I was listening to the Horsehead with

Blaine Glebe episode about how sometimes the customer's not always right in everything. And I just want everyone to know that what we do in my restaurant to get through it is we kind of poke fun to the customers without them knowing. we have this thing called lhc and that means lick her cunt or lick his cock that means going above and beyond but like kind of being sarcastic about it so it's like oh my god yes i'd love to get you an extra side of ranch abso-fucking-lutely shit like that um and then we also do this thing where when people leave, instead of saying take care, we say dick hair.

And it kind of sounds the same. And it's just a little way for us to laugh and keep things light. Because honestly, the restaurant industry sucks right now. And yeah, we're there for a reason. We love our jobs and it's fun. It's great money out there to restaurants.

Anyways, I love you all. love you jack rabbit um love that yeah i really implore people if you got expendable cash and you like dining out get out there be nice to your wait staff tip a lot um help them out because it's i think it is a bad it's a struggle out there right now in customer service. Entitled people. It's just something's changing culturally where people are just so mean. But I love these little tricks. Wait, what is it?

LHC. LHC. LHC. Lugie His Coke. No, don't spit in people's food. I would love to get you another ranch oh my gosh so funny yes oh you're just being so nice that they kind of know you hate them that's good i used to say um you could say to someone have a good one and they don't know that

you mean death like to you it can mean death you know like you can make it for you they don't know you sound like you're being nice have a good one or like i just love i just love like dick hair cry later you sad bitch take care dick hair i i kind of see how but i can see people in their car being like they say dick hair did they it was like that when I went to Six Flags with my dad once when we were kids and the guy goes, all right, we've got to the ticket counter

or whatever. He goes, all right, get your ass in the park. And my dad goes, what? And he goes, get your ass in the park.

My dad goes, did you say get your ass? And he goes, no, I said, welcome to Jurassic Park. It was like, because it was raining outside

and he was like making a joke that it was like really ominous weather. And we laughed, we loved it because we were yawning and it was like, that guy just said, get your ass in the park. It was so fun. I love those. We had a moment on the cruise

where this girl would come around and she goes, silver in the glass, silver in the glass. And we're like, silver in the glass. And we glass and we're like silver in the glass and we're all like what the fuck souvenir glass and but like one of the those things with your family you go nuts like it was like the funniest thing that can keep you going ever to happen um my favorite one of those is in amy's movie snatched with goldie hawn where they check into this hotel and the person comes up

to them with like a little these little glasses of like a smoothie and he goes welcome welcome and she's like welcome and it looks like and he's like welcome and she's like oh no she takes a step and he's like he goes welcome and she's like and it's like it's it's like this hawaiian resort and she thinks it's welcome i thought that was one of my favorite ones she's like, he goes, welcome. And she's like, and it's like, it's like this Hawaiian resort. And she thinks it's welcome. I thought that was one of my favorite ones. She's like, I'll have a large. Venti, please. Blow hole.

All right. Next, Fanthrax. All right. Just saying words. Okay. Hey, Nikki, Andrew, and Noah. This is your bestie, Stephanie from San Francisco. You know where Andrew had to get a new pair of shoes right before walking on the set.

I actually watch y'all's show on YouTube. And after I watch the current show, YouTube will just randomly place on an older episode. And it replayed episode 160, which is with Anya Maria. And she is talking about a bikini being lost in New Jersey through USPS. And she wasn't going to have it from Mexico. And I just now, all of a sudden, need insight. I need the follow through. I need the end of the story.

I need the plane landed. story. I need the plane landed. What happened to the bikini? I'm going to have trouble sleeping tonight if I don't find out. Was Anya Marine naked? Was she able to resurface in her brand new bikini in Mexico?

Alright, I love you guys so much. I'm proud to be a bestie. Don't be cut. And Jack Antonoff. Bye. so much i'm proud to be a bestie um don't be cut and jack antonoff bye um love it jack antonoff um this is a new kind of fanthrox i like where people because there are a lot of loose ends on the show if you need some kind of closure please ask for it and we'll give it to you the closure here i think noah has the answer yeah so I reached out to Anya this morning and she goes, yes, I got it back eight months later.

Now I'm selling it on eBay. It's brand new, extra small. It's been on sale for months. No bites. We got to get her name on eBay so people can check it out. Yeah. And by the way, she did have a bikini in the Hamptons

that is so cute and perfect. And I believe it's from the same company because it was Italian. So maybe she got an extra. But it is very cute. So, yeah, try to find that. I don't know the brand or anything. But that eight months later, Jesus Christ. Glad we tied up that string bikini.

Great, great Franthrax. Next up. All right. Here's a story from Megan. Hey, Nikki, Andrew, and Noah. My name is Megan. And I was calling because a few weeks ago, you had talked about the awkwardness of watching a movie

where the same situation is happening and it's awkward between the people watching. In college, our friend's dog had just died so we knew going into pet cemetery that it was going to be a little weird but we kind of thought we'd like walk our way through it um we didn't know that in the movie the they get burned alive um and her brother had been burned alive and had died that way and instead of turning it off and being mature and looking at her and saying oh my god i'm so sorry we were all in our early 20s we just watched the whole thing and then like silently filed out of the apartment

and it was never mentioned and i still am mortified that that happened we never talked about it ever with her um so sad so she lost her dog and her brother died her brother was burned alive but she also lost her dog yes right like she lost her dog so it was already awkward that was like oh the dog but they kind of knew going into into it they just didn't know about that's okay and then she also had this other tragic thing happen in her life that is oh my okay wait there's a little bit left awkward yes sorry and then the second thing is is in the last episode you were doing your impressions of everyone and it clicked with me that you identify with a bird because you are like a bird that that mocks people a parakeet is that what they are or a parrot so just noticed that

didn't know if you had made the connection of your impersonations um thanks yeah that's all i've got such a good point because i'm like a bird because i could only do two second impressions like birds don't really like go places with their impressions they just do like a couple words yeah that's why okay i really like that spin uh i can't get over the burn thing though oh my god that sucks so much it's so sad and i mean i've had things where it's like you know when i was anorexic i remember just always just being so aware of watching anything that might make someone feel awkward about the fact that I'm struggling with this thing. Like I don't want to watch something where someone gets called out for being

anorexic. Cause then my whole family is going to be like, it's the elephant in the room. Like, you know, being aware of things about me that like, yeah, if I lost my brother in upfire,

I would be so cautious, not about my own like trauma but like of making of people feeling sorry for me watching things does that make sense like worrying about that people are gonna be like oh my god this is so awkward for nikki and being like i think that's maybe part of my personality is just to take care of other people's feelings about my own trauma instead of my own because it's easier that way. I mean, next time, maybe do Look Who's Talking or something. I'm trying to think of...

The movie choice, whoever chose the movie. Yeah, next time, choose Marley and Me. Just go right there. No one gets burned alive in it. Well, at least you're sticking with the dog theme and you're not risking any complete family tragedies popping up.

All right, Final thought. Let's go to another. Okay. This one comes from Molly. You guys, I am listening to episode 255, gibberish training bra, and you guys are talking about chin hairs and nipple hairs and how, sorry to bring this up again, Noah,

but you had to shave the morning after like a hookup to like control the chin hair. And I feel so seen. I seriously have been so insecure about like, I get like these like hairs, like, I guess it's basically like a sideburn and they grow so fast and it's so embarrassing and it makes me feel like a gross man and now i know that like holla and nikki and noah like all have the same thing and i just i should have known this sooner but i truly feel so seen and i just had to call it and tell you guys i'm so glad oh my god because honestly there are these things that we keep we think other people don't have even though we have been exposed to so many people admitting their truths that you think there's still things about

you that other people don't have but you just keep whatever you got going there is someone that has it i'm so glad you felt seen by that i was just thinking of like another thing that you pointed out please that's like such like an embarrassing thing but it happens to just about every woman and that's like the little joint uh toilet paper in our vaginas yes that was a real big like that was learning seeing seeing those joints and realizing other women had them and those joints i was never been in this bathroom before so those have to be from another woman so other like it was a it was a moment never been in this bathroom before. So those have to be from another woman. So other,

like it was a, it was a moment for me in a stall when I saw those of like, I know that this isn't just me. I don't think I put it in the special, but like even taking baths with my sister, like my vagina just sucks up toilet paper. I remember as being a kid in the bath with my sister and having to skim the top of the water to like collect the toilet paper that I had accumulated in my vagina that would be released in the paper that i had accumulated in my vagina

that would be released in the bath as a child even my vagina was like just swiffering debris it was insane like i worked maybe we could use your vagina to clean up the ocean like go reverse i love the idea too of like thank god for the internet and shows like ours where we're very honest about our like vulnerabilities people do in the 60s when you had to hide everything you were just a bearded woman in the circus like back in the day if you embraced it otherwise you just didn't leave their house yeah but there's still things i there's i gotta i gotta think there's something that i even me that i am struggling with i'm sure there's still things i there's i gotta i gotta think there's something that i even me that i am struggling with i'm sure there's something that i can't even go to in my head

because it's so in the recesses of like i will never tell anyone that that other people listening right now you struggle with it too thinking no one else does i know there's something like that is my goal in life is to get all of those things out of me and like be able to admit them freely to free up any kind of like you know just even talking about um it was so nice i ran into a bestie maybe it wasn't a bestie yesterday i taped a filmed a tv show and the woman that was like my onset you know contact was like i saw i just saw you last night at supernova your pedophilia bit was so fucking good i never thought i'd tell someone that but i love your pedophile jokes and i i think that is where i'm kind of getting into it of like i i've had to be like wait what

if i am a pedophile like you have to ask yourself that question at some point of like what if i'm a murderer or like you know we all have these dark thoughts of like, oh my God, I just thought of pushing that person in front of traffic. Am I a psychopath? I think a lot of times guys, I think I've heard guys admit when it used to be a thing that carried more shame, even though it still does for many people, about being gay. That men have to go like, am I gay? And give it a real serious thought of like, do I even want explore that because if i let that out is it going to make me gay and i think that you know my joke i go you know i'm talking about my nephew wanting to shower with me and saying to him like or saying to my sister like no he can't because what if i molest him and

like saying that puts it out there that like i've questioned like but like it could it be in me and that is something i would never have admitted to even thinking before because it might mean that i am if i've had that thought but now i know intrusive thoughts like that if anything the fact that i'm worried about it means i'm not and the fact and i also know i'm not because you know you're a pedophile by the time you're 13. Like by the time you've reached puberty, if you're not attracted to kids by then, you're not gonna be.

So if anyone out there is ever worried about that, I've looked into it because I'm like, because I always just reason no one chooses to be a pedophile. So I don't want that to happen to me. You know, like what if you bump your head? No one knows the root cause of it? But I do know that you know,

if you are the unfortunate person to be attracted to children and that's part of your brain, fuck, we talked about it before, but it's not your fault, but it is up to you what you do with it, which I hope isn't like, you know, are proactive and making sure you do not hurt anyone with it. But no one chooses that and i think that there is a part of me that was always like what if like i just got lucky that i'm not a murderer or not i'm not homicidal or i'm not a psychopath like you don't get to choose your brain but i think that that was something that for a while i was scared to admit that i

even thought like am i could i be this because it's i'm so fascinated by it that and then i have a whole bit where it's like people kind of go why she's so into pedophilia and i've talked about it before on the show but it's like well girls are into murder podcasts and you don't go she's a murderer it's like no i'm just you know disgusting for like thinking it or like enjoying it i'm just my dude joke is i'm a pederisto you know how they call like the girls people that are fans of my favorite murder podcasts are called like murderistas so i'm trying to make it like a cute thing of like yeah but i just like to do it yeah um i guess i gotta work on that but it was nice

there's stuff like that that i even admitting on stage that I was the other woman in a relationship and I pursued a guy that had a girlfriend. That was something that I go, I'm going to have to take this one to the grave because no one's going to empathize with this. I'm a bad person. But even that, like, I know I'm not alone because I did the math on it. I'm like, if everyone says they've been cheated on, there's a lot more women that are the other woman on the other side of this than i'm hearing about i mean for everyone that's been cheated on there's another woman but why am i only hearing about women being cheated on why is no one talking about being another woman it's because no one is admitting it because it's embarrassing and that you get villainized

but it's just as there's just as many women out there my joke is is it just me and leanne rhymes fucking your boyfriends and the funny part is i saw Leanne rhymes on a flight recently and I wanted to tell her about the joke and be like, Oh, you're mentioned in my joke, but I, you know, I don't think we're there yet because I don't know her personally.

And so I shouldn't probably comment on the fact that she's in a relationship with someone who was in a relationship with a man. I mean, I feel like, I feel like if you're looking back at it, there's like a difference like a feeling of like I was the other person

I acknowledge it I'm coming clean about it I don't know if I want to do it again in the future I think the trick is to be able to do it in the moment because then you can stop the behavior like if you get on I mean that's the first step in all program stuff is like I'm an alcoholic

admitting that you currently are doing a bad thing that is where you want to get to because the sooner you can address it the sooner you can go well this is not who i want to be but it takes that lag for me it took a year and a half before i could admit on stage after i pursued a guy with a girlfriend that i did that i wouldn't even reference it on a podcast you know because i didn't i was so ashamed of it and now he made you sign an nda didn't he i was gonna try to make a new acronym out of nda i think it's a lit con hair dickhead or whatever uh nikki's doing adultery um but i uh and it is i'm only able to talk about it not because I got space from it, which is maybe part of it, but because I'm not ashamed about it because I thought about it enough and I go, I'm not a bad person because this happened. I made a mistake.

I didn't do something that I'm proud of. I don't want to be that way anymore. But I'm not, I'm not ashamed of it. I accept it about myself as a thing that I did that I don't want to do again. And there's millions of other people that are flawed in the same exact way. Yes, if you've been the other woman

and everyone is making you feel bad about it in your life and there's nothing for you to listen. I mean, this is a part of what I want to do is like there's no songs. When I was going through it and I was like pining for a guy with a girlfriend and I wanted someone to have a little bit of empathy for my situation,

there's one fucking song for you. It's Illicit Affairs by Taylor Swift. It's the only song written from the perspective that I could find of the perspective of the woman who knew the guy had a girlfriend and still went after him. And it actually has some empathy for her. But it's otherwise, most songs are like,

bitch, you took my man, fuck you. Or like, fuck you for cheating on me, you piece of shit. It's always written from that woman's perspective that got hurt by that woman, which is a valid place to be as well. Not invalidating that anger. Although I do think it's misplaced on the girl often.

Because you have to. If you stay with the guy that cheats on you, you have to make the woman who he cheated on the villain. Because you couldn you stay with the guy that cheats on you, you have to make the woman who he cheated on the villain because you couldn't stay with the guy otherwise. Should I just tell you? I'll tell you now. There's this woman. I got to send you the article.

She put up a TikTok. All these women were talking shit about her in her TikTok, right? She finds the women on Instagram, sees their husbands, and starts DMing their husbands and then shows the women on instagram sees their husbands and starts dming their husbands and then shows the women that were talking shit about them in the comments the receipts of how the husband wants to fucking cheat on them oh boy you i don't know how i didn't send it to you i was

like this is this is fucking juicy i'm sorry as fucking toxic and unhinged as that is boy do i love that she made videos of it talking to the woman dude reading the receipts wild it's wild it's so it's so good and so bad i don't i i'm glad that i wouldn't do that but man i like that that's out there because what a way to show women like fuck you yeah you are your little pedestal yeah making fun of me judging me and you think your life is perfect that's what i want to do to all these people that ever comment about celebrities including my fucking self whenever i have an opinion about someone i want to go who the fuck do you think you are having any opinion about Olivia Wilde

and Harry Styles' relationship when you don't fucking know anything? And you think you're perfect? No one is perfect enough to judge anyone. And this woman, man, you got to send that to me. That's good. I got to find it. We will post it on our story.

But that's diabolical. Thank you guys so much for your fanthraxes. Great ones today. We have one more week of shows before I go on vocal rest. Thank you for all your kind words this week when I was depressed. We got through it. Thank you to Andrew and Noah for putting up with me

or accepting me is how I'll say that. I really appreciate it. You guys are the best and love all the fans, all the besties. And I'm going to be in Vegas. Vegas is how you say it.

Tomorrow night at the Virgin Hotel. Christina, if you want to just do a last minute trip to Vegas, look at flights. Come see me. Meet and greets afterwards. If you want to get a meet and greet, just DM me. All caps important. And I'll see it and I'll give you free meet and greet if you buy tickets to come see me in vegas at the virgin hotel uh theater uh with benedict pilosi and uh anya marina so that'll be tomorrow my last show before i um become an alter ego and if you have any ideas for my alter ego name please send them my way as well don't be cut and jack be nimble jack

for me not a virgin place and your voice will be new. A virgin place. And you're going to have a new voice after this. I'm always reforming from a virgin place. Born again. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right.

I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight

straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You are cordially invited to

the hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing, and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, And me, Mandy B. As we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives

dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s tackling the complexities of modern relationships and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations from groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences decisions decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections.

Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star.

To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From Novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.