The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #272 Back From Vocal Surgery

Episode Date: September 29, 2022

Nikki is back but still has to be quiet under doctor's orders so she is using a text to speech app, bitch. Chris Convy joins to help describe how it has been for Nikki the last couple of weeks of vocal rest. They talk about the difference between going to a barbershop vs. hair salon, first kisses and first sex and how Jon Hamm fell into the story of Nikki and Chris falling in love. You Heard It Here First: A man was finally mic'd having an orgasm but not like we wanted, dancing is a depresh killer and the article on Nikki on Esquire.com that you must read. This episode was a little challenging for us because of the circumstance but it means a lot to be able to do this for you. We hope you enjoy it. xoxo. ----- Please subscribe to our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Get Pod Merch: Podshop.NikkiGlaser.com Nikki's Tour Dates: www.nikkiglaser.com/tour Andrew's Tour Dates: www.andrewcollincomedy.com   More Nikki: IG More Andrew: IG  More producer Noa: IG    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch

your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast.

Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF. And me, Mandy B. As we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love.

Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry.

I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From Novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Emi Olea, host of the podcast Crumbs. For years, I had to rely on other people to tell me my story. And what I heard wasn't good. You really f***ed last night.

It felt like I lived most of my life in a blackout. I was trapped in addiction. You had to grab the lamp and smash it against the walls. And then I decided I wanted to tell my own story. Listen to Crumbs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. I'm Nikki Glaser and. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am.

I'm Nikki Glaser and welcome to the podcast. I'm here in St. Louis with Andrew Collin. Noah is in Arizona. And my boyfriend and co-host of the Courtney Show podcast is here again. It's Chris Convey, everyone. You may be wondering what you are hearing. Well, folks, this is how I sound now after my surgery. I told the doctor

to give me the voice of a lobotomized 1960s housewife. I like it. Do you? I'm surprised it's not longer. Welcome to the show. Wait, is this real time now? We're in real time. We're in real time. We're in real time.

So how are you feeling, Nikki? She's typing something else. She's had a lobotomy. It's going to be like one of those conversations. I have more to say, but I thought I'd give you a chance to respond. So what's the last two and a half weeks been like for you in three words? Since you have voices it's gonna be one of those back and forth things where you know when you're texting somebody and

you're texting something and then they're texting something else and then you hit send at the same time but you're both having two separate conversations about two different things you know what i mean and yeah there's a bit of a delay i could see a bubbles over her head right now so if people people do know this all the besties know at this point, Nikki had. Breast surgery. Yeah. That affected her voice. So many people have like, how many people do you know that have had nose jobs?

But then they said, oh yeah, I just had like my deviated septum. Every girl in my high school that drove a BMW. They all had deviated septum. Weird. They come from a long line of. None of them could breathe. Deviated septum. So Nikki had deviated septum. Weird. They come from a long line of- None of them could breathe. Deviated septum. So Nikki had vocal cord surgery.

I was there for it. I mean, I wasn't in the room during this. I really count this as a voice lift. A voice lift. I feel like, too, that you have to laugh harder at her jokes because she sounds disabled. So it's like, if we don't laugh, we're not at uh like a little disabled girl i've had a problem that i'm using a text to speech website i found after searching for hours because it's nearly impossible to find one i bet it's easier to find beyonce's social security number online than it is to find a fucking west

bite that people who are temporarily or permanently mute can use to communicate i use an app on my phone that is awesome and the voice is so much funnier but I can't use it here because that app cannot be downloaded to computers for some reason and I can't use my phone right now because it takes way longer to type on a phone than a keyboard. Well then you might ask me. Why don't you get a Bluetooth keyboard and connect it to your phone, Nikki? Well I do have a Bluetooth keyboard. I have two actually but neither of them will connect to a fucking iphone and even if they did i would still have to press the enter

button on my phone after typing which would negate the speed of the keyboard in the first place so this is the best i can do get off my back i'm gonna need you to get way off my back on this one it's weird i always wanted to to do Lex Friedman's podcast. One problem. I wish I got that. He's like kind of a computer guy. I didn't get that either. Oh, he's been on Joe Rogan a lot. He wears a tie and he talks like this.

Does he come from like the tech world? He's like an intellectual. Has he autistic? Yeah. We don't know. I would say so. The noise you made when you're thinking. The good kind that's how you get out of things these days you just go you have a racist thought so how's it been dating a mute i mean this woman has been legendary for

her words per minute is pretty amazing i mean thousands some would say hundreds of thousands now to zero has it been the best two and a half weeks of your life no i feel like i'm sure i'm sure i'm sure emotionally for nikki it's been difficult but i haven't felt i mean there's been times that are a little bit frustrating and not as much like fun because like i know nikki's got great stuff to say about things that she's just holding i'm just missing out on a lot of jokes it's been good for us i think the interruption one thing we haven't addressed at all is I started talking like louder and like sort of like overemphasizing things as if she has like hearing issues. And I can't seem to stop it.

Have you noticed it? She's putting her finger up like she's a DJ. You kind of have like a DJ vibe. This might be your neck. Yeah, it's really a DJ vibe. And all they have is like a keyboard, like a computer anyway, and they just hit play. Everyone tends to talk louder or not at all. Yeah.

I feel like I'm treating her like a grandparent. They think I can't hear. Right, yeah. It is a strange thing mentally to deal with. Yeah, I saw her at Starbucks. I am on day 19 of not talking. It's going better than I thought it would. My main worries were that I would wake up every morning

and forget that I should not talk and I would say one of my first sentences that I say every day upon waking. Something like good morning sunshine or what a great day to be alive. Or oh fuck another day of existing. I hope I get hit by an Uber Black. But it only took four days

before I didn't have to remember to not talk when I woke up. By day four, I was dreaming in silence. It's kind of like when you get sober and you have nightmares that you smoke or drink. I think a lot of sober people will relate to that. I have frequent dreams where I talk and I'm so mad at myself.

Nikki's talking. She's talking in her sleep a few times too. So have you made any sounds? Nikki's talking She's talking in her sleep a few times too Oh Yeah but not a lot So have you made any sounds? She's messed up a few times Once in traffic Yes I think twice watching TV

Wait go back to the traffic Cause this is She got cut off Road rage Road rage really? Oh road rage Man Was it bad?

I mean, what did you say? What was the word that got you? Something happened. Were you in the car with Nikki? No, no. I think I just, Nikki just. When people drive too slow or they make a face at me and I go, ooh, you poor baby.

Oh, you poor baby. Oh, wow, wow. You said poor baby. baby that's what you got and your window was up so they couldn't even hear it they never hear it and i think there was something on tv that's it was a terrible tv show called special the great british scandal oh i thought bake and somebody just did something really like sleep like it's, he did something slimy. Oh, this guy was on trial, and he had cheated. Anatomy of a scandal. Yeah, that's it.

And he had cheated on his, spoiler alert, if you're a big anatomy of a scandal fan. It's been a while. Yeah. So this guy's on trial, and he had cheated on his wife, and during this trial, details of that affair had to come out. His wife is sitting there in the audience or whatever it is and he has to like he talks about intimately about

all that like he was like we had we were very very uh connected emotionally and like saying just weird stuff and his wife is right there oh So it would have been better if he was like just describing the sexual exploits. Yeah, if he was just like, I said to you so loudly at the screen and then I covered my mouth instantly like that monkey emoji. What did he say?

Because it was, I mean, I'm not doing a good job of describing it. It was something that was like our connection was passionate like nothing we had ever felt before. So it's Adam Levine?

You're right. And I saw you i said holy fuck holy fuck she goes she's trying to type it out but it's not it's not working on this texas speech app but she said ooh really loudly so you've only messed up like a handful of times i mean that's incredible i mean do you think it'd be harder to say like 10 words a day almost? Because like, I don't know. I feel like all or nothing. No, I talk probably two to three times a day.

Oh, I didn't know that. By accident, I mean. Yeah, by accident. But it's always like one or two words. Are you shocked? I never get out a sentence. Yeah. I never get out a sentence.

I'm impressed that she's able to do this at all. Because it's, I mean, I forget all the time. We'll go, like we went to this Taylor Swift sing-along thing. Yes. Yeah,

that would be the hardest thing ever, you would think. Oh, and she didn't sing anything. She was just mouthing it. But yeah, mouthing it. But you want to feel. That's the whole point of karaoke and belting out your favorite song is you get extra feeling.

Glaze, did you still get all of the effect of it, or do you feel like you left something on the table that night? And also, were the other people there saying anything to you, being like, why is she mute? That's the problem. Yeah. There were the other people there saying anything to you like being like why is she mute that's the problem yeah so there's thousands of girls there that i learned how to have a great time lip syncing good did it take anything away from the experience that you couldn't actually sing but i learned that it will go in a dmb right so. So you had Nikki got to see her. At DMV. Oh, yeah. Nikki got to see her.

She got to see all her favorites. In the last two and a half weeks, she got to see. I thought you said DMV. I was like, what the fuck's going on? I really did. I really, I was like, when? But anyways, yeah, so go ahead. Dave Matthews band.

You didn't think she said DMV? I swear to God, I thought she said DMV like a joke. Like, oh, I will go in the DMV. But yes. You are D-U-M-B. What's that bitch? Oh yeah keep talking shit. That is one of the funniest things she's doing is

she's putting I don't even like saying the word the B word at the end of every sentence. It's pretty funny every time. Do you talk to your parents with that mouth sorry I didn't mean to cut you off though really which is shall DMV yeah Wilco at Red Rocks so Nikki got to see Wilco at Red Rocks DMV at the Hollywood Bowl and the Taylor Swift dance party so her three I mean basically her three

favorite things to sing, she got to do all those things during her three-week can't talk hiatus. Oh, you're back on. Oh, look who's back on. My text to speech. He just checked the limit for that speech app, so here goes a new one. Is that Portuguese? I think it's like one of the guys from the bar

in Star Wars. Oh, so you can do any voice you want? You can do multiple voices? There is Portuguese there. It sounded Portuguese. I just exceed the limits for that speech app, so here goes a new one. Oh, yeah.

I just exceed the limits for that speech app, so here goes a new one. Let's look for... Oh, you reached a limit. I'm going to be a man now. Do you have to pay? Maybe? I'm surprised that it's not a free service, especially since it's for people with a disability. There should be a free resource.

Yes, I have to pay, but it takes too long to set up bitch. What's that? I think you have a speech impediment. Noah liked it. So Nikki, I think in like three days on Friday, she has an appointment with her doctor to see if she's able to talk for like

five minutes a day for the next two or three weeks after that. So then, and then after that, Nikki, after that two weeks or three weeks,

is it just like, do you go to another appointment and then he clears you to just get back to normal or do you just feel it yourself and you get to do what you want? Don't put the mic up to her face. Don't tempt her.

I don't know. I like that move. What do you mean you don't know? So wait, after she sees a doctor, it could be another two to three weeks? So when she sees a doctor on Friday, it will be another two weeks. And he might just say, yeah, you can talk for five minutes a day. You know, having a dog and not being able to talk to it is the hardest thing oh luigi yeah the dogs have been really

confused that like they're around and she's not calling them baby all the time you've heard you've heard dogs thrive on your high voice you've heard the way she talks to the dogs, right, Andrew? Yeah, it's creepy. Can you... They are so confused. It's like a hive kissing. There's a lot of kissing, I think. Yeah, there's a lot of kissing. And asking if they're babies. They are.

There will always be babies. Marion. I have learned what mouth sounds I can make. Oh, did your doctor tell you you could do that? Oh, there we go. I think like Sturgill Simpson had this surgery and he's been gone for like six months or something. Something crazy. They are all sounds that don't use my chords.

So what else? So conversations, you're like handling this i mean i know it's tough for you chris to go through this but every singer has had this i have realized what what kind of connection have you guys made like is there more like it sounds cheesy but more of a spiritual connection are you looking at each other in the eye like in the eyes more do you feel like i'm gonna look at her in the mouth now. Just in flat out no. But you know what I mean?

The nice part for me is that Nikki isn't on tour. So instead of going away every weekend and us sort of like restarting and resetting and stuff like that, which is nice in some ways to miss somebody. We get to hang out every single night and it's a dream. I typed that.

Yeah. So sweet. Chris loves to hang out with this British man. It is a way to kind of explore some things, Chris. I did get along with Jimmy Carr when I met him in Montreal. He makes me use

this voice. Oh, oh. In bed. For sleeping. It's soothing. Sorry. When she reads me, she reads me books every night and so she does it in this voice now. It's exciting. So anyways, Chris,

you got a haircut recently? Yeah, I got a haircut and this time I was like, you know what? I don don't have anything coming up I don't have anything going on we just took pictures for the radio show and I was like I'm just gonna tell the person like do do like the coolest thing you can think of like you get artistic freedom you can do whatever you want

no well kind of she did this thing that I was like oh I'm gonna shave today her last name is Gooch her last name is Gooch Her last name is Gooch Her last name is Gooch She's great Great person Terrible last name

She married into it The guy should have Taken her name Yeah what's her last name Her real last name I've asked her before But I don't know It must be worse than that

Yeah Goochie Tamed So anyway So let's see this cut Do you want to show it? Yeah, I can show it. But then so I was telling Nikki, I was like, I'm just going to let this person do whatever

they want. And then I was like, well, or you can just decide what it is. And so she's pulled up a bunch of pictures of like the most handsome men in America and was like, do this. And they also are like younger and have much better hair than me. So she did what she could to make me look like Thor. Oh, you went with Thor? Let's see this Thor.

If it died blonde, I would fucking lose it. Oh, nice. It's a great cut. Yeah, I can't see it. So what would be different? No, it's just a basic Hawkeye cut. You left it a little longer on top than you usually do then, maybe? And shorter on the sides? Is that a Thor? I typed in Hobgye cut. You left it a little longer on top than you usually do then maybe? And shorter on the sides?

Is that a thorn? I typed in Hobgye haircut. Yeah. Oh. You just wanted me to be hot. I mean,

it's a little higher faded than maybe you normally do, maybe. I don't know if I've ever gotten a fade. A fade? They can only do so much. Yeah,

she asked him to add hair to my hairline maybe like just put a thor helmet on it might look better wait wait so the hemsworth you came in with a hat we were talking about we have to go to break come back you'll find out what's ch Chris wearing a hat? Andrew. Andrew. Coming. I'm coming on down the river flows all day to the most people. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year.

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Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, we're back. Welcome back to the show. I guess, yeah, I guess it's not riveting to talk about the hat, but I do think as a guy, we go in with hats on and you get a haircut, and then do you put the hat back on before you leave the haircut? And is that a dig to the hairstylist by putting the hat on or should you wait and you go hey you put product in it because like they want to see the end result there you know what i mean is it rude why don't i answer your question i leave the hair lady with wet hair every single time

so is that the equivalent to a hat? Yeah. Yeah. Because what, they'd want to dry it? They want to dry it and see the end result. Yes, and style it. So then why do you, because you're not going to any function, like you don't need them to do, is it extra money?

You don't care about that. Do you think you save $7.50 because they don't take the time to dry it? Because I am tired of being there it takes another 50 minutes yeah to dry your hair and style it yep yes and style it and then and they have to like look at it and put product and then you inhale it it's just a whole thing yeah and then you're like ready for like a homecoming or something yeah after you spent like two hours doing the foils and then washing it,

it's a five-hour affair for us. Can I recommend something? And then you have to act like you like it and it's all just so exhausting. Yes. The whole pageantry of a haircut that maybe you're not thrilled about, but you have to have that moment where you're like,

it's perfect. It's perfect. You've done the best job with this hair.'ll tip them more the worse it is yeah that's i don't know what's that disease in my brain i'll go oh you gave me the lloyd christmas here's a how about i pay your rent when what was the last time you got a bad haircut and how did it make you feel i don't know my haircut these days it's so like simple there's no options it's just yeah you know you have limited options so it's hard to mess up you know what i mean so it hasn't been when i had options it hurt more and

how often how often you get in a haircut and are you making an appointment when you leave because every time i leave they're like do you want to make your next appointment and you're like who knows when they're gonna need yeah i don't know if i'll be alive still yeah i don't do that i don't do that i've never felt like less of a woman than when I see the scowls of the women when I leave the salon with wet hair. It's truly unheard of for women to do that. Who has all this time?

I don't get it. I could see you in front of the store just shaking your head like a dog. Just getting the wet out. It's so funny, dude. So when do you dry it? Have you ever left wet? I have not

left wet, but I have an appointment coming up and I think I'm going to leave wet because I hate that last process. Because they take it as an insult. My hairdresser is pretty cool. I think she'll just think I'm an oddball, but she won't take it personally.

When I went to tinfoil and the weird thing you guys put over your head. I have to text my hairdresser beforehand to prepare her for it. Nice. That's a good idea. Do you go to the same person every time? Do you, Andrew?

No, and I should because I like the guy. I wait till the last second second and then he's not available and then I'll go anywhere. Yeah, that happens a lot. Here's a recommendation I have for anybody out there. Bring a friend to a haircut. It was so much, even though Nikki couldn't talk, she came and stayed the whole time. Yeah.

She was doing the phone text thing. It's so much more fun when there's three people hanging out, having a good time. Yeah. She was doing, you know, the phone text thing. It's so much more fun when there's three people hanging out, having a good time. Bring a friend to a haircut. Bring a friend to a cut. Listen, bring a friend

to a haircut. I've been to a few cuts of a friend. You have? Yeah. Yeah, I kind of like it. Bring a mute friend. Bring a mute friend, yeah.

No, it would have been more fun if you could have talked, but you couldn't. How many jokes did you leave on the table at the haircut? You know what barbers are doing now? Do you like this? They give you the haircut. You don't look in the jokes did you leave on the table at the haircut? You know what barbers are doing now?

Do you like this? They give you the haircut. You don't look in the mirror. You look at the room while they cut your hair. Have you seen this? I don't like this. I'd rather look in the mirror. I want to see.

I love that. Oh, you love that. Yeah, they should put like a TV on or something. I have a dentist. That's why I hate going. Yeah. Because you have to look at yourself so long? Interesting.

I had a dentist that you would be down in the chair and they had on, you know, one of those like, you know, movable. That's why I hate going. Yeah. Well, because you have to look at yourself so long? Interesting. I had a dentist that you would be down in the chair, and they had on one of those movable- I hate my face. I love the straight man. And the lighting is always so terrible. Tell me about it. Noah feels me. What if your next comedy special is just his voice? Noah's face too.

I don't like that one too much. There's just so much going on here. Yeah, it's too much. So wait, what were you saying? I'm sorry. We should do a disclaimer in front of this podcast to be like, listen, buckle up. This is a new experience. People are going to think it's their uh what's the gps i love my face when i am in good lighting and when i have makeup on but when i am getting my hair done

i usually look like shit shit yes women relate yes are you is that a command or are you is it a what do you say are you forcing them to relate well it's funny the older you get as a guy and you start that's the name of my next spesh women are late i think it's pretty good love it right there right it's right out there uh you you start losing hair and then you have to ask you go can you cut it like so it doesn't so it looks less bald like there's a whisper involved and like yeah i know yeah this is not my first receding hairline and it's just so it's like a pause where you're just like hey can you like like just leave it a little longer there so i can play around with it and they're like yeah dude we know but there are shitty barbersbers that have literally cut it to make me look as bald as possible.

And I'm just like, oh, this is... I don't know what this... They'll shave this part still. Maybe they see you as a threat. Oh, yeah. That's bad. Yeah. Yes, Gooch said that every woman comes in with a picture of a celebrity and she's like,

I'm sorry, those women have extensions and you have seven strands of hair. That ain't happening. Wait, who does the pause? Do you do a bunch of spaces there? It knows? It's a period. Wow, good timing. It really pauses.

AI, it's too long. I didn't know this as of yesterday. It's too long. Nikki told me that basically everybody you see on tv every like woman every woman has hair extensions and so when you see like this unbelievable head of hair which i don't even know if i'm paying attention to that stuff but you do notice the difference between the people that are doing it and aren't doing it and apparently every single person which it feels unfair it feels like steroids for people on TV do you think it's a strong never

wear them but I did on Kimmel when I hosted and now I want to be clear about that yeah man she wore him on Kimmel but hasn't worn him in years because she thinks it's unfair is it unfair are you worried that your hair will fall out because of them no she was well was... But I didn't. It's unfair. It's unfair. It's unfair. Women relate.

It is. Now, do you think it'd be a boss move if next late show you do... Women compare themselves. You take out the layers on TV and you put it on the fucking... You just slam it on the wall? Slam it on Jimmy Kimmel's table or whatever. Like on Liar Liar? Yeah, yeah. Exactly. I've done that before.

Thanks for watching my work, Andrew. You have 90 million hours, Nikki. I'm sorry. I didn't see your video from 1948. Oh, do you guys know about the article in Esquire yet? Noah, Andrew? Did that come out already?

I did it on the NETELFIX show with Jimmy Carr. On the Netflix show with Jimmy Carr? Oh. NETELFIX show. Actually, we were friends then. So yeah, Nikki was in. I took out my extensions. Actually, I remember when we went to that Thai place in Manhattan

and you gave me your extension to put on. Remember? You clipped it off your head. I put on your extensions and wore them as bangs. Yeah. Yeah. That was an interesting conversation that led to. Wait, what were you saying?

I don't know. Oh, the Esquire piece, which I have in the news. Oh, okay. Gotcha. I used to read Esquire piece, which I have in the news. Oh, okay. Gotcha. I used to read Esquire. That would be like one of the... Back in the day, you probably would. ESPN, Rolling Stone, maybe Esquire or GQ, maybe.

Yeah, I mean, I didn't really get into... You never a magazine guy. Penthouse. Penthouse. That's Nikki's. I used to read YM Magazine. Did you ever read that nicky did you read young and modern wire wire magazine ym magazine oh ym i remember grade school girls

girls would come in with magazine quizzes from like cosmo oh yeah oh yeah vogue maybe and then everybody would have to take these quizzes is he just that into you or like does he think your nipples look weird something like that yeah no I would read the articles I feel like the bigger the magazine are you a good kisser I'm decent

what was your first kiss Chris my first kiss was Colleen a kiss was Colleen A woman named Colleen A girl A woman She was a girl at the time That bitch

She was babysitting a kid named Gary Poore Wait, wait, one second She was babysitting She was babysitting How old were you? I don't know 33? No, I was probably 14 She was babysitting. How old were you? I don't know. 33?

No, I was probably 14. Oh. Maybe. And she's babysitting your- Maybe 13. She was a year older than me. No, she was babysitting my cousin's neighbor. Okay. Which is pretty close to my house.

Okay, so you're- Just to say hi to Colleen, say what's going on. Okay. So this was like a planned thing. Parents are gone. She's babysitting. Did you have a crush? Yeah.

Colleen and I, we were destined at that point. Okay. So you go over there. The kiss is like, hey, we're going to make out. No, no, no. I was leaving, and it was like, I remember it was like this. Raining? We kind of knew it was, I think it was just like, we knew it was i was leaving and it was like i remember it was like this raining we kind of kind of knew it was i think it was just like we knew it was going to happen but i was leaving

and i was in like a bit of a hurry and we were at the top of the stairs uh at this house and and gary was in the basement she was like walked me up and then we got to the top of the stairs and we kissed fairly quickly and then looked down and gary was at the bottom of the stairs and then gary i think told her mom and then like everybody oh i think like everybody knew whoa what went down seems was their tongue involved i don't know let's call gary yeah only gary knows at this point so wait did you kiss her again was this like uh yeah colleen was my girlfriend in seventh grade. She was in eighth grade.

Oh, older girl. That's a big deal, dating an eighth grader when you're seventh grade. Yeah, it was awesome. She was the best. How did you guys first meet? But everyone remembers their first peck kiss versus their first make out. Yeah, I was going to say the same thing. I always thought a first kiss was like with tongue.

A peck is just... Yeah, I'm trying to remember my first tongue. Yes, I agree. Thanks. My first kiss, fourth grade, sixth grader, I kissed. And I bumped. What was your first make out, Andrew?

That was my first peck. And I messed up and I went nose to nose. Oh, okay. I didn't turn my head in front of the whole school bus. Why did you do it in front of the and I messed up and I went nose to nose. Oh, okay. Yeah, of course. I turned my head in front of the whole school bus. Why did you do it in front of the whole school bus? I was ready for stand-up back then, brother.

Everyone laughed at me. What? Hey, brother. What does that mean? I don't know. I got nervous again like I was in fourth grade. No, I was in the back of the bus. It wasn again like I was in fourth grade. No, I was in the back of the bus.

It wasn't like I was like, but yeah. And everyone was like, oh, they're going to kiss. It was a big deal, I think, because she was so much older maybe. She actually wrote me on Facebook recently. I guess I left a mark on her nose. Hello. Come on, stand up. It's here.

Come on back. So she wrote you on Facebook. on facebook what happened after that oh that was years later but uh i think there was one girl that my first makeout session was going to be an eighth grader when i was in seventh grade this girl elizabeth johnson and she dumped me because i wouldn't kiss her with tongue because i was too nervous why were you nervous i just thought i'd be bad i love how it's planned yeah yeah yeah yeah it is kind of bland yeah i don't know i was she was just at that point she was just more experienced than me and i thought i would do so bad that she would dump me turns out yeah she just realized how young and small i was so small man she was like i hadn't like a foot taller than me andrew when was your first sex my first sex wasn't till i was in college freshman year in college this girl brought me to a

sorority mixer like party she gave me 80 cash i was like a prostitute she gave me 80 she goes go get drunk do whatever you want to do so i got very drunk and then i had very lousy sex that night couldn't even stay erect it was bad it was just a mess and uh yeah that was pretty much my first time i ever had sex yeah it was terrible it was like it wasn't memorable at all i mean i hardly remember it i was pretty blacked out but i just remember her giving me 80 in cash and just being like i mean it's kind of nice i mean it's kind of pretty romantic i guess didn't you have sex in a car outside of a parking lot. I had sexual activities in a car in an Explorer. A 7-Eleven. No.

A 7-Eleven? No. I did this outside a car, and we were steaming up the car, listening to LL Cool J. Freaking, what was that song? What was that? Backseat of my Jeep, which is right on, like, backseat of my Jeep. And I was, like backseat of my jeep let's and i was

like literally in like a jeep like hooking up and then i stopped talking to that girl because i got weirded out and i would see her in the hallway and pretend i was invisible and i'd walk by her and i like it's like the i was so i was i was out of my mind can you still listen to that ll cool j song uh yeah i don't really like LL Cool J as much as I did for that month and a half, I guess. But yeah, I can still listen to it. Andrew used to do this thing where he would pretend

he was invisible. Yeah, like the kid from that movie with Adam Sandler. What was that movie? Big Daddy. Will you explain this? Yeah, I was just like, i hooked up with a or i kissed another girl we were in sephora and i would just i'd be like seven feet away from her and i would be like she doesn't see me she doesn't see me and i would like pretend to be so

insignificant i guess where she wouldn't see me but i was in his 20s yeah that was a little later that was too late for that wait so but like so did you think that if you didn't make eye contact with her she doesn't see you is that how you think it was i think it was look do i think i was invisible like floating no but do i think that she got the hint that i was so uncomfortable that she would realize not to speak with me probably yeah I think that's probably what it is but did anybody ever call you out and be like hey I saw you and you pretended like you were invisible I think months later she meant she's like you know I saw you at Sephora like we were right next to each other I was like yeah she's like that was really weird behavior

I was like yeah yeah I don't know like i was very awkward about did anybody ever witness you actually disappearing gary no i don't know man i yeah i i don't think i mean maybe i am have you ever been nervous around girls that you hooked up with after because i was so nervous around boys yeah i mean i don't think in general. I don't remember being nervous in general, but I'm sure around maybe certain individuals I have been. Did you ever have a hookup where it was so awkward that you were just like, okay, I got it.

I'd rather ignore this than deal with it head on. One of the things I'm most attracted to about you is the fact that you are so confident sexually and romantically. Period. Where does that come from? It's a haircut.

I am serious. I don't relate come from? It's a haircut. Is it the haircut? Yeah, it's like it used to get more serious. I used to have a great hairline. I don't relate to it at all. Yeah, I don't. You know what I mean though? Like have you ever avoided,

you're not an avoidant like kind of person. Yeah, I don't think so. Wow. I don't think so. I know that like from, from, from Nikki's stories from when you were

younger and a guy would have a crush on you then you would feel that like obligation like oh no i have to like him back i have to kiss him and like all this pressure you know like came to you and and i can relate to that too so chris did you ever have that like if a girl liked you did you all of a sudden feel obligated like oh well now i have to like her back. But I wasn't that into her before. Any of that ever? No, I never felt obligated like that. But I did like being extra nice to that person. Because it's like, oh, this is nice.

And so then you're just nice. You're just like, maybe give be a little bit nicer just to be like so you lead them on i don't know i don't know yeah i don't think anybody no but you would do the opposite of what i would like i felt led on and we're talking about like one person yeah because it's not like there was a lot of people. Like even before we kissed for the first time, were you nervous that night? I don't remember being... No, I don't remember being nervous about it. Wait, what was your first kiss?

What was your first kiss? I don't know if I know this story. Because you guys started as co-workers. So we were co-workers, and I thought Nikki hated me for the first few months of this thing because she wouldn't talk to me. She wasn't very... and I thought Nikki hated me for, you know, the first few months of this thing. Cause she wouldn't talk to me.

She wasn't very, and I thought Sarah, so it was during Nikki and Sarah, Nikki had a show on MTV, I don't know, like 10 years ago now with Sarah Schaefer. It was really, really funny. And who later on I've, I've become like buddies with, but at the time I thought that they, you know, they were under so much pressure. They were new to it. They never had a tv show but in my head these are like two big star comedians that are like finally getting their show but they were nervous and so nikki barely talked to me

sarah didn't care about because i get nervous around guys i like so i just never looked or talked to him so yeah so we didn't we didn't we didn't really it wasn't a thing so i ended up doing something funny on did you feel like you liked her before that or did you want her to like you because she didn't like you was there that kind of thing no i i liked her because like i thought she was good looking and all that stuff and she's like was completely hilarious but it wasn't really on my radar to to for this to happen because there's a detachment with people that yeah there's a professional detachment and you know do you ever feel that way like sort of like noah's question she didn't like me so i

wasn't entertaining this world yeah yeah world where it's like she and i were anything it's like well she's not that into me i'm not gonna waste my time like even i have had people where i don't think they like me in general where i want them to like me more not necessarily in a romantic way so i could see how that but you're not even thinking past no it was like this person isn't that into me i'm not gonna i'm not wasting my time yeah to to like get invested in this but yeah i thought she was so funny and so good looking and all this stuff but it was like man she she doesn't she doesn't give me an example like so you guys because you're a producer so you would have a meeting and like at the end of the meeting it

was like all right nikki well thank you and she'd just be like yeah like it was like coldness or was it more of a there was coldness and like you know you're joking around and you're having a good time and like you know if she's not really getting it it's like okay well this person just it's not bouncing back yeah it's not bouncing back very well and then one time i think i've probably told this i don't know if i've told on this podcast before but i was sitting next to her in a meeting and i look like her phone starts ringing and i look over and it says john ham on it that's tough and so i'm like okay well i you know she knows john ham from the you know celebrity world or what i have no idea but she and john ham were calling

each other and i was like this isn't you know like this isn't a she's hanging out with john ham yeah it's a tough competition yeah and i'm like what's going on well turns out she she did this with her with her with Anya. She would change Anya's phone number to a bunch of different names, and at that point, it was Jon Hamm. And so whenever Anya called her, Jon Hamm would pop up. But that wasn't to mess with Chris, right, Nikki? No.

That wasn't that. It was something she was just doing anyway. Okay. All right, cool. I think it was. You think it was? Really? Wow, that is pretty.

To impress him. Oh, I didn't think so. Me and Corey Cavan, we were like, whoa, what's going on? She's hanging out with Jon Hamm because this is that like. So you just left your phone out to say Jon Hamm. To impress him. Peak Mad Men. And it worked, clearly.

It worked. It did raise her stock in your mind, but almost unattainable. No, it actually just made me be like, oh, well, this isn't even a real thing to be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was in my phone as John H. for so long. For like five years.

Yeah, because I guess you took, because it said John Hamm. Like, it did. It said John Hamm. Oh, you might have added the am i think she i think she took the am off because i wouldn't if it's just a john h i wouldn't that wouldn't make any difference to me maybe that was no it said john h so it would look even more obvious that it was john ham i don't think so oh interesting that you both remember it differently.

I like this. I mean, you would be. Maybe you added the ham because that was like the celebrity that you would be the most competitive with. Or maybe Corey is the one that was like, that's Nikki's text. Corey Ham? I think Corey told you about it and you might not have ever seen it. Oh. No, I think I was sitting next to you. Interesting. And I definitely was sitting next to you at a meeting

and i definitely saw was there ever a colleen chris yeah it was colleen was great oh so anyway so your first kiss clean turkey ham and turkey okay oh nice I'm sure you could have pulled it off I know I like turkey I really do she was on the radio show she was on the radio show that I'm on the other day and there's something and

man when we were up at Wilco with her family there is something about the delay when we were up at Wilco with her family, there is something about the delay of some of her jokes that makes some of them like maybe not work as well but some of them. The delay is brutal.

No, sometimes it crushes. Sometimes it adds. The Debbie Mommy stuff in Colorado, I still think about it. It was so funny. Tell them about Debbie Mommy.

Okay, so we were driving. We got to get back to the kiss though. I think people will want to it. It was so funny. Tell them about Debbie Mommy. Okay, so we were driving. We got to get back to the kiss though. I think people will want to. Maybe after the break. Oh, should we go to break? All right, we're going to go to break and do some ads and commercials. And this is not part of my job. But yeah, we'll catch you right after the break. Turkey besties. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt.

And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, for money advice without the judgment and jargon.

Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, you guys, I'm Catherine Legg. I'm a racing driver who's literally driven everything with four wheels across the planet.

And I've got a new podcast. It's called Throttle Therapy. This season, I'm gearing up to make history, competing in some of the world's most notorious racing events, starting at the Indy 500. Join me as I travel from racetrack to racetrack in my quest to continue a memorable career in racing. I'm also going to bring you inside stories with legends of sports, new faces from the next generation of auto racing, and conversations with the people who've supported me throughout my career.

We'll be getting into everything from karting to NASCAR, even Formula One. Whether you dream about being a pro athlete or an astronaut, we're talking about what it takes to make it. Listen to Throttle Therapy with Catherine Legge, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. I'm Dr. Laurie Santos, and to welcome the new year, my podcast, The Happiness Lab, is releasing a series of happiness how-to guides to help you in 2025. I'll distill the wisdom of world-class experts into easy-to-digest, actionable tips.

It's about never feeling good enough. I feel like I'm always failing. You'll learn how to handle relationships, how to be inspiring, and how to find your purpose. We make it this big pie in the sky thing, and then of course we're all frustrated because no one knows how to get there. Struggling with tough emotions? We have a how-to guide. Worried that you're not enough? We got you. Self-obsessed and want to get over yourself? There's a guide for that too. The ability to approach somebody and make them experience desire for you in minutes or even hours is a rare and rather unnecessary skill, historically speaking. The Happiness Lab's How-To Season starts January 1st. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Good people. What's up? It's Questo. Questlove. And Team Supreme and I have been working hard to bring you some incredible episodes of Questlove Supreme with guests you definitely don't want to miss. Now, one of the things I love about this Questlove Supreme podcast is we got something for everybody, every type of musical ever.

We enjoy speaking to the people who, every type of musical effort. We enjoy speaking to the people who are the face of some movements, some people you've seen on stage or TV or magazine covers. But we also love speaking to the folks who are making it happen behind the scenes and they paved the way for those that followed. You know, keystones to the culture. This season, we've had some amazing one-on-one conversations, like I'm Pete Bill chatting up with hitmaker Sam Holland, Sugar Steve chatting with the legend Nick Lowe, and I've had pleasures doing one-on-one conversations with Willow,

Sonata Matreya, Kathleen Hanna, and The RZA. These are conversations you won't hear anywhere else, so make sure you go back and you check those episodes out, alright? Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHe radio app apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast hello we're back so you're saying debbie mommy nailed it okay so debbie mommy nikki was doing this thing where so her dad lived in colorado

for a year and he talks about it you know often enough that nikki knows these stories and stuff and the girl that he was dating out there her name was debbie and they he brought her up at one point and mrs glazer gets sort of like half fake half real annoyed at it and it's like oh we gotta talk about her yeah and then nikki starts talking about how uh she wishes that that was her real mom and and started calling her started calling her debbie mommy and like for the rest of the whole night she would just reference like god i wish deb Debbie Mommy was still here. And Mrs. Glazer would say something or she would mess up a direction to like, we would need to go left and she would have missed it. Debbie Mommy.

There's no way Debbie Mommy would have missed that turn. My mom was laughing, but deep down she was furious. I'm talking about all the benefits of Debbie Mommy. So I love that. So back to the kiss. Apparently, from when Nikki has told me this story in the past, she apparently put up clues like Blair Witch Project, like clues for you, like trying to get you to know that.

You didn't know that I liked you, for sure. No, yeah, no, definitely not. But didn't you, you wanted him to know in a way, right? So you would do certain things. Yes, but I didn't know how to flirt. Oh, yeah. So honest.

I thought changing Anya's name to John Hamm would seal the deal. I did not. Johnny. Okay, so then, okay, so fast forward, you guys. So our boss ended up telling Nikki, you've got to go talk to him. He doesn't know you like him, so you have to go talk to him. So did you tell the boss that you liked her?

Whoa, wait, your boss is now involved in this? Yeah, Kim is like, she was like a friend for both of us okay she's she's one of the she's extremely funny she's a showrunner on a bunch of different funny shows that we've all seen but she's she's hilarious but she finally was just like nikki you have to go talk to him if you like him like go talk to him right now so nikki came and she was sick of me crying in her office about him every day yeah So Nikki came and talked to me. We ended up like palling around and then we figured out

that there was something going on there eventually. And we hung out a few times and one of them was like a bit of a disaster. And it wasn't a total disaster. It just wasn't, you know, like I think it was, it just didn't go perfectly. Like this podcast.

I think the podcast. For what it is, wasn't you know like i think it was it just didn't go perfectly podcast for the handicap of having you know me on i think we're doing fine so we end up um you know we didn't have a great time the the the night that she came over it was it was a good time but it was like oh this obvious. It doesn't seem like she really likes me. It seems like she came over as like a bud. It doesn't feel like, you know, she was really interested. And then I think a few weeks later or a week later or whatever it is, she texted me kind of out of nowhere-ish

and was like, hey, I've got a show tonight at the Cellar. Do you want to come? I think she just like threw it out there, like not thinking that it would happen, but just like, this is a last ditch effort. And so I ended up getting on a train. It was really late at night.

So it was like maybe like 11-ish and we had like, I think we had work the next day. So I get to the cellar and she's not ready for me to go hear her stand up. So she was like, I'm going to go downstairs and do a set and then I'll come back up. So I stayed upstairs. Then she came back up. We're having a great old time. And then are you ready to take over from here? making a first move because I always made the first move so I was just trying to stand there and not what I always say which was we should make out and then

when I was about to give in he suddenly said get over here and grabbed my hand and pulled me into him and we made out and I was so excited because I had been in love with him for months I sprinted into a cab and that's all i needed that night it was one of the best nights of my life because i was so desperately in love with him at this point this was this was the biggest victory of my life at that point since then it's been and i didn't finish that and i didn't finish that sentence and I didn't finish that sentence I mean that was a good move you just grabbed her

getting through this podcast there's going to be a lot of unsubscribes I don't think so I really don't think it's bad why do you guys think it's so bad? And I feel like I keep interrupting because I can't time these right. Let's get to the news.

Okay, let's get to the news. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first. I hope you're having all the swells out there. It's Wednesday. You know what that means. It is Wednesday. Alright, back to you now. Alright, well,

some passengers on a flight from LA to Dallas thought that they heard a man having an orgasm over the PA system. And I want to just share what this guy caught. It sounds like an old hound dog giving birth to a demonic goat while using the world's worst karaoke machine.

It did sound a little bit more goatee to me. That had to be a Southwest flight, right? No, it was American Airlines. Oh, really? Fancy. I mean, that's a guy. He just broke into Intercom and was... They said it was a technical issue. Yeah, so a stewardess went over the PA system

and she said it was some kind of malfunction and they're working on it. Yeah, but like, they lie all the time. What was that? I want answers, American Airlines. I am gonna call my next explosive diarrhea episode a quote PA malfunction. No.

For me, the intercom thing, did they take over the intercom? We never even knew. So a guy, I think, is just fucking around, right? That's what I assume the story is, is that some guy got on there and was like, or farted into the mic or into the phone. No, I think it was just the speaker malfunctioning.

And it just sounded exactly like an orgasm? I mean, that's... A man moaning. I feel like a drunk person probably grabbed it and was like, oh, look what I can do with my phone. Noah, did you listen to the whole thing? I listened to most of it. And eventually

the stewardess went on the PA system and she said, you know, we're trying to fix this difficulty, but it was just a malfunction. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I feel like there was just an airlines where some guy punched the

stewardess because they wouldn't let him, he wasn't allowed to use the bathroom in first class. So he just punched the fucking, did you see that? Punched him in the back of the head. I saw that. Because he was hammered drunk coming back from Cancun. Just laid him out. And then he had to be...

They do that thing where they put him in handcuffs. So the whole flight, they're tied up. It's a zip tie. Is that legal to do that to someone if you're not... With zip ties. Yeah, you put zip ties on a man? Yeah, it seems like you shouldn't be able to but i mean something got an airline there's on a plane yes just zip tie their ass

yeah yeah i guess like a citizen's arrest or something yeah i guess i would be a citizen's arrest i mean i don't know yeah some people they just you get so fucking drunk on an airplane. Security on planes is so much harsher anywhere else. Yeah, I mean, I don't want to be pissed off. Than anywhere else. If they had to land a plane early, I'd be like, no, let's just keep flying with him, ziplock, or ziptied. Like, I need to get to Denver. I have a thing to do, and now you want to stop and let's

deal with this you know now the guy not only he punched a stewardess we have to wait an extra five hours you know what i mean like i don't know or do you get up do you punch the guy would you punch a guy if he punched a stewardess you think just throw him in the coach bathroom and call it a fight he'd be so angry being back there. I don't know if I would do it. I don't know if I could step up like that. I think people joke that if Mark Wahlberg was in that plane that he would have saved 9-11.

You like to think that you would, but nobody knows what they're going to do in all these situations. Everybody, when something happens, or even the Harvey Weinstein and the Cosby stuff, you hear so many people be like, well, I would have done this or I would have done that. It's like you have no idea what you would have done. Have you ever been in a situation where you're like, fuck, I got to step up here or like I need to help? Nothing like super serious, like nothing very dangerous.

What about you? I would definitely defend flight admittance on a plane. What would you do, though? I'm always looking to be a hero up there. I have planned for it. What would you do, though? I mean, you would yell at the guy, but... I don't know, man.

Just speak up and then get physical if need be. Damn. All right, badass. All right, well, speaking of physical, from my next story, there's a new study out from the University of Eastern Finland that shows dancing has a positive effect on depression,

and they used avatar-based choreography. So basically each person came up with a dance about their own stories and hopes for the future. And when they watched the avatar dance back to them, it activated something called a mirror neuron or an empathy neuron and set their, it pushed their depression to the background improving mood reducing stress and anxiety and promoted positive self-image so i was wondering this checks out yeah on saturday i was feeling really sad during the day

so i moved my coffee table and couch and worked on a dance I had tried to learn a while ago. It's the dance from Taylor Swift's video Delicate. It's pretty easy but also not easy at all because there's no instruction. I just have to watch it over and over. Shush is actually a really good dancer. She can do the splits. It's annoying that Shush is good at everything. And then I got to go the Taylor Fest dance party that night with Chris.

Take it from here, Chris. Did you do that dance at the party and show people what you learned? No. She was dancing. She was a dance machine at the Taylor Swift dance party. And when I came over that night, I was like, hey, do you want me to move this table back? It was all the way against the wall. I was like, what's going on here? And she was clearly dancing up a storm.

There wasn't enough room to do that dance. Can you do it now? Like you've learned it. Were you doing it at the dance party no there was yeah there's no room tell them about that dance party the taylor swift dance party how did nikki get on that platform because from instagram you were shooting video of her from like a balcony and she was on some kind of stage platform yeah well this thing first of all it was one of the most joyful experiences of my life it was like pure euphoria in that building i would say most people were like

between 20 maybe like 19 and maybe 26 something like that nikki was probably the oldest woman there i i think i was the oldest person in the building. And I'm 41 years old. We were the oldest people there by far. Yeah, we were definitely the oldest people. But it was this place called Red Flag in St. Louis. And it can hold about 1,000 people. And it was completely packed. And I had no idea what to expect.

I'd never been in anything like this. And all of a sudden, the lights go down. And these five like adorable girls get on stage and one of them like hits play and they just start dancing and it's like every single one of those girls was the like the main performer was like they were Taylor Swift in that moment singing to the crowd and the crowd was going crazy for it and just right off the bat everyone was just fully in 100 in nikki was 100 in and then after two songs they were like hey it's like the most positive sweetest environment

i've ever been in they were like hey anybody who wants to come up on stage with us can come on stage so there's a guy counting to make sure there's like not too many people on stage so it's safe and then anybody just gets up on stage and it was like every single girl up there got to like it was basically like be taylor kind of karaoke where you get to be on stage and it didn't feel like you were like because witnessing it you could tell everybody felt like they were they were taylor sometimes they would turn to their friends and sing with each other but it was like a lot of them were just like performing for the audience or just screaming out loud but it was one of the most joyful experiences it's called taylor fest and they have them all over if you're a swifty you must attend one of these i wonder if the friends

it's the best time you can possibly have is it franchised out like i wonder how the money gets split up i think there's a bunch of different groups doing them yeah because there's a lot of money in that i mean you know and who are these five there's five dancers that were how much for tickets Andrew price 50 bucks I know I just went high but I don't know 40 30 no not 20 26 26 26 not Taylor and that was the age limit is like a numerical numerical is the ticket price like a numerical clue from like Taylor Swift I know she likes to drop

a lot of hints and stuff I wonder what the age limit is probably 18 right the ticket's probably a little expensive because people aren't buying drinks is there an open there's a bar there and what's the girl to guy it's what 90-10 no People aren't buying drinks, right? Is there an open, is there, there's a bar there, right? Yeah, there's a bar. So people, yeah.

And what's the, girl to guy, it's what, 90-10? No? Oh, I would have said, I would have said 90-10. A lot of boyfriends? Maybe, maybe 85-15. I saw one video where a boyfriend's just like. 98% women. Oh, 98%. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was almost, yeah, all. Did you bond with any of the guys there? Or you were too old guys there or you were too old like you were just like no but it was fun because people like people ended up recognizing nikki i mean she was kind of on the corner of the stage she wasn't in like the most prime spot and it was fun because at the end of the show like people were asking for pictures and stuff and um and so i got to take pictures and it's so wild to get to a level of celebrity where you sell out a thousand person venue and you're not there you don't get any money from it and i

just know my thought was i've never seen i've never seen a taylor swift show i've like produced taylor swift i did the um taylor swift storytellers i think back in the day and then her 1989 album release party i produced those things but i don't think a real taylor swift show would be as like euphoric as this was because there was nobody else to worry about except you weren't like you're not fawning over taylor you're just fawning over her music do you think an element of that there's some truth to some of that i wonder if my favorite part was when chris went out to my car and got me my pink microphone which i had in there from a photo shoot so then i got to pretend i was her a little bit does taylor have a pink microphone is that why my understanding is that's why you did it for the special it was like an homage to taylor

yes okay so then i noticed that that microphone was in her car trunk as before during her lover My understanding is that's why you did it for the special. It was like an homage to Taylor. Yes. Okay. So then I noticed that that microphone was in her car trunk before. During her lover era. Gotcha. Is there an artist that you would feel this time? Are you tied to any other artists where you would go to something like this for yourself? Queen. Yeah, Queen would be a big one for me.

And actually, I got to kind of live a little bit of one of them. Elizabeth. It's very sad at her passing. What about you? Who is, who, like. Tom Petty. Yeah, that would be a good one. I would say he's, I mean, just any song you sing along, like, knowing the lyrics, something like that, you have to know the lyrics, like, all the lyrics.

Like, it's one of those, here's 20 hits, we all know every single word. And I probably didn't know 50% of the songs, maybe 60% of the songs. And people were singing them like it was all the number one song. What's her big song? But Petty would be different. It would just be a bunch of dudes bopping their heads yeah yeah definitely people were like i mean it's in their face like people if you were dancing the way those girls were dancing and they were like in their 40s

they would have they would be like hurting yeah hurting do you think like uh the sense of community there i mean it's got to be stronger than a religion at that point it is a religion taylor swift fans like it's that at wilco i was surprised at how my dad was just bopping his head and not singing along or dancing at all yeah yeah yeah yeah he knows all the words to all the songs, too. He knew the songs. But you're absolutely right. What you're saying is- And H is the biggest Wilco fan. EJ.

Yeah. EJ. You know what she was talking about. Yeah. And Debbie. Yeah. Fan of both, mom and dad. But you're absolutely right.

It was like a- It is. I mean, it feels like the devotion was religion like was yeah similar to a religion but man people were as happy as happy as i'd ever seen anybody in a group and the shared experience was real i saw a thing where like how can people you know the queen elizabeth stuff was so polarizing like how can people love her this much you know she's just a like just a whatever like the monarchy whatever and then it's like you see something like this with taylor swift and it's like that is your queen elizabeth that is that devotion or like an athlete like maybe poo holes hitting 700 home runs awesome

right you've we're like oh then you can kind of understand how people can be so obsessed with the monarchy i can't understand them but even with that even with that because they don't do something like I have to say I feel closer to Taylor Swift than most people I know personally but because why can't you feel that way about them because you don't feel like they have a skill or anything or like yeah I mean I think it's it is one of the strangest things in the world right now that the british people like you know support support this weird family and for what i think yeah i mean no i mean look you're not i mean the queen is on canadian money australian money

south african money when i look at you know like listen america's not perfect but we don't have some other person's queen on our money kardashians this is a doug stanhope bit that i loved so much this is uh this is the first time i've played over in europe i've been coming to Europe for seven years, and I didn't realize until this tour, it's the first time I didn't have that black cloud of George Bush over me where I always felt like I had to apologize as an opening. Because people will judge you. People, you know, you always had that where someone's going to be in the audience thinking you're a dick because of him. Like there's some association with being American and you're you're a dick because of George Bush.

And like you guys must feel, you know, with having a royal family still with people around the world. They're going, what a bunch of fucking retards they must be. How backwards fucking retarded. You have fucking royalty and you guys are going, hey, we didn't want it. It's not our fault, but they don't

understand. Everyone thinks you must be a big fucking group of simpletons living out some Dungeons and Dragons fantasy land bullshit with kings and princes do you have wizards and fairies too fire breathing dragons but it's not your fault and you would always make fun of George Bush and I understand you were doing it ironically like how dare we ever make fun of any democratically elected official when we still live with this Stone Age bow down to this fucking

Renaissance Festival there is superior bloodline to you, you bootlicking fucking supplicants. Are you joking? And I love the backup argument that you get where, oh yeah, we have a royal family, but they're more figureheads than anything. That's even worse. You carry these fucking leeches around like golden ticks in your beard. And you fucking roll out red carpets and kneel down before them. And your excuse is, but they don't really do anything. It's kind of more

fucking dumb. Miss America is a figurehead, but we don't have to buy her a hundred castles on the taxpayer's dime. Yeah, I mean... Look, I don't know enough about the

Royal Family. I never watched The family i never watched your stance on the monarchy uh my stance on the monarchy is that we're in america and we got away from them hundreds of years ago and that's how it should have stood and why are we no i don't i don't know yeah it's fucking crazy it's crazy it's loony like they're all fucking ancestral and like apparently they're all german and like yeah and like they're not even fucking real British people and Prince Andrew's fucking kids and they just forget about that and fucking

the one dude cheated on Princess Diana and now he has the fucking girl up there and he's fucking banging her in Queen Elizabeth's bed. Did you combine ancestor and incest? Yeah. It worked for me. Yeah dude it's fucking incest in the fucking realms dude look around look around jupiter that's where you'll see prince andrew banging epstein's kids

i'm just saying i think it's i think it's absolutely insane that there are groups i mean david beckham waited 14 hours in line to pay his respects i mean but my point my point with the celebrity stuff wasn't to be like i i think that they should also be admired i'm saying should anyone be that admired even if you do have a skill why are we putting these people on a pedestal that you know i don't see it as like a celebrity thing like from the taylor swift thing i think it's like a culture and the thing that it reminds me of is when I was really into like wrestling and WWE there was just this

like very tight knit community of all sorts of different people and you know like we really like like the costumes and the glitter and the you know the matches and I don't know it's a thing that like only we understand because we're fans of it

and it's hard to explain to people who are outside of it. You get community from it. It's a sense of identity for me as lame as that is I am white and I have no culture. Yeah, it's true. Nikki was there and she was around people that like the same things as her and there

was something that was exciting and calming and she felt safe there and they all felt safe with each other and like you know there's a shortcut to connection at a place like that so you everybody that you look at there they all like the same thing as you and so it's a shortcut to like i'm gonna i i automatically am giving you the benefit of any sort of doubt that we could be friends and you know there's there's a lot of great moments where like you know people were going up to nikki on stage they were singing to each other like you know the lyrics and they were having like these

shared moments together and that's what kind of all of that's what a concert is about that's what sports is about it's about a shared experience with other people i i and and I, like WWE and WCW, I totally understand that. I mean, that is, there's, I've been to some of those. They are so fun and entertaining. It felt like a two hour long touchdown during the playoffs. There she goes with her sports talk again. That's like Sting's version of a touchdown.

And I'm talking about the WCW Sting. Hell yeah. You know what I'm talking about. I do. My favorite guys were Junkyard Dog. Tantric Touchdown. Yes. Very good.

You get it. What do you think of the Bushwackers? They were fun. I got it. They were great. Demolition Gun? Oh, man. Why in the 80s theers? They were fun. I got you. They were great. Demolition Gun? Oh, man. Why in the 80s the best wrestling ever?

Maybe because I was younger. Yeah, I think it was just that hit you at the right spot. Yeah, it really did. It's kind of weird now. Okay, let's get to why do I care. Yes. About wrestling? Why do I care?

Nikki Glaser has an article on Esquire.com. The reporter that was following her around before our break has a piece out about Nikki's comedy career, her goals in pursuing music, and her positive outlook on vocal rest. I mean, how many pages is this? Is this a big old article? It's a great article.

It's a big article. And it starts off with- Did you read it? I don't know what came out yet. I read it. What am I, send it to me. Didn't it come out last night? Did you read my article in the

St. Louis Dispatch? It was in the email. It was in our show. I don't read the email, so I'm surprised about the stories, Godfather. I want to be surprised well the the the part that um kind of stuck out to me was uh right at the beginning um so i like how he like takes you into all these different settings and you know as he was following you around he kind of

takes the reader into these different situations that you're in and one of them is um you're in in a comedy club and jeff garland is at is he told so the guy from crosby crosby stills and nash still steven stills yeah yes stills is a fan of yours and i was wondering does your dad know this and i want to if EJ had anything to say about it. The guy followed you around for what, three weeks almost? Yeah, something like that. I mean, something crazy. I mean, a long time. Garland had written me that, and I instantly texted my dad,

but I forgot about it right away because it's too crazy. I tend to forget these huge piece of information. You know Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young. I do. I do. I mean, it's one of those bands that I probably know two of their songs very well. And then the rest, I just, oh, that is them kind of thing. You know what I mean?

But Neil Young is- The guy hung out with me for three separate hangs. Really? Gotcha. So Neil Young was part of him? For three weeks. Neil Young was part of Crosby, Stills, Nash? Which one was he then?

He was the young part. Oh, where was Young? It was Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young. Oh, there's Young and Nash. And then Neil Young was like, I'm Canadian. I got other stuff going on. Gotcha.

I actually don't know if the other guys are Canadian. I don't think David Crosby is. I think Crosby, is he the overweight one that looks like a warist kind of guy? He's, I think, the father of Melissa Etheridge. Etheridge. Oh, okay. I was wondering. Oh.

That's a real thing. I think he dated Joni Mitchell. He has Hep C. And I don't know why I know that, but I know that he has Hep C. She told him, come in my window. But wear a condom. I don't know if you get Hep C that way. Yeah, I don't know why I know that, but yeah.

That's definitely like a late night Google of like how do i have hep c uh do people live with hep c are there any celebrities with hep c oh i'm fine i love that you have to say you do not know why you know that 18 times yeah i don't know i don't know no ancestral the uh so that's cool i mean i'm excited about the art. Do you like how the article came out, though? I loved it. Yeah. It's really great.

I mean, it just paints a pretty accurate picture of Nikki's existence. She's really into music and singing. It talks about the vocal rest and why that was, or the vocal surgery and why that was a little important it talks a little bit about uh you know one of the thing i like is like it sort of like illustrates how you know as confident and as like amazing as as nikki is on tv shows and doing um you know all these specials and she's like a force of nature up there like she still has insecurities and she still has like you know all these specials and she's like a force of nature up there like she still has insecurities and she still has like you know real things that she's going through and you know

even if like right before she goes on stage she's sort of like you know like meandering or i don't want to say anxious nervous maybe a little bit nervous like once you hit the stage you know it's um you know it's a totally different story and i think that i read it and at the end of it i was like man i like this girl and hope she finds what makes her happy it made me see a different side of myself wow it's interesting sometimes like i would love for if I could tell my story and then have someone that can write way better than me, like read back what I tried to say back to me

and be like, wow, I actually am a pretty good human or this is eloquent and I do do nice things or whatever it is. And it would just sound better than me being like, I am a good boy. Right. And this guy's obviously a great writer. He's in Esquire.

I went, I was like, do I just like this? Because you know, it's, it's about Nikki and it's like very, very positive and like real and stuff. And I went back and like started reading through some of his other stuff,

but this guy's good. What's his name? John McDermott. McDermott. I got that right. John McDermott. John M. John McDermott. McDermott, I got that right. John McDermott. John M. John McDermott, yeah.

And Nikki, you had a lot of nice things to say about him during the process to me. So, I mean, I think they got along. I mean, I feel like there's a way to interview someone with that where you don't want to be the main focus, but you have to ask them questions. But I think it'd be difficult to follow someone around and and get and know when to come in when to just sit back and like see what's going on you

know what i mean when you want to get a quote i i also thought that he did a really great job of because i've been on those those comedy nights with nikki where i thought i've been to every you know i've been to jimmy kimmel stuff i've been to seth meyers i've been to Jimmy Kimmel's stuff. I've been to Seth Meyers. I've been to her shows at the Cellar. I've been to her shows at the Comedy Store. And I thought he did a really great job of painting the picture of what it's like to be a working comic. Do you agree with that, Glaze?

I mean, you're typing something else, but you're nodding yes. And he sort of took you into a little bit of the inner workings of what those nights are like. Because you go to the- I think- No, go ahead. I think me and this guy will be friends forever especially after i read the piece and heard how lovingly he explained who i was

also his piece about spencer pratt is awesome too yeah check it out but yeah he he just does blonde hair blue eye people like kind of look like brother and sister no i spencer pratt i'm sure narcissists i just the only thing i remember about spencer pratt is he also had hep c no no no he he had crystals he loved crystals like he was the first to bring crystals into the world. I think he hooked up with, like, his grandmother or something, or his great-grandmother. What? Because he's incestual.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. From his great-great-grandmother. If you think it, it could just happen, you know? Hand drip. Solid drip, for sure. Okay, final thought final thought when people write about uh stand up or like anything like artistic and it could make it sound so much more romantic than it is when it's like we're just three people hanging out in a green room talking about like foot fungus and but they could write like the walls were were smelling like oak and the fire of

pit whatever like whatever it is like it will sound like almost like game of thrones ish where it's just like you know three comics just hanging out like bullshitting but there's a way for them to paint about the backstage hang and paints a perfect picture yeah does he does he make it sound more romantic than it is no I felt like he did a very because I've been to those things I think he portrayed everything in a better way I'm excited to read it

I'll definitely read it and then I'll break it down here is his description of the backstage hang it's 9p m comma the prime time slot at the biggest stage at one of the most legendary comedy clubs in the country. The performers for the night file in. All of them killers. With handfuls of TV shows. One-hour specials. And millions of podcast fans between them kurt metzger an eccentric genius

comic from new york sits on the vinyl bonkette and brandishes a 24 ounce black cherry white claw from his backpack anthony jeselnik saunters in wearing a leather jacket and slouches into his seat wordlessly thumbing his fur pen neil brennan co-creator of the The Chappelle Show, pops his head in, surveys the room, and immediately turns around and leaves. His brief, a spectacled appearance reminiscent of a cuckoo clock.

He kind of looks like a bird, too. Neil Brennan, doesn't he? He has bird tendencies. He just had a post on his Instagram that I liked. Yeah? What was it? At first, I was like, you know, I thought it was going to be a joke about, like, mental health hack, because I think it said something like mental health hack, but it was like he

said, I mean, I'm going to butcher it, but he, like, wakes up and just thinking about all the people that have wronged him, and then he spends the whole day, like, thinking about all the people that have wronged him, and then he spends the whole day like thinking about all the people that have wronged him. And then he wakes up and, or then he goes to bed. He's thinking about the same thing. And then he was like, one day he was just like,

instead he was like, I'm just going to think about all the people that have righted me. And so he started thinking about all those people. And then he was like, and then you start going through those people. And a lot of the people that have righted him are some of the people that have wronged him as well. Oh,

wow. And so that's cool. He went through a little bit of something like that. I feel like if the people that right righted him are some of the people that have wronged him as well. Oh, wow. That's cool. He went through a little bit of something like that. I feel like if the people that righted me, I'd just be like, it'd be seven seconds. You know what I mean? Like, it'd be over so quick. But wrong can be weeks.

We have to go. I appreciate you guys for picking up with this, both listeners and co-hosts. Thank you and don't be cool. Jack Donaghy. Jack Donaghy? Jack Donaghy. Jack Donaghy.

Jack Donaghy. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch

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headlines listen on the iheart radio appio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open

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I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Emi Olea, host of the podcast Crumbs.

For years, I had to rely on other people to tell me my story. And what I heard wasn't good. You really f***ed last night. It felt like I lived most of my life in a blackout. I was trapped in addiction. You had to grab the lamp and smash it against the walls. And then I decided I wanted to tell my own story. Listen to Crumbs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.