The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #281 Stuck In An Origin Story

Episode Date: October 18, 2022

Nikki and Producer Noa recap their weekend in Denver hanging out, talking too much and seeing the band Metric. Andrew went to see his buddy musician Jake Owen. Luckily he did not leave the concert with a beer can bruise or a new tattoo.  Nikki and Andrew try to guess the plot of a movie they've never seen, have a debate about asking for free tickets to shows, Noa tells a story about meeting a Bestie at the airport and Nikki almost at an "Uncrustable" off the ground. In Top1 Bottom1 they talk about items in the Hudson News convenience stores. -------- Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Get Pod Merch: Podshop.NikkiGlaser.com Nikki's Tour Dates: www.nikkiglaser.com/tour Andrew's Tour Dates: www.andrewcollincomedy.com   More Nikki: IG More Andrew: IG  More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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She's been on the podcast before. And yeah, we went to her house. She has a baby. She has a son too, but he was on a camping trip with his dad. So we had the house to ourselves, us ladies with her baby girl, Lydia who is so cute and then we um she got a sitter for friday night and saturday night so we got to go out friday night we got

into town we went out to dinner and then saturday night and we stayed up talking like all night long in different areas talked at dinner closed that down talked in the living room closed that down then went then we're i was like i gotta go to bed and then washed our face came back in cat's room talked on the bed closed that down it was like so much talking no sleeping on this girl's trip oh i yeah i was a little sleep deprived when i came back especially i got a late or early early flight on um sunday but saturday we went to go see um saturday we went shopping all day and then no columbine no it just wasn't the vibe we had a baby with us it's always my vibe i mean the the thing was um lydia the baby's babysitter so as cat got a new babysitter it was like the first time she was using this woman from

um a friend of hers and i call her her a girl, but she's a woman. And when I said woman, I was like, no, she's a girl. But she's definitely, she's like graduated in 2014. I know that because guess where she graduated from? Columbine High. Kat was like, you're not going to believe this. You know, Chris, was her name Chrissy? Cindy.

Cindy. Cindy went to Columbine. Did you have so many questions for her? I did, but by the time we would get home from these dinners of talking, I was just like, I just want to not talk anymore. Can you imagine being a babysitter and this woman comes home and you're like, tell me everything. Well, that's exactly what happened.

They were so excited. When she came over. When she came over. No, we got home from the airport at dinner the first night and we met Cindy and then Cindy was coming back the next day to babysit and I was like, just be ready for a lot of Columbine questions because Kat had already prepared her and told her we were Columbine heads and tested the waters first.

Cindy didn't mind. She was the last graduating class with Principal D, Mr. D, who was the principal at Columbine when it happened. She was the last class because he said that he wanted to retire after everyone. I think you have a gun going with this. I don't know why I'm pointing.

I'm like, all right, enough about Columbine. Oh, no. Yeah. So he wanted to be there. I can't stop pointing with a gun hand. It's registered, I swear. It's for safety. So he wanted to be there for everyone that was in the Columbine school system at that time.

He wanted to make sure he left after. So she was the first preschool class during Columbine. I can't believe she's like an adult woman now that has like step kids and stuff. I'm like, I thought she was going to be like, Oh, she went to Columbine.

She must be like a teen. And she's like a woman. It makes me feel, I am so old. It's so weird to see like kids that were in preschool when you were graduating high school and they have kids now. Yeah. People are like,

it always amazes me when you're born after 2000 and you can drink. Yes. And have children then too. I mean, it's nuts. But it is nice to know that, yeah, you can have, because of Hilary Swank having kids at 48, now I can know, I can wait until 48 years old to creep everyone out. Yeah.

I mean, who did she have a kid with? She's having, I mean, it's definitely in feature because she's having twins at 48 But like There is an air of like You're telling us this a little too soon They're due in April I don't know

Maybe vitro 70 You pop out one I'm sorry They're due in April So how many months away is that? She just announced last week Four Five

Six Six months So she's three months in That's when you can start telling people Even if you're 48 with twins. I don't know. I mean, what if they fight each other to death?

What if one of you eats the other one? Because of like Million Dollar Baby? Are you thinking like boxing? No, I just heard of twins eating the other twin. I just know her head hits a stool in that movie. That's all I know about it. We should do a thing sometime

where we just say movies I've never seen and I can tell you enough references to make jokes about. I think I'd be good at that too. Yeah. Yeah, give give us any movie noah and let's see if we can break down what the plot is yeah movie you think we haven't seen um okay i got one dog day afternoon dog day afternoon because i don't i know a very little bit about it but i would like to think that it was just about a dog i'm gonna say vietnam i like to think of it as a dog who is alone in the house that's not true you gotta get this right in the afternoon

that's a really cute comic strip such a cute comic i would love the sunday comic dog day afternoon it's just a dog that gets left home but he has a gun no he doesn't have to have a gun you always have a gun oh yeah well he has ptsd he's's Italian. Okay, an Italian dog. Okay, dog day afternoon. You go. You break it down. What do you think? Honestly, I think that maybe... Who was in it?

God, dog day... I don't know why I picked this one. I want to say Robin Williams, but it's not him because that was the one Good Morning Vietnam. But I think it's around that kind of era. For some reason, I thought it was Born Again Vietnam. No way. In my mind.

That's what I was thinking. Born again Vietnam. Oh, you're... Do you want me to give you the summary? Well, okay. Let's just try to get... Okay, Dog Day Afternoon. I'm out of things for Dog Day Afternoon.

What's about... I know it's about war, so I would assume... Yeah, I'm going to say Vietnam, but what war are you going to say? I feel like at Dog Day Afternoon, it's towards the end of the war. They think they're getting out. Maybe three of their friends have already been killed. I'm going to say what date of this movie. Oh, this is in the-

77, I'm going to say. This is World War I, of course. Oh, wait, Vietnam was 77. Shit, okay. So I don't think it was like 81. I'm going to say Dog Day Afternoon came out. 81? What war are we in in 81?

I'm going to say the movie came out in 81. Oh, okay. But it's about Vietnam. It could be about any time. It might be about Vietnam. So we're in Vietnam. There's four. But it's about Vietnam. It could be about any time. It might be about Vietnam. So we're in Vietnam. There's four guys. There's lots of mud splashing everywhere and screaming.

There's rain coming up from the ground. Oh, yes. Yes. That was Forrest Gump. Now we're just describing Forrest Gump. There's a shrimp boat. A guy running for Alabama football. Okay, what happens in Dog Day Afternoon?

Who is in it? Wait, can I guess that Richard Dreyfuss is in it? No, Richard Gere. Dreyfuss. You're thinking maybe. No, I'm thinking Dreyfuss, but I don't think he's in it wait i can i guess that um richard dreyfus is in it richard no richard gear you're thinking maybe no i'm thinking dreyfus but i don't think he's why does dreyfus i always think of dandruff i don't know why dry flakes i don't know maybe that's i just see a lot of dandruff on his shoulders richard uh okay what do you know about dog damn Afternoon? Okay, who's in it? Al Pacino. Yeah, Al Pacino. Nice! You got that right. I saw it last night.

Well, actually, you're both really, really far away from what the plot is. The movie is about an attempted robbery for the first Brooklyn Savings Bank, and it's based on a true story. No war? I could have swore it was a war too. God damn it. All right, let's do another one. Let's do another one.

That was really fun. Okay, I'll give you another one. I'll give you one. Unless you have one, Noah. Have you seen Fight Club? Yes. Yeah. Oh.

Although I probably could describe it less with that. I know. There's some movies I watch, I still couldn't describe it. I still never really understood it. It's like Memento I tried to watch. Oh, yeah. I got through like three minutes. I was so into that in high school and I just couldn't really. It was the same with Fight Club. gonna describe it i still never really understood it it's like memento i tried to watch oh yeah i

got through like my friends were so into that in high school and i just couldn't really it was same with fight club it was the same genre it was kind of care to like that movie yeah like think it yeah um what's a movie that i never saw um something like casablanca or something but i did see that. Yeah. Fuck, what was one that I almost watched the other day? What about Apocalypse Now? I kind of know that one. Oh, you do? It's a war.

All I know is like Red Bud. Or like there's a sled that's called like Rosebud or something like that. I might be thinking of a different. And then there's a card. There's a card game. Because I know when I met Charlie Sheen, he had a card from it.

There were so many war movies. And it wasn was even that long after the war when you think about it when they came out to process probs yeah you know um i guess hurt locker was kind of a so we went to go see metric oh yeah oh yeah the let me guess the film art yeah guess what it was about guess what that concert was about. Robin Williams? Born Again? We went to the Fillmore. I went to the Fillmore to see Dave Chappelle by myself in 2003,

and I cannot find any evidence of that concert online. It's so weird when you search something online that you know happened in the 2000s, and it was a huge event, and there's no evidence if if someone is a better internet sleuth than me if you can find any was this before after Dave Chappelle going to the Fillmore in 2000 went crazy what do you mean well they claimed he went crazy when he went to Africa after his show before Chappelle show I went to go see him because I knew him from you've got mail I didn't I just I decided I was gonna try out stand up i signed up for that thing i'd never done it before but i was like i gotta go see stand up so i googled stand up shows and then

it was dave chappelle and i then i imdb'd him and i was like that's the funny guy from you've got mail who i loved was half baked out yet maybe i had never seen it but yes it was okay so yeah so you see you've got so i took a bus by myself from boulder to denver in the bitter cold to go see dave chapelle and it was like a fever dream and there's no evidence there's you went alone on a bus yes anorexic and how old are you at this time you're sophomore you're 18 18 yeah so this is like your first taste of stand-up is dave chapelle at the film yes and it was not a stand-up like it was i remember walking in i was only probably one of the only white people there i don't want to say only because i don't but i did that i what i realized quickly like oh this isn't but i i was already so adamant on like i'm going alone so i

had to overcome so much to even go alone so by the time i got there and i was like out of the place out of place i was just like i didn't care at all it was already like i'd already conquered the fear yeah it's like going bungee jumping and then seeing a alligator on your way down there and going like okay i'm already got past my fear not that a room of black people's alligator hey look that's a white person jewish person it's it's cool but you know what i mean like it could have been a it could i could have gotten there and no i get it they have like big teeth yeah yeah they want to bite you yeah watching a show a stand-up comedian it wasn't about the the that there was a bunch of it was all black people it was just because it was like everyone was dancing it was like a dance club like alligators yeah is that what you're saying

and it was like oh i wrestled them alligators no i got there and but everyone i remember seeing on stage he was um there were like women on everyone was on it was like a dj i mean it was like a dave chabelle block party but it was like before he was doing those i couldn't even believe it so it was not a classical stand-up show and what did you what was your feeling seeing it did it make you want to do it more room only no i i just remember being entertained but i just was like this i know this isn't what i am watching online when i type in stand-up like this is different but it was so fun because this these um this group of friends was like saw me alone and they like were like come join us and so i got to hang out with this whole group that noticed that

i was awkwardly by myself and it was so nice but i don't remember anything from the show all i can remember is seeing people dancing on stage it's like it's like a fever dream i don't even i can't believe i don't remember any comedy happening anything sometimes i feel like we add like things like it was like you know what i mean like and there was a dancer there was an elephant online and i'm like did this happen yeah but it did i i even cat remembers me going by myself to it so anyway so you went to metric the film where when you walk in do you get nostalgia at all like yeah i was like okay this is the space i saw him for sure like that i i recognize the whole area i was i was so shocked though that place holds you know

3 900 people and i'm like dave chappelle was selling out 3 900 seats before chappelle show god damn it in denver maybe he had one special on hbo at that time yeah that one that maybe i don't know but it was just yeah i mean this was so long ago i was just like damn but um the venue is amazing noah what did you think i was i thought that was such a cool space so i i had such a great time um and we were standing in the the ga section and at first when i was walking in because we we got there like right as metric was about to go on stage i had this feeling like oh man we're gonna have to like push through the crowd and it's gonna like i associate it with a metal show where people like go crazy but the the audience was so tame everyone like kind of um had their own space and they just danced and stuff and um it was a really great production

was no one moshing no no one behaved herself you're right though like i was kind of i was totally fine because i didn't care about getting up close i had given up that dream of you know there's a part of me that was like it would have been really cool to be up close because everyone was so respectful and gave everyone their space but like uh cat and um cat does not care about like weaving her way through to like and then and it was like three girls weaving their way through when i'm at a concert and I see people get in front of me, acting like they have somewhere to go, I can understand one person because I go,

oh, that person went to the bathroom and they're finding their friends again. But when it's three girls just being like, we want to be closer. And I told Noah and Kat, I go, I can't weave. Leave me back here. You guys go. And then I will come singularly like I'm a girl trying to get back to her seat, but I am not going to be a part of this. Cause then it makes girls look bad.

It makes us look like twats. It makes, it represents millennial women. Like we're twats who are just like, I just start to be up here. But like, it was like a conga line. You're like doing a conga line.

No, I have trouble with a weave. I have trouble like tapping a shoulder going, no, no, no. And then they look at you like no i i'm going up there and they're like why are you going up there like they give you a look

like why do you deserve it and it's like i don't deserve it i don't know and then i instantly just want to get there earlier if you want to be up close also i don't want to be there i don't want to be on a front row of a show i mean maybe that we weren't even close to that i mean this was going like even uh three quarters of the way like no yeah a quarter of the way up um it was a great spot but it was just like i i have and my friend kat is not a rude person let me just say that she's not someone who's like thinks she deserves things she's just as insecure as all of us but there was something about that i was like i don't have that chip in me that can but you need a leader like but if let's say i have vip tickets oh i am getting through if i have somewhere to be and i have a

right to be there and that's the only way to get through fine but like if i'm just like your ticket show and i want to be up close it's not okay one of my favorite things is we my little brother was like dating uh an understudy of a broadway play person and me and my mom went to the show and we went to go backstage because like she was letting us back and the guy with the red red whatever rope was like oh excuse me and my mom was like where would the under like she said it in a way where it's like look and i was like i was like part of me was like god mom but the other party was like so happy to see her take initiative yes yes but also like no one's impressed you with the understudy the understudy is embarrassed that she's no i'm that's a that'd be a scary thing

to be an understudy on a broadway show i feel like no you always gotta be ready no i think it would be great because you you're that's that's a big deal i think i don't think it would be great because you, that's a big deal. I don't think it's embarrassing at all or nerve wracking. I really don't. I think it's like a big deal. But you know what's the worst part of it is? When people go and you're the understudy for the role of the person who's a famous person in the play.

Boy. That's what it was. People are full of disappointment when you walk out there instead of. I forgot what her name was. Lea Michele. leighton meester yeah she was understated for leighton meester oof yeah that was during gossip girl time too i bet and people were like right after yeah oh yeah yeah if they come and they that's like yeah that's the person they want to meet in leicester yeah she was meeting leicester My mom... Do you remember the play? There was a guy back there. I think

he's the Australian guy. He's in all the funny... He's the big guy. He's in all the funny movies. Ah, you would know him. He's Australian? He's big. He's in all the funny movies. Yeah, and I think you would find him attractive. What? I don't know. Is it this? We'll look it up

on the break. No, we won't. We'll be right back with more after this. Andrew! Coming down sideways. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now.

Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. So the play was Of Mice and yeah with leighton meester and then also and and they understudy but andrew never saw leighton meester and then chris o'dowd who is in bridesmaids and he's not australian i think he's british he played lenny who squeezes

the mouse too hard chris o'dowd sounds like he has a big penis. Like endowed. Like it just has a name. I think Big Cock. Would you be happy with that last name? The way you are? No. Your dick would be the understudy. The people would be disappointed to see once they came to the show.

Like, is O'Dowd here? And your mom's like, you respect his you respect it let me in his pants let me in the pants let me in the pants so we went to the show it was so good no headphones i had headphones noah did you have headphones oh because it was too loud no nikki had ear plugs to protect her ears plugs that's what i meant to say yes earplugs for sure if you're good no one don't be care don't be care earplugs aren't care but they're not well no earplugs aren't care they're protecting your ears if you're like oh your plugs are lame you're care your ear your hearing is going to be destroyed everyone on stage of all the musicians you respect they're wearing earplugs are lame. Your hearing is going to be destroyed. Everyone on stage, all the musicians you respect, they're wearing earplugs.

They're wearing protection. Where do you get these plugs? Kat had some. Her husband bought, because they go to shows all the time, so her husband bought her a nice pair for her birthday, and she gave them to me, because I forgot to give them back to her. So she said you can keep them.

Thanks, Kat. I appreciate it. I also, like, you don't want those back. My ears are foul. What did you call them one time? Rigatoni? Or what's in there? Yeah, it looks like you stuck a Q-tip in a baked ziti.

A baked ziti. I have orange in my ears all the time. It's nuts. So anyway, I had earplugs in. But the show was, and I've been to a lot of shows recently. I've loved all the shows i've been to dave was incredible wilco um i will say they in terms of dave and wilco they played all my favorite songs so it's like oh my god and that's like my favorite shows but this there's something about the pace of

the show was amazing the like there was she didn't talk a lot which i i would have wouldn't have mind like i kind of like when people talk sometimes um but it was just the she's bouncing around the whole time she's having so much fun she and then the the led screen behind her all the whoever did the screens for metric you don't get enough credit shout out to you amazing lighting amazing sound yep the sound and lighting for that show was i'm not usually someone who's like wow the lighting and sound like i'm not trying to be it was just i was thinking i would love to go to the show if i were deaf deaf people take your deaf friends to go see metric because it's um it's incredible and i just at one point i was like feeling the bass like what would this feel like if I were blind and deaf? I was trying to experience it.

I was like, this would be an awesome show. Your dog would be like, I need earplugs. Yesterday, I went to a metal show here in Tucson, and I realized there was a- Sex Prisoner? Yeah, Sex Prisoner. No, I saw her. She put up her stories and the name of the different songs, and one was Sex Prisoner.

Yeah, it was Wormhaven, Exhule, Sex Prisoner, and Gate Creeper. That's the show I went to. These just sound like made up. Okay, so you went to go see them. It sounded like you were at a haunted house. It was haunted for sure. There was a blind person there and i was just like thinking like wow i wonder what his experience is and um they had a set like a

handicapped section so he went over there and he was standing over but it was like right by the wall of amplifiers and i'm just like i was just wondering like what that experience would have been for him yeah going to i mean talk to him yeah maybe you should talk to him he wasn't he wasn't dumb oh no one learned the um the word dumb this weekend what do you mean when someone is because um we asked cat where she got her cat she has a cat named bucky and she goes i got him from the dumb dumb friends league they call it the dumb friends league because it's animals are dumb they can't talk dumb meaning can't talk did you know dumb meant can't talk no how do people not know this i didn't know that so when you heard that song that deaf dumb and blind kid sure plays a mean pin it means he's deaf he can't talk and he's blind dumb means can't talk

and i love that they call the animal place that because that is the difference like that's why we eat animals is because they're dumb they can't talk if they could talk we would never eat them yeah and it's an important distinction to make but yeah i was dumb for three weeks and and then you got vocal surgery hey yo hey oh man what are you talking about stop um i also liked there was another highlight for me among many things from the weekend after the concert we didn't have like one group picture together so um we thought all all right, well, after the show, we'll go outside and we'll take a photo. And this is like why I love Nikki. So she gets her

phone ready. And then there's just like a group of guys that walk by and she's like, excuse me, can you take our picture? And of course they're like, yeah, of course we will. And she's just like directing them so that we would get the perfect picture. Yeah. Like in the middle of a crowded street. Well, it's funny to ask someone to stop and do it and then give them directions. Well, it's just like because we were at a certain location. It wasn't like I went go across the street and turn this way. It was literally where they were standing.

They just had to turn their back because people if you're taking pictures just out there for the layman. If you want to take a good photo, you see where the lights coming, right? Like if there's a big TV screen, use that TV screen light to to so have someone stand against the TV and shoot towards you. So we were in front of the Fillmore. Most people would probably get a picture in front of the Fillmore to be like we were here but there's a huge neon huge led sign being like metric tonight and it's all white and light blue colors and we would have been backlit we would have looked like shadows in front of this thing so we i was like let's use that it's like a ring light and so we had the guy i had the guy stand against that and shoot us so how did they know

you're at the filmmore? Who cares? Well, no, but then it's just a normal picture. The whole point is that you're in front of the Fillmore. Well, we know. We just wanted a photo together. Would you rather have a photo that shows your faces or one that shows the location? I think a shittier photo showing location for me.

Really? Yeah, because it's more of a memory. If not, I got to go, what the hell was it? Oh, this is... I don't think I'll ever forget that that's where that was. a shittier photo showing location for me really yeah because it's more of a memory if not i gotta go what the hell was it oh this is i don't think i'll ever forget that that's where that was though it's like a busy streets it's with the two people i went to the film more with like i wasn't in but that's like taking a photo in front of like showing off that i was there i took pictures but if you went to the eiffel tower and the lights were coming off the eiffel tower and you're like you know what let me get the lights from the Eiffel Tower to face my face.

Well, I'm just saying it was, we are in it, I think our goal wasn't to get a picture of the film or it was to get a picture of us three.

Well, then if that's the goal, then yeah, that's a different goal. But yeah, we got a picture and then we had our whole like purse controversy. Did you think about

writing metric because she did your song for. Oh, I did think about it. Well, this is the thing my dad, I told him last week. I'm like, we're going to metric. And he goes, and I was like, oh yeah, they, you know, I bought their song to use.

My special was $30,000 to use, which money well spent. But it, and he was like, you should write them. They'll give you free tickets. And I'm like, what am I supposed to do? What am I, how am I? Let me just see how that's going to go. So I write them, I'll give you free tickets. And I'm like, what am I supposed to do? What am I supposed, how am I, let me just see how that's gonna go. So I write them,

I DM them, and I say, hi, I spent $30,000 using your song. Will you give me free tickets? Like, how do I ask for free tickets? I'm obviously someone

who can afford to buy tickets. I don't know about if it's about the free tickets. I just say, I'm gonna go see your show. Yeah, be like, I can't wait to see your show.

I'm gonna be in Denver. That's such a surreptitious way of being like, give me free tickets. No, I wouldn't ask for free tickets wouldn't ask hold on hold on hold on hold on yeah first of all kat bought us the tickets right like a girl she did treatment like yes okay so you could have been you know like you could have dm them hey i'm excited i'm coming to denver to see you which we could have gotten backstage and met them because after the show when nikki tagged them on instagram they had sent her a message and said oh next time let us know

that you're coming to our show we would love to meet nikki the band would love to meet nikki yeah i get the feeling of not wanting to like i know how people do it with me where they go where i go just ask me for tickets, you know, like, because they do the thing of like, we want to come see you. And I have to go, I'll get you comps.

And it's just like, there's, there are times where, you know, metric did not need, um, my ticket sales. They did very well,

but I'm someone who's not like, you know, new to me doing theaters of the size. And when people write me that I know can afford tickets and they're kind of just like, Hey, we're coming to see you. I just want them to buy the ticket and then tell me,

which is exactly what we would have done in this scenario. But when I just don't like lying. And so if I'm like looking to get tickets, but I'm doing it in like a passive way, you're looking to get backstage potentially, but I did. I'm glad looking to get tickets, but I'm doing it in like a passive way. You're looking to get backstage potentially. But I'm glad we didn't go backstage. I would have been stressed out about what I was wearing.

I didn't bring cute enough clothes. And also I don't want to bug them. I'm sure they do meet and greets and it would have been fine and it would have been great. I just kind of, I was almost glad not to meet them because I got to just have, I didn't have to be nervous the whole time

being like, oh my God, I have to like see this person to be nervous the whole time being like oh my god i have to like see this person who just had the best show ever and communicate how i feel about it not that i don't love meet and greets and all these things but it was just um and i look forward to meeting them at some point because i after seeing her show last their show two nights ago i went on like a crazy binge yesterday of like nice reading everything about their songwriting process and their production and how they got together and so now i i feel like i just know them so much more after seeing them because i was blown away if they are they're coming to

boston they're i don't know why i'm promoting their dates i'm also coming to a lot of places you should go see me please god my ticket sales are i have not promoted my shows at all so if you are anywhere in iowa or um where else am i going memphis um thousand oaks california another place in california um uh just look at my tour dates if you have money to spare please come see me it's going to be an amazing show um and i need i just i have not promoted my show at all i'm so bad at promotion so i have to say that i'm here but also go see metric because it was such a good show it was so so good noah what did you think as someone who'd never really heard of them until loved it i thought their set was very um thoughtful and

it seemed like like every um every four or so songs we were going into a different phase. And I loved how in the middle of the set, the guitar player and the singer, her name is Emily, right? Yeah, Emily Haynes. They did an acoustic song of Combat Baby. Is that what it's called?

Baby, yeah. Yeah. Combat Baby. And I thought it was so good. It was just like a nice little break and then they got back into it was great and there was once i haven't really gotten to their new album do you ever have it where you hear a song for the first time and you just know it's about to be your favorite song that it's going to like you're like it's almost love at first sight where you're like

i'm about to get sucked into a vortex of only hearing this song for the next four weeks. This is all I'm going to listen to. And then after that, I'm going to burn out and not be able to really hear it as much. I hate when that happens with songs. And then two years later, you'll have a little bit of a renaissance. And then two years after that, you'll have...

And then six years after that, you'll have an even bigger one. The rest of your life, it is almost like running into a lover in public where you'll hear it and go like and like your body will fill with chills and like yeah i ghosted you song there's such a dopamine hit from a song you love the song that i'm obsessed with right now is it's called formentera formentera oh that's i think oh my god yeah i did type in formenta yesterday and they were like, nothing to be found.

But Formenta is like my new favorite song. Is it off their new album? Yeah. As soon as she started playing it, and I guess by the time the first chorus hit, I had Googled the lyric I heard to be like, what is this song, and added it to my Spotify immediately. Was it the acoustic one? No. It was the real version.

It was so good. I love an acoustic after a bunch of electric, then it's just like then with just a guitar her voice is so just become so personal yes and i wonder if it would stand out if they did all acoustic i feel like because they go from yeah you need variety you need peaks and valleys for sure so it was really good you went to a concert this weekend right yeah went to jake owen who's from my hometown in Vero Beach, Florida. And yeah, he came through St. Louis. He played at the Family Arena, which is out in St. Charles. The Riverport. No.

No, that's not Riverport. Sorry. Okay. The Family Arena. I've never been there, but I've heard a lot about it. Yeah. I don't know who plays there. I mean, it's a big arena.

I think a lot of people do. I think Kelly Clarkson went there once. Oh, I mean like who like sports team. I think like a soccer team, like an arena soccer. I mean it's like an arena out of nowhere. And yeah, I mean I was, you know, it was, I love him as like a performer. He like was, Jake like he moved to Nashville from like Florida. He went to Florida State. He broke his collarbone, moved to Nashville from Florida. He went to Florida State.

He broke his collarbone, moved to Nashville, opened up a bank account, and had a record deal within a month when we were all in our 20s. What do you mean? What's the bank account part? Okay, so he opens up a bank account. He wasn't old enough.

Were you confused by that too, Noah? Yeah, sorry. I'm trying to go quick. He gets a library card, and then he has a book deal. It's like, what does that have to do with anything? I'm trying to go quick He gets a library card And then he has a book He has a library Book deal Or he gets He gets Like it's like What does that have to do

With anything I don't understand Did you mean like Money in the bank account I don't He has some substantial cash They're just cryptic He lives little crumbs

And you have to go No because I feel like I always Have to rush him Okay I'll fucking I'll Why I'm not holding up

The break sign Yeah there's nothing Not that you would Acknowledge that First of all First of all First of all I'm not holding up the break sign yeah there's nothing not that you would acknowledge that first of all first of all first of all he's a deaf, dumb, and blind kid you guys

he's a deaf, dumb, and blind kid next thing you know it's his third album came out with Kenny Chesney okay so he gets a Quiznos frequent shopper card this is he signs up for Southwest Rapids Rewards this is the signs up for

Southwest Rapids Rewards this is the point of the story he fills his car up with gas cord of a tank with 87 and next thing you know he's running for president so he gets a bank account so Obama went to Harvard he became president

the person he opened the bank account with, he gave them his CD. And that person knew one record executive. Wait, you thought that we would get from the. I don't know. Andrew. I was in a trance. What is going on? Okay, I'll tell you what happened.

I'll tell you what happened. This is what happened. Okay. I'll tell you what happened. I'll tell you what happened. Maybe I might know this story, but you think the, I didn't even know that, but the listener For layman dumb terms, I'll tell you what happened I might know this story but you think I didn't even know that but the listener for layman dumb terms I'll tell you what happened for layman there's no one here

everyone's a layman besides the insiders of the story this is the reason why I don't know why I was telling his origin story and when I got caught in the origin story I wanted to get out of it but the only way to get out of it was to get him to be a superstar as quick as possible because the origin story had nothing wanted to get out of it. But the only way to get out of it was to get him to be a superstar as quick as possible.

Because the origin story had nothing to do with the fucking concert. That's what happened. That is so funny. I got stuck in an origin. He started making out and he got a record deal. He was born in Vero Beach in a river. In a river boat in 1984.

He grew up in the mangroves. None of this is pertinent pertinent okay that is so funny i don't know why yes all right so he gave his he gave his mixtape to the guy at the bank and then the bank had some connections and then it led to a record deal that's cool so within like six months he was opening for kenny chesney so like he's been famous in our hometown for like 20 years now. Right. I mean, it's kind of crazy. He's the guy that made good.

Yeah. He made good. And we were never, we were kind of close. He has a twin brother who like sells insurance, who I was closer with. What's his origin story? That's pretty much the whole thing.

He opened up a bank account and then just stayed in Vero Beach. Yeah. So, so anyways, so Jake was nice enough to get me and brennan tickets we were third row like right in center stage how did that come to be did you reach out to him let's get the the tips no i had cat bought the tickets and then i know i um i reached out to him yeah did you say how did you do it in a passive way because you didn't say can i get free tickets right no no of

course not exactly i said I said, Jake, I go, look, man. I can't wait to see you. I've known you since the bank account days. Since before you opened that bank account. Yeah, I'd known you before when you were just making cash on a stool in Riverside Cafe.

No, I said, I said I would like to see you perform. Wait, let's just see the text. No, you're going to make fun of it because I was passive. Yes. But I don't. This is what I'm talking about. That's what I hate doing.

I just want to like say. You've done stuff like this before. I swear to God, I have. This is what I always say. I go, hey, I'm. She doesn't do it. I always. I really don't do that. I always buy tickets. I can't. I go, hey, I'm... I really don't do that. I always buy tickets.

I can't. I really would have. I can't walk past three rows of people to get to a better vantage point. It's symmetric. It's not because I'm a good person. You don't want to inconvenience people. Why can't you just say,

can I get free tickets? Is my question. I think it's hard for people to write friends can I get free tickets is my question yeah I don't know I think the idea I think it's hard for people to write free I think it's just hard you know for Tom when I asked him I go I'm I'd love to

see you and that all that was just like I'm gonna come see you and I said I know that we get comps so I think I wrote do you have get comps, so I think I wrote, do you have any comps? If not, I'm totally fine paying. That's what I wrote, I think, which was true. So I did ask for comps.

Yeah. But I acknowledged, but I asked for them. I didn't go like, hey, so you're coming to town. For me, it's like tougher to ask that for some reason. Well, that's what I'm saying. It's not easy to ask for what you actually want, but it not the passive way but i get it i get why i mean literally everyone who asked me for tickets and you can continue to do this they go i'd love to we're gonna come see you what time is the show and that's kind of the way they do it where it's like don't buy tickets i got you but even though

you could afford it and i do need those ticket sales and it would matter to me just i'll get you in oh so i said and i this i guess this does come passive aggressive but here's the thing aggressive or passive passive uh so i said remember to bang no i go should i come to your show tomorrow night and he goes how far is it from you i go 30 minutes he goes come on bro i go me and my girl will come. Should we hang with you? My girl? You're talking like country. Yeah. Oh, JT, you understand what I'm talking about when I say I'll bring my girl. Me and my lady are coming down horseback style. We'll leave now.

My girl. I reckon we'll get there yonder. That's cute. Yeah, so six weeks later, we got there. Should we hang with you backstage or buy tickets and maybe hang after? I got you covered. I'll hit you tomorrow. Sounds good.

See you soon. Okay. So you did offer to buy tickets. I did offer to buy tickets. Okay. So you did pretty much the same thing. Will you get me backstage or should I buy tickets? Yeah.

How pissed would you have been if you had to buy tickets? Honestly, I wouldn't have been angry. I did want to hang with him. Yeah. Just because like, I mean, I'm friends with him. So we did get to hang. So there was a really funny moment at the concert. So you're going to call this cut, I think.

But I wanted to get ahead of it. Do it, Andrew. What is it? So I don't do it. So he throws Bud Lights into the crowd. That's dangerous. Is it a can or is it in a cup? You're nine steps. You have nine steps you're nine bank accounts i think that

is very dangerous so he's throwing them though like like like cans or okay yeah bottles broken bottles underhand underhand how far so this is the did someone get hurt sorry he's throwing them but like second row he threw one at me and the guy next to me caught it i got hit with an ear i got two picks from got hit in the ear with a pick that he threw out that's cool but anyways he's throwing bud lights in the crowd and you know you see him throw one like two feet you know first next you know he throws like five or six and you see him getting a little bit more like hey yeah let's let's get a little bit farther yeah and i can see it in his eyes i'm getting too confident with throwing on people catching

on me like yeah and then he like literally points like dude about i mean it's so far like i'm talking like 200 feet like like and he just goes yeah bro you and the guy's like yeah and he goes and it just it seemed like forever and it just it hit a woman that's what i'm saying on the head yeah it looked like she was already confused of why she was there before she got hit oh no and and and someone's girl he goes like this he goes oh but he's in the middle of the song so so you can't like... Oh, no. It was like a Travis Scott situation. So he's like... No. Oh, oh.

And then I'm just watching this woman the whole time for the next like three songs, and she's just like despondent. Like, I can't believe... Well, you can see her? Yeah, I could see her from stage. So you're turning around and looking at her? Like, she can't see that I'm looking at her. Andrew we know would just be like, oh, I'll go you.

Andrew is no, what's the thing where you go? Brain? No, we're like, no, no, no. I'm getting better because you've told me many times. We're like, you know, the classic thing of like you kick him under the table and he goes, why are you kicking me? Or like if there's someone with a facial disfigurement, he'll

go like, look over there. Look, do you do you see and i'm like we all see the person oh that was the girl in the wheelchair yes what really the person that got on their knee and that we were laughing at the guy on his knee but it looked like we're just laughing at someone in a wheelchair yes but like i could just see if if if something happened, Andrew just turning around like, you're not good at peripheral vision. Dude, look, I just kept looking at her because I felt bad for her. I really did feel bad for her,

and she looked so despondent. And embarrassed, probably. It's so embarrassing to get that. Did I just get... She was so far away. You could get concussed. Oh, my God. So concussed.

How did I predict that? It's dangerous. I mean, so then then so i see her though like three songs after that she starts singing again i was like okay either she's really fucked up oh my god you were really worried about this i was kind of i was just so intrigued it's not every day you get hit with a beer so then he so jake gets a tattoo earlier in the day and he goes you know i've just you know i've been a little down and i just felt like gets a tattoo earlier in the day, and he goes, you know, I've just been a little down, and I just felt like getting a tattoo of this drawing that these guys did for him.

And he's like, does anyone in the crowd want to get a tattoo? And this drunk woman goes, I'll get one. Beerhead? Not beerhead, but a different woman. Actually, like seven people raised their hands. Of course. People love free tattoos, especially at a Jake Owen. No, they offered to buy it no no he's like so this woman they put out the tape on stage and he's just

singing a song and she's just like getting a tattoo oh i bet you hundreds of people at that show would have done that probably yeah once you start getting tattoos you don't care about at adding like ian gets them that is true i don't know if this one you don't care about adding. Like, Ian gets them. That is true. I don't know if this woman's had any tattoos. Oh, really? Next thing you know, this woman's getting. You should have gotten one. I know.

I thought about it. But so then it was pretty funny. Like, I made it stupid, but the two people got tattoos that night. The Bud Light girl and the girl. Like, who do you think woke up more upset? Like, the girl that got it. Yeah, the girl that had an imprint of a can ring on her forehead for the rest of her life it's so embarrassing to get hit in the face by anything when you don't see it coming that's why i hate when boys are playing ball or catch

or any kind of sport near me i told him him if he got sued for like Florida man, country singer gets sued for throwing Bud Light. I'm surprised more people don't get hurt at shows. And then they must, maybe the venue pays for it because people get hurt at shows. Bounce, like mosh pits. There's just no way. And so who's paying for that, I wonder?

I don't know. I mean mean it was it was i could see her i mean did anyone see the woodstock documentary not yet limp it like fred durst has some what did he throw he's the one that like kind of got them to be like break shit fuck shit up and like they were already so mad and then he was just like he got them to just go next level and start tearing tearing... He played a song that was called Break Shit. Break Stuff. It's called Break Stuff.

And so people just started... Break your book tonight. Yeah. Yeah, that song. And they started surfing on all the big pieces of plywood they were pulling off the sound. Have you ever seen Akon throw a person into the crowd? Someone threw something at him on stage,

and he's like, oh, that's cool, man. Come up on stage. You can hang out. And then he at him on stage and he's like, oh, that's cool, man. Come up on stage. You can hang out. And then he threw him. And it landed on the lady. She's like, again? I can't go to any genre of concert. Mister, mister.

Mister, mister. So then we go backstage, which was really cool, but people were getting tattooed left and right because they're tattoo artists. Did you think about it? No, I wasn't feeling it. Yeah, it wasn't the vibe. Yeah, it wasn't the vibe.

But it was a really fun night. And I don't know. It's different. Music is like, it's so weird that comedy, you just go, you just need a microphone. They need so much shit. I know. So many people are backstage i know they're making a lot of money but man they're spending a lot of money cut up boy oh

boy there's like 40 people just working backstage manning different stuff and then also your band which you got to pay pretty handsomely yeah that's why when people start like why did they go solo uh you know yeah why did rob Rob Thomas leave Matchbox 20? And so much of their sales is merch. That is, artists depend on merch so, so much. Speaking of new merch on my tour, it's going to be dope. I worked very hard to make it as cool as possible. Wait, you renamed the tour too, right?

Yeah, it's called The Good Girl Tour. Oh, that's great. Yeah. So I tried to name, I wanted to name it the name of my special, but then my agent said people would think it was the same material from the special. And I'm like, isn't that so funny?

Like if I know it's been noted before, but musicians, if you pay play new music, everyone hates you. But if you're a comedian and you do anything, you can only do new stuff. And if you do anything that is recognizable, people go,

people have a right to just dismiss you as so weird just taking our money like we already saw this but it does make sense because comedy laughter is a response to being scared or surprised that's why a lot of times people after they're scared they laugh it's a very common response to being scared is to have people giggle you do it sometimes when you're nervous you laugh but do you think do you think so you know comedy is like i do you think this joke is going this way and i'm gonna say this way and then you laugh. But do you think? And so comedy is like, you think this joke is going this way, and I'm going to say this way, and then you laugh. So it's about surprise.

So if you hear something you don't know, it sounds funny. But part of me thinks like, I've heard the same story more than once. Like George Carlin started that thing, like a new special every two hours, and then Louis said it. I know you, but the thing is,

even if you think it's just as good, it's not as good as the first time you heard it. Yeah. I saw Mitch Hedberg though, and he was a one-liner guy. So obviously, even if you think it's just as good it's not as good as the first time you heard it yeah i saw mitch hedberg though and like he was a one-liner guy so obviously and then what happens is people start fucking literally saying his punchline yeah oh but you know what it's just as close to as good as the first time you heard it is the first time your friend who you know will appreciate the joke hears it you know it's like showing someone a youtube video. I right now, we have to go to break, am so obsessed with the video. I cannot stop watching it.

I watched it on the plane yesterday on repeat for an hour. It is that guy, Eggs Tyrone, who puts dance. He takes people like different dancing clips and then puts different music to it. So these people look like they're dancing to different songs. It's so good. Eggs Tyrone spelled exactly like you think it is and um they did this he took this one from diddy and his sons dancing diddy is

dressed up like um pennywise from it and then his sons are dancing around him and the dancing is just phenomenal it's so interesting but if they're dancing to just a rap song but then he took that music out and put in modest mouse i crashed my car into a cop car the other day it's on my story i'm gonna put on my story every single day until i stop being obsessed with it because i need to know i i've never liked a video this much in my life i can't stop watching it it It makes me happy. It soothes me. It is like, I feel, you know how sometimes special needs people like watch the same video or children just want the same thing over and over and over. Beauty and the Beast.

Beauty and the Beast. Like just, oh, I've never been this obsessed with something. I mean, granted, it's a 45 second video, but I'm watching it on repeat. And just the way the dancing is, it just, it's something about, it's the most, it's a 45 second video but i'm watching it on repeat yeah just the way the dancing is it just it's something about it's the most it's it's the thing in the world that has hit me the most in like a place of like this is everything i've ever wanted the world is okay i like the idea of because i see those kind of videos and they'll play like yakety sax or whatever like over like something that's really cool but But I like that modest mouth.

Can I play it for you? Yeah. To see if you're entranced by it as me. I'm sure I will be. But I like that the song still has somewhat of rhythm. It's still kind of cool. The song is so cool. So it's not like completely making a joke out of it.

You know what I mean? Yes. And I would think most, that song was cool before smartphones. So a lot of people are being introduced to the song for the first time. Okay. So it's the middle one on the top top i love the idea that modest mouth like becomes let's see if andrew enjoys it as much as i do like don't get a hit one morning they'll be like why do i have 90 million It's just Diddy and his sons walking down the hallway.

Makes me really happy. But watch how good... I thought you would be afraid of the clown. No, it makes me happy. The clown is so cute. It makes Pennywise... Yesterday, I walked past a sewer, and I was like, I thought you would be afraid of the clown. No, it makes me happy. The clown is so cute. It makes Pennywise like... Yesterday, I walked past a sewer, and I was like,

where are you? Come out and dance. I swear to God. It was a little chipmunk came out of the sewer instead. It scared me because I really was looking for Pennywise. I do love this,

and I love that it's like... Wait, you didn't get to the end. Oh, sorry. It's so good. Again, he went to the bank account. No, don't worry about it now. But you've got to watch it all later. It's so good. Again, he went to the bank account. No, don't worry about it now. But you've got to watch it all later. It's so good.

Because then it goes, and then we all float on again. And he changes the rhythm. There's something so soothing about dancing that goes exactly to the song that I really like. Who knew that I was into dancing so much? I'm obsessed. I saw this TikTok where they do, oh, we got to go to break. I could feel it.

I could feel it. We'll be back right after this with Top 1, Bottom 1 on Nikki Glaser Podcast. And the TikTok video thing. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics

in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else ready to laugh and stay informed listen on the iheart radio app apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts all right we're back i crashed my car into a cop car um and i will say on that video the that eggs tyrone guy, he doesn't only put in the music. What's brilliant about that guy

is that he makes the music almost sound like it's coming from that event. So he won't, it's not played over it. So he puts in little claps in the song to match the claps of the dancers. So it makes it sound like that's the song that was playing in that hallway. And he distorts the sound so that it sounds like it was in that hallway too which you don't realize no you

love this specific so much yeah like a effects a video was like um there was another video yesterday that it got oh i went down a fucking wormhole yesterday i don't even want to talk about it i found someone that i've never been more jealous of in my life whose life i just like i can't i wrote anya and i was like do you know who this girl is and she was like don't do this to yourself nikki she's perfect i'm not even gonna say who it is because i don't she is funny she's gorgeous she's has perfect style a perfect home a perfect dog a perfect boyfriend a perfect amount of like she's like does her own products she and her husband collaborate perfectly like it it is so triggering i could not i was in bed watching her and just it was like cutting myself i couldn't stop i was trying to find anything about this woman's life that was tragic that maybe spoke to a deep pain um anya was like

i think her parents are divorced i was like okay we got something like there was there's there's nothing there is nothing her life is perfect and anya anya usually when i present her with someone she goes nicky you don't understand like that girl probably has this she probably doesn't eat that much and like but this girl we both concluded, literally has a perfect life. And Anya was like, I can't go down that, don't send me down that hole again. She a performer? I don't want to give any, no.

There's nothing I will give anyone about this girl. I'll just say, and if- Kimberly, you're talking about your niece this way. Poppy. She's already, we already married her off. Yeah, and she's so tiny. She's four. Okay, let's get into top one bottom one today's category is in anticipation of me traveling to la i think that was kind of it i'm traveling tonight traveled yesterday noah traveled yesterday we all spent

a lot of times in the airport i met a bestie at the airport. Really? Nice. Her name is Sid. Yes. Sid recognized you? I was at my gate eating Cheetos, which is what I got from the topic. Hot or regular? Cheddar.

Cheddar, nice. Gotta get the cheddar. It was like seven minutes before boarding and i'm i was debating if i should go wash my fingers this is what i was debating do i do i wipe them on my used tissue that's in my bag or do i just go wash my hands because the bathroom was right there you suck them man or do i suck them i'll get in there but i was at the airport so that eliminated they're wet okay so yeah but then I would wipe it on my jeans. So anyway, I decided to go to the bathroom and wash my hands.

And as I'm walking with like my Cheeto hand, all I heard was, can I get your picture? And I just looked and I didn't hear the first part of what Sid said. She goes, hey, I'm a bestie. Can I get a photo with you please and she's so cute because later she told me she's like oh i know um what nikki says like have your phone ready so i so i had my phone oh my god anyway so she had my phone ready when i asked those guys too i was like following my own rules you did exactly so just a quick tidbit she said

she would listen to us every single day. A sidbit. In Africa. Noah's got a gun now. In Africa? Wait, what? In Africa. Yes. Which I think we should take time to acknowledge our international listeners, by the way, because there's a lot.

I got a text or a DM from someone who I said Uganda the other day. I just, you know, as a reference point for something. And he was like, thank you for shouting out Uganda. And I'm'm like hell yes uganda what's up yamen how you doing no she was serving as a as a medic oh shit and she was traveling sorry she's serving as a medic and she was traveling back home she had an issue with her and she had to be laid over in color and she was just listening to Thursday's podcast and she knew we were in Colorado

and she was just like, I can't believe I see you at the airport. Oh my God. With Cheeto hands. That is so cute. So wait, is there a photo now with you with Cheeto? Did you show your Cheeto fingers? Well, I said to her,

I was like, I have Cheeto dust all over my fingers. Can I please wash my hands first? That's so cute. I love that so much. Hey, Sid. That's so nice. Someone wrote me from after the Metro concert and was like, you have a doppelganger at the

Fillmore in Denver, unless it was you. But if you don't, there's someone who looks exactly like you. I'm like, oh, man, I wish you would have said hi. I love a good recognizing recognizing like say hello i hate always when in doubt and i'm not a bad enough looking gal where if you tell someone hey are you nikki glazer and it's not me that they're gonna be like fuck you you know so just take a gamble i i would hope not except unless you know i have a joke where people go are you nikki glaser and i have no makeup on and i go you think i look like this

pointing to myself because i do sometimes i look so unlike myself without makeup that if i get recognized i get really offended it's like where did you see me like this ever present like this except every day on youtube it was one of your depressed days during covid yeah i remember i think you accidentally posted it for three seconds god oh man i uh bottom one yeah top one bottom what's the category the category is something at the hudson news which is the airport bodega yeah the airport the airport. It's in every single airport. It's like Hudson News. It's classic. They sell the same stuff almost all the time.

There's a couple variations here and there you'll find, but mostly it's always the same stuff. Let's start with the bottom thing. I hate that they have the worst options for snacks, for anything healthy. There is nothing healthy in a Hudson News besides water. There's nothing.

I don't care if you're like, but what about the green pea snap crisps? Are you really going to eat one fourth of that bag? No, you're not. You're going to eat the whole bag. It's four servings. It is so bad for you. Too much sodium, too much, like nothing.

What's the perfect healthy snack that needs to be there? I really do like some places carry those baked edamame. They have such a good pop in your mouth. Those are really good. Also, kind bars. Kind bars is definitely a great choice.

But I will say I hate and they are always out of very often out of diet coke i have noticed as someone who just started re-drinking diet coke diet pepsi no one cares for everyone loves diet coke everyone it's diet cokes are always taken and diet pepsis are there being like we're here and it's like i know you are no thank you i hate that i hate when i go to a restaurant and they go uh you go diet code diet pepsi like it's like not even like yes like i'm weird for thinking it's different and then i go no and they

go okay i hate to tell you david spade just did a great bit about this on kimmel like his last appearance on kimmel it's so funny where he's like yeah people go diet pepsi and they kind of look at you like i know i'm sorry like diet pepsi it's gross and he's like yeah yeah, people will go Diet Pepsi, and they kind of look at you like, I know, I'm sorry. Diet Pepsi, it's gross. And he's like, yeah, no. And they're like, but it's that exact thing of like, no, it's not okay. It's not okay. It's not even close. Also, they get mad.

If you go, no, then I don't want it. They go, well, it's the same thing. And they go, no, it's not the same thing. It's not at all. It's not. It's not like Sprite 7-Up. I get that. That's kind of in the same world.

Pepsi is nowhere near it. Yeah. But I will still drink a Diet Pepsi. I will too. I'm not against it. But yeah, we have Diet Cokes often in the Hudson News, and it's like a very bonding thing when we're traveling together. Because it's a treat.

Because we know it's bad. We know it's naughty. And we should just be getting water. It's 9 a.m. There's water right there. It's 8 30 you know what i hate in the hudson news of water for 4 49 oh that's what i hate about the hudson news go fuck yourself and also you know what i hate is when the people working there either aren't

manning the front of it like they're just stocking things and the whole line backs up or there's one person, this is my number. Sorry, bottom one thing. Hudson News. People who get a bag for their soda or their water or their little cheese crisps, stop getting bags. If you can carry it in your hand, walk out of the store with it. I'm so sick of people just, just yeah i'll take a bag for that

for you're buying a pack of gum and you need a gigantic hudson news bag oh you're gonna reuse it no you're not no one reuses it listen i'm not perfect when it comes to plastic bags but if you can carry it up to the front counter and you're not spilling things everywhere you can walk out of the store with it without a bag final answer i think and news bottom is the sandwich selection i like a quick sandwich give me some options give me something maybe fresh something that was maybe made that day and not nine years ago so what are the options generally like it's like turkey and like i think it's american cheese on like do they have uncrustables there?

Oh, I like Uncrustables. I would love to. I've never had one, but man, they look so good. Never in your life? They just look like soaked up bread. They're insane. I saw one on the ground yesterday, and I wanted to eat it. Are you sure that just wasn't an old PB&J? It had a circle pattern to it.

Wait, you just saw a perfectly sitting there? Well, no, it had a big bite out of it. Even? What happened to that person? I don't know. Yeah. Who gives up on an Uncrustable after you take one bite? And who, after giving up on it, throws it on the ground?

Just find a trash can, you trash. Uncrustable is so funny. Don't you know where trash cans are? Because you are trash. What do I want my mom to make me? An Uncrustable like someone made that. Like, I like my sandwiches without crust. Yeah, people do.

Did you like that? It's not bad. Yeah. I didn't mind crust. I think my mom like made me eat crust. It was like, that's good for you. Like, it's almost like the peel of an apple. It's like, do you know that has like the most fiber in it?

Is the outside. Oh, okay. You're supposed to eat it. But I don't think has like the most fiber in it is the the outside oh okay you're supposed to eat it sometimes i don't think that's the way it is for bread sandwich though because in like sometimes i'll throw a lot of mayo on there and i'll put chips on there chips on top of the sandwich and it'll just taste like a processed it'll bring it back to like lunchable days and there's like some kind of nostalgic good feeling about eating absolute dog shit okay so so sandwich selection a little better of a sandwich and not for fucking 12.99 we're not gonna we're not gonna be able to convince

them of that yeah inflation yep uh noah what about you okay controversial i really don't like that they have books there for sale because it puts pressure on me very anti-reading yeah to but well i just i just feel like i don't it's like it's almost like if you buy a book you're one of those people who's like so put together and you use your time on a plane to like read and get all this like worldly you know what they're selling the illusion of that because people most people pressure including me, when you buy a book where the crawdogs sing five months ago,

you just read the first page or two, you get tired, you put it away and then you forget it in the back of the chair, in the plane. It is more of like buying the illusion

of the person you want to be. I don't think most airport books even get read. There are people that will walk past and they'll look at it, like they feel like you're at the Smithsonian or something. They're acting like, ooh, maybe I'll buy this book.

I've never seen anyone buy a book either. I don't know if you have. I have bought a lot of books, but I will say I never read them. So I only read books on my phone. I wanted to buy a book the other day when I had to wait for like two hours for noah's plane to get in you're waiting and i was like oh i'll go to the bookstore and then i was like bitch buy a book on your phone they're so much cheaper i was about to spend 24 on a book that i got for eight bucks

on my phone yeah the magazines i used to buy magazine before i mean it's all the phone it's the phone's fault i mean i would buy a rolling stone i did like magazines back in the day a big magazine i loved a big mag i'd read it before the flight would take off magazines are so expensive thing with yeah magazines are expensive now they're like 8.99 yeah well they have to be because no one's buying them yeah yeah they used to be like $3.99. Yeah, I sometimes on the way, if I have a connecting flight, on the way out of a plane,

I look and people will leave behind the magazines that they've already read and I just steal from the first class, like the trash that they leave on the seats. Yeah. It's a great solution. You can get a lot of good materials. Well, remember flying before phones and like if the movie wasn't there

and then you didn't have anything to read, so all you could do is look at the fucking i had that for sale book or whatever day my phone was about to die and my um airpods weren't working so i was just like what did you do i just um oh the girl next to me was trying to like kind of talk to me and so i just pretended i was sleeping oh i couldn't she just was well, looks like we're going to be friends. She sat closer to me because it was like, it's going to be a full flight, folks. You're going to want to use those middle seats. And she just moved from the aisle to the middle, just being like, which I thought was like, no, someone will sit there.

Oh. Who does that? She was just like, it was weird. And she goes, well, looks like we're going to be best friends. And I was just like, no, we are not. That is what I put on my eye mask. I just go, uh-huh. I'm like, why don't I still have that stick on my phone

that says I can't talk? I'm dumb. There's no eye. She left the aisle open? Yeah, for people boarding. It was so weird. Yeah, I know. And she didn't move back to the aisle?

And she just kept saying stuff to herself like, ugh, well, don't usually do that. The flight attendant was like, you know, ma'am, you have to put the bag underneath. And she was like, I knew that. I knew that. I usually don usually do that. Someone was, the flight attendant was like, you know, ma'am, you have to put the bag underneath. And she was like, I knew that. I knew that. I usually don't do that. Like, you know, people that just want to get a conversation going.

So they start just like, almost like fly fishing. They just like kind of say little things that someone will take the bait. And I'm just like, I'm not giving it to you. I love shutting down a cosign because they go, bag under the chair. What's the point? And you're like, no, you're not getting that from me. I'm not cosigning with you. I don't care.

You're not being your little partner in crime here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're on your own. Let's race hell over here. No, no. I'm not doing that. I sound like a real brat, but what? You had a what moment?

Yesterday on my flight back home um sitting behind me was a sports broadcaster and i could tell by the tone of his voice that he was definitely like in broadcasting and then i learned about his whole career because he was just bombarding this woman who was sitting next to him with his christ history and he was like showing her things out of the window as we were landing explaining like what all these things are. And it's like, oh, that is my number one pet peeve. Stop it. What's he explaining?

I need you to listen to me, listener. If you're on a plane and you're a little chatty, Kathy, keep your voice down. I know it sounds like you have to scream because it's like the almost like white noise of the airplane makes it seem like you have to shout louder. Everyone can hear you. it is so rude i'm at the point where i'm gonna start telling people to shut up because it is so rude people will talk it'll be like a 7 a.m flight and someone's just in the mood to talk and they start chatting and the person next to them doesn't have boundaries so they just let them talk the whole time and kind of keep it like i'm just like man this woman needs to go to a fucking meeting because she needs to stand up for herself like i just start just like diagnosing

people as have being codependent because the person will be talking and the person you can tell the person's annoyed with this person talking to them because no one wants this but then they keep kind of keeping it going because they don't want to be rude be rude be rude shut these people down and stop being a person who talks though even yeah even if you're on a flight with a friend keep i've been on a flight with kirsten and we talked the entire time and i've told her like we've been like we got to keep it down because there are people around us sleeping and you do not need to scream but you know what people love to do is to they love having people hear how cool like hearing about their life it gives people an opportunity to

be in a small confined space where other people will hear about your life yeah they're performing they they honestly do and i know i get to perform every night so maybe i don't know what it's like to not have that little outlet but you are a bad person if you talk the entire flight you're you're a selfish person you're not. People are trying to sleep. I don't care what time of day it is. The only argument is they're anxious. Again, the definition of is doing something so that other people see you do it.

And you give the illusion that you don't know they're seeing you do it, but you do the thing that you wouldn't do by yourself. So if you were having a conversation as a kid, sports broadcaster, because you want everyone around you to know you're famous, you are good and you deserve to. And I hope this flight crashes and I will take. I will.

No, I'm on the flight. So the world doesn't have to deal with you. Oh, wait. No, I'm on this flight. Just the front of the flight. Just the front of the plane. Just his seat gets sucked out of the plane. Just listen to Sex Prisoner.

You won't die. If you're listening to Sex Prisoner, you'll fucking be fine. Yeah, because that's the guy that wants everyone to hear. He's not someone that's anxious because he's explaining how the flight is. I know the difference between someone who's having a conversation is just a loud person and the difference between someone who wants people to hear. And my granddaughter said this. I never thought SportsCenter would be calling.

And then sure enough enough i open a bank account next thing you know what's your top stuff at hudson uh top hudson yeah for me is zantac being in there thank you thank you for having medicine because sometimes especially after a hangover especially after a trip to vegas i have heartburn i think it's a heart attack i'm about to have a panic attack i'm about to go up in the air and i need something to calm that fucking pain in my chest and thank you zantac i appreciate you even though i found out that i think it kills people but still shit it's fine yeah i'll say um tiny deodorants because when you are like you realize you're on a trip and you forget and you're gonna be stinky that's very great but also i said before kind bars are the number one thing to get they are

vegan they are they don't have too much sugar they are a perfect snack they're always a little bit too expensive but they are my favorite like i have very specific needs with my bars and those are the only bars that you can find everywhere that are actually delicious and not packed with sugar. So I love kind bars or have milk in them. Mine is... What about you, Noah? I only see this at the Hudson News

although I didn't see it in Colorado. There's this hot and spicy Chex Mix and whenever I see it there, that's what I find. Hot and spicy Chex Mix. I had no idea you were such a little snack head. Yeah. A new thing we learned about Noah. She loves Cheetos.

Well, we knew that she loved those hot snacks. I didn't know she loved Cheetos. What was it? Weird snacks. Oh, hot Takis? Snacks you can't find. Do you like Takis? No.

Never. I didn't get it. I'm like a purist. I like the stuff that I ate as a kid. Right. I'm trying to think if I still ate crap What I would eat I don't like pretzels and Chex I like the Chex

I love popcorn Even though it gets stuck in your throat And you feel like you're dying sometimes When you eat it My dad I just envision how he used to eat popcorn And it's scary He gets in there every dad eats popcorn because that was like the only snack back in the day right and they would just like i just did a fucking yeah yeah my dad's always eats it and

then throws it at the dogs and wonders why they just will not stop looking at him the rest of the night because they think that little popcorn's gonna show up somewhere else. I will say about the Cheetos, I think, and whenever I'm eating something that has like a dust residue, I hate it on my fingers. It's so gross. And then you lick your fingers, then it gets even more on because they become a little just like... Yeah, it's tough. Nachos. Doritos do that. Yes.

I do the thing where I will... If it were like Doritos or something I would crunch up the bag so they're a little smaller and then I would just pour the bag into my mouth slowly

make it a drink just like just yeah drink it like a smoothie I honestly do that with so many things a crunchy smooth there are these like these lupini beans I eat

that are like really gooey and they're you're supposed to eat them with your hands and I just can't do it and I just dump them into my mouth slowly what do you think about you look over, I'm eating Cheetos, chopsticks? How do you feel about that?

I would do that, but no one ever has chopsticks on hands. But I have had things with chopsticks before. I respect it. I love chopsticks. I would prefer to eat things with chopsticks as opposed to a fork. Well, I see people eating,

especially Asian people, they eat lobster, they put gloves on. Smart. You throw gloves on smart gloves on then your hands don't smell like fucking fish all day but then it's interesting that you'll take fish to the mouth but you don't want it on your hands you would think you would hate fish so much but it's smart but maybe cheeto gloves maybe orange gloves for cheetos oh yeah you know what

i used to when i used to um then i'd eat the gloves i would like eat a whole pint of ice cream you know that ice cream that like halo top or whatever you can eat? Yeah. I used to wear a winter glove to hold it because my hand would get too cold. Stop. It is a great solution. It is. Or even with a hot bowl, if you're eating, sometimes my oatmeal's really hot, I'll put

on a winter glove to hold it. Do you put a little scarf around it? A little tiny scarf? That would be so cute. So funny. Snacks. I need a picture of this what's your favorite chip growing up what was your go to chip

I hated like regular chips growing up but I don't know why and I'm so mad that I did because they're delicious there's so many foods I squandered before I knew like about you know if things were bad for you and and i just didn't like them because they were like i don't know i just don't like it it's like bitch that is so delicious and you're gonna miss the years that you said you didn't want things um can you imagine going into a store and just getting

shark bites and dunkaroos and not even thinking at all about the health i think about mostly about pizza i miss the days where eating pizza was free. Like, was just like, you were just, you know, that classic joke of like, I want that last piece. Like, now I'd be like, I hope someone else takes it because I don't, I can't have it.

Like, everything about being a, ugh. Pizza Hut Buffet? Oh my God. Just eating. Heaven. Everything. I just, I've, if you're a child out there listening,

enjoy that you don't have any guilt associated with food yet. It is a magical time in one's life. Don't worry, your mom will give it to you. will you try not yet, try not to give that to your kid yet about calories or fat.

Just let your kids fucking go, man. It was so nice. Dude, you know what chips I eat nowadays? The baked lays. I love baked lays. Barbecue are delicious.

Holy shit. Those are great on a Subway sandwich. That's what I always used to get. Yeah. Oh, my God. Or Quiznos even. And they make a cheddar sour cream. And those two together are baked lays.

And it convinces you that it's healthy, blah, blah, blah. Yes. Oh, my God. It's so fucking good, dude. They're not too bad for you, I don't think. They're baked. I get them a lot. It couldn't be bad.

I get them a lot. Yeah, they're so, so good. Or, you know, a great thing is to take the baked lays, crunch up the bag, and then sprinkle it over salad croutons. Oh. And it's really good. And then they crunch just perfectly. I think you're onto something with this crunch thing.

Yeah, just like bake the, you know, squeeze the bag so it breaks it up, and then you can eat things. Like, if you're just pouring a bag of chips into your mouth, the whole chips, they're going to hit you in the face and spill all over. You put a summer glove on before you do that? Yeah, put on a, you know, like one of those fancy gloves that goes all the way up. Yeah, yeah. I love talking snacks. We got to do this more.

We have a whole show ahead of us. I'm going to LA tomorrow. I'm going to be there till December. So we are going to be doing this show remotely, but you won't notice. Don't even worry. We'll have tons of LA stories for you. Thank you guys for listening.

Thank you to Sid. Thank you to Uganda. Thank you, India. Yeah, that's what it felt like. Thank you, and we will see you tomorrow, Dumpika and Jackson.

Pollock? Pollocks. Pollock. Not Pollocks. That sounds like a disease. Chicken Pollocks. Okay. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show,

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