The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #282 Loving or Beloved?

Episode Date: October 19, 2022

Nikki witnessed some wild moments at the airport recently, one involved an aquamarine man and another one quite possibly herself. She asks Andrew if she went too far trying to assist someone on the TSA Clear line. Andrew knows he would go for a free hot dog on the sinking Titanic and Nikki wants to know what he wants inscribed on his tombstone. Nikki helps Andrew understand women's periods more. You Heard It Here First; quickies are a-okay. In Nikki's Reddit Dump they are inspired to give Besties a take home assignment - listen to this song by Hudson Mohawke while you make love and leave us a voicemail to let us know how it went. In the Final Thought Nikki gives shout outs to people who don't usually get them.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

John Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast Here's Nikki! Hello! Here I am! It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. Welcome to the show!

It is Tuesday. I'm in Los Angeles, California after an arduous, uh, you know, almost like, um, the, oh man, I'm already out of it. Donner Party kind of excursion that I took to get here yesterday. Any cannibals? I ate a couple pieces of my own skin, then I peeled off my fingers because I was having so much anxiety about it. But I'm here. I'm in my Airbnb on the west side. It feels easy breezy. It's nice outside.

I escaped the St. Louis weather, which just cracked last night. It just got freezing temperatures. And it got down to in the 20s last night in St. Louis, which is insane. Andrew, how is it there in St. Louis? Cold as hell, right? Everyone's okay here, Nick. Everyone's doing their best. I got multi-layers on.

We're just trying to survive. No, it got cold. It's cold for two days, and then it's going right back to 80 in two days. No way. Really? Yeah. 80? Something like 79.

79 somewhere. Oh, dear God. Is anything less interesting than the weather? I'm sorry I brought it up. Noah is in Arizona, where it's always dry. It's a cool 72 degrees here in Arizona. 72, that's nice. Look at us with all these different weathers.

Yeah, well, we're scattered. We're a scattered crew. But I got in late. So our flight was supposed to be at 724 last night, and then I'm calling i'm like reaching for my phone to call the uber to go at like 6 15 because i always play it fast and loose and um i'm getting like urgent calls from chris like three missed calls i'm like someone's dead or our flight's delayed so it got delayed until so the pilot died now our flight got delayed until 10 30 which i was just

like that's a bit three hours so then i was like okay i'll watch the bachelor in paradise i went down to the gym and thank god andrew didn't come in and say hi to me it was i think it was after your bedtime at that point i was down at the gym at like nine o'clock i went to bed at like nine last night yeah i'm like literally 140 years old anyway so you went to bed at like nine last night. Yeah. I'm like literally 140 years old. Anyway, so you went to the gym. And then I go to the airport. I'm headed there. And then it got delayed till 11. Then they push it again.

So then I go, and I'm on my way to the airport. And then they undelay, undelay, mama, ee-ah, ee-ah, uh-oh. They undelayed it again. They undelayed the flight. So on the way to the airport, I am now late to check in my bags. If you're a pro traveler, you know you cannot track, you can't check in your bags

past 45 minutes before your flight departure. So if you go to the airport and you don't get up to the counter to check your bags 45 minutes before, you do not get to go on the plane. You can't send your bags on the next plane and you take that plane like you got to travel with your bags in case there's a bomb you got to blow up with your bags too i guess that's the logic and so um but it was interesting because i get there

and chris is already there and i go can you negotiate with them they just undelayed it like i would have been on time and so they called in a supervisor think shout out to the american desk at the st louis international airport especially uh cindy she fucking killed it for us and um yeah so nice they were so so nice but there was a guy that came up after us and he's like it's not my fault like i'm i'm on time they just like push the flight forward even though they've delayed it. And then we're like, yeah, we know it sucks. And this guy goes, he puts his bag up on the, so we're getting checked in. They're kind of like rushing us.

They have to call the manager over to override the, you know, so we can get on. And so this guy comes up and is like, it's not my fault. I got to check this bag. I'm going to miss my flight. And they're like, yeah, well, it's not my fault. I got to check this bag. I'm going to miss my flight. And they're like, yeah, well, that's not our fault either. We don't know what's going on. And so he puts his bag up on the scale and goes, I'm going. And he just leaves before it's checked, before they confirm his ID.

He leaves his bag. I've never seen anything like it. And then he heads to security. I'm looking at Chris like I have never seen anything like this. Like he heads to security i'm looking at chris like i have never seen anything like this like you your bag's not gonna make it like you can't by the way a little side note if you are at the airport and i've been traveling now pretty much once every two weeks for the past 20 years okay i promise you that if you leave your bags alone and you go and you go get lunch or you go walk the terminal for like 20 minutes, no one will take your bags.

The whole thing about leaving your bags unattended, we will confiscate the bags, leave them. No one will steal them. No one is a thief in an airport. Everyone's traveling. No one goes there to steal. Your bags will be safe. my bags have never been confiscated i let and ask andrew i leave my bags all the time people can't believe it i can't believe more people aren't doing this i think people are way too scared of things being stolen so he leaves the bag on the the scale never in my life before have i seen anything like this i'm looking at chris like this guy his bag's not gonna make it on the flight he's gone it's a nice bag too it's not like this. I'm looking at Chris like, this guy, his bag's not going to make it on the flight. He's gone.

It's a nice bag too. It's not like this guy is just like, I'm just, who cares? I don't care about this bag. What are the looks of these people's faces when he just leaves the bag? They don't really seem to notice because they're so worried about our bags

because we had six bags that are gigantic. Chris brought his bike, so it's this oddly shaped gigantic bag. So they barely even notice. I'm the one that sees it and I go, this guy has just left it on. that are gigantic chris brought his bike so it's this like oddly shaped gigantic bike so this they barely even notice i'm the one that sees it and i go this guy has just left it on so that you know there's a scale on the one that we're dealing with and there's a scale on the other side of the counter so he left it on that one so they're kind of aware of it and they know he needs to get it checked and he's gone and i am like i can't get over it chris is like so not even interested

and i'm like this is mind mind boggling to me. What is this guy going to do? He's on our flight. I see him on the flight. I'm like, there's the guy that left his bag. What is, who is this man? He's wearing a- First class or no?

No, he wasn't. He was wearing a aquamarine like two piece sweatsuit. He had like really nice, like cool, like dreads. He was like very, like he looked, he looked rich and like fancy and, but he wasn't an asshole about it.

He was just like, he just was gone. So then we land. Oh, and then another thing happened. We're on the plane. It is packed. It is hot.

It was the worst flight I've been on since i flew to shanghai for a layover in 2013 it was the worst it was so hot on this flight and then you go to the back to go to the bathroom and it's like freezing back there and we're like can we please can you pull i felt like elaine on sign felt like please for the love of god can we get i mean i i sleep on every plane no matter what. This is a three and a half hour journey and I couldn't sleep at all. And I'm desperately tired. It's 11 o'clock at night is our flight.

So then there is a guy when we're getting in our seat right in front of Chris that it's a packed flight, by the way. And he says to the flight attendant, yeah, like this seat is like really tight. Like it's like not a lot of room and my legs hurt and i'm like who does this guy think he is what is to be done about this what do you mean he goes is there a seat with more room and i mean i i'm like i look at chris and i go you won't believe what the guy because chris was in the bathroom he came back i go you won't be with the guy in front of you just asked and then they came back and said sir there are two seats in the back where you can have two seats where it's open yeah and you get and i i was like i

can't believe things are working out for these people that are like to me like i would never i'm like what should i light up a cigarette like is it because anything go on this flight should i tamper with a fucking smoke detector like let's get it let's just this is a free-for-all so then we land and i am just in disbelief already and i'm watching out for aquamarine i go where is that guy i want to see him at the back i want to see if this bag first bag off the flight is this guy's bag oh my god first bag off i couldn't believe it this guy so let it be known that you can just because do you know how many flights i've missed because they go sorry the baggage cut off you're gonna have to take a later flight so many not so many but like a handful i didn't know you could

just leave it um so that's what i learned i also want to say i was flying from denver the other day and i wanted to share the story and i want you know. I want you to tell me if you think, am I the asshole? A-I-T-A. That's like a Reddit thing. For sure. Okay. So you're like, already, yes. Yeah.

Now you nailed it. So the news today. Oh, the story? Oh, the story. So I'm at the airport. Wait, no, I'm confused. I'm just confused about one thing. Do you think?

How long did this guy talk... Oh, I forgot to say this guy opened a bank account before any of this. Damn, Drew. That's an important part of the story. Did he become a pop star right before he even landed in LA? They're like, wait, did he talk to them...

I was thinking about that yesterday. I was still laughing. Okay, did he talk to them? Okay, so this is what he said. At all? Because I'm like a little confused because I feel like there had to have been somewhat of a conversation.

So he gets up and he goes, I'm late. And I think he hands them his ID. He did it because he didn't get a boarding pass because even Chris was like, he didn't get a boarding pass. So he checked in on his phone and maybe he handed them his ID at one point

so they saw it, but it was not there when they were like making, they weren't printing a ticket for him they were printing our tickets by the time he left there was no they would have had to like remember his name from when he quickly handed the ID and then pulled it back because he was like fuck this this is gonna take too long with all these these bags how big was his bag was it like a bag that he like seemed like he was going for a weekend by the time he

left it was a huge it was the size of it was you know a weekend. The bag tag was not printed by the time he left. It was a huge, it was the size of, it was, you know, a giant shell, you know, clam case, black with like gold, gold detailing.

It was beautiful. It was a beautiful bag. And I was like, how can he abandon this? It was bizarre, but things just work out. So, okay,

I'm in the Denver airport. so you're going to Denver and you're an asshole. And yes. And so I'm, if you've ever been to the Denver airport, it's like that you like walk in and then you look down at TSA and it's like a sea of like little lemmings just waiting to go through. Like you just, you can see above the chaos below.

So you go down to the TSA pre, if you're lucky enough to do that. And I, I see that the clear, which what i do you know to know the difference tsa is like tsa pre you pay extra and then you get to not have to take off your shoes not have to take out your laptop and it just goes a lot faster it's for like more experienced travelers too people aren't lollygagging it's just faster no you know and then there's clear it's cool yeah yeah it's it's clear that's part of you can throw hot coffee well clear is where you really get to

you get to cut in front of the tsa pre so clear you don't even have to show your id you just put your fingerprints or you look into this little machine that scans your retinas and then it you don't even need an id one time i've lost my id when i was in los angeles and i was like oh fuck i gotta go home and i don't have a driver's license if you've ever gone through airport security without one you have to go to like a special office they have to like check your you know they you have to like talk to the fbi but i went through and i was like oh i have clear so i just scanned my fingers no id needed and then you go to the front of the line but the thing is with clear now so many people have clear there's a line line for clear. It's still faster, but there's a line. So there is a long line for clear. I know immediately that's what's happening. So I see this line and I go and I stand in it. And clear has never had

this big of a line before, but it's a busy day at the airport. I stand in the line and there is a guy that comes in behind me. Now, if you were just walking up to this from baggage check, you're thinking that this line is the line for TSA pre or because there's no other line. It's just, you know, the line for the other stuff is like around the corner. But I know it's for pre. And so I get in line and I'm being kind of like loud about it being,

I know it's the line for clear, sorry. You're being clear about it. I'm being, I'm just saying it a lot. I'm going like, hey, this is clear. Like I'm trying to tell people because people are waiting in this line who don't have clear and they're gonna waste their times.

And there's no signs. There's no one telling them. I got on that line by mistake too. It is very confusing. Yes, I had a feeling. So I needed to be on a different line. But you were in the clear line because no one's ever seen a clear line before.

But I, so I'm trying to make it clear, like Andrew said. So this guy gets in behind me and he goes, wait, what's clear? And I didn't want to explain what it was. So this is what I said. And you tell me if I'm an asshole. I go, if you have to ask, you don't have it. Damn. Because otherwise, here's the other way of saying that.

Well, it's this thing that you pay extra for, and then you go. The easy answer is, if you don't know what clear is, this isn't the line for you. Then TSA pre is the other one. I wasn't trying to sound elitist, but he did look at me like I was insane. But what do you want to? And so the next person asked, what's clear? Because I'm now the liaison telling people, I'm trying to save people time. So that next person asked and

i didn't like that guy's face and so i just go it's this thing where you pay extra money and then you scan your finger and it's just like they weren't looking to sign up for clear they just wanted to know what this line was but i did i think it's a fast way to just go if you have to ask it's kind of like shop uh shopping on champs Champs Elysees. They used to say in Paris, like if you go into those shops, they don't have the price tags on anything because if you have to know what the price is, you can't afford it. And that's not what I was trying to say.

It was just like, you don't, that's just the easy way to go get out of here. So like, don't waste your time. it's funny too, like clear, clear isn't like insanely expensive.

Like people probably think it's more expensive than it is, too. That's the funny part. It's $23,000 for six months. I'm just kidding. No, it's totally affordable. It's not that expensive. It's funny to be like, if you don't know, I guess you just

aren't important enough. I didn't even mean for it to come out rude. I wasn't trying to sound like the pretty woman like shopkeeper person of like you don't belong here sir and he's like big mistake huge but it did come i was like oh that sounded cunty but it was just the quickest way to say it yeah you said it like you have your own private jet like you said it like you were like literally being carried in if you have to ask this isn't the line for you and you just have an aisle seat and you're like yeah that's who i am but also i think if you had i i don't you know what did the guy what did he say after you said that did he say like he just

walked away whatever yeah he just kind of got it and was like moved on but he i don't think he loved the way i said it i wasn't saying it um like a i mean i kept seeing people get to the front and see the clear sign and go i've been waiting here for five minutes which five minutes is a long time in you know tsa wait time so they're just waiting in the sign no one's telling them i am often that person that like sees an issue that isn't mine to handle but people need to know and i decide to take on the thing because i you know if a door is not working at a place and i keep seeing people like pushing it instead of pulling it i will sit by that door and just go you got to pull it before like they walk up to it

because i don't want to see struggle and i just want to i want people to know or like if there is a menu item that i know like oh, you get a free thing with that, I go, oh, you got to pick a chip too. Instead of having them go, because people are so just rude to people where they just expect them to know things that they don't know, I think sometimes, where people will say, I don't know.

It's just people just go, okay, and so what chip do you want? It's like, well, they don't know you get a chip. Why don't you announce that first? You get like, and then they have to go, what do you mean? What chip do I want? Well, the combo meal comes with a chip and you can choose from these three. It's just like, I like to just go, you can choose one of these three.

Like, let's make this fast. And they go, why are you trying to be a lady? Do you think if you're on the Titanic and they're like, great question. You are trying to figure out how to get onto the safety, the lifeboats, do you think you would help direct and

save people's lives, or do you think you'd get on the first boat and be like, all right, this is not a time for me to have to tell you what ship to buy? If I thought that me, I would try to direct as much as possible, but the second that it became like you might not make it on one bye-bye i'm i'm signing up for clear you know i am scanning my retina i'm jumping on

i'm using my privilege there chris is there and he goes look they're not letting guys on they might let me on four boats from now and we could go together it's been are you jacking them this has been a great nine years i don't know what i'm supposed to do i'll you know i will always think of you um and by the way chris is a born hero he would absolutely love to die rescuing other people and giving his life for others that would be a way in which i know my man would feel good about dying you know he told me on his bike trip that he like often goes really fast downhills almost faster than like their instructor guy who's like a professional biker and i'm like well that sounds like you're being dangerous and he was like yeah maybe but i just like going fast and i'm like what if you die and he goes well then i i hope you know

i died like doing what i love and so i know that's a saying that you hear a lot but that gives me a little bit of it makes me so mad though chris sometimes doesn't wear a seat belt i don't want to talk about it i am a big um seat belt safety but huge seat belt head huge and again for those of you who haven't heard me a shoe about this before seatbelt wearing is not about the person who's wearing the seatbelt if you're in a car with someone who doesn't wear a seatbelt and god forbid you hit a patch of ice and then you hit the road and the car starts tumbling guess what's gonna happen that person without a seatbelt on is gonna tumble all over the car their kneecap is gonna hit you in the solar plexus and you're going to fucking die because your friend

wasn't wearing a seatbelt. So the next time your friend isn't wearing a seatbelt and they go, I don't care, say I do. I don't want you killing me. It's not about you. I like this. It's very usually seatbelt comes off as a selfish thing. It's like the mask thing. It's like it's not about you. It's about

other people. I don't care if you don't think care about getting COVID. I care about getting covid from you but the seagull thing really bothers me so your brain really goes there though you think accident not that that's gonna or is it more of like an ocd thing like you just have to like have it click like you need it no it's not ocd it's about it's about like i can't cannot, I will be so sad the rest of my life if this person could have lived because they, I would have just spoken to them. Gotcha.

And said something. That makes me sad. We got to go to break. We'll discover more of this when we get back. Let's really take this apart. It's Tuesday. I keep thinking it's Wednesday. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show,

and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed?

Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome back to the show. It's Tuesday. Andrewrew what did you do last night anything of note watching anything good well i didn't get your you texted me to save your plants at 10 and it's funny yeah i was headed to the airport it's funny to get a text in the morning and i'm like dude what time did she write me because i was asleep like you wrote me at 10 it was 10 p.m it wasn't like it was like one in the morning save my plants it was like so i'm just like my life i'm just i you know i wake up i'm an early riser i go to my workout class i'm just i'm literally living the life of a fucking like old man like and it's okay right to not stay up late yeah i feel like um people who wake up early i think that's like isn't that

every tiktok that you watch is telling you like get up early don't you feel finally like one of like mark walberg or you know jocko willink or david goggins don't you finally feel like one of those guys is that isn't that your goal is to be like those guys and like have like a hardcore life and like isn't it. Isn't it? Haven't you reached that? I haven't reached that yet. Rise early. Go to a workout class.

Get things done. Yeah, I do like that. I do like that these days. I've never been that way. I've been more like if the Titanic was going down, I'd be asking for free hot dogs while the boat's going down. Wouldn't that be hilarious? The guy's like, dude, I saw this video.

Oh, my God. It was so funny. It is a good point. The food is going to get spoiled. Why not just give it away? Yeah. How did he die? He choked on the fifth hot dog on the way.

I love that you think the Titanic had hot dogs, too. They definitely had hot dogs. No way. The Titanic, that's all they had i think back then just oh i remember seeing actually a menu from the titanic and it had like plus chips ad chip what did they have it had like uh this bird like a starling or something or some weird bird that i was like why are you eating that sweet bird okay so anyway go on oh no i just saw a video of uh i think it was a it was a it was either like a Target or like a Wawa or whatever was getting ramsacked.

And this person was asking for their sandwich. I guess it was a Wawa. And they were like mad. Ramsacked? What did I say? I think you said ramsacked. Yeah. Is it ransack or ramsack?

I don't know. I think it's. Which one did you say? I think I was, i was under attack it makes it makes sense that you're like a ram like it rams into it ram sack makes more sense ransack i guess seems like someone ran in there they sacked it they got out of there yeah i think that's it so they ransacked a wawa and the person was like asking for a sandwich and they're like do you see what's going on around? They're like, no, extra tomatoes, onion.

I don't care. It was just so wild. In chaos asking for something still. I know. There's sometimes when like, even at the Airbnb last night, like Chris was like telling me something important about like his day or I don't even know.

Like it was, there was something like, he was talking about something that I should have been like focused on listening but all i could think about was i want to know the wi-fi code and my phone was like up and so you're like oh that's so crazy so what's the wi-fi like just it's almost like hey can i get a sandwich in the middle of this other thing like it's just it's almost like add like you need i need to complete this thing that i have open and i do that a lot even all the time yeah with my friend kat in colorado she would be in the middle of like telling me a story about her life and i'm like could you grab me that cup and then finish like that's like it's just i can't i mean you're not listening no i i will be able to

listen so much more if she hands me my mug of tea that i left right in front of her that's easier for her to get than me getting up and walking over that's going to be more distracting for me in the story or you're just going to be thinking about it until you have it in your hand and then you're not fully focused on yes to you well i always think about in a of if there was ever a plane crash how and i've said this before sometimes i'm so tired on a plane when it starts turbulent getting turbulent i go i can't deal with a fucking plane crash right now can you guys like just like wait on like i'm like i'm too tired to deal with it like i just don't want to interrupt my nap like that's the kind of thing where it's like i have this need there's

this other thing happening i can't care right now or like if someone were to break in my house i'm like not now i just sat down for a nap like those kinds of things really grandma you died today i have yes i have to go to the gym like i gotta like do things like selfishly i'm sorry but grandma's unless you were super close with your grandma skip it oh my god skip it guess what she's not gonna be around for yours she's gonna skip your funeral she did skip it yeah not by choice maybe so skip it just i mean people are rearranging their lives for grandma's funeral or great aunts or aunts and stuff listen my aunt died last year i loved her so much i i and i convinced myself that she would have been like nikki you go on that burt kreischer tour but honestly she would have that she loved money and you know opportunities and she's not around to even be there i said it before, but just skip grandma's funeral unless you were very close and you need that closure.

Otherwise, stop this like doing things for performative sake of like I need to go because my mom, well, maybe if your mom needs you to comfort her, that's different. But like if you're going because you don't want people to be mad at you. Yeah. I can't tell you. This sounds really bad, but my grandma Shirley, she died last year.

She was 100. Right. I don't even know what happened. You gotta go to that one. To the funeral. No, I didn't go. I don't know what I did. I was kidding.

I don't know what I did. Just went back totally on my premise. I think I hit up a Zoom or maybe I didn't even go to the Zoom because we had a show. I remember asking you, is there gonna be a thing? This is the new thing. People don't have funerals. My Aunt Lynn didn't even go to the Zoom. I remember asking you like, is there going to be a thing? This is the new thing.

People like don't have funerals. My Aunt Lynn didn't have a funeral. We had, they had like a memorial where they like talked about her and met in a park. I actually just paid for her and my cousin JD,

her son, they're both dead now, but he died, you know, seven, eight years ago and she died last year but uh they were my family just couldn't can't afford the stuff to you know the gravestone and the plot and

everything like that shit's expensive and they were just gonna go we'll just scatter her ashes somewhere and and i was like well there's not gonna be any like record like not a can't we just and they're like no it's like you know so i paid for it and it's nice because my dad sent me the gravestone and what they're having etched into it and he sent me my cousin jd's one and i was like i don't know about this. It said just loving. It said JD, John JD Hiller. And then the dates of his birth and death. And then it said loving son.

And I was like, what? I go, first of all, let's put beloved son. Because loving son just means he loved his mommy. Like if you died, would you rather be called loving or beloved? That's my question of the day. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I don't- Do you want to know that,

do you want people to know that you loved or that you were loved? Because the little narcissist in old Nikki Glaser wants people to know she was loved. And my dad goes, that does mean he was loved. Loving? And I go, no, it means he loved.

And he was like, oh. And so I changed it to beloved son and the best cuz. And I had to write C-U-Z because they don't have a lot of space for the little gravestone I bought. Yeah, it costs more. And we used to have a secret language called Funti Talk where we used to talk like this. It was like we talked like it was called Funti Talk where we used to talk like this. It was like we talked like,

it was called Funti Talk. I can't even recreate it. It sounded like Game of Thrones almost, like the characters. So I was gonna call it and say he was the funtiest cuz, but then people would have been like, what does that mean?

So I just wrote the best cuz. But yeah, what would you like your gravestone to say like ideally we don't have to come up with like the exact thing but like what's the vibe do you want to joke on it well one of the jokes I was thinking that like I told you it was a really a heart attack like something like that like something like a joke off of my anxieties of being a hypochondriac oh Oh, sorry. You cut out right there. What did it say? Like saying that like, oh, I told you it was actually a heart attack or something like that.

It was really a heart attack. Like this time. Like this time I told you. Like it wasn't heartburn. The boy who cried heart attack turned out. Yes. That's what he should have. Yeah.

And just a wolf on there. Yeah. Yeah. Something like that could be funny um like if you died tomorrow because i'm thinking of like i keep thinking oh i'll die when i'm like 80 and then my grandkids will come up with what to say about me and it'll be some inside joke we have by then but like if i died tomorrow um and the idea that i'll have grandkids at this time in my life like that means i will have to, okay. So I get pregnant tomorrow. Let's say I give birth in nine months.

So I give birth at the age of 39. And then my kids probably are going to take after mom and not have kids until they're 37. So I have 38 years until I have a grandkid. And in order to have a grandkid that is intelligent enough to come up with something to put on my gravestone, they would have to be at least 16 years old.

So 39 plus 16, we're talking about 48 years from now. So my age is 38 plus 48. How old will I be before a grandkid is able to, if I have a kid tomorrow? So I'm 90.

Okay. Well, that's not impossible. I can make it. Okay. But what I'm, this also depressing. I can't even believe how old I am.

Um, and I'm nowhere near wanting to have kids. That's the insane part. It's just not even, not even on the radar. When you're ready. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I did just start my period today, and it's a doozy.

Oh, mama. Call the cops. There's a crime scene. It is. You ruined that Airbnb already? I'm not getting my deposit back. It is. Which deposit? I've made several deposits in the Starbucks bathroom today.

Does anyone else get just like... Oh, you found the box already? That's great. Oh, yeah. It's 0.7 miles away. Don't even think that I didn't walk 1.4 miles today already to get it and come on back. Come on back now. Kirsten wanted me to bring this up on the podcast before

i get to our gravestones um so on the girls chat we were talking about i have a lot of friends that are we just you know we do this girls chat and kirsten was talking about how like in the days before your period like you just know it's coming especially women that are kind of like plotting their fertility and like waiting for certain things and like you just start noticing like you're either dreading your period because it means you're not pregnant or you're dreading your period because it means you're getting your period and like you're gonna just like be a fart poop blood machine for a couple days and just feel disgusting like you're just it's you are like an old sandbag of farts i hate being on my period so much so but we were talking about

the days leading up to it and kirsten was calling it a jack-in-the-box because it's like you're just walking around it's like like and you're just like your but your boobs start getting heavier then you start to blow out your lululemon pants don't fit oh there you gonna start and you you keep like waiting and it's just like and then all of a sudden like you uh explode uh blood everywhere and it's actually kind of do you know andrew how periods start do you think that they are like gushing or do you think they start slow what's your vibe i think you come out the gate strong i uh brenda asked me the other day how many tampons i think a girl goes through per period oh yeah i saw this question on tiktok or i saw hannah burner it was hannah burner yeah

oh really yeah i was way off i think i said i thought you know seven you know like or no yeah i didn't i didn't realize yeah that's that's what's killing our oceans i guess i mean that's a lot and it's really expensive that's what i'm thinking it's gotta be and that's why you just gotta can you imagine poor fucking homeless women or even like back in the colonial times like well i can't what i just also speaking of like women's issues i just saw an article about how there's a there's like a bunch of people studying the clitoris now because it's literally never been studied. There's like no research on it.

Yeah. And there was like a Washington Post article that had like some kind of quotes from the article. And it was a scientist guy that is like, of course he has pink hair and he's like, has, you know, like rivers cuomo glasses and he's like studying the clitoris now and i'm like i don't know if i want this doctor doing it but that's fine and he uh machine gun kelly yeah he said that he went to he went to med school and

he goes all we found out about the clitoris in med school was that it was there like where it was they're just like is the existence of it nothing else there's nothing else known about it like we really are just like forgotten about and and and i'm not expecting men to know everything about our cycles even though i will say i'm fascinated by men's like cum their penises the like what is in a penis what the like i know everything i feel like about men's anatomy because i'm fascinated by it but men are kind of just like don't ask don't tell about what it is and it's it's an immature way to look at it but when if our dicks were bleeding a lot you wouldn't want to think oh i'm about to blow this thing that was just bleeding a ton and i know that sounds bad but i i hate blood like a

lot of people hate oh yeah you have the you're scared of blood yeah i mean i think a lot of people just don't love blood unless you're a vampire or you're just a dirty little man like like you know what i mean like blood you just want to kind of compartmentalize like there's the vagina for for eating and fucking and doing great things and then there's a time where it's bleeding and it's like there's you know what i don't know i mean it sounds bad it's like get over it you thought it would be seven tampons for the whole time and how long does a period last seven days no um five days really heavy ones okay like yeah about five days um how uh so i was thinking the tampa day or maybe two the first couple days okay right right it's yeah i mean i guess no what about you go through what

is the number i mean today I've already been through four, and I put one in last night on my fourth, and it's 1230 here. And so it's been a heavy, low day. So each time you bleed, so how do you know you have to get a new one? Is it just your body tells you? I've said it, the older I get,

the more carnage there is down there. And then I would say tomorrow I'll probably go. So today I'll probably go through like six or seven. And it's a heavy day. Tomorrow will probably be the same. The next day will probably be four. The next day will maybe be three two and then i'll probably ask a question because i want to learn more the heavier the heavier tampon the one the

super one right they come in like different yeah yes does that it's based on the size of your vagina oh it's not based on blood no it's based on the blood it is based on the blood. It is based on the blood. No, it's based on the blood. Yeah, yeah. Rick Glassman, did you see his video that he did? He was like, he put like his camera on the tampon shelf and he like filmed. Oh yeah, I saw that. You can see it on his Instagram, but he filmed himself like, you know, looking, buying his girlfriend tampons

and this like hot girl walks by and he's like, excuse me, can you help me? I don't know what size to get my girlfriend and she's like well what size is and he goes her vagina hole and she's like yeah and he's like it's pretty big like he was you know he's joking about it but the girl thought the girl was just i think so awkward she kind of misunderstood what she he was saying did you watch it noah weren't you like that girl's got it wrong it's not about your vag hole like if you buy super tampons

it does not i mean i'm guessing if you have a very very tight vag that is like there's actually a term for it it's medical term where it's like your vagina is so tight you have to like stretch it like you can't even have sex and that's a different thing but most women i would guess those women would have struggle with a super tampon but most women you can put any size up there and it's not it's it's definitely you're not putting a super up on a light day do you have to buy could you buy less if you buy the super one and just let it fill up with more blood throughout the day or do you need to get it out of there? Have you ever thought about the cost effectiveness of going with the bigger one? No one wants to put a super,

because it's so much cotton, and the worst part is pulling out a dry tampon. You want it to be wet when it comes out. You want it to have... And sometimes, this is another thing about tampons that I don't understand. Sometimes you take it out and only,

and it will be leaking. Let's say like it starts leaking through Noah's face is so funny. You are just scrunched up. Like you just ate up one of those warheads. You're just like, Oh, but sometimes you will be leaking. It'll be leaking.

And you'll go to take the tampon out and you're like, Oh, this thing is going to be soaked to the bone. And you pull it out and it's just one side has created a little channel and the rest is dry. And Noah, have you ever had that? Where it leaks through, but it's one side. And you're like, why didn't I use the other side

before it started ruining my panties? Or it looks like the top of a King Cone ice cream. You know, there's like the vanilla. Like a Neapolitan kind of thing. Nikki gets it. It's so true. I just hate the ones, though, that are dry throughout, except a little trickle down the side.

They found a channel, and then they get to bleed through. And it's like, you didn't use the whole thing. And tampon talk, we could go all day. But let's get to the news you heard it here first yeah you heard it here first uh you heard it here first folks apparently you're having a good time out there it's tuesday you know what that means it is tuesday hope you're having all the swells back to you know in arizona 72 degrees and dry thank you you ever have such add you forget if you took a pill literally five minutes ago yes you were podcasting so you didn't take it but i think i may have i have to like

count them because i got these yesterday so there would be 29 if i didn't do you ever have to do that anyway no tell us our new story where I count my spirolactinone so I don't get zits during my period. One, two, three. Okay, so efficient sex, which is also known as a quickie, in long-term relationships, leaves couples with lower arousal,

longing for more desire, and having meh orgasms. Quickies. Yes. Lead you to have low arousal low arousal yeah leaves leaves couples longing for more desire and the orgasms that they are having are just meh i feel like when you're saying couples it means the woman because i feel like when you're saying couples, it means the woman. Because I feel like the guy with a quickie, he comes, he gets his. But you know what? Let's be honest. Part of sex is supposed to build intimacy with partners.

And if you're having quickies, you're just getting, it's only part of the goal of sex, which is to come, is getting complete. It is something that I require to like build trust and closeness and a bond with my partner. And if we're just having quickies, that is going to be completely left off the table. It doesn't mean that quickies aren't efficient because sometimes I don't have the time for a bonding,

really intimate sex sesh. And I just want him to get his or for me to get mine and call it a day but um yeah that i feel like that checks out um but man quickies thank god for him i sometimes i i like um i'll avoid sex because i just want a quickie at the time not just for maybe for selfish reasons but like i just don't want it to be like a horror what other reason would there be i don't know i'm just trying to think like if it's too long for her yeah sometimes i want a quickie for me to comment because i've been volunteering all day it's not for selfish reasons i just want more time to go to the soup kitchen oh you saw i was going there um no but yeah i uh

to eat soup to eat soup before the before the boat sinks no but like i i think i like avoid sex sometimes because they are it's usually a long session like maybe how do you like should i bring up the fact that i would like to just be a quickie like you know what i mean i do it all the time like um yeah i i feel the same way like sometimes sex has to like it feels like my partner is such a giving person that it i like i feel the need to like i have to to come. And sometimes for me, that's very hard to get to that place. It takes a lot. And it's going to take at least 15 minutes of foreplay or whatever.

And then sometimes one isn't enough. And we want more. And I think the communication. Here's the thing that I want to put out there that I was going to try to make into a bit, but I think it is very relatable. And I want someone to, I want just to put it out there because I was talking to my girlfriends on the girls chat. And I said, how often do you guys come during sex? Like every time. And they all were like, yeah, every time. And I go, oh, okay. And some of them go actually not every time.

And so I go, okay. So if you, when you don't come, does your partner know that you don't come? And all of them said, no, no. Um, he, he knows, he knows I don't come. And I go, really? So you tell him while you're having sex, babe, not gonna come and they go no well no like I and then we realized that women don't often say babe I'm not gonna come like it's not gonna happen this time and let me just say every single woman and probably a lot of men feel this way where you just know it's not going to happen or it's just going to be too much effort and you just want them to get theirs. But you don't want to say, babe, I'm not going to come because you can tell that they care about you having a good time and

that maybe it would cut the mood a little bit too much to in the middle of it say, I'm not going to come. Why don't you just finish up? So then women present an orgasm, which leaves the shadow of a doubt that you present a, you present, which we realize is that what girls do is they, they don't fake orgasms

because you're not supposed to do that. And we don't do that because we don't wanna lie. You leave it. but we leave it up to interpretation exactly we do enough of a thing that if you asked us if we came we would say no we didn't come but we know you're not gonna ask but we grip the sheets in a way we grip your arm in a way we make a squeal in a way that is not insincere because that squeal, it can happen outside of an orgasm. But we know that you might think that it's an orgasm and that that is enough. And we, instead of saying, babe, I'm not going to come, we might just amp up our you know our enthusiasm to convince you in your head that a possibility of an orgasm has happened yeah and i it's not a fake because if you were to ask us if we came we would say no

we did not but we don't want you to ask it's like it's a it's a orgasm by omission it is it's not lying but it's not it's not exactly saying i'm not gonna come do you know what i'm saying no do you know what i'm talking about okay yes and i want to tell you and this was very helpful to me to have a conversation about it and i let avi know i'm like i don't like sex for me is not always about the orgasm yeah orgasm is the best feeling but i think that's where like a time limit comes in because i have a certain threshold and after a certain amount of time i'm just like over it but i told him i don't have to come every single time we have sex yes yes that is a conversation i've had as well but there is something about, I feel like sometimes,

and thank God for men, by the way, that are like this. And I would have it no other way. I feel like it is important for a lot of men during sex to have their woman have a good time before they have their good time. And that is most of the men that I've been with have been very adamant about that. And sometimes I go, I don't need to go on this roller coaster. I will watch you from down here

and I'll stand by the splash zone. So when you come down in the log, I get a little wet and I get a little bit of the fun, but that's what's going to be fun for me is watching you have the fun and I'll buy the little photo afterwards and we'll hang it on the fridge if you have a good time.

Andrew, any thoughts i mean i think i think what happens is if that conversation happens you know hey look i don't need to come every time i think it relieves the guy a little bit because i feel like as a guy there's so much ego involved of like hey i made her come oh yeah you know oh she comes all right yeah and or they'll ask you while it's happening or right after it happened like you came right yeah and it's like more of like an ego thing stop that can i just like any men listening either she did and you know it or she left a gray area and it is up for interpretation do not ask if you don't want to know the answer and do not ask

if you don't want her to lie to you i don't like that question afterwards like you came right it's very insecure because a lot of most of the time it gets asked i go of course i did like what did you think that was why do you think we're there's a wet spot actor yeah you think i pissed the bed was there was that did i sit on a water i think what it is though is like when a guy comes you Is that good of an actor? Yeah. You think I pissed the bed? Was there, was that, did I sit on a water balloon? I think what it is though is like when a guy comes, you know,

you know for 100, like everything. If you have to ask. It's so easy to know. Wait, are we getting, are we going through clear? You don't belong in this line.

And it is clear. It's not pee. TSAP. Or clear. Clear check. and it is clear it's not p t-s-a-p or clear clear check um oh shit it all comes back around it really does i do love quickies though i really gotta say i think um you know we talked about it before but a man finishing up quickly is so flattering to me i will never not feel very very pretty after a guy finishes quickly i i it always makes me feel like the bell of the ball i'm just like even if i wanted to come and they're just like i can't contain it even better yeah yeah i'm so hot he can't help it it feels amazing okay uh we gotta go to break and

we'll come back with some reddit dump i think that sounds like a good idea be back right after this john stewart is back at the daily show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with the daily show ears edition podcast dive into john's unique take on the biggest topics in politics entertainment sports, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed?

Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, let's get to it. It's time for Reddit Dump. Dump it. Karaoke mode. This is your Reddit Dump. Oh, boy. All right, so is your Reddit time. Oh boy. All right.

So it's Reddit time, everyone. And so last time we did, we did Top One by One a couple weeks ago and we talked about the best songs to make love to. And at the time we were going through it i remembered this reddit post about a certain song that someone had written about and i you know in the middle of the segment i was like oh i want to google it but i it's just too late and it's too distracting i want to be a part of the conversation so i didn't look it up but luckily a bestie wrote to me and was like dude you got to see the sub reddit about this this whole topic about your top one bottom one and

i go this is it this is the one i remembered this is the one i would have looked up to share with people so what happened on this subreddit no will you explain it because i don't have it in front of me what this person said this guy wrote in okay to reddit this guy this tragic story um yeah about how he played this song that he really really loves um during sex and his girlfriend hated it and he goes it's like a whole like post and you feel so much sympathy for him and then he goes this is the song by the way and um i think i could probably yeah and by the way the guy's story was so sad he was was just like, I had no idea. I thought she liked it all along. Every time we had sex, I would play this song.

And everyone's kind of like feeling for this guy. And then he tells the song and this is the song. Okay, hold on. It's also weird to play the same song over and over again every time you fuck. This guy is, you know, is a big part of it. Right. There you fuck. This guy is a big part of it. Right. Here it comes. It's so bad.

Can you imagine? I agree with the girlfriend. What about you? Wait, in the Reddit post, he said he was... That's a chainsaw getting molested. That's what that is. It's totally it.

In the post, he said that he would thrust his hips in sync with the music. So just picture a guy going... This poor kid. Does it have lyrics wait no can you just send me the post because i want to read some of the things that people wrote and like how devastated this kid was the funniest part was how clueless this kid was because he really was just looking for more of people being like i can't believe she would do that to man and then he just got fucking trashed in it um if a guy puts a song like that on how quickly do you tell them look i know this might ruin the mood but i don't want to i don't want to fuck to this song like do you tell them right away i mean it depends how

many times you've had sex oh i mean andrew you went on a date with me once and a guy said cool beans and i told him right after he said it did you just say cool beans that's a good point he said it was not right after it was probably a minute but i couldn't shake it and the conversation had continued but i went back to it and i said was that real what i go did was that ironic or like do you mean that and he was like i mean it and i was like oh no i really said what did i I go, you can't do that. You gotta get rid of that. You can't say cool beans.

So yes, I would start laughing immediately. So this guy's like, a little backstory. When I first started having sex, I researched into ways to be better as I was a little stiff and da da da da.

I searched lovemaking songs and started slowly creating a playlist in which I was comfortable matching the rhythm. In which I was comfortable matching the rhythm. Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh. He said, there are a few songs to my playlist. However, creating a playlist in which I was comfortable matching the rhythm. In which I was comfortable matching the rhythm. He said there are a few songs to my playlist. However, there is one song

in particular which actually happens to be my favorite that my girlfriend hates. I don't understand why it's taken her two years to tell me she hates the song. It's a good lovemaking song with a good rhythm. I feel the way I fucked up is I could have possibly asked her

previously if she liked the playlist or any song she'd like to add or change but to leave it for two years thinking our sex life is great but in her eyes has just been ruined by my music has left the whole situation feeling awkward and i'm a bit annoyed i pretty much played this tune every single time so the amount of time she must have not been enjoying it when i thought the complete opposite is annoying but also embarrassing so then um someone wrote no way can someone be this clueless no way i refuse to believe it first you shouldn't be playing the same song every time you bang second it should never be the song it's absurd that this even the this was even thought of joke or not but it wasn't a joke uh people go i listened to the song and literally have tears in my eyes from cracking up this poor guy i want to see if he posted anything in response i'm just picturing

his hips like moving to that beat it's such a funny beat well a lot of people took it and like put it to different like you know mimicked what it would look like on tiktok and it was really it was really great um he said okay this exploded more than i expected and has been a bit overwhelming with the messages but i thought i'd give an update the attention hasn't been exactly positive and this has hasn't been the best thing to happen for my relationship and now it sadly ended oh i didn't expect it to blow up so much i should have used an anonymous name instead of my real name and our real ages. There aren't many 12,

25 year old Tyler's Tyler lives who are in a relationship with their significant other for two years, who is 20. Unfortunately, her younger sister recognized this and showed her parents who weren't happy at all and made the situation extremely awkward. Oh, I wrote Tyler.

What made it more awkward and cemented the fact that it was me is that they recognized the song. Once at a family dinner, we were discussing music tastes and my ex-girlfriend stated that I have an odd taste in music. Everyone laughed and pressed me to play something from my phone of what I like, to which I blessed their ears with CBAT,

which is the name of the song, I guess. Her father laughed and said it was terrible i guess we all have different tastes although i nodded in agreement at the time i was thinking in my head that this is a great fucking song we are over now and i am moving on i already revealed my face on tiktok but with the amount of hate i originally got i decided to say uh i didn't have it and backtracked i don't think the song is that bad and I had no idea she didn't like it until recently and as soon as I did I stopped I didn't force her not all can handle it

I know it's different I know a lot have asked for face reveal and playlists my playlist I actually burned onto a CD and have been using my CD player but I'll go on YouTube and try a link to the songs yeah so he wrote too long don't read I mean,

do you think this is real? This kid is like, it's so sad. That sounds fake. That part sounds fake to me. Now it makes me question it all. Really? The whole,

well, the dinner thing, it just seems almost like too on the nose, a lot of these things. And then I burned it and put it on it. You know, sometimes though, I think that things that are too,

like if they were fake, it would be more outrageous like it would have been a funnier story than that that was kind of a pedestrian story i know that is when you're good here's the thing you know it'd be really funny before we all have sex the next time we have sex let's put that song don't tell them don't tell your partner just put it on be like hey yeah maybe we could and see how quickly. Let's all see how long. Okay, I'll try it. Let's do the,

what's the song called again? Maybe there's like a Megadeth version for Noah or something. Noah, what's the song called again? We should do this. It's called CBAT. CBAT. Yeah, by Hudson Mohawk.

Hudson Mohawk, CBAT. And I think the album is And all our listeners. Yeah, let's try it. All the listeners, everyone do it. All the listeners do it. Everyone, next time you have sex, put this song on and write to us and let us know how it goes.

All right. That's the new challenge. Okay, so this next one is from AskMen. And it said, Men have read it. What is one thing that you keep from your significant other that could end the relationship um and there were just some interesting answers that i kind of liked okay one said i don't like her mother to me she's a bad person who tries to see the bad in others and who sees people who work as service as to see she's a person who sees people who work as

service retail etc as below her i've yet to hear her say something nice about someone who isn't herself. If you felt that way about your significant other's parent, would you say something? Oh, that'd be tough. I don't know if I could because then you just have to live with that. And then every time you go and visit them. Here's my thing.

If you're in a relationship with someone whose mother is that terrible and terrible and like that around i would hope my significant other would see it as well and kind of go that sucks about her and i don't know if i could be with someone who was so blind and like in love with their mother that they couldn't admit their mom was a stone cold cunt sometimes my argument would my argument would be though i've lived with it i understand it i'm self-aware enough to know it i don't need to hear it from you as well on top of me having to deal with it i think like i would want to be able to as a couple talk about it yeah and process it and i would also if you have a mother

like that you're definitely going to have issues as a child that was raised by someone like that and if someone's not acknowledging that their mom is terrible in that way they're also probably in denial of what things about them that they got from their mom noah noah is nodding her head and andrew's screen went blank so I can't tell what he feels, but thank you, Noah, for your co-signing on that. I'm naked over here.

This is a great one. Okay. So this someone, so again, the question is, what is something, if you're significant other, that one thing you could never tell your significant other,

this person said, the reason we are together today is because I called to reconnect a couple of years after we broke up. I thought I was calling someone else. Would you want to know that? So then they got together on an accident? They got back to you? Yes, on an accident. Would you want to know that if you were that person who, you know, the boyfriend or girlfriend accidentally called? But it ended up you got back together, but they did not mean to call you.

You know why I would want to? Because I think that's a beautiful serendipity kind of shit. That's actually kind of cool. That's someone. Agreed. I wouldn't be hurt by that. I wouldn't either. I wouldn't either.

Okay. I'm glad we agree on that. I would kind of want that story. I think it would be funnier. Even last night, Chris and I, Chris and I, by the way, have never made it. We've been together off and on for nine years. And the biggest break we took was about three years.

But even during that, we kind of were together at times. We have never been together during Halloween. We have never in nine years. So are you going to do a costume? That for some reason. I am so scared of this Halloween. Every Halloween, we joke about it like we've never made it.

Like the first three times it happened, we would break up every day, like right before Halloween. We would have, you know, parties planned, costumes planned, and we would never make it. So I'm not kidding you.

I'm a little bit nervous. It's almost like a good plot for a movie. Final thought. Wait, are you guys living together now then almost like a good plot for a movie. Final thought. Wait, are you guys living together now then? Yeah, we're living together. Yes. Whoa. That's like a big,

we'll talk about that maybe tomorrow. Well, we lived together before. So it doesn't feel that big of a step. Oh, I didn't know you did. And this place has a king bed. Oh, okay. It has a king bed. And so last night we were,

Chris even goes, it was really sweet. I was washing my face and he didn't realize goes welcome it was really sweet i was washing my face and he didn't realize how cute it was but he goes someday when people are like what was the what was the second you knew you wanted to be with her forever i'm gonna tell him when we first slept in the king bed together but i was just like oh he's planning for that question the future was kind of cute and then when we were saying i already planned the joke when we went to bed i got in bed and we rolled,

he gets in bed and I go, good night, good night, good night. I'll see you in the morning. And he loved it. It was so good. He probably thought of the baseball player, Lou Gehrig. Did he mention that?

Maybe. Why? Because there's a famous speech where he goes, today, today, today, I consider myself, self, self, the luckiest man in the face of the earth. It's like a famous. Until they name, name, name that disease. Disease.

Disease. After me. After me. Me, me. The worst thing. Which will cause you to talk like this. Choke on your own saliva. And that's how you die, die, die.

Okay. Well, that's sad. Continuing on this question for men about things they can't tell their significant other, someone said, our extremely high-maintenance child has crippled our relationship. I really think we are both thinking this, but don't say it. Man, that sucks. Jesus. Talk about that.

Yeah, that's the thing. Why aren't people talking about things? But it's scary. I get it. It. Talk about that. Yeah. That's the thing. Why aren't people talking about things? But it's scary. I get it. It's scary too. Oh, this one's I kind of relate to. How do you even bring that up though? How do you bring that up?

Can we talk about the fact that our kid kind of sucks and it's hard? Yeah. And this wasn't what we expected it to be? Yeah. You know? Do you tell the kid? I mean, it's kind of the same as his mother-in-law. You kind of go, this sucks.

Let's just like unite in laughing about how much this sucks sometimes, I guess. But what do I know? I think a lot of people try to have another kid and they're like, this one won't be high maintenance. Oh, man. Shout out to every parent out there who has kids that are way more high maintenance than you thought it would be. I feel for you and I see you.

I don't see you because you don't go out much, but I feel for you. So this other person said, if I were to be absolutely honest, it would be the depth of my depression my wife is great but i don't think she can handle this she doesn't know that i spent months last year uh crying every single day i would find a few minutes to to myself in the shower in the bathroom or just a few moments at work and i just think about how hopeless things

were and how unhappy i was i keep fighting the depression and most days are better than bad but the bad days are soul crushing i keep putting up a happy face because of our kids but i'm afraid that this is going to crash me someday that's very sad and i think that's relatable you know people that just can't like they don't think people will understand or they think it will scare their partner but i would probably recommend yeah go ahead sorry disclosing that i mean it's been hard for me sometimes to tell my friends and family and my lover the depths of like how bad my depression gets but i found that they can handle it pretty well or like at least they people can understand oh i guess you know i guess this guy is probably thinking

that his wife will take it personally. He's depressed because of me. He's depressed because of our kids. I did this to him, which is not how depression generally works. Right, right. But a lot of people gave him good advice. This is why I love Reddit.

It's just such a helpful community. Well, I guess if you look at it, if you do disclose it and you do put it out there it will only get better after it's that awkwardness for the first two weeks where they think oh maybe it is me you know like if she's thinking okay it's the situation you're in but you're just going to keep being depressed unless you disclose it it's going to be awkward for the first it's never well she's just gonna i mean think of how many people their husbands just kill themselves and they go i had no idea and it's like was that better than you maybe getting it like scaring them and going to a hospital or something but i don't know i've i've felt that way before too it's very tricky shout out to everyone who's

depressed out there i get it um okay so this is what we'll end on like a happier note you're like the saddest like uh right uh dj like shout out to depress shout out to your high maintenance kid let me give a shout out to every girl that bleeds too much i got so many people getting shout outs if they have birthdays if they're getting married the next fall i'm sick of that yeah shout out to all my people who are thinking of taking their own life in the shower tomorrow. Shout out. Let me just say there's way more depressed people than there are people who are like Geminis

or whatever. Hope you're having fun. Next song CBAT. I already forgot it. It doesn't have a very memorable beat okay so heading on a happy note another thing a guy said that he can't tell his girlfriend or wife sometimes i watch shows we're watching together without her because she is super extroverted and wants to talk to me during it it usually starts discussing the plot details and always ends up involving into her trying to give an entire ted talk i enjoy having short exchanges of thoughts

about the plot but i prefer to watch and enjoy the story and then discuss it after okay and then another guy right after that says um sometimes i watch shows alone because i want to enjoy things without each scene or line having a 75 chance of being followed by a sarcasm or a joke i love her humor but sometimes it will distract from things i find sentimental or sad i want to feel things too and that one's from chris conby no i'm i am i love sniping at shows i love like talking them but i pause but i also realize that ruins the momentum um i also acknowledge that if we're watching something like a game of thrones i need to keep my trap shut and just let it like if it's something very important to him i will know to not talk but we always i can always tell when he's about to talk because he'll look to me and he'll just go and then i know to just pause it and we go what are you thinking like we have

a good little shorthand now do you i would I would not want to know. It's like a director's cut kind of thing. Yes. Where you're talking. Yeah. I don't, I've, you know, this happened the other day and I,

and I think I put it in too. Like, cause it was like, I do it too though. Especially if I like, I want to get caught up. There's nothing worse than the guy that wants to get caught up or the girl that's like,

so wait, I didn't see the last episode. So tell me like, where are they at right now? And it's like's like well could you have asked me before the show started like why is this happening here oh that person sucks and i'm sorry that i was that person the other night we were watching what's this movie it was a scary movie the watcher have you seen it oh yeah no i haven't yeah we tried to download it yes it's it's a mini series right it's on netflix it's on netflix right so it's like multiple episodes yeah yeah like eight episodes yeah okay that's not a movie no it's not a movie did i say movie you said movie yeah ransacked

they ransacked the house it's okay so anyhow is it scary uh it's like it's cheesy i don't i wouldn't recommend it although i love the main actor but the same guy that did dahmer did it right ryan murphy oh really number one and two thing on what yeah yeah he's insane well yes anyway so you it happened during it yeah i didn't see like three episodes so i'm like watching i'm like so wait so okay so who killed so they showed up and like why is he there like what what happened there okay so you're asking things because you are probably on tiktok too and kind of missing stuff right i'll never forget andrew watching narcos and just as i'm in the kitchen i'm just kind of like watching him watch narcos, which is a subtitled only Spanish speaking show. Andrew does not speak Spanish well, and

he is on TikTok and like getting distracted and won't even look up at the screen for an entire scene and doesn't rewind it to see what he missed. And I'm like, I can understand if it was in English. He used to have a goatee. That's weird.

Alright, guys. We gotta go. Thank you for listening to the show today. We'll be back tomorrow and Thursday. Don't even think we won't. Have such a good week or day. We'll be back tomorrow. We'll see you then. Leave us a fanthrax. We'll listen to them Thursday. Don't be cool. And Jack. Jack's in Mississippi.

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