The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #283 Stuffocated

Episode Date: October 20, 2022

Nikki gets a fresh flower delivery to welcome her back to California. She and Andrew realize that Besties are the best search engines and challenge internet sleuths to find a John Mayer concert she saw at the Pageant in STL. Nikki tells Andrew about her night doing stand up for the first time with her new voice and how she fumbled an introduction when bringing up Owen Smith. Andrew reminds her about the first time he had to bring her up on stage and the mistake he made. You Heard It Here First, don't walk into a propeller or IG fake body positivity accounts. Andrew shares a story about finding clarity after fear in Andrew's Succinct Short Story Circle Segment. PS Sorry about Andrew's mic sounding off. ----- Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Get Pod Merch: Podshop.NikkiGlaser.com Nikki's Tour Dates: www.nikkiglaser.com/tour Andrew's Tour Dates: www.andrewcollincomedy.com   More Nikki: IG More Andrew: IG  More producer Noa: IG          See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast Welcome to the show, it's Wednesday Happy to be here, I'm in Los Angeles, California On the west side, near the OCN Haven't seen it yet, don't plan on seeing it Walked by a Pilates studio today Thought about going in and like setting up some sessions That's as close as i'm gonna get i

think to that just the idea like i i googled it i like looked up the site and was like oh it's around the corner from me i could go there and i um i might do that but i don't know you're like a window shopper nice out here andrews and st louis yeah exactly for things that I should, activities and solutions for my skin and, um, wellbeing. It's all, I'm, uh,

I'm on the strip where I walk a mile down to get Starbucks. And I swear to God, it's juice bar, Pilates studio, CBD infusions, juice bar, uh, facialist,

nail salon, juice bar, uh, Pilates studio, juice bar, Pilates studio. It is, that's all there is on this. It's crazy. It's just who, who needs this much stuff? It's just, I felt bad about myself the entire time. There was a place to get ketamine infusions, which is something that people in LA do for depression,

which I was kind of interested in. Or like, you know, IV stuff. But it's just, this is a very... It's like, stay young, stay young, stay young. Everyone is walking around in muted tones with just very flowy

clothing, either very tight clothing, like tight yoga pants, or like very flowy, but everything is like beiges and, you know, Browns, like everything's muted.

Everyone seems peaceful and serene. Everyone has a dog that's like behaving itself. Everyone's dog is like on ketamine too. It's crazy. Um, Oh, Andrew just disappeared. Well,

we'll wait for him to come back and i'll just talk until he appears again he literally like just dropped off like there was i feel like he's doing a magic explosion yeah it really did feel like that um so yeah i might try pilates or whatever i uh am oh he's coming back he's magically appearing again here comes david copperfield did you hit something with your foot or something? What's going on? No, it just reloaded me. Oh, you guys, I'm getting a flower delivery.

Hold on one second. Oh. Wait a second. There's a man with flowers that just walked by, and he's kind of looking at my door. Let me just take a peek if it's me. That's how they get you. That's how they get me?

Well, hello. Oh, it's for me. One second. Hello. Hi. Is that for me? For Nikki? Yeah, that's me.

Thank you. Hold on. Let me get you a little tipola. You just moved there yesterday. Someone found me, Andrew. Someone found me. I'm guessing the only person who has my address is the one who sent something. What do you tip a flower guy?

10 bucks? That probably seems good. Yeah, that's nice. 3,000. Give him 3,000. 3,000. He's taking a picture of it to confirm that it's there. Do you want me in it?

To go, yeah. I got it. She's producing the picture right now. Get the lighting right. Got it. Thank you. Can you hand them to me? Because I'm doing a

podcast right now all right thank you so much have a good one all right it is kind of insane looking it's very beautiful it's got a lot going on it looks like a um butterfly shape almost it's got my mom would think this is hideous i'll say that whenever i get flowers my mom's just like i wouldn't have done that i'm like well okay well it's not for you oh my god it's got my mom would think this is hideous i'll say that whenever i get flowers my mom's just like i wouldn't have done that i'm like well okay well it's not for you oh my god it's actually so beautiful oh this is definitely from chris oh my god it's so pretty it's really well done why did he send me this what did i do i know what i didn't do it's like oh last night mission uncompleted um oh my god it's so pretty this place he always gets it's from seed floral fitting um he always gets them from here and they're the most beautiful

arrangements i was just gonna buy flowers today because i was like this place needs a little spice up okay it's for um he sent it to my um i wish i could tell you what name he sent it to because it's my uh fake name that i check into places under so that stalkers can't kill me oh nicole yeah my real name um it said um oh that's funny love that we're doing this so excited to be here with a gal respectfully and then he wrote a person's name that's a inside joke between us that's so nice he has been he left me a card yesterday when he was going to work that was on my um suitcase in the morning and which he shared feelings it was so nice he was like i just i couldn't share those kinds of feelings with you

in the room because it was too embarrassing and i was like please do that more please say those things to me every single day he's like i can't it just was so it's cute when boys get vulnerable and like start stretching their wings in this way it's very nice that this flower arrangement costs so much freaking money what a nice guy um that was so guy. It's so nice to get flowers, especially when you see a flower man coming and you go, I hope those are for me, but you can't say it out loud.

And then they are for you. It feels great. It's better than when you just get there and there's flowers waiting. It's better when you see the guy and you go, no way are they for me. They're never for me.

And you feel like a girl in an office who never gets flowers. Like a Drew Barrymore in a movie that I don't know the example or like or like a beauty pageant and you're getting the flowers on stage because you're like they're so pretty oh my god i love them um yeah so i feel special today he's like nikki do you know jessica what oh yeah yeah nikki i'm looking for he's like oh i recognize you from the road but i'm looking for a different girl danielle i did get recognized last night huge tits really hot i was like we were walking down um on stage on stage yeah people seem to know who i was when they said my name and all of my credits and i walked on stage people were like oh my god that's

nikki glazer weird it was crazy um even at the end they still knew chris and i went for a walk after dinner and i was crying because my jeans were so tight that it was so uncomfortable and they are my biggest they are just the jeans that i've had when i talked about this other day they're my like i want to wear something comfy almost like pajama pants jeans that's how big these jeans used to be and they are so tight that i was it was hurting to wear them and i was crying as we walked down the street and then all of a sudden this girl was like oh my god and like she was just by herself and she was so sweet and um said she's a big fan and then we took a picture and um and then we were walking further and he was like are you happy being here because i feel like he feels responsible for me coming.

I mean, he is. The reason I'm here, I wouldn't be here if he didn't get a job out here. So he was like, he just was trying to make sure I'm happy. And I was like, I mean, I just got recognized. I'm good in this neighborhood. Until now, I was thinking it was a little lacking. Now I'm A-okay. No, it was very nice.

And we went out to dinner and then i went and did some sets i'm like living that la life again took an uber to the sets you know when you take an uber to a comedy club they always go oh you in the mood to laugh tonight huh who are you going to see and then i have to go i'm actually performing and they go oh my god is it your first time have you done this before i'm just like yeah i mean and then but the i think she caught my tone of like i don't really feel like talking because i had to go over my set and like work on things i wasn't trying to be rude but at the same time i don't owe anyone a conversation right even if it's uber black like did you bring people Are you an actress? Are you a TikToker? Oh, you actually just do this?

Ew. For how long? 20 years? Oh, okay. It has been 20 years. Is it short form? Oh, I just want to say, someone found the Chappelle show ticket.

Someone found, I guess on Pinterest, or someone had posted the ticket that they went to go see Chappelle. And one of our besties found the actual ticket from march 5th i believe it was 2003 2004 oh yeah 2003 2003 and um that makes total sense because i went to go see his show because oh here it is uh march 2nd sunday march 2nd 2003 film our auditorium dave chapelle That was the one I went to. And it makes sense because I think the first time I ever went on stage was March 12th.

It was a week and a half later. And this was during the time when I bought this ticket where I was like, I gotta figure out what stand-up comedy is. So I was like, I gotta go to my first show. And that was, so it all, thankfully, the way I remembered it is the way it happened but i'm glad there's some evidence of this otherwise nothing it's so crazy that something

could happen in the early 2000s app post 9-11 and yet there's no record of it um mysterious man walking uh past the window i like that like 9-11 is the moment they started keeping records. I just, well, I feel like, what a documented day. And then you have a huge venue with 4,000 people that they all come, they all buy a ticket to go see a guy and then there's no record of it online. That's one of the most obnoxious things about searching. There's a couple of things on the internet where I go how have we not remedied this one is searching lyrics it's still like you're searching porn like pop-ups come up there's misheard lyrics like there's no like one imdb for lyrics that is like fact checked and then there's

also um concerts from the past there There should be records, archives of every big major venue and every artist that was there. I keep trying to look for John Mayer when he was at the... When I saw him in 2000 open for Guster. There's no record of it. I can't find it anywhere.

How is no one writing about that? Or how did no one... How is this not data collected collect there's like you know we know like the pioneers how many people like went to you know town hall meetings back then but this was a thing where thousands of people collected together and there's no record of it in the 2000s that seems weird to me no okay let's put it out there let's put it out what where was the concert okay i really like this the pageant and it was john mayer and i know you'll find a lot of guster opening for john mayer but no this is john mayer opening for guster either year uh 1999 fall spring of 2000

fall of 2000 or spring of 2001 the pageant theater Theater in St. Louis, Missouri. And if you can find that, thank you very much. I like this. Yeah, I mean, I love our little internet sleuths. It's been very helpful. But I did a... Well, it's like, you know,

Grateful Dead back in the day, like this tape was 1974 or 1973 live from, you know, frigging someplace in Pennsylvania. You know, that's how people found shit it was just people would tape it and then eventually i guess they would record the tapes but john mayer and guster i don't think any like that show i don't think anyone like was like i gotta remember that

i gotta record this i gotta keep a memory of this thousands of people were there that's the thing like how can thousands of americans come together in one place and then it disappears from the record that's the thing that i'm just like my theory is you feel so old and crazy it doesn't it's not that it's it has disappeared from the record but um i was talking to someone who works in like data security or whatever so he's like really good with like hacking and understanding the internet. He told me that when you're doing a Google search, you're only seeing like 1% of websites.

We like don't see everything that's on the internet. Really? I mean, I know the dark web is something, but like I am kind of disappointed in Google to be honest and i did read something about this that google doesn't really do a good job anymore someone had written an article about like why is googling things like not fun anymore there's always ads you're always getting ads that look like real websites they found a way to trick you now where

you will click on ads thinking it's like not an ad because they look like it. Also, YouTube, their search is garbage. Like you search something, it will give you three videos of what, three to like six videos

of what you actually search for. And then it just starts showing things that you might be interested in that have nothing to do with the video you searched. It's insane to me i don't even i don't get it they're like a bully that wants to they're like no you don't want that this is what you want i want like it's like no i don't massage videos i don't want to see

you know a video about hitler again talking to andrew schultz. Although, yes, I would have watched that video a few nights ago. I don't want it now. I want warts being cut out of people's feet. I don't want a Taylor Swift cover of the song Clean. I will want that in three days. I feel like you searching warts being cut

out is like Noah searching a rock band that cuts themselves on stage or something. I get a set list of what Noah's favorite bands is when I put out. Wart cut. I will say that I've been searching warts being dissected from feet for years and years and years on youtube okay like i've seen every single video there is and there has been something has happened in the past few months and it is bananas every there are thousands of videos hundreds every day of new warts and they're all shot in china or india or places, you know, they're not speaking English, definitely in the,

in the East, the far East. And they all are shot on like really like crappy potato cameras where it's like hazy and it's like being held by like a, and they're not in like an, they don't even look like they're actually medical procedures. And I don't like, cause they always use a scoop and I want something to be like cut out.

I want it to be scraped. I don't want it to be like scooped out. So they're using these really dull instruments and they have littered the the search like you can't find a wart cutting video that is like pure anymore they are all these ones that like they soak the feet so they're wet and they scrape out these wet it's disgusting and i want my good old-fashioned dry wart cut videos. But it's weird. It's like I was into something. I'm not wrong. This is something that people are into watching.

And then there's cartoons that besties have sent me that are going all over YouTube and TikTok of people make cartoons of warts being cut off of feet and calluses being shaved. And it's like a cartoon foot. And it makes a sound of like... And it's like that's a whole new trend and then another thing that a ton of besties have sent me is the bunion corrector that was another thing that is flooded tiktok is this person with a bent bunion and then they put on this little thing and they go they crank it on the side and it straightens the foot and it makes like a bone sound like

a popping bone sound it's a it's not a real effect. That thing actually doesn't work. It doesn't correct bunions, but it is satisfying to watch. I'll give you that. I love picturing you like, I don't know, just only like 25 years ago in a library with one of those newspaper.

Remember you would look and you would find clips. Microfiche. Microfiche of looking for a quart. Like I'm trying to solve a crime is this so funny to think like you can anything you think of in your brain the weirdest thing on earth is one click away and you can see it in seconds yeah it's fucking well i used to look at my back my mom had this like medical journal and there were there there was a dermatology section that how all these skin things and that's where i first saw pictures of warts and i was just like oh and there's little seat they

look like seeds but they're blood vessels oh it was i used to sneak it i was obsessed i would go to barnes and noble and look at pictures like i just loved it it's so weird i don't know what's wrong with me i I truly don't. Oh, your mom, your dad comes in and you're like underneath the blanket. It's not what you think, mom. And he's like, oh my goodness. It's worse. It's way worse. We got to go to break.

We'll be right back after this. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and In Your Ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines.

Listen on the iHeartRadio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts all right we're back yeah i uh i went and did two sets last night one at the comedy store one at laugh factory and it was so fun i haven't been on stage since the tom segura show and then before that i hadn't been on stage since september 11th september yeah since 2001 um so it was it's just wild to be back at it but it just like comes back to you right away and it is the weird thing is like my i haven't performed except at the fox theater with tom segura and I wasn't really paying attention to the sound just sounded so different than most of the stage I perform on

but it was weird my voice was definitely different I could I could say like all the bits that I had been used to doing like they're just like more up here and there's like um'm like i just don't have to try as hard it felt so good and i was at the store and i was bringing up so you know you there's no host each comedian just brings up the next comedian so you end your set and you're like thank you guys and then you have to go your next comedian it's the worst part of my life is doing that part i hate it because i don't know what to say sometimes like it's just random who who is going to be after you it because i don't know what to say sometimes like it's just random who who is going to be after you and sometimes i don't know their credits so i have to look them up beforehand like as they're in the room with me like backstage i'm just like oh how are you

and i'm like googling their name to be like what have they done and um gallagher. So I like, yeah, I'm just like, he smashes, you don't bring your watermelon around him. He's like, I change, I change,

I change, I do cantaloupe now. Come on, Gallagher. That was a, you know, reference to Mark Maron's podcast with Gallagher. Come on, Gallagher.

Isn't that what happened? Gallagher like left the room. Right. Yeah. He walked out of the interview and he goes, come on, Gallagher. Come on, Gallagher. Isn't that what happened? Gallagher like left the room. Oh, he left, right? Yeah, he walked out of the interview and he goes, come on, Gallagher. Oh, come on. So I was there last night. It was me,

Jeremiah Watkins, Annie Letterman, and Owen Smith backstage. And I was bringing up Owen Smith. So I did my set and I really hate hosting. I've never been good at it from the first time I ever hosted. It's just so unnatural to me to go like,

how are you guys feeling tonight? Cool. And then you have to go like, so I was shaving my pussy. Like it just is such a weird, like, you know, an MC is, do you know what an MC stands for?

Andrew? Yeah. Yeah. Micro cock. Well, in your case, but in other people's... Oh, is it... Yeah. Oh, something else? Wait, seriously, try to think of it.

MC, Master of Ceremony? Yes, yes, good. So yeah, you're supposed to be like, welcome to the show and just like very... Yeah. And it just doesn't... Some people are great at it, others aren't. I've never been good at it. I get nervous and it just doesn't it's some people are great at it others aren't i've never been good at it i get nervous and it's just such a bummer at the end of a good

set you have to kind of like turn into this other person and um last night i i had the guy's intro i knew and i actually like owen smith and i think he's really funny so it's like easy for me to like you know hype this guy up and i'm like you know you he is hilarious i've known him forever he uh the show is continuing to be great you have so many great comics tonight this next guy is no different he is a writer for blackish you've seen him all over your tv and in movies please welcome to the stage owen wilson i said owen wilson oh instead of smith and as and as Owen was coming out of my mouth three names came to mind it was either Benjamin Smith or Wilson and I picked one because there's an Owen Benjamin who no longer does comedy I don't think or at least he does it in like alt right circles then there's Owen Wilson who I didn't even realize when I said Owen Wilson I knew it was wrong and

then instantly I was like I mean Smith, Smith, I mean, Smith. And I was like, God damn it. And Owen comes out from behind the curtain behind me and I go, I'm sorry. And then I thought I had said Owen Benjamin. So when I said Owen Wilson, I thought I was saying Owen Benjamin. I go, oh, my God, not Owen Wilson. He's canceled. So that doesn't even make sense to anyone.

So it was so confusing. I felt so bad. And I had so much anxiety when i came off stage because then owen has to just go deal with that which is fine i mean it like gave him something to joke about and he is a nice person and has no ego about that kind of stuff at all but i'm backstage like i just had an amazing set and then i'm like i ruined it with that i was like so scared that he was that like i just sometimes my brain just doesn't work and i feel so stupid i feel like i feel like the same way i feel when i used to be in like gym class and not be able to like catch a ball just like why can't you do this thing that's normal like what did you do why did your brain do that like i was so mad at

myself and i just couldn't let it go. It was until Owen came off stage and was saying goodbye. And I was like, I'm so sorry. And everyone backstage, Annie and Jeremiah and Jessica, this other comedian, we were all, they were like, who cares? It's not a big deal. And I'm like, I just totally fucked it up. Everyone's going to know I'm such, like, why am I such? I was just revealed as someone who was so competent, good so like and then a total mess because after i fucked it up i was like i

mean smith i mean and then all of a sudden i get back to nikki in fourth grade just being so insecure not knowing what she's saying nervous like i'm just like why do i why can't there just be a fucking host i guess it's easier this way but yeah there's it's a different brain yeah you know a lot of people they always go how do you do stand-up and it's like i couldn't do a microsoft excel uh presentation and i think that's where when you're an mc and you're talking like this you have to turn on that i'm uh addressing a crowd voice and it's like it's not natural it's like a different part of your brain it's a different kind of presentation voice especially at the end of a set where you're completely in the moment you're flowing you're thinking of funny to go from that to okay are

you guys ready it's a it's it's i remember the first time i introduced you do you remember what i said oh yeah it was really bad i freak it was like my big my big moment nikki gave me the opportunity to host at caroline it was the first time yeah had a great set did very well you didn't really hear it because you're in the back uh you know yeah i don't i don't usually watch but it's not because of you no no, no, no, no. I know. I'm just wondering. So then when you came up, I go, I was so nervous.

And I should have worked on this. I should have at least wrote it down. And then I go, you saw her on Howard Stern. You heard her on Conan. And now she's here tonight. Something like that. Something like. You see her on You Up, Sirius XM.

And you touched her on Howard Stern. you see her on you up serious xm and you that's what it was her on howard stern you smelled her on conan you're like going through the five senses and you got them all wrong it's so funny yeah and so then i get off and i'm i feel exactly how you're feeling now and i was like really fucked up over it and then i go all right next show i do the i fuck it up i fuck it up again and you look at me you go i know it's funny but like work on it like you can do that that is annoying when like you say so like when um benedict palizzi opened for me he was from f boy island when he opened for me in vegas he had like his manager with him and he benedict is on stage and i'm about to go you know onto stage and i just want to give everyone who's performed a shout out i'm gonna be like give it up for anya and benedict but i want to say his name again so people follow him and everything and i go to his manager really

quick i was like it's polizzi right and he goes yes polizzi it's not polizzi it's polizzi and i go why would you give me that wow so of course i go out and i go benedict polizzi right and he goes yes polizzi it's not polizzi it's polizzi and i go why would you give me that wow so of course i go out and i go benedict polizzi and i say the completely wrong thing and i go i would have never done that had his manager not gotten in my ear but yeah you just feel like here's benedict smelly pussy it's like yes it's it was so it's it is that but that's what i get really nervous is like i feel like you know it's it's almost like you're a race car driver and you're so good at what you do and every turn is so precise and every little decision you make and then a bee flies in your car and then you look unhinged and crazy like you start going like and everyone like knows you're a fool you know how

like sometimes you know um when people fall you're just like oh no you're not and like an oscar winning actor you just fell like you just look that's how it looks you're human it humanizes you but it almost makes you go like oh no like it takes away from the whole thing people don't realize like oh nikki no one cares it wasn't a big deal and it truly wasn't a big deal it was just a set but like people i bet you anything if i hadn't have done that they would have had a better review of my performance had that thing not happened at the end because it took something like subconsciously, it took something from people's brains and were like, she's kind of a dork

that doesn't know what's going on. There's something, whether or not they would ever admit it to themselves, I bet science would show that they subconsciously rated me a little bit less professional because of it. Because it was unprofessional. I didn't know what I was saying.

But Owen was so nice about it. He was like, I don't care. He was like, I have the worst name for entertainment. It is so boring. It is just, there's nothing to remember about it. It is just Owen Smith. He was like, it happens all the time. He's like, I don't care. So he was very nice about it. But, and then

I went over to the Laugh Factory and that was that was fun too that was a really good time I yeah it's it's nice to be working on new stuff and getting up again and um yeah and usually I like walk across that usually I'm like staying across the street from these places when I come to LA and do sets so it was real it was nice to like take a drive in and kind of like think about what I was going to do and give it some thought because that's pretty much the only thought that goes into it these days and uh it was fun and then you know I went back home and Chris was already asleep. How long did it take to get there? 22 minutes but it's you know I'm going at nine o'clock at night so yeah bad. So yeah, it wasn't bad, but I guess some cars that are just shaky. There is a real difference between an Uber black and an Uber X.

There are some cars that are just like, like the whole time the axles loose or something. I don't like it. Um, but it's Uber's expensive, but I also talked to an Uber driver the other night from LAX to our place and poor Uber drivers drivers if you take ubers please tip them well uber is fleecing these guys they are not making any money it's and they

can't like strike and come together because they all work there's no like hub where they all go hang out and sit around the water cooler and like talk so So it's hard for them to like get together and go like, this is not good, but they're just all barely getting by. It's really sad. And Lyft apparently is worse. So I just want to put that out there. Please tip your Uber drivers very generously

if you can afford to, because it's rough. Do you think you'd buy a car out there? No, because parking is such a bitch. I mean, I do think... Because I was talking to Chris last night. I was like, it'd be ideal to have a personal chauffeur. Because Amy had that for a while. She would just like...

There was always a guy that was just waiting for her. And I go, that's what Uber is, though. I'll just get that. And it is nice to not have to find parking and deal with street parking. And paying insurance and worrying about hitting someone. and um and it is nice to not have to find parking and deal with street parking and the and and like paying insurance and worrying about like hitting someone and you know i think it's just worth it to just do just do uber everywhere i like the idea but i don't like the idea that

i'm supporting an industry that fucks over their workers though but i don't know what to do yeah what do you do i don't know i mean maybe just you find a guy that's why i guess a personal chauffeur is better if it's his own company and it all goes to him i guess that's why that could be better but it'll be so much more expensive yes i mean that'll be that'll be it's already i mean unless you get a guy with a jiggly helicopter i do i do worry. It's so peaceful out in Santa Monica. I thought I'd get out of here and be worried about...

I'm worried about a tsunami, honestly. I just don't want to have to die drowning or getting hit by garbage in water. I'm so scared of natural weather events. And it feels like the Midwest is the safest place to not be around those. Also, the air out here feels good out by the ocean but it's dry i don't know um i'm everyone it was fun last night i ran into annie letterman and jeremiah watkins backstage we took um there was a photographer there and we all decided to do to pretend we're hansen and take a photo shoot so that was really fun so i look

forward to that picture coming out i was like can i be Taylor and I was like I don't even know what that means I just want it and so we uh but it was good because Annie was talking to me about going to a hypnotist and she's just like so positive lately and like I don't know there was just like a different vibe about her Annie Letterman is hilarious and very like she made i told her she made me laugh the other day because i watched a clip and she was talking about how she had a dream where she was someone in a coffee shop witnessing her come like storming in and being like just like being loud annie letterman and she like saw herself from a different perspective and was like wow i'm a lot and i just related to that because i never think about how much how loud and you know um like just demanding of attention you are i mean i i she's a little bit

more so than me she like she really is just has so much confidence is so like i don't know i wish i i had more of that and she even said it she like, you're richer than me. Why aren't you happier than me? She was like, you have, you should be less insecure than I am. And I was like, I guess, but I'm just like not,

they were talking about, um, she's talking about all like the, um, you know, uh, psychedelics she's done that have made her like, she was like,

I'm coming off of skank fest weekend, which is this big comedy festival that they did in, um vegas with like ton like you know so many of our comedian friends andrew and i's friends um were there and she was like i said something like negative and she was like oh i said i was talking about you know bringing people up on stage or and i was like i hate it because either the person is just to bring me up and i know they don't even like me and they have to be like this next comedian she's so funny and i'm like oh my god i it's not like bill burr doesn't know who i am i don't want him to waste his breath on like coming up with my credits that he doesn't even know like i just get embarrassed by it and she

was like wait a second every comedian loves each other now like what do you even she was like oh i forgot i'm coming off of a lot of psychedelics off of this weekend you're right we probably don't all like each other but she was like don't she goes that's not a thing everyone likes each other and she goes oh wait i'm just on i'm still like tripping um but she was super positive and i liked her vibe i was she was like let it go because i was talking about how nervous i am to promote shows and make videos of like hey Memphis I'm coming to town hey Thousand Oaks California catch me this November like I'm just so humiliated by it and I can't do it and Jeremiah and her really talked to me about how I need to remember that people actually want content from me like when they see a video come up, they're like, they want to watch it.

Whereas I just have one female comic who was kind of a bully from 2013 in my head. She is always the person that stops me from posting everything. She doesn't even exist anymore. She's older now and doesn't do that. Like, I don't even think about the versions of her now, but the version she was in 2013,

I think about that girl seeing me and going like ew and i just can't get it out of my head and they were like you need to remember your fans actually want things from you and that if you don't tell them where you're gonna be they don't have a chance to see you and really what we do is like bring joy to people's lives and we get them out of their heads for a fucking hour of their day we give them relief in the form of you know laughing and and we also let them see the world differently we make them feel less alone like they we're doing a service so if you think about like you're denying someone the chance to see you by not promoting it then you can maybe get yourself to promote more

things because i think i just forget sometimes that anyone would want anything from me because I have such low self-esteem and I know I probably shouldn't say that on this podcast where people listen to me every day but I just I forget that I don't think it's so weird to forget that I have a product even though that's my entire life is like the thing that I have made my career off of I forget people even want it and I think that people actually don't want it and they're gonna make fun of it and that they're gonna go they're gonna stop following me if I post too much like I'm gonna they're just gonna go oh god and mute me like but the thing is I never ever see someone promote their shows and

go ugh ever I mean today I did because I go so much production value went into this it's not even funny just make a video in your apartment talking selfie style like why did you spend all this money on this video that literally led to nothing that's where i judge people but i don't think me making a video like come see me in davenport iowa i going to make people mad at me. Why do I have that in my head? I have the exact same. I literally, right before this podcast started, 20 minutes before, I made a selfie saying, come see me in Austin, Texas.

I'll be at Cap City. I couldn't just say it sincerely, so I added a little stupid little joke like I'll be going down the lazy river on the rope swing and get a cool taco with an authentic beer thanks well that's a joke that actually is a joke like that's i want i know i know but i wish i just do it okay well all i know is like it wasn't being viewed that

much and not being liked and i just took it down i was like i'll just put in my story how long did you wait for it did you did you monitor it for like 20 minutes 25 minutes i gave it yeah 20 minutes well also i know i'm crazy i will if i post something that's the thing i don't care about the likes once i post it it doesn't matter to me and i won't check it so i don't know why i even care i've never once gone back on something and looked at the likes or the views. I've never done that. So why am I, even if it did well, I wouldn't know. If it did poorly, I wouldn't know. What am I worried about? I'm worried about that one girl making fun of me and thinking that I'm a loser or someone

being like, oh, her face is kind of getting old. Oh, she just did her lip. She shouldn't have done that. Sending it to people. And the truth is, I think that way because that's what I do. And I won't stop. And Annie even said last night, she was like, you're not going to stop being that awful about other people

and judging them until you stop doing it to yourself. So it was kind of an epiphany. That and crying as I walked down the street because my jeans didn't fit and having my boyfriend be like, I've never think you've never looked better to me. And I'm like, I can't like breathe. Like, I think I look good too,

but I can't breathe and I need to get new pants. And I was just like, I think where my brain goes is I go, it only got this amount of likes, which I don't really, it just makes me think if it's this amount of likes, then no one's going to come to the show and no one likes me no one thinks i'm funny uh like all that shit goes from you think that people will like go to the show less if they see they'll actively not

go to the show whereas if they never saw that they might go to the show which doesn't make any sense because if they don't see that they don't know about the show yeah last night i made a poster i can put pictures up all day long pictures posters yeah no problem same video for me is excruciating yet i watch people all the time post stuff that is so and it wastes my time i watch these people posting things and i'm like i watch this i don't it's not always that i scrutinize and judge it's it's quite often that i go man i wish i could do that and i just like i watch this i don't it's not always that i scrutinize and judge it's it's quite often that i go man i wish i could do that and i just don't know what the holdup is and so many besties have written me and said really nice things about when i kind of talk about these

fears i have and and put my mind at ease but i think we just need to remember like our job is to put out stuff and if you know if we don't do it it's as if we're showing up to work and not doing data entry we're just sitting there and staring at a blank screen like we work in north korea on a computer or whatever they do if you've ever seen those videos where people are like here's here's an active bunch of young north koreans working on computers and they're all just like they don't even know how to work a mouse and it's just that that's that's what it would be like we we have to the work we we have to put in is putting out content and it's um like jeremiah was saying jeremiah watkins who does hilarious stuff was like sometimes i put out a video and i'm just like no one wants this i put out too much stuff but like

i have to remember this is my job and I have to. This is what people want. People do want this. People want to see your face. People I don't I don't know why it's so hard. And I guess it's not so hard for me to perform live because it's like one one thing and people can't go back and send it to their friends and make fun of it. It's that like lasting nature of a post that really gets me more so than yeah and the video feels personal like even if it's a video it feels more personal than like a poster like i don't know i get hurt

more i get more emotional about it and it's like i probably should talk to a shrink about it to be honest because i don't know why i value it so more like why it makes me think of my value more or less because i would say stop looking at the likes like if you took that out of it it might help like it because which i do i just like because you are putting about well you're putting a value on it if you look at the like you you are putting a value on it like this is either successful or it's not and then what does that mean but if you just put it out there and because your fear is that someone's gonna see it and say that's and make fun of it are that you are you scared people make fun of you i just think it's more uh yeah i think people will first of all i know promotional things get less likes just like across the board so i should i i understand why it doesn't do as

well and i think what it is is i get uh someone another comedian will come across and be like 48 likes on a show uh promoting a show so it's again it's what other comedians like so exactly what i said yes yeah so it's about other comedians judging you not really like actual audience members no actual people too but yeah there's no one really in particular can you hide the likes i think there's a way to hide the likes you can so let's just do that you can which i do okay i do do why didn't you do it on this last one i don't know i was just like the other thing is the views it was only like 240 views in like 20 minutes where usually i get like

1500 so i'm like okay that quickly so i was just like all right in like 20 minutes where usually I get like 1,500. So I'm like, okay, that quickly. So I was just like, all right, no one's seen this anyway. More people are going to see it in my stories anyway. You're looking down so sad at your shoot. Oh, sorry, sorry. You're sitting at the top of your head. Keep that chin up, Andrew. I was counting each person that liked it all seven of them.

Keep your chin up. So anyways, go to andrewcollincomedy.com and get tickets to my show. so anyways go to andrewcollincomedy.com and get tickets to my show yeah go to our shows um i have a tour that is going so many places i am all over the place vermont uh california iowa reno memphis um on and on and on and then new year's eve in st louis please come out to that show it's going to be spectacular and so so special to bring in the new year together um and we will be back with let's do a little bit news when we get back from this can we go to break noah yeah all right let's do it john stewart is back at the daily show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight

to your ears with the daily show ears edition Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else ready to laugh and stay informed listen on the iHeartRadio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts all right we're back let's get to the news you heard it here first yeah you heard it here first oh it's wednesday folks you know what that means it is wednesday apparently we're having all the swells uh back to you in the booth there no okay well um in sad news a ge a Georgia college student died instantly

when he walked into the still-spinning propeller of an airplane he had rented for a dinner date. This is awful. This kid wanted to be like he was on The Bachelor. He probably saved up his money to give this girl of his dreams the best date of her life. They fly back after having the dinner date. They're getting out of the plane

and he is just feeling confident about to get his maybe first kiss with her and walks right into the propeller and she and, you know, everyone else see them. The pilot have sex? Yeah. Oh.

And use the man's blood as lube. Yeah, I mean, this is, I regret saying that. Andrew brought me there. I had to finish it. Hey. I am so disturbed by this story, and I'm so, so sad about it. There was a girl, there was a woman, I think she survived. She walked into a propeller.

These stories always, I go deep diving on these stories and try to figure out everything because it's just so disturbing to me i am always so scared whatever i go on a tarmac to board a little plane or a helicopter or any i feel like i sound like i'm live quite a jet setting life i've been i've been i've flown on some pjs before but i have i mean this is something that commonly happens people need to be very careful out there if you ever board a plane don't think that you're smarter than this guy like this could happen to anyone it's like a low propeller and the propeller is going so fast you don't see it well the thing is it's just so so sad the the date got out of the plane

and then he comes out and walks towards the front of the plane and then he comes out and walks towards the front of the plane. Yes. So he had walked into it. Yes, that's what happens. They walk into it. They don't see it because it's whirring so fast.

You know, it's, you don't see it. It looks like nothing. Or he could have been like talking to her and a little distracted and it was in his peripheral vision and so it wasn't, I mean,

but what those people witnessed... Also, I think propellers on the wings, you know? Oh. Like I always... I don't think of it on the center of the plane. Like the B-52. Like most planes. Oh, right.

Yeah. You know what I mean? I just wouldn't think of it being there. Oh, it's so sad. Also, I think it was two of his friends were flying. Yeah. Two of his friends were the pilots. Maybe he went to go say something to them.

Oh, I mean, yeah. Imagine seeing that. I mean, that's the... prop like first of all having i don't even want to think about the injuries he sustained to kill him like it must have been so awful but witnessing that those people are going to have so much trauma it's so awful please be careful out there i have another kind of thing like first of all you know i did the seatbelt yesterday you know i did a seat belt rant yesterday and um the other night i woke up chris in the middle of the night did i tell this one about drowning don't ever try to save a drowning person by jumping in yes what do you

mean i think it's with noah and katherine this weekend but i woke up chris in the middle of the night like well i thought he was still awake but we were like kind of drifting off to sleep we're both on reddit that's what we do and then we share each other like share well sometimes we'll share the same thing at the same time with each other because we're like we're both on reddit but um i saw this thing that was like you know a life pro tip and it was like don't ever try to save a drowning person by jumping in to the water because no matter how good of a swimmer you are, a drowning person is frantic, is flopping around, doesn't know what they're doing, and you will drown too. They'll drown you. And even me, I'm like a really pretty,

I think that's one of the things I'm best at in the world is swimming and staying afloat. And even I was like, oh, I think I'd be okay. And I read further and it was like, I, you know, my friend, this happened to my friend. He was an accomplished swim, swimmer. He died from someone pulling him under. So what you do is you, you know, you throw something out to them. You'll both die. Like if it's, let's say you stay on the boat and you're like, I'm just going to watch someone die. Well, either that, or you both die. So, you know, hand them a broomstick, throw them a rope, do something like that. But just, or honestly it said, wait till they're unconscious and then go in wait till they stop flopping around because they will pull you down so that's just a good thing to know if you are ever in that situation

because i think my first reaction would be jump in and save them and i would have died had i not read that a week ago or whatever it is i think a phil phil collins song was about that but yeah uh that was what i i think like that's so funny to wait till they drown until you saved you're just like i'll be there in a second when you're still moving when you when you start to see the light that's what i'm gonna make the plunge in and go yeah there's like why do i feel like i've heard the same thing about quick sand remember quick saying i remember someone goes don't ever don't go in to get them and also riptides if you don't know about riptides always swim parallel because they go perpendicular to the water and if you don't know what those words are go back to school so a riptide is going to be

a thin stretch of water that's being going to pull out. And if you fight it by trying to swim back to the shore, towards the shore, you're going to tire out because you're just in this flume. It's like a little river that is pulling you out. And it's going to tire you out and you'll drown. But if you just swim to the side, you'll get out of it faster. So these are just little things. If you have any water tips to share with us on the show, just leave us a message. The link is in our bio. noah what's the next story next story is drew barrymore has said that she has no interest

in altering the aging process with cosmetic surgery and has vowed to live life naturally despite pressures due to working in hollywood so she says now uh wait till it gets worse not that actually she looks amazing i am i'm captivated by drew barrymore she shows up on my instagram and i just think she is so beautiful i love her hair i love her look i love who styles whoever styles her and does everything for her show like she is just one of the most watchable faces ever and um and it doesn't look like she has had work done and she looks fucking good but it's hard to say you won't someday i know i don't know i respect that um that is not who i am i'm planning a facelift around fit 40 42 um maybe smaller ones before then and i know that's like makes people sad but i i feel the same way

about like if you know my knees gave out i would get like a knee replacement like i just to feel good i need to not and i sleep on my face so hard it's just like aging sucks but i do respect that andrew what do you think about it well i feel like i think people get upset if remember when alicia keys was like i don't wear makeup i'm going no makeup but she has a gorgeous face she doesn't never naturally she doesn't need makeup so people are like well it's easy for you because like drew barrymore i feel like it's almost in the same vein of like you are aging incredibly well maybe you're lucky enough where you haven't had to have these things done. No, she could get some stuff done.

I'm not being rude about that. She could get things done very easily. Like she is a woman that most people at her age in Hollywood would do something, would have already done stuff. And she is proof that you can look fucking sexy and beautiful without having that stuff done but you that's the problem is you go what am i leaving on the table hopefully a lot of skin when they remove it but what am i what if i don't do something what what could it be if i actually

did something like how good could i look and what would that mean like I even last night when I was crying about my jeans Chris was like I think you look amazing and I was like it is not about how I look I think I look great too it's just I want to not buy I just don't want to buy new I like my clothes and I want to feel like I'm not suffocating in them and I don't want to take off my pants and have an imprint like my body's made of play-doh you know that doesn't go away until the next morning from my jeans cutting off my circulation it's like i just feel deeply uncomfortable in such tight clothes but it is i feel like you made up a word there by the way which is incredible what did i make up i think you said stuff of stufficating which is makes it

it's a perfect word for what your legs are doing in the pants. If I did say that, I didn't mean to, but that does. Yeah. I'm stufficated. Um, go back in here.

What I said, I would like to know. Um, it's a great word though. And it's exactly what that word should be. I do feel stufficated. It's just so uncomfortable. And I just, and my, my Instagram knows what i'm into man all they show me is

liposuction facelifts nose jobs before and afters m sculpting people just like you feel like when you go to when you touch down in la you start thinking about these things more because obviously it's more it's done more there even though it's no louis because my instagram is la baby like everything i see on instagram i don't really leave the house in st louis and and people in st louis are beautiful um somewhere i haven't been to that place but i have a feeling somewhere they they're looking good but no people in st louis are stunning it's everywhere now like Everyone can look this good, but it's mainly on Instagram and online where I see the stuff that I,

LA follows me everywhere on there. And it's hard. And body positivity counts. There are always girls who are crying and being like, yesterday was hard. I cried 14 hours because I hate my body. But today I realized that God gave me that. And I'm like, so yesterday you were sobbing

and today you have it all figured out and everything's fine now. I just don't buy this like whole thing about girls. And then there's this other account I follow and I want to fucking kill this woman. She is stick thin and she always makes these TikToks of like, you know, when they like point at different places and little facts pop up.

And she's like, remember when we used to starve ourselves? Remember calorie counting? No more. And it's like, but you are literally a, you're a little twig. You are this, I don't even understand what you could have wanted your body to be before. Don't talk to me about body acceptance. You look amazing. And like, it's not about diet culture.

It's just just i'm sure she is beyond all that but i kind of call bullshit and i call bullshit on pretty much all of it i don't know if you could send me anybody if people out there know body positive accounts that you actually believe and don't send me lizzo because i have a hard time believing that as well um i would love to see it but look i'm sure there's a pair of triple zero pants that she can't fit into right now and she's freaking out she's suffocating in them tired of these girls making green tea matcha drinks and talking to me about like balance and their body and loving themselves why are you following these accounts i don't They just pop up.

It's like I want war videos and you're showing me Kate Moss. It really is. And then you get sucked into it and then it just feels like cutting because you just want more. You want to see more of why this woman's life is so much better than yours. And even the women who are, I mean, I'm not talking about like just glorifying all thin people there are women that are like you know bigger than me whose lives I completely am jealous of because they seem to just be so happy and love themselves and not and look good in their clothes and I'm like why can't I do it's just it's it's frustrating but I'm gonna work on it and by working on it I do not mean I'm gonna diet or exercise I'm working on it's all about like other stuff because even last night when i was crying to chris about my tight pants he was like so what are you gonna do like what's what's the solution here or or at least i

said something like i just need to work harder and i could tell he was like what does that mean i'm like and it doesn't mean dieting it doesn't mean going to a workout class it means what is the best thing a guy can say to a woman that's like i feel fat today i feel different i look different today than she did yesterday which you know is irrational chris says to me i wouldn't notice i wouldn't notice it in a million years like i think you've never looked better and that makes me feel good and even last night i was like that matters to me like you thinking that i look better this size than a size i prefer to be that matters to me like i want to look good to you like i i would i look better this size than a size i prefer to be that matters to

me like i want to look good to you like i would prefer to look good to you than good to me so just like saying i don't know what you're talking about like i don't see it but i'm sorry you feel that way but the truth is it's don't don't ever say anything about like well we can go to the gym together maybe we can start eating healthier meals don't do that shit because that is not what a girl wants to hear noah do you agree yeah 100 agree don't where were you two days ago don't say like hey well we can start going to more classes why don't we do start doing this more like girls just when we're feeling quote unquote fat or disgusting or whatever the thing is we just want to feel loved we're feeling completely unlovable and we just want like to feel loved validated like spiritually and that's the work

that needs to be done is like you need to work on your insides and i it took me fucking 20 something years to figure that out that the solution when i'm feeling this way and i'm allowed to feel this way sometimes people write to me and they're like you seriously still have body issues you talk about wanting to be thin all the time it's like yeah no fucking shit it's coming at me from all angles but the thing i don't do anymore is starve myself the thing i don't do anymore is exercise and burn a thousand calories at a time thinking that's going to give me anything except ravenous hunger that's going to make me eat more than i should and And, but I'm allowed to complain. I'm allowed to feel uneasy in my body. I'm allowed to say that I don't feel, I don't feel good.

And that doesn't mean that I think that you listener would not like, I think some people go, well, if you think you look bad, then I, you would be disgusted by me. That's not it. My, my self-esteem comes from inside. I have a spiritual problem of like having, feeling like I'm not enough. I'm not good enough. And it has nothing to do with my outer appearance because I have been the size and my face has looked the way

I've wanted it to look before. My body has looked exactly the way that I would want my body to look before. And I still wasn't happy. So I know that for a fact, I go back and look at pictures and I go, God, look at your body. Then it was like you would. That was everything like that. You looked like a supermodel, like you had a supermodel figure. And I wasn't happy. And I

remember the day those pictures were taken. So I just know that's not the solution. But the solution is definitely not for a boyfriend to recommend dieting or exercising with you. Let's go to final thought and um have a little bit of andrew's short sir stories circle segment special andrew's succinct short story circle segment all right andrew what do you got for us today um i i hinted at it a few months or like a month ago but when i went to so my brother was nice enough to, my older brother who's successful, an alpha male, kind of alpha-ish, I guess. He just gets shit done. He always gets shit done.

He's an alpha male. My whole life. He's an alpha male. He was nice enough to offer a trip with me and Brenna to go to Jackson Hole, Wyoming. They sent us a itinerary. That's a big thing that they do is like, you know, from nine to 10, we'll be, you know, looking at rocks. Successful people love a very regimented schedule. It's almost as if that makes people successful. It's almost like that's the key to it. But let's make fun of it instead. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. What losers? What losers successful people? Yeah. I mean, he's gotten better and his wife is similar. Like she's very organized. They're both professionals, like professionals, like do very well.

She's a doctor. He runs a hedge fund. Like everything is organized and whatever and then um you know i could have gone to jackson hole and stayed in the bed and maybe seen like one boulder and been like holy shit you know like nothing i never have organized my whole life so they send us this uh website of an activity we can do which is essentially hiking i thought it was hiking i didn't want to look into it because it looked very scary and it was like jagged rock and it was something i didn't want to do i don't like heights and because of that i didn't look into it because i was so afraid and then i get there we fly in and it's the day to fucking do this

are you one of those guys that's like i got the itinerary babe you just i'll all handle things or did you share it with her i'm not i'm not that guy at all but she's a ledge head so she she looked at it and she's like oh i hope we did the hardest one and i was like really like this okay um i think you might have to so i'm thinking she might have to go without me this whole time i'm just like you go without me i'll stay behind i'll cook for the kids i'll take care of the pods or whatever first of all i can make a scrambled egg so yeah one egg for yourself i can't imagine you like making enough food for two people okay go on yeah i would eat it before i'd be like all right four for me one for you

sid okay stop looking at me bitch talking to the three-year-old um so we get there and it's time and we go and we take the gondola up like 8 000 feet so you're not only climbing from like the bottom you're climbing you're starting from the heavens like that's where he's the opposite of starting at the top yeah yeah it started from the top and we're more top so i'm i'm losing my mind and like i i want to be tough in a way in front of you know my girlfriend and your brother everyone else is doing it and my brother and his wife and and they're like you can do it and i hate when my brother gives me that voice even though it means well he's proud of me he's like you got this and i'm like i know i got it motherfucker i can do this you're doing it

i could do it like i get defensive you know and uh so we we start climbing and literally the first thing you climb we put on like full-on gear like helmet like like repelling do you know how long this day is gonna take no i have no idea what this hike i thought we were hiking is gonna be a little steep like i would need to know how long is this gonna take exact tell me exactly what's gonna happen when are we gonna eat lunch when are snacks when's nap time what do we do if we see a goat like i would want to know everything so you're just going into it not knowing what's gonna happen when i have fear i just i i want to know less okay gotcha and then i just do yeah um so we get to the top and like the literally the first thing is you climb like

25 feet and it's vertical it's just vertical and there's like bars there's metal bars into the rock but if you're climbing a mountain like you're starting and you're starting from 8 000 feet so i'm 8 025 feet up So I'm already looking down. I'm like, what the fuck am I getting myself into? But I got to be tough. I got to be strong. I got to do this for some reason. And we get to this point where you have to then just hike a little bit up,

like the smallest little walkway. And you just fall down the jagged rock, like thousands of feet. Are you strapped into anything? At this point, you're not strapped in because we're walking to the place smallest little walkway and you just fall down the jagged rock like thousands of feet are you strapped into anything at this point you're not strapped in because we're walking to the place where you have to strap in do it and i i'm i'm frozen i freeze i literally freeze and i have brenna going just hold my hand just hold my i'm like i don't like part of me is like wanting to be the toughest if i slip you're going down with me then. Like a drowning guy. Wait till I fall.

Wait till I die and then come get me. Wait till I'm unconscious. Diving after. So she's like, you got it. And the more I hear that voice, I don't know what it is about that voice. Yeah, it's being pitied. It's being babied.

You want to be a strong man and you have your girlfriend talking to you like you're a baby. So yeah, men are not going to respond to that voice well. And the instructor's going, you got it. And then my brother's like, you can do this, brother. Oh, I hate that voice so much too. I hate it when people are just like,

everyone has to like lower their like, they have to. And then when you finally do it, they're like, yay. And you're like, shut up. You all did it so easily and you didn't congratulate yourselves. And now I'm like this, like I just climbed Everest because I crossed a little bridge. It's so embarrassing. It's so patronizing. I hate it. My brother would do it

when we'd visit my grandma. This is why I don't play golf with you because if I do something a little bit good it's like wow Nikki. I'm just like you wouldn't give a fuck about this if you did it. Don't act like this is impressive. But people are just trying to be nice. I mean, Brenna was doing exactly what she should have done,

which is be supportive. The nicest person ever. Yeah. But, you know, it goes back to, we'd visit my grandma and my brother would be like, you did such a, I'm so proud of you boys for visiting. I'm like, you're two years older than me. I was going to visit grandma anyways. Okay.

So anyways, so no, of course not. He drove and paid for the Uber black. And so then we start climbing the mountain again and I'm going last. I thought maybe that'd be good. But then my brother and Brenna decided to climb it without using the ladder to metal. So I'm in the back. So no one's pushing me to go forward and I have to wait for them to go

slow. So I'm having a full-on panic attack on the mountain and i can't climb back down because climbing back down then i guess it's even scarier there's no way out it's like the way i feel on roller what am i gonna get a helicopter when you're going to so up oh so we're climbing and finally i get in front and I realize like, okay, I'm going on my own pace. And, but I'm having a full on panic attack while having to do like, usually you have a panic attack. You can lay down, you can stop. And then I don't know, like 10 minutes in, I started to get really present.

I didn't focus on being 9,000 feet in the air. I just literally looked at the rock in front of me yeah and it sounds cheesy but it's like it made me so fucking present and so like in the moment where nothing else mattered a likes on my phone like that shit like you don't you all you can think about is surviving you know what's the next step and surviving and i get to a point where i go okay are we almost there he's like actually we're only halfway so i was still like kind of freaking out but then i got to a point where i just started fucking climbing and i all my fears went away and all the focus i mean and then that made me realize oh this is why these fucking people do this is because of how present it can make you. And then you go through that, whatever. I got to the top and just fast forward. I do bring that day to me in other things where when I can be present and

lock in and be like, okay, I made it through this. And it made, I don't know, it made all the sense in the world why people do shit like that. And why we always ask, like, why are you climbing mountains? Why the fuck do you? I've never been more present in my life other than maybe stand up at times you have to be that locked in to do well but but like i was able to bring that moment because you didn't have a choice with me you would know there's no fleeing that moment there was no fight or flight you had to just fight i feel that way i feel that kind of presence when I have pain, when I have a migraine or cramps, you can't be distracted by anything. Like you can't watch a TV show. You can't read like there or, or mental anguish. If you're going through a breakup, like those moments I feel are also like

extremely meditative in the sense that you can only focus on one thing. Like, you know, in meditation, you're supposed to just focus on your breath and you constantly wander away because your breath isn't that interesting and isn't that like demanding of your attention but i think pain and also yeah that fear of like i just gotta do this i think that um yeah that's actually that's cool that you've been able to like pull from it again and like remember that but i also think that people who are ledge heads and like constantly go out and do climbing stuff like i read this thing thing on Reddit where she was like, there was a woman climber who was like,

never date a climber, never date a guy who's into climbing. These people who are constantly seeking out these like death defying, uh, stunts or these like, you know, high adrenaline situations. Cause they can't ever love you because they're running from pain in their

life that they never emotional pain that they don't want to address. and that what better way to not think about anything else in your life your fear of commitment your fear of abandonment if you're constantly climbing a wall where if you make one mistake you fall to your death you don't have time to worry about anything emotional and so it makes sense that people choose extreme sports to like hide from things and that they really don't make the best partners and this woman had this great thing about it and i thought everyone was going to trash her because she was kind of annoying about it she was like don't date climbers they're all the same but everyone underneath was like this checks out my boyfriend was a climber this checks like they're they just aren't yeah they're never going to be there

emotionally because they're they're climbing away from their issues. So it is interesting. It is a definite meditative state. The guy that the instructor said that the people that die, obviously, they're doing harder things, but it's the people that forget how dangerous it is. Yes. And those are the people that walk into the propeller who aren't on alert. Thankfully, I'm an extremely anxious totally paranoid person but the second that i get a little bit too like everything's fine that's when i the car kind of goes off the road that's when you know i fall or something like when i start to get cocky about stuff

my dad always says that the one time that this guy that was like um part of the traveling walendas he was a tightrope walker. There's a story of, he was like the father of, I probably told this before because my dad tells it a billion times. No, I don't know this one. In Cincinnati? Yeah, it probably has something to do with Cincinnati,

but they were famous tightrope walkers and he was like the patriarch of the family and his wife said that the only time she ever heard him doubt himself about a walk was the morning of the walk he died on so it proves that like when you start to let that kind of doubt in of like what could go wrong and you aren't like focused i mean i don't know if it really pertains to this but i always think about that like when you consider what can go wrong it almost kind of manifests that and puts that out into the the world but i think about what can go wrong, it almost kind of manifests that and puts that out into the world.

But I think about what could go wrong all the time. It's just it's hard not to. I feel like sometimes when I think about what will go wrong, it pushes me to make it right. So it actually makes me work harder and I could use that energy for a positive. But I also think about there's like the secret of manifestation. So what's the difference between worrying about something that might happen in the future that you don't want to happen how is that different than when you try to visualize something you do want to happen and people always say i visualize making a million dollars i visualize having a family i wanted i

visualize the job that i wanted and i got it so what sometimes when i'm visualizing the worst case scenario i'm like am I going to confuse the universe and make them think that I'm manifesting this because I'm imagining it so much and that it might happen? So I don't know. I guess we need to ask our listeners, how many of you have visualized being a millionaire

and how many have a million dollars? I mean, I think that's something. I think sometimes we hear, I know, I know. I do too. I really do too. But I just think like you hear... I know. I do, too. I really do, too. But I just think you hear from that person. Anya was just saying she watched the Kardashian show on Hulu and that Kim Kardashian was like, I knew I was going to be famous.

I was like, I wanted it so badly. I mean, granted, her dad was OJ's attorney and her family was already... And her mom was married to Bruce Jen jenner so i was like okay um but i do think that there is something to that like i i think that some of my success was because i was so i just knew that it was going to work out i just knew it there was no doubt in my mind i have so many doubts about other things, but like comedy working out was, there was never even the slightest that there was one time where I go, what if it doesn't work out? And I remember it was one day and a thought, and it just, it was almost like you on that mountain. I can't turn back now. There's no, there's no doing anything else. I have to only believe that I'm going to

make it up this mountain. I can't let that. There's no point in entertaining going back down. Cause you realize in that moment, I can't go back down. There's no point in it. So you let it go. And I think that there was one time I let it in and I was like, what would I do? Cause so many people were like, at the time when I was struggling and had no money and was like, you know, well into doing comedy and it wasn't, I had done the tonight show and last time I was standing, but like nothing else was happening and I was still needing to borrow money and it was just like what if this doesn't work out like what if that's the what if that's working out as doing the tonight show and then nothing after that and um and there was a lot of like doubt in my parents of like what are you gonna do Nick like if this isn't and I just I just was like kind of laughed

it off like that's so funny that you think it won't but I don't know where that came from it wasn't something I tried to do I wish I could make I wish I could do that for other things in my life I've never been so sure about something else and now it's kind of happened and I wish I could kind of do that for I don't know just my personal life my yeah it's interesting where but there's definitely ways to to learn how to do that. And that guy Joe Dispenza wrote a book about it. But I cannot stand his meditations and his voice. So I'm giving up on my dreams. Thank you guys so much for listening.

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