The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #288 Baby On Board (Fanthrax Only)

Episode Date: October 28, 2022

Before heading out to Atlanta for a TV shoot, Nikki, Andrew and Noa put together a Fanthrax Only... or as some would say a Fanthrax Ony edition of the pod. As they get started Andrew has a lot to get off his chest about the artist formerly known as Kanye West. Nikki wonders how one becomes a billionaire and they brainstorm on businesses that could them there. Besties leave voicemails on the topic of babies, an office sex scandal, help for other Besties and what to do during vocal rest. ----- Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Get Pod Merch: Podshop.NikkiGlaser.com Nikki's Tour Dates: www.nikkiglaser.com/tour Andrew's Tour Dates: www.andrewcollincomedy.com   More Nikki: IG More Andrew: IG  More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Hello! It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. Welcome to the show. How's everyone doing? I'm doing pretty good. It's Thursday. Andrew is here. Noah's here. We are taping this episode on Wednesday because I'm going to be... Yeah, it's Wednesday. I just want to be honest with you. I can't lie. It's Wednesday, but we're doing a special episode

ahead of time and we can't fake it with you guys. Andrew, yesterday's episode, we did not get to anything Andrew related. What's been going on in your life? What did you do last night? Any big updates? No, I mean, you know, I wish my life was more exciting it's just

fucking i have a very boring life i really do and it's it's a little frustrating because i don't know i did those shows over the weekend that was fun society and god and um i'll tell you what i when i'm bored i just i, you know, I redownloaded Twitter. So that's good. That's a huge event for me. I didn't know you had taken it off. I didn't either because it was only 25 seconds. But, you know, it was a big 25 seconds. I really found myself during that time, which was great.

I'm very heavy into the Kanye thing going on right now. Okay, you're very much into that. I am very much not into it but i know that um maybe that makes me seem like i'm not an ally or something but um i just think he is i mean yeah he's stoking some hatred for sure but i just think he's so mentally ill which most people are that are you know anti-semites i think that's that's definitely uh something's wrong with your brain um if you hate a group of people so much i mean but what what's can you update me on what you know and and what your thoughts on it

where do i start i mean it all started where uh defcon he said yeah when defcon three which was spelled wrong which is fine. You know, me, I can't even speak, so how can I get mad about a misspelling? But he said he was going to go Defcon 3 on the Jews. He wrote a tweet. And he was already kind of going through it, threatening Pete Davidson.

I like that he did say Jewish people. You know, he didn't say Jews. It's like I expected him to just throw a hard Jews in there. I think now he's gone that way. Well, he does a lot of Jewish media, like a lot of just tropes that have been said before the Holocaust started. But don't you read this as someone...

Don't you see someone who is about to jump off a building almost crazy? Yeah, I do. This is like... I don't know. If it was someone that people were taking more seriously, and I'm not Jewish, so I can't really speak to this. So I guess you can continue how you're talking, how you feel about it.

Well, thank you for letting the Jews speak. No, I think, I'm fine. I'm Jewish. I can say it. I'm a Jew. I think that, yes, if you you're saying oh well I'm looking at him but millions upon millions of people are not looking at him as insane

they're looking at him as being a genius about finally seeing the light seeing the truth speaking truth to power millions of people read the comments on anything that is and you can easily go well no people just think he's crazy he's just crazy that's not how

the world perceives it. I followed his subreddit for a while. After I saw his documentary, I was a fan, so I followed his subreddit. I'm not following it anymore just because I was tired of reading about him. I just didn't care anymore. I will say that most of his legions of fans on there were

months ago when I left already done with him. i mean i guess a whole new world of candace owens are the comments the ones that are really making you go insane well i mean i'm fine i'm honestly like part of me is like yeah we do run shiv go fuck off you know like whatever we started this it's like we built it so why shouldn't we not be part of hollywood like it's like i don't know it's a weird thing wait but no no but i'm saying like part of me wants to be cocky about like oh you're giving us the stereotype of being like oh we run this like okay yeah okay sweet like we work hard and we're smart and we fucking get ahead and like whatever like part of you part of me is like i want to use it

as like i don't know i don't want to give in and be like i know more invested in this because you're jewish you think or do you are you just fascinated by this okay okay yes for sure so what is what are you mainly looking into and like are you feeling just like um are you feeling upset seeing how many people are on his side are you just feeling are you feeling threatened are you feeling upset seeing how many people are on his side? Are you just feeling, are you feeling threatened? Are you feeling like how you felt when that teacher told you to put your nose on the blackboard? And like when you're, you know, like is this making you feel all those things again? For sure. For sure.

I think growing up where I grew up, I think when you have your temple spray painted with swastikas and six million left, and you're constantly, like, you tell someone you're Jewish and they look at you like a fucking alien, and you realize that a majority of our country, a lot of our country, fucking looks at Jews, like, looks down on Jews, and hears Jewish media, and they just believe it, and don't like that just is like yeah they fucking do run everything they're the illuminati fuck them they should you know like this is how the holocaust started like with this kind of because what will happen right is if like let's say we go into a recession and all the all the banks fucking start foreclosing on your homes who gets to blame the jews are going to start being blamed and that's the problem is like when you say oh

you know all the jews they control the banks because they say the Jews control the banks and that we control Hollywood. And really, Kanye's mad at like five fucking people. And he then generalizes it and throws it on everybody. Yeah, what made Kanye go off? Do we know the source of it besides, you know, his brain? I do. I mean, well, there's a few things. One, he had a lunch with Jared Kushner that went really poorly

where he felt like Jared, because he has such an ego. And Jared Kushner has $2 billion as opposed to Kanye having $1 billion. How does Kanye have $1 billion? Chris told me this last night. Kanye's a billionaire. Apparently $11 billion

because of Yeezy. How does he have... Adidas. Is that really what makes him a billionaire because of Adidas? Yeah, pretty much, yeah. Jesus fucking Christ. That is so much money.

I can't even believe it. I couldn't believe it. Well, think about it. And then you go, okay, well, I can't get anything done and everyone blackballs me. But meanwhile, you're worth a billion, $11 billion.

Yeah, who's holding him back? It seems to be working out okay for you. Exactly. He has such an ego so he had a lunch with jared kushner which apparently jared kushner who's jewish treated him shitty and then he had some deals with music execs over the time with the lawyers and he felt like they all colluded together jewish people collude instead of just business people he always has to say well the jews colluded together to hold him back into ruin ruin and take money from him. So now it's all Jewish people.

I mean, Noah's Jewish as well. I'm sure she has some thoughts of her own on this. Have you been following the Kanye drama, Noah? Yeah, I mean, I've been following it as much as I care about it. I think I'm not as passionate about it as Andrew is. And I want to tread lightly because I don't want to have stones thrown at me when I try to see the middle of it. I hate that he generalized the stuff about Jewish people when what he was trying, I think, trying to illustrate was that he was getting screwed out of deals. And the thing that he said with,

um, the dinner with, with Jared Kushner and stuff is like, he, it was Jared and like his brother who has more, he said he has like more shares of a, of the clothing line company that Kanye started. I think it's even skims.

I don't know. There's like, and he like was, he's just insane. Um skims i don't know there's like and he like was he's just insane um but i don't i think like the root of what he's saying has to do with how black people are treated in industry and in business and how they're getting screwed out of a lot of money and i wish he would have belabored that point instead of blowing up the whole jewish thing right right well what does what is the crux of his white lives matter shirt just to stir up like why is he what are those about i'm sorry i'm really ignorant about this like i just kind of

tune him out because it's just so disturbing and um it seems so chaotic i can't even keep up yeah well the white lives matter. Initially when I saw it, and he did say this is one of his reasons later, is that he doesn't want white people to tell him that black lives matter. It's like a victimhood. He doesn't want to feel like a victim ever. Like that's his whole thing. So he wears the white lives matter.

He says, your life matters. Like, oh, you're telling me my life. It's like that thing of like, I suck, you suck. And it's like in that regards. Also, they think Black Lives Matter is a scam. Candace Owens just came out with a documentary talking about how not the movement, but the organization has taken the money and used it incorrectly. And they've like called that out and called truth to that and so okay so he's mad about the actual movement of black lives or the organization of black lives matters too so i

cannot believe he's a billionaire because of shoes i just i what world do you live in where kanye was a billionaire because clothing lines are like makeup lines clothing line i gotta start i gotta start a lot like this is how you make money now is you just sell garbage to people that is eventually going to just end up in the ocean. It's like, it's just, it's gross to me. I got to come up with some kind of, if you could start a brand, like what would you do, Andrew? Like what kind of thing would you sell if you had to expand your brand?

Like would it be golf balls? Would it be a type of golf club? Is there something that you see a necessity in the industry that isn't really you know like or is out there that you could actually have a good influence on i don't know i mean first okay oh you had one okay no no i just feel like it depends are you gonna team up with someone are you going solo on this because if you team up with someone it's a different situation. I'm not going to ask you to make this in your garage, like make a new shoot.

You're definitely going to have to work with engineers. But do you have an idea for something that would be your thing? You go first. What do you think? I have an app idea, which who doesn't have an app idea? But I don't want to even say it on here. Are you sure you want to say it? I don't want to say it.

It's too good of an idea. But I do have an app idea that I think could change the world. But I also do, you know, the celebrity skincare stuff. Like, I want to come out with one product where you don't have to do anything else except one thing. Because I use one product for my night cream, for my day cream. I put on an SPF. I'm not talking about SPF and stuff. But for moisture, i use one product and

i mean that already is exact out there but there's and i feel like it's not lacking in any way so i don't know what i would add to it except my name but i would just put that out and be like it's just one thing girls and it's here's a it's ten dollars it's not a fat like maybe that and i think i would be good at coming up with um i think um maybe not a clothing line but i would do i don't know um i could do makeup i could do like a cool but everything that i would put out is already out there's nothing that isn't already out i don't want to add to stuff that that's what i'm asking like is there anything that isn't out yet and the only thing i can think of is this app idea i have but it's kind of already out there too i would just uh brand it

in a different way that would make it more sense for people but i truly don't know that there's i mean this is a if there was something we would be inventors but yeah i can see this on shark tank i mean it was like do you see a golf is there a golf thing that you're like man i wish that this there was a club that did this and like had this design and like, I would really like this kind of golf hat or shirt or I don't know. Even F45, like that class is like taking, what would you change about that class? Maybe you could start your own like workout place.

Yeah, no, I mean, I think F45 really does do it right. I was thinking about your lotion thing and what you were saying. I was talking to my older brother about it because we're on regimens from Brenna and they're five steps. For a guy, that's a lot. For a girl, it is.

For a girl, too. What is the right amount of steps? I think obviously they want more steps i've never gotten so many compliments on my skin in my life i've never been someone who gets told they have good skin and every makeup artist that i talk to now like every single one i see in the past three years that i've just been washing my face and using this one thing nothing else i get constantly told you have what's the one thing can you not say because you want it to not run out?

The ordinary stuff? Yeah, yeah. The ordinary plant squalane. That's all I use. It's for everything. And it's just like I just – and I probably, you know, because I'm not exfoliating as much. I mean, I definitely do like masks and stuff here and there. And I shave my face like when I'm in the shower.

Dermoplane? So that probably exfoliates yeah dermaplane but i do it with you know andrew the same one as my i know everything about boyfriend's razor do you really i mean i would he doesn't he like hides his from me i think because he knows that i'm dirty and would probably use it like you know like all of his things are so neat we've been doing this thing on the girls chat where we go kirsten started it she like all of his things are so neat we've been doing this thing on the girls chat where we go kirsten started it she films all of cory her husband's things like they were on vacation and all of cory's like clothing were like neatly folded put over this chair perfectly just

everything was organized and she was like and she's filming it she's like cory's things over here and she goes my stuff my stuff and she just zooms in on herself yeah it would be such a funny tiktok trend to just show like the neat person the relationship and go it's good you should do that my stuff my stuff because i mean living with chris that is definitely us my stuff is everywhere and his is yeah i'm definitely the my stuff person in my relationship yeah there's no golf club or anything that like i i feel like your celebrity has to be to a certain point to invent or to put out a product that would actually be successful unless it really fills a need.

Like, I don't know. I'm trying to think like what could fill a need. I want a pair of pants that are athleisure for women that actually look not athleisure. I want a pair. That's what I want. And they don't exist. I want Lululemon to come out with jeans. I want some kind of like, I don't know what the in-between is.

It's funny. They have that for men. They have that for men at Lululemon. Commission pant. the in-between is men they have that for men at lululemon commission pan but i don't know if they have that yeah well that's what i'm saying men men can buy their entire wardrobe at lululemon and look really fucking good and dapper and like you're not going to go to a black tie function in lululemon but you can get pretty damn close to like date night a cocktail part like you can look handsome with a lululemon ensemble but as a woman you still can't

and they still have the best fabrics i just want them to figure it out how to make and and also i would make more i would make a sports bra because i have the best sports bras are ones that scoop down and they kind of give you a lift but they hold you in but they give you some cleavage and they scoop down i also have an idea for tank tops that's like there's certain clothing that i think i could do a good job on but i don't know if i have that little um i have that gene in me that's like i want to make things you know i i definitely know i don't that's just not the thing for me i mean i do watch shark tank a lot like i love i love shark i love the idea of i you know some of these things where it's like oh oh, the back massager that reaches farther,

like such little things that you think are already done. I mean, think about being an inventor 20 years ago or 30 years. It would have been so fucking easy. Now everything's done. Dude, their stuff right now, 30 years from now,

will be like, how did no one put wheels on luggage? They did not do that until like the 80s. Imagine. No one thought, let's put little wheels on this stuff like what other things in your life yeah could have wheels on it yeah when i was a kid we had a trunk that was like three thousand pounds like it weighed more than the stuff that's in it and that was and what yeah it's wild it was also like a casket if you died oh what a ridiculous

invention um yeah no i i yeah i like i like the idea of like a uh trying to think what would be like i need some i need to invent something that that here's some necessities out there if a good way to carry necklaces traveling haven't found yet. I even hired some organizers to redo my life. They gave me the best jewelry travel case, and it's still not good. The necklaces get all tangled. Yes, what? I got a good idea.

A little tiny clip for your socks so you never lose one sock. So you have the small, and so right before you put it in the dryer, or if you're putting it, it's the smallest little clip. So then they could wash yeah it's not that bad so i feel like you would lose those clips yeah you know what i'm saying well

maybe there's a little tray next to the washer that holds the clips or they're magnetic and they stick to the washer or something like that so you don't lose that i mean the amount of money i've spent on socks is extraordinary because I like a good sock and I get a lot of my socks from Lululemon, but like they, I feel like. Man, Amazon has the best socks. I have the, I buy like.

They're just white, like ankle socks, not even ankle socks, you know, just like the tab comes up just enough that they don't, your shoe doesn't, it doesn't slip inside your shoe. I love them. And it's good material. That's the problem with Sir Socks.

Yeah. All right. So maybe. Try them out. They're like $10. So you're not going to be too out if you buy them and don't like them. And I'll just take them if you don't like them because we were the same size, bro. That is true, brah.

All right. Let's go take a break and we'll come back with Fan Thrax. Hey, besties. It's your girl, Nikki. I am in Atlanta right now. As you know, today's episode was taped yesterday. But today is today and I am in Atlanta. I'm waiting for the Stevie show I'm taping to start.

And I'm laying on my couch in my trailer and using a bra as a face mask. But tomorrow my tour starts and I would love for you guys to come see me at some point during this tour. Tomorrow it is in Davenport, Iowa. That is going to be Friday. And then I am in another place in Iowa. Next week is Reno and four different cities in California. Then it's Vermont and another place in Vermont. I mean, Memphis, St. Louis, on and on and on. Go check out all the tour dates, NikkiGlazer.com. If you want to go alone, if you have no one to go with, I will give you a free meet and greet. And if you want to meet me, you can also buy a meet and greet at the merch booth, but I would love for you guys to come see the standup show. I'm so excited about this material i'm so excited to meet you guys it always makes me feel so good

when i hear besties in the crowd i can just feel it so would love your support on this tour and yeah i think you'll really love this stuff thanks for listening to the pod and thanks for supporting me always i love you john stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines.

Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, we're back. It's time for Fan mail via fanthrax thank you avi for that uh noah what do we have today who's writing to us what are they saying what do they want so many besties leave us voicemails and i just want to say thank you so much for all of them thank you guys all right let's start with a misheard lyric here is amy hi nikki andrew and noah um i was just listening to the pod from last week

and a listener called in with their misheard lyric so i thought I'd call in with mine. When I was a kid, one of my favorite movies was Mrs. Doubtfire. And there's a scene where Robin Williams is cleaning the house and vacuuming and dancing around. And the song by Aerosmith, Dude Looks Like a Lady is playing. and we all thought that it was do the funky lady so my mom and my aunt and my cousins and all of my younger siblings all thought it was do the funky lady and maybe my mom and my aunt knew the actual lyric and just didn't tell us i don't know but that was a thing growing up that when we were vacuuming or cleaning a lot of times we would sing to each other do the funky lady and um it was just kind of a thing and i probably learned in my 20s that that was not the correct lyric and that it was dude looks like a lady um yeah which makes a lot more sense i learned it late too movie so that's my story love you guys bye love you amy thank you i always thought it was do look

like a lady like you should look like do look like a lady like like they were insisting so i didn't know was dude looks like a lady until very late too and i was kind of disturbed that it was that i was like what is this song but i don't know the other verses to it should we listen should we see what those verses yeah i don't know what the is it about transgender is it about Should we listen? Should we see what those verses were? Is it about transgender? Is it about something along? We're about to find out. Okay, so the lyrics are dude looks like a lady, dude looks like a lady, dude looks like a lady, dude looks

like a lady, cruising to a bar on the shore. Yeah, cruising to a bar on the shore. Her picture graced the grime on the door. She's a long lost love at first bite. Baby, maybe you're wrong, but you know it's all right. That's right. Backstage, we're having the time of our lives

until somebody says, forgive me if I seem out of line. Then she whipped out a gun and tried to blow me away. So never judge a book by its cover or who you gonna love by your lover. Love put me wise to her love in disguise. She had the body of a Venus. Lord, imagine my surprise. Let me take a peek, dear imagine my surprise let me take a

peek dear baby let me follow you down do me do me do me all night baby let me follow you down turn the other cheek dear uh do me do me do me what oh and then holy shit amy it says what a funky lady oh one of the lyrics it is dude looks like a lady but there is a part where he does say what a funky lady oh she like it she like it she like it oh he was a lady and so i guess this is about um steven tyler being tricked by or feeling uh tricked by someone a very um you know, passing transgender woman that, you know, looked really good, which, you know, many of them really do. And you would never, ever know

that they were born a different gender, that they aren't in their soul. So I guess that's what it's about. And he doesn't seem to be mad about it. He's just like, wow, they got me. He loved her body. He loved her body. He loved her body. She had a body of Venus, yeah.

But it is very apropos for Mrs. Doubtfire. Any thoughts before moving on? I need to watch that movie again. That's what makes me feel. That movie is so fucking good. The whole time? The whole time? The whole time? When his nose falls off, yeah.

Yes, and drive-by fruiting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just remember that's where I learned about hot flashes. All right, let's get to the next one. Okay, next one comes from Lauren. Hi, Nikki, Noah, and Andrew. I was just calling in to tell a very funny story. I have been using the word cuh a lot lately and telling my husband all about what it means.

And today we were in the car driving home from a pumpkin patch, which, yes, is very cuh, but that's not the point. We're listening to your podcast, and it was at the end, and you all were saying, okay, don't be cuh. And I just sort of shouted out okay don't be ca and i i just sort of shouted out don't be ca and my two-year-old in the back seat goes ca so i just thought you would think it was funny that um you know the next generation will start using the word pretty frequently all right um all the swells bye hi sweetie you're so sweet i love your voice wait what was her name lauren lauren um that makes me so happy i hope your child knows what it means it's just so perfect to say it's just like it's

just and people say i really do say involuntary sometimes i say it all the time my new thing because i sometimes you can't say it out loud. I just go, I hold a peace sign. Like, like I just go, like Chris and I were watching something the other day and I kept, Oh, Oh, we were listening to,

Oh, we're listening to some lyrics or something. It might've been Taylor Swift. And I kind of was going, yeah, cause there was a little bit of like references to drinking. And I was just like, yeah, yeah, but, uh, little bit of like references to drinking and I was just like, yeah,

yeah, yeah, but, but that's what, that's how I feel about any drinking of like, I'm going to drink my problems, but I love Taylor and I'm,

I love all her music and I, she can, she doesn't seem to have a drinking problem, so I invite it, but do not listen to Taylor's music.

You're a Swifty out there and go like, she's glamorizing drinking she has she's a drink she's a responsible drinker if you get blackout drunk you don't drink like taylor swift does and i think that i would have probably in my 20s been like taylor drinks i'll keep drinking but taylor puts out album after album she's not you know like the the the alcoholic i was but i think you know sometimes we like look for excuses like well this person drinks it's like yeah but they don't have a problem with it they just like

it to let loose and you'd like it to escape your problems and to not have to work uh okay so let's get to the next fan fix all right next one um anonymous, but has a question. No joking. The hacking site. What do you guys think about baby on board signs on the back of people's cars? Hot or not? You know, annoying or helpful? I don't know.

What do they want us to do with that information? I don't know. Just let me know. Feels a little like a brag. What do you guys think? Just a baby. just a baby just a baby it's like i wasn't gonna hit your car until i found out there was a baby in it like yeah is it a way to tell people to drive more careful maybe i guess it is kind of a brag like we get it yeah there's

three babies on board um i think it's just someone who's just so worried that something's gonna, like they're just an anxious OCD person and they need to cover every base. I could see myself maybe doing that if I had a kid, but I wouldn't because I know how, I mean, baby on board signs were maybe the first thing

I heard standup comedians make fun of in the 80s. It was such a trope of baby on board signs were maybe the first like thing I heard standup comedians make fun of like in the eighties, you know, like it was such a trope of like baby on board. The fact that they still exist is so, it's almost like, I don't know, like, uh, like those, like Kirby was here or like, oh yeah. Like, uh, um, Calvin pissing on a ford logo or something it's just so antiquated yeah i even like that more i would like a calvin pissing on a baby on board sign that would really confuse people dead baby on board well what about what if what about the people that put those stick figures of their family i mean i think those are definitely

gone away they're not like cool anymore but they used to do that all the time and that's a little bit of being like i have kids in this car and it's like we know you're driving a shitty minivan why would you drive that other than having kids that would be weird baby on board is like a dog beware dog like to guys trying to fuck the person driving they're like you know i? Like it keeps guys from trying to hit on you while you're driving. It's like, wait, dogs keep guys

from hitting on you? No, so like, you don't want to, you don't want to rob a house that says beware dog because the dog will attack you and there's a dog there.

You don't want to hit on a woman driving like a nice car because there's a baby on board. Like it's like kind of saying, hey, I'm taking. But I guess, that's a funny premise,

but you don't get that hit on when you're driving, I would say. But I guess if someone's maybe going to carjack you, they're like, I don't want to deal with a baby. That could be a carjacking to try. That's not a bad idea. Okay. I like that. And you know, the carjackings are up. So maybe we should all get baby on board sides because I definitely don't think carjackers want to deal with a baby.

No, it's worse than the wheel the fucking lock that everyone had well i know what you're talking about but it's so funny there's two things no there's two things what is that called that is almost as old as the baby on board signs. You put it across the steering wheel. It had a name. Wait, did it have like a snake type name? No, this is two different things. Okay, why do you think you... The Venom thing was a snake,

was a car alarm that was trying to be sold. And the commercial was a snake coming at you going... Oh, I remember that. The club. The club. The club remember that. The club. The club. The club. Yes. The club.

Duh. But I do remember that snake being like a serpent coming out like... Wait, what commercial was that? That was so creepy. Dude, everyone remembers. It was green. Wait, what was it for?

Did you say what it was for? Car alarm, I think. Okay, yeah. It was a green Car alarm, I think. Oh, okay. Yeah, it was a green snake. And I remember being like, man, if they could actually put a rattler, like a hologram rattlesnake in my car. Because it was always just like. And it was just so creepy.

Like a hologram of like Kanye yelling about Jews in the front seat. I'm like, all right, I'll go to the next car. I'll go to the next car. The club, though. The club and Baby on Board, this is a throwback episode. I think the club is still alive and well. I think the club is still doing numbers. I mean, it seemed like, yeah, they have a proprietary lock on that.

Because I see when I typed in steering wheel lock, it's only the club. I mean, there's maybe a couple other things, but the club is still, they locked it down, man. Yeah, that pad's airtight. Yeah. Oh, but you know what? I actually heard from my Uber driver the other day. He was like, do you own a Kia?

Because we saw this. On Hondas. Okay, apparently in St. Louis, the big thing is that people steal cars and they just joyride them around, crash them, and then abandon them. They just want to drive around. It's insane because now Kias, you can open them with a phone charger.

You just put a phone charger into the ignition. You pop off the little plastic thing, and they all are able to start by using your phone. This guy taught me how to do it, and he was like, you own a Kia? I was like, no, and he's like, good. I guess you've heard. I was like, no, I like no and he's like good i guess you've heard and i was like no i just don't want to get you but like what he was like he really was like teaching he's like people just joy route ride into them around like i always thought they steal for them for the parts but we on the way to the airport the conversation started

because there was just like this abandoned car in the middle of the road it had crashed and the people had run away from it we thought we were going to see dead bodies but the they just they just drive them around in the crash it's so funny that's what you're risking 20 years of your life it's like steal a ferrari and drive it around like a crazy like the funny thing is like a kia doesn't get to 65 miles per hour like you're not even going to enjoy it go to a go-kart track like what is this yeah yeah go to the supermarket and take one of those you know yeah the ones for the older women ride around in that get on a shopping cart and go downhill for a little while i guess is the thing that boggles my mind is like why would someone risk

getting caught just for a joy ride like i want if they're making parts or they're selling it or they're using it but i guess i bet bessie's will ride in and be like well they're using those cars to run drugs or there's going to be some other reason but i have heard that they just do it to joyride a little bit in the shittiest car possible like go rent a car um i guess that would cost money okay let's get to the next one i have one more baby themed uh voicemail from danielle hey nikki andrew and noah this is danielle from maryland i graduated from college last may and in college i was a nanny part-time and i watched a lot of one-year-olds so when nikki was talking about her face masks and how she needs like a dozen of them yeah so that if she loses one in the night she has another one to grab on to like it reminded me of every one year old i took care

of because they would need a million pacifiers yeah in their crib all over the place or else they would have a total meltdown if they woke up and they didn't have one. Aw, I like that I reminded you of a baby. Jack-o'-lantern. Jack-o'-lantern. It's cool that she called from one of those inside skydiving things. That was cool. We love an adventure.

I'm just a vision. Yeah. Oh, man, the pacifier. What do you do? You drop it on the machine no it's like babies are just need them you know all the time so like sometimes parents will throw like a bunch of pacifiers because the baby will lose it and then its arm will eventually hit one and it'll find it again um but yeah i've seen parents drop a pacifier like outside on the

on the sidewalk and go straight back no it doesn't fucking matter because babies used to live in the environment and like each like we didn't used to have jessica alba's honest brand company to clean your babies every orifice it doesn't matter i dropped my invisalign on the ground the other day at this show and chris saw me and i put it in his pocket and he was like yeah don't put that back in and he didn't know that it was just i was putting in his pocket because i had to go on stage but i would have put it back his pocket and he was like, yeah, don't put that back in. And he didn't know that it was just, I was putting it in his pocket because I had to go on stage, but I would have put it back. And then later on I go, can I get my Invisalign? And I put it back in my mouth and he goes,

ah, why are you doing that? And I go, because it doesn't matter. I can't see, it delicately fell on the ground. It's not like it fell into a pile of vomit. It just fell on the ground. It doesn't matter. And people are probably like, oh, Nikki, there's shit on people's shoes. There's shit on every fucking surface that you that you use if

you open a gate with your hand if you touch a doorknob unless you're washing your hands all the time you have shit on you and unless i can taste the shit unless i can see it i don't care and i wish i'm telling you i don't think i'm better than people who are i honestly think i'm worse off i don't know what's wrong with me i wish i cared i i wish that i had the foresight to think this is gross what i'm about to do but i already started putting in my mouth and it was too late if i would have stopped him and like oh yeah he already knew i was gross and i'm sticking it out because guess what that's just who i am i don't care wish I cared. I don't think about germs. I don't think about them. Let me just say, if I pet a dog or a cat, I feel the

dander on my hands and I will not touch my face, touch anything until I get it off. I'm aware when I have actual grime on my hands, but this imaginary germs that everyone's freaking out about, if you can't taste it or see it or feel it or you don't know that you've just touched someone who's sick chill out and i am gross so you're probably right and i probably have

but i don't that was days ago i'm fine and i put it in this light i dropped in the ground in my mouth but babies i i noticed that too my sister would just pop it fall on the ground and she'd pop it back in but i think parents are so conditioned that like carrots drop on the ground. Kids are picking up things constantly from the ground and putting them in their mouths. What does it matter if this binky falls two seconds on the ground and they pick it up? They know better. Parents know better than us. So when I first saw that, I was like, I guess I'm right.

Yeah. Yeah. They hear a baby cry enough. You're going to. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if it falls into cow shit. Just so your baby can shut the fuck up. Let's go to break and come back with more FanTracks.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition, on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Alright, let's get back into it. More messages, please. Alright, we have to hear this story from Rochelle. Hey, Nikki, Andrew, and Noah. I'm calling about the topic you had a few weeks

ago about awkward moments like when you're watching TV and things like that. I used to work with a girl who cheated on her boyfriend with one of our supervisors and it was caught on camera. After that, the boyfriend worked with us, too. And after that, everybody in the office knew, but he still decided to take her back. And so it was a little bit awkward because the supervisor was around, he was around, but they got on with it. Then we got tickets for Rihanna because we had a corporate box

and we all went to see her together, including the boyfriend. And everything was great. We had free drinks, food, everything, until Unfaithful came on. And then everybody just froze and just stared directly at the stage and it was super, super awkward

and I could, oh, it was horrible. I was sweating through the entire song. Thank you for everything. I've quit weed because of you. I've stopped starving because of you. Thank you for being so honest. Absolutely love the pod. Jack Office War.

Jack what? Office War? Oh Jack Office War. Jack what? Jack what? Office War? Oh, Office War. Or Office something? Or Jack Off at War? Either War or Whore. Holy shit. Probably War.

Thank you so much for those last things you said. That really touched me in a way that made my, I almost started crying. It was so nice. No, but that is so funny and uncomfortable. And like, we've all been there i love these stories of like and for those people to still get on and like we just talked about it on yesterday's episode about couples who like will cheat and then the person will forgive them and

like how awkward that is when you everyone knows that he cheated so the lyrics to the song are because i'm not familiar with unfaithful, story of my life, searching for the right, but it keeps avoiding me. Sorrow in my soul, because it seems that wrong, really loves my company. He's more than a man, and this is more than love. The reason that the sky is blue. The clouds are rolling in, because I'm gone again. And to him, I just can't be true. And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful, and it kills him inside.

To know that I am happy with some other guy. I can see him dying. Who's his boss? I don't want to do this anymore. I'm unfaithful and it kills him inside to know that I am happy with some other guy. I can see him dying. Who's his boss? I don't want to do this anymore. Okay, I know this song now. I don't want to be the reason. Oh my God.

That is so, those lyrics. I wanted to read the lyrics because I was like, how literal does this song fucking get? And it's very. I mean, how does he stay with her how does he do it how does he not people do it all the time Andrew it's the boss you're just looking over there I know

because they convince themselves the other person was the perpetrator and that yeah they just make that person the demon yeah like that's how you get on with it yeah or the or he accounted or she you know really accounted for it and maybe i don't know i don't want to judge people i don't think once a cheater always a cheater at all and i think that people do cheat sometimes because they it's a symptom of the relationship just being over and

they don't know how to end it and they're not strong enough to. And sometimes that can just wake the other person up and make them realize that they don't want to lose the person they're with. Like, I don't think cheating, if you stay with someone who cheated on you, I have no judgment. But it is awkward if we go see Rihanna together and they sing that song

and the guy you cheated with is right next to us. It's going to be weird. She's like, I got a raise and I bought you a new Kia. Like, I like the idea that like he's like but someone's joyriding out in it right now yeah i yeah i mean i i couldn't i couldn't do it but yeah i don't i mean look if it you don't know you don't know if you could do it or not you don't know you don't know i think i'm too much of a little bitch to be able to do it i don't think oh like you would just be so scared that everyone felt sorry for you kind of thing yeah every day i would every day going to work

i would just overthink the fact that everyone knows i kind of would love it because i know this is sick but i would be like nice try bitch uh i he's still mine because i would just be like i wouldn't feel like if it's your boss though if it's your boss no i feel like they would just be like, I wouldn't feel like cucked. If it's your boss, though? If it's your boss? No, I feel like they would just work together. Is that what she said? I felt like it was just another co-worker. No, no, no, it was the supervisor. The supervisor.

And Rochelle worked with all of them. So the girlfriend cheated on her boyfriend who works under the supervisor with the supervisor. Yeah. Sounds like it. Oh, I would love it. If my boss tried to fuck my boyfriend on her boyfriend who works under the supervisor with the supervisor yeah sounds like oh i would love it if my boss tried to fuck my boyfriend and then we all work together and he's your boyfriend did fuck your boyfriend yeah did well well tried to be with him try like fucked him and like tried to be with him and he chose me over her i win bitch and i know you think you're better than me

because you make more money than me and you're my boss but you really don't have love and i got that i would feel so victorious wow man maybe it's because i've been on the other side of things and i know how it feels when he doesn't leave the person for you it feels really shitty and so that person should feel victorious if your boy if your guy stayed with you when he could have left you for someone else you should feel you if i will tell you as the woman that has not been chosen over the girlfriend or whoever it does feel shitty but imagine imagine if you were at work with that person every day every day i'm not kidding you i would feel victorious i wouldn't care i would be like yeah if it was just a if it

was a drunken thing i could forgive it i'm not you listen i don't know their situation just like i said you don't know how you'd feel i don't know how i'd feel but i predict if if i had a boyfriend who cheated on me with someone else and he it made him come to his senses and he was like i love you i want to be with you i choose you i'm so'm so sorry I did that. And this girl still, I know secretly, if she fucked him, she'd pine over him because that's what women do. I would feel like, nice try, bitch, even though you're my boss. And I know that you're going to be so fucking nice to me the rest of the time I work. You're never going to be able to boss me around ever again because you fucked my boyfriend. So I actually have the upper hand, boss. That's how I would feel. Maybe I'm wrong. Well, I think you're looking at it like the boss still wants to fuck her and still wants to date her.

Now, the other way is the boss fucked her and doesn't even care about her and would spit on her and doesn't give a shit about her. And yet you're with her. That's a whole nother thing. Then you're projecting onto that a different thing. I think that the boss likes her. No, but I'm just saying that. I know I'm projecting a different thing, but I'm saying'm just saying that i know i'm projecting a different thing but i'm saying that could easily be the scenario as well well but then but then you

wouldn't still be with the person if my boyfriend fucked the boss and then he was wouldn't take it a rihanna concert with for it with a box seat if that was the case yeah no that's how much he's kissing ass you're so right they wouldn't they wouldn't try to show off by getting a box seat unless they were still into the girl here's my thing if my boss fucked my boyfriend and for whatever reason my boyfriend the boss rejected my boyfriend yes yes fuck that i wouldn't be with them anymore that would it wouldn't be about me being like i don't want to seem like a little cuck bitch i wouldn't want to be with someone who wanted someone more than me in the end but i understand them possibly venturing out if our relationship is such shit i like i i understand

how cheating happens i i guess i shouldn't and i'm sure people are gonna be like that's not cool nikki but i i don't know i don't think once a cheater always a cheater i think it's sometimes just like all people can do i feel uh sad that that's what people have to resort to but people are weak man all right let's get to final thought that was a fun one yeah that was good okay more office gossip if you guys got it yeah more yeah more drama sending all the drama all right here's a message from bianca hi, Besties. This is Bianca from Philly. I'm just giving a quick call because I just heard Naomi, Bestie, talking about the Just Yet saga in her interview process. And I've been in the interview process for the last three and a half months.

And it has been the most stressful process of my life. And I've had so many just yet emails. So I just wanted to shed some light and give some Naomi some grace here because I know the feeling of checking your email every single day. I got the we don't have a decision just yet. I got that email probably weekly for about three weeks after I had been through every single interview until they finally made a decision. This Monday, it was me and another candidate and I did not get the job and I was really, really, really upset and heartbroken. But to be completely honest, the relief I felt of not having to check my email every day and not having my future be in someone else's hands

was really, really a nice feeling. So it made that decision, that sad moment in my life a lot better. And just know that it's not you. It's never you. The hiring market is literally absurd right now. They are doing too many things and their hiring isn't a priority. So because it's a just yet, it's because they're going to get around to it. Yes. That's how I felt. Yeah. So I don't think it's a specific timeline but deep breaths and man's helping bestie love you guys bye i feel like the yes that's such a good message thank you so much for that i need to hear that too support i feel like the last story goes with that story like the idea of like i'm gonna keep this boss would have fucked your boyfriend anyway well no like the idea of like rather than looking for a new job i'll just

keep just staying this one the market is shit the market is shit i'm staying here bosses aren't hiring it right now because they're busy fucking their employees boyfriends they're typing just yet wow fucking just that's really nice for you to write in and i hope that naomi got that message because man that is so true like when i'm waiting for the word on something when you finally get the word that it's not happening what a relief that you don't have this like to do it yeah fist over your like ready to pounce on you like you just feel like finally you pulled the band bandaid off and you don't have to keep checking.

That is a relief that I don't think about. That's great. Um, one more. Sure. Uh, here's here. Let's see one from Jonathan.

Hello, Nikki, Noah and Andrew. It is your bestie. Jonathan. Oh, hello. I am sending you a fan.

I remember this voice. You guessed it. A vocal your bestie, Jonathan. Oh, hello. I am sending you a fan chat. I remember this voice. You guessed it. A vocal rest, bitch. Yes. I feel like it is so funny because I was told I will have to have a vocal court surgery that very day you came back from your vocal rest. I was in the hospital just listening to your after surgery episode with this robot, trying not to laugh my

ass off when the doctor said I will have to stop yapping my job also requires a lot of talking so I believe I know how you feel I also get how you were feeling on that Taylor Swift party since I was the first day after my voice lift listening to your IG life desperately trying not to sing. I love your Instagram live sound the pod. And since I can't do anything, I am watching all of your specials. F boy island. And tomorrow I want to start welcome home.

Nikki Glaser question mark. Exclamation mark. Waiting for your tour around Europe. I love you all. Hope you have all the swells and that I wasn't 2K. waiting for your tour around Europe. I love you all. Hope you have all the swells and that I wasn't too gay. J, J, J, J, Jared. I, Jared, thank you for writing to us from the halls of Cambridge.

I mean, I love that Sir Ian McKellen was able to write to us. Like. Jared, I automatically think you are a studied man, like a philosopher that voice. I wonder what you had to have vocal rest or like why you had to have vocal cord surgery. I'm guessing because you had polyps that I wonder how bad it was. I would love to hear an update when you get your voice back.

Stay the course. I want to know if you're dreaming silent because that's what happened to me like it took about three days before my dreams became like i couldn't talk in them i wonder um how soon after are you waking up in the morning and not having to re-remind yourself not to talk like you just wake up and you know you don't talk like there are still some times now where i will have long stretches of not talking and i will do something like, and I'll go, oh my God, shit, because I will, I will be back in the habit of not talking.

And then I will make a little noise or a grunt or something and I'll go, oh shit. Um, so I, it's really, I really enjoy being quiet. And I, it was a nice reminder to get that from jared because i kind of envy him right now because it was really like a really interesting time to have to think about everything you said before you said it which has never been the case for anyone how often there's so few times where you like plan what you're gonna say and are like i'm gonna say this it's always like just talking and literally everything when i was on voice rest was like, is this important enough? And then I would have to write it out. And it was just, you got to, it's, it's an interesting time and it's a good exercise. Some people might try

it in their own lives. If you're just feeling a little strained in your voice, you could maybe try a voice rest day and just see how it goes. If you try not to talk as long as you can. And if you have to interact with people, just hold up a sign that says I'm on voice rest. People understand immediately. And even if you're not, just, you know, it could be self-imposed. So try it out. Thank you so much for all the Fanthraxes.

It was so fun. I love hearing from you guys. Have such a great weekend. Have all the swells. Don't be cuh. And Jack Lemmon. Jared. Grumpy old men.

Shout out. Oh, they alive. One of us, right? No, they're both dead. Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon. They both passed. That was a good movie. Rest in peace.

And grumpier old men. Also a great movie. Yeah, and grumpiest. We never got to it. One day. They're making it in heaven. I heard it's on backtrack. No, stop this.

I'm just going to go on forever. Stop. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top

headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.