The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #292 Amanta Ray

Episode Date: November 4, 2022

Nikki still wishes at 11:11 but it takes her a minute to think of something. Andrew talks about his sad wish as a little boy and how he would look like a cast member of Love Is Blind when he made it. Nikki loves that Taylor Swift's tour announcement created a toss up of wedding dates. Andrew shares an awkward story about an ex's family which reminds them of a story about a crappy security guard. Want to learn how to survive a crowd crush? Nikki finally found some answers. In Fanthrax, Besties leave messages about a phrase used incorrectly, arguing with a partner, turning into a Swiftie and a challenge for Nikki. ---- Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Get Pod Merch: Podshop.NikkiGlaser.com Nikki's Tour Dates: www.nikkiglaser.com/tour Andrew's Tour Dates: www.andrewcollincomedy.com   More Nikki: IG More Andrew: IG  More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Had enough of this country? Ever dreamt about starting your own? I planted the flag. This is mine. I own this. It's surprisingly easy. Here are 55 gallons of water for 500 pounds the flag. This is mine. I own this. It's surprisingly easy. There are 55 gallons of water, 500 pounds of concrete.

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Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Gl is Stan. Binge the whole season on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. Welcome to the show. It's Thursday. I'm in Los Angeles because my boyfriend has a job here and I'm living here right now

in case you missed the explanation yesterday. Andrew is in St. Louis. Noah is in Arizona. It's a beautiful day here. I haven't been outside, I'm not going to lie. From the looks of it through the window, it's a beautiful day. It is 10 a.m. Make-A-Wish. Wait, we don't do that at 10 a beautiful day. It is 10, 10 a.m.

Make a wish. Wait, we don't do that at 10, 10. Do you guys do 11, 11, make a wish? Um, no. I don't think I've ever done it. I used to. Maybe back in the day. Oh, you did?

What would you wish for? Do you ever make a, well, it's not going to come true, Andrew, if she tells you. Even the ones years ago. She's not going to get that pony showing up at her doorstep tomorrow. Wait, what about... Can you imagine if it came true? We just heard... No, really?

Off camera. And we're like... In New York City. Oh, my God. And finally... She's in Arizona, but that's fine. No, I'm saying when she did the wish. Oh, when she did...

Oh, yeah, yeah. Have you heard of holding your breath through a tunnel i thought i do that just like naturally i think like because of ocd like i just always do the thing of like my sister will die if i don't hold my breath if i can't hold my breath until we get out of the there's something you know like some cemetery if you're driving past it thumb up at the cemetery and hold your breath oh and hold your breath thumbs like you approve of these dead people like you're going to heaven and they're dead stupid they're dead that's so dumb you're like like heaven like you got like why add that it's just that'd be so funny

if you held your breath for like the longest cemetery like it's like you know the arlington cemetery and you hold it so long. You're like David Blaine style. And someone's like, but sorry, you didn't put your thumb up. And they're like, what the fuck?

Yeah. You're going to hell now. Little thing. Um, yeah, I'm birthday candles. Um, you know,

uh, eyelash on your nose, uh, 11, 11. I take those wishes very seriously. I don't know why. None of it's ever happened,

but I always do them and I always like really concentrate hard and try to get it in before 11-12 because then I feel like it doesn't happen. But I do, I do, I don't know. I feel like- Do you have to keep making the wish until the minute turns?

Does that take a one minute wish? No, but it usually takes me so long to figure out what I want for a wish because the like the minute turns does that's like a one no but it usually takes me so long to figure out what I want for a wish because it usually starts selfish and then it start then it goes to like a thing that I

know is not really gonna improve my life and then it goes to something yeah too big and then it goes to something that I'm like okay and then right that it switches to

eleven twelve and I'm like fuck and then I gotta wait and you know another twelve hours or twenty I just want a free eye perm or like fuck and then i gotta wait and you know another 12 hours or 24 i just want a free eye perm or like it just ends up just being the most like just half off something like very like yeah not even a full like my wish wouldn't even be like i i don't even like expect that for myself yeah i don't deserve it i wish i didn't have to make a wish. Yeah. It's always sad when, um,

in this book that I read, um, I'm glad my mom died by Jeanette McCurdy. She talks about the opening scene is her making a wish with her birthday candles that her mom would stay alive, which is ironic because the name of the book, but like her mom got cancer when she was young and she always used to wish that her mom would just keep living. And like,

it just, it kind of is about how she was always living for her mom and really thought that she could keep her mom alive, keep her mom happy. I'm trying to think of what I wish for as a kid with, did I have any of those really sad wishes, like liar, liar? The kid's like, I wish for one day dad couldn't tell a lie. Were they ever, tragic ones? Like, I wish that, you know, my parents didn't drink tonight. Or, you know, some kind of, like, tragic.

Really? I remember I prayed. I remember I looked in the mirror and I was crying, praying to God that my parents wouldn't fight. And, like, literally, like, it was, yeah. I don't know. Did you know it was adorable? I definitely, like, put some visina. You looked to the mirror because you like wanted to see love is blind yeah i know that guy comes back don't count him out don't count andrew out yeah no yeah i do remember doing that i remember just being like

yeah yeah like squeeze them out. You don't know what Andrew's referencing. Love is blind. There's this guy, Andrew, who proposes to Nancy and he gets rejected and he's in the confessional, you know, like where they shoot just like them by themselves.

And he's there. And he's talking about how sad he is that Nancy rejected his proposal. And then he's like, can you hold on one minute to like the producer? And he probably just thought this is what people do on tv because he was seemed so like can you just hold on was like he puts like eye drops in his eyes and he just squeezes them and is like okay i'm ready and he's like i just really love nancy and rejection hurts and then he goes wait can i do some more and the guy goes you hear the producer go i mean if your eyes are dry and itchy and he's like

no yeah we both know like but then the producer kept it in it was so embarrassing it was so embarrassing but i guess maybe sometimes that is how reality shows do it you know like i'm sure that they do give them fake drops and then that guy just got screwed because that producer was like no this is better tv to leave this in that he is a faker um but it was just such a lame moment in tv it just made you like sad for this guy like and he's like a rich guy who's like really good at business and you could tell he just thought he was like nailing it i know he feels uh i i didn't really like him i felt like he he's like i'm a photographer i took time i don't he just felt very braggadocious the whole time to me so like the tears the fake tears

made perfect sense like you're selling yourself you're selling a lie he like loves talking about traveling to africa like he was doing like you know like he made so much money that it wasn't it wasn't for him anymore like i made too much money that it wasn't it wasn't for him anymore like i made too much money and it wasn't my passion but now photographing or whatever what is he doing like but he comes back don't worry don't count him out we see him again um and i and the second time i saw him i was like i like this guy old tier because and because uh i was watching it with chris and chris is like oh man could this guy come back and like save the day here and i go don't forget the teardrop incident he goes oh fuck we don't like this guy i forgot like yeah yeah you really like learn who to like and not like on this show and

then you yeah we watched more alone last night that show is so freaking good i can't tell you enough like no you would love it it's just like it's really minimalist tv these people are just only filming themselves it's all blair witch style with like their gopros but it's well done and this one guy quit last night i'm not gonna tell you this guy quit last night and he was there was nothing wrong with him his his cabin he made he made a cabin from just it i mean it was incredible it had a door he made a hinge out of wood he carved his like family's initials in it to like and he made a little coat hanger he made like a shelf inside like he decked this thing out and then he just couldn't handle the emotional feelings that were coming up for him being alone because he lost his daughter she was four years old and had a heart defect and um she died and he just the whole time he was just staying busy whereas

everyone else is like trying to just it's food or shelter like that is what they're doing nothing else and this guy was like i'm gonna make a pipe i just feel like making a pipe and seeing if i can do it i want to see if i can smoke this weird, um, a nissiness weed or whatever. And, um, so he makes a pipe and he's like whittling. He's like, if I stay busy, then I won't think. And then he was like, the thing is your hands can be busy, but your mind is still going. And he, he sets up the camera and he's like, I don't ever talk about this to anyone. I'm a private person. I don't have many friends i don't you know i keep this stuff in my family but um i just want to talk about my daughter and he tells the whole story he's just sitting there alone with the camera with the beautiful mountainscape in the background in

the lake and um he just in his house that he built it was it was so cute i'm so i was so mad when he tapped out i was like no that house it was so good i wanted to live out. I was like, no, that house. It was so good. I wanted to live in it. I was like, is it an escrow? What's happening with it? I'm sure it's Airbnb right now. Yeah. It was so cool.

But the show is interesting because these really burly, manly men who can survive for however. He built that place because he's like, I'm going to be here here a while i don't want to do some shabby shelter like the others are kind of making shelters that maybe aren't as like sturdy and like long term and he had his head like plumbing and like a chimney and um but he was like coming on the show i thought nothing ever could get me to tap out nothing and he was like but i can't escape thinking about my daughter and i can't handle it and when i'm around my family i can see my daughter in my son's face in my wife's face but i can't see her anywhere so she just is i don't get any relief from the grief here and he just he tapped out because of grief of something that happened many years ago and it

was like how fucking interesting this burly manly man who doesn't talk about his feelings though yeah because you're you have experience working on reality television like how much time is that in in actual time not tv time well this show do you think he was very accurate 13 days exactly because they this is about a competition of like how long they've been there and you see the boat pull away and it's like day one it starts and so this was maybe this was like 18 days in like between 13 and 18 days and he just couldn't take it anymore he was like i can't stay busy enough he wasn't hungry he wasn't having health issues like some people are getting poisoned by berries they eat and they're like throwing up everything and like

worried they're gonna die some people are you know they get too cold they they starve there's bear attacks like it's too dangerous this guy's like chilling in his cabin but i was just like good like this is an example of like that emotions need to be addressed like your mental state is like no matter how strong you are physically no matter how much you have if, no matter how much you have, if you don't have that, you will tap out of winning $500,000 that this guy had a big opportunity to win. He couldn't handle it anymore just being alone with his thoughts.

How long do you think you guys could stay away from home? And what would you miss? What would be the break point? Forever. Because that's my life. My life is staying. I feel at home away from home. Years.

But I would need to see people. Like I would have to see my friends. I would have to see, I would have to FaceTime. I would have to, those kinds of things they don't have the luxury of on the show. But like I don't get really homesick.

I'm so used to being away from home. But if you stop working, that's the whole thing. That's what I get, work sick. Yeah stop working that's the whole thing that's what i get work sick yeah so that's what happened to that guy like we yeah yeah i miss residence ends in on the side of highways in rural uh you know yeah that guy's like i guess i could build another house like he's like it is funny where he's just like you know my air conditioner is not working well i gotta go home like like he built it too good like there's like the point of the show is just like he's

he's like not even struggling anymore because he built like a three bedroom like yeah he's like he's just he's he's like his contractor is late coming over and he's annoyed he's yeah yeah yeah there's nothing to watch on his DVD player made of wood. Yeah. They're not putting out enough new releases. He can't. There's no red box in the woods. Yeah, his flat screen isn't flat enough.

I feel like, so what was he eating? Like, what would he do for food? Yeah, fish. Did he just fish? Yeah just fish okay so they're right by the water yeah yeah but it's not easy to fish oh these guys like they have to build one guy built a pier so that he could get out because it's very shallow for a really long time and the waves are so crashing that you can't walk out and fish so one guy built a pier and like brought out a pier another guy built a boat which is insane, another guy set a trot line,

um, which I don't even like who, someone who is listening to what that means. I mean, I'm learning a lot about like wilderness and what berries, like it's a very informative show to like little things come up at the bottom of the screen that teach you about, you know,

grizzly bears being five times stronger than a human man. And we're like five times that's just five yeah i thought it'd be way more but these people build these cabins to prevent grizzly bears and then they have a an opening for a door this guy's only one with a door with a latch because it's like unheard of he just did it for fun he's like i don't know if my wife were here i think she'd want a latch he was just kept thinking about what his wife would want. And so he, they're all talking about their wives so much. It's so sweet. They're all like, maybe when I get home, I'll shave my beard.

My wife might like that because it's good for when I'm sipping water because all the mustache filters out the gross stuff. So it's really good for survivalists have like a bushy mustache like hanging down because it like filters the grit and he's like but my wife really it's not good for kissing my wife so maybe i'll maybe i'll shave my beard when i go home i mean they're just talking to themselves all day long it's so fast maybe when i go down with my wife it filters her vagina so it's pretty nice oh my god one time he was cleaning a fish and i saw him smell his fingers and i was like i missed him stopping at the lock too is so funny to me like the idea

of like him like i guess i won't go in there you know like it's chris like he can knock the door down but he's like picking the lock nice and gentle. Speaking of locks, did I tell you my sister got her cars stolen? Stolen? Does she have a Kia or a Hyundai? Did you hear what I said? Cars. Cars.

Two? Two cars. Oh, my God. Two cars were stolen in one night. Yes, because my sister, they were bringing in groceries from the car, and she thought husband got her purse and she didn't she had the kids and everything so she just brought in the kids and a couple groceries and then her husband got the rest of the groceries and left her purse out she left her purse out there and they came by and i guess it was unlocked they got her purse and then they were like oh my god the other car is right here so both of their cars got stolen but they found her car with

her person at yesterday a few blocks from their place with everything in it and it was been missing this happened a week ago and they just found it yesterday a couple blocks away and everything was in it it's a christmas miracle like a joyride they went for a joyride yeah what kind of cars is here what do they have um that's a good super have? Both cars were found? I think both cars were found. I don't know the full story. Hold on. No, apparently in St. Louis, there's a Kia lot that all the Kias are being brought to.

There's just a bunch of stolen Kias in one lot. If you lose your car, most likely it's in this lot. I don't know. I don't know why they're driving it there. He said it was down the street and around the corner i saw it driving home last night everything is still in it literally walked past it on halloween night lots of leaves caked on it so it had been there since the rain on sunday he said i said i said her purse is in the car and he said make and makeup and car seats and all yeah credit cards passport id ten dollar coupon to downtown kirkwood the theory is that they got

in that car drove away saw the keys to the subaru and came back on foot just ditched the focus so they did take the subaru and the subaru they found it's in a lot somewhere and it has minimal damage but it has because what subaru does is that they can track the car on an app like almost like find my phone kind of thing they can track it and then as soon as once they've alerted on the app like this has been stolen the next time that car is turned off they can't just turn it off like it while the car's driving that'll cause an accident but the next time that car parks and turns off they can't turn it back on and then but then you lose the gps location of the car as soon as it's turned off um because they give it to the cops because they know that people will go and kill murder the person that stole their car because people are so fucking insane i mean i heard a

story about a girl in st louis uh chris is friends with who her car got stolen and she got out her glock and went with her friend her policeman friend and went to go find the people and kill them and i was just like why would you risk that just let your car go it's just a thing people are so fucking weird i don't get it but that's why they had to invent this technology that makes it so you can't see where your car is anymore and it gives it over to the police because they know you're a psycho. Everyone, like, that guy that got dead,

the guy that died from his phone being knocked into the train thing, it's just like, we're so, we're all, we're not in a good state, I don't think,

mentally, in this world. I mean, I guess the danger, too, is you go too early and those people are still there

and you get killed. That's what I'm saying. Like, you get killed, they get killed. Like, they don't want any confrontation. You're insane. If you think someone who's stealing cars to make 200 bucks doesn't really care about their life enough to, like, kill you or kill, like, people go, that's why I didn't chase the guy who stole my phone.

Or make, like, if you're willing to risk going to prison For many years because you want to steal A phone for what seven bucks that you sell It to whatever guy you're selling Like twenty bucks You don't care about your life You are willing to risk your life You're willing to take another life

Let's be reasonable here folks Let's go to break and come back with more show after this Hey guys It's your girl, Nick. No one's ever called me that. Will you? Come call me in on my tour. Come meet me. Come see me. I am on tour, a new standup tour, all new material with my new voice. Anya Marina is going to be with me as well as special guests. We are going so many random ass places. So if I'm coming to your city, you got to definitely capitalize this because on capitalize on this, capitalize it to write it out and use capital letters, because I don't know

that I'll be coming back to these random cities anytime soon. So those cities include Thousand Oaks, California, Santa Rosa, California, Reno, Nevada, which is happening tomorrow night, Friday, Santa Rosa is Saturday. Thousand Oaks, California Valley Center, California. Memphis, Tennessee. Burlington, Vermont. Providence, Rhode Island. Tulsa, Oklahoma. Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.

San Jose is next weekend, California. St. Louis. And then many more in the new year. If any of those ring a bell, I guess ring a bell is not the right word, but if any of them are like you could hear if we rung a bell in those cities and you could hear it, you got to come out because yeah, I don't come to these cities often. A lot of times it's, it's going to be my first time performing in all of these cities actually, except Burlington and San Jose I've been to before, but I don't know that I'll be there anytime soon again. So,

um, seize the day, come out and see me. I would love to meet you. It means so much when besties come to the shows. You guys know you're my favorite fans that I have and see me. I would love to meet you. It means so much when besties come to the show. As you guys know, you're my favorite fans that I have. So would love your support. Hope you can make it and I'll see you on the good girl tour. I can't wait. John Stewart is back in the host chair at the daily show, which means he's also back in our ears on the daily show ears edition podcast.

The daily show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, we're back.

I just got an article sent to me from Kirsten about people are having to cancel, are like freaking out. Taylor Swift is ruining people's weddings because her tour got announced and all these people have like spring and summer weddings planned and some of them are like happening in towns where people are like,

I'm having a wedding in that night and all my friends are all in their early to late 20s. No one gets married in their 30s in Texas. They're all getting married so young. And these girls are like, oh my God, my friends are having to decide which one to go to. And I think it's hilarious. And just wait for your second wedding.

People will come to that. Yeah, you can't wait for another tour. Why did it make me smile that people's weddings are being ruined? It made me so, and that my girl is at the, I mean, I'm sure Taylor feels bad about this, but I love it. I love that people are seeing what their true nature of their friends is. That also like your little like day where you get to be a queen is taken.

Why am I like, why does that bring me joy? That's so mean. I wish that it made me sad for these girls. Okay, let me just get in a state where I'm more compassionate. Okay. It's my wedding day. I've planned on this for so long.

And Taylor Swift comes down. I'm canceling my wedding, bitch. I'm going to go. Are you kidding me? I don't give a fuck. I mean, I'm trying to think of something that is equivalent to my wedding. Why don't you just have the wedding at the concert?

Just fucking do a twofer. There's nothing that i would not care yeah do it in the parking lot oh yeah no i looked at these dates to see if they lined up with my tour i would not you would come to my show and you would not see me walk out on stage everyone what if i would facetime on the big screen from the taylor swift concert and throw a couple jokes your way you wouldn't see me i would totally understand if anyone sacrificed chris calls he's like i broke my neck uh on the bike uh i gotta go into surgery right now i know taylor's tonight but i really know i'd be there i mean all joking aside i would be there for that because she has a lot of dates and i can afford to go to any of them whereas some

people are like she's coming to kansas city i can't afford to go to another town spend the night in the hotel yeah uh backstage no i don't want to meet her i made that clear no no i don't want to meet taylor swift i it's too much work for her to calm me down it's i i like meeting fans when they cry and make a big deal of it because i don't have that happen a ton in my life but it is very draining when it happens. And she is only meeting that now. Like when I met her back in 2012, it was probably like, she was probably having a lot of criers,

but like when I met her, it was me and John crier and he was not crying. No, it was backstage. It was me, Gail King and Corey. He used to be like the, um,

Corey Booker. Um, that's who was backstage when I met Taylor Swift. I'll never forget it. And she was very, no one was crying. None of us were crying, but now it would be just a cry fest across the board and she'd have to calm us all down. And that takes so much effort that I want her to put towards another album. I would rather, I benefit more from Taylor Swift writing than her going, Oh my God, thank you. Oh, thank you. You know, even though I love doing that when people cried, never don't cry around me.

I'm not complaining about it, but just know that it's, you know, you've even fans who have cried around me, you know what it's like when someone cries around you. And maybe you're like, even if it's happy tears, you're the reason they're crying.

You want to calm them and you want to make them feel better. And it's a lot of energy. So I do not want to meet Taylor Swift. I will only, um, disappoint her. If you're getting married disappoint if you're getting married and if i if i disappoint her in some way or she disappoints me and i can't listen to her ruin it

it's done i mean khaki my um boyfriend's sister had a bad interaction with harry styles where she asked for a picture and he said no and she can't listen to his music anymore it's she's too like filled with like kind of mad she's mad that he said no she had a bad interaction with him and i bet and i know exactly what that's like because when i insulted taylor swift in that documentary and i knew she was mad at me about it because of the documentary like put you know it was part of a montage that was like this hurt taylor's feelings i couldn't listen to her music all that week and it was hell so i will not i don't want to meet anyone whose um entertainment i rely on a lot um so that's my final answer but uh yeah i would be

like it would be like um you know you know when elaine goes to that guy's side when he gets hit by car and she's in line for the movies to meet him there and she stays in line to buy juju fruits and she goes to the hospital and it's like i i was so sad when they told me and she stays in line to buy juju fruits and she goes to the hospital and it's like i i was so sad when they told me and she's like chewing these really uh what's the word like just taught they're like juju fruits were like work did you ever have them takes like 35 bites to eat one yeah yes yeah very sticky it's a perfect candy for her to be like chomping on when she's trying to be emotionally supportive and he's like where'd you get those yeah if it was too quick she wouldn't have finished them yeah yeah yes she's like the movie um and they

were like but i thought they told you when you were in line and she's like and she like chokes on it because she's like oh yeah and he's like i could see you being like like so what song did you leave on uh like you found out before the show yeah but so how many songs did you hear uh six or seven yes it's like uh it's pretty late i think you watched the encore it's like no no i didn't see the encore i left i i oh yeah yeah it's like like you have the whole set list written down. Yeah, I'm right. I'm updating setlist.fm or whatever. Well, they got it wrong.

Her second encore was ready for it. You hit your head hard, Chris. How did you remember that if you weren't there? Yeah, it's going to be fun. I can't wait to go. I'm a little bit nervous though because everyone's like I have reading on Taylor Swift I'm scared to even look into how

to get tickets because I'm so I know that I'm not going to be one of the first I'm not gonna get a good seat that way I'm gonna have to like buy something off of StubHub for tens of thousands of dollars later it's gonna be it's gonna be an expensive year for old glazed dog I got an email from my credit card and they're doing pre-sale.

Yes. Like first taxes. But I'm skeptical. Yeah, I'm skeptical of that. No, that's real. I heard that's real. That sucks. Man, I got to get on this.

I got to figure out how to get represented by her agency or something. Like I need an in. You know what I mean? Like I need. Because the thing is what I mean? Like I need, because the thing is I'm right. I'm going to write my agent and manager and be like, don't do what Taylor Swift's, you know,

LLC did to me, which is not give me a care package, even though I'm the number one celebrity who likes her. Don't give this to your more famous clients just because you think that you want to be in good with them. You give it to someone who actually is going to care about it more than those other clients.

Like, I hope that they really do honor that because I know they're going to get free tickets. I know UTA is going to get sent some stuff,

no doubt, and I want them to do what's right. I feel like you should be getting press tickets because you do so much press for her through this show.

Yeah, like right in the front. I got to buy a nice camera. Oh, I would love to do that. It's going to be, I can't even imagine what the set list is going to be. It's going to be wild. You and Brenna probably have plans to go, right? Brenna does want to go for sure.

Yeah. I mean, she loves Taylor Swift. I mean, she was, it's an addiction for sure. I think she would miss her brother's wedding if I bought her tickets. Yeah. Is he getting married? No. Oh, okay.

Yeah, we're going there for Christmas, though. I'm going to Michigan. Oh, nice. How long? Well, last time I was there, her dad made fun of me for driving through a... I said it was a blizzard. Yeah. And he claimed it wasn't a blizzard, that I'm a little bitch. But yeah, so I'm looking forward to it.

It'll be fun. No, I'm going to go there for like five days. And yeah, it's in the middle of nowhere. Yeah, I know. I always get so nervous with in-laws. I don't know. Or well, I guess they're not in-laws. Oh my God, you're going to be a wreck.

You're going to be shitting so much in their little like side bathroom. What makes you nervous? nervous with in-laws i don't know or well i guess oh my god you're gonna be a wreck you're gonna be shitting so much in their little like side bathroom what makes you nervous what are you nervous i don't know i don't know i mean like their approval doesn't like she they could hate you and she would still love you so like you maybe focus on that like it doesn't really matter what they think i know i know right i'll be fine yeah i'll be fine I just I think I overthink it and at this point no we do enough face time where I feel like I know them well I think the first time Chris's family did not like me I think he'd have a hard time liking me but I feel like Brenna's like I could it's fine if they don't like you I'll still like you

no she'll be like I agree yeah she's like no i see it in-laws are scared or like what are they called whether your girlfriend's parent like there should be a name for that but like you know future in-laws or whatever are yeah future in-laws you get nervous i i thank god chris has good ones that i like actually enjoy seeing and thank god i have he always is like i have never had a girlfriend with parents who i actually want to see who i want to have he always is like i have never had a girlfriend with parents who i actually want to see who i want to hang out with who like i ask if they can come along like if they're going to be somewhere like i'm going to be there it's so nice because man there are some rough ones out there i had a girlfriend the girlfriend in college i went and met her

the only other girlfriend you've had no no. There was one other one for three months. Oh, I know. I remember the other one. Yeah, but she didn't, you know, whatever. She was an orphan. She died. Her parents are alive. It's the opposite, I think.

Reverse? Cowgirl? Cow orphan? So I went there, and her uncle, she was a Catholic family, like really Catholic, like strong Catholic family. And they didn't know I was Jewish. Like we didn't bring it up.

And the uncle just started saying Jew jokes at dinner. And I was just like, Jesus. And I bet you kept your mouth shut. No, you added taglines. I dug in. Yeah, I gave him tags. Yeah. Oh my God, that's so bad. Oh, it was so bad. Yeah. Oh, my God.

That's so bad. Oh, it was so bad. It was so uncomfortable. Did you tell them you were Jewish? At that point, no. I mean, I was outnumbered. A Jew never says it in front of 20 other people. What would you do now if that happened?

Would you have the balls, you think, to say something? I don't know. Part of me, I think I'm just so conditioned to laughing it off and making a joke out of it. I heard you laugh it off once. Remember with that security guard? Oh, God. That guy. That guy was the worst.

We were in Florida or somewhere, and the security guard just wanted to chat us up, and he got to just be too close to us. That's the problem. Sometimes security guards don't have have good boundaries and they take advantage of being the one that gets to be near you. And then they're the one that you're like, can I have someone to protect me from you? Can I have a,

a, you know, a mentally unstable guy with a gun, like a fan, a fan from you. I feel closer to someone who sent me Barbie dolls soaked in blood with my name written on their heads

than you right now, sir. You're that guy in a security shirt. That's the only difference. You got a power trip. You couldn't even become a real cop. It's like, this is your thing. No offense to security guards. I love security guards. Shout out to Steve, the security guard from Comedy Cellar who died this week week he was one of the gentlest most awesome people so i love

security guards this is not shitting on all of them but this guy sucked and he was making so many um he was just and he knew you were jewish too right they were so hacky too like that that's the thing if it's like a a good jewish joke that i haven't heard or doesn't feel like a stereotype i'm like nice like that's funny but if it's just like you don't have the nose of a jew i'm like okay yeah that's what he said and i'm sitting there eating my salad just stuffing like and i'm so mad he's even in there because i'm like this is the one i just got done with a meet and greet i had two shows this i don't want to talk to anyone else i want to talk to i want to sit in silence with andrew while he's on his phone and you know i i want to just eat my salad and like i still remember this that was such a like traumatic moment for me as well i'm not trying to be like

i was but i remember like the stabbing the cucumbers like i remember what the salad i never remember what a salad looks like but i was so fucking angry that this guy was being an asshole to you and like saying jokes and i mean i don't know why i didn't say something but i think i was i think i just kept making face i was far enough away that i wasn't in the conversation and i didn't want to get in it i was across the room but he was talking loudly enough so that i could hear like oh i'm funny too oh he was he had a whole it wasn't just jewish stuff he had a thing about um the russian his nurse and he had to have his like his groin shaved and he's like i was hard but was i but you know it was something about getting hard while the nurse was like shaving his balls and he's like and i was because she was fucking she was fucking hot it's like that

that attitude of just like oh i would i would have fucked her if I was younger and stronger. Like just that like machismo alpha shit just like turns me off because they think that's what I would like because I guess my jokes are a little like dirty or whatever. So they think that's what you're like into. Yeah, and he was singing around me too because my jokes are dirty. like dirty or whatever. So they think that's what you're like into. Yeah. And he was saying it around me too because my jokes are dirty. So he like thinks that we love to hear

about times he's like date raped and how words are gonna be like, oh, that's hilarious. Tell us more. Like you can get people to admit some really heinous things they've done just by being like, because people who do heinous things

are usually stupid. You know what I'm saying? Like this is a point I make about pedophiles on stage. I'm like, because people who do heinous things are usually stupid. You know what I'm saying? Like, this is a point I make about pedophiles on stage. I'm like, people always go, oh,

my male babysitter wouldn't be a pedophile. Like, that would be so obvious. They're smarter than that. It's like, no, they're not.

They're idiots. They operate in very, very obvious ways. Don't think that like, pedophiles are always like, very sneaky. They are a lot of times, but a lot of times

they are just the most obvious people that like, if you get a spidey sense and go oh he has the dom or glasses he has the white minivan like don't be like he would he would never do that's so obvious why would he dress like he's obviously not one no he probably is these guys are they gravitate towards a certain you know Parker frame. I mean, imagine being a guy that is like, I'm going to get the white van. He knows that stereotype's out there, but he's still buying the van.

It's smart, too, because people go, no, not him. Not the guy with the wood for windows. Not our uncle whose mouth is always wet, who is always doing this with his fingers, just twiddling them back and forth and licking his lips and has beady eyes and dated haircuts.

But Nikki, he never put a rubber nose and a mustache on. It couldn't be him. Yeah, yeah. I just want to say one thing before we get to the news because I'm obsessed with this Korean crowd crush. That sounds too, there's too many. Is that a new candy crush game?

Yeah. I don't like it. I don't like the way it sounds like a K-pop band. Yeah. Oh my God. It totally does. Yeah. Crowd crush.

But it is, I'm obsessed with it in a way that's like the morbid obsession. And I'm so scared of it. I'm always scared of crowds anyway. But I learned last night it in a way that's like the morbid obsession. And I'm so scared of it. I'm always scared of crowds anyway. But I learned last night how to survive one if you're ever in it. Because every one of us is going to find ourselves in a crowd situation where it could happen. And I know you're like, well, I don't hang out at... Go to Mardi Gras.

Go to Mardi Gras. Go to a concert. Go to a Taylor Swift show. I mean, like, if there's a fire that breaks out or someone has a gun, God forbid, or something happens and everyone runs for the exits, the thing is that the exits, people are running through them so fast

and it gets so condensed that the exit gets blocked by bodies. People can't squeeze through the door. And so the door becomes a wall. And then people just keep from the back because at the back of a crowd crush, it is very, there's a lot of space. And you can't, through the door and so the door becomes a wall and then people just keep from the back because at the back of a crowd crush it is very there's a lot of space and you can't it's so loud generally that you can't hear how much is going on the front and it becomes like two tons of pressure very quickly in these little situations so the but i watched a video last night because

i've been searching for like what do you do to wait why did it start why did it can you no one knows why it started but it doesn't need a start reason. It's just people wanted to get somewhere. And it's like a couple people in the back pushing, going like, because they have room. And then you don't know that 100 feet in front of you, people are being pancaked. It's like people at concerts that go in the front row. I don't know how you do it. Like, they're like pushed against the fence.

But anyway, so yeah. So how do you get out of it? So the best thing to do is to walk with your hands up like almost like you're in a boxing ring right because if you do and end up getting pushed and crunched you you're protecting your lungs with this space that your arms are creating so your arms will probably break and yeah but at least they'll have that that and then another thing is um stand with your feet like almost like you're lunging like have don't just walk with like you're not gonna really have a choice to like walk but if someone falls in front of you then you're fucked because the you're

against a wall the person in front of you is a wall if they fall you're going down too it's like dominoes you're gonna be pushed into them so if you have a stance where it's like you have one foot in front of the other you have a chance of standing up a little bit better but if you are god forbid pushed to the ground in a crowd crush the best thing to do is not lay on your stomach not lay on your back is to get into a fetal position on your side and it will protect your that you know your heart and lungs and those organs that are going to be trampled and suffocated so i felt so good reading that last night i was like because i told chris i'm like we you gotta stay out of crowds like this is serious like this is the worst way to die these people do not die it's they keep calling it a stampede is not a stampede they don't get stomped on to death they're not like their bones aren't

broken it's like they get suffocated like they can't their your lungs get pushed in so much there's no way way for your lungs to expand and they die horrible dust. I don't know if you guys saw any of the footage from that. It was fucking insane. Like I've never seen so many people getting CPR. It's just like, it's like was dozens of people just going.

And I also know from CPR chest compressions. This is another good thing to know. When you're giving chest compressions, this is another good thing to know. When you're giving chest compressions, do not bend the elbow. It is a very hard compression. Keep it very, your arms straight. And the speed at which you should do it is the song, stay in a laugh, stay in a laugh.

That's a good song to do. Stay in a laugh, stay in a laugh. Yeah, I thought that was good. So those are your helpful hints for today. Let's get to the news. You heard it here first. You heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it here first.

Oh, it's Thursday, folks. You know what it means? It is Thursday. It's the end of the week, but that doesn't mean it has to be the end of your life. Just make sure you put your arms above your chest and be okay out there. I am never going to put my arms down in a crowd ever again.

I'm so glad to have this little tool that might keep me alive because I'm fucking so afraid. Dude, I've been to Mardi Gras and you get pushed, you don't have a choice. No, it's like a river. You can do this.

There's no choice. People that survived it said it's like being in a river. You're just swept away by a current. You have no autonomy over your body anymore it is so scary oh fuck so stay safe out there and keep your arms up in my junior high school like in the hallway there was some kind of like stampede and i remember like i got caught in that and i literally elevated and was carried by just other bodies it was crazy oh. Oh my God. It's so scary.

I'm so glad you're okay. I like that you sky surf. You're like, it was actually pretty fun. It's fun. Crowd surf or whatever. I don't think I'll ever be in a crowd again. I think this really,

like this needed to happen for me to like wake up and go. My mom went to the Who concert in the 70s where a bunch of people died. She was there. But like, so I always knew about these things even as a kid my mom would be like the who concert 1972 or whatever it was yeah seven people died i think and this was 150 i mean and these were all people in their 20s and costumes it was so sad uh what andrew

no no i i just like i didn't want to go there was a costume contest right by our house and i was like this is what will get shot up like i had that thought which sucks to have that thought and that's what they want i don't know i was thinking about yeah like one person gets angry one person gets shot like that's what just happened did you see the rapper that just got killed the migos rapper oh yeah what does migos mean uh maybe it's short for friends amigos oh so they're like all is it like a label because i read three rappers it's three rappers it's a group no way oh i'm so embarrassed i thought migos was a person so it's no no his name was takeoff which is right i thought that was such a cool name and quavo quavo okay i know quavo because

he was on um a justin bieber song i like quavo they kept saying it was his uncle and they're only three years apart but like it's just like oh his nephew and it's like i don't know it's weird but any like that was the headline like over and over again but yeah no the guy was just in a crowd they were arguing and he wasn't even in the middle of it just get shot you know i don't know like everyone has a fucking gun now it's just wild i just that's how i feel like that's what that any big crowd that isn't like a con like they don't check you at the door it just feels like open to anyone i don't want to fuck with right now i just feel like i went to the i was at the south dakota um airport and they and it was hunting season out there.

So there's a line to check oversized bags, and there's a couple guys checking guns. And they're searching the gun bags. And I go, what are they searching for? It's a gun. Is there water in here? Yeah. Sure. Sorry, you can't bring on your hair gel.

You got to finish that. But this fucking machine gun that you, and by the way, like, I don't know judgment on, actually, yes, judgment on hunters. I think it is so cool to hunt. I listened to these guys on my plane the other night and they were talking about hunting deer and grouse. And I'm like, if you have, like, use a bow and arrow, cool.

If you use a fucking knife and attack it with your own hand and body fine but why do you think it's cool to like stalk an animal all day and then use a gun to kill it like why what pride is there in that i don't get it explain it to me i don't get it like you you are a bully you're using this thing an automatic weapon to kill an animal like you don't need it you could go to the grocery store i get it that it's like your grandpa taught you to do it and it's quiet out there and you like some of them do use it just go buck hunter at the bar no they don't they don't need it for food though like okay yes a year

food that's what i don't believe that people most people who hunt need that the answers are for these i'm not saying it's my answers no i get it it's like a sport it's a sport well not just that that that one they think the animal if they kill it at four or five it's only going to live to eight or eight or nine anyways of natural causes right and then if it dies in the wild it's going to get killed by a bear in a way worse way. This is how they justify it. In a way worse way than getting shot. And then the food aspect that it's actually better than farm food because, you know, whatever, like the fucking where they chop them up and like fucking just cut their necks.

And then they have food for a year and they put it in a freezer. So that's all that. And then also... There's overpopulation of deer and then they end up getting hit by cars or trucks and they just suffer as roadkill okay i'm kind of on board i just don't know that i'd feel like a man about it if i killed a deer with a gun like there's no it doesn't impress me it's like i've been on a farm or a ranch and they go out shooting losing listeners by the droves because i know hunting is

more popular than taylor swift they feed them this is like you you they're your they're your friends and then you shoot them like that's how it feels out on these ranches like they're not afraid of humans because they grow up getting fed by humans and then they're like oh let's go shoot them it's like why the fuck are you i get it if you're like fighting off like shooting like a grizzly bear in alaska and you have to fucking animal farming is like people like the cow gets milked and it's like so treated and everyone loves it it names it like i was just listening to a sam harris podcast and there's like a there's a um philosopher like like one of these philosophy questions like these like profound questions of like you, the trolley problem where it's like five people,

you're on a trolley and there's a guy on the tracks and you can, um, or the, the organ, the organ one is good. So, um, one guy who's like a young,

bright, like doctor of like future doctor could cure cancer and needs a new organ. Um, do you kill this other person that doesn't really need it who's like an old person to give it to him and it's like that's kind of the the quandary but like there's another one that's like the turkey problem or something and it's like this turkey grows up its whole life having everyone pet it and it's nurtured and it's fed and it's kept warm and this family loves it and then one wednesday night in november all of a sudden

they grab it and fucking chop its head off and it's like wait what so it is like this i get well they do that in florida they raise hogs until they're about 1100 like 900 pounds and it's the family pet they name it they're like the kids and it's it's a way to teach how they how they spin it or whatever they it's a way to teach how they how they spin it or whatever they it's a way to teach the kids about death and and that we all die and it's okay and like and and now we're eating it and he this is what he would have wanted he would have wanted you to eat him like that you have to do that you if to kill animals you have to get to a place of like this thing doesn't matter and i'm doing a less you have to, I do this with things in my life,

compartmentalize, like eating, you know, drinking from plastic containers thinking, oh, well, this one's not going to set it over the, you know,

just doing things that you have to, you have to create little things in your brain that make it feel okay. But if you were a Turkey, what you wouldn't want to die. If you were a deer, you'd probably want to risk dying of natural causes by then being shot in the ass. And I just worry about getting i just worry about these these when adult deer get shot i'm not as sad for the adult deer i'm worried about their possible

little kids that are waiting back at the nest for their mom that never returns i'm thinking about the bambis that's really what i about. And unless you can prove that that buck is a childless comedian in its 30s. Who wrote, I wish my mom was dead. Yeah. Then I don't think that it's okay. But you actually kind of sold me on all those reasons. So thank you for talking me out of that.

That's the news today. Let's go to a break. Great job, Noah. Thanks for the story. Jonart is back in the host chair at the daily show which means he's also back in our ears on the daily show ears edition podcast the daily show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture you get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines.

Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All righty. Back. Let's get to Fanthrax. All right. What do the besties have to tell us today? I just want to remind besties how they can leave us Fanthrax messages yes and the way that you do it there's a link in the bio of our instagram nikki glazer pod and you click on that link and there's going to be um another link that says leave a voicemail here and that's how you do

it great thank you just a little reminder because we've been getting questions. Okay. Let's start off with a message from Kate. Hey, Nikki, Andrew, Noah. Just wanted to say, as I'm leaving this, I'm still processing how mortifying and dumb it is. But I just wanted to see if anybody has ever had something similar happen where they say a phrase that they think means one thing and it definitely doesn't. So I'm a medical assistant and I see patients all day. And when they're leaving, I'll usually say something along the lines of good riddance, thinking that it was a nice thing to say, like good morning or good afternoon. But I'm 31 years old last night

i was informed that it does not mean that and it's actually pretty rude so just wanted to know if there was anyone else i just see this person and i'm gonna go uh crawl under a rock oh my god kate uh i just see someone like like i just see an old man like here in Good Riddance and kind of like stopping at the door and tilting his head and kind of going what? And then just going, that's not worth it. You know, like I know I see a family

I see a family who they just lost their mother to cancer and they're walking out all sad and they go, hey Good Riddance, think about the mom dying. Oh god. walking out all sad and he goes hey good riddance oh god good riddance isn't that the name of the song i hope you had the time of your life isn't that oh it's like called good riddance yeah i think it's called good riddance um that is so funny i'm so um and and you can tell that she found out after the fact like it wasn't like a patient told her like what did you say so she's just going through all the times she may have

said that probably thousands of times yeah oh i'm trying to think of times where i've felt that way like i've said you know what's great about that too what you you can say that and if you really hate the person and get away with like being like like a dick but like did they mean that they hate me like it is yeah sarcastic yeah good riddance well i always i do the one i still do it where i say have a good one and they don't know that i mean death oh man that is fucked up have a good one i'd rather hear but i know i know that it means death and they think i'm saying have a good day no i'm saying have i hope you have a really good death haha um i think i've said people's names wrong before gotten it and been like later on heard their name and go what is it and i go no. And then the usual suspects montage of all the times I said it wrong flips

through my head. I just think about the Skokie, Illinois. Yeah. Like the, the feeling I can, I can actually like the feeling that she felt going over all the time. She said that there's like this visceral,

it feels like a pit inside of my solar plexus. Like that's where I feel that kind of embarrassment it's but why is it embarrassing because i guess she feel you feel stupid and you also feel like because no one actually would hear kate say good riddance and go she wants me to you know fuck off how dare she like they just think she's dumb you know like that's that's the problem. It's like, you're not as, it is funny that it means the opposite of what she thinks it is, but no one actually probably took it that way and was like,

what a bitch. They were just like, what a dumb bitch. But it's like one of those things that like you could just miss, you know, like I couldn't, there was something recently where I was like, how do people not know that?

I was listening, oh, I was listening to the Courtney show the other day, my boyfriend's show, and Tim referenced a manta ray. And Courtney, who was like in her 50s, was like, what's that? Like a manta ray? A manta ray. It's manta. Yeah, he said a manta. It's manta. Is it manta?

Yeah, what would you spell it? What would you spell it like? I don't know if there's a T. M-A-N-N-A? No, it's manta? It's manta. Is it manta? Yeah, what would you spell it like? I don't know if there's a T in there. M-A-N-N-A? No, it's manta. I'm from Florida. How would you spell it? It's manatee.

I think it's a manta ray. I don't think there's a T in there. It's manta. I'm looking it up right now. Manta ray. But what would you have spelled it like? If I asked you to spell manoray A-M-A-N

A-R-A-Y you started with an A a manoray okay and if I would have asked you to write it in a sentence what would you have put I'd start with an A M-A-N-A-R-Y you'd start with an A

I don't know A-M-A-N-A-R-Y You start with an A? I don't know M-A-N-A-R-Y No way Is it not a? Nuh-uh Oh man That's bad No

No No Is it a manatee? You thought it was Like you thought someone was like I saw an a man array I saw a man array And it opened up my eyes. I saw amana ray.

No, wait a second. Wait. You don't say I saw elephant. I'm not fucking with you. But you don't say I saw elephant. No, you say an elephant. So you said I saw amana ray and you thought it was called amana ray? It's like amora ray.

That's amora ray. No, I'm really confused, Andrew. That's a manta ray. But you know that animals need an A or an N before them. So you thought that this one just didn't need that and it was part of the name itself? I've heard, I could have swore I've heard, not in a sentence form, just straight up.

A C anemone, maybe. Something along that line. It's like, yeah yeah here's the sea cucumber here's the amana ray like i didn't i've heard i didn't even know this i was gonna stumble onto this okay so it's manta ray i'll tell you manta-T-A. Yeah. So how do you spell it? Sorry. M-A-N-T-A. M-A-N-T-A. And then a separate word, Ray. It's not all one word.

Manta Ray. Oh, that's a whole nother fucking. Yeah. Well, you grew up in Florida. You should know this. But you've heard of them. Whatever you thought it was, you've heard of that before. But Courtney loves sea life and had never heard of a manta ray.

She was like, what are you talking about? And he's like, you know, a manta ray. And he's like, she he's like she's like what and i was like you know she's not a dumb person what that's it that's the problem he go what did you when she goes what is that he goes a manta ray he could have just said elephant no andrew if i'm talking about i saw an elephant the other day and you go what i wouldn't go elephant i would say an elephant that's not the problem you're the problem you say you're the problem it's you no this is wild and i had no idea what's going to cause all of this i just was i just was surprised someone hadn't heard of that animal but i think there are things there are gaps in my knowledge too like i didn't know what a cpa

was until my 20s someone was like i just remember really getting shamed for that you don't know what a cpa is and i was like i've never heard those letters together certified public account yes certified professional accountant something i don't know what it even stands for but i know now it's an accountant but i'm just like then call call yourself an accountant. An anacountant. That's what, exactly. No, Andrew, I'm making fun of you. It's not exactly. No one thinks of things like that.

Damn, I thought you were on my side. No. Have you ever, what about anaconda? Do you think they're, do you know they're called condas, right? Is it just anaconda? No, it's called anaconda no please that would really but it's an anaconda right like no it's a gorilla right a gorilla a gorilla okay um anaconda would fuck me up that would have fucked me up yeah but

if i said like i saw i saw anaconda you would say that's wrong it would be i saw an anaconda, you would say, that's wrong. It would be, I saw an anaconda. Yes, but then if someone goes, what did you say? And you go, anaconda. You wouldn't say an anaconda. I think I would say an anaconda. Okay, interesting. But even if I did say that, I wouldn't think that, if they repeated it, I wouldn't think it was anaconda.

I don't know, it flows so well. A manta ray flows so well. Think about it, a moray. I hope you don't name your daughter a manta ray. It is a beautiful name. Maybe a mayonnaise, maybe. Oh, my God. The other day I was with a girl,

and she was talking about how she was born without chromosomes. She was like, I seriously. What? You know how people joke, like, you were born without a chromosome. I literally was. Like, I have less chromosomes. And she's having trouble conceiving and all these things and she was like and you know if i she saved she freezed some embryo she had some embryos like made or whatever and they tested the embryos and she's like and i really want a daughter but the daughter embryo

is a little bit like there it's not like it's a mosaic they call it like it may not have all the you know chromosomes either um so it's like a mosaic embryo is i guess what they call it like it may not have all the you know chromosomes either um so it's like a mosaic embryo is i guess what they call it and i go that's a beautiful name you should call her that but i was kind of i wasn't joking but i was like oh that's actually she's the type of person that i thought maybe would do that and she was like that is that's really good so this baby's name might be mosaic because of its genetic abnormalities i love that i know it's cute you name a kid one arm like just something like but mosaic no one would put that together oh my god the other night on love is blind sorry to sidetrack there was a discussion about what they would do about um having a down syndrome baby like what they would do about having a Down syndrome baby,

like what they would do with it. And it got – That came up on that show. Dude, and not only did it come up, they met the in-laws, and this guy's 25, Bartice, and he brings up with his in-laws, like, well, Nancy and I disagree about what to do with a baby with Down syndrome. And then his sister, like, has a baby with some defect and is, like, crying and and is like you'd abort my

baby it was just like so intense and like i'm like nancy if i were nancy i'd be shooting bartiz and look like don't fucking bring this up with your parents the first day i'm meeting them and i met you through a wall they're already skeptical and now i'm gonna abort your baby that isn't even like real yet but then chris and i also were like what did you what would you do and we had a differing opinion that we have not discussed yet and I was like um

well do you have abortion I'm not gonna tell you which side of the wall I was on but Nancy and I can drive off into the sunset together listen i i love kids with down syndrome and i think they are beautiful and they bring so much joy to life i just don't want to take care of a baby until it's it's you know forever that's not what i would want so i i think that but that's my own opinion and i don't know but i don't i honestly don't know what i'd do but i was more like i don't know and chris was more like no we'd keep it and i was like i think it's up to me bitch

i but i don't i i truly i'm on the i still don't know what i would do so don't write to me and and tell me i'm a bad person because i just don't know what i would do um okay next voicemail i'm not being completely honest about the conversation because i don't want everyone to hate me no i am i really don't know what i would do i really don't know what to do this one is from uh no we get oh anonymous anonymous anonymous and anonymous. Anonymous? And anonymous. Hey, Nikki, Andrew, and Noah. I just wanted to finally fan Thrax because I just got into an argument with my husband and took a break. Went to the kitchen to do dishes, put on the pod, on on my earbuds and you were talking about getting arguments and how both people want to feel like schmoopies I totally feel like I want to be the

schmoopy but maybe I should let him be the schmoopy and um yeah I guess it was impeccable timing. And so I'm going to try to take your humble advice and be sweet, take the high road and kind of baby him. Because in the end, usually that's the thing that makes it work out. So I just wanted to say thank you. We need an update. You're awesome. Andrew, you're doing great. Noah, you're amazing. Nikki, hope to see you in San Jose. Yes, girl.

Big fan. Just take the high road. Oh, I love it. I love that she stepped out on her porch. She stepped outside. We do need an update i think i hope she survived that interaction like i feel like he's like don't treat me like a baby and like just fucking threw off the balcony um no i'm so glad to hear that and yeah that's kind of i feel like i i hear things so many times when

i'm listening to a podcast or watching show and i I'm just like, oh, I need it. Like that was like God, quote unquote God, telling you like, you know, you know, just sometimes we need to we need signs. I get it. You're God. You're God. Yeah, I think I'm God. Yeah, I think I'm God. Basically, have I not mentioned that I think I'm Jesus Christ?

Come back. I can't believe I skipped over that. I swear to God, I thought I did it two episodes ago. So guys, Chris and I have been living in LA because he got a job and I'm Jesus Christ. So I, yeah, I definitely think that that has helped me so much is just to remember, even last night,

there was like a little flare-up of a something that could have turned into a fight and i just was like what is the way i'm feeling is the way he's feeling because we never fight where it's like i'm just mad and he's not it's usually like both sides are equally frustrated and i was just like just know that how you're feeling is how he's feeling about you and just calm the fuck down and do what you do what you would want him to do and i bet he'll meet you halfway and he did and it was great and we avoided a near-air collision it was like you know our wings clipped and we were both able to like steady and it was it was literally nothing i bet he wouldn't even remember the moment but it could have derailed us and it's just so nice to

not get into those anymore and just have a lovely evening that doesn't just get because i also feel like in relationships you're like we chose to live together and to be each other's team i don't i want to fight with everyone else i want to have this kind of i want to have this awkwardness with everyone else not you the person i chose to take road trips with the person i chose to lay next to every night when i go to bed the person i chose to abort those little children with the like no like what we we don't need i had that realization like we this is this is supposed to be my comfort zone like yes we can have flare-ups but like they can't last longer than an hour they just can't like we gotta we aren't going anywhere we gotta figure this out like what are we what are we

trying to like when you get into a fight and you're like i i think i'll fight to the death on this i know i'm right like am i really is this gonna be the thing that i leave this relationship over i know that it's not so why not just get over it now like let's speed it up i think that's helped me but um but sometimes it is the thing to end a relationship and sometimes you can't get over it so it's sometimes it tells you you gotta leave but um it is hard it's like i literally had that same conversation about like let's not take out our frustrations on each other let's point at random people and make fun of them like let's point at out our frustrations on each other let's point at random people and make fun of them like let's point at everyone else except for each other and it like i don't know it did

it strike like the same exact idea like yeah i think that helps so much you're my teammate like we gotta do like i chose you like we didn't just get we're not cell mates that got put in together and we have to make this work like we chose to make this work so let's choose to not fight over this dumb thing but it's just so hard when your blood pressure rises and like you're in the moment and you just feel and you had a bad day at work and you feel like you have too much on your plate and you're exhausted and then you're the person that you are a teammate with doesn't seem to be playing on your team it's so easy just to go well then fuck this and like you want to just burn it all to the ground it's so easy just to go well then fuck this and like you want to just burn it all to the ground it's so all these things are way easier said than done of course okay

a couple more fan threxes all right here's one uh from jamie um i'm calling for nikki to thank you for making me a Swifty. I got into her more last year when the re-release of Red came out and you were talking about it nonstop. So it was like, all right, I'll give it a listen. And I became obsessed and I am just having so much fun with Midnights. And I just want to thank you for this.

I wasn't a Swifty before I started listening to you. I also, I'm never behind I started listening to you. I also I'm never behind on one of your podcasts unless I'm traveling or have a busy week or something. In the past couple weeks, this is the only time I've been behind because I'm just listening to Taylor Swift. Yes. And that's the only time I don't listen to your podcast. Skip my wedding

girl. And then when I do go back to your podcast, you're talking about Taylor Swift. And then I get to just be in this world where I'm listening obsessively, come back to you talking about it and get all these different ideas by the lyrics and interpretations and I feel like you're you've given me meaning to being a Swifty and I'm just loving it so much and I know you think that sometimes people want you to stop talking about her but I I love it and it's so much fun and thank you for giving us me keep talking about her and her lyrics i'm sure there's other people like me maybe there's also

not no i'm sure there are some out there yes love you guys all so much don't be cuck and just good old jackpot good old jackpot um love that so much and like you're right like i do think some people are like we're we're it's enough like i don't need it but um i i was on trash tuesday yesterday annie letterman and um kalilah were there esther wasn't but they at the end of it we're talking about taylor swift and um both of them were both like we have been like you know taylor swift taylor schmidt like we get it but like this album is like oh my god i finally get nikki's obsession like they yes they understood like how she like and she's a bad bitch like she's made being a fem a girly girl powerful and like being in her emotions and being a little bit petty and being insecure and liking pink and

liking sparkles and liking being like, it's very feminine. And it's so there's no one more powerful in the music business. Like how inspiring is that just outside of the music itself? Here's this girl that had curly blonde hair with her guitar and pretty dresses with her little eyelashes and singing about boys. And now she is a mogul and no one can touch how successful she is. And she writes about all these guys she's dated that are also famous, but they can't touch how famous she is either. None of them. Fuck you.

It's I love it. I fucking love it. Perfect. She dresses for revenge. I'm, I'm there for it. I love it. I,

I, um, the only song, like if you're interested about where i'm at right now the only song on the album that i cannot get into is snow on the beach i don't know what's wrong with me it's ilana del rey is on it she's barely on it let's be honest with ourselves she's like you it's the same with the heim um uh one from her from evermore um uh the the one that they did a guest on i gotta can't come up with the name of it but i one from Evermore,

the one that they did a guest on. I can't come up with the name of it, but Till the Day He Died, that one, they just, oh, oh, that's all they do in it. They literally say nothing in it. And I made an Instagram video making fun of her doing that shoot with them. Because she's like, guys, be on my song.

And they're like, yes. And they're like yes and they're like you know they start singing she's like can you do that in the parking lot like we're gonna record you out there like there's you can't hear them at all and lana you can't hear it all on snow on the beach she has like one part where you can kind of hear her voice but that's fine taylor can do whatever the fuck she wants and um and i actually although she can't hear a lot i think l Lana is all over that song. And I think that's why I don't like it. I'm not a huge Lana fan. I want things to just be Taylor.

I don't want other people in them. Even though I know she's a great artist on her own and I have gotten into her stuff after a lot of Swifties have written me and said, you got to check out Lana. But my favorite song is now Labyrinth. I'm obsessed with it. It is so, I just, oh, oh, I'm falling in love.

It's just like sad and like, I love the little sounds in the background that sounds like a little like, it sounds like glitches, not to reference her song Glitch, but it just sounds like, oh, look what's arriving right now. My new, thank you, my new camera. Is what, ham? What are you talking about, ham? The glitch. Like that's their part on the song.

Like it's just so. Did you say ham? Ham. Huh? A ham. I don't know. Wait, you think their band name is Ham? Haim.

There you go. Did you really think it was andrew i don't know how your brain works the ice island no it was not a joke no what that was real he thought it was ham he's hungry no i thought i thought ham fell on the record you know know what I mean? Like, I've never seen loose ham. Lana Del Manoray. Yeah. Oh my God. Oh, we got to end it there. That was fantastic.

Okay. We haven't even done Final Thought yet. Oh, that was so good though. I know. Final Thought, can we get one more?

Yes. I just wanted to quickly say I have a friend in town. She's a huge Swifty and all of the stuff that you were talking about taylor swift has led me to ask like all these questions and we have not stopped talking about taylor swift her dating history my friend is also a harry so we've been talking about

i didn't know that she dated harry styles and that she wrote the songs about me the other day being like i didn't know that she yeah i mean of the Woods is about him and I definitely think that what's a question is about him because at the beginning of the song Question, it references the song Out of the Woods, which we all know is about. So like, yeah,

at the beginning of Question, it goes, I remember, which is a direct pull from what is happening outside? Someone is messing in my, what is going on i'm so confused is that a homeless you're getting stolen you're out of the woods yeah no i'm not out of the woods

i'm sorry that was really weird um yeah she dated harry styles she dated um joe jonas she dated john mayer i didn't know i didn't know any of that. So I got a whole history lesson yesterday. And there are a lot more people that we suspect she dated that she hasn't talked about. And I'm not talking about Gaylor stuff. I'm talking about other men she's dated. Some speculate that the song, the one that she did the video in Africa, the I Know, not I Know Places. God damn it.

What's it called? I have it right here. Wildest Dreams might be about Alexander Skarsgård, who she may have met on The Giver, which did film in Africa. So people are thinking maybe that's about him, but there's no substantial evidence. The lead singer of 1975. She may have dated him, or

I know for a fact that she did. Jake Owen? Jake Owen. Oh, there's a song. Did you ever ask him? I don't know. I feel weird asking there's a song. Did you ever ask him? What? I don't know. I feel weird asking, but I will. Are you kidding me? You have to ask him.

There's a song called, that's the twinkle in your, there's something about a twinkle of your eyes. Which one is it? Is it Picture to Burn? No, it's, I forget. Well, let me just look up really quick the Jake Owen. Andrew's friends with someone that Taylor Swift allegedly wrote a song about.

And I can't get over it. You have to do show research. Ask for show research. All right. I will. I will. You definitely need to. I will.

Sparks fly. Sparks fly. Yeah. And there's tons of pictures of them together. And she is cuddled up to him, yo. Like, this is real. It happened. I think it happened.

I mean, he's a handsome man oh my god i can't believe you know someone that may have been with taylor swift and you could get answers i'm so mad he doesn't drink anymore you could really get what would you want to know though like what would you want to know how it happened what went down what he felt like when he heard sparks fly might be about him what does he think sparks fly is about him what in the song makes it think it's about him? What was the course of their, like, I don't know things you would ask a guy friend.

If you got, if you guys actually talk about anything except golf, Jesus Christ. I know it would be way worse. It would be way, it would be too intimate. I would, I would,

I think guys will want to know how the sex was. Yeah. Okay. I'll, I'll want to listen. I don't like to pry into Taylor Swift. I really would not care about that. I just want to know, like, did they talk on the phone?

Did they talk on AIM? I mean, this is back in the day. Like, how did they meet? Where did they first lock eyes? Do you suspect any other songs are about you? I think she opened for him at one point. Okay, well, like, stop the speculation. You get us answers, Andrew.

You get us answers. Okay, you know what? I know. I'm glad we did this because I think I would have went straight to, like, so how was the sex? And I'm glad that. No, she was a virgin back then, baby. She definitely. Like, I'm thinking this.

And she would not have fucked Jake Owen. Like, they didn't date long enough. No way. No way. I don't want to know about that. And I don't want to know about that either. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, on air, I don't. All right. Actually, Nikki, since you're so riled up i think this voice message is perfect okay i am riled hey nikki andrew and noah it's your bestie taylor here with a very taylor-centric question i just listened to the episode where you see how many of something you can name in 30 seconds yes and i'm so shocked no one asked you to name taylor swift songs so nikki how many taylor swift song titles can you name in 30 seconds go paris out of the woods i know places clean ready for it blank space uh bad blood delicate uh all too well all too well 10 minute version that's cheating um uh uh uh this love um uh sparks fly uh red um oh i'm going through that 1989 or uh uh new romantics um uh the hair

style um uh i heard 15 15 15 that 10 minute got you going and then you go that's cheating and i Kyle, 15. That wasn't good. 15. That wasn't good. The 10 minute got you going. And then you go, that's cheating. And I was like, I thought I almost counted that as a song. I swear, my fingers started going like this. Well, he called me on a Tuesday and he said he wasn't home. I could tell by the way he talked. And from his lying tone, he was cheating.

That's cheating. Cheating on me. We got it. That's it. Make that up. Yeah. What the fuck? All right, guys.

I got to go write the rest of this song. Thank you for listening. Have such a great weekend. Thank you for all the fanthraxes. Leave us some if you are inclined to or inspired to. Don't be cuh. And Jay Cohen. Yeah, baby.

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