The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #294 Caving, Space, Planes, Surgery
Episode Date: November 9, 2022Anya Marina is in Nikki's room at the AC hotel, Andrew happens to be at an AC too but in Alabama. If ever at the hotel gym, Nikki will pretend she is in a music video to finish her workout faster. Don...'t put music on crappy speakers, ever. Nikki's nephew Forrest who is a baby, is a musical prodigy. You Heard It Here First, our personalities changed in the last 2 years, dreading things that don't end up being so bad and where to get privacy. Andrew doesn't hear "condensation" in Nikki's voice as she goes through her Reddit Dump. In the Final Though they determine their attachment style but the lyrics they like.  Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Get Pod Merch: Podshop.NikkiGlaser.com Nikki's Tour Dates: www.nikkiglaser.com/tour Andrew's Tour Dates: www.andrewcollincomedy.com  More Nikki: IG More Andrew: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Here's Nikki.
Hello, here I am. It's the Nikki Glaser podcast.
Welcome to the show. It's Tuesday.
How you doing out there?
I'm doing pretty damn good. We just recorded Monday's episode. You know I'm going to
be transparent with you. It's Monday here.
But it's Tuesday where you are.
Anya Marina is here. I'm in San Jose
in a beautiful
the AC. If you have a chance to stay at an
AC Marriott. Wow. I'm at an
AC Marriott. I pull up and I go, Andrew Collin.
Yeah. Really? Aren't they so good?
Fantastic.
Big fan. What do you like about them? You're at one in Huntsville
in Alabama. Andrew's in Huntsville, Alabama.
They're really nice.
I really recommend them. They, Alabama. They're really nice. I really recommend them.
They're clean. They're modern.
The gym has everything you need.
I mean, what do you need in a gym?
What is a tiny little...
A big bouncy ball for my
big booty.
I mean, when I hear
guys say...
It has everything a girl needs.
But guys like to do i'm lifting some
heavy weights i'm using that big bouncy balls do you really use a big bouncy ball yeah i'm doing
physical therapy on my knee so i need to do these squats with the ball up against the wall i need a
yoga mat and i need oh then there's a lot of stuff no one to look at me while i squat across the room
with my rubber bands oh i was in the gym yesterday here and i was
just i i don't get to like really talk outside of doing the podcast or uh
being on stage anymore because of my fucking voice but um i was uh because of what hands
me tail chris oh yeah yeah well you yeah, legislation, the way the world's going. He said hands made.
Hands made.
Hands made.
Hands made.
Is it handmade?
Is it hands or hand?
Hand?
Hand made.
Oh, hand aids.
I heard someone at the show this weekend reference.
A manta ray?
I heard them saying a manta ray.
So I overheard a manta ray and I was like, ah!
I got a lot of messages about that.
Yeah, apparently.
That was so satisfying.
I told so many people about it after the fact.
I was like, it started out as me going,
can you believe this woman didn't know what a manta ray was?
And then it turned into manta ray.
Nikki, what are you, what are you saying, manta?
And I go, yeah.
You go, no, it's a manta ray.
And I go, oh, you thought thought how do you spell manta ray
and you go
a m a
it was like
it was so many levels
of like
you weren't even the person
that was like
the one that didn't know it
and it ended up being like
I bet you that person
feels better
you knew what it was
you heard of the creature
I have a question
if you saw one
Andrew
if you saw
what
you lived with one?
Yeah, in Florida.
We shared, I had a water bed.
It was in your bathtub.
If you saw a single manta ray in Florida,
and you wanted to say like, I saw a manta ray,
would you say, I saw an manta ray?
How would you say it?
Just one? Yeah. a a manta ray would you say i saw in a manta ray how would you say it just one yeah no honestly what would you have said i mean we cover this on the podcast he just thought
people say i don't think you thought i think your answer would have been
i saw a manta ray but you just think people say it that way. Like I saw elephant.
Yeah, I saw elephant.
I saw tiger.
I saw manta ray, I guess.
Yeah.
Damn.
Or a manta ray.
You wouldn't think to say a manta ray?
Or and?
It just feels very sea-like when you say it like that.
I don't know what it is.
Because of sea and enemy.
That's why. Yeah. There we go. Now we're getting to the roots. We covered that the like that. I don't know what it is. And because of sea anemone. That's why.
Yeah.
There we go.
Now we're getting to the roots.
We covered that the other day.
What?
Okay.
Yeah.
It's confusing.
Life is weird.
So, oh, the gym.
So I was in the gym and I was lip syncing to Taylor Swift.
And I just love when I get to like, the only time workouts go fast is if I can pretend
I'm in a music video or like really sing along to it.
And it was so fun to be alone in a gym because you can really let her rip.
But you can't do that in a regular gym because people look at you like you're crazy.
But you could.
There are people that just really let loose in gyms and just do what they need to do.
Well, I walked in and there was one other guy in the gym and he was listening to music with no headphones
and he was like listening to like the cheesiest like like i don't know just like a very cheesy
music that but he like quickly like turned it off and i was like hey bro oh that's nice playing it
keep playing it what are you doing that's nice he's like don't worry about it quickly turned it
off yeah because he was alone he can listen to it without of course no i'm not even mad about it i actually i i was you know i also had headphones like with noise canceling but it's it i i don't
mind it some people have a problem with that though i have a problem when people do it and
they don't they don't ask you first so they don't show a little bit of you know and i hate shitty
speakers so when people are like i want to listen if i'm trying to show anya a new song i go let's
just wait until it's on good speakers because everything's gonna sound like shit on this like
if i want you to really like a song my friend katherine shout out if she's listening she always
used to listen to her laptop to listen to music and she got really offended once when i was like
what you love music why are you listening to it on as someone as a musician don't you get offended
when people listen to music on like tinny
terrible it depends on the situation i listen to a lot of music on my laptop just to listen back
to things so sure but yeah but if you're like trying to have a sonic experience yeah you should
have my speaker you gotta get in your car you get in a car and you turn it up yeah yeah i mean i
guess i don't get offended i was just like i just want you to experience this the best way you can.
And I remember her being like, it really hurt my feelings.
But that was in college, and we've moved past that.
No, a lot of musicians will get in a car to hear everything.
You really get the experience.
It's surrounding you.
It's like, what does it sound like?
You're in this little box.
Yeah.
Last night, Anya and I were performing before the show on Instagram Live,
on the podcast Instagram.
And we had the music for the loaded music. night anya and i were performing before the show on instagram live on the podcast instagram and um
we had the music for the loaded music you know when people are loading into the shows we play
a spotify playlist and but we were at this really cool theater that had really good um speakers in
each of the dressing rooms so that you can hear what's going on on stage so when people are doing
quick changes or the ballet or whatever they can be like oh the nutcracker this part is like they just know where
the show is and it's great because when i go for a quick change i can't ever hear whoever's on stage
and this time i got to but we couldn't escape the music and we wanted to play music so we went into
the bathroom and i sat on the toilet and anya was in the shower and we were playing we had these
toilet sessions it was so fun we're putting out a B-side record
of just the toilet sessions and every time
Nikki would be at a side.
Probably helps that I'm not shitting in there.
That's a
really good point. If you were there,
we would not have been able to
enter for at least 40 minutes.
Oh man, can you
imagine if they were like, okay Nikki, we're ready for
your vocals. Andrew's done with the bathroom
Get in there
Get in there
It's warmed up
I know that
Christina Aguilera
Recorded Beautiful
I am beautiful
That song
She recorded it
Laying down on the ground
No matter what they say
She was laying flat
On her back
I don't know why
I know that
I just remember
Maybe
Found an apple too
Really?
I've seen video of her.
Because she was on heroin.
No.
Has she put out a new album in a long time?
Why did she stop recording?
What was the reason?
Christina Aguilera?
No, no.
Fiona Apple.
Oh, she recorded one in 2020.
It's really good.
Yeah.
It's really good.
I didn't like it the first listen.
I've been listening to it recently.
There's this one song where she's like,
Shaniqua said I had potential. Oh, it's so good one song where she's like, Shaniqua said I had potential.
Oh, it's so good.
Shaniqua said I had potential.
I cannot stop listening to it.
It's so good.
It's about growing up.
It's so good.
I like that album a lot, too.
It reminds me, Shaniqua says I had potential,
reminds me of the song that we came up with this weekend
where we were talking about our friend Taylor,
and we were in the car driving to a gig,
and I was seeing if Taylor could send something because taylor was staying at my place and
i was like anya do you know when taylor's getting back from guatemala because she's in guatemala
right now and she goes i don't know and i go i gotta check the girls trip thing to see if she's
told us and she goes when's that bitch get back from when does that bitch get back from guatemala
when that bitch get back from guatemala and then caleb was like that sounds like a great fucking song
when's that bitch get back from guatemala when's that bitch get back from is that was it was that
yeah but you have to make it a little more urban so just when that bitch get back from guatemala
i don't want to get canceled so i'm gonna keep it bright and light and white when's that bitch
get back from Guatemala?
It's a big hit.
It's a top 10 hit here.
Oh my God, last night.
Speaking of saying racially insensitive things.
When's that bitch get back from Guatemala?
You did?
You did?
What about your nephew's beat?
Did you already talk about that?
Oh, yeah.
That was another thing that happened in the car.
Your nephew has nice feet?
No, my nephew, my sister sent a video of like,
I was like, I just am craving seeing the kids.
So she just filmed the kids
and she was just kind of like making a video of Forrest
who is less than one.
He was born, oh, it was on Thanksgiving, he'll be one.
He's standing up at the table as babies do
and he has like a marker in his hand
and she says he's like very musical.
And I know all parents say that,
but I've never heard her say that about her other two kids.
And she says that he just like, is always like beating on things and like likes rhythms and i swear to god this is on loop of him but i just that was
that was forest i saw that that was forest there was nothing else going on in that video i felt
like he had like spoons on his feet too like There's something, there's another clickety clack
that you can't really place going on in the video,
but that was all him sound.
I did not add anything to the video.
This is it on loop.
Okay, let me just play.
I don't understand that.
That doesn't make sense to me.
It's so crazy.
So let's put it all together.
When's that bitch get back from Guatemala?
No, it's...
I mean, that is so...
I said that to my dad and he came, I think.
That's fucking wild.
I mean, I'm so excited about the potential.
No, that's insane.
That's like an Arcade Fire song.
It's fucking wild no i want to
like i want to make a song out of it it's so good and i don't understand it what was the other sound
coming from though honestly like he was hitting something else maybe clatter in the room or like
i don't know i mean maybe i'm the genius because i heard it but i like who knows what you know we're
not ready to say point you are a genius because you hear and see things that most people don't like we were walking to starbucks and nikki stops and looks at these
two pipes and she's like doesn't that look like they're having a relationship and she's
comforting the other pipe i have to show you i'll put it on the instagram but you do see things on
the street at times that like i don't even know that you're paying attention and okay look at
this i wonder if you guys can see it but it looks like one of the pipes is sad and the other one is like it's okay man let me just show you hold on let me
do it's kind of hard to see so so there's this pipe right here is yeah oh okay this one is
comforting yeah okay so their arms are those are the arms and it looks like another one and that's
his head looking down like i'm so sad it's like it's like, it's okay. It's kissing its head.
Yeah, I could see that.
That is, I was jealous of their relationship.
I was like, God, they have such a steady.
It's funny, I just watched a video of Luke Combs.
He's a country singer and he got inducted into the Grand Ole Opry.
And he did exactly that.
Like that hug was like literally, I don't know.
Oh, really?
That's a little too detailed.
You gotta send me an image of that.
It would be fun to do a side by side.'s exactly that i will i will so i gotta send you aaron carter getting
beat up by nick carter and luke combs getting a lot to look at a lot of stuff for the besties to
investigate too um i can't get it out of my head yeah Yeah. I don't know how he did it.
It doesn't make sense to me.
It's fucking wild.
Last night on the show,
we had,
it was Anya,
me,
and then this comedian
named Julia Ladkowitz,
who my friend,
comedian,
Nora Hadidi,
recommended.
And she was like,
my friend Julia
would like to open for you.
And I was like,
oh,
sure,
have her come.
I didn't really know her
from anyone,
but she ends up being so cool and so fun and she looks like us like it was just another blonde
white girl and i said when i after the show you know after i walk out on stage i was like i just
love to give women of color opportunities i was like women of different blondes yeah blonde hair
color i just like did you really say that on stage?
Yeah, golden blonde.
They liked it, but I know I could get canceled for that.
Obviously, I was joking, and I didn't know what color hair this girl had
when Noor Hadidi, who is someone that gave an opportunity,
who is a woman of color, she said that she actually told Julia,
because they're friends, Noor was like,
the only white girls I like are you and Taylor Swift.
She said, that's Julia.
And I was like, what about me?
But I'm sure Nora would throw me in there too.
So that was fun.
The show was so fun last night.
I slept really well.
What else is there to cover?
Oh, what's going on in Huntsville?
Tell us about, did you golf down there?
Did you get anything done in that respect, Andrew?
No, so i opened for uh
heather mcmahon uh she's like running like she's trying to run a new hour before she starts doing
theater stuff i've never been to alabama i think i've been to alabama one other have you ever been
to alabama it's i mean it's the south it's like it is i've been in birmingham a few times. Oh, yeah. I've done Birmingham. Yeah, I know Alabama.
Okay, yes.
I have been.
I mean, it's...
I don't know.
So it was fun.
It was a really good time.
I mean, her audiences are even more women than most women audiences.
And then the guys, a lot of roll tide.
And then during the day, we go.
They're foodies. So we'll go get some they're foodies so we'll
go get some like really good like southern i ate like who is they uh so heather has another guy
named chris who goes on the road with her as the manager oh yeah i met him i like him yeah he was
great he was fun and uh we went and ate at this place and i got like sausage gravy biscuit like
real southern and then you just feel feel, it ruined the whole day.
Like I can't, my Jewish stomach, I can't be as strong Southern.
Oh, it hurt your stomach, not your conscience?
Like it would ruin my day because I'd be like, I just ate like crap and I feel like, oh God,
why did I do that?
But it just, it physically made you feel sick.
Physically.
Physically.
I just, my body is made to fucking only eat like three things.
And I just, I shut down.
I ended up in bed watching football all day.
And that's all you do on the road.
Like, I wish I did something.
Or in Alabama.
Yeah, you don't do much on the road.
We didn't, yesterday we got into town.
We drove around and looked at homes.
That was kind of fun.
It was funny, like the houses here,
they put the date of when they were built.
Oh, yeah.
By, you know, their slaves here.
You know, it's pretty cool.
It's like, it's just a year and then the name of the family.
And it's like 1846.
And then next door is like 1853.
Like it feels like a competition is going on that no one wins.
You know?
Who has the older house or?
Yeah, who has the oldest house or yeah who has the oldest
civil war when things were good this house was built it's just like a fucking rock it's like
4 a.d you know like just like like if i just wanted to see one house that was like 2021
it is funny that no one ever establishes things anymore like when you see a business that's like has established 1999 you're
like what why would you even yeah stop it but but the thing is you got to do those signs because
someday it will i mean the world i don't think is going to last long enough for those things to
actually matter like now just but like even um whenever i go to concerts i go i don't want to
buy a shirt because it's like i don't want like a new concert shirt but i bought a taylor swift shirt in 2012 at our concert and it is you can't find it for
like less than 300 online now because it's like such a cool shirt and it has all the dates on
the back and it's vintage so you got to think about concert shirts those actually do have value
within 15 years like my friend scott who sells all these vintage shirts he's like britney spears
shirts justin timberlake shirts,
Backstreet Boys, those things go for hundreds of dollars now.
So if you go to a concert, don't think you're too good. Well, a t-shirt gets better over time because it gets more vintage.
It gets more broken down.
A house, you would think you're paying more for essentially a shitty house.
Like the plumbing, I'm sure, isn't that good.
The air conditioning is not that good.
There's more ghosts. The wood floors are cre creaking there's probably like a dead maid in there
somewhere and you're like man this was built in 1484 i love it's like no like buy a house that
has fucking heat you know what i mean like yeah it's just it's just funny um because i don't know
i feel like in charleston it was like that too like just like this is the
history and you can't add an infinity pool or we'll fucking shoot you like you can't you can't
change things up you got to keep it the same right to keep it historic i don't know how anyone does
anything on the road like during the day i know that a lot of comics like go to museums and go
out and like take pictures of the town and i I'm just like, I'm fucking exhausted by this work.
There's no time either.
Like Hala told us to go to some place called Junkies
for vintage clothing in Reno.
And I was thinking,
well, you ain't never gonna get to Junkies.
People always write to me like,
this vegan restaurant.
But we get to order from restaurants.
So that is good to give us restaurant orders,
which we had the best food this weekend.
Fuck.
Shout out to, if you're ever in Santa Rosa, what did we have the oh my god something plum the cozy plum
the cozy plum oh my god my friend calls her vagina it was so delicious so good and then
last night the vegetarian house or whatever that was in san jose i was like i was my soup was nearly
a senegalese soup it had a thickness and a peanutiness to it that was in san jose i was like i was my soup was nearly a senegalese soup it had a
thickness and a peanutiness to it that was so good it was steve and the cozy plum that night
shout out to steve we haven't forgotten about you we had the best waitress last night this woman
named mary who looked like she just like she was walking so slow and she was so like like the
smallest person like i've ever seen like
she wasn't that small short why just small and southern with like glasses that were thicker than
like like like like five people like old women because usually they're no people are just like
yeah that's not much in them but you guys started she like started pouring like the water and she
couldn't even like pick the water up and like we were just like at first we were like she was taking so slow and uh but then i found that she was 48 we found out later
she was 48 but really it's that's not the joke it's not the joke but like she was just so weak
and everything was taking so slow and we're like okay come on can we just have like a waiter that
can like like can like move like everything's slow here like it you're like he won't frad grain to my it's like spit it out i know i'm hungry i was listening everything slow
i was thinking about oh yeah i was just thinking about like if an intruder came into the house and
they called the cops and they'd be stabbed by like the second sentence you know what i mean
like saunters yeah the sheriff will just get out of his car just one boot comes down and then the other boot and then it goes to a wide shot and he he arches his back
goes oh let's check this out it's like what just move get in the house yeah okay we gotta go to
break we'll be back with more after this including reddit dump hey guys i'm laying in bed. So if I sound differently, it's because I've got Invisalign in and I'm horizontal.
Emphasis on whore.
I'm on tour, actually.
Do you know that?
I've told you about it before.
It's the best tour I've been on ever in all of my touring days.
And a big part of that is getting to meet besties and feeling your presence in the crowd.
It means something to me when you buy a ticket.
I'm so grateful.
If you can swing it, I would love to see you there.
This weekend, I'm in Thousand Oaks, California,
which is outside of LA.
I'm in Valley Center, California,
which is outside of San Diego.
Next week, I'll be in Burlington, Vermont,
in Providence, Rhode Island.
Then there's Memphis, Tennessee, Tulsa, Oklahoma,
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, Atlantic City, St. Louis,
and many, many more dates in New York City in January at the Beacon.
So check out dates.
I'm coming to all different weird parts and going through the spring,
and I'll keep adding more, so stay tuned at NikkiGlaser.com.
And as always,
if you buy a ticket to go alone because you can't find a friend, I will reward you with a free meet and greet, which you can also purchase the merch or with a VIP ticket purchase. But if you buy
a ticket to go alone, I'll incentivize it for you being brave to go alone by giving you a free meet
and greet. You just write me going alone in all caps, your name and the city you're seeing me in.
Nothing else.
I know you're thankful.
You don't have to write thank you
because it pushes it down and I won't see it.
After I confirm it and heart it,
then you can write thank you.
But yes, going alone, your name and the city you're seeing me in.
And I'll see you out there on the Good Girl Tour.
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You can't see it, taste it, or smell it. Often laced into illicit drugs and used to make fake versions of prescription pills.
You can't see it, taste it, or smell it.
Suppliers mix fentanyl into their products because it's potent and cheap.
And the dealer might not even know.
Keep yourself and others safe by knowing the real deal on fentanyl.
Get the facts.
Go to realdealonfentanyl.com.
This message is brought to you by the Ad Council. The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and badder than ever.
I'm Erica.
And I'm Mila.
And we're the hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast,
brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday.
Historically, men talk too much.
And women have quietly listened.
And all that stops here.
If you like witty women, then this is your tribe.
With guests like Corinne Stephens.
I've never seen so many women protect predatory men.
And then me too happened.
And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off
because the white said it was okay.
Problem.
My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade,
and I called to ask how I was doing.
She was like, oh dad, all they was doing
was talking about your thing in class.
I ruined my baby's first day of high school.
And Slumflower.
What turns me on is when
a man sends me money.
I feel the moisture between my legs when a man
sends me money. I'm like, oh my god, it's
go time. You actually sent it?
Listen to the Good Moms
Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday
on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the
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you go to find your podcasts.
Alright, we're back.
Let's just get right into, let's do news.
Can we do some news, Noah?
Mm-hmm.
You heard it here first.
You heard it here first.
Yeah, you heard it here first.
Oh, boy.
It's Tuesday, folks.
You know what that means?
It is Tuesday, but it's actually really Monday.
But is it?
Who knows, actually.
No one knows.
Well, I'm in Huntsville.
I don't understand.
How about us the spells?
Thanks, Andrew.
Guess what?
New research provides
evidence that the pandemic changed
our personalities. Researchers
found that people were less extroverted,
less open, less agreeable,
and less conscientious
in 2021 and 2022
compared with before the pandemic
not a big shocker here but like it is significant i think i was thinking about the pandemic last
night like are people like my my niece and nephew like my nephew i wonder if i was like what's covid
what if he would know he's four like what and and know, COVID is not going to be on the tip of everyone's tongue in like two years,
hopefully.
Right.
Like even if we just,
you know,
the way things are now,
they keep going.
It'll be a thing that we talk about and we'll all know about,
but kids won't really know about it as much.
And I'm wondering,
will they,
will,
will it be a reference?
You think like if,
if he,
Arlo becomes a comedian
in his 20s will he do covet references like do you know what i mean like will it be a thing that
everyone remembers and talks about is it is it is as significant as 9-11 no i think it's a different
thing than like polio because polio was the vaccine actually no one gets polio people still
get covet like people are still gonna
get covet 10 years from now it'll feel a little different people will still talk about it but
they'll talk about it like the flu like the flu used to kill people people still getting polio
now did you yeah they still yeah it's bad polio it's so retro it's so retro it's like an old taylor swift t-shirt vintage polio yeah so i think people
will talk about but not like nowhere near like how it was the last couple years you know what i mean
but it did change people i mean it it's it was people talk about trauma it was just traumatic
i mean i was even talking to the girl um who opened for me she moved back with
her parents and she's married she moved back to toronto from la she was having a lot of success
in la and just abandoned ship and moved with her parents for 10 months just like me lived with her
parents um people went through trauma they're still recovering from the financial loss and like
and then we remember we switched to like i know this is we've all been
over this but i think we haven't talked about in a while everyone freaked the we just all of a sudden
i didn't know we didn't know what it was gonna be we didn't know how long we were gonna be shut
down everyone really i thought everyone underestimated it me as a pessimist i overestimated
it i was like this is gonna be seven years of living inside like i was ready you said stand-up
comedy's dead it's over i really and it was for a while even though and even when
people start doing it outside it was still dead in my opinion it should have been kept dead
but um it is amazing that everything has come back it was traumatic people are still have that
your brain changed during that time and imagine being alone so many people did covet
alone and that show alone if it's proven anything to us is that people can't handle being alone you
think you can but because people all the time go i could be on alone i love solitude it's not
we're not meant to be alone we were we came up in tribes you need to like other people for
emotional support like even if
you think you're alone i mean some people actually are totally alone and i'm so sorry there's people
to talk to there's better help there's um hotlines it showed how fragile we are like as a group in
your area yes like i've never really realized like oh this is gonna affect everyone you know
what i mean like everyone that's what I liked about it
because when stand-up was taken away,
everyone wasn't doing stand-up.
Is there anything in your personality specifically
that you think changed?
And I'm talking like a negative effect
because this article talks about how the changes
in the things that I listed
negatively impacted our well-being
because when you have high levels of agreeableness
or extroversion-ness,
your well-being is better.
Is there anything in your personalities
that you think was impacted negatively?
I think my depression took up a couple notches.
I suffer with it more after it like it got to such
lows that i think it like exacerbated it and then it got to a point where it's like oh we know we
can get this low so how low can you go now i'm playing limbo all the time and i'm not going as
low but like it's just it got me like anything like if you are running a lot and then all of a sudden you can run 20
miles.
Cause you've been running for,
you've like,
I don't know.
I don't know how to describe it.
Like if I ran a marathon during COVID,
I would probably be doing five,
six miles.
And that would be an easy run for me now.
And I feel like now I get into six mile depressions when I used to get
into three mile ones because my stamina is more.
If that makes sense.
Anyone else? i feel like
it was interesting because i think crowds came back they were so happy to just fucking crowds
to be together to feel like you can actually go see an event yeah they got a little too happy in
seoul korea if you hear what i was saying oh yeah i don't know what you're saying that's what that
was a thing of the pandemic they said because soul didn't have halloween
for two years and that was a huge deal everyone was like let's all fucking go and that was that
so as much as that was a joke it wasn't like that really happens but yeah so crowds so i feel like
when at first like the crowds got amped and i we were remember we started doing shows i would
i was so amped to be around people and then i was like the farther i got from that i go
kind of miss covet like i kind of miss like not being around people. And then I was like, the farther I got from that, I go, kind of miss COVID.
Like, I kind of miss, like, not being around people.
You know what I mean?
Like, after that first, like, wave of, like, yeah, we're all together.
We're all doing shit together.
Then I was like, I kind of like not having anything really have to do.
You don't have to do anything.
Oh, it was awesome to not have to do anything at night and to just.
Yeah, that's been the hardest thing to shake is you know i'm
a creature of habit i like my routine but i notice you know i moved to a new city during
covid i moved upstate and now i don't have any friends up there i just have matt i haven't
branched out to go to shows and steve i don't like discover new things about the town because
i still have this mentality of like no just hunker down and stay in and just do the basic routine that you have.
I'm not as adventurous, I think.
A little bit more paranoid, a little bit more anxious.
I even feel like people have more social, I know people have more social anxiety now than they ever did because it's new.
We were locked down for so long.
It's just gives you... People, I was starting...
I was panicking when the world was opening up
because I'm like,
I don't want to go socialize again.
This sucks.
And if I was feeling that way,
I can't even imagine people
with normal social anxiety were feeling.
I really feel for all the people
at critical times of their lives.
I know someone that was just on the verge
of their fertility is in question someone that was like just on the verge of you know their
fertility is in question they need to find a partner or get married like within the next three
years otherwise forget having your own kid and it's like nope shut down for three years fuck that
or children that are like at that crucial time of making friends and college kids junior high or
high school yeah like you met those i feel for them and of course old people i mean how did what about me i was like just like i don't know going on tour no i'm just
kidding it was like the best time ever for me for the world to show that it was perfectly timed for
me my e-show that i didn't want to do got canceled and i was like oh no i prayed for it something to
happen it's so weird. And I don't,
I'm not one of these people that thinks I have any influence on the earth by my prayers.
But I remember praying for some intervention to take me out of doing that e-show that I was imminent.
I wanted to do the show.
I'm grateful to everyone that worked on it,
including Andrew,
but I just didn't have time because I was on tour and I was working during the day and doing the radio show.
I had no time to give this TV show.
And so it was going on air in April,
10 episodes.
I had no idea what it was.
I didn't like what it was.
I didn't have enough.
I didn't know how to fix it.
Even though I had amazing writers
writing on it,
Bonnie McFarlane,
Ari Findling,
Andrew Collin,
JP McDade.
This is your apology list.
It was awesome. The show was, could have been so
good, but I just could not, I just was so scared of it. I, and I remember like crying in my shower
being like, there's there, Nikki, don't even try to bargain with God right now. There's nothing
that could happen that the show isn't going to happen. Like shows don't get taken away,
barring you getting very hurt, which you know you're not going to do to yourself.
You're not going to get hit by a car.
You're not going to get hit by lightning.
And then COVID happens
and it's the first show they go,
Nikki, I'm so sorry.
We can't do this.
And I was sorry to the guy
that I had to lie to and be like,
I'm so sad.
But I was jumping on the like, I'm so sad. Like, but I was jumping on down.
I was so fucking happy because I just wanted the show to be great.
And it wasn't great yet.
And it was because of me.
I wasn't able to give it enough,
but man,
that was the,
it was,
it was the worst time for them.
And for me,
it was,
and I was about to have a mental,
like the reason I couldn't give it anything is because i was overworked i was about to literally commit
myself to an institution because of just what exhaustion um just mental and um physical
exhaustion i was about to do like one of those lindsey lohan's of like oh i'm you know uh
dehydration but it's really just you're just going into psychosis and um and then the planet gave it
to me um and so i it was just i just got lucky man i don't think that i had anything to do with
um but but those prayers worked but no way you got to change your life too in such a good way
i mean you moved to arizona you never would have done that right without hell no no i feel like i
had i had some positive changes that
i would have not have gone outside my comfort zone to do but just like it's good to hear you
all say how covid um negatively impacted you like leaning into your anti like anti-social habits
because i was like my whole life i struggled with that and i got to a point where i was like putting
myself out there i was going to places i would go to places alone if i didn't have anyone to go with
and then covid it just like that like like evil little anti-social thing just was like oh you
don't have to talk to anybody you get to just stay at home and it's been really hard breaking out of
it yeah it's been it's been really really
hard but you're good about getting yourself out there and making friends you've made many friends
in arizona i've been so impressed you've made more friends in arizona than i have in my entire life
like you met friends in parking lots there you go to jujitsu you're volunteering at a
um a garden that grows food for people who are food insecure.
You are getting out there. You're forcing yourself to do
social things.
It's a conscious effort.
The work that I have to
do in my brain to put myself out
there and the anxiety that I feel,
it always turns out to be just fine and I have
a great time and a great story to
take away from it.
Just the gymnastics that I have to do in my mind to just get there just fine and i have a great time and a great story to you know take away from it but just the
the gymnastics that i have to do in my mind to just get there is a lot interesting that most of
our lives are dreading things that when we actually get to them end up not being even 10 as bad as we
thought like i really don't know of any event i've gone to that has been as 10 even 10 as bad as i thought it was
going to be with the amount of dread i gave it so why do we keep continuing to think things are
going to be terrible because i dread i literally dread everything in my life besides going to pick
up my starbucks and that is no offense to anyone you know even meet and greets i'm kind of like
just get this done and then i get to eat dinner and they are a fucking joy i have so much fun i'm like i feel uplifted sometimes i feel like i had a
rough set like at reno not reno yeah reno was like just this big i mean it was three thousand seats
and thank you to people are fucking coming out to shows and i'm so grateful for the crowds like
by the way the shows are so fucking good if you guys have not been to a nikki glazer
show yet this is the best i've ever seen her shows are so fun thank you it's um it's but the
first night in merino was just like i could the the sound kind of got lost and all of us felt that
way we were kind of like did they like it and but matt was out in the audience he was like no i assure
you they were having fun but i was feeling so stinky afterwards was like, I didn't give them a good show.
I felt off.
I didn't even know if they liked it.
I went too long.
They were probably bored.
They hated going here.
And then I went to the meet and greet and everyone was so fucking nice and
made me feel so much better.
And I'm like,
ah,
I can't believe I felt that way.
And so all these things that I dread,
uh,
and I always dread going on stage.
And as soon as I grabbed the mic,
I am having the best time of my life.
I've never once been on stage being like, I can't wait to get off stage, ever, ever, ever.
But I dread going to the gym.
Every time I work out, I feel good.
I dread talking to my parents.
Every time I do, I have a good time.
I dread, the only thing I don't dread, and this is ironic, because most people do, air travel.
I love being on a plane. I love being on a plane i love sleeping on a plane
i love the sound of planes i love being able to again that is the most anti-social place for me
ever you don't have to talk to anyone on a plane if you are skilled like me you don't have to talk
to anyone um and i love i love flights and that's the only place besides caving where people will go oh that's that's why you
couldn't write back to that email caving space planes and surgery those are the only four places
you can escape even sleep you don't get away with that anymore you but you could have woken up and
written back to my email but a plane people go you go oh the wi-fi was you just go the wi-fi
and you don't have to lie people just go oh it oh, it was, oh, and you go, yeah.
But, you know, you don't have to lie.
That is
Yeah, I do that same shit. I always have a build-up
in my head that everything's
going to be bad. I dread. Everything's going to be
bad. Even for good stuff. And it's never bad.
Never bad. It's never even close. I don't dread watching TV
with my boyfriend or watching,
I look forward to watching TV.
I look forward to meals. I look forward to watching tv i look forward to meals i look
forward to starbucks i look forward to i look forward to this podcast most of the time i
honestly do it's never it's not something i dread i'll tell you that it's not it's neutral
altercation on stage where this these i was trying to do my jokes and these women on the
right order like a a dessert to share.
And you could hear them.
And they were all like,
do you want the ice cream?
Do you want the spoon?
Do you want...
Like, what do you...
Oh, here, you take this spoon.
Oh my God, look,
the ice cream's already melting.
And I'm like...
And they're like...
It's part of the stage
where they're in your ear
because they're not in front of you either.
Yeah, there's like a mic on them.
And no one knows. That you can hear them so well. That that's the shittiest part when you're at a comedy club
the comedians can hear what's going on on the stage and sometimes i've done this so many times
where you react so violently or like oh my god over the top what happened because it's been in
your ear and then the rest of the audience thinks you're fucking crazy yes that's what happens so i
go oh is the ice cream i go oh
is the ice cream is the ice cream more important than than me working on my act for 12 years is
that is that important that ice cream i would say yeah yeah yeah for sure if you say it like that
yeah what is your act who cares and then i go then i go i go and like i was being fun with it
though i was just like yeah I wasn't being that bad.
I really wasn't, even though they were just like.
And they go 12 years, really?
Oh, okay.
So I say, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Really?
Seems like it just started.
They go, what about three?
Your career is melting more than this ice cream.
I'm like, thanks.
I appreciate that.
So what happened?
Is it Alamo or is it Lamode?
I don't know
that's what i'm gonna need so this girl i say one more thing about the ice cream like after a joke
like just called back to it a little bit and she just goes get over it i'm pregnant get like yelled
get over it i'm pregnant i'm trying to think what i would have responded i would have i go
and a bitch that's what i said but i said it like such like i didn't say it like you were pissed
yeah just because the condescending in her tone people don't condensation in her tone from my
mouth yeah you had condensation to every word dude she had beer goggles on it's actually just
me spinning on her glasses from my mouth and beer goggles are a metaphor oh really i thought you
actually not down in the south so oh wait but i said bitch in a way that was like so aggressive
had so much history behind it. And then I go,
I go,
yeah,
they're like,
this is about your mom.
Fucking Robin.
She's like,
who's Robin?
And so I was like,
I go,
and then I go,
hey,
you know what? I didn't need to get that aggressive.
And then,
but that's not good either for comedy.
I'm just having an inner monologue.
That's coming out our log.
My mouth.
What number,
what,
how many more minutes did you have on stage
here's the thing i then i fucking crushed after that i think like it made me in a way like i
apologize and then i just you gain control of them yeah it made me it made me push harder
but like i didn't i lost i did lose it a little bit but there's something about like
get over it i'm pregnant like like just
because you're pregnant you could be a horrible part like
I know just because someone fucked you
and came inside you and you were fertile
enough to carry it like you get to
disturb it
I'll give you my seat on the subway but you don't
get to be yeah it's same
with like someone in a wheelchair or someone that
has a disease
or has cancer,
you can still be a bitch
and have cancer.
You can still be a bitch
in a wheelchair.
We all know this,
but there's something about it
where we have to,
oh, old people are all sweet.
It's like, no, they're not.
They're not all sweet.
Oh, that guy with a limp,
he must be just a gentle soul.
It's like,
I think that's rude
to assume that everyone,
and especially mothers. It's condescending. We all know mothers are cunts. It's cond, I think that's rude to assume that everyone that,
and especially mothers,
it's condescending.
We all know mothers are cunts.
We have mothers.
Like there's nothing about,
it is condensation.
It's,
it's so condensation.
I'm in here.
Sorry. And also stop bragging.
You're pregnant.
Yeah.
We get it.
It felt very like,
you know,
whatever it was.
Oh my God.
They're knocking like crazy.
Yeah. I don't need anything.
Tell her
she's a bitch.
Come on, Andrew. What are you, pregnant
out there? Alright, we're gonna go to
break and come back with more. Andrew's gonna handle this
and we'll continue the show
after this. Handle maids.
Hand maids.
Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show
and in your ears with The Daily Show
Ears Edition podcast.
From his hilarious satirical takes on today's
politics and entertainment to the unique
voices of correspondents and contributors,
it's your perfect companion
to stay on top of what's happening now.
Plus, you'll get special
content just for podcast listeners,
like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines.
Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcasts.
I started to live a double life when I was a teenager.
Responsible and driven, and wild and out of
control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand
what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places.
I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery.
The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses.
But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community, and I made my way back.
This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery.
A story told in 12 steps.
Listen to Crumbs as part of the Michael Dura Podcast Network.
Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
I'm Tomer Cohen, LinkedIn's Chief Product Officer.
If you're just as curious as I am about the way things are built,
the insights behind what it takes to create a world-renowned product,
then tune in to my podcast, Building One.
There's so much to learn, like how Patagonia innovates with its supply chain.
We had to go out to farmers and convince them it was really damn hard.
Or the way Adobe thinks about the first interaction somebody has with Photoshop.
Ever wanted to know how Nike builds emotion into the Jordan brand?
You have to be obsessed with the current state of the human condition.
And it doesn't stop there.
What about how Gleam reinvented knowledge search with AI?
You can learn about how a Michelin star chef is redesigning seeds for flavor
and how Pixar is nurturing a creative culture.
Listen to Building One on the iHeartRadio app, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts.
The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and badder than ever.
I'm Erica.
And I'm Mila.
And we're the hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast,
brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network
every Wednesday.
Historically, men talk too much.
And women have quietly listened.
And all that stops here.
If you like witty women, then this is your tribe.
With guests like Corinne Steffens.
I've never seen so many women protect predatory men.
And then me too happened.
And then everybody else wanted to get pissed off
because the white said it was okay.
Problem.
My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade,
and I called to ask how I was doing.
She was like, oh dad, all they was doing
was talking about your thing in class.
I ruined my baby's first day of high school.
And slumflower.
What turns me on is when a man sends me money.
Like I feel the moisture between my legs when a man sends me money.
I'm like, oh, my God, it's go time.
You actually sent it?
Listen to the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday
on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcasts.
I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional
and the host of Welcome to the Party,
your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf.
Featuring interviews with top players on tour like LPGA superstar Angel Yen.
I really just sat myself down at the end of 2022 and I was like, look, either we make it or we quit.
Expert tips to help improve your swing and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club.
The drinks were flowing, twerking all over the place, vaping, they're shotgunning.
Women's golf is a wild ride, full of big personalities,
remarkable athleticism, fierce competition,
and a generation of women hell-bent on shanking that glass ceiling.
Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeartWomen sports production
in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment.
Listen to Welcome to the Party,
that's P-A-R-T-E-E,
on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcasts.
Presented by Elf Beauty,
founding partner of iHeartWomen Sports.
All right, we're back.
Let's do Reddit Dump.
This is your, this is your this is your reddit i got the key right
i love that laugh it's my favorite part okay so i was on reddit last night i was so excited that
this one came up because it is like so my style of a question it's on ask reddit which is where
they just ask cool questions and then people answer.
It says, what is the most dangerous thing
people don't realize is all that dangerous?
And this is my favorite thing to talk about,
is things that are dangerous and people are just
doing them, and I'm like, how?
Everyone needs to know. We talked about crowd
crushes, how to not have that happen to you.
If you want to revisit that episode, it was on Thursday's
episode, last Thursday. If you ever find
yourself in a crowd, walk with your hands up like you're boxing someone and stand uh staggered
with one foot in front of the other so that you aren't just like you know standing with your feet
together and then if you get pushed to the ground um you don't have to go back and listen because
i'm telling you if you get pushed to the ground do not stay on your stomach or on your back get
in a fetal position to the side and crouch and that will keep your organs protected so that is going to save some lives okay but this was interesting
to me my first word as a child was dangerous i would point out things that were dangerous
i'm obsessed with people wearing seat belts i'm obsessed with people wearing helmets i am a
total advocate for um caleb sign in my opener this weekend he was talking about scooters and
how he won't go on those like bird scooters he's like no i'm not gonna do it and i was like do it he's like did you wear a helmet and i'm like i you don't even
understand who you're talking to i am so scared of dangerous things and those scooters are not
dangerous as they seem i mean they definitely are they but just if you're a smart person and not
being drunk on one and following the rules you don't you'll be okay and i was like please do
one i just trust me i'm
such an advocate for safety and it's so fun this one blew my mind the top answer okay so what is
the most dangerous thing people don't realize is all that dangerous and people need to know this
so listen up everyone especially people with kids all the pregnant bitches out there the pin setters
in a bowling alley they are all well over a thousand pounds of mechanized death by steel and moving belts.
Some of the scariest moments of my life
have been running the six feet
between me and the emergency shut off
behind the front desk as a toddler runs,
slipping and sliding down the lane
while their parents or guardians
are laughing by the table
because they thought it was cute.
Even experienced pin setter mechanics
have been crushed to death during scheduled maintenance pin setters are machines of convenience entertainment
and death so that freaked me out i'm telling my sister if she ever brings her kids to the bowling
alley like like just like a you could see a toddler just like being like running towards the
ball and everyone going that's so funny and just're toddler magnets. Yes, they are. When I was a toddler,
that's my number one place I wanted to run to.
Yes.
Drunk people, too, will run and slide into pins
like fucking idiots.
Well, they can do that.
You know what?
You're an idiot.
Adults, but we need to protect children.
No, don't put your hand in one.
The Cake Boss.
Apparently, I was reading the Cake Boss,
Buddy Valastro nearly destroyed one of his hands, punctured by the
pin setter in his own home bowling alley.
So be careful, folks.
This one was good.
I feel like we all know this, but it's worth repeating.
Passengers should never rest their
feet on the dash of a car because when the airbag
does its thing, it has only one way to go.
Several terrible things can happen at this point.
Your knees get pushed into your face
or your hips are dislocated. It god it looks so cool though damn it this was an interesting one a
more psychological one uh what were you saying noah i have a story for you please this weekend
we went up to a place called mount lemon two-way road windy road going all the way up to the top
of a mountain people going our way home there was a car that was driving the speed limit
and a couple of cars behind it.
One guy said, I need to pass this driver driving the speed limit.
Went around a curve.
We passed the curve.
All of a sudden, we see his truck on the side of the road.
He apparently flipped upside down. His truck landed in a ditch by the side of the road. He apparently flipped upside down.
His truck landed in a ditch by the side of the road
on a mountain.
So it's a good thing it didn't go to the other side
where it was like down the mountain.
Oh my God.
Yeah, yeah.
And he got so lucky.
We had no reception at that point of the mountain.
Oh my God.
Did you get out and help him?
But you got out and helped him.
Of course.
Because we were with Avi.
Search and rescue EMT
This is Avi's dream
This is the best person to ever be
Behind a guy that flipped his car
And we had his truck
So he had all his stuff with him
Also the guy
Who was driving the speed limit
Is a veteran
So he has like experience also
And then a few minutes later
A doctor was driving up the mountain
so uh the guy was alive he was kind of like in and out um he didn't appear that he had any like
lacerations or bleeding but like he flipped upside down it's great people are insane to drive did you
see the accident happen i saw him cutting the cars off but because it went around a bend i didn't see his vehicle flip over when guys drive in big trucks they think they're invincible
they really do that's another thing like you're driving a big truck you could die too like that's
a thing that is dangerous it was for me like as an outsider like not knowing this guy i'm like wow
i'm like seeing someone have a life-changing moment because he was like near death.
He could have died.
I would hope.
And he hopefully, yeah,
learns from that.
Yeah.
God, that's so scary
coming upon a wreck.
I just, I can't.
Did it turn you on to an RV?
I'm so scared that I'm going to see.
Oh yeah, did,
was he like in his fucking,
you've never seen him in that mode, right?
Rescue mode.
It's like Baywatch.
It was probably slow motion, like hot. Oh yeah, was it? Did he take off his shirt? Yes. Did seen him in that mode, right? Rescue mode. It's like Baywatch. It was probably slow motion,
like hot.
Oh yeah, was it?
Did he take off his shirt?
Yes.
Did he have a flotation device?
Did he make a tourniquet
out of his pants?
Oh my God.
Yeah, what did he do?
So hot.
Did he do anything hot?
Was he doing like?
Well, the door was jammed
so he couldn't,
because he has to take
the guy's pulse,
you know,
you have to stabilize him
and stuff.
So he had to like break
the window on the passenger side.
So all of a sudden you're like. He did that? Yep. With his elbow? With his head? you have to stabilize him and stuff. So he had to break the window on the passenger side.
So all of a sudden you're like,
yep, with his elbow.
With his head?
He had a knife.
So he used the back of the knife.
What the fuck? Oh my God, cool.
What a man.
Were you just masturbating by a tree?
What were you, sitting in the shade,
watching all this?
And then the funny part is,
so there's cars
passing by right and it's already dark so this one guy drives he's he's got like this red sports
car with like a green light underneath and i'm trying to like scream to people like can you
please call the cops when you get reception there's a man in there we just had an accident
so these two guys um are driving up the mountain All of a sudden, the car just like speeds off, disappears for like 10 minutes.
Then they come.
I see the car coming back.
And I'm like, did you call the cops?
Did you call anyone?
And these guys come out.
It looks like Cheech and Chong.
And they're just like, yeah, we went up there.
We got service.
I drove like 60 miles per hour.
And I'm like, that's not, don't tell me that.
But thank you for calling them.
It was just like a turn into like a little.
How long were you there?
We were there, I think for maybe like.
I'm thinking about, I would be like,
oh, this is taking a long time.
I know.
I was like, if my boyfriend was like rescuing everyone,
I'd be like, God damn it.
We're not gonna.
I had my friend in tow.
I love his blind episodes.
We were supposed to go to Potwell to get some food,
but we were there for like an hour,
like delayed us by an hour.
I'd be like, the Starbucks is closing,
and I just put in my model order.
It's just going to be cold by the time I get there.
I'm such a bitch.
I seriously would be thinking that.
I'd be like, remember when we broke down
on the side of the road?
Yeah, you were gone before the car even stopped.
Wait, what?
What happened?
Nikki, go save yourselves, you fucking bitches.
I'm out.
We were driving back, me, Ari, and Andrew fucking bitches i'm out we were driving back
me ari and andrew and claire parker were driving back from a gig somewhere in new jersey and we
were on the highway and all of a sudden we started hearing like like the tire
drums i think my nephew was on the back with a an old steel drum and we were like what the fuck and so we pull
over on the side of the highway which i hate doing and i'm so scared of and i like i think we've
actually pulled off on a ramp because i was like ari i will get you that's the biggest that's
another dangerous thing my dad always taught me never ever pull off on the side of a highway no
matter what you could just drive on your
shitty tire because you will die changing a tire people it happens to people all the time on the
highway um so we pulled off and we he went to go check it and i had already called an uber for me
and claire to get picked up to leave andrew and ari there to deal with it because there's nothing
i can do in that situation to help. I am out of things.
Why do I need to stay?
Yeah, just friendship.
No, but they have each other.
Ari and Andrew are friends.
No, it makes sense.
I don't love Ari.
I want to go on the Uber, too.
And they were so offended.
Yeah, I was thinking Andrew was probably like, can I get in there?
Well, I would have loved you, but I feel like that would have been mean to Ari.
We would have had to leave someone with it. And we were the two girls, and I was like, we don't need to be unstranded on a highway with these guys trying
to change a tire. They don't even know what they're doing because they're
both... Yeah, I know, but we could have used your bodies
to like... for barter system.
Like, help us with the tire. You could have
our women. We could have used you.
Right. Okay, that's true.
But then it ended up being just
like a piece of tape that was like a piece of
tar. And then I
had to eat crow and i was like
canceling the uber i had to pay the five dollar fine yeah it was just we were back in the car
how long were you a fucking uber you i cannot believe he was so offended how long how long
did it take from pulling over to discovering the tape well i'm not kidding you i started calling
the uber before we even pulled over as soon as i heard the sound because i'm like i'm not wasting my time i can't
do anything in this situation i'm not gonna know i don't know how to work a jack i don't know how
to work lug nuts i'm not gonna fucking be any help here so okay uh the next reddit thing i just want
to say is um the dangerous thing that you don't know is dangerous using non-ladder objects to
reach things out of reach like standing upon a thing that you made out know is dangerous. Using non-ladder objects to reach things out of reach. Oh, for sure, yeah.
Like standing upon a thing that you made out of nowhere.
Getting in and out of a wet shower or bathtub.
I mean, so scary.
Do your parents have stuff in their bathtub?
Are you worried about slips and falls for them?
They don't have stuff in their bathtub.
I don't even think they shower.
I don't know what my parents do.
Wait, what?
Well, you see them today.
Will you ask?
I'm worried about them.
Okay.
Now, the next Reddit thing.
Oh, this girl had a life hack.
Oh, I wanted Andrew to try this,
but we don't have it on hand.
But I want one of our besties to try it.
Anya, I'm going to play it for you.
Sorry, no, I didn't send this.
It's a girl with a 12-pack of soda
that isn't opened yet.
And it's a life hack.
I guess I'll just play it for all of us. And I'll just describe what she's doing. So she holds a pack of soda that isn't opened yet and it's a life hack i guess i'll just play it for all
of us and i'll just describe what she's doing so she holds the pack of soda it says this is from
life hacks new here so sorry it's been shared before but here's my life hack and it's a girl
taking a 12 pack of soda and then slamming it over her knee like a karate move and just chopping it
in half and it breaks in half perfectly i'll play it again for you guys. That's so cool.
Diet Coke, too.
Oh, interesting.
Whoa.
And it opens like that,
and I want to see if that works.
I wonder.
I had my pack of Zevia here,
but I drank all 10 in one sitting. I'm not going to do that over my knees
that I'm trying to do PT for.
It didn't look like it was too much pressure.
It depends how quick you want the soda,
because that's going to cause fuzz, for sure. you just tap the top fizz we just put the whole 12 pack in the fridge though why does
she need it broken open just to open it that's a good point there's like a little point of getting
it 12 pack yeah you can there's a little door yeah okay so that's pointless no one needs it
okay cool sorry it did look cool this is from explain like i'm five and i just want to hear what you guys think the answer to this is and then i have the actual answer
why do human babies cry so much as opposed to chimpanzee or gorilla babies like you see
gorillas and they're always just kind of like looking around i know why they're swinging on
why um because there's predators out in the wild and if they cry they'll be found and then killed and eaten
smart interesting that is part of it does anyone else have any theories
so they said i'm watching a documentary and notice how chill great ape babies are they're quite content just holding on to their mom and you never see them crying in the same shrill
oftentimes excessive way human babies do why is it because of how we're socialized now and
we're so separate and maybe we're supposed to be like wrapped around our moms constantly and we're
not i would think um that's my guess no it's but uh this andrew's right uh it's it's kind of has
multiple things that anthropologists think one anthropologist sarah hardy posited an evolutionary
mechanism if
an ape or monkey puts a baby down for a bit its best chance of survival is to stay quiet and hope
mom comes back it can last for a good bit a human baby is basically fucked if mom does not come back
around very quickly oh right um so makes lots of penetrating noises to remind her and this was the
other part of that human babies are born much earlier into their life cycle than
chimps for various reasons i was gonna say that women our gestation period is not that long babies
come out really vulnerable whereas other babies of other species animals um even hominids come out
really well formed and so they don't need as much care where as we if our babies were lasted longer in us and
cooked longer they would kill us on the way out we would because they'd be too big right yeah yeah
so like a horse is born and within 30 seconds is walking already yes already in college yes yeah
it's wild um so yeah being born super early is actually a pretty good evolutionary adaptation. So most of the growth goes into your brain when you're in, I guess it says, um, it's
a good evolutionary adaptation to a social species because it allows for less need for
pre-programmed instinctive behavior and a much greater range of learned behaviors, meaning
that human behavior can be highly adaptable and very plastic between generations.
Humans can change pretty much everything about their behavior very rapidly
because it's almost all learned behavior
and not encoded at a genetic level.
It's one reason homo species,
no homo,
have been able to live in every climate
and adjust to all sorts of different social
and some word systems.
I thought that was very interesting.
Final thoughts.
Can you imagine if you had a baby and it was already like, it comes out, it's like walking and being like, what's up, bro?
It was already doing, yeah, it's ABCs.
Yeah, yeah.
So it's good for our evolutionary survival to cry?
Yes. Yes. Because we're like mama i'm here look at me
yeah it would be weird if babies came out doing this
dude on your clit literally arcade fire that is so wild i know it's so weird okay um and then this one was interesting let's all think of our
favorite song if you can ever one of your favorite songs let's say favorite love song whether it's
any kind of song about i think you just played it honestly
think of your favorite song that has something to do with love whether it's negative or positive
heartbreak or anything so love um this is from psychology uh the subreddit it says the lyrics
to your to your date's favorite song may provide clues to their attachment style so you can get
insight into the person you're with if they're insecure if they are um avoidant or if they're insecure, if they are avoidant, or if they are secure based on their favorite song
and the lyrics of the favorite song.
So I want to run a little test.
Anya, what is your favorite song?
Supernova by Liz Phair,
which is basically just a love song to a guy.
Like, your eyelashes sparkle like gilded grass,
and your lips are sweet and slippery
like a cherub's bare wet ass.
It's like a funny, sweet love song. Is she getting rejected in it at all or is she longing it's just all she's longing but it's like
fun and i have looked all over the place but you have got my favorite face your eyelashes sparkle
like gilded grass and your lips are sweet and slippery like a cherub's bare wet ass because
you're a super a human supernova a solar superhuman you're an angel with fire
wings of fire a flying giant friction blast um yeah it's all just nice yeah that's secure yeah
i'd read that as a secure attachment you're just celebrating someone that you love it doesn't
there's not a longing there's not a rejection there um i think you're describing steve again
um like it really did like all i was thinking literally all i was thinking while
you're reading was steve your sweater has a chevron and you're so damn hot you walk in clouds
of glitter and you wear a tight medium shirt and the sun reflects in your eyes and every time the
wind blows i can smell you in the sky your kisses are as wicked as an f-16 and you fuck like a
volcano and you're everything to me that's a great song oh my god i love that okay noah what's your favorite song and
can we look up the lyrics or is it just are they even audible you don't like lyrics though so i
don't think this counts for you yeah can we skip noah's favorite love song is just like a like i
don't know an eagle being beaten to death or something i am obsessed right
oh not animals the eagles the band the band the eagles being beaten to death i'm so into this
song right now speaking of songs this is a tangent called good in bed by dua lipa because i always
watch on instagram she has the best like reels of her just like grinding and she's always wearing
these like hot costumes and i got
into the song from instagram but it's called good in bed and i've just been listening to it a lot
recently and she has oh she goes it's bad bad bad bad bad you're messing with my head head head
head we drive each other mad mad mad mad mad but baby that's what makes us good in bed please come
take it out on me me me me me i know it's really bad bad bad but baby that's what makes us good in bed. Please come take it out on me, me, me, me, me. I know it's really bad, bad, bad,
but baby, that's what makes us good in bed.
And she's like, it's bad.
We drive each other mad.
It might be kind of sad,
but I think that's what makes us good in bed.
We drive each other mad.
It might be kind of sad.
And she goes, yeah, we don't know how to talk,
but damn, we know how to fuck.
I love it so much.
I think I love Dua Lipa.
I think I think she's, she's got Taylor Swift vibes to me.
She's just saying it real.
I think she's underrated for me. and it is so good and it's all about how like boys boys boys boys boys
I like toys toys toys
work work work
are you guys seeing
the trend in pop music
my favorite Taylor Swift song
right now is
if we're talking about
love songs
it's Labyrinth
and I love that one
and it's like
oh oh I'm falling in love oh, I'm falling in love.
Oh, oh, I'm falling in love again.
Oh, I'm falling in love.
I thought the plane was going down.
How'd you turn it right around?
And it's just about like, oh, no, I'm falling in love.
Like, this is going to be.
And I think that really does, because I read that and I go,
what are my favorite songs?
And why don't I like these other songs that certain girls like and um that one i think i like because i do feel that way
like as soon as i get what i want i start going oh no there's never gonna be another thing i like
the pain of um even like that song midnight rain he wanted it comfortable. I wanted that pain. He wanted a bride.
I was making my own name.
Chasing that fame.
He stayed the same.
All of me changed like midnight.
That's another one I love.
So I have definite avoidance.
Mine's avoidant based on the things that I like.
Wait, aren't you anxious?
I'll back you up by Dave Matthews.
I've changed into Avoid It
style,
but I used to be anxious,
but now that my boyfriend
is secure and loves me,
I'm more going towards Avoid It
because it scares me.
Being secure scares me.
Andrew, you said
I'll Back You Up
by Dave Matthews?
Yeah, by Dave Matthews.
I remember thinking
I'd go on forever
only knowing
I'd go on forever knowing I'd go on forever only knowing. I'd go on forever knowing.
I'd go on forever only knowing.
That I'd see you again.
You were there.
But I know the touch of you is hard to remember.
Wait, wait.
But like that touch, I know no other.
And for sure, you're dancing, something together.
Would you like to dance around the world with me?
Wait, just let him go.
I'll be
and i know the touch of you okay again was hard i remember thinking i'll go on forever only knowing
i'll see you again but i know the touch of you is hard to remember but like that touch i've known no
other and for sure we have danced in the risk of each other. Would you like to dance with me around the world with me?
I'll be falling all about my own thing.
And I know you're the heaviest weight.
When you're not here, that's hung around my head.
And your lips burn wild, thrown from the face of a child.
And in your eyes, the seeing of the greatest view.
Hey, do what you will always.
Walk where you like your steps.
Do as you please i'll back
you up it's it's it's anxious secure because it's like being ready for a relationship but actually
you're getting you're you're pining for someone who's not around i'll be falling all about my
own thing and i know you're the heaviest weight when you're not here that's hung around my head
you like missing someone yes longing you
like longing is that correct especially when i was younger i remember being in a top bunk listening
that on like repeat when i was like 12 and i just wanted a girlfriend so bad and then that's so
sweet i think that's why i always say goodbye because i wanted to have sex with someone who
like it would only be one night and we would long for each other the rest of our lives that was my fantasy i was like someday i want to have sex to the song and i want
this song to be what i'm living when i hear this song all right we gotta go thank you guys so much
for listening to the podcast we will be back tomorrow anya thank you for being here for two
episodes it was so fun um yeah don't be cool out there and And Jack. Grave Digger.
Jack in the Box.
John Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show,
which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast.
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What if you asked two different people
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And now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season.
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Seven questions, limitless answers.
You are cordially invited to...
The hottest party in professional sports.
I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party.
Your newest obsession about the wonderful
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Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives
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Did you know that 70% of people get hired
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Landing a job may be tough, but Get Hired is here for you every step of the way
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