The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #304 A Wet Seal

Episode Date: December 29, 2022

Nikki and her BFF and tour buddy Anya Marina still don't know why anyone would call a teen clothing store Wet Seal. There is a new documentary about Chris D'Elia that sent Nikki into a rabbit hole that ended with her binging a podcast called The Children in The Pictures. On a lighter note, they discuss the breaking news about Jerry Seinfeld's wet t-shirt pictures and Lana Del Rey's billboard stunt in Why Do I Care? Nikki takes us through her Reddit Dump. In the Final Thought, she reads texts from her mom Julie and ends up sounding like Jennifer Coolidge.  ----- Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Get Pod Merch: Podshop.NikkiGlaser.com Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Anya's Patreon: patreon.com/anyamarina   More Nikki: IG More Anya: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

John Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF,

and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, Thank you. Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections.

Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tomer Cohen, LinkedIn's Chief Product Officer. If you're just as curious as I am about the way things are built, then tune in to my podcast, Building One. I speak with some of the best product builders out there. I've always been inspired by frustration. It came back to my own personal pinpoint.

So we had to go out to farmers and convince them. Following that curiosity is a superpower. You have to be obsessed with the human condition. Listen to Building One on the iHeartRadio app, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you know that 70% of people get hired at companies where they already have a connection? I'm Andrew Seaman, LinkedIn's editor-at-large for jobs and career development. And on my podcast, Get Hired, I bring you all the information you need to, well, get hired. Landing a job may be tough,

but Get Hired is here for you every step of the way with advice on resumes, networking, negotiation, and so much more. Listen to Get Hired with Andrew Seaman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you like to listen. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. The Nikki Glaser Podcast.

Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. Welcome to this week on the show. It's Wednesday. Well, it doesn't matter. It's this week. Well, it's not.

It's actually next week. Wait, it's Thursday. Oh, it's this week Well it's not It's actually next week Wait it's Thursday Oh it's next week Okay so this is taped Thursday before Christmas everyone But you're getting this after Christmas I hope your Christmas was amazing And if you don't celebrate Christmas How could you?

How could you not celebrate Jesus Christ's birthday? Is it his birthday? Yeah that's right I hope it was good. We're still in that zone at this point right now where we haven't gone back to work yet, though. It's still holiday. The world hasn't really gone back to normal. I love this kind of zone.

But it's looming. You're back to school soon, bitches. I have a show New Year's Eve coming up in St. Louis. You know that. I hope I see you there. But you know who you will see there if you are there as well is she'll be in town opening for me as she is on all of my shows this tour. It's Anya Marina everyone. She's here. Hello. I can't wait. It's going to be so fun. It will be fun. I'm so glad I don't have to spend

New Year's alone. Oh, well, you weren't going to be so fun. It will be fun. I'm so glad I don't have to spend New Year's alone. Oh, well, you weren't going to do that anyway because you have a boyfriend, you know? A fiancé. A fiancé. Yes, that's true. Fiancé. It's never like alone. Yeah, but I don't, I guess I'm just glad I'm doing something because the last few years

I've done nothing. Yeah. I know. I don't do, I usually don't do anything. Like if I ever have to go to a party or something, it seems daunting to be even invited to one, to find a place to go. And then,

um, you have to get like a dress. You got to go to like wet seal. I don't know. I'm going back to casuals. No, wet seal was like slut wear, like back in the day,

like early slut wear. And I say that again with love. Yeah, wet sluts. Because you clubbed baby seals and you were about to go clubbing. I think that was the connection. And you're wet because you're young and just fucking dripping wet. Yeah, like why did they come up with that name? It sounds like a kind of green

vase situation remember me and my friends in high school we're trying to come up with like guys we want to talk about like sex around our parents but we don't want that or in notes that we write in high school but if someone finds the note we want to not have it say blowjob and so we were like what should it be and i remember being like and you've heard the story before but i was like blowjob can't be something stupid. And I looked around my room and I had all these bottles that I collected that were like blown glass. And I was like, it can't be like green vase.

And then we were like, that's exactly what it could be. So I bet you anything that they were trying to come up with the name of that place. And they can't be like, it can't be something dumb. And then someone, they hit their hand and a glass of water water spilled and then it spilled on the seal of an envelope and they're like like wet seal and they're like that's good johnny it's like euphemism for like a young underage girl like jailbait they're like so guess who i got together with last night a wet seal yeah it does sound like you know how gay men like call things like bears or otters or yeah you know whatever um it sounds like the way men would talk about us um why am i why is that on my mind like talking about young women and grooming them oh i don't know a new documentary

came out uh two days ago um that we've been um quite a bombshell did you see the crystalia thing noah what wait there's a documentary on crystal it's called the crystalia problem on youtube and i do recommend it even though i did not care i don't you know what a documentary i would like about if the thing if all the accusations and all of the things that are within the documentary the the facts as this person sees them or as they are presenting them with like backed up evidence and you know this guy has like girls on the phone that uh you know witness testimony kind of things you have so much evidence you even have a snapchat from crystalia recording of him being like hey i just made this apology

it was during the time where he made the you know apology and he's like kind of being like hey can we not can he's talking to the girl like i'll still see you just like please take down the thing a video about me or something like that if you have all of that don't add a snarky like narration to it all dude i don't need that do you know what i'm saying away from it if the facts are already like sad and like scathing and like pretty much incendiary and feel legit to me you don't need to go like and then the scum of the earth, Crystalia, didn't think that was enough. It's like,

don't add, don't editorialize this. Like you're doing a documentary. And so it just felt like the whole thing felt very sensational, which is exactly what people use to refute that this is something factual, is that you have your own opinion all over it. So they're going to use that to go this is bullshit you know i'm saying so anyway check that otherwise it was it was i would say it's

four stars because of so many bombshells dropped but yeah i started watching it and go there's nothing you know not that there's nothing here but like nothing new and then 20 minute mark, you go, oh boy, Keith Raniere is up, is rolling in his, you know, isolated chamber. Jail cell in Albany. Yeah. He's like, what is it with men wanting to start cults and harems and have women, you know, there are times where I listen to these things and i'm like there's some of the stuff that i'm kind of into of like get on your knees listen when i said get on your knees

like that kind of like bdsm stuff when it is agreed upon by both parties not when it's a girl that came up to your room who's 17 years old who just came up to make out before your show and then all of a sudden you're saying get on your knees and yelling at her get on all fours in your fucking radisson hotel room 20 minutes before you have to she she's gonna go watch you at the improv give me a break god damn it at least do it in an ac hotel an ac marriott a renaissance i mean come on if you're gonna act like a king no it's just this is all such blur it's not blurry I mean I only watched half of the documentary

so I can't comment on everything but the half that I saw it made me sick and I had to turn it off you would get infuriated by the rest because he encourages already skeletal girls to get even more skeletal it's very disturbing he's a true worthless person it's over whether it's over for him or not

it's over for me like there are things where you just go no like as As I was watching it, I go, even if none of this is illegal, let's say they don't get him for any of it, it's so embarrassing that he behaved this way and thought it was appropriate and disgusting. And it's really a shame that he is this person. It's a shame that someone that had, that does have this much talent and that much likability

is that much of a fucking weirdo and can't help himself. How embarrassing. Did you feel that way, Anya? There's no coming back from this kind of thing of like, oh boy. He asked them, what was the one,

there was one line that I go, nope, no matter what is daddy of this i'll never forget this part i forget it now but it was just the daddy part where she's like i already have a daddy and he's like i'm your daddy that kind of turns me on but listen this is my problem not yours no no it was um him trying to get them all to live together oh yeah what he tried to get these girls he wanted a harem he wanted a house that he could go to and they one would fuck him one would suck him one would feed him one would massage him one would like bathe clean him i mean this is just the girls what they were saying this wasn't like reading his text so maybe they were paraphrasing

but he wanted he wanted to like you know have these girls human centipeding him from every angle the this most disturbing part is that he's never had a drink a drop of alcohol in his life well and then clearly this is his drug of choice power that was a good point the documentary made they go oh but so everyone goes well he doesn't do the other things he does this and it's like have a drink man like i thought that was a really funny commentary i'm like have a miller light like but i was listening this only this led me to another like a new pedophile um podcast came out a double p a podcast investigating child sex images which is a global epidemic.

I don't know if that's the right word to say or pandemic, whatever it is. It is like you don't understand. You think you know. Even law enforcement is like in this podcast and it's called The Children in the Pictures. The Children in the Pictures. Everyone needs to watch.

I listened to seven episodes last night in my bed. And so I'm like all about it. But all about it meaning like I'm vigilant to stop these motherfuckers. Like it's people need to know about this. And I'm sorry if you're like, stop, Nikki, earmuffs. I have kids. Get your kids away from men. And I was right.

Anya, I've been right. I your kids away from men. And I was right on you. I've been right. I've been saying on stage, I do this joke about how no one should have male babysitters anymore. No, like they should be canceled. I'm, I know it's sexist,

but no men should be able to be in childcare at all. And I know we are in like a childcare, probably endemic. I don't know. I'm just saying words that I don't know, but we were probably like more childcare than ever right now. I don't know. I'm just saying words that I don't know, but we probably need more childcare than ever right now. It doesn't matter. We need to get men out of there

because I say in the joke, I know that not every man working in childcare is a pedophile, obviously. But I know that if I were a pedophile, what industry I would slowly slink towards and everyone kind of laughs and goes, I don't know. I'm right.

These motherfuckers, this documentary, podcast documentary, is talking about this web ring that was busted that they got into somehow and they infiltrated on the dark web, which is impossible to get in because to become a member of this message board

that has 45,000 members, to become a member of this message board that has 45,000 members, to become a member of it, you have to submit terabytes, which is like hours and hours, like maybe not terabytes because I think one terabyte is 500 hours of video footage, but you just submit multitudes of your own child sex images to stay on the site every 30 days. You have to like upload new ones that haven't been seen before. So it keeps cops out, right? Except the cops have tons of child sex images,

by the way, and they have rights to use them to catch other ones. So if you're in these little message boards, which I don't think any of our listeners are, just know that cops are in there and they're monitoring you and they will find you. So anyway, these message boards,

you have to prove your, to prove that you're one of them. You have to submit stuff and you have to make your own stuff and they and they do tat you guys i'm so sorry to start this pod merry christmas everyone it's so fucked okay so anyway just to like make it quick get to my point these men they there's parts of the message board so the message board is about trading sex images, but also talking about how to get kids and how to do this. And the number one thing that they say is to get into childcare, work with kids, become a babysitter, get your teaching license,

go teach a swim class at the YMCA, become friends with the parents of the child. Gain the trust. You guys should hear. Every parent needs to hear how these men operate because they become friends with the family first and they become a trusted part of the family. And they trick even the smartest, most vigilant parents.

So what I'm saying is don't become friends with any men either if you have a family don't trust anyone but it made me feel so validated because i on my own came up with like these pedophiles aren't like going you know what it would be so cliche if i became a male babysitter i'm not gonna do that that that'll be so obvious no they're not that smart you guys they're just doing they're gonna follow their passion just guys. They're just doing, they're going to follow their passion just like you would. Like if you loved playing guitar, you would probably be like, I want to be a musician when I grow up. They're going to, this is all they care about because

they, it has to be all they care about because they don't have time to have careers or families themselves because they have to be on these websites constantly. So they don't really have that many skills outside of it. I mean mean some of them do and they like it's just it's disgusting so anyway the children in the pictures that's my tirade for now but moving on what i find so interesting can i just add one thing is the pushback you get and i wonder what that's about like why are so many people like nikki stop you're being weird when you're not at all your intention is to help children stay safe. Because people

don't understand how I can even listen to these things. They're weirded out by that because people are so sensitive to it, which is understandable. But there's a big groan when you go, sorry, no more male babysitters, guys. Sorry. And then there's like a, oh. Because they all have male babysitters.

And they've all used them in the past. As I have watched by a male babysitter named jim in the 80s and lots of our time hanging out was i don't remember it and i don't know why i don't remember it but like let me just say like i don't think he did anything but i don't remember all i remember is he introduced me to the song and we can build this dream together standing tall forever please go down on me right now i think that was how it ends that's the only thing i remember is him playing that record for me no jim was a trusted guy but he was i i just know if i were a parent i wouldn't trust my kids around men ever alone and a gymnastics coach i've just uh i just even if they're good at it they can be maybe good at two things um but it's it's just the way you heard you hear on this

podcast about how these guys are like what you got to do is like you just got to become a teacher like like what or you have to go be a missionary go be a christian missionary and go pray on kids in malaysia who don't have it who are orphans or i guess the grown is about their system it's like it's it's fucked um and so that's just what i spent seven hours listening to last night i can't help it though i think it is it's the same thing as like people go i can't watch dommer and they kind of feel like better about themselves because they're like i can't i don't like murder i mean sometimes i'm even like that i hate gun violence in movies and i go how do people like seeing people shot i don't like horror why do people like to be scared and people go i don't like necessarily like it i just like i like how

do people like um someone singing like like i don't get it it's not like i i do like this stuff i like i like learning about because i it makes me fired up and it makes me feel like i can protect my family and like people i guess maybe that's it yeah but i also i'm not gonna lie i'm just fascinated by people with weird fucking brains and it it makes me also, because I don't believe in free will, I have a little bit of empathy for these people who have fucked up brains. I have a little bit of like, oh, thank fucking God that's not me. Have you ever checked if you were a pedophile? Have you ever run that through your brain?

I think I've said this one time at a show and people laughed because no one wants to admit it, but we've all had the thought of like, do I like to fuck it? Like, would that, you had to at some point go like, that couldn't be me. Or like, you know, you have a thought of wanting to like kick a woman in front of a train or something and you go, Oh, am I one of these people? And it's like, no, you just have unwanted thoughts. But the relief of not, if you're not a pedophile listening right now you have the just be the happiest person alive like if you're ever struggling to be grateful for something be grateful for that because these people can there's nothing to fix it there's no amount of therapy that can fix it there's nowhere for them to go a lot of times they're starting to be more places

honestly that's what i want to start is a place for pedophiles to go and to be able to learn how to not offend like i think that is what we need more than anything yeah i do because i i don't think it's i it's it's a disgusting thing that i want to stop more than anything and if anyone hurt any of you or my besties or anything like i would want to strangle them and like kill them. And I love when I hear about them being stabbed in prison and all these things, but at the same time, they didn't choose that brain and you should just thank your lucky fucking

stars. You didn't get that brain. Um, and so I have to remember that. Do you give Chris D'Elia the same? yes, I did. That's honestly what I felt yesterday.

Listening to that is like this guy who's so talented he probably has so many people that love him and he probably loves so many people he has a son that i'm sure he loves very much a wife he loves very much and he has a brain that thinks he that is a monster he has a monster brain that he either got born with or someone gave to him by doing something monstrous to him but there is a part of me has a monster brain that he either got born with or someone gave to him by doing something monstrous to him. But there is a part of me that goes this poor motherfucker in the, in the worst. And don't,

don't quote me being like Nikki sympathizes with him. He's a monster should be stopped. Don't like him. We need to set an example so that other people that want to do this monster behavior don't do it. So we need to let, let him like put him away if we can and stop this behavior. But can he help the way that his brain wants to work?

No, he can't. Can he help the way the things that he does? I, I want to say no, but I will say yes, he can because people will get mad at me if I can say, if I say no,

but I don't think anyone can help any of their actions really. So yeah, I was filled with like like rage listening to that disgust um at no point was i like yes we got him i'm just like this is all just so fucking sad and gross yeah and i'm so sorry to these women that like just thought they were meeting someone famous that they liked and thought was really funny and then he starts controlling their lives and saying go go kneel down wherever you are right now kneel down like they'd be in public one girl couldn't leave her house because she's only allowed to leave when he says she can leave she had to ask his permission like i want to go to the grocery store now and he'd be like no i'm fucking so gross i'm so sorry to these women and yeah i'm just sorry that this

whole segment was about this but we're gonna move on to brighter things after the break right after this with anya marina noah 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year,

offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early. Well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to how to take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else.

Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when

you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community and I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey

through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to CRIMS as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tisha Olin, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour tour like LPGA superstar Angel Yen. I really just

sat myself down at the end of 2022 and I was like, look, either we make it or we quit. Expert tips to help improve your swing and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. The drinks were flowing, twerking all over the place, vaping, they're shotgunning. Women's golf is a wild ride full of big personalities, remarkable athleticism, fierce competition, and a generation of women hell-bent on shanking that glass ceiling. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E,

on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. All right, we're back. So, I have a pig in my lap. I got a stuffed animal pig a while ago, and I don't know, I just saw it in my bed the other day and I thought I want to bring it in and just like hug it I was supposed to have Luigi come over yesterday because I'm sick at home and I can't see anyone because I have COVID cranking through my sis. I got COVID cranking through my sis.

Shout out to Chelsea Peretti. That was a parody of her song Coffee Cranking Through My Sis. That was my ringtone for like four months. Oh my God. I lived with Anya in like 2013 and she had Chelsea Peretti singing, I got coffee cranking through my sis. I got coffee cranking through my sis. I got coffee cranking through my sis. I got coffee cranking through my sis.

I got coffee cranking through my sis. And her phone rings all the time. It was crazy. And I was also so close to Chelsea Peretti at the time. And she would always laugh whenever it came on because it is hilarious. So it was just like constantly being bombarded with this person who i was so jealous of and like my my my friend who i like making my friend laugh is the only thing that gives me purpose in the world and now she's laughing harder at her fucking ringtone of this girl it was just like it was it was hard it

was really hard i think i switched to andy milan. Some audio he did from a vine that was like, I see you, which is an even creepier ringtone. I don't know what it was. There are some things that just like, audially. Orally? Orally. Wait, how do you say audially? Aurally. A-U-R-A-L-L-Y.

Laugh. Like, make anyone laugh. i don't like any book oh yeah gabe liedman his um half hour the half hour for comedy central he's talking about reading books and he's like i don't like books i don't read any books it is so funny Just the way people say things is funny One that I really love Oh I just had it When Ava The little girl that used to Be on Vine as well

Ava Ryan And her mom puts up stuff Her mom's name is Kelly Ryan Katie Ryan Ava Ryan You will have the best time of your life And her mom puts up stuff. And I guess her mom's name is Kelly Ryan. And you can see it all. Katie Ryan. Katie Ryan. If you YouTube Ava Ryan, you will have the best time of your life. She's the little girl that is so cute. And her mom's been filming her since she was like two.

And she just says the funniest things. But one of the funniest ones is probably when she was – it's probably the earliest one of her. And she has like a catalog of saying funny stuff her whole childhood. And now she's like 13 and so adorable and does makeup tutorials in her car with her mom it's so funny but um the first one she's looking out the window and she just like is like i smell like beef i smell like beef and then she slowly looks at the camera because her mom's filming her she's like looking out the window kind of putting her hand on it she's like i smell like beef and then she looks at her mom and she goes, I, and she gets like a sinister smile. It's so funny.

I love that one. That one's good. Yeah. There's just certain ways of saying, the other day I said something, oh, I was doing my positive affirmations in the mirror and I'm trying a new one that's, I love you. Like just telling myself, I love you. Like, I love you so much. Like the way I would tell Poppy new one that's I love you like just telling myself I love you like I love you so much like the way I would tell Poppy it's really embarrassing you guys it's very hard

to do but I before bed when I'm feeling like sometimes my depression like flares up at night or and especially in the morning too I just go like I love you I really love you and I like it's Louise Hay again the one that I've been listening to a lot and recommending to you guys. And a lot of you have written to me and said that it has worked for you. So I was doing that the other day, but I ended up being like, I love you. Like you have beautiful eyes. Like I was just kind of talking to myself in that kind of a vocal fry. But yeah, I've been doing a lot of affirmations every night and every day. And it so helps. Anya, have you done those a lot before? Oh, yeah, I did it when I was single. And at my lowest point of like, like, I was happily single for many years. And then at one point, I'm like, okay,

I'm ready for a partner. And I tried to date a few people, and it just was not going well. And I was like, this sucks. There's nothing more lonely than trying to date a few people and it just was not going well. And I was like, this sucks. There's nothing more lonely than trying to date someone and it's not going well. That feels lonely to me. Lonelier than being alone. Lonelier than saying I love you into your own reflection in the mirror.

In an airplane bathroom on a Southwest flight from Vegas to St. Louis after you've been kicked off set for having COVID. Okay, go on. That's pretty bad. Yeah, pretty lovely. But a friend was like, you need to say the things to yourself in the mirror that you want a partner to say to you. And she was like, it's embarrassing, but just do it. Like, your dream partner. And I was like, oh my god. So I did it every night

for a while and it was like, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever met you're the sexiest woman i've ever met i'm so turned on by you i love you i want to meet your family i want to know everything about you i'm just kidding i told you i would never be able to say that because i would be like he's probably met someone more beautiful than me. Yeah. No, but this is like my fantasy. So you get to do whatever you want in your fantasy. Okay, okay, okay. I'm into it.

And then the weirdest thing happened. I started to have the best sleep of my life. I was doing it right before bed and like crying in the mirror and being like, this is so stupid. But then you realize, oh my God, I had no idea what i truly wanted deep down and then the pendulum swings the other way and you're like why is this so out of reach like why do i think this is so embarrassing these are pretty basic things like i want to be loved i want to be sexy i want my partner to have my back that was a big one for me like i have your back i am not going anywhere because i had a history of people just bailing.

So I started to have this amazing sleep and I had this feeling of being in love. And if you keep reading Louise Hay and all those Abraham Hicks books, they all and all successful people talk about you have to harness the feeling of what it's like to be where you want to be. And that's what it's all about. Like, get the feeling inside you. Because you like astral project it. It's about, like I was talking about this months ago when I was reading that Lewis Dispenza book about quantum physics

and how like that life that you dream of for yourself is happening somewhere on some quantum realm. Yes. And if you if the only way to see it is to look at it is to feel it because they look at like under an electron microscope they'll look at atoms and they can't see the atoms until they look at them but they're all over but when you look at them they suddenly appear and so that would made this guy realize like if you are if you manifest things if you look at them if you see the life that is happening

it's happening somewhere out there. Like every version of the life you could have is happening on quantum realms somewhere. I don't understand science, but if you visualize it and you feel it, it will appear. And I just – I can't believe that it kind of works, these things. And like my self-esteem – not only did Jerry Seinfeld very much help my self-esteem in ways that

I can't understand. I didn't articulate it well when I said that Conan, I think I said that Conan has always been a big influence. It's Conan and Jerry Seinfeld were my number one and two of influences. And Larry David, too, let's throw him in because he

was more responsible for Seinfeld than I realized when I was in eighth grade and obsessed with Seinfeld. I was always seek. That would have been like, oh, those are people I seek their approval. I met Conan through like I'm on his show. Of course he's going to say I'm funny. Like even if I've heard Conan tell people who aren't funny there. That was great. Thank you for being On the show like I don't trust Conan because he Is a talk show host that I've seen Lie to people like just

Because you have to if I'm ever a talk show You guys have you guys have probably seen me Lie on this show and you know you're like Nikki That person wasn't that great and you're being Really nice because I'm being nice I'm not being necessarily lying But I'm you know so I couldn not being necessarily lying, but I'm, you know,

so I couldn't take, I can never, no matter what Conan says, unless we are like in private, if we're on mic and he's saying I'm funny, I really can't believe it. And I, I will always deflect it even though it is sincere. And I,

I do know in my, that it is sincere, but I will always deflect it. But Seinfeld didn't need to do that. And he's not a, someone that you see act like that normally of like just, I mean, the Kesha incident. So that is why it was so important to me. And then also Chris reminded me that I also met Larry David this past year.

Yeah. Who also told me he was a fan. But he also did it. And he came to see your show. Yes. And he didn't need to say it because he well he was came to see bill maher's show and i was on bill maher's show so he didn't need to say it but he was like i'm a huge fan so he did say that too and i should have let that sink in a little bit

more um so that yeah like that stuff that really i'm so happy that happened to me because I really needed it. Like my shows recently have been so much better because of it, because of that Jerry Seinfeld endorsement. And I just needed it. And thank God you were there, Anya, because it would just be my word against, like I would have to call maybe his opener to be like, did you hear? Can you co-sign on that? He said all these things. No, it was so genuine. Affirmations. his opener to be like did you hear can you co-sign on that he said all these things um no what do you ever do positive genuine affirmations so i actually got some like a very interesting um suggestion from my jujitsu coach she said to make a goal for the year or

however many goals and then write five reasons why you can achieve that goal and i have it like you know like they always say oh just like write out your goals and then you'll achieve them but i never thought about like writing why i can achieve it so oh yeah that gets you even closer to like how easy this is going and how in within reach it is like anya said like when she started saying it she was like why is this so hard of course i could have this exactly yeah holla just sent a link on the on the girls chat about this guy that does tapping and i did it when i was having a bad moment today and i was like oh this is a tapping guy i've used before when i had like body image issues what is tapping and he's really good and tapping it's like EFT.

Like you do stuff like this. And he was doing this thing about like, it's for success. And so he goes, I want you to close your eyes and visualize. I can't remember exactly what he says. Okay, we got to link this video. Okay.

What? We'll link this video. Yeah, we'll link it on Instagram. Yeah, just visualize the guy tapping and then you don't need to actually see it i'm just kidding yeah um but he's like visualize yourself doing the thing that you you most want to be successful at and then the tapping is all like i'm paraphrasing but it's like you know i see myself doing this thing and there's no reason why i can't do this thing and i'm awesome and i don't remember

the statements but i did it all does he like you do where to tap as you say it does he what eat you where to tap as you say it no you're following the youtube it's very basic it's like forehead cheek chin and then i think like underarm sort of okay but it does as you're doing you're like this is so dumb and then you're like this is so dumb and then you're like why is this dumb and then you realize your inner calm your inner critic thinks these statements are stupid inner like i know matt would never do this like i am awesome i'm pretty i'm capable of doing this oh yeah but successful people believe they are capable of doing shit and everyone here can think of a mediocre person who has a shit ton of success and you're like how the fuck did that person get that all that success

it's because they believed in themselves or someone did and they have all this self-esteem that they shouldn't have didn't care about not looking cool or failing like let's just say you don't believe in yourself because a lot of times there's maybe 2% of myself that says I could win Dancing with the Stars. There was a part of me that was like, there was at least, there was a 0% chance I was going to win Dancing with the Stars when I signed up for it.

And then I met people on the show who I saw that were so bad and they thought, they were like, I could win this. And I just remember being like, what are you talking about wow you are terrible you're worse than me you could win this and then i i really but it worked okay the person who talked like that ended up winning that season and they were the worst dancer that's ever won dancing stars to date okay and this person because they believed in

this and they also they knew the analytics of it they were like right they not only did they write down that goal but they go here's how because half the vote half the half the you know voting is for the judges and the score and then the other half is how many people call in if i can get that vote which in convince america to vote and so it was within reach. And I thought there's just no way. And to be honest, it probably wasn't within reach of me because I didn't have the amount of followers that this person had or the outreach. But that is, I think a lot of times for me, I'm struggling with wanting to write a song. And every time I sit down to write a song, I'm like, I would have to show Anya and Matt this i sit down to write a song i'm like i

would have to show anya and matt this at some point and they would both go like be nice to me in person and go like oh that's good and like be nice and like maybe they actually kind of mean it and then when they would get alone they would be like oh that first verse is what you're allowed to do because it probably will be ick because I've never written a fucking song before. And I would probably do the same thing to you. If you came to me with like a routine you wanted to try, like it's the same, like,

but the, the idea that someone could cringe at something I do is so like, that is what holds me back from you. Give that a lot of power. And you brought that up before. I give Anya and Matt, well, because I look up to them so much as singer songwriters. Like they're just the top of the game. Like there's, you really, I have two friends, two best friends.

Friends. That are the best in the industry of what they do. They're like, you know, and so it's like- That is very generous. Thank you. No, it's not. You guys, if, no, Taylor Swift would be fucking lucky to work with either of you to write songs for her.

And you know it. It's so true. There's no doubt about it. I watched you perform at that Santa Barbara show and I was like like there's no difference between anya and taylor swift there just is none to me anymore like do you know what it is it's believing in yourself it's different and yeah she's taller and younger and you know has the you know it's just like better with that our opinion would hold you back. No, but it's not holding me back.

If it wasn't you, it'd be my dad. If it wasn't you, it would be, you know, Mark Norman and Sam Murill on their podcast, Making Fun of Me. If it wasn't, like, it would be, there's always going to be someone that's going, ugh, but like, or like holding me back. So I'm really like trying to come up with, because if you, let's say you came to me

and were like, I want to do comedy. And you do some comedy, like in between your songs, you do legit jokes. And there've been times I've gone like, hey, I think this would work better than this. And you don't go like cry in a corner or go like, I could never be a comedian. First of all, I think you literally could be a comedian

if you worked at it, just as like, you probably think I could do singing songwriting if I worked at it. Like it's just about putting in the work and asking for help where you need it. And I think that I'm just too – do you guys relate to like not wanting to be cringe? Yes. Oh, my God. There's no – I have so – I was just talking about Matt – with Matt about this. Like there's no i have so i was just talking about matt with matt about this like there's no worse fear than the fear of rejection like your peers your friends being like you're

embarrassing or you have someone just calling out a behavior that you've been doing a while that they didn't they didn't call out for a while because it was like they thought maybe you wouldn't do it anymore and then you keep doing it and then at one point someone's like you do this thing and then everyone goes like oh she always does that you go what and you're like yeah oh my god i'm so fucking embarrassing even though every time i'm called out for something that i've been doing a lot of i secretly know i'm doing it there's a subconscious part of me that goes this is i'm annoying or I'm talking too much. Like even when I was in the middle of that fucking pedophile rant, you know,

a break ago, I knew that there was parts of Noah being like, I'm going to have to flag this in case she wants to take out this later. I knew Anya was like, wow, I can't get a word in. I knew there were listeners. I know there's listeners going,

God, Nikki, she's really fallen off since Andrew left. I know all of that. I have all of that in my head, yet I still kept talking. So why, you know, it's these are I think that it is it's just embarrassing to be a human. You're just completely flawed all the time and you can't be perfect. And even if you were,

you would still find things wrong with you because I know Taylor Swift wrote the antihero, that song. She has depression. She's worried about all the people talking about her. She thinks she's never good about enough. She was in that music video where she looked at the scale and saw the word fat,

which is no longer in the music video. So did it happen? I don't know. You know, she's feeling all those things too and um it helps to know that and it just helps to remember you're not a pedophile in the end you know like that's that's the moral of the story i am so fucking sorry for you and you need to like not you need to go tell someone you need to find a resource to tell someone that you have these attractions and you cannot help them and that doesn't mean you're a bad person because you have the attraction but if you act on it you are a bad person and you don't want to be a bad person so you need to look

for help um let's do why do i care why do i care okay all right it's been a while but um we've got some celebrity goss all right we'll see why do i care i did not change any of the headlines to make in my own so I'm about to plagiarize the Daily Mail because this is such a funny headline. they're the worst. Whose pins are strutting about?

Who's flaunting their pins today? Exclusive. Jerry Seinfeld, 68, shows off his toned torso in a wet t-shirt as his wife Jessica, 51,

looks fit in a cheeky suit as they cool off in St. Barts. Ugh, poetry. Okay, I sent Noah this because you need to see it. Anya, are you pulling it up? I'm looking at it right now.

Yeah, right here. Wait, wait. I sent the pictures in our group chat already. I have seminated these photos to everyone in my life, including my boyfriend, Chris, because I told Chris that Jerry Seinfeld was hot, and he was like, easy. We don't need to hear this.

And I go, it's remarkable what this man's body felt like when I hugged him, and now there is proof. The internet is going to blow up today because of this, I think. If these start to circulate, it's a big deal. That man is proof. The internet is going to blow up today because of this, I think. If these start to circulate, it's a big deal. That man is 68. You guys need to go see these pictures. He looks so good. And Jess Seinfeld is so hot and has the hottest ass.

These two. You can't even see Jerry's chest when she's in the front. You're just focused on her pert little butt, which is none of her business. She's got a great butt. She has a six-pack ripping through a one-piece, by the way. You can see her six-pack through the one-piece. Do you think I didn't zoom in on every little crevice of her skin

looking for any blemish of her 51-year-old slammin' bod? He looks like an action hero. He looks like Kumail Nanjiani. Yes, dude. Like, what is he preparing for? He's a Hemsworth. I don't know. But also, we met

him in person, and he was dominion. I mean, he was like a smaller, thin, ripped-looking guy, but he looks skinny when you like walk In so I'm like how small is Jess Yeah she's a tiny lady But for sure but she looks Fucking great I mean

Whatever the Seinfelds are doing they're doing It right and and To reference Rachel Feinstein last week on the show There is a picture there that I'm going to send Rachel Because you guys know what we send each other is pictures of men being delicate with their wives and putting their hands

gently on the small of their back. There are many photos of where that's happening. They have been married since 2000, I think, 1999. This is a strong marriage. Oh, yeah. He has his arm around her shoulder, and they're just looking at the sunset. Not only does he have his arm around her shoulder and they're just like looking at the

sunset and then he also not only does he have his arm around her shoulder you guys and he's pulling her in there's a nut his other arm is on her other arm pulling her even closer embracing her in a hug but they're still looking in the same direction i mean it is god man it makes you almost forget you're grateful for not being a pedophile because you get so jealous of that. You know what I'm saying? Makes you almost get over your COVID. Yeah. I can't. So anyway, I just felt so vindicated.

And after we had done a podcast two weeks ago saying how hot he was, all of a sudden these pictures come out. Do I like the Daily Mail? No. Do I think they are like one maybe millimeter above Fox News? No. I think they are on the same level as Fox News. They are disgusting. Piers Morgan is awful. You know, everything about the Daily Mail.

But do they do the best celebrity invasive photos where you can literally see inside Jessica Seinfeld's womb? That's probably still fucking working because that bomb is. Don't count her out. Yeah, they do. They're disgusting. They're invasive. They stalk celebrities. They probably killed Princess Diana. I hate them, but I still

go and look at those pictures and I will admit that I'm part of the problem. Okay, do we have another news story, Noah? Sure. Let's do this one real quick I will admit that I'm part of the problem. Okay. Do we have another new story, Noah? Sure. Let's,

let's do this one real quick. Cause I want to know what your opinion is. Lana Del Rey bought one billboard to promote her album and it's in her ex boyfriend's hometown. Tulsa, Oklahoma. Okay. I put this on my story and I put four volcano emojis because guess what everyone?

The new fire emoji, the new hand clap emoji. If something is too good for hand claps and fire emojis, it's a volcano emoji. Spread it. The volcano emoji is the new thing to use when something just blows your mind. It's so good she did this. She's so funny. I just got into Lana Del Rey at the demand of besties who are like, Nikki, if you like Taylor, I know you don't like Snow on the Beach,

which is the track off Midnight that features Lana Del Rey. It is not my favorite. It is the bottom of my list. But I just got into Lana Del Rey, the song The Greatest, and it might be The Great might be the, the greatest. It's such a good song. So I'm tiptoeing my way in through her discography. I do love her.

And then I saw this headline and I just, I fucking came lava. I was, I loved it. What do you like about it? Would you ever do something like that? Because it's so petty and so obvious. Like she knew it was gonna get picked up so she i guess dated a cop in tulsa yeah he came to our show she came to our show and then she met him oh no he came to our show that would have been so cool yeah it's probably

definitely got covered from a meet and greet in tulsa or Oklahoma. So thanks for that, you guys. It was worth it. Those were such fun shows. But yeah, she said it's personal details. Yeah, it's personal. She said like on her Instagram, her private Instagram account. She said that it's it's personal. It's not personal.

OK, but so I think the details behind this for what i can glean is that she bought a billboard in tulsa oklahoma to promote her new album she only bought one billboard it is in the same place where her cop her ex-boyfriend is a cop in tulsa i don't i want details on how those two got together and what what that is all about i don't know they did it for six months only and they broke up in 2020 a lot of these would they what they broke up in 2020. So obviously a lot of these, what? They broke up in 2020. Oh, well, you know. Yeah, I find that surprising.

I could have sworn like less than a year ago, I saw pictures of them canoodling. Well, maybe they were, you know, so that makes sense though. If they broke up in 2020, then they had some little bit, little, you know, aftershocks and it's still fresh for her this album is probably a lot about him she's probably not over it she's probably angry

i have if i were more famous and like as beloved of a icon as miss lana del rey herself i would do the same kind of thing because it's first of all it's funny it's messy it's chaotic it's bold it's not a good look in many ways it's petty um but i love it and i i think i you know this is the type of shit that i do with my jokes sometimes is i will if i'm and i haven't been hurt by a man in so fucking long that i can't really relate to this but when i used to get fucked over by guys man this was what i wanted to do i you know this is why you write songs though i realized the other day this is why you're because comedy is too fucking literal and yes I have talked about my exes in jokes where I've made fun of a type of person that I describe and down to a T, it is the person I dated

and they know it and only they know it. If they even watch my special, I doubt they do. But it doesn't feel as cathartic as writing a song where you can be completely dealing in metaphors. You're expected to deal in metaphors. No one's necessarily trying to suss out who it is but you also can write about being heartbroken like it's almost like demanded that you do and i was thinking the other day like that's really what songwriting is for is for

burning some bridges like this does it feel so good anya has a song that she opens my shows with that i beg her to do because it's so funny and it's written from the perspective of the person she wanted to be after a relationship because she ran into her ex and he was like he was just great and he was cheering he was fine he was perfect right anya and he ran into him how i was stalking him outside of hot yoga he started doing the peak room yoga right after we broke up um and then he was like where you knew he'd be yeah i was like oh my god i'm totally going in and you're coming out this is so crazy and he's like how are you and i'd been dying for us to get back together and he was like i'm great and i was like are you seeing anybody thinking like there's no way it's

been two weeks since we broke up. We are so getting back together. And he's like, I am. I am. Yeah. It's not serious, though. Are you? Yeah. He was like, I was seeing her when we were together, though, babe.

So it's been months. Yeah, he married her. And then I was like, OK. And he was like, I just think you're the best girl, though. And you just deserve the best. And he took like, I just think you're the best girl, though, and you just deserve the best. And he took my hand and he held it in his. And he's like, you really didn't deserve anything I did to you, and I really hope you take care.

And I hated the phrase take care after that. I was like, take care? It's so like this is over. And then, yeah, my therapist, I told her I need to get over this quick because he's over it like he's wishing me well and then she was like there's no shortcut through grief you just have to go through it and i was like but he's so mature and i'm now nowhere near that level and she's like why don't you write a song from the point of view of your more mature self and the song has a part in it that's like it's really nice and sweet and then the bridge is

really evil and it's like i hope you die a fiery death yeah she's just like it's so good um and there are even songs in your repertoire that you've written about your fiance that are about like when he was less available and like you guys weren't together and you were kind of wanting to be together that you wrote with a lot of like venom in your heart is that oh you mean gfy go fuck yourself yeah there's a song called gfy called go fuck yourself and it is about your fiance and i you know like as much as you can forgive someone there's still like times even when you have little flare-up fights or something i'm sure that there's like moments where it's like you you still have like you can forgive but like you also there's a part of you that goes like i can't believe you did do that to me at one point though like it's in you to do that and you like oh yeah you keep it in your little like you just keep it in a backlog of like okay well i know you're capable

of that so next time you do something that's a little bit like that like it's just going on that pile and yes it's tucked away and i'm don't look at it often but it's there and i have a song about it that i can bust out at any time and sound amazing and people will clap when i fucking shit all over you that's a good god for making stuff like aren't you grateful that you can write jokes out of anger or sadness or having your heart ache or fury um no i'm grateful for music when i'm going through that creating doesn't really it comes later after the dust is settled so yes in that way it doesn't it's not that's why i want to be able to write songs is because jokes i think think, come after you've been able to not be so sad about it. Because when you're sad or still really upset about something, it's still so raw that the audience can sense it.

And anger and comedy don't go as well together, even though Sam Kinison, he was over whatever he was screaming about. Or maybe, I don't know. But it's just sad like how soon after how soon after say like the incident where that one guy gave you a sweatshirt from a bank and like threw it at your head oh yeah how soon after that were you talking about it on stage at the cellar just working it out that's gotta feel right away but it probably wasn't working on stage for a really long time but when he did throw it out my head and i was led to the elevator and he kind of bowled me in like it didn't even go down to the lobby with

me and he just like like was hold my hand and then like let it go as he let me in the elevator i all of that stuff i was collecting because i knew much like i was saying before like you know my annoying behaviors i know back in my head, like they're annoying and I keep going. I knew all of these things were not good signs of like something that was going to actually work out. So I was collecting all that stuff and kind of memorizing it to use later because I knew it would be funny. So I think that's a lot of times whenever I'm involved in something that is going down quickly and I kind of don't want it to, and I'm trying to save it. I start really getting observant about stuff around me because I want to remember how to make fun of it someday or reflect on it.

So like say a bad sexual encounter, I'll start like to get my mind out of like, I'm not into this. Like this guy doesn't know what he's doing. I'll start being like, okay, what does the room look like? Like, what is this hair? Like,

what's funny about this to collect? So I have something that this didn't just happen because I didn't know how to say you're bad at going down on me or whatever it is. You know, like I don't want the story to be, I just got hurt. It needs to like, I need to collect an artifact, much like a serial killer, you know, like, I need something. the story to be, I just got hurt. It needs to like, I need to collect an artifact,

much like a serial killer, you know, like, I need something. Why do you have clogs or whatever they, what did they call it? Yeah. Flo hoes.

Uh, Crocs Crocs. Like, yes. Just collecting little details of like, Oh, okay. Right after we made out,

you put, you know, the picture frame of you and your girlfriend that was face down is suddenly like up again. And I like noticed that. Or I like noticed like just- Is that a red flag though? Yeah.

Noticing like, oh, the pattern on his shorts. And now I see that in pictures with his girlfriend. And I'm like, she has no idea I gave him an over the pants blowjob in those shorts or things like that like even the idea of an over-the-pants blowjob which is literally something i've done before and i recommend people do it it's okay so it's like that seems so much more um sanitary yeah it was covid so no um no it was like i didn't want to blow them yet because they didn't deserve it you know they hadn't earned it my repertoire but i don't want to give a hand up because i don't i'm not very confident at those and also it's just like i and i also like didn't want to look at him

either so i just went down there and I just like threw his shorts. Just like you could feel it being hard, you know? And you just put your mouth over it. And like it's to the side, you know, because it's not like sticking out. You play it like a harmonica. So you just like trace it. You play exactly like a harmonica and you blow hot air onto it. And it makes, they go insane.

She does a Dylan song while she's doing it she's like don't look twice wait can i ask did that volcano erupt no i don't think so i think that i think that would have been too hard to like do to complete i'm sure he did it himself after I left, but it did make me laugh. Just a warm-up. Right. Yeah, and I even said,

I'll give you an over-the-pants blowjob. I was funny about it. It wasn't like something I came in like, oh, I'm going to pull this bit out. It's just like something I came up with in the moment that made me laugh really hard. You got to trademark that. Yeah, an over-the-pants blowy.

Yeah, I think it's a safe thing to do for women too because you're not gonna have to encounter semen that might infect you or skin. And it is, they'll never forget it. I also once, and I've talked about this on a special before, I gave a shin job where I played, he took out his dick and I just like kind of rubbed my leg back and forth on it.

Cause I was like, you don't deserve me to touch this. Like you haven't, you don't, these all sound like the laziest jobs. It's you try to Jiminy cricket, someone's fucking dick and while you're straddling them. So you're like up on,

it'd be much easier to jerk off. This is not lazy. So I just played it like of like a bow of a violin i'm very musical with all these chinese what is that when you you're like catching the in the train in chinatown yeah we gotta go to break these are all great uh ideas for stocking stuffers how many calories does that burn probably a lot lot. It was kind of like a bar method type thing where you're doing a kind of micro movement with your

thigh. So try these things. Don't let guys come and they'll love you forever. Or they'll stay with their girlfriend and not leave her. Okay, we'll be right back after the break. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges

and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah. Whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you

to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else.

Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community.

And I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to CRIMS as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tomer Cohen, LinkedIn's Chief Product Officer.

If you're just as curious as I am about the way things are built, the insights behind what it takes to create a world-renowned product, then tune into my podcast, Building One. There's so much to learn, like how Patagonia innovates with its supply chain. We had to go out to farmers and convince them.

It was really damn hard. Or the way Adobe thinks about the first interaction somebody has with Photoshop. I was always so fascinated by how people navigate and find their way. Ever wanted to know how Nike builds emotion into the Jordan brand? You have to be obsessed with the current state of the human condition. And it doesn't stop there. What about how Gleam reinvented knowledge search with AI? You can learn about how a Michelin star chef is redesigning seeds for flavor and how Pixar is nurturing a creative culture.

Listen to Building One on the iHeartRadio app, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, we're back. Let's do Reddit Dump. Karaoke mode. This is your Reddit Dump. Wait, you can really hear the gravel on my voice there. That is not... I go, Reddit dump!

It's from your Dylan years. It's nice to hear my old voice sometimes and go, okay, it's different still. Even though I've probably redamaged it a lot. Let's get to Reddit. Let's see what's on there. I wanted to play one thing that I sent Noah. The one that i sent you

that was like this one yes i can't believe i saved it because i this is probably why i don't post on um tiktok i think this is it this is the reason and this guy really articulated it well the awesome creator contra points tweeted this week, happiness is the ultimate crime this app will not forgive. But what was ContraPoints talking about? Well, the app in question was Twitter, and they were referencing this tweet. Quote, my husband and I wake up every morning and bring our coffee out to our garden and sit and talk for hours every morning. It never gets old and we never run out of things to talk to. Things to talk to. Love him so much. So a lovely, wholesome tweet.

And as you can imagine, and as you can see from the numbers, this person got absolutely shredded for this. You had all the normal replies that are like, actually, some people can't afford gardens. This is actually very offensive. It's actually very ableist to drink coffee. And this isn't me doing the like, people are too sensitive these days thing. No, this is me talking about this very specific phenomenon

that's very online, but also very Twitter, where people will not only not give you the benefit of the doubt, they will actively assume that everything you say is meant to be offensive and is meant to offend them specifically. Like people will read every tweet and assume this has to be directly about me in my life. Like it can't just be this person saying, oh, I had a nice day in the garden with my husband. It has to be a coded message to me. And it created this fascinating way of communicating that we all have now,

where we're having to constantly defend ourselves while we're speaking in case someone chooses to take it in bad faith. Here's an example. Someone took that tweet and then applied this defensiveness to it. My wife, she's a good person. And I wake up every morning, grateful, and bring our coffee, it's fair trade, here's an example someone took that tweet and then applied this defensiveness to it my wife she's a good person and i wake up every morning grateful and bring our coffee it's fair trade

out to our garden our parents helped us with the down payment and sit and talk for hours before we start work it may it never gets old i realize this may change i love her like this thing of us having to stop every sentence to like preemptively apologize it's mad we all do this you always have to be like, yay, I got a small promotion at work, but I know a lot of people don't have jobs and I know that promotions are an allergy for some people. It's almost like we all spend too much time online,

myself included, and we should all just go outside. But no, it can't be that. It must be something else. Okay, he took a long time to get to it, but this like really stuck with me because I haven't been able to articulate it. I still can't, obviously. This feeling of like anytime I say something,

and I've done it on this podcast already like 100 times because I'm so scared of offending people. Not because I think everyone's such a sensitive little fucking snowflake fairy, because I really don't want to offend people. I really don't want to hurt people's feelings. I don't like creating, putting anything out there that makes someone go like, Nikki wouldn't like me or Nikki like thinks I'm not cool or Nikki like,

you know, even when I was talking about, oh, I don't want to redo my kitchen. Why are there women that want to do that? Like, I have no interest in that. And someone wrote to me and said, you're not relatable because I can't afford, I would love to afford to be able to do that. I felt terrible. And that person has written to me and said, I're, you're not relatable because I can't afford, I would love to afford to be able to do that. I felt terrible. And that person has written to me and said, I was having a bad day. I am so sorry. I did that. Like I looked back at it, like, and I am at peace with that person. And I, I love that person more than I could ever love anyone who has ever said anything

even nice to me. So I've forgiven that. But I, Jen, I wasn't like, this person just doesn't get it or everyone gets offended. I really was like, I got to not offend that person. I feel like we waste so much time, at least I waste so much time of caveating everything with like, listen, I know I'm privileged when I say this, but listen, everyone's entitled to their own fucking pain or their own, the things that upset them or the things you could always compare yourself to someone who has less and say, just be happy with what you have. I just, I'm, and I think this is what stops me from TikTok. It's because when I do stand up, I can do all these things and say all this stuff. And I don't have to constantly caveat because it is inherent that I'm joking, right? On a podcast, it is not as inherent that I'm joking. Things are taken more seriously. It is contextualized in a way that's like conversational. Thus, I must be telling the

truth. If I'm complaining about something, it's probably not hyperbole. It's how I really feel. If I feel fat one day, I must be saying that anyone who's actually a fat person must be trash and that if I hate myself in today's body, they must be – and there's all these things that are implied in that I'm talking directly to you, which I am a lot of times. But then you look at TikTok and that is even more to me very contextualized to be earnest and real and not as jokey. And the stuff that I would even want to do on TikTok, like, oh, the five things that annoy me about, you know, I don't know, St. Louis drivers, right? Like I wrote this song about St. Louis that I'm going to put on my Instagram today. You've already seen it by this time, or I didn't put it up because I couldn't figure out how to play guitar with it. But I rewrote this Taylor Swift song to promote my show in St. Louis and I put new lyrics to it. And even writing that, I'm like, I can't offend anyone

who might like, who might, oh, I, in one part I say like, I get constant spray tans and I'm like, oh, this sounds like I'm bragging that I can afford spray. Like it was, there were a million parts of it that I go, I can't say this because people are going to think that I'm like not appreciative of being able to afford an apartment or whatever, whatever it is, or living in the, wherever the neighborhood I live in, in St. Louis that people in St. Louis know is like a nice neighborhood. It's like, she's just bragging. I just feel overwhelmed by it. And I feel like I just want to give up sometimes because I can't

caveat. It will take up the whole video to do all the caveats before I say what I want to say. I love this use of caveat as a verb. I think you're right. Like this is an epidemic of caveating over caveating or being overly paranoid and i know that it's not a verb i was using it like the way people say oh it's fun yeah okay good i hope you don't think i'm just an idiot no i think it's a new but if you are an idiot it's totally fine to be in it it's exhausting aren't you exhausted by this stuff too? Yes. I mean, I felt like when we were talking about Steve, hot Steve from Santa Rosa, I was like, or I don't know, maybe like when you were like,

and we need to help Steve get a girlfriend. I'm like, or maybe he's gay. I don't know. I was like afraid that he was gay. And then it turns out he is gay. Steve is not even Steve, by the way it's steven breaking news we've got steve a new steve cast it's also it's now called steven cast um steven from santa rosa is a gay man um and i don't know why i didn't just know that um i'm always so i gotta say like why should we know well because why why didn't why

didn't it even enter into my mind because it didn't i was just like because you're attracted to him just he's he's yeah maybe that's it and yeah he was sweet and it never entered my mind either until you said we got to get this guy a girlfriend. And then my caveat is... Oh, and then you were being exclusive. It seemed like I was being... But then there are asexual people out there on you that don't want any partner and aren't attracted to anyone. I fucked up that too.

So then why aren't you including that? Exactly. Yeah. Well, Stephen is a gay man and he is looking for friends in Santa Rosa still. I'm guessing of all genders and sexual orientations. And we love him. And yeah, I have to say that when I find out gay people or people of color like me,

I really get like any, I would say marginalized community when I am accepted. And one that I'm not a part of and feel like they're cooler than me a lot of times and even now I'm like oh no people are gonna think that I think black people are cooler and what if black people you can be nerds if you you can be not be cool it nothing matters you guys I just have to say that like some um some people came to my show this weekend at the meet and greet and they're like why are there no other black people here and And I go, I don't know. I don't know. Thank you for saying that because you're not wrong. And they go, we are going to spread the word. We love, and I was like, thank you. And then when gay, but, and also when gay men like me, I feel very,

very good because I just think that black people and gay men have better taste than white people. Sorry, white straight people. There you go. I just do. That's a pull quote. That is my stereotype of the day. They have better taste. Lesbians, not so much.

I mean, I appreciate your... I'm not like, yay, a lesbian likes me. I mean, I will say, though, to lesbians that come to my show, if you have a crush on me, I am so fucking flattered. You know that. But you do not get to manhandle me or womanhandle me just as men aren't allowed to womanhandle me or manhandle me. So this happens sometimes where lesbians feel like they can touch me in different ways or like hit on me in different ways that are really, really aggressive. Like if a man did it, he'd be kicked out of the show. Do

you know what I'm saying? Or kicked out of the meet and greet line. Like Matt would throw him out because it's a woman. It toes this line of like, first of all, and I'm always the first to say women are not as strong as men. They are not as threatening and as menacing as men just from a physicality point. So there is something to that. So yeah, you can be more, maybe a little bit more aggressive

in your hitting on tactics, but tone it down a notch because it makes me uncomfortable. Grabbing Nikki's under boob is not okay. Yeah. Even if you're gay. Even if it's out

and it says, touch here. Touch me. That's a new fashion to write touch here on my under boob. No, I just had a really aggressive lesbian hit on me and it made me feel deeply, deeply uncomfortable and like an icky afterwards. Just the way I was looked up and down.

And even to her, she goes, hit me up. And I go, I just, I always just tell people like, slide into my DMs. They're like, how can I get in touch with you? I go, DMs. And she goes, I me up. And I go, I always just tell people, slide into my DMs. They're like, how can I get in touch with you? I go, DMs. And she goes, I'm DMing you. And I go, I'll be waiting for it. And I even gave her that as like, because I wanted her to leave

and I was also scared she was going to be mad at me too because she had this kind of lesbian, power lesbian hold over me. So I've kind of felt like she was like delaying me a little bit where she was like, I'm your daddy now. And she was like, she goes, I'm going to DM you. And I go, I'll be waiting. And then I had that moment where a lot of women have where they go, I'm being victimized right now. I feel uncomfortable. I'm giving something,

someone to someone that I'm, that I should tell this person to fuck the fuck off. But they bought a ticket to my show they waited in line for the meet and greet maybe she doesn't know she's making me that uncomfortable and I so I give her the I'll be waiting and then I felt disgusting for like even pretending like I was going to be waiting for it so then I flipped it and I go to block you and so then I got and then the door slammed and she couldn't say anything else so i was like yay i stood up for myself at the last second it's so hard to feel like molested by someone of the same gender but also it's like it's like someone at work hitting on you for like

people who don't do stand up and meet and greets as you're living. It's just like being at work and you're in a conference room and you get cornered by a creepy coworker. It is. And then someone's taking a picture of it too. Oh, brother. Where you have to hold onto each other for 10 seconds because everyone's goddamn photos.

I love meet and greets, by the way. And the shame of this, the irony of this whole thing is that no one who is a bestie would ever dream of making me feel uncomfortable and so if you are hearing this going like i don't want to go to her meet and greet i might make her feel comfortable you're not capable of it these people again anya and i've talked about this before they don't question am i gonna make it uncomfortable they this would never cross

their mind so you this isn't about you besties i want to meet you i fucking love when you walk up in line you know there i can tell a bestie from 10 feet away by the way because they start walking forward and i see a look on their face i see like just there's a body language i'm not even joking you i always always know and then we always just hug and then the next person thinks they can hug me too and i go not so fast sir like how do you're just a fan of my roast and you have like 18 pictures you printed up for me to sign not getting a hug actually yeah you will everyone gets one um i have no boundaries so final thought okay here's a couple more um reddit posts that i liked um okay this made me laugh out loud this is so hard it is so hard for

a tweet to make me laugh out loud but i love this oh it's a tweet yeah i thought it was a picture okay it's from me irl which is the subreddit and it's it's from a um oh i don't like the name of this person um it's it says no I'm not even going to read the name because it's literally like a slur. So it's from a tweet and it says, if y'all are having a bad day, just letting y'all know my coworker got his prostate exam. And when the doc touched his prostate,

he nutted immediately and fell down, knocking over some equipment. Just this guy coming and then fumbling and falling over. So funny. And a guy just coming without not even meaning to is so funny too. Just seeing a guy. I get really excited when men get stupid when they come like when they can't help but come it's obviously something that hits a funny bone in me when they're just like oh it's so funny oh my god and then um oh let me see okay so this one is so funny

i sent it to noah the other day and said i wanted to do like a deeper thing on it but i think it can just be you might have seen this it circulated around probably two weeks ago it's a tweet series of tweets from this girl named steph veerman stephie j725 is her handle it says my dad took over my hamster once i went back to college and ended up getting really attached and today he escaped meaning the hamster and this goes to prove how truly pure my father is and this is their text exchange the father um oh wait sorry this is the girl first dad do not freak out it's just a hamster we will find him father oh my god i'm so sorry honey i'm so sorry i'm looking everywhere i'm so wicked sorry i'll keep looking i'm looking everywhere i'm so wicked sorry

i'll keep looking all day she said that's good what's the white arc of betting for or is that betting what is that it's flour so i can see his footsteps if he comes to get the food i'm never going to forgive myself if he doesn't come back should i keep looking for him or is that going to scare him into hiding if i can't find him, I'm not going to work tomorrow so I can keep looking. I'm going to make it right. She goes, Dad, it's okay. He said, no, it's not. I put him in his ball a whole bunch of times.

I should have double checked. God is good. I will trust him. And she said, okay. And then he goes, please call me as soon as you get this. It's an emergency. She goes, oh, wait, sorry. This is the whole exchange.

I put him in a ball a whole bunch of times. I should have double checked. God is good. I will trust him. I know he likes peanut butter. Peanuts. That's a start. And so this sweet dad is like freaking out.

It really reminded me of my own parents of just like the other day I go, mom, you know, when I was when I was living in L.A., I had a bunch of contacts like, you know when i was um when i was living in la i had a bunch of contacts like you know that you put in your eyes sent to my parents house because i didn't need like a hundred pair you know and i was going to be back soon so my mom brought one box out when she came up to visit me and the rest were at her house and you know it's probably like a hundred dollar order of a two hundred dollar order of contacts which is a lot not to say but, but it's, you know, it's replaceable, right? So the other day I go, mom, can you, do you have the rest of those contacts? And she goes, oh God, oh no, Nikki, I think I, I don't know. Wait, what do they look like?

And I go, it's okay. I had them sent to you. You brought me one box, but the rest of them were there. And she's like, oh God. And then she wrote to me, hold on. I just have to find the text. I put them in a ball. I put powder around to make sure that they didn't go anywhere. Yeah.

Exactly. But I said, oh, I can't find it. Wait, why is my text not coming up? Oh, there it is. I have to read some. This is just going to get me. I have to read these texts from my mom there's a couple as julie yeah i go um uh she wrote to me she goes are you feeling okay today

after covid i said yeah better oh good yep maybe you're almost done can i help you in any way get masks or run an errand i said that's so nice no i'll be okay mom thanks she goes okay you know uh kiss face emoji i said do you have the rest of my contact lenses let me look i don't need them before i leave but i'll order more if not because i lost them all since my last order i think it was shipped to you and you brought me one box to cali and then she sent me a picture she goes found them and she sent a picture of the fox. And I said, yay, cool. I'll get them when I get back. And she wrote, phew! And I said, I would have

forgiven you if you lost them. And she goes, I wouldn't have. I was just praying she found them because my mom would have beaten herself up forever. It's just Oh, God, EJ. And then my dad would have been like, she loses everything. And she would have been like, I lose everything because my mom feels so mom feels so bad but then she okay so this is my mom's feedback

on the podcast monday 5 11 p.m oh my god i'm listening to your podcast and you're giving the final thoughts on white lotus already i don't think anybody's watched it i don't know why i'm doing jennifer coolidge too i think it's like the same voice I go skip ahead I gave a spoiler alert I saw it I just think it's so new that not everyone's been able to watch it I said so that's why I gave a spoiler alert And believe me

Everyone who is going to see it Has seen it And she goes okay I go spoiler alerts are an acceptable way to talk about shows I gave a very obvious one. She goes, I know. It's funny while I was listening. I don't know.

I'm doing Jennifer. I'm just going to lean into it. It's funny while I was listening to this, but I'd already seen the ending. I was still cringing because I didn't even want to hear it again because I was so devastated that she died. Why did she have to die? And you do a great impression of her. Really good. I said, I was so mad that she died why did she have to die and you do a great impression of her really good i said i was so mad that she died too so stupid it really was pointless she goes i know we need more of her so my mom was so worried about my besties hearing a spoiler alert and i said that's

why i gave one mom but um she was really bad are not that bright no they might not have seen it yet my mom doesn't understand that like if you would have gone on instagram it would have been spoiled 18 times for you that day like if you were when i said that spoiler it was probably it came wednesday so it had been four days three days since it had aired ample time yeah i think and with a spoiler alert warning i think that's fine hilarious production on that spoiler alert by the way noah thank you thank you guys that was so nice that uh yeah you made that work it was so funny and it was so good i think we should do more inserts like that it was so fun um yeah so i can't i think that's the show i mean um trying

to think of maybe i have one more i think that was pretty much it i'm trying to think of anything else we've got going we're going to be on tour so much in the new year so many dates you guys coming up um what are some of them anya do you know you yes i do we're gonna be in albany for two nights portland maine kalamazoo michigan j, Joliet, Illinois, Tampa, Florida, Orlando, Florida, Bloomington, Indiana, Newport, Kentucky, Lexington, Kentucky. Tucson, Arizona. Noah will be at that one. Guys, there's so many freaking shows. It is going to be so fun.

This tour is out of control. It's so good. We have special guests coming out to open on a couple of these. So I'd love to see you out. If you go alone, I'll give you a free meet and greet. And if you just write me and say you can't afford

a meet and greet, I'll give you a free meet and greet. I'm not a monster, okay? So, and if I don't get back to you that you've written me, write me again. Keep writing me until I see it

because I will see it. Or just go to Anya at the merch booth and be like, Nikki said I could have a free meet and greet. And if you're not like a complete creep, she'll fucking give you one. It's not booth and be like Nikki said I can have a free meet and greet and if you're not like a complete creep she'll

fucking give you one it's not a big deal okay I can't wait to meet you all I love you all so much thank you for listening to podcast thank you for all the positive feedback and all the messages I continue to get happy new year everyone we have exciting things coming up for the podcast in the new year I'm so excited

to have you as a fan and a friend and a bestie. And don't be cursed. And jackpot. Jackpot. Jackpot. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's

happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests

to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network,

iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult.

He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From Novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or

wherever you get your podcasts. The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and badder than ever. I'm Erica. And I'm Mila. And we're the hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast, brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Yeah, we're moms.

But not your mommy. Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your tribe. Listen to the Good Moms, Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you go to find your podcasts.