The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #307 It's Good Good

Episode Date: January 11, 2023

Nikki is getting off the Love Is Blind Brazil train but not without dissecting it with Anya who now speaks Portuguese because of her obsession with the show. Speaking of obsession, guess which book Nikki will dig past her usual 3 chapter mark? Spare by Prince Harry. Nikki has some stories to tell, one is about having an urge to cry over and over again while watching Adam Sandler honor the late Chris Farley. It reminded her of her friendship with Bob Saget on the anniversary of his passing. Also, Nikki shares a story about getting a period cup removed with forceps and how a regular guy helped her with a joke. In Why Do I Care? The gals wish they didn't remember the video Chris Hemsworth put out on facing his fear of aging. Nikki's Final Thought is about how a mohawk for charity went above and beyond for her sex drive. ------ Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Get Pod Merch: Podshop.NikkiGlaser.com Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Anya's Patreon: patreon.com/anyamarina   More Nikki: IG More Anya: IG More producer Noa: IG  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch

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Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid.

Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, It's not four a week. It's two a week. How do you guys feel about that? Anya and Noah are here. It's good. It's a good amount, right? Two a week? Dodgy, dodgy, dodgy.

So Anya's been watching a lot of Love is Blind Brazil. And that is the, that's how I think, that's how Portuguese sounds to me. They say dodgy, dodgy, dodgy, dodgy, dodgy, dodgy, dodgy, a lot. And I got into watching Love is Blind Brazil. And yeah, they don't say it as much as I thought. I forget. I remember it was the movie Citizen Four. Remember that movie about Edward Snowden?

Yeah, yes. And one of the journalists in it, Glenn Greenwald, is Portuguese and was talking it. And I was like, there's so many oji dojis. And then that's where I formulated that um stereotype and then it's not but Portuguese is a beautiful language I've been watching Love is Blind Brazil Anya have you watched new episodes or the have they come out yet I think they're coming out tomorrow the last ones okay I might not even finish the show because I don't what so the reason that I don't feel like I'll watch new ones is because I don't care. Like, you know, like they if they would have just released them all, I would have probably

gone right into the I would have watched them all. But this like sparingly handing them out. I don't know if it's the right move, Netflix. I've already lost interest in everyone. Halfway through watching Love is Blind Brazil, having to pay ardent attention to all of the subtitles because you cannot be on your phone watching the show because there's oji-dojis and you don't know what any of it is. And you don't realize how much you watch these reality shows

like half-assed until you take away the language that you speak. And then I had the subtitles up, and so i'd have to pause it and go back and and you know you it would just be some worthless information like she just said like her favorite color is green or something and i had to go back and be like what got what got miscommunicated here so then i switched over to english dub over and that changed everything except you, you know, it takes away, their voices in Portuguese are kind of muted. You could still hear it.

But it takes away from it a little bit to have like different voices of the people. How are the voiceover actors? Are they pretty effective or is it like? They're effective.

Okay, good. I thought it would be like, you know, anime dub. Where it's just like, so not with the, like it's overacting or something but it was pretty furious at him yes yes exactly it was but i don't know it's i i was drawn to it

because on the girls chat you were telling us that you loved it because you could see the differences in what different cultures were like into and what they celebrated and how they communicated versus watching love is blind uh american like what what did you find and let me just see if i co-sign on that well first of all a lot of the women are tattooed and and guys seem to love it yeah they have like some girls have like chest tattoos remember the bigger girl she had a lot of tattoos like torso chest some arms okay on the first season tattoos no they once they get into their swimsuits you'll see oh yeah we haven't gotten the swimsuits because they went on their honeymoon they're like a post-engagement honeymoon to the amazon

rainforest and let me just tell you if you want to see the weirdest okay everyone has to watch this go watch love is blind brazil i wish i had the minute mark when they tell these people who are from brazil that they are going to be spending their engagement honeymoon you know after they get engaged they're going to go off on a vacation to test the waters and they tell them it's going to be in the amazon rainforest in brazil by the way and they around the corner lose their fucking minds i've never it was honestly like telling a bunch of men they were going to go to space because i would say just people but women don't want to fucking go to space there's like it's three of us that want to go equivalent of the confusion i feel watching the bachelor or bachelorette whenever they reveal

they're going to take them on a helicopter ride they're like screaming who is excited to take a helicopter i mean i've taken one before and i just go should i get a picture before i die like should i get should am i in a good enough condition right now do i look cute enough that this can be the final photo that runs on daily mail uh tomorrow and gets pushed down to like the 20th story after everyone gets over my death but also is it romantic to be in the loudest mode of transport ever with wind it's like being in the club dude you can't talk that's why clubs are great you there's no communication it's all body language you got to get real close to each other to talk i always wondered why clubs are so fucking loud and it's because people got to get up in

each other's ears yeah to to there's intimacy locked into like communicating in the club and you don't have to talk because no one in there has anything interesting to say anyways like you know and that's the excruciating part about first dates is like what are we going to talk about you know like keeping that convo going and i'm a conversationalist by trade and i would even stress about it so i think you like a first date in a like a movie theater where you don't have to talk but you can talk afterwards no because yes if i don't like the guy sure but if i like the guy i'm just like i want to chat all night all day long you know and i and i get annoyed like chris and i were talking actually yesterday i did his radio show and he you can listen to it on we did like

an after show podcast but you can listen to it on the courtney show it's the the show itself streams and then we did a podcast for afterwards where i talked about more intimate things but we were talking about um she can't watch tv with her partner sometimes because he snipes the whole time he's making fun of it the whole time he has comments the entire show and she's like i have to purposely watch shows without him when he's gone because i can't stand the sniping because it ruins a show for me i like find out this person's a bad actor i found out they do a weird tick or they keep they whisper the whole time there's this show that she can't watch now because she's he was like they whisper the whole time she goes god they do whisper but she would never have noticed it and then i was

like oh i'm so grateful i have a partner who constantly wants to talk during shows with me now now movie and i told that to him yesterday i was like you love talking like have i ever annoyed you during a tv show please let me know because i can be a little much we all know that and if i have enough caffeine i'm in the right mood it's dicky dicky dicky but i always pause the show and sometimes he talks and i'll pause it and he goes you don't need to pause it and because it's good you know we have a good communication i don't want to watch a show if i can't snipe i don't i can't watch things alone, as you guys know. But he said, if we go to the theater,

I hate people talking in the theater because it's rude to others around us. And I do get that. So at the theater, I talk very, very quietly and I pick my battles. I don't get my phone out. I'm very courteous of others, but I will whisper in his ear,

I don't want Elvis to die. That's one thing I did say during Elvis. Because I had taken a little too much microdosing that day. And I really didn't want Elvis to die. I remember that day. I knew he was going to. I remember getting texts from you. You're like, I'm crying so much during Elvis.

You have to watch it. And then later, like a couple days later, you're like, I'm so much during elvis you have to watch it and then later like a couple days later you're like i'm watching elvis again and i'm weeping again no i loved it so much and i i don't even know if it was a mushroom i really there are certain things i was you know microdosing that day but there are certain things that do and microdosing if you don't know it just it can amplify the laughter and it can amplify your gratitude it can amplify emotions just to like a tinge it's not like i'm like wackadoo so it may have had an effect on it but i liked it i mean i think that's what a nor there was there's another movie that i did that too in eighth grade and i was not microdosing i had maybe had like too much

sugar that day or something from the sweet factory or like, you know, eating 14, I'd macro dose peach rings. Those sugar peach rings or those long strips of just sugar. City of Angels, the ending of that movie, I couldn't catch my breath.

I was sobbing so hard. I don't know what the fuck was going on in my life that day, but it was eighth grade. And I remember my friends looking at each other like it was i remember the credits were rolling and i couldn't get it together i was just so sad they couldn't be together spoiler alert meg ryan nicholas cage is that the one where she gets naked no that's with uh mark ruffalo god you gotta see that penis shot meg meg ryan gets naked yeah and he gets naked. Oh, I love Mark Ruffalo.

But I don't mind us. I love him more nude. You don't like Snipe, but you like watching shows with me. Oh, I love watching a show with you because I just get in the mindset of like, I'm going to be entertained the whole time and I get to partake too. But you, when you watch, see, Love is Blind for me, I was texting you the whole time I was watching it. That was so fun.

Remember when we watched that murder doc together? I time I was watching it. That was so fun. Remember when we watched that murder doc together? I was peeing my pants. It was so fun. But if it's the Oscars, I need to be alone in an airtight room with nobody around. Or like one other movie buff. That's lame to me, honestly. What is going on at the Oscars that you need to hear so much? Okay, so maybe like back when you were like a cinephile,

but like, honestly, pre-pandemic Oscars. Aren't you kind of over the whole thing about that everyone feels so self-important at these things and that it's just this, don't you kind of roll your eyes at it now? Like I used to put the Oscars up on the shelf too, but you go to these things

and you just realize it's people playing dress up. It's not real. And these people are just actors. Why are we acting like they're royalty? And again, royalty is even a construct that we've invented. Like I just, you know, the slap last year was phenomenal. I don't know how they're going to top that. But that was, I mean, the Oscars have been wild.

We had the slap. And then we also had, I remember thinking it couldn't get better than when they announced the wrong best picture. That was fucking great. Man, that was a flub I love to see. That was so fun. Didn't that happen two years in a row? It was with like, I think then after the slap, there was the after slap of finding out which of your friends were like pro will smith and which ones were anti will smith i almost lost a friend over that i know

it was a whole thing yeah it was that felt like an assault on me the oscars of 2020 what that was that was a break in everything we know to be true. It was one. It was just it was like 9-11 in the sense of like, I didn't know something like this could happen. You know what I'm saying? Like, you didn't know we could be. We'd never seen it on our in America. We'd never seen an attack like that. We didn't know it could happen.

I met someone whose sister died in 9-11. I know. I talked to him yesterday. like that we didn't know it could happen i met someone whose sister died in 9-11 i know i talked to him yesterday so it's killing not a pure concern the oscars to 9-11 it is comparable and i think people will get my drift you just it left you afterwards the day after i'm not saying it's tragic please don't misquote me i'm saying it was just like, this can happen. Someone can walk on stage on live TV and slap another person. It was, I mean, you guys were there. You all remember.

Like, and it's, I would say everyone remembers where they were. Another one of those things. Kennedy assassination, 9-11, Will Smith, Chris Rock. Kurt Cobain stuff. I was with my two 80-year year old parents and they're like that was a joke i'm like that was not a joke oh it's like when people always go is that a bit when i have the most uncomfortable moment on stage of my life if something happens unprompted like the mic cord will drop out of the mic and i'll do nothing funny about it they go what is that planned oh

that moment where i shat myself on stage and then i ran off crying and then the show was delayed 45 minutes that oh yep great that was a bit like new year's eve people were asking me at the merch with did nikki plan to forget the last verse of the song i was like you'll never know why would i do that it was hilarious because it was so funny the way you vamped and you were trying to find the lyrics. You're like,

hold on, logging into my Gmail. Yeah, whenever that happens, I just, you're so funny when you like feel the audience

feel nervous for you and then get awkward. Just all the buttholes clench. Mm-hmm. And then you go, no. And then I would check in

with myself and I go, I'm not nervous. I just have to look for this fucking email in front of 3 000 people i just have to download my gmail app and go to the app store while also creating dialogue while i'm doing it and making you know like but i had to check it with myself and be like am i nervous am i worried about this am i embarrassed of this no and so i say the audience, I know this seems like it's embarrassing. It's, I promise you,

I decide that. It is not. I'm not embarrassed right now. I mean, I didn't say that in that many words, but there are times on stage where something, I'll seem to lose control of the audience.

And if I, if it really is embarrassing, you'll know, because I won't say that. But if it's not, I'll just be like, everyone calm down. Like,

I know it seems awkward. I'm not awkward. So you should be be you're just letting them know so much of embarrassment is yes secondhand embarrassment for someone else you just worry like oh my god they're so awkward um yeah so love is blind brazil i don't know if i'll go back to it i am knee deep in prince harry's book i'm a third of the way through, 35%. That's why I like reading on my phone because you can kind of get a... I like percentages. I like hard numbers. I read it...

I mean, this book is gigantic, too. I mean, I don't know how many pages it equates to in a normal book, but I think it's a thicky thick. And I probably read it for four hours last night, and I couldn't stop. Did you know that the book was coming out when?

Yes. I got an alert on my phone. I pre-ordered it and then all of a sudden I saw bloop and it was like from Apple Books. Did you know it was coming out when Megan and Harry came out? No, I don't know that it was announced. How weird that both things came out around the same time well yeah i mean they're they know they have a pr well this is the thing okay okay here we go here we go okay you want

to get me to get going on this only if you say it is julie glazer every reason we don't like harry and megan is because we think they're calculated we We go, oh, this is calculated. What is wrong with calculation? What is wrong with going, I want something. I'm going to figure out a way to get it. Where did that become a bad thing? All I see on Instagram all day long is people like Jay Shetty and Ed Milet and fucking that one smart, the guy that talks about the stoic way. all they talk about is like, you got to go after what you want. Fight for what you want.

Never let up. Don't ever take any rejection. But the second a pretty woman and a prince get a PR company and do the right thing for themselves, because they're actually, or the second prince, I am on a crusade for Meghangan markle i am so tired of that i appreciate that it's true what what did she do wrong even if you say oh she wanted to be a royal who do you not want to be a fucking royal if you happen to fall in love with a guy if you happen to fall in love with a guy who happened to be a prince would you you not? Think about the guy, you listener or the girl or them that you are in love with. Did you ever do anything to maybe get them to like you? Did you ever want maybe their attention and modify your look in a certain way or show up late or not

respond to a text? We've all done it. We've all been calculated to get what we want in our careers, in our love lives. Megan did the same thing we all do. Stop faulting her. You're jealous. And as someone who used to be jealous of her, I am now, I was part of the problem. I'm you. Everyone who doesn't like her, you're jealous. And there's no other way about it. You just, you can't really pinpoint why you don't like her you don't like her because she seems to have everything handed to her she seems to have connived her way into something prince harry is such an upstanding young man who went through such a tragedy tragic loss got no support for it never once got a hug about it losing his mother from his father not as much as a hug never was able to cry about it except one time where there were no cameras around he cried one time about his mother and um and then it was shipped off to boarding school

had no comfort from his brother his brother didn't Want to even talk to him board school classic boy thing Then he went into the he He was hounded by paparazzi He at the age of 14 It was speculated that his mother had him With one of her bodyguards which was Impossible to even happen Because she didn't know him before Harry Was born and

But he but the whole country thought he was a Bastard child he was already known As the spare. There's the heir and then there's the spare. He can't even fly. His brother and his dad can't fly in the same jet because if that jet goes down, then they both die. And that's the heir and the king going down. And so Harry could always fly with either of them, though.

He was a spare. That's what he was referred to within the family. And this kid, you read about his boot camp training. You read about him going to Afghanistan. You tell me this this guy isn't fucking awesome i'm obsessed with him i love megan i love prince harry um maybe less on that when we get back right after this 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year it's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities i'm joel oh and i am that and we're the hosts of how to money we want to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel.

Ooh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance

because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast.

From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf.

Featuring interviews with top players on tour like LPGA superstar Angel Yen. I really just sat myself down at the end of 2022 and I was like, look, either we make it or we quit. Expert tips to help improve your swing and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. The drinks were flowing, twerking all over the place, vaping, they're shotgunning. Women's golf is a wild ride full of big personalities, remarkable athleticism, fierce competition, and a generation of women hell-bent on shanking that glass ceiling. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports.

Hey, you guys. I'm Catherine Legg. I'm a racing driver who's literally driven everything with four wheels across the planet. And I've got a new podcast. It's called Throttle Therapy. This season, I'm gearing up to make history, competing in some of the world's most notorious racing events, starting at the Indy 500. Join me as I travel from racetrack to racetrack

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an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. And we're back. I'm on tour right now. So is Anya Marina with me. And we are all over the goddamn place this weekend. Coming up, we got Albany, New York. We have two shows Friday.

We have two shows Saturday in Portland, Maine. Next week, we have Kalamazoo, Michigan, Joliet. And then after that, we're going to be in New York, also New Haven, Connecticut. Tons and tons of dates. It goes on and on into the spring. And then in Europe, if you're over there, check out my website, NikkiGlaser.com, for tickets. And as always, if you need a meet and greet and you can't afford one, they are included with VIP tickets. You can just message me on Instagram and I will hopefully get back to you and bump you up to a meet and greet. Yeah. So going on tour this weekend. Back at it.

I am excited to be out again. It's been nice to be home, though. And it's been nice to just read books and take voice lessons and hang out with my niece and nephew and just do fucking nothing but i do kind of miss the road i miss traveling and um sleeping in hotels and not knowing anyone in a city and having no like you don't have to do anything all day yes you know people write me and going like, come to our vegan cafe. Not going to happen. I'm just, I don't want to. No new friends in the city.

I'll meet you at the meet and greet. I don't want to do anything all day. I kind of want to be alone. I like being alone in cities. I just did that. I took a solo trip to New York City. It was heaven. I went for two nights.

Yeah. I ordered so much food. I saw one friend. Like I made one plan and then i had like one doctor's appointment and that was it and it was the best to just be like i'm gonna order the same fucking thing i got last night and i'm gonna be gross and i it was just so nice to just be alone and gross and what did you watch i watched so much Love is Blind Brazil, which was worthless. But now at least I know Obrigada and Coração. So the girls are tattooed. What else do you think the Brazilians like?

They give the women the option to propose, which they don't do in the States, which I think is super cool. On the show or just in general? Yeah, in the beginning. They're like, no, you can be proposed to or you can also propose. Yeah.

Hmm. One person does. I feel like I could propose and Chris would be cool with it. Oh, for sure. I could see you getting down on one knee. I don't think he would be emasculated by that at all. I think he would kind of love it. So that's kind of nice to know.

That's what you want. That's what I like about those men. They don't care. They're not, like, emasculated by it. There's something about them that they're more emotional, I feel like, than men here. Or at least the American men. They cry a lot more on Love is Blind Brazil. Yes.

They seem to be. I was like, if I'm ever single, I'm going to Brazil. I kind of like these Brazilian dudes. And they kiss like it's a full body athletic event. Oh, really? Like when they see each other, they're like. Like it's insane. I will say the most tragic thing of Love is Blind Brazil.

And we got to talk about it because if you don't, you can't just skim over it. There was a bigger girl on it. Spoiler. Yeah. Well, no one's going to watch. There's a bigger girl on it spoiler yeah well no one's gonna watch if you want there's a bigger girl on it and as i'm watching it you know and this is always what love is blind is like the whole premise of the show is like you know you meet through a wall it's all you do is talk to each other through a wall and get to know each other's voices and you fall in love and you get engaged before you see each other

and the big fear in the american versions now with two seasons has been, if it's a bigger person or someone who's not that attractive, what are they going to do? Right. You know, we saw kind of examples of this. I think in the first season, the guy was kind of, there was a guy that was like short and just not the girl's type.

And you could kind of see her face drop and kind of, she was a little bit just like not there. They allude to not being physically into each other. We have yet to see a very big person get rejected because they're big there's been like you know with nancy and um what's that guy's name that had the dumb name uh oh god black guy last season on love is blind it doesn't matter he there were like moments where she was like i am not she really like was fine with her body and she wasn't worried that someone was going to reject her based on it it was very it was very cool to see barty bartice and he could tell he was like i'm into

more fit look he didn't straight out say it but he was into her still like it didn't it didn't seem to matter it didn't seem to shake him it was maybe a little bit of an issue not as much as you would think you know going into this i just fear for these women being rejected because of how they look or the men too and then you know there was the case of cole and um zaynab right yeah and she she is a beautiful woman great body was nancy nancy looked like angelina jolie yeah they were both beautiful but they definitely they were curvier yeah zaynab not so much Zaynab just had low self-esteem across the board which I don't fault her for but she had really no there's no reason for anyone to have it but you know what I'm saying like yeah it was in her head more than in her hips and then um but that doesn't matter

because you can you can be whatever and on the inside you can feel unlovable and then then either way, you can be big and feel like, I don't even fucking care. I love myself. Or you can be super tiny and feel like, I feel like a piece of shit. It doesn't fucking matter. That's what you realize. But then on Love is Blind Brazil, Noah, I'm watching it. And Anya's already a couple episodes ahead. And I go, I'm getting worried about this big girl.

I'm getting worried. I don't think this guy she's falling for is gonna be okay with this you know i think he's gonna be an asshole about it um he even said and fitness is very important to him and she said oh that would be that would be good for me to be with someone like that so she like she didn't and she even expressed like worrying about i'm black i'm bigger like there are things like it's harder to date for me and i'm scared he's gonna like reject me and he did guys he did yes and it was it was so sad it was so they kind of glossed over it because i think it is too upsetting but that's a real fucking thing man like i applaud a girl who a bigger girl going

on these shows and being like i don't care what their reaction is if they don't like me that's on them and that's kind of what she she was like beautiful girl proud of who she was strong girl like didn't need this guy at all if anything this guy was she should have fucking turned on a dime and not been impressed with this guy he was not cute in my opinion which is a whole other thing like just let's take size out of the equation just you don't like their face you know it could be just like oh he's not cute to me um but he he was weird because when they met in person you know they kiss and they're hugging and stuff and then they part ways and then he gets behind the door after he's alone he's like he kept saying the most bullshit thing he kept saying the most bullshit thing.

He kept saying, I don't know if I can handle such a strong woman. She suddenly was so strong. Nothing had changed since they were, you know, in the, all they'd done is kissed and gone like, oh, look at you. Hi. And then suddenly she's too strong for him. It really made me sad. But you know what to deny that that is an issue for bigger women or bigger men out there dating is to deny it's it's obvious it does it does hinder people

from finding love and it sucks and yeah you saw it on that and i was just stark yeah such a stark like rejection it was like a kick to the gut. He just looked at her, hugged her, and then walked away. And it was just like, that's it? You're not going to say anything? Ew. Because he couldn't. Because the truth was, I'm not attracted to you.

And it's too heartbreaking to tell people. I mean, we've had it happen to us. But after three whole days of getting to know each other yeah and after getting on his knee and proposing i mean like these people are legitimately in love on this show which is the crazy thing but i something happens in there something special happens when you're just talking um on the phone you know it sounds kind of bizarre to me because just from learning about brazilian culture and stuff through jujitsu women in brazil like i like they embrace curves and and you know like all that yes i think men like that so i'm just like surprised to hear it i think it's this

girl was fat she would probably identify as a fat woman you know i'm saying it's different than like all the women on the show are curvy there's no one who's like a like a you know this new diabetes medication starving themselves buckle fat removal except the host honestly that's a really good point the host does show up and you're like the host is like it looks like her husband is holding a stripper pole yes she always looks starving um and uh so yeah that's that you know and i'm saying fat with like no judgment yeah i think you know i think the that's the thing I like about the fat movement is women are just like, yeah, I'm fat.

And people are like, no, don't say it. And they're like, no, that's actually what I am. I don't really care. I don't put any morality to it. So I can say I'm fat and it doesn't mean I'm bad. And they go, don't. You're not fat. And they go, well, I don't see anything wrong with being fat.

You seem to have a problem with it. So that's what I mean. Yeah, don't protest too much. Yeah fat. You seem to have a problem with it. Yeah. So that's what I mean. Now it does protest too much. Yeah. That's the thing that bothers me so much when you go, I look gross today or I look ugly or I look old. No, you don't. No. And I'm like, well, someday I will.

And it seems like it's quite a problem based on your reaction. And so should I kill myself before then? Okay. So I've got a couple stories that i can tell from my past week that i wrote down a list and i want you guys to choose what you hear about based on my list so i'm going to read the list and you each will choose one i'll try to rifle through them as fast as possible okay um but you know you know me it might take a little bit of time so just based on the titles alone i'm going to go through these and you tell me what ones you want to hear.

Okay, so we have Otter at the Aquarium, Sad Women Incorporated, Arlo Kanye Glasses, LASIK, Menstrual Cup Mishap, Gratitude Jug, Farley Saget Sadness. Oh, I already did Meghan Markle Crusade.

Harry Book, I already did megan markel crusade harry book i already did that laurie hill videos or uh the quote smashed up cookie end quote uh noah let's go with you what would you like to talk about okay um farley saget sadness okay so sag it's uh anniversary of his death was yesterday on the 9th and um a couple days ago i was um i don't know if it's been announced yet there's something going on with adam sandler that someone in my life is also involved with i'll say that and so the other day so we have been wanting to watch a lot of adam sandler stuff the other day alone i put on the um adam sandler 100 fresh his comedy special from a couple years ago it's maybe my favorite thing i've ever seen it's top top 10 comedy specials for sure it is brilliant and if you go oh yeah i remember seeing it was funny i did too i watched it like four times when it first

came out i don't remember anything from it except the Farley song. And like that one song that's like phone, wallet, keys, phone, wallet, keys. But I'm telling you, there is so much you don't remember. Go back and watch it. It is so delightful. So I'm watching it. I'm obsessing over everything about it. And then the Farley song at the very end, his penultimate song is about Chris Farley.

And it's just the best tribute to his friend who died ever. And it's just so sad. And it makes me cry so hard. It makes me cry. There's this one song where he was like, one night late at the office, I walked in and he was listening to KC and the Sunshine Band. And he was crying to KC and the Sunshine Band. I said, man, what's making you so sad? And he said, just thinking about my dad. And it's just so sad that like he just was crying to the song thinking about his dad. And he was like late at the office in SNL. And then the image behind him is like Chris Farley and his dad on the big screen.

It's just beautiful. And then, so you cry at that because you just see that this guy, this guy, Chris Farley was just such an emotional guy and so connected to his family. And then, and then he does a guitar solo, which is like really good and like has so much emotion in it. Like Adam Sandler,

like he is an emotional man. Like I love him so much. Like he has depth to him him like we don't even know at least i i didn't know and the more i've been watching this i'm like oh he has he's so much more than like i would do a scooby-doo you know like he's the real fucking deal he's a good man and um and then and then the next part of the song he he was like, you know, he goes, a couple weeks later the party came to an end. We flew out to Madison to bury our friend.

Nothing was harder than saying goodbye. Than watching Chris's father take his turn to cry. And then it's like so sad. And then there's like, and that then um and then there's like the other and that just like makes me like oh and then so there's something about the thing that always gets me crying is when people talk to people who are dead like they're still here or yes people come back from the dead like in a in a note they wrote knowing they were gonna die being like like that shit gets me ever since forrest gump and he's talking to jenny he's like you'd be so proud jenny he's so smart when

he's at her grave you know he's so smart jenny and that like i remember as a kid being like what is happening to me i was again convulsing so then there's this line where he's just like um you know I forget what it is but it's something about like man laughs life ain't the same since you left it's something about like Chris life isn't the same here since you've been gone and for some reason he's just like the familiarity of like talking to him like he's right there and like it and chris farley was you just realize such this guy's been dead for 20 years and yet his best friend from that time is still writing is like writing this long song about him and everyone the audience is like sobbing it's just such a great emote and i couldn't stop watching it i was just over and over

because it would just make me cry every time and make me feel this thing. Then I would think about my dad. I started worrying about my friends dying and like, how am I going to have to write a song about them? I already did one for Bob Saget. No, I just was starting to like, it just made me cry in a way that felt orgasmic kind of, where it was like this thing happening to me that I don't want to happen, but it feels really good, but also feels really wrong. I don't know. Crying to me is I don't want to happen, but it feels really good, but also feels really wrong. I don't know. Crying to me is kind of orgasmic. And so I just, and then it was starting to not work anymore. It was like not making me cry anymore because I was just doing it. So watching, listening to it over and over and crying. And, and I would just cry for like, you know, three seconds,

you know, like it would just go like well up and be like tears and then it would stop and so i'd go up repeat repeat and then i was just like with crying yes yes absolutely and because i never just like it's rare that i just break down and sob and sob and sob it's only if i'm like on the girls chat telling a story and i can talk for like a long monologue but usually it comes out of me in like little spurts and so then i just just was like, what is going on with me? Like, why am I so sad right now? And thinking about like, what is going? And then all of a sudden it was like, Bob Saget, the anniversary of death has been a year. And I was like, it is this, I was, it's the same time of year, this weird time after New Year's Eve where nothing's going on yet.

My tour hasn't picked up again. I was, it was same thing happened last year. I found out when I was sitting on my couch watching some reality show. Someone texted me, Bob Saget's dead. Someone I like barely, you know, kind of barely know. And it like, it was just some news. And it just, and you know, like when anyone, everyone who's listened to this has suffered grief at some point in their life. You remember where you were.

You remember like the way it smells. and i didn't even remember this date was kind of coming up but it's just the time of year reminds me of being like being sad about a friend i've been like obsessively watching david spade clips because i think and that's that wasn't even from watching the farley thing because they're kind of connected he's even in the song but i've just been obsessively watching it because I'm like trying to hold on to my friends who are a little bit older than me, like Saget that I'm like,

I don't, these men that mean so much to me comedically and almost like big brother, father type status, like where I don't want to let them go. And I want to like, I want to just soak them up and so I just like keep um I guess it's just that time of year so that made me realize it was really nice to be like that's why it's like when you feel murderous rage and then your period starts you go oh it's not just me I'm not just being melancholy for no reason there's a fucking thing behind this and you know i even last year when it

happened i really suffer with like my feelings around bob saget's death because people were like we weren't best friends but i was really fucking sad about it same thing you guys were very close you were on facetime status like he was giving you loving fatherly avuncular advice about your relationship you cared about your friends about you. You guys were good friends. Yeah. And vice versa. I just, yeah, I just struggle with that though. I think it's just, you know, childhood trauma of losing someone and then people going like,

why are you sad about this? You didn't even know this kid. And ever since then, anytime someone in my life dies, if it's, you know, literally anyone, because I haven't lost anyone that I feel like I have a right to be sad yet. I really haven't. Everyone I've lost, I feel guilty about feeling so sad because I go, well, they, their wife is sadder. Their sister is sadder. Like, what am I writing a song about? But, you know, I think the Adam Sandler thing made me feel good because he's not, you know, 20 years ago, this happened. You're still not over it. Well, fucking good. He's not you know 20 years ago this happened you're still not over it well fucking good he's not and they were very close much closer than bob and i were but at the same time it just feels like

but they were also in their 20s it was probably a less mature relationship i can i can kind of relate to feeling like i would want to write a song about bob in 20 years even though i you know it just made me feel good that not every song you write about grief has to be about someone i guess that's not what i'm taking from it but it's okay to be sad i guess yeah i think you know too that you have you have like somebody else's shame put on you from childhood because when you're you lost a friend when you were in high school, people close to you, in whatever attempt they were making to try to make you feel less bad, they kind of didn't. Made me feel bad.

Yeah. And so now you have this weird guilt about anytime somebody dies, you're like, am I allowed to feel sad? Honestly, I was thinking about some of my friends and I'm like, if they died, I need to take more pictures with them because if they die, I'm going to fucking lose my mind. And it's all that I'm going to be able to talk about or think about. And no one's going to believe that we were that close unless I have evidence of it. I need more pictures with them just to prove in case they die that I feel okay about being that sad. So people don't be like Nikki just wants attention

Nikki's you know like I know people like that that someone dies and they like get I remember one guy dying and a friend of mine in the local comedy scene a guy died tragically and another guy got a tattoo of him and I was like I kind of realized in a moment oh my god if I died I would be commemorated on this guy's lower back probably too. Because the level that they knew each other. And I just remember being like, my sister wouldn't get a tattoo of me yet. I would be on the back of this guy Jeff's back forever. That's my legacy.

And I remember rolling my eyes being like, he's trying to make this about him. I don't give a fuck what people do with their grief anymore. If you're sad, just like have it. And I gotta, I gotta feel that way because as I know, the only way to feel, to let yourself be something is to like let others off the hook for the same thing. Right. And vice versa. I loved Bob's, you know, we were talking a little bit about this the other day and I think it was last night I went on to Saget's widow's page and I was just reading her post she's so sweet like every few months she's been like can't believe it's six months without my love of my life and my husband it's gonna choke me up so I don't want to

talk about it too much I know I know that she always would say the more you know what I've learned through this because they were just together a short time they like met fell in love got married and then like a few years later he was gone right yeah it was like five years seven yeah that's like so short and i love that she's like what i take from all of this is how lucky i was like lucky to meet you lucky to be your wife lucky to have all the time i had with you but that's what i keep thinking like because i'm obsessed with death too or like how much longer do i have how much longer do i like i just met the love of my life thinking about it too keep going you have just that like like what if i lose everyone or my parents are older and how much time and my dog i love my dog so much

she's gonna fucking die losing people but if for what for last night i was watching alone we started sixth season and this guy shoots a squirrel that just these squirrels keep like giving up so when squirrels are like they'll they'll see a human as a predator so they'll start going like and like barking and so then they're alerting every animal to get the fuck out of the way and the guy's like i gotta kill that squirrel that squirrel is like giving up you know my spot so he like puts it in his like shot line he's like i'm gonna and the squirrel is just like eating its morning lunch like on this little branch like up in this very high up in this tree and he's like look at this squirrel look at him i'm gonna get him he sets the bow and he fucking hits it and

then he goes to collect the squirrel that he hit and it's right through the squirrel's fucking brain like right and the squirrel's just squirrel's eating a nut and it's perfectly through the brain i go that's the best way to go that squirrel didn't feel an ounce of pain didn't know anything and that and i was talking to chris and i go that really is the best way to go you just you don't even go out like there's no moment of like what's happening like i don't want to go in a car crash where i'm like oh no dead like like i don't want that moment of fear where the adrenaline like rushes through you harry talks about it in his book when he was slaughtering um when he was shooting an animal he was talking about how

a lot of times animals when you're out shooting them which i didn't know and it makes total sense about factory farming why i say factory farming is awful because the animals are filled with anxiety and you eat that anxiety but when they're hunting right if you if you scare the animal before you shoot it adrenaline rushes through its body and ruins the meat i thought that was so interesting so i don't want to die with adrenaline coursing through my brains i want to die with like a bridge falling on me and me just like bopping along to like, you know, the Farley song probably. You know what I mean? But I don't, I don't worry about dying because I won't be, I'm not worried about like people going on without me. And maybe that's because I don't't i don't have a kid or something

but i do worry about losing other people when you guys think about death are you thinking about what am i because saralina my friend she keeps saying like girl i don't know i'm just so scared of dying and i go but you'll be dead like you're not gonna be like oh fuck i died like i was like you gotta take this whole thing like you think of it as like you trip on the sidewalk and you're like embarrassed about you're not gonna be able to reflect on dying and i know that's like harder to get than not but do you do you want how do you fear death i fear leaving people behind not finishing stuff i want i i want lots of time you know i don't want to die young right well you're out of

the woods for that but um thanks i am too i always feel like we're i'm getting that bow and arrow ready to have you 35 it's like demise no before 60 is dying young faux show at this at this point in time it doesn't always feel that way in Hollywood but yeah I when you're talking about your to do list like what's your number one thing that you'd be like fuck let's not talk about relationships let's not talk about like like like bucket list

like what would you what would be your gasping last words of like oh I didn't get I didn't like leave my to do listing yeah yeah I didn't organize that top, leave my to-do listing. Yeah, yeah, I didn't organize that top shelf. I actually don't have a lot of stuff on my bucket list, which I'm glad about. I'm not like, I never got to India or I never got to see the Great Wall. It's more just like I want more time with people I love, maybe that.

And I don't know. Sometimes I get scared that I'm going to die soon because I feel that way. Like, I already feel like I've had a full life. So what if someone's listening and they're like, take her out. Yeah, you're like spending your time watching Love is Blind Brazil. Someone's going to throw a rock at your head. You're sending a message to the universe. You know what? I'm kind of like biding my time right now. Can you like speed this up? Wait, Noah, what have your fears of death been death been okay so my thoughts are a little bit different like i think about losing loved ones i guess like my dad and just like not having him

there like yes you know finally wanting to pick up the phone and call him intentionally and then oh it's too late he's not there or finding it like an old voicemail and that makes me really emotional even though he's not dead yes the second The second part of it is I think about, for example, my nephew, when I die, he's not gonna have me there and like the hurt that he'll go through. And then finally, the last thing, I just think about like death itself

and what it means and how like just poof, that's it. It's just done. Like you just don't get to open your eyes anymore and you turn into worm food or you know it's just the beginning which is kind of what i believe but yeah but all of that so so then what i i turn into something else like i come back as like a i don't know a bird or something like what i don't know i just don't think it's the end i don't think it's like i think noah's done you know yeah a squirrel and then you're you know then then you come back again as something else in two seconds a musk ox head off yeah musk ox that someone stabs

in the night um i think that i don't know yeah i guess i worry about that's why I try to write in my journal in a way that oh I wanted to say this publicly. If I die, public access to all my journals. Do something with them. I have no qualms about my voice memos on my phone. I have no privacy.

Release it all. Do something with it. Babe it's already out. No. No. My fucking journals are what's in the journal give me a little sample from no honestly it would get me committed but after i'm dead it doesn't matter you know it's all stuff about myself but it's just like i i wanted to say that because i don't give it to like my parents or like chris i don't think they could handle it but you could handle it anya can i give it to like my parents or like Chris. I don't think they can handle it, but you could handle it, Anya.

Can I give it to that guy that tattooed your name on his back? Yeah, I forget his name. I should check my back. He's like, I'm so excited to be the executor of Nikki's journals. Just someone who gives a fuck. Yeah, please have all that shit.

I have a whole drawer of it. Yeah, I just, what was I gonna say? You were talking about- not hearing from my dad yes that's the not being there for my nephew and here's what i'm i don't know i have felt it's the end of all the memories you have with them now but i really feel and i haven't lost someone super close to me so i don't know what this is like, but I believe I really talk to people all the time who are dead, like in my mind. And like when I'm walking around my house, like straightening things like I feel like I have a relationship with dead people. Like there's someone I lost that I was close to eight years ago.

And I feel like we haven't skipped a beat. Like I hang out with him all the time in my head. I talk to him. I, you know, I don't know. I think that I'm going to be, it's going to be the worst thing. I don't even like to imagine my parents dying even for a split second.

That's what everyone says is like your life changes so drastically after that moment. But I think I'll still feel like they're around, which I know is maybe, you know, not real. But I just I think I'll feel I'll be able to keep a keep a relationship. But do you guys ever talk to dead people? Oh, yeah. My friend Romy died. And I just, you know, I think about her laugh all the time, her sense of humor. We used to watch The Bachelor and The Bachelorette together all the time. I'm always like consulting her.

She said something to me that was so important when I was in a bad relationship. She was like, you keep making a meal out of crumbs. How much longer are you going to make a meal out of crumbs? Because this relationship was just crumbs. And I'd never heard that phrase before. It was a long time ago. I know people say it all the time. But I think about that in my life all the time.

Like she's like the little guardian angel on my shoulder that's like, expect more for yourself, girl. And she's just – she was so light and funny about everything. Like everything was light. And so I try to have more humor. But I think remembering these people is how they stay alive, you know? Yes. Well, the Prince Harry book, again, I can't recommend it enough. I promise you if you just download a sample on book again, I can't recommend it enough. I promise you,

if you just download a sample on your phone, you will buy the whole book because last night I'm in bed reading it next to Chris. It, it drops in my books and I go, here we go. And you know, we've done the thing where he's now on his side of the bed reading his phone.

We like love our ritual of like reading our phones and then just like laughing and I go, what are you laughing at? And then we send it to each other. Literally literally we don't even show each other our phones we just send it next to each other but last night he what he falls asleep so fast and i had started the book i was three pages in i go oh this is good this is real good and he just goes it's good is she really good good he's like he just mumbled some bullshit because he didn't understand what i was saying at all but i declared right away i was like this book gets you this guy

is a good writer he had a good editor and he talks about his mom's death and it's like talk about grief and talk about trying to hold on to a memory and talking about trying to grieve someone that everyone else feels like they knew her too and how he processed that i mean it's fucking fascinating i'm dying for people to read it i'm actually doing a podcast called the celebrity memoir book club um i think that's what it's called and i'm and we're reading that book it's a big podcast so we're recording that next week so if anyone wants to read the book and then listen to that, I'll talk all about the book more in there. And I'm not going to stop talking about the book. I'm so obsessed. I'm only a third in and I'm not giving up this time.

One more quick story to get through before we go to break. Okay, out of all the list. All right. I wanted to hear, of course, about the menstrual cup mishap. Yeah. I got a menstrual cup at TJ Maxx. I've been waiting to buy one because they're like 30 bucks and i'm like i don't know i can't trust this it's just too much for a menstrual

cup when you're looking at tampons that are 4.99 next to it i'm just like i can't so i went to tj maxx yeah the other word the diva cut it first of all it's not it wasn't the diva i forget the name of it but it's a it's a reputable brand it's a i don't want to slam them no i forget what it's but it's it's one that you know you've heard of this one i forget it though because i threw it away because i used it for i was so excited to get my period i was it was like i was 14 or 16 all over again when i got mine i was like yes because i get to use my fucking cup that i got at tj maxx and it was like you know i got for like 11 bucks this 30 cup put it in um i told the girls chat i'm so excited about it and they were like take a video like of like pulling it out not everyone co-signed on that so i kind of took it too far away but i did like do a toast it looks like a little acorn that was full it was like

you get to see how much blood is coming out of you. It's interesting. Because you don't know when you're just sopping up with tampons or pads. Like, you don't know the amount. And you need to see. You need to see what your body fucking does and how much you suffer. And so, yeah, that was interesting, the first poll of that. And then I put it back up. And then I couldn't get it out.

I couldn't get it out. When you first saw it, you pulled out the cup, what was your first impression? Browner than I thought. Ah. Browner and What about the amount?

It looked like sap. You know, it looked like or like oil from like a car. The scent? No, like the amount.

Was it a satisfying amount or was it less yeah it was a very satisfying man it was a you know it was heavy flow first start of it and it was you know it was probably a fucking teaspoon a full teaspoon which is how do you feel like a lot how do you pull it out without spilling so it's like a suction cup it shapes like an acorn kind of and you you curl it into itself to put it up and then when you pull it out it's a great question i don't even know how i got it out the first time it was not that complicated but the second time could not get it out does it go around your cervix was like scratching my vagina to get um yeah it goes like up into it. And then I guess mine is very super deep. Mine was like baby Jessica.

I couldn't get her out. And I was panicking and sweating and, you know, trying two fingers like a clip method. And I was trying my, my, but putting your thumb and your middle and your finger, like to get those in your vagina is too hard. I'm so tight. It was just so hard. I'm just really tiny. But luckily I was taking it out because i was

about to go to the gynecologist or like to get my eggs frozen like to get the follicle check thing and i'll talk about that another time and it was in the morning and i was like i don't want to have this menstrual cup and i'm going to put in a tampon instead and so i i go but wait i don't got to get this out i was in there for a half hour trying to get out i go they'll take it out so i went in there and I go, she goes, um, okay,

this is your room, you know, disrobe from the waist down, throw on this thing. And I go, I got a menstrual cup stuck in me. And she goes, and she shut the door.

She was like, I just want to say that it's happened to me too. And I was like, oh, I don't have any shame about like, you could tell that she was like, it's okay. She was being very sweet.

Like where most women I think would need to hear that. But I was like, no, I don't have any shame about like, you could tell that she was like, it's okay. She was being very sweet. Like where most women I think would need to hear that. But I was like, no, I don't think I'm an idiot. I don't think there's anything wrong with me. I don't think this is gross. You're good. And then they brought in forceps. And I'll tell you what happened.

You're like, this is TJ's fault, not mine. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially.

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They gave me forceps, and I thought she laid them on the counter, and then she's like, the doctor will be right in. The doctor comes in, and she goes, did you get it out? And I go, what? No. Is I supposed to go in there? And she goes, oh, no, no, no. And then she goes in there, and she yanks it out.

I don't even look at it. I don't want to see it see it and she goes what do you want to do and i go throw it away i'm never putting that thing up me again it doesn't have any good grip to it i used to have ones that were like a lance armstrong bracelet with some cellophane over it those were easy to put in and out very easy this one the cup shape horrible so if you're a girl out there that's gotten stuff stuck in you and then i went on on the Courtney show and I was talking about it and Courtney's like, oh yeah, stuff gets getting stuck up there all the time that, you know, being a woman, you don't realize men think that you like feel a tampon up there. You don't, you feel it when you put it in, but you're not like, I have a tampon in me all day long. You kind of forget. And you can sometimes wear a tampon up to

like 11 hours if you're you know sloppy about it and in that time sometimes you forget that if you've taken it out so you just put another in i'm so add sometimes i will you know you'll be on instagram and then you'll click off instagram and then you'll pull up instagram again you ever do that how add your brain is that you just so imagine being on the toilet on instagram you take out a tampon or you didn't take one out but you assume you did and then you put another one up there's this is constantly happening you're and then you take that one out and then the other one's shoved up and you don't even know like it happens a lot so they were there it was nothing to pull those to yank those puppies out but um yeah so

that was my uh menstrual so just don't get things on discount i guess but i would i would do it again i would buy a menstrual cup at tj maxx again on discount, I guess. But I would do it again. I would buy a menstrual cup at TJ Maxx again or, you know, Marshalls. I thought you said you were not going back to that guy. Well, not to that one. But I'd try a different brand in a heartbeat. I really like the menstrual cup.

I want to see it. Yeah, and I don't like the idea of dry cotton going up your vagina. I don't like whenever I put a tampon on, it's kind of like, it's like dry cotton. I don't like whenever i put a tampon and it's kind of like oh it's like dry cotton i don't like cotton it's too much i want it to be like wet already in a while what do you use pads i just use panty liners now it's very light panty liners that's how low it is yep yep taylor found my panty liners when she was cleaning out my cabinets. And she goes, what are these?

What are these? And I go, I don't know. She goes, when would you ever be able to use this? I go, I don't know. When you just like start or like when it's trailing off. And she's like, I've never. She'd never seen a panty liner. But that's all you use on it?

Do you have to change them out a lot? But they're pretty absorbent. I'm changing them out every couple hours because it was my, yesterday was my, or today, yesterday and today are my heavier days. So every like three hours. What made you stop tampies? Just it, I was getting yeasters all the time and I was just like, this isn't comfortable. And I don't even, I'm not having like heavy flow anymore. So it was just kind of lighter.

And then I found this brand honey pot and I got, it has like mint and lavender. Oh yeah. You've been trying to get us. Oh, the Tams. Dude, I'm going to give these out as stocking stuffers next year. It's a mint and lavender infused panty liner, honey pot. And they, I'm addicted now. Like my vagina craves them.

I just want it. I want it bad. Why? What does it feel like? It's just like a, like think of your favorite gum or mouthwash or anything you've ever used. And you're like, I want that feeling in my mouth. Like it makes you feel. That's what my vagina looks like some days.

A big wad of it. Wait a second. It's just so refreshing. It just feels like you can feel the, like, it feels clean and, like, cleanly. Yeah, it's like these little vapors of, like, tea tree, but not. Yeah, it just feels amazing. It's just like, ooh, i feel fresh and awake and alive but it's natural okay all right it's organic cotton and it's made by women for women this

made by women thing i'm sorry it doesn't excuse me you want to buy something male gynecologist it fits i know like i'm tired of this like it's all women companies all maybe i'm not like a i just it doesn't sell me on things am i bad to say that i i feel like it should and then i resent it when i go to what if it was like we have all women-owned business and i'm like well does that mean are you like a turf person where you're like real women or like i kind of doubt then i start to question like oh so are trans women not allowed to have this the two or like it's for anyone who identifies as a woman and wants a panty liner and it's made by people who identify in the us of a

yeah no commies i guess that is a nice thing people are gonna get mad at me for saying that i don't care when things are women made. But it's just the way I used to feel about USA. I'm like, I just don't care. I just want a good product. It's the way I feel about being labeled as a female comedian. Like, I'm just a comedian. I'm proud to be a woman.

But I don't think it's a selling point that I'm a female comic. I just want to be a comic. I just want to be a comic. I just want to be a minty panty liner. But what if I was like, you've got to try these panty liners. They're made by these really cool Wall Street bros, but it's so good. A Wall Street bro is different than not mentioning who it's made by. Do you know what I mean?

Oh, so you'd rather not know that it's made by men? Yeah, I don't need to know. That's a part of the transaction I don't need to know about. I also don't need to know they're 100% cotton, that they are organic. I don't believe in it. What about the animal testing? Huh? The animal testing? Yeah, that I like knowing.

I don't want a rabbit to have to wear this fucking pad on its face or something to test it. Like, yeah. Yeah, I care about animals. That I do care about. I only want it tested on female rabbits who are self-starters and who are not nepo bunnies. I don't want any nepo bunnies making my makeup. Yeah, I think animal testing, that's important.

But if you look into that, you can always trace something to someone being exploited man like everything is someone's someone's being underpaid and treated poorly i can't stop with amazon and i gotta stop it's just too easy it's too fucking easy but it has to end soon i have to but something bad has to happen to me with amazon like i i have to watch a documentary or something please don't send me one i can't i'm not ready to be done with it but i need to know the truth um one more story or we should get to um story story okay well uh i think you're up no. Can we do smashed up cookie? Smashed up cookie. Okay. So that I wanted to call out Kirsten's husband, Corey,

because so prior to me doing my show in St. Louis on New Year's Eve, that's like whenever I'm under pressure is when I start to really come up with like jokes. And I'm starting to go, oh, I need more new material. These people have all seen my stuff. And so I start writing. I'm in the shower, like show I need more new material. These people have all seen my stuff. And so I start writing. I'm in the shower, like showering for my New Year's Eve show. It's 4 o'clock. I have to be at the Stiefel at 5 for sound check.

And I just start getting this idea of like I've been messing around with like, oh, you know, because the show is in St. Louis. My dad is there. And I always like to make the point of like I'm not going to change the show at all for the audience just because my dad's here. My dad is here. I I always like to make the point of like, I'm not going to change the show at all for the audience just because my dad's here. My dad is here. I don't want to lie about that. He's here. We have to acknowledge it. Elephant in the room. But, you know, I'm

not going to change my act at all. And I always say, Cardi B, you wouldn't want her to not do WAP because her dad was there one night. And I was like, she does WAP, but it's like the Kidz Bop version. And I was like, oh, what would the Kidz Bop version of WAP be? And I was just not in night and I was like, she does WAP, but it's like the kids bought version. And I was like, Oh, what would the kids bought version of WAP be? And I like was just not in the mood to like, this is,

this is the way a comedian's mind can work. Sometimes this is like a example of like a writing staff. I have an idea. That's my, that's the joke premise. I just need something funny to say instead of wet ass pussy. That would be like the kids bought instead of wet ass pussy that would be like the kids bop version of wet ass pussy and so i put out a call to all my friends on like uh mass text i didn't bother anya because she was already at the show like dealing with behind the scenes stuff but i just wrote all

my friends i was like i have a joke equation what is a funny replacement for wet ass pussy that would be kids bop and so they were sending back a ton of stuff, but I go, no, no, no. It needs to be three syllables. Wet ass. One, two. One, one, two. Wet ass pussy. It needs to be the same. I'd like it to almost rhyme.

That's another requirement. I mean, this is cutting down on things that could be. And so people kept being like, best ass tushy or something. They kept saying, and I go, no, the word ass is still in it. You forget because pussy is such a foul word. You forget that the other word is bad too. So I go, it can't say ass. It can't say pussy.

And so Kirsten's husband came out with smashed up cookie. And I thought that was really so good. And it just proves to you that laymen are capable of coming up with like great jokes if you put out the if you give people the variables and you ask them to solve for x they can often do it and a comedian's mind is not always the one that's coming up with the punch line it's really about like the formula and then giving it to the to the people and so it was it was such a fun thing to do because i thought i assumed kirsten or taylor would like instantly come up with it but they put it out in the car with their boyfriends and then cory who's like an engineer was just like smashed up cookie and i was like that's it that's it because it's smashed up cookie

and it's something that would and you do need a bucket and a mop for the smashed up cookie oh yeah so i thought it was really good. Send that man to Nashville. He's got a career in songwriting. Final thought. Can we get to why do I care? Why do I care? All right.

Why do I care, Noah? What's going on? All right. I don't know if you saw this. It's kind of going viral. Chris Hemsworth, he found out that he's predisposed to alzheimer's and uh to confront his fear of aging he uh he went on a date with an older version of his wife elsa she was made to look like an 87 year old version of herself with makeup and a wig and prosthetics and they uh thought that by

seeing love is blind brazil her and go no i can't do this she's too strong sorry go on they said that by by seeing her this way they concluded that even if alzheimer's wipes his memory at least he'll know what she looks like um at an older age that's really sweet fuck wait so okay well there's i i thought so too and the internet also thought that it's very sweet but um you know and he said that the idea i won't be able to remember the life i've experienced or my wife my kids is probably my biggest fear how so when he saw her in the video until he saw her that changed it for me he goes you're still beautiful um why did that bother you because why not just say you are beautiful why still i don't know the word still just kind of throws it off for me because age does affect beauty and we don't want to

acknowledge it but it does and it's it again it's like it's the thing that you go no let's not being old nothing changes it's just you know everyone's avoiding it but but it's fine if you do but everyone avoids it at all costs and it's, why are we avoiding it then if everything's fine? And the truth is, it's not fine. You lose fuckability. You become a weak, brittle person who has to lose fuckability because you can't fight off people who want to rape you as much. You don't have any muscle mass. You have weak bones. You should be unfuckable. This is a protective thing to, and you're not fertile anymore. You shouldn't, men shouldn't be wasting their semen, dumping it in you for no progeny. I mean, it's biological you shouldn't look fuckable when you get older

so i do understand this still because she's still age he's the same age on this date right and she's probably like you're still fucking hot i mean i get i the still doesn't bother me but i get why it does because it's like just say beautiful wait let's see okay oh god no she's not he lied that's why this is why i don't like it i have to say i think this is this makes me roll my eyes yeah so it's kind of like a surprise date i think'm your date. That's terrifying. He looks... And they won't show her. Have you noticed?

Oh, God. She looks like a birth victim. He does not look comfortable. No, he doesn't. It's so scary. He's like, oh, my God. I'm so grateful for this genetic mutation. He should have also had to get old. Yeah. Yeah. That's why... Still bothers me. grateful for this genetic mutation where i'm gonna forget what this one looks like yeah yeah

still bothers me when is his alzheimer's supposed to kick in he was aged in that but men just age so well that you couldn't shut up no i mean god i'm so attracted to chris lately i can't fucking even take it so he he got a um mohawk did i tell you about this yes i saw that he cut his hair yeah so he was had his brothers his brother did a show called this is chris your boyfriend not hemsworth no yeah the other the other chris that's what i call chris is the other chris because chris hansler is always number one to me you're still beautiful baby and he um chris got gave himself a mohawk because they were doing it for charity

i don't know it was like they invited people his brother tim was performing this thing called punk rock christmas at delmar hall here in st louis chris went to attend they did this thing where they're like giving mohawks for charity so if you volunteer to have your head shaved on stage some money would be donated by someone who was putting i don't really know the logistics of it all i know is my boyfriend volunteered to have a mohawk shaved and i wanted to start a charity for women whose boyfriends decided to get a mohawk one december night and not ask their permission and did tim get a mohawk did chris's brother get a mohawk uh current yes he got a mohawk but he he did he almost did like a a fade on the sides it didn't even look like a mohawk it was just a slight fade it looked like fashionable chris got a whole mohawk totally shaved to the fucking like skin

head except through the mohawk did tim get one no why because his wife was like we have christmas pictures you're not doing that that is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend did chris consult me before this hell fucking no i just started getting texts from him people that were there being like oh boy and i'm like what is going on i'm like i hope he's dead i i can't even handle whatever else this could be and no he so then i see a picture of him and i'm like i like this like as much as i was like it's not the best look like i'm not necessarily like in fate like this isn't the most attractive look for him for me i was still like you still look good you know like and i liked i like that this guy who's

41 doesn't care about his hair so much he's not so precious about his looks even though he's a good-looking guy that he would do something this fun and spontaneous that is a quality i like in my boyfriend and so i was like you know what i this. I think it's kind of lame if he were like, no, I care about my hair too much to do this fun thing. I looked at the lovely side of it, even though I had to suffer with my boyfriend having a mohawk. So he had a mohawk for a while and then he decided to one day he just shaved it all off. And I was like, oh, that actually looks pretty good.

And then it grew out like two days after it was like it was probably a quarter of an inch long and i don't know what the fuck happened but i have never been so horny for my boyfriend in my life it is the hottest look i go i'm i'm getting a josh hartnett vibe when he used to have and i go i call it i started calling him prison break because he also looked like wentworth miller from prison break i he looks so good jason statham yeah he looks so good and he never would have had this haircut had it not been for the stupid mohawk thing and now it's kind of growing out a little bit and last night i was like i mean last night he was trying to talk to me about something serious and i was literally like looking at his mouth like just getting and this is i'm it's been rare since i have looked at my boyfriend that i've been with forever and been so it felt like a first date vibes where

you're like i can't wait to have kiss this person like i know we're going to i don't know when it felt like that i was that excited because i was like he is so hot he's so hot like he was just and i was just like and so i told him later on we were like laying watching alone i was like so when are you gonna are you gonna like keep this hair like you gotta shave it again and he was just like what i go you gotta we gotta figure out the setting on the trimmer so like you have to like you can't abandon this and he was like no i was planning on growing it all back and i'm like no no like i got really really upset i'm like this is the best look i love the way it feels i'm so into it so yeah he came over to nikki's the day of her show or the day the girls were over before the new year's eve show and he brought like

insomnia cookies heated up warm cookies at like 11 p.m and all of us were on the verge of falling asleep and then he walks in like jason statham with these warm cookies everyone's like chris yeah he looks like he has like a rifle in the back of his pants it's so good and like he's gonna scale a building i'm so into it and he but then last night he goes i think this is a case of you like you love me and so you like it and i go i guarantee you that's not it like i i love i have felt this way about you nothing's changed in the way i feel about you it's just the haircut it's fucking good and i said my friends even commented on it when you dropped off the cookies the other night like this is a good look for you and he goes he goes i almost feel like it's also when these when girls like make their boyfriends

unattractive because they want to like like he's mine now and i go i want women to want to fuck you like you don't understand like this is i like you look like a movie star so i'm so into it guys do that to women guys like grow out your leg hair do it i had a boyfriend tell me to grow my leg hair out and i was like 21 and i did oh my god crumbs on you crumbs yeah i shaved my arm hair yesterday i got bored in the shower because i take such short showers and I was just trying to like be in there longer because I just don't know what to do. And I was like, I'll shave my arms

and it feels so good. I think I've done it once before and it's not true. It doesn't grow back worse. Do you shave your arms? Yeah. Yeah. It's so quick to do.

I shave my legs every single day in the shower. It takes no time. I take three minute showers and I shave my whole legs and my pussy and my. It takes no time. I take three minute showers and I shave my whole legs and my pussy and my asshole and my armpits. Adding my arms to it is going to take another 11 seconds at most. So I was like, I have a new thing to shave now. I'm just going to have shaved arms.

Fuck it. I don't know why I've always had. What was that, Noah? It's like exfoliate. It's like the dermaplaning before your arms. Yes. I've always said that about shaving your legs. It feels as if you are squeegeeing the dirt off, like a window.

That's true. And so I don't feel clean unless I shave my legs. I would like to shave my face sometime. Oh, yeah. I shave my face too. But I don't. I'm not going to do it. Not every time.

I'm always scared I'm just going to keep going up to my eyebrows. What was that? You got a little favor to say? No eyebrows? You have the bone structure yeah for no eyebrows i did that once i did that for a movie my first film role yeah i got my i got taft heart lead for that there's a film called 100 girls what are you saying so in order to get your sag card you get taft heart lead along a lot of times which is in the 11th hour they'll just like make you sag they'll they like make you sag they'll

they'll make you a member of the union because you got a job and you have to be in the union to work on the film so they'll be like just taft hartley her which is like accelerate the process okay so i got a job in 100 girls it was my first feature film and i play a girl who has trichotillomania play girl number 99 yeah pretty much i much. I run the dorm hall. I'm like the girl at the entrance of the dorm. Wait, why have we not watched this movie?

You're in a movie? You have a role in a movie? Yes, I have one line and I shaved my eyebrows for the role. Oh my God. What was your line? Man in the hall.

Why did you have to have trichotillomania? why was that a thing about you that we would even know uh i just this sounds like a boyfriend trying to get you looking crazy did a boyfriend have anything was he directing it no no no just put tape over your like so do they grew did they grow back weird because eyebrows are one thing that better it was really fun because i was i was able to like draw them on for a while and that was kind of fun and i learned how to shape my eyebrows a little more they were weird for a few weeks and then they they almost grew back better all right shave your i mean this is the same thing where my sister like got a better body after she had three kids like she has a better body now than she's

ever had and i'm like maybe i need to have three kids to have that kind of body maybe i need to shave my eyebrows to have the right kind of eyebrows this is all fucked up all right guys we gotta go thank you so much i will don't shave your eyebrows don't be cool and jackpot joel the holidays are a blast but the uh hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt.

And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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