The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #308 A Small Queen

Episode Date: January 12, 2023

Nikki lets Besties in on an inside joke she has with her girlfriends about the pod's opening theme. She also reveals who her bucket list friendship is right now. Speaking of friendship, Paris Hilton sent Nikki a gigantic gift box of her cookware line and it will serve as Nikki's new security system. The gals discuss how much time of day is spent fondling their partners. Nikki shares her experience at a hockey game and how it got her some extra sugar from her boyfriend. Special Announcement: Nikki's special Good Clean Filth is nominated for best  comedy special at the Critics Choice Awards. They play an impromptu game of "one scene from a movie". In the Collection of Co'uhls, the integrity of co'uhls is questioned when a headline is called out to be a possible publicity stunt. After dropping some tea on Keeping Up With The Kardashians, they find that their favorite version of the show is by Creator Yuri Lamasbella. ---- Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Get Pod Merch: Podshop.NikkiGlaser.com Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Anya's Patreon: patreon.com/anyamarina   More Nikki: IG More Anya: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch

your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast.

Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else ready to laugh and stay informed listen on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts people my people what's up this is quest Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season. But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far.

I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, Eve, Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance. You gotta check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, and now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson.

Listen to many questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. Here's Nikki. Hello. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, listen to yourself sing and not be like nauseated it depends on which song i was just listening to that being nauseated oh my god that'll hold up switcheroo you got me i got you good i was listening to the horns yeah what do you feel i was just like oh that was really cool production those guys did i work with these guys the crash brothers on that and they i was just listening to the uh fake horns i believe or like the tuba synth sound i was like i love that wait there's a synth sound in it it's like boom boom but it's kind of the bass i guess i don't even know what they did but i love the

bass line in that you got a good musical ear um we transformed that song i don't know how it happened but whenever we go on our girls trips we always sing billy is a sex slave and billy is saralina's dog and we were getting ready to record in the hamptons noah was setting up the whole recording thing and then right before we got started we were kind of like oh we're gonna sing this song live if you saw that episode you saw us all like trying to sing it live and then um taylor you know who hobo hopping train hopping taylor hobo hopping she hops hobos too every time i see a freight train i think of her i do too i took a picture of one the other day and i go fond memories eh i just saw your old apartment and um so she for some reason looked at billy saralina's dog and billy had on a leather collar. And I guess that was

the origin of it, of Billy looked like a sex slave with that collar. So she was like, Billy is a sex slave. And so we now call Billy, Sarah Lena's dog, sex slave. So Sarah Lena will leave messages on our girls' chat and just be like, you guys, I'm here sitting with Leon, her son. And she's like,

and sex slave is here. It's just the dog's name now. And she's like, and sex slave is here. And she's just like, it's just the dog's name now. It's like. And she's like 120. Yeah, the dog is so old. She's such a cutie. But hadn't we had like sex slaves and BDSM on our minds because we were watching like murder cult documentaries.

Why were we thinking about sex slaves? I don't know. Oh, NXixium or something yeah we were watching teal swan stuff like that i mean that's what the girls trip in new york this past one that we did the the the agenda was we get together all we had planned in new york city for christmas time was watch the casey anthony documentary and we watched a little bit of the harry and megan one too, which don't even get me started. I did. I won't go into it. I'm 50%, 49% through at this point. I'm not quitting.

I'm obsessed, obsessed. I read for three hours the first night, two nights ago. And then last night I read for another two and a half hours or something like that. It's unreal. You guys, whatever you think, you know about Harry, you don't, you, whatever you think you surmise about how hard he worked in the military or how he processed his mom's death. This guy has had a hard life.

It's not easy being Royal. And he is one of the most real, compassionate, cool people. I think I would, I am, I am, my new goal bucket list is to become friends with Harry and Meghan and have personal hangouts with them because they are the real deal. They are real people. And you guys know I don't put up with fake Hollywood.

Like there's a lot of, I don't want to be really be friends with Jennifer Aniston or Taylor Swift. They're too locked into the Hollywood thing. can't have real I mean I feel like we could maybe get there but it would just be too there's a lot of celebrities I idolize and I wouldn't want to be friends with because I think it would be exhausting because they would think they're too famous and it would just be not as fun as you would think I don't mean to I think Jennifer Aniston actually is probably pretty cool, but she's gotta be a little out to,

like it's, if you're that famous, I've been around famous people, even the coolest ones ever, and they still, you know, suck up all the air in the room. And Harry and Meghan

are more your speed. They are so, they're just, he would go to Africa every chance he got just to hang out on on safari and just be around people around a campfire he's a simple man you're like that is my dream first date like yes spending five days in a tv in botswana oh my gosh because if you saw me again that's what happened like they met at like one date and then they started

talking on the phone and then she had time off and he was like do you want to come to botswana she's like sure and i told all my girlfriends when we were watching this I was like that is my dream I recently told Chris that I was like I want to go on safari he's like what you but you hate like I've always wanted to go because safari is a once in a lifetime thing I feel like they actually risk it's not as long as it's not too touristy I don't want to do the touristy one. I also don't want to be like murdered by poachers. But I don't want to do one.

You've got Harry by your side. He can murder for you. Oh my God. Harry knows his way around Botswana and the Nile. He's killed many people. I've heard him talking about it. Yes. No spoilers.

I'm not reading any headlines because I want to find it all throughout the book. But I'm telling you not to give me any spoilers because people keep giving me spoilers because they read headlines. And I'm like, I haven't gotten to that chapter. But he, reading about his military experience, I've never, I can, I have so much respect. I'm sorry that it took me so long to have so much respect for anyone

that has been through bootcamp or like in the army, like air, like whatever you've been through. They try to break you so much. I mean, he really gets into like how rigorous and he's not being like, woe is me about it at all. He's just saying the facts.

And I find it so fucking sexy. I'm like attracted to people that have been like, in a new way. Like, I think that I always was like, you know, thank you for your service. And I know that what you've been through is hard hard but there's something so sexy about these guys like going through boot camp and it's almost like hazing like a frat hazing it's terrible what he went through and how he got trench foot and still had to run eight miles on trench with trench foot i mean he's been

you read about it and you're like i wouldn't have survived have that? No. No one's had that. No one we know has had trench foot. It's when your feet are too wet and they get infected from being in a trench all day. Like it used to be a common ailment in wartime. But if you've read it, you know what I'm talking about. I'm not lying to you guys.

This book is fantastic. And I haven't been bored even for one page. The Spare Not the Air? you know what I'm talking about. I'm not lying to you guys. This book is fantastic. And I haven't been bored even for one page. The spare, not the air. Yeah, the spare, not the air. Okay, so I wanted to quickly unbox, do an unboxing because I got, I have tons of boxes. Oh, I'm so

glad you're talking about something literal, not like, I'm going to unpack something for you guys. Oh my God, you thought I was going to like get into some childhood trauma. This might be some childhood trauma I'm gonna unpack something for you guys oh my god you thought I was gonna like get into some childhood trauma this might be some childhood trauma I'm unboxing honestly I went down to the package room yesterday and there was a gigantic box it weighs probably 40 pounds and um I was like what the hell could this be and then I saw on the side it says Paris Hilton and I remembered that my manager's assistant wrote me last week and was like, hey, Paris Hilton sent you a lot of stuff. And he kind of sent me a picture.

But I didn't look at it because I don't like any spoilers at all. And so I was like, send it to me. He's like, do you want us to send it to you? I'm like, yes. She sent it to their office. It's so nice of her to even put me on the list of people she sends stuff to. And we're going gonna unbox it and i think it's gonna be funny because i um i believe i know what it all is but not each um item so let

me just um i have it there's a lot of pink in there oh it's gotta be this is gonna re-transform my kitchen okay so i'm opening it with the go guarded um ring that i got when you run with and it has a knife blade on the end and this has been amazing for opening boxes look at I just use my finger and I go oh wow I need this for opening cds at the merch booth oh my god well yeah that are people still buying cds is it becoming like like I literally don't know anyone with a c well I guess I have a cd player i sold out of all my vinyl uh and yes people buy cds they are buying more vinyl but it's crazy that cds are just the new record okay so it's all gonna come back jesus christ this is a i mean this is as long as you whoa it's huge okay so it

is a pink suitcase it looks like that that says Paris Hilton on it. I got to put this blade away because I'm going to cut myself. Hold on. Yeah, please. And then, hold on. Let me dump this out. This is a lot, you guys. I'm sorry.

Nikki was going hiking the other day and texted me, texted the girls chat, like 35 texts. Like, I'm going hiking. I'm going into nature. I want to be in nature, but I'm just letting you guys know in case I'm murdered. I'm bringing a weapon. And I was like, I think the prelude to the hike was longer than the hike what do you mean the prelude to it i'm gonna get murdered i also didn't i washed my hair in case i get murdered i just want my hair to be clean i know you guys think i'm kidding but um i don't appreciate your impression

right now because it sounds a little bit like less like a like a lesbian sorry let me here's how it actually says you have a lesbian friend and when you ever imitate her it's like a little bit more butch which i don't no problems with i have a little someone who spent forty thousand dollars on my new girl voice i would like you to change it take two hey girls hey girls um just in case i get murdered, I did wash my hair. I know you guys think I'm kidding, but I'm not because... I did. I thought if I get murdered on this hike, my hair was so greasy and there's crime scene photos,

I want my hair to look a little bit conditioned. I'm not kidding you. I was not trying to be funny. That's literally what I thought. Okay. So it is a trunk, a pink trunk that I'm opening. It's about three feet long, two feet wide. Okay. I'm opening it. It says Paris Hilton on the top. It's made out of like metal and it says that's hot. There's a, there's a thing inside says that's hot. Here's something

special from my Paris Hilton housewares collection launching on amazon.com. I've personally selected some of my favorite items for you. Love always Paris Hilton. Okay. We have a baking sheet with different cookie cutouts. Okay. These are all kitchen items. I have such an unstuck kitchen. Did you use.

That is so cute. Did you use any of those at her house when you did the, her cook show? Yes, actually. That's a really good point. I think I saw a lot of this stuff. I think she was like getting ready to launch this when we were there because all of her items in her kitchen work um were pink i think i'll probably gift this to

someone because i've never once made cookies in my life but i do like the baking sheet which i just bought at tj maxx along with my menstrual cup i best just last week i should have not bought it because she got me this and those cookies tasted weird yeah i put my blood blood and blood into them they're red velvet um more like brown velvet chunky brown velvet okay that's what i learned with the menstrual cup okay so there's like that thing that you scoop the, there's like a kind of tool in here that you scoop the cookie batter with. I don't know what that is that you mix it with. And then there's, yeah.

No, it's not like a spatula. It's more like a, let's see what they call it on here. Oh, silicone spatula. Yeah, but it's not, I think a spatula is one that you flip pancakes. You can't flip shit with this. It's a different kind of spatula. Yeah, it's a different type of spatula. Okay, so maybe we... So cute.

These are the kind of things that stress me out. Why is that called a spatula when it's totally different than another spatula? I don't like this. Okay. Chocolate mold set. Heart-shaped silicone mold. Two-piece letters. Numbers. Silicone mold. Eight-cavity heart-shaped silicone mold. Eight-piece heart-shaped dollies. Two wooden hammers. Okay, I don i don't oh i can make chocolate um doilies it didn't say dollies doilies sorry i missed that extra eye okay that's great um oh a non-stick cookware set this is honestly bigger than my carry-on just so you guys who aren't watching know i know i'm definitely this trunk is probably going to be the thing that gets the most use for me yeah entire thing just because it's really not cook but I love pink and I mean

sorry there's another box that I'm opening um with my knife my finger blade um what like what what stuff do you use in your guys's kitchens like what are your essential kitchen products that like every kitchen needs that mine probably does not have i use a spatula constantly a wooden one plastic one silicon uh i have i use a plastic one i guess a silicon one and then once oh that's a gorgeous white cooking pot it's gorgeous it's so pretty i love it. Need that. Desperately need that. I'm feeling like a woman. Shania Twain over here. Now a lid to I'm guessing what is a... Oh, this is so cute too. It's like a crock pot. Oh my god. So freaking cute. A white crock pot. Wow, these are ceramic looking too

which is expense. Yes. I mean this girl is not she's not going to cheap out on anything. Spare no expense. Paris Hilton likes luxury and likes nice stuff. Okay, yes. That is so beautiful. Another pot.

Now, when I look at these, do you know what I think? Not cooking, I think if there's ever a leak in my kitchen, this is what, this would be perfect for a leak. I literally think that.

Or New Year's Eve, banging pots and pans. Oh, there's another thing. Oh, my gosh. Okay, so a, what's it called? A frying pan. That's to hit an intruder. I know, I was just thinking that.

These are amazing. Oh, my gosh, so much, you guys. How many people do you think she sent this to? What? How many people do you think were the recipients of this? Probably 50. If I'm on it, I'm guessing 50. But you're on the short list.

But she always DMs me. She invites me to all of her parties and all the DJ events that she has. Explain celebrity etiquette to me. Will you thank her for her gift? I think this is a post on social. Got it. And then a tag for thanking. And yes, I probably should.

I don't know. I'm not good about. You said that one of your bucket lists was like sending thank you cards. Me? Yes. You said that on our girls chat. Before I die, I hope I send a bunch of thank you cards. No, no.

Like, I guess your new year's resolution oh okay yeah maybe not bucket list i guess before i die i can't wait to do a really long chore i'm gonna send you a thank you card when you die um finally it's over no um wait you said you want to send more thank you cards but like is a isn't why cards like when i get a thank you card i'm never like all it does is stress me out and go i need to send more thank you cards thank you cards are just triggering for people who don't send them no one who when i i think a text is fine why not i don't even recognize this person you're talking about huh as myself i can't believe i said this you said i want to send more thank you cards i want to write more thank you cards. I want to write more thank you cards. I want to be the type of person

that sends thank you cards. I think you had recently gotten one from someone. Someone dosed me with ayahuasca or something on that trip. No. Really? It was on the trip. It was three days ago on the girls chat. I guarantee you, Anya, it came from you getting a thank you card from someone and feeling guilty. Like, why don't I

send thank you cards? Because that's all that thank you cards do, is they trigger us. Why don't I send thank you cards because that's all that thank you cards do is they trigger i send thank you cards is different from i'd like to send more thank you cards no you said i want to send more i'm gonna find the recording and bust you for it oh my gosh it's a cute insulated tumbler oh this will be so cute for the podcast oh my god it's bedazzled i mean and it just dropped um yeah i mean this is insane she also sent me sunglasses a while back that was cool um and then what is this another insulated bottle uh a silver one i mean this is i needed all this kitchenware so badly i don't have anything in there all the intruders and the leaks yes intruders leaks um yeah i'm excited about this i don't know if they'll make me cook anymore yeah i mean i i

don't understand people that use stovetop over a microwave to heat something up it maybe tastes two percent better i would argue what do you think if you're heating up leftovers are you throwing them on a saucepan or you don't have a microwave you don't have a microwave. You don't have a microwave. Why not? I don't like them. They gross me out. I don't trust them. What?

Yeah, I don't like it. What don't you trust about them? It's just ugly and I don't... You're not telling it your deepest, darkest secrets. I mean, what are... They're ugly? I mean, some of them look nice. Some of them might look nice. I don't know.

Just like, it doesn't, I'm not in a rush that much. Obviously, you know me. We're the, we're, this is the opposite. We're the opposite. Okay. This already broke because it dropped. So that's important. Like you could cook an egg in a microwave, but why would you cook an egg in a microwave

instead of in a pan? Because you don't make so much mess. It doesn't like smell up everything it doesn't potentially burn and then you like you put it on a timer um yeah i guess i would put an egg eggs are so quick but i just don't understand ovens are the thing i don't understand why you would put anything in an oven unless you absolutely had to it takes so long preheating it takes 20 minutes you know that gas ovens are they're getting phased out and you're going to get fined or something in a few years if you have a gas oven. Like they're switching over to electric. I just

saw this on Science Insider. Stressful for homeowners. Not me though. I was looking at homes to buy yesterday and I was like, nope. I don't want, I could afford a home with a pool. I was like, oh, I could get this one. I could get this one. It's nice to know I could get these homes. And then I was thinking, I look at the fees, the property tax, and I go, okay, this is like all added up. This is not too bad. I could, and then I could put the 10% down or 20% down, whatever it is. I could do this. I could have this house, but then I have to hire a guy to work on the pool. Then there's four bathrooms. I'm sure three of them need to be redone because the cabinet is some kind of wood that someone would judge me for, but I would never care about.

And I can't do it. I'm not going to own a home. And then I have to replace the fucking stove. I just found out. No dice. Not happening. Going to keep written. Okay.

I'll be right back after this. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Ooh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt,

or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more.

Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven, and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places.

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This message is brought to you by the Ad Council. Oh my God. That is so cute. It's for this. Okay, we're back. I just found a leash part of this set that Paris sent me. And it comes, it's for your water bottle to carry it around like a purse. I think.

Oh my God. I love that. Isn't that so cute? I mean, Noah, if this were here, I'd give it to you. Or is it for Luigi? Like, you carry your water like this. Oh, that's cute. Like, across the chest.

I just heard that phone purses are coming back, like, just for your phone to, like, get us away from holding our phone. How do you guys, like, how often is your hand gripping your phone to like get us away from holding our phone how do you guys like how often are your is your hand gripping your phone throughout your day do you know what i mean like how often is your phone in your hand sometimes i reply to text so fast that i almost have to take a breather because i don't want people to think i'm such a loser and to know that i'm absolutely on my phone when they send the text do you ever do that

yeah it's the thing that's in my hands the most of anything like more than my fiance well definitely that that'd be so weird if you just like holding him throughout the day um i mean how much do you touch let's get on the subject of that how much do you guys touch your partner throughout the day? Like how often are there? And don't exaggerate. Don't try to make, not on a good day, not on Valentine's Day, not after a day after you had a fight. A normal day, if you had a gun to your head,

how many minutes do you think you spend with physical contact on them? On average, like where you're skin to skin or like clothing to clothing touching the person that you live with i want to hear noah's answer and sleeping counts if you guys like sleep cuddled up then you're getting four hours in at least we don't but who does that like we don't sleep cuddled up because it changes the whole temperature underneath the blanket it's too hard to manage i don't i can't believe people do that when i see it in movies i go this is as unbelievable as yes you know special effects of aliens landing like i the people sleeping

throughout the night and waking up with a man wrapped around them i would be so uncomfortable with that i wouldn't sleep the whole night um maybe 60 seconds all day totaled. If someone with a stopwatch was following us around. Like, I know this morning we held hands for 21 seconds. Wait, where did you hold hands? We were in bed. Oh, that's nice. And the dog finally got out of the way. Because the dog is majorly cock blocking lately.

So that's impossible to find each other. Does it scratch on the door when you guys are making love? She's right there, like filming. In the room? Yeah. Filming? She's just like, can Matt, can you move like 20 degrees to your right? I gotta get a better view.

You feel her eyes on you when you guys have sex? What about Buzzy? Who's Buzzy? Oh. Buzzy's my cat. No, like sometimes he'll just sit there and watch. You know, cats don't blink. So it's kind of

really distracting but then he just goes away there's sociopaths um okay so you held hands in bed did you was it like a lock like you were laying next to each other like it's almost like your deathbed like you were like corpses laying yeah in fact i was probably talking about dying you've got me on that train. I got you on that train. I mean, I'm watching this BTK murder thing, too. So that was chilling to go to sleep watching this murder documentary. So I probably woke up like, are you alive? Yeah.

Before I got out of bed, we held hands for a sec. We always hold hands for a second while we're watching TV downstairs, like before bed. And then we do a little touch in the day like in the kitchen walking by each other. I like that about him. He's very affectionate and I think that's my love language. Yeah, I love touch. Chris has been better about it last night.

We went to a hockey game and it was so fun. We went with my sister and Matt and I got tickets from this hookup. A guy was like, I did a TikTok video for them where my parents were trying to guess different hockey logos

and what the team was named. It was really funny, and then I made this connection with them, and he was like, if you ever want tickets, and so I was like, yeah, let's go. And so we went last night. It was so much fun.

We got good seats, and then we got to go in this clubhouse where they had like a buffet and you can watch the players walk in after the first period. Like you, you, you, you know, it was like windows there where you could see all the players.

And I kept meeting people that were like, I would find out later, like I would meet this guy and then Matt, my sister's husband and Chris would be like, he's a legend. I'm like, why didn't you tell me? I need a Gary in my ear, like on Veep where it's like like he's a legend I'm like why didn't you tell me I need a Gary in my ear like on Veep where it's like he's a legend he's a broadcaster he is a national broadcaster for the National

Hockey League and most valuable player yeah and I'm like and also you guys know my rule like people who work in media want recognition so like you were sitting right here tell him he's a legend I I don't know. I'm just meeting this guy

who's an announcer and of course I have a lot of respect for a guy that's been an announcer and I could tell he was like a big deal but I didn't know.

So anyway, I met him. I met the De Pere police chief. He works in my, that's where I'm from. That's where my parents live and so he was like, gave me his personal number

and was like, if your parents ever need anything and I was like, fucking score. That was awesome. He taught me that there are dogs now that just sniff for handguns like if you see a dog at the mall they're not looking for drugs they're looking for handguns isn't that interesting yes oh yeah and they're busy well they don't bust a lot of people because they're preventive he said preventative he said because people see the dog and then they go into a store and kind of meander and then they walk out

they leave because they know what the dogs are looking for so the dogs don't really have to bust anyone because they're just there and the the perp usually like leaves um and so anyway i met a bunch of people back in the the clubhouse area and um and it was just a great it was a great time buffet uh ratatouille that's what i ate it was delicious and salad and then they had like potatoes groton and then salmon and a bunch of stuff like they had two different kinds of salads it was really nice and then but pepsi products boo um a diet pepsi when you are craving a diet coke ain't gonna get it but it actually was i mean i just don't know why pepsi exists who prefers pepsi over coke people who like a slightly metallic taste doesn't it have a slightly aluminum

i think it's the same as people who have droid phones people who have the green bubble when you text them those are pepsi crackers you just go why i know you have a better camera on the phone but it's cheaper it's considerably cheaper it is oh yeah matt's phone bill is like the phone is actually expensive but his monthly thing is like nothing. It's like $20 a month. Because it's not like you buy your app, your phone service through Apple. I don't know.

I'm lost. Part of it is you're, you're leasing the phone or you're like, you know, leasing to buy. So you are like the payment for the iPhone. Cause it's so expensive is in the bill. Okay.

But I think the phones themselves are just expensive as Apple phones. Like Anya said, I don't think Matt's, I think Matt is just with a carrier that's cheaper than yours. It's not because of his phone. I don't know. Android users know. They've all got cheap bills. Really?

Ask any Android user, i.e. a man. Well, I mean, every time I see a green bubble, I hate to say it, but there's a part of me that just like looks down on you slight like not looks down like there's something you there's there's i i'm just saying it i don't think it's fair i don't think it's right yeah there's a part of me i drive a dented dirty old like lexus that makes me look poor and i'm not and i'm just telling you green bubble texts make you look a little poor not that there's anything wrong with being poor but i get us i just there's a part of my brain that two percent of my brain thinks you're poor and not that there's anything wrong with that i have no judgment and it's not because i'm like

oh he's saving money it just why is that do that? Do you know, do you agree with me? Like when you text someone, there's a judgment that goes on and I'm not sure it's poor, but there's something. I once said this on stage and people fucking lit up laughing and I was really nervous to say it.

And then people laughed so hard that I was like, I'm not the only one that thinks this. The irony of it for me is that whenever I see the green text, I'm starting like I started thinking about like oh no

now my text limit is going to run out for the month and I'm going to have to pay more exactly you get stressed out you start to feel poor

and even talking to this poor person people are so mad right now that I freaked out I am but it doesn't matter what the bill is

I'm wondering why is it cheaper that's what we need to know no okay you know get on it besties so we were leaving the hockey game last night and Chris and I were having so much fun because he kept being like you know oh right when the hockey players came out all right and the hockey players are all kind of like hot you know like they're like these hot athletes right when they're coming out this woman came up to me was like can i get a picture with you like in the clubhouse and she was like i love you so much and we went to the same high school and i was kind of distracted

and i was trying to take a picture of the hockey players because matt was excited and i was like wait hold on and chris was like i paid that woman to create a diversion so you couldn't make eye contact with these hockey players and it really like excited me in a way that like i did i've never he's never been a jealous person he isn't a jealous person um but he was just he's just joking like we'll be watching tv and a guy will take his shirt off like on the show alone like it'll be like an old fat man with his shirt off and chris will just slowly put his hand in front of my eyes like he'll just lower it so like anytime something gets too hot we always like slowly lower hand in front of each eyes like i'll just lower it so like anytime something gets too hot we always like slowly lower hand in front of each other's eyes so this just is like kind of acknowledgement that

there are other people and i think that it's because he does feel so like safe with me that he can joke about it even and we were talking about like extended eye contact that you've had with like like eye contact really can be like oh i want like i can have a connection with that person and he once had i seven he said up to he was like i had several witnesses seven seconds of eye contact with rihanna unbroken seven seconds and then i go let's have seven seconds because i want to match that at least i don't even think and we did seven seconds and i go that is definitely the longest we've ever looked into each other's eyes ever seven seconds is so unless we were like breaking up or like i don't know i was looking for a stye or something like there's no reason to look in someone's eye for seven seconds he was at some award show and

she was singing and she was getting miked and she was like in a hotel room like preparing and doing vocal warm-ups and she locked eyes with him as she was singing and everyone in the room saw it and were like dude what the hell and he's like i don't even know what to do with this but it was like there was a vibe and that made me very horny and i love hearing a story and he's not someone who ever brags about getting women or having moments with women he is not that type of person this is a trustworthy story he would never make this up there have been times where i'm like i think that girl likes you and he's no, what are you talking? Like, I want to create stories.

And he's a truthful person. So I love that story. But we were leaving last night. And so we were kind of like, it was just like a flirty mood because, oh, and I go, Chris, if I have a vibe with Louie, can I just ride it out? And Louie is the big mascot.

And they were like, Louie's gonna come over and take a selfie with you. I was like nervous because I don't like mascots I don't like that there's like a human in there doing stuff like it just stresses me out and they've always kind of scared me as a kid like do you talk to them I know there's a human I feel like I'm being lied to I'm being gaslit to pretend this is like an animal I don't like any of it but Louie came over and I'm kind of having anxiety about it, but also laughing at my anxiety because my sister's like, he's coming. And I'm like, no, Louie.

But I told Chris, I was like, if Louie and I do catch a vibe, he's like, just ride it out. Ride that Zamboni. And so we were leaving and he put his hand on my, I had my hand around his shoulder and he had his hand on my butt, kind of like hip area, which literally I'm only ever touched there in that way by creepy men at meet and greets like chris never does that and i was like i love this like butt hook you're doing like it's kind of like a hook around my hip and i was like and then he like let go because they matt and him

were talking about some fucking architecture in downtown st louis as we were walking out i was like i want that hip hook again and i like walked over and i was like can you do that hip that like butt hook again and he was like yeah and so we were walking and he put his hand in my jean pocket it felt so good i like i loved it and it was like i was so glad i didn't have to exactly tell him to do it he did it naturally to begin with and i was like i love it and it was just I love affection. I love holding hands. Last week we saw, we went to the botanical gardens with my sister's kids and then Matt's mom and dad came and they're like, you know, in their 60s. And we said goodbye to them and we watched them walk off and they were holding hands. And Matt was like, I don't think they've, I've never seen them hold hands.

And it was so sweet. Whose parents were holding hands? Matt's parents. Oh, it was so nice. Do you guys hold hands when you walk? I've never been a couple that does that. Even when I try to be,

I'm like, this is, I feel like I'm playing red Rover. Like, I just think it's, I get a start being like, I'm worried that they want to stop holding my hand so much i'm so aware of that that i want to let go how do you guys feel about holding hands

love as couples love and we do it and i have to be the bottom hand he has to be the top hand otherwise it's not gonna work how often like when you guys are walking through like national parks and like i picture you guys always going to like festivals and like eating like going to food trucks like you're holding hands in line and stuff no way not during hiking because you have to kind of walk like in line form but yeah obvi's a really good hand holder but i do get annoyed if he's the bottom hand and if his hand like we'll start holding hands for like a little bit of time and he gets kind of like intense. So slowly the grip gets tighter and tighter and his hand gets clammier and clammier. And that's when I have to release.

So you will be one of these couples that if you go to like a concert or like a music, but like I'm just picturing you like you walk down the street holding hands. Like if you get out of the car and you're walking to a restaurant, you're holding hands. Yes. Get out. And he initiates. My mind i love it wait a second it is so sweet that is such a nice there's no way that you can be in a fight when you're holding hands you know what i mean like it protects you it's like a you can i guess but you're i'm guessing if you guys were having a tense moment in the car and you get out, you're not going to hold hands unless you've made up, right? So it is a sign that things are okay, that this is peace time.

It's so sweet. And I think it's really good to do. Anya, what about you? Do you and Matt hold hands when you walk? Yeah, not all the time. We go rock climbing a lot, and I insist on holding hands during rock climbing. I'm kidding. No, yeah, we do like to hold hands. But yeah, not all the time. We walk a lot together, I realize.

And you hold hands when you walk? Not always, but like, you know, it's cold where I live, so we're wearing gloves and things. Okay, but if you're walking around like, I don't know, like if you are walking, yeah, you park and you go to a restaurant and it's 60 degrees outside. Will you hold hands? Maybe, yeah. I do love holding his hand. He has great hands. They're like the perfect,

but what is bottom and top? If you're in line waiting to order something, are you holding hands? No, no, no, no. Noah is. Noah is. That's cool. It's so sweet.

I always see couples like that and I used to be very like, we get it. You love each other. You're blocking the the sidewalk you're taking up too much room i used to want a red rover red rover them and just run through it and break it but now i think it's adorable and i think it's a very good thing for relationships to have like lots of affection how has it been for you to make this transition from someone who was kind of anti-physical affection or at least you weren't into asking for it a lot you kind of wanted guys to just

intuit that you wanted it how has this changed for you or what what made you more comfortable with asking for it i think because i know i think i saw chris one time like snuggling his nephew and i was like this guy loves snuggles like he's an affectionate person like this guy loves hugging this guy is someone who even kids perceive as someone who like likes to be like you know jumped on and like squeezed and i'm like i remember seeing that and being like oh this perception i have of him as someone who's like kind of like doesn't need that doesn't want that is wrong it's in there and i think that opened a window once i saw i was like i'm gonna

get some fucking nephew time and so i'm i pretended to be his nephew i cut my hair into a little bowl cut and um climbed on his lap and started shooting him with a water gun and um and and i got the intimacy i i desired no i think that um like even the other night he was on his phone or computer he's like finishing up stuff work he came over we ate and then he took out his computer and i was just kind of like i was done eating for like maybe 20 seconds and i was like when are we gonna like snuggle like i was already being like when do i get some sugar because i didn't see him all we don't live together so i don't see him all day we don't we wake up in the same bed but he goes to you know and maybe two nights a week he stays over

and those are pretty brutal for him because i have a small bed it's queen but it feels fucking small and um i'm a small queen like kate middleton and uh it's i can't stop talking about harry and uh i'll say one more thing about the har book. Can I just say this unexpected thing? You'll like this. I dare you. Anya, read this book and you tell me you won't be talking about it as much as me. I guarantee you will. Anyone who's rolling their eyes at me, you read the book.

Read three chapters. They're very short. And you tell me that you're not hooked. Download a sample on your phone. I like how mad you get. Because everyone doesn't like them. I'm mad about it. Everyone's like, the royals, why do we even care?

Because it's interesting, okay? And because this person is admitting all these things, tragedy, you can learn from his story. But the thing I like about this that I don't think any of us would allow if our husbands wrote a book about their life is them talking about their exes in such a loving way and talking about the love they had like the true love that he had for his girlfriends prior to megan which makes me realize megan is a strong secure woman and didn't like go you need to change this chapter about chelsea or you need to change this chapter about cressida or caroline or whatever because he talks about them where in a way that and i'm not a

jealous person i if i read a chapter out of chris's book about his ex in a way that and i'm not a jealous person i if i read a chapter out of chris's book about his exes the way that carrie writes i would be jealous and i would be like i don't need you to probably you don't need to tell everyone your feelings about this girl and how you fell in love with her and like the intimacy of your relationship so that's the kind of stuff you get out of this book and it makes me realize that megan markle is extremely secure and that they are secure and i'm jealous and so i hate her um i'm back to hating her again god damn it oh god it's a comes full circle so um yeah the other night i was just like i want some sugar and he was just like i'll be with you in 10 minutes

and it was nice because it was it was communicating like i needed sugar and then we laid and watched alone and held hands and i just i usually take his hand and like put it in my mouth kind of and i like rest his hand like i just kind of chew on his fingers and just go like and like kind of like i don't know i just want to eat him and i wasn't even like sexy times i you know I was a little bit like horned up because of his buzz cut, but it was more just like- That buzz cut, dude. Right? Yeah, you posted a photo from the game. Yeah, who did you say he looked like, Noah?

I was like, that's total transporter vibes. Jason Statham. What's transporter? Oh, yeah. It's like his biggest movie or something. Yes, yes, yes. I thought you were saying train spotting and I just picture like a skinny British man

on a toilet, like coming out of a toilet that's the only thing I know from that movie I never saw it we should play a game where you just say movies and I say one scene that I remember from Avatar Avatar just like blue people that look like they have too much Botox between their eyes looking

up at like an asteroid that's about to hit like just go and Harry met Sally oh well I've seen that too much. So I know that one, but movies I haven't seen. Oh, okay. Movies you haven't seen terms of endearment,

terms of endearment, walking on a beach, crying poltergeist, poltergeist, a girl and a TV. And there's like wind blowing and like in the living room, what children of the corn of the corn, you know,

children in corn, children coming out of corn husks but yeah ghostbusters um oh i've never seen that you're right um that you know the green the green blob monster the big you know marshmallow monster um the black guy dan ackroyd um uh You Gonna Call, you know. That movie scares me still. I don't like, I still have a little bit of like,

that movie's too scary for me. Age of Innocence. Age of Innocence? Oh, I don't know. Like a piano and a girl with like an off the shoulder like dress. Yes, not far. Really?

The Fabulous Baker Boys. I don't know, like banjos on a porch I guess I'm misconstruing it With like that one Thing that was like old river blues Where it was like George Clooney And he would like sing about

You remember that thing Deliverance? No they were like upset Everyone was obsessed at like probably 1999 With George Clooney and a bunch of other guys And it was like they played banjos and it was like a band the coen brothers film yeah it was some fucking show like that um anyway um yeah i got my snuggles in okay drive uh that's ryan gosling looking out of a car like and there's a

lot more violence in it than you would think that's what i know about that because i want to see it but i can't because i i'm a gos that because I want to see it, but I can't. Because I'm a gosling girl. I used to not get it, but now I'm kind of on board. And I really love that during the notebook, they did not get along and did not like each other at all. They kind of hated each other. And then they fell in love.

How good is that? Oh, in the story? Have you ever seen Mr. and Mrs. Smith? I'm kind of horned up for that. I've never seen it but i want to see it because i want to see them have chemistry like knowing what i that they fell in love on the set honestly the best part of mr and mrs smith it never made it to the film and it's a photograph of brad and angelina holding hands way off camera on the side of the set

ready to film oh yeah i'll find it oh okay so they can get it they can excuse it like we were getting ready to shoot the scene so we're getting into character yeah but they're like a little spoon meters from the they were at jamba juice in line they're like no one yeah yeah holding hands god uh you don't realize i read this book called the seven husbands of evelyn hugo i really recommend it too i just finished it my sister recommended it to me it's about this woman that wasn't you know it's it's a fiction but it's this woman that had a was a hollywood starlet through the 60s 70s 80s and she's a big star and you just learn about the hollywood machine and how they would

like put you with different guys to like just you would fake romances to sell a movie and you realize how much often that happens how many beards there are out there of people who are like as you your career used to tank if you were gay i mean it still can affect your career so much to come out as gay that's why scientology fucking exists still it's because they've got everyone in that program to admit they're gay in a closed room and they go we'll tell everyone if you don't if you ever leave us right did you see gerard gerard carmichael last night the golden globes i did not yes so tom cruise wasn't there to accept three golden globes and he goes you know maybe instead um of these golden globes going to tom

uh maybe we uh we give the instead of getting effort to find these golden globes to get to tom maybe we uh put some effort into finding shelly miscovich and the whole room fucking went and if you don't know who she is david misca miscovich is like the head of scientology and his wife went missing like eight years ago and has just never been seen. You've never heard of this, Anya? You definitely have. What are you doing, Anya? I didn't know his wife.

Is something going on? I found the picture and sent it to you eventually, Brad. Oh, okay, great. And I got the info about androids. But yeah, I didn't know she was missing. I was thrown by your pronunciation of his last name, but now I know what you're saying. Miscavige.

Miscarriage. David Miscarriage. Sorry for your warning. That's how I say it. Yeah. But he, the joke wasn't amazing. It was more serious of like, we need to find Shelly Miscavige.

I love it. You know, first of all, there's a million missing persons out there that need to be found and this you know do we really care about her whereabouts i don't know that it's it's less about that and more about fuck you scientology calling you out this is weird and everyone in the room gets weird because there's scientologists in the room i one time was at a pitch meeting and i felt like i was in good company in hollywood you know like we were having

a lot of fun the pitch went so well and i made a joke about scientology being you know a cult and them being horrible people and it being founded on a guy who just wanted to like fuck people you know like all religions are founded on like one guy being like, I want to fuck more people and not have to pay taxes. That's what every religion is kind of, to me at least. I am spiritual. Don't get on me about that. But organized religion, bad, bad, bad. So anyway, I made some Scientology joke

because I was so naive in thinking that no one in this room is wackadoo enough to fall for Scientology. And this one woman who is going to buy the show, potentially, that I just pitched, says, I'm actually a Scientologist. And it was the most uncomfortable moment of my entire life. There's no getting out of that. And then she goes, I'm just kidding.

And it was the best feeling it was orgasmic to be released from that vacuum of hell i felt like xenu or whatever was in the room with us i i felt maybe maybe this religion is real because of how much i felt like i was in hell instantly when i said that and at the same time i'm like i don't know as much as i don't you can say a bunch of shit on this podcast and no one can go, I'm a Scientologist because there are people listening probably that are and are like, hey, I can't help it. I just am and I believe in it.

And so I have empathy for people who fall – like I don't look at all Scientologists as bad people. I look at them as victims, honestly. And I know that some people are like, I'm not a victim. I look at people who are stuck in the Catholic church system as victims. I look at myself as a victim to celebrity and worshiping celebrity. It's not, I'm not, I don't hate everyone. And you know that I always think that no one can help the way they are. So it all falls back to that.

But I feel like we should be able to call out how ridiculous Scientology is. But you, the clip of him saying this, the room is weird. And I love it. It reminds me of when Ricky Gervais used to host the Golden Globes and would just call out pedophilia. just uh he i remember he was like you know talking about don't get up here when you accept your award and get on your pedestal and tell us about you know human rights issues shut the fuck up you work for apple you know what they do in their factories shut up he was like if taliban if the taliban came out with a streaming service you would be on it don't act like it was so good and they all,

there's this clip of Tom Hanks being like, I don't like this whole narrative. It's like, shut up. Stop taking yourself so seriously. He's calling you out for your hypocrisy, which we all have,

but I found it delightful and I thought Gerard Carmichael has a target on his back now. What do you think about the whole Nepo baby thing and Variety calling out the, Yeah, I loved it because I think it just made it. So we all know about it now.

I think everyone in the industry already kind of knew about Nepo babies. And now I think it's like, you know, my mom probably knows what a Nepo baby is. And I hope that Poppy's a Nepo baby someday. I feel like I can spawn Nepo babies now because I've made it. It's kind of a cool thing to be able to give to someone who doesn't like i don't know like you i don't fault them they want to pursue the thing that they grew up around that they probably have an inclination towards because they were raised by someone who was good at it i i don't and then i get like i i really respect the ones that go by a different name and want to like avoid it but i don't fault nepo babies at all

i just think that you know there's always unfair advantages to anything what about why don't we just hate all beautiful people that were born beautiful they're getting roles that people who are more talented actors would never get because they're not beautiful you know like there there are so many there's i would say 99.999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 So they're supposed to just become an accountant because their dad is famous and you're not supposed to use that connection. Everything's connections. This goes back to the Meghan Markle thing. We hate her because she found her way into the castle. She worked her way in. She wanted this guy and she got him and she figured out how to do it.

How is that different than anything you've ever gone after in your life? It's not. What do you guys think? I don't think she climbed her way there. I think the guy saw her on a Snapchat. He saw her on Instagram. Her friends set them up. And it's not that different

from how a lot of celebrities meet. Well, no, I would say it's not different from how you and Matt got together. Yeah. And what the persuasion. I called my father. He called his father. No, it wasn't about that.

I mean, how does anyone get together through they see someone they're attracted to. Yes. the persuasion. He called his. No, it wasn't about that. How did, I mean, how does anyone get together through? They see someone they're attracted to. They make an effort towards being in that person's radar. So whatever you got to do to do that, I've done very manipulative things to get in on a guy's radar of like, I'm going to see if maybe he can swing by our show and be on it.

Like he's coming through a press tour. Let's see if we can get him. I've done shit like that. I'll admit it it what do you feel about the nepo baby stuff like i like the call out but i and i don't feel bad for them but i don't think that we they don't deserve to work or something yeah i think that the term is too broad also like evan rachel world was called a nepo baby but her parents were like theater they're in the theater and like working as stage my dad is in blazing the moon kings i did get a leg up i did get a leg up my dad is a performer and encouraged me to perform i'm a little bit of a nepo baby like i had a leg up in terms of that my parents had musical instruments around they like performing um they like good tv. So I benefited from that, whereas some people grew up with parents who had no culture around them, and they still made it.

Let's talk about Phoebe Bridgers. She's called an FBO baby. Her dad is like a lighting guy on sets. It's like, I don't know that these – yeah, I think you're right. It's too broad of a term. It's like if you're in the industry and you have power to give a job to someone over someone else, you know, someone that you're related to, then sure, there's nepotism there.

But I think they just threw a bunch of people in because it made for a richer article. It was a fun article. Yeah. And it's just fun to hate people you're jealous of. This is the bottom line about everything. Like any hatred you ever have towards someone you don't know that's a celebrity,

you're jealous. Or they're showing some quality that you don't like about yourself. This goes for me. Anything you hear about, one day you're like, Nikki's annoying today. It's probably because I'm exhibiting something that your mom did or that you do when you really don't like yourself. And that's why. And it's the same goes for me. And whenever I don't like a celebrity, it's generally because I'm jealous of them. And, um, and also I feel like there is a bit of a meritocracy.

Once you get into the business. Okay. Let's say you get a role. Cause your dad is Judd Apatow. Maude Apatow wouldn't continue working unless she was good. You know, like I don't think we would tolerate it and i don't think judd would be putting his kids in movies unless they could

do a good job i got everything that i got um up until you know maybe seven years ago was amy schumer inside amy schumer train wreck i Pretty. Every single credit I had, all the biggest theaters I'd performed in were opening for Amy. Amy, Amy, Amy, was I a friend-o baby? It was all because of my connection to her. And she would always say, I'm not putting you in this movie because you're my friend. I'm putting you in it because I think you're talented. And I really believed her, but I did get that connection because we were friends and so i you know i don't know i think it's just another way that we can just hate people that um we're jealous of and there's this quote in the seven husbands of evelyn hugo that i love that she was

just like if people don't hate you how famous are you really like if you got it people are gonna hate you if you're famous and not that that's anything i really want to be i you know last night was a perfect amount of fame you know got on i didn't get on the jumbotron but i got on uh the you know well the announcers were doing the game and like during a timeout they like put the camera on me and on the jumbotron they were doing this thing called the um they were doing like twist and shout they were playing the jumbotron they were doing this thing called the um they were doing like twist and shout they were playing twist and shout and so they were like filming people like twisting and shouting and so i was dancing just in case the camera came on me

because i didn't want to look like one of those people that's just like not having fun so and just and i was just twisting i like that song and so they kind of put the camera on me and i felt that was a perfect celebrity moment of like i love when I'm being filmed and I don't know it. As much as like the paparazzi are horrible people, I like being popped. I love that you're going out so much and having fun. And it sounds like you're like really into being home and getting, you know, more grounded with your family and your dude. Life sounds good. It is good.

I'm going to see Poppy and Arlo at their gymnastics today and going to watch them. And that's going to be so fun because I love videos on Reddit and TikTok and stuff where it's like a little kid at a recital

and they see their parent or someone they know and they start to get so excited. They start to cry. And I think that's going to be today. I think they'll be so excited to see me. Let's go to break and come back with more

right after this. 2025 is going to be today. I think they'll be so excited to see me. Let's go to break and come back with more right after this. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah. whether you

find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed?

Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction.

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Getting ready for some cuh. Collection of Cuhs. So? Cuh. I love when Kirsten says, getting ready for some cuh. Okay, so it's been a while since we played Collection of Cool Kuhs and we're kind of changing it.

Noah's going to read things off and we are going to decide whether or not they are kuh or not. And kuh, you know, is, kuh is if you, something that you would not do unless there are people around that you do to be perceived as cool.

It really is just sarcastic cool. So you just say cool with sarcasm, like, and it's judgmental and it's great to yell at people who rev their engines when they peel out of parking lots. And let's talk about some and see if these things are. OK, so tell me if this is last night. What was the award show that was on the Golden Globes? Golden Globes.

All right. So House of dragon actress millie alcock had a seemingly tipsy demeanor while on stage with co-star emma darcy and director miguel sapochnik so as the director accepted the award for best television series throughout his speech alcock was giggling and she was pointing to someone in the audience and putting her finger in her mouth, like very sultry, like definitely intoxicated. I'm gonna call this a ca. I need to see the footage,

but I'm gonna go off and say ca because drinking makes you kind of ca. Like when it opens up this part of you that's like, you know, we've all been drunk and been like, I'm so hot. Like you just's like, you know, we've all been drunk and been like, I'm so hot. Like you just feel hotter, you feel sexier. And if she's putting her hand in her mouth when she's on stage and like smiling and pulling focus.

I can't. Okay. I got to call it a care. What do you guys think? My first instinct was like, not care, just like self-conscious. Oh, I think self-aware. I think she's like nervous.

So she's trying to be like, oh, this is like not that great of a moment. Like maybe she's nervous about all the attention. I want to see the footage. Yeah, I'd like to see the footage. Let's review it. Here we go. She's kind of like laughing to herself cupping her mouth um okay

I'm changing my mind not so kuh no she's not kuh she looks like she truly doesn't know but anyone will see this so the person you hear laughing is the person that's filming this. Yeah, she totally doesn't. Okay, so I thought she was doing it to get attention. I've been someone that does this.

I'm not going to lie. I know people are watching me, even though it looks like I don't know people are watching me. You know, I'm aware. And you try to like look hotter than you are, like would be if you just, no one was watching you. That didn't, this seemed like she actually thought all the attention was on this guy. She was just hanging on to someone.

She looked totally in her own world. I am going to deem this not K. Okay. And I think my initial K assessment was jealous. Jealous because you want to be drunk or win an award? Both. God. That's insane. I'm going to the critics choice awards on sunday and i'm gonna find out if i win for best comedy special for my hbo special good clean filth i was nominated um and i find out thanks on saturday if i won because it's like

it won't be presented at the awards like at the the main award. It's like a red carpet. It's still an award, but it's not one of the main ones. So I'll find out on Saturday if I won. But I had to tell them if I was going to go on like weeks ago. And I'm like, just tell me if I won. I don't want to show up to this thing on Sunday knowing I haven't won,

which I don't think I'm going to win. And I'm not going, and I realized I'm not going because I'm going to win. And I'm not going, and I realized I'm not going. Cause I'm, I'm going to win. And I want, I'm going cause I want to wear a pretty dress. I want to go to a red carpet event. I want to have good stories about running into celebrities.

And I want to just have fun. So I'm going much like I'm going to the gymnastics thing today. I just want to go to have fun. I don't care about winning. I really don't think I'm going to win. And, and that's, I'm sticking to it,

but I do get to wear. And, um, and that's, I'm sticking to it, but I do get to wear it. Some of these award shows, they want to know the attendance so that they can give you an award. Like they're not going to give an award sometimes to people that don't show up. No, this one isn't one of those. It's already determined.

And so I'll find out on Saturday when we're in Maine this weekend, we are in Albany tomorrow night, um, Thursday and Friday night, two shows in Albany, Thursday, Thursday, and Friday night. Two shows in Albany, Thursday and Friday, and then Saturday in Maine. Two shows. First one is sold out. Only single tickets available.

And then the second show, very close to selling out. I'm so excited. Portland, Maine at the State Theater. So I will see you guys there. Okay, let's keep going with Kis. Okay. Kaley Cuoco and tom pelfrey do you know what this is no i'm sorry i just no you have no shade i have to i think she's

okay but i also think she's actually extremely talented but i do think there's actually you know what i go back and forth on her and you know what i'm just jealous i'll say that because i gotta I'm all over the place. Okay, tell me what you did. Okay, according to Jezebel, they threw a batshit baby shower. And the reason why- Yes, Brad Pitt was there.

No. Well, yes, he was. But the reason why I would say it's batshit is because if you were in LA over the weekend and you looked up at the sky, you saw 400 units of drones make images in the sky. One was a stork carrying a baby with the words, big baby city below it.

Another was, one was a cum shot. Like, why don't we just talk about how this baby really got made? One was, the other one was like two ovaries two gigantic parents holding the hands of a toddler between them and this was all for their baby shower um no i think the drone stuff is i mean cool actually cool like i think that like yeah i don't mind it i think it's kind

of i mean it's a definitely excessive and as and stupid and a waste of money, you know? But I kind of think it's cool. Like, I do think it's cool. But I do think Brad Pitt coming to your baby shower and, like, I just think Hollywood friends, like, people that are like, we're best friends and we're famous. No, you're not. I kind of don't believe it. I think that so many friendships are fake. I think there's a couple that are actually real,

but I think most Hollywood friendships are publicity stunts. And I think that that one was a big one. Especially Brad Pitt coming. I don't even know why he was there, but what do I know? I think maybe she does have great, great friends. But, and again, jealous.

She's been married like four times. She's always like marrying like a hot guy who like seems to love her a lot. She can cut her hair and really look cute into a pixie cut. She's a really talented actress. She's had huge success in everything she touches. And now she's pregnant and I'm trying to freeze my eggs and it's a whole thing.

So it's all jealousy, but I'm going to say cool, not cool. Same. What about Drone Show? Okay, same for you all right yeah all right um how about ben affleck was seen filming something for duncan donuts duncan donuts yeah in his hometown of boston do you really need more money do you really need more we already see you with duncan donuts and starbucks cups every single day we know you love duncan wait hold up i thought about this this morning as i was washing my face i go how much money he went to a drive-thru and worked the drive-thru at a

duncan it was a whole fucking stunt oh that's like giving me my coffee goes through the drive-thru and apparently it's for a commercial that they're speculating is for the super bowl super bowl how much money were you offered why do you need more money? He's one of us though, Nike. He was working the drive through. He's one of us. Yeah. He's so one of us. I listen. It's funny.

It's interesting. You go through the drive through Ben Affleck is there. You should have been tipped off by all the cameras filming you as you went through the drive through. I just think I just look at some of these things and I go, how much money did you need to get paid for this? You're going to see me do some endorsements this year because, you know, things are coming in for me to, like, promote stuff. And you're going to go, how much money?

And I'm going to say it's a lot, you know, and I need it. I'm still on the up and up. I'm still trying to create a nest egg. Ben Affleck doesn't need more money. But you know what? It might have been a cute idea. And he does love Duncan so actually I went full circle on this

I like it I think it's good I just roll my eyes at those two And again Jealous I just think he is adorable And I love how affectionate They are with each other I study their Hand placements when they're walking down the street He's

He seems like a good stepdad. He seems like a good dad. He's hot. She's hot. And yeah, I, okay. I'm totally unbarred.

It's cool. But I got to say like, there are some things that I just think celebrities just take it. We don't need you to have a tequila brand there. Everyone's so greedy. Everyone's all, you know, just be more

savvy when you buy things from celebrities uh try to see if it's really something that they actually enjoy um but duncan we've seen him spotted with it a lot so i think it's actually this is cool okay i think if it's not an ad it's cut but if it is an ad it's fine interesting so you think if he was just working the register for what? To be like undercover? For publicity, to be like, we're so down to earth. Then that to me is cut. Like, get over yourself.

But if it's an ad, if he's working, if it's going to be something, got it. Okay. Okay. All right. It's fair. All right. Final thought.

Okay. So the last story kim k's former media strategist claims that the infamous 2012 flower bomb attack was actually a manufactured media moment i can't believe a pr person is able to say behind the scenes of what happens and you know what this should open everyone's fucking eyes if this is true so kim kardashian all the kardashians do by the way is distract from bad news with stories they try to stay in the headlines someone on demois on the subreddit so this is what happened kim kardashian got attacked with flour for wearing like fur or something you, like they and people are constantly trying to make vegans look crazy and PETA look insane.

And so this was if this was not a person from PETA who did this and now PETA is catching flack for it because afterwards, Courtney and Chloe made statements of like PETA, you like, how dare you do this to my sister? And you try to stand up for animal rights and yet you treat people this way like pita got dragged for this that was a pr stunt because she was also trying to recover from something noah did it say in the article what she was trying to spin it was some bad press she got and so then she needed to be portrayed as the victim it didn't say but he just said that she would do, that she specifically told him she would do anything to get famous. Yes.

And again, I don't fault her for that. That was always a goal of hers. She was very, she's been very outspoken about that. And like, that is what she wanted when she was a child. And it's what she, it's always what she wanted was to become famous. She fucking did it. But it should make everyone so much more like a little conspiracy theorist about everything celebrities do. Because relationships, breakups, stunts like this, someone throwing flowers, someone being victimized.

If you ever are going for a celebrity going, aw, think about that because that is a great fit. But it wasn't gluten-free flour. So they called the PR person to do this to them and then they would take pictures of it. Well, their PR person organized, what can we do to get people on your side because there's some bad press where people are talking shit about you.

And the Kardashians are denying it. So it's all an inside job. Huh? It's all an inside job. Huh? It's all an inside job. He claims. Yes. The Kardashians are saying that they still believe

the blame was on PETA. Yeah. Well, let me say this too, that someone in the Deux Moi subreddit was like, I think that this being leaked is a PR scheme by the Kardashians to stay on the news.

We shouldn't even trust this story of it being like this is how conniving they are and this is how calculated they are and you know in their new e-show which Anya loves like she would she would often say to me they're really showing like a lot of stuff that you're like wow this like is behind the scenes like they're showing more than the e-show like you really get a sense that you're like wow this like is behind the scenes like they're showing more than the e show like you really get a sense that they're like they're really giving up something of themselves and i'm like no no no this is all anything you see that you go wow right they really were vulnerable here it was organized to be so even the fight between kim and courtney

if you remember that fight and it was a fucking brawl. And you go, why would they air this? Can you only imagine the stuff they don't air if they aired that? They needed that. I mean, that is still making the rounds. That's a huge moment. And they know, the Kardashians know, that any bad press, it gets you in headlines. People talk about you.

And then eventually people forget. People do about you. And then eventually people forget. People do not associate. I'm not saying that sex tapes being leaked are not a really terrible thing for people that actually deal with the trauma of it and being mocked for it and aren't in control of it. People like Paris Hilton, who did not orchestrate her own, but people like Kim Kardashian, who there's so much evidence saying that she did orchestrate it and that her family did they they are smart they know that that wasn't going to define her forever yes it is a joke that is made constantly about her but when you think of the kardashians you don't think of that sex tape it's not it it is just part

of their story but it's not the whole story where you would think a sex tape that would just be who you are from now on even chris rock getting slapped i go man this is gonna be his legacy i've already i when i hear chris rock i don't think about the slap right the the kardashians understand that the we move on from things quickly so really look with a discerning eye at anything you see out of out of them or anyone who's mega famous it It is all calculated, you guys. And even Taylor Swift, I like now have to look at everything that comes out of her camp as like, this is this. She wanted us to see this. This is not, you know, I get to know Taylor Swift, the true Taylor Swift through her music. That is how she lets me into her diary. It is not through like leaks of her doing like i'm gonna take you backstage in the special session like that's more you know performative with i just you know no shade

it's fine but i just remember anya do you still maintain that the show is like do you think it's calculated or do you think they really because they sign off on everything they're in the edit oh completely it's all produced by them, too, I think. No, I was going to send you. They're so in charge of their image and everything they're doing. They're like swifty geniuses. I was going to send you a thing I saw on Instagram the other day of Kim talking about how she's shielding her kids from all this terrible press about their father. And she'll never say a bad thing about their father.

And I was like on the verge of tears about to send it to you and be like her life is so hard and then i stopped myself and was like god damn it they got me they got you you know and i really do like kim i think she's actually probably a really sweet person and i have friends who have worked on her show and worked on those shows both the e1 and the hulu one and they say by far insider info from people who really know what's happening and like spoke to me as a real person kim is the nicest of all of them kim is always nice treats everyone with respect she is the nicest so i will always like kim for just being nice to crew members as much as the other family members maybe aren't so much that way not gonna name names but you

probably know who um and kim is the nicest and um but she did have a cgi tier that they put into the hulu one it was on tiktok just type in kim kardashian cgi tier it is a cgi tier you guys they spent thousands of dollars to have her cry it was so funny um because i thought there's no way and um i didn't get confirmation from that from the producers that i know but they didn't not say it do you know what i'm saying i go did you guys cgi tear and she's like what do you think mickey do you think kim got the paris uh cooking set's hot. Yeah, I actually probably think she did get it. Yeah, and I bet Kim Kardashian is the most ASMR voice ever, and I love when she does unboxings of things that she gets

and is like, oh, look at this packaging. It's so nice. They all have really, I love their voices. I mean, they're captivating. Have you ever watched the Kardashians, Noah? I think a long, long long long time ago like probably some of the first couple of seasons but you know okay so but how i you know everything about them though right i know enough you know like through having to do like news gossip stories but i like that comedian who impersonates them because she's so accurate i can't remember i

can't recall her name off the top of my head god we gotta find it so we're not making people i post her all the time and i can't remember her name either i mean i follow her but i follow a lot of people so i don't know how to find it but she is so good hey dolls and they're always shaking their salads and like kem i can't believe you would ever say that you don't want dressing on your salad like that's so rude yuri lamas bella yuri lamas bella no i think it's her really that does not sound like yuri yes it's her it's her yuri yeah oh yeah it is her you're you think good job anya y-u-r-i-l-a-m-a-s-b-e-l-l-a yuri lamas bella she is incredible better than they are at doing this i i agree i agree she is one of the best impressionists i've ever seen, especially for the Kardashians. Okay. So we got to go.

I got a full day ahead of me. I'm heading to my voice lesson. And I'm scared of being late because he is strict and like confronted being the other day and was like, we need to talk about something. And I was like, yeah. And he's like, before we get started,

I need us to have a good line of communication. And I was thinking like, did I say something about him on the podcast? That was like negative. Like, did he hear? I'm like, Oh no. And he's like, we need to have a good line of communication. And I was thinking like, did I say something about him on the podcast? That was like negative. Like, did he hear? I'm like, Oh no.

And he's like, we need to have a talk. And I'm like, he goes, I need to know that you're going to show up to class. And I was two minutes late. And I go, it can't be that I was two minutes late.

Like this is not. And it wasn't that he was, I just hadn't paid him yet. And I'm just used to like paying people on Venmo when they send a request, but he has this whole system through his computer. And I was like, Oh my God,

like I'm good for the money like I could I could pay you cash now he goes you don't have that much cash and I Was like I think I might like I was so Scared but it was good because I needed I really like Like he's like this is like college you got To show up for class you're not going to make up quizzes Like I'm not going to like make exceptions for you

So I'm in like a voice Teacher boot camp and I got to go now because I'm going to be late and I don't want to be in trouble Just like college Just like college except that I'm in like a voice teacher boot camp And I gotta go now Because I'm gonna be late And I don't wanna be in trouble Just like college Just like college Except that I'm gonna take it seriously Yeah And I can't blow him for an A

Alright guys I gotta go Thank you so much For listening to the show this week We will be back next week With more And come see us on tour This weekend

It's gonna be Albany two shows Thursday, Friday and Saturday, two shows in Portland, Maine. And we'll see you there and watch the critics choice awards on Sunday. If it's airing somewhere, because I'll be there. And thank you so much for listening to the show.

I love you guys. And don't be care. And find Shelly, Miss cabbage. Yes. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer.

If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast.

Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How To Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme.

Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season. But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance. You've got to check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers.

I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast. And now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Listen to mini questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers.