The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #312 A Hot Prowl

Episode Date: January 26, 2023

Freight train hopping Taylor Mcgraw is back on the pod and the girls have a hoot. Yesterday's stupidity needs to be addressed and of course pivots to conversation about murderers. Nikki talks about price gouging at the fertility clinic pump and what her kid might turn out like. They do a terrible job of explaining football before getting into the stuff Nikki pinned for Reddit Dump. Besties help solve the mystery behind the obsession 80's kids had with marine biology. In the Final Thought, Nikki is reminded of a moment she had at the aquarium with a sea otter that violated her privacy.  --- Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Get Pod Merch: Podshop.NikkiGlaser.com Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Anya's Patreon: patreon.com/anyamarina   More Nikki: IG More Anya: IG More Taylor: IG More producer Noa: IG  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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But now it's kind of possible Welcome to the show, it's Anya's here Hi Anya Nailed it girl, of possible. Welcome to the show. It's Anya is here. Hi, Anya. Nailed it, girl. That sounded pitch perfect to me. It was pitch perfect, but then it got, like, something happened. I'm learning all about my voice and vocal lessons. And if you get nervous, your voice will give out on you.

It is all mental. It's so weird. It has nothing to do with, like, actual what, like, it's all your mind. If you think, if you brace for a note, you're not gonna hit it, but if you just treat it like, so you have to trick your mind, it's all Navy SEAL shit

to be able to be a good singer. That's the voice of Taylor McGraw. You've heard her on the show before. She's the train jumping hobo. Yeah. So, so, so, so, so. Noah is also here Anya's visiting us from New York

via the internet and Taylor is sitting right here with us in my old seat I'm in Andrew's old seat I don't know I've just been liking this side recently this feels like my new side even though I don't know what side of my face is like I mean I definitely do

but I don't memorize it I never my face is like. You don't have a good side? I mean, I definitely do, but I don't memorize it. I never know. This is my bad one. It is. Just so you guys know. Oh, no. It's fine. I'll just look at this.

Will you turn around? See, look how pretty this one is. Oh, wait a second. That is really good. You have a good mole. No, no. You have a good mole right here. Did you put that on?

Yeah, I tattooed it. No way. Did you really? Wait, no, it's on this side. Wait, you have one on there and you have one on. Yeah, that's one. You tattooed that? that yeah because it's my favorite freckle and it would go away in this in the winter oh and i wanted it to remain but i didn't why don't you go all in on your melasma oh well actually i just tattoo it i've done that too with my beauty mark that's

above my lip because laser hair removal like took away color out. Oh, no, no, no, no. Oh, my God. That's so crazy. I want to get. Yeah. You know, I had. Right.

Do you see all this on my nose? I scratched my nose yesterday washing my face with my ring. It caught on it and ripped it and it ripped like a chunk off. But it looks like a mole, a cool mole. Or it looks like i just ate a kind bar that had chocolate on it and every time i eat a kind bar there's speckles of chocolate all over my face but um my point is one time i had a mole that was in a or a pimple in a good place and i colored it in it's cute yeah and it was like oh fucking maryland mom proactive Yeah, a face tattoo.

That's hardcore. I was just, yeah, one day I was just like, oh, it's gone. And then I just put it there. I don't know. What was your first tattoo? Because you have so many. When did you just like go for it?

I got one on my wrist at like, my friend did it at a salon, whatever it's called. No, no, no, no. He was a tattoo artist. I guess it's kind of like losing your virginity, like what makes you just break the seal. Because once you break the seal,

all other tattoos, it's a fucking free-for-all with people. But breaking the seal, I'm wondering like the first one. When Andrew got his first one, it was just like so out of, he went alone, which I thought was a weird move.

Yeah, that's scary. Because usually you're like, I need support. But he knew that any of his friends would talk him out of it, which we would have. So he went alone. It was so bold. Or a cry for help. I guaranteed he's looking into getting it removed now.

Anything connected to me, he is urgently trying to erase from his. Because it was a joke that we were together when it came up. It said puddles. But I still think it's cool. I think should keep it because i like i like tattoos even if it's someone like we're not even we're we'll we'll be fine we'll be friends but even if even if we had a horrible breakup and he hates me it's still like funny to have like change it into something else yeah like puddle of mud like make it the band puddles means anything it's not like it's your initials yeah but it was a reference to a girl being so excited about him that she was puddling i mean

she was a lie would that make you mad if matt had a had a tattoo it wasn't a lie i wanted it to be so bad she really because we followed up with her i go i think she peed her pants because she was laughing which is also good like she has puddles in her pants. Wait, you saw the puddle? No, she wrote to him being like or maybe it was in comments or something and it was like, you make me puddle in my pants and Andrew was like feeling really cool about it. We were driving down to Atlantic City

and he was feeling like, made her puddle in her pants and I think we were on Instagram just like joking about it and I go, no, it wasn't. You made her pee, which is cool, but you didn't make her like cream her jeans. It was a a typo and then she wrote back and said no i'm horny for him and i was like okay i fine you win it is she did you make a girl puddle in her pants good job man um and so he got a tattoo of it he became puddle boy and then i would bring him on stage as puddle boy and he would be like can we not anymore like you're leaving that in the past but what'd you what'd you what would

you feel if your boyfriend had a tattoo of something you mean you have a famous like a guy in the arts on you girls probably have puddled in their pants because of matt's music obvi as well has made probably girls puddle in their pants obvi you could see him play music in the um an episode of Veep that I saw recently. He's in a heavy metal band on Veep. Shut up. I did not know this. Noah.

Jonah Ryan brings my forever crush. What's his name? Reed Scott. I forget his name on the show. Dan. To this heavy metal show. And they go. He's trying to like network with dan is trying to network with jonah and jonah is like looking for a new friend they go to the show and they're like these guys are fucking awesome and it's just

like and then it's avi on stage yeah oh my god i remember this your boyfriends if someone had a tattoo to commemorate something another woman said about them sexually how would you feel i think it's a compliment i'd be into it as long as it's like over a decade ago okay i think i would roll my eyes every time i saw it and want it removed i would love it oh like if it was on our guy sorry i misunderstood I misunderstood. It was on your guy. It's on Matt's list. So Matt has a tattoo that's like incredible dick. Yeah, that is essentially puddles.

Like one time a girl said he made me, like, I mean, Andrew was doing it for comedy. He's a comedian, so it makes more sense. But, you know, like, I guess any kind of tattoo. Here's our group on for laser removal. Yeah. Tattoo group. I don't know.

I'd kind of be into it, I think. We have a couple things to follow up from the show yesterday and i just want to bring you into this conversation because we i have never felt stupider in my life than yesterday and i almost wanted to not air the episode but you know what i have to i have to be honest there was a part of me that was like people don't need to see me being this dumb and i was on my high horse about something when i was dumb which is even more embarrassing i just want to say i am aware of how embarrassing it was so the other night i was at the dave chappelle and chris rock show and at one point during chris rock's set he made some comment about nancy the guy's shitting on nancy pelosi's desk january 6

you know and there's this girl next to me and And I think you'll like this. She just goes, as they should. As they should. And so I just go, as they should. That's all I said. And then she got up from her chair instantly. I mean, like, this is one of these girls that is looking for a fight. Yeah. These people who wear these shirts that are like, I mean, I used to have a joke, but it's

like the guy that wears a shirt that says, like, I lubricate my AR-15 with liberal tears. And they just sit there, like, waiting for you to read it all. And they have to sit in a way that you can read the whole thing. Because they're looking for a fight. Yeah. And so she, you could just, I didn't realize she was looking for a fight. I clearly kind of was. But she got in my face and Chris had to get between us and stuff.

Anyway. During the show? Yeah, during the show. Yeah, come on. So good. But also kind of good on my part. Because I was in the Bomberito box. had to get between us and stuff anyway during the show yeah during the show so good but also kind of cut in my part because i was in the bomarito box i should have been been uh you know behaving myself in the bomarito box bomarito box and so um i was saying like this bitch probably doesn't even know who nancy pelosi is doesn't know anything about like anything and then i was like i

know i mean i go i don't even know if i know who she is i think she was like the secretary of state i let me just say my mind i know she was the speaker of the house i didn't know that okay secretary of state i knew it was something with an s okay so i knew a speaker that's how my mind works and i'm not saying that i'm not i should know that i should have it memorized by the way i am well aware that the speaker of the house is that new guy kevin McCarthy. I watched the hearings. I watched them vote the last minute. I watched that guy grab that other guy's face.

I was watching C-SPAN. I saw it all happen. So for me to not know yesterday who the Secretary of State was, was embarrassing for me. And I don't know. The Speaker of the House. The Speaker of the House. Sorry. The Speaker of the House.

I know who that is. And the Secretary of State, I will say, I did know hillary clinton for all of about i i knew these things i was put on the spot but at the same time i'm not saying go shit on someone's desk that i don't know you know what i'm saying like i'm allowed to not know someone who i'm saying nothing about but if i'm saying you should shit on someone's desk i should probably know who that person is so i'm allowed to not know her exact title even though i didn't know it but i just didn't know it in that moment which is fine like i'll admit i'm kind of a dummy and so we were talking about how dumb we are when it comes to stuff i met a state senator over the weekend and i thought state senators were a big deal

is it was a i don't know illinois state senator there are two senators per state i do know that okay so there's a hundred i go one of a hundred this guy turned out to be Illinois state senator there are two senators per state I do know that so there's a hundred I go one of a hundred this guy turned out to be a state senator guess how many state senators there are in fucking Illinois what was it Anya you asked Matt 53 or something I go there's more plumbers in Illinois

this guy and he got all VIP like I met him first and I was like so nice to meet you and I'm like Illinois too there's probably more serial killers in illinois than there are like honestly that's a fucking serial killer heavy state but um yeah it was just i feel like it's fun for us to lean into things we don't know and you don't know a lot of things i don't know anything i'm already embarrassed just like you working a lot i don't know anything. I'm already embarrassed. Just like thinking of what I don't know. But Taylor also is,

you're so intelligent. I mean, tell us what your degrees are in. I just have a master's degree in psychology. That's it. Yeah. Well,

that's a big deal. A master's? Yeah. Isn't that cool to be a master of something? Of my own domain. Do you guys have masters? No,

I know you don't. She has a personal PhD in forensics though for any crime serial killer um incest survivor i should get like one of those honorary phd what can you tell us about the idaho murders any updates what do you i don't know anya knows more anya's been sending me i watched that fucking dateline or 2020 piece about the idaho murders i haven't watched that but i want to a whole lot of nothing you want to hear about the topography of fucking,

what's Moscow, Idaho, and about like, oh, every year, this many people come through. We have an art scene. They just need filler on these shows because they've got nothing because they're waiting for the trial to reveal any information.

But the weirdest thing about the Idaho murders, so a guy murdered, it it's like 100 him because they found the knife sheath they found dna on the sheath that mass matched him so that there is no fucking way it's anyone else it's like one to 600 billion odds that someone else so the defense team is gonna have a quite a hard time but they pulled him over in indiana he was driving so his this is a common thing out in the west Parents will fly out to visit their kids right before the holidays. And then they drive back together to the East Coast and have holidays in the East Coast. So they do like a kind of road trip thing.

So his dad drove out, drove him across the country. They get pulled over in Indiana. Same car, by the way, that was spotted on all the cams. So they pull over in Indiana. The Indiana fucking state trooper does. They're tracking him the whole way, by the they already they already had him with the dad that sucks for the dad so the indiana trooper had nothing to do with them trailing him but they were already on his trail they just needed dna so they were just following him to get that dna and

then they did and they got him but it wasn't until pennsylvania but they stopped in indiana and they show the body cam footage of this cop stopping him on the highway not only does he get stopped once for tailgating which who gets pulled over for that two times within 20 minutes he gets pulled over by two different state troopers didn't know that did not know for tailgating and then the second one says well since you just got pulled over i'm gonna let you go that is what it is to be white i swear to god and a man how and and a man i don't know being a woman is i've gotten not a lot of tickets because i'm like i'm a girl i know drive that sounded asian and racist but i promise i wasn't trying to be what when i was doing my own reading on this i read that they were doing that as kind

of like a way to check out the car because they had um video footage of the car too maybe because he was so overly nice the cop was it seemed that would that would make sense they didn't say this on this 2020 thing but the weird part about this guy who is clearly on the spectrum is this moment where he goes uh sir where are you they have washington plates or whatever he goes where are you driving to where are you from and he goes wsu which is like who in indiana knows wsu so the dad is saying that and they go washington state university he goes okay WSU, which is like who in Indiana knows WSU? So the dad is saying that. And they go, Washington State University.

And he goes, okay, so what are you guys doing? What are you doing? Where are you going? And he goes, and the driver, the murderer goes, we're going to get Thai food. It's like, he didn't mean where are you going right now? Where are you going? And he asked him twice. He goes, where are you going? He goes, we're going to get Thai food. And he goes, well, you were following really closely. And he goes, but where are you going right now? Where are you going? And he asked him twice. He goes, where are you going?

He goes, we're going to get Thai food. And he goes, well, you were following really closely. And he goes, but where are you guys going? It was Thai food. And you could see the dad look at him like, are you a fucking moron, son? Because he's scared. He's scared. But he's also, I think, a little autistic.

Because that is a logical question. You know, that's like, right now I'm going. Literal. Yes. It's a literal answer when it's like no where and where are you going you know in life and it's straight to the state penitentiary imagine killing four people and then being like what should we get for dinner dude they showed one kid that was like had him as a ta in for his criminology class and it was like after he had murdered they like you saw the guy like right in the notes of this guy's test, like, have a great break.

You really showed a lot of creativity and imagination. He wrote something nice with exclamation marks. I'm like, how can you like – It's so interesting to see people do things after. I love footage of murderers right after they do it. I'm obsessed with that. To see their body language and like how they talk and like,

I don't know, it's so fascinating. Or right before they do it, like what, what, they always go get food and like, they must be hungry

from all that murder. Before and after. Yeah, like Taylor knows all this stuff about like the way the brains are for how psychopaths

and sociopaths brains are, how people who are right it's schizophrenic people with multiple personality disorder is that like what you specialized in when you were doing i work with people with schizophrenia yeah usually but they like never murder it's it's all like recently it's been a lot of people with autism so like i believe that yeah i mean that doesn't mean that if you have an autistic son you're gonna murder but it's like it used to be people be like oh, oh, he's schizophrenic. Just schizophrenic people don't either.

They don't. Like, were you ever, did you ever, because you worked closely with like homeless in San Francisco, which is where you did your social work, right? Yeah, I worked in jails too with murderers. Wait, what was the craziest thing you saw? In jail? Or like ever, like what was crazy things that happened to you didn't you get cornered in your office once yeah i yeah with a with a machete this

guy brought down like two machetes and was like i want you to like list these on ebay because he knew i was like sold stuff oh my god and he brought them down on a tray like and the tray also had all this like uh it was in california so it wasn't roasted uh toasted ravioli but like like tater tots and like other things and they were on the tray and then he like locked me in my office with the machete but he just wanted you to get you he's a criminal sell them but he was threatening you at the same time he was just on math it was very confusing what exactly he wanted me to eat all of the food on there. I know that much. Wait, what was? What?

Oh, my God. It's like a fear factor challenge. He was like chopping. Wait, how did he? What was the most you ever, did you ever feel fear for your life? Wait, you have a really good story of one time. Didn't someone like break into your house when you were there and you like saw them? It almost reminds me of the Idaho thing.

Yes. But that, yeah, that wasn't, yeah, that wasn't anybody I knew, but yeah, it was called a hot prowl what's a hot that's when you're there so like if if they just come and steal shit the cops don't care but if you're there they were like well we're gonna come and fingerprint everything i was like what i didn't think they would care at san francisco they're like no ma'am this one's a hot prowl oh because they like could have you know, in the heat of the moment, sometimes you're like, well, there's girls in here. I should rape them or whatever. I always think that one time there was a break in at Catherine's house when I was staying in Colorado. And if I would have been there the day before when I was supposed to get in, they would have been there when I was there.

And I remember telling Tom Takara, my opener at the time, like, I would have been raped. And he's like, well were they were to steal i'm like if you're there to you might it's like picking up a pack of gum at walgreens after you buy a pregnancy test you're like i might as well throw it in you know like i might as well rape while i'm here or at least tie her up and assault her so she doesn't fucking or kill her yeah because these people that so many people get killed because people are stealing catalytic converters. And they'll shoot, and it's like, or your phone. They'll shoot you so you won't identify them. Yeah.

Yeah. So, night brow, hot brow. What does it go? Hot brow? Hot. More with Taylor and her stories of murder and inquest when we get back after this. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money.

We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah. Whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now

plus you'll get special content just for podcast listeners like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines listen on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community and I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey

through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to Crems as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, you guys, I'm Catherine Legg. I'm a racing driver who's literally driven everything with

four wheels across the planet. And I've got a new podcast. It's called Throttle Therapy. This season, I'm gearing up to make history, competing in some of the world's most notorious racing events, starting at the Indy 500. Join me as I travel from racetrack to racetrack in my quest to continue a memorable career in racing. I'm also going to bring you inside stories with legends of sports, new faces from the next generation of auto racing, and conversations with the people who've supported me throughout my career. We'll be getting into everything from karting to NASCAR, even Formula

One. Whether you dream about being a pro athlete or an astronaut, we're talking about what it takes to make it. Listen to Throttle Therapy with Catherine Legge, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. So I just, my phone just accidentally typed to my assistant, Mimi Mamomini. I was like, Mimi Mamomini. That's such a funny thing to send. I almost would have sent it.

I didn't send it but it's in it's like ready to go all she sees is bubbles like what is this gonna be nikki's mad at me about something it's just gonna say mimi mammo mimi i liked your accidental text to chris yesterday when you were just confessing all the dumb you were like guessing who the speaker of the house was yeah anya and i were both like just trying to guess who the Secretary of Defense is word. I was like, I think it was Condoleezza for Obama. And then it was Colin Powell for Bill Clinton. And then Chris just was suddenly getting all of these from me because I he could text me in the middle of it.

And then I wrote, oh, I'm sorry, babe. I'm just showing me and on your trying to figure out how fucking dumb we are. What do you say about sorry meant to send that to Anya? We just realized we both don't know anything about the government your last text to him was about bailing on the gym oh oh yeah um and then all of a sudden it was a flurry of texts about condoleezza right oh yeah yeah i go i almost i also might do the same and bail on gym condi rice cl was pal. Condoleezza is Obama.

These are my guesses. Sorry, meant to say that to Anya. He goes, chicks, they love shopping and boys more than knowing stuff. Oh my God. And so we always joke that like boys know everything about sports and girls don't know nothing except about shopping.

And so whenever there's like a joke about like, like I get something sports wrong, he's like a joke about like like so i get something sports wrong he's like oh you want to just go on bluefly.com because blue fly.com was like a cool shopping website in like 2008 when he worked at mtv and all the ladies were on bluefly.com delia none of us are like shopper girls right we were all listing what makes us not women the other day on the girls chat i shop a little bit online but blue i remember bluefly.com you guys remember bluefly there are some listeners who remember it so i just wrote to him bluefly.gov and he was like that really got a laugh i was like

thank you i was so proud of it um oh my god but uh shopper girl, yeah. I mean, like, fashion, Taylor's a fashionista, faux show. Oh, I have a question about that. She can make a dress out of a sock, what? So, since we do have a fashionista there, Nikki, you're always, like, on these red carpet things. I was wondering what you think of these, like, animal head that chaparelli or i thought they i think they're probably bad in the long run for animal stuff is my point i think they're dumb fashion wise they just don't like who cares it looks like you're went to fao swartz and beheaded a fucking like you should look at these that they're taylor's looking at me like i don't know what

you're talking about it literally is if i took this pig stuffed animal and just like no put its head next to mine it's so dumb um i think it's bad because any look at here she's showing you any way where it looks like you're a woman posing with an animal you just murdered on safari making that look cool or normal is not good for animals and no one can wear that you just knock into shit no No. And you fall over. It's not practical. It's so dumb. It's just. It's so dumb.

Yeah, it's totally FAO. Yeah, it's FAO. It's so. That's just FAO. But I just learned about Taylor today that she uses socks for, black socks for what? Can I show you guys? Anyone want to guess? Anyone want to guess what?

Arm warmers? Good idea. That would be cuter than what I do. Anything else? Hint, this is not fashion. Tit covers. It could be. Oh, cleaning?

I don't know, like wiping stuff? Yes. Yes, kind of. You're getting there. More disgusting. Menstrual pad. A pad. Right?

Oh, because it's so hygienic and clean? Because if I forgot my Diva Cup, then I just get a black sock. I use, like, Collins a lot. I'm like, black sock. Black sock. Colin is my boyfriend. Colin is my boyfriend.

No, you don't stuff it up. No, no, no. I, like, pat. That makes me the cotton out. Oh, the cotton. Dry. Dry, like, fuzzy. Like, a black sock that almost looks gray

because it, like like has been washed too many times and you roll it upon itself and shove it up there oh my god my mouth i hate it but actually taylor you're on to something yeah yeah oh it's you know thanks underwear yeah they're toxic yeah they're toxic it is oh yeah why do they need to be toxic why can't they just be super absorbent? Why not just wear a diaper? What? I don't know.

Well, Diva Cup, that thing got stuck up in me, so I can't do that. Which one do you use? Is it the one that you have to like squeeze to get out? Yeah. Yeah, mine is the original Diva Cup. Do you use your pinchers? Do you like pinch it like that? Like with two fingers?

I guess I do this. Is your vagina big enough to fit that up there? Is it like hanging like with two fingers i guess i do this is your vagina big enough to fit that up there is it like hanging out the bottom really oh god oh no it doesn't hang out the bottom sometimes it doesn't sometimes it goes far and it's hard to get out yeah it was really hard for me to get my nana and you gotta bear down it says oh bear down when you google it oh that's what amy used to have a joke about that that was like, they told me to bear down. God, it sounds like winter is coming. Like, bear down the hatches. Hunker.

Hunker. Make sure to hunker and rip the cup out. Wait, why a black sock? Because you just wash it. So, like, I just use the same black socks. But how can you tell how used up it is? Sorry. No, no, no.

I just use it, like, once. And then I go to the bathroom and like if i what i do is i put it in at night because sometimes i my cup overflows um but also you know what the better thing that i use which is the most clever thing i've ever done is i like to wear a lot of silk and sometimes you get silk shirts at the thrift store and they have the shoulder pads but sometimes they're cotton inside and the outside of the pad is silk so then i have a delicate silky give it to your wife life wife hack um that's a really good idea i um i'm on the pill right now because i'm maybe getting my eggs extracted pretty soon and um i've i forgot to get cummed in um i'm on the i've not i haven't been on the pill for years and chris always has or you know my partners sorry i don't mean just

name names but anyone who's you know we're doing the deed they have to pull out it's never as fun you know and i just realized driving home today i just sent him a text and i was like babe i forgot you have to like just get it i go up in my guts and then i started laughing too hard because i said guts and i'm like this is gonna make him just so disgusted he's gonna be probably would not even want this conversation anyway so changing topics but it does feel better to get it all up to get it i mean what do you use for birth control i'm gonna guess before i before Taylor even answers. Can I guess? What is the glove?

A glove that's like this on the ground. I'm going to say Taylor uses the rhythm method. That's correct. I'm right. You're smart. What is the rhythm method? Is that pull out? Or is that Gloria Esteban?

There's only certain days you can get pregnant if you track your cycle really well so you track it really well how do you track it you take your temperature and stuff no no well i just do like i know how many days it is for sure and then there's only like a few days you can get pregnant so i just put some buns on the end of that and make sure my boyfriend will not trust me to do that i know yeah well mine is kind of don't trust yeah he doesn't love it but also i um got an old weed off the side of the road and i take that too what i take um queen anne's lace how did you find an old weed i know about that kind of shit but you just saw it driving by you were like oh there's i knew i knew i needed queen anne's lace because you know before this i was a gay wad

oh my god i was like yes a gay wad so i didn't need a birth control for a long time wait what's a gay wad she was a she was gay oh oh oh i'm just saying it's just a fun way to say gay it is so fun seems derogatory we forgot about gay wad you were gay for a little bit so yeah you were i'm going i'm taking back the word gay wad yeah you can't you were you were gay for a gay one um and so when you were gay for a bit yeah you didn't have to worry about it and now you were you just like driving you were like pull over yeah we were at the um my my mom's cabin what does it look like it looks like oh you see them everywhere it looks like a little bird's nest when it's dried and looks like a cup

and then it has like seeds at the top but But when it's flat, it's like, and then you take seven seeds. It really is like plan B. I guess. Oh my God. And you take seven of them? I ain't got pregnant ever in my life. Oh, wow.

Is it contraception? Wow. Yeah. Or it'll stop the, like the sperm or the egg or something. I don't think even if I show Chris I was eating a pill every single day, he would trust.

He's just so scared because he knows that if I got pregnant, what I would do. What would you do? Take a drive. I'd make a call and I would cross state lines and I would go looking for some Queen Anne's lace. I would take 18,000 of those little seeds. If you don't want one, I'll make sure you do. The first phone call I make would be Taylor McGraw. Yes.

Thank you. My first would be, yes, I did it. My body can do it. I proved it. Look, everyone. I'd send it to all my friends. I'd be like, I'm a fertile woman. And then I'd go, beep, beep, beep, blah, blah, blah.

Planted. Planted. And then my boyfriend wants something to do with an unplanned. We would have to have it, I think. Cause he has a say in it too. You know, it's his,

I would at this point with like, I know that most women are like, it's your body, but I'm like, no, he's my, you have a say, but you can't say is different.

I think we would be over if I was like, I'm not doing this. Cause he's like, he has no problem with choices that women make, but he wants nothing to do with having one of his aborted so would you not i think that's how most men feel if you really ask them about it this is like men who are pro and what's her name on love is wine it kind of was but it's i i agree with it like that's just his preference he doesn't want to have anything to

do with that and i get that and so we have to be careful but maybe not so much because my follicles are shit my body is dying things are shutting down matinee performance i don't know what that means get it while it lasts i guess it's early but it's like picture like old people i thought that's something they told you like well we got a matinee performance on our hands this is a geriatric pregnancy and it's a performance I almost start crying on the phone today because of the egg place because I'm just like I called to get my meds for it six thousand dollars no for one session for meds for one cycle no I'll make you some damn meds and then if I have to do two cycles to even make it worth it. And they really recommend four. Let me be honest.

They really recommend four. $6,000 plus $8,000 or no, $6,000 per cycle. So it's about $15,000 per one. I thought it was going to be more like $12,000. Do you have to pay rent for housing your eggs? Yes, but that's like three hundred dollars a year or something it's not too bad i'm gonna calculate this are you sure this isn't just for one cycle six thousand wait let me just give you i'll give you the what what we i just got the things because i called

them and i go will you please i almost start crying on the phone i was like i just think i am pulling out of this deal because i've already spent $3,000. And I'm like, I'd rather lose $3,000 than go through with the rest of the, than lose, you know, $40,000 or whatever the fuck it's going to be. Okay, here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. So it's, I got quoted $6,800 for my meds today from Walgreens.

Wow. Which, how do you even pay for that? Do you walk in with blocks of gold? I don't even have a credit card that can run that much money. That's crazy. I don't even understand. That's less than I made on my house.

Okay, so that's what I would spend at Walgreens Pharmacy. Yeah, for just the pills. Am I going to use my Walgreens points on that? Am I going to get points that am i gonna get points because if i get points i might be able to purchase that walgreens afterwards okay and then for one cycle 30 uh six thousand three hundred and eighty five dollars but let's not forget also the lab work i had to have done that isn't covered which is another 500 oh my god and then i think

yeah and i already did the deposit now that is what was the deposit and then there might also be additional let's do another uh eight hundred dollars additional meds that they might need to order um they they like left gave the right to like so what is it it says 45 to me on your thing 14 485 plus the gas to get over to that clinic and all the money i'm wasting by staying home what are the chances and then the chances are like ready i don't do another calculation i told her to call me again because i go i need to know the the chances but i think it's somewhere like you know you get 10 eggs i've heard 10 eggs two of them are going to be worth anything and then out of those two maybe one will be okay so it's like it's 20 each time but that's if you get 10 eggs i might be getting four eggs per sesh and then that maybe none of

them work because it's usually 20 of eggs so maybe one of those eggs yeah we need to do math on those it's not looking good yeah and then do per percentage chance how much none of it's covered none of it it's such a bummer and it's all and i just am like can i see what adoption costs are can we start looking at those costs because i want to compare yeah because not only am i getting what about when I thaw these suckers out? How much is that going to be? Then to implant them, how much is that going to be?

I've got the money, but I'd rather spend it on other shit. Yeah, especially if... I mean, what is the percent that you want to be pregnant? Zero. Or have a baby? Right now, zero percent.

Zero percent, you should keep doing it. That's my opinion. No, but I'm reading all these things. Jennifer Aniston says that you should do it. She regrets not freezing her eggs. give her yours everyone regrets not freezing their eggs like everyone talks about it anya even for regrets it a little bit she said a little bit i don't but let me say to anyone listening who's like overwhelmed by this and wants to have a child i don't know what i'm talking about but i will tell you this anecdotal story that my friend

was struggling with it read this book taking charge of your fertility by tony weschler w-e-s-h s-c-h-l-e-r taking charge of your fertility and got pregnant within two cycles i when i wanted to have kids there was like a very brief period of my life i read this book i immediately learned a ton of shit about when i actually ovulate which is not when you think and it's so what is it easy is it different for everyone depends on each person on your temperature and the discharge that's happening but the book is so great and you wonder why did we never learn this shit it's so simple to learn when you ovulate so read the book if you want to save some money i'm not saying it will guarantee pregnancy

and doesn't account for everybody's issues with their own fertility, but it's a great tool. Take charge of your fertility. The calculator predicts, for example, that a 35-year-old woman who freezes 10 mature eggs has a 69% chance of at least one live birth. I'm told that I'm probably going to get four eggs per thing.

So I have to do three sessions to get that kind of odds and my eggs are not 35 years old and it takes a big fucking nose dive it's saying 39% chance and women younger than 38 when they freeze their eggs the live birth rate was 51% I mean I don't

I don't know but if you see okay so what are the sister just give me some eggs? We have the same parents. Isn't that the same? Yeah. What are the chances that you might want a child later? Is that still zero?

No, I think it's only. Zero at this moment. If Chris and I don't work out or if Chris changes his mind, because right now he's fine with adopting, which I would be fine doing. But if Chris and I don't work out and I meet someone who's like i must have my own this is what i'm doing it for because there's there most men are like that sperm no damn it no because he does we don't want anyone we don't want kids he would chris no i mean can't the man say and put that's what i

would i was thinking today if i met a guy and he was desperate to have kids and i didn't i didn't have any eggs to give him I'd say let's go pick out a girl put your fucking sperm in someone I don't care we'll raise it together do you think so? yes I don't think so you don't think they'd be like I want your beautiful

mood swings Nikki how you cry when you lose a piece of hair and I want your Bucky smile and your uh your bunions i want my daughter to inherit your lack of coordination with any kind of balls flying at you um yeah okay maybe that's a good idea then because i don't care if he wants to have his own kid and like go put it in someone else i love to pick out a fucking gorgeous girl with really like like hair that's just straight

naturally she's no offense to curly hair girls out there because i have curly hair who would you pick of all the women you've ever met i would pick any of you honestly i really would but you're all too old so let me just um well i don't know any girls brenna that's all i know i don't know anyone under the age of 30 louise from f boy oh my god yes louise give me those i would pay forty thousand dollars for her naturally straight hair i don't know his hair is straight naturally straight no she might have to get a fucking doctor but yeah you're right it was kind of wavy. But it's like this cool wave. But it's the best. It's like smooth wavy. Okay, it's settled. Okay, I would pick any of those girls. Those are the only people under 30 that I know or everyone I met from FBoy.

I just found out I'm going to be on a reality show that people love a lot. What? Can't say. I've never seen it. Is that Sweater B? No. But it's a very very popular

reality show that people are obsessed with about love and relationships somewhat love is blizzard I don't know

does it rhyme with baltimatum no I've seen the baltimatum I love baltimatum what if I was gonna be on love is blind Brazil

I just finished it and I feel so like used unsatisfied oh yeah it's just like why did i watch this you're right like you lose you you forget these people immediately i tried to watch the new episodes and i go i watched four episodes of these people in one night and i lost it all i don't care about any of these people i don't even know who these people are also they're so understanding and i'm generalizing but they're so They get left at the altar and they're like I understand he is having issues It's okay I forgive him

I wish him well I love him And he hurt me deeply but I wish him well Right Last night No we wasn't watching that Okay so I was thinking today Because we're a bunch of dummies And we proved how dumb we were yesterday That we could do like, should we do the football thing real quick?

Yes. Okay. I want us to all four of us try to explain the game of football. No. This is like survivor. Okay. Like we all don't know how to build a house, but together we might pull something together. Do you know what I mean?

Based on all of our knowledge. So let me just start and say that their touchdowns are what you want to get. Can I start with they need a ball? You're trying to run a certain amount of yards. 100 yards? I don't know. No, it's not 100 yards. How many yards do we think it is?

10? 260. It is? No, that's not a very good count. Wait, I didn't know. No, it's not 100 yards. How many yards do we think it is? 260. It is? Wait, I didn't mean 10. No, it's definitely 10 yards is like 30 feet. You can gain. Yeah, we need to talk about

there's possession. Let's start at the beginning. A team has possession of the ball. How many players are on the field from each team? Let me just say one, two, three, four. I'm going to say around like 10 probably, I guess. None of us can say whether that's true or false. No, I think people just have to listen to us

and try to pull out their hair listening to this. There's tight ends. There's defense. There's defense and offense. We're not going to know know each of the things they throw the ball back to someone that person then runs kind of back a little bit shout something and then throws the ball then it is either intercepted or it is complete and it's complete if they catch the ball now if they are tackled if they all they have to do is hold onto the ball, is my understanding.

The ball can almost fall out of their hand and then they can catch it again, but as long as they land with it and it didn't touch the ground ever or it can't touch the ground when they're holding it, I think. I don't know. They spoon it.

I know that. What if it bounces? Can they catch it and then still have it? I think then it's like maybe in the other team's possession. Anyway, okay. Then there are downs, right? There are this many downs before it turns over to the other team is my understanding. That makes sense to me.

I don't know how many downs. I'm going to say I think there's four. Anya said 10 downs. I remember being a cheerleader and we would go first in 10 that means first and 10 yards oh first and because you gain first and 10 yeah so like you are like first down and you have to get get 10 yards before before it's oh within how many are there four downs you have a certain amount of downs to get a certain number of yards there's four downs right here you know why i thought of football for this because no matter how many times i learn it i've learned this so many times i have begged to learn it i have

committed it to memory it will go out of my brain the next day it won't stick that's how i am with you know a lot i have crammed so much information in social studies class into my brain. And it's like my brain just goes bleh. Like it just gets it out. How many points are a touchdown? 10. I thought it was a showdown. Wait, what could a showdown be? Wait, you thought a touchdown?

You never heard of touchdowns before? I've heard of it. But when we started talking about it I was like okay the points is called a showdown we're so dumb and then I'm like is there a goalie in football okay well what are we all doing at Super Bowl parties like are we all

just hoping no one asks us anything like you know what no one gives a shit if we know because clearly if you this is hilarious ask women at a super bowl party what they know because they will say isn't that the showdown and you will have the biggest lash make sure that person's secure enough in their own interest that they don't care that they don't know about football don't just like mock women but And then some women will be like, I fucking love football because I grew up with brothers and dad

that didn't like me unless I liked his hobbies. I'm just jealous because you know about football. You're probably just a cool girl that just knows it naturally. I'm sorry if you took offense to that. Okay, trivia. What is the name of, what's like a slang name for a football?

Pigskin. Yes. Oh, Nicky. That's what I feel like i horny yeah yeah because it used to be made out of that um a big burrito what um what i love that we just ask each other things that we know what um what position does tom Brady play? Tight end? Quarterback. Yes, quarterback. Okay. What team does Tom Brady play for? Broncos. The Buccaneers. Is that his game? I don't know.

The what? The Buccaneers? The Pioneers? Kirkwood Pioneers. Buccaneers? He plays for Tampa. They might be the Buccaneers, but that was kind of going to be a trick question

because he used to play for the Patriots famously. You don't know who Tom Brady is? Married to Giselle? Oh, yeah. Okay, so I knew that. You love supermodels. I'm divorced now, right? Anya, are you reading things?

Can you quiz us? I'm not. Okay, I'll quiz you. What's the San Franciscoisco team called 49ers okay um what's the michigan team called wolverines notre dame i don't know but the lakes um lakers i just don't understand how people know like Like, first of all. Okay, Philadelphia. Eagles. Good. Kansas City. Chiefs.

Green Bay. Packers. New York. Giants. God, great. Cincinnati. Bengals. You're great at this.

You know this stuff. Well, I know teams. I know teams and players. You said Buccaneers. If they're famous. But I don't know any things. I can't watch a game. I can't follow the ball. I don't know where it's going. I wish...

We should have a man here to weigh in and to laugh at us, but I think people are probably just doing that on their own at home. Moving on from football, let's talk about something we do know. Let's do Reddit dump. Karaoke mode. This is your reddit dump all right reddit dump these are things i find on reddit that are interesting to me i look at it every night it's my favorite part of the day okay this is a fun one okay everyone

listen right this is from um white people twitter this is subreddit and it's um from a tweet from i hide from my kids at i hide from my kids it says please settle a debate how many chuggas are there before choo-choo so how many chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga choo choo no it's just chugga chugga chugga choo choo no it's chugga chugga chugga chugga choo choo uh well let me just see what the most popular response is okay let's look depends on how steep the hill is okay well that's not funny i don't know where this came from someone said the number of chuggas rise in proportion to the distance of the spoon of baby food to the station a tired parent is two chuggas arrested parent is four chuggas

that's funny as long as it's multiples of four you're good okay so i'm good you're not okay all right chugga chugga chugga chugga okay uh okay here's um oh this is a fun one too this is from funny memes subreddit it says ketchup does not exist what are you having with these and it's a basket of fries if ketchup doesn't exist what are you having with these? And it's a basket of fries. If ketchup doesn't exist, what are you having with just a good old basket of French fries? I already know. I know. Okay. Barbecue sauce is not.

What kind? Oh, oh man. I forgot the name of my favorite part. Sweet earls. Something like that. Sweet baby earls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that. Sweet baby earls.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would agree. Because you want that sugary-ness that you're missing with the ketchup. Yes. So it's going to be barbecue for me as well. What are you going to say, Anya? If I could only pick one thing for sure, Cholula. But if I can have two, it's mayo and Cholula, which I would mix.

Cholula? You would rather have... Oh, man. Cholula and mayo? i could drink chalula i love my mouth is watering right now but what would you pick mustard i don't i don't like ketchup though really i hate ketchup disgusting mustard i love interesting or sweet okay um let's see this from life pro tips i liked this it says life pro tip how to have a great conversation with just about anyone you're at a social setting when you where you don't know anyone you wish you were better at engaging people or maybe you envy a friend who sorry it just keeps scrolling um who can strike up a conversation with a total stranger

it's not a magical gift it's carefully cultivated skill and it has one and only it has one and only one principle when meeting someone new be more interested in them than you are in yourself impossible that's that's it because most people who falter in conversation do so because they're more interested in talking about themselves rather than the person they're with okay so here's an example question what do you do for a living in parentheses a ho-hum opening kind of question for sure. The answer is, I'm a dentist. Now, this is where people usually screw up and ask the expected question of, how long have you been a dentist? Or where's your practice? And the rest. Instead, ask this question, what do you

find most fulfilling about being a dentist? Another question, what did you study in school? Or here's another boring question, what did you study in school or here's another boring question what did you study in school history this is a follow-up that's cool tell me about what you enjoyed about history what excites you about that and so on i thought this was interesting and then someone commented but how do i do this without making it sound like i'm talking taking an interview right which is it does sound a little bit like that but i hate when people do that. I hate, as someone who gets asked a lot,

what I'm doing in town, what are you doing, you know, in Ubers. It is, I am going to challenge myself to do this more when people wouldn't,

I go like, what are you, oh, you're a teacher instead of just being like, what grade do you teach? Which is also a follow up. I'd be like,

what, I usually say, what's your least favorite thing about doing it? Or what's your most favorite thing about doing it? I say, what slang do the kids have these days my favorite thing to know wait what do they have do you know any man my friend just told me for christmas but i can't even remember because it was so far from like i'm going to bestow something that will get you

i was like not cool enough to understand it you will get to sit at any cable in the cafeteria at my local middle school if you drop this um that's so jasper or whatever okay um yeah i just want i want people to have more interesting conversations that's a good one so helpful because i always get kind of frozen in situations like this i dread them a lot but i just remember when I was learning how to interview people, when I was a DJ, they were like, just ask how, what, and where questions. Or like, why and how questions. Why do you like that? What do you like about it? Right.

Well, it's so common that you get asked a question. And even when I have an interesting answer, what are you doing in town? Oh, I'm a comedian. I thought about doing comedy a while. I'm like, how are you already making this about yourself? Like, I just did Kelly Clarkson. Do you not want to hear about that? By the way, Kelly Clarkson this week will air on Thursday.

Also, my episode of Bobby Flay, Beat Bobby Flay that I filmed last year, which is so good and so fun. I can't wait. It's so good and so fun. I can't wait. It's so good. That is also airing on Thursday. What was your least favorite

part of Bobby Flay? My least favorite part was that I didn't get to hang out with Bobby Flay enough because he's great and he was kind of just like, just in and out.

And my least favorite part was that I didn't know how much they wanted me to roast him until I got there and realized like what the game was really about,

which is like really fuck with him. And I also didn't know him well enough at the time to really have as much fun but I I did almost immediately as soon as I got out there and we had the little chat like it's on camera like you just talk a little bit and I accused him of like having me on the show to like meet his next wife or whatever as soon as we like had that little banter it was just like it was so fun and then the best part of the day was eating such delicious vegan cheesecakes or not cheesecakes sorry uh cheesesteaks close close enough um and the other best part was like no my favorite part of the whole thing is that one point, spoiler alert, they make a vegan cheesecake and this guy, this New York, so they have on like chefs to judge it, to judge the food. Cheese steak or cheesecake?

Cheese steak. Okay. So, cheese steak sandwich. So, they have on celebrity chefs to then judge the people that are competing against Bobby to make the best vegan cheese steak. And this New York guy was like so, I mean, he's talking like this, and he's like, or he's like Philly, you know,

but no, he was actually New York. He's very like, oh, what's this gonna be? Fucking vegan shit. And then he ate it, and he was like, oh my God. He was like,

I don't even know the difference. He loved it so much, and I was like, vegan victory! This guy was so gonna be so too good for scum, but he admitted, when a person who doesn't like vegan food

can admit vegan food is good, good on you. I know you, when the curst thing you can do, I heard recently someone say, we have to label things, we can't label things vegan, because then people won't eat them.

Cur. Cur. Oh my God, you fucking loser redneck. Just try it it it doesn't mean it's not good shit that's some bullshit if that isn't harming an animal i don't want to put that in my body sorry i put an accent on that and rednecks i know that that is maybe a derogatory term to some of you but come on who's yours gay watts i'm kidding. Please don't cancel me. I was just doing a ham drip. Okay.

Okay. I wanted to get this one. This will be fascinating. Let's go to break and come back with one that I think is going to divide the room. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt.

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This is from the Reddit, subreddit, true off my chest. This is just people being like, I got to tell someone. My terminally ill ex-husband asked to see me one last time, but my current husband said

he'd divorce me if I do it. My ex-husband and I got divorced three years ago. We didn't have kids, although we wanted them so badly. We knew each other for over 10 years and we had been through so much together. He helped me out when my family abandoned me and quit his job to move with me. He even helped me get my degree. Okay, he's very sick right now and he has asked to see me probably for the last time. My current husband got extremely upset with me when I mentioned it to him and threatened to divorce me if i go i'm five months pregnant and feel like i'm seeing a side of my now husband that i've never seen before he called this

inappropriate and my ex was and said that my ex was being manipulative he told me he'd divorce me if i see him but this could be my last chance to say goodbye to him i can't even imagine how terrible i'd feel if he passes away without seeing him for the last time but there's a lot at stake here and i don't want to sneak behind my husband's back what should she do and how would you feel if you were her husband anya i mean i'm torn because My first instinct was, that sucks. She should be able to go see her ex. He's dead in a second anyway. But then my next thought was like...

Oh, wait. I didn't read this part. I should have glossed over. He even helped me get my degree, and I never wanted us to divorce, but he was the one to initiate it because he was secretly diagnosed with a medical condition

and said he didn't want to ruin what we had and become a burden. Oh my God. Okay. This could be fake because it's such a good. I mean, your current marriage is definitely in trouble because if your current husband is that threatened by this, there's a problem.

And threatening divorce when you're five months pregnant, that's sad. So I don't think this marriage is gonna last so yeah that's the bad news just go see him and burn it to the ground right kind of i mean it doesn't really matter because like if you were married to someone whose wife was dying ex-wife was dying yeah i'd be like of course go see her i'm like she's gonna be dead great news for me she's off this planet why would you the whole concept of not letting your your partner love their ex is insane like pat allen's like if you expect the person that you're

with to hate the person they used to love you're mentally ill yes you are 100 you are it's it's a really good point and also you're on the you're on you're in line to be that person they hate you're the difference between you and them is just a day in their life because they used to love that person and so it that is a mentally ill thing and i don't think that's going so far as to say that because that is truly a sign um i think also if you know i've said this before if you expect your husband to only be attracted to you also a little not mentally ill but you deny delusional yeah because they just can't then if they're not attracted to other women they're not attracted to you that would be denying human nature and you want to marry someone that's denying and you should get him

scanned for colon cancer like his body is being ravaged by cancer at that point if he has no libido like something's cancer well something is eating it and something inside him he's depressed he has if he can't get it up for any other woman he can't get it up for you he's probably popping viagra and there's something wrong with him you should hope that he's attracted other women so this person said don't sneak behind his back you're going to set a precedent here either the precedent is that he gets to decide who you are allowed to talk to or that he does not get to decide who you are allowed to talk to i know what precedent i would want to set i thought that was good advice yeah that is okay um this is another one this is from

me irl it says which are you and there's a person opening a yogurt okay one of the okay there isn't an option for someone who doesn't want to eat the yogurt at all i want yogurt but you got to open it right okay they open the lid and there's like a little bit of stuff at the top on the lid wait how are you getting yogurt open without the stuff on the lid and why is that grossing you know what you're gonna talk about licking it okay like yes so so it has like a tinfoil tinfoil lid and it's about fourth a fourth covered with yogurt okay just at the top you know like a light smattering but it's a fourth it with yogurt, okay? Just at the top, like a light smattering, but it's a fourth.

It's not the whole thing. You're not missing a spoonful. You're missing maybe a quarter of it. And it's a fresh yogurt, right? It's like brand new. No, it's molded. No, of course it's, yes, it's brand new. It's not like been opened before. No, and it's not like fruit on the bottom.

It's like all one consistent, okay? So it would be a good lick is my point. There would be something to be had from, so do you toss it with the stuff in it? Taylor is writhing in agony. Do you toss it? Do you take your spoon

and like, like scrape it off the lid? There's like cotton. Do you then paw it onto the yogurt cup and like kind of scrape the side

so that it then scrapes off from the top into the cup. Do you know what I'm saying? Or do you straight up lick it? I toss. You toss?

Waster. Oh my God. I bet you're also someone, if like something falls off your plate at a restaurant, you like won't eat it. No, I will eat that. You will? I don't toss it out of, oh, this is gross or something.

Noah's really good at... You're really... I've watched you eat before. No, Noah will just eat what she wants to eat and doesn't need to eat any more than that. Even if it's so delicious. What are you? I have never known anyone that can just leave behind food

that is delicious that they just scarfed. But then they get to a point where it's just I'm if there's any power I could have of any of my friends talents, it would be I have a couple friends that can just let food sit on their plate, even if it's just a perfect bite of what they were just enjoying two seconds ago. Noah, before we get your yogurt, okay, before we follow up this yogurt thing, what goes through your mind when you're like, you have one, like, do you just feel full? Like, what is the signal that your brain gets that goes, I don't need to like keep tasting this? Okay, so I don't think I smoked weed really when we became friends, but when I used to smoke weed, I would just inhale everything. Okay.

But then it just gets to a point where I can feel full and I just can't eat anymore. So you're already feeling to the point when you, cause it seems like for me, I can only feel like, oh, full when I've eaten one and a half servings of what I should have.

Like it gets, so there wouldn't even be enough food on my plate to reach that point of like I'm so full I can't even look at food anymore but you're feeling that way before almost every meal I've ever eaten with you you always leave some and it's I've only noticed it because I envy it so much and it's the appropriate thing Americans are being fed way too much you should always be able to leave stuff behind literally always unless you're ordering like a kid's meal but even then i think they over serve them so but you do you anticipate

that feeling coming up soon or will you actually start to feel full like during a normal meal it just gets to a point where my pants feel like they're gonna burst so whenever that is that is when i have to stop it's too early that's. That's when I start like scooping the food. Like when it's like my pants are getting tight. I'm like before I start wanting to vomit, I need to get it in. You gotta outrun your pants. I try to do it fast. Yes.

Yes. Before my body has time to go, bitch, this is a mistake. Yeah. Okay. So which one are you with the yogurt lid on you? It depends. Are we throwing the lid away? Is this a group yogurt? Is, you know. Okay. So what are, which one are you with the yogurt lid on you? It depends if, are we throwing the lid away?

Is, is this a group yogurt? Is, you know, what is a group? What are you talking about? A gro, a grogurt.

Who is it? I was thinking of hummus. This is too much yogurt. Okay. No, this is a yogurt. This is a one serving yogurt that you're, it couldn't be more clear. It is no mold on it. It is no fruit on the bottom. this is a yogurt this is a one serving yogurt that you're it could be more clear it is no mold on it it is no fruit on the bottom it is like a yogurt it's not a party yogurt

it is not a yogurt you bring to the super bowl game it's single this is smorgasbord yogurt it's a corny when you put in a cornucopia um okay i Regular sized yogurt. I would lick it. Unless there are people around, then I might take this spoon. I don't know. And put it in my mouth. Wait, why no lick? Why can't you see lick?

Because you're worried it would cut? Like paper cut? I don't like that. It's gross. To lick a lid? Yes. I'm only worried about slicing my tongue. Spit lines.

And I would use a fork to scrape it. Why not a spoon? Because I have a spoon phobia. Okay. I just told you. This happens all the time with Taylor. All the time. It's like I will say something and be like, wait, why can't you use a spoon?

She'll be like, because I have a spoon phobia. I've told you like seven times. She's like, I have literally. She. Okay. We've known each other since we were like 11. No, this is the difference. You were not okay

with your phobias back then. You've let all your friends now know about phobias because it's just like who you are and you've accepted yourself. But I think in high school you were hiding it

just like Holly used to hide peeing her pants. Yeah, you would have come after me with a spoon when you were mad at me. So you have to when you're a kid. Yes, we would have. Because I came after you

with a sock. Final thought. Yes. So can we list through your phobias if you don't mind i think people would relate uh spoons spit strands uh liquid swipes like when people what's a liquid when you were gay wad would you ever get like if you made your girlfriend too wet and get those strands would you just be like yes because the fingerprints have something to do with it i don't like the fingerprint ridges on smooth things leaving lines like when okay if you drop some sauce and then you wipe it with your finger i would vomit oh my god you must like fucking hate my kitchen i don't look when people eat a lot when people eat yeah because if you drop it

off the side and if you like use i can't use the same fork as someone because they put their lips on it and go because of spit but then what how is making out going for you that's okay because it's not like there's no there's no smooth surface involved in that it's the it's the mixture of the the texture and the okay Listen, I've heard weirder things and I have my own weird things, so this isn't that bad. Any others that you'd like to share? I can't even think anymore.

Tampons, pads, made of... Yeah, I don't like... I don't like plastic. I don't like... I look away, like when I'm getting my nails done and they pull from a cotton thing and they have to pull it out, I look away.

Yeah, I don't like that. No, no, no, no, no, no. I do that um i'm trying to think there was one recently where i was just like oh i don't need to let this person know like oh just like holding like any kind of like when like the fuzz on my jeans right now when i bend my knee like i could see it in like the silhouette that fuzz if anyone's ever like picking at the fuzz on there, not that one. That's a very bad one for me. And then, oh, if people have skin

on their fucking nails, like hangnails, and they don't want to bite it off, if it's just loose and hanging. I ask if I can bite it for them. I literally would bite a stranger's on a plane. I want it so bad. I will like get some mini scissors and be like da da da da da. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Okay. I think I'm all caught up on my Wait. Do you have a Reddit video, Noah? Oh, yes. So a couple of weeks ago, we all discovered that we wanted to be marine biologists when we were kids kids did you

taylor basically yeah yeah i wanted to like explore the sea and know all its depth it's kind of the same right no i just wanted to play with whales oh you wanted to like see those sea like i wanted to go in the bathysphere which is a thing that goes really deep to the bottom of the marion and see like the um have you been to the aquarium st the Marriott. Oh, my God. And see like the. Have you been to the aquarium St. Louis yet? No. Oh, my God. You got to go.

Okay. So why do we all want to be marine biologists? So besties have alerted us. There's a meme going around on Instagram that explains why. So basically the question is, why did kids born in the 80s all believe marine biologists was the ultimate career? And someone answered answered this is why and it's basically frank lisa frank but with a motorcycling child oh that no that's someone

that like that's the meme they made and so they like have a little meme stamp but the rest of it is just like yeah all like marine like lisa frank god she was like mushroom trips before mushroom trips like that's pink and purple there was nothing really soothes my soul to see that like it really does something for me like those those folders with her on it like oh god when you got a new folder was the best day of our whole life and it was right before school was beginning so it was also coinciding with the worst thing like going back to school but all those glossy folders um i went to the aquarium here in st louis which is fucking awesome only for the fact that it's kind of like if you have small kids definitely

go because it's like good for them but if you were just someone that's like into marine biology like and want to see stuff it's not that great no offense st louis but like it's for kids but they're it's really cool there's this interactive they go like you're walking into the place and i'm there with poppy and arlo and they're like uh the train will be here in just a second take you to the aquarium and i'm like i know where we are we're at union station which is an old train place but there's no train like but i thought it would maybe be like a tram or something so you wait and then you walk into a room that's like a trolley car and then on the screen they take you on a ride through st louis and then you go underground and underwater,

and John Goodman is the voiceover, and he's great. He's like, all aboard, and look at St. Louis, the arches over there. It's really cool. That is the coolest thing you see, and it's all just screens. I was going to hop that train. But then, yeah, Taylor was there. Chugga-chugga. Chugga-chugga.

And then the coolest part of this whole thing was we were, you know, touching all these fish. And we even went to this fish that like swarm your hand and they eat off the dead skin. Just like, oh, so it was so kind of creepy. They looked like cockroaches at one point. So then there was like this, you know, little theater kind of thing set up with benches in front. And there's this otter that's like cartoon otter on the screen that's like kind of sleeping and there was a sign that said that the show starts in two minutes and so you saw a countdown and i go oh this will be fun and i go papi arlo let's go over here and wait for the show to begin so we're sitting there and i'm like what do you think that is what do you think that guy is

and they were like didn't say anything you know because they're kids and i was just like i think it's probably it looks like is that like timone from the lion king it looks like the same animal because i couldn't tell it was an otter at first it was very it was because it was like sleeping and then this otter wakes up and starts the show and he's like i just want to say before we begin i am not timone from the lion king i am a sea otter i'm a river otter like and, and he, because he can hear everything. And then he starts talking to us. And he's moving. And as he's moving,

he's talking to us and making comments. And he's like, and mom right there with her two kids, how's it going for you today? I'm like, I'm there, aunt. He was like, well, aunt, okay.

I was like, and I'm freezing my eggs, but I'm not even sure if I should do it. And I just think this is so stupid. I just saw salmon spawn and they had like a thousand eggs and I'm freezing my eggs, but I'm not even sure if I should do it. And I just think this is so stupid. I just saw salmon spawn, and they had like a thousand eggs, and I fucking tried to get four. And he goes, make $30,000 fucking dollars.

Robby the fucking River Otter, shut your fucking mouth and stop eavesdropping on my conversations. I would love if he just overheard me like plotting a murder. Or is listening right now. We were just sitting in this dark room with benches. I could have said anything. I bet he witnesses so many creepy things being said to kids by like uncles. Yeah, like on daddy's lap. It would be a good.

You're not my dad, though. You just picked me up at his brother's lap. OK, guys, we got to go. Thanks for listening to the show. Taylor, thank you so much for being here. Thanks for having me. I love you to go. Thanks for listening to the show. Taylor, thank you so much for being here. Thanks for having me. I love you every time. Thanks for listening.

Anya, thank you so much. Noah, thank you so much. Listeners, thank you so much. Besties, I love you. This week, check me out on Kelly Clarkson Thursday and beat Bobby Flay on Thursday. And then you can see me in New Haven on Friday and New York on Saturday at the Beacon.

So come to those shows. Tickets still available. You can see Anya there too. It'll be so fun. Can't wait. Don't be cut. And jacking off, uncle. I haven't tried anymore.

I'm glad you're here. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch

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