The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #313 Eggnog On Feet

Episode Date: February 1, 2023

Lots of egg talk on the pod between Nikki, Anya, Taylor and Noa. Nikki begins by thanking Taylor for helping her keep her apartment in order and asking her about strange things she's stumbled upon while doing so. Then, a huge update about Nikki's eggs and where they will be staying. Nikki's sold out show at the Beacon Theater in New York City brought Anya to tears. Julie made a comment that stunned the room at the after party which leads to a conversation about gothic birds. They bring back the Top1 Bottom1 game and as they talk about drinks Nikki cannot believe that what she thought about eggnog her whole life was a lie! ---- Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Get Pod Merch: Podshop.NikkiGlaser.com Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Anya's Patreon: patreon.com/anyamarina   More Nikki: IG More Anya: IG More producer Noa: IG  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app, app apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast the Nikki Glaser podcast billy is a sex slave here's Nikki hello it's me it's Nikki I'm the problem, it's me What's up everyone?

Good, um What's the word to say for good week? Like good afternoon, good day There's no good week Good morrow to you, sir But that's good tomorrow Oh That's like good to

I don't know what good morrow is Good fortnight to you, sir Good week What is that? Is that Russian? Português. Português. No, it's Português.

It's Tudo bem. Everything's cool. Everything's cool except the finale of Love is Mine Brazil was very anticlimactic. You're probably one of 300 people who got to it. There were a lot of anticlimactic things leading up to that. No, actually, it was pretty good. I did appreciate the wreck. And it was not as bad of a recommendation as,

what did I say was the worst? Oh, the hatchet-wielding hitchhiker. Sounds like a great thing to watch. And I, for some reason, missed that entire storyline. I don't know if you knew about this guy. He got like a lot, he went viral in 2013

for fighting off a guy who had slammed his car into a man he this catch which it doesn't even matter whatever this guy made the news in 2013 when a year i was very savvy and paying attention to things and he went viral and i don't know how i missed it but he was everywhere feels like i was like do you ever have something happen to you where you like haven't heard of it and you go like how did i miss that all the time any murder any murder yeah what do you mean any murder if there's a murder i didn't hear of it that's weird oh because i got my finger on the pulse like what is there a murder recently that you've been like whoa i can't believe i missed i didn't know about idaho till you guys told me really well you know

because that's you're like into old murders like did you yeah i'm kind of stuck on some but i should know but you know about delphi when i started by the way let me set the stage taylor mcgraw is here she's been on the show she was on last week backed by popular demand both from everyone here and um all the besties love you too also i just want to say that taylor is living in st louis now that's why she is on the podcast so much more the first time you heard her when she was on with me and andrew was you were living in new york that's right not too far from where anya is right now right on me yeah 20 minutes away so weird and just randomly i mean like you're my friend from high school anya's my friend from um college 21st

grade whatever what grade would that be um no it was probably like yeah it was probably 21st grade because it was 10 years ago and my 23 union was uh so 21st grade it was uh anya and um yeah and then you moved back here and now you're living here and you also are like working for me kind of um she's my boss she's my housekeeper i feel like i'm your boss like i i fucking love you as my housekeeper. So like you have. I'm keeping it. It's just the best thing to, and I know again, this is like just privilege that I'm able to have this because as you know, so many people have kids and husbands and jobs and they also have to fold their own clothes and put away their stuff. But I don't have to.

I walk in the door with a bunch of suitcases every week and taylor empties them and then or puts it all away you guys don't understand my life has been for 20 years of getting home and never unpacking and living out of that suitcase until i have to pack again so it's it honestly recently since you've been doing this for me i get i don't know what to do with myself sometimes i'm just so excited when everything is in its place. It makes your life, it just is a, it shows me how much

of my mental anguish comes from like my environment. Yeah. But then when things are clean, you go, well, I gotta fuck something else. This isn't,

I used to put all my anxiety in this and now what? I like organize the pen drawer. I check all the pins and make sure they still have ink i get wow i mean you do get wow what's the most like what is the craziest thing you found that won't be completely humiliating to me but also humiliating you can do because i mean i really don't have any secrets pile of money like the biggest pile of money i've ever seen i think i've talked about that on here already.

It was like this fat. It was like a foot thick. Can I explain what it was from? No, I can't because I don't remember where all that cash came from. It was like lost, but it was maybe lost. Oh, you know what it's from? When I am living in LA, which I was for October, November, you get paid cash for these sets you do. And I am not used to working in LA and making like so much money every night.

But celebrities get paid so much for stupid stuff. I do a 15 minute set, a thing that by the way, I used to pay to do. Like so the idea, and then once you make it, clubs would pay you $7. I would have to sign a little piece of paper.

I mean, 2015 at the improv I was working, I'd sign a piece of paper and get paid $7. And I'd be like, what is even the point of all this and then you perform for hundreds of people but i it's just the way it was and now i go and there's like people running the shows like outsourced and they pay comics well and so and you get paid in cash and it's so nice so that's what that is all from and nowhere takes cash yeah so it just stockpiles so that explains that anything like just a beauty item like anything that what do you do like last week i told you my vibrators i was like i'm so sorry because i bring those on the road one at least and i'm like i was like you don't have to touch that like i hope you know that anything

that is like sex you're not like i just go like i i pince it you pince it with your fingers what if i what you know i like smell nicky's i want you pick it up with your mouth i smell your armpits of things to see if it that is the grossest thing you have to do for sure i don't care i think it's great you don't stink it's not like you if you smelled mine you would barf but i just thought what if I smelled your dillies to see if they were used? Used, used, not used. Do I need to wash it? They would always seem.

I feel like they always seem clean because, well, I used to have a cleaner and I would feel so good about myself when I would go and use them and like go. Usually I just run them underwater, but that doesn't get everything off sometimes. Like, so I had the spray that this company sent me and i would always feel like i am such a wife like a good housewife cleaning off my dildos giving baby a bath yeah but now it's just like after you come you just kind of want to like i don't know i'm just like pull it out or whatever i've just pull it off and then just throw it on the bedspread it gets kind of like come on your on your comforter that's probably how they got their names that's the name of the store come on your comforter come on your further like a frankfurter but it's a comfort yeah and

then it like bleaches it kind of i don't know what's in my fucking jizz but that's the truth matter um but yeah you haven't come across anything too it's just so nice to have someone who goes through all your wares under and other um and not have any shame about it which i've never have but also when someone's like doing stuff for you you tend to like not want to be there because it just seems like yeah i think i'm talking although i want you here because i'm like what the fuck is that? Remember you're like... I was like, what is... I couldn't figure out what it was,

and they were singing straws. I'm like, what the hell is all this shit? People who go on my Instagram live know exactly what a singing straw is. It's like the 37 people who watch me sing on Instagram from this podcast account.

They are... Yeah, they're things that like help you set your chords in the right way. You like straight... Sing through them. But someone had recently in the comments when I was singing one day was like,

singing straws have been the MVP of 2022 for Nikki. And I was like, you're so right. I depend on them so much. But now I've got a new vocal teacher who hasn't mentioned singing straws even once. Speaking of singing, we did lots of it this weekend. I was on the road. So many good shows. Only two, but it felt like, I don't know, it just felt like a whole thing.

I was on the road with Anya and the band The Natural Lines, who opened for me in New Haven, Connecticut. And in New York City. Heard of it. Sold out show. Beacon Theater. Sold out. Sold out. 2,700 seats, baby baby how did that feel i mean like i tricked someone there was a part of me that was like people are just here because

they like got free tickets i don't even know you know like you just don't let it in but also no it felt amazing i was so appreciative and i i hope everyone has a good time and I'm like kind of burdened by thinking like at least there are at least like this is low three people who like hated me out of 2700 that got brought along like they were just like I didn't like this show and they're allowed to I mean there's three people leaving Adele shows that are just like not good you know like no matter where because someone gets brought along none of my fans went there and went oh that was awful i didn't like lose anyone that night but i didn't there's some people that left and that really irks me but at the same time it doesn't i just don't focus on it i don't think about those three people even though it sounds like i do i'm just thinking of them right now but i really don't um but then i also it's i don't let in too much good and i don't let in too much bad like the like who was the quote anya was that you richard dreyfus told me in an acting uh in an acting class that i took from him you're never as good as you thought you were and you're never as bad as you thought you were which i love harry styles also said a thing similar to that of like

the the people who love you are wrong and the people who hate you are wrong everyone's wrong like no one's or they're not right i guess was the point like the people who are like fanatical about you and think you're like the fucking best are probably cuckoo yeah and the people but you know what i think people are the best, and I know they are. Yeah. I am very confident in my taste. I don't think they're wrong. I cry sometimes when people aren't on board with my taste. Do you ever get offended? Are you offended by that I don't love Tay-Tay as much?

Taylor Swift? No. That's like, you got to be at the right place, right time. You're wrong, and I know that, but I'm not hurt by it. You know what I mean? The thing is, if you thought she was crap and not talented., right time. You're wrong. And I know that, but I'm not like hurt by it. You know what I mean? The thing is, if you thought she was crap and not talented. I don't. I don't.

You would. There was something wrong with your brain. I used to, but it changed my mind. She is. You watch her live. You watch her performances. There's just no doubt. She's phenomenal.

But in terms of like being obsessed with her. No, I'll let that. Like you don't. No one. No one needs to do that. Millions of of us do and so millions can't be wrong so i don't want to tell you there but uh no to each his own for that but sometimes i don't know i just get um uh like this is good and if you don't think it's good i question my friendship sometimes that makes sense if people don't like Peter Gabriel,

think about that, you guys. Peter Gabriel. Which one does, what does he sing? Sledgehammer. Oh, I love that song. Yes. Okay.

Red rain is coming down. Wait till karaoke, baby. Really? Oh, yeah. Karaoke's coming up. We're going to sing for Taylor's birthday. I'm practicing. Are you going to sing Red Rain?

Yes, we sang a lot this weekend. Maybe I will. What's your karaoke song, Anya? Yeah, oh Oh wait, Anya doesn't like karaoke Nothing compares to you Singers don't like karaoke Yes

Really? I hate it I'm like, just let me control the volume and the mixing This whole mix is bad Oh, I agree with you I don't like performing in a loud bar I need my vocal to be super loud I need the crowd to be church-like

And I need the track to be quiet Yes And then I need multiple takes I feel the crowd to be church-like, and I need the track to be quiet. And then I need multiple takes. I feel the same way. That's why I like to go to the places where you can control that stuff. And if you can't, you just have to practice and let it go.

But I have the same issues with karaoke places. People sing too loud, the music's terrible, and everyone's talking, and sometimes songs are too long. Someone will pick a song that's their song, and it's like, okay, it's worn off that you're a bad singer no you don't know yeah you should be there should be like a little warning next to it it's like if you ain't

good you're gonna lose everyone and they're gonna resent you'll be my warning because there's gonna need to be some no i think we're gonna have so much fun but um i i just suffer with that when anya and i this weekend uh well every weekend anya and I usually sing the last song of hers together or she lets me sing most of it and then The Man. And then we've been adding on Antihero after it just for fun because I've been practicing that song in my voice class and I'm a little bit more confident with it. And everyone knows it. It's like a number one song right now. And it's fun to sing along but then this weekend we had the natural lines which is uh matt pond anya's fiance my tour managers band and uh they opened and it was so much fun and they'd opened

before but we sang they had me come out for anti-hero at the end of it it was so freaking fun it was so good it was and you nailed you nailed it. And to just, yeah. To be on the road with that many people too is so fun too. Because there's always someone to talk to if you need them. If you need someone. Something I'm realizing I really need in my life is like, if I need someone to talk to, they're around. That's the good thing about marriage.

Yeah. Or like living with someone. Is that, I know people are like, I need my space. But like, when I, you can get your space when you live with someone is that i know people are like i need my space but like when i you can get your space when you live with someone you just like take a go somewhere or something yeah go in a different but when you live alone you don't get to just suddenly conjure someone to talk to you i mean you can on the phone but in person it just feels different does anyone does this yes anyone relate yeah totally i get like lonely um and i just need not even like i want a conversation i just want someone there to watch something with me yeah but i wanted to be the

Instagram story yeah come just put you peek over my shoulder and watch me yeah i don't know i just want someone there um and so i think that that's because i'm like i don't know there's so many like good things about marriage and like forever with someone and then there's so many parts that people are like it's hard you know it's a constant battle and you go i don't why would i sign up for that and they're like no matter what there's gonna be huge problems huge compromise well people go like it's a you're gonna have huge you're gonna have moments where you want to call it quits and i'm like i don't want to do i don't want to sign up for something that brings me a lot of pain that i have to just swallow and be like and people saying but in a marriage you can't run away it's like i love

running away just cohab why do you have to get married? That's the thing that's weird. Even cohab is a lot because you're like, oh God, if I decide I don't want to do this, he's got to like move his bed out and stuff. I got to, you have two beds in there.

There has to be like a moving day. Well, yeah, that's maybe a problem is that I've made him set up in another bedroom. But a lot of successful married couples sleep in separate rooms. No,

I've already said that. I'm looking at houses coming up in LA just to see what's out there. And my specs have been two rooms or three rooms, one for a studio, one for me, and one for my husband's to be or slash partner, husbands, Evelyn Hugo, to sleep in when we're in a fight. Guest room. And there's no guest room because I don't want to encourage guests. Unless it's like you guys

and it's like one person. I don't want people thinking that there's a space for them there. No, you can't be too accommodating. And if there is, I'll be like, yes, there is. But my boyfriend and i are fighting right now so he's he's sleeping in it fighting every time i come to town well

things aren't going well but you know what that's what a relationship is there's a lot of ups a lot of lows man you get kicked when you're down you get kicked when you're up and i mean honestly it's the same way i feel about the kids thing which which update, I decided not to freeze the eggs, which you guys all know. But I was, no, I don't know if you knew it. I decided I put the kibosh, is that what they say? Kibosh. Kibosh. Or is it kibosh?

Kibosh. Because they said kibosh. Amy Klobuchar. It's a Klobuchar. I put the Klobuchar on my eggs. Yeah. The fact that I pulled out Amy Klobuchar's name and I also could not come up with Nancy Pelosi being the secretary or speaker of house.

I mean, I know certain things. So what happened? Yeah, no more eggs freezing. I went to go get my prescription before my appointment the other morning and it was the appointment to be like, here's how you do your medicine. And once you pick pick up the meds you can't return the meds which by the way i did ask i go it's there's seven thousand dollars about and i go i know for one round and

and they might need to add on so i already knew these costs going in it's not more it's not more than they told me up front but when you see it at walgreens you don't pay seven thousand dollars for anything at Walgreens. So it was stressing me out. Not that Walgreens. Speak for yourself, bitch. But it's a nice Walgreens. It's not even at Walgreens.

It's just like they don't have anything extra. It's just a pharmacy, and you walk in, and it's just, it's fertility stuff. Like everyone that walked in there looked a little bit. Fertile. Pale. Yeah, fertile is what I meant. Not desperate. Sad.

So, no offense. But I felt desperate. I walked in and I'm just, like, waiting for this woman to get her fucking eggs to go or her eggs supply or her egg dying kit. Scrambled. Yeah. She just, like, walks out with a – puts it in a a cooler and i can tell she's going to her desk job and i'm like oh this bitch is gonna have to like go to the bathroom and eject herself and spend she probably doesn't work yeah at work because that's what happened like you gotta like this is a whole thing so i didn't learn what i'd have to do because i get

to the front and i go can i return these i'm about to go to appointment i'm supposed to bring them so she can show me how to work them. But can I bring them back if I decide I don't want to? And she was like, no. She goes, they should have demos over there. Come back. She was like, go.

And I was like, good. I go, no, I'll just pay for it. And I pulled out my card and she goes, they have demos. And I was like, I'll take this as a sign. So I leave and I go over there and Anya calls me on the way

and I cry to Anya about like, here's the things I want about it. Here's the things I don't. And then I go in there and I will tell you what happened right after that. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt,

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So I go in to the clinic for my appointment where I like we're starting things. This is it. No backing out. But I don't have my meds with me. The doctor clocks it. I see her as I get taken to my room. I can see she clocks that I don't have a suitcase. No cooler.

Scoot suitcase or a suitcase of meds to inject myself with so i know she knows and we've texted the day before because i was like i'm having doubts she's like talk to me about them i go i don't want to talk on the phone we'll talk about it no actually i'm gonna do it you're right i'm gonna do it like i don't know what convinced me to do it that day but i was like i'm gonna do. So I'm back and forth with her and she knows. And then I go in there and they're like, they told me to undress. So I have no pants on.

And I'm like in the stirrups with the sheet over my legs. And I know I'm putting my pants back on without, I'm not doing any of this. So the doctor comes in and she's like, what's going on? And I was like, I just feel like I'm not doing this for me. I don't relate to any of those ornaments on your tree out there.

The ornaments are still there being like, don't ever give up. You can do this. Go for what you want. And I'm like, I don't relate to a single ornament from one of those baby children that got conceived here. I did not have one. What am I doing here? Were written by women who are going through the fertility process, right? No, they're written by women who the bait

the kids have been conceived there supposedly it's written by the so when they come in for like maybe they're trying to conceive more and the kid that they did already have there they like write a thing and the mom it looks like it's sweet it's written yeah they're all written by kids but it's cute it is cute and if i listen if I were a woman who was like, my fertility is in question. I want a baby so bad. Like it would be uplifting to me to read those. But that's not where I'm at. Like I don't want this.

And I don't want to do this. And it's so much money. And so I got in there and she was like, I think we put a pot. I was like instantly like crying. And I was like, if we do get eggs, they're going to be fucking stressed out. Because this is stressing me out so much. They're just going to be like, they're going to be fucking stressed out because this is stressing me out so much. They're just going to be like, they're going to look like those emojis that are like, like, just that's what the eggs will all look like under a microscope. Is that like stressed out emoji?

And so she was like, let's put a pause. And she was very understanding. And I was like, I'm sorry, I've wasted your time and your money. I was like, but I've already put on a down payment. So I know that you'll keep that. And she was like, no, we won't. You get so i know that you'll keep that and she was like no we won't you get that back and i'm like i love what are down payments if you don't have i always think of a down payment as you don't get that back do you what about you the whole

point you get it back why because they're just making sure you're kind of serious about it i don't know but like what secures your your place in line yeah okay okay Okay. Okay. But I just don't see... It would be so evil to keep that. Really? Yeah, because you didn't do it. Well, they did work. They called me a lot.

They got paid. Well, they didn't do the actual work that they are kind of there for. That's what the down payment is for the future work. I don't know. There was a lot of clerical work done.

I know that work went into what they did for me. They're still charging you for the appointment. I know. I'd go in there and take that money back if you didn't get it. I know. like work went into what they did for me. They're still charging you for the appointment. I know. I go in there and take that money back if you didn't get it. I know.

I just felt guilty because I had talked on the phone with so many of these women and cried to them and gone in for appointments. Like it just felt like I was giving up on this thing that they were like had dollar signs in their eyes about me. And even that, they actually care about me there. I know they do because they let me go. And so that made me feel very taken care of. But I don't know.

I do feel bad when someone sees like money coming in and they're excited. We all get excited about a big chunk of money and then it goes away. Like I kind of feel bad. Yeah, but they're not there. It's not like their business. They're just. Yeah. Employers.

They're not getting more for you. The doctor. It's her practice. She gonna make some money. Yeah, but she's not a struggling comedian. they're not getting more for you the doctor it's her practice she gonna make some money yeah but she's not a struggling comedian like you're thinking about this like young nikki glazer hitting the scene trying to earn money for her family it's not elon musk she's a doctors aren't like she has bills to pay i don't know i just have saying it's a very similar guilty feeling

over canceling an airbnb early yeah and i i had like avi had to do it because i was like yes but they're relying on our 240 dollars like we can't do this even though we had nothing to do in truth or consequences remember yes but you know what in the terms of the airbnb the owner of the of the house said you can cancel so he so i'm sure somewhere in the terms no she was like looked at me like i was crazy when i was like keep it just keep it i like fought her she was like no it's not policy to keep it down i was like exactly what's it there for so i do understand that so i was just she made me feel better about it and i did convince myself like oh i've paid for the appointment and you know this is just this is the price of doing business for them is like they're gonna lose some like you gotta have a

wide net um but yeah as soon as i decided not to though oh my god i was just felt so free and so good of like i honestly felt like i got my tubes tied like it was that final of like you know what i could have fucking a million babies. I'm a fertile fucking bitch. If I wanted one, I could get cummed up in right now and spit out like 1,400. I know it. Like I feel like it was me more like wanting just to be fertile. And I just know if I wanted, if I want one, I'll make it happen. And if I can't have one with my body, I will adopt and I will be happy to do it.

I'll always find a way. So this whole thing of like I need to make sure that there's a way it just fertility is just the first thing you get stolen from you. The ability to have your own baby with your DNA as a human being, men will not understand this, but it is the first thing as you get older that there is no backseas on. You can't go back on it and it's this thing that is like the reason you're a species the reason your species exists the reason you're there is because of this thing that is now going to be that that opportunity is going to be stolen from you it's like and men don't understand it men can do it forever so it's there's there's

other things that will come when you get older. I think some men cannot. Some men are, what is it called? Infertile? Yes. Impotent. So I would empathize with those men if they told me about their infertility, because it is a hard thing to lose, even if you don't want it. It's a hard thing to not be able to do a thing that you were put on this earth to do.

So it's almost like, as a a kid do you remember like not being able maybe i've said this on the podcast before because i've thought of this before but uh you lose the ability to like order off the kids menu that's like the first thing you lose as a kid or go on the kids ride like or kids ride yeah like you lose that you go i can never do that again teacups you can go on because adults could go on with kids oh good thank god but i mean i can you think of anything else you lose you lose um the kids menu because people just kind of go kids you can't be wild and like knock stuff over i remember when i was like a teen they're like you have to stop and i was like oh please you can't be wild anymore yeah but there's certain places

where you can maybe even let that out i'm talking like never bitch yeah um you can't have your parents pay for you i remember when losing my parents insurance when i was like 26 they were like so you got to get your own medical insurance now i was like what yeah what do you mean you're like a bitch about that to your own what about the phone plan also i was on their phone plan for a while i felt like i'm still on my sister and brother's phone plan i don't know how to pay that shit and as soon as i got enough money i hired someone to become my daddy again and like take care of all like my insurance i don't do any of that stuff it scares me that's because you have so much shit to do you're not like no i would i don't know I would, I would be delinquent on everything if I was,

if I didn't have money. I would be really bad about, maybe not. Maybe I would have gone to Debtors Anonymous or something. But I, even now I have bills that I'm like forgot to send to my person that takes care of it. And I know that there's, I have, I'm scared there's going to be like a warrant out for my arrest for like not paying for an MRI or something. I don't think that's how it works.

Really? Like, but don't you serve jail time if you just dodge bills for the rest of your life? No. They send collections after you. If you owe people so much money. Yeah, collections. But what are collections going to do? No thing.

They'll find your people. You'll have to be like bankrupt at some point. They'll find my people. Oh, okay. Okay. Well, then it's on you, collections. That's what I just tell myself. And I keep doing it. That's a good idea yeah yeah because there are you there is a way to get that money you're sending the bills to the wrong address yeah send them to 20 crossways park um

but i uh yeah i just felt so much better after making that decision that i bought a couch that i'm really excited about. And I just feel like I have so much money right now because I'm not going to have kids. I literally feel like I just won millions of dollars. I'm so happy for you. You did. I do. I did. And you're not stressed. You got all that money and you're also not stressed right now. Yes. And I leave myself the option to do it someday, but I am so not stressed. And I don't have to gain a bunch of weight by sticking these things in myself. I might regret it someday. But I don't really think I'm going to.

I don't think so. Because I got as far as you could go to do it. It's not like I just was like, whoopsie, forgot to do it. Oh, I regret. I went to the edge. And I did not jump. I'm so proud of you. Because we were listening.

I was listening to your messages on the girls chat about it. Oh, I was not jump. I'm so proud of you because we were listening, I was listening to your messages on the girls chat about it. Oh, I was so sad. If anyone, if this was a friend of mine going through something not related to egg freezing and I just listened to these,

like the amount of stress and duress and fear and anxiety in your voice, I would be like, we need to send somebody to get this girl out. She sounds like a prisoner, like doing something against her own will. I was so proud of you that

you risked other people's disappointment and whatever other people think of you to listen to that inner voice in you that was like, I don't want to do this. Yeah. I mean, it all, you kind of nailed it for me. It's like, it just, I'm so obsessed with being like wanting to like what other people like and i just feel like i know there are so many people out there like me that don't want kids but i'm i don't hear enough of that still like it just still gets and it's inevitable at 38 that those messaging that messaging not only biologically starts like kind of screaming at you to do it, but then you just start kind of paying attention

to all of it outside of you. And it's just like, oh, I need to do this thing. So yeah, it was a lot of admitting that I don't, it's okay, I don't want what other girls want. Yes, it's so hard. That's why I try to surround myself with like you know the algorithm knows what we want now too so i'm trying to like unfollow things i don't want all this garbage in my face constantly about like plastic surgery or about looking all i have yeah

and it's like it will drive you crazy i've been just watching courtney love videos and listening to her i mean she's batshit but i want a good example of someone that are a little bit off the beaten path you know i want i want to unfollow everyone on instagram i this is what i want i'll still have an instagram i'll still post i literally want to follow unfollow everyone except lizzo camille caustic literally um I'm trying to think of anything the dodo um just any and but there are certain body positive accounts that I don't want so I know that you're like also because there's a lot like saggy Sarah and stuff like that like I like her but I don't want to lean into focusing on my body too much of being like I just Lizzo and um Camille Kostic are just like

they always make me feel good about having whatever my body is. I mean Camille Caustic is a fucking supermodel. So it's like both ends of the spectrum. So I've been focusing on that more like I but I don't think it's crazy. I really want to wipe my Instagram and I don't want to do it like I'm cool or something like I don't care what's going on with anyone else. And I'm trying to be a celebrity that acts like I don't follow people secretly. I literally don't want to follow anyone anymore. I don't want to know what's going on out there but I mean I guess I could just still catch up with life on because I don't really scroll

anyway but I do I do the explore page that's that's fucking tiktok they get me I love what Chelsea Handler's been saying about being single and childless. I need more of that to let me know it's okay that I chose this path. And there are so many women. And I don't need to read the comments on Chelsea's stuff that are like, she's blah, blah, blah. Like, then I just start going like, oh, yeah, well, if you talk like this, or you live like this, who's gonna hate you? And then I read the comments and I go, yeah, it is bad to be this. Comments suck, man. Even for me, I've just started. I noticed the other day i almost went to comments before i watched the video itself just to be like is it what's what are people saying about this why don't and that's normal you read movie reviews before you go to the movie but

comments are not siskel and ebert they are just whoever said funniest, quippiest thing first. You know? Is that what they do? Like comments are just, the algorithm sense shoots up the top comments and it's either something funny because they're being made fun of. So you just,

it permeates how you then view the thing. Like we're so pliable. Yeah, it's so true. I even try to avoid what Matt thinks of a movie because I can tell subconsciously sometimes i'll like adopt his point of view and i hate couples that are like we loved such and such movie like did you both have the same opinion like do it yeah

our one brain i just saw this person i used to like really like i saw like a like this you can just see like what movies they watch kind of thing oh yeah you know what i'm saying like there's someone that like i don't talk like i block on everything but i can just see what movies they're watching because they're in some like website where you just move for cinephiles okay and you can just and it just always shows what movies they're watching and they write reviews and stuff. And I like, because I don't know, it's just the only, and I don't ever go to it that much,

but maybe once every six months. And I saw that this person gave licorice pizza four stars, like five stars. And I was like, ew, God. In that moment, I don't even like this person or want to be with them but i was like i can't believe i ever did like this person like that i disagree on that movie so again it comes back to taste that movie to me was so k and like trying to be sweet there were parts of it like i love i love all the heim sisters especially uh the one that played the lead character i loved the

acting in it but the movie itself was not good. Sorry, not good. If you liked it, you're kind of ca. Even the other day I watched Punch Drunk Love, which by the way, thought it was going to be so great. I remember seeing it the first time. I didn't like it. I watched it again.

It's so ca. It's so art ca. There's this one shot where PTAta paul thomas anderson like zooms over like and like widens it and it's like a zoom over for no reason except to be like art like this is a different kind of movie and i just turned to chris watching it and i was like you know pta when he was going like now pull it out pull the shot out i knew he was going like, now pull it out. Pull the shot out. I knew he was just like fucking feverishly jerking it and like splashing everyone around him with semen. Because he was so excited that his shot was going to look like so different and artistic. And listen, I'm only making fun of what I am.

Because I also get really proud of myself when I do something where I'm like, I'm an avant-garde artist. So I get it. I'm cringing at the thing that I know the feeling where you think you're cool. You never ever said, I'm an avant-garde artist. Secretly, there's, listen, I went on stage at Stanford & Sons in Kansas with a

cigarette for three minutes. For three minutes said I bring a cigarette on stage. That's cool. No, it was Kip because I wanted to look badass and wear, I bring a cigarette on stage. That's cool. No, it was Kuh. In the 70s. Because I wanted to look badass. And like, I just wanted to look like smart and like, I don't know. What's that one writer's Bukowski-esque? Like, I don't know what I was going for. It was Kuh.

So we've all been Kuh. But I'm not. But that's what our 20s are for. I had pink hair for a while. I smoked pink hair again. That's cute. I'm dying to do something different lately. I've been pink hair, like while i'm i'm doing pink hair again that's cute i'm dying to do something different lately i've been pink hair like a nose ring like i said the other day i cut my nose and

it looked like there's a little dot there and i'm like i like it and i've noticed i don't have any good friends because it looks like i have chocolate on my face and no one said anything um or they i just have friends i probably thought i was cute oh yeah just a little chocolate um do you do you guys ever want to do anything drastic has there been any drastic i almost cut bangs the other night after but i was so tired it was after a long weekend i came when you're tired i look at matt and i've had a very i had a super emotional weekend i like didn't sleep at all friday night i was. Nikki knows I was staying with her. We were sleeping in the same bed. And I was just like, I'm hot.

I'm cold. I'm hot. I'm cold. I was so stressed out. Miserable. Didn't sleep at all. I have stress. Barely.

Then drove the next day. And then we had this crazy show day. And then I come home. I'm exhausted. And I lay down next to Matt. And I just look at him. I go, I'm going to cut bangs. Bang.

He just closed. Last night? One, not tonight. And two, not in this mood. He goes, not in this mental state.

Yes. But today I trimmed them and I think I did a great job. Oh, you did. You did kind of cut bangs. That's why you're Sienna, I think. Yeah, that's a bang.

And then the hoop. I'm going to'm cutting my hair you cut your hair too taylor right yeah do you just like is it something you learn to get good at over time like you fucked it up enough and you've probably it has to be yeah i've done bangs and it was horrible because i'm like i really think i can start cutting my own hair i just need to like here's how you do it nikki if you're gonna you can't do your head here's my tip she already has the scissors right they're ready and they're like they're like scissors like that you'd cut cardboard boxes no no you gotta get good hair cutting scissors but you just take the section you have to rope it off

okay yeah they're in my bathroom um you can get them at cvs they're like nine dollars so you take the front of your hair she has like about an inch of hair in her hand okay you make sure not like i have right now you make sure you only have the bang parts like from before that were cut. So I was just trimming them. Because my guy forgot. Then you go like this. You chop off like however much you want.

And then you do this number where you like put them vertically. And you just do that. And it works. Yeah. Okay. All right. Well, I tried to make summer rolls last night, and I was also trying to julienne the vegetables

and cut them vertically with cucumber and carrot, and they start just getting chopped. Do you know what I'm saying? You're trying to make them thin slivers. They had so many shards. Yeah, I want to do something drastic. Not to my hair, because it's always a regret. I think my hair, I've realized keeping it long equals fertility. I think I'm just thinking about fertility and I'm like, oh, that's why I'm obsessed

with long hair. What? I think you should like full on bleach. No way. No way. I bleached it before. It's too much work. I bleached it in 2015 and it does not suit my

skin tone bad idea glad i already know it because i would be on board brunette your eyebrows gone no if anything i've been dark eyebrows are too good so much lately and that's been a fun thing i think nikki like on the weekends I've been loving your stage outfits. And that to me feels like a big change. It's like almost like an, not alternate personality, but just like an onstage persona. Yeah, this weekend I went all out. I didn't know like the dress I ordered. I ordered like four from Revolve and I was going to return the rest.

And that one, the one I chose was the one I secretly wanted. But it was kind of like too much. But it was too much, but I fucking loved it. No, I love it. Yeah, I like dressing up big time. It was a little lingerie. I would have preferred it to have straps and it to have a skirt on the bottom that wasn't lingerie because it was already so lingerie. It was like

the skirt doesn't need to be laced too. It looked like a Victoria's Secret model, like an angel. It felt like angels. Yes, that's what it was. It was totally an angels outfit, which I love. And I mean, not going for that look, but the top did not fit.

It was like, I have like kind of a longer stomach torso. So it was a little short. And so I, when I was performing, I had to wear a bra on top of it. I wore a Walmart bra on top of this $400 dress. That's the top.

You no one could tell. Well, I could tell in pictures. In pictures, I was like, oh my God, my stylists are going to see this and be like, is that the bra we got her? They bought it for you? I mean, like, I feel like all of my, yeah, it totally was just a backup emergency bra to wear under a black t-shirt. Like, this is a t-shirt bra.

This isn't like, this should be poking out. It'd be be sexy bra it was like it was only the only one i had and i i'd had no other choice and my mom is very like conservative when she's like what are you gonna do you cannot wear that with the nipples coming out and i go with my nipple bust that'll be funny like who cares she goes nikki just wear it i say wear the bra just wear it like that so i say she loves to say she was hilarious this weekend by the way yeah go on i'll tell you after i won't forget crow well i was getting to that but yeah i was gonna say like supporting this theory that you are the least person around except with your iphone thing which i also agree with about iphones versus android yeah i can't help that i'm not i'm not trying to

hate people with green bubble iphones i just my subconscious doesn't like you and thinks you're poor my subconscious thinks you're poor i judge you well i well i don't judge you for it because i know what like but there's in and it's not my fault that poor equals bad that's like what society has taught me i know it's wrong i don't actually actively want to lean into it just happens it's just it's it's there's no control in my brain when i see a green bubble and go poor don't like them get them out of my life get them out of my phone your conscious mind i don't think it's yeah i mean honestly yeah i fight against it so yeah don't fault me on that but anyway so go on why am i not cut because the after party well two two cute stories about

you if i may i'm just so proud of you i like tell me why i'm ugly cried ugly cried after the show because you got a standing ovation and it was like to be on the road with you for two years and to see that i've never seen me get one i'm just kidding you're just you're just like matt if i tell matt like your hair looks great today he's like so every other day you hate my hair no no no no i don't expect standing ovations i think they're actually like i think they the reason i got one and let me just say oh my god because i did great there's there's always but i could get one every time because I've told the listeners this before. You do a thing called coy-ing,

which I came up with from watching Joe Coy do it. At the end of your set, you have to have a good set. You can't have a bad set. You got to end strong. You don't even have to have a good set. You got to end strong. And then when you say goodnight, you stay out there and you wave.

And you wait there at the microphone like you're saying goodbye and you wait and eventually someone will be like i like that so much i want to stand up and then everyone will follow suit and you'll get a standing ovation it's the trick you can do it the reason i got one the other night it's because my dad and i were out there and we stayed and also we ended on a song it's much easier to get a standing ovation from music than it is like and it was my balls the whole time thank you you know like it's just easier on a big fucking high note that everyone knows you're closing with a song everyone loves to be like thank you cleveland then to like end with a quip about molestation and then you're like yeah you know thank you so these are all

these is an interesting point that might be a good point. But that's why I've never, I don't get that. I don't think it's bad that I haven't gotten them, but I did get one the other night. Yes. But like,

regardless of that, it still was standing ovation worthy. It was an amazing song. You nailed it. You guys are great. So you can't use your shitty excuses

for like, well, it was amazing, but yeah. No, it was. I'm not taking from the fact I am amazing and I did amazing. And it was. I'm not taking from the fact I am amazing

and I did amazing. And it was amazing. But there are psychological tricks to standing ovations and I don't think that people should take credit for them literally ever unless you literally say goodnight and everyone stands up right away. That's a true one.

But if it takes time, you milked it, bitch. But you still did good. But you got, you kind of of you played with uh you know give them two seconds if there is an older crowd they need to go so you're yet anyway you're like on the side stage you finally come off and you're like you sit down and you're taking off your super high heel boots and i'm like i'm ugly crying i can't even help it i'm just like oh like involuntarily like oh my god she's like oh my god are you crying i go yeah you got a standing ovation she's like did i i think they just wanted to stand up and go i think they just

they're leaving yeah no well that is true too you can always like people would they they're gonna get up and collect their things eventually if you stand up yeah and some of them are still clapping the other non-kid thing was like we had this fun after party your people had gotten you this great cake and we all ate cake in the in the backstage and it was just like it's so funny how wholesome you are like for being such a a comic that's known for dirty stuff you really just love your family hanging out with friends and that's it like you don't drink you know what I mean? Like, you'll just, you just want to have a good homey time. And then we all went to the hotel.

We just had a talk. Yeah. And we like all crammed like nine people into this little room with two beds. And it was so cute. Like, EJ was talking to all the band boys about guitar stuff on one bed. And then all the girls were on the other bed. Me, Nikki, Hillary, and Julie. Yeah, we were just galling out out over there it was so fun and then that's where my mom revealed that she wants a crow you guys i'm just so cool so i knew i was annoyed right away when she

not annoyed but let me just i was a little bit like you want a crow because we've had i had birds as kids we had a parakeet we had django we had another uh we had kiwi and then we had django django flew the coop kiwi died um and my mom was not thrilled about either of those eight birds and it was like a fight to get them she was happy when not happy but she was just kind of like we're not getting another bird when they died and then suddenly she wants a crow and i go she goes i want a crow and she's very serious and adamant about it and i'm like why and she was like they are the smartest birds they're intelligent as shit nick no they they are smart and she's kind

of laughing when she says it but i go really that's why and i go what do you want to do with this crow what do you need it to do like right solve probably yes solve like little i don't know problems like you know how when you see crow's intelligence they're always like putting like you know you know those like like wood carved things where it's like shapes and then they have to find the right shape to put the wood on like is that what you want to do with like what do you need a smart crow around for and then this is what I got to essentially. So she kept saying, cause they're smart.

And I go, parrots are smart, mom. What is a parrot not able to give you that a crow could? And I go, who's going to train? Those are trained crows that you're watching on these YouTube videos. Usually crows like don't like you.

They're not domesticated. They haven't had a long lineage of domestication. They're not like meant to be around people. And you, she actively wanted one come to find out and i like the way they look and i go that's why you want a crow you want a crow because they're you she likes she goes i have crows all over my house and i go i know you do that's why you want a crow because of its looks and you know nothing lights my fire up more than

like i like this animal because it looks this way and i'm gonna prefer it than this one who looks like but aren't we all that way oh you like theo james yeah but i don't want it if i in my life had a place for to love a man okay i wouldn't go theo james or nothing let's say theo james is my crow if my mom is this analogy i would go okay even though the thing i want isn't gonna look like i will settle for something else that will give me just as much because theo james is not really a good match for me because it's gonna peck my eyes out at some point because it's not domesticated so i might give my if i actually if i think it's not domesticated. So I might give my, if I actually,

if I think my mom has enough love in her life to give an animal and like wants to get a pet, but it has to be a crow, then that bugs me because just give that love to something else. Just because of its look, she wouldn't love, like obviously you have a piece of your heart. You get to like, you have the time

that you can commit to an animal. Give it to something that maybe doesn't look like a crow but if you want like i don't know i feel the same way about adoption like if you can't have your own kid then go then adopt clearly you have love in your heart for a kid just because it's not going to look the way you want it to maybe try this other thing because you clearly have something to give the world why not so that's what made me mad is that my mom like has always hated birds but now she wants a crow because the way it looks and that's what bugs me about people who get designer dogs and stuff like that like i did not like the way marion looked

or luigi when i got sent pictures of them the first time when i had a dog in my mind of what dog i wanted it did not look like either of those dogs what did it look like tell you yeah i don't even remember the time it looked it looked uglier than mer like it was dark there was like one i'll show you it just i had i fell in love with this one dog that i ended up losing so i kind of had my like locked around this like a little chihuahua that looked exactly like littler than luigi a little thinner a little bit more needy not as like scraggly like i didn't want a white dog i don't want anything that resembled a terrier. Like I had aesthetics in mind, like everyone does.

But then I signed up to be a foster so that I wouldn't have to commit to a dog I didn't want. And guess what? Those dogs are so much better looking than any other fucking dog I could ever imagine for myself. I literally think everyone else's dog is gross and mine are perfect and they're not perfect.

They're just mine and I love them and if they were someone else's, I'd be like, they're not as good as mine. So it's just, you can love anything if you have enough love in your heart

to consider getting something, let the looks thing go unless you have to fuck it. If you have to fuck your dog they told me i have getting a dog fucking your dog and being sexually attracted to it is like a part of having one then yes maybe that you should get one that you need to fucking be attracted to much like in a relationship like i don't want i'm not telling people just get involved with someone who you are disgusted by just because you need a partner but actually

maybe i don't know does this make sense your mom was like i'll take a rate she goes i want a crow i want a crow or a raven i don't know the difference she doesn't know the difference i go you need to do some more research before you get a crow is there a difference let's lean into our stupidity um yes no the no one knows this by the way i've come up with a group of people before Talking about this And if we don't know it we're not stupid What do you know? I think they're different

I've looked it up before Ravens are bigger and more gothic They like screech in the dead They like hide in the shadows They're like more gothic I think they're smaller in the shadows they're like more i think they're smaller right oh i thought they were bigger oh forget it okay no i just made that up i literally ravens hang out on like gargoyles and crows are just in the cornfield exactly what did they do before gargoyles though like weren't ravens around before then they were like peck the eyes of um scarecrows

and ravens hang out on gargoyles but But if you just saw, okay, out of context, if it was just a picture of one on a blank sheet of paper with no gargoyle or no scarecrows. You'd see the look in its eye. It'd have a blood red eye. Wait, which ones are, wait, the raven? The raven. Yeah, raven.

Because it's gothic. Because if you, well, oh, if you're a goth, would you rather be named raven or crow? Raven, because it's gothic. Because if you, well, oh, if you're a goth, would you rather be named Raven or Crow? Raven. Because it's, yeah. I would argue Crow

because the Crow is like the quintessential goth movie. Crow. Yeah. And someone died on the Crow much like Ross. Raven is so much more care though.

Like Ravens are in a higher tax bracket. Oh, someone's named Raven. Sorry. Actually, that's so Raven. No,

Raven's a cool name no the bird i'm saying the bird ravens are a bird yeah like crows are crows are blue collar like yeah blue call because they have to wear the little collar because they're like someone's peon pet they are cool my mom is not're cool. Okay, we gotta go to break and we're not only gonna discuss ravens and crows and really not come to any kind of conclusion about what they are.

Sexy, sexy. Anya's holding up a picture of Luigi looking so handsome. He looks so much like Theo James. Noah has been watching Luigi and Marion. I can't get into details why, but she watched them over the weekend when my parents were

in New York. I teleported them. And Avi took pictures of them. And these pictures, I can't get over, Noah. He is so good. He looks like a rapper here or like Timothee Chalamet. He's so hot. He looks like he's skating on a skateboard.

We'll have Luigi's hot pictures on our Instagram so you can like really get all juiced up. Third straps. Yeah. We should do a calendar. He is, he has no idea. That's the thing I love about Luigi.

He's so hot and he doesn't know he's hot. He's humble. I feel like he puts oil on his fur. We gotta go to break. Okay, we'll talk less about this when we get back.

2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt,

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oh my god it's go time you actually sent it listen to the good mom's bad choices podcast every Wednesday on the black effect podcast network the iheart radio app apple podcast or wherever you go to find your podcast all right we're back and um it's it's the nikki glaser podcast and let's play a game that we haven't played a little in a little bit on here called uh top one bottom one today's category is drinks drinks anything besides coffee and can i make another addendum to this yeah addend it up so i feel like all of us love seltzer how about no seltzer allowed okay okay yeah yeah i'm into this no seltzer it can have a seltzer base yes thank you if it's like a cocktail but not just a clear seltzer like brand we can't no water

lose no lacroix's no zevia's unfortunately um or can i do zevia yes of course no you can't well it's a seltzer is it a seltzer everything has seltzer in it like everything soda has seltz in it we just can't do plain seltzer plain seltzer got it okay it wasn't gonna talk like this anyway don't even worry okay let's start with um the worst top bottom do you have your worst drink taylor uh coca-cola disgusto wait pepsi you're pepsi oh wait oh cola cola just cola yeah rc wait what about dr pepper that's not cola is it i don't know do you hate it oh no okay so then it's not cola soda soda is that too broad cola like the flavor cola is disgusting why i don't i haven't had it since i was a kid one time i

remember i kissed a boy and he tasted like cola and it was disgusting. So like- And I dumped him. But you think if like, Dr. Pepper, do you think you'd like it? Or do you count that as like- No, I loved it when I was a kid. But now, what about diet Dr. Pepper or diet cola? I wouldn't drink diet.

Okay. This is an interesting one. I don't even know what to think about it because I don't know. I was going to do seltzers. No, what about orange soda? Like any kind of- I don't even know what to think about it because I don't know. I was going to do seltzers. No. What about orange soda? Like any kind of- I don't drink any soda. This sucks.

I'm bad at this. No. You're not bad at it, but why don't you drink any soda? I don't. It's too much sugar. I don't like sugar. You don't like sugar? You don't like sugar?

I don't like sweet stuff. What? I think I knew that about you, but I forgot it. Now I relearned it. All right. Your worst one is cola it's the grossest thing i could think of um my worst one would have to be eggnog because it's both the milk and eggs which are the two of the grossest things i can think of it's just and it just or

plain glass of milk anything like that but to really make it it would be like drinking i hate deviled eggs that's my number one worst food my favorite food where did we come from um eggnog for me is gonna like it just i think i would really have a gag reflex on that and i don't have that usually for even blowjobs it's kind of like the aftermath of a blowjob. Really? Yeah. Creamy. Creamy? Juicy. I bet it is good. I just have never had it because it sounds, it looks like plain milk, a little tint

to it, and it has the word egg in it. It's very sweet. Oh, it is? Oh, yeah. Super sweet. I made it for Christmas. Does it taste like cake batter or something? Or does it taste eggy Does it taste like cake batter or something? Like, is it or does it taste? Yeah, it's like it's like a melted fro-yo. It doesn't.

But it doesn't taste eggy. No, no. What? Really? Yeah, it's what the fuck? It's raw egg. So I don't know. Why would someone tell me that to get into it?

Because everyone's always like, you gotta try eggnog. No, but before I was vegan, everyone's like eggnog. It's like, but it has the word egg in it. Why would anyone want to drink something with egg? So it doesn't taste like eggs? Have you tried vegan eggnog? What the fuck? I am blown away.

I'm seriously blown away. I miss out on eggnog and it tastes like cake batter. Yeah. It's really freaking bomb. What the fuck? And it's sweet. I thought it was just like, I thought literally it was like drinking egg yolks and like, you know, like Sylvester Stallone,

like drinking like stirred up eggs with a little milk in it. I probably could make it for you. Why would you keep telling children about egg? Why wouldn't you say it's called eggnog, but it tastes nothing like eggs because eggs are gross to drink. Because they would just have a sip and know.

Also, why is an egg cream an egg cream? It doesn't even have eggs in it. What? eggs because eggs are gross to drink because they would just have a sip and know also like you see that you want to drink an egg cream it doesn't even have eggs in it what what's egg cream isn't an egg cream just like a soda drink with some i've never heard of an egg cream you've never heard of an egg cream like your grandpa probably drank egg creams no an egg cream is a cold beverage consisting of milk carbonatedated water, and flavored syrup. No eggs. No egg. Okay, well, eggs need to understand that if you put your name in something else, people are not going to drink it. Get out of here with that. And they're not going to know that there's no egg in it. Wait till you try vegan eggnog when I drink. I can't wait now

because I was thinking I would love a vegan eggnog, but I don't want it to taste like egg. I don't want to be reminded of egg flavor in a beverage. It's really good. It's just like, it's like nutmeg. Now my mouth is watering because I'm thinking of drinking like liquefied cake batter and I'm like, I'm going to make it for you. It's still winter. It's allowed. Oh, your socks are doing that thing to me.

Don't rub your socks together. That's eggnog on feet. Okay, Noah. My leg, I have a cramp from the chair. Legnog. Your leg is noggin' off. It's noggin' off. Okay, Noah, what is your least favorite drink?

My least favorite beverage has to be chamomile tea. Chamomile tea? Why? Because when we were kids, after we would have stomach aches and throw up, our parents would force us to drink chamomile. Oh, good answer. So now every time I taste it or smell it,

I get that soreness in the back of my throat from the bile of throw up. And it's just instant. I don i don't even know what chemical tastes like i mean that makes total sense that that yeah if we're not going alcoholic drinks because like jaeger for me even saying the word i start to yak up because i've had i've almost had alcohol poisoning yeah okay so we all have that so we're not including those on this. So cool. Yeah. That's a really good one because it's just such a, you know, response to like trauma that, you know, you were going through. And chamomile tea to me reminds me, tastes like this restaurant.

What does it taste like? It tastes like I want to feel like cool right now and everyone else at the table is ordering tea. So I will too. And the only one they now. And everyone else at the table is ordering tea. So I will too. And the only one they have that isn't caffeinated is chamomile tea. That's what, that's what chamomile tea tastes like. Is that I'm at a cozy restaurant with my friends trying to see like someone who just like likes tea. Even though I want to chug 18 Diet Cokes.

And it tastes like disappointment, flour disappointment. And it tastes like I'm starving and i want to eat in this fucking stupid restaurant takes too long and everyone's like what are you gonna have and no one can decide on what they want and everyone is waiting to order what you want before they get to their order it tastes like waiting for people to decide what they want to eat and then also picking at their appetizer and we're not gonna get the entrees until the appetizer and i actually ordered a bunch of appetizers for my entree so my appetizers are sitting in front of me and i'm waiting for everyone else to get their entrees because i don't like to eat before people because then when you

eat i just end up getting jealous because i'm still hungry because i never there's never enough food and that's what chamomile tea tastes like to me just order oh you know what you want you've been to a thai restaurant before okay this doesn't work for Thai because it's hand-milled. This is just a night at the Comedy Cellar. Yes, just know what you want faster. And also eat faster, everyone. Please. That dines with me. I'm sick of slowies.

Oh my God. Anya. No offense, Noe. Anya, least favorite drink. There were so many that I had, but I'm going to settle on Kampot. It's a Russian drink, which is just i liked taylor knows you did what combo compote i think it's compote in english but yes compote and it's just they take fruit old fruit and just cut it up this is how my mom does it just old fruit that's rotting

in your house cut it up as like it's turning. Pears, apples, plums. And then put it in a big thing and pour water over it. That's it. And just put it in the fridge. So it's not even sweetened. It's just like jelly, right? It's kind of like. So it's like.

No, it's a drink. It's a drink. With fruit in the bottom. I mean, it comes from really tough times when things weren't going well and we had rotted fruit and that's all you could afford. I mean, it sounds like a drink based on. Yeah. Yeah. Tough times.

You know, like it's a poor drink. In the marina household. It's like the green text bubbles of drinks. I was always like, you know, she'd pour it for me and I'd be like, but why is there no sugar in here or no honey it just tastes like it's almost it's either almost rotten and horrible or so far from being good there are so many drinks in russia that are drinks does it taste like a rotted spin drift is like not enough fruit in it yes you're drinking one right now listen i like them but they're always leave me like oh it's not enough more it's like it's just a soda being like you don't get to drink actual fruit yes you know that you don't deserve five grams of sugar

you get a half of one per can and you should be happy with that fatty like spin drifts are always just like you're you don't you're not enough um okay compote compost compost okay too close to Okay Kompot Kompot Kompost Kompot Okay Too close to compost Which is what it actually is Yeah Yeah kombucha It smells like a compost

Yeah Oh you know what Kombucha is in Russia They take bread And water And then they just let it ferment Which is basically Or mushrooms

And let that ferment No that just grows on it Kvass Because it's Raw Kvass K-V-A-S Kvass. Kvass. K-V-A-S.

Kvass. I'm going to make kvass. And it's just kombucha. Ujus. This is all ujus. A Russian word I learned. That means like disgusting, right? Yes, exactly.

Ujus. All right. Let's get to the top because my stomach's starting to turn. Speaking of things turning, the fruit turns, my stomach turns. Talking about gross drinks. Now let's get to the great Speaking of things turning, the fruit turns, my stomach turns, talking about gross drinks. Now let's get to the great beverages.

What's your favorite beverage? Me? Yes. I like a Bali yogurt soda, mint flavor. A Bali yogurt soda, mint flavor. I've never heard of it.

That was on my bottom. Really? It's seltzer and yogurt, kind of. It's bubble yogurt with mint flavor., really? It's seltzer and yogurt, kind of. Like, it's bubble yogurt with mint flavor. What?

And it's so good. Wait, where did you find this? I just had one yesterday. Where did you find it? At like an Indian grocery store? I got it at the Global Foods, but it's like,

it's Middle Eastern. How did you originally discover it? At the, I'm living in San Francisco, just like at a corner store. Really? You took a chance on that? Oh,

I take so many chances. You do? I bought like 50 things of pickles yesterday i don't know what the hell they were pickle that guys i'm russian i i've been on a pickle thing but sometimes you're just in the not pickled beverage though my mom would know just pickles right now your mom would she'd be so into this yeah that was on my list that was my third so you like to try different things like rather than just stick to what you know you're like you'll be like oh this is an interesting new beverage yeah yeah i love bevs as long as it doesn't have sugar as long as it's not sweet this doesn't have any sugar in it maybe it's a little bit in the yogurt but yeah me too okay i'll try well there's not vegan ones right there might be maybe i'll make it okay um i've never heard of that good to know my favorite recently and this is just for recently has been nacho mama's medium salsa a pint of it i've been drinking it my my my mouth is watering right now your parents used to bring me there when

we were kids and i would drink that brown one it's the medium whatever one it is i accidentally got the mild one the other day it wasn't as good but i went to go see my kids sister's kids gymnastics class and it's right by nacho mamas which is my favorite mexican place in st louis and the the salsa is not chunky it's like so fine and it's like you really can't sip on this cup like i sipped on a cup at the gymnastics class it like it's gazpacho it's so good my throat i'm i'm selling i'm so wet right now seriously too i can't even take it it's so delicious go right now oh i want to go later actually i think i might have to go drive back and pick up my trays from my orthodontist that i forgot there this morning so i might go back and get some.

They go, do you want chips with that? And I'm like, no. LOL. No, I don't need chips. I drank two pints of it the other day. It's so salty. I know it's so salty. Nothing. It was great.

It was a fucking fiesta up in there. I loved it. I feel like last time i did that and sometimes when i uh drink too much salt my eyes get all puffy i'm like sure they did i probably looked crazy for a day you're right i probably it was probably so much salt i don't even know what they put in it i'm sorry i won't i won't i won't oh it's not like fresh blended oh it's fresh but who knows what, they probably add sugar to it. I mean, it is so good. All right.

What's your favorite beverage, Noah? Okay. So this is like a new thing that I discovered. I don't like milk in my drinks and I have not had any success with boba tea. However, there's a place here in town called Ding Tea. It's a Taiwanese tea house. And ding tea it's a taiwanese tea house and they have this like kumquat lemonade and they have these like popping boba balls

that are like passion fruit flavor and the combination of the two is just like heaven oh my god i want to try this i'm really excited about it wait what so what is the base of the milk or whatever the so the base i could choose something that's not tea which is uh they have like all these different options of like lemonade and this one is kumquat lemonade kumquat lemonade plus the passion fruit boba yeah it's like these tea yeah it's kind of like gushers because the boa balls like when they pop you get this like little i love boba when i used to have when i was in thailand we got some boba but it was the milk i like the milky version that's um okay there's no milk in it though so it's like clear lemonade and they customize it

you can choose like how sweet you want and how much ice oh how often do you get one every day no that that would not be good is it like so much sugar you think no it's actually because i get like zero percent sugar in it like in the drink why is it wouldn't it be good to get it every day because i'd have to like like drive out there oh yeah see this would be a million plastic i would drive i walk 500 miles i would literally do any for anything i loved that much i would get it every day. Especially if it was not that bad for me. No, that's good that you have moderation.

But we get it on the weekends. Oh, a treat. Oh, a treat. I love. I was right with you, Nikki. My thought was, why are you not getting this every day? Why wouldn't you move closer to that location? Why wouldn't you put on disguises so you could go there twice?

Why wouldn't you sabotage your relationship? Why don't you get two accounts so that you could go there twice? Why wouldn't you sabotage your relationship? Why don't you get two accounts so that you can pre-order it with different names? Why don't you get a burner phone? Why don't you find out if they're on Uber Eats and Postmates, you can order them at the same time. Why don't you throw away their restraining order that they sent you? Can you imagine getting a restraining order from a fucking boba place you're going too much i almost i went to a massage place today but for the second time in a week and i requested the girl that i love linda she wasn't as good today

but like i was as i was getting one i was like can i come back tonight like linda will still be here because i know she's probably an indentured slave or whatever. But Linda's tired now. Yeah, but I'd rather her work on me than someone else who might be like mean to her and I tip really well.

So I might as well go back but I also don't want them to like get it and think I'm like crazy. But it's just, yeah, horny. I know.

Oh, Linda. My back is so horny from just like getting some action. Final thought. You don't want to hear my favorite tea? What is your favorite?

Yeah, that's the final thought. Mine is so boring but I like that we're allowed to have food in ours. Like yours is a food. Noah's is a food.

As long as you're guzzling and gulping it and like you could if you can show the food it's a drink. That's what I like. It's like a little bit dangerous like I'm living on the edge and I did end up choking on one over the weekend

i want to try this i've never had a boba tea in my life okay what is it i've been really because it's winter i've been into these hot um lemon ginger teas and i chop up fresh ginger and then i put honey in it and a half of stevia and piping hot and it's so delicious. Ooh. I also love a mocktail. It's tied with, if I go out to a bar,

I like a very gingery mocktail with a lot of citrus and they're not too sweet, but kind of sweet. Oh yeah, that was so good. The one you had in New York at that place we went to the last night on the girls' trip.

Oh yes. That was delish. It was so good. I love when they give you a little, if any mixologists are listening, when you give us those little ginger candies on a toothpick, that is everything to me.

I will come back time and time again. I will come three times in one night. Why don't you just buy some ginger candies? Have you ever thought about that? I do. I have them sometimes, but it's just not the same. You want to be served them. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah it's so fun in a bar to have like a little

candy to chew on i got it i gotta just give a little courtesy shout out to diet coke because it was going to top my thing i used to hate diet coke so much they used to get because my mom would drink them in the 90s 80s 90, and I would sometimes drink from it, and I'd be like, it gives me a headache. Like, my body definitely tasted, like, there's something toxic in this, and I hated it. And then, you know, you get to be a woman of age, and then you get marketed to that you're fat,

and then you start going, well, Diet Coke's the only thing I can drink. I would be bad to do anything else. So then you start drinking it, and you kind of go, oh, oh i like it and then you get addicted to it because it's so fucking addictive um and then i quit diet coke from 2000 i remember the last time i had it was at stand-up new york on 78th and broadway 79th i'm gonna say the 7th of september and it was probably 2000 annie and i were living together 2010 or something so i went like 10 years without having diet coke maybe more or any diet soda and then andrew and i got back into it in 2020 i think like or 2021 i think we were on f boy one and it started just like one a

day like i fucking love diet coke it is a treat that i enjoy i have no shame about it anymore i know it is bad for me i do not have like like i think the former president of the united states donald trump had like 12 a day or something that's excessive yeah oh he he just lives on why are you shocked i know he had really funny tweets about it he loved diet coke yeah and adderall allegedly but like let's come on yeah like obviously um and uh but i love diet coke i love but i don't want it in a can i wanted it a bottle plastic bottle sorry environment sorry world we're already there's nothing to do um and i just love it so much and i i for all my diet coke heads out there like you've done nothing wrong it feels you feel like you should be drinking out of a paper bag sometimes it's almost like with anything huh paired with anything yeah like any food uh

i would say like low level depression it's paired best with it's like when you're just starting to hover on like i think i might be eating really sad get a diet coke the caffeine will jolt you say like low level depression it's paired best with is like when you're just starting to hover on like i think i might be eating really sad get a diet coke the caffeine will jolt you out of it but it's like a treat in your mouth um paired with anything no honestly i just i like one on its own it's so attached to like i don't want to eat right now for me that like i don't like it i don't need to eat anything with it even though i would because i don't not eat when i'm hungry but like i it just it's something that i want when i'm like i'm not hungry but i'm also like i don't want a coffee it's just the best i just love it and um i hope that i never reach a place where i need to give it up again i wonder what wonder what happened

last time i think i was just drinking too many of them and i probably read some study that they age you or something which they totally do bottom yeah they're bad for you but i did hit a rock bottom oh my neck is cracking oh there's one really good like muscle that if i turn a certain way it like really pinches oh i love it i love crack a lack and i don't like cracking but i oh would people crack their knuckles? Let's get it cracking. No, no, no. Oh, good. That actually sounded kind of satisfying. Oh, my God. Are you... So do you like...

Do you get... Don't do it. But the worst crackage ever was what people in school would pull their finger and crack it. That's gross. No, no, no, no. I like... No. Don't.

Anya, you stop that right now. I didn't. Stop it. It could never go back, Anya. It could stay it. It could never go back, Anya. It could stay out. It could never go back. It could stay out. You'll never come back.

I can only do it on three on each hand. All right, guys. We're going to finish up the show. Any final thoughts to say I'm going to LA this week? I'm getting some injections in my face. Why? Because I'm doing a partnership coming know I'm getting some injections In my face I know that Why? Because I'm doing A partnership coming up Oh

TBD That I'm gonna get Some little I need a little Something anyway Just a little bit And then And then I'm filming

A pilot And And then I'm In Florida this weekend Tampa And Orlando Two shows each I believe

Tickets still available. Come on out. I'm going to be so excited to be in Florida because it's cold as fuck here right now. We should bring our bathing suits. Maybe there's a hot tub. Yeah, you guys could go in the oosh. You could dip a toe.

No, I would love to put on a bathing suit. I'm fucking feeling, I gained weight recently and I like it. I'm owning it. I want it. I like it. I'm owning it. I want it. I like feeling,

I like feeling juicy. Like I either feel really skinny or I feel like in between like, like thick. I like feeling thick when I'm like, Oh, I got a fucking ass. I don't like that in between stage, which is like, that's where I feel uncomfortable right now.

I feel like I'm committed to, to juice. And I'm going to record this and play it for you in two weeks No don't Because I know Believe me when I hate my body I know that I've said that I like it before About the same body

No I think that is true Anya it's a podcast What? You go I'm going to record this and play it for you later It's a real podcast It's actually available in all places I'm just going to sample that No I know

When I feel bad about my body I know what I've said Good about it before I know I'm in a delusional tunnel Playing audio of me Liking it at one point Will not help me I guarantee you

It'll make me shut down And even go deeper So please do not play this back But right now I'm feeling myself I'm feeling myself And we're gonna have a show tomorrow So we'll see you then

Thank you so much for listening Don't be cute And Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye joel the holidays are a blast but the uh financial hangover that can be a huge bummer if you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up well you could use our help that's right i'm joel and am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice

without the judgment and jargon, listen to How To Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same,

our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, and now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions,

including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Listen to mini questions on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. You are cordially invited to the hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.