The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #314 La Boom Lamaze

Episode Date: February 2, 2023

After an awful flight to Los Angeles Nikki is happy the hotel amenities include a giant bottle of seltzer and an orange in a brown bag. Before leaving St. Louis, she watched some of the new Pamela Anderson documentary and learned that Tommy Lee looks like Pam's dad. Nikki is really not into horoscopes and Anya believes it is a characteristic of her being a Gemini. They cover the difference between jealousy and envy. In Collection of Co'uhls they share first comments about their bodies as teens, their take on celebs cropping each other out of pictures, and talk about what on Nikki's rider that might make her a Diva and Anya's "dusty root of ginger".  Nikki gets coached on being on top during sex and in the Final Thought she explains how her boyfriend saved the day when she woke up on the wrong side of life.  ---- Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Get Pod Merch: Podshop.NikkiGlaser.com Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Anya's Patreon: patreon.com/anyamarina - More Nikki: IG More Anya: IG More producer Noa: IG    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season. But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Sheckner, Billy Porter, and so many more.

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Seven questions, limitless answers. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. it's the Nikki Glaser Podcast Billie is a sex slave If you don't know what that means, you missed one episode and I can't help you out

I don't know which one either Maybe I'll cover the story someday I am in Los Angeles, California In my new hotel room the story someday. I am in Los Angeles, California in my new hotel room. I usually stay at a different place here or one of two places and I picked a new place last night. Pretty

decent. I like it. Chris is here with me. Pool table. I was going to start saying the perks and then I was like people are going to figure out where I am, but just try to find a room, a pool table in your room. No.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Ballin. That would be so cool. Um, no, I don't have a pool table in my room, but I do have a,

a paper bag with an orange in it. And three oranges in it and a little paper bag. That's like a little lunch bag. That's a strange welcome gift. And I don't know if this was free, but it was a giant of sparkly Evian. And then there is also a giant still water. Now, do you think these are free? I'm going to say if they're just out

and there's not a tag on them. They were out next to the oranges. Yes, I think they're free. They're like, this bitch is famous. Chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug! She's got a problem. This would usually be like $17. I know. This big glass bottle at one of these fancy places.

You helped me the other day when I was staying at that hotel in New York, and I was like, I just spent $19 on two bottles of Pellegrino because I didn't want to leave my hotel room. Please tell me it's okay. And you were so nice. And you were like, here's how much it would cost to walk to a bodega. Here's how much it would cost to get the things at the bodega.

So you actually saved money. Yeah, it's like, I always just go, would you pay that amount of money not to walk that far? Waste that time. Do all those interactions. Put on your coat. Maybe get hit by a couple cars, maybe get hit up by a homeless man for five bucks. Like, okay, you might have saved money. Like, you know, it's always what I argue when people don't go to see, like, don't go to a

concert they bought tickets for or don't go on a trip they bought tickets for, you paid to know that you don't want to go. Like you know more than anyone else that you don't want to go. Like if that makes sense, like with my egg freezing thing, like they gave me my money back, but I would have been okay not with that money because I paid $2,000 to know certainly that I don't want kids or that I don't want to do this right now. Like, and before there would have just been this simmering all year long. I mean, it's been there. That's why I even went, it's been there since I was probably since Natasha Leggero told me at 38, you got to do it at 38. And so it's been there for like three years since she told me that and so it's just

nice to know that that's gone now i actually got a nice dm about that very thing um today uh that i'm not gonna say who she said not that you give a shit what a stranger has to say i always give shits which it's literally the only thing i care about is what strangers think of me because my friends and family, they're going to be nice because they love me and they're just going to tell you what you want to hear because they want you to be happy. But strangers, they shoot it to you straight.

So yes, I give, I give such a shit. She said, but I have been wanting to message about your egg freezing tobacco and I'm so relieved for you on your decision. I got married last year. I'm 30 and told myself I had to decide

about kids before marriage. I was overthinking it so hard. My now husband wasn't excited about kids, but didn't pressure either way. I have friends who are dying to have them. So I figured since I'm not, I am probably a no-go. I kid you not. The second I decided no kids, the wave of relief was insane. So I totally get what you're saying. And within two months of my marriage, guess what? He dropped out. Oh, she got pregnant? He got a vasectomy. That's where I thought it was going.

And I was like, I don't want to hear about you getting pregnant. Two months later, a miracle happened. I was like gearing up to be like, congratulations. I don't really want to know this, but he got a vasectomy and the relief was even better. Ant life forever. P.S. See you in Charleston in March.

Oh my God. Thank you so much to the bestie who I don't want to say your name, but you know who you are. Thank you so much for that message. And even if you had said you were gotten pregnant, I'm not, I was not going to be a bitch about it. I would have been actually happy for you because that would have given me hope that like, let's say I do want to get pregnant.

It could just happen when I want it to. Last night I was watching, have you guys seen Pamela? Not yet. It's very good. She talks like this the entire film. That's like a perfect Pamela Anderson. So she's very just like smart and cool and just talks about, you know, I'm up to the point where she met Tommy. You see pictures of her father. This is the first thing. You see pictures of her as a kid.

Her father is Tommy Lee. It's just so undeniable what that women marry their fathers. It's not even, let's stop acting like it's some Freudian little like mystery that we can't really talk about. We all want dad, dad, dad,

dad, dad, dad, dad. We all want him. I mean, I said to Chris, as we were watching it,

I go, look how he looks like Tommy Lee. And he goes, Oh my God. And then it kept showing other, look how he looks like Tommy Lee. And he goes, oh, my God. And then it kept showing the next picture. Then the next picture. This guy was like lanky, long, alcoholic, life of the party, roughhouser. But then it got into their relationship.

And I'm only halfway through it. But my point about this was, oh, in it, she was like, you know, they met in four days and then they got married within four days of like meeting each other in Cancun at a place called, my God, I looked it up last night to be like, I wonder if that place is still around. Cause she kept saying like, that's where it is. That's the place. Hold i gotta see what it was named where's my history of searches i searched for la boom she kept being like there's la boom oh my god i've been there i have been to la boom yes when i was like 14 it's like it was like i think a famous nightclub or something yeah that's where tommy lee and pam met i'm sure that they really they had a long life after that so i looked up if laboom is still around it closed

in 2005 but laboom is you know mentioned many times in this so they got married at laboom and they met at laboom they didn't meet at laboom they met in la but then he like he literally stalked her to cancun i don't know if you've seen pam and tommy the like not the other show but i got only that far in that and i was like i'm out of this um but laboom was where they who cares anyway they and then they instantly want kids and she's like pregnant and she like has a miscarriage and then because of the paparazzi like stalking her about the tape because right when the tape i think it was like right when the tape oh no she was working on a movie and doing 18 hour days and it was like

i didn't even know she had a miscarriage but she was like talking about like you know i'm pregnant but i can't stop and i gotta do these i have to do baywatch and barbed wire she's shooting her first movie she was like you just have to do 18 hour days it's just the way it is and i just said to chris miscarriage there's no way there's no way you can't work 18 hours a day and then boom not i'm not saying i'm a doctor or anything but man i protected that and um laboom and then she got pregnant again and then had the baby. And right when she's having the baby, the sex tape comes out. But like, as she's like pregnant and like having a baby in this show, I start like crying. I'm like, I want to be pregnant.

It was just like, what is going on with me? Push and pull. Yes. Push, push, push. It's like lamaze constantly it's the boom la boom i got married at lamaze cancun it is like the beat of a fucking song that would be at la boom um yeah i get like start tearing up and i'm like i don't i don't even want to start crying like actually crying like the kind that like get your boyfriend to go what's wrong because he was

so tired and i didn't want to bother him with my fucking tears and um and i cried a lot that day about other stuff so i was just like you know it's just like a rough day but then i was just like crying about like she was just like so happy to be pregnant. And I was just crying. Cause I'm like, I'll never get to be like, there's a bump in here and like making home videos. It was like, you did this to me.

Like I want to do that. I just want, you know, like sometimes when Chris like does something on me, I'll be like, you did this to me. Like I'll make jokes about like, look what you did.

Or like I get a UTI. I'm like, look what you did. Or like I get a UTI. I'm like, look what you did. You know, I want to be able to say that about like a cute little baby bump. So there's like things like that, that I'm just like, I'm just jealous of like women looking pregnant and getting to be like, I'm a sexy lady with a little baby bump. Like I just, she looked so cute with her little bump and then their baby, like Tommy was just so sweet. I was just like jealous

and I had literally had to turn it off and I was like, I'm just gonna go Google a boom or something. And then, but yeah, it's good. And she's so smart and cool and it's just disgusting

what we do with women and their butt. Like we just think we own women's bodies and that's all we care about like they just showed a montage of like the only thing she was ever asked about in her career were her boobs and if they were fake and she even said they're fake because she did one interview well not even once she was just always so honest she just didn't see any shame in having a boob job or like anything she had done.

So when people would ask questions, she would just give them the honest answer. And that came back to bite her because then people thought that they could always just ask her about that and that she was the whore that everyone just got to ask whatever kind of sex questions they wanted

because she was honest. And boy, do I relate to that i can only imagine like how much sexual harassment she experienced in hollywood because you know she was on playboy she was the hot chick on home improvement like her whole essence was hot and i can only imagine the abuse she took mountains of it i mean i i I suffer a lot of it after shows with men saying gross things to me because of what I've talked about on stage and thinking they can just kind of...

You know, you put something out there or I have specials about sex and they just think... Like yesterday I did a radio interview and they were getting into it and they're like... And you know, they were talking about some thing. I could hear they were like, and you know, it's, they were talking about some thing, but I could hear,

they were like, uh, they'll bring you in. You're on the, on hold. They'll bring you in and thirties, you know, a minute to a minute 30.

So I'm just listening to the show on hold. And then they're like transitioning from one segment to the other. And they're like, and then it's going to get all over your face. Speaking of getting all over your face. Uh, I don't know if that's the right transition or not feels right to me i'm just like okay yeah yeah like it's just you get like i feel bad for

porn stars i mean pam anderson at least you know she did pose nude and playboy asking for it no i mean she she she was on the verge of that. Like the next level up, I just talk about pornography and talk about my sex life. There's no difference between me and a porn star. If you're blind, there's none. If you're a blind person, I described my sex life to the degree of a porn star reveals there.

So it's like, I'm the, so blind people always harass. No, I'm just kidding. They're just trying to feel braille. They're the worst offenders. It's my areolas.

There's like braille around them. But. You too? I think we all have those little bums, no? Yes. It's like welcome to. Yeah. Bienvenidos.

I don't know why. I'm assuming it's in many languages yeah mine says is the prices for lattes at starbucks um yeah it's uh it's it's disgusting just because you think i mean we do this with everything in society like any tell me your comedian tell me a joke you're like we just i think celebrities people sign up for that because they certainly want fame like you can't i get a little bit annoyed when i hear people say i wanted to be famous but i did i did want to be famous and so it's like part of what you sign up for is having part of being famous that people don't consider when they're seven when they decide they want to be this and And by the way, they want to be it

because their parents didn't give them enough attention. It's really a sad thing why they want to be famous. That's why. It's not because they think they have a gift to give the world. They got to figure that out later. It's because they don't like themselves. That's why people want to be famous. But when you want to be famous,

yeah, you don't understand how much people people in my own instagram comments will write she's changed her face i don't get it and i'm like i'm right here i'm writing this on a message board i am me what about what is the she stuff i'm like i someone goes she changed her face i don't like it and i go i'm sorry i aged like literally the pictures there's no one to all the stuff has fallen out of my face that i've done it's like i changed my face i got invisalign and i've aged go suck my fucking dick that i also got chopped off. None of your business. Remember the other day when we were walking in the park with Kirsten

and she's like, you know the left side of your body is your mom and the right side is your dad. And we were like, what? She goes, yeah, it's true. The left side is all your dad's features and the right is your mom. And you're like, that's why.

I hated this thing so much. I was like, that's why my dick is on my left side or something. What did I say? On my right. On my right. You're like, I did get my dick from my dad. It's so, that was, I just like some of this woo-woo stuff. Kirsten's listening for sure because she's an avid listener.

Oh, it's not true? Just, you know it's not true too, but you're a nicer friend. So you go, oh, that's interesting. And I don't know, maybe there's something to it. Like, come on. Have you ever heard the left side of your body is your body? Like it's then we would all look like, you know, Picasso's walking around with different side face.

That's just not true. It's a nice thought that makes, it's all the same as tarot and palm reading. It gives you a way to interpret your life in a way you want it to be interpreted, but it's not real. Everything's so different. Everyone's, you know,

genetics express themselves differently. Is there anything that you believe in that you think might be bullshit? The personality type stuff that we do a lot of times. That seems, I mean, that's based on a test you take where there are answers and you fit into a category. That to me feels, I'm not gonna base my entire life off of it,

but it feels a lot more, uh, scientifically sound than Mercury is in retrograde. And I'm a Libra with my Aries rising bullshit. And I'm sorry to 99% of my listeners who believe in it, because I don't know what happened that you don't believe in jesus christ or any of that bullshit but you believe in star like i the month that the month you were came out of your mom something happened i i like that you are now the same that you're

i just and all of it's's just a money making cash cow. If I wanted, if I wanted to get rich quick, I'd come up with a way to put the astrological signs on everything. Here's water for Gemini's. Here's water for Aries. Here's, uh,

backpacks that only Aries can, people love to things that are them. Like on Instagram, I don't even believe in any of this stuff. I don't look at any of it, yet I am inundated with like memes, like Gemini memes or like sad memes. What are you guys supposed to be?

Like two personalities, right? You're a Gemini. Yeah, they're all the same though. I don't ever see a difference between any of these signs. They're always like, oh, these ones are loyal and these ones are crazy. And these ones are like, it's either you're loyal or you're crazy. Those are the two. We got to talk to Taylor McGraw about this because she's the one that's so into it. She's like, you are such a Virgo Libra cusp, Anya. And I'm like i'm like wait how do you know and this is how they

get you like to hear about yourself everyone likes to hear anything about themselves that's what they get to wait what do they say you're like very perfectionistic in particular you'll leave a dog sitter like a three-page long instruction manual and i'm like guilty 80 of people leave their dog people a three-page thing no noah noah do you uh not three pages but definitely a full page with a lot of details okay exactly i also do that but i text it later on like is there a different gemini wow you're gemini's like what does that say you give a shit about your dog and everyone else doesn't? Like they're all flattering things. Even if it's like, you're a little crazy,

but it's what makes you you and you get shit done. Like there's always a, no sign is just like, you're a psychopath. What about Ted Bundy? What's his sign? What about, wait, John Wayne Gacy? Is he a loyal. What about Ted Bundy? What's his sign? What about John Wayne Gacy? Is he a loyal Virgo or whatever the fuck? He's a Capricorn.

He loves his work. Yeah. I don't know. I know someone that's really, really smart. Some people are probably so mad at me. You know someone smart and kind of cat. Well, then you're a Capricorn if you know someone who's smart. Capricorns love smart people.

But they love astrology. Like, they live by it. And I'm like, how? You are so scientifically motivated. That's what I'm telling you. Taylor is too. So maybe there's something to it. I don't know.

We're not going to figure it out here today. Besties, give me some solid. Give me some. Don't give me paragraphs because I know you're a Virgo or whatever. Give me links to things that really will prove that it's real. Because I don't. It seems just as unbelievable as Jesus Christ and Christianity, and which I'm also, don't judge you if you're into it, kind of do.

But I'll say I don't. We got to go to break. I'll be right back. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money.

We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early,

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The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community, and I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery, a story told in 12 steps. Listen to CRIMS as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So my horoscope today says that I am going to go on a tirade about horoscopes. No, I like, I love taking personality tests. I love any, I mean, I am very susceptible to things that are like, you're this and you're like, I'm special. I'm different than other people.

Bring it on. Do you like it more when there's a test involved or when you just read something? Yeah, I want it to like actually assess me and my, yes. Because I want some, I want it to know me. I just don't believe that when I came out of my mom's puss and was like, like then my whole personality was set in motion.

I also find it very fascinating though that I would have said probably a year ago, your personality is based on your parents, how they raise you and what environment you grew up in. But now that is disproven and it doesn't have literally almost no bearing on it, on your personality. Your personality is genetics or the stars,

who knows? But I used to think that like, that's such a Gemini thing to say, Nick. No, I was just being facetious when I said that, but actually sarcastic because it was laced with like a little bit of anger

that's the difference between facetious and sarcastic in case you didn't know I didn't know and did you know the difference between jealous and envy have I covered that on here jealous is when you want something

no you think you're going to lose something envy is when you want something. No. No. You think you're going to lose something. Yes. Envy is when you want something. Yes. Okay. It's just a good one to know because I went 38 years of my life always saying, I'm jealous of that thing.

And it was wrong because I didn't have that thing. I'm jealous if my boyfriend talks to a girl that I think he's gonna leave for me I'm envious if I see a if I'm single and I see a girl dating a hot guy and I'm like I'm envious of her I'm not jealous of her because I'm not I don't have anything to lose Just a little interesting Yeah, we don't use envy as much. It's kind of the raven and crow Of language totally they are the raven and crow but there. Totally. They are the raven and crow, but there is a difference. One is so goth.

But facetious and sarcastic, it's the same thing of where you're being like, wow, this room is so big. What do you think that is? Sarcastic or facetious? I'm going to say facetious. Sarcastic. It was sarcastic because I'm gonna say facetious sarcastic it was sarcastic

because I'm being mean because I'm saying this room is small okay so sarcastic so facetious is like if I was like chugging this and I was like

mm mm mm god I am I'm not thirsty at all like I'm not being mean

to anyone like it's not like shitting on anyone like but if I'm like wow you all. I'm not being mean to anyone. It's not like shitting on anyone. But if I'm like, wow, you're so smart. Sarcastic. Just a little. I love if anyone else has any of those that often get misconstrued, I would love for you to tell them to the show.

Another word that gets, I think, that gets confused a lot that we brought into the world is kuh. I think a lot of things get called k that aren't k which brings us into collection of k's getting ready for some i can hear taylor in that now i hear someone new every time is that all right kirsten and taylor um and then i think maybe someone else but it's i think everyone submitted to that all Taylor in that now. I hear someone new every time. Is that Kirsten too? Kirsten and Taylor. And then I think maybe someone else, but it's I think everyone submitted to that. All the girls that were on the original

thing. Yeah, holla. Okay, so Noah's going to read us some headlines. I'm guessing from celebrities because these are mostly who is generating cause out there in the world. Celebrities are some of the coolest people ever i have some like current event stories oh okay so let's see if these things are or not

meaning you think you're cool and you're only doing something to appear cool a virginia high school basketball coach puts on the uniform of a 13 yearold student who happened to be out of town so that she could play in a tournament against 14-year-olds. Is she being kuh for wanting to win so bad? Did she get busted for doing this? Or was this funny?

No, she got fired along with the other coaches. Wait, so she actually tried to come off like she was a 13-year-old student? She was playing in a tournament. She was doing layups and jumping into the crowd to catch a ball. I'm so jealous that she even could pass as a 13-year-old girl. Like, at all. Are you jealous or envious?

Wait, hold on, hold on. I'm envious. Because I don't have... Wait, I'm jealous because I have youth to lose. Ah. Maybe. I don't have wait i'm jealous because i have youth to lose ah maybe i don't know okay i'm i'm both about this woman who even i if someone was like here put do this and try to act like a 13 year old i'd be like there's no fucking way anyone would believe that does she look like 22 she's 22 i couldn't see an actual photo it's just like a great video 53 for some reason i why did i put that in there uh no she

just put on the uniform of a 13 year old student at 22 um this is not k because it wasn't done to get attention it was done to like get i mean it's done to get a championship or whatever or to get in the fight like to win but it wasn't done to be like look she wasn't gonna tell anyone she did it you know what i mean she was trying not to be hoping not to get caught yeah but how far into the game did she get caught i wonder i think she played the whole thing oh my god the frightening thing is she can pass for a 13 year old i was 22 i think i know some 22 year olds that could probably pass for 13 13 year old. I was envious. I think I know some 22 year olds that could probably pass for 13. Put your hair up right. You don't have makeup

on. But still, I mean, you could probably pass for 13 Anya. Thank you. You totally, and so could you Noah. You guys are both short enough. You totally could. 13, I was, were you guys tiny tiny at 13 or were you like coming

did you i was so misshapen at 13 oh god i started to get misshapen around 15 yeah i would say 16 for me wait 13 what what what had come in what hadn't i had one boob yeah that's what pam anderson said she had she kept trying to push it back into her chest and she was was readying herself to tell her mom she had uh cancer oh because she definitely thought it was cancer because it was just this one lump that showed up she's trying to push it back in what did you have noah uh 13 i don't think i really had boobs but i just remember shaping yeah like my my legs were so were like so skinny for my body and i just like had to wear like irregular clothes like i just remember having irregular clothes that my mom bought from daffies daffies that sounds terrible whatever that place is

is that any bunch of duck where yeah it was like mervin's it was just like i think like a early day or like new york city like what tj maxx is where they just have like it's like a graveyard for clothing that didn't oh yeah we had value city. We had Value City. That's where we used to go. And I hated it because it was, I mean, which is at least it was still new. Some kids have to just only shop at Goodwill, which my mom would fucking love. Goodwill, baby. Got a deal on a candle and some jodhpurs. God.

Do you remember the first thing someone said about your body sexually, like when you were a child? Like the first time, said about your body sexually? Like when you were a child, like the first time, like some adult or even a boy said, yes, it was at your dad. Yes, I knew it.

I knew it. Fuck. That's why I'm here. Exactly. That's why I exist in your consciousness. That's why we're friends. Wait, what did your dad say? Playing catch on the beach in a bikini, the first bikini I ever got, which earlier that day, his mom, who was a very shy grandma, said to me, oh gosh, you look so gorgeous. And I was embarrassed about that. But then later that day, I was playing catch with my dad on the beach. Maybe I was 14. And we both have our baseball mitts and we're

playing catch. And he goes, he throws to me, I catch. He goes, hey, what's the weight? And I throw it back to him. I go, what weight? And he goes, what's the weight? And points to my body. And I'm like, huh? And this is like in a public area people are there and i throw the ball back and i just ignore him he goes what's the weight i go me he goes yeah and i throw the ball back i go 98 and he goes throws me the ball and goes perfect body and puts his thumb up. Seared into my mind. Yeah, I can tell. You just read that like an Ibsen play. Jesus Christ.

You had stage directions and everything. God. Can't you feel the pacing? I feel so uncomfortable. I'm so sorry for you. You should, thank you. God. And then you're like, I gotta so uncomfortable. I'm so sorry for you. You should. Thank you. God.

And then you're like, I gotta stay that. It's the perfect weight. I gotta stay that. At 14, I have to maintain the weight I am at 14. What could go wrong there? I know. Noah, do you remember any sexual comments made about your body by Anya's dad?

He said he wanted to drink me like a glass of compote no i'm just kidding just kidding i don't like i think i just remember walking around with my with my best friend and it was like when we were teenagers and we would like sneak putting on makeup and like doing our hair and wearing short skirts and just like walking around Brooklyn and just getting like honks or comments from cars. It was I don't I think like we thought that we that this is what was supposed to happen. Yeah, yeah, of course, because you probably witnessed it happening to women other than you saw it on TV. I mean, you see all these things. So you're like, oh, I'm a woman. Finally, I'm getting harassed by people driving by who it's just so funny that they just think you might fuck them if they honk at you or something. Like, it's just, I know that joke has been done a million times by like comedians of like,

what do these construction workers think you're going to trust around me? Like, okay, let's go. Like, let's fuck. Like, it's just,

they can't help themselves. do you remember? My first one was sweet and it was also from my dad. Did it in Freudian? Um, and I was also from my dad. Freudian. Um, and I was eating soup, I think tomato soup.

And I was in a swimsuit again and swimsuit, but I did not wear bikinis until I was like 37 and a half. But, um, I was in just a normal suit. So I wasn't asking for it anya you fucking slut for daddy your grandma fucking groomed you earlier that day you look gorgeous go out for your dad and play fetch with him make sure you run in slow motion i've been watching this new show called Baywatch. Um, so no, I was sitting, it was after we went swimming that day and then I was eating tomato soup. And, um, I probably told this on

the podcast before, so I forgive me because it's a pivotal moment of my life. Um, and I was probably 14 or 15 because of the time, just because of what he said. It was just me and maybe my friend was there. I know my sister was there. My mom was there. She was making the soup and grilled cheese, tomato soup and grilled cheese, delicious combo. I was so hungry and so excited.

My dad said, well, Nick, you're really getting some boobs there. And I froze. I remember the spoon hovered over above the soup with a spoonful of it about to go in my mouth. I froze. I dropped slash threw the spoon into the soup. And I said, why would you say that? Disgusting. And then I screamed and I ran to my bedroom and I heard my mom going, why would you say that? That's disgusting, EJ.

And he was like, I don't know. I'm so sad, so scared. I ran to my bedroom. I did not have a lock on my door and so i slammed it and then i laid against it you know like with my back against it sobbing because i wasn't gonna get to finish lunch because of what i just done like obviously i can't get the soup in my bedroom because i'd have to open the door and my dad would then see me so i was like already mourning that i was not gonna get to eat and also he was just through the door being like nikki i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i didn't mean to

say anything and i was like why would you say that it's so gross he was like nick i just remember i'm going oh nick i don't i don't know why like really embarrassed and then i felt embarrassed for him because he was just obviously had no clue that you don't say that. And my mom was just screaming at him about not screaming, but just like really shaming him about saying anything. He had no fucking idea. He thinks girls want boobs, you know, like he was probably like in the same way that they're like, Nikki, you got a boyfriend. And like any of that, I would always go like go like gross fucking grunt like i would scream and cry because i just didn't want to be sexualized in any way so then he left who would that's what i don't understand like why do these parents think

we want to think of all the time we ask little girls do you have a boyfriend little boys do you have a girlfriend do you like any boys like that's kind of stuff i used to hate those questions too please don't ask little girls the questions we're in kindergarten we don't have boyfriends yet we don't our sexual organs are not like working our hormones are not suggesting that we want penises in us yet so stop sexualizing children my dad didn't know though he's a stop sexualizing children. My dad didn't know, though. He's a sweet, sweet guy, just like your dad didn't know.

Your dad's obsessed with weight. It was clearly like he was just projecting. He does the same shit now. Yeah. My dad does not. Sometimes he does. I left, when I came out for Bill Maher, he said, va, va, va, voom.

And I go, we don't eat that. Maher, he said, va, va, va, voom. And I go, we don't eat that. It was like, but it was more funny because now I just go like, dad, gross. It'll be like funny now

when he does it because I make incest jokes about my dad. You did put a dress on the other day that was tits McGee and it had no bra and you were like,

what do you think of this, dad? And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't ask my dad what he thought of that. I had no interest in what he thought of it. Oh, that's right.

He goes, I like that. Or he goes, that one's kind of, didn't he say something about it? No, go weigh in. I was only doing it for my mom. I don't care what my dad has to say. I mean, it's sweet if my dad thinks I look cute,

but like, I don't want my dad to be like, yeah, this lingerie dress looks great on you. Like, I just would rather not him comment on it no the red one the red one pink oh yeah pink one oh i didn't i told him not to comment on that one because it had no bra underneath and i was like if you like this it's gross if you don't like this my feelings are be hurt you don't say anything i can't wear a bra with it my mom goes you gotta wear a bra and

there's no back to it and i go well i don't know what you want from't wear a bra with it. My mom goes, you got to wear a bra and there's no back to it. And I go, well, I don't know what you want from me. And nipples aren't a crime. And I'm so tired of posting pictures on Instagram. And if we can go back to cuz, I'm so tired of posting pictures

on Instagrams and people saying, looks a little cold in there. Ew. Que? I know my nipples hard. That's why I posted it. I think it's Ew. I know my nipple's hard. That's why I posted it. I think it's hot.

I don't care. Or it's not why I posted it. I don't care if my nipple's hard. It doesn't matter. Stop saying that. No bestie would ever say that. So I'm talking into like the thin air. But I do want to say like after, so I waited hours in my bedroom

and then I finally left. And I remember walking into the den area where we all watch TV as a family. And my dad was in there and 60 Minutes was on and we just didn't say anything. And for like 25 years, we said nothing. And then I think one time we were drinking as a family. And I was, remember when you said when you said I was getting some boobs? And he was like, it was the worst day of my life. I'll never live down that shame.

He was so sad about it. It was so cute. He remembered. That's so nice. Oh, yeah. It was so bad. Because we had never gotten into a fight that we didn't work through or talk about as a family.

That was one where it just happened and then we didn't discuss. Okay, let's keep going on cuz. for the sidetrack no problem it's a good segue uh speaking of photos posted to instagram kim kardashian cuts jennifer lopez out of her snap with oprah at a star-studded hollywood party so it turns out that J-Lo posted I like her now. The photo and then Kim posted on her. So here it is. Oh my God. I love this already.

She even put it up to the shoulder part of Oprah where you could not even get a slice of j-lo's dress so he's like when was this this was um you know who anastasia is like she has that makeup line yes she was having a party it was also happened to be oprah's birthday that's right oprah's 69 yes and everyone there had to 69 each other. Just like on her 60th, everyone had to do a tequila shot. That's true. That's kind of cool.

That's good. Okay. Not Kuh. I think it's cool. Who cares about JLo? Obviously there's like a beef there. Like there's, there's gotta be a beef there.

Cause there's no way kim would cut her out otherwise kim says that it was the instagram uh sizing option oh my god yeah right these girls put everything through 18 filters they are not posting willy-nilly like my dad where things get cropped like even when i post something the other day I was going through one of my, you know, posts where I did like 10 pictures and one of the pictures was like, crop my head off. Cause it like moved when I went into edit it.

And I was like, Oh my God. Like, and I'm barely, I'm not that vigilant about this stuff. I I'm good about it, but I'm not Kim Kardashian levels of like, I'm going to change the bathroom tiling so that it doesn't look bent so that you can't tell that

I put in my waist. I mean, she is doing things to pictures that, you know, she's Annie Leibovitzing picture. She is doctoring photos. There's no way. What does that even mean? Instagram cropped it that way? No, it didn't. And by the way, it didn't crop it to Oprah's natural shoulder line. It cropped it further in where you wouldn't even get a little sliver of JLo's dress.

This is brilliant. It's not kuh, the lie is kuh. But what are you gonna say? I don't like JLo, but she does not like JLo. And it's awesome. Because JLo, speaking of that one story where she had a dance, holding dance auditions, and she asked everyone in the room who had been working for hours already at this audition, they're not being paid for.

She asked, she finally gets there. They all applaud. And she's like, thank you so much for being here. I'm such a natural girl just from the Bronxx like i'm so natural and normal and cool and then she asked them the scorpios i think it was the scorpio she's like if you're a scorpio raise your hand oh yeah and she asked them all to raise their hand and then she goes okay you can go home and she said and this is a story from a woman that was there she's a comedian that was there at that dance audition and she said that tons of people they all raised their hands because they thought she

was going to be like these are my girls like she was going to like what a crazy person not a good person if i ever met her i would be nice to her i think she's super talented i do think she can sing unlike everyone else that hates her, thinks she can't sing. I think she's a good actress. I think she can sing. I think she can dance. I'm jealous of her multiple talents, but I think she is a bad person to people. I'm fascinated by celebrities' superstitions. I could not get enough of these stories like remember mariah carey there was a legend that she had to have white vanilla candles in every hotel room like any story like that i i have to know about if you know of any more yeah sometimes celebrities writers are well you gotta go do you ever go on demois yeah once in a while well it's a little bit too much to

sift through for me i know it's a lot of like celebrities that you're like, I don't care about this. Like who cares? That's on a fucking Netflix show. That's going to get canceled next week. But, um, they have a lot of celebrities,

writers show up in there. And, um, I'm so, it would be so funny to see my writer show up on DeMois. Cause people would just be like, what the fuck? It's like my,

the, the, the place where I get really diva is my rice cakes because i can't stand i really love quaker oats rice cakes plain or lightly salted i like the consistency i like how thick they are they have perfect amount like they absorb enough of the cream cheese on top that it's delicious the The ones at Whole Foods, Whole Foods sells Lundberg. If you are someone who eats Lundberg, uh, like round, they either scare the square ones are not bad, but they're not thick enough. Okay.

But Lundberg round ones are eating gravel. They're just, you know, congealed gravel. They're disgusting. I will not have them. And every place, unless you put on the writer, hey, not Lundberg, please no Lundberg, it'll just go to waste. And so I look like a huge diva, but I just want to eat something that I want to eat. So I always feel bad with that stipulationulation and then um i have kind bars i have zevias ginger root beer i have um we used to have turkey sandwiches for andrew because he used to just like whatever he and he was kind of easy he just eats whatever is in front of him because he didn't care like what was there and so it would be funny to see what each venue interpreted as

a turkey sandwich like where they would go what kind of turkey so it would be funny to see what each venue interpreted as a turkey sandwich like where they would go what kind of turkey sandwich they would get um anya has like a root of ginger so they have to buy her like they have to like go out into the earth and pull out a dusty root of ginger she has tea what else do you have you don't have much on the writer we started doing that the other day because it just showed up at a venue and you and i were like oh my god this is kind of fun no it's really good it's delicious and then we together were like we should put this on the rider but i do like how i sound more diva-ish and you're retailing it's not diva-ish i'm just saying it's a funny thing to put on it's a funny they had to pull it

out of the ground yeah they have to go out to a barn northeast of and you have to be a tourist um yeah don't ever get i don't want an aries hands on my ginger root um wait what what other things are on it what do you have um yeah we have zevia we have it's pretty Pellegrino yeah eight things of Pellegrino six it's so basic like nothing fancy and oh the funniest is when people in states that have never heard of a vegan which there are just a couple places vegan cream cheese yeah we have vegan cream cheese and then the other day we were in Memphis and the woman goes um and I brought she texted me she goes I got this I hope this is cool for nikki i'm about to check out and she sends a picture of a huge tub of ricotta and i was like

no no no she's like that's in place so they don't have vegan cream cheese so i don't know ricotta so much she's not wrong but it's got to be vegan i love the consistency i'm not kidding you if you want to know the best goddamn snack, girls, guys, I don't care who you are. If you're like someone who's into consistency, I thought I was a weirdo because I liked this. And it was like a thing that I found that I liked was cream cheese on these Quaker Oats things. I'm not kidding you. Taylor has tried it. People have tried. I gave it to Ben Glebe the other day and they were like this is amazing tofu cream cheese on top of a quaker oats lightly salted or you can get whatever kind of like flavor you want lightly salted or no salt uh rice cake it is a delicious snack and i used to feel a lot of shame

about it but it really is the like i've had so many people go oh my god shame because of the it sounds because it's just like is rice cakes equal people think you're anorexic or trying to lose weight i just like a puff i like the consistency of something that's like styrofoam i've always liked it i like the my mom got gnocchi the other night i'm like oh i like this because it's like hydrogenated it's like puffy i like things that are like moosey moosey goosey okay one more sure uh a new study new research out of australia shows that the endangered male northern qual are giving up sleep for more sex and it could be killing them are the qualls being what's a qual for risking their existence i know dj qualls was in the movie road trip here let me show you it's like a marsupial bird oh

it's giving up sleep for more sex no way with this oh it looks like it needs a little shut eye it looks like it has like spots on it it's so cute it looks like a big rat with mouse ears and someone sprayed bleach all over yeah and yeah dumped bleach all over like has dots on it okay so these things are not getting enough sleep because they're because they probably know they have to reproduce or they're gonna die well yeah and and they travel far for sex and stuff the female qualls don't her course it's like me in my 20s yeah yes or let's be honest a couple years ago um first of all no an animal can't be good because they have no sense of like what other people think about them. So it's impossible for an animal to be co-

like you need to have like an ego to be co- but I will say that I can't imagine when I'm tired, sex is like the last, when you're hungry or tired, you don't want to have sex and sometimes your partner is not tired though and that's when you say just take one for the team and you say i'm just gonna lay here and he says as opposed to what and you go okay well that hurt my feelings but also you're not wrong because i do just kind of lay back and get it.

If I swear to God, if someone was like Nikki's in a coma and she will be the rest of her life, Chris will be like, we only will have the same sex life that we have had when she is not in a coma. That's true. You seem so like vivacious. No, I mean,

no, I just, I like being, being fucked. I don't like, I don't want to't like i don't want to like i don't want to grind like i don't want to set the the i'm in control in every other place of my life in bed i don't want to be in control i don't there are times open or do you pretend you're asleep no my eyes are open i'm not like and i'm interactive i mean i'm if he if i'm tired i always get into it like i'll start off being like okay i'm just gonna lay here like on my

stomach and just like read my phone and i'm like just do it but um no i always get interactive it's just like i just that's i i would love the only thing that i'll never know is all my friends like how they are in bed because everyone like kind of doesn't like to talk about 90% of women do what you do I think there's a lot of people relating I think a lot of women get on top and like to be like really yes yes Noah okay but I it's not that I like it I just prefer it because that's the way I can have an orgasm the easiest. But I also just enjoy laying there when I'm not that much in the mood. But why doesn't everyone do off the bed? Where they're standing off the bed and you're laying on the bed

with your butt scooched to the edge of the bed. I'm always afraid I'm going to like fall off when that happens. I don't like it i can't even concentrate you're laying on your bed on the back on your back yeah you scooch to the side they're standing at the side of the bed and i'm on my back you're on your back on the side of the bed and then they're standing like this I just feel like more of your body is off the bed. And you're like this. Yes.

This is fun. Everyone needs to watch this on YouTube. You don't slip off the bed? No. This bed has a lot of friction. There's a good amount of friction. And if you do, you just scoop back up. And then they're like this.

Right. Do you guys ever do that sometimes yeah i'm sure i've tried that but i'm not kidding you 98 of the sex i have is that and your legs are up like that like crouched up by your ears like child's i mean i'll put them behind i can do happy baby they call that happy baby and yoga oh wow you're going for it full wow jesus nikki you're like a flower i just like to be folded like a little pretzel okay well that's not just laying there well that it is i'm not doing anything that's like a yangar yoga but wait i don't understand if people aren't doing that what is the sex you're having truly laying there like like they're on top like they're like

this like this yeah that's so much harder for them it's not my problem who cares i don't it's not my problem i worry about my my partner's strength and tiredness. They like the exercise. It makes them feel strong. You got to get a strap on because you're good at thrusting. You're talented. No, you'd be good at that too. I'd be attracted to you if I were a lesbian.

Really? Yeah. That was like you put in some effort right there. What? I mean, that was just a basic thrust. Do you think that was like you put in some effort right there what i mean that was just a basic thrust you think that was actually like impressive yeah like you're underselling yourself you're athletic i don't understand what i would do if i was on top like i don't understand doing here we go but i don't understand okay so you get on top like this no are your knees your legs are bent so

your shins are flush with the bed right yeah okay Yeah. Okay. And then do you bounce like with your knees? Oh, hell no, no, no, no, no. I am leaning forward. Yeah, me too. Forward, okay. Into the wall. Okay. Yeah.

And then what do you do from there? How do you get any movement? Grind your puss. Grind it. Yeah, just grinding it. Pretend you're with Gleb right now. Wait, you're dancing with the stars. No, you're grinding? I meant you're dancing. Right, no, I know. I came as soon as you said Gleb right now. You're dancing with the stars. No, you're grinding?

I meant you're dancing. Right, no, I know. I came as soon as you said Gleb, though. I didn't have to do anything. Wait, you're grinding. Are you grinding your clit against something? Yes. Against what?

Their mound. They're like, you know, above their dick. That's not hard enough. It's skin. Well, there is a bone under there. Okay. I know I was into it. Okay, I'm going to try this tonight.

Yeah. So, okay. You literally, shins flat against the surface. Yes. You lean forward. What are you leaning against? Are you laying on them? He's like this, kind of.

He's like up on the headboard or whatever. He's like up against here. Oh, he's sitting up? Like he's reading a journal? Yeah, he's reading a journal. Okay, so. Sitting up against his bed headboard or the wall. Okay, he's reading the business section of the New York Times.

Wait, Noah, your obvious flat or the guy that we're talking about? Yes. And basically what I do is I'll either like go off to the side a little bit and I'll like mash my head up into the mattress. And then he's just like, just waiting for you to finish at this point. Like he's not really, he's excited.

He always lets, yeah, like he, like I uh no he he always lets yeah like he like i come first and then we'll take care of him but he's like holding on to my butt or something so he's also helping me move got it got it got it okay interesting i don't think i've ever taken control of myself coming it's cool because you can also get a thing up your butt that way yeah yeah i've never been one to be like i gotta make myself come like i'm always like you make me come try it that makes any sense yeah you might be into it also flipping topics real quick actually we're gonna go to break because i have something that i need to ask uh anya about that she said very confidently last week and i took her at her word and then

yesterday i go that ain't true and we'll be back with that right after this 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year it's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities i'm joel oh and i am matt and we're the hosts of how to money's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the

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This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to Crems as part of the Michael Lura Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts so the other day we were i was doing my hair in the dressing room backstage and i was like i haven't cut my hair for a over a year year and a half it's you know at about um under boob length and anya said said, yeah, your hair stops growing.

Everyone's hair has a certain length that it'll grow and then it stops. And I was like, oh, that makes sense. Because it's not getting any longer from that point. And I've been growing it forever. It just stays at that length. My thing is, then why do my roots get dark if my hair ain't growing why do i get to get it touched up well it's growing that is a great point what a great

point that no one has made ever in the history of this question or topic. And the answer is I don't. I don't know. But I do know that eyelashes do the same thing. They like fall, they fall out a lot, a lot more than you think. You're losing eyelashes all the time and they're growing in, but where are they? I can't see the ones growing in.

Because they're blended in with the others. Yes. So I think what's happening with your hair is pieces fall out. Some of my hair is turning it is all dark at the top and i just got my roots done yesterday yes i think it just breaks at a certain point it can't i think it is still growing but that it and there are pieces that get really long but i end up cutting them and those are just the ones that are the strongest that have made it to this because my hair up here very thick down here not so much because these babies have it's like the people

humans lives these babies are in their hundreds and not many people make it to their hundreds you know what i mean those are the darwinian fittest hair so i think it just gets they just they break off as opposed to your hair just stops growing and honest answer you have never googled this no i haven't either but i don't need to google it because the proof is that i have to get my hair touched up every four weeks. It 100% is growing and it's not like some of the hairs are black

and the others aren't. But why do some people's hair grow to like their shins and some people's do not? Because they have stronger hair that they don't dye all the time. I think my hair would also go to my shins if I wasn't bleaching it all the time. Right.

And if it wasn't the certain texture that it is or whatever. Some people's hair is just strong. But I have a theory that some people, no matter how little they dye their hair and no matter how many hair supplements they take, they are not genetically able to grow their hair all the way to their feet, even if they wanted to. And some people are.

That's my theory. I think it's breaking off. Well, I think that's true because i think it's breaking but i don't think your hair stops growing at the root because why does any then no one would need haircuts anymore anya no i do know this is it no this is not this is not something that's up for debate it is 100 your hair does keep growing it does so that's why i was like because i totally believed you i was like oh i guess my hair has a limit yeah it just stops growing and then i then i was getting it done yesterday and i was like wait a second okay you raise an interesting point i thought i had read that that everyone's hair just stops

growing at a certain point but does it all just decide to break? God, it makes me so sad. Because it's almost like age. Why does everyone decide they'd start dying around 80? It's just like this is the place where it starts to interfere with cooking when you were by a fire as a caveman, when your babies would start pulling on it, like it probably is evolutionarily like this is a place where hair doesn't need to like

keep going. It's not serving you any purpose. Maybe. I don't know. I was at the hair salon yesterday getting it done. And hair salons, I was already depressed yesterday. I woke up on the wrong side of my life. And I went into that hair salon. And just seeing all of these women getting their hair done, it made me so sad. I'm just like... And it made me sad that I can't enjoy it. Because I know some of these women are like,

I'm getting my hair done. Even on our girls chat, everyone's like, you'll feel so much better after you get your hair done. I feel literally nine times worse after I get my hair done. Even on our girls chat, everyone's like, you'll feel so much better after you get your hair done. I feel literally nine times worse after I get my hair done. I just spent my money on something stupid that is a thing that men don't have to spend their money on

or as much money on. I feel like I got hoodwinked by whatever gloss I bought. My hair is always wet. I don't want them to brush it because it's going to rip out more hair because hair stylas are never as gentle with your hair as you are. Um, and it takes too long cause they do like one strand at a time. And I'm just like, I'm fast. I even blow dry my hair fast, which doesn't seem possible. It seems like there should be a limit to how quickly you

can blow dry your hair. I'm a fast as fuck. I don't know what other people are doing. And it just made me kind of sad. Like that, first of all, that all these women have to do this, but then all of them seem to be enjoying it. And then I got mad, like, why can't I enjoy it? And then I was like, I was so sad yesterday. I couldn't, there was like a nice cashier that was like,

do you do anything fun this weekend? And I go, what? This coming weekend or like last weekend? I mean, it was Tuesday. I'm like, it's almost like saying happy new year in February. I'm like, I don't know that I want to talk about last week. And I go, yeah, I went to New York. Oh, so what's your favorite place you've ever been to?

What's your favorite place you've ever performed at? I mean, they know I'm a comedian. And I just was like, I guess New York. I don't know. Like I like, I was such a, I just like, there are sometimes these questions, which are sweet. Like that's actually a nice question.

I went to the orthodontist the other day and she goes, what's the coolest, what's the thing you've done that you've been like, I can't believe I'm doing this show. Like what's the coolest show you've ever done? And that was an interesting question, but I was also wanting to kill myself that day. So I was just like, none of this matters. Your life is probably better than mine

giving me this fucking x-ray. You get to go home and watch tv with your husband i am watching old episodes of just shoot me to feel something and because the title makes me feel relief and because it's what i want to do today like i was just like so not doing anything fun this weekend i'm gonna shoot myself i really was like such a bad place but i answered her i was like oh in a bad place. But I answered her and I was like, oh, probably Wheel of Fortune because it's like something you grew up with. And also like Conan.

And she goes, I didn't know you were on that. I'm like, I've been on it like 17 times. It's just like it wasn't worth getting into. But what do you feel when you get those like kind of questions of like getting into anything fun this weekend? Like do you give them a legit answer do they want a legit answer i hate these questions i just want to always to be left alone i wish i was invisible all the time i don't like any of this what about hotels what brings you

to town i know one time we said something really strange that i was like, I want to do that again. I just go, comedy. It just shut them up for some reason. I want to say a cigarette convention. I'm trying to get youths into smoking again. Oh, and where do you guys do that? What kind of youths? Just your youngest, most impressionable youths in town. We see this market as very impressionable

and we can really get a stronghold here in Juliet, Illinois. So the breakfast bar is open at night. Oh my God. Who checks into a hotel? I mean, I know some people do because I am behind them in line sometimes and they want to know about the amenities.

They want to know what time the breakfast bar opens. They want to know what time the lounge is open to. They want to know that sometimes the lounge closes early on Wednesdays because they have a shift changeover. They want to know what floor the gym is on, even though this person looks like they've never been to a gym in their life. They want to know about room service and what time that ends,

all with a line behind them. Who are you? How dare you? Yesterday on the plane, I was sitting on a window seat. Chris was in the middle seat with me. And then the plane was fucking empty. There were 85 empty seats.

And Chris said, we have the row all to ourselves because he booked it, and I was like, fucking sweet. I get in before him because he was parking the car. I get in the window seat, and I write to him being like,

we're not alone on our aisle. There's someone in the aisle seat. I was like pissed. I'm like, you didn't get it right, because I don't want to share an aisle. I can't give a handjob next to a guy in an aisle there's someone in the aisle seat i was like pissed like you didn't get it right and um because i don't want to share an aisle i can't give a hand job next to a guy in an aisle just kidding um i was not in the mood i needed sleep i wasn't like those fucking voles out of south america what are they called squalls quals and on dj quals and so i uh I was like, I'm trying to say to this guy, you don't want to sit next to me. I'm crying.

I put down my tray. This is before we take off. I put down my tray. I put all of my pillows on it. I put my head in it. I'm shaking, crying. I have my hoodie over my head so that it's not so obvious i'm trying not to be so obvious but i'm also trying to be like this is a broken woman go sit somewhere

else like the plane is open they've already made the announcement like you can sit wherever oh really and he was sticking around so then a flight attendant chris talks to one of the flight attendants is like hey i think that that guy's not supposed to be there chris goes two rows behind me he sees me he sees me in that state as he boards and he doesn't even say hi he just goes to a difference he's like he catches the drift of not wanting to be next to me oh my god so then he texts me i'm two rows behind you but i'm crying and i can't see the text so i don't even know that he said that so i finally look at my phone oh then the flight attendant comes up to the guy on the aisle and says sir we have an this is row 32 by the way 30 she goes row 7 has an aisle seat available if you want to get off the plane faster like meaning move away from this crying girl

and i'm not being like sobby about it i'm weeping quietly there's no sounds emitting but you can like see the shaking i'm crying so and i don't even know if she had anything to do with this i think chris was more like hey can you get that guy out of our fucking bro because he just sat there arbitrarily it wasn't even a seat so but she couldn't enforce him to go to his seat because they were kind of like sit wherever you want you know it wasn't southwest but it was like they already made a point you can sit wherever you want so she goes you there's an open aisle aisle seven and he goes i've got a long layover in la i have no i have no rush to get off the plane and i'm a big fan of rose and uh i gotta watch this meltdown yeah no kidding so i like was

then i start really crying i'm just like this fucking stupid guy won't move like and i was just like and then i look at my phone and chris is like i'm two rows behind you come back here and so i piled up all my things and i was like um i'm changing rows and I, and he, and I go, sorry. And he goes, I don't have any problem with it. And I was like, okay. And then I climbed back, but I was just so cut out. Like if there are around you on a plane, several, I'm not like Andrew's version of several, several rows that have no one sitting in them. Why would you ever choose to sit on an aisle

next to someone who is in that row? Wouldn't you go to a row that has no one? The only way I would stay is if my guitar was in that overhead compartment and it was too big of a pain in the ass for me to move it to a different overhead compartment. No, but there were multiple rows next to this row. Right.

Like behind, right behind it, right across from it. No one's sitting there. And he sat down after I had already sat. So it was just like, fuck this guy. Final thought. I was going off about something so hard.

Oh God, what was it? Hold on. Let me just, let me just figure it out what it is because it was something we. While you're thinking, I'm going to ask Noah,

why is Nikki in row 32? Because- She is a famous celebrity. You need to treat yourself to a better seat. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. Because the company that flew me out here

to shoot a pilot tomorrow booked me on a United flight for some reason. That was a connecting flight. I think my assistant got it mixed up that i said i wanted to leave st louis as late as possible on tuesday so she was like the latest flight out is five something i didn't know that meant a connecting flight through fucking atlanta or wherever so i i think i now have to clarify the latest flight that's direct right so i get on the latest flight that's direct, right?

So I get on this United flight. That's like, so then that flight gets delayed. Then it gets, then I fly, it gets rerouted through DC. I'm not landing in LA until one 44 in the morning. So I start crying early.

I've already having a depressed day yesterday. I wake up to like, just get a couple things done, work out or something before my 5 o'clock flight. It's 2 o'clock, and I'm like, oh, my God, this flight's now getting at 144. Chris is already booked on a flight at 348, and I go, I'm just going to get on that flight. I'm going to buy my ticket on that flight.

Go online, buy my ticket on the flight. It will not let me buy my ticket. It says you have to see a gate agent. Well, thank God Chris was already headed to the airport. So he was like, I will go to the gate agent and buy you the ticket. So he gets there. He buys me the ticket. And like a prince that he is, little red Corvette prince,

he, because he's short and talented, he. And wears high heels. Yeah. He, if you don't know this in traveling if you don't need you need the only stipulations you need is to board your plane 15 minutes before they could they shut the door 15 minutes before the flight time take off and you can't check bags 45 minutes before your flight so 45 minutes is the cutoff and they can't check bags 45 minutes before your flight. So 45 minutes is the cutoff. And they can't send the bags on the next flight. And you go on that flight, you have to fly with your bag.

So you have to just get on the next flight. So 45 minutes is the cutoff. I always get to the airport an hour early. Saves me that 15-minute window before the bag cutoff. I have status on most planes. And if you have status, you kind of get to go to the front of the line. So I never have trouble with this. But I'm getting an Uber.

I'm going to make it just in time with five minutes to spare, 50 minutes before my flight, and the Uber can't find me. I'm running around the streets of St. Louis with two huge suitcases, again, crying. And I'm not a crier. Yesterday was a bad day. I get in. He is such a good driver, and he floors it, and he gets there.

I give him a $20 tip on a $20 ride. He gets me there, and Chris is at the gate, and I'm five minutes late. It's 40 minutes before my flight. So I've already reached the cutoff, and it's like a no-go. But Chris is such a charmer that he charmed the women at the front, and they were like we'll make it happen so he meets me outside chris runs in with my bags and they're like come on come on he's like leslie diane thank you guys so much he hugs them i'm like without him i would not be on

the flight date i would have come in there being like oh you want to know my favorite thing i've ever done in my career well last weekend i guess i was in New York. I guess that was fun. I was been such a little brat. I know people are going to hear this and don't go on the Reddit thread and be like, Nikki seems like she's not doing well. She's such a bitch. She treats people angrily. Did you hear how she talked to that technician who did her x-ray? Did you hear how she talked to blah, blah, blah? I am nicer than 99.9999999% of normal people out and about to people who work in service industries. Don't start that dialogue about me. I swear to God, I'm always nice.

Yesterday, I was very, very depressed. And I was still nice to those people that asked me those questions. I just didn't come up with a creative answer. Usually, I might go, let me think about that. But I was just like, oh, I guess New York. Like I was just lazy about it is what I'm saying. Would you agree, Anya, that I am nice to people? You're so conscientious and sweet.

Yeah. And you're great. I just know people are going to go on Reddit. I know there's a couple people on Reddit who hate me and are always looking for reasons to go. She's changed. She used to be this way, but she's mean now. And I'll tell you, the people you're defending on there are way meaner to customer service people than I am. So watch it. And also, I don't read anything you say. I see one comment a year because someone sends it to me. So I'm never reading anything. So say what you want. And if you hate me so much, why are you writing about me?

Why? If you hate someone and think they've changed and you don't like them anymore, why are you listening? Me no know. Me no know why you listen. Maybe you want to hear how bad I am at football. Speaking of football, the Chiefs, right?

The Chiefs are going and then someone else, right? Yeah, the Broncos. Or is it really the Broncos? No, I don't know. Oh, I think that's the car Carlisle just got. The Buccaneers. I am excited about the Super Bowl, though, because there are rumors that Taylor Swift is going to make

a surprise appearance with Rihanna. Oh my God. So I am going to be glued. Because yesterday there was something with the Empire State Building. A couple of besties sent it to me where they have the Midnight's album colors on the Empire State Building, which is the rival team of the Giants or something. And people were like, why would they put the rival team colors? And I think it's a secret hint.

And Taylor Swift did announce the premiere of antihero music video on Thursday night football at one point. So there was a football tie in early on. There is speculation. She might be performing. I cannot wait. I would lose my fucking mind. I do think she'll sing antihero.

I don't know what's going to happen. I do know that. Are you guys excited to see rihanna hell yeah we're gonna be in the same state that really excites me i love rihanna where is she well um the football the football the super bowl is happening in arizona in phoenix oh oh nice oh that is cool um And then, do you watch the Super Bowl? I watch the halftime show. Yes. Do you ever go to a party or anything and make everyone be quiet like the Academy Awards?

I've gone to one party with you and that's where I met Seralina. Oh, yeah. Okay. We ate a bunch of... That's not the only Super Bowl party you've ever been to in your life. Maybe one more. What? Really?

Yeah. Oh, interesting. This Sunday we'll be coming back from Orlando. So I don't know what I'm going to do maybe on Sunday night. But I like watching it so much. It's such a spectacle. Is the big game on Sunday? They call it the big game. Do you knoway they call it the big game do you know why

they call it that because super bowl is trademarked yeah the big game is sunday wait did you think it would be on a monday or do you just not it's no i just meant is it this sunday i think it is this sunday i could be wrong but i believe it's next sunday really It's not this Sunday. It's the 12th or something. Well, then where will I be next Sunday? Oh, my goodness. Let me just see real quick. You're off. Oh, I will be in St. Louis.

Oh, my God. That's so exciting. Watch it with a fam. Someone invite me to a Super Bowl party. Or, yeah, maybe, oh, my family. Oh, yeah, watch it with my sister and bro. That'll be good. All right, guys. Thank you for listening to the podcast this week. Thank you, Anya. Thank yeah, watch it with my sister and bro. That'll be good. Alright guys, thank you for

listening to the podcast this week. Thank you Anya. Thank you Noah. Don't be cuss. See you in Florida this weekend, Tampa and Orlando. I can't wait. See you at those shows. Tickets still available to the late shows. They're gonna be good. Can't wait to see you guys and don't be cuss and James. James.

James. James. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky

credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How To Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else.

Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up

to close out the season, but, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance. You gotta check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions?

Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, and now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions including jane lynch delaney row and cord jefferson listen to mini questions on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts seven questions limitless answers