The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #319 Wet N' Wild

Episode Date: February 22, 2023

Preparing for a reality TV show appearance, Nikki wonders if it is worth it to spend money on glam that washes off at the end of the day. After an eventful weekend in Las Vegas, she is inspired to make a couple of changes. One was inspired by a pizza place she couldn't get enough of, another from performing with rock n' roll icons at Keep Memory Alive charity event and the last was inspired by her friend Bill Maher who also happened to be in town. Nikki has a hot take on Tiger Woods apologizing for a bad prank, she likes being a little pervert, she will never get a quaker parrot and her and Anya review some of the latest documentaries they are watching. Nikki goes through the subReddits she follows. In the Final Thought they discuss why some comedies don't hold up today. --- Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Get Pod Merch: Podshop.NikkiGlaser.com Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Anya's Patreon: patreon.com/anyamarina   More Nikki: IG More Anya: IG More producer Noa: IG  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. It's Nikki Glaser Podcast. Welcome to the show. I am coming to you from Los Angeles, California. Noah is here. Anya is here. I'm in LA for a little bit.

I'm shooting a reality show that people know and love tomorrow, an episode of that. I'm like going to guest star on it. I'll give you details when I can talk about it, but it's very fun. I'm kind of wondering, like, do I, if I get hair and makeup done, it's $750 for a makeup person, 500, like 500 for a hair person.

I'm not getting paid because I'm thinking I'm getting paid like maybe exactly that to do the show. Do I just wing it and do it myself? Because I think I can. But it's like a Netflix show,

a Netflix reality show. Everyone on the show is really pretty and looks like so beautiful. So part of me is like, I should have it professionally done. But I also... Yeah. So only because I have access to your calendar and I know what show it is,

I feel like there's a lot of makeup on it. And I like the way you do your makeup wet and wild makeup yeah it's drag race target yeah yeah it's not drag race i couldn't but it's it's a show um yeah it's probably just as much um yeah it's very glam just yeah i should probably get someone. Yeah, treat myself. Okay. Treat the show, really, because I'm paying to do the show then. This is what that is. But you know what?

This is what you do in this biz. And it'll be fun. Yeah, I don't want to look like the ragamuffin of the group. And it's fun, too. It's like this is part of what's fun about being famous and rich, is you get to spend money on looking good. But $750 for someone to do your makeup that washes off that night. Yes, but you're on a reality show. I think this is your challenge for this year

is really leaning into accepting yourself. You know your mantra, what is it? I love and accept myself. I approve of myself. I approve of myself. That would be I don't need to wear makeup on this show because I approve of myself. I approve of myself. That would be, I don't need to wear makeup on this show because I'm beautiful the way I am.

I approve of myself spending money on a makeup artist. Yeah, but it's tricky because I do think it's a, listen, they have to charge that much because these makeup artists have agents who take a big cut. Like everyone's getting a piece. And my friend who does my makeup

deserves that much money but sometimes i like to get a little wet and wild maybe yeah i get into my own stuff and i go like i did my makeup this weekend for this um the rock show i did with sammy hagar alice cooper rick springfield kevin Cronin from Mario Speedwagon, Sam Moore, Michael McDonald, John Mayer, and Paula Abdul. But I did my makeup for that event. And I walked in and some girl was like, oh my God, you look amazing. Because I went to rehearsal and I looked like hell. And then I came back and everyone's like, whoa, you clean up.

And all you have to do is put on a tiny dress and knee-high boots. people go like oh my god but this girl was like you did that she was like you're good so the my only problem is i still suffer with lashes my lashes like because if the glue gets a little like if the lash pulls a little bit like it lands on a way it can pull it's so strong it can pull your eyelid to like look a little like more open than the other one is that what you're going for okay so sometimes like i i that's not even funny because you're so on the money i was doing it this weekend i go i should come up with a type of eyelid glue for if you want to make a part of your eyeball bigger yeah to show more eye because people are always trying to show more eyeball or less eyeball like it's all about and makeup gives the illusion of oh i want makeup that makes my eyes look bigger i want makeup that makes like eyeshadow always makes me look um older i feel

and so now i'm getting off the eyeshadow train but it was such a big deal forever like you can't not wear eyeshadow they should have just like a lash person that you can bring him like you like a nascar where they just bring somebody in at the end just yeah i might show up and go i might just talk to my producer friend who is the reason i'm doing this show and say can i just like borrow your lady's makeup girl for a touch-up because that's what you do you set the foundation and then you go for a touch-up and then when you get there they really just do your whole face over and like here's what you do pay You set the foundation and then you go for a touch up and then when you get there, they really just do your whole face over and like they fix. Here's what you do pay for though

because you do perfect professional makeup already because you've been doing it for years. You know how to do it. Do a hair person. Just hire, because the hair is the

tough part. Hair is the key part. You're right. You're not wrong. Because you don't want to be like, oh my God, look at all my flyaways I had and I didn't realize it.

I might go to Dry Bar down the street because my hair is pretty simple to do. Like, I like a blowout i like a soft curl i do it myself and it's not as good as when they do it but like i feel like a dry bar person could do it instead of paying 500 no offense to christina who i love who does my hair i just don't feel like spending money when i'm not making any i'm tired of it even though this weekend was amazing it was a charity show like and i got flown out and i got put up very nice things it's been like i need some passive income i'm listen to me

becoming like a greedy person i'm like i want to make money when i'm not doing anything like i look at my schedule i go unless i'm doing something i'm not making money and i want some of that that that pi that people got i i saw there in Vegas this weekend, I became obsessed with this pizza place called Pieology where it's like Chipotle for pizza. You pick the toppings you want. And I was obsessed with it. I told Chris, I was like,

I want to study marine pieology. I want to go back to school. I want to work with putting seaweed on pizza. It was really funny. All weekend, I would just slowly start walking over to pyology or we would be walking by it and i would just stop and stare at it and just go like and like get like tears in my eyes and we were joking all weekend because and i was like i want to open a franchise of pyology and he was like that's a way to make some passive income so what's your favorite dish they're just scraping stuff off

the top no i ate the whole thing because they tell you how many calories and what is inside the crust. So you pick a crust, and you can pick a gluten-free one, vegan, cauliflower, regular. But they give you the countdown of what you're going to get in a crust. And so as long as I know what's in a crust, I'm down to eat the crust, even though I love eating the toppings off of pizza, and I will never not do that.

And I think it's a totally normal way, you're avoiding carbs to do that what was your order extra sauce artichokes uh peppers but they were putting too much when you make a veggie pizza and you don't have a lot of cheese and like think things can't be wet so like roasted peppers are always in that gooey wet stuff so i if i trained at my biology i would train them to like sieve out the water and make them drier and then mushrooms red peppers um which i found out in australia they call it capsicum so red capsicum um which i love the word capsicum so much more than pepper and then um i would do yeah and then spinach, vegan cheese, and banana peppers.

What else did I, but I would add broccoli to our menu. I would add a cauliflower. I would add like more eggplant and stuff, but that was my order this weekend. It was so freaking good. Cruciferous capsicums. Yes.

I don't want them to be cruciferous though. Is that the word? I don't want them to be cruciferous though is that the word i don't want them to be when well when they get for us or just cauliflower and broccoli right anything farty oh you want to talk about farty i got please fucking prescribed these they're called fontas oh my god they are um dry mouth laws lozenges and it looks like it says Fartus, but it's F-O-N-T-U-S. And they're for just like wetting your, like keeping your mouth wet and like, and for like just sore throat. And they were recommended by Kristen Chenoweth on this bloggerade, you know, the best singer ever, Kristen Chenoweth.

She was like, I'm addicted to these. I do them all the time. And so I got them and I love them. But you cannot eat more than four. And your body turns into like when I used to chew a lot of gum and like sugar-free gum, I was toxic. My body was completely constantly dealing with some kind of like thing it had to get rid of because of fake sugar. And these have something fake in them because it's gasopalooza over here.

Yeah, it's really good. Yeah, but I guess like lysozine, maybe that's it's gas over here like what's going on yeah it's really good yeah but i guess like lysozine maybe that's it what's in these sorbitol that's it sorbitol it's a fake sugar it's gotta be because they're 10 calories a piece there's no sugar addictive do you think they just like taste really good these are green apple they just taste good and they do make your mouth feel like um we have manuka honey so they're like kind of honey feel like they're delicious do they just taste good and they do make your mouth feel like um we have manuka honey so they're like kind of honey feel like they're delicious do they just make your mouth so wet they make it like slimy not wet okay so yes can you put one in your puss maybe i mean that's a good idea honestly i'm so sick of having a pussy that does not respond to my body when it needs to.

Yeah, I put a gummy worm in there. It's a well-documented story from picking up a boyfriend at the airport. And I knew he was going to finger me. So I put his favorite candy inside. It's hilarious. I love doing gross jokes. This weekend, we checked in the hotel Like this weekend, there was, we checked in the hotel in Vegas

and there was this like mural on the wall. Like it's like a sexy mural of a girl with like almost like, what are the garter belt kind of thing? Oh yeah. And she's like sexy. It was just her torso. And,

but it was on the wall and it was kind of aggressive of like, you know, some of these hotels you check into and they're like, you're going to fuck here. And if you don't, you're a fucking pussy.

Like you don't get this hotel room unless you're going to really get into some shit. Because it was Vegas. So let me just show you what I did. I just airdropped this to Chris when he was like, there was an upstairs to our hotel room. It was the nicest place at the MGM Grand. Where is this goddamn picture? Oh, here it is.

Oh, I took a million of them. Did we stay there once when you had that sweet and it looked like it was going down on her so i just like started licking this wall and sent it to him so it looked like i was like going down on this girl uh her door i mean literally there's like a hundred of these because i was trying to get the right angle look at now trying to like grab her tit so i'm always doing like childish um sex pranks and fun um all the time i'm always just like i'm gonna get your dick like i'm gonna get it and he'll be like stop it i'm like i'm gonna get it and i just like i'm always like in the covers i'll just like slowly sneak my hand and like a little snake

that's going through and then i'll just like grab it not in a hurtful way like i know how to not hurt him but um it's so fun i'm a little i like being a little um pranky purr yeah well the third one back looked real oh thank you yeah i mean i eventually got there with the holding me doing a selfie style but the show this weekend was crazy i mean i just did five minutes of comedy it was a um event for keep memory alive which is to fight like to uh pretty much it's the one charity that finances the lou ruvo center for brain health at the cleveland clinic and this guy i met the guy that made this clinic and he named it after his dad lou ruvo who died of alzheimer's anyway they did this huge benefit and it's been going on 26 years i think this is the 26th year and they always have like a big concert and in one night in one room they they do a silent

auction and they do a loud auction i guess and they raise like 30 million dollars in a night with the people that are here these are the most rich people in las ve. And a lot of people fly in for it. They were auctioning off a yacht trips around the world, um, for like you and 20 of your friends. I'm like, who has 20 friends? I guess rich people probably have, there's like not a deficit of friends when you have that much money,

um, watches, uh, tennis lessons with Andre Augustine, Steffi graph, um, a dinner with Wolfgang puck at his house with his wife and then seven of your friends

and with world-class entertainment during it. So he's going to have like someone perform during that, like all these crazy things to bid on. But before the auction was this dinner that was delicious. And I was seated at a table with Michael McDonald and his family and then Sam Moore, who's like this blues soul legend. Yeah he was in a wheelchair he's like in his 90s he's like so no maybe he's 80s late 80s but he was um and his daughter and like it was just like cool

michael mcdonald his uh man michael mcdonald from the doobie brothers who's he sings like this. And Chris and I are sitting next to this in this table. And then I do five minutes of comedy after the dinner. And I begged them to have like someone bring me up. So they had this guy come out for literally like two seconds to just be like

everyone quiet down. Okay, this next comedian I'm like, what? And so I go out to kind of a rowdy room and I had five minutes to like get them to shut up and listen. And it was great. And then I left the stage and then I just went back to my table and got to enjoy the best show. So it was like, you know, and then oh, I did I forget to say Chad Kroger from Nickelback, who is amazing, who I met the day before because I got into Vegas the day before and ran into him as soon they brought me in this back way I thought I was just gonna go to like the lobby and like have to check in and all this stuff they bring me this back way they give me everything and then they just lead me up but Chad Kroger was right there in his girlfriend who was like oh my god I love you and she was like I'm not a stalker and i'm like oh that's so nice and then i was like oh it's you hide and then um he's so nice so cool so funny um loved him and alice cooper was so

freaking nice i met him at the rehearsal because we all got the end we're singing taking it to the street um together and uh so at the rehearsal i met him and Alice Cooper, who is really nice and was familiar with me and told me he has a sister named Nikki, but she spells it N-I-C-K-I-E. And that was I've never heard that spelling before, actually. So that was actually kind of interesting. And then Michael McDonald is actually was high school friends with my he's from St. Louis. He's high school friends with my voice teacher, Michael Rokio. So how old is your voice teacher? Sixty something. Oh, wow. oh wow 60s yeah but he's

pretty spry i i'm like kind of surprised he's that old um and he actually might be coming to see us in bloomington this week and so i'm excited for you to meet him but um yeah i'm trying to think of other things it was just what about meeting paula abdul yeah it was weird it was right before we walked on stage and she was like i love you and she hugged me and was like hugged me really hard she was like i just think you are so great i was like oh my god paula and then we just like sang next to each other and then it was time to go but i i didn't get any pictures with anyone i kind of was just like not even thinking to do that i knew that there it would be well documented so i wasn't like i wish i would have maybe gotten more selfies with someone like the legends like michael mcdonald and what were you chatting with people about like what was

the dinner conversation like um well i was sitting next to michael mcdonald's manager paul i believe his name was and that he was interesting because he was talking about all the musicians he manages. Emmylou Harris and this new guy out of Austin that he told me to look up for that I forget his name. Who else? Kings of Leon. He's a big deal

and started out in the record business. After watching that Geffen documentary, I'm kind of i guess just i'm i'm interested in how the music business works and how people and the elvis movie i know this is like why wouldn't you and be interested in before there's something about it now that i'm like i want to know how you got to managing musicians like and even listening to rick um what's his name springfield no he's the um producer rick rubin rubin talk yeah rick rubin who

has no musical talent talking about like his and how important he's been in music like i think that it's interesting to get to talk to people who aren't singers or musicians at all and like what their impact in how they got into music and then it was nice because he was like well when you're ready i'm waiting for you. Like he, so now I have someone to like give my demos if I ever want to do that. Cause he was really nice and like really encouraging and, um,

was cool. And they represent some comedians too. So he's, he's savvy with comedy. He was really nice though. And, um, and yeah,

it was just, and then, uh, and it was nice. Cause the night before I got into town, I look at the fucking, I'm just like on Instagram and they must have known where I was and where I was going.

Cause all of a sudden it was like Bill Maher at the MGM Grand. And I'm like, I'm staying there. You're here. And so I text him. So I get to go to his show, which was awesome. And really like woke me up about some stuff. Like all this weekend,

I've been having like kind of Bill Maher-ish. Like I've been like anti-woke all weekend and i've been like uh just more like fuck pc and like just say what's true like these i need i need guys that are so far out like that to sometimes jolt me into the right way of thinking like this weekend i I just like, I don't know. I've had no tolerance for people's feelings, which I, you know, I, I do love feelings and I do, but I do hate this new thing of like the, you know, which is not the new thing. We've all called it out, but haven't your personality is being offended about something. It's just, I don't care if I hurt those people's feelings. I used to say I care about, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

I don't care if I hurt your feelings. Cause you're not really I care about I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings I don't care if I hurt your feelings because you're not really your feelings aren't hurt that's not what's going on there and I think I had that misconstrued with like well you might not agree with their feelings being hurt and they might you know and I do have empathy for them because if you have nothing else going on for you except to get offended at a vagina joke or whatever the fuck your life must be like so sad. And that I do feel bad for you. And I don't mean to like make your life worse, but I think I make your life better because you're getting excited about how much you hate something.

So I actually think I'm contributing. So this weekend though, right after like my show was great. My five minute set, like, which is not ideal to do that little of time in a cold room. It went amazing. And amazingly,

um, I did, it was so funny i was just telling matt because we did an interview and me and matt just did an interview for spin together and he was talking to me about stuff and i was like i wrote to anya this weekend to remind me of like what bits to do for this set i had because she watches my show like every night and so does matt and um she's sent me this list it was like pedophiles um crowd interaction involving wheelchairs and i'm like this is uh a set that's five minutes and it's cold most people don't probably don't know comedy is even happening in this room she's like uh the story about john bonnet ramsey murder i'm like i can't it was so cute i loved i loved the list of you because it

was it made me realize how unable i am to do so many of my jokes like in that amount of time which is fine and is the way it should be but i just stuck to like the i pretty much was like um oh we ate this like we ate this delicious vegan starter which were these like beet cakes wolf all right it was the people who do crossroads in la it's one of my favorite vegan restaurants and there's this beet cake that was so good and so I go how we had just eaten dinner and I'm walking on stage and I go how good were those damn beet cakes I was like if you ate the beet cake tomorrow your pee tonight or tomorrow your pee is going to be pink or reddish you're not dying you ate beets people because it was in the dark and it was valuable to know because everyone in that room was old yes everyone there is like worried about prostate cancer

it's not yes yeah and then so and then um who gave me the tag uh kevin nealon who i saw later on gave me the tag of like and you should have said and if you're and if your shit is diarrhea it's because you ate that like and then just say something else like about some gross part of the food it's because you ate the and make fun of something so i wish i would have done that but i started out that way so i called out something that everyone had experienced in the room and then i just there too kevin was there kevin was working at the club so bill was at the theater there i was at the mgm grand which is where they have like you know boxing matches and ufc fights and joe rogan sells it out it's like i was backstage it's like billy joel paul

mccartney paul like it was so like but they had it closed off like it was a fourth of it right but it was this huge stage it was so cool um and so yeah bill maher was at the mgm grand inside the mgm grand is the brad garrett comedy club kevinalon was there. So I went to see Bill Maher that night, hung out with Bill backstage. I fucking love Bill so much. I love him so much. It's so fun. He's just such a he's so different than he is on a show like he's just a dear friend. I love him. Good hang. And then after that, they were going to strip club. So then I was like, No, I'm too tired. And then I was texting with Kevin. I was like, just like, let's meet in this little like lounge area. And we just sat down and me, him and Chris hung out and then got to hang out with Kevin

a bunch and just talk about, you know, Chris is producing the Sandler special. So we talked to him about like SNL stories. It was just so fun. And then the next night I had the big show and then we had, you know, lunch with Kevin. And then afterwards, we also hung out with Kevin again. Like it was just a really good weekend of hangs with friends. And then but I want to tell you the thing that the hot take I have after doing this that was inspired, I think, by Bill Maher and might be a little harsh. But I have a take on something in the news that I want to give.

And you're going to hear it here first. So stay with us. We'll be right back. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture.

You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So, did you guys see the Tiger Woods thing or hear about it? A couple years ago? No. Was he like singing or something?

Like what happened? No, he got in trouble. He like had to apologize already because he, over the weekend weekend i guess he hit a shot and then a like a newer like young promising golfer hit a shot and it was either it was before him or after him but tiger hit like 10 yards further okay than this guy and tiger came up to him and and this was caught on camera tiger like went up to like shake his hand and the guy puts out his hand and tiger puts a tampon in his hand to be like did you see this i heard about it i was so confused by it why did he put a tampon in there like what okay well why do you think because he's a little bitch oh

to dry his hand out because it was huggy oh my god are we describing football what's happening to imply like you hit like a girl yeah that's what i said because he's a little bitch yeah yeah okay first of all i saw it and i thought that's kind of funny first of all it's funny because tiger had to find a tampon keep it in his pocket all day like there's not tampons like around it's like every take it out as a premeditated tampon meaning before the match he knew he was going to hand this off yes um he had to find a tampon which is hilarious and then he had to like just the guy just the act of like the guy being like tiger woods is this kid's hero i'm guessing whoever he did it i don't know the age difference but tiger is definitely one of the older golfers now this guy is being approached by

tiger he's playing against him so he's probably like used to it but there's a little bit of like tiger's gonna shake my hand you know like yes and then a tampons in it that's funny now everyone's upset because this is discouraging women this is saying that women are or like oh my god that's an insult to to drive like a woman drive as in hit a ball drive right or drive a car like a woman we're bad at that too but how insulting my take is that we do drive worse than men not not drive cars. We cannot hit balls as far as men. If you look at the statistics, women are weaker golfers in terms of distance. Okay. That's just the way it is. Let me just pull up this fact. The average distance for men who are on the PGA is for to hit it with a driver is 289 to 323 feet.

The average distance for women in the LPGA is 246 to 258 feet. So the furthest we could possibly hit it on average is still 30 yards short of a man. So Tiger saying this guy hits like a girl, he doesn't hit like a girl. He actually hits better than a girl. Like it's, he was wrong even in that, girls would love to be able to hit 10 yards short of, or whatever, 10 feet.

I don't even know what the measurement is. My point is like, what's so bad? I know that it was negative connotation of like, it's bad to be a girl. Women are worse at sports than men. That's why people watch less women's sports. It's true. It's like the Bill Burr thing of like, if you like the if you love women's basketball so much name one fucking team, women, where why aren't women watching it? It's just we we are so I just I don't get, this is discouraging women. How about look at the stats of how far you could drive if you work your hardest as a woman and know that it will never be as close to a man.

Does that discourage women? No. Or it does maybe. I have a question for you. Because when I first saw this Bill Burr special and I was like, I love this one part. And you were like, I hate that argument though. I want to hear what your argument then was that joke i never hated that argument well you were like it's such a it doesn't have weight what he's trying to prove and and and i know other people that have said that too so do you remember what you meant at the time because

you were like because he says women watch the kardashians that's where they put their focus and energy rather than i always loved this joke but i don't remember ever hating this or disagreeing with this joke because it is true it's i don't remember saying it doesn't have weight but maybe i did um well you were like it's a fallacious argument and other people have told me that too that they're like the premise is weak that like oh well the reason women don't make as much as in the wnba is because you guys aren't buying tickets it's like that doesn't take into account the patriarchy like the much bigger system that's flawed right and but this is why i like bill burr is because it doesn't it's not

about feelings i it's i get that women's feelings are hurt by being connotated with tampons equal girl girl equals bad at sports but we are worse at sports than men so you can't that's why i like bill burr you can have your feelings hurt by this all you want but it's true and i was talking to matt about it just now and i'm like i think that's why i don't like sports is because I was never going to be better than men. And I want to be able to compete against men at the same level. So comedy levels it out. Yeah. Comedy. There's no,

I can drive just as far as a man can. I mean, the world is stacked against me in a way that hinders it a little bit because I do believe that women are socialized to be less funny than men. They are encouraged to be less funny. They're not the class clowns. They're, you know,

all of that. So I, I understand why people got upset about this. I'm not playing dumb. Like, Oh, that, that he's implying girls are bad at sports,

but they are compared to men. That's why we don't compete against them at the same level because we would get smashed. So it's like, he's, and let me argue this. There was all this thing of like tiger woods should he is the father of a daughter which leave that fucking thing at when people say as the father of a daughter why don't you just care about women before you have a daughter how about that you shouldn't care more about women because

you have a daughter shut up you should just care about women but everyone's so selfish that unless it's your thing you don't care about it so that's another argument but also he was doing this as a private joke it was just one guy to another guy being like immature college level frat humor that because that's where he stunted he stopped socializing at the age of seven and started he's he's stunted of course he's gonna make dumb jokes like this i'm sure he left the words boobies i mean i'm still i'm sure he still says boobies tiger woods because he wasn't socialized because he grew up on a golf course where his dad was fucking you know you know prostitutes on the green next to him. What I'm saying is that it was a private

joke between two men. That was locker room talk type thing, which I'm not excusing that because Chris last night I was giving him this argument. He goes, well, you're, you're acting like it's like locker room talk. We should let it go. And he goes, that would be like the Trump locker room talk. And I go, Trump was grabbing, was bragging about grabbing a woman by the pussy without consent. That is different than palming a guy a tampon and implying that he hits like a girl and tiger wasn't wanting this to go he wasn't trying he wasn't doing a comedy special based upon me palming he wasn't trying to get this out of the ether like in the press conference no it was guess who did that the fucking media so if you want to

blame anyone for making women feel like they can't get into golf because they'll be made fun of, blame the media for letting us know about this intimate moment that happened and writing all the think pieces about it and making him apologize. He shouldn't apologize. Did he apologize? Yes, of course he did. This guy is scared to death of anything else that will do what he has PTSD. I'm sure from what happened to him originally. But I just this idea that men and women are equal at sports. But it also goes to what you were saying earlier about not wanting to hurt anyone, you know, like changing your perspective on.

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. So I'm not going to say or do something. This wasn't intended for everyone. This was just between Tiger and this other guy. And your feelings might get hurt as a young girl who would want to play golf and someone applied and my period just started this week and I'm like I'm using tampons

and he made it seem like if you use tampons you're a bad golfer. Maybe it would hurt my feelings and discourage me from golfing but I don't think that many women are being discouraged this week from pursuing their path. Or I would compel you to show him, like, hey, I could be the best at my league or whatever.

He has to apologize now. It's just so... Do you think it's kuh? I think the joke was kuh, even though at first I was like, it's kind of funny. But just picturing him like getting a tampon is hilarious. Where do you think he got it from?

Procuring one. Like, I bet he like asked his assistant to go get one. And I bet he just went to the women's restroom and like, or like had someone got a woman to go in the women's restroom and grab them. Cause I'm guessing at these country clubs clubs they like have tampons everywhere like in the dressing rooms are fully decked out um even though women weren't allowed there till like 1986 or something but um and they're still working on getting black women able to go in but we'll get there um no i've always had a problem with like like and these people are like everyone's just such a moralist and like

you know tiptoeing around people's feelings while they're consuming things that were made by children. You know, in foreign countries where they watch porn. Everyone who's a goddamn moralist and pointing a finger, like, they're doing something corrupt. Everyone is a fucking hypocrite, including myself when I get hurt about things. It's always, I always find a way in which I'm doing the exact same thing and, and wanting to get away with it. All the men that say as the father of a daughter, that's the biggest red flag for a guy that's doing some creepy stuff.

I didn't know not to rape until I brought a life in this world that had a vagina. I didn't know that you shouldn't rape people like, or that you should treat them with basic respect. You've of seven wives i just got into keep sweet pray and obey oh war and jeff's documentary that was on netflix about it i'm about to do my hair that was that was i mean those hairstyles this weekend that is oppressing women i know those hairstyles took hours and the men made them wear it like it what are those hairstyles would took hours and the men made them wear it like it what are the hairstyles they all look like um trilobites yeah like

in the back in the back of them they look like yeah it's it's like a strange wave once nikki did it to imitate taylor swift's bangs if he did that taylor swift bang but up it's like a bouffant kind of like amish yeah and then they in the, it's like a bouffant kind of. Like Amish. Yeah. And then in the back, it's like these intricate braids, which would make them, they would have to work on their hair for hours a day. And it was always just to control women. You have to wear it like this.

Now you have to wear long johns. And this guy, Warren Jeffs, I thought I knew about what happened down there in Texas when there was a raid. I kind of saw stuff. But it's way more interesting than you think and disturbing. And he's still in control. Spoiler alert. So it's really fucked up.

Before Reddit dump, can we play the video? Because I've been thinking about getting a pet recently. I've like, I'm looking at dogs while I'm out here, test driving some, you know, broken animals.

I want an old dog that's small that can travel and that's just kind of like i want a marion pretty much that just like is easy going and no one else wants them because they're like kind of like ugly looking and they're small and they can travel and i can help like you know we can be together for the last years of their life like i'm looking for a senior but it's a lot of ass so i don't know know if I'll find it, but one animal asks. Oh. And I want a dog with a lot of ass. So it's like Corgi or Bust.

I mean, they do shit themselves a lot. I know. Let's think of Billy as a sex slave. Yeah, they get old. It gets, that's what I'm, I got to realize like, I got to be ready to take this dog to the doctor a lot. Like I'm signing up for for a lot of work.

And that stresses me out because even if I think about having kids, I'm like, I don't know how I'm going to get them to lessons and sign them up for vaccines. I don't even know. That all stresses me out. I just would never be able to do it. I just know that. I wouldn't be able to shuttle them to lessons and practices.

I don't want to deal with their schedule. So I have to really wrap my head around like, either getting an assistant to do this with my dog, or like having because I want them to have the utmost care, obviously, in their senior year. So I just got to be ready for all that it entails. And I don't I don't know if I am. But I also know that every day that I don't have a little dog in my life is a day that a dog is out there that could have love that I'm not giving it love. And it's like, I'm wasting time. That's so nice. You and my other best friend, China, you guys are both motivated by the same thing. China only adopts senior dogs. She's constantly like, we lost her. She's always

weeping and grieving and always spending six thousand dollars at the vet but she's saved so many dogs lives yes i don't the idea that a little dog that like his owner died or they were abandoned because the family moved or ran out of money that like just spends the their senior years as senior citizen dogs alone it just breaks my heart and i want a dog that's like and senior dogs they like move slower they don't need as much exercise they're kind of just like they're they're down to be carried around all the time and that's what i want they love florida yeah and i go there a lot for shows yeah sunglasses okay so but i don't think i'm gonna get a bird and it's so funny because i was looking into getting a quaker parrot because they're the cutest. They're a type of parrot

that is really like... Do they have a bouffant and tight braids? Get a fundamentalist parrot. They churn their own butter. They were persecuted for their religious beliefs in the early 1400s. I don't know what the...

Please don't. This is We Know Nothing territory. But I wanted to get a Quaker parrot because there's just an easy like if you want to get a parrot like not a parakeet cockatiel and you want to ease up to like actual like parrot parrot a quaker is a what i've been told a good option there's lots of them in bird rescue that need um home so i was about to get a parrot a quaker parrot at one point a couple months ago didn't do it and i'm almost glad i did it because a couple besties sent this video and it's so funny and it really discouraged me but i don't want to discourage people who are interested in bird rescue i just don't have the life to devote to this so just watch this it's so it's so funny

or listen one thing about me that is when i was 10, my mom said I could pick out any pet. And so I picked this bird without knowing that it would never die. Additionally, I realized that Quaker parrots were undomesticatable, which means they're vicious to everyone but me. And now we're legal in the state of Colorado. Don't come for us. Anyway, if you're considering getting a bird, specifically a quaker parrot, just don't. They're like, they're great. I'm going to have this bird my entire life.

It's like my sibling, but they're terrible pets just get a fucking cat just get a fucking cat she says she's awesome she said they're like a sibling not like a like a son like she's just like i don't want a pet that feels like a sibling i'll tell you that how long do these fuckers live like 30 years i think quakers are just domestically like 30 years. And she seemed to be, when she was 10, she said she got the bird. So I don't know if it's going to be. Yeah, she looked like in her 30s. So the parrots got a little bit longer to go.

No, my voice teacher had a Amazon parrot in like the 70s that he just you know was moving and had this big cage couldn't take care of it his friend was like i'll have him and his friend who he lost touch with just got in touch with him on linkedin like five years ago and he was like rodney is still alive and then they put his voice on speakerphone he was like rodney and the bird was going crazy and he was like he's probably being like where is that motherfucker i'll find him because they're they want to kill you like a lot of birds like they're not meant to be in cages none of they're completely undomesticatable like it's we haven't gotten to that point yet i think you know budgies are a little bit more like chill being you know domesticated meaning owned by humans and told when to do slaves to humans is that what domesticated is essentially

is that like a nice word for like animals who are slaves that's what i was gonna ask is maybe you know the answer to this why are there parrot rescues like why don't we just let them go because they can't they don't know how to fend for themselves yeah and the only reason parrot rescues exist are to the ideal a parrot rescue would love to not exist they would love to never have people buy parrots ever again but they only exist because people are breeding parrots and the same with breeding dogs it's like you don't need to breed anymore we just we have enough dogs like so if you took all the parrots that are rescued and you took them let's

say to peru or wherever they're supposed to be somewhere in the tropics and you know someplace livable would they not be able to survive there i don't think so no because i that would be obviously the solution yeah they're they lived in cages for decades you know these birds so we ruined yet another thing yeah and you know what they're continuing to do it there's there's a man right now somewhere in a rainforest stealing eggs out of a nest to sell on the black market i mean it happens all the time you have you see those videos of people getting stopped at the border and they have a bunch of birds in their belt like little birds that are like rolled up in little paper towels and What? And they're like, oh yeah, it happens all the time.

People are smuggling exotic animals all the time because rich people love to buy, to own things that they can't take care of. It's just, it's tragic. And yeah, so I'm not going to get a Quaker parrot anytime soon, but let's do Reddit dump and see what else we learned today. Karaoke mode.

This is your Reddit dump. This is from me, IRL. And it's a tweet that says, imagine falling in love with someone just to find out they watch Netflix with subtitles. And then someone replied to that and said, I'm convinced people who don't like subtitles can't read fast.

What are your thoughts on both of these things? I don't have this discrimination because i just started using subtitle titles once in a while because i have trouble hearing stuff yes because of all the years blasting music and so i don't mind them i don't like it when i can hear but also our system is weird because Matt has like these big speakers and there's like too much bass. To echo, yeah. So I'm just like, God, I can't stand my tooth. I chip my tooth

and I just keep looking at it and I look like, I look like a crazy person right now. A mango. I mean a fucking mango, yeah. Like a mango slice, like a dried mango? Like I was slicing it

and I was thinking about how I have a dentist appointment on Tuesday and I was scraping the mango and all the strings were getting stuck in my teeth and then all of a sudden my tooth was gone chip oh well good you get it fixed tomorrow tomorrow i've looked like um it's weird how you look poor if you have a piece of your tooth yeah you do matt's kind of like having green bubbles on your iphone yes i like when there's a gap like in the middle i feel like madonna a little madonna i like it is but in the middle yeah you don't look poor the gap in the as long as it's symmetrical i'm like i'm either italian you look exotic like you're a british singer yeah yeah um but anyway i don't mind subtitles so much if i can hear i prefer them gone so i can

focus on the acting but yeah i don't have like anger about it i turn them off like last night i was taking chris through like my favorite julia louis-dreyfus moments in like seinfeld and veep and we were just like he kind of like lets me just go through and be like oh and now this clip wait hold on is she so amazing in this and i was noticing that the jokes were coming up before the dialogue or but before her delivery. So it was bothering me. So I turned them. I flicker in and off.

I am on and off. But I like a subtitle because I like to know every. I want to know everything. I don't want to miss anything. And I stay focused. It helps me miss one of those shows where you can miss a great joke because they're so fast and then you can appreciate the writing. But it can be ruined

because so much comedy is 100% about surprise and not seeing it coming. Yes. And not 100% but I would say 50% about it. So if you watch comedy things with subtitles you're not having the true experience

I believe. So I would watch I would definitely take them off if you're someone who uses subtitles. I think you'll enjoy comedy things a lot more and you don't even realize that you're having it ruined for you by seeing it um but i do believe that people can't read fast and that is a thing that like that and it makes me you know that slightly makes me feel superior because i feel like i'm a pretty fast reader but i'm just fast at general it's not because i'm smarter everything okay so the person was mad at people that don't like subtitles because it means that they can't

read fast no he wasn't mad at them he's just like he's responding to this girl who's like if you have like imagine being in love with someone and then you find out they use subtitles like she was judging people who use subtitles and he goes my thought is anyone who doesn't like subtitles just can't read fast okay and so he was just you know you know dissing her getting back at her dissing her okay this is the another um tweet from me irl which means me in real life why do people insist on surviving the apocalypse when you can just die and i relate to that so much i was talking to chris last night about the last of us we watched the new episode and i was like so you know if there's this is a spoiler alert for the first episode but like this guy is like very affected by his daughter's death he

didn't save his daughter in the first episode okay and that's like the whole series is like his struggling with that and i made the point last night to chris that if i were him i would kind of be glad my daughter didn't survive past that first day because life became hell hell fedra took over they had to live in qz camps like it was bad life so like in a way it was good she died i would have been like dad thank you i know i don't have to eat canned first of all i died from someone shooting me as opposed to like a weird mushroom man chewing on my neck like this is way better so i'm like he i feel like his daughter they should have had his daughter killed in the beginning by a by a mushroom man because there's that would have been a more disturbing thing for him to recover from even though losing

your daughter is sad enough and i should make it worse but um i'm obsessed with the show obsessed with the show love love love everything about it i am so into their relationship this will they won't they i'm just kidding this like oh my god but i mean he she did like drink alcohol the other night and i'm like that's what's gonna happen um she's 14 so but i'm you know she's 19 in real life um she's wearing a million sports bras which you can see sometimes in scenes like you can see the outline of the top of the sports bra in her shirt especially when she's getting her haircut in the last episode yes she's so hillary swanking it yeah because she's trying to be 14 like so like if you layer enough sports bras it will be flat um but she's wearing a ton

of sports bras but she is incredible and just i feel like I wish I would have had a influence like that. I think Harriet the Spy was the closest thing I got to like that kind of precocious. I'm not stunning. Like, I'm not like a stunning little child actor, like John Benet, gorgeous, cool, scrappy, funny, loves comedy, kind of likes boys stuff stuff like a good influence for young women so i i just love the show and he is so fucking hot i can't it's it feels again it feels thankfully chris is on board with how hot he is and i'm not like swooning like theo james levels of like i gotta be alone for this but he is very the guy joel in this pedro pascal yeah he's he's hot he's he's um he's such

a good actor everyone in the show is a good actor but um just his love for this girl but i like that it's not like i'm not compelled by like a romance there's no romance in this that's like getting me on board um it's just such a good show and i think people should get into it okay um uh oh okay so this is kind of a long one but it's good so this one was from made me smile and i'll paraphrase it this is the subreddit made me smile um also at the end i want to go over my subreddits because people have been asking me i just joined reddit and i want to know what subreddits joined so i'll give some people some at the end but made me me smiles a good one. This said curb your enthusiasm director,

Robert B. Weedy, W E I D E obituary for his wife. Okay. So he says, Linda Weedy, my remarkable wife believed everybody's age was nobody's business. Let's just say she was ageless and timeless. She had a kind of elegance from another era.

She started acting. Da da da da da. She did all this stuff um her bravery and dignity in the face of this illness were awe-inspiring but unfortunately the house always wins she died on christmas day 2022 peacefully at home and in my arms if you must die try to do it in the arms of someone who loves you it helps then he goes into her like education um she lived for a time in boston Manhattan And in 1989 She moved to Los Angeles Thank God for the last move

Because on September 30th, 1994 I walked into Cafe Aroma In Studio City Which I know And there she was She had it all Beauty, style, grace Intelligence, wit

And a great laugh A blinding smile And can I say this in 2023? Legs that demanded to be shown off And were That night I wrote in my journal I think i may be in big trouble we were married on july 11th 98 um she was remarkably low maintenance we both

appreciated the occasional meal in a fine restaurant and traveling abroad but some years i'd ask what she wanted for her birthday and she would answer a grilled cheese sandwich typical she was generous to a fault always putting others needs before her own her soft softest spot was reserved for animals especially those in need. Um, okay. All their animals were rescued, but she donated to many charities.

She understandably would become disenchanted with acting, but two memorable roles were that of Penelope in the 2001 stage revival of Kurt, uh, Kurt Vonnegut's happy birthday, Wanda June. And then, uh,

she played the role of Mindy riser and Kirby enthusiasm episode, the terrorist attack. And then he talks about role of Mindy Reiser in Curb Your Enthusiasm episode, The Terrorist Attack. And then he talks about, then this is the part. What a team we made. She was Gracie to my George. After we purchased side-by-side cemetery plots years ago, I asked her what she wanted her marker to say. She answered, I'm with stupid.

And they wrote in parentheses, that request will not be honored. Oh dear, what am I ever supposed to do without her? They say nothing lasts forever, but they didn't know about my love for her. 28 years wasn't nearly long enough. Still, I may be just the luckiest SOB who ever lived. Rest well, bunny. I hope we'll be together again.

For those, oh, this is the part. For those who never knew her, I'm sorry for your loss. How good is that? For those who never knew her, I'm sorry for your loss how good is that for those who never knew her i'm sorry for your loss as opposed to like it's like we we got something it's not our loss we knew her it's so sweet and like if you just gotta have that's what you need is someone who thinks about you like that like what a beautiful um tribute i just loved i loved it so so so much um okay that is a sad one um god damn it okay this is a good one i know you're crying does your vagina

hurt oh yeah oh my god that's right vagina vaginal wink thanks to the bestie that wrote in about that i thought i was alone in my weird so what is it it's called a vaginal wink with the thing that i get which is if anyone describes someone that i care about getting hurt or doing anything scary or if i see you have to care about them i don't have to it can happen with almost anything but it's only someone just talks about like a paper cut they got or something like that maybe like in the last five years and then it just feels like i'm on a roller coaster really quick but a bad feeling almost like not good roller coaster yeah one you're not strapped one of that you know decapitated a kid in 2011 in kansas city that one is probably the worst that was a water park ride oh my god yes what is everything

i have a treasury of morbid stories in my brain like this weekend the murdoch murders i think on the girls chat taylor referenced the murdoch murders there's a new netflix documentary coming up i don't i don't remember their last name i. But it is the grisliest crime ever. And I don't even want to watch the documentary because it's so sad. But look for that soon. Okay, here's... Right before we go to break, me IRL. Tip for newlyweds.

Listening on you? Yep. Send a wedding invite to every billionaire whose address you can find because it's a 50-50 chance their assistants just put you... Send you a perfunctory gift without ever wondering who the hell you are how many billionaires do i know or i just send it to any like blind and he's coming to the wedding we have a friend who's married to a billionaire he just gives me a grilled cheese sandwich okay we gotta go to break we'll come back with more after this.

Yay! Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. The Daily Show Podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious, satirical takes on

entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, we're back. A couple more Reddit things. This is from Lifehacks, and this one is so good. Okay. It says, after using and rinsing the plunger,

which is like, yeah, the plunger. For some reason, the plunger sounded like the one that the Brits call it or something. The plunger. But that's what we call it. i don't know why i was like which is what we call the poop sucker in england plunder is probably like a shovel like do you have a probably is something yes do you have the water shovel okay um after using and rinsing the plunger rest it under the seat to dry avoid dripping commode water that's where

they got me commode avoid dripping toilet water on the floor okay so look at what they're doing interesting so you take the toilet seat and you put the handle between the toilet seat and the toilet the porcelain itself and then it hangs in there and drips dry and then because that is a disgusting thing when you use the brush or the plunger and you kind of like knock it around to like get it all off and then you just take a chance to like quickly move it to its little home de gust what do you say de gust de gust de gust de gut we we say de guter was disgusting in french and we shortened it to de gut me and my friends um it's très très de gut if i can i'll run i'll run the plunger brush or whatever it's not a plunger it's a brush that's oh we're talking about a plunger i'll try to run it let me say it with

my teeth all right so like if you go if you're taking a big dump in the loo you look like a chimney sweep with that fucking dude that's so funny or or can i be like your mouth like cockney style so it's or couldn't i be a lady in white lotus italy yeah oh yeah like front desk lady like in paris no it does look it can look chic depending on what accent you give it or what angle the camera looks at you if you've taken like a big crap in the loo and you've got to get your toilet plunger or the brush out, I'll just ask me dad. What do you guys do? Do you knock it off?

Do you let it sit? What do you do? I run it under the bath or I'll run it under the sink. But even on its way from the toilet to the bath, there's a chance a droplet might fall. If that happens, then I will. Sometimes I'll take toilet paper under it to sort of like make sure it doesn't drip everywhere. Oh, cradle it. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

Today I couldn't do it. You put it in a bag? Yeah, I put it in a bag because I don't want to just touch the floor. And then from the bag, you put it like next, because it has a little case next to the, right? Like a little home. Oh, that's the brush. The plunger I would put in a bag. The brush I just put back.

But then you put the bag like away in a closet or something she burns it oh yeah the plunger doesn't stay next to the brush is what goes in its little cubby yeah god damn it can you think of anything grosser than drinking something out of that cubby like putting in some liquid and then drink i'm sorry did that make your vagina wink no um if you said you jumped off a building or did a bungee jump it would i noticed that rich people never have toilet plungers around like you just don't see it it's not in the bag because they have people who are doing it they have the help put their hands into the toilet um okay i think that's that's all i have for my reddits today. I need to save more. But I've been... I've just been saving a lot of it.

Like, I have a lot of stuff saved that is just, oh, there's this one of this baby sloth being reunited with his mom. And I sent it to Noah. And I sent it to the girl's chat, too. It's so good and so sweet. And, like, I just hate all the noise that's happening around it.

I don't think those two are going to, like, survive long after this video is taken. Like, I don't trust humans around these things like i'm like stop revving your engines when there's like a baby a traumatized baby and its mom next to each other but you could see that video somewhere i mean just google it but um yeah i uh we have a girl's trip actually coming up that we're very excited about. And a little vacation. Before you get into that, why don't you share your subreddits?

Okay, yes, that's a good point. Thank you, Noah, for keeping me on track. ADD today. Okay, if I were you, I would join Reddit and I would follow. Are you ready? Get out your pen and paper. Depending on what decade you grew up in,

it's the 90s or 80s, like the 90 or 80s,s whatever it is um i would say age like milk is funny because those are things that like there was like people be making bold statements and then the opposite happened an example of that would be um oh it's like andrew tate saying this you're a man if the police forensically analyze your life you've done something pretty much as andrew tate saying if if you're being investigated you've done something wrong and it aged like milk because yes okay so then um there's amateur room porn that's just really nice rooms animals being bros, animals being jerks.

A normal day in Russia. I know we'll just have some video of some bizarre shit happening in Russia that you're just like, what the fuck? Like a guy walking his dog and his bear down the street and no one's making a big deal of it. Like that's normal day in Russia. Ask women, ask Reddit.

A-T-B-G-Ege which is awful taste but great execution so it's like design things that are like oh my god that's so tacky but it like obviously a lot of work went into it um then there's one the uh black people twitter is always funny it's not i don't even know it's there's not tweets about being black It's just like funny black people's tweets. Um, white people, Twitter isn't that bad either. Um,

ask women, ah, a WWW, be amazed. That's just shows like crazy, amazing things. Better every loop. That'll be like a gif that just goes on repeat.

And like any, every time you watch it over and over, it gets better and funnier and weirder. And then people in the comments, like argue, like why it gets funnier. Like the the idea that this repeats it's makes this video better like and people are really like get this video off it doesn't get better every loop like people are very like staunch about what makes it um books oh my god i get so i'm not

a even a voracious reader but i get so many good recommendations on books because people are constantly asking questions like, what book would I like if I like this stuff? Or like, what are the best books you've ever read in your life? It's a good place to start for things like that. Oh, I finished Spare. Oh, yay.

And by Prince Harry. I finished Spare by Prince Harry and I get it, what you're talking about. I cannot believe how much the royal family lied and threw him under the bus. Yes. Did not protect him. I can believe how much the royal family lied and threw him under the bus. Yes. Did not protect him. I can't believe all the stuff they went through.

I mean, it's insane. He really exposes a lot of stuff, which I think the book was the only way he could get his true word out because they would plagiarize documents that he made supposed statements he never made and say that it was from him no we don't we don't know so much of what went on and if you have like a cursory understanding

and you think you know you just don't know and i think you just need to read that book to fully understand that they were were victims they didn't want any of this they were trying to do good megan markle is not a little like conniving bad person i mean you know you all know my feelings but i'm glad that you liked it. And thanks for reading it on you. Final thought, listening to spare. Was it good to like,

how was his audio version? ASMR. Really? 10 out of 10. He does have like a, such a soft voice. Can I say something? Would you like fall asleep to it?

Just, just really quick. So we were talking about captions before, and I wanted to let you know that I like captions because one they keep me focused and paying attention and two i have to have captions because it's hard for me to understand british accents so oh you watch a lot of if you watch slow horses which is a great show you absolutely have to have captions because there's so much weird slang you've never heard of. They're like, plunge, plunge, plunge. Water shovel.

It's constant. Or like the Welsh accent also is hard for me to understand. Oh, yeah, accents are hard. The one show that really paid off for me was Normal People. Remember that one? That one was really good. What other TV have you guys been watching that's been great? Anything we should wreck? I can't wait for the new Succession to come out. I was just thinking that was a subtitle show. was really good. What other TV have you guys been watching that's been great? Anything we should wreck? I want,

I can't wait for the new Succession to come out. I was just thinking that was a subtitle show. I gotta get back into that show. Yeah.

I would rewatch that whole thing. I'd rewatch all of Veep. I've been watching Jason Sudeikis, what is it called? Shrinking. That's not Sudeikis.

Not Sudeikis. Seagull. Seagull, yes. Yeah. Have you watched, how many episodes are out now? Because I watched

the first two. I know that there are more but I got to get back into it because I did like the first two. I think I've seen four so far.

Oh nice. If you like Ted Lasso you'll like it. It's the same. It's your friend. It's the same. Bill Lawrence created it. It's the same vibe

as Ted Lasso for sure. It's heartwarming. It's funny. It's funny though because that show and The Last of us are about like someone who has like a daughter that they're trying to like win over and like protect and like it's a lot there's a lot of daughter stuff going on and there's a death looming just like there's

a death looming in that show oh yes yes yes i'm guess i don't know about that part yet but i'm guessing who it is um you can follow gifs you can follow uh goodwill finds that's a good one goodwill underscore finds it's really good for julie yeah yeah and sometimes the center thinks she's like oh i've seen that before not a big deal um you can follow uh uh codependency columbine columbine killers oh wait don't do that that's for me comedy cemetery is like really lame comp like jokes that you know aunts and uncles are posting on facebook just like where comedy goes to die is it's like you know a little caption yesterday we watched okay

so avi and i we've been going to this place called bookmans and they have a lot of like used old dvd so we've just been buying a bunch of stuff and we bought the movie freddie got fingered and i remember like that movie being like the thing that everyone talked about everyone quoted from it and i watched i was like this is so stupid i just don't understand i never saw that no i never saw it either they so they changed it freddie got fingered is with tom green it's like i don't know yes from early 2000s, late 90s. Yes. And I just like watching it today, I was just like, this was comedy.

That was a really bad movie, I think, even then. And I think that it was maybe a cult classic and like people liked it for then. But that is the interesting thing about movies. Things that you go back and you go even chris has been saying like in preparation for his adam sandler show he's been watching a lot of snl clips and they have like a bunch of australians on their team who are working on or like a guy a south african guy who didn't grow up with sandler stuff so he's trying to educate everyone who's working on this event like this is who sandler was so they're going back and watching you know what we might as well put on this clip it's all

let's go for like watch snl and he told me he's like none of this is really hidden the way it did that i remember it did it's all so long he's like and and the things you remember as a kid being like that was the best it was like one line from that sketch and the rest is like brutal we were so deprived of entertainment at the time but it's like but even now i i mean i look back at my old stand-up and i'm like that wouldn't like we have a large in some ways i think the bar is so low i mean i i saw a movie not too long ago that i wanted to walk out of the theater, but I couldn't because I didn't want to get canceled because it was so comedically not giving me what I thought. Like I was just, I was insulted. It was like what Fox would give you for comedy on like, you know, it's like the mass singer levels of comedy. I thought like, this is just like, you know, family style. It was just

not like, which is fine fine and that has a place like not everything needs to be like sharp cutting comedy but i was just like so sometimes that i can be so disappointed and then i go see adam sandler live and i'm like okay comedy is alive and well like this is so fucking like nothing's funnier than this right now but then also i just i've said it before i just watch watching even chris and i are watching seinfelds again seinfeld and veep like seinfeld holds up veep you can't how can you make a comedy and compare it to those two things and be okay with yourself if it doesn't even come close i just i don't even people's confidence in making movies people that make movies and they like if they

aren't as good i understand being a novice at something and being like it's not going to be as good as this i'm trying but people who confidently put out things that are going to be tried in a court of public opinion on the same level that's why hbo you can count on them they're not fucking around on hbo they're not letting in riffraff they have they have taste they have a level of that you say what you want about all the streamers hbo has a level of taste comedically i believe and just with their quality of shows they're they're spending the money they're they're taking wide swings but it's always quality and um and i just feel like and even i you know comedically take an easy way out when I could go. I don't do the hard work to get at the best joke.

And I do a lesser version. But I don't know. I just, yeah. Stuff doesn't hold up as much anymore because there is so much good stuff now to compare yourself to. Freddy Got Fingered doesn't stand a chance. No. You know what other movie always gets quoted? That's so funny.

You tried to be nostalgic and it was just like, oh. Maybe we should watch it just for kicks. What about Step Brothers? People are always like quoting Step Brothers. No, that probably holds up.

I gotta say. I've tried watching it twice and every time I'm like, this is not for me. I don't know why. I cannot. I want to get the joke so bad, but it just doesn't resonate.

Well, you get the joke. They're just not making you laugh. You're not like, what's the joke there? want to get the joke so bad but it just doesn't resonate the joke they're just not making you laugh you're not like what's the joke there i mean the joke is that these two adult men are behaving like seven-year-olds yeah maybe it's the same thing with super bad when i was saw that i was like i i could easily take i could leave this i could interesting yeah well I get I love those two that you just said but I people love horrible bosses people love and when I saw that movie I was disgusted that is that Aniston and Sandler yeah no no that was the Aniston Charlie Day um yeah I mean I would kill to be in that movie or be associated with it in any way and I don't know disrespect to the people who made it, but it was unwatched.

It was insulting. Dinner with schmucks, insulting. But the thing is, if I made those movies, those movies probably started out fucking hilarious. The scripts were probably top tier jokes every second, but people are dumb and studios want to make money.

And if you don't want to alienate, not everyone's going to watch Veep. It's too fast. It's too, it's too, I don't want to say intellectual because I don't want to pat myself on the back, but it,

like if you want to make, if you want to make a lot of money, make things easy to consume. Slow, slow. My mom cannot get through Veep. She's like, slow down,

please rewind. What did she say? It's like, forget it. This show is not for Russian moms that are 80. Yeah. cannot get through v she's a slow down please rewind what did she say it's like forget it this show is not for russian moms that are 80 yeah i mean there's a time and a place uh yeah whenever your parents have to come to my show i'm always like do they have can they leave like this isn't for them like obsessed my dad's still just at lunch the other day he's like man nikki glazer

is fucking genius man well that's her mind is he swears a lot whenever he's talking about you. Well, I'm not for everyone and that's okay. Like, I think I have to get okay with that because someone this weekend was like, you were so great. One of the caterers or one of the waiters were like, oh my God, I love you so much. I'm such a big fan of blah, blah. He goes, oh my God, the mayor and her and her husband walked out in disgust as soon as you got on stage. And I was like, my first joke was about having a dry pussy. I think that was about it.

And I'm like, no one has a drier pussy than that mayor. She was so triggered by that. And especially she's the fucking mayor of Las Vegas. She is the, I mean, it's hell there. There has to be some kind of lotion bath that you can go and get It's hell there. I don't, there has to be some kind of like lotion bath that you can go and get on every corner there because I was so scaly when I was there. Lube was just like,

nice try. Like it was. Start that franchise. My lube. Make money while you're sleeping. I think lotion baths. Nikki lotion baths. And,

and you know, the eyebrow, our eyelashes that pull up your eyelid and make you look like you have that you just got some horrible news alright guys

thank you for listening to the show we will be here for you tomorrow don't even think we won't on tour this weekend in Bloomington, Indiana

Newport, Kentucky and Lexington, Kentucky all this weekend so if you in the Cincinnati area the Newport show is the one you're in the Cincinnati area, the Newport show is the one you're going to want to go to. You can get tickets

at NikkiGlazer.com. I'll see you out there. New merch. Anya's wearing it right now. Check it out on YouTube if you want to see my new merch shirt. I love that shirt so much.

Looks like I'm having an orgasm kind of, but I don't mind it. And we'll see Anya and her new smile tomorrow, I guess. Yeah, can't wait. We'll see that.

All right, guys. Thanks for listening. Don't be cut. Cheerio. Plunga. Japlunga. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears

on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.