The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #321 Veneerly There in Los Angeles!

Episode Date: March 1, 2023

Nikki and Noa are reunited in Los Angeles in the iHeartMedia/BMP studios. Anya fills them in on her veneer update. They talk about the art of not holding a secret, The Last of Us and being a gummy zombie, Stolen Youth aka Creepy Father on a Couch and the update they got this weekend from a Bestie who called for advice. Nikki wants a big life change and doesn't want to "stick with what she's got". She wasn't ready to but sharing an embarrassing moment at the airport sends Nikki and the girls into a laughing fit. The show that they know nothing about how electricity works and in the Final Thought Nikki talks about singing at the Goddamn Comedy Jam with Bill Burr and why she loves performing music so much. --- Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Get Pod Merch: Podshop.NikkiGlaser.com Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Anya's Patreon: patreon.com/anyamarina   More Nikki: IG More Anya: IG More producer Noa: IG  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Hello, it's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. Billie is a sex slave. I'm Nikki Glaser.

I am in Los Angeles, California in a very special studio. Is this the official iHeart podcast studio or like where a lot of iHeart radio podcasts are made? I think it is, even though I didn't see any signs. Yeah. But we're getting our parking validated. Yeah, don't even try to find us because there are no signs that would indicate that this is the building. But this is a sweet-ass studio that we get to take advantage of today because Noah is here in Los Angeles. We are together. Look, we can hold hands

during the podcast. I feel so close to you. So what a treat. Noah and I are together in Los Angeles at this dope-ass studio. Make sure you watch the video online when it's up in a couple days on our YouTube channel. And then Anya is here in New York.

She's still long in the tooth over there. She's still got her new teeth in. Until tomorrow. Until tomorrow. Slightly shorter in the tooth. So they're going to give you your permanent ones tomorrow? Slightly shorter in his tooth.

Yeah. They're going to give me, they're going to adjust these. And then I, and that's the final adjustment. And then I wait for three weeks to get the final. But I got a lot of good info. What do you mean? I'll fill you in later on veneer corner whenever you're ready. Oh, our new segment called veneer corner.

Veneerly there. Wait, just listen now. First of all, for people wanting to get veneers, Anya did her own research. Because even Carlisle last night, who is on our girls' chat, was like, I wish Anya would have told me. I have so much to tell her. Like, don't do it.

Because Carlisle, they have to be replaced every 10 years. Much like breast implants, which you don't hear about. Doctors are just trying to sell you on these things. So when you go, when I got LASIK, they didn't tell me about the weird nearsighted thing where it was like, you might have, if you get both done, you'll be able to, you'll have readers sooner. None of this stuff.

They want to just get you in and get you out and get you sold. They don't tell you that you're not gonna be able to bite your fingernails anymore if you get veneers. That's the big, that's the doozy for me. Yeah. Like if I have a hangnail, I just want to clip it. I just want to get it and like rip it and

you can't get any grip with those front teeth right to me the most yeah the most also they adjusted my bite like without me asking so they're like we made your teeth more correct and i'm like they go they cover your bottom teeth i'm like i don't want them covering my bottom teeth because now it's so hard to talk so So who gives a shit if they cover you? You didn't think about this at all as someone who talks and sings for a living? You didn't think about any of this? I thought about it. I researched it, and I did not.

But I didn't research nearly enough. I should have sat down with them longer and just done a full-on interview. They make it seem like, yeah, you could just do this, and then you'll have these permanent... I wouldn't even ask them because even when I've asked the hard questions at the LASIK place, which I'm so glad I did it,

they were still like, it's not, just sign the box. It's not a big deal. Everyone does this. We've done 97,000 surgeries. It's like everyone's done... And I'm so grateful I did it because I wake up in the morning

and I can see, but I'm getting the other one done. The one eye for me morning and I can see, but I'm getting the other one done. The one eye for me is not working. So I'm going to get the other one done. And it's going to be amazing because my world through one eye is just the best. I wake up every day. I put an eye patch on and I go, this is living. But the near thing, you don't ask them because they're going to just tell you what you want to hear because they're gonna just tell you what you want to hear

they're gonna tell you what you want to hear and so you gotta ask your friends who have gotten veneers before and they'll tell you the truth and you gotta do a trusted friend who doesn't just want to bring you in on their suffering you know like friends are trying to sell you in on having a baby or buying a house because they want more sorry nikki please yeah come on suffer with me like take on this burden so i think in the long run i will not regret it and i'm glad that i i wasn't a pushover because you know a week ago when i had these temporary ones fitted they were like okay are you good with this we're gonna send it off to the lab and i listened to my gut i listened to my gut and i was like i don't think so.

I am really having trouble speaking. This is what I do for a living. I sing and speak. I need to enunciate every word, every syllable. Like this is not okay. Not every broadcaster has felt that way. They have? I'm just kidding.

Like some people speak for a living are like, I'm fine slurring words. That's true. Oh my God, Barbara Walters. Yeah some people speak for a living are like, I'm fine slurring words. That's true. Oh my God. Barbara Walters. Yeah. Drew Barrymore has like a little bit of a thing, you know, and that's like, I love your impression. Please do it. I just say that she does the in my act.

I love Drew Barrymore and she's the one person who I do this like spiel about. Try to say spiel. Spiel. It's perfect. Yeah, that's pretty good. You hit it right on the head. Okay. You hit it right on the back of your big tooth um i can joke about anya's teeth because they're going the thing the thing that she has a problem with by the way i don't see it and so it's fun for me to make fun of it i don't yeah or hear it like i doesn't so if you think i'm being mean and

teasing anya i'm also making fun of something that she's getting rid of. Yeah, I ran upstairs to do the podcast and Matt was like, have a great day, babe. And I was like, thank you. I'll see you in an hour. And he goes, I'll see you in an hour. And I go, you can really stop. And he's like, I don't hear it.

I'm just giving you shit for fun. I'm like, that can stop. You're like suffering succotash. I am so sick of you. And a bunch of besties came out to the show after and started giving me feedback about my veneers. They did. They were like, I think they look great.

I forget that people listening actually exist and I might see them. They listen very carefully. I know. That's a new thing for you. It's been a thing in my life for many years where you're like, did you read my diary? And they're like're like no you said it on a podcast that goes out to thousands and thousands and they're like i know you can squirt if you do this or that to your i mean some besties come up

with things that i go i don't know what the fuck you are referring to and they say it like it was like something i said because they maybe heard it yesterday and it was an old podcast episode and i'm talking old as in last week and i have moved on but i i have a lot of podcasting friends and everyone reports the same thing it's not that i like i'm not caring about these you just think about a conversation you had a week ago you just don't remember and we're in the moment baby i'm not like planning these things right and you talk very frankly yes so it's like am i talking on the podcast or am i talking to like my girlfriends yes totally so often i've had therapists be like thank you so much for sharing what you just shared. And I'm like, I literally just said it on a podcast too, like two hours ago.

None of this is like confidential. I don't care if you tell other people. They're always like, it's safe with me. I'm like, tell your other clients. If that helps them, secrets are safe with me. Because if you do tell someone a secret, you they're gonna tell someone right don't we all know that no one unless you're like have a partner that you trust who has no friends who is maybe a mute like you can't tell anyone anything without knowing that they're going to at least tell someone and they're going to maybe not say your name, but they're going to say a friend.

And then the friend is going to be able to figure it out. I had one secret about a friend that I kept that was one that I was like, I am never going to tell anyone this. It is ours. And I am a good friend. And I'm never going to betray this person. And then she came out and was like, I have this thing. And I'm like, that was the one.

She got all this press for it. I'm like, that was my secret to keep for you, bitch. And now you're on the cover of People magazine. But anyway, I can joke about it with you because it's something that you're going to fix. I would never, ever make fun of your, if you were keeping this thing and I ever heard you do it, I would never make fun of it. Because Jeff Ross always says you can roast people for things that they can change. Oh, that's true.

That's a slippery slope. Because sometimes people can't change things that you go, well, just go on a diet. You could change it. It's like, well, that doesn't mean you can make fun of them just because you can change it. But what I was going to say was, oh, you can't bite your nails. I heard that also they stain. the veneers stain more easily so you have to get your teeth whiten more often oh well nanya told me my teeth are gonna be this white for the rest of my life no matter what they that's not what i heard i've researched that i've heard different things on google but

for i've talked to a friend who has them and they don't stain. Unless you're like trying to get them to stain, they really resist stain. That's great. I mean, I would definitely do it. I won't do it because I'm too scared of I have commitment issues. And I can't commit to giving up this thing that's been with me my whole life. That's why I still live in St. Louis. That's why I'm just like maybe when my parents die die i'll be able to like lose my teeth or something like something neat big needs to be taken from me before that like my teeth to me are like they've been there since the beginning have you ever seen

a baby skull they've been in my head my eggs also we're born with all the eggs we have yep that's fucked up dude so fucked up it's so weird that as little babies, we have like so many like woman eggs inside of us. But they're immature. And we have like fucking eggs in us. They're immature. Like they won't, they can't get fertilized. I just learned that. Okay, well, that's a good point.

It is weird that your permanent teeth don't show up till you're like, what, 10 or 11? Yeah, mine came in loud and clear they busted through and i i had buck teeth for until i got braces from i guess fourth grade until seventh grade they were bucking out man they were wild did you have buck teeth too uh no but i had an overbite oh yeah, yeah. And so now Anya does too. Yep. It is weird because you know, there's people in this room,

everyone knows when you've got a nail or like a hangnail or something, you know exactly where to place it on your bite line to get it, where your two teeth can meet. And then when you have in like what I have in my Invisalign, it's gone. Like that little, if you need to open a package or something can you imagine the rest of your life not Having I guess you'll find a new spot To rip things open We shouldn't be ripping anything open Every day I eat protein bars

And I never thought about The fact that I Can't bite into a protein bar I'm Never gonna like take you know how Bethany Frankel put out that cool video of her eating Candy it's like my ASMR she's biting into this gummy oh yes it's such and i was just like i won't be able to do that but then i talked to my friend jill today and she has like all veneers through her whole mouth and she's like no it's great no regrets it's gonna be fine they

look great you just need them she gave me a couple little tips she's like the back should not be thick you should definitely get that fixed hold on this biting thing you can bite into things she said because carlisle last night told me she has to trepidatiously eat apples at jerky any any she can't ever bite into anything without she thinks about it first now which is not that big of a burden i mean okay i tend to side with our carlisle too yeah because my friend jill has a bridge and veneers so maybe it's easier for her i'm just pissed off about this thing it hit me the other day in the middle of the night in a depression matt i was just like he hits me i want to come out of here but i was just thinking you know what this is like this is like if someone said

oh you don't like your hands you have age spots and wrinkles well guess what you can get angelina jolie's exact perfect hands with her skin we'll we'll just take your hands off and replace them i don't know just like someone's hands and then they they sew rubber hands onto your hands and then you realize no one told me these hands don't work they're just beautiful and they sit there but they don't work they'll never pick anything up so that's what this thing is it's like hello in the apocalypse i will be fucked if these fall out i'm just gonna have stalactites oh no oh no yeah that's good you can like bite into prey that's last of us i am fucked no this is good news if cordyceps really takes over like in the last of us and you get it you're gonna be like a gummy zombie and no one's gonna get bit you're just gonna go like oh and just

gnaw on people on people's necks with your gummies. Okay, so you spun it. A little stalactite. Yeah, that's good. If you get bit by a zombie, we're just going to be like, hang out, keep hanging out. You don't have anything to give this to us with. Man, Last of Us.

Is everyone watching? I'm not caught up. There's men in the room. Yes, you guys watching? Yes, yes, we have not. Yes. It's so good. Have you got into it yet?

I just can't watch apocalyptic stuff. Why? Because it just makes me depressed. I'm trying to like stay positive. Oh, for some reason it does not make me depressed. Watching like Emily in Paris would make me depressed because I'm not as thin as her. My life isn't going as well as her. I'm not in Paris.

I'm not. That shit. Reality shows make me depressed. Last of Us, I'm like, I'm not. This is total fantasy. It's good. It was good last night. I'm surprised you're watching a zombie show. It's me and Chris's show. Chris is very

into it because it's boy zombie, but last night he was definitely disappointed in this episode because it's just like a date. These two girls go on a date the whole time and I was loving it. But then there is a scene where a zomba wakes up and like attacks him and I was loving it. But then there is a scene where a zombie wakes up and like attacks him and it's really good. And it's just interesting because the cool thing

about the show is that I love that this whole thing happened 20 years prior where the world changed. It's like COVID, but if COVID was way, way worse and lasted forever and everything changed. And there are people that were born within the time who have never lived in the old time. So I talked about this before, but this little girl Ellie in it has never flown in a plane. She's never driven in a car. She's never played a video game, but she knows about all this stuff.

Can you imagine if like, we think about people in history that never played video games, never drove in cars, but they couldn't imagine what that was. She can at least see it. And she's like, I I never get to do that. And so she gets to experience a little bit of it on this last episode, and it's so good. And Joel is not in the episode at all, but boy, is he just fun to look at, even when he's like writhing and dying

and has like an open wound. Oh my God, I can't wait to catch up. We're still on Alone. I mean, we're on the new season of alone and it's it's the same thing it's it's almost like how would you do it alone with your veneers yes terribly i'm sure i'd be trying to like gnaw on a fucking musk ox's leg and they would pop out they eat it all they eat it all you gotta get that vitamin d i wanna i wanna watch the new show daisy jones and the six or whatever it's about like a band in the 70s i think uh

elvis's granddaughter isn't it oh people i hear that's gonna be good there's some new reality show that i sent on you last night that is supposed to be really really bad and good what's it called do you remember perfect match we're gonna get a perfect match on netflix oh and you've got to watch stolen youth holy shit on netflix or on hulu stolen youth it is about a cult that this dude this it's called creepy father sleeps on your couch and then gets you in a sex call It should be called creepy father on a couch Creepy father dad Infiltrates Sarah Lawrence

It's unreal that this man Was able to get all of these kids on board Like it just shows you how impressionable We all are What's the premise real quick Okay these a bunch of college co-eds Are living in an off-campus apartment together their sophomore year one of them is dating this really pretty girl who has a dad

who's just getting out of prison because he was wrongly put away because the government was after him he finally gets out he sends up sleeping on their couch he is a very he worked for the cia apparently and all these things and and you know covert ops and he uh he pretty much starts just talking to them about their past trauma. This is how these cults start. Psychology, even though I love psychology, I love talking about trauma. He gets them to admit things happen in your past.

And then he starts to bring up things. This is how they get them. They start to get these kids to admit to things that happened to them or to uncover things in the past that may have happened to them. You know, what's it called? Memories when they're forgotten. Repressed. Repressed.

Repressed memories. Now, when you get people to open up repressed memories, whether they're repressed or not, what you do then is you open up a world of things that could have happened that probably didn't. And so once he's got that in that hook in them of like all these things happen to you and they they cut off their families cult they are sleep deprived because they're staying up all night talking to this guy and then they start he starts to accuse them of like i mean it's then they start living with him i mean it just you slowly see how dumb people can be even though these are smart people and one and the big headline of the thing is that they got this um columbia university med school uh got full ride went to

harvard she they got her he got her and um and you can just see the devastation of like mind control what it does and how i mean he might have been poisoning them it's very unclear but i didn't give anything away that will make you not want to watch the documentary it's really good um i found out who that man was that uh gave him his apartment that was his attorney in jail my god he convinced his attorney to let him stay in his apartment i'm not kidding you I don't want to meet Larry. I feel that even I, if I met Larry, would be persuaded somehow to hold his penis late at night as we slept. That's how he had these girls sleep next to him, one on each side, and one held his penis through the night. He's like, that's how she sleeps. That's what she needs.

That's what you need. That's how you're not going to damage my property. How do you think she held it? Was it over his thigh or in between his legs? I think it's like he slept on his back and then they slept next to him side by side and one of them would just put her hand over and hold it which is kind of fun to do sometimes if you're in a partnership where it's kind of like fun to just be like i just because flaccid penises are hilarious yes i do and so i later that night i had watched the documentary and i told chris i was like can I just show you what these girls had to do?

And I was like, can I just do this and feel safe? Because flaccid penises are so funny. It's so cool that you have them. I read in a tantric yoga book that this was one of the things they suggest to connect with your partner throughout the day. Like just rest your hand on their penis. Yes. I just remembered that.

It was a repressed memory Well I've got you then So why do you keep damaging all the microphones I send you You owe me $700,000 Alright we have to go to break But we'll be back with so much more after this Including an update on What was her name?

Lynette Peyton You were way off That? Lynette Peyton You were way off Lynette That was far off Peyton Whose brother is gay And wanted to go to her wedding

We actually talked to her Over the weekend And have an update for you And much much more after this Jon Stewart is back In the host chair At The Daily Show Which means

He's also back in our ears On The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast The Daily Show Podcast Has everything he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

All right, we are back. So if you remember from the last episode, we had a fanthrax from Lynette slash Peyton who said, I don't know why I named Lynette. That's such an archaic name. Because I see Peyton in my head. I see a Y. I see an E. And then I let it go.

And then there's like, I fill in the blanks. So, okay. So Peyton sent us this. So she pretty much She so if you don't remember For those that didn't hear the episode she was Getting married she was having her brother Want to come to the wedding and maybe kind of come out

At this wedding it was a West Virginia wedding and a lot Of her relatives didn't know that he was gay and it Was going to be like a coming out for him and she was Kind of like nervous that well we're going to Get filled on why she was nervous So I'm going to get to the meat of This this is the first event he mentioned bringing his kind of like nervous that well we're gonna get filled on why she was nervous um so i'm gonna get to the meat of this this is the first event he mentioned bringing his boyfriend to and my request of not doing so might overflow his cup and ruin any shot i had of having a closer and

deeper relationship with him i wouldn't intentionally want to make himself smaller but that is what i feel like i am doing to him i called him the same night i left the voicemail for the show i was making myself sick over expressing my wants without hurting either of their feelings we had a big talk and cried together you hit the nail on the head saying his lack of response or follow-through is due to the weight of hiding who he is from the people whom who love him the most i was able to express how badly i want to be a part of each other's lives and want to be there for him blah blah blah i'm just kidding unfortunately no this is such as i'm so glad she wrote this unfortunately the boyfriend and my schedule didn't uh and slash won't allow for us to meet before the wedding but

we're going to try in between the wedding and honeymoon so separate place for her to meet him and like have him ingratiated into the family brother is supposed to watch dogs and bring boyfriend with him i am thankful they were both open and understanding of my wants and there isn't bad blood which she wrote in cursive a different font and wrote a line underneath because she knows she's i'm a swifty so there wasn't bad blood over the situation i hope reiterating to him that i am always going to be on his side has made his load a little lighter i am also very excited to meet the man my brother loves okay so the questions from the pod that she wanted to address rather than being afraid to share the spotlight,

or rather being afraid that the spotlight will be taken away from me, my fear is that I will not look back on this day with anything but love. She wrote in parentheses, worst case scenario. So that makes sense. She doesn't need the spotlight. She just wants the day to just be all about love, no drama. I tried to find out if he planned on bringing a plus one months in advance so we could have him introduce boyfriend in smaller pre-wedding events oh makes sense um and we are

only doing a ceremony and dinner so there's no reception uh or buffer to bring him in later okay all of it makes sense thank you for the clarity on this i actually actually met um Peyton face to face I did not she just gave a letter to Anya to get to me the little dove she attached it to Anya's wing she flew it back to this little dove very cute listener thank you to our besties for being so beautiful no she was so nice she was I was like how did you feel when you were listening to the podcast she's like I cried i'm like because we hurt your feelings did i hurt your feelings she's like no i was so touched that it got heard and addressed so that was so sweet yeah sometimes when i i meet a lot of fans that are go that go

oh you read my fan threx or you played it and i always get nervous because i'm like did i say something mean or did i not that i would ever say something mean. But sometimes you like make sometimes you disagree with something they say. You just I always just want to tread lightly, especially when people are generous enough to give us their voices and content like that. So met a lot of besties this weekend. We had so many shows. I was yesterday exhausted, but I feel alive again today, especially seeing Noah picking me up in her RAV4 that she let me drive on the way here. And she definitely was scared. No, I was not.

You weren't? No. My driving doesn't scare you? No. Thank you. No way. I think you're a very good driver. You saw that lady in the Jeep switch lanes abruptly.

This is the thing. You avoided it. It was great. And it's raining in LA. We could have gotten smashed big time by this Jeep that was coming. Any other person that I was driving her car would have been like, oh my God. And like, and done a whole thing. But Noah was just like, I got it.

This is what I don't like is overreactions to things that don't happen. Exactly. People were like, oh my God, they could have. And it's like, it didn't happen. Let's keep going on with our day. So thank you. And I know you're very good at multitasking so i know that you're a good driver because there's a lot going on and you're good at handling

all of it i love driving never misspells anything in her text when she's driving she's got the right grammar that did not happen i didn't see nikki text while she was driving today i i did but i was looking up when i did it I don't ever look down and text So if you know who's suffering If I'm texting and driving Not other people I'm using one hand But I'm looking up

The people receiving your text Yes they are suffering Because I say thank you darling And I write thank you Darlene Speaking of Darlene I'm looking at dogs tomorrow Which I'm always looking at dogs Because they're cute as fuck But I am looking to dogs tomorrow Which I'm always looking at dogs Because they're cute as fuck

But I am looking to get a dog tomorrow Because I've been thinking about Getting a house I've been thinking about making a move There's different I thought I was pregnant last week There was things going on It was accidental

I didn't want to be And thank god I wasn't But I took a pregnancy test Between Cincinnati and Lexington, Kentucky The odds of me getting pregnant Like I didn't want to be and thank God I wasn't. But I took a pregnancy test in between. You only have like that in Lexington, Kentucky. And the odds of me getting pregnant at the age of 38 accidentally when I was off birth control for two weeks at the time that it happened are literally I should play the Powerball. Well, if I get pregnant, I think actually when you get off of birth control, your chances increase. But you'd only be at like a i don't know my body six percent chance yes there was no chance so yes it's it's it's so hard to get pregnant go out there and try

girls to even try yeah it's literally impossible it is so it was anal well you don't know they're all it's all connected down there at this point for me oh that's right if you do it enough yeah it all opens up um so it all opens i don't know what that meant that really grossed me out but um yeah so i don't there's been this like i need a change i want to get a haircut i want to maybe dye my hair i know these are all things i'm not going to i'm gonna get a dog instead okay i'm not gonna do something that will only last a couple months until it grows out. I'm going to do something that's permanent, that lasts until it dies in 20 years. Because small dogs, they be livin' men.

And get a dog whose hair you can cut or change its hairstyle. That's cute. That's such a good idea. I'm going to give my dog a pixie cut. And have everyone go it looks no it looks good um bangs yeah i'm gonna i i honestly hate when dogs have bangs get the hair out of your goddamn dog's face these poor dogs that have constantly seeing through bangs i know it's cute get cut their bangs my mom goes You get away

From Marion's face Because Marion Constantly has like Like Her eyeballs are penetrated By hair constantly Like I see the hair Like going into her eye

I'm like But she doesn't care She's just like Like And I'm like That's gotta be annoying So I start to cut And she goes

You get away From my dog I'm like It used to be mine So I'm looking At getting a dog I want a small one That I can take on planes With me It can travel with me All the time I don't have to get Sitters ever get away from my dog. I'm like, it used to be mine. So I'm looking at getting a dog. I want a small one that I can take on planes with me.

It can travel with me all the time. I don't have to get sitters ever. My mom's like, you don't get a dog, Nikki, please. My mom doesn't want me to do anything, I realize. Like anything I'd ever want to do. The other day I was looking at a house to buy and I was like, mom, I'm not going to buy it. But like, if I were to buy a house, this is like, I could see me getting a place like this.

She goes, all right, don't do it. Don't like I never have like even a little interest from her. Anything I want to spend money on. I wouldn't do it, Nick. I wouldn't do it. So I got LASIK. I didn't tell her I was getting LASIK because I knew I was going to hear. I wouldn't do it.

I think it's too late. You just stick with what you got. Too late. Stick with what you got. Well, there was like a common misconception about LASIK that at least had trickled down to me that it's too late at one point. That's what I was led to believe too. Oh, really? No, the people in their 80s are getting LASIK. I was with them in the waiting room. Oh, yeah. You can get it till the end. Also, stick with what you got is such a powerful message from a parent. Like, that must permeate other parts of your life.

Stick with what you got is everything I heard as a kid. Because I used to tell my mom, I'm ugly. Why did you make, why did, I used to say, why did you and dad have sex when you knew you could make something as ugly as me? This would be after boys teased me at school. And, like, I buck teeth. And I was like,uren was perfect looking she had not like she was not you know awkward looking yet or ever but um and i used to say i remember like just berating my mom being like you and dad knew that

you had dna that could make something as ugly as me why would you irresponsibly have sex like i was smart enough to like connect it to them yeah like this is your fault and my mom would go you be happy with what you have which is not calming that doesn't make you feel good it just makes you feel like yeah you are ugly deal with it right right as opposed to like no you're beautiful which i probably wouldn't have accepted either and i'd be talking about she used to say no you're beautiful when i knew i wasn't that's what my old therapist donna used to say because i would say i was an ugly my old therapist Donna used to say. Because I would say, I was an ugly kid and my dad used to say, you are so beautiful. And he truly believed it.

He would just stop sometimes and he'd just be staring at me. And I would catch him staring at me and I'd go, dad, what? And he's like, you're just so goddamn beautiful. You're just one of the most beautiful people. It was very loving. It wasn't creepy. He loved that I had these fly... The things I hated most about myself in seventh grade, if I i could pinpoint was the bags under my eyes because i had chronic sinus

infections because my parents smoked inside it was their fault but also um i had like a like cowlicks so if i put it back my hair i was always jealous of girls i could put that back their hair and it would be just slick mine would be like these fuzzy things hanging off like bozo's crown like it was just it was it looked like ethereal i always had these like and like no hair why don't you have them now i don't know i don't know it was a child thing but i or i've embraced them i don't even know what it is but i had these baby hairs that i hated and my dad used to say those are amazing they're the best thing and my therapist donna goes that's why um that's why you have anger towards your dad because you knew

he was a liar he was lying to you and you knew it and he lied to you on the spot and you knew it every day he was lying to you when he said you were beautiful and I was like that's kind of a good point like if you're if you have something going on your parent constantly is like no you're beautiful you kind of get to even with Santa Claus sorry if kids are listening but like when that he didn't think he was lying to you what if if he believed it? I do think he believed it, but I took it as him lying to me. Because he did lie about Santa when I confronted him. I saw his foot shaking. I knew.

He goes, what do you think? And his foot was going fucking wild. Oh, my God. I have a question about that. Yeah, what? I was 12. I was on a six-hour flight the other day. And the whole flight, this guy in my row Was shaking his foot

And it was moving The entire row And I was too scared No no no You gotta go Sir Sorry And just gently

Put your hand on it Touch him? On his penis You don't need to touch him Well I guess I used to do that To Andrew I would just gently Touch his leg

And go hey No It would be like Shaking the whole couch You know Ian Ian's foot That's the one

Ian's the one I used to do it to Ian Fightance Yeah but people that do that, they burn more calories. You can touch people without asking. I mean, you're a gorgeous woman. You probably could. He was an angry man.

Okay. Asked him if I could go to the bathroom and he rolled his eyes and goes, what? Oh, yeah. No, he goes up there. You can't. What? Yeah. The guy was shaking the entire row up there. You can't. What? Yeah, the co-captain.

So this guy was shaking the entire row? Yep, the whole row. He was like doing restless leg syndrome. And he had seven shots of Jack Daniels. Okay, this isn't someone you want to talk to. You're right. You're just going to have to like sit through this one. Yeah, that's a scary person.

But also, man, there's a part of me that wants to get that person to try to punch me. It'd be worth it. Like I said, as they should. As they should. That woman, I wanted her to punch me because I had done nothing wrong except to go, as they should. It would have been amazing. Nikki Glaser gets decked in the face by some Trumpy,

or some guy on a plane assault. I would beg you to hit me if you're a crazy person and I've done nothing wrong. I look like the hero hero and i get an excuse to get a nose job i have a question in our notes you said you put an embarrassing boarding area moment i can't even like tell it yet oh okay never mind so embarrassing scratch that no okay i will tell it but this is like it's rare that i get humiliated like humiliated it happened okay this is a smaller it's rare that I get humiliated. Like humiliated. It happened. Okay.

This is a smaller, it happened twice in boarding areas. And you want to know why it's happening? Because of my noise canceling headphones. Those goddamn AirPods cancel out too much noise. You don't hear people around you. You don't understand. And boarding areas, you know, when they pack them in, there's like four announcements going on at once for four different gates.

And you're hearing, oh, we're announcements going on at once for four different gates. And you're hearing, oh, we're boarding group B. We're boarding group A. We're boarding, you know, veterans. Wheelchair accessibility. So I hear. Okay. I'll just tell the one.

I hear. I hear. I know that I've gotten this ticket bought for me by like Sony. So I'm fine'm fine first class I have all the perks right I know I'm number one you know so they call we're beginning boarding and I see already some people trickling on so I go I they were and they weren't you know disabled so I knew it was my turn they were just regular not that people who are disabled aren't regular please don't come after me but you know they were able to see like any wheelchairs yeah so i just go right i don't cut anyone but i'm just zipping along and i realized though i know what i could be in trouble for i've got a fanny pack on but if i realize if you wear if you wear a fanny pack it doesn't count as a personal bag

if you are wearing it on your body it doesn't count as a personal bag. If you are wearing it on your body, it doesn't count. But I have a guitar and I have a suitcase, okay? So then I scan my boarding pass and I hear, and there's tons of people, right? And I hear the woman say something. And I know what she's saying. She's saying your suitcase is too big. It's not going to fit in the overhead, which it was because I had done the little expander zipper. And I had forgotten to do the unexpanded one. Right.

So I, I forgot to do that before they started boarding. I was all fucked up on time. I had, I don't like to ever be someone who holds up the line. So I quickly, Oh my God. I quickly set my suitcase down,

like pull it to the side, sit down, unzip it really quickly. And I'm just like taking things out and holding them and zip it back up and she and i go and i go uh and then i start walking down the the jet bridge and they're screaming my name i can't hear it but then eventually she's like ma'am and then i get back and she's and everyone's watched this whole thing okay she goes ma'am and i go what she goes your boarding pass and i was like oh, it didn't scan. So I give it back.

And she goes, it's the wrong flight. Oh, my God. It wasn't even boarding yet. So not only did everyone on this flight see me, like, spill out my things and be like, and then be like, see, now it fits. And, like, do this whole thing. But then I had to walk back out. And then everyone from my own flight saw this display

it was like so because a walk of shame no it was so embarrassing and then yesterday i got really again it was so embarrassing this is the problem without having a friend when i was like traveling with andrew constantly it was nice because if something embarrassing happened you had someone to go oh that was like you trip and fall you're like oh what did it when you're by yourself no one's there to like laugh with you and like and if you do it to yourself you look like an even bigger idiot like oh what a dumb dumb i am so i yesterday i finished my latte i like sucked it down within like two minutes even though i get them extra hot i get them extra hot so that i can drink them fast because if they're just normal temperature i'll chug too much so i get them extra hot so they'll like burn me if i chug but my so you drink so you get them to drink slow

because you said fast to drink fast yeah i'd get yeah so it'll slow me down sorry i was talking too fast i get them extra hot so it will slow me down the problem is my throat is now calloused and i can just chug scalding hot liquids it's no problem so i chug this fucking latte and then we're about to board and there's like you know everyone is waiting because they're boarding like the early group so everyone's waiting around it's like really tight and i see this trash can and i'm like i know i can fucking dunk it let her like you know just like swish oh no so it's and it's like two feet away it's nothing and i know it hits the side the cap and the holder come off and they both go different ways and then the cup falls about three like nothing goes in the trash but

then my cups was into three pieces and it goes everywhere and i have to like collect it and i'm living in this little like i have like a gentle podcast on you know sam harris is talking to me about like no free will. And it's I can't hear anyone. I know everyone's looking at me and I'm collecting it and I'm going, oh, that was embarrassing. And I'm saying it was embarrassing to myself. I mean, it's humiliating. It's making me hot just thinking about it because everyone must have been just like, I hope I wasn't recognized in that moment.

It was just so bad. So that was my embarrassing boarding moment. Just knowing that people were like it always happens when i have those damn headphones in because i can't hear what people are saying and i assume i know what they're saying does anyone else out there have those fucking airpods you don't have the airpod pros though not yet but i was wearing these the other day on a plane yesterday and i was sitting next to like if paddington bear was a female woman oh my god it was like 80 years old was hilarious she had giving us updates of what she was saying yeah a huge purse she was so disheveled

i don't think she had been on a plane ever maybe a couple times like decades ago and she just i was obsessed with her she had all these, like old graph paper from 1982 in her bag and took out all these endless oranges that she was eating. And then she leaned over to me and was like, That's a nice snack on a plane, by the way. It's a burst of a gentle, nice smell. That is the best thing to eat on a plane

is a fresh orange. No one's going to be upset, I don't think. She was dying to talk and connect. And I was like, I'm in my zone. She's like, I'm eating my seaweed snack. And she's like pointing at me and like, take off your headphones, take them off. And I'm like, oh my God, here we go. And I take them off and she goes, those are a great snack. No, no. She's like like I lost my clog she's just like feverishly like kicking her leg under my seat everywhere and then she's like she has it's so bright and we take off and she's just her nose

is like smushed against the glass for the whole flight. She's just staring into the abyss. Like she can't believe. And Matt and I can't read our iPads cause it's so bright in the plane. If you're at the window, shut the fucking window. Unless you're a child, shut the window. People wanna sleep. People want it dark. People wanna watch their phones.

Yeah, just the idea that people knew knew my the woman had clearly said to me ma'am this is the wrong flight and then what they see is a woman just violently throw her to the ground and open it and then like take some things out zip it back up zip the other zipper that tightens it then put it in that little cart thing to be like and go see it fits and i have my guitar that's swinging around and i'm like i just i mean i looked insane it's just so embarrassing when you've been doing something for a while that's my biggest embarrassment is when there's been a long birth of time where people are witnessing you thinking one thing and it not being the right way like if i like the other day i said the word stealth i was like telling people to take pictures at my shows because it's always like pictures are always

take no photography during the show i always tell people please take pictures sneak video i don't care so i told them on my story i was like be stealth and someone wrote me and was like stealth be stealth be best are you melania and i was like oh fuck it's stealthy and then i also misspelled ithaca and my dad knew and then anya was like oh like you misspelled ithaca and i go you knew it like why didn't you tell me you're just like talking behind my back that i misspelled i can't say ithaca well that's a good point at least i can say it but i hate things happening behind my back i mean who likes that but like the way you said it i was like you've noted it you know i misspell this thing i bet you have a list of things i was about to write to you

i just got distracted i was about to be like if again then i'm like i don't be cunty who cares like i'm sure she's gonna be cunty later when i just thought you would know like someone had written it for sure people had commented under it saying it's ithaca you're misspelling how did you spell it do you remember the way it should be spelled the way it said ithi i-t-h-i oh okay so it's i- my bad please don't come to my show just call anytime there's something wrong just call it out in the moment because my biggest fear is people talking about me behind my back which i know happens i mean this is what i do for a living so that's most people have to talk about being behind my back because there's no you're not going gonna meet me to say these things or they dm me but like the idea that my friends behind my back are like she miss smells ithaca is no enough for me to not

want to be friends anymore like if i knew that that kind of like like shit talking was going on like recently i think anya you had said our friendship yeah yeah i am recently on you what's happening recently anya said something about, like, oh, one time we did have a talk about you and your, like, depression and, like, your moods and stuff. And I was like, a sidebar was had?

Like, I know it was out of, like, love. But then just don't tell me about the sidebar later on. Right. If you're talking about me behind my back, don't ever let me know that it happened. There's too many rules. I can't remember all these.

Well, here's the only rule. Don't have a sidebar? If you talk about me behind my back, don't tell me you did. Ever. Why? Isn't that the rule for everyone? It was proof that that person cared about you. That person who shall remain nameless.

I don't need proof. I already know that that person cared about me. I don't need proof. Now I know that you don't care about me because you talked about me behind my back. We'll be back. We're going to break. I gotta talk to someone behind their back. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show,

which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious, satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else,

like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, we're back. We're going to do We Know Nothing. Here's a theme song that really doesn't fit. I may have edited it. Oh, you did?

Yay. I don't know if I did I think I did Give us a call Nevermind Nope Still the same There's nothing we know

It's hard to pick up the phone We know nothing But we'll try Okay so originally that song was for like an advice segment Which I think we should do Because I think we did a pretty good job the other day for Lynette Peyton Peyton Peyton day for Lynette. Peyton. Peyton.

Peyton Lynette. So today we're going to try to describe something that we don't know anything about. This was the subject that was picked earlier today. I really, this segment really, I get scared about. I've been delaying it the whole show. I want to talk about anything else than this. Okay, so the thing we're going to try to explain I've been delaying it the whole show. I want to talk about anything else than this. Okay. So the thing we're going to try to explain is how electricity works.

Duh. It's so easy. And usually this is embarrassing, but now there's like four men in this room who work here at iHeart who I know that at least two of them could probably work with electricity yeah that they work of they they they know about tesla coils and uh flying kites and uh drones little drones yeah okay here's how so there's a grid right electricity is definitely on a grid all i know is that there was electricity last night in the episode of the last of us i don't know how but there was and i don't know how they're getting it generators right what electricity is to me

okay that's all i can say is to me electricity means love it means power no um i believe electricity is based on some kind of force right we're talking wind we're talking water pressure there's like a force that creates something that is bigger than something else thank god and that that force has to go somewhere and that then can make then make things do something but where does it come from like where does that force come from well um i don't went wind wind and solar power and and like water like you know like windmills electricity that's electricity uh sunlight we can make electricity i don't know how this all happens. Conduction, I think it's called. Okay. Conduction.

It's definitely a bunch of... I can't even begin to describe what I don't know. So, Anya, do you have any ideas? These guys are twitching around. It was invented by... It was not invented. I mean, the light bulb was invented by benjamin franklin i thought it was thomas edison that's what i thomas edison yeah because like edis isn't that like a an electric

company in new york edison yes it is ben franklin did he did the cut no thomas edison was the kite no ben ben franklin was kite with the key. Struck by lightning. Don't look at me. Really? I don't know. But electricity is a thing that, I don't think it was invented. I think it just is. And we just discovered it. Oh, yeah. Like when you rub your hair.

Okay, I'm getting a nod. Yes, on a balloon. Like static electricity exists because the electrons are negative. There we go. Positive and negative electrons so you there's energy harnessed by we're not in wind that dumb electricity just came to be in like the turn of one of the centuries so it was recent you know like it's not like we're so stupid a lot of people didn't know what the fuck it was or how to get it you know what okay so it's for me it's hard to understand how does it get into everyone's house wires so like how

but you always look outside all those beans like when i of one of those poles falls over then boom no electricity or like something explodes so i understand that but how does it travel through these wires? God. Spirit. There's a grid. It's all connected through the grid. Let's go online because I think we're out of ideas. The concept of electricity itself is based on electron movement.

Okay. We did not say that. Yeah. Thank you. When you force electrons to move in sync. Okay, put in sync in anything and I get it. Just the Timberlakes involved? Yeah.

When they force electrons, when you force electrons, you, to move in sync, they end up producing heat, which turns the wire they're moving into a magnet. Okay. Let's get more into this. Because we're going to learn right now. Wait, so all those wires outside are magnets? Probably. So why aren't cars just like being lifted in the air and attaching to them? Britannica describes electricity as a phenomenon

associated with stationary or moving electric charges. Every electrical charge is a fundamental property of matter being born by elementary particles. So I was right. Electricity is already a thing. We are just harnessing it. It can't be created or destroyed. For electricity, this elementary particle.

God, I don't like the word elementary. Stop using it, dear Watson. I'm sorry. For electricity, this elementary particle is an electron that has a negative charge, which is carried to the next electron through the convention method so when we talk about how electricity works it's essentially the result of the accumulation or motion of a specific number of electrons moreover electricity travels in a closed circuit for the electrons to move through it let's explain this with the help of an example no i don't want to know anymore i don't need to know Imagine you flip a switch to turn on the light

What do you do? You basically close a circuit By applying the same logic when you flip a switch off You open a circuit Well I would think it was the opposite It's saying when you flip a switch off You open a circuit Now when you close a circuit

The flow of electricity from the electric wires Powers through them Powers through them through the light and vice versa likewise okay i'm done i'm done moreover electricity takes different forms like water coal wind solar hydro electricity and nuclear i think we uncovered it i think i need to watch an episode of like sesame street to explain this me. I don't even think they would even try to do that. Tackle that. Yeah.

I mean. Was Ben Franklin involved at all? He had the kite. Ben Franklin. Electricity. I'm typing it in. I think he had the kite, but I don't think he was. Okay.

Benjamin Franklin and the kite experiment. Okay. Yes. Oh. Oh. Despite a common misconception, Benjamin Franklin did not discover electricity during this experiment, or at all for that matter. It's just the first.

He just went to a park and got credit. Oh. On a June afternoon in 1752, the sky began to darken over the city of Philadelphia. As rain began to fall and lightning threatened, most of the city's citizens surely hurried inside. But not Benny Frank Franks. He decided it was the perfect time to go fly a kite. He had been waiting for an opportunity like this. He wanted to demonstrate the electrical nature of lightning. Okay, so yeah, he didn't discover it. So he wasn't a dum-dum he he was doing something to show

how electricity works yes but i don't something to do with it but he didn't discover it who invented electricity even though we know that's not it but we know we oh shit it's still writing we know that no one invented it but i would just want to write it that way because you know people would be searching it like that who invented electricity okay william grenier who schuyler wheeler henry m leland and ebenezer kinnerslag scrooge these are the inventors electricity so i guess it is benjamin franklin took things a big step ahead What about Thomas? Thomas Alva Edison is one of the greatest of all inventors And is normally credited with creating the light bulb Oh, light bulb

Nicholas Tesla Yeah Oh, God Okay We can't know everything I can't believe those four guys are not famous at all At all They just had like bad marketing team

Everyone will be forgotten They had no PR They didn't have They didn't pay six grand for a PR company. Like some people. Like some people. I am. Renier.

Final thought. We know nothing about electricity. I still don't know anything about it. If someone tried to. We got a C minus. How do people have kids? And when these questions come up, I guess you just Google stuff and then you learn together. And that's Noah's thing where she was like, I was like, why do why do you want to have kids you were like to see the world through their eyes really

she meant because i need to learn some shit i need to like go back to school telemetry school and this is the only way oh my god it's embarrassing but then some dads are like all right this is where i excel i've been waiting for this question so here's a positive electron Here's a negative And then they just talk loudly There was a guy in the park the other day Loud dad Showing his kids how to fish And he was ruining everything for everyone Because he was just shouting at them

Teaching them how to fish And how these fish are different than those fish What did you learn? Did you learn anything from this loud dad? That I'm so grateful That you have a quiet quiet meek boyfriend who raises his but yeah he raises his hand to before he can ask a question oh would you describe that as meek only to nikki really only to me fuck okay is this another sidebar you've had my family

no he raises his hand and i go yes matt and he goes is it okay if we start the show uh 15 minutes late tonight like he's a meek guy i don't there's nothing wrong with being meek i bet he's not meek and then she's very bossy he's very bossy in bed yeah i think so oh all right has he ever raised his hand to you? He raises his hand a lot to interrupt. Not yet. I'm hoping. Oh, to interrupt.

I get. Yeah. I'm like, this is an interruption, this thing. Cause I'll be like, you know what I love? And then,

just stop. Is Avi meek? Avi's very quiet. No, he's not. He's really loud. Really? But it's all,

it's just like, not cause like he has no hearing anymore. So? But it's just like, because he has no hearing anymore. So he's just like naturally loud. Does he have no hearing? One, he was born with a hearing deficiency and then he's been playing in grind bands for like almost his whole life. Yeah. So his hearing's blown out.

Last night, I was at the comedy store and did the goddamn comedy jam and Bill Burr was there and they were so fucking loud we were backstage and the band was so loud it was i was i was ready to like walk out because i was like i can't be around this and he was like i can't believe you guys don't wear head or you know earplugs and i'm like i always bring them i love i can't believe how many people don't and he's like i have tinnitus from not wearing it forever but he had earplugs and he was so smart

but um and then i put in my airpods i was like i don't have earplugs like, I have tinnitus from not wearing it forever. But he had earplugs and he was so smart. But and then I put in my AirPods. I was like, I don't have earplugs, but I do have my AirPods. It's perfect. But yeah, last night I was at the goddamn Comedy Jam. And right before I'm going on, I was doing a Taylor Swift song like I've done with them for a while. And I was playing guitar. I made the mistake, which is such a, I think, a novice guitarist mistake of not like i didn't realize i always play the guitar

sitting down never am i standing up and then i stood up and it was the the fucking strap was too long so i'm like playing and i hadn't because i hadn't played it backstage i figured i would be sitting on a stool or something when i got out there so i'm like playing it down like i'm like like in a gr Johnny Rocket or whatever. I don't even know. Yeah, a grunge band. Exactly. So it was really hard for me to play,

but it ended up going well. But right before I go on, this guy backstage who I don't even know, he was like, Matt Healy from the 1975 is here tonight. And I was like, he was like, he's a buddy of mine.

I go, what? He's like, yeah, do you know him? I was like, of course I know who that is. He's here watching this show and I was like oh and I'm doing a Taylor Swift song he's like friends with her it was like I was so nervous but then I was like oh this makes me so much better when the pressure's on when I have someone in the audience that I'm like I need to impress not that I was impressive at all I

listened to my vocals and they were piss poor but um i was like because carla was with me she's like are you nervous i'm like i mean kind of but like also this is where i thrive like when there's not someone when i get to have someone there that i have like a crush on or it's someone that i like really admire as a peer that's why i'm always trying to get chris to come see me perform because i'm like it's gonna be a better show because I'm trying to get laid from like being so dazzling that you can't help but like be horned up for it even though I don't think most guys get like horny for women who are like commanding a stage yes they don't yeah I don't but for some reason it's like do you get do you get uh do you feel better Anya when you're performing and you know Matt is watching you adoringly? No. Matt, yes.

But if I know a good guitar player is there, I get so self-conscious and I'll make a bunch of errors and screw up. Yes. Because I'm like, they're probably watching me play guitar. And then I'm like fumbling. Yes. Well, I went out knowing that Matt Healy was there and I knew that he would, like anyone would, these comedians like trying to be what he does best like a fucking badass rock star i made the point of like we're comedians trying to be rock stars we know that we're not good at this just like rock stars are not good at being comedians

but you guys get away with so much more and then i did my example of dave matthews being like it smells good out there tonight we're like he said weed rock stars can say anything and people fucking die laughing but god forbid i sing a little bit in between jokes um yeah it's uh it was but it was really fun last night carl l came out and um yeah bill burr played uh smells like teen spirit and i love that song i didn't know that he was going to play it, but he was only playing drums on it. Oh my gosh. Josh Adam. Yeah, he's a drummer.

I forgot that. And that drumming for that song is like the one song that I've been like, I want to get a drum kit because I love that, those drums. And so I had already finished, but I was like, and Josh Adam Myers had already sang

like a bunch of songs because he's with the band. So he was singing it. And I was like, I know this song really well. And I just ran up on stage in the middle of it because I was like and Josh Adam Myers had already sang like a bunch of songs because he's with the band so he was singing it and I was like I know this song really well and I just ran up on stage in the middle of it because I was like I want to perform with Bill Burr and so I sang uh Smells Like Team Spirit it was so fun I wish I would have looked at the lyrics a little bit more because they're weird a mulatto a mosquito I don't even think you could say mulatto anymore I'm like a mixed mixed person like he's a lottery ticket

but it was so fun it's so like sorry but comedy sucks compared to being a rock star it literally blows it's it is the difference between getting like i i don't it's like it's like an over-the-pants hand job compared to like full penetration when it comes to um freedom and like of expression and is it because the audience is more active like through the set like they're singing along with you they can't really do that emotional it's more you get to be more emotional and i think that that's like so intriguing to me of just being able to like scream and like you can get like messy and go like, oh, like you can just like I love on on my explore page. It's all musicians like kind of like rubbing their face and being like like twitching when they're singing and like getting like into it.

And like, I love it. I love that. Like, you can look like you're coming on stage and everyone's OK with it. Like that is freedom of expression more so than anything. And I think as a comedian, comedians are, we're, we're all wanting to be cool.

Desperately. We want you to think we're cool. Even when we're talking about how like we farted on someone's head or something, we're still trying. We're in control of the narrative and musicians are as fuck as well all the time you know we witness it and even you know ones that are overly performative and do too much of that like i'm like like we were talking about some musician

who uh anya was watching the other night who like just like she can do anything and people are just like she's fucking amazing because guys just jerk off to her and so she just like will can do anything and people are just like she's fucking amazing because guys just jerk off to her and so she just like will eat a hot dog and like during her music video and people are like this is art and it's like no it's not like dance or something like so musicians can be cute too but there's just something so and a song is there's nothing better than a song no one is having their like no one you know gets married and walks down the aisle to a you know brian regan bit no one no no one is you're not watching like a love scene in a movie and you are transfixed more like do you have you ever thought about if you take music out of TV shows or anything

How you wouldn't even know what to do You wouldn't know how to feel You wouldn't know a zombie's about to come You always know a zombie's about to show up In The Last of Us because The music is too good It's been too good for too long And then it starts to get a little quiet

You don't realize how much it's Dictating your feelings So it's like um dictating your feelings and so it's just way cooler it's way more impressive my voice teacher always says especially singers they were like he goes if you are a proficient singer and you master your voice like you know and really work at it there's nothing more magical because it's coming from you. You're making it out of nothing. Your instrument is inside your head. The inner workings, like the way that people, you know, play a trumpet and have like a little

tap of their finger will change a note in a certain way. You can do that with all the way you shape your face and the way your tongue moves. Like all that stuff that's happening inside it, it's magic. It's a magic trick. And there's nothing more special than that. And you don't have to lug it on a plane. You don't, it's always with you. And so it,

it really is. Singing is the coolest thing you can possibly do as a human. I believe. I think it's like the greatest talent and it, and it, cause it feels like magic. And, but what's cool about comedy is like seinfeld says i'm just kidding yes you are so autonomous and independent you're not looking for a record label

to sign you to help you get big yes you are comedians are always looking for managers and agents that's all they talk about but you know what know what? They don't know that it doesn't matter. It's immediate, though. You can go on stage and say whatever you want. Anything you want. But you can go to open mics and play whatever you want and say whatever you want. And you guys get to say so much more.

I don't get to talk about how in love with someone I am. It's not funny. I never get to express my actual... You can't be as vulnerable. Yeah, you can't be vulnerable vulnerable yeah you can't be vulnerable and neither can you because that's why lyricists always have to talk in metaphors because it's too much to hear like i don't need to hear a bubblegum tongue like that even was like come on john back off a little bit that was too visceral but that's it's but i i do agree i

don't have to pay a band that's why john Mayer's going out solo on this next tour. You think so? Well, I don't think, I think, first of all, I like to see musicians just with an acoustic guitar and their voice. I would prefer that over a huge band. No offense to bands. I like bands sometimes, but like,

if I could pick what Taylor Swift does, it would be her and her acoustic guitar. Because she, it's just, it's so much more personal. I always liked Dave at Live at Luther College more than any of the other albums, because it was just it's so much more personal i always like david live at luther college more than any of the other albums because it was just him and tim reynolds bare bones but also you don't have to pay a fucking band all that money goes to you not that i'm thinking that way but that is the nicest thing about being a comedian is that you don't have to give it to anyone unless you're a Sklar brother. And you don't have to do sound checks.

I mean, I do sometimes, but yes, you're right. Well, that's because you sing. Yes, but sound checks are annoying. I get into town, I can just go to sleep and then get to the show and just go right on. I always wonder about like, you know, so as a comedian, you can constantly change your set. And if you don't feel like doing one joke, if you're on on the mood for it but i feel like bands have to play the songs that

everybody yes like went to hear nice and not nice because you always have something to fall back on you don't have to make new music if you were like there was this joke i heard where someone said like hey forget who told me this they were talking to the manager of ario speed wagon and they asked him like are they still like putting out new music and he goes we don't encourage it that would be so nice to not i mean i'm grateful that i because i get i'm add i get so bored with stuff that i don't feel anymore so it it would be very hard for me to like, even songs that I didn't write that I was so into and was so into singing. I'm like, Anya, I don't want to sing that song today.

I'm not feeling it. I will not sing it. There's no way. So it would be hard to do that. But last night, I would have 100% blown off this show and canceled. 100%, no question, if I was just doing stand-up because I didn't need it. I did stand-up all weekend, but because I was singing a song, I would have paid

to do the show. It was so fun. It's the best feeling I can achieve in my life right now is performing on stage with a full band where I get to play guitar really shittily. It's the best feeling. I'm so grateful that I even have it. And you get to cover Nirvana with Bill Burr. That's so fun. Yeah, that's really cool.

I wish I could have seen that. That's so great. Even though I had to look at my phone the whole time because I didn't know the lyrics, but I wish I would have learned them before. Yeah, it was really fun. All right. That's our show today. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you to Anya.

Thank you, Noah, for being here. Thank you to iHeart Podcast for allowing us to be in this dope-ass studio. So what did you just say? Big money players. Yes, especially our our little sect of the iheart radio podcasting it's our network all the best podcasts at iheart no offense to the other ones are at big money players they're the funniest and the coolest um so uh make sure you check those out stradio lab poog it's uh what is it str. Stradio Lab. Oh, there's a new one, which I used to do.

It was Vanessa Bayer's new one. What is that called? Oh, yeah. What was it? How Do We Get Weird. How Do We Get Weird. Oh, that's good. I just saw a clip with Will Ferrell where she's talking about, oh, my God, that was

the funniest damn clip. We'll repost it on our socials. But she was talking about a job interview she went on where she came in prepared with her biggest weakness because she knew that was going to be a job interview question and then they didn't ask it so at the end when she nearly she had gotten the job and they were like saying goodbye she was like i just want to say my biggest i was i was crying laughing it's so good so check out that vaner's podcast along with all the Big Money Players podcasts that we are so happy to be a part of that network. And we'll see you tomorrow on the show.

Also, dates coming up. Durham, Greensboro, and what's the other? Oh, wait, wait. Durham, Greensboro. Charleston. Charleston, yes. We're on a southern tour this week. And let me just say, besties, if you're in the south, please come out to these shows.

Because your girl has never really played the south. And if there aren't anyone at these shows, I literally won't come back to these towns. Because my agents, people always go, why do you go in this place? Why do you go to this place? I don't choose. My agents choose based on the demand. And if we learn on this tour that there isn't demand there, I'm never going to come back. And it won't be my fault.

I won't know. I will have no control over it. So please, every single ticket matters to me. And I'm not asking you just to do this for me. I want to come back there because I like playing in the South.

I like the people. So make a difference by buying a ticket to one of my shows. And as always, you get a free meet and greet if you're a bestie. Just come up to the merch booth and tell them that you're a bestie and know, as always, you get a free meet and greet if you're a bestie. Just come up to the merch booth and tell them that you're a bestie and we'll find a way to get you a meet and greet.

Or write me on DM or through Nikki Glaser Pod. DM your full name, the show you're going to, and say you're going alone or that you're just a bestie. You can go with someone and get a meet and greet too. And I can't wait to meet you. I'll see you out there. Don't be cool. And just research before you get to videos. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show,

which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.