The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #323 Nothing, Open, Relax

Episode Date: March 8, 2023

HBO's Succession is on top of mind for Nikki as she realizes that she's very into evil characters. Anya and Noa are both on board and ready for the new season. Nikki thinks Titanic is a masterpiece and it was the first romance she liked on film. She also gives an update on Tic Tac the dog, which made her cry on a plane. They get into the topic of mentors as Nikki shares some golden nuggets from her vocal teacher. Nikki reads a Reddit Dump that resonates with Anya and why she hasn't been feeling great lately. Nikki confesses that after decades she can enjoy a pizza guilt free. She and Anya advocate for meditation and break it down for the skeptics.  --- Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Get Pod Merch: Podshop.NikkiGlaser.com Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Anya's Patreon: patreon.com/anyamarina   More Nikki: IG More Anya: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. Welcome to the show.

I'm Nikki Glaser. It is Tuesday here in Los Angeles. This is coming out Tuesday night, so we're taping day of. I just have to say that. I feel proud of us. Yay! We get this thing out. It is current.

Anya is here. Anya Marina. Hello, Anya. Hey, baby. Hey, baby. We are here live now. Noah is not here. You're not here with me, but we're remote.

But it feels like we're all here. I was just thinking today how lucky I am that I get to do a podcast where there's just no, I'm not nervous. I just get to hang out with my friends. And it's just a job that is just so ideal. This is exactly the same conversation, maybe a better conversation than one you'd eavesdrop on if you heard us eating in the Whole Foods cafeteria

like we did last week, Noah. You don't really hear that much of a different conversation. I mean, maybe my voice, I'd be a little bit more like this if I talk. But it's pretty much the same thing. It's so cool. And next week i'm gonna have on my friend brian frangie so gear up for that he um i used to do a podcast with him called the not

safe podcast it was when i was had that show on comedy central and um he and dan saint germain another really funny comedian were my two um well brian was my producer and then jan was my co-host but brian ended up being like one of the co-hosts as well and uh he's hilarious you guys are gonna love him he doesn't like an apple blog where he just like reviews apples really savagely i've talked about him a ton of times before but he's just like i can't wait yeah he's it's so funny um he has strong opinions about apples the sweet tango being his favorite apple of all time the sweet tango people like even talked to him and like flew him out to the sweet tango farms to like because he's done so much good publicity for them but he does a blog called the um apple rankings.com if you

want to check it out it's so funny he's just the best guy and um i just know besties are gonna love him and i'm excited for you guys to meet him next week he'll be on both the shows next week so uh brian frangie f-r-A-N-G-E is his name. And he, yeah, he writes for Adam ruins everything, that old show. And then he also writes for Adam.

What's Adam's name? Adam ruins everything guy. Fuck. Adam Conover. He writes for his like YouTube channel where he does like these serious breakdowns of like, why does Ticketmaster, why does Ticketmaster suck?

And then he like explained it all and you, and you, like, understand everything. And it's all about capitalism. And there's, like, three guys at the top. It's pretty much the show Succession is the answer for everything, which I have so much to cover. But right now I am in, I'm in on Succession. Like, you guys know I go through phases of, like, I'll be into Veep. I'll be into Seinfeld.

I'll be into Just Shoot me um shout out to the bestie who wrote me today that she is going on a job interview via zoom i think with a potential boss and his name is jack gallo which is the name of the boss on just shoot me and she was like i was thinking of you and i'm like good luck bestie um but right now i'm in a succession phase i just finished season one i tried to get into the show before. It was just, I didn't have anyone to watch it with. This time I am gearing up for season four, which is gonna drop, I think, March 26th.

Or it's going to start March 26th. I love how HBO does it old school style with one a week. It's just, it's not too much. Noah and Anya, you are both caught up through season three correct like you're ready for season four yes yes now where would you rank for you because i want to talk about how i feel about succession in in shows of all time because we we are talking about critically one of the best shows awards wise as well one of the best shows written and performed reviews wise now do you feel it fits into your like top shows like if you're if you're going through your favorite shows of all

time is it up there for you absolutely for me it's top three i would say succession veep and then i'm leaving an open spot for something i think of later at three in the morning when i'm okay well i can i give you mine mine are mad men is my number one just because i don't remember anything almost that happens in it except when john ham says i don't think about you at all to pete and then like when um john slattery's character like the old guy roger like fingers uh joan and they have like sex on the street those are like two moments i remember and like god i forgot all of kieran and shipka the little girl is yes on by a dumpster they like almost get mugged and then they're like fueled by their and then they like oh that was so good oh my god spoiler alert for a show that happened 12

years ago but um maybe more um i would say mad men veep 30 rock but if we're going dramas succession is succession is like a uh i would say it's 10 veep because i'm not giving it i hate when people go it's half veep half mad men it's not all it's funny but it's not purposely funny the way veep is veep is like you know you cannot blink without missing a joke whereas succession it's it'sion, it's constantly funny. I mean, they're some of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life on this show. But the acting is just so superb.

And you know what I want to see so bad? I was watching it with Chris last night. We're into season two. And I said, do you know what I'm dying to see? And I like almost want to make this happen. I want to take an episode of Success to take a an episode of succession one of the best acted shows of all time probably and i want to put bad actors in it and see how it is i want to see that show with bad actors and see if it's still good do you know what i mean like just

oh see if the way that they people have said um at the olympics let's have one guy who's regular run on the track or swim against them just to, so we can compare because you kind of start to lose context when you're watching all these Olympic athletes. You don't know how slow the average person is. Let's put something average in there to see how good it would be funny to see like the, you know,

that movie, the room, which is like the worst acted movie, those kinds of terrible, like porn actors in this, but they're trying their best i just i want to be on this show so fucking bad i am obsessed with every character i want to be shiv and just like always like okay cool like she's always just like what like tucking her

like kind of neck back and going like yeah okay and then i love and my but my favorite character to do an impression of is um marcia uh roy uh logan roy's uh wife and she everything she says is so intense and she's just i've just been like telling people think like i've been telling chris like just talking to chris like in this voice like it's almost sexual but it's like evil i want to play an evil person um and i think that's why i'm attracted now to more characters that are like older entrant enchantresses because that's i'm going through that phase i'm going through many phases in my life going through a succession phase i'm going through my witch phase and i'm also going through a pizza phase but we'll get to that in a second succession going through very many balls and cauliflower pizza she makes me not scared to go through many paws because she is so erotic and she's also very old i mean that

actress is probably 65 60 yeah you know like she has not done maybe too much to her face, but she is intense and she is captivating. You know, I think as I age, I go, there's without question that people want to see old women on screen less as they age. There's no debate about it. I don't care how good of an actress they are. We'd rather see a young person's beautiful face. They're just, it's nice. It's pleasant pleasant to look at oldness reminds us of death it reminds us of like our own mortality

it's not that we're just like disgusted by old people but we kind of are because you need you don't want to be sexually attracted or like drawn to old people because then you want to fuck them and they're too brittle to like take on fuckings so biologically when we all used to rape each other all the time to like you know in in tribes i think it was mostly rape happened much like in the animal kingdom you don't want to rape an old woman she can't do you know what i'm saying nothing's gonna happen there what do you mean i've spent a lot of time googling no no no it would hurt her as i'm saying it would hurt a lot more to like jam your penis into an old person that can't like can't the bones can't take it so it wouldn't first of all it wouldn't work because they're i like how you take the point of view of the rapist

no it would hurt the woman she says she wants to be evil characters i thought it would hurt your dick oh no oh my god i don't care about their dick but it probably what it would be very dry in there i'm just concerned about, you know, I think about my dog that I'm not going to get named Tic Tac, whose dry dick is always just hanging out. And more on that in a second. Thoughts on, sorry,

I'm stunned by monologue. Thoughts on Successh? I just wanted to say, season two was really where I put my phone down while watching the show and really started paying attention. I thought you were like,

I put my foot down and I go, this is a good show. I put my phone down while watching the show and really started paying attention. I think season two was my favorite. I put my foot down and I go, this is a good show. I put my phone down and that's it. It's final. I'm putting my phone down. I don't know what happened. No, you're not even kidding. Like I love this show, but I'm missing parts of it.

Like even last night, Chris mentioned something and I go, oh, I didn't see that. He's like, you know, when Greg sees Shiv with the guy and I go, I don't even know what you're talking about because I was on my phone probably this is how we watch things nowadays um and that's you'll get so into it though there are so many little clues like that where I watched the whole season twice I watched the whole show twice and on the second round I'm like like, okay, this is fucking art. Like these people work so hard on this. There's like, there's stuff sewn into the show.

Like it's like a secret message in the fabric of the coat of succession. You're like, wait, what? I never noticed that the first time. Like, it's so cool. And it's, why is it that rich people are so fascinating? I think it's because there's no these people if you don't know the show and i'm sorry if this is like leaving you out but it's a bit i think this will be interesting to you it's just watching people who literally have no there's nothing more they could

want for you know like there's a certain point of richness where you there's no better car you can drive there's no helicopter you can take there's no what are you can drive. There's no better helicopter you can take. There's no, what are they, what do they want now? And they're still all vying for power. But power, money is power. And they already have all the money in the world. They're richer than anyone. And they're very flagrant with it. They'll just be like, yeah, I'm rich.

In the same way that I like, I like when people can be just like, you know, at one point Kendall is driving a car and he's kind of bad at it and this guy goes and he's like oh stick shift and he's like yeah but i also like don't drive cars very very often he goes why and he goes because i'm incredibly rich and i'm driven most places and it's like i just like his bluntness of like yeah that's that's the way it is they are aware of it um and they are all evil but you also like root for them i'm like obsessed i'm just obsessed with the show i can't wait to get back into it and i

have it's so exciting to have witnessed all of these moments on instagram and twitter where people are like holy fuck succession tonight what the fuck just happened i know there's a big what the fuck that happens in the third season like a bit like yeah like a massive one i won't see coming and how exciting is that i like it's so jealous that certainly i'm jealous that anya hasn't seen titanic like i do think they will hold up i don't think i'm gonna have that moment it's so good did you like i want to watch that back to back with uh what's the other one I haven't seen Pocahontas and Aladdin Aladdin no Pocahontas you can skip Aladdin that I have seen I have seen Titanic but I didn't like it because when I watched I was like

in my like heavy metal I don't like romance stuff phase I guarantee I'm not gonna like Titanic I just guarantee it I wish i could i wish there was a bet we could take that was solid but there's just no well i think you're going into it hating it but it's it's it won best picture it's it was in it was it was in the theaters for like 14 years um it wouldn't like people wouldn't stop seeing it it was on the theaters for like two years i'm not joking like it was something ridiculous like that it wouldn't leave the theaters sometimes popular things are good yeah why do you think you don't like it i it's not my wheelhouse like i like indie stuff i don't like big blockbusters you sound good when you're saying that oh i just don't like it i mean maybe

i'm not trying to be good well so if it was yeah like after sun and it was just like after sun is one of the best films i've seen all year so was tar tar is a blockbuster right wouldn't you say it's a blockbuster what blockbuster means like it's like killed it in the box office and i don't think that's true at all i mean it was streaming almost immediately but i think it's definitely people have seen it it's popular it's nominated like i guess it was a huge budget it was critically acclaimed oh it was okay i thought it was a bunch of people talking the whole time so i didn't think it was a huge budget but okay you're probably right it's not a blockbuster but it was a big film whereas after sun is like a little one i guarantee if you saw after sun and kept your phone down

no i can't guarantee this i was gonna say you'd love it i think you might think it's the most boring film of all time but it's so beautiful it's so slow and beautiful okay so titanic just seems big beautiful did you like jurassic park or did you hate jurassic park no no i did not you did not like jurassic park did you see it ever yes when did you see it the latest one i saw like jurassic park i mean those are stupid like jurassic park holds up in terms of like the cgi i mean titanic is just a masterpiece it is it's gorgeous it has a like winding long story it's just like it's it's beautiful i remember i mean i was in eighth grade when i i couldn't sleep because i was so obsessed with it i remember the first time i saw it i just i couldn't stop crying

what were you obsessing about the love story and the epicness of the special effects and like seeing you witness the Titanic sink. You witness like the mayhem that happened when the iceberg hit. You witness like, you know, every man for himself, women and children first, the lifeboats, the drought, like, and you see it coming. You see like how, how you just are brought into that world so beautifully. I mean, James Cameron kind of knows what he's doing. And it's just and leo and and

rose i mean kate winslet i mean there's no two better actors out there uh and they have real chemistry oh my god yes it was supposed to be claire danes um but she had just she turned it down and she had uh just done romeo and juliet and she was like i don't want to do that again where i'm shooting in mexico for a year like I just did this epic thing. So she turned it down, but Kate Winslet, Oh my God, they have the, they're still friends. I mean, their chemistry is crazy. It was the first time I had watched something and been like, just, I mean, it kind of was one of those, like, you know, it turned the ignition on of my, of my, um, womanhood, you know, it was just kind of like like it was like starting

up and it was like kind of the engine was turning over i remember just being up at night looking at a blinking vcr because i couldn't sleep i was on my parents floor of course because i never i was scared of ghosts or whatever or nuclear war i was thinking you probably liked it so much because it goes with your first word, which was danger. You were watching like a shipwreck. Yes, like there's an imminent danger, but it was really the love story. Like I was just so into, I've always loved like will they, won't they?

And then like little catching glances and then like forbidden love. I'm always into that. And it's the most forbidden love because we all know he fucking dies at the end and it's so cruel that they took him from us at the end. And that could he have fit on the board with her? We don't know. But just tying this back around when I was talking on the podcast a year or so ago about how I love those will they won't they like just like hand holding like and then like eroticism that's just so subtle in movies where there's

like little things a bunch of besties sent me a clip from pride and prejudice 2005 with kira knightley and uh darcy you know the character and there's this one scene where you know their whole storyline is kind of the same thing a ross and rachel but he's like you know he's too proud and she's in prejudice of her kind of like lower status but he's drawn to her and he can't help it and she's just like bold and kind of like I don't even like you I don't even think you're cool because you're rich and then their hands touch at one point because he helps her onto this carriage and uh she kind of feel like you could see her be like oh my god like distracted like what was that feeling I just caught from his hand and it's so electric and then he walks away and you see him like flex his hand and that is like one of the hottest scenes i've

ever seen cut to me watching all the scenes i've never even seen pride and prejudice the whole movie i've only watched the youtube compilations of all the romantic scenes between darcy just their whole relationship you can watch it in one half hour and it really just like you can follow the storyline you know exactly what's happening um but then so i'm watching succession over the weekend and i go this tom guy who tom is one of the best characters of all time i go what else has he been in i need to know he's so good he was darcy on pride and prejudice 2005 he's the guy that i've literally don't know because this is so their chemistry is so he is the romantic lead but

versus Keira Knightley in Pride and Prejudice this goofy dopey corny idiot like

Tom selfish but also like sweet this like dork Tom who you would never be like wow he's so hot he is

the pinnacle of hotness in Pride and Prejudice and it's so cool I think he's so hot he is the pinnacle of hotness in pride and prejudice and it's so cool i think he's so hot in succession though well i don't his character is first season is he hot because i have not caught a glimpse of i mean there's moments where he i like how honest he is and it's just like he's just like yeah he's so stupid he's honest all the time so there is an attractiveness there okay we have so much more to talk about on the show including why i didn't get a dog tic tac and um also my pizza phase so we'll get back to that um as soon as we get back from break john stewart is back in the host chair at

the daily show which means he's also back in our ears on the daily show ears edition podcast the daily show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture you get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment politics sports and more from john and the team of correspondents and contributors the podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines listen to the daily show ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

All right, so we're back. I update on the dog situation. Yesterday, I was flying back from Greensboro, North Carolina. I mean, this weekend was such a blur of Marriott's and theaters and southern towns and highways. And I mean, it was the same thing. I mean, I loved all the shows this weekend

thank you to everyone for coming out definitely like made a mark in the south I will be back to these places Greensboro Durham

I've always loved Raleigh and Durham but Raleigh I mean Durham I didn't get a chance to see but I've always loved Raleigh but Durham I played

this weekend and that we played and then what was the other one Charleston was awesome and we've been there before God what was the other one? Charleston was awesome. And we've been there before. God,

what a beautiful, cute town that was in. There was some drama there though, but lovely shows. Thanks for coming out. Flying back yesterday. I'm like looking at pictures of Tic Tac. I know that he has a respiratory thing going on now and he has to get on

meds before he can get neutered. So I can't get him till after he's neutered. So I'm like, I might have to fly back to LA. I'm texting with Natalie from Mayday Rescue. She's updating me about, um, they've got him on meds. He should be ready to get neutered next week. And so I was like, okay, I'm trying to find time to come back to LA. Cause I'm leaving this week to come back to St. Louis just to pick up Tic Tac. And then we're talking and she's like, it doesn't look like, I don't know how we got on it

but she's like he's he needs to find consistency because he's not potty trained yet and I did not know he was not potty trained this is a 10 year old dog I'm finding out he's not eight he's 10 that's never been potty trained which is heartbreaking if you think about it because I don't know his history but that means no one's ever he's never been domesticated truly he's never felt safe like he's never had a leader he's never had something he can trust and like he's never been shown the way and it also means he's probably been beat a lot because dogs that don't the number one reason that people beat dogs I'm guessing I'm not you know the head of PETA but it's probably because they shit somewhere or they piss on something. And then people fly off the handles and they beat dogs. So this dog has

probably seen savagery because no one's trained it and it's 10 years of life. And so I was like, well, I'm going to start, I Googled, I go, how do you, I go, how long does it usually take to potty train a dog that's 10 years old? I was like, I'm going to read about it. And I'm starting to Google and she goes, it's probably not going to happen, I'm going to read about it. And I'm starting to Google. And she goes, it's probably not going to happen for him if he hasn't learned now. And especially with your schedule of like not being in the same place at one point. And I was like,

she goes, but he wears, you know, that little diaper. He couldn't put on like this little wrap thing around his penis. He's already wearing. He's she's like, so that can like pick up the piss if he's.

And I'm like, I would do this if I lived in my own place I wouldn't care if my place smelled like dog shit I would like find a way to make it work truly but I'm staying in airbnbs I'm staying in hotels I'm flying on planes I'm like I can't have a dog that is not potty trained I just can't and tears started welling in my eyes because I'm like oh my god I can't have this dog and so I wrote her and I was like I'm so sorry like I can't I didn't really know this about him and I don't think she quite understood this about him either and so she was totally understanding I was kind of scared to tell her but she was like that's okay what about Neil and I'm like I can't look at Neil the dog yet like I need to mourn

the loss of this dog that is on my phone faceplate still i can't take him off because i just have hope that somehow he's just gonna learn or something or um and i've been watching videos constantly like i've spent hours imagining my life with this dog like it feels like a little bit of like how i used to feel when i would jump the gun with men and be like, I'm going to get married to this person. We're going to be dating. We're, I haven't had that feeling in so long of this, like projecting the future and like picturing your life. And then it's just like pulled out from under you.

So I like wept on this plane, like a lot for me. I don't usually cry in planes because it's like in public and it's embarrassing, but I was just like, I just am so sad that I can't have this dog. And it felt like the closest thing I can have to like a miscarriage and I hate to like say that to people who have had it but like I pictured my life with this thing that was going to be in my life for at least uh maybe 10 years so it's a long it's a commitment

it's like and it just like it's just I mean I'm not a miscarriage it's more like a breakup when I think about it it's just that's the closest feeling I can have to it is like I I there was no doubt in my mind that I was gonna have this dog I announced it to my parents I announced it here I announced like I told Natalie um it's happening I've agreed to do it like so I was already had spent the money in my mind I'd spent the time I had spent um and so it was just like such a bummer and I'm still so sad about it and I just hope if anyone out there is in the LA area and you have a nice home to give to Tic Tac I would really love him to like be just somewhere safe and like warm and he's such a cute dog and I'm so jealous of whoever gets him you're so lucky

because he is like he was he I feel like he was my dog for like a minute even though I he didn't like me when I met him he doesn't remember me but for like a week and a half or a week and a half yeah he was my dog and so I'm just kind of sad about that and I'm looking at other dogs but I'm just not not even ready to look like I'm still like holding out hope it really does feel like a stupid mini breakup of how i always used to just get hung up on guys that like jump i just jump the gun but you know what like what is life if you're not jumping the gun a little bit like if i'm always you know vacillating between you know if i get a tv show people get mad when i go it's gonna get canceled don't get too excited

people's like enjoy it come on embrace it you're here like and then at the same time people go don't get your hopes up so what can you do like it's kind of fun to get your hopes up sometimes so I'll I'll get my hope up about another animal but everyone's just like it's not meant to be right now and there's another dog out there for you um but it's just like I wanted that one that must be hard to hear too yes no no one wants to hear that no matter what loss you're suffering like the i mean not that we don't want to hear it it's not meant to be or like there's a there's something yeah that every i do believe everything kind of happens for a purpose not for a purpose but i not to quote last night's episode of the last of us,

I don't believe that everything happens for a purpose, but I do believe that everything I I'm, I'm a determinist, I guess. So I believe that everything already is etched in stone the way it's going to happen because I don't believe in free will. So I do believe that everything happens for a reason, which the reason is complete randomness that is already predetermined and you have no control over it. So just get along with the ride. And whether or not I get

attached to something or I don't is really not up to me either. I'm not really in control of how I feel about something. And I'll probably let my, and also that dog is gonna be taken from me eventually. You know, like whether I lost the chance of it this week or it dies seven years down the road or whatever, it's eventually, I'm going to be sad about this dog. That's what you sign up for when you love something. And that's the hardest part about loving anything is like and i always say this about parents like why would you ever invite

that kind of love into your life that you're gonna have to say goodbye to at some point whether you die or something awful fucking happens like why are you risking that pain yes the glacier is coming but that's that's the glacier. You can't steer around. You're going to die and have to say goodbye to your kid. Or the kid, something that's going to happen to them, it's just too much. But why do you want anything at that point? I know.

Well, that's my fear. That's danger, man. Danger, danger is like having a kid, loving something too much. Dog, for some reason i'm like okay i can i can handle this because i know i mean i eat i ate animals for 26 years of my life or 25 years of my life whatever it was i you know i've accepted animals death much more than humans and i just don't or kid i don't even know what it's like to love a kid that much i mean i do kind of now with nieces and nephews but not the way parents do

still not as strong it's scary so um i salute parents out there for taking the ultimate risk of being sad a lot but also being so happy so it's again it's it both sides. It's such a leap. Oh my God. I mean, committing to a relationship is such a leap too. Whether it's with a dog, a person, having a child, anything. It's like, how long is this gonna last? No one knows. You're just in it until it's over.

Even with a relationship, like relationship, my fears are like, I'm gonna wanna get out of this or i picked the wrong person there's someone better out there for me or and i extend that to my partner as well like he'll have that realization too like this is not just there's some you know everyone i feel i fear that feeling and i don't know that again i don't know why people get married because I'm like don't you always think there might be something better or that like this person could betray you in some way that will leave you fucking ruined forever like yes I mean these are all things we've seen

happen to either ourselves in the past or to people that never recover from there are people I know that lose their husbands or get divorced or get cheated on or husbands that lose their wife and they never recover they never open themselves up again I just sent you a Carol Burnett clip Anya on Instagram where she's like if I ever get married again um I don't know I just don't think I would because I I like I know what I want to watch on TV I know when I want to read a book I know when I want to go to bed and this is her in the 80s talking to joan rivers on some show and she's like i guess if i ever got married again we'd have to have separate houses like she's kind of like closed herself off too from obviously some pain she's experienced before or just some loss of either her freedom or autonomy um because with every gain there's a loss but I think with the marriage thing like I guess with kids when you have a kid I know that parents sometimes go what the fuck like they kind of look at me like don't do it I've had that look before where parents go

don't they just shake their heads kind of like when their kids are screaming and they look at you like and they just quietly move their head back and forth and give you big eyes like i want to i i hate that i did this like a hostage yeah it's just a little a fucking alarm goes off on my phone that's like like there's yes like a hostage too they totally let you know in these little ways but you're not like there's a better kid out there for me. Like, you're not meeting other kids being like, I guess you are. I'm sure there are parents that see other kids and they're like, why can't my kids act that way? But I think instead of going like, man, I wish I had that kid.

They go, what did I do that my kid's not good enough? My kid's not like that. I mean, I think a healthy parent blames themselves as opposed to like yeah they should but if you're in a relationship you don't look at other people and go what am I doing wrong that that my boyfriend's not like well maybe you do like you you just go I want another one you can't trade in a kid for you're not like cheating on your kid you can't cheat on your kid or like find a better kid to replace them but in marriages and stuff i mean i was saying this weekend how i want to be a third wife like it would be so fun and how that's embarrassing to some people but i think it would be the coolest

because that's what i feel like with chris like chris is my like you know i've i've i've tried a bunch of different things on while knowing Chris, while having dated Chris, I've dated other people. And then I keep going back to him. So it's not like, so I've chosen him. He should feel special. And I think as a third wife, you're like, this guy, these two bitches that came before me,

he is so glad to be with someone. He's finally figured it out. He knows himself. I think third and second wives are the coolest. And that's to say that the first wives aren't cool or the first husbands but i think that there's just something so romantic about figuring it out later i mean you guys were both late to the game of finding your person you didn't find your people in your 20s yeah very, very late. I'm relating to the Carol Burnett thing. Like, I think if this didn't work out with Matt, I would probably go right back to being,

doing what I was before. I enjoyed being single and living alone so much. But then I have a fear, like, maybe I only enjoyed that because I was living in New York City. You were always nearby, or I always had a lot of friends nearby. But you would just do that again. What if I'm old and I don't? how do you find friends when you're old? Um, I think you have places to go. Like you, we be,

you know, let me just say, if I, I can only speak for myself. If I ever found myself in a position where I didn't have friends or a sense of family or like loved ones, I would get into an AA program, a 12-step program that suits me because there's one out there for everyone, no matter what your struggling with. And every addiction.

Yeah. Or I would do meetup groups or I would, you know, today I had a voice lesson. I would just start taking lessons that introduces you to your teacher and then other students or like take, just throw yourself into something there's always ways to make friends it gets harder when you become immobile and you're like in a nursing home or whatever but even then like hopefully you're in a social nursing home where you have friends there but today i was on my um my voice lesson at eight in the morning my time it's even 10 a.m in st louis is always so fucking early for me so waking up at like 7 30 and being like chris i have to sing and like waking up at like 7.30 and being like,

Chris, I have to sing and like going over here and grabbing the mic and being like, hi, Michael. I love my voice coach so much. I just like, I've never felt this. Well, it's not, I haven't, I have felt this way about, there's sometimes when you have a coach, like I guess I've never had coaches before. Noah, you have coaches with jujitsu have you ever felt like this extreme attachment to a teacher i need coaches is something that i

learned from my guitar teacher years ago and then it gets it got reinforced through jujitsu that i need a positive mentor in my life. Mentors. Yes. I think with comedy, I never had that. Or like there's been little ones here and there. There's certainly been comedians that have helped me along the way. But someone who is like invested in you getting better and you work towards that together. I mean, it's kind of like a therapist relationship.

Anya, do you relate to like loving, like you were in ice skating, like figure skating. Sorry to call it ice skating. I had a great coach for seven years and she was like my mom in a way. Like I remember I had an ice skating competition and she bought me this amazing like frilly dress and I like won the competition

or I got whatever, second place or something. But my parents never would have bought me this dress. It was like a very cutesy tootsie like strawberry shortcake. Like, it was probably a $70 dress, you know, and in the 80s, that was a lot. I mean, that's a $3 million dress. Yeah. Inflation is insane.

My parents were even like, why? We could just make you one out of these rags. We just got these potato sacks in. But yeah, she was very strict but very loving and um i didn't have that in my life ever so strict but loving like you respected her whereas you don't respect your parents that like no offense mom and dad but like i did i realized i didn't respect them i respect them now i know they have their own feelings and wants and needs and like fears. And, but as a kid, selfish, didn't care. They were mean. I didn't, they told me something. I wasn't scared of them. I just, you know, because they, it's not like they were my friend either,

but I just was never, if they got mad at me, there was maybe a couple of times where I was like, Whoa, okay. Like I have to be, but I was a good girl like I was always good I didn't you know ever get into trouble um but I respect my teacher so much and I want to do good by him and he also makes me believe in myself when I feel like I've had a string of vocal teachers that just you know some a good teacher is like hard to find and we spend half of our lesson not talking about singing at all like well he'll just be telling me stories about fly fishing and i'm like captivated like i just love the way he talks i love the way like and he just has so much to share so much wisdom he's in his 60s like he has just an interesting life he's an artist and truly every one of his

stories like relates back to something I can use with my like vocal technique of like relaxation, accepting who you are, finding your true voice, figuratively, literally all those things. But he got sick last week. How does the fly fishing relate? The fly fishing related where he,

oh, well, I'll tell you exactly. This is so interesting because we were talking about his sickness he got sick last week he had a foot problem and he was in the emergency room like really bad our lessons were canceled it was really sad and he's a very like diligent like we don't miss a lesson kind of thing and so i knew it was a big deal and i was checking in on him all week and i was compelled to like i was just like thinking about him a lot and being like please don't die please don't lose a foot like i just don't want this man to be in pain. It was almost like the way I feel about

TikTok. Like I'm just like TikTok. I'm just like I want him to be happy. And and so then I was asking him about it today and he was talking about another time he injured his foot. He was fly fishing and he got his foot stuck in a beaver dam and the water was like really like up to his fucking chest. And it was really a bad situation like if it would have gotten into his like like he had protection up to his chest but if it would have started filling up his oh my god wetsuit he would have drowned and his friend was laughing and he was like stop laughing and at one point he like moved some branches and the beaver dam fell and he heard he heard a crack in his like he broke his toe okay sorry to trigger warning

and he felt he heard i go you felt the crack like i thought it was a branch he was like i thought it was a branch at first because i heard a snap reverberate through my body and what i learned was how that relates to the voice is that your your voice your body is an amplifier like it's sound is vibration so he heard this thing that happened underwater six feet below him he's a tall guy he heard it go up through his body into his head reverberate in his head so that's how it relates to the voice is like and the sense of uh panic and there was another thing that related like and staying calm in the moment mean, so much of singing is like about relaxation and about like resonance and tapping into,

you know, I just wrote something down. What did he say today that I was like, okay, that's the mantra that I have to remember. Nothing, open, relax. Nothing, open, relax. That's's always what I should say to myself. There's nothing. Your throat is doing nothing. Everything's open. You're relaxed. I've said this before, but every time singers sing, it always looks like they're trying so hard, but that's performative because singers are trying to make you feel dumb about yourself.

The best singers aren't doing any work. That's why I love Kelly Clarkson. She never looks like she's working, but all singers that are really good and technically proficient, none of them are trying. None of them should ever be going like, like, like,

and you should never see strain if they're doing that. They're doing it so that it looks impressive to people. Cause if they didn't do it, people would just go like, wow, she's obviously not working that hard're doing it so that it looks impressive to people because if they didn't do it people would just go like wow she's obviously not working that hard and it's sometimes in comedy i do that like i will have a bit that i will know perfectly but if i get into a repetition if i talk like this and i go like this if i just told that joke normally it wouldn't get the same you wouldn't be as amazed as if i went really fast and was like and then everyone goes oh my god she has it memorized there's things you can do that make people who are laymen people who aren't proficient in the thing that you do be very impressed on you do you agree with that with singing that yeah there's well i think also

there's a third option you forgot which is if you're not trained and you are straining not to try to look cool, but you're straining because you're trying to get to that note and you don't know. Yes. Well, that's what I said. If you're not. This is only for like the best singers. If they ever if Ariana Grande looks like she's trying, it's performative because there's no way that it's right because he has another mantra that singing is easy if it's easy. Like it's it's it's it is easy if it's easy. Like it's easy if it's easy. Like if it feels easy, it's because it is easy.

If it looks hard, it's because it is hard and you shouldn't be doing that. So it's always, you should never be straining. This guy's like Buddha. Yeah, I mean a little bit because that's what it's about. Like the second I stopped being like you either are you aren't the second that you just go it's in all of us and there's this like thing you have to tap into it opens up a world world of possibility as opposed to like you just don't have it which is the first voice lesson note I ever got.

She doesn't have it like you either born with it or you don't like legs my fucking sheila dugan 2000 she's a voice teacher that um i had because i was in acapella in high school i was an alto which no everyone hated the altos because you just don't get as much love because you're just not a mezzo soprano and or a you know whatever the other soprano is called that is like every girl wants to be a soprano because it means you're a girl and you can sing like cinderella but no one wants to be like the sultry alto and so we just got no respect no like no attention from flash our music director her name was karen flasher but we called her everyone called her flash and oh god everyone was sycophantic about her just wanting her to like us so much, she was such a bully, just like, would give her attention to

certain students, and then one day she'd sign the line on you, and then she'd pull it away the next day, and it was like, so political, but I was trying to be better, and so everyone in acapella would always go to the Sheila Dugan, like all the best singers, and so I went to Sheila Dugan, and I would go to her every saturday in the morning and then eventually i my mom had she got a call from sheila or something and um i remember it was fifty dollars a lesson we'd have to drive out to chesterfield so it wasn't cheap this is like two thousand fifty dollars a lesson for an hour is a lot back then even now and um she told my mom this isn't gonna be her thing like this isn't gonna work for her whereas

if i would have had michael rocchio back then he could have probably made me believe in myself i probably would have had a little bit of a career in musical theater because that is obviously there's totally auto roles and i do did have a soprano ability i just couldn't tap into it because i was so fucking in my brain i'm like i'm an old grizzly husky woman i'll never have a pretty voice even though it was always there i listened to my high school voice i'm like i so was this i could have been a soprano i just didn't know how to do it you could have some high notes yeah but every any person who doesn't have a significant damage which i've had mine removed can hit high notes it's in you to do it you just

have to know how to you have to know how to work your trumpet you have a some people are just born with it knowing that that is something you're born with but you can learn it so anyway today on the call with him at that or at the end of our session i was like i'm so glad you're feeling better um i was like i really just like care about you and like i'm just so concerned about your health and like i was because i really have not felt that way before except with like a parent maybe of like checking in on someone who's older and being like i hate that he's hurting i've only known this man since late january i think is when i started and and i like started getting that he started tearing up because i was like you're really special person and the fact that you being healthy means that you impact

so many people and i'm he was you know he like witnessed a car crash i think i told you guys about that and he went over to like help the the mailman that got hit and i was like i was thinking of how lucky that mailman was that michael rocchio like rode up and it wasn't just so any me even because you know i would have driven around it but like the fact that that mailman got calmed by like your calming presence you're like just soothing uh demeanor i was like that was like the luckiest thing that could have happened to thatanor. I was like, that was like the luckiest thing that could have happened to that guy. And he was like,

I have to get off the call. I'm going to start crying. But I just got like, it was so weird to get like so emotional. But I was like, I just really, it's nice to just, again,

it's nice to care and it's nice to admit that you care and to not be so. And it's so nice that you said it to him because who knows how many people have. And so often we think of things we love about people, and to not be so nice that you said it to him because who knows how many people have and so often we think of things we love about people but we don't get to express it and like yeah then sometimes you never get to it's like you say nikki that like a lot of people in

entertainment their fans assume that they hear it all the time yes but you know for someone who's kind of like behind the scenes and who's, you know, like an instructor or a vocal teacher, to hear that back, you know, is touching. Yeah, he got choked up and he said, he was like, oh my God, really? Like, oh, he was so sweet. He was like, I mean, you just made my day. Like it was, and I wouldn't have expected what I said.

I was just like, I just need you to know you're very important to me. And like, I can only imagine so many other people. I mean, he has dozens of students. And I was like, if I've only known you a month and a half or whatever, and you mean this much to me, like, please like keep living. And if you don't want to, you don't have like,

whatever's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. But I was just like, you just mean so much. You're a very special person. And he was just like, and I just don't think to you don't have like you whatever's gonna happen it's gonna happen but i was just like you just mean so much you're a very special person and he was just like and i just don't think men hear it that much you know i think women are more likely to maybe receive that kind of thing because we're emotional people and people are more apt to give it to us but if this is a reminder to anyone to like you you know, those videos where on Tic Tac, Tic Tac, Tic Tac. I'm getting my Tic Tacs and Tic Tacs confused. So on Tic Tac,

there's sometimes videos I haven't, I'm not on Tic Tac, but you know, on Reddit, they'll show up where it's like a guy in a mall and he's going up to kids. And he's like, do you want to call your dad and like, tell him you,

would you call your dad and tell him you loved him like right now or that like you miss him or something and you hear these like dads being like hey what's up son you need to get picked up and he's like no i just want to say like i love you and like i don't say it enough and i just like appreciate you and and the dad's like okay son all right well i love you too like it is so fucking sweet if you can muster it it's so it's i didn't plan on having like this emotional moment at the end of my session but it really felt good and as soon as i like was like finding the leave meeting button as soon as i could because i was like i'm about to cry but it was also interesting because he goes i'm about to cry and literally five minutes

beforehand we were trying to access my best voice and it's usually like it's like in this comfort zone of when you're like about to cry like this is when like your nasal passages like open up and it's more resonant like talk like this you gotta talk it sounds like my impression of like men you know what i'm like like when i'm being really catty about something a man said that hurt me like okay and like this is a voice you're supposed to use to like be resonant and i can't tap into it because it feels like i'm doing a dumb impression of a dumb guy and it just doesn't make me think of music but he was like oh just do it um like you're about to cry like when you're

like like just like kind of like this, like on the verge of it. And then we both ended the lesson on the verge of it. And I'm like, now we're ready to sing. Like, let's get, let's hop into that. Let's take a quick break and then we're going to come back with Reddit Doc. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears

on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

All right, we're back. Let's Reddit dump, baby. Karaoke mode. This is your Reddit dump, baby. Karaoke mode. This is your Reddit dump. Woo-hoo-hoo. Okay. All right. This is from Ask Reddit.

And this is just a question. It says, how old are you and what's your biggest problem right now? Now, these are just so interesting. Because it's just like people on the things that get upvoted on Reddit are always the most interesting kind of like tragic or just like fascinating things. So this is just average people and they are just they write eloquently and I just liked some of these answers. Someone said and sometimes they're just so sad. So this is how old are you? How old are you? And what's your biggest problem right now? I couldn't have opened this thread sooner because I just love hearing random people stories. First one was 55 live alone work

100 from home and have no friends and family shit be lonely oh god oh god that i know these are are these interesting or just depressing to you um this is just like what i was just thinking about i'm 40 and my mom died yesterday um someone just said um 62 my husband died suddenly on january 2nd now i have to figure out where my life is going okay these are much more depressing than they were last night when i saved this they were much more interesting the upvotes have changed now they're all sad do you remember any of the things no i'll get to some good ones oh yes um oh my god that's another one that's really sad oh my god sorry this is like nikki was reading us the cheshire house invasion murders for like 20 minutes on tour it was not 20 minutes there's no way it was 20 minutes it was five minutes it felt like 20 minutes no it was seven well i

realized like matt is very sensitive to like i can't watch violence but i can read about it it's so fascinating to read about if you want to get into some grisly, one of the most upsetting violent murders, Cheshire murders. I mean, just Google that. But until then, let's read about this. 78 and knowing I am terminal. I can handle it, but everyone else is in denial.

I'm hearing lots of, after all, doctors don't know everything, do they? No, they don't. But they do know the five-year survival rate is one percent now let's say all that together boys and girls the five-year survival rate is one percent um someone said i'm 60 this one broke my heart my biggest problem is having to i'm 60 my biggest problem is having to work 50 or 60 hours a week just to keep up with bills plus i have a bedridden wife with cancer and we're raising our oldest

grandson as sergeant murtaugh once said, I'm getting too old for this shit. This other person said, 37 and I'm going blind. I don't know how long it will take when I will be legally blind and unable to live my life with the richness, independence,

and everything else I expected, but it's coming. Okay, I only say this because I doubt, I doubt even 1% of our listeners have anything as sad as any of the things I just read going on in their life. So if this isn't you, let's just be honest.

It all will be us eventually. We will get old. We will be dying. Illness happens. We'll lose our loved ones. But it's not happening today. So let's turn this into something positive, which is just be grateful for what you have because people are fucking

going through it um someone said 74 and don't really have any problems other than knowing my time is limited don't buy any green bananas wait why because green because they might not ripen in time because you don't have that much time left what would i do without you i eat them when they're a little green i like them like that you like them like raw or like hard kind of raw yeah like i don't like them too sweet oh oh i like when they like have bruises like when people are like i'm not eating that banana because it's bruised i'm like those are the most delicious sweet parts yeah so you don't like sweetness do you noah no i'm not a sugar gal it depends but i don't always turn it down um if you have to have sugar what do you have

like if you if someone's forcing it on you probably something like a fruit snack like gushers or a fruit wait of anything you could have sweet like a gusher or like a shark bites like what are we talking what kind of fruit snack uh fruit leather gushers um yeah just like fruit by the foot fruit roll-ups because they're a little tangy that is so wild to me to not be someone. I mean, I definitely go through phases of loving sweets and loving salty. Like I find that something recently that has been really helping me with like my cravings and helping me embrace like foods that I wouldn't normally eat because I have like, you know, weird history of eating disorder stuff. So I can get locked into like just liking a certain thing or shutting certain foods out. like I can't have those because I can't control myself around them or at least I think

that and some people definitely have those problems but I think mine are mostly mental I'm obsessed with this asm artist asmr artist asm artist named I like asm artist uh uh wait what's her name uh hold on let me just look it up because i am so obsessed with it her name is is her name as mary eats a s m e r i eats a s m e rI eats. As Mary eats. And she is, she's this like Greek girl who lives in Athens. And I like hearing people eat. It makes me feel calm.

Like that's something I want to listen to when I'm like drifting off to sleep. I know that's some people's like worst fucking nightmare. Misophonia. But I'm not alone because this girl has like, yes, misophonia.

If you have it for eating stuff. Because I do have it it for some things like if someone has too wet of a mouth or too dry of a mouth and it's like like when they talk it's disgusting and i want to like fucking throw my phone but for some reason this girl eats with her mouth closed she takes huge bites i watch her on two times the speed because then she's eating as fast as I eat. And so it's soothing to me, but I like the sound of someone eating because it reminds me that they're like, Oh, I like sleeping.

I can only sleep when I know people are like out doing things. Like I don't like sleeping when the world is asleep. I like sleeping, knowing like people are up and like things are happening. Like then I can sleep because like the village is protected. I guess it's something instinctual of like, if at night we could be attacked and i'm always going to be on edge but if i know that everyone is it's a you know busy world of richard scary out there and people are all like doing their things i can sleep because i'm like no one can get me because

there will you know it's daylight out and i just feel safer but some there was this girl eating on a plane next to me one time and i was like just asmring out so hard she was like crunching these chips in the right way and she was closing her mouth i was like and it was just so good and i was buzzing i was just like oh god yes keep going i never wanted those sun chips to end that was like the perfect crunch and then after that that's when I started directing my searches towards ASMR videos, like eating. And then I found this girl ASMR eats, ASMR eats, E-R-I, ASMR eats.

And she eats so much. She eats the amounts that I wanna eat in one sitting, but I can't because I think, she doesn't have an eating disorder though. She does intermittent fasting, not even purposefully.. She just like, she does intermittent fasting, not even purposefully. She's just like, I only eat for survival. I don't like to eat.

I think it's just annoying that I have to eat. It's almost like she eats like going to the gas pump. Whereas I fill up my gas. Like, I'm just like, I'm bored. I just like want to get gas and I want to like stop. So I'll just get like $5 in. And then I need $5 a little bit later. She just fills up once a day.

And I don't believe in intermittent fasting. i think it is adult anorexia but this girl has i know that she just listens to her body she's like she does not have any ease or she doesn't puke everything afterwards a lot of i think muck bangers do purge afterwards so i'm not encouraging this please don't do this but um she has talked about like why she can do this and she's like she'll go like she'll go a while without eating and And she's like, she'll go like, she'll go a while without eating. And then she's like, every time I eat, I'm hungry. I don't eat because something looks good to me.

I don't eat because we're going to dinner and I have to like eat. I only eat when I'm hungry. It's survival. I eat when I'm weak and I need the food. And I wait for my body to like crave certain things. So anyway, I've been obsessed with her for weeks now. And she helps me because sometimes i when i am just eating nervously and i'm just like wanting to stuff my face and i'm not even hungry i'll just

put on her and i'll like for some reason it like it hits that part of my brain that wants to just chew and it like does it for me where i'm not actually doing the behavior i'm just like listening to someone do it so it it's not like i'm starving myself i don't i for me where I'm not actually doing the behavior. I'm just like listening to someone do it. So it's not like I'm starving myself. I don't, I never starve myself. I'm not listening to this. A lot of people listen to these videos. This is why I'm driving trigger warnings

kind of here and there because people watch these videos because they're trying not to eat and they're like, I want to watch her eat. And it's a big thing as people watch these. I used to do that when I was anorexic. I would watch the food network is it 24 hours a day no i used to watch it when i'm like feeling stressed or and i

just need to calm down it's calming to me but could one become addicted to it i don't think it's an unhealthy addiction to watch these videos like it's not like no i i not more than any other thing on your phone that i used to stare at instagram like food stuff a lot i remember it was you were probably hungry so much yeah and i would just this isn't i don't watch it when i'm hungry yeah that's because you you were starving yourself probably i'm not trying to project but i used to be obsessed with watching food stuff when i was hungry like in when i got anorexic in 19 or in 2002 I went from never once watching anything food related to 24 like always watching the food number we didn't have phones back then yet so it was just like always watching and my parents were like you're into cooking food you're into preparing it not

eating it but I wanted to watch it but anyway i watch these videos and some days i'm in the mood to watch her eat a cake like an entire cake in one sitting and sometimes i'm in the mood watch her eat like 14 quesadillas because i want like salty and like whatever it's and it's so soothing to me i always fall asleep i'm not like salvating while i watch it it's soothing to me but anyway something has worked with this and i put on the you put on the captions and she doesn't talk the whole time, which I really appreciate. I hate when the ASM artists eat and talk. I'm just like, stop.

Just do one. But then she writes captions. And while she edits it, she just shares about her life and shares stories. Sometimes I close my eyes and go to sleep. But sometimes I'm reading it. And she shares these interesting stories. She shares her theories on how she used to starve herself. She used to be a fucking great professional athlete.

And she was like, my body was, my weight was up and down. And now I just, she kind of got in my head about waiting for your body to crave things before you eat things and not getting ahead of yourself and just eating more for survival than for like pleasure, which I'm into pleasure, but like combine the two, like wait till you're also hungry and you want something you like when you're ready to eat. Don't eat something that's like diet-y. Pick the thing on the menu you actually want. Insatiate yourself. Trust that you're not going to want to keep eating forever, which is always my fear. So anyway, something got in and last week, Chris and I were at this restaurant that we go to every single night

and these people next to us got a pizza and I was just like that looks so fucking good I can't I can't and usually I look at pizza and I go it's not for me because I can't have pizza I'll be fat pizza and and pizza culturally is like all he does is eat pizzas it's it's like a fat person food you know we equate fast food and pizza with like you're fat you know and it's so ingrained in my head so pizza has never been for me if i do have it it's always because like oh it's the only thing to eat and these people will think i'm anorexic if i don't eat it i have to i'm never enjoying it i'm always just like oh get it down just because and then you're gonna have to starve tomorrow or you're gonna have to

work out a lot to get this off it's always worrying me but the other night these people were eating a pizza next to us and they left one piece and i was like chris i want to ask them for it like i want it so bad but instead i'd gotten a salad and i got like jackfruit tacos like things i wanted but i was like i really want that pizza like everything in my body is craving this fucking just delicious looking vegan margarita pizza and so the next night i was like i'm doing it and chris and i got this meat lovers pizza but it's all like fake vegan meat and cheese and we have gotten it every single night since i have eaten pizza for every single dinner the path and i don't skip meals so i'm eating lunch and breakfast i've eaten pizza i am never depriving myself of

pizza the rest of my fucking life because as much as i have improved my eating over the past couple years and not deprive myself and i'm always thinking i'm getting what i want i never opened the pizza window up it was i always still had restrictions of like you can have anything you want but not pizza, fries, burgers. And I'm still not opening the fry window. I'm still not opening the burger window. I don't have any interest in those yet. But the pizza window is open

and I'm never closing it again. I can't believe I went 20 years of my life. It was 21 years of my life since I was anorexic of no pizza for me. And I would have it here and there. But like I said, it would always be like, I just have to do this because it's like socially, that's what people are eating. And they're all going to think like I'm a diet-y weirdo if I don't eat it.

And it's never been fun. I've never enjoyed it. I am obsessed with pizza. I have it every single night. It is the best food. It is really not that bad for you if you get if you get nutritious veggies on top even if you don't if you just get a delicately like light cheese and marinara and you don't like it's not bad for you it's not that it's not that bad i think culturally

we're just so on board with pizza being the worst thing i had a friend, she was starting to be a nurse and we were talking about, like I was at work and I was just like craving something. I was craving a Five Guys burger and I was just like, I don't want, you know, I'm not going to go down and get that

because it's greasy and all that. And she goes to me, when your body is craving something, it's telling you that it's deficient in something. Listen to it. Listen to your body you wanted and go and get it and also welcome to pizza world well thank you for having me add an add a number to the sign where it says population because i am here to stay i'm obsessed with pizza i love it

i'm never depriving myself of it again and guess what i'm kind of fucking full after I eat it. I don't need to have all of it. I like, sometimes I go one or two slices or three slices or, you know, too much. And I kind of feel like, oh, but these are just growing pains of learning how to eat these foods again and not feel so fucking bad about it. I can still be a thin woman

or the size that I want to be, whether that's thin or whatever. But I told Chris, I was like, welcome to to pizza body this is happening and it's never going away I'm embracing pizza life and he was like final thought he was very happy to hear me say if he said final thought final thought I don't think we should be together anymore no I I was like last week I think I mentioned i had been like in a crying spell with chris and i just been like i can't go to these sets it was the night i saw you know i was crying before that i just got a spray tan it was sticky i was naked i was crying

and i was like putting on this spray tan and i was like i hate my life i have to be on this show tomorrow i don't i feel disgusting i'm fat nothing fits i had to be on this show tomorrow. I don't, I feel disgusting. I'm fat. Nothing fits. I had to put on like tight jeans after doing a spray tan, which if you do spray tans, you know how much hell that is. Cause you know, it's like absorbing into the jeans. It's going to be splotchy, but I had nothing else to wear because everything was tight and my untight jeans were in the wash. So it was like, fuck.

So I was crying and I was like, I'm fat. And I'm just, and he's like, I don't know what you're talking about. And I'm like, but everything's tight. So there's no way I'm not fat. Like these things that fit before don't fit anymore. So you're just, you know, like I know that I am. And I was like, I know I'm not fat compared to like, you know, like, but I'm fat for me.

And I was like, and then cut to, I cried it out. And then I was fine. I came home and I was like, hey, let's watch the succession. And he's just like, are you like, who was the person that was here before? And why did she just disappear within an hour? Like, and that's, I mean, I can change

within minutes. But last night I was like, babe, I'm in pizza phase. This is my pizza body. I love, like, I'm going to be a little bit thicky thicker now. Like I just,

and it's going to come and go. And he's like, okay, I don't trust this person who's talking to me right now. And I'm like, you shouldn't. You absolutely shouldn't. I'm going to be crying about how I'm fat in four days.

No matter, like my cycle, my hormones, my emotions are, but I'm telling you right now from a healthy point of view at the core of my being, I know that I would rather, you know, Kate Moss was always like like nothing tastes as good as skinny feels that is she's never had pizza yeah she's never been to biology you don't need to be fat if you eat pizza it doesn't make you fat you guys overeating makes you fat waiting to eat until you're starving and then you eat so much because your body thinks it's preparing for fucking

hibernation that makes you fat if you eat pizza like a normal person you won't be fat our diet culture has ruined our brains including mine but i really appreciate how this this girl and i want to when we go to athens i really want to invite her to the show and i want to meet her because even though she has millions of views and followers um i feel i'm like she's like she's such a celebrity to me i love this girl i'm not alone all of us stan her so much because she's just like no drama even though like all the comments under her videos are like you're so no drama i'm like who's bringing drama to the instagram eat mukbangs like where's the drama there but i guess youtube is a wild world that i don't

really know what's going on there but um yeah i'm just obsessed with pizza i've literally had it for every meal um for a week and a half now for every dinner and there's no stopping it eventually i'll move on to something else but i just want to encourage people out there that might think like me when it comes to food i I think there's a lot of you. Like you said, like your friend said, like, if you're craving a burger, just have a fucking burger. If you never have, like, and don't, and if you're craving it because you're, like, emotional and you're like, I'm giving up. I don't fucking care. But, like, listen, I'm starting to see a new therapist in a couple weeks that's a somatic therapist because I'm so out of touch with my body and like listening to my body and like what it wants and feeling things like my voice teacher

had me do the one of those relaxations where you start at the top of your head and then you it moves through your nose and now your lips are relaxed now your throat now and then it starts to get almost like you're like oh god please don't say every word because but it's so funny he's so respectful he jumped right from my like throat to my knees i was like thank you for skipping all of the other i was like is he gonna trace it all and i was like oh good like he he allowed me to do that on my own and then he picked it back up at my knees um but i i i just do you like know what you i've always prided you on being like an intuitive eater.

Like I feel like you're always able to put things down and just be like, I'm good now. Like, I don't need, like, have you, did that moment that she said that to you, do you do that more often now where you like look for actually what you really want? Those are words that have stuck with me. I think this happened maybe like 10 years ago wow and it's just like it it's just taught me to like understand that

a craving is not that's just coming out of the blue that's how my body is communicating with me and is saying you haven't gotten enough iron i need iron or I need some vitamin C yeah that's interesting to think of your body like a baby that's just like I need like a separate thing because I think we're you know there's that's what dualism is is like your mind versus your body are they one thing or are they separate and I think they're totally separate and we get them confused with like, first of all, you think your mind is you and I think the mind is a separate thing from yourself as well. But it's just like,

I just, it's like this weird thing of not trusting your wants and needs and thinking that somewhere you're being nefarious and you're being bad and like what you crave equals it's bad. So anything that you crave, you just go, that must be wrong because that's diet culture anything that's like oh decadent you're bad oh i'm being bad i mean

there's an inside amy schumer sketch that we shot where it was like and everything we talked about at the table was like and then i was so bad i ate too much chocolate and then i don't know i bought this shirt and i'm being bad like why is that bad to like do what you want because but there but i know why because working out sucks you know things that take are hard are always give you benefits so why wouldn't we always be punitive with ourselves when we get benefit like i at the same time it's like that you're supposed to give into your wants and listen to your body then why is there's the separate camp of like fight past the voice that says give up navy seals can go 15 times longer than the time you want to give up where like jujitsu do they do they kind of like find a healthy medium between those two

like where is that where is the in between because those are two separate things that are like you'll see an instagram post that's like listen to your needs and wants listen to your body and then the next one is like push through and it's like okay well i can't do both which one's right so um i'm reading a book called the art of learning and it's about it's written by this guy who's like a prodigy like chess player he was it's it's not the the movie that was based on him but he was like another child prodigy and um he describes two styles of learning and one of them is um just kind of like black and white so you're good at something or you're bad at something and that style discourages a lot of kids from growth and learning but the other style is work hard and you'll get past it or you know what you didn't win this this championship this

time but we're going to work harder for the next time and we're going to apply that knowledge and you'll do better and kids who have that mentality learn and grow and just thrive much better in like high pressure situations and all that stuff so so it is striking a balance between those two but that's i don't like paradoxes i don't like when there are two separate things being messaged to me because i get then where it's like, it's okay to be fat. We love fat people and you can be yourself, be whatever size, but at the same time, it's very unhealthy. And also you'll, you know, you're not going to get any roles and like, which is it? Are we, are we Lizzo or are we a Hadid? Which, which do we celebrate? You know,

which do we, do we, cause I'm we because i'm sorry kendall jenner definitely skips meals she does but and we reward that and we go wow good on her lizzo doesn't and then we reward that which one is it guys which one do you want us to do because you can't do both and i think that that's where i just get really frustrated with life is that there's always these it's it always feels black and white you got to choose one path and I know it's like just yeah double standards all the time and I just don't know what to do with it maybe you keep going to see Michael Rocchio and you go through this journey of self-discovery and not like look to Hollywood for these kinds of lessons I know you've got to get Instagram off your phone.

I mean, they've done studies now and it's like having apps, these apps on your phone are so damaging. It's like cigarettes, you guys. We've been saying it for years of like what we're going to say about these, about social media in the future and how dumb we are and naive. But I mean, what is the solution? Because I can't get off them. I feel like my relationship with Reddit,

I found so many fun things. I love it. Instagram, it's the comparison, the comparing yourself. We are not meant to compare ourselves this often and to filters that aren't. Everyone's filtered, by the way, every single person, even when they're not, even when they go, this is me filtered and this is me unfiltered. That unfiltered thing, it's still a filter. Your camera has a filter on it. It's showing you a better version of yourself. It's a skinny mirror. It's a lie.

And it's so damaging. And you don't even know it even when you think you're savvy enough. Anya, you said you were having a bad day in that way today. Was it because social media? Probably just getting older is hard. And I'm really underslept. Like I can tell I'm under,

when you're doing your dream and like there's nothing that you have, I'm, when you're doing your dream and like there's nothing that you have ever dreamed more than what you're doing and you still get depressed, you're underslept. Like I'm on stage with my best friend playing theaters, which is like been on my vision board since I was 10 and right. Singing songs I wrote that I like and my voice is working and I'm connecting and it's like your sold out crowds are so nice

and I'm meeting besties and I'm like, I'm like crying myself to sleep at night. And you have a great boyfriend, fiance. You have a great dog, you have a great house. I know, that's another thing. Are you able to take a nap today or something? Yes, yes. because i feel like sometimes people are underslept and they still keep going it's like will you give into your craving for a

nap or are you going to push through like i don't that's the other thing that we're brainwashed to think is like if you sleep too much you're a piece of shit and when you're underslept you you still you you won't give into it because sometimes i'm like you know i know matt needs a nap and he's up late editing photos and i'm like do not do this i don't the bigger thing is meditation for all these things we're talking about like i just saw that little thing you sent me the little kid learning to meditate when he was little it's so valuable because the stuff that, the reason I wouldn't nap today if I don't is because my mind is too active. But if you meditate,

you can really get in touch with these things. Like you're talking about the pizza, like Noah's talking about like craving certain foods or like knowing when you're done. And like when I'm up at night, like what am I going to do with my parents? They're getting old. Their house is in disrepair. Where should I move them? They can't make a decision on their own now they're being stubborn what should i do should it's like like this is shit you cannot control something right now should you call your lawyer if there's so many shoulds yes but meditation is the one thing i've experienced in my life that really gets me in touch with the real me and the real me is pretty sane and the real what would you say to

me i'm speaking for everyone who's not into meditating and doesn't think it's for them and it's like why would i sit and think about a bunch of stuff alone with my thoughts? Why would that work to make it so I don't think about stuff? Why is sitting alone with my thoughts gonna help me avoid my incessant thoughts? I know what I say to that, but what do you say to that? Because that's what everyone,

to me as being someone who, playing devil's advocate, meditation sounds fucking insane. If you're talking about, I need to escape from my thoughts, I'm gonna sit in a chair and think about stuff, what about i need to be escape from my thoughts i'm gonna sit in a chair and think about stuff what the fuck and try to avoid my thoughts what is that gonna help i would say go for a walk you don't have to meditate sitting in a room you could like go for a walk without your phone and just like be out there okay well i will say that you

can't meditation is not to answer my own question and still keep it on meditation but you're right go for a walk there are other ways but walks aren't meditating there may be like calming but it's not the same as sitting alone like the last thing i want to do right now is just sit on the couch and like think about my thoughts but i'm gonna do it because i know i don't know why it works, but I swear that it does. And if you just follow the steps of looking at your, focus on your breathing. And then when you realize that you've stopped focusing on your breathing and you're thinking about your parents getting older and about what lawyer to call. And then if you realize you're thinking and you're like, oh shit,

I'm not breathing. Just go back to breathing. A second later, when you're thinking about what am I going to eat today? And you get lost in that thought. And then the second you go, oh shit, I'm not breathing. Just go back to breathing. A second later, when you're thinking about what am I going to eat today? And you get lost in that thought. And then the second you go, oh shit, I'm thinking I shouldn't be breathing. Go back to breathing. That's the only thing you have to do. Thoughts are allowed to come and go. What it does is it helps you see thoughts as things that you can duck under and not let capture your attention and ruin your focus because we get lost in thoughts and we don't know where we are we literally they're like dreams where you like wake up from like you can get out of the thought and go oh my god that wasn't even real and i got out of it but we think and i just had a little fight with someone in my mind like or i just had a whole

conflict that never happened and i drove five miles during that time and I didn't see anything. I didn't see any billboards. I didn't see any of the greenery around me or I just, you know, I didn't see that entire scene in succession because I was thinking about how I didn't run today and I'm such a piece of shit and how I have to do this travel tomorrow.

Like it's, that's what meditation does is it helps you dodge a lot more thoughts than you than you you learn how to think of the thoughts as like playing a video game and like you can dodge them and that doesn't mean that those thoughts don't get i was i was like the um analogy of it's like you're trying to swim out to ocean and thoughts are like waves and you know how like the quickest way to get out is diving under the wave. So it's not like you have, like you still process the wave.

The wave still goes over you, but you're not letting it crash you and send you back. And I think my lower self would argue, well, how am I gonna figure out my parents' situation if I don't think about it at some point and actually spend some time thinking about it? If I'm constantly diving under it, what's, what's going to happen. And the truth is you, you'll be able to approach those thoughts and know that you're in them instead of getting lost in them and getting sucked in

and feeling like you'll be able to be in that thought and know, okay, this is a time to think about my parents' house situation. This isn't, you're not going to get sucked into it for hours. You're going to be able to like take the time and set a little timer in your head kind of and treat it like this is an assignment. Rather, this is who I am now. Thoughts become us who we are. Like I'm a person who's sad right now.

No, I'm a person who's processing a sad thought and then it's going to go through and then I'll move on. And I think that's like the kind of cool thing about meditation is that it's almost like an assembly line and you can look at your thoughts as like things you just work on and then you put aside or you like, you know. Yeah, they're not who you are. Yeah. And I, it took me, it still takes me, we get lost in thought constantly.

As I'm talking right now, you're lost in thought, probably a listener about something and thinking about something else. Like it's, you're never going, even the best meditator is never going to be perfect at thinking of thoughts as separate. You're always going to get caught in them, but you're going to get better at not drowning in them. I think that's what depression takes over me is because I become a sad person. I become the thought that everything sucks and my life is bad and I'm tired

and like no one cares about me and no one's looking out for me and my schedule's too much. Like it becomes who I am. It becomes the truth as opposed to like a little, it's like a little, you know, an arrow in my back that I can pull out and go, ow, and like patch up that wound.

It just becomes who I am. So maybe that will help someone today kind of help me queen of metaphors today i like these well i don't know that i'm gonna remember that good yeah like a it's it's like when you are sometimes when i have like a really mean thought and i'm like i really want her to fucking like get ugly like i want her to age like i like i say i have something where i'm like i hope she doesn't are you doing this to me because the voodoo no no if anything i that's why i was michael rogge you i only want you to be happy and healthy but there's sometimes i have those thoughts and like then i can get sad that i'm like i'm a bad person that i just wish that on someone it was just a little arrow that went in my back it's not I had a little bit of a bad I hurt my knee it's like something it's a little

accident that happened I didn't choose to have that thought and I can treat it and just go oh well I just have a bad knee today as opposed to by I have a bad body when you hurt your knee you don't go my whole body I mean my mom says she's a broken woman but like my mom is jumping to I'm a broken woman when it's really just her neck. So look at the things, look at the sadness in your life, look at the fight you're in with your boyfriend or whatever, and look at it as a part of you and not the whole you. Because I just, it's, for some reason, it just, we're like watercolors where it's like a little drip, and we like, suddenly, like, everything becomes red.

And it's like, it can just be a dot That you know is a part of you But isn't the whole you But the whole me is pizza right now Because I am made out of pizza And I will have it again tonight And I can't wait to tell you about it tomorrow On the podcast We'll be back tomorrow

With more analogies and metaphors And similes Thank you for listening Don't be c- Jackfruit Yeah Jackfruit on a pizza yes yeah not a taco that i eat the insides out of and don't even let myself have a tortilla i mean that's what i used to do but not anymore pizza

pizza for life john stewart is back in the host chair at the daily show which means he's also back in our ears on the daily show ears edition podcast Edition podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show, Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.