The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #328 One Dot Left w/ Brian Frange

Episode Date: March 23, 2023

Nikki is not surprised to learn about a town off the beaten path called ZZyzx from Brian Frange. "Poomf" is the new cute term everyone needs to know. Nikki found the cure for "waking up on the wrong side of her uterus" is watching humane animal documentaries about elephants. They talk about how much longer there is to live in seconds and dots, DMT vs Mushrooms, Anya recaps The Bachelor which leads to a conversation about dating apps and hooking up. In Fanthrax they listen to voicemails about a shady funeral home, chatroom antics and give advice on what to do about the expenses of a sick dog. --- Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Get Pod Merch: Podshop.NikkiGlaser.com Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Anya's Patreon: patreon.com/anyamarina Brian Frange: brianfrange.com More Nikki: IG More Anya: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IG  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Hello, here I am. Welcome to the show. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. It's the Nikki Glaser podcast. It's Wednesday edition. Not in the studio with me remotely, but it feels like they're here. We've got Anya in New York. What up, Anya? And we've got Noah in Arizona, which is also a city.

Thank you, Brian, in Arizona. A really tiny one. Yeah. Did you look into it? I did. It's like on the side of a highway or something. Oh, one of the ones that just has a rest stop or something. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Like a population of five. Right. And then Brian Frangie is visiting us again from Los Angeles. Welcome back to the show, Brian. Have you ever heard of Zizzix? Yeah, I'm obsessed with them. Wait, I don't have them, but I want them so bad. Wait, those are the shoes.

Wait, they're shoes, right? No, no, no. Zizx is a roadside town. If you're driving ever from LA into- I was thinking of Kizix. Wait, what are Zizx? Zizx, if you're driving from LA to, I think, Las Vegas. I think it's in between LA and Las Vegas.

You'll see a green sign for a town called Zizx. It's in the middle of nowhere. Spell it. It's spelled, I might get this wrong, but it's spelled Z-Y-X-X-Y-X-X or something. Yes. I remember. That does. One time I sat on my keyboard and that came up.

A cat walked across a keyboard and that's how they got a town okay okay zizx well how do they name that town that's what i thought when i was okay did you google it as you were driving i googled it well no i asked i asked my fiance or wife or whatever to google it and uh we discovered that that the person who named zizx had a vendetta against the government and decided to name the town zizx just to mess with the people who have to write that into the register oh man good job dude i mean that would be a fun break in my day if i was just writing downtowns all day and then i'm like what is this one and that would actually wake me up i think that's a good thing to do z y x x yeah y x z z top z z y z x z z y z z x z y zX it was formerly known as Soda Springs and the guy invented this like

retreat where you could go there and like you know discover yourself and become healthy and then it turned out to be like a scam and so then the government came after him and then eventually to get a vendetta against them he named it Zizx

oh man he showed them that's a creative angry man anya that sounds like a documentary you would want to watch about soda springs and whatever culty type self-help yeah i haven't seen wild wild country but i hear that you would love it it's so well done that's the next doc that everyone was into years ago that i need to get into and i'll be obsessed with it for a week and no one will want to talk to me about it because they're like yeah well we all talked about this already so when you have a stand-up joke like that of like do you ever see a movie that everyone's already seen and you're like can't stop talking about like i'll get that way

with like a few good men i'm like have you guys seen this movie it's kind of like you with succession it's cool i like it because youion. It's cool. I like it because you're making me rewatch it. I'll get back into Wild Wild Country. Oh my god. I've talked to so many people about Succession that I've actually yesterday I saw my boyfriend's brother Tim Convey, Brian Frangie's former

roommate and I asked him, I was like, are you into Succession? He goes, you already asked me this. I'm like, I've already covered it. He's like, no. And I'm like, damn it's like i know i gotta be and i'm like so i'm already like making the rounds through everyone um yeah it's starting a new season is this sunday it's very exciting um so but the funny thing about you asking me about zizx is that i literally have an app or like a a note on my phone of like podcast topics right and one of them is the shoes i think i wrote in zizx i think i may have uh erased it but for a while i had written on here

zizx because i'm obsessed with these shoes that keep getting marketed to me on instagram where you don't have to tie them they're gym shoes but you just slip your feet into them have you seen these no i'm gonna they're so cute zizx i think it's z i i don't xx yeah i don't someone was trying to fuck with uh the people that would have to yeah there was another vendetta um but they're kizix kizix sorry kizix is it k-i-s-i-k-s or something like that. But you don't have to tie them. And it's just all the Instagram videos are always like women holding babies and just being like, I've got too much going on. And they just slip their foot into it. And it's like a dream.

And that's why I keep all of my shoes untied so that I can just slip. All my shoes are loose because I like them to all be like loafers that I can just put my foot into. But I've been craving some Kizzixix i don't know why i haven't bought them yet but i want to i wonder if any of our besties have them and can report how great they are because tying your shoes is annoying and it's overrated yeah and a lot of times i'll jam my foot into a shoe and then the tongue just gets all like fucking crumpled up and then i'll just wear it like that because i'm too lazy even bend over and pull that tongue out so kizzix are really my speed um a couple other things i have written down because i have this note up is that um pump and i want to just talk about what pump is because it's a word that everyone needs to know so you have a dog brian right what's your

dog's name again jack jack okay um so jack is such a cute little dog and i bet it could have a pomp and i know that your dog willa can have a pomp i even think cats can have pomps so a pomp is something on an animal most likely a canine animal where its um upper lip gets kind of like uh it's maybe when it has dry teeth and its upper lip gets kind of like stuck it has been years yeah yeah it gets stuck on the almost the jaw like the um gum line because it's so dry and it pumps up so it like makes the fur like kind of raise up and it kind of just looks makes it look a little stupid but it also looks like oh it's got a poof like dogs get them all the time do you ever do you know what i'm talking about ryan where has your dog ever gotten a poof i mean i'm gonna definitely look out for it but uh

i can't say you can force it you just dry off their teeth and then you raise up their lip and have it get stuck and it'll just be like oh little pump it's so satisfying because they look so cute yeah elvis for a dog elvis had a pump um matt and i spent seven minutes once trying to get willa to have a pump you just gotta succeed yeah we just like kept talking and she was like what in the lord's name is going on we were just it's just light abuse it's like yes just a little tickle of abuse um uh speaking of animals yesterday i was in a funk i was just woke up on the wrong side of my uterus and i was just hormonally imbalanced in such a bad mood i went to my voice lesson which i go to twice a week and i literally drove a half i have to drive a half hour out there um and i just went and we did not sing at all i just was like i'm depressed and then

he like talked to me about the whole time like it's like therapy i i really i feel bad for this guy because he's become like my therapist and he's like this is happening to you way too often i'm like i know he's like do you see someone i'm like yes and like it was just a bad day you know one of those days thank god i didn't have to pod yes my vocal coach yeah you twice a week three yeah shout out to michael rocchio but i just did actually an interview for uh stl magazine that's going to come out in like june but my buddy nick who is a journalist there now we're friends through this process he's like followed me around he was at our show anya um in st louis remember the guy that was interviewing me backstage oh yeah lovely guy we kept kicking him out of the green yeah i'd be like okay i have to like you know try on a different bra so you need to leave again and let me come back in

he's a nice guy but we were just we just met up at eight o'clock at starbucks around the corner to uh extend to talk more about follow-up two months later for this interview they're doing like an nice guy but we were just we just met up at eight o'clock at starbucks around the corner to uh extend to talk more about follow-up two months later for this interview they're doing like an in-depth thing it's gonna be like a big big thing but um he was talking to me about stuff and i was like and i see this voice teacher and all i do is like it's like therapy and he goes and i go he's all the way out in chesterville he goes is it, is it Michael Rocchio? And I was like, wait, what? He was like, I see Michael Rocchio. I was like, oh my God. And I was so excited to talk to someone else

that knows this amazing man who has helped me so much. Singing wise, not so much. But I've learned a lot of life lessons and stories. No, singing wise, he's given me a lot of confidence, which if you learned anything from the podcast yesterday, on my experience at the mark twain prize for adam sandler confidence is kind of all you need um and the belief that hard work makes it begets talent if you know that if you know that you can do anything you just have to work hard that's all you need and you can be uh successful but anyway um so I was meeting up with him.

Oh, yeah, I was really down yesterday and I just couldn't get out of it all day. And I tried so many things. I went for a run. I went, took a walk. I just I took I took a three hour nap in the middle of the day, even though I didn't need it. Things that were both not helpful and helpful. I was just I shared a lot on our girls chat of like really dark stuff i went to that

voiceless and i tried to get out and do stuff wasn't going away and then i saw some story of this burn victim i love burn victims i don't know if you guys know this i yesterday michael rocchio by the way was do you like? Like, what are things that bring you joy? And I go, Taylor Swift. And he goes, okay, other than that, I go, documentaries about plane crashes. He was like, I saw that one. It was very good. I was like, books about Columbine.

And I'm like, I don't know. I'm just into weird stuff. I wish I liked things that other girls like, like linens, but I can't. And then my friends were like, why do you want to like linens? And I said, okay, here's why I want to like linens. When like a girl likes a linen and a thread count likes to like feel linen, it's not that I want to like linens. If you are able to find joy out of like a nice piece of like fabric and just like, you know, touch it and go like, this is so beautiful. And look at the fringe around it and go like, I love this tablecloth or whatever the fuck it is. That means your life is pretty good.

That means that like things you have a lot of space for and you are present and you're able to somatically take in the world and feel it on a like a molecular level. Like you can, it just, that's not that I want to like linens. I want to be able to stop and smell the roses and touch the linens. So it's more about that. So I was telling him that I liked all these dark things. And I want to add it to the list, burn victims. I like burn victims. I like reading about them. I like watching them on my Instagram because my biggest fear is losing my looks, you know, gradually, which we, I think most women in the Western world and in most Eastern worlds as well are worried about aging and men as well. I'll throw you guys into this too. We're all worried about aging.

Makes us feel less relevant. Makes us feel like we're closer to death. People don't want to fuck us. People aren't as nice to us. It's just like the world gets kind of smaller and we're all trying to grasp onto it because we're constantly filled with images of like fighting wrinkles and fighting aging,

age-defying serums, like everything is age-defying. Burn victims instantly go from being hot to unfuckable and not unfuckable in the sense that like they can't still be loved and people can't have sex with them and be attracted to them. Of course they can. But you go from being really good looking and a normal person to being someone that like makes people gasp sometimes when they see you because your face is definitely disfigured. There's no doubt about it. That's not me making a judgment on the person it's just true and that's fascinating to me does that not spark your guys's interest at all to see people who have been horribly disfigured or had something like catastrophic happen to them and yet they still are like talking about their day like they or they just share how they go about their normal day does that interest you guys at? I can understand how you'd be inspired by their ability to move on and try to live life to the fullest despite their disfigurement. Yes. It's not inspired.

There's this man in my town where I live, and he has elephantitis of his face. So he has a completely disfigured face like a lot of flesh hanging off his face. Yes. A whole nother head. Yeah. And it's very, it's like if you didn't know, you'd be like, ah! Like he looks like he's wearing the scariest mask ever. Yeah.

And he's very popular in town. He's very kind. Like I walk by him a lot. He's always nice. Everybody knows him. And the other day he was on the corner. Yesterday I was walking Willa and he just goes, what a beautiful creature.

What a beautiful dog. I was like, thank you. And I was just thinking, that's an interesting comment from a man with elephantitis. Yeah. Did they have to call it elephantitis? I feel like out of all the names. It was either that or Zizx.

Honestly, you're so right, Brian. They're already, they couldn't come up with anything. It's like Seinfeld's joke about rhinoplasties. It's like you couldn't come up with anything. You got to compare these poor people who already feel insecure about their giant nose rhinoplasty maybe oh it's called elephantiasis maybe it's outdated maybe it's like no yeah you don't say it anymore yeah i'm looking at pictures online no it's it it's interesting to me because i i like watching less about inspiration well yeah i think it's interesting to me because I like watching less about inspiration.

Well, yeah, I think it's that because I go, man, I wake up some days and my face feels a little bit like swollen. Or I, you know, I've talked about it extensively on here, just fearing facial changes, you know, that we all do. That's why I get Botox. I get filler. I do all these things trying to fight it. And then you see someone who went from being a really attractive woman to overnight looking in a way that makes people, makes kids go like, mommy, what's wrong with her? I mean, that is like to live through that. And it is inspiring, but like it just it's fascinating to me. It's just the same way that I'm in.

I don't know what it is. But anyway, so last night, I was, Michael Rocchio kept like prodding at me, being like, what are you into? Like, stop, do this whole thing. I didn't want to start crying. So I didn't really want to talk about my feelings. So I was kind of being obstinate,

like of just, is that a word? Of being like, all I like is plane crashes. I'm a dumb person. I'm dark. Like I was just kind of just being like, I don't want to talk about my feelings. I don't want to get at the root of this. And because I didn't want to cry because his wife is like in the next room and I didn't want her to hear me crying.

She's a singer as well. She would have been like, well, this girl just wastes her time. And so I was just trying to not cry. And then finally, I was like, you know what? Animals. I really like animals. That is something that interests me and i love so last night i also saw this burn victim that this australian runner girl who got was doing a long run and she got caught in a brush fire and completely burned

her whole face i don't remember her name but she's very very famous in australia and so inspiring and she was talking about how she doesn't start her morning by just like jumping on her phone and there's a lot of things like this online and this has nothing to do with her being a burn victim it was just a part of what i was saying but um she's just talking about like i just get a book i go out and i like i don't go to my phone right away i just try to like surround myself with things that make me feel good in the morning because that all is coming later why do i just have to do it right away and have it hijack my day? But last night, I kind of employed that. I was like, get off my phone. What can I watch?

I was thinking maybe I'll watch The Bachelor with Anya because she was watching that. And I do like, Anya and I like to watch things together and text each other during it. We watched the show Perfect Match on Netflix. That is truly one of the most garbage reality shows I've ever seen. And I'm the host of FBoy Island.

I can tell you, I've ever seen. And I'm the host of FBoy Island. I can tell you like there, I've hosted shows that have crazy premises that don't really make sense and are just loose and just funny. And this one is also one of those, but it's not good. And I don't like it, but I was almost gonna put that on or something.

And then I was like, I should watch something with animals in it. And usually animal stuff is so sad, but there's this really great documentary that just won an academy award on netflix called the elephant whisperer and it made me feel so fucking good to see these indian people caring for these baby elephants in the story of how these elephants get abandoned is sad but it's really heartwarming it's only 40 minutes long and i swear to god it makes you feel so good about yourself and about the world and it makes you cry and it's like it just was like the best thing for my soul so i just have to remember to maybe put on more animal like documentary things but not there's not enough of them there's not enough

happy animal documentaries no they're all sad because there's always like, they'll walk you through the mating rituals and like the babies are born and then the fires come. And then there's like, they show babies just being like, like looking for their mom. And I'm like, fuck, I can't do this. Because guess what? There's no good climate news.

You're not going to watch any documentary that's really telling you how it is, and you're going to be uplifted. It's all grim. The world is too late by 2030 to change anything. I don't know if you heard that report yesterday. But we'll talk about this and more after we get back from the break. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more

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So did you guys hear, though, that by 2030, it's over? Like, that's the date yeah what's the official statement that if we don't do massive make massive changes right now by 2030 it's too late and that's it but they i feel like we've been hearing this a while and that's why no one gives a fuck anymore when it's really being said brian yeah i, I remember 2030 said in 2010. Or do you remember Y2K when like the machines

were supposed to turn against us? Yes, but this is based on like But this is real. Like atmosphere and like the polar ice caps

melting faster. Like there's literally never any good news about the climate. There's never of like it's not melting as fast

as we thought it was oh this you know the droughts are actually not as bad as we thought they would be it's always way worse so i don't know i'm with no on this one i think climate change is like y2k i think when 2030 comes we're all gonna be waiting for the bomb to drop and nothing's gonna happen and we're like why did we save water at all do you think that we'll have like compounds or live slightly differently or like have spf 78 or like how are we gonna i don't think most places will be able to go outside by 2050 you're not going to be able to go outside um in in a lot of the planet anymore just or you can but you'll have to like run really quick between buildings because it's just going to be too hot i mean it's already too hot in summers for things to happen they had to have the world cup in the winter you know we are

adaptable maybe we'll just spend most of our days indoors with sun lamps like kirsten yeah that's what'll happen yeah our friend kirsten. Yeah, that's what will happen. Yeah, our friend Kirsten is always in the morning. She's like, hi, guys, on the girls chat. I'm just making some oatmeal and just hanging out in front of my sunlamp. What does she call it? It's like she always does the brand name for things. Sunlamp.

I don't know. My T24 sunlamp. Yeah, I think that will – I don't think we're all going to perish on January 1st, 2030, but that is the date where it's... We're... Don't even try anymore. It's irreversible. Yeah.

There's no turning back. Where there's no saving us. I feel like there's a lot of that catastrophizing that comes out too frequently, like you're saying. Like, it's every couple of months, there's like, okay, we've now passed this threshold where there's no turning back. And then two months later, like,

and now we've really passed the threshold. You know?'s like how many thresholds are there maybe we should just then a child invents a recycling center that like makes all of this you know old wine bottles into canoes or something i don't know i feel like there's always some there is always something like there's a new bug that eats plastic bottles. And you're like, oh, this bug will save us. Or like there. I do believe that there is technology out there that will bail us out in little ways. But it's just going to make it so we can all. We're not going to be able to live. Once the damage is done, like if you.

I don't know, like you can if you if you pour ink on a carpet, you can like sop it up, but you're never going to get that stain out. It's done. Like you can't go back. So like, yeah, there'll be things that we can do to make it look like a little bit more livable. But, you know, if we don't figure this out, it's not going to be, the planet won't be that inhabitable. Did you guys know that Mars is like millions of miles away the other day i saw a picture of earth from mars and it said it was like no will you look up how far mars is because we've landed on mars with a rover correct how the fuck did anything travel

millions of miles 100 million miles or something it's like 126 million miles. Maybe it's decades. 127.23 million miles. How did I? I mean, that's pretty impressive. Wow, Nikki. That is so, I was off by a million point two. How many? That is so long to travel.

Did we send that thing off in 1822 and then it finally landed like this year? How did we get a rover? That blew my mind i would have guessed thousands of miles mil hundreds of millions of miles does that blow your guys's mind at all it's too large of a number to comprehend right i mean it's very long yeah do you know that a million seconds is a million seconds is something like 12 days and a billion seconds is 37 years oh you know that difference isn't your envy for women who like linens is equal to my envy for you

remembering these numbers well i'm probably off by that but i know i committed that one to memory like you would lyrics to a song that you wanted to sing i'm not kidding you because that was one that i go i never remember this one. It's so interesting. So I worked hard to remember that and I don't know that I did. That is so cool. What is nine times seven? Oh God, that one's funny.

That's the only one I can't remember. I already forgot the number you said. I think it's, if I'm going to go off the dome, I'm going to say it's 63, but I always think it's 56. Okay, tell me the thing I want to know again. My color was all fucked up. What? The thing I forgot. You want to memorize it's 56. Okay, tell me the thing I want to know again. My color was all fucked up.

What? Okay, you want to memorize it? Okay. A million seconds is 12 days. I think it's something like that. It's 11 days. 11 days. Okay, ready?

A million seconds is 11 days, right? A billion seconds is 37 years, I believe. What? It could be 32. Those two numbers are swirling in my head. So that's the difference when someone says they have a billion dollars. It's not even close to a million.

That's the difference between an 11-day-old baby and a 37-year-old man. That is the difference. So it's like, don't even think that you can ever make a billion dollars sorry one million seconds is 11 days okay a billion seconds is 37 years 32 years 32 years or 30 that is that's a fascinating little factoid right yeah it does put it in comparison you know how you have that or you you've seen that calendar with how many weeks you have left in your life?

Oh, fuck that calendar. Get it? Don't even bring it up. That fucking thing bugs the shit out of me. Do you guys know what he's talking about? No. It tells you how much of life you have left? It is a poster of dots, right, Brian?

Mm-hmm. You've showed it to me. Yes. Of course. Oster of dots, right, Brian? Mm-hmm. You've showed it to me. Yes. See, this is on my list of things that I like. Climate change disaster, burn victims, and how many weeks you have to live. It is a plot, a graph almost, of dots just across. And then it's probably 12 across and then 50 down. And then it's all filled in.

So it's like a dot for every, oh no, it's 52 across, 50 down, right? So it's almost like a square. 52 meaning each week of a year. 50 meaning like you probably have 50 years to live if you're like, or whatever it is. No, no, no, sorry. Let's say we all live to be 80. So it's 80 on one axis 52 on the other right so that shows a dot for every week of your life and then it says like if you're 30 something this is

how many dots you are this is on the dot and you can go week by week and you just see how many dots you have left and it ain't a lot and it's like i can't believe those are weeks those aren't years those are fucking weeks and it is depressing because you look at the scope of your life and you're like it comes down to these dots and i'm so many dots in that reminds me i was watching uh bobby kelly on some interview and he was saying how like something that really put life in perspective for him was he thought how many summers he had left and like the number was dwindling it's like i only have less than 20 more summers left yeah no it's sad yeah i have one of those uh posters

except it's one dot is a billion seconds so it's only two dots and the first dot's filled in i only have one dot left oh my god you only have a billion seconds of life 64 years left whoa that's weird to think that you have like a billion seconds left to live. One dot. And now it's less than a billion because we've just started into it. Oh my God. Yeah, and you're not even guaranteed that, you know? No, that's the scary part.

Anything could happen. That's why I hate stuff like that. That's why I hate whenever someone posts on like when some tragedy happens and then someone always guaranteed when there's something horrifically tragic that someone will always comment like that just goes to show you that life is precious and every day counts you never know how much time you have left and it's like that's not a good way to think like if you go through life thinking like this might be my last moment on earth i have to make the most of it you'll go insane like a squirrel yeah it's always like you're like making phone calls to people you don't really want to

make you're like i'll call my mom fine yeah but it i know i think it is a good reminder to be like what would i do today if this were the i mean i i don't think we really need to run through that because people are like if this was the last day of your life what would you i'd be like cry the whole day like just be so sad so yeah i mean but it does i gotta believe there's something else because this this can't be it you can't just say goodbye forever to think it's just too it's too much i can't handle it i can't that's the gift i got from mushrooms the one time i did mushrooms in my life and tripped balls. I left my body. I went up into the stratosphere or what's past the atmosphere.

You guys know who have traveled a billion seconds. The kizik fear. Yeah. But I just knew, oh, I will exist after I die because whatever I am now is not in the body of Anya. It's like consciousness, but it's me. Did it stay with you? Do you really believe that? Yeah, I really believe that.

So you recommend tripping mushrooms? Because this is what people always say after they do mushrooms is like they are okay with, they're a little bit more okay with death. Yeah, I'm the only person i know who never needs to do mushrooms again like it was a terrifying night i didn't have a great time but the gift of that experience is invaluable and i'm so glad i did it because i do not believe that when you die you're just done and like your life gets snuffed out and you can't this is just like every other person who talks about this experience you can't make me understand what you know now.

There's nothing you can say that will adequately make me get it without having that experience. Like talking to people who have done ayahuasca, mushrooms, LSD, you just, it just doesn't, there's no way to communicate it. It sucks. Have you done that stuff, Brian? No. No, I have not.

And I do envy that feeling very much so so and it's the same way i view about really religious people where it's like i envy you because you have this whole layer of anxiety that's been lifted because you have faith that there's something else after and that there's all a purpose and a plan and i'm living in this universe that it's just random chaos and i i feel like when it when it's when it's over, it's over and that's a horrible place to be. You gotta watch Tyler Henry on Netflix. This kid who talks to ghosts.

That made me believe that there's something else going on. Right, right. I'm not kidding you. It'll get you there. You can take his word for it. You can take my word for it about mushrooms, can't you? Because you watched Tyler Henry

and that convinced you and if I'm telling you the same thing- I to feel it though i want to have it in my bones and i already do kind of i just want to there's other things you get from mushrooms too that are like you get more okay with eight you just get more okay with everything like there's they're just so healing but there is that aspect of where you could have a really bad trip and it's terrifying like neil brennan after he did dmt the like drug that you know comes out of your brain when you die and you could you know he did that and he said that you couldn't pay him a billion dollars that's what he said and he's someone that's motivated my money for sure he was like i wouldn't do it again for a

billion dollars it was the most horrifying he was like horrifying isn't even a fucking fraction of the of what i felt but i will never suffer with depression again because i did it he was like i'm cured because i did this but would i recommend it god fucking no it was the worst thing of my life it was it was i wouldn't recommend to anyone but i'm healed now i'll never suffer with depression again wait he said that there was this hat that he's worn his whole life and the hat came off he couldn't describe what happened he couldn't describe there was no he just said that there was this hat that he's worn his whole life and the hat came off he couldn't describe what happened he couldn't describe there was no he just said that i remember him saying that terrifying was a fraction of the feeling he felt it was it was like nothing he could describe he couldn't describe it much like what you're saying like i can't grasp really what happened

to you but he said that he would not recommend it and that he wouldn't do it again for a billion dollars i mean i know people who've taken dmt and it changed them yes like they became a totally different person after that and it was it was i don't not not necessarily for the better but like i don't know for the like it changed them in a way that they became less motivated they were a little slower um i know a few people who, yeah, like they did DMT and like all of a sudden they were like, they lacked the motivation

to continue their path. Well, because so much of motivation is I don't want to die. I got to make a legacy. I want money. I like things. I want validation.

I want money that will get me validation and love. And so when you realize that none of that actually matters or whatever they maybe learned, some of that decreases and you, and maybe they are happier not having as much motivation. You know, maybe. I think they are. I think they are.

Right. They are happier. They're more content with where they are. But then in reality, they don't have any money anymore. They don't have the willingness to go to jobs but they're very happy no i wouldn't like the neil thing like i don't want to no matter what is on the other side of that i don't want to give up anything that sounds scary i will not do even if it means freedom on the other side of it i'd you know it i'll do dmt when i die thank you very

much like it will be emitted naturally in that process but that's not I don't want to do it anytime sooner but I think mushrooms and LSD even those I've heard

have been described as terrifying I think those are roller coasters that I'm willing to go on because I don't do you this is DMT specifically

that you've seen people lose motivation and I'm guessing you're talking about one case study as opposed to multiple right Brian? I'm a few I actually have a few i talked really i've talked to a few people who have experienced this okay wow yeah well that's the one i won't touch after what neil told me but

the other ones i don't know maybe some besties have experiences with dmt that you could share um but uh yeah this elephant documentary really lifted me out of it. And there's a part of me that wants to go. Do they have to call them elephants? It's just such a harsh word. I know. It's so rude, but these little baby elephants are so cute and they are just so human and they are just so sweet.

And it was just sweet to see these like Indian people speaking this language that I do not know and would never know. And then the subtitle is you're a good boy aren't you are you the best boy are you the best boy like talking to the elephants the same way that we talk to our dogs it was just so sweet i screenshotted it but it was like you're the best little boy there ever was in this whole little village like they just talk to them sweetly it's just it's so freaking sweet um so that's just more proof that we're all the same yeah that reminds me of there was some study that a psychologist did with like a tribe in new guinea

or somewhere very remote and they were like the stuff the women and the men were complaining about was like when they had a translator figure out like what is the thing that troubles you the most and they were like well he's i think he has a crush on her and i feel left out and it was like all the same petty shit or not petty but like the same shit that we all struggle with everywhere else in the western world and he doesn't take out the trash enough and separate the recycling from the river that we drink from. He doesn't. Yeah, that is interesting. Like we all do have like, even animals have jealousy, which I used to tell my parents because they'd be like, we got to give Luigi a treat if we gave Wiley one.

I'm like, Wiley's 200 pounds. Luigi does not get the same treat. He's going to get fat. And they were like, well, he's jealous. And I'm like, animals don't have jealousy. And then every time I've eaten my words for 10 years now, or since I said that every time the dogs like get jealous of each other,

they go, and animals don't have jealousy, Nikki. I'm like, okay, they do. I get it. I'm sorry.

But the study about plants where, um, no, which one? The, the, the one, which one? The study about plants where No, which one? The one Which one? Plant jealousy? The study about plants.

Yeah. The one where they were testing whether or not plants could feel emotions and so they they took like I think it was like

cabbage plants or something and they would take a they would attach electrodes I don't know the science but they would attach electrodes to the plant to see whether or not it registered and they would take a cabbage plant and

they would cut up a cabbage plant in front of the other cabbage and the cabbage the living cabbage plant would respond right to the cabbage plant being chopped up in front of it and they were able to connect it to a device that would that would take those electrodes and turn them into noises oh no so then you would hear hear the screaming cabbage yes you would hear it oh a device that would take those electrodes and turn them into noises. Oh no. Hear the screaming cabbage. Yes, you would hear it. Oh god damn it.

This is always what people say to vegans. Will plants have feelings? It's like, okay, well you know what? Now I'm going to struggle to eat plants. You won. It doesn't change the way I feel. Now I'm going to eat plants and feel bad about it, but I have to fucking eat. Yeah, that sucks to hear,

but that's why you just don't hook your... Don't hook your cabbage up to electrodes. Up to a speaker. Yeah, you don't listen to your cabbage. That's what I say. Never hook electrodes up to your fucking ficus plant. At the same time, though, the positive takeaway is that if

you have plants and you like talk to them oh they grow better they grow better that's yeah that's that's because of the oxygen i think but like they do i there's a world where your plants are listening to you and they can hear what you're saying and they react to your emotions there's a world and everything's listening to us and i say even up on the fucking plants um yeah i i do the other day i realized i hadn't fed my plants in a while watered them and i was like so sad and i was like i'm sorry and i'm picking up like some of the dead leaves because it had been like i can't anymore and i was like i am so sorry plant i just felt so bad and i was like oh no I'm like anthropomorphizing, whatever that word is, where you like make a thing that doesn't have human emotions have it.

Wait, do your plant voice again? No. Oh, I can't anymore. That was a good impression. It just sheds. Yeah. Does it sound like the cabbage? That happens on all my plants. Oh, God, please don't do that to me. That's a good impression. It just sheds. Yeah. Does it sound like the cabbage? That happens on all my plants.

Cabbage, I mean, they can't live anymore. God, please don't do that to me. That's a cabbage. They're from like- Oh, not my mom. Yeah. Oh my God. Brian, you had a bachelor party this weekend?

Is that what you told me? Yeah, no. I went into the woods in a a cabin yeah oh my god you and your possum crew no i went to the woods yeah did you invite chris on this but he couldn't go i'm guessing well i had a west coast bachelor party and an east coast bachelor party this is the east coast yeah um okay yeah you didn't want to combine those two that would have been terrible i don't want people to have to feel like they have to mingle. I wanted to separate the friends groups so that everyone could be completely-

It's the opposite of how I rule my life. Why? Why? Because your friends are socially awkward and they can't- Don't you think your friends would get along? Come on, man. They would get along fine, but I wanted everybody to feel completely at ease and natural. I don't want one of my friends to be like-

And I also don't want to be put friend to be like and i also don't want to be put in the position where i'm like in the middle facilitating conversations because like oh here's my friend mike you here's meet my friend jim that you guys both like uh how about we don't we stop doing that i hate when people go you uh nikki this is this person this person and i'm like i can do this myself i guess some people need that but i this person. And I'm like, I can do this myself. I guess some people need that, but I hate that. Because then I'm like, oh, now I'm being set up on a date. And I don't want to talk to this person.

I never did. I would have gradually, I just feel, and by the way, that's not your job. If people sign up to go to a party, they just, they know. But I get wanting to erase any kind of feelings of anxiety. So you kept them separate. Have you had your West Coast one yet? Yeah, I did. And when's the Midwest one?

The Midwest one is, yeah, it's going to be next month. Okay. And then we're going to do the Asian one. Upper Peninsula. Yeah, the Upper Peninsula. Well, I feel like people do that thing that you're describing when they don't want to talk to the person that they're introducing you to. Exactly. That is what happens. They pawn off someone on you and you go i don't

and then they pawn them off on you and then you have to talk about you know that thing that they gave you the only piece of information they gave you it's so annoying i like it because i'm like very awkward socially and my sister used to have these parties with like literary people and she had it was her job to be like the host and she was i'm like how do you make small talk with 50 people at night and she was just really good at being like anya you might you know anya's used to be an ice skater and this one like she would know these little factoids about people and like quickly set them up and then leave and it was like oh okay that's better than how most people do it i will say i am good at finding commonalities and being like you guys need to talk about this

and i'm i will set you up for success but some people just do it to get exactly what brian is saying to so they don't have to talk to either of you can you do it for for me and anya like what if we were at a party and you came up to us and you're like, hey, meet Anya. Okay, that's a good idea. Do it in your plant voice. Okay. I would say, oh, you guys, I both did a podcast with both of you. Brian, I did a podcast with when I had that Not Safe show.

Anya, I've done podcasts with forever. Brian is getting married. You guys are both getting married soon in the summer. Brian just had his bachelor party where he um introduced people or didn't have to introduce anyone because he kept it like separate anya on is not having a bachelorette party um what do you guys think about that like what or not that i know of i haven't been invited yet if she is um and i would talk about like you're both getting or like anya's a musician brian you like music like i don't know like i love the wedding thing

you could just leave it at that. But Anya says, Brian, you guys have both worked with me and lived with me or whatever. Brian has it. But you're both getting married soon. And then bye. And then I'd be like, oh, my God, Brian, you're getting married. Are you stressed out? Does everyone want to know the best icebreaker for a conversation?

If someone is married or has a girlfriend or just ask how they met. It's a good it's always a good story even if it's online and if it's online and they want to seem like they go oh on an app which app who wrote first where'd you go on your first date people love if they're in a good relationship they love talking about their relationship and it's always a good story oh my god can i tell you you're gonna love this i was uh at a i think it was an engagement party where there were um i would say pretty well to do people like one of the people getting married was well to do yeah and um i heard that as his name was will money to do how many seconds of money do they have?

Will to do. Yeah. And I was with my, I was with Allie, my fiance and someone was like, how'd you guys meet? And then, and then we were like,

we always think it's cute to be like, yeah, we met on, we met on an app. And then people are always like, oh, that, oh my God, really?

And then sometimes the other people we talk to have met on an app and that's you really connect there yeah we said they said how did you meet and we said oh we met on an app and this person was like oh well that's interesting and then she like couldn't handle it she was like judging us for having met on an app. No, that is a, that, saying you met online was embarrassing in 2003. Right. And before then. We were so confused. It is the only way people meet now.

If you've met in person, that is where I go, ugh, what? You met a stranger out in the real world, like at the grocery store in line? Like, why are you talking to someone in line? Get on your, be on your phone and mind your business. Like, that is the, that is the weird thing thing now so this woman couldn't handle it yeah and then we're like yo then we have to continue the conversation with her when she clearly just outwardly judged us to our face and we're like yeah we met on uh this one's miserable and she was how old was she she was um probably late 20s or early 30s i think it was i think it had to do with the fact that she

was well to do oh yeah i forgot about the well-to-do part yeah that in her world like that really is an embarrassment you didn't meet at your father's country club yes you didn't meet at your local polo match yeah you or you weren't it wasn't arranged for you by you know by two of your wealthy aunts well okay so when you say you met on hinge what is the story there like uh because i do want to know i'm kind of interested we have five minutes till the end of this break let's get to it so you met on hinge um hinge is the one where it's like you have friends in common but you can pretty much find someone in common with anyone that you have. Horse shit. Really? I mean, after like three days, you no longer have enough friends to have anybody in common with who you're matching with.

Got it. Even with all of your friends on each of the coasts that you have, that you have to separate your parties? Yeah, all 10 friends. So what was your mutual friend with Allie? We didn't have a mutual friend. There was no mutual friend. So they just started giving you. What was it mutual friend with Allie? We didn't have a mutual friend. There was no mutual friend. So they just started giving you. What was it about her profile?

Because Hinge has, you know, I think most of them do this now. But back in the day, Hinge, when I was on it, always had fun prompt questions. And then you put up a picture. And you could just like each other's photo as opposed to like being like, I want to date you. I'm swiping right. You just like a photo. Yes. And well, this is why anyone who's creative excels on Hinge

because instead of just swiping, you have to comment on the photo. And so you have to come up with something remotely interesting to say in the comments in order to get matched back. You can't just swipe and then hope. And if you comment on the photo like, hey, or what's up, that's not good enough. No, no. And someone wrote to me recently because I comment on the photo like, hey, or what's up, that's not good enough. No, no.

And someone wrote to me recently because I said on the podcast that if you are on Bumble, girls just send an emoji. Never write like, hey, what's up? Don't write anything because Bumble girls have to reach out first. But just do an emoji because guys don't really like you to make the first move. They want just you to look at them. So send an emoji. But this girl wrote to me and goes, the emoji thing has been working for me so much so many conversations

have popped off because i send an emoji she was like but they never ask me out and that's the thing that i think on dating apps that a lot of people run into based on what i read on reddit from dating advice is that people don't ask people out and i used to do this too on dating apps i would match with people and then i would just like not want to go out with them because I just because I just wanted the validation that people liked me I wasn't really wanting intimacy because or meeting up in person on you used to be on the apps like did you ever struggle with men like not asking you out or not like setting a date or taking it from just conversating to oh yeah I remember like taking it to therapy and being like am I doing something wrong on my therapist is like yeah you're chatting for too long like three or four volleys

is enough like if the person doesn't ask you out by then or if you don't say like do you want to get together which i never took her advice on that because she was wrong um she'd be like just be done you know none of that this isn't a chat app you're not like here to make pen pal friends and that it could go on forever like that. And I do the same thing. You know, I would definitely like just turned in into like, let's get to know each other. And then you have nothing to talk about on your date when you finally go on it because you've done all the cursory. Like, what do you do?

What do you like? Like, so how quickly did you ask Allie out? Because I'm guessing you asked her out. Well, by then I was like an online dating expert and I had to swift this way was so so i mean brian there's so many layers to this guy but brian was like very adamant about finding a partner and like oh my god you were you have you he had a system of his life that there are pillars in his life and one of the pillars was finding like a wife like finding a woman and i treat everything like that you know like there i when i try to find a therapist i go to like five six therapists there was a time when i had five therapists at the same time

and i was waiting to see which one would pop off first which one asked me out first it was just you guys were just chatting at first so chatting for an hour we would chat for an hour so um when you met ali i mean this was at the end of like years of online dating and going on multiple dates a week yes there was a year the year of dating i call it where i went on dates with over 50 different women and multiple dates for many of them. On average, it was a few dates a week and there was a time when I would go on multiple dates a night. Oh my God.

Would you pay for all these or would you guys go Dutch or what? The date would always be drinks at a bar. If I paid for it, it would just be a drink. Oh, yeah. And also, I don't drink. So I would go to these bars and be like, let's get drinks.

And then I would pretend to drink the beer. Right? That's what it's called, the beer. And one time I had a bartender. I got there early. I had a beer. And I said to the bartender can listen i don't drink and this is a first date can you like help me get rid of this beer so it looks like i drank it and so the

bartender was like yeah man and so i was on this date and then the bartender like when the person wasn't looking would take my beer and pour it out a little bit oh my god this is so funny yeah well you're really bringing your authentic self to these dates, by the way. Well, I felt like they wouldn't want to continue dating me. Well, because guess what? You were dating girls in their 20s who were not secure enough to probably go on dates and not get a little bit drunk because that's what dating in your 20s is, right? Yes.

But Allie, what did you guys do on your first date? Good drink. What about her profile? Did you say anything? Do you remember it? Do you remember? Or was it just one of a not like? do on your first date date good drink what about what about your what about her profile did you say do you remember it do you remember or was it just one of a not like i remember uh seeing her on hinge and i was like there's just no way she's going to respond to my message because she was so beautiful oh i was like there's no way and then i i i made a comment she was uh she had like a pirate so beautiful she had a pirate uh costume on this she had a pirate costume on and she was wearing an eye patch and the eye patch

was a little bit ajar and all i said was um a jar it was a jar and all i said was you it was a skew that's what i meant okay a jar was like it's slightly open yeah it probably was yeah it was slightly open and it was a skew and i said are you a pirate full-time or is that your side hustle that was my comment so you see what i'm saying you have to be just like a little bit clever well yeah you should have been but a little bit you it was a nice try i cannot pull okay so wait she already probably liked you i got the but i got the inside scoop since then because this is why you're you're you're setting me up against other comedians in terms of being interesting like that comment is like a 10 out of 10 compared to the gen pop you're so right you're so right the gen pop. Oh my God, you're so right. You're so right. The gen pop is not capable of that, of yeah, even getting the word ajar wrong.

No, yeah. They don't even know that word, much less even able to use it wrong, incorrectly. Okay. That's right. And so she told me that, I was like, so what did most people say on Hinge to you?

And she said, well, most people would say, and I would hate this, is they would go, hey, your eye patch is on wrong that would be their first comment yeah it's a nag it's kind of like a nag again was like are you a part-time pirate or just that was cute are you a pirate full-time or is it your side hustle okay cute hustle Side hustle is cute. Yeah, it's good. All right. And so that kicked it off and then you asked her out right away because you knew that it couldn't get too chatty. And the thing was,

we lived, she lived on the west side and I lived on the east side and in normal people terms, that's like separate bachelor parties. Separate beds. That's like living in a different state if you're

in la i mean it's all it's almost like why would you even have your hinge to go to those areas because this isn't gonna work yeah and she had her uh her radius set to like 50 miles by accident oh yeah and so it was like she could have dated someone in zizek's she could have she did date someone in zizek and so uh for like one week she accidentally had it open and i always had mine open as wide as possible i was like i'll drive anywhere yeah and and we matched and um yeah and uh then she like disappeared for a little bit and i was like of course she disappeared like she's not going to continue talking to me. And then one day she messaged me back after two weeks and was like, oh, hey.

She just wasn't checking the app. And then we went on a date at a bar. This is a lesson to girls. Seem disinterested. Don't be too needy. Be cool. She wasn't even trying. She just was cool.

Yes, exactly. And your emoji comment is 100% correct. Don't ask out the guy. Don't do anything. You don't have to do anything. Guys will come after you. Yes, yes. They will.

Well, last night, Anya discovered something on the show. She's watching The Bachelor. And spoiler alert, if you don't want to hear, if you haven't seen the latest episode, but it's down to him picking the final two. There were three girls left. They all went to the fantasy suite, which is where you could possibly have sex.

It's kind of like in the air. Now, what happened exactly, Anya? So he decides, The Bachelor decides, I'm going to go into this week without sex being on the table and he tells each woman this at the start of the bed no no on tables no sex on tables so with girl number one he's like just so you know I want sex to be off the table this week and then they cut to her in review and she's like that was sort of a disappointment I don't like being told what's not gonna happen and. And she's very sexual too.

And she's like this beautiful Russian girl and they have tons of chemistry. She's like a knockout too. And she's like, we'll see about that. Like, we'll see, you know, anyway,

they have a date and you find out afterwards they did not have sex. And so he moves on to girl number two. She's very shy. Yeah. They hang the sheet outside after and there was not a blood stain upon it. So Chris Harrison, oh, he's not on the show anymore. That other guy that looks like all the bachelors

smelled it and said they did not have sex. Okay. They didn't have sex. When the bachelor told that guy, Jesse, his plan, you could just see in Jesse's eyes, which are pretty blank anyway, he was just fighting this urge to be like dude no bad idea no and uh so he goes on date number two with this very like

sort of mentally fragile girl she has bad hd adhd she's very insecure they have a lot of chemistry though but she's like shy and anyway same thing he tells her his intentions no sex she's the cut to her interview. She's like, I don't know about that. We'll see if I can convince him to otherwise. I kind of think sex is important or whatever. Then after their date, cut to them snuggling in the morning and you do the interview with her one-on-one.

And she's like, we had a great cuddle fest and big smile. So you're like, did they? I think they did have sex. Then cut to the bachelor So you're like, did they? I think they did have sex. Then cut to the bachelor and he's like, we had an amazing night, but I changed my mind and it became evident

that like my rule was not going to fly and we both decided as adults, we wanted to take this further and we did, but now I'm in a quandary. I got to tell girl number three what I did.

Because he previously told girl number three no sex, right? He actually hadn't. He had only told each woman so far that he had seen. Got it, got it. Okay, so we get to number three. So Jesse, the host, is like, why do, he's like, you don't, really, you're going to tell him? You're going to tell her?

And he goes, I have to be transparent with all the women. And Jesse's just like, okay. So he goes on date number three, which is in a fucking swamp in Thailand, like the worst setting. It's in a river, but it's like a cold, dank river and it's getting darker and darker by the second. And they're in this horrible canoe.

Anyway, he tells her and she's not, he goes, I wanted this to be a no sex week for everybody. And I kind of fucked up and slept with the last girl. She's horrified. And she's like, I know what this week is. I didn't need to know this. And now, like, this is the beginning of our date. Like, I can't be psyched.

This is a bummer. Like, you didn't need to tell me this. This is between you and all the women, you know? And it's just awkward and terrible. And it's just getting darker and darker. Is he apolog apologizing now or is this her saying this off camera like i didn't even know this or she's saying that to him she's saying that to him he's awkwardly like trying to hug her it's the she just does not want to be there he feels kind of dumb but he keeps trying to be like i'm an honest person though i would think that you would want this like i'm

being transparent she's like no i don't need to know all this you know and she's like i don't what did you expect me to just be like oh great like let's have a fun date like i i'm not happy she just kept saying i'm not happy and i can't it sounds like an anya response i feel like if any person that you could ever relate to it would be this woman i liked her because i actually am afraid to say or i have been in the past afraid to just say my feelings very simply and she just kept being like i'm just not happy and she kept repeating and i was like that's pretty powerful to just own that yeah like why would you be happy anyway then she snaps out of it after a few hours they go on their date later that night. They get out of the swamp.

They get cleaned up. They go to dinner. Somehow this woman's had a total 180. And she's like, you know what? I am so into you. I'm falling in love with you. Let bygones be bygones. Don't care.

Let's have a fun night. She pulled a Nikki Glaser. I think Nikki would do that. Of like, let me just reset. Yeah. Power down and power back up like yeah you're practical okay you're like logical I know what show I'm on like big got it well thank you that's very nice of you to that that is remind you of me yeah I was like this girl's kind of practical I've always thought this girl Katie was the best match for this

boring guy Jake the bachelor whatever his name is i forgot anyway they have been watching this whole show you don't even know his name that's amazing that's how boring this dude was i felt the same way i think i watched the first episode and i go because i was like i'm gonna get back into the bachelor i couldn't care less about this guy i this guy was so boring he didn't deserve all these women to be guffawing over him he was just he's kind of adult but he's tall and hot right yeah he's an FFP I just don't care he's a formerly fat person so he's very

kind and emotionally mature I think but he's a little I think he's passive aggressive he's got some rage in there but anyway I'll wrap this up so they have date number three together it's unclear whether they've slept together until all three women are lined up the next day at the rose ceremony at which point he i'm gonna spoil this completely now he eliminates the no no no wait oh oh yeah sorry

no no he eliminates um number one right yeah that he didn't sleep with correct uh she's very mature about their goodbye it's kind of amazing and you know she's like it was incredible meeting you goodbye they have a hug goodbye he comes back and then but as he's saying breaking up with the russian girl these two are together holding their roses and uh katie girl number three looks to girl number two who has slept with the bachelor and she goes i knew under her breath she goes i knew you'd be the only one meaning i knew you'd be the only one he slept with so now we know katie did not sleep with him and then they're standing there but the girl who slept with him i wish i could remember her name she looks furious she's pissed off i forgot to mention she told the

producers on camera in her one-on-one interview she's like i feel completely blindsided because jake came to tell her the next day like i'm gonna tell all the women what what we've done and she's like no no no no no no this was our thing like this is private and he's like no i think it's really important to be transparent with everybody so why would she blindsided if he told her that he was going to tell him i good question i think they must have had an agreement during the sex or their little private night together like let's just keep this between us got it yes and she's like now you show up at my house with all these cameras telling me like hey we fucked let's tell america and she's like i wanted to be a little more subtle about it although you did sign up to me on the bachelor so right but. And she's like, I wanted to be a little more subtle about it. Although you did sign up to be on The Bachelor.

So right. But she also, she was like, I didn't, I didn't know we were telling everybody. Yeah. Yeah. But the most interesting part is he comes back from the,

can we do leave this as a cliffhanger and come back and tell everyone? Cause I, this does end in a way that there is a reason I asked Anya to tell the story because we're going to come back after this and find out why. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more

from Jon and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, we're back. So he comes back after letting the first girl go. The two remaining girls, one of whom just goes, I knew you'd be the only one, meaning the only one he slept with. So she knows the girl who slept with him is horrified that he has told this girl

and that now her secret that she slept with the bachelor is out and then what happens then jake is only making eye contact with katie the woman he has yet number three girl number three and he's just like next week's gonna be so great meeting your family's just tunnel vision on katie has completely forgotten about the other woman that he had this very special night with and all we see is cutting back to the girl girl number two who's furious pissed off and is staring at both of them like all right i'm just a third wheel here he's already moved past her he's over it he's like focused on katie and it made me think of getting to this coming now why anya you synthesized this pretty well last night i was um texting with you about it because you were filling me in why do you think he wasn't and it's not just about that

he slept with her and he's bored with someone he slept with already and he's already conquered it what is it about a guy sleeping with someone who isn't um their actual boyfriend that makes this. Why do you think he liked her less? I think he didn't earn her. He didn't earn it, really. It was too easy to come by. He was still dating three women when she said, fine, I'll give you the one thing

that is supposed to be sacred. And I know some women are like, it's not sacred. I love sex. I want to give it. Men look at it as a sacred thing. They want earn it and as much as they beg for it and convince themselves that they want it whenever they can get it they really want it when they've earned it and they will only really stick around afterwards if they feel like they've earned it and you're

right he didn't feel like he earned it because she he didn't he was dating three women still and they i'm sure they did make an adult decision together and i'm sure the moment was great but the problem is it wasn't an exclusive relationship yet and the problem is women more than men have this oxytocin thing that happens where even though we feel amazing in the moment and the sex was great and everything if you break up with us after and choose someone else it is heartbreaking it is heartbreaking like it is hard to get over that because we're already bonded somewhat we don't just shake it off you know what i mean do you think he's still into this number three girl because she um she's still like he hasn't gotten everything that he wants from her yet and he really has gotten i mean sex is kind of like it's done with the i actually don't and maybe that's a controversial point but i actually think

he like he's always liked her a little i think they have a deeper connection and like a more lasting connection and she's a little less of a wild card than girl number two girl number two has some like problems you know so you're a little worried about her yeah like because you don't think it's gonna go towards her she's great but they just don't have the solid like chances she wins chances she wins percentage wise the girl number two to me low low percentage right percent okay okay so it still could happen not likely just my opinion yeah do you think if she didn't sleep with him that he would have uh been less like do you think that was a factor do you really believe that that of him being more focused on number three i think it's a factor yeah but i think that

ultimately the connection is better with the third girl i just think that they shouldn't have had sex because the girl's going to be heartbroken when he doesn't pick her. Yes, so much more than if she didn't. I read all the time in dating advice on Reddit of girls saying, I slept with this guy. We'd been dating five weeks. I finally slept with him and I haven't heard from him.

He went away for a week and he said he'd call me when he got back to town and I haven't heard from him since. And I slept with him the night before he left. Why haven't I? And it's always like, I want to just back to town and I haven't heard from him since. And I slept with him the night before he left. Why haven't I? And it's always like, I want to just get in there and go read Getting To I Do, read Getting To I Do, read like, and it's the worst name for a book, but it just, sleeping with guys too soon before commitment is always a bad idea. It just is.

Also, the thing Jake said, if that is his name, was a red flag. He goes, it was very important to our relationship to make that decision it was important to further our relationship and i don't think that's the reason she had sex like he thinks for them it was really good for them it got them farther along but i don't think that's the reason she had sex i've had sex with guys because i think that it's going to get us farther along. And that's the next step. It's like that's going to push our relationship. Once we've had sex now, he's going to almost feel more close to me. But to him, he's like, to Jake, I think it means it's getting a step closer to where Katie and I are.

Girl number three. Right. You know, like they're not that close. It'll build intimacy. And it doesn't. I don't think girl number two had any idea that of that. He was trying to get his, yeah.

Girls have sex early on and it comes from like insecurity and they think that it'll move the relationship further ahead. That's why I've done it. Me too. I've done it because I'm like, they, because we only know our own experience. And I know that when I have sex, I feel much with someone it does it does up my intimacy it does that for me but it does not work the same way with men Brian can you weigh in on this at all how touchy-feely can we be? So if you have sex, then afterwards, that removes a lot of the awkwardness.

But I will say, I've never had a one-night stand that I appreciated. The earlier, the worse, in my opinion. Yeah. Yeah. Can you explain why?

Yeah. Well, I think the first time you have sex with somebody, it's already horrible, no matter what. It's so awkward, no matter what. Yeah. No matter what. And I don't think that it makes it better. I've had sex with people and it's already horrible no matter what. It's so awkward no matter what. I mean, no matter what.

And I don't think that it makes it better. I've had sex with people and then I go on a date and we're like, we don't know when we can touch each other. I'm like, I was like, my mouth was inches from your asshole.

Why is it, why are we like picking at our food and being so awkward? Like this is, it doesn't necessarily make things that much easier. Alcohol does, but until that would enter my bloodstream it was still awkward you can't enter that state again like right out of

the gate um but yeah tell me a little bit more about why you think sex too soon is not great i mean i can't tell i can't speak for all men because i don't feel like i'm a typical okay well i think guys the truth is about bros. Speak for the West Coast men. Okay. Well, the West Coast men. Get into that mindset. The West Coast man is just flowing with it and he's like, you know, whatever happens,

happens, which I hate. The East Coast man is trying to conquer. So I think it depends on what coast the man's from. But I think like the earlier you do it, the more things that you can discover about the person that you don't like, honestly. Oh. Yes.

How so? Find the things you don't like. One time, during my year of dating, I slept with some woman early. And while we were undressing, she commented that my shoulders didn't have enough hair on them. She said, do you shave?

She's like, do you shave your shoulders? And I was like, no, but I did get famously with Tim Convey, I did get laser hair removal on my back and shoulders. And so there's less hair on my shoulders than my arms. And she was like, that's hysterical. And I was like, well, I definitely don't want to date you if the first time we're doing this, you're shaming your body, shaming me about my shoulder hair. And you know what that is?

That's just her feeling really insecure and needing to call out the thing. She's so worried you're going to do that to her. She's doing it to you before you can get to her. Yeah. I think that's what that is. And then she went, she dated some surf instructor. And I was like, there's no way he's got hair on his shoulders. No, they're hairless.

They're hairless. Yeah. Final thought. Okay. So wait, can we get to some fanthraxes is that what we have today yeah i do have some you want to listen okay let's do some fanthrax yeah okay that really got me today for some reason okay um let's hear what some besties have to say okay let's start off with a voicemail from Hadley. Hello, I'm listening to the most recent episode where you talked about the Reddit post of the people finding the crematory smoke in the daytime.

And it just made me think of my hometown. We had a funeral home that was across the street from a local high school. And the wait room was right across the street and they would open the window to work out and they would have to shut it in the morning because specifically in the morning, they would burn the bodies and the smoke would come out and it was really pungent and smelly. And so they would have to keep the window closed. That's been like a thing forever. The juicier part about the story is that the funeral home was recently shut down and condemned

because the owner was mishandling the bodies oh god there was a complaint of a smell like a block away they did an investigation um they found several like rotting bodies it's really disgusting and disrespectful and hard to talk about but um fetuses that had no connection to anyone and um they have also suspected necrophilia and he's going to trial and probably going to jail so you should look that up because it's a really interesting case um also makes me think about a twitter thread i saw today of morticians talking about how they don't like to hire men because they get caught fucking the bodies so we're never safe um okay cool bye no thank you hadley this is not surprising again male gynecologists like get men out of men are by and large more sexually uh erratic and motivated to do weird

stuff so if you want to have things not get fucked, don't hire men. No offense. I would never fuck a dead body. Of course you wouldn't. Most men wouldn't. Never. There are few women,

fewer women would be motivated to fuck a dead corpse than, I mean, I used to have a boyfriend that, you know, in college stuck his dick in like a peanut butter jar, like just to see what it was like. Men do weird stuff. They're motivated. Their hormones are going crazy.

And yeah, that's really disturbing. I have to maintain, though, that I wouldn't mind if someone tried to fuck me when I was dead. I would be almost I don't think it's a respectful thing. I'm horrified by that um that message but if you are a mortician out there cremator um and you come across my body you can fuck it um if i'm dead i don't care i don't think your parents would sign off on that well they don't get to i'm in charge of my dead body i get to say i this is in my living will and my dead one i don't care if you try to fuck me because i'm dead but i still don't think it's right to do does it matter what age you are when you die oh man that's that's an interesting one

noah wow okay um you are like this is almost dealing with the thing of pedophilia where they're like well if they make dummies of kids like is it okay for them i'm saying from this age and beyond oh um no if someone wants to fuck my old body when i'm like 90 and die like also fine they can fuck it at any time because i'm dead again if it's before the open casket i'd ask you to have a little respect for my head like let's like keep my head looking okay and not with like cum all over it like don't really fuck it up but the rest of my body go at it don't care um have fun he would wipe it off i mean he wouldn't just let you go out there covered he would wipe it off no but i feel like it would like dent my like it would

just like mush my skin like my face already is dead like i don't need like them like humping my face like it would just just don't don't do it to my face yeah okay if this is the least i can ask for and i have teeth still i I'm guessing, when I die. But that was a fascinating story. And it would be so weird to be working out and then all of a sudden your grandpa's ashes like fly in the room as you're like heaving and hoeing as you're trying to like do a lat pull or whatever.

Oh my God. Were you guys curious at all when she said i forgot the word not putrid but like uh punting about pungent like i wonder what it smells like um it smells like corpses oh really pungent it makes me think of like tangy and like like rotting pungent yeah yeah yeah i mean that's what they always say people that have smelled a dead body which i've never smelled a dead human body to my knowledge but people that have smelled it say it's the most unforgettable awful scent ever have you guys ever smelled a dead body yes i lived in a bird or a you have i lived i didn't know a dead human i lived in a house where uh a neighbor uh passed

away and the and we found out because of the smell. Oh. So you smelled it. Sometimes you die and you have no one and then you just sit there in your living room. Until someone smells it. Until someone smells it. Yeah. Yeah.

I was on the subway coming home from a Guns N' Roses concert. It wasn't really Guns N' Roses. It was just them reuniting in this new band. And there was a homeless man on the subway. And it's this sour chemical smell. The whole train smelled it. I'll never forget it.

Can you still smell it now? Yes. That's what they describe it as. I'm so grateful I have never smelled it again. Well, I hope you smell it soon for that guy who kills possums fuck that guy oh my god who's tortures possums i hope that guy that smell emits from his house soon i hope someone traps him and lets him just fucking die in a cage i hate that asshole so much literally i hope he dies um okay next uh fanthrax okay let's uh

sorry nikki noah and anya um i was just listening to the episode where nikki you were talking about how you used to go into chat rooms in like the late 90s and talk to those wolf people and kind of um make fun of them but it made me think about how when i was like 14 with my best friend sarah Sarah Jones we would go into those chat rooms and we were talking to this guy and his name was Ryan Sarge and we used to like send him pictures and we would pretend like it was our pussies but it was like our lips from our face and we'd hold our hair in front of our lips and then scan it on my dad's scanner in his office and then we'd send him those and pretend it was our pussy

and he was like you would need to shave and so we just stopped talking to him in chat rooms love you uh juicy pussy oh my god that's so funny i can just see these little girls like slamming their faces into a scanner like the dad's scanner lifting up that screen and like it's clanking on their head as they just like smush their faces that's so smart at home now i know what i'm doing with my afternoon yeah my god um that is so funny did you ever um go in chat rooms brian you're of the age how old are you again 37 uh? 35. And I have... Tell your face. I have... Two years makes a difference.

You know, I did actually get... I got Botox yesterday for my jaw. What? Really? Yeah, I got Botox. But you have a beard. I got Botox. It's not for wrinkles.

It's because I have excruciating pain in my jaw. Oh. And they injected me with Botox. Anxiety about dying. Yeah. Well, yeah, because I I clench my teeth at night thinking about all the horror of non-existing. I constantly... Because you sometimes wake up screaming.

This is... You do not want to sleep in the same bed with me. You're like the song Anti-Hero. I wake up screaming from dreaming one day I'll watch as I'm leaving. That is so funny. Okay, so you got Botox in your jaw. That's awesome.

Oh, yeah. Does it feel so much better? Well, you know, I think it takes a few days to like kick in. But I have to say the first day, this is the first morning and I do feel a little better. Yes. I feel a little better. That's cool. Yeah.

I just got Botox in my forehead because I- Your forehead is clenching? Yeah, I've been stressed about aging. She likes screaming at aging. That I've slept on my pillow the wrong way. Oh my God. It is exactly like that. That's exciting.

Okay, so let's listen to the- Oh yeah, I was going to ask you about chat rooms, but we'll talk about that another time. Let's go to another Fan Oh, yeah. I was going to ask you about chat rooms, but we'll talk about that another time. Let's go to another Fanthrax. Okay. Do you want sad advice or regular advice? Sad advice. Because I feel bad not saying sad advice.

That would encourage people to not tell me sad things. All right. And I want to be... Yeah. Let's do sad. Hello, Nikki, Noah, and probably Anya. Sorry in advance, my question's a bit of a sad one. I just wanted to pull the group on a money-ish question since that's kind of been one of the topics as of late.

When just thinking about how when Anya brought up yearly earnings versus what you would spend on a hotel room, for example. Yeah. My dog was diagnosed with cancer this week. So I'm just trying to wrap my head around what's an appropriate number? What is something that makes sense for a seven-year-old dog? He just seems so young. You know, we all expect to have a lot more time. That's not always the case.

Sorry, I'll say it again. He's seven years old. He's a bull mast of cross. He's about 135 pounds. He's got human eyes. I just want to hear what you ladies would do if you were in my shoes. I'm in Canada, so chemo costs are a little bit higher down here for us. Nice. I just want to hear what you ladies would do if you were in my shoes. I'm in Canada, so chemo costs are a little bit higher down here for us.

Anyways, hoping, sorry, he just snored. Hoping you guys can make this a little light and give some advice for me and anyone else who's been in my situation what you think we should do oh jacked up that bill jacked up pet bill um man i'm so sorry next one i'm just kidding um this next question no this sucks i, so sorry. What is her name again? It's anonymous. Okay. I'm so sorry about your dog of seven years. It's fucking terrible. My sister's dog just had to be put down last week because of probably cancer issues,

like just tumors and just too much complications. Also like a hundred and something pound dog. 12 years old though so a little bit more life behind it to justify like okay maybe it's time for it to to go so um i can't you know i wish i would know like how much you like you shouldn't go homeless saving your dog i don't think right like we have to that's i would financially but then there's always like go fund me's and you're like yeah maybe i could get people to donate enough and and do something like um try every avenue i i i i would measure how horrible it would be for your dog to go through this and what the outcome, how much life and what kind of what the quality of life would be for your dog. The nice thing about having animals, and I have to say that this, even though this is a sad thing,

you can euthanize them unless unlike humans where you just have to wait for them to choke on their own vomit and die or like just die of old age like you can put them out of their misery and give them like a nice send-off surrounded by like love and they kind of just go to sleep and it's painless and it's humane and that is like a cool thing that we get to do for our pets. So it's not as much as it is like a horrible thing, like, and that it is kind of your choice. And it feels like, oh, I'm choosing to kill my dog. Like you're choosing to, to not have it suffer as well as my thought. Like a lot of people think that because I'm vegan, I never want dogs to like be put down or like cats and stuff and I'm actually a big

advocate for putting animals down when they're suffering or when they have to spend their lives in a small cage I think they should I think in a lot of ways it'd be better to just put them down because it's just the worst life to be lonely in a cage um so I just would weigh the suffering and in terms of money I mean what do you what do you what are your guys's thoughts i think that definitely how much money she makes factors in but i will say this there is an option between putting the dog down and chemotherapy and that is just letting nature take its course i i was visiting a farm one time and they had this dog who had cancer for like four or five years. And there was a tumor growing on its back that was literally the size of like a couch cushion.

It was like the size of it. It was like we'd see this thing and be like, is that a, did you need to do something about that? And the farmer was like, just letting it go and uh the dog was perfectly happy it had a tumor the size of a couch cushion but it was running around it was eating its food it was still you know and like that was like four or five years and riding it to school we're fluffing it but yeah and people were finding coins underneath it i'm with brian my friend just went through this with uh her dog and um you know they did what they could and this is a very wealthy friend but ultimately the dog just basically you know was living with cancer for a few years

and they gave it a good send-off and had the vet come to the house and euthanize it. Almost $15,000 to have that private person come to the house. No, it's not that much. It's not that much. But I would also, yeah, like Nikki said, how much is this chemotherapy? How much is this in relation to what you make? Do not feel badly if you have to make the choice

to euthanize the dog but also it's two months salary oh wait that's a wedding ring talk to the vet about how how the dog's life would be if it could just live with this for yeah yeah there's no guarantee just because you're diagnosed with cancer does not mean you're going to die in you know two months that dog could live for five years when i i start i remember not that long ago like i just started my world opened up maybe on instagram or something to people who just live with cancer and they're just like i have cancer for 20 years now i'm like wait what like you can i mean i don't know anything about cancer so i should just shut the fuck up but um

yeah i think that's an interesting option of just like letting nature take its course until life is so miserable for your dog and then doing what's necessary to like uh ease its pain and and send it off to the next realm that it will um experience if or you can get your dog to do dmt now and you guys can do it together and you can both accept that it's um you'll be together in some other realm um noah as someone who had a dog that died of cancer right cancer yeah yeah what are your thoughts so um i think i'm like in between brian and anya definitely talk to the vet see what the dog's quality of life is and also what your quality of life will be like for example with my dog bruno the tumor grew in a way where I would have to get him over to the hospital and they'd put a catheter to empty his bladder. So that was not like a thing I was going

to do to keep my dog alive for another five years. Also, I want to say that I was very lucky because because the the doctor that um in the emergency hospital verg in brooklyn he um runs uh like a pet rescue charity for people who can't afford um medical expenses or um rescuing um animals that don't have homes and stuff like that and providing them with medical treatment and when i like i so i i would drive my dog bruno like an hour and a half out of the city just to save money on the vet then have like being in new york city and when i was like oh you know can i just like wait one more day before you put the catheter the the catheter in and take him to his regular vet so i think he like you know he knew that i was concerned about the bills so um he was just like don't worry about it and he like entered me as a candidate into this pet rescue mission um thing

like totally unbeknownst to me because he knew what was going to happen and he didn't want that stress on me it was like very very kind um and then in return i started a go fund me for bruno and i i i paid the money back for for someone else to have the same um experience that i had so there are organizations out there that you can reach out to and they're very like sympathetic and kind and you know just like weigh it all together but also i think a very important thing is to take into consideration the, the costs of, um, euthanizing your dog,

which is a very hard thing to look at. And also what you're going to do with the body and how much that costs. Oh, right. I mean, is it a lot? And it's 130 pounds. Can you have someone fuck your dog?

Is that going to that a discount yeah for a discount that should be an option that should be an option you should be able to check that off before you die for a discount you let the mortician you know honestly wait a second that sucks that it's expensive. So is it free if you're like, just throw them in the dumpster? Is it free? Well, I buried Bruno in someone's backyard. So that was free for me. Okay, so that was free. Yes. Okay, that's good.

Was that hard to dig? Oh my God. Well, yes. Digging into the ground is so hard. I mean, Jeffrey Dahmer, there's multiple stories of him trying to exhume bodies to fuck them. And he would always get tired because he's like, it's so much deeper than you think.

And the ground is so cold and wet and hard. And that's always what I remember. It's like digging a grave is a lot harder than people think it is. Most people give up. And that's why bodies are found after light flooding is because people don't dig them deep enough. That's why it has to be six feet. know it's hard to get down that far did you ever hear that that norm mcdonald bit about what he would do uh it's on his last album where he's like i would go into the woods and i would dig a very very very deep grave do you ever hear that bit no no what

is it well that's the bit. I mean, I don't want to, I can't do it justice. But like, when Norm MacDonald says it, it's funny. But yeah. I have to say that

there was a friend of mine who had a problem with their animal and they were like, do I, do I, what do I do? Like, I have this animal

that is like bites everyone and it's like causing my life so much turmoil. Do I like take a risk and fly out to go get it and think it's not going to bite my life and fuck it up? And I was like, you should just put it down. I keep suggesting people put down their animals this week. And I swear to God, I fucking love animals. But like, why am I the only one who ever thinks that it's a good idea

to just like put things, but I'm also, you know, slightly suicidal and have those ideations where I'm like, I think death is a sweet release. So I'm always kind of like, I think that's a better option. So I don't want people to misconstrue me telling this girl to put her dog down as like, I'm being heartless and like careless. i'm actually just coming at it from a perspective of someone who like i hope someone puts me down like i hope there's the option for euthanization when i get to the point where i'm in so much pain instead of just waiting for it to because i because people are too scared to like see me die they just have to watch me die from natural causes so that was my point there but it is hilarious to me that this week

on the girls chat, I gave advice for someone to put down their cat and no one co-signed on it. Everyone was like, I think there's a different perspective here. And I was the first to be like,

oh, me, me, me. Put your cat down. I was like, I'll go with you to do it. Not because I'm like excited for this cat to die, but I'm just like, I just don't see another option.

I just don't. But obviously, there's many other options so thank you for your sad um fanthrax it didn't turn out to be very funny because we were able to make some jokes but i am really really sorry for what you're going through and it makes me just yeah animal suffering is just too much to comprehend and you got to make jokes so thank you for the disturbing dark fanthraxes today, guys. Good job. Keep them coming. We will get to them at some point. I am on tour again this weekend. If you were in Spokane, Washington or Eugene, Oregon, in those areas, I will be there

this weekend. And then the weekend after that, I think I'm oh, I'm in Palm Springs on a girls trip. And then the weekend after that, I'm going to be in Las Vegas. Are there any other dates that I can plug on you that you know of? It's not till April 14th in Bethlehem, PA. And then April 15th in Hampton, New Hampshire. Yes. And then Tucson, Arizona. And then Tucson, Arizona.

April 27th. I'm going to see Taylor Swift on April 2nd. That's a big deal. I also watched the Kennedy Center Awards this Sunday for the Mark Twain Prize for Adam Sandler. That'll be on CNN

on Sunday night. Watch the iHeart Music Radio Awards on Monday night. I will be a special presenter on those awards. So I think that's on Fox. You can watch that. Exciting.

And Brian, do you have a podcast right now that we can promote? No, I don't have a podcast. Okay, well, just follow Brian Frangie on Instagram, Brian Frangie. Support Anya Marina, as always. Come see me on tour. And yeah, yeah, don't be cool and just put your dog down. Easy answer.

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