The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #332 You Don't Know Grace! w/ Greg Warren

Episode Date: April 13, 2023

Nikki is joined by her longtime friend comedian Greg Warren in studio as he is about to release his new comedy special The Salesman (Directed by Nate Bargatze, out 4/21). They talk a lot of standup, getting haunted by regret and getting "dry" after a special. Nikki reminds Greg of some jokes he hasn't done on stage and guesses what Brian forgot to tell everyone about his first concert. She is also on a quest to return the Airpods she found in a hotel bathroom. Nikki shares an important lesson she learned about disassociation in therapy. Anya shares that she doesn't want to play other people's idea of her music. They all agree that no good can come out of reading comments on Youtube and Instagram..unless it is "pretty good" on Brian's Youtube page. ----- Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Get Pod Merch: Podshop.NikkiGlaser.com Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Anya's Patreon: patreon.com/anyamarina Brian Frange: brianfrange.com More Nikki: IG More Anya: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IGSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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The Nikki Glaser Podcast. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh The Nikki Glaser Podcast Here's Nikki! Hello! Here I am. Welcome to the show. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. It's Thursday when you're listening to this. I didn't say this yesterday upon our coming back from break, but our podcast will be out now Wednesday and Thursday. Just so you know, we'll be taping them the day before, but this is so that we can kind of sync up the audio release with the video

release on YouTube. A little bit, a little bit closer, seem closer, not perfectly close, but yeah. It'll give us time to edit out all the slurs that we say throughout the show and all the rants I go on about Crystalia or whatever.

Oh wait, we didn't take that one out. And there are separate YouTube compilations about it online now. Welcome to the show. It's a great day today. I'm surrounded by friends, both afar and near. It's Brian Frangie's here. He's the new permanent sidekick. What's up, Brian?

Yeah. Can I just say that i thought of something funny uh that i should have said yesterday during my creed story yes because i felt it was lacking about 10 percent funniness i all day i go you know what there was something missing what was it i lost sleep over it uh okay so that sucks brian i'm sorry i did too so g Greg's here he hasn't heard the story so Greg Warren is here wait hold on let's just bring Greg in really quick let me just say okay Brian Frangie's here Anya Marine is here in New York

Noah's here in Arizona and then with me in studio is Greg Warren one of my dear friends from I mean since 2003 I think is when I met you 2003 he is one of the best comedians in the game. Has been, even since 2003,

you were just one of the ones we all looked up to and still look up to. Just one of the best comics going, and if you've never heard of him, what a treat for you that you get to experience him for the first time with his new special called The Salesman, which is out April 21st. That is next Friday, correct? Yeah. On YouTube.

You can watch it for free. Directed by... Nate Bargatze. Nate Bargatze, hand-selected Greg Warren because Nate, you probably know who Nate is. He's blowing up, you know, and one of the best comics out there as well. And if you give, you know,

Nate gets, Nate is choosing now to produce and direct specials of his hero, of people that he's looked up to and thinks that more people need to have eyes on. And he selected Greg Warren, which, I mean, we've all known forever that Greg. Greg is like the, Brian, you know this too, like as a Midwest comic that kind of came up in Bloomington, Illinois, like Greg Warren is a force. Greg Warren is one of the nicest, maybe the nicest.

There's a couple in the top three. No, he could be a dick. He's never been a dick to me. He's generous. He's generous. He is a, he's like a Yoda. And then I've never seen,

I don't know that reference entirely, but he's guided so many comedians that you know and love through the process of being a comedian. And we'll get into, Greg, do you want to talk? Sorry, I just keep saying things about you. I promise. Yeah, it's going to be a big letdown

after this. I've had about six meals with Greg in my lifetime, and I have never paid for one of them. That is so true. I was just telling Greg, prior to the show, we'll get to Brian Franti's Creed bonus content after.

That guy lost sleep over it. I felt like I was going to war today. I couldn't sleep at all. I had dreams about it. He's going to lose even more sleep because he heard that Nikki also lost sleep over the Creed story. No, I was disappointed in my own

not like pulling more out of the Creed story because I know that there was so much there and I felt I had let the show down as a host. It was it was nothing to do with you, Brian. Honestly, you brought a great story with tons of fodder to be had. And I just did not dig enough. I don't know if this had to do with the Creed story, but I did shout in my sleep last night. Allie, who doesn't sleep in the same bed, heard it through the wall.

That you woke up screaming? I screamed again. Because they sleep in separate bedrooms, by the way, Greg. Oh, really? Yes. Oh, wow. Brian Frangie and his betrothed.

Beautiful. Yeah. Nice, too. Nice. Oh, you had smart. What do you want to, any other adjectives that don't have to do with the fact that she is a stunner?

Yeah, she's just hot. I don't care. She's so hot. She's so hot. She's like, she was hot. She's just hot. I don't care. She's so hot. She's so hot. She's gorgeous, and she radiates warmth and understanding and kindness. I want to get her pregnant. I'm like, this woman should be a mother. She's just lovely.

I really love Allie so much. But okay, we'll get to Creed in a second. I just want to say, Greg Warren has bought me. He spent thousands of dollars on me. Thousands, Greg. And other people, too. I mean, you extend this to everyone in your friend space because we were just talking on the way here.

He met me at Starbucks where they were running behind, so then we went to Calde's, which was a couple blocks away. And we were walking, and I was talking about how I spend $8.60 on a coffee twice a day. And how it's like, that is so much money. How do people who don't have money justify getting a fun beverage for themselves? The whole time you would just sip it and have guilt. And then I remembered I used to feel that way all the time when I would get a Starbucks Misto back in the day when I was broke. And I said, I remember I couldn't even enjoy it

because I was just guilty that I spent $3. Back then it was $3 in my day. It's crazy. I do remember you when you were broke. And that's what you said. I totally remember that time. I remember you too because I needed you. The only way I could get a warm meal.

We did these kind of silly sketches for Sirius Radio. Oh, yeah. And they played a bunch of them, and Nikki was in a bunch, and we would get money for it. You still send me money from those. I do, but like- Greg does not need to.

I would never expect that, but I get a check for 840 bucks once every two years from that. It's your money, but I mean, we divvied up the royalties, and like, you don't need it now, but I remember you were like, those checks, like like when you were broke

you needed those you were so generous and it wasn't generous it was everybody's money you continue to be that way you're oh anytime i'm going to meet you for anything you always get my starbucks you always um you're just you're just a generous person can i ask you if you were walking out of a bathroom stall in a public restroom and i guess you guys don't really use stalls but let's say you were using one. And you walked out and on the floor were two loose AirPods. Brand new AirPods, not in the case, but loose. And you're in a hotel lobby, a busy hotel lobby,

but the bathroom is completely, you walked in, there was no one in there and you didn't see the AirPods on the ground. Maybe they just fell from the sky out of nowhere. But on the way out, you see them and you look for the case and there's no one, there's no one in the bathroom. There was no one when you came in what would you do um i think i'd probably take

them to the whatever you take them to the front desk front desk or god i mean honestly okay now i would leave them there because like whoever lost him is probably going to come back right and i stopped picking stuff up when the pandemic that was like my oh you're a germ person okay let's say there's no germs in this world in the world that I'm living in it's a thing that you would like to have that you have a case for at home

that could charge these and they could be yours no you can't do that well I stole some no they can tell they can track them I know Grace is tracking me

they're gonna get you I get an alert on my phone that says the owner of these so they are on my kitchen counter and they are dead because I don't want Grace coming to get me Grace is 874 miles away can I just phone that says the owner of these. So they are on my kitchen counter and they are dead. Because I don't want Grace coming to get me. Grace is 874 miles away.

Can I just say Grace is the name of someone that will not murder you over some AirPods. Grace, she's not going to murder you. She's going to prosecute you, though. Oh, shit. With Grace. Don't underestimate Grace. Like, she's tenacious. But I think she'll grant me her name, you know, and say, you know what? You were just in a bad headspace that day.

You were vindictive about something that maybe had been taken from you figuratively or literally. I don't know. But I will say that I'm feeling massive guilt over me stealing. Because Chris, right away, I said this on the podcast yesterday. Chris, I go, I just got some AirPods. They're on the floor. And he goes, take them to the front desk. And I go, no.

I lose AirPods. I'm giving the world you AirPods. No one's ever returned him to the front desk and i go no i deserve i lose airpods i just i've given the world you airpods no one's ever returned them to the front desk for me actually they have i'm a very lucky person and things always work out for me and i always get things back that i lose because that it does happen that way so i should i i am set to lose something important to me soon can i ask are these the airpods that are responsible for the first eight seconds of... No, no, no, no, no. So my AirPods now... I have like four pairs of AirPods because I lose them a lot.

So it makes sense that you would steal Grace's. Yeah, because I go, let's just add it to the... Well, because mine are starting to fail. They start to get too much earwax in them. Anyway, so... Well, that's just interesting because you are a good person. i always think that you make the good decision you're you're good man i don't know i hope so but i'm also thinking like let's say i wasn't okay the main thing that everybody knows about airpods is they're trackable like why don't you if if they were if there was

like one of those ankle bracelets that people that are parolees have to wear was laying on the floor would you pick that up too no because they know where it's going the new tracking device for people on parole is they just give them a pair of airpods you're not gonna dump those anywhere they're freaking airpods they're amazing and even though you're confessing you're confessing on the podcast so if she hears at least you're coming clean but even if you weren't she'd be able to track you by your tour schedule she'd be like the airpods are now in greece now they're in the netherlands and then she'd be able to look it up and cross check oh that's such a good point yeah well that would that would take a lot of

well i'm going to do something really good for the world because i took these airpods from grace who probably already left the premises was never going to come back for them anyway. And I, you know, they would have just sat at the front desk forever and someone at the front desk would have stolen them. But I got to put some good out in the world. Okay. So, but yeah, Greg, you always used to, you always would buy me dinner and stuff. You're just a generous person. But, and just, yeah,reg was greg and i have

been friends longer than any of us have been longer than i've been friends with any of you guys so greg's the best so you guys can like suck it and um yeah i was a baby comic starting up and just very much looked up to greg and he taught me you taught we were just talking in the i don't at caldeas about like you taught me many rules that i don't follow but like that were that i you know that you god you have a system you could teach a comedy class and i know that seems like an insult but you do you you give people you give comics hope but you also dash their dreams yeah at times as well yeah i i if they're i'm not religious but if there's some sort of hell it's gonna be like me sitting in a room just watching me blabber on about advice to young comedy just watching footage and nikki i'll tell

you you need to be more clean that's the thing that's important you're not gonna make a billion dollars if you know well nikki you're not going to make a billion dollars. No, well. You're not wrong. You just told me that one of our friends can do 25 minutes clean. And there was like this burning sensation in the back of my skull of jealousy. And like, I need to be more clean. No, you do not. Well, I just want to challenge myself.

I just want to prove that. I mean, I have done it. I've done four tonight shows. You can do whatever you put your mind to. Well, that's very nice. I know. And I've said this a million times. Like, the thing that bothers me is that, like, Nikki can act.

We used to do these dumb sketches, and they haven't cast or anything huge yet in an acting role, which you may not even want to do it because it's such a pain. And it's all those auditions. You've got to live in L.A. all the time. That's nice. Nikki can act. Thank you for saying that. She can act. I learned that I can act recently because I was pretending to do something.

What was the circumstance? I was totally joking about something, but someone believed me so much that knows me really well. And I was like, I'm just a really good actress because someone that, you know, but I have to be comfortable to act. Like that's the, I can't just break it out of nowhere. I'm not like a, man, I was watching, do you watch Succession? I watched, I just got uncomfortable with it. Really? They just do such horrible things.

See, you're a good person. You can't take it. No, that's OCD. That's not a good person. That's just like it. No, that's OCD. You can't even watch other people. That's not a good person. That's just like a weird- OCD? What do you mean? Like that means that you will do something bad then if you watch too much of it or it's

like you're- Well, I don't think I'm going to drive some dead body into the- When they did that. Oh, when that happened. Did you watch like- So the end of season one. Did you watch Game of Thrones? Did you watch-

I had to shut him out. Did you watch- Yeah, but for some reason Game of Thrones- Fantasy. It was fantasy. It was a little less real and a lot of sex. But tell me about OCD relating to this. I just, I have like, I know.

Well, I know. I know I have like OCD with guilt stuff. Yes. And there's something just when I'm around bad things, it just for some reason bothers me that like, well, that person's capable of doing that. How do you do stand-up comedy? How are you aroundians i don't know well i mean i'm not saying i'm a great person no you are just no i'm not like i i just yeah i don't know there's something about

those things and that's the trend in all this tv now is like it's just horrible people doing horrible things to other people and there's no redeeming like Ozark. I watched it for like, I don't know, a couple seasons. On the last one, I was like, no. It's great acting. All this is great but I'm not watching it anymore. I can't do it. That's interesting. I've never heard... You have a point.

TV didn't used to be like this. It used to be like, two people live with a guy and it's crazy. Oh, that's a good show. I love that. Greg loved that show. That's such a good show. He auditioned for that a lot.

Two people with a guy. This is why, I think this is the number one reason, not the number one, number four reason why Ted Lasso was so successful, because everybody on that show is good. I hate Ted Lasso.

You hate it? Oh, no. What? I'm so annoyed by his character. I know I'm the only person. I hate Ted Lasso You hate it? Oh no, what? I'm so annoyed by his character I know I'm the only person He is so corny And I know it's supposed to be that way And it's like a feel good show So it feels like we're making a TV show

Like I can't get swept up in the reality of it And what's the name of the show? I Love Your Tits I can't wait to see your tits. I love you. You're my best friend. I just want your tits. I'm trying to talk like this.

That's always a little baby who's just like this all the time. I'm wasting away this season. Listen, one of my good friends produces the show. I'm obsessed with Ted Lasso.

I have been since it came out during the pandemic when we all really needed something feel good like that. I mean, it just hit everything. And then I thought second season was just as enjoyable.

I mean, I've loved it. And then I've only seen the first two episodes of the third season. But I will say that Ted, to me, I'm not as invested in his character as I am in all the other characters. Because Ted, to me, seems like this sexless. The sexless part of it is what gets on my nerves. Like I know that he had sex with that one girl. Sassy. Sassy, yes.

Who was so cute. Oh my God. She's so your type. Oh my God. You would love a Sassy. Oh my God. I could have predicted that. That's amazing.

I like Sassy. Yeah. So if Sassy's out there, Sassy and Grace, we have information for you. Grace is coming. Don't worry. She's on her way. She's going to burst in here.

I want to say, I think that show's awesome. And Mark Gross, my buddy who's a writer, told me, it's not such an accident that that show is as good as it is because their writing staff is like- It's insane. 20 showrunners. It's like all these guys are like the guys and girls and people, like the best writers in Hollywood

are all on that show. Yeah. But why is Ted, I don't hate the show, Ted Lasso, the character, is a sociopath. We could clip it.

Let's drop in on you saying I hate Ted Lasso right now. No, you hate the character. I want Ted to go to, I love the therapy episodes. I want to hear more about the suicidal dad or whatever it was.

I want more edge. Ted, what is with your mustache? Talk to us. Where's the darkness? And I agree. I just want to, yes,

I want to see him get in some kind of relationship. It just feels, he's, he's. I tried. Last episode.

He's, he did? I tried to, tried to get in a relationship with Sassy. Kind of, yeah. I guess what I really wanted and that I was so disappointed of, and I've already talked about this,

was Rebecca's character, the older woman, getting with the young soccer player guy. Ooh, I liked that. Is it back on? Ooh, I can't wait to catch up. Okay, good. Something might happen. But but yeah speaking of acting succession i watched um uh jeremy strong who played the um kendall i watched his like things of things i can't live without anya you said you watched it and i didn't want to watch

it because i just don't like separating jeremy Kendall. I want Kendall to be Kendall. I'm like so obsessed with that character. Turns out there is no separating the two. They are. Oh, really? It's the same person. And it's so good. You guys got to watch this Esquire YouTube video

of Jeremy Strong talking about his favorite things because generally people do this, you know, 10 favorite things or whatever, things I can't live without. And it's like face creams and like hair gel or like a pair of shoes. And he has just like knickknacks that he's taken from every, you know, set he's,

or every movie he's done. Like almost like a serial killer. Like he just keeps little trinkets. He's got Grace's iPod. That would be in mine. He is like, I did an exclusive play in the East Village and I have a golden thread from one of my jackets from the cast. I was just like, what?

Yes. He's so cool. He's so intense and fascinating. Okay, when we get back, we are going to hear what Brian left out of the story yesterday when he told us he went to his first concert, and it was a Creed show at Jones Beach, and he went there to meet a crush that then didn't show up. And not only did his crush not show up, but he had to watch Creed. So I hope that wasn't the joke he was there to meet a crush that then didn't show up. Not only did his crush not show up, but he had to watch Creed. So I hope that wasn't

the joke he was going to make, but we're going to hear it when we get back. Oh no, was it? We'll be right back. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast which means he's also back in our ears on the Daily Show Ears Edition podcast.

The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, we're back. Before we get to Creed and Brian's rest of his story, I just want to say this weekend, I will be in Pennsylvania,

Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, where Jesus was born. And why do I Hampton, New Hampshire? Why don't I ever remember that? Because it's never, it's a city I've never heard of before until it showed up on my tour

schedule. And it's a city where a casino is in. So those are often cities that, you know, you never heard of before, but Hampton, New Hampshire, two shows that night, Bethlehem pennsylvania uh tickets still available for that one um new hampshire the first show is sold out second one uh come on out and then next

week um i'm off the week after next week next week i'm going to taylor swift in houston and i'm doing family feud with my parents and $100,000 Pyramid. So that'll be fun. Look for those. And then the week after that, I will be in Tucson. Noah will be there, not on stage, but back in the wings, which is very exciting because she lives in Tucson.

And tickets still available to that. And then after that, I will be in Vegas with David Spade at the Venetian. Tickets are going fast for that, but there are still some available and that is our opening weekend for our Vegas residency. And it's going fast for that, but there are still some available and that is our opening weekend for our Vegas residency

and it's very exciting for you to be there for that or to choose any of the dates that we're going to be there. There's four different opportunities to see me and Spade there and it's going to be such a fun show and I can't wait for all of them.

So I hope you guys come out and then Europe and I'm going to Europe and I just have to say any of the European besties, we do not have meet and greets and I'm sorry. Maybe there'll be some kind of way that I can do like a meetup with you guys after the show at some kind of I don't know I'm gonna try to make it happen but if you can't meet me please don't hate me it's not my fault it's venues it's like it's just logistics

um it's not because I think I'm better than you or I'm just uh keeping myself away from you I'm not Taylor Swifting yet not that she thinks she is better it's just like i just it's not legit tanya can you explain it why can't we blame the eu okay yes so just blame the eu anyway let's get to brian's um the rest of brian's under pressure that was it really that was the thing no way i mean i was thinking because i was i told the same story to Allie afterwards and I was like I told the story and then I just said it in the story and I was like I should have said that I yeah I my crush didn't show up and then as a reward I had to watch Creed. That's so funny I did the joke. Yeah that was the joke you did it. That's okay man.

That's why you know that's why you're nikki that's why you're no no no this brings up i'm glad that you brought this up i'm glad that i did your joke because not only we don't really care about what your creed joke was what this is interesting this is why this is interesting to me you were up all night regretting a tiny thing that you missed out doing not up all night but you woke up you know screaming uh with a devil on your chest or whatever was happening to you in your bed alone. Because of this regret. I mean, how relatable is that where you do some kind of appearance or something and you have this one thing that either shows up later or was there before

and you knew you were going to do it and it just, you forget. And it's the best thing that you could have done. And it's the thing that would have changed the course of your life. Yeah, yeah. You know? and i think that's so relatable and luckily you know this is a podcast you can jump on the next day and say hey i want to do this but a lot of times you can't there was one time i mean obviously you can't i mean no i mean you tried i really appreciate you i really appreciate you taking this with arms wide open to uh oh baby oh he's back he's back baby yeah so the one time it happened to me was during the roast of it was the last one i did it was alec baldwin and um so i had i had already done my set and i was conf it was it went well there was a

couple there was a couple jokes i forgot i've talked about this a lot where i forgot to do two jokes, which ended up being, see, this is the thing. The whole time I'm sitting there and I realize, you know, when I'm backstage copying and pasting, like I'm in my trailer. It's last minute. They're giving me extra jokes at the end that other people are too scared to use. So I'm editing my set. And, you know, something would happen where I would copy a bunch of text and then I would press, you know, Apple X to cut it, which means it's copied, but you got to place it somewhere or it gets lost in the world. Wow, because they're already cut. Yes, I would cut it.

And then I would, someone would go, hey, do you want a coffee? They'd come to my trailer. Do you want a coffee? And I'd be like, yeah, actually, can I get it? And then I go back to it, and it's gone, and it's not been pasted, and I'm back to it and it's gone and it's not been pasted and I'm back to, and then, so, but then that one goes to prompter. And then I do my set and afterwards I'm like, oh, someone does like a similar type joke.

And you can, I mean, I'm sure there's footage of my face just going like, oh God, like I forgot this joke. Cause there was this one joke I did about Caitlyn Jenner, which I feel more good, more good, gooder. I think the word's gooder about doing it now because she's like now, like, you know, she's anti-trans now, even though she's like, I don't even fucking understand what's going on with Caitlyn Jenner. Chris last night told me it's

all about getting attention. Like whatever you can say to just keep getting attention is good. Like what these not trans people, but what you know celebrities so yes so pretty much celebrities narcissists do so anyway the joke was um oh it was and i'd done it on stern but it was like alec baldwin alec baldwin has a podcast called here's the thing which is also how he introduced caitlin jenner to me backstage. Oh my God. Which really made me laugh. It's so inappropriate. I'm very,

and it's not even an anti-trans joke. It's just like, what is going on with you? So it could have been when, when he, when she was Bruce, you know, you could have said that. So it was,

so I, I, but I don't regret doing that because it, it does strike me as pretty anti-trans and I, it could have been like a world of issues for me. And then I got to do it on the Howard Stern show as like jokes that I didn't do that were too. So it ends up being good. But the one that I regret so much was at one point Jeff Ross is doing his set. And he's done a bunch of jokes about me already that of like either I'm not attractive or not.

Whatever it was. And it's it's you know that's just the rules of the game and so i'm like haha so it's perfect because he's already insulted me and then he kind of gets parched at one point and he has no water up there so he i'm the closest thing so he reaches down and takes my water and takes a sip and then he places back down and just three seconds too fast i thought of the idea to just pour it out behind me. I'm just like, he touched it and to just go like,

like, which would have been so funny, but I waited. It was just three seconds too long. It would have been missed. So then I'm kicking myself about that. There are just those moments where you go, that could have been the defining thing of my career.

Or just in like, you just have those moments with people and arguments or like what you should have said to someone to keep to so they wouldn't break up with i don't even know like do you are you haunted by regret i mean smaller mostly just like yeah but it's tiny dumb stuff i mean i just got creed stuff i just yeah. I just, yeah, that, yeah. That kind of thing. Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, I didn't do anything horrible like steal somebody's AirPods. Like I just got done editing a special and there's just these,

there's this moment, it's this joke and it's the smallest thing. And I know it's not gonna matter, but to me, I'm like, what were you thinking? Wait, what was, can you tell us what it was? Because just to show how idiosyncratic it is. So the thing is about, so it was, I used to sell Pringles. Yes.

And back in, like when they came out, the government got involved. Be clear about what you mean when you said sell Pringles. It wasn't like on the sidewalk outside of baseball games or something. Not door to door. No, I wasn't a Girl Scout. No, Nikki. I was big accounts, grocery chains. You worked for Procter & Gamble and you would sell Pringles to grocery stores.

Yeah, yeah. It's funny that you say that. In mass. Because I remember when I first got that job, I was talking to this girl in the bar. It was when I was just still in college or right after. I was like, yeah, I just got a pretty big job. I'm selling Pringles. She's like, door to door?

It's so funny when you get so used to what you do for a living that you kind of say it in a way that does not convey what it actually is. So you worked for Procter & Gamble, which is an interesting facet of Greg's career. He didn't just have a day job like walking dogs or working in a cafe. You're an executive, like a sales exec. Yeah, I was like mid-management. I was doing well. But Greg went to West Point. Greg is a state champion wrestler.

I mean, he's a hard worker. He's someone who achieves the limits of, he like pushes himself and he's just an achiever. And so, but you gave that all up to do comedy. Because you saw, you did that. You gave it all up. You gave up achieving. You gave up achieving that all up to do comedy. Because you saw, you did that. Yeah. You gave it all up. You gave up achieving.

You gave up achieving. So you could do comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He said, you know what? I want to stop reaching the highest levels of whatever I set out to do. And I'm going to do. I'm a much more comfortable person with mediocrity. There's no mediocre with the way Greg does comedy.

And you'll see that in The Salesman, April 21st on youtube make sure mark your calendars to check that out um okay so so tell us what you said the so the joke was like it was it's true and when they launched pringles they were doing well and then the government stepped in and they were like, hey, you're not made up of 100% potatoes. You're made up of corn and soy and wheat and potatoes, so you can't call yourselves potato chips. You have to call yourselves potato crisps. Got it. And the joke should say, I should say, and we did, and people were like, yeah, we still like them.

Yes, yes. And the government was like, you know, they're not made of 100% potatoes. And people were like, yeah, we still like them. Yes, yes. And the governor was like, you know, they're not made of 100% potatoes. And people were like, yeah, we kind of figured that when they were uniformly stacked on top of each other in the perfect shape of a horse saddle. You know those gummy orange slice candies? Not real oranges.

We figured that out too. But this is how small it is, because I forgot to say the thing. This is why I'm interested in this. Yeah, okay, so I said, and we did, and people are like, yeah, we still like him. You didn't say they didn't care. No, I said, I forgot to say, and we did. And we did, yeah.

And I go, and people are like, yeah, we still like him. I forgot to say, and we did, and it just makes the joke a little more specific. It still works. It makes it clearer. Yes. So that they understand the punchline a little bit more. Clarity is such, so important. Just crystallize.

That's one of the biggest problems, I think, when I watch stand-ups is I go, the joke you're telling is hilarious. And you're thinking that it's not funny enough because you're not getting the response. The audience doesn't understand. Yeah, they want to help. You're not holding their hand to the finish line.

You're kind of just going like, come on, come on. And they're kind of just, they're figuring it out. They get there. But you got to be, you got to be so crystal clear. And that's what leads to people sometimes over explaining things. Whereas, you know, and my biggest pet peeve is like, you guys know about this Tinder thing? Well, it's this thing where like, it's like everyone knows what tinder is shut up i know you have to fill 20 minutes and you're scared but we don't need to know like the one person who doesn't know tinder you don't need

that person's laugh everyone else is on board you're you you don't over explain no and i can early on you stop doing it yeah because i remember i mean not only you I just remember the one thing that really got through to me Chris Porter one time at an open mic in Stanford and Sons in Kansas City who was like kind of the Greg Warren of the comedy scene there of like everyone's scared of him he's had some success and uh and he was just the best comic yes so funny Chris Porter sweet guy too really yeah I want a good friend that helped me out a lot in the beginning as well but he I remember at the time we were not friends he was just this intimidating tall guy that would kind of just you know walk into the open mic and watch from the back he was like almost too funny to like go up

you know and so he called me to the back and he's like glazer and it was the first time i'd been summoned by chris porter and i walked back and he's like tell the joke and i was just like what he goes tell the joke and i couldn't understand what he was saying because i was just so like scared of him even talking to me but what he meant was shut stop rambling and i still do it i mean i i still i watch myself i just posted a clip today and it's full of likes and ums and it's like you shouldn't be liking and umming during a special glazer i over liked on this i'll just a special glazer i overliked on this i'll just say it right now i liked so much on this special it is an affectation it yeah luckily i don't think it was ruined the whole thing but you're not a woman so people aren't fine-tuned

to go uh to dismiss you no i i it became it was this affectation it was like part of the character that i was and i do have a little bit of an awkward character. I feel like you are very much, there is, I was just saying this to Greg, you know, I don't like standups who completely transform on stage unless they acknowledge it. Like I do a character,

Larry the Cable Guy. But when you're talking to someone at the comedy cellar at the table, and then they go downstairs and you go watch our set and they're doing a completely different voice and everything, and they don't acknowledge it. That's where I go, what's going on here? This isn't, I don't mind a character if we're all aware that this is a character.

But you, I think, are very true to, more so than ever, to who you are now. But yeah, you get amped up. You have, there has to be a little bit of a doctor. You're a little dopier. You're a little dopier on stage than you are in real life. Yes.

Yeah, thanks. Yeah. Thanks. Yeah. You play into, well, you've done a really good job, I think, because I've seen your progression. Even when I first met you, you were like the greatest. No, I wasn't. But now I realize you were just like a- Middling type of- Yeah, you were like a new headliner.

But to me, I had barely two minutes. So to me, it was extraordinary. But you were really good back then and your bits stand the test of time. But from even back then, I mean, Greg just did a Taylor Swift and re-recorded a lot of your bits from back in the day to release.

And they still hold up. Yeah, I mean, Chris, like- like my boyfriend yeah chris went down and filmed these things because i started i was never doing social media and i had a few clips yeah and i ran out of clips and i was like why these clips you can't even find so chris like smart went down and just he's like i'm like we can't produce a special but he was like yeah yeah let me figure it out so chris just shot this thing oh i remember when he told me, I can't hang out with you this week. I'm going to Arkansas to shoot Greg's stand-up clips from 2004. I go, oh, really? I think Flute Man is very accessible on YouTube. You could probably just pull it from there. Yeah, I know. You're so right.

No, Greg. Chris and I are such Greg fans. I mean, we quote your jokes to each other. Chris is the biggest Greg Warren fan. It's so sweet. But I want to just talk about, I like some of the stuff that you get into, you know, when you were first talking about,

you just have like vulnerable stuff. The one that sticks out to me, and during the pandemic, Greg and I would meet at Calde's coffee shop in kirkwood missouri constantly to like talk about bits and work on bits and i think it was there that you first told me about and i don't know if this ended up in your special i think it did where you're doing sit-ups in the park yeah it didn't go in and you just i just remember that i have that joke still you got to do it well you just to say what happened here i don't totally remember i'm gonna i'm gonna help you but i'll tell you but you just tell us it's so funny it was in astoria and i was in the park oh yeah that's

right and i was doing sit-ups in this group of like middle school girls rode by on their bikes and one of them started counting my sit-ups and she was doing it like not in a supportive way like she was like one you're fat two you're old three no matter how many sit-ups you do you're not gonna look as good as you did when you were 40 four you didn't even look that good

when you were 40 and then like and I don't remember all of it it was a song about me and M&M's in the Walgreen parking lot

yes I mean I'm always interested in like food stuff body stuff and like as a man when I see a grown man who by all

accounts seems just like you i mean you were a a wrestler and like you just are you're like an athletic like you're like a guy's guy into sports but then you hear you talk about like you know shoveling oreos into your face and like in the parking lot in a car makes me really happy because yeah that did happen so many people can relate, man. Like, and I don't think men really talk about like their like food problems or whatever. And like,

and there, and so, or like the set or even like you going on walks, like that was a real, when you started talking about, you know, exactly what I don't know what you're talking about. Do you have a problem with me walking?

It's a real sensitive thing to do. Craig used to have a bit about like, I just like, you know, I started walking. Like I have a walk now, like a walk that I do. And that's like a part of your life. When you get to a part of your life where you have a walk. No, my neighbor said, hey, are you going on your walk? I was like, my walk?

My walk? Like, no. And I'm not going to go watch my stories either. Yeah, that was so good. That, yeah, that, God, I'm so glad you reminded me of that. Because you know how you do a special, okay, and then you're like, you have to start over, and I am dry.

You don't. No, I'll remind you. I'm dying right now, and you just, I'm like, oh, no, I have this other thing that hasn't been out there yet. Now I have a little bit more material. I'm starting to feel dry as well with my material. I'm at this part of my special,

I talk about feeling dry in my stand-up, but I'm at this part of my stand-up where the jokes have been working. They're kind of like what they are, and I'm getting kind of bored with them. It's getting to this place of like, it's almost like in a relationship. Like the honeymoon period is over with my jokes of this new batch.

And I'm kind of just like, I need something new to come in. And I'm trying to like open my- It's why you're so successful. You're a thrill seeker. And you like- I want it to feel like every time I tell it, like, I don't know if this is gonna work.

Or like, let's push the bounds. And when it's, yeah, you're right. When it's safe, I'm kind of just like every time I tell it, I don't know if this is going to work or let's push the bounds. Yeah, you're right. When it's safe, I'm kind of just like, what's next? I'm excited to go on the road this weekend because I do have some new ideas that give me life, give me hope. One joke can breathe life into an hour set.

One joke can make you be like, oh, that was a good set. I did that thing did you guys see that line and i'm sure people like our friends my new line no i didn't see the thing man yeah did you see that thing where i did the thing where it was like yes well the one new line i have that i am obsessed with that i don't even want to share on this because it'll just ruin it because it's just one little joke it's maybe the best joke i've ever had and it's just a one-liner and fucking Chris wrote it

and I'm so annoyed and I'm like, and it's great. He wrote one in my special. Yeah, yeah. He has a joke. He's written stuff for me too. We were doing a show

and he was like, hey man, and you know how crazy, he's like, I don't, with this thing right there, I'm like. Oh, you had to listen to like 30 minutes of him going like

I know I'm not a comic and I would never even Pretend to be able to do what you do I have the utmost respect And the thing is you're so programmed For it to not be a good idea 90% of the time It's just a call back Even from comics I just go

Oh comics are the worst Hey man what if you said flute man again I'm like yeah man But Chrisute Man again? I'm like, yeah, man. Oh, God. Yeah, like, but Chris says this thing, and I'm like, yeah. Wait, wait, wait a minute. Wait, say that again?

Hold on, I'm going to write that down. This son of a bitch just wrote a really good joke. I can't even paraphrase what you just said. This guy just totally, and the joke was an eight, and he made it a 10. That's right. I'm like, you're not going to improve on this joke.

It took me, yeah, and I was like. The the one he gave me he just said as a joke he was just you know it's almost like a play on words i'll just say what it is it's it's it's about he was saying like um you know i uh i he made some joke about a transistor radio and just saying like like you have a transistor i like it already it was just transistor radio and just trans, and I was like, that is great. And he goes, I don't know what you're going to do with it.

And I go, and then that's where the magic happens where it's like, how do I make that into a joke? How, I mean, it's. No,

you, and we've always said this, like gross talks about it. I'd be like, you work backwards better than anybody I know. Oh, that's nice. Yeah.

Cause like, I'll be like, I am such a, like, I have to be like, okay, this is this thing that I happen or this thing that I saw on i i'm such a like i have to be like okay this is this thing that i happen or this thing that i saw on this one then we just move it to like now it's going to be absurd and we're going to you're like i hear that i see the end so now i have to go i have to write this thing to get to the thing that i know is going to be a good joke yeah because

i need the guarantee that there's something really good to pay off at the end of this whereas like when i'm working with something that's just like i think this could have legs like there's something really good to pay off at the end of this. Whereas when I'm working with something that's just like, I think this could have legs, there's not that promise of the great ending. I need that reward. And then I build backwards. I think that's also the thing to do with- It's like Frangie's story without the thing that he- Yes.

You know, the Creed story. Is there to lack any sort of discernible punchline? It was just this thing when it's like everybody knows there's this gotta be this ending and then it doesn't happen but he just didn't give it to us can i lost sleep last night and i didn't hear it i just realized today i felt something there was a chris convie joke that made me laugh out loud i still think about it it was um we were in the parking lot of the Ludo shows in St. Louis.

And there was this person in the booth, the parking attendant in the booth. And then we left and then we came back and the parking attendant, uh, like wasn't there anymore. And just as quick as he can go, he said, she just couldn't handle the booth.

And I thought that was so funny. I don't get it. You don't get it. Oh, to the truth. She, she, he said it so fast. I don't get it. You don't get it? Oh, to the truth. He said it so fast. You can't handle the booth. She just couldn't handle.

I was like, oh, I was like, the booth lady's gone. She just couldn't handle the booth. Just like that. There is a, he does great wordplay, which I, you know, some could say dad joke puns, but the level he does them at, I'm always tickled by. Last night we were doing this thing we were at the soccer game and my sister brought her kids and so it's kind of like babysitting the whole time and kind of corralling these little kids running around and

he's so good with kids i've never seen a little girl love her aunt's boyfriend like it's just it just to me i would have been like who's this guy like my aunt's a boyfriend i don't even know what that is like this weird guy but she was so obsessed with him. She wouldn't say goodbye to me. She's four. She just would say, she would call me poopy. And then she would go like,

bye Chris. And she kept like giving him hugs. And I was just like, what's happening? So we started playing telephone where I would whisper something and then she would go whisper to him and tell him. And it was, it's a fun game with kids because it like makes them run back and forth.

So it's less having to like hold them and wrangle them. So at one point she comes up to me and she delivers a message from Chris and she goes, will you marry me? Just kidding. That's so funny. It just hit me. One of the reasons I think you guys are good

is because both of you guys do that thing where you just play those dumb games. I used to do it with you all the time. I had this friend, my friend Carol from high school, like one of my favorite people in the world and her daughter, we ran into her daughter at Starbucks and this was a long time ago and you were there with me and she was talking about going to cheerleading camp and me

and Nikki just immediately started doing this bit where Nikki's like, well, I mean, I want to go. I'm like, well, you can't go Nikki. It's she's like, well, I mean, I want to go. I'm like, well, you can't go, Nikki. She's like, well, I could go.

I could go. Is there a cutoff? Did they say that? Yeah. They're just laughing. And Nikki's playing it right. She's like, no. I mean, do you want me to do a cheer?

I can do the thing. It's never too late, Greg. And then Chris did this thing at a show we were doing. I think I told you about it. Where he was like, somehow we got this thing going. We were just annoying everybody. Where Chris was speaking fake Italian. Oh, yes.

I know this character. And I was interpreting for him. Yes. My friend over here thinks that you're a very, very, very, very, you likes the pizza pie. And I was like, what my friend is trying to say is he wants to know if you'd like a piece of pizza. And I love Chris for it because he committed to it.

He stayed with me for a half an hour and everybody was so sick of it. When you guys are doing bits where I literally just go, where are kids that I can play with? Because this is too immature for me. I want to play telephone with Poppy because this is intolerable. Yeah, there was one that he was doing on the phone with me

where he kept sending me jokes and I couldn't get out of it. I'd go like, ha, ha, ha, and then ask a normal question. He'd keep responding with a joke. And it got to the point where I just wrote him back and I said, this is fun, but this is borderline not funny anymore and I don't want to the joke. And it got to the point where I just wrote him back and I said, this is fun, but this is borderline not funny anymore and I don't want to be a part of it. I had to get stern with him,

like, please stop this bit. And that's when you got to double down and keep going. And then it gets funny again. I'm really excited on your new special about a particular bit that I didn't even know you were going to do, but I went to these tapings, by by the way of Greg doing the special. It was so funny.

It's so good. I'm so excited for people to see it. Um, but Chris and I went and, uh, it was in Kentucky. It was really fun. And as I'm watching the show,

all of a sudden I start to hear a very familiar story. And I was like, wait, I was there for that. And then I was like, Oh my God, I am in a bit. story. Oh, no. And I was like, wait, I was there for that. And then I was like, oh, my God, I am in a bit. Totally.

It is so flattering to be in your bit. Ha! This was, yeah, you want to tell it or you want me to tell it? No, you tell it. It was during the pandemic. Yeah.

So during the pandemic, me and Nikki drove to Bloomington, Indiana to do a show for the Comedy Act there. We were just like doing a show to help raise money because clubs were about to go out of business.

And we were like, we had been writing during the pandemic. We just didn't have anywhere to do it. And you had to wear masks on stage or whatever. So we stopped at this Starbucks. And I go to the bathroom. And I come back. And Nikki's like, at Starbucks, remember during the pandemic, they didn't want you to go in their bathroom.

You could go there, but there were signs up that don't come in here. It's like skull and crossbones or whatever. There's probably COVID in here. This is where we keep the COVID. You can't go in the bathroom. So I just learned, the staff has to go somewhere.

So they're open. They're not locked. Just go. And when you go, commit, act like you know what you're doing and do not pause. Just go. And when you go, commit, act like you know what you're doing and do not pause. Just go.

So I go. I just head down, go, come out. Nikki's like, I gotta go too. I'm like, well,

just go. She's like, they're gonna say something. I like breaking the rules. Yeah, you're like, they're gonna say something. I'm like,

I promise you, there was a cone in front of it. The Greg had to step over. They did have a cone. There was a cone. It was a cone. She's like, i watched greg do it and he so confidently just walks in and they're so busy at the bar and like with all the

drinks yeah they didn't notice but also your second going seconds dangerous they already might have caught wind of this but i was like i was like nikki just do it just stop it she's like they're gonna say something they're gonna yell at me and whatever. And I'm like, Nikki, just, just go. So she does finally, like she goes and she walks.

And I swear to God, I did not have this idea until like literally three steps from the bathroom. I go, ma'am, you're not supposed to go in there. And then I swear the Starbucks girl goes, he's right, ma'am.

You cannot go in. And she was like on the verge of never speaking to me again. The Starbucks goer goes, he's right, ma'am. You cannot go in there. And she was like on the verge of never speaking to me again. And then she appreciated the joke. Oh, I loved it. I loved it. But I was so mad because I had to go so bad. And you know when you have to go so bad and then you've decided that you're going to go, your body starts going like, get ready.

So I'm at the precipice of peeing. Like, I'm ready to go. Instant UTI. Exactly. And, and I'm so embarrassed because now I've been like busted for trying. It was like, it brought back all these memories of getting caught stealing.

Like it was just so, and so then I was so, and so then we had to wait for our drink and I've just been called out in front of the whole cafe. And I'm trying to be like, he just used it, you know? And then Greg is so apologetic front of the whole cafe and I'm trying to be like he just used it you know and then Greg is so apologetic immediately he was like I'm so sorry

and I'm like it's fine but I'm kind of annoyed because I have to pee so bad so then we leave and Greg is like um and you did tell me oh god Greg's like don't worry Nikki I've done this there's another bathroom right on the same exit at a Panera you can go in there and I'm just like okay good so we drive this Panera I get in there same situation man. Ma'am, you can't

use that! And I'm like, I... Then we went to a great trip. It was so funny. Just that moment where you... That is what's kind of thrilling about being a comedian is that you risk a lot with jokes or bits.

You do more than Mo. I mean, I don't enough, but that one... And you have to be... I I mean, I don't enough, but that one, and you have to be, I was like, I don't want to lose a friend over this. Right. She's going to kill me. Well, you're compulsive.

It is compulsive, because it's just, that was worth it. I mean, it's definitely worth it, because it's a great joke, and it's in your special, and I'm so proud to be a part of it. It makes me feel so cool.

In fact, you performed at my old high school. We went to the same high school, actually. My sister is a teacher there now. She was there and was like, Greg does a joke about you. She was so excited. Then Noah watched your special, I think, last night and was like, Greg does a joke about you. I was like, I know I was there.

It's just so cool to be name-checked in a joke. I think one other time Amy Schumer said, I have a friend, Nikki, who keeps losing weight. And I'm like, she's out of my phone, out of my life. So there was something about that. I was like, oh my God, I'm skinny in Amy's joke. I love any kind of name-check.

It's just so nice. I remember telling Tim, Chris's brother, and Sean, who opened for you. And I'm older than you by a long shot. And I was doing it before. And those guys are way like they're openers. And I told them, they were like, oh, God, did she kill you? No, I appreciate it. They were like, man, you're like one of the only – if I would have done that, she would have killed me.

I would have been like, who do you think you are? I mean, I would have respected it, but I would have gone a little bit like, that's not a line. I normally wouldn't do it. I was just like, it's perfect. Well, I do that stuff a lot. I feel like even yesterday I was, or two days ago, I got to do interviews with the U.S. women's soccer team. Cody, their social media guy, is a fan of the podcast. Shout out to Cody.

Thank you so much for this opportunity and for the tickets last night to the game. But he asked me if I wanted to do a little bit with them. I just had a tiny mic and was asking them questions. I had prepared so many funny questions, most of which I couldn't use because they were just like kind of too out of line. But there was, there's this thing, why it didn't work the way I wanted it to is like I realized when I go into these situations where these girls don't know who I am,

a lot of, they didn't know. And I know people are like, they just didn't. You know, there's too much media. I don't even get offended when people don't know who I am at all. There's not even a part of me that's like, don't you know?

So, and I didn't really know who they were either even though everyone does apparently. So, we were both kind of in the dark about each other

but when I go into those situations, you need, even when I was shopping with Paris and Kathy Hilton which I talked about on the podcast a couple weeks ago.

I did a bit on Paris Hilton's reality show. It's hard to be funny when people don't know that you're funny without someone else there to kind of like co-sign on it. Like if I would have just had a producer there who, you know, Cody was filming it, but he's behind the camera and he's more on the soccer side of things. So if I say something out of line he's not gonna laugh if i would have just had you need someone there because when when you're a comedian out in the world and people don't know you're a comic and you take chances like that most of the time which it happened to me until i became a comedian like my whole life saying inappropriate things and getting just like why would you say that you know you get that reaction more so and so it's it's always this gamble of saying something

that just is a little bit over the line and isn't people aren't ready for it um and i feel like that happens a lot to me where i think i learned a lesson in doing that where next time i will just bring a friend to be able to laugh with me maybe not even in the moment but later about it because it will make me more comfortable because at least i made chris laugh or at at least I made Chris laugh or at least I made Brian laugh or at least you know we can walk

we can talk about it on the car ride home whereas if I'm saying a joke that bombs with these soccer players who are just like who's this girl it just I feel so alone

and stupid if the tree falls like yeah yeah it has to be somebody so I just I think that I just need someone else to co-

you just kind of need to be known as a comedian when you go into those situations so people kind of expect it out of you but at the same time sometimes they expect too much and they start they laugh at everything you say and you're like i haven't even said anything funny yet you're giving me too much credit yeah god i that's um it makes sense to me sort of that they don't know who you are because the athletes at that they're just it is laser focused on like

they probably watch they do anything else they probably watch a comedian that's a soccer comedian because I know wrestlers and they're pretty I guess the question I just kept wanting to ask is what are you going to do after this?

I just worry about what are you going to do? they're going to coach soccer I know but is that the only path no they don't yeah i mean they're it's a sad question though it's like asking a stripper a lot of players get depressed after they after professional that's what i wanted to get into but imagine your whole life you're you're when you're a kid you're practicing towards this goal your entire life and then you get to high school and you're doing it, and college you're doing it.

Are we talking about strippers or soccer players? Strippers. We're talking about strippers. You know, you've got to start them young, and then they get older, and then all of a sudden they can't do it anymore. And what do they do after that? They coach other strippers. Well, let's just take a quick break,

and we'll come back with more about this. Because it is interesting. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to

The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Yeah, I mean, you were an athlete, Greg. Yeah. I mean, you were a state wrestler. Is that what they call it? A state champion? I mean, if we're going to get technical. Yeah, get technical.

I was an All-American. All-American. Whoa! Yeah, big deal, right? Nice. To people who know what I'm talking about. That was the name of your album too, right? What's that? How many All-Americans in that state that you were competing?

Well, I mean, when I was in high school, I won the state a couple times. And then in college, I was an All-American. And in wrestling, there's eight per weight class. So there's 80 a year. Is it catch wrestling? What was your weight class? What's that? Oh, I was 150 and then 158.

What did you ask? I asked if it was catch wrestling. I don't know what that is. It's like when you wear the singlet and you have to stay within the circle and you have to pin their shoulders. Because I think sometimes when you say wrestling, people think of WWE.

No, that wasn't what was your persona? You were like throwing chairs. Did you wear a mask? You know, Fran, it's a good question. I kind of went with a little more understated. I was the accountant. The salesman. Yeah, so you mean you

and there's Anya was also a figure skater. Were you really? For a while. Yeah. Until an injury. Until I was, yeah, a girl cut my leg open, and then I did go back after I rehabbed, but I was never the same. You know, plus it was, like, during early adolescence, and I was like, I'm, like, turning 14. I kind of want to hang out with my friends, and so I stopped.

A girl cut your leg open like on purpose? No, we crashed into each other. Tanya Harding. Did you get eye-Tanyad? Yeah, she looked a lot like Tanya. I remember she came to the hospital. I was in the ICU and she came to apologize. And I remember, or she just came to check on me.

And my mom was- See what she did, see her work. My Russian mom. We were all in the lobby. Stay down. And I was sitting there and the girl came and she was just like, I just wanted to say, she was like a tomboy, really looked like Tonya Harding,

had a brown mullet. I was just like, I just wanted to say, you know, like, sorry. And my mom's like, we do not need your apology and we do not accept it. And I was like, oh, it was an accident. Wow. You don't have to accept apologies. That's a lesson.

I feel like, just do. Just do. If someone apologizes, you don't have to be friends with them again, but just, yeah, let it go well you do what do you mean grace is gonna be coming come on grace i feel bad about it i've talked about it on two podcasts it's not gonna can we just humor the idea that maybe grace is not a good person like maybe you stole iPods. You stole ear pods from a bad person who keys people's cars.

Maybe she stole those. Maybe they weren't even Grace. Maybe they were stolen from someone. Yeah, that's true. She could be a bad person. She probably is. Most people are flawed. So I think I had that instinct when I stole them.

I'm not saying this is the case at all because I really like this guy. But that is the beginning. That's I really like this guy but that is the beginning that's like a quality of a sociopath like what you just said yes I'm just rationalizing crimes yes it's good I like it

it's effective and I do some of it but I do think when I was talking to these soccer stars though I kept wanting to ask them when I was talking to these soccer stars, though, I kept wanting to ask them, like, what are you gonna do?

Like, it, there was interesting to me because I'm always thinking about what am I gonna, when's it gonna be taken from me?

What am I gonna, Greg, it gets taken from people, man. Like, it's not. You should know,

you're old, like, it starts to fucking fade, dude. I never had it, so it's not, I never quite're old like it starts to fucking i never had it so it's no i never quite had it so i'm i you're still with mediocrity okay i'm still trying to get it but i'm telling you you're at a level that it's not going to be taken from you but we've seen people at levels get taken down like it does happen like meg i was watching sleep is in seattle last night

why aren't we seeing Meg Ryan in a ton of things? Is it because she doesn't want to work? I don't think so. I don't think so, man. I think it's because people don't like her face anymore

because it's a little bit older and we don't really want to see it as much. And so that is a thing. That's not a comedian. Yeah. Meg Ryan's not a comedian. Okay.

That's true. Yeah. Well, there's... Thanks, Brian. Actors are waiting for people to call them up to give them jobs comedians show up at clubs that need them they you know you have a career you can go into lots of things producing directing being on game shows doing all kinds of that i want to be front if you to do live comedy, you'll do it until you die.

I promise you. You will. That's true. Unless you get lazy or something. There's always a place that will have me. I mean, I saw Carlos Mencia go for, I remember I was on the last tour with him when he was doing clubs

and then he went to, he made it to arenas. Guess where he's back to? Clubs. I don't want to go back to clubs. Like, I'm not talking, I still want to do it, but I don't want to go back to having to,

but it's not really up to you. It really isn't up to you. You don't know what life has in store. And for me, I think it's very brave to put all of your chips into, as eggs, into a basket that is. Pringles. Put all your chips in a Pringles can. All your crisps.

All your crisps. Line up all your Prps into a tennis ball can that is like there's just no it's just even being a model is the same thing I look at models and I'm like enjoy it while it lasts that's why I do comedy because it is less likely

that I will age out of it I really do think it was a conscious decision to choose something that can't be taken from me so quickly. But I do worry for people who, because they do make, I mean, these girls are making millions of dollars, endorsements. And then, like, they're getting paid now as much as male soccer players because they fought for that. Right? So, like, they're making good money.

But who's good at saving and spend? Like, when you're a star, you kind of spend too much. I mean, it's some. No, there are some majorly. I want to make one. I want to make one point, though, before. Like this is important. Your mother is hot.

Like she looks really. Your mother, like your mother ages extremely well. Yes. Yeah. I mean, it's insane, isn't it? She's a good looking older woman, but that doesn't mean that people still – good-looking older women are even not as valuable as mediocre-looking young people. So there's still a value –

I don't know about with comedy, though. Detriment. I get it. I don't want to hear from the young comics all that – Oh, no. I don't have – That is nice that when I come across a new female young comic most of the time they're not good because they haven't been doing it long enough so they're

kind of awkward on stage they look amazing so i just watch them on mute and read the captions because i don't want to hear the delivery it's off it's not comfortable but i do and then i read the captions i go there's no fucking joke here but i like her midriff i like the top she's wearing her eye makeup is amazing i i want to look like her um but it is nice that it is there is something of it that it feels like a meritocracy of like it it is something that you are rewarded if you're good it's the only thing that you continue to get better at really i think in show business like until you get dementia and then it gets funnier in a different way yeah and, yeah. It's true. And then you don't know that it's not going well. I was thinking about, you know, Rashaun Hirschberg?

Is that his name? Ronan. Ronan? Yeah. Rashaun, sorry. That's me just like being racist. So Ronan, he's so funny, but he has this joke about like, if you're racist, like get that shit figured out.

Like now, like I know you can like hide it and just talk about it like amongst your friends or even like keep it in your head of these racist thoughts. Because when you get dementia, it's all coming out. Get good with it now. It's so funny. It's one of those jokes where I'm like, God damn it. I wish I wrote that. Because it's so funny.

Like, oh God. Because it is true. When your mind starts to go you have no control and we all start to go no one is immune to dementia it's not like just alzheimer's patients like if you live long enough you will become demented and um it's just yeah get get right with god before that like really become an uh an ally before you get in a nursing home because it's all going to come out on your nurse from Trinidad. My dad plays at nursing homes, you know, plays guitar. And yes, the other day there was some woman that, you know,

looked like 95 white woman that was having a tantrum, like, you know, just an episode. And she had these black nurses like helping her. And my dad was just getting out of the room to get out to just because it's just there's no way this woman doesn't have that on the tip of her old tongue um but she didn't and my dad was so proud that she didn't but he was scared i mean they must hear horrible things because and you can't really that's not like who they are truly inside i think it's also a really ugly side of them because yesterday my dad was playing and this woman

was like scooting up. He's been like fondled by these women. Like he's like, and this woman just uses her walker to scoot all the way up and then kicked over his mic stand. No. Why?

Wow. Because it was just, didn't care for it. Too loud? Maybe too loud. Maybe just like, maybe she's in a fucking nursing home or family hasn't visited.

Maybe it's a song that made her feel something that like, you don't know. These people are not in control of anything they're doing anymore. So it was just a hilarious, kind of cute,

sad story. I did one of those, this girl that I knew, I was in town and she was like, hey hey I work at a nursing home and it was in Erie Pennsylvania and um she was like hey would you do come do like a show at you know I was during the day I was like oh okay you know like yeah she was hot and okay yeah yeah and so I I went to do the show and I'm like, I'm doing a good thing, right?

I'm doing a thing that, you know, I don't want to do, but I'm doing a thing. So I do it and I'm fighting so hard up there and I'm doing well in my mind. I'm like, this is the hardest thing is to do this gig. And I'm, what is the gig? I'm just doing a show in this like day room for a bunch of old people. Okay. All the people over there. And I'm like, I'm, I'm working so hard and I'm like to get a little bit, but I'm like, this is a bunch of old people. Yeah, yeah, all the people live there. And I'm like, I'm working so hard

to get a little bit. But I'm like, this is going pretty good, man. And I'm getting crowd work. And then one by one, they just get up and leave. And I was like, finally there's like half of them like, what's going on? The guy's like, lunch. You can't beat lunch, man.

You can't. That's like Chris Rock in the next room. Yeah, you can't. lunch you can't you can't that's like chris rock in the next room yeah you can't he's left you're that's so funny i um as you were saying that what was i thinking oh they're oftentimes on stage where you'll be bombing or it's like one of those really hard rooms and i will disassociate like i will just go on autopilot i will just you have to leave your body because you if you take it personally which you start to at first it's hard not to but you really learn to not be there and to go on autopilot in a way that's different than like oh i'm just thinking about what i'm going to do tomorrow i'm kind of bored doing this it's like you just for survival for

your ego yeah you um you just i kind of go to like i start even thinking about um how it's going to feel in the drive home i start to go to the drive home where it's like already over i'm living in another dimension where it's over already which is actually some advice i've been getting recently with things i've been dreading i had to confront someone recently about something and i was dreading it so much and my girlfriends who i always talk to and ask for advice anya included in it were saying one of them gave me advice of like think how you're going to feel when it's done. Which doesn't normally help me, but it is a little disassociative, which I've been seeing this new therapist who works with somatic therapy, which is all just like feeling your emotions through how they manifest in your body. And she was talking – this is very interesting.

I just want to share it in case you encounter a baby. She was sharing this thing about, because she thinks that I have disassociative qualities where I'll just like tap out. Something traumatic happens and you just leave your body. It happens a lot to like rape victims and like molestation victims where they just are like, this is too much and they leave

and they're just like not there. So she thinks that I may be, something traumatic happened to me, but I don't know. And she goes, it doesn't even have to be something that traumatic. There's a thing when babies are little, a lot of times, babies are so overly sensitive that a lot of times people will be like, look at this baby and get up in its face, and the baby will look away because it's just too much. And the person will just, you know, you just want to follow the baby's gaze and so you go to where the baby starts looking and you keep following whatever wherever the baby looks you kind of get

in its face and if that happens to you as a child you and babies just go well i can't escape this i'm gonna go somewhere else and they start to learn how to disassociate and so that blew my mind because i've done that to babies before where i'm like i just want to look in your eyes and you kind of follow it around stop doing that to babies everyone if a baby looks away from you let it look away give and that changed the way that i even yesterday was dealing with my nephew because it made so much sense but that's we don't know we're doing these things. It's like Drew Barrymore on her show. It has to be right up in everybody's face. Oh, my God. It gives me anxiety.

I love her, but it's a lot. I love her, too. She's a real one. But please just go to the Drew Barrymore Show Instagram and look at how she interviews people. She is two inches from everyone. She's on their lap most of the time. She's holding their hand.

Or she's on the ground with them. I was on Zoom, even then she showed up in my living room in St. Louis. You were both on Zoom on the same screen. Jesus Christ, Drew! Hi, Nikki. I'm here for you.

But you know what? If she was anyone else, I would be like, this is so annoying and gross and like you're just trying it's like faux sincerity but she is someone that seems extremely empathetic and like and it and it works but uh it is funny to look at every single clip of her it's like she looks like she's proposing to every person like to ava longoria she's just like kneeling by her chair i'm like why does she even have a chair? She's on the floor next to them.

It's really cute. And then there's this one clip that someone sent me of her doing, Machine Gun Kelly and her were doing an interview and they were painting each other's nails and it got really intimate and people were sharing it like crazy a couple months ago when it came out, but they were talking about like their family trauma

and they're like this. But it was just the act of doing something that wasn't just like paying attention to the lights and camera that made them more comfortable it was very interesting but uh final thought um greg specials coming out friday uh next friday april 21st on youtube um what is that going to be like for you are you someone who's going to be obsessively checking the numbers checking the the views, reading the comments? Are you one of those people? Yeah, I guess.

Yeah. How can we get you to not be because you can't control it and no amount of you reading comments is going to make them more positive or negative? You know what I mean? I just recently looked at some girl's late night set, a friend of mine, and I won't say who but um and the first comment it was great and the first comment was it's pretty good and it was like they just couldn't

give it to it and it was the most upvoted one it was like oh they just can't give it to it and i know she's seen it that's the problem with youtube i don't ever read a comment about myself ever ever ever on any video i don't and i especially on my instagram videos if i posted you can write whatever the fuck you want underneath that. I'll never fucking read it. I'll never read anything on Instagram underneath pictures. I'll read those comments. I'll never read a comment under the video.

It just isn't helpful to me. There's nothing you could say that will change what I already did, whether you like it or whether you don't like it. It's already happened. So maybe think of it that way. You can do what I do, which is you post a video on YouTube and then no one comments on it. Yeah, no one watches it.

Then you have to worry about it. Brian, what is your YouTube channel? Can we get people to watch stuff? Well, this is all cartoons. There's no stand-up. Yeah, you've been doing that animated stuff. It's great. It is great.

It's just Brian Frangie at YouTube. F-R-A-N-G-E. Yeah, check out Brian Frangie. Shoot him a couple comments to fuck with his psyche. Pretty good. Say pretty good. Yeah, pretty good. Pretty good.

You know what pained that? And that was probably the biggest compliment that idiot's ever given was pretty good. Yeah. I mean, you know what pained it? I hate to make it a female comic thing but i got it like if it were a male it would have been like this is hilarious it's like that's when a woman is super good it's like okay i guess this one was funny that's what i get a lot of like well that one was funny but the rest of her stuff and then yesterday someone that i'm close with who doesn't know my policy on this stuff,

of like most of my friends and family know never, anything negative they read about me, don't tell me. It doesn't help me. But this person didn't know and was like, a lot of people say, you know,

you're very dirty and you don't need to be that dirty. And I was just like, and even when they were about to start saying it, I was like, please, please. They were like, a lot when they were about to start saying it i was like please they're like a lot of people and i already felt it coming i'm like no no no and it's like i i know that stuff's being said but um it's really helped me so do you feel that there's any i mean i'll ask this to everyone do you feel like there's ever anything good to be gleaned from reading comments? Like is it ever going to steer you, whether it's a negative or positive comment, in the right direction or in a better direction for you?

Or is it just cutting? No. I mean there's probably – you get that little jolt of – because I guarantee whatever, whoever is out there, if you're good, 80% of them are good. Yeah. So you get that little serotonin probably. So you're not someone who just ignores all the good ones and just only sees the bad one? No, but I certainly probably focus more on the bad ones.

If you write a bad comment, can you just misspell something in it so I can give it to myself? You're an idiot. Or if you write a bad comment, it should be a deal. If you write a bad comment, you need to have a public profile

so then we can go click on it and look at who you are yeah i know i really want brian i want to create a tv show and i'm not going to do this have i talked about this on the show where you find people that have written negative comments and who have speculated about your like celebrities love lives and especially anyone who is weighing in on the vanderpump rules thing and like you can't believe raquel would have cheated with her best friend or whatever. And then we investigate your life and see if you've ever done that. Because I guarantee you have. I guarantee you've had a crush on a guy with a girlfriend and it might have been your friend.

No one is immune to having bad thoughts and wanting things that aren't theirs and taking AirPods that aren't yours. Everyone's done it. And then we go. We investigate. And then we confront them no 90 percent of the time you could 90 percent of the time you confront a commenter it's going to be a 12 year old boy who was yeah they're all not the comments i read man man no the people that are weighing in on the vanderpump stuff are all women in their 20s who who are projecting because they've all done the same thing and they're so disgusted with themselves I mean I've talked about it before but this whole thing of like villainizing people who cheat do you know most people I'm not saying like

you and your relationship it's a very common thing and so it's people have been a part of either a person who's been the one that's um cheating or the other woman or the other man most people have been one of those people either have cheated or have been the other person that is outside of relationship so for there's no way that every single one of these thousands of commoners have never done anything like that in their life it's just hypocritical and i just want to like shove it in their face and go like, look what you did too, because you can't when they're anonymous. Or it's projecting.

That bugs me. Like they'll comment negatively about cheating because they hate themselves for having cheated. Because that's exactly what it is. Because I know that's what I do whenever I'm disgusted by anyone or like feel the need to weigh in on something. It's because, I mean mean even taylor swift stuff like

i'm like a little bit devastated because there was a man seen leaving her apartment this morning i guess and he like is a guy that's like he's a guy that i remember being like who is this and i like researched to be like where where's this guy hanging out you know in the past when i've been single and um and i immediately i was just like oh no like i was mad and i convinced myself i was upset because i want her to be with joe who she just broke up with and like i don't want her to move on from joe but i was really like i'm jealous she's like probably banging this guy yeah yeah and i wanted him i I found him. He's mine. But I do think that. Get your own guy.

Yeah. He was on my, you know, on my vision board. It's the one, I think the one thing that is motivated. Do you ever get motivated by negative comments? Like, does anyone like Wang and Anya, do you ever feel like someone being like, I don't really like that she does this. No. But what if it's something that you already don't like about yourself that they're calling out and someone else notices something that you. Horrible.

Horrible. Just go away. I just want to hide and go away. And it makes me like not look at that stuff at all. Yeah. I don't want to know that. Like I already know what you guys are saying. You don't think I've like replayed it in my mind a thousand times before someone called it out yeah if there's a flaw or if there's a yeah we've thought about it

yeah i've it reminds me of my friend that this is a little bit i don't know if this is a perfect comparison but my friend that owned a bar was like my friend freddie that owned a bar as you like people would always everybody knows how to run a bar hey man have you ever thought about every every waking hour of my day i've thought about what you're what if you got like two hot girls in the back yes yes i spend my whole life obsessing over what to do about this so your thing isn't helping well that's why i like i made fun of chris for having the caveat of like i don't know understand what it's like to do this but i do appreciate that he always has that starter before he gives me some advice of like i don't know i can't imagine what it's

like to put yourself out there in that way but maybe you should try doing this so there's always that caveat because i think that um it is just so easy to judge other people but the one thing that i found to be highly motivating is spending money favoritously and knowing that you need buying taylor swift tickets for as much as you would buy a small car for and then going well i need to make that money i want to make that up not because i need to not because i'm gonna struggle without it but because i want to just i want to earn that and specifically and i'm going to do something where i can have i can i think that really motivates me yeah i'm learning so i think i just need to spend more money and it'll make me go i gotta figure it out by fans like who give you creative ideas you know how fans do that a lot like i would love to hear you talk about

blank or yes you should do a collaboration with blank i mean i get that shit all the time but i guess people do it to musicians i always appreciate it and wish i were more open-minded like matt is really open like he has a patreon and people will be like i love if you cover this song and he'll do it and i'm i'm kind of like a you know seven percent of those people will get my attention i I mean, I'll listen, but I'm always like, Oh, that's a cool idea.

And then I do. I enjoy it. Most of the time I don't do it. It's like a tag. Like when someone gives you a tag on a joke, it's usually just not exactly your voice. And even though it's funny and it would work for anyone else, you just go, it's not going to be me,

but I do appreciate those. Once in a long while though. Yeah. Like it's like that thing where sometimes they'll shout it out oh yeah they'll shout it out and you'll be like wait a minute oh one of my best one of my closers was a guy just mumbling to himself and i go what you say and he goes it's uber eats because i was talking about like getting in an uber and like having them give you sexual favors and he goes uber eats and i was like wait that's good i go

i'm gonna literally use like there's been a couple times where i've taken um suggestions i you know most of the time suggestions lead me to feel like i'm not doing enough and it makes me refocus on the fact that like oh you're right i should do that and it doesn't turn into me taking action turns into me beating myself up that i'm not a person that does more stuff i do love a suggestion though i want to say that like i appreciate people that take the time like just nicky and i just read this justine bateman memoir and she talks about how like of all your fans really like two percent are going to actually get to you you know or back in the old days when people would write fan mail but like the ones that actually write you are probably like really hardcore fans so i do appreciate when people

take the time and like think about it'd be cool to hear you do this type of song or collaborate with this person or have you ever thought about covering xyz i love that so many besties said me suggestions of like videos i'd like animal videos i'd like i mean i i feel like it happens all the time last night i turned on this hulu show and i'm going as i'm watching it it's called like i forget what's called some british funny woman um the i forget the name of it but it showed up right on my hulu i'm like oh let me check this show out and then i opened up my dms and as i'm watching the opening credits to this a girl goes you should watch this new hulu show and i'm like i'm watching it right now.

So there's moments like that where it really does pay off. But most of the time, I'm, like I said yesterday when we announced Brian and Brian was like, I know you're going to be upset with me. It's like, whatever you feel about me, I already feel it about myself. I have low self-esteem. Like, I struggle with stuff. So you're not going to do better at hurting me than I am already doing. You're preaching to the choir. Like, we have more in common than people who like me, probably.

You're most liked after you're dead. Ain't that the truth? Wise words, Brian. It's true. You were so celebrated after, like, she lit up a room yeah oh the things people say at your funeral they'll never say to you in real life yes and they don't they don't really say a lot of the negative stuff in weddings they say nice things about you too and yeah they don't say that but she every room she would light up a room i i used to have a joke where i just

wanted to start walking into rooms and turning on all the lamps so that it would be actually literal accurate. Okay, we have to go. I have to get to a voice lesson. Greg Warren, thank you so much for being here. And I can't wait to see your special, even though I've already seen it twice. I want to watch it again. It's so good. You guys are going to love it so much.

The Salesman, April 21st, Friday. You have plans next Friday night. Watch that on YouTube for free. Nate Bargatze directed it. And check out gregwarrencomedy.com for all of Greg's tour dates. He's constantly on tour. He is such a, just, he's clean. He's just a, he's a guaranteed everyone will like him that you bring.

You capture what everyone is dealing with and you're just fucking great. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Yeah. One of the best ever to do it and if you've just heard of him, what a, how lucky you are

to check out his body of work and his body. Just go check it out in the park. Go to sit-ups. That's so nice to see Anya again. I haven't seen you in forever. I know.

I miss you. She looks great. Yeah. Great to see you. You too, Frangie. I do. Yeah. Frangie's there. I saw him at the wedding a little while ago. Oh, yeah. That's right. Well, all right. Frangie. Yeah. Frangie's there.

I just, I saw him at the wedding. Oh yeah, that's right. Well, we, uh, we,

we will be back next week with, uh, shows Wednesday and Thursday. Don't you think we won't? Um, thank you so much for listening this week. Don't be cuffed. And just don't read the comments.

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