The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #337 The Novices

Episode Date: May 3, 2023

It would have made perfect sense for Nikki to be a hypochondriac except for one thing. Much like Anya, she doesn't want pity. After doing an interview over the weekend about Joan Rivers, aging in show... biz it on top of mind. Brian has a suggestion for a quick facelift. Nikki implores women to stop moving their bikini in IG posts. Brian spent the weekend with Nikki's boyfriend at the Dodgers game. Nikki thinks a good apology needs to be forgiven, even if it's from the worst people. Anya talks about hanging with Nikki and David Spade in Las Vegas and the ubiquitous item they couldn't find anywhere. In the Final Thought, Nikki and Anya reveal the special project they are working on and the reason Anya is in St. Louis.  ——— Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Anya's Patreon: patreon.com/anyamarina Brian Frange: brianfrange.com More Nikki: IG More Anya: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IG  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:02:17 Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki! Yeah, Noah's out. Noah has no voice today. She's here with us. Hi, it's Nikki Glaser. It's the Nikki Glaser podcast. Welcome to it. Another week of shows beginning right now. I'm in St. Louis, Missouri. Noah
Starting point is 00:02:50 is in Arizona with no voice. Noah, do we want to just give him a little sample? A little bit. I mean, I could have done here, Nikki, but it's too weird. Yeah, no wonder. What if we have new listeners? You know, they're listening for the first time and they just hear... Here's Nikki. Yeah well that sucks man i had a sinus infection and it traveled to my throat that's a really good noah is it i'm working on it i have all my girlfriends have gentle angelic voices and i do not and noah is gentle and kind in her spirit too. Although, what was it she said in when we were in school? We can't even repeat it. Oh, we can't.
Starting point is 00:03:28 No. I don't even remember who it was about, but it was so funny. It was, Noah can just be so harsh sometimes because you think she's just so sweet and everything is just like, she's just like kind about everything and understanding like, well, maybe he just was feeling, you know, a little threatened by that. And like, she's
Starting point is 00:03:44 never like that piece of shit. Like, but sometimes she is like, it threatened by that. And she's never like, that piece of shit. But sometimes she is. It can be really... And then she's like, he's a disgusting bore. Oh, yeah. Well, Zach on Love is Blind, she famously said, he's a wreck. And when we have all been just kind of defending him, she just goes, ugh, he's a wreck.
Starting point is 00:04:02 It was just her on the couch in the corner, hadn't said much that day and it was just the, I couldn't stop laughing. I think it was the funny, and then she said something this weekend that was really mean out of nowhere and I could not stop, I'll tell you later, we can't tell it on the pod, and it's not
Starting point is 00:04:17 because I'm trying to leave you guys out, it's just I don't want anyone's feelings to get hurt. And it was, and Brian, it's not about you. It just, uh. Never you um it just uh never about brian no never about brian only nice things about brian brian frangie's here everyone he's in la yeah hello everybody yeah his voice is good trying to do trying to mix it up a little bit i never lose my voice in like like a way that like makes people feel bad like yeah whenever i'm feeling sick it's i want some sickness to like come out in my voice i mean i was a little bit like
Starting point is 00:04:51 nasally a couple weeks ago but i could still talk i want to be taken out well it was fun right when you had your vocal surgery because you were like oh yeah hi guys it's so great to see you all hi how are you who is this woman i can still talk like that i don't think it'll come out i don't think noah's doing this but whenever i don't think you're doing this noah okay whenever someone loses their voice i think they're faking it and i go just talk don't you feel that have you ever lost your voice yes yes it's like just talk normal stop doing the voice. Well, people like to be sick
Starting point is 00:05:28 because they get attention and they're just like, I'm just like a little baby. They just kind of like, they just like, you know, clear their nose a little bit more and go like,
Starting point is 00:05:38 a little get like in the middle of a coughing fit. And you're like, I don't need to even finish this sentence, but they go like, wait, wait. And you go you go no just abandon it i can figure out where the bathroom is or whatever you were going to tell me um yeah people like to be sick it feels good because you get attention i don't know how i don't have hypochondria because i love attention clearly i chose a field where i get attention constantly and people are constantly reaffirming
Starting point is 00:06:05 we like you, we like you, laughter laughter, how did my psyche not go, when you get sick, people really feel bad for you, I guess I don't like feeling bad for me, I don't want attention I know, answer my own psychoanalyze myself
Starting point is 00:06:20 I don't want attention for something I didn't work hard for, or that doesn't seem like i did you know like even with the surgery when i was getting a lot of attention i was like but this was elective like it wasn't because i was gonna die if i got like i didn't want attention for it that's why i think i can never get a facelift or anything like that because i will not accept help from others for something that's like i want my jawline to be more snatched. What if you need someone to trade out your drains on your facelift?
Starting point is 00:06:50 No, but still, they need to do that because I want to look hotter. That's not a good enough reason. So you'll be like, I got it. I'll do it myself. Well, I will ask for help from my boyfriend who will just stay quiet and be like, I just didn't need you to do this, really. I know that Chris, if I got a facelift, he wouldn't stop me from it. my boyfriend who will just stay quiet and be like i just didn't need you to do this really like he i
Starting point is 00:07:05 know that chris if i got a facelift he wouldn't stop me from it right because even this this summer i was like i need a facelift before i take my special i'm gonna get an eye job and he was like well where do you think you can fit that in like he wasn't like being like he's not saying you don't need it you're crazy he already believes that i know he does but he's just like okay well what month do you think you can take off work to get that done and I'm thinking June July no September my dates are looking a little like Swift uh oh yeah it might prevent me from going to see Taylor Swift is that what you're saying yes yes it might well I would go with drains and patches on my face. I just write 13 on them or whatever. Or like some lyrics.
Starting point is 00:07:47 Reputation. Yeah. It would be my... That's your costume. Listen, she reinvents herself every album. It's a facelift not reinventing yourself in the most literal way. Yeah, I just... I don't want...
Starting point is 00:08:03 You hate pity. Anya hates pity can't stand it more than anything especially if it's online from a stranger can I just say besties don't ever go up to Anya
Starting point is 00:08:11 if she's complaining about something on the show and like at the merch booth at our shows don't go like hey I'm really pulling for you
Starting point is 00:08:18 or like I don't think your teeth look bad at all like don't offer any kind of thing that Anya Anya may have been upset one day on the show about something don't follow up on it't offer any kind of thing that Anya... Anya may have been upset one day on the show about something.
Starting point is 00:08:25 Don't follow up on it and have any kind of sympathy or like, poor Anya. That goes to any friend, stranger, family member, and I'm going to say for everyone involved. We don't have friends and family members listening. That's why I said besties. Not just me. Do not pick up a conversation
Starting point is 00:08:42 in the middle of something, apropos of nothing. I have friends that do this where they'll be like, oh my god, crazy Not just me. Do not pick up a conversation in the middle of something apropos of nothing. Like, don't. I have friends that do this where they'll be like, oh, my God, crazy about that raccoon. And I'm like, what? And they'll be like, Brian had the animal. What animal was it? Possum.
Starting point is 00:08:56 They'll just be like, dude, that possum. Insane. I don't hate that because I understand that people listen to podcasts like the way I watch TV shows where they're like tracking the things that happen and it's just it stays insular into this thing. Things they associate with us are things that they hear on this podcast whereas my life is
Starting point is 00:09:15 everything outside of this podcast so I forget some of those things. So you appreciate it. I guess possum is too specific but if somebody's just like they give you something and it has absolutely no track back for you to what they're talking about and you're like, I have no clue what you're saying. I had one girl and it stayed with me. Why?
Starting point is 00:09:34 So like, and I've talked about this on the podcast before, you will give them something vulnerable and then they'll use it against you. Not intentionally. Like, they'll try to like buddy up with like, yeah, and I could tell you were really high that one time when you, like, I'll be like, I told you I was high
Starting point is 00:09:50 during that performance or whatever. Like, I think one time I was struggling with like weed or whatever. And I revealed that one show that I did not do well at. I was really high. I smoked too much weed. And she goes, we saw that show.
Starting point is 00:10:01 It was very clear. You were very high. And I go, I gave you that. You would not have known. You just thought I sucked. You don't need to be like, you were so high or whatever. I bet John Mulaney is dealing with a lot of that now. I knew you were high during that Seth Meyers interview.
Starting point is 00:10:15 Yes, yes. Where it's like, no, you didn't. You didn't. You just thought maybe something was a little off, but don't act like you are Betty Ford over here. You don't know when people are fucked up. I do the same thing. Where Taylor Swift, she was
Starting point is 00:10:27 broken up. And I go, I could have when I was in Arlington, I knew something was off. I do the same thing so I don't fault anyone really for it. But she seems like she loves that. She would love if fans were trying to piece things together about her life. I would guess she does not.
Starting point is 00:10:43 I think she cares that people care she likes that people care but i don't think she wants people to like she doesn't care for me going like i need to go to her i need to spend thirteen thousand dollars to be eight feet from her and offer a face of like i love you why is your face covered in patches I had to get this up for Ellen you're number one no people said it to me this weekend they go what was her name Monique
Starting point is 00:11:13 shout out to Monique who was like and by the way you're the best Nikki you're the best I screamed that at Taylor a couple times you're the best you're the best I didn't see Taylor a couple times. You're the best! You're the best! I didn't see Taylor this weekend. I was sad that
Starting point is 00:11:29 I didn't because she was in Atlanta and she did three shows. And her secret songs choices were... If those songs, any of the songs she did for her secret songs this weekend would have been the one that was eight feet from me. Listen, I'm happy I got Begin Again. Great song song i've learned it on the guitar since i've become
Starting point is 00:11:48 obsessed with it it's a little like i was already into it but she did the other side of the door and then last night she did i bet you think about me which are two of my favorite songs i would have you i wouldn't be here right now i would have died i would have died let it died. Drains and my face. Blogged. Aneurysm. Dead. But Anya Marina is here in studio with us if you can't tell that she's not via Zoom. Brian is in Los Angeles. Yeah, hello.
Starting point is 00:12:15 And Brian, hello. Brian is in Los Angeles. Noah is in Arizona. Anya is here in studio. She was with me all weekend. So we were in Arizona actually this weekend. In Tucson. Beautiful city. On Thursday night.
Starting point is 00:12:29 Loved it. Something so strange and magical. Really? Cacti. The crystal desert. A lot of alien activity. It was gorgeous. You used to be underwater millions of years ago?
Starting point is 00:12:44 The air is like the same temperature as your oh as your body? so you feel like you don't exist yeah it's really cool you did say that as we were walking to the show the green room was like in a garage behind the venue like you had to walk through a parking lot
Starting point is 00:13:00 to get to the green room it was separated never had that happen before and we walked outside to go to the show and Anya said, I love when it's the same temperature as your skin. And I was like, whoa, I don't exist. Like when it is, you kind of don't, it's like a very meditative state.
Starting point is 00:13:15 I want to go to that place wherever it is. Is it the Salton Sea? I don't know. Or is it in Jerusalem where you float in the Dead Sea? The Salton Sea is way different. It's like poisoned. It's in San Diego or something. You're like en route to San Diego. Okay. No, Jerusalem.
Starting point is 00:13:31 But where you just float because there's so much salt in the water, right? Yeah, and it's like matches the same as your butt. Yeah. Okay. But Nikki killed. We saw Noah in person. It was so cool. It was fun. It was a hang. Noah came to a photo shoot I had beforehand that was... Oh, yeah. Tell us what happened. Tell us the result of the
Starting point is 00:13:48 photo shoot. Why were you gasping at the newspaper? Oh, well, I didn't come up with a headline yet. He's going to send me all the pictures of the gasp, and then I'm going to come up with the headline. But I was thinking I wanted to have... Did I tell you already what I wanted? I wanted to say
Starting point is 00:14:02 aging female comic finds a way to get naked and not have it be about getting naked like aging comic finds an excuse to get naked like i wanted to address what's going on which is like whenever this one's naked with something just little in front of them it's like you just want to be naked and you couldn't get naked so you have to come up with a way to get naked. You could be like exhibitionist comedian, aging exhibitionist comedian finds a way to get naked. Yeah. Like, I just wanted to just call out exactly what I know it is and that anyone, this is my whole life, is like everything that I do.
Starting point is 00:14:41 I'm so like, if it's cringe, I want to call it out. And so before someone else can make fun of it, but I know that if I saw it, I'd go like, Ooh, look at her. Look at that girl trying to be hot and using this as like a way to be hot. I don't think that a lot of people want to be nude.
Starting point is 00:14:59 I wouldn't think that if I saw a picture of someone nude, I wouldn't be like, Oh, this girl's dying to get naked. Yes, you would. Really? What? Why else would she do it i don't know because a guy pressured her into it like that that doesn't i mean that does happen but like that happens with young girls who are hot and everyone wants to see their bodies with women that are like pushing 40
Starting point is 00:15:19 we need an excuse to get hot we need i think it's cool i don't think there's anything wrong about it is it to be celebrated do you think you're gonna get celebrated for it no you just want to you're grasping on to this thing that's flying away from you every day and falling off your body every day you're grasping on like this it might be the last day i'm hot or the last day I'm fuckable. And so it's just, please world, look at me like this because my whole life since I was 20, I've been looked at like this and now I'm losing it 20 years later. It's freaking me out.
Starting point is 00:15:54 Please see me as this. Don't forget me as this. When the photographer, when he was taking your photos and you had all these outfit changes and you looked stunning, you just know how to work the camera. I want to say, well, I've gained 15 pounds.
Starting point is 00:16:06 So it was a rough day, but yes, I felt the same way. I was like, wow, I wish I took like more photos, maybe even like professionally done photos when I was younger, because like now there's a lot of like creases.
Starting point is 00:16:19 And Avi took this photo of me with your mom's friend, Kathy under like the worst stage light ever and i like almost wanted to chop my head off i know dude some of that stage lighting can be brutal it's all about lighting i mean if you've seen any of the instagrams where girls go i love the girls that show this is me two seconds before and now this is me relaxed body with different lighting different angle of the camera and their butt looks so big they're they're tiny little waist and then the camera angle changes lighting changes and they're a normal unlovable just kidding but am i i mean uh you're like you to me to me, I feel unlovable when I look disgusting.
Starting point is 00:17:06 I mean, that's the thing. It's like, your body doesn't work any less better when you look not hot. Like, you're still functioning human. The reason we want to stay hot is because we want love from others. And people go, that's so sad. It's like, why is it sad? It's true. Hot people get more attention.
Starting point is 00:17:23 They get more protection. People care about them more and thus you will be rescued and like if there's people will care about you more i just there's nothing wrong with wanting to stay hot you just want people to love you it helps your career too yeah which which helps me get money which helps me take care of the people i love it all comes down to like i want to be loved or me having a lot of money makes more people depend on me equals they'll stay around me and like me more
Starting point is 00:17:49 and I won't be alone. Everything that I do to look hot, the pursuit of hotness is not because I want dicks inside me penetrating my body. I want so much cum in me. It's like, I want people to like me. And is that such a crime? Like I got really upset about it this weekend
Starting point is 00:18:05 because I did a documentary about Joan Rivers where I was offering my commentary about her. It is a series called The Dark Side of Comedy. So it's talking about all of, I don't know. I watched her documentary the night before I shot it and it's so good. It's for free on YouTube. It's called A Piece of Work.
Starting point is 00:18:22 It is so good. I saw it 12 years ago, but it's so much more resonant now with me but she was the first person to be open about her plastic i don't want to say the first person but like one of the first celebrities to be very open about having facelifts and everything whereas they all everyone else lies and so she got the brunt of all the jokes yeah of like because trailblazer and she fucked up her face it's like all she wanted was to be pretty and to have people think she's pretty not and she fucked up her face it's like all she wanted was to be pretty and to have people think she's pretty not because she wanted to be pretty it's just
Starting point is 00:18:49 it equals love and why is that so sad why is that so embarrassing why like if you really get to the root of it the kardashians just want to be loved they don't yeah brian they and they also want to alienate everyone else so like you can't ever look as good as me. You want to be on the top so that you get into the lifeboats before everyone else. Women and children first because we want to fuck women and children. I'm serious.
Starting point is 00:19:15 The world is filled with trolls and pedophiles and when you do something like that to yourself, it is vulnerability and the trolls latch onto that. It's just an opportunity for them to attack you. And when you do something like that to yourself, it is vulnerability. And the trolls latch onto that. It's just an opportunity for them to attack you when they wanted to attack you no matter what you did.
Starting point is 00:19:32 Yes. Because if she didn't have it done, this is what happens with plastic surgery. If you don't have it done, you look old and you kind of get less attention and less work, right? If you do have it done, you also get less work because you look freakish and no one wants to put that in a movie. And you get judged for being so desperate. It's a pick me kind of thing. Like you're needy. So you can't really win either way.
Starting point is 00:19:56 And people, I just am so tired of this. What did she do to her face? She ruined her face. And I've said this before. She didn't want to ruin her face it was like that wasn't her goal she wasn't like trying to maryland manson and like make you hate the way she looks and like challenge the way you know like some people do try to do body modification to like alienate themselves but it also is a cry for help and love and attention
Starting point is 00:20:22 if someone like gets a lizard horn put on the middle of their head, or, you know, face tattoos like up the wazoo, it's like a cry for help. Yeah, they're like, ask me about my mental health. I have a surefire way to make you look more attractive that you can do at home for free. Okay. Oh, what is this?
Starting point is 00:20:42 No, I have it. No, it's not a joke. I have a new thing. Okay, okay. What is it? We'll find out right after the break, after this. I can't wait to find out. I think you're trolling us.
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Starting point is 00:23:17 A story told in 12 steps. Listen to Crems as part of the My Gulura Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Stereo Podcast where I discuss entertainment, sports, politics and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it and there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Here's a clip from one of my favorite episodes. You are not a real fighter. You will never be discussed anywhere in boxing history ever. Fake Paul. The movie is The Apprentice, and the movie is about young Donald Trump and his apprentice,
Starting point is 00:24:15 Roy Cohen. Real character, obviously. Both are real characters. It kind of has a Scarface vibe to it, which I thought was very interesting. Listen to the I Am Rap Report Stereo Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcast. All right, we're back. Brian Frangie has a surefire thing you can do at home for free, did you say?
Starting point is 00:24:40 That's absolutely free, and you can do it at home. To make yourself more attractive. Does it involve pancakes does it involve like a chair sit up or something like a chair push up no I know it's hanging upside down hanging yourself your poop will drain from your body
Starting point is 00:24:56 and you will be svelte you'll be 5 pounds lighter it involves your tongue is this mewing? I've even been talking to my mom. Yeah, it is. It's mewing. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:09 You already know about mewing? Kirsten shared it on the girls chat once where you go like, mew. No, no, no. You don't know. That's not what it is. Your chin comes out more and then you cut down. You don't make that noise. What are you talking about?
Starting point is 00:25:22 Well, that's why it's called mewing. You have to go mew. She's misinformed you. Mew. Mew. Irapay. Irapay. I know. Mewing makes me sick. make that noise what are you talking about well that's what it's called mewing if you look at a diagram of someone mewing it's one of the grossest things you've ever seen in your life if i hear this word one more time i'm gonna poop what will you okay i would prefer that than continuing this mewing conversation okay wait what is it brian will you demonstrate mewing is all about your tongue position here's my here's a question for you where normally where is your tongue in your mouth up nikki's ass
Starting point is 00:25:52 yeah is it up your own right so where in your mouth is your tongue well this is interesting because i take voice lessons and the tongue is the very most important thing um in your voice control and your your tongue is supposed to be relaxed and just tucked into bed just in your mouth, just not really moving and just relaxed. Where in your mouth? On the bottom of your mouth? The bottom. Just nestled in its bed
Starting point is 00:26:15 in your teeth. The teeth is like a bed and your tongue is in that bed. The teeth is like the bed frame. That is the wrong place for your tongue to be hot. Okay. Where should be,
Starting point is 00:26:29 if you want to be hot, your tongue, if you want to be hot and you don't want to clench at night and you don't want to grind at night, your tongue needs to be on the roof of your mouth. Yep. I just felt my whole neck go up. I felt it go down.
Starting point is 00:26:42 Look, hold on. Look, relax. And yeah. Okay. Now I can see your profile. Rest in the bed. Put your tongue in the bed. my whole neck go up i felt it go down look no wait hold on look relax and yeah okay now i can see your profile rest in the bed put your tongue in the bed okay now put the tongue on your soft palate on the top of your mouth or whatever the fuck you just got a mini facelift really yeah it's not even just instantaneous there's science um put it on the bed put it into bed okay now put it on the top whoa why did that do that oh my god is it amazing you wait so you should always do that in photo shoots the proper the proper tongue position is you make a uh it's almost like suction to the
Starting point is 00:27:17 roof of your mouth and you cluck like a chicken like like that like that clacking noise if you you want your tongue to be flat Against the roof of your mouth Your tongue should not be touching your teeth It should be before your teeth All the way flat Even the back of your tongue And that's where it should be 24-7
Starting point is 00:27:36 And if you do it How are you supposed to breathe? If you breathe through your nose If you breathe through your mouth Your chin will sag That's why you're supposed to tape your mouth at night So you breathe through your nose You If you breathe through your mouth, your chin will sag. That's why you're supposed to tape your mouth at night. Yes. So you breathe through your nose.
Starting point is 00:27:48 You keep your tongue up high. And they've scientifically proven that over the course of time, especially if you're a teenager, your face structure, your chin will be more defined and your face will get pushed out and you will be 100% more attractive. And it's completely free. And if you just pay $14.99 a month for my system, I can teach it to you at home.
Starting point is 00:28:10 Okay. This is blowing my mind, but I just know I'm never going to do this. This is almost like posture, you know, like I can't keep it in check. And there's all these like things you can buy where you have a little sensor on the back here and it beeps if you need to sit up more straight. But, um yeah i remember when nikki had done dancing with the stars had just finished it or maybe it was no i was doing the alexander technique that was not dancing with the stars related yes it was no it wasn't
Starting point is 00:28:33 alexander technique was when i was sitting straight up no no you don't even know what i'm gonna say i kind of do okay no you don't right we're walking down the street in new york city and she was like glab taught me how to walk like. I know how to do that. Put your feet first. Point your toes first. She was walking down the street and I was like, this is hard. I tried to do it for 10 steps. It's impossible. Alexander Technique is the same way.
Starting point is 00:28:55 I can show you if you want. Here's what Nikki was doing. He got so mad at me. That looks stupid. It looks like you're on a tight me. Well, that looks stupid. It looks like you're on a tight walk. You look like a Nazi. That's like a Nazi goose step. Yeah, you do.
Starting point is 00:29:09 You look like you're goose stepping. Instead of you first, you go like this. Well, you don't have to point it so, but yeah, if you just glide and you land with the ball of your foot first, it looks way sexier. Also, the number one thing is to, my hips are always like out, like forward. Well, they don't lie. That's for sure. Oh, they're fucking fibbing all day.
Starting point is 00:29:33 Mine go out and I kind of like bend like a banana, like a forward banana when I stand. I'm always like this. Oh, same. That's like the arched back thing. But if you stand like this. Right. If you stick your buns out. Oh same That's like the arched back thing But if you stand like this Right If you stick your buns out
Starting point is 00:29:46 And you go back like this And you are like a centaur You look so hot There's all these tricks And then you go do that thing Where you're thinking Like that girl from The Bachelorette Or The Bachelor
Starting point is 00:29:56 What do you mean? That thing where you just Keep turning your head Oh yeah Yeah you tilt your head Can you imagine a girl Who would tilt her head stand walk on the heels of her feet or the end and do the tongue thing at the same time so she's mewing oh my new
Starting point is 00:30:12 thing is like girls in bikinis on instagram always have to like fuck with the straps and they always have to like whenever they're doing anything they always have to like adjust it's like put the bikini on and just wear it we always see them go like this with the straps they have have to like adjust it's like put the bikini on and just wear it we always have to see them go like this with the straps they have to go like like this on the bottom and they're like kind of readjusting it's like well you know what that is wearing this all day what do you mean the same as what you talk about with like the little thing on the lip yes where their lip just moves it's like um they're boomerangs you know like a little repeat over and over and it's just them like kind of taking it off taking it off. It's mimicking a sexual
Starting point is 00:30:46 thing. It's like the thing on the lip is... Again, they just want people to love them and this just works better than just standing still and not adjusting your swimsuit because I guess the adjusting makes you feel like they're taking it off in some way. And also it's movement. It tracks the eye. You got to keep everything moving.
Starting point is 00:31:02 Well, Brian, I just want to say you this weekend went... You've, you were with, you've seen my boyfriend more than I have this weekend. That's right. He was in LA. I forgot that he even went there. All of a sudden he's in LA and I'm like, oh, hi. I didn't.
Starting point is 00:31:15 Cool. We're close by kind of because I was in Nevada. But you went to a Laker game with him? No, no, no. Dodger game last night. Yeah. Dodgers Cardinals, the Dodgers versus the St. Louis Cardinals. They happened to be in town.
Starting point is 00:31:30 How tired was my boyfriend? Um, he didn't seem very tired. Did he say he was tired? Yeah. Well, I just, I don't want to, I don't want to blow up his spot. If he was good, I'm glad he wasn't tired. If he told you, he was tired. I think he said my, your boy is tired. Oh yeah. With a lot of R's. Well, you know, I think he he wasn't tired. If he told you he was tired. I think he said, your boy is tired.
Starting point is 00:31:46 With a lot of R's. But I think he was just trying to pack it in. He's able to ratchet it up at any time if the circumstance is right. Yeah, did you have fun? What did you guys do? Tell me all the scoop. Did you talk about me? What happened? What did he say? We pretty much talked about you exclusively.
Starting point is 00:32:00 He did say that you talked about me with his friend Nick too. At the end of the night. he was like, they love my girl. And it makes me, they really, like he loves when people approve of me to him, which I don't hate either. Yeah. But apparently I got some approval. Yeah. He asked for my hand in marriage from you guys or something.
Starting point is 00:32:22 Brian has to give the green light. He asked, he asked like, what's the best way to propose to someone that you are in love with? And Brian's like, put your tongue on the roof of your mouth. Wait two more years until she feels ready. Yeah. It's like everyone always thinks I'm just waiting around and like,
Starting point is 00:32:41 why hasn't he proposed yet? In it's me. Hi, I'm not ready. it's me hi i'm not ready it's me you know how in baseball they change the rules this year where you're only allowed to have 20 seconds or 15 seconds in between each pitch so the pitch happens quicker i said the games are not so the games aren't so long i suggested that proposal. I said, maybe you should put a timer. Oh, that would be great. I don't want him to do it at a big thing. I don't want it to be a big spectacle.
Starting point is 00:33:13 I just, and he better tell me beforehand. I think most people, when they get married, they have a talk like, you'll say yes, right? Like we're already living together. This is like, we've talked about getting married. We like know it's in the air. No one just like springs it on people yeah he and he would not do that and by the way he's not it's not like i'm the one that's like i don't want to get married yet he i don't think wants to either but we both talk about it like it's in it's in the air but if he
Starting point is 00:33:39 were to propose i would go what are you like i would be mad because i didn't have any heads up you know i mean i didn't have a heads up. You know what I mean? I didn't have a heads up, but I guess... You knew! You were living together for years at that point. That wasn't... And Matt knew like from day one that that's what I wanted. What? Matt knew from day one that that's what I wanted. That's what you wanted to
Starting point is 00:33:57 marry him. Even before you guys were together, you would have married him. So, yeah. I just sent him an email. You don't want to be surprised? you don't want to be surprised you wouldn't want to be surprised no i wanted to be i would like it to happen um when i i don't see it coming but i don't want it to happen where it's like we haven't talked about like i don't want a glimmer of a thing of like babe i don't think i'm ready yet like if he did it today i'd go i'd say yes for the people watching because I didn't want to embarrass him.
Starting point is 00:34:29 Yeah. But I'd go, babe, this is going to be a long engagement. Like we got it. We got to pass through some hoops before. I mean, he would never do it right now.
Starting point is 00:34:37 He's not an idiot. Like we're both not, we haven't, we, I just would want to both be on the same page of like, yes, let's get married. I'm ready to be engaged.
Starting point is 00:34:44 And then you can take the year to decide when to do it. I'm not going to be waiting around. But yeah, I want it to be special. He'll do something very special. But you don't want something in public. No, at that point, I wouldn't mind something in public. But you want the jumbotron. I wouldn't mind that if he knows that I'm game.
Starting point is 00:34:58 Got it. I thought you were going to say gay. If he knows I'm gay, then lock it down because it'll be harder for me to ever pursue those interests if I ever ring on my banger. Yeah. So you had a good time? There was a will you marry me on the Jumbotron at the Dodgers game,
Starting point is 00:35:15 but it was so fast. There was no... I got to assume it was a joke. Like someone said, oh, I'll do it as a joke. So my friends, he's, will you marry me? And then like, ha ha. But then is it really a joke? Are you trying to, right?
Starting point is 00:35:26 But it went up so fast. There was no reaction to it. I can't imagine the person even saw it. Can you imagine you set up a, will you marry me on the Jumbotron? And then the person doesn't see it. Like they go to the bathroom and then it's up there. I think that's a great story. I would rather that than have it all go right.
Starting point is 00:35:44 I always want to get on the kiss cam oh I'm dying I always kind of casually when I'm at games like the kiss cams up and I'm kind of just like trying to like I Chris is sometimes like maybe talking to me or someone next to me is talking to me but I'm like dead focused like I'm ready for the kiss cam in the case it happens like you're applying lip gloss yeah like or if there's like a cam where it's like dancing where you're like doing the twist I'm like doing the twist like kind of like a little bit just just let the camera op know like hey that girl would be game if we put it on her yeah like i'm always looking to get on to perform in some way are you incognito at those events or are you like i'm out i'm no i'm out i'd
Starting point is 00:36:21 like to be i like i like getting recognized we had a friend. It happened once at Taylor Swift, both concerts. I only got recognized once at each time, which is perfectly fine. That's wild to me because you're so recognizable and tall, too. Well. Like, I saw Nikki get recognized. We were walking through a restaurant, and we went to dinner with David Spade in Vegas, and I saw at least one family completely lose their shit. At least one. But I think there were more people. Usually you say at least two, but you go at least one family completely lose their shit. At least one.
Starting point is 00:36:45 But I think there were more people. Usually you say at least two, but you go at least one. It wasn't less than one. We're walking through a restaurant. We see a cute blonde girl who's probably, I would say, like 29, 30, right there. And you just see her eyes bug out. And then she looks at her whole family. And I see it in slow motion.
Starting point is 00:37:03 She goes, that's Nikki Glaser. And they just all turned around it was so cute she was just completely freaked out and so starstruck it was cute oh that's nice um yeah it happened like i feel it happens sometimes but i just don't i don't i don't want to ruin it for them by seeing them so i try to like not but you're not like a sunglasses hat type of girl at those events no sometimes well walking around the casino this weekend I was in Vegas with Spade at the Venetian thank you to all the besties who came out and also to all the besties that came out to the Tucson shows um I don't want to be my my poster is everywhere I don't want to be recognized in that circumstance because I look so shitty and I don't want them to say something mean about the show they saw maybe last
Starting point is 00:37:46 night. I'm just avoiding if at a meet and greet people never say anything mean but like if you just run into people that were like in the elevator like yeah we got tickets to your show. Pretty good. Like they could say something I don't want. I'm just trying not to get insulted. Glad I didn't bring the kids.
Starting point is 00:38:02 So that's when I'll wear a baseball cap with the sunglasses is to just not deal with that. Or I wear baseball cap sunglasses to not talk to anyone. Not because I'm Nikki Glaser comedian, but like I don't want anyone talking to me.
Starting point is 00:38:15 Right. And it really shuts you off to the world. And it's, yeah, it's just. But if you're out like at a Lakers game or something. No, I would never.
Starting point is 00:38:23 I would want to be recognized there because it's never going to be overwhelming for me. I'm not that famous. It's always going to be a treat. But I don't want to be recognized if you've seen my show that night before and you're a person in a bikini smoking a cigarette in an elevator.
Starting point is 00:38:35 Have you guys ever heard someone talking about your show right after you play? Like in a bathroom or something? Yes. And I told the girl, I go, stop talking, stop talking. We walk among you. Yeah, I go, stop talking, stop talking. We walk among you. Yeah, I was in the stall next to her.
Starting point is 00:38:47 And she was horrified, as I would be too. But she felt really bad. And it's okay. I can suck sometimes. And her name was Grace. Wait, what? Oh, yeah, the headphones. No, it's, yeah, that's devastating.
Starting point is 00:39:03 I literally, when I walk out of, when I used to do clubs, and you would have to go to the bathroom, and the crowd would be in there, I'd go in the bathroom, I'd plug my ears, and I'd go, na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. Yeah, same. Like, I can't even hear you. They always would be talking about the opening act,
Starting point is 00:39:17 and I'd be like, please don't, na-na-na, I just don't want to hear it. Just close your ears and go, na-na-na-na-na-na, because they'll do it. They will, and if you're walking out somewhere, they'll rank, if you're ever on a show with a bunch of people, and you're all, like, the, no, no, no. Because they'll do it. They will. And if you're walking on somewhere, they'll rank. If you're over on a show with a bunch of people and you're all like the same level of fame, they'll have to say who they liked better.
Starting point is 00:39:31 And then you get all that information. But being the opener, you can go into the bathroom and do like recon because then you hear, I hear people talk about like the headliner. And then I know what the feel of the crap, what the pulse is. Oh. Oh, pre-show? God. Anytime. I, pre-show? Anytime. I never want you opening for me.
Starting point is 00:39:48 I don't want you getting that recon. Jesus Christ, Brian. You don't tell me anything that you hear. Yeah, the amount of times that you hear as an opener, you were better than the headliner. If you're a listener and you ever think the opener is better than the headliner, sometimes they are, but it's because you saw the way there was no bar for the there was no bar at all you have no expectations for the opener so they could only exceed your expectations if anything you think they're
Starting point is 00:40:14 gonna suck openers so they're good you're of course they're gonna be more funny than you think they are and secondly they did less time 20 minutes they can they can choose all their greatest hits you've never seen them before so they can do all their old material there's a lot of things conspiring against you as a headliner to make that opener much better than you and so i was knowing that i'm never hurt but i am hurt a little bit that they walk away and then they tell everyone the opener was better than her not knowing. Not knowing all of the things. It's weird like at the cellar where there's a lineup of six or seven people.
Starting point is 00:40:48 That's when you can pit us against each other. Oh yeah. You can because we're like each doing 15 minutes unless someone is like working on a Fallon set or something
Starting point is 00:40:56 or like looking at their notes and that's just a cop out. If a comedian ever says I'm doing new stuff or looks at their notes they're trying to mitigate against you thinking they suck. And so now they have an excuse for why they suck.
Starting point is 00:41:08 Anytime a joke doesn't go well for me and it's a new joke, I always go, that's a new joke. And then it buys me something that everyone forgives me for it. Yeah. As opposed to just sticking it and being like, well, that sucked. Yeah. You can do that with music too. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:19 I still don't know the chorus. Yes. Yes. Yeah. So, yeah. But at Yeah. So, um, yeah, but at the cellar, you always are going to get ranked and that's another place I go.
Starting point is 00:41:28 Then, then, then, then, then, then. Yeah. They like to do it sometimes in front of other people.
Starting point is 00:41:32 Like you are the best of all of you guys. It's like, don't say it in front of the other comics. People just start, I guess people don't, maybe they wouldn't care themselves if that happened to them. Do people not get insecure and want to be the best all the time or is that just a thing we have?
Starting point is 00:41:51 I think they care. I think they would care. I think they're just excited. They're excited to say you were awesome. It's the same thing when the thing you hate where people tell you when someone said something negative to ingratiate themselves with you. I feel like them saying you were the best one by the way. They're almost whispering it loudly. I themselves with you. I feel like them saying, you were the best one,
Starting point is 00:42:05 by the way. They're almost whispering it loudly. I've done that. I said it to Chris Rock once. You were the best. But I said it when I knew no one else could hear. And I knew... By the way, if I'm the best, fucking tell me I'm the best. I want to hear it so much. But don't say that you're the best to someone who's next to me
Starting point is 00:42:22 and I can hear it. And I don't even want you to whisper something to them because I know what you're whispering to them. You could be whispering, hey, your shoe's untied, but I will think you're saying you were the best, she sucked. It's just like incredible insecurity. Don't compliment someone I'm with
Starting point is 00:42:38 and be like, oh, when I saw you, I was like, you looked incredible. I'm like, I'm right here. Throw me a bone. Devastating. Devastating. My whole life is just don't. I mean, it happens to me all the time where people get complimented for being hot around me.
Starting point is 00:42:57 And it's just. And that's why I dress like shit, I think. I'm not even joking you. I just uncovered this. I don't like trying during the day to look cute. I either try 100% to look cute or 0% because I want to mitigate, again, using that word, against people not thinking I'm hot because then I chose it. It's a new song I'm working on. This is a new joke. I'm not trying right now. This is an old scrappy piece of paper with some notes written on it. This outfit is not, I'm not trying. So that's why i'm not hot because if i tried i would be hotter than my friend who you keep saying is so hot also we're living in a time where everyone's allowed to
Starting point is 00:43:36 well women especially are allowed to dress ugly it's kind of encouraged like ugly jeans ugly big fat a double x i've never sold so many double xl shirts in the merch booth as yeah because they're like dresses yeah everybody's just buying all girls in la walk around like they're at a sleepover party yeah they do yeah it's really i mean i was watching like clips of esther recently i like, she is so fucking cute. And she's just wearing big t-shirts and big jeans. And she looks seven years old. And I'm like, that's hot.
Starting point is 00:44:12 No, because that's what style is. It's stylish. It's Billie Eilish stylish. Can I say the first time that I ever did a stand-up at a club, people were so upset that they wrote letters. No way.
Starting point is 00:44:28 Yeah. I posted at the- Dearest Jared. They wrote letters. Your club. Wait, to the Comedy Attic? Yes. Is that where you did-
Starting point is 00:44:36 I was hosting my first ever hosting at the Comedy Attic. It was for Michael Winslow from Police Academy Movies, does the sound effects. He was the first weekend there, right? First weekend ever. I was the first comic to ever step on that stage. That stage. Oh my god. And I hosted it and I was
Starting point is 00:44:52 so bad that people in the audience wrote letters saying how upset they were and that I should never... Do you remember any of the jokes that caused this? Why were you so bad? I was also wearing a suit.
Starting point is 00:45:08 You were wearing a suit? I was wearing a suit, and I went by Brian M. Frangie because I thought the middle initial... I thought, you know what? People might not remember my name, but they'll remember that I had a middle initial. Oh, that's so cute and stupid. I like that.
Starting point is 00:45:22 And I had my suit, and I would talk like this. And your suit, because you think you got to have a thing. You don't know who you are when you first start comedy. You're grasping at any kind of sort of identity and thing that will direct you in some way. Because when you can talk about anything and you don't even know who you are. You're so young. You were what? 19?
Starting point is 00:45:43 Yeah. I don't know. 19 probably. 19 or Yeah. I don't know. 19 probably. Yeah. 19 or 20. I nailed it. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:49 You're wearing a suit. Like it's just, and what were your jokes? Do you have, you had, I'm sure there was one or two that were okay. I'm ashamed. I'm very ashamed. I mean, you got to keep in mind, this was like, what year was this? You know, this was a different time in comedy, but I did some jokes that I would would i would be very ashamed to repeat now one of them oh for sure one of them was uh probably anti-fat people uh yes and i think that was one of the letters i got was there was an
Starting point is 00:46:18 obese person in the audience who said that i offended them okay um and then you know i had this joke this is so it must be tough going to a club as an obese person you know there's gonna be fat jokes in a night of comedy especially in the early aughts yes yes now i think we're a little bit more sensitive to that but even now they still happen it's just got to be real like they're on tv constantly same with asian men with small penis like small penis jokes like i would never go to a club a comedy club if i was an asian man because i if i'm on a date because i know someone's gonna make a small penis asian you just sit in the back though no because you're with a date and she's hearing that and not that there's anything wrong with having a small penis i don't think there is but it's just like it's so
Starting point is 00:47:04 hack and you just know you're gonna hear it the way that i didn't want to watch snl as a kid because i knew that they might make a joke about santa not being real and i didn't want my sister to find out i would never watch snl because i knew what you're gonna get into oh my god like okay go on brian so you had a fat joke you had a i had a joke about how um you get canceled the whole thing i would be cancelled every single joke me too my jokes used to be littered with things that you profane
Starting point is 00:47:31 speech that you cannot use now but we could say back then that's the thing like cancelled culture I wouldn't have said it if it meant what it means now I didn't know so ease up it up pervasive in the culture i wasn't someone who was trying to like make people to like i wasn't doing hate speech
Starting point is 00:47:53 that wasn't like my what i was trying to do but looking at it now it looks like it would have been because i used some words that you just cannot use now oh i had a song that i'm i had songs i'm so taylor swift has a song about getting revenge on a guy by telling all his friends, telling all my friends, you're gay. It's a lyric. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:12 And then she slut shames a girl in another song. And like, there's, that was a different, it was a different time. And I know that's like a song that, you know, that she's on,
Starting point is 00:48:20 she only made two missteps out of like her 400 songs. Yeah. Up until like, I would say, as late as 2015, rape was a punchline. There's a college humor video from 2015 where the last...
Starting point is 00:48:34 I literally closed with the word rape the other night. It was the final sentence I said. I forgot what it was. Maybe it's coming back. I said, blank raped me. Thank you, good night said blank raped me. Why can't I remember that? Thank you, good night. It's me.
Starting point is 00:48:50 Well, that's actually not in the same spirit as what it used to be. In 2015, I remember watching this college humor video in 2020 or something that was from 2015 and the last line in the video was like, let's go rape that person. And that was like a 5 million
Starting point is 00:49:06 view video no one scoffed at it at the time but back then that was like a legitimate punchline oh yeah I mean I've got some like old footage of myself and I just sent it to because they wanted to sprinkle old footage of me throughout or just in
Starting point is 00:49:22 one part of Welcome Home Nikki Glaser my reality show that aired one season last year um they wanted and so i and i didn't want to watch it it was from 2004 right five oh these open mics and so i just sent like hours of material that this one guy found because he used to tape every open mic at the stanford and sons comedy And they, the next day, were like, you don't want that to get out. Like, you should not be sending that willy-nilly. And I was like, what? And they were like, there was some,
Starting point is 00:49:53 like, they told me some of the words I used, and I was like, oh, yeah! Like, so embarrassed. I would never have sent that to them thinking that I would ever have a joke with that word in it. And then they told me the joke, and I was like, oh, yeah,
Starting point is 00:50:04 I definitely used that word. Because, because first of all I was using the word because it's an insane word to use the r word no I'm using that now that's back in my act I have I'm gonna get I'm I'm begging to be canceled but I also like can stand by any now I'm so aware of it right if I choose to use the r word it's about the r word i'm not talking about that i'm not making fun of what we used to refer to people as that word i'm talking about why the word itself but the word i used was um a slur okay and it's not a nice one and it's and but it was it i was using it because it was so absurd to call someone that and and but so you're being ironic i was being slightly ironic but i also would never use that word now in a million you couldn't right now even thinking it in my head
Starting point is 00:51:00 it's not the n word please don't think it's n-word i was never that stupid thank god but that was a word that white comics were dropping to be edgy right and not to offend or like because they and it's like how could you not know that would offend people because everyone around it's just like it was i don't i'm not making excuses i mean i am making excuses i i can but here's the difference between me and most of woke America. And I hate using that word because I do think being woke is good. Like you're waking up to sensitivities of people. It's not the worst thing. But it's like, accept an apology, everyone.
Starting point is 00:51:37 If someone can look back at something they did and be horrified, that's enough for me. I've always said if Trump one day wakes up and goes oh my god i'm so fucking embarrassed what did i do i inspired that insurrection i had so many words of hate that uh like divided this if he was just all of a sudden had an awakening i would forgive everything and I am not joking everything because we're allowed to his brain is fucked up in a way that mine is not like if he suddenly hits
Starting point is 00:52:13 his head and realizes like what the fuck was I doing but I'm seeing but there is a way he literally could get a concussion or some kind of brain thing because whatever he is I disagree with anyone who has that kind of like you know that kind of mentality to me has something wrong with their brain yeah and i have empathy for that of like if i was born with that brain
Starting point is 00:52:39 with those parents in that town and went to school at the same places, I would be just as racist as them. So they can't really help it. This is all my thing of no free will. But I just would forgive anyone that is sorry. But then, and I've said this before, so I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself. But when someone apologizes and says, I can't believe I did a joke with that word in it.
Starting point is 00:53:00 I am horrified. I apologize to anyone who was offended. I am so, so sorry. People go, she just wants her show back. that word in it i am horrified i apologize to anyone who was offended i am so so sorry people go she just wants her show back she just wants she just wants to be famous again she wants everyone to like her again that's the only reason she's saying that it's like can it be both can't i want my career back that was taken from me for this use word i used 20 years ago and can i also be sorry why can't it be both why is it so bad to want things back that you lost?
Starting point is 00:53:26 Why is that so bad to want your career back? But we all go, she's just apologizing because they want it back. It's like, why can't it be both? If you cheat on your girlfriend or boyfriend and you realize how bad it was what you did, can't you be sorry for it and also want your girlfriend back
Starting point is 00:53:43 and not just be saying sorry to get that back? Do difference yeah but i think now no one no one believes any apology because everyone thinks they're trying to get something back it's like of course they are why are we this way because we're supposed to be so um not christian but we're supposed to be forgiving and we're not because we love seeing people get canceled i love it i love it as someone who doesn't like when people are too famous and too popular because i want to be popular a deep part of me loves you feel like it's like it's an open slot now that you can take their that's probably it you know if we like picked it apart it's probably yeah there's one less person that's getting attention so it makes your john bonnet ramsey apart enough it's probably yeah there's one less person that's
Starting point is 00:54:25 getting attention so it makes room for me and now joke yes it's like the john bonnet joke come see me live um it's and now you can start a cult with a bunch of women living in a house that have a tattoo of your name yeah like chrysalia getting canceled is not like me being like oh i'm so like he's gonna free up more space for me to have what he has. It's just like, yeah, there's no question that people like to see people get canceled, and it's a sick part of our own egos. Showing Freud. Yeah. But we like retribution.
Starting point is 00:54:56 We do like someone who's been doing something truly egregious to be punished. Yeah. But if that person says, we shouldn't. I apologize. I've gone to therapy. I'm in help. I'm in treatment.
Starting point is 00:55:09 I have made, I have righted wrongs. Do you accept that? Yeah, I accepted when Crystalia came out with his apology. So did I. I thought it was sincere.
Starting point is 00:55:17 So did I. And I still to this day think it was sincere. Like I think he was probably, has a sex addiction, was going to talk to someone about it, was trying to stay on the course. But then need to hear you now we've got some updated information that you
Starting point is 00:55:31 tried to get girls to tattoo themselves and all live into a house where they would fuck you and feed you at the same time yeah i don't know about this i need you to talk about that i don't know about the timeline though i think like during the recording of that apology no but i believe the apology and it was enough for me because it was he's like one second he was showing an exam he was that's what it comes out like during that apology he was still fooling around i get when you he's like okay you can you can go to whole foods now go yeah you're allowed to leave you can get off your knees and stop filleting the air thinking that it's me because i've wanted you to always be pleasing me even when i'm not there um no i i can i i would accept i don't need i know first of all well
Starting point is 00:56:17 he doesn't need to apologize to me i'm not offended and nothing about i'm not like i can't enjoy his comedy anymore i never was was. No, actually, what? I did. I do. I still do. His Eminem stuff. And he is funny. There's no question about it.
Starting point is 00:56:31 And I can still, there's, you know why I can still enjoy Chris D'Elia? Because no part of his act said to me he was a good person. I never needed to believe he was an honest, telling me the truth person. His comedy isn't about honesty and like telling me who he is. Yes. Bill Cosby, Louis C.K., I go to you for honesty. So when I find out you're not being honest and you're having these shady things, it's my choice to not really want to hear you anymore.
Starting point is 00:57:00 It's not to punish you and to be like, you don't deserve my view. It's like, I don't really care what you have to say anymore because i liked when i thought you were saying everything that was really going on you were a truth not that not that i'm entitled to that but you you tended to share overshare all of these things i thought you you know jerking off in your child's room or whatever you shared was like the depths of what you do that's weird which i should have assumed oh there's more below that well cosby was like the opposite cosby was like also a of what you do that's weird which I should have assumed oh there's more below that well Cosby was like the opposite Cosby was like also a wholesome family man that's like when a priest
Starting point is 00:57:30 does it honest there was no honesty from him you can see that he was hiding stuff but it's just the comics that I enjoy I can still enjoy Michael Jackson's music because for me to bop along to thriller does not need I never in thriller was like I need to believeiller does not need, I never in Thriller was like,
Starting point is 00:57:46 I need to believe he's not licking little boy's asshole. Enjoy this. It's not a part of it for me. However, to enjoy Louis C.K., I do need to believe he's telling me the whole truth. So it's part of it. And that's just Chris Brown. I can't enjoy it because he's singing about love.
Starting point is 00:58:01 And he also did these horrible things. It's not to say that i couldn't enjoy chris brown's paintings because that for me doesn't need i don't need to believe he doesn't beat women to enjoy his paintings but for his love songs i do need to so it's just each person needs i don't mind if you enjoy chris brown's music for you it doesn't matter that he beat someone it's it's fine you can still enjoy it you can't help what you can still enjoy or still not enjoy. It's the exact opposite for me. When I used to listen to Michael
Starting point is 00:58:28 Jackson's music, my first thought was, just as long as he's not licking little boys' assholes, I can like this. Does that make sense though that Michael Jackson's music for me was never wrapped up in him not molesting children? Not that I was like, this would be fine if he did.
Starting point is 00:58:44 Each of these people has created a brand and an image that you signed up for and then there is a cognitive dissonance between that and this new truth that's revealed yes I wouldn't mind if someone found out something about me and they couldn't listen to me anymore if it was if they found out something about me that was so antithetical to what they enjoyed about me in the first place it makes sense that they wouldn't listen to me but if you found out that i i don't know like something that fits with i don't know what i can you kill the guy with your car about if i got if i got cancer if you couldn't listen to me anymore because i did
Starting point is 00:59:20 a joke that disparaged fat people in 2007 you don't know who I am and you don't understand that like I would never do that now and that I am a flawed like that fits with my brand I was a flawed person I'm continuing to be a flawed person I make mistakes it fits if you abandon me because of that joke I made in 2007 bye you don't get me and so it's okay does that make sense it fits with my brand to have said a joke about fat people in 2007 i was a person that hated my body still am i i my brain wasn't fully developed i was an addict like it all makes sense i'm not making excuses i'm horrified by it i'm righting my wrongs and don't want to do that anymore and that's what we need an apology accountability a reason why you did it not
Starting point is 01:00:06 not an excuse but like i think i've explored why i did that and why and in a plan of action to not do it again and also empathizing with how you hurt people like how did it affect people yeah i think that all that and if you get cheated on or something like if i so i got cheated on apologize to me for it acknowledge how much i how much I hurt, why you did it, and what are the actions you're going to take to not ever do that to me again? Can you tell we watched
Starting point is 01:00:29 six hours of couples therapy on Showtime last night? Yeah, we'll get to that after this. Right after this. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight
Starting point is 01:00:41 straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics entertainment sports and more joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors and with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 01:01:15 We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a playboy model. Lingerie, topless.
Starting point is 01:01:37 I said, yes, please. Because at the centre of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him
Starting point is 01:01:58 and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven, and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail.
Starting point is 01:02:27 It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls, and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community,
Starting point is 01:02:53 and I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery, a story told in 12 steps. Listen to CRIs as part of the Michael Duda Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Happy holidays from me, Michael Rapaport. And my gift to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rapaport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss entertainment, sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it, and there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Here's a clip from one of my favorite episodes. You are not a real fighter. You will never be discussed anywhere in boxing history,
Starting point is 01:03:48 ever. Fake Paul. The movie is The Apprentice, and the movie is about young Donald Trump and his apprentice, Roy Cohen. Real character, obviously, both are real characters. It kind of has a Scarface vibe to it, which I thought was very interesting. Listen to the I Am Rap Report Stereo Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. Yeah, so Anya came with me this weekend to Vegas with Spade. So fun. It was so fun.
Starting point is 01:04:23 It was so fun. So fun. with spade so it was so fun it was so fun so fun like i'm still i haven't cry laughed in a long time but i did over the weekend many times and uh and then weirdly i had this thing like where when the weekend was over i felt like crying all the time and i'm not pmsing and not hormonal i think i was just so moved by all the humor and like Nikki and David's friendship is really sweet and funny and and I was just like I'm so lucky to be here and like get to perform in Tucson with Nikki and then like get to come on the weekend and like I actually dinners I got to help a little bit like a tiny bit oh you totally helped so I think it was like what's what's going on over
Starting point is 01:05:01 here texty like Anya would be like we would be talking about the sound the night before. The sound was a little loud. The spotlight was a little bright. Anya's on the phone already texting people like, we need to adjust. And he's like, what's going on over here? What are you doing, Fingers? So Anya's fixing things. And I could tell that he was even like, she's kind of nice to have around.
Starting point is 01:05:20 She's taking care. She got some Diet Cokes for us. But two incredibly talented, famous celebrities who are the funniest people in the world, like can't get a diet Coke to save their lives. So in the casino at the Venetian, it's like Pepsi all day long everywhere. And Pepsi diet Pepsi is disgusting.
Starting point is 01:05:42 It's not even in, it's not an alternative to Diet Coke. It's an alternative to diarrhea. Like if you were like, do you want to drink diarrhea or Diet Pepsi? You go, okay, yeah, those are in the same ballpark. I would rather have Diet Pepsi.
Starting point is 01:05:54 But Diet Pepsi in lieu of Diet Coke doesn't make any sense. It's like offering orange juice. It's apples and oranges, literally. And so Spade loves Diet Coke. I love Diet diet coke it's a treat we he has a very specific way of eat of drinking it i just like it with my dinner i knew we got to the place early to have dinner and i before spade got there and i was like this is not gonna be good the waitress the server's like what would you like to drink and she's like diet coke and she goes oh we only
Starting point is 01:06:23 have diet pepsi and he goes are you fucking serious she was already she had a fun rapport with us i wasn't being i just go really gross and then spade said the same the same thing and then so spade the second night so we spade actually the first night was like so kind of bummed out about the diet coke that his opener my friend friend Bobby Miyamoto, who I've been friends with for years, and he's opened for Spade for years and years, he was like, you want me to go get you a Diet Coke? He had a stroke, and so he kind of talks.
Starting point is 01:06:57 He's always kind of talked like a robot. He's like, do you want me to go get you a Diet Coke? And Spade's like, I'll buy dinner if you go get Diet Coke, even though he's already going to buy dinner. We all knew it. So then Bobby goes to Walgreens to get Diet Cokes. Which is like a trek because you get lost in the Venetian. You get lost outside.
Starting point is 01:07:16 It's 85 degrees outside. Walking anywhere in Vegas is a nightmare. But then the next night we go to dinner, same, you know, not same place, but in the same complex. And again, no Diet Coke. And we should have been prepared but we weren't so then spade this time gives a hundred dollar bill to our waiter and goes go find some diet cokes anywhere you can we need them and the waiter's like okay so the waiter change out changes out of his outfit to go onto the strip to go find diet cokes he can't find anyone, any of them anywhere.
Starting point is 01:07:46 He brings the $100 back. Spade then has friends that are going to meet us later come early to bring Diet Cokes that they find. Is this insane? And meanwhile, inside, I'm dying because I have already arranged for there to be four cans of Diet Coke in their green rooms because I learned from the night before, what a fucking disaster. Let's get this place set up yeah so the real disaster is that you didn't have those earlier like it was a five minute walk and i'm just sitting there going i can't believe the waiter
Starting point is 01:08:15 has like gone sprinting for diet coke when i could just leave this place go back we need you there i know i had to be there for entertainment and beauty. To laugh. Yes. And for beauty. Yes. But we laughed so much. The stories. The Instagram stories you share with your head back. I can't.
Starting point is 01:08:32 Every single picture. I know. She was laughing all weekend. I classically laugh a lot. Like, Rachel Feinstein gets me to do the Pez dispenser laugh. Bob Saget used to. I lolled when you said, what, am I at the dentist? I literally was like, because the chairs were kind of reclining. So when I laid back, it really did look like I was at the dentist i literally because the chairs were kind of like reclining so when i
Starting point is 01:08:46 laid back it really did look like i was uh at the dentist um yeah it was just so many so many laughs and he is so naturally funny and those two together are so funny because i don't say anything funny around him literally if you have you ever been around someone who's so funny that you just don't even try like you don't need to it's like what's the point it'd be like shouting at a a movie that is you know like it doesn't no one needs this from me to like tag a movie that you're watching so it was just me i just get to laugh all weekend but it was cute and also slip into a horrible depression because i'll never be as funny as him yeah i mean that's what happened to me the first night after i had a rough set the first night i really didn't enjoy my set because my manager was there it's everyone's all the people that run the venetian are backstage
Starting point is 01:09:33 and like you it's a big night of like this is opening night of their residency and like it just and i wasn't even nervous it's so weird like beforehand i wasn't feeling nervous walking out on stage not nervous and then i get out there and I'm like why is my why are the words coming out of my mouth in a weird way I'm using words I've never used before I'm delivering these jokes in a way I've never delivered them before the timing is I'm timing it wrong like it was so off and the whole time I'm like get out of your head what is going on couldn't get out of it I forgot how to walk and talk at the same time it was so weird and also like and so then I go off stage
Starting point is 01:10:10 and then Spade goes up and fucking is just the funniest person I've ever seen in my life and I just sunk into a low grade depression and was like really struggling the next day and it was so circumstantial it wasn't like I'm about to start my period it was just like someone's funnier than me I'll never be that funny i'm a fraud everyone knows it um and
Starting point is 01:10:29 no one was telling the opener they were better than the headliner that night and it's embarrassing because you have to like hang out with everyone afterwards and act fine when you've had a bad set and no one knew i had a bad set everyone would have been like yeah spade was funnier but she was fine like no one would have noticed but thank god we had a second night because I got off stage on that second night and everyone was like that was like I'm like that's what I'm capable
Starting point is 01:10:54 of like even Spade was like you didn't like last night I'm like that was a C- for me I really maybe a D in terms of what I'm capable of I've done A's before that was a D. It is bizarre how you cannot I cannot figure out the alchemy of a capable of. I've done A's before. It is bizarre how you cannot, I cannot figure out the alchemy of a great show. And I've played thousands of shows in my life and I cannot figure out how to make the magic.
Starting point is 01:11:15 Well, to me, it's clear. I mean, one show you had a Diet Coke and the other one you didn't. Oh my God. And our sponsor. No, you know, the first show, I will say we ate dinner before the show. I't like to perform stuff ourselves you went to the buffet and i was wearing a and i all my clothes don't fit right now i'm like i've gained some weight and so nothing feels comfortable and
Starting point is 01:11:37 i'm having like my stylist in st louis she is helping me me get clothing from like companies that they shipped to me and I wear them and they're just loaners. And sample sizes are size two. If you don't fit into size two, you don't get samples because that's the one they loan out for the pictures to be taken in their catalogs. That's the one that they loan out for celebrities to wear on the red carpet. It's just a safe size for every model that you would want to wear this to fit in. And if you don't fit into a size two, you've got to squeeze into one because there's no sample 4s or 6s or 8s. There's none.
Starting point is 01:12:10 You have to buy those. I have to fit into it. There's no ifs, ands, or buts about it. I've got to lose weight because I can't afford to not because this is the only way to get free clothes. I don't want to buy these clothes that I don't want to spend $800 on a dress that I'm
Starting point is 01:12:26 going to wear one time. And why wouldn't you wear it more, Nikki? Because once you get a picture of it and you post it on Instagram, it doesn't the likes depreciate after that. Nikki, why do you even care about that? Because I'm trying to build a career because I want people to love me because I want to survive the apocalypse. When everyone starts to freak out, I want people to go, we got to get Nikki Glazer in
Starting point is 01:12:41 a bunker. That's why, everyone. That's why. She's really funny. That's why I need to lose weight to fit into these two size two clothes i mean it's just so i was fitting into the size two thing that is also a big size two but it was not big enough because it was like cutting off my i couldn't zip it all the way so i'm wearing something that's making me feel fat and also it had a blazer with it and And whenever I'm wearing a blazer, I just feel less feminine. And I feel like just, I'm already feeling chunky and not, and it's, this, these, these little shorts are riding up my ass. I'm wearing a thong. So I'm in deep discomfort.
Starting point is 01:13:14 Right. And I'm, I just ate. So there's like, I, and I'm bloated and I just was like, oh, and my hair looked frizzy. Like I just couldn't, I didn't feel good. And then I see spade in like comfortable shoes and jeans and like a cool hat which by the way i'm wearing a hat right now that spade had at dinner the other night and i was like i want that hat and he was like write to them they'll send it to you so thank you to kooks supply for sending me this endless bummer hat but
Starting point is 01:13:37 um but yeah i just uh it's a size two you don't have to be a size two to fit into the clothing that men's companies send you. But it was just, yeah, that's what makes a bad show. I want to be comfortable. Well, then Nikki, stop wearing heels and dresses. Part of my comfort is looking hot.
Starting point is 01:13:57 You can be comfortable and still wearing heels and dresses. I feel you. It's like, I have a dress that is so deeply uncomfortable. It's a sequins and it looks comfortable, but I can't wear it because I i have a dress that is so deeply uncomfortable it's a sequins and it
Starting point is 01:14:05 looks comfortable but i can't wear it because i'll have a terrible show the whole time is digging into my skin and i'm just like i just don't like to feel fat yeah i don't like to it's and i know people are going to respond to this and go that's fat phobic you're you can't they're gonna write letters you're not fat why would you say that don't write letters please but like i just it it's a feeling i can't help i wish i didn't feel that way i don't want to be this kind of woman that has says things like this believe me i'm trying but it just was a rough weekend in that respect and um that's one of brian cranston's acting tips is uh he he says just don't eat before you film because yeah not it's not just you feel fat but you get a little
Starting point is 01:14:45 tired your body is operating on it yeah you get tired yeah exactly because you does anyone realize that whenever you eat you get cold afterwards yeah because your body all your energy is going to your digestive tract to like operate your blood so you get cold everywhere else i always get cold after i eat because i'm tired but it just sucks when you are feeling a little too big for your clothes. Cause there's nothing for me to do. There's nothing for me to change. Cause I don't diet. I don't get to stop eating less. I don't, some girls get to go like, I'm going to go on a juice cleanse. I don't get to do that. I just have to like wait it out. Yep. Which doesn't, or I have to just like, I could work out more. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 01:15:26 Working out is making me fat. It is. I've been working out constantly lately and I'm not even doing it to be skinny. I'm working out so I feel strong, so I feel confident, so I like burn off some of my thoughts. But it's making me,
Starting point is 01:15:43 like my clothes don't fit anymore I just want my clothes to fit Nikki buy new clothes but I gotta get those sample sizes and it just it's but it's kind of fun to talk about nothing ingratiates you more to an audience than saying I've gained weight and they're all like yeah we noticed and then they I make jokes about
Starting point is 01:15:59 gaining weight they fucking love it everyone can relate to having tight pants oh yeah i haven't worn a belt since covid i've been really yeah i i used i've gained because you don't need it yeah no it well yeah i if i wear it it hurts if i wear a belt on my jeans that i've worn i have one pair of jeans that i've worn for like the last eight years and now i can't wear a belt with it because of my big belly oh yeah when covid began what what were your major changes in your life like sartorially fashion wise i don't even know what sartorial means yes you do sartorially
Starting point is 01:16:34 like uh it's fashion sartorial i started wearing uh uh sweatshorts i wear sweatshorts everywhere i wear them i still wear them i don't i wear sweatshorts a coat of paxi fanny pack and a zip hoodie in every situation i wore it to the dodgers game i'll wear it to uh is that fun for you i don't care nice to be a guy where you just don't have to think, like, do you feel like free? Because, because I think some guys are like, it would be nice to have a little bit more opportunity to dress up or dress down.
Starting point is 01:17:12 Like men sometimes I think get envious of women being able to do like fun hairstyles or fun makeup, like things that could change or, or, or do you feel like I feel, which is, I would feel amazing if I could just have, if I could pack a suitcase for Europe like Chris is going to do and bring three pairs of pants, five shirts, and two jackets, and one pair of shoes. Like, I would cry out of happiness.
Starting point is 01:17:38 I'm not even kidding you. Phoebe Bridgers. Thinking about my life, if I could pack a carry-on suitcase everywhere i go i know i get emotional and like thinking about my dop kit would be a plastic bag with like maybe some face lotion in it and a toothbrush like i can't handle what that how my life would change without all the shit that i need this is real emotion it really really is. Like I get, when I see Chris pack for a trip with his little suitcase, I just get like,
Starting point is 01:18:10 man, like I just want him to appreciate what that is. Where even over the weekend, John love it. John love it. He was at the Tropicana. And so he came over for our show on Saturday night and was hanging out backstage afterwards.
Starting point is 01:18:24 And he was like, look at all your things. And it was like, it is quite different for a woman. Because I had like five different pairs of shoes that I might need based on the outfit and then like two dresses and then my makeup. Did you wear those?
Starting point is 01:18:40 Or did you wear those? I had to have all that stuff and it's like, maybe I didn't because I could have chosen the outfit before, but that stuff would have just been up in my room. I had to bring all those options. I didn't know what I was going to. I like not wear. The one pair of shoes Nikki will wear on stage are completely impossible to walk in.
Starting point is 01:18:56 So the second she gets off, she has to put on the other pair of heels that are at least manageable. But the shoes I wear on stage, let me say say i am not in discomfort while on stage even in my tight outfit not uncomfortable on stage i have no feelings in my body on stage i could be shot in the head and i would still perform i'm not kidding you try to shoot me i will keep performing i will not notice any pain but i the second i step off stage i will start to feel the pain again so there is the adrenaline keeps all that pain away so it doesn't bother me to wear uncomfortable shoes on stage at all like literally at all it's the second i get off it's it's bothersome and that's why at meet and greets i will sometimes look like a hobo and i have just sometimes people will go i wanted to
Starting point is 01:19:39 dress with you in that picture with you in that pretty dress and i'm like sorry you should have done a selfie while I was on stage. Give me a break. You're never like a hobo. The hobo-iest thing is like a cute stretchy bodycon dress that's pink. No, I wore my pajamas on stage to the meet and greet the other night.
Starting point is 01:19:58 I wore this triple XL Taylor Swift shirt. The shoes were still cute. Final thought. The weekend was fun. Any highlights? Well, can you answer? So what brings you to St. Louis, Anya?
Starting point is 01:20:12 I mean, you guys are in Vegas and now you're in St. Louis. Yeah, well, she came with, she extended the trip because I have an idea to create a Taylor Swift cover band. I've been toying with it for a while. All I want to do,
Starting point is 01:20:28 I've been reading a lot about happiness and productivity and thinking a lot about my life and my decisions and what really makes me happy. And there's no question, singing Taylor Swift songs is my favorite
Starting point is 01:20:45 thing to do in the whole world, whether I'm by myself or with people, Taylor Swift is it's my happy place. Why am I not doing it as much as possible? So I thought, and also I love performing and I love Taylor Swift performing Taylor Swift songs. I don't even want to perform my own songs. I just, I was with my voice teacher a couple of weeks ago and I go, he's like, you need to write your own songs. And I'm like, I don't really want to. Like this gets it done for me. Like her songs feel like I have a relationship with them
Starting point is 01:21:15 that is as if they're my own in a way. Like I like them more than anything I could ever write. I don't even- You're like the song's aunt. Yeah, I was thinking about, yeah, that's a good point. Like with my niece and nephew, like I don't need to be a mother. I'm good being an aunt.
Starting point is 01:21:30 That's so it, Brian. Nice. Thank you. Great analogy. Thank you. I just, I keep thinking I want to write songs, but I was thinking about it the other day and I go, why can't you?
Starting point is 01:21:41 Why could you write jokes, Nikki? Like you saw, at one point in your life, you decided I'm going to be a comedian. You started writing jokes. Why was that so much easier for you than writing songs? I don't have the answer to that. All I know is it was easy. Writing songs is not easy.
Starting point is 01:21:56 I don't like to do things that don't feel good. And writing songs to me does not feel good yet. Maybe it will sometime. It does not feel good. It's torturous from start to finish i feel like a fraud i feel like a fool i want and then the other day my voice teacher said why don't you write songs and i said i just like singing taylor swift songs that's really all i want to do and he's like what about this other song i'm like yes there are other songs i like
Starting point is 01:22:18 besides her but and then i was after going to era's tour i just thought there are a lot of people that can't afford era's tour i know that i would go are a lot of people that can't afford Aera's tour. I know that I would go see a Taylor Swift cover band if the whole time we just got to sing out loud. And I was like, well, why don't I do this? So I asked Anya to start a cover band with me and that's what we're working on. You have a name? You have a name?
Starting point is 01:22:37 No, not yet. But I think that's going to take a really long time because I'm going to have to go through. Wait, we have to have a name? Why don't we just be Nikki Glaser covers Taylor Swift swift because it's kind of funny to do a cover band song like there's one for um sublime that's like uh we practice santeria which is hilarious because it's i don't practice santeria and they're like no we practiced it which is so funny so there's like a fun there's a way to be funny with the bit like there's one cover band called reputation like they'll they'll take some part of her catalog but
Starting point is 01:23:10 um yeah so that is going and and the cardigans oh that's funny because it's already exist um yeah i i think that and it's i think it'll be lucrative for both of us not that i know what that means brian uh lucrative it'll be sartorial lucrative is like of the of the book of luke from the bible yes yeah we're a christian taylor this is a christian taylor just change all the lyrics to god there's a blank space baby and jesus is in it and i'll write his name I'll write his name. I'll write his name. Oh my God. It's been fun. It's challenging for me. I've been playing guitar for 20 years and I do not play this way.
Starting point is 01:23:53 I don't strum this way. So I feel like I just started playing guitar. And for anyone who's tried to learn guitar, and I know Nikki can relate, it's the one thing that can make you feel absolutely suicidal. Like you want to throw the instrument across the room because you have to put in so much time to learn the muscle memory. And it's like incredibly frustrating. If people play guitar out there,
Starting point is 01:24:15 how the fuck do you learn finger picking? Like every song has a different- I can't finger pick. I can't pick pick. Well, finger picking, how do you do that? Because there's one song I'm trying to learn and it's I'll teach you it's a pattern
Starting point is 01:24:26 I already know the pattern I know the pattern on this hand and the chords are the only thing that's changing how is it just muscle memory you just do it enough that
Starting point is 01:24:33 you cry a lot so everyone has to go through this stage of wanting to kill yourself and rip off your hand yes I don't know how
Starting point is 01:24:41 you're doing this strum that one comes naturally to me finger picking do not I've put in easily easily a thousand hours Yes, I don't know how you're doing this strum. That one comes naturally to me. Fingerpicking, do not. I've put in easily a thousand hours on this one strum, and I still don't have it, but I'm seeing hope.
Starting point is 01:24:53 I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Oh my God, it's so frustrating. Everything is so, but you know what? I like this process. Yeah. And it's a way for me to get my best friend kind of obsessed with Taylor Swift. Like, I'm going to get you. Sorry, infiltrating my sleep.
Starting point is 01:25:07 I woke up today singing Death by a Thousand Cuts. Like, you, but this is a sneaky way for me to get a friend on board with my Taylor Swift. Like, you might be able to go to concerts now. And like, is there, have you learned a new appreciation for her? Oh, I definitely have a couple favorite songs that I'm like, oh, I enjoy. Like, I would enjoy listening to these in my spare time. You're not, like, obsessed yet, though. I don't know if I could get obsessed, but I love August.
Starting point is 01:25:34 I think that's a great song. I think it's really smart. I love the phrasing. I like Lavender Haze, which is so simple, but there's just something about that. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, just something about that oh oh oh oh oh oh yeah yeah it's uh sexy it's like kind of soulful it's a little departure for her but august is like the phrasing of that to me is really genius okay like when she's doing the whole thing about and also the line you're not gonna like watch videos of her and be like she's so cute blonde we love you she is cute like i just
Starting point is 01:26:09 want to watch videos of her being adorable like it's like this um it's i'm trying to find someone to get obsessed with me of like my mom's almost there where i can i can show many people all of your fans i know there's i need someone close in my circle that i'm able to like my mom is getting there well i'll send my mom like kind of insider swifty stuff where i'm like look at her mom listening to her look at like i kind of share things where it's like you can share all that stuff with me no you do watch there was a video the other day of like her garter belt broke and i was like look how she fixed it and it was like this really cute way of her like telling her she's like singing i have this thing where i get and she's like looking pointing at her garter belt broke and I was like look how she fixed it and it was like this really cute way of her like telling her she's like singing I have this thing where I get
Starting point is 01:26:48 and she's like looking pointing at her garter belt and then she like puts it up and then her dancers fix it and she's still singing and then she fucking nails it and it was just like it's fun to watch how pro she is and fucking cute and um I'm gay as my mom says everyone was gay for her in that stadium every woman she's so cute i get
Starting point is 01:27:12 it nikki she's so cute so yeah we're um today we're going to my voice teacher i'll be interested for you to meet him i can't wait to see the process like yeah no we're gonna bring in some songs for him to help us arrange. I'm nervous because my voice is not. Oh, no. He will be so obsessed with your voice. It's going to be like me bringing in a pretty friend to a guy. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:27:35 Like a friend who's prettier than you. I've already steeled myself against seeing his reaction to an actual good voice. Because all I see is his reaction to mine which has a lot of promise and he's very he's very complimentary about my voice extremely that's one of the things i love most about him is yes yes is that he he he sees a lot of potential in me and always makes me feel amazing about my voice but i'm i'm i'm willing to believe that there's a different level to his enthusiasm that I'm probably going to witness today after he hears Anya's natural voice.
Starting point is 01:28:09 And then we're just going to work on songs, and we're going to watch Succession tonight and go out to dinner with my family. So is it just you two in the band, or is it more? Just us for now. I'm just starting out like Tegan and Sarah, Indigo Girls style, and then we're going to add more. Nikki's being very patient with me because she knows like all of these songs and she's like slowly walking me through.
Starting point is 01:28:29 I would not. You are like blazing through them. I expected this to take way longer. You're like, I knew what I was getting with you. You're a phenom. Like you are so quick to, you're so quick.
Starting point is 01:28:40 And like, yeah. And you're a pro musician. So it's nice that I have a head start because I can't, if it were the other way around, we'd be fucked. We'd be fucked. I'm like, yeah. And you're a pro musician. So it's nice that I have a head start because I can't, if it were the other way around it, we'd be fucked. We'd be fucked. I'm like just learning.
Starting point is 01:28:49 And I'm learning from watching her learn. And then she gets it right and it sounds amazing. And I'm like, oh, I've just been like, you know, I'm a novice. So it's like nice to have someone who's like, I don't even deserve to be in a cover band with you. I don't think you're a novice anymore. Both you guys went on Instagram Live on our podcast page,
Starting point is 01:29:08 Nikki Glazer Pod on Instagram. And I think it was maybe like a year ago. I forget if it was with Rokio or with Amy Chapman, who you were practicing with for The Masked Singer. But you were saying that some advice that you got from the vocal coach was just interpret this in your own way. And when you were singing, I'm familiar enough with Taylor Swift, but I definitely heard your own voice in it.
Starting point is 01:29:37 Oh, thank you. You're not a novice anymore. Absolutely not. Well, I'm climbing out of novice, and I'm beginning the intermediate ladder, which feels good. But yes, it's I still want to call myself a novice. So the bar is low. That's what our band name is.
Starting point is 01:29:52 The novice. Oh, my God. That's actually pretty good. We should like I would have my band be called like I suck. And so no one could ever go. She kind of sucks. Be like, well, she told us. It's like Amy Schumer calling her special
Starting point is 01:30:07 mostly sex stuff. So no one could go, I don't know, it was mostly sex stuff. It's like, yeah, that's what I told you. It's such a good thing. Beat them to the punch. So if you have any suggestions for what our Taylor Swift cover band should be called,
Starting point is 01:30:21 and I would predict that we'll probably book stuff by early fall and they will be small venues where we can do acoustic um acoustic performances and their sing-along shows so um singing along loudly is encouraged because we're gonna sing along in our you know in nikki's show we do a little element of that yes in my set and um it's so fun to have audience participation it really does give you goosebumps it's so fun and that's what Taylor Swift going to see her during air is everyone's singing the entire time and I and my mom hates when people sing at concerts but I even asked her did it bother and she's like no that's what that is
Starting point is 01:31:00 that night that's what it is and everyone's on board and it doesn't bother you at all can you still hear Taylor oh perfectly and that's yeah yeah it is and everyone's on board and it doesn't bother you at all. Can you still hear Taylor? Oh, perfectly. And you know why it doesn't bother you? You can't hear someone singing next to you because you're singing. So it doesn't... And you can hear her. Whatever they do sound-wise,
Starting point is 01:31:17 it's fun. And so, if you're a Swiftie out there who would like to come to a sing-along, please come to our show that haven't been booked yet, but we're preparing for it. So look out for that, and if you have a clever name for a Taylor Swift cover band, please DM them to us. And if you have anything to comment on, you can always leave
Starting point is 01:31:34 us a Fanthrex message that we will eventually get to, and that link can be found at NikkiGlazerPod underneath, like in the bio. It's the link in the bio where you can call up and leave us a message. And it doesn't, we don't care if it's meandering. I don't care if you aren't prepared to talk we're not going to be judging it harshly um some besties have written down their statement before they record it just to so it's concise or whatever you want but you don't have to do that we don't care if it's meandering we
Starting point is 01:31:55 love you no matter what thank you for listening we're so appreciative thank you for all the love we've gotten for brian being added to the show it means so much to me when I hear it. I hope you're getting some of that, Brian. Yeah, I do actually a little bit. I mean, I just zoom in on the hate and then I focus on that. If there's one little nugget of hate and a pile of love, I will just be like,
Starting point is 01:32:16 that's a pile of shit. Right, that's why I can't even read the piles of love because of those little hate nuggets. I just wait for the tide to turn and then it'll turn back around. That's the real beauty. Yeah, eventually you'll leave the show someday,
Starting point is 01:32:28 and then everyone will go, this new guy sucks. We miss Brian. That's always, people just hate new. They love old. And so you just have to wait it out. Eventually, someday people will be shitting on whoever is, or like, eventually you'll be the one that
Starting point is 01:32:45 everyone is like we miss him. It's like getting to know anybody you know I'm just a guy. All I ever say is there was a time where you didn't know who Tom Hanks was okay. So this whole idea of like who's this guy chill the fuck out and wait a second to get to know people. Honestly
Starting point is 01:33:01 everything I've heard is people are in love with Brian. Yeah that's all I've heard too. As someone who has often been the new person on things, I get a lot of, who is this? And it's like, did you, you didn't even know your dad. You had to meet your dad for the, there was a time where your dad, you go, who is this guy? Right?
Starting point is 01:33:16 So just give it time. You have to meet people. Are you done knowing who people are? It's, I'm getting mad at someone who doesn't even, it's like one person who doesn't even listen to the show and just saw one clip and decided to spout off. All right. Thank you guys so much for listening to the podcast and being overwhelmingly positive.
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Starting point is 01:34:05 Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, and now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Listen to Minnie Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Starting point is 01:35:20 in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party. That's P-A-R-T-E-E on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday and
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