The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #34 Pukas in The Back

Episode Date: May 19, 2021

It's the morning after Nikki's hosting gig at the MTV Movie & TV Awards: Unscripted and Between You and Nikki she's got to clear up the Snooki thing! Andrew talks about why he's been sleeping so much and they introduce what animal they are. You Heard it Here First features passive aggressive notes and Nikki cares about the headlines that feature her! She shares a how-to in the Reddit Dump and they reveal their favorite animals in the Final Thought. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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The Nikki Glaser Podcast. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Yeah, here I am. Hey guys, thank you so much for listening to the Nikki Glazer podcast. Whether you're a regular and you've been listening a while or you're brand new to the show, welcome. It's Tuesday. That means second show of the week, two more to go. We're here every day, folks. I'm in Los Angeles, as you know, here for a few more days with my co-host Andrew, who will join us shortly. My producer, Noah, who is usually joined from Arizona, is actually staying at this Airbnb that I rented for me and my friends. So she is with me here live in the flesh. Hi, Noah. Hey, Nikki. It's been great living with you. Oh my God, I love it. Huge house. This is like a TikTok house, but TikTok is,

we're all much older. So TikTok is what we hear when we look in the mirror. TikTok, time's running out. Better get the gittins while the gittin's good. It was really nice to have you here last night for a little viewing party we had for the MTV Movie Awards, Movie and TV Awards Unscripted, longest title ever for an award show that aired on MTV.

I hope you all watched it, or at least I hope you go back and watch my monologue. And I'm going to put up a couple of clips on my Instagram today, hopefully, of the funniest parts, in my opinion, of the show. It was really fun to watch with you guys. You were here, Noah, Andrew, my friend,alina came over micah fox who wrote on the show for me was also here she's staying at this house with us um you know it was a fun little get together and yeah it it turned out great i loved it and i was proud of it and i have no complaints and they cut some stuff out that was you know some funny some really funny stuff I

thought but they had to for time and now I get to put those things in my act that you can come see this uh summer when I'm and all through the year when I'm live on tour uh starting in July dickyglazer.com slash tour for tickets um and then I woke up this morning to a lot of uh headlines on the daily mail which I usually check every single night when I'm going to bed. I kind of go, I do Reddit, I do Instagram, I do Daily Mail as I'm falling asleep. But I didn't look at Daily Mail last night because I didn't want to see something that might upset me of like, they might have misunderstood a joke and talking about me or um so uh but i woke up this morning and and you were like did you see you're on the daily mail that's my no impression i texted andrew right away because he's also on the daily mail by default oh he is oh because there's a picture

of me stress eating that saralina took a video last night of me watching the awards and it's like the most dressed up version of me and then she me watching the awards and it's like the most dressed up version of me and then she pans across the room and i'm just like walking away from the tv being like i get it i was there and i'm just like stuffing a rice cake with cream cheese down my throat and uh and then they they screenshotted that picture from my story of me stress eating and then put it on the daily mail article which thanks for that to whoever did that i mean actually that's the kind of content i would look for at the daily mail is like you know the insider track um so you were on it too though it was just like the the back like three uh three-fourths in

my head or something cool so that's cool you made it my hair made it yeah it was uh it's wild uh being on these things and um being at this point in my career where people um i was just talking to who was i talking to about this about like when you oh i was talking to uh the i did the podcast last culture east that's going to be out tomorrow wednesday such a a good podcast, such a good conversation. So funny. Those two Bowen Yang and Matt Rogers, um, also on I heart radio podcasts, um, in the big money players, uh, you know, slate, which is Will Ferrell's production company as is this podcast.

Yeah. You're listening to a podcast approved by Will Ferrell himself but I did their podcast yesterday and we were talking about just like as you get a little bit more famous or whatever like I've had a good year and maybe people are like shut up Nikki we don't hear about how famous you are but it's just the facts like I just something has happened recently and it's things like these like you make it to the next level and you start like seeing your face more places and you start getting recognized more in public, which is always the dream for me was like being an actual celebrity, not one that felt like I was a fraud.

And I could have brushed it off before. It's like, yeah, I've had TV shows and I'm, you know, roasts and all these things, but most people don't know who I am. I found, I found some way to like sneak into the business, but now it feels like a next level thing. And then seeing my face on the Daily Mail, which is something I consume, it actually makes it so I can't enjoy that stuff anymore because I might be in it.

And that's what I was talking to Matt and Bowen about yesterday. We were talking about Taylor Swift and how I made the realization, because I was initially annoyed that Taylor got so upset with that Ginny and Georgia show. If you remember back a few months ago, Netflix made a joke. There was some show, Ginny and Georgia, where the mother made a joke to the daughter of like, you date so many boys, you're like Taylor Swift, you know, and just was like a disparaging. It wasn't that bad of a joke, but Taylor really didn't like it and wrote a tweet of like how is misogynistic misogynist or

misogynistic? I think misogynist misogynist. Okay. It was misogynist and just like, just pushing this narrative about her that is just, you know, like it was slut shamey or whatever it was. And I was just kind of like cut Taylor like be cool like it was just a little joke or whatever that was my initial reaction and then last night as I was doing this podcast I realized what happened I bet you anything Taylor was actually enjoying the show Ginny in Georgia and was watching it as an escape from you know like it made her feel normal it's like she's watching a show like we all watch shows to just like yeah to be entertained and to not be self-obsessed and to get out of our own heads

and then she's watching the show she's loving it and then she gets to the scene and this character she loves tells this other character she loves don't be like Taylor Swift and it's suddenly like like she's now in this show that she loved and it must have really hurt her feelings because that's what happens when you know I didn't watch go to the Daily Mail last night even though that's like a bedtime ritual for me to see what the celebrities are up to because I might be talked about poorly in it not because I might they might say something nice about me which they did they were like Nick Nicky Glaser puts on a leggy display even though they usually call people's legs pins, which I'm very, if anyone from the daily mail is

listening, the fact that you didn't refer to my legs as pins makes me feel, um, uh, you know, like you, that I don't have good enough legs. Cause they're always like Francis flaunts her, uh, you know, her long pins. But, um, they they called they said that was a leggy display which was nice they put nice pictures of me but i was scared i was anticipating that it was going to be bad so i didn't i didn't get to enjoy my thing last night because i might be a part of it so that's what made me realize that taylor had every right to be mad at that that innocent joke that was made that i thought she was overacting about but imagine you're watching your favorite show and then they make a joke at your expense.

That would hurt. And I'm not saying celebrities, their lives are so hard, but it's just a thing. And yeah, I'm just, I'm rounding out my days here in LA. I thought I might like go on some dates or something that doesn't seem to be happening.

I've hung out with very uh cute boys guy a couple guys I have crushes on um it's been it's been fun but I'm I'm going to dinner tonight with a friend that it might be a vibe there but I'm not really sure but we'll see either way I'm gonna have a great time. And what else is going on? I might get a foot massage later today. Today I have the rest of the day off after this. I just did an E nightly pop, which I'll be on the E network tonight if you want to watch that. I really, really talked a lot on there.

I talked about the Snooki incident where Snooki heckled me and I cleared that up. Snooki apologized to me for heckling me. It did not air on the show, but it did happen. And I was terrified of her. And I asked, I literally didn't want to do, after Snooki heckled me, I was so upset about it

because I just felt out of control. And like, she might do it again or she might just, and if she does it again, I might say something really mean that might make her and JWoww like come at me. So I asked to be placed on the other side of the venue for the rest of my hosting for the rest of the night. Like I made them change the show because I'm supposed to host from the middle.

And I go, no, I'm doing it from the side. I knew they could because in rehearsal we were debating which side. And I go, let's do the rest from that side. And so I literally had them change the show so I didn't have to be next to Snooki the rest of the show. But then Snooki wrote to me the next day to apologize she dm'd me then a friend of hers reached out to Andrew and said I'm with Snooki can we call Nikki I called the number that Andrew sent me Snooki picked up and was so sweet and so apologetic and just like you know when you get really she's like I drank so much vodka I'm never gonna drink again I didn't even remember what I said she was blacked out I related so hard because. I'm never going to drink again. I didn't even remember what I said. She was blacked out.

I related so hard because she was blackout drunk and she misunderstood a joke I was making. She thought I was saying, I'm surprised she's alive because she thought I was saying she was old. And that's why she goes, you're the same age as me. That was her heckle. But I was really saying, I'm surprised she's alive because she makes bad decisions like heckling the host of a show that she's being because she makes bad decisions like heckling the host of a show that she's being honored on um that was my point but it wasn't a clear joke it was a joke

I added too late and that was what I learned was like don't try to add in a joke that Andrew whispers to you on the red carpet which he didn't even add he wasn't like do this joke he would just just we were looking at the jersey store on the red carpet as we were waiting to take pictures and Andrew just goes god I'm surprised they're all still alive. And I go, that's really funny. I'm going to say that. And then I said it. And of course, it's the one joke that makes Snooki go, you're the same age as us.

And I was just like, no, Snooki, no. But honestly, I told Snooki this. And that's why I tell everyone that when something really bad happens in your life and you go, oh my God, like I was so upset after she heckled me. threw me it made me like in this bad angry space of like how dare she heckled me how dare the producers of the show not protect me from that happening and I was just like no I'm baby Nikki mad upset backstage like stomping around in my knee-high boots where it looked fantastic and then I go and then I was over it by the end of it by the end of the show I like you know I'd switched positions and I had like gotten over it and then when she I guess

but I even told myself then because this happens something good will happen and what what good came of it was that Snooki reached out to me and I learned that this person that I dismissed is like just a drunken mess who didn't care about me and like didn't understand comedy actually did something that most people who don't drink or aren't someone who you've seen fall into bushes on TV and like who you have all these preconceived notions about. She calls me, reaches out to me to apologize and has, it's an apology that doesn't include, but it's because you said this. It was like, there was no, that was not okay that I did that. You were doing your job. That is your job to make fun of us. And I was a mess. I'm so embarrassed. And I go, Snooki, we are better off because this happened. I like you more because you heckled me than if you had

it. So if that's any lesson to you of anything today that goes wrong in your life, please try to see how like in the end, you might not be able to see it now. There will be something that happens because this terrible thing happened that wouldn't have happened if it didn't happen. That you will be grateful for. Maybe you wouldn't like it over the other thing happening that you wished would have happened. But it's still something good. You'll be able to find something good of it. And my good is that Snooki is a class fucking act.

More so than most people who, you know, don't drink a lot or you know just say ridiculous things we all look at snooki like a hot mess but she's not that her apology was so sincere and so much better than most apologies i am owed to that that i've received in my life that are laced with this like but it was because of this and i'm but like, just say your sorries without butts. Let's get to Andrew. Andrew, come on in here. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more.

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Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. Hey, Andrew. Hello, Nikki. How are you? Welcome downstairs from our house. How'd you sleep last night? How have you been sleeping lately? A lot? You had a real passive-aggressive remarks to me over the last two days about the time

I've been going to bed. So let's just get into it. Sleepy Andrew. Oh, no. I'm not even passive. You're a sleepy bitch. I haven't been feeling well. I resent you because I schedule too many things.

And then I look at you having rest. And I'm like, Andrew doesn't work hard. But that's not true. You do work hard. You just value rest, which I don't. And so when I work all day and I come home and you're go to bed early and I want to like hang out with you, I get pissed off because I'm like, I have you around. So you'll hang out with me and you go to bed and you lay in bed and it just like makes me mad. But here's the thing. But I'm not right. I'm sorry. You don't focus on how much we do hang out.

You focus on the time we're not together when I'm apparently sleeping. Yesterday, we hung out until 10 o'clock at night. We watched the MTV Awards. We watched the thing, whatever. I hung out with you at lunch. And then if I go to bed at 10, 15, it's like, how could you go to bed so early? Well, last night I went to bed early too. But in past nights, I past nights go let's go through

the nights because i think i was with you more than you think okay let's go through okay okay uh there was um okay well yesterday i did or two days ago i did to tell the truth for 13 hours i was on set in which i didn't see you and i think you did a podcast and slept all day and laid in your bed for hours for the day. Okay. And you probably will. I woke up at 7 a.m.

But that's not going to bed early. But then that night I got home and you did not hang out. What was that night? Sunday night. What did we do? You went bowling and then you came. Oh, so I was up late. Okay.

So you came home and then I went to bed because you didn't get. Okay. Did I ask you? Did I ask you to go bowling with us? Yes. Okay. Yes. I want to know. And what time did i went to bed because you didn't get okay did i ask you did i ask you go bowling with us yes okay yes i know and what time did i go to bed then did i go to bed after you then that night yes okay so i stayed up later i was still awake when you got home i would have talked to you i know you would have okay so let's let's man this i'm really i'm really a horrible person here um what else the day before saturday? That's when you, there was one night where I was just like,

why is he going to bed? This is the one night I went to bed. Have you not been feeling well? I haven't. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that. But you even said something yesterday. You go, why am I so tired?

So I'm wondering what's going on. I finally feel more clear-headed today. You know when you're sick, but you're not sick, but you're sneezing, but you don't have a flu. So it's probably the vaccine. But no, but the vaccine so long ago. I know. I'm kidding.

But you know when you're like you're you're run down, but you're not sick. So you can't complain because you're not sick enough to complain. But you are feeling shitty enough where you're cloudy in your head and you're not feeling. I would allow you to say I feel sick if I if I don't see you symptomatic the only night I went to bed and I agree with this is the night of the VMAs yeah or whatever whatever I hosted that long fucking name I went there were like 15 or 10 people here I stayed up till 11 30 I felt like okay I was very tired I don't know why I thought I you know gave it my all. And I went to bed. That was the one night where I probably could have stayed up a little.

That's true. I don't mean to give you shit. I just love your company. And I always want it so that I have people around and, and that night. And the thing is, I want to have like boys and people over, but I'm uncomfortable having just them over without like a friend there to like support it. So sometimes I want you to like hang out so that I'm not alone with boys. You're like my, I just, it's not because I'm scared of them.

It's just like, it makes it less like they'll try to kiss me or something. I agree. So I am scared. And you do have other friends that have been staying at the house. Yes, that's true. I'm not the only one here you aren't

the only one here and then also the only night that I've like kind of did my own thing was the night of bowling since I've been here so yeah so I've been pretty much by your side except for don't tell me the truth or whatever don't tell me

to tell the truth also you left me at a show the other night. I didn't even need to. Where did you go? The thing is, I am running from sex. Not even a text. Not even a text. But I didn't know that you were even there still.

I was just like, Carlisle, call an Uber while I'm on stage because we're late. So she called an Uber, and then I walk into it, and you're gone. I'm just busting your butt. But I did leave you. Yeah, I didn't even get it. I was waiting in line for the bathroom. Oh. And yeah, I didn't even get it. I was waiting in line for the bathroom. Oh. And yeah, I never even got a text.

Well. And then Rami, you convinced him to go to the improv. Yes, to fill in for me because I was running late. And he drove. He drove, so he left me too. Man. And so then I paid a $50 Uber. You got left, man.

I got left. You got left. That's Andrew's old bit. They used to like abandon their friends. You left your friend at a strip club once that was way out, like three hours away from where you guys were all staying. And you guys all left, and he eventually called you,

and you guys all just go, you got left! Is that it? And then he stayed there. Not only did he stay there. He became general manager. He moved in with the owner, who was a coke head, and he got completely addicted to cocaine. All because of your prank. Yeah, and kind of ruined his life but he's back he was a firefighter for a little while um

let's talk about these stuffed animals that we've been teasing on our socials nikki glazer pod on instagram it is a private account so you'll have to ask for access we have uh new mascots for the show we went to this really expensive uh cool store fred siegel in la you might recognize that name from clueless when share is going to get her driver's license and she's screaming that she can't find her silk top from fred siegel and i always heard that as a kid being like fred siegel's like fancy and so we went to the store and they everything's very expensive except the juicy couture jumpsuit i got for 99 that was like a fucking steal there i think they like mislabeled it um and then we

also got these stuffed animals that were 45 each which is way too much but they are so soft i think they i i thought they were definitely made from animals because they were so expensive it's uh there are many many animals yeah you had to go ask i go is that real hair and i go it's 45 like like i, it's $45. Like I was a piece of shit. And I go, that must mean they're real because that's an insane amount for a six inch septuane animal llama.

That's six inches to you? Well, yeah. Is that really six inches? No, I mean, I was exaggerating. What do you think that is, honestly, from toe to head? That's about nine. Yeah, that probably is. I mean, that's a huge

cock for you right yeah that would be amazing like this llama's amazing that wouldn't be too big for you no i would love that i mean oh with the fur like with the fur included as the girth that's way too big no no no okay i mean maybe for a different hole i've saw a really funny thing on tiktok yesterday that was like i can't believe i've never thought of this joke this is such a mean joke to make when i heard it i go god damn it she goes i was hooking up with it was some version of this i didn't even see it i just saw the end of it and i go oh i know this joke she goes um i was hooking up with this guy and you know when you're hooking up and he and he puts it in the wrong hole and he like snuck it in the wrong hole and it's like dude i don't want to get pregnant so it's like the right hole would have been anal.

It was so funny. So anyway, we got these stuffed animals because we were looking at this whole shelf and there were all these animals and they were so cute. The cutest one was the hedgehog. And we were like, we got to get that. And I go, I want to get it for me and my niece and nephew. And then Andrew was like,

what if we had it as part of our set? Because we're building our set right now for our studio in St. Louis so we can have video for the podcast. And so Andrew was like, let's get one to represent each of us. Andrew picked the hedgehog. And then I was trying to get everyone on board with me being the rabbit who

we were with. We were with some friends and I was like, aren't I the rabbit? Cause, uh, Sherrod small, when he would see me eat at the comedy cellar, he would see all my salads and he would go,

Nikki, you eat like a runaway rabbit, which is like one of my favorite things because it does look like a rabbit that just like this is my first meal in a while and so it's like I'm a rabbit and everyone was like bitch you're a llama and here's the thing I think you're in between a llama and a rabbit but the llama I thought was a better stuffed animal I think it's beautiful but I am a llama and I want to embrace it. I, my brother-in-law often has a game where we like play what we, what animals you look like.

And my sister's a horse. My brother-in-law is a koala and they both determined I was a camel. And I feel like a llama is very much like a camel. So it's closest we're going to get. And I really love llamas now. Dude, a llama is a high class camel. How good was, uh, the emperor's new groove. Dude, a llama is a high class camel. How good was the Emperor's New Groove

where there was a llama in it? Remember with David Spade's voice? Yeah, it was pretty good. So now we're the llama and the hedgehog. I love it. I love it. I think, you know why I love it? Because I love those animal videos

where it's like two different kind of animals that should never be together, like a duck and a lion. And I just feel like you would never see a hedgehog and a llama hanging out they're platonic friends they can't have sex the hedgehog cannot physically reach the llama's vagina even if it tried every day to pretend like it wasn't into it you are you wait what are you talking about pretend every day that you're trying to reach my vagina no um can we um talk about uh let's talk about that let's talk about that what people wonder why we don't um have sex or we're not together have we ever addressed that on the show i mean have they heard us talk to each other i mean it the thing is every

time i share any kind of um i've been, I shared recently this hack that Andrew and I came up with. I think we've shared it on the show where we say rooster as our safe word if we're in an argument. And I shared that the other day and someone goes, that's exactly what you learn in couples counseling. And I was like, yeah, like Andrew and I are, I think I'm, I, we're practicing like being married because it's like, we kind of talk to each other like a married couple.

I just don't know if a married partner would be as cool as we are with each other like that's the thing it's it like what do you mean as cool like like if i don't know like we you would have to probably be more loving to your partner than we are to each other yes that definitely but we're a married couple that like isn't but we are loving but it doesn't it doesn't i i don't want to touch you no and like even if i touch you for a second i touch you on the red carpet i didn't try to embrace you and i know no we hug sometimes when it's like necessary but i just don't need that from you no and i don't and it feels very awkward for me as

well yeah i don't know why that is because we we you know i don't know do you hug your do you hug your brother-in-law a lot like no yeah i mean you're not really a touchy-feely person i'm not people don't think i am but in a relationship i so am i want it constantly i want to uh but have you ever been like with your guy friends being able to cuddle with a no because I don't want to send the wrong message like I understand that touch can like lead and I don't think

that you're suddenly going to be like oh my god Nick he's into me but like there are things you can't help sometimes like the one time

remember when you were like who's this walking down the the boardwalk and it was me and you like were attracted to me at first

and then you were like oh my god like sometimes you can't but you were so far away I couldn't touch you I know but like I might touch you in a way that you like it just for a second it feels good and then your mind's confused or you might touch me in a way that i'm like oh that like and then it just makes things not like hot even my even my girlfriend sometimes like kirsten and saralina like i'm really thinking i might be a little bit yesterday i was on last

call theresa's and i was talking about my feelings about Taylor Swift and they were talking about how a lot of lesbians are into Taylor Swift. It's like a thing that like, and I was realizing like all my friends that I've made as adults that are like secretly really into Taylor Swift or that I've sought out are actually like late in life lesbians or late in life bisexual women. And I'm like,

I think that might be like, I'm definitely capable. I would be in a relationship taylor swift and i truly would be in a loving like i love her in a way that i do feel like taylor has masculine energy like she's yes she's tall she commands the stage she commands in life she like owns shit like i don't know she's very alpha although in a relationship with her I would want to be the masculine one and like take care of her. I know that sounds weird, but I just want to be her.

But why is masculine taking care? I thought that would be feminine to like take care. No, feminine's like receiving. Masculine's like providing. So I would want to like, I would want to be the big spoon with Taylor Swift. Whoa. I wouldn't want her to be like,

actually that's kind of hot to me that she would be like, I don't know which way I want. I think I want it both ways. Fuck. But I really do. I like to beat a little spoon. Yeah, yeah.

You like to be bossed around in bed, right? Yes, but I've been more like- Dominant. Yeah, I've done a few moves where I've really like turned on whatever. Like, and I just, I don't know. I almost said her name and I don't think she likes me saying her name on here.

I think I said her name before. I'm sorry about that. It's fine. But like, I'll like fucking like, just like grab her and manhandle and like choke and like do all that. And she's like, huh.

And like, she'll come in as I was like, I gotta do that more. But then I feel like if it's not organic, it just feels like I'm kind of, uh, so you do it out of like horniness. Yeah.

Yeah. That's when it's the best. Yeah. Yeah. You can't just manhandle, I think, because then it seems like you're just angry and you're getting your. But I was telling you this the other night, like I specifically ask for what I want guys to say to me, like all my things.

I can't have a guy read my mind that I want him to tell me you can't come and then try to make me come. I literally go, OK, right now I need you to say, Nick, you can't have a guy read my mind that i want him to tell me you can't come and then try to make me come i literally go okay right now i need you to say nick you can't like he's literally fingering me and i'm like tell me i can't come and he's like what i'm like tell me i'm not allowed to come and then try to make me come and then you have to tell me when i'm allowed to but do you understand and he's like okay and i go so tell me don't don't say i can't come and he's like you can't come and i'm like like mean it and he's like don't you fucking go and i don't say I can't come. And he's like, you can't come. And I'm like, mean it. And he's like, don't you fucking come.

And I'm like, okay, can I please, please? And he's like, okay. And I'm like, no, don't let me yet. I really gotta beg. I gotta earn it. But doesn't that feel like you led him to the water too much? No, it doesn't matter because I'm still, so that time might be a little bit awkward,

but the next time he knows what I want, and it's easier than having a conversation outside of, but like, I just need to ask for what I want and not be ashamed that that's what I'm into. And some people go, okay, well what if the thing that you're asking for isn't what would turn that

person on? What if he doesn't like that kind of play? And it's like, well, he should be, he should know that it makes me horny and it's going to make me have a good time. So that should be reason enough for him to do it.

And that should turn him on. Exactly. And it, and, and it will, uh, let's get to the news. You heard it here first. Yeah,

you heard it here first. I always think of Veep whenever I hear this. It does feel like the Veep intro. I love it. First of all, I hope everyone's having a great time out there. And I swear to you, I want you to have all the swells. This one, this story, I actually picked it because it was literally,

I read it like right after you were like, oh, you're going to bed early. And then all I do is say that sleep is so important. Then I fucking bully you for going to sleep. I am a difficult person. I'm not easy to be friends with, and I'm sorry, Andrew. Well, when me and Emil were having bro time, like older brother, younger brother, or dad, son, however you want to look at the age,

you were like, you guys just like, we just go to the mall, we float around the mall, we go to a store, we go to the store. Emil is one of the most easygoing people in the planet is okay and what that's different than me being like i need to go here and there and then we're leaving yeah well don't even look at that rack yeah oh yeah yeah you yell at me you ask for what kind of necklaces oh god the puka day we go to a we go to a day you sound like it's like 9-11 it was it was my 9-11 shopping with you going to a store and hearing look going to the jewelry section seeing that they had no puka

shell necklaces a very limited jewelry section that's clearly this is all the jewelry we have and then when i'm checking out at the front of the store and he's checking out with his shirt that he spent 80 on that was truly worth not even 80 cents and you haven't worn it even once since because I've shamed you so bad but that's okay and also you didn't get enough attention for it when you did wear it so it was kind of a fail but you got to the press register and she goes can I help you find anything else you know like the normal thing

that they ask and he goes do you guys have any puka shell nuts and I just go Andrew do you think they're carrying pukas in the back it was just really annoying to me I go you know and she goes over to the rack I go you already looked at that we looked at that for 10 minutes there's no pukas in the back it was just really annoying to me i go you know and she goes over to the rack i go you already looked at that we looked at that for 10 minutes there's no pukas like what do you think this is not like a cuban cigars that they keep in the humidor in the back like a secret code oh they have a 1925 puka all right let's first story so it's about sleep i'm

guessing no here are phrases that make you sound passive aggressive in an email. Oh, okay. So passive aggression in an email. Can I guess some of them? Yeah, they're actually like, yeah, you could try. Oh, I know the number one is regarding my last email or like doing something like that. Like it's something like that, right? So per my last email.

Per my last email. It's literally the first one. Yes, it's a totally passive aggressive. It's like, I know that you. You didn't really read what I wrote. I'm following. Yes. I mean.

So are you supposed to just say, hey, I'm, I guess the alternative to being not passive would be, I am desperate to get a response on this and I know no one read this yet. So I'm sending it again. Like, just be very honest. I guess. Yeah. I like that better. Because people don't want to upset people, everyone can read through it right like you're the reader of it passive aggression is and it leads to passive aggression like you do it back

and then it just intensifies well people are so afraid in the public this is all about like all workspace stuff people are so scared at work that's why no one takes chances no one does anything risky that's why the tv you watch is boring it's because no one wants to get fired by saying let's take a chance on green this is just in show business but tv is boring because no one wants to go i believe in this new show that i've that you know i know seems risky and outside the box and if i go i want this and the show fails i get canned so why would you ever take that risk? That happens in, so whatever, in my brief stint of working in operations for my brother. So you learn, so the Toyota way is all about,

so the factory, everyone, even the person, the lowest person to the janitor can bring up like issues they see. I like that. It's all open to questions like and there's no not one bad question and so no one feels shamed for bringing up something out of the box you know outside the box no matter what and it makes for a bet that's why they're fucking great at what they do yeah but a lot of the american way they're like don't you dare bring that up like don't or tell me your good idea so i could then come and say a good idea like

fuck you everyone's afraid so for future reference is another one for future reference i mean saying that in any way like hey um that's like i'm not mad but i am and next time if you do this you've been warned oh future reference get that out Get that out of your... You're so important. You're so important. I've definitely written for future reference. I should Google these things within my Gmail to see how many times I've done these things. Bumping this up to the top of your inbox.

Yes. Is that another one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bumping this up. I actually... To anyone who works for me listening, I enjoy a bump because things really do get lost.

So Noah, don't ever hesitate to bump something. I always go buh-ump. So it's like funny. It's fun. Yeah. But that's passive. That's even more passive. It is?

No, I think making it funny makes it, yeah, it's a little bit more passive. But an exclamation mark too always adds a fun like ah but why do we have to like these things people are so sensitive and can't handle the as per your as per my uh last you go to sleep early and i get angry and i go to my room and take an angry shit okay just here's another one just god i how many times do you just swallow your anger towards me about things? I really like the other night. Should I make a wall? Should I count them?

I really, yeah, like you're in prison, like counting the days. I'm carving my arm. You're right, yeah. The other night when you really defended yourself and got mad at me and yelled at me, I was proud of you. You can always do that. I'm serious. I know, but I'm not going to do it just because you said I go to bed early. I'm going to pick my spots.

Yeah, you can just go, I caught that. You're a bitch. Honestly, you could say that and I'd be like, oh, really? And then we'd get into it and it'd be fun. Here's the thing. I can feel when you're upset about something underneath it with me. Yeah. And it's just like, why?

So just say that. I know, I will. Say rooster. I will. Say llama. Bad dog. Camel. I will. I will. I'll say. Say llama. Camel. Limousine camel.

That's a llama. That's not my joke. Okay. Just to be sure we're on the same page. Oh, just to be sure we're on the same. Another passive aggressive thing. Going forward is the last one. Going forward.

We should really do it this way. Yeah. Okay. So going forward, let's get to the next story. Going forward. Why did he make us so angry this is why we don't work office this is why we can never have it's all fake it's all bullshit every people wearing suits in offices like i love that scene in succession was in the first episode where kieran uh kieran culkin goes to work and shows up at his like dad's office or brother's office and everyone's sewing suits and then he's walking out and he goes oh i'm in a suit and he just makes fun of all of them and it's just like it just mocks the pageantry and the just the theatrics of of business

why do people with dealing with a lot of money have to wear suits it's so stupid but him being the son of the owner allows him to do this so he's a a fucking piece of shit, too. They're both pieces of shit. At least he's calling it out. And it's just like he's allowed to call it out because he has 200 million dollars. Women have to wear like pencil skirts and high heels to be like a receptionist somewhere. It's just bullshit. So stupid. Neighbors.

Next story. Hey, you haven't swells. OK. Neighbors, leave us a note for a woman who has loud orgasms to close her window. Listen to the message. This is great. Okay, neighbors, leave us a note for a woman who has loud orgasms to close her window. Listen to the message. This is great. To the woman who has the extremely loud orgasms, comma,

Wils, we are very happy for you. Could you please close your window and maybe consider your neighbor? Passive aggressive. For future reference, can you close your goddamn mouth? Okay, everything in it was good until and maybe consider your neighbors. It's like that's the one where it's like you're being inconsiderate. And it's like just say, hey, you're being inconsiderate right now. Close your window. Instead of being like and maybe consider your neighbors.

That's the part of the note that bothers me. And as someone who has really loud orgasms and has received complaints before when I didn't know it she she might not know oh yeah you're in the moment you don't know people always think that that you know loud people having sex loudly that they know but i did i never know well here i try to be quiet i've never heard you yes thank god but do you do it when you're alone no no when i'm alone it's like so is it theatrical for your partner or are you actually doing it for you no they're just way i try to keep them quiet really quiet when i'm alone because it's just like embarrassing kind of yeah and i don't kind of embarrassing to make yourself

scream yeah i don't need to make like screams but when i'm being pounded your hand andrew it's part of it it's yeah yeah it would be weird to be like you feel your hand feels so good oh i love when you finger my pussy my hand yeah yeah yeah that's weird yeah i don't make noises when i masturbate but also i am aware of like there's other people here and but even if i'm alone i don't think i do it but when i'm with someone else i think it is for them that's what i'm saying yeah not it's like that makes sense it's for them they're bit. That's what I'm saying, yeah. But it's not, it's like, that makes sense. It's for them. They're there too.

It's like part of the experience. And I love to just, that's what sex is so great. You can like make noises that you wouldn't normally make and you just feel like a wild animal. So I hate having to like keep that in check. Can I ask, do women moan more from, if they're having sex with a bigger guy and the moaning is actually from like just trying to take it in?

Or is the moan more from the actual orgasm and the pleasure it's for like you know when you get your foot massaged and it's like oh it's that it just like feels so good that's strong but that's this it's not about the size it's just about like it feels good no matter where they're hitting or like what i mean it could be size because that could feel good but it's it's generally just it feels good you know what don't you agree yeah it's about feeling good but i just like i love how through the podcast andrew like very sneakily asked these questions about size i know it's it's it's it's constantly on his mind it's passive penis it's penis it's penis aggressive passive penis aggression questioning whether or not his is

adequate yeah i mean you made girls mama is this dick i mean, you made girls moan. Is this dick big enough? I mean, it's constant. I don't know. Yeah, I guess. But you are confident in your penis size now. Yeah, I can fuck good. I really do. I get really...

But do you get moans? Huh? Do you get moans? Do you get moans? I don't get as many moans as I think I... You want. Sometimes I don't get moans because they say there's someone else in the

house and they lie, which makes me feel nice. You know, what's a hot moan is when they go and they take the pillow or they take their hand and they go, I can't moan. I want to moan. Yeah.

No, I always put the pillow over my face for sure. When I like really got to make some noise and then I like scream. That's I, I do that a lot of times when there are people that could hear. Yeah, I was really loud with the last person I was with

and couldn't help. It just feels good to just be like, actually, I'm so horny. This feels so good. I don't care who hears. I don't care. Like there's something in my brain that shuts off of like,

I don't care about other people. I'm not considerate of my neighbors. That's what a llama does. And spits. A llama, yeah. Have you ever, llamas have those tongues when they chew, right? That they have that, that wet mouth. Yeah.

That's, maybe you're the llama. And you're the hedgehog? Nah. Nah. Nah. I'm the llama. I'm the hedgehog. Next story.

All right. This is a why do I care? Why do I care? All right. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. Next story. All right. This is a why do I care? Why do I care? All right. Nikki, you did the MTV and TV awards unscripted last night. Oh, so I'm in the headlines today. Yeah.

In the celebrity headlines. Yeah. Ooh. Celeb time. Nikki Glaser jokes about Chrishell Stouse and Gleb. Ugh. Affair rumors. You want to try Gleb's last name? Savchenko.

Savchenko. Affair rumors that she hosts the MTV Movie and TV Awards. She literally said, I think you guys banged. You read that so wrong. But okay, so it was rumored that Gleb and Chrishell... You said it... You'll see if you listen back. It said as you just...

So I made a joke about gleb and creshell banging on my awards and it got picked up yeah so it was rumored that my old dance partner gleb and his partner from this past season on season 29 i believe uh or maybe 30 uh i was on 27 with him he and creshell from selling sunset possibly hooked up and which led maybe to his marriage falling apart and then she ended up dating kio another guy from dancing with the He and Chrishell from Selling Sunset possibly hooked up and which led maybe to his marriage falling apart. And then she ended up dating Keo, another guy from Dancing with the Stars. So then it was like, wait, did they did her and Gleb hook up? And regardless, it was a great joke because I got to say to her like, oh, you and Gleb got further than me and Gleb did. I think

you guys banged. And it's true. She probably did get further with him because I didn't. He was married when I was on the show with him. I almost wanted to add the tag. I think you guys banged. And it's true. She probably did get further with him because he was married when I was on the show with him. I almost wanted to add the tag, I think you guys banged. And I was going to go, but I might have a shot now since what you did ruined his marriage because I couldn't touch him.

I was going to say like, I couldn't do anything when I was his partner. I was like, I couldn't get as far with Gleb as you did because when I was with him, he was married, but now he's not anymore

because of what you did with him when you were on the show also you could be like the only reason Gleb didn't fuck me is because he was married I know I know and then winked at a camera well I do think that's probably no no no that's I don't think we're good friends and I don't think that vibe is there

even though he would get turned on during practice when I would do a Paris Hilton voice so you could feel throbbing when you were dancing with him? No, no, no, no, no. Oh. Sometimes during, there was, he would just look, he just viewed me as like a comedian. How did his cock feel?

Did it feel big? Like, what's a big cock to dance with? I have no idea what his penis felt like. I did make a joke that he was hard on me during rehearsal, and I said, you know, boners are natural, but he was, no, I never saw, felt his penis ever. Really? No.

That's weird to me. Why would I feel his? Because when you grind, you grind it a lot. But it wasn't like, it would be soft. My thighs or my like top of my thighs don't have that much feeling or something to sense the girth of someone. I don't know.

I don't want to talk about Glove's penis. I don't either. I have a separate podcast for that. It's behind the paywall yeah go to my patreon um no i uh i don't know what but anyway um uh chrishell was like really took it really well and i met her on the red carpet before and i was like hey i'm gonna make jokes about you i hope you don't mind and so she was so nice backstage after i saw her after i made the joke i was like snooki got mad and heckled me you were the one that had a right to i was like that she was like oh it's fine

and gleb was cool about it too and loved it and um i even heard from gleb's wife on instagram today and she was like you killed it that was so funny and like wink wink and she was so sweet because i was friends with her when i did the show too she really helped me out and that's a story for another time but But yeah. And then I think I had a couple more headlines. But yeah. Why do I care? Because it's me.

It's me. Well the other headline you kind of discussed. Apparently up top. About why Snooki lashed out at MTV Movie and TV Awards. Host Nikki Glaser. Yeah. During the unscripted filming. Yes. And I addressed that tonight on E!ly pop as well but i talked i

talked about at the top of the show and then there was another headline about me making fun of ellen's reign of terror comes to an end because we did an in memoriam section of things that ended or things we lost in reality tv and it was a slideshow of just like concepts and different people who gianna's shoe from love is blind like different things and it was ellen's reign of terror i didn't even realize that was one of the jokes. It was like the joke, my writers made it, that joke.

And then now it's like, seems like I like took a shot at Ellen. And so now I'm kind of scared. It was interesting when I watched it live and before, it didn't, that joke didn't even come out to me. That joke didn't even register.

I didn't even remember that joke. Yeah. Yeah. So. You know, Reign of Terror. Yeah, all these headlines are ellen degeneres mocked during in memoriam segment of mtv movie and tv awards unscripted ellen degeneres is reign of terror brutally mocked ellen degeneres toxic work workplace scandal mocked fox news it's

like it's everywhere how do you feel when if there's so i know she'll see that if there's a negative headline about you do you feel like negative attention is still attention? There's no such thing as bad press? Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't want that one, though. It's true. There isn't such thing as bad press. I'll take any of it. But actually, I won't take any of it.

I do look at it like, okay, silver lining, they're talking about you. But I don't want Ellen to see that I did that because she'll remember that. People go, oh, these celebrities don't remember things. Yes, they do. I talked about it on less culture recess yesterday that I made a statement because I had already apologized for what I said in the Miss Americana documentary about Taylor Swift but there's another incident that I had about where I insulted Taylor Swift before Miss Americana where I gave an interview about Dancing with the Stars and I said I am a bad dancer but I think that I can do this because I've seen Taylor Swift dance and she's not a good dancer and she still makes it look good but the truth is I hadn't seen Taylor Swift dance when I said that line and she's actually a really good dancer if you watch her delicate video and then I said

yesterday that um and the thing is a fan of mine went backstage at a Taylor Swift concert and met her and said something about me and then they dm'd me and said I brought you up to Taylor Swift and she said oh is that that girl that says I'm a bad dancer and so i know that taylor swift saw that and it was just a thing i did and like so celebrities hear when you say the slightest thing and i just want to say taylor you are not a bad dancer i'm a bad dancer i watch delicate all the time and i'm like holy shit that girl can dance you did the splits on a car in the rain you were dancing on uh the the hotel front desk like if you watch the delicate video, Taylor Swift can fucking dance. And so I misspoke when I said that

and it's haunted me forever. So it's really, I'm so glad to get out in front of that. Why do you think they have like these memories like an elephant? Do you think because they hear so much positive, it's like when we read a negative comment? Yeah, if someone said I was a bad dancer and that I would never forget that,

I'd just be like, oh, that's the girl that said I was a bad dancer. Well, here's the thing. In a way, it's a compliment to you because if someone says something negative to you and you have no respect for them, it tends not to hit as hard as obviously someone that you want to respect you

or that you respect. I gotta say, though, even someone on Twitter being like, we saw you, someone tweeted at me, some fucking troll tweeted at me with no picture and he only says Trump things on his feed. we saw you someone tweeted at me some fucking troll tweeted at me with no picture and like he only says trump things on his feed he was like you were the worst part of the show on friday night

you didn't even want to be there because i made a joke i was running late because i don't like i don't care about the show i like made a joke that like sorry guys i was running late tonight it's a long story but like i just don't like care about the show and it was a joke And I think this idiot thought that was really What I was saying and so he was like you didn't even care About being there and of course you were the worst part I'm like fuck you so Yeah I remember that verbatim Even though he was an idiot

Let's get to reddit dump Guys this is where I go through things that I've saved on reddit to share with you Interesting stuff that I found late at night On my reddit searches okay Here's one that I've saved on Reddit to share with you interesting stuff that I found late at night on my Reddit searches. Okay, here's one that I really liked.

This is from the subreddit Today I Learned. The iconic photo of the sailor kissing a nurse in Times Square on VJ Day was actually VJ Day. Was this an MTV search for VJs?

Just so happened to be the end of World War II? What was the tall guy's name? Jesse Camp. Yes, Jesse Camp won that so um that iconic picture where he's in times square the he's kissing the girl um was actually a non-consensual kiss by a drunk sailor the nurse was a dental assistant named greta friedman who later said it wasn't my choice to be kissed the guy just came over and and chris kissed or grabbed um she was a woman that said she had just so like i always think of that was like a um like they were a couple yeah and you go oh my god how romantic someone commented on it

some redditor commented my step-grandmother was new york in new york on this date she said she was kissed a few times by sailors it was chaotic she described it to me as the closest time she was ever in a mob someone said what's more is no one really knows who the sailor was there's been some guys that have come forward throughout the years but they've never been conclusively proven to have been the one and then they said then someone figured out the sailor just it's just interesting you see that you're like so romantic but it's a girl that was just grabbed and had a tongue from a drunken sailor shoved down her throat it It's like, oh God. That was like, and then someone said,

anyone looking at her body language can see it as an assault. I felt sad that I grew up seeing this photo as iconic, representing the end of the war and only in the past few years saw it for what it is, a woman being seized and kissed

by a stranger in a crowd. I read an article with her and she was like, it wasn't a big deal. I don't care or whatever. And so maybe she didn't care but it is interesting when when the actual person says oh it wasn't that big of a deal and then everyone's like no it is a big deal he took advantage of you and she's like yeah but you know it wasn't not that bad of a kiss

blah blah you know what i mean like but yeah but context obviously is huge here like we all like knowing the actual story whether it's a good thing or a bad thing yes she said uh she isn't sure how long she was standing there maybe minutes and then i was grabbed that man that man was very strong i wasn't kissing him he was kissing me she said obviously to that day uh oh wait what did she say later but oh sorry it was more of a jubilant act that he didn't have to go back i found out later he was so happy that he did not have to go back to the pacific where they already had been through the war i felt he was very strong he was just holding me tight and i'm not sure i about the kiss because you know it was just somebody really celebrating but it wasn't a romantic event it was just an event of thank god

the war is over kind of thing because it was right in front of the sign um we both left we went on our way and i found out later that he and his fiancee i think at the time they were probably engaged already. They had come from Radio City Music Hall. They also heard that the war was over. So they just left the show. What the fuck? So he was cheating on his fiance by grabbing this woman.

I mean, just these things you learn. This is the kind of stuff on Reddit you learn where you're like, oh, wow, I didn't realize that. Let's get to the next one. Wait, someone DM'd us on our Instagram and asked if you're new to Reddit, do you have any tips on how to get in and find all these subreddits? Okay.

So I would just go to Reddit. I would pay attention to which ones I'm telling you to go to. I'll give you the ones to follow. Maybe we could put a list. If you want to join Reddit, here are some, um, subreddits that I recommend subscribing to. So just make an account and they'll set you up where they'll start with a homepage. This really comes with time. They'll suggest ones to you, but subreddits are places you can go where

they're only posting about things you're interested in. And literally they have a subreddit for anything. Um, my favorite porn subreddit is forced orgasms. That's what I'm into. So if you're into that, check that out. But that's on my private subreddit where, um, I look at porn stuff. So I like, um, am I the asshole is a great one. That's where people ask like, Hey, this happened to me. Am I the asshole?

And people either say, are the asshole a T a or N T a, not the asshole. And then they answer. Um, I go to, I like, um,

a normal day in Russia. That's where crazy things are happening in Russia. And it's like, this is just normal Russia, but it's an insane video taking place in Russia. Kind of like Florida videos. Um, another one is wherever you live, you can do an ask NYC or ask Los Angeles. It's just people in the area asking about things happening in town.

There's also subreddits for every town that aren't asked. So subreddit r slash Los Angeles r slash NYC. Better every loop is great. Those are things like GIFs that run and every time you watch it, it gets better and better. There's more details and it really does,

it'll get taken down if it's actually not Better Every Loop. So those are really, I follow Bunyans. I follow cleaning tips. Conan, Conan being awesome. A crappy design is funny.

Those are just like bad things that are poorly designed hilarious pictures uh cringe pics those are different pictures of of you know people making bad jokes or like just being like friend zoned um decaf is a whole subreddit about getting off caffeine that is enlightening to learn how addictive caffeine is because people on there talk about like they're getting off heroin which getting off caffeine really is that hard female fashion advice that's where women ask each other about fashion um guitar lessons girls myron that's one of my favorite those are just when girls are looking at someone and admiring the guy there's j-lo admiring it's called m-r-i-n it's called myron that's a little girl admiring that guy myron uh that girl's myron him it's just when a girl is

looking lovingly at a guy myron uh myron uh myron they're like little girl it can go oh one of the best ones that's so disturbing you guys if you're into like weird things like me i'm only in the g's by the way girls myron was the last one high vegans is when i look at like people are just show what they're eating when they're high and they're vegans just making like disgusting slop another one is um oh last images that's the craziest one because that's the last photo taken before someone dies it's a lot of times people sharing like a picture of like an old woman's hands by the bed like this last picture of my grandma but it's a lot of stuff of like this was the moment right before the helicopter crashed into that man and it's like a blurry picture of him just like smiling it's fucking creepy um made me smile is good one that just

just sweet stories that make you smile made me cry is another one life hacks is great life pro tips murdered by words that's when someone like just decimates someone let's get into final thought i'll share a couple other ones uh sam harris science, our sex. Sex is a great one. They talk a lot about sex stuff. Let me just make sure. Too afraid to ask. That's when people ask questions that are like, I know this is like maybe race questions.

Let's see an example of a too afraid to ask, what someone said. This isn't one I saved, but is it weird to want a body pillow? That's what someone asked. Does anyone else get unreasonably agitated when someone else enters the kitchen when they're already in there?

Is it okay to do a small amount of exercise each day if I want to start with exercise? That's not a good one. So it just adds like awkward questions that you're scared to ask anyone. You can do it. It's just great. And then Ask Reddit is always one of my favorites

where people ask questions and people answer it. Obviously, I follow Taylor Swift. Today, I learned too afraid to ask. I said that true off my chest. That's where people ask questions and people answer it. Obviously, I follow Taylor Swift. Today, I learned Too Afraid to Ask. I said that true off my chest. That's where people, and of course, warts. I'm always following warts. What the fuck? WTF is great when it's just disturbing videos and sometimes they're, you know.

You have a nice balance of something that's going to make you upset and then make you happy. Yes. Okay, here's one that I found. You're like guy dies, woman stares lovingly at man yeah it's like really sweet stuff and also disturbing stuff for sure and then the one I wanted to share the last thing I'll share is like this was in made me smile okay the subreddit this was posted by no no we Lanny spell spell yeah wombats are wholesome is the title and then it's a tweet from a person named riffraff richard aob on twitter and it says a lot of these are screenshots

of tweets it says apparently wombats in fire affected areas are not only allowing other animals to take shelter in their deep fire resistant burrows but they are actively hurting fleeing animal animals into them we're seeing more leadership and empathy from these guys than the entire federal government. Now this is in Australia. I'm guessing wombats. How everyone, I want you to picture what you think a wombat is the size of a wombat right now in your head. Now answer to yourself. I'm going to give you a little time. Just think about it for a second. If your life was riding on it, how big do you think a wombat is? If you're holding it in your arms. All right. now i want you to go to our instagram story and look or just go to our instagram we'll post it as a main one can we post this picture of a wombat or maybe on our story it'll be up somewhere

the pic a wombat is actually how big is it andrew how big is that wombat i mean that's got to be 80 pounds it's the size of a ottoman. Not an ottoman. Like, what are the things that you put your feet on in front of a... Yeah, that's an ottoman. An ottoman. It is... It's bigger than an ottoman.

It's giant, you guys. It's the size of a panda. Because you hear bat, so you think smaller, I think. You could not hold a wombat with one hand. You need... It's a tiny grizzly bear. They're gigantic. That's such a

beautiful story though that they cute that they help like i just imagined them all down there in their little hole and being like hey man thanks thanks for helping me out i couldn't bury this myself he's like no problem you duck like thanks it reminds me of the like imagine if the hedgehog was like, hey, llama, come on down. It's cool. You're like my friends. If this picture is maybe just a gigantic wombat and maybe if they're not actually that big. Like that's the biggest wombat on earth. Yeah, like maybe it's one of those squashes that people grow for state fairs.

What are they? Okay, their length is three and a half feet. Dude, these things are huge. 70 up to 77 pounds. Oh, I was right on. Dude, that is huge. They're so big. What is their deal?

They're like little bears. What do they eat? I mean, look at that. I think wombats are my new favorite animal. What's your favorite animal? I mean, I think a wombat now. I'm not kidding you. Everyone's new favorite animal should be a wombat.

I might get a, um, oh, look at, they look like pigs kind of. They have like a pig snout. Yeah, that was what i just showed him oh dude they're so cute i love wombats i'm gonna research that animals now what are what are your favorite animals no i mean growing up yeah like what what well there's a different kind of animal there's like an animal i respect and admire from from afar and then an animal i'd like to like play with and like roll around with like what what's the one that you're just like, if I could see it in the wild and like interact with it, what would be your favorite?

I mean, when I was a kid, the white tiger for some reason really like I was obsessed with. Really? Yeah. Obsessed with? Yeah. Yeah. I just loved it.

And I loved the killer whale. Yeah. When I was a kid. And then I love a sloth. Yes. On the opposite end of the spectrum. I just love something that's just chill as fuck. Yeah. That just sh that once every two weeks sloths have moss growing on them because they

move so slow that is so cool to me um and i love when a sloth is getting across the road and just like did you ever see this video desert where he has to swim across the water because he hears a mating call and he goes and he goes on this long voyage and he gets there and the girl already has another sloth there. No. And it's like a guy like it would be like if me traveling by foot to New York. Yeah. Okay. I just got a riot.

I just got a riot notification. And I talked to you about it before that I matched with someone on riot today that I was like excited. Oh, yeah. So I just got a notification. Will you just see who it was and what's going on yeah wait no nothing nothing look nothing happened oh someone wrote to me a guy that i matched with before wrote to me when will you be back in new york oh i thought it was gonna be the new guy i matched with it's just an old match that i was ignoring already and the answer is never i don't think i'll be back in new york for so long that

was like the sloth. The sloth was expecting something else. I know. You're a sloth. Well, maybe you'll write to me. My favorite animal is a whale, but specifically- Which whale? The whale shark, which is actually not a whale.

It is a fish. It's a giant fish. And I got to swim with them in Cabo, and they're gentle, and they're gigantic, and they're just so sweet and soft. And I got to, yeah, swimming with them in cabo and they're gentle and they're gigantic and they're just so sweet and soft and i got to yeah swimming with them in cabo like made me cry it was so amazing why now can i ask a question why is it called a whale like was it did people think it was a whale at first it looks like a whale but it is a shark but it's not a shark that will like hurt you and sharks are fish fishes no i know but't you think... It's just funny that they put two creatures together. Yeah.

I mean, I guess the seahorse... Whale sharks are just beautiful, and they're just... So you swam with it? Were you afraid at all? No, no, because I know so much about them. I've literally been obsessed with them since I was a kid. I used to get books from the library, and I wouldn't look at the book until I got home

because I was like, I have to save it. It's like coming or eating. I have to earn to look at these whale sharks. I was so excited. And the blue whale, of course, is my favorite because it's just so big. The sperm whale is pretty cool. Did you ever see a sperm whale's penis come out of water? Speaking of penises?

No. It is insanity. Really? Can we pull it up for Nikki? This could be a last funny thing to watch. And I want to ask you about the Greenland shark, too. That's also maybe one of my favorite things. Okay, let me see the penis oh my god andrew that's gonna make a whale moan no wait look at it coming out like that it comes out of the water there's a guy holding one it

looks like he's holding a dead wombat that thing is huge it looks like a carrot and i don't even think that's the whole thing. That's a whale penis, a stuffed whale penis for $6,000. No, the one coming out, that one, that one. Yes, there you go. It looks like a tongue. It looks like a- I mean, that's wild. Okay, the Greenland shark,

this is gonna blow people's minds if you don't know this. How old do you think, don't look it up, know it because I want you to guess. How old do you think Greenland sharks, the longest known lifespan of a vertebrate species is the greenland shark uh and it's the largest extant species i don't know what extant means

um how old do you think a greenland shark is can live up to i know it's a lot okay i'm gonna go with 750 years for an animal that doesn't a million for an animal. That doesn't make sense. A million? For an animal. For a swimming animal that's swimming right now. Okay, 250 years. Noah? I'll say 35 years. It's the oldest living animal. That's the animal on the face of the earth

that lives the longest. You made fun of me. So we already, we're animals too, so that would make it, they live longer than us, I'll give you that. And they live longer than Galapagos tortoises, which are around 100 and something. 150? didn't hear that detail um so it's the old it's the oldest animal 235 200 to 500 years old wait no 300 to 500 years old is these things

can you believe there is a creature swimming that is between 300 and 500 years old that blew my mind these things are old as they've been around longer than anything else on the planet that isn't a i mean i think trees and like fungi and microbials can live that long but that's crazy i mean it's crazy that one was like born today and then there's like respect your elders who's 455 years like yeah i saw i mean what's 450 the fact that we could kill a greenland shark is insane. So like we could hurt something that has been around that long. And, but I want to, I want to kill one so bad.

Wait, what? Just kidding. Well, I gotta go. Bye guys. Oh my God. We'll see you tomorrow. Okay. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears

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Welcome to My Legacy. I'm Martin of the Kingdom Third, and together with my wife, Andrea Waters King, and our dear friends, Mark and Craig Kilburger, we explore the personal journeys that shape extraordinary lives. Join us for heartfelt conversations with remarkable guests like David Oyelowo, Mel Robbins, Martin Sheen, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, and Billy Porter. Listen to My Legacy starting January 20th on MLK Day on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme.

Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season, but, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, Eve, Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance. You've got to check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your chance. You gotta check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, and now, Minnie Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions,

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