The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #340 Lowering The Hoop

Episode Date: May 11, 2023

The Nikki Glaser Podcast is adding a new stage to grief. Nikki is kind of an open book. She keeps some things secret but never be what she is talented at. Brian explains how a dance teacher changed his life. Anya has another veneer update that leads to a conversation about never asking your partner what you look like. They give some advice on Fanthrax and hear a sweet message about a Bestie's different life phases syncing with Nikki's. In the Final Thought they discuss break ups and Nikki unleashes the rest of what she has to say about Taylor Swift and Matt Healy dating. ——— Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Anya's Patreon: patreon.com/anyamarina Brian Frange: brianfrange.com More Nikki: IG More Anya: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IG  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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I'm doing pretty good. It's Thursday when you're listening to this if you downloaded it right away. It's actually Tuesday in our world. Just want to be totally honest with ye. I can't lie. I can't be like like because what if like a mass shooting happens i mean like 18 mass shootings will happen between now and thursday regardless but what if i'm like a big one you know i saw some meme that said like i went to a support group for people bereaved parents and there was a woman that said i lost my son five school shootings ago and it was friday and it was like why would she say it like that i just don't believe that she said it like you know what i mean when people try to be super poignant and you go i don't know that this bereaved parent who lost her kid two days ago is gonna make some like political statement with her

grief right something memeable yeah yeah i always love to meme when i'm crying when i'm i think that's stage of grief yes that's the seventh stage how many stages are the stages of grief okay anya's here brian is here no one's in studio with me noah's in arizona i just want to set the stage for y'all um yeah the stages of grief are denial denial anger yep depression um oh depression uh yeah memes elevation mushrooms no that's rice no it's i was thinking of where you stop drop and roll yeah those are the last rice Is that like the brat diet? Bananas, rice? No, that's the rice thing

is what you do if you like injure your leg. It's like rest, ice, ice, compression, elevate, and elevation.

Yeah. We could be doctors, you guys. Yeah. I mean, what don't we know? No, what's the final stage is acceptance.

Yeah. Yes. And what are the other ones Noah it says bargaining never heard of that bargaining that's where you go come on

that's my favorite one is this Kubler-Ross does it have to be this way maybe I can do something to fix it yes and then finally they always say no

they never say yes well the other night Anya and I were texting about something that we were either she was upset about or I was upset about and I said I just something that we were either she was upset about or I was upset about.

And I said, I just said, you just got to accept something. And she was like, acceptance is the answer to all of your problems. And that really stuck with me. It's like it really is the answer to all of it. And then I said it in the what about Bob voice? Have you guys seen? Oh, I don't know that. I mean, yes, I do remember that movie, but I remember him just like tied to a mast of a ship.

I remember like certain things about movies. It's when Dreyfus gives Bill Murray. Baby steps. Yes. He gives him a prescription because he's so fed up with him at this point. He keeps stalking the family. And then he's like, here.

And he writes a prescription. It says, take a vacation from your problems. Then Bill Murray goes, take a vacation. And then he's like here and he writes a prescription it says take a vacation from your problems then bill murray goes take a vacation and then he meets him on vacation yes well he's already there at lake winnipusaki i don't remember a lot of my life or who i was friends with in high school but i remember weird snippets of what about bob you probably watched that movie a lot though i'm guessing yes what about anya what is she what was she going through at this time i don't know a breakup for two yeah um yeah acceptance is it i mean it's like uh yeah you just want to get to that stage of grief though i don't know that i've um

i've grieved that much in my life i think i just like skip to like skip it all i just go i just don't even want to oh i, I grieve every day. I grieve about things that haven't happened yet. I grieve for the future deaths of all things that I love. And I feel like that's not good. Because all day I'm just sad and anxious. And I wonder why. Yes.

At some point, and I've never learned to accept anything. I will fight against the reality of the universe until my dying breath. I will never accept it. Are you always disappointed in yourself? Like that's for me, acceptance is about more myself than others or like the idea of death. Like I kind of every so often i turn to chris on the couch and i just go god we have to fucking die someday yeah is that suck like wait a second we really like we are gonna die we're gonna be dead and like it just

seems like oh it's just a lot of work to even like him dying is gonna be a lot of work for me i have to like go find an outfit of all black that like shows that I'm respectful, but that I'm going to like, maybe I'll meet someone there. Have you let him know how much he's putting you out by potentially dying? I mean,

he promised me he was going to die at 33. That was always what he said. Or maybe it wasn't 33, 37. You met him at 32. Yeah, he was 32 when I met him

and I said, stop saying that. But he did not die. No, that is the worst part about death is how inconvenient it is for everybody yeah i mean it really is that's what keeps me from killing myself quite often i mean it's one of my jokes is that anytime i've even really thought about taking that step off the building or whatever it is like the next step that would lead to the step i just go i can't this to people. And not that it's going to make everyone so sad. I really don't want my mom to have to clean my room. She did that for 30 years of my life. I mean, my mom has cleaned my room my whole life and I just don't, she's already grieving. Don't put

her through that. And there's no way I'm going to do it beforehand. So I keep living. Do you have anything hidden that you wouldn't want discovered? I am kind of an open book. Unfortunately, I have no secrets. My journal is literally an open book that I leave out in highlight section. So my mom will read it and she'll understand my pain. That was the biggest understatement of 2023. I am kind of an open book.

I am. You should have some secrets. You got to have a secret. You should make one. Okay, I got to get one. Because then when your mom's cleaning your room, she can be like, oh my God,

Nikki was a scuba diver instructor? Something like that. Like a separate life. Like a thing, a skill I have. No, if I have any skill, I'm letting people know that's how i have value is that i have things that i can do that other people can't and that's how i uh esteem myself but okay so you get sad about i get sad about people like having to die

do you ever get do you ever have to accept like well this is as far as i'm gonna make it in life like i'm never gonna be that like Like Chris and I were recently talking about this idea of like, I really, I've talked about in therapy so much Taylor Swift, like as much as I love Taylor Swift, seeing her and finding out that she's coming out with a book probably in July, that's going to be like 500 pages.

I'm just like, I can't imagine. I just will never live up to what she is and most people don't need to have the idea that they can live up to the artist they love the most but I do like I want to be in that ballpark and I'm just not and I get further away every accomplishment she has and I struggle with it and I was telling chris this that you know there's like letting go of things in life you'll never get to do and he said that he had to let go recently of dunking he'll never done and like he could have dunked i mean there are guys that have like a strong enough vertical at the at his height that could dunk at five, nine. Chris could dunk if he trained correctly,

but he, at his 41 year old body. Yeah, he can't, he'll never dunk probably. And he's to let go of that. He did lower the, there was a lowered hoop at this gym he was at and it was for kids and he dunked on it and he did dunk that,

but he said it was so embarrassingly low. But I said, dunking is the perfect analogy to fertility i will never dunk if i let this go until i'm 43 mama no dunk dunk like i'm not gonna ever done like men have no you won't even be a mama you can't even say that phrase oh yeah she's. She's going to be anian. I'm going to be daughter. Daughter's not Duncan. And America runs on Duncan. I was going to say that.

I was waiting for that. Well, it's... Duncanville. It was funny to me, the comparison, because dunking is, I think, a kind of symbol of masculinity or strength that men kind of... I mean as to you Brian is was dunking a thing that you wanted to do no but I think you know you have a lesson to learn

here which is that maybe you need to lower the hoop because you could have a baby and just immediately give it up for adoption uh there's a lot of things you can do to lower the hoop on this I'm talking about fertility. I want to still be fertile. I don't want a baby though. And that will be taken from me. My ability to house a child in a womb is going to be stolen from me soon. And that bothers me because I want to be able to do anything I want to do at any time,

even though I don't want to do it. I still want to be able to do it. I don't understand that. I can't understand. But you do because you'll never be able to. Can you dunk? No, no, I can't dunk. I'll never be able to do it. I don't understand that. I can't understand. But you do because you'll never be able to. Can you dunk? No, no, I can't dunk. I'll never be able to dunk.

Is there something you've let go of, of like, I wish I could do this and I'll never get to do this? No. I want to maybe be able to train to do that someday, but not right now. But then you're like, wait, I'm too old to even train to do it.

I haven't experienced that yet. I think for two reasons. One is I just never, I never give up. And number two, like I always, and number two is I have very low expectations.

So it's a lot like Taylor Swift where she's on stage and people are cheering for her and she's like, oh my God, guys, thank you. I feel like that sometimes where it's like, I can't even believe I can, like I'm trying to play piano and it's like, sometimes I it's like i can't even believe i can like i'm trying to play

piano and it's like sometimes i'm like i can't even believe i can play a scale and so i feel good about yourself yes because you're you're lowering the hoop i lowered the hoop i lower the hoop on all things well brian one of the most endearing stories of brian to ever be told was his quest to learn how to dance have we talked about this on the podcast no oh my god yeah ryan frangie realized at the age of i'm gonna say 27 how old were you back then this was when we were starting not safe yeah we were living with tim convey my boyfriend's brother 4 30 and why did you want to learn how to dance You didn't know how to dance at a party or like if you were to encounter music at a concert, you had no clue what to do with it.

Yeah, I really was pathetic. I would look embarrassing and it all happened. One day I went to my friend's wedding and one of my friend's wives saw me dancing and laughed at me. And I was so embarrassed. That'll do it do it yeah i was so embarrassed and i was like what was she making fun of what were you up to when you were dancing out there did were you free and then she ruined your freedom like were you already self-conscious you know what if i was free i would be fine with it but instead i, I was trying and I was bad. And that is like...

You're probably already looking for people to make fun of you. So when she caught you, you probably looked guilty. And then she took that as a sign of, oh, I'm going to mock this. She actually has apologized since then, even though I don't even think it's that person. She remembered laughing at me at a wedding. And then she came many years later and apologized. It was a different person than you remember laughing. You were like, there are more than one. It wasn't even her that was laughing at me at a wedding, and then she came many years later and apologized. It was a different person than you remember laughing. You were like, there are more than one.

It wasn't even her that was laughing at me. It was like the JFK assassination. She was over on the grassy knoll. She was on the grassy knoll. There was somebody in the book depository laughing at me. Okay, so you went to this wedding. Oh, please take us there. What year?

When I was in high school i uh used to even younger i used to do this thing called the punch dance which we can all imagine what that is yeah which is basically i would just be like spazzing out punching as fast as i can out of control and then would you do that as a comic relief type thing people would laugh obviously or were you yeah but it became like you ever see like i think it's from the goonies where there's that one kid chunk and they all go like do the chunk thing chunk thing and then yes so like he would do it and he would get laughs but it was like you know laughing at him yeah and so i had my friends who knew about the punch dance

and they were laughing with me but it got to the point where you know everybody you knew yeah and so like at my prom or at my prom god i bet you have a great story surrounding your prom too and the date you picked and the one that said no uh i actually do but of course i'm gonna focus in on yes the punch dance uh i was at the prom and a chant began do the punch dance and i had a decision to make a circle a chant began do the punch dance and I had a decision to make a circle formed they said do the punch dance and I was like this is like you know dance prostitution this is

like I'm going to sell my dignity you had a decision to make yeah and I chose to do the punch dance of course you did are they yelling punch Brian punch punch and they're all laughing at me and they're all pointing and all the popular kids are like i don't even know what this is that was the most embarrassing part oh god i'm just like i have this little circle halfway

down the popularity chain that's like punch dance and yeah they're all in on it and the popular kids are like ew yeah confused Yeah. Confused, left out. And so they judge it and mock it. Yeah. Yeah. So many years later, then I was left at the wedding and I decided, this was before I went on my year of dating, I decided I just want to be able to learn how to casual dance. Casual dance, that's the word.

I'm not talking like salsa. I'm not talking like salsa i'm not talking like you know hip-hop choreography i just want to be able to be at a party or a bar or a wedding and not get laughed at yeah i think this is something that people people struggle with i know that i have before i never danced before i started drinking and then that freed up a lot of my insecurity. And then I would dance freely when I drink. And then when I stopped drinking, I couldn't really get that back.

And then I did Dancing with the Stars and kind of realized it doesn't matter. And now I realize no one's watching you. It's kind of like when you go to the gym, you think everyone's looking at you, but everyone's kind of focused on themselves. That wasn't true for you at that wedding. But I do think that there's something about

casual dancing. It's hard for some people especially me like how do you do it right i saw i remember going to a concert with kirsten in eighth grade lauren hill we went to maybe ninth grade it was you know during her first tour off that album the miseducation and we went to it and it was our first concert alone and there was this girl in front of us who was dancing and she just put her hand behind her back and was just kind of like sliding with her hand like just her fist like resting on her butt like and it looked so cool that i danced like that for so long just like my hand gently behind my back because it just looked so cool but i had no other idea of how to dance and even when i see pictures of my or video of myself dancing now it's it's embarrassing because it's just doesn't look like someone who has grace

you know and i have grace's airpods but do i have natural grace no that was my attempt to get grace but it's um but now i guess i just don't care that much. So I'm free. And I feel like when I love a song, my love for a song is so apparent in the way that I dance that it doesn't. Someone could be a better dancer than me. And it doesn't matter because I'm connecting to what I'm like. Whatever comes out of me is perfect. And I don't feel encumbered by it. But you went on a mission to learn how to casual dance and you found an instructor yes so one day i put on my best dancing shoes and i walked to the third street dance

studio i walked right in no appointment and i stumbled upon this guy welcome this isn't great clips you can't just walk into a dance studio. This is amazing. I started knocking on doors. There was like, what are you, what? And I found this guy who, an instructor who wasn't teaching at the moment named Darian Hip Hop Henning. And he is the man.

And I said to him, excuse me, I want to learn how to casual dance. That's not even a type of dance. No, it's not. It makes sense because we all know what that means, but it is not. There should be a class for that. And he said, what are you talking about?

And I said, I just want to learn how to dance at a party, like I said. And he said, well, you know, I can do that for you. Because there's no classes go on the internet google casual dance google well there's youtube videos correct i don't need you found them i found before i found darian hip-hop henning i found youtube videos yeah because tim walked home one morning walked in one day and you were dancing in front of your computer to a dance

instruction video right right? Yeah. Can I see what this looks like? I really want to see. So how many classes did you take with Darren Hip Hop Hennings? I took a weekly one-on-one lessons with him for two years. What? What? Two years?

For two years? We're talking a hundred lessons. We became, well, we became friends and i would go and hang out with him and we would you know there was times when i would go to the park with him and i would film on his phone or his camera his like do dances he would do dances for his for his instagram so like you know i enjoyed just going and talking to him about stuff and dancing and it became just so much good did you feel like the way you feel at piano where you're like wow i saw improvements yeah i was i did feel pretty good about where i

was and i'm certainly not good at dancing i don't claim to be good at piano either but i am not mark my words going to be laughed at at my wedding or anywhere else. At your wedding. Are you guys going to do some sort of special dance? No. Have you already picked out your song? Don't you have to dance to a song that's like your song? We do have a song. It's a slow dance though. What's the song? Can you reveal it? I do not know if I'm allowed to reveal it.

Got it. Got it. Yes. Okay. What's her dress look like? Just kidding. Okay. So you're going to be able to casually keep up with everyone dancing at your wedding. I'm so excited to dance at your wedding. It's like very soon. Yeah, it's 50 days, 49 days. And you know, what you said before about dancing

is what is most important. And that is as long as you are enjoying yourself and having fun connecting to the music, there is nobody that can laugh at you. So what's the biggest difference between Brian pre hip hop Hennings and Brian post dance lessons? Probably my my knees. It was a lot. So they're supposed to be bent at all times right he taught me how to isn't that what you learned keep the beat up and down in your knees not not like hoedown knees but it's

like comes from your hip and make sure you keep that beat and then you start doing other stuff and he's taught me steps he taught me different moves i can do i said what do i do with my hands though yeah you know he taught he taught me what to do with my hands. That wasn't just like, you know, white guy stuff. Punching. Yeah. And he said, if all else fails, put one hand in one of your pockets. Oh, my God, the glazer. And you'll look so cool.

Yeah, do the glazer. Yeah. So he taught me all these moves. And then over the course of time, I knew like 10 moves that I could do smoothly. And that's enough. That's enough. Yeah. Okay, so you Do you grab your crotch? That's a big thing

you should be doing. Yeah, grab the crotch, spin around in a circle. Yes, a tight circle. I put a finger in the air and go left to right with my finger. Well, maybe we'll get a little demo from you at some point, but this sounds really good. I want to talk about other times where we've just taken a chance and like tried to

it's, you know, it's remarkable, but this is not that you learned to dance like who cares or that you felt insecure about dancing you sought out someone to teach you because that's really hard to in front of someone who's a good dancer to be terrible and so novice but you didn't have a problem with that i want to i want to look into this a bit more we have lots to talk about in the show we'll be right back john stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups,

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Yeah. I can't believe his parents knew that he was going to be a dancer and named him that. Were you, because I remember, I can only think about myself all the time but um when you well you know darian's brother's name was uh steven math teacher hennings and he's a mechanic um so what uh it's so embarrassing the first time you have to like that's why i don't like taking guitar lessons because i know the person teaching me is so advanced that they're going to be like

disgusted by what i do like and and of course i don't feel this way when someone asks me to help them write a joke or something and they're so bad at it i'm not like you should kill yourself you know like but i feel that way but sometimes witness i mean honestly the honest truth is yeah maybe i do think that sometimes like how could you be so bad at this and i'm so mean about people being bad at something i'm good at that i think everyone's going to be mean to me about something that i'm bad at and they are i mean isn't there Shevchenko was devastated when he saw my moves. Sometimes when you, if you see a comedian and you know, I'm not like some great comedian or anything, but sometimes you see a comedian and you're like, that person should definitely quit. Don't you ever get that? Oh yeah. One time

I was doing a, Sarah Schaefer and I, we had our MTV show and we were doing something kind of like Google chat live where, you know, our fans could ask us questions and they were asking for advice about stand up. And this one person was struggling with it and like, how do you make it? And I was just like,

she gave all this great advice, which I would normally give as well. And then I said, and just also know that like, if that all doesn't work out and it's not happening for you feel free to like quit like you don't like no one's telling you you have to do this it's honestly when i have to say when people ask like how did you make it or like what do you do to be a comedian I've said this before but it bears repeating I think you don't have what it takes because I think this is probably the same for music Anya um you just do it you like the process of it like we're talking about so much

that it doesn't matter the practice and all the hard work don't feel like work. They don't feel like things you need to figure out. They're just the natural progression of you exploring this thing you love and that you enjoy. So when people are like, what do I do? How do I get on stage? I never once was like, what do I do? I'm just like, i never once was like what do i do i'm just like i just all i have to do is just do it a bunch and it wasn't hard to do it a bunch because i fucking loved it have you ever had something that you that you pursued that just felt like swimming

upstream and like yeah you quit yes like what guitar in the past guitar saxophone um you play the saxophone in fourth grade when everyone has to like play an instrument i had no clue how it worked i know it was not i just faked it every day and i i cried so much because my dad really wanted me to be musical and i he always kind of like he always talks about this note i wrote him because i remember writing it and because i couldn't tell it to his face that I was going to quit an instrument but I wrote him a note and I was like dad I'm so so sorry because I know all the money you spent at Mel Bay on this saxophone and I just hate it and I don't want to do it and I'm quitting and you can't talk me out of it and I wrote this whole letter I wish he would have kept it because i remember it being very sweet and him being like nick i don't

care and i was like i promise i'll play another instrument this is just isn't the one it's the same way i still talk when i like write emails to people like i can't do your podcast right now but down the road i prompt like i always like give i need just down the road give you something of myself that i can't even give you down the road because it's not enough for me to just have a clear boundary of like, this is where the, this is where it ends. Papa, I'm not going to be in any like brass bands anytime soon. He didn't care at all. Um, I did the same thing when I quit guitar. I had to like have like a, like, cause he spent so, I always felt bad about the money they spent on lessons and,

and I was a failure, but you know, even writing songs, I feel that way about it. It's just so difficult for me. And I don't enjoy the process. I'm not like, I don't even care that that song's bad. It's like, that song's bad. Taylor Swift would never write a bad song. You're trash. Stop doing this.

You're a joke. And it's like, none of it's fun. And I'm waiting for a way to figure out how to do it. Because it's something I really want to do. I I'm waiting for a way to figure out how to do it because it's something I really want to do. I'm waiting to find a way to enjoy the process. I'm trying different ways of doing it so that I can tap into that. But you know what I'm not doing is asking musicians

over and over like secrets for how they like did a beeline to success. Like I'm realizing that it's going to be a hard road to hoe. Yeah, it just takes time and someone gave me a record deal right now because they heard me sing on that's my jam last night on nbc at 10 9 central and that's my jam but hosted by jimmy fallon i would i was even thinking today like my little dream in my head is that someone goes wow she's really great i'm gonna give her a record deal she already has a name i would turn it down because i don't want to fast track i want to grind it out and be

good and accomplished through my own like i just want to do i want to i want to fail a lot and which is ironic because i just said when i fail i compare myself to taylor swift and i quit so i don't know what the solution is but you did it with stand-up i mean you did when you first start out you're just failing over and over again felt bad when I failed because I knew I was really good at it. I knew I was naturally better at this than most people. I could kind of take a census of the room and go, I have a knack for this more than anyone who's at a beginner level. I just do. And, you know, that's just that's with everything.

People have natural inclinations to things. But do you ever watch a child like savant play piano on Instagram or Reddit and you just go, what is the point of me doing any? Like, why should I even show up for a lesson today? I think that all the time. Throw this keyboard at the possum cage in the backyard and call it a day. Like, I just, I think it all the time when i see these little virtuoso kids oh yeah video of these north korean kids just like zombies like these four-year-olds playing like perfect guitar like just shredding on guitar all in like you know in sync with each other and they're like smiling like robots and i was just so jealous of these North Korean children. It's the end of days. Their lives are miserable outside of that.

There's a fucking laser dot on their head if they screw up one note. Their lives, they can't be good over there. But I was still like, what's the point of you doing this? But I guess the point is that I could have some emotion in my shitty guitar playing that they are devoid of because they aren't allowed to have any live so it just sounds like you know just a ai machine playing and they don't grow up to like you never hear stories of them growing up to be successful

in the entertainment industry yeah you're right it's really cool that you had sweep us you had the awareness to be able to assess yourself which is very rare and i think very rare in life that you have a clear enough perspective about yourself to be able to give yourself objective real feedback like you saying i know i'm good at this and i have a knack for this like most of the time we're way too hard on ourselves and we can't properly assess ourselves so the fact that you had that is really cool. And I always tell people when they ask me advice, go where things are flowing. You know, like you're saying, you're getting the laughs.

It's easy. It's- Go to my vagina. Four days of the month. Yeah. You know, Anya, I took you more seriously there because you were waving a pen around yeah feel that way when you're talking you're pontificating with this sharpie yeah and I was like wow she's making a lot of sense go to where it's easy go to where it's but I like things that

are hard well it can be hard but it's like you said enjoy the hard yeah and like I remember stressing out so hard at one point in my life. I had been a DJ on the radio for nearly 10 years. And I was just hating it toward the end, just absolutely hating it. And I had a job that so many people would have killed for. And San Diego, midday. Why did you hate it? I was dying to be.

Oh, yeah, San Diego, midday, drive time, DJ. I was dying to be a singer-songwriter. I had all these songs I'd written. I had made a record by myself. I was dying to be on tour and playing my music. And I just felt like it was soul-crushing every day. And this used to be my dream, being on the radio. I grew up listening to Howard Stern.

And I finally got in there. And I'm like, middays in San Diego, market 14, or whatever it was. Great job, benefits, everything. And I'm just playing Smashing Pumpkins and wanting to kill myself every day. Wow. I mean, I'm exaggerating, but I was not happy.

And I remember getting my first song, Miss Halfway and Grey's Anatomy. And it was like, whoa, I got in Grey's Anatomy. It's in the season. It's like finishing the show. I got a big check. I couldn't believe it. And I was just like,

how big was that check? What are we talking? I think it was $16,000. This doesn't happen anymore, by the way. You can almost go to a one Taylor Swift concert with that. This doesn't happen. Well,

that for me was like probably, I don't know, a third of my income. So much fucking money. No. So, I mean, that's an insane amount. this doesn't well that for me was like probably I don't know a third of my income yearly income no so I mean that's an insane amount it's insane

that's like a car and I had a car it's a Subaru that was like had been hit in the middle of the night and hit and run but I could still

barely drive it and so I bought a used car with that check I remember and it completely changed my life and then I started

getting more and more syncs like they would put another song in Grey's's anatomy and then i was like that's what it's called is a sink oh yeah i was confused i don't know the lingo okay but well she also didn't own a sink and so she would go to lowe's and she would yeah i don't know they let it sink in synchronize the music to the picture i think that's where i don't know um but yeah that's when i started going maybe the universe is kind of trying to show me there's like a flow happening here i'm getting paid for this that's why it's a sink yes there's a flow and then i got a record it just was easy it was easy and and something was happening you know like i could feel the momentum feedback yeah and yes the universe was telling you

it was this you were on the right track and a friend of mine who i loved and trusted was hang like my friend oh who passed away a few months ago he was always on my ass like you're such a chicken shit just quit now you should quit the radio now and go on tour and i'm like dude i love you and your faith in me i got nothing i got a record on a bookshelf that nobody bought and i'm playing a coffee shop twice a week like i have no following i have no money saved and you know but he was like just do it quit now i'm like i'm gonna quit when there's a lily pad i can jump onto and then i got the lily pad and i was like okay now i can quit my job and that's just right how i think things work it takes that it takes someone take someone believing in you for sure and that's just right how i think things work it takes that it takes someone

take someone believing in you for sure and that's why it's like so important to give compliments very freely when you notice people are talented and that's what sucks about so many people are so jealous of people's talent that they withhold compliments not like so many people i bet have been you know just sidelined from like where just uh you know what's the word for it when you're driving and then you veer off the road whatever that is you you get um discouraged because no one encourages you and most of the time it's out of jealousy so i mean yeah you can probably really suck sometimes and no one's saying anything and you should maybe listen to the silence. Sometimes you just need a Korean military

person with a sniper rifle telling you to continue. You need someone promising you a bag of rice that your family will be able to survive the winter if you are able to execute this perfect solo. Those North Korean children playing guitar

actually is not so bad because I think like there could be at least they're playing guitar. There could be people who are like you have to be you know, you have to dig ditches and they're still holding the gun to your head. Their tiny little hands were playing regular size guitars by the way.

And I'm looking at my niece Poppy who is just all over the place, naked constantly, can't really, you can't even hold on to her for two seconds to focus. And the idea that she could like just be like in sync with a bunch of other four, like how they do that is really scary to me. How they can control kids that much much like what abuses those kids must um face because it's just impossible to imagine a child behaving that way with with six other children perfectly and doing things on guitar that you can in your wildest dreams could not do and therefore it was just it was so so upsetting so many ways, but mostly because of my ego. But yeah, I think that you need to, I think that, yeah, you need to encourage people to,

when they are good at something, especially, but you should also look for when, but what about when you love something so much and you suck at it and, but you love it. It's flowing, but money is not flowing or opportunities aren't flowing but it's still your dream enjoy it at home keep doing it yeah but what if part of it is performing like these are when people have been auditioned for american idol and they're like so off key yeah terrible and you go who could have ever convinced this person that they were good like who encouraged them who lied to them who did this who lied have ever convinced this person that they were good like who encouraged them who lied to them who did this who lied to them and told them that they could do this and

put them in this embarrassing situation there should be an offshoot so-called who did this to you and we find who encouraged these people and like where what kind of families they come from that make them think that this is okay i i honestly believe there's something for everyone in this world and what we find to be like really, that's not really talent. There's going to be one person at the end of the world who is going to love it. Who likes someone singing

totally off key. Really? Yeah, there's a Greek restaurant on the upper west side that's going to hire you to play an hour's worth of covers. Why that's so i don't know oh wow okay i don't even know no no i know the race i know the greek restaurant you're talking about they have terrible singers i've played a greek restaurant before and i was not great no i think noah's right you can probably find a place but if you can't find a place after months of searching

just enjoy it in your own home. Why do you have to earn a living at this? Or go on the street and busk. YouTube. Yes. Start a YouTube channel. There's plenty of talentless hacks who have succeeded on TikTok and YouTube and they're shit. Yeah.

There's so much garbage on YouTube and you could probably be way more successful than any of us. I was at a craft fair this weekend in Nashville. My mom and I were walking through, and the amount of crap that these people devote their lives to making, it really depressed me because it just, maybe it didn't depress me. Maybe it was sweet. Maybe there's something sweet about it

that this man makes brooms out of like old guitar necks or whatever. Or this one guy was making like an anteater out of an old Harley Davidson body plus a gas tank and then like a gas nozzle for its, like shit you wouldn't, it's just the ugliest stuff you've ever seen and it's um and people care so much and they put up a booth and they get a card and they get you know a sign and they hire someone to make a graphic for them for their it's so crazy to me

and to me i just guess it's something to keep them busy so that their husband doesn't have to talk to them yeah there's it's amazing how much bad art there is my dad's always sending me emails with the subject heading incredible and then i open it it's like always like the most bizarre he likes art that's like really really realistic like okay it's like it looks like a photograph yeah and i'm like why do you like this or he's into like weird cats dressed up as harlequins i'm like you like this like that's where i go there is something for everyone where the noah thing kind of like art like just graphic art visual art there is something for everyone because you see t you see clothing people make and you go who would ever want to wear this bedazzled vest that says like that has like a skull smoking a cigar on the

back of it like just ugly shit and there's someone out there that will like it and it's um it's so funny to me and and why you wouldn't want to make something that but maybe the person making it likes i guess i can't judge there is something for the theory is if you like every lid if you love it then someone else well i was someone else might love it then because you're one person and you love it chances are the billions of people in the world there's gonna be one other person who loves the thing too that you're making. Yeah, that's true. Not that it's worth a career. And I don't think it's worth, you know, if you love it, then that's fine.

But I don't think, you know, you should risk your family's dinner on it. I guess I just really get scared that maybe I'm so unselfaware that people could be mocking me without me knowing it and being like, she thinks she's fucking talented like the way that i mock them again it comes back to me i'm judging these people i'm worried that someone's going to think of me that way like anya you were having this stress about your teeth right will you explain some of that i've had a rough 48 hours i've gone it's been a dark night of the soul two nights in a row but i'm better now i'm on the other side of it. That's a funny way to say it. Sorry, I'm laughing.

I stole that from Kate. My friend Kate always says that. Yeah, I was, I mean, my veneers, it's a journey. I thought I was done. And then I just kept looking at them and I was just like, they're too long. They're just still too long. I still don't know.

How much time are you spending looking at them in the mirror? Like I'll be on a Zoom and I'll just be like, God, my teeth look like chipmunk teeth. Anyway, then I went to see my dermatologist in New York yesterday. And I'm like, can I ask you something? You're like a beauty expert. And I just want to know, I'm going a little crazy with these teeth. And I just want to ask you about my veneers my forefront veneers i don't even finish my question which was gonna be do you think they're a little too long and i should have them shaved down just a hair and she goes yes the forefront teeth are much darker than the rest of your teeth oh brutal i wasn't oh no can i ask about the shade and then i started obsessing

about them like are they i just had some tea so that might be it she goes they're definitely darker than the dress i'm like fuck me and then she goes but yeah they are too long i would say and i'm like okay okay thank you and then i thought and another and another thing man this is a dangerous game asking and i've never once asked i don't know if you've ever noticed this i've never once asked is if i have an insecurity i never ask you is this is my nose big is my forehead too long is my do i look fat in this that's true because i will i think it i will never ever ask because you're either lying to me or you confirm the thing i'm scared of more than anything in the world asking someone do i look fat in this which

is like this classic oh my wife asked me do i look like no that's a recipe for disaster no one ever ever i'm telling you women protect yourselves protect yourselves and do not ask people for feedback on your looks ever stop this game they could also be wrong they could also be dead wrong of course of course and guess who serves to make money off you by telling you you don't look good enough dermatologist sorry they're in the i'm not i this one in particular i i like her a lot i've seen her before too but i would never ever ask my dermatologist about my face even though that's their job to assess it and give you recommendations no thank you because you are it's it does not behoove you to tell me that my face is perfect the way it is my question was different from i

have an insecurity and i want you to uh like it's different from do i look fat in this because that's a pointless that's a pointless ask you can't you can't change your fat like immediately you know and i was wanting to shave these down and i just wanted someone else to be like i i kind of see what you're talking about which she did so I was relieved and I did have them shaved down a little because a lot of people were like I think they look fine

my mom was like yes too big shave down so I did don't ask an immigrant from Eastern Europe for anyone from Eastern Europe about your looks if you're looking to feel good about yourself don't ask because they're gonna give you an honest answer that is going to be heartbreaking and um the people from eastern europe they can't judge looks

they can't judge music do you ask your girlfriend do you ask your fiance brian like things about your looks do you ever like do the kind of like um do you ever do the because I guess my question is a lot of times I read memes where girls will be like would you love me if I was a worm with no blue worm and all I could do was yodel and the guy's like I don't think so she's like fuck you it's like who what girls actually do this i would never want to know what my boyfriend truly thinks about me one time one time and it i will never forget it because it was the one time chris weighed in on my looks in a way that might have been i could take as bad he one time said because i was crying about feeling too big in my body and he said I like you at this size I like you in a

size where you feel like maybe you're too thin I like you I liked you even at the size when you were doing Nikki and Sarah live which was like seven years prior to this conversation and I don't know what the fuck that meant that could have meant I was really skinny or it could have meant I was a big lady I don't know but i will never forget it ever and there's something about there was something wrong with my body back then that he was like i even liked you then and it wasn't he was just he was saying the the best thing i could have heard then but of course my crazy mind has tattooed that on my amygdala. Well, because it's implying that other people did it. Yeah.

And I don't know. I didn't ask for clarification. I didn't go, wait, what was with my body back then? I didn't want to know. Right. It just sounds like it was radically different from what's happening now. I don't read comments. I don't read comments.

I don't want any feedback because it's only going to make me feel worse. Agree. I guess. Don't open the door to something. That's. Don't. I remember my friend saying years ago, she was like, God, I made a mistake. I was pregnant and I promised myself I was never going to ask my husband.

Do I look fat or ever like open the door to commenting on my body? That's just not going to be a thing and then I had an insecure day around my fourth or fifth month and I said to him do you think I look fat and I wish I had never made that an okay topic because then ever periodically throughout my pregnancy he would make little jokes or whatever or like comment on my body and I hate it this is a person with no eating disorder or any body dysmorphia either she's like the most normal girl and she was like it was so annoying and it was my own fault so i remembered that and i've tried to always kind of keep that a rule for

myself like don't open the door to like pot like giving matt permission to comment on my looks or anything it's like that's not a topic for you or me it's not yeah chris says i'm hot and he'll say stuff like recently i've been feeling bad and about my you know just feeling uncomfortable in my skin and the other day he was just like i'm sorry i was like naked and he just goes i'm sorry what could what could you want to change i don't even know it was very nice he was just like what you're perfect and i was like it's the morning i'm very thin in the morning i was like wait and then yesterday he was like and you know you're right like you said yesterday like in the morning you're always thinner he was like i feel that way for myself and i was like wait are you confirming that i am thinner in the morning and then i like it like

i spun it he wasn't saying that at all. He was just saying, oh, it's like you said yesterday about like, you look like more shit throughout the day. Meaning you, the general you, not you, Nikki Glaser. But it just like, yeah, you can't win. Do you get into those with Allie, Brian? I don't know if it's a men, women thing because like when I, like I gained 20 pounds

and I've been working that off leading up to the wedding. the men-women thing, because like, when I, like I gained 20 pounds, and I've been working that off, leading up to the wedding, and rather than asking Allie, how I look, I would just walk around the house going, I'm a fat piece of shit. And then I would,

I would tap my belly, I would hit my belly, and I would go, look how big my fucking belly is, I'm a fat piece of shit. And she'd go, stop saying that, stop saying that about yourself. Like, no, but belly is. I'm a fat piece of shit. And she'd go, stop saying that. Stop saying that about yourself. Like, no, but I am.

I'm a fat piece of shit. And now I've lost some of the weight, so I don't say it anymore. But that's what I would do. I don't know if that's because I'm a man. Chris also, I mean, I can't speak for how he experiences this, but I'll try. I'll try to speak for exactly how he feels he loves when i do that he when he has gained weight which he will admit to he doesn't care he's just like it's just an amazing difference between i think and this is not all men first of all i know

men suffer with eating disorders almost as much as women do now so it's uh don't think that i'm blanket statementing this but he looks at when he's gained weight. He's just like, I just gotta like be better and just like change it. And like, it's just like, and his stomach can be like, like if my stomach is folding over anything,

like ever, if my pants are too tight, I will want to rip off my skit. Like I, if I'm uncomfortable, I need things to fit properly so that they don't feel like anything's like, like I if I'm uncomfortable I need things to fit properly so that they don't feel like anything's like like if I feel the band of my underwear like pulling in and this is all my own obsession but he just I will be mad at myself in the present whereas he

will say to himself what I imagine he says to himself is like yeah I need to fix this I'm gonna I'm gonna tighten things up pretty soon and I'm going to like take care of it. And it's not a moral issue. Like it's not like he's a bad person. He's a lazy piece of shit. He, you know, he can have a little thing of like, oh God, I went too hard. And there's a little bit of disappointment maybe in himself for how he's been eating.

But it's not like the end of the fucking world. And there is a future in which he gets it together. Whereas I think it just stops with the present for me. This is what in the past doesn't even matter of when I, when I've gotten it together in the past, it's like, this is what I am now. And I'm in this and there's no,

there's no like, and I'm trying to do that more of like, I just need to, you know, tighten things up. Like, Oh, I just need to like, start, you know, doing a little do that more of like i just need to you know tighten things up like oh i just need to like start you know doing a little bit better instead of like you are bad right now you're a piece of shit like that's that do you do you but you're also you're talking about talking about like i'm a fat piece of shit i've never done that of like look at this like that's almost

like jovial and fun like that's having fun with it mean, you're saying a piece of shit and I don't like that, but you're at least like, you're just like, I'm having a good time. Yeah. You're having a good time. It's not heavy. I'm not getting judged like you are.

I'm not getting judged on my, how I look. And I know it's just my shirt. I'm really upset because my shirt doesn't fit right, but that's about where it ends. Like no one's telling me I can't have a job because I'm, I'm like 20 pounds heavier. Yes. No one's telling me I can't have a job because I'm 20 pounds heavier. No one's telling us that either, but it's

implied. They won't say it specifically unless you're a model, but it is implied. I have to say it's even more annoying. You wish they would just say it because you know it's true, but you don't. Wouldn't that be nice if they just said it? They said, listen listen you're too ugly for this

job they used to tell actresses you gotta lose 20 pounds to play this role in the avengers and then what happens but the truth is sorry this avenger wouldn't be 20 pounds overweight like is that that should be okay for them to say but it's it's not i mean i'm not saying it's okay to body shame women and make them go be anorexic to you know look like storm or whoever she's trying to portray but um i think it's gone too much the other way too of like i don't know it's the sometimes you there is an aesthetic that you want for your fashion show or whatever and like if you want all anorexic models that's your prerogative you're the artist like and we can boycott you if we want to too and we

yeah we don't have to well we can't wear you because we're not size zeros but like we we can hate you for it and you can hate us for being fat or whatever it is like uh but at the same time i also love like you know fat people included in fashion shows and stuff like that that always makes me feel really good and happy and uh so i don't know i'm kind of stuck between um i i'm all over the place but i see what you're saying with me is you want to have more of an attitude that chris has toward himself when he's going through something you know like a little weight gain you want to have that kind of forgiveness and extend it to yourself or some some jovial element just like a lightness about it

of like because he'll even say to me because he knows that i get into eating disorder brain and when i hear him say i gotta be better about my food i hear that as i'm gonna start starving myself and i'm gonna be a dick to be around because i think about myself when i'm starving and i'm a bitch so i think oh great my boyfriend is going to be in a bad mood. He's going to be hungry and tired all the time because he has to go on a diet to fix what he fucked up. But for him, it's like,

no, I just have to eat more vegetables and go to the gym more. It's not this... This is all tied together. This makes sense with everything you've been talking about. Really? Yeah, because when you talk about... Tell my therapist.

Will you guys get in a chat together? I'll send her an email. I talk to her frequently already. If you correct something. I'll send her an extra email. No, because you talk about playing the guitar and how if it's not good enough, then you just want to quit.

It's the same thing with your body. It's a perfectionist tendency. And you would rather quit. You would rather rip off your skin and be seen not good in in the eyes of other people yes and also not being perfect what does it mean if i'm overweight what does that what does that mean to me what does that mean to other people for some reason i like to piece that apart because what's the harm people think i think that people will see my depression for me it's like they'll see that i'm's the harm people think i think that people will see my

depression for me it's like they'll see that i'm like i equate when i gain weight it's because i'm out of control um i'm depressed i'm my emotions are fucking rampant and i'm probably kind of suicidal because not because i'm fat but because i'm eating too much i'm regulating my emotions with food and they can see through that even though I'm telling you it most of the time that I'm feeling depressed or whatever for some reason me having control of the narrative that way as opposed to you looking at me and secretly going like that's what I was getting to Anya was worried that people were talking about her behind her back about her teeth her biggest fear was people I want I want to be able to control the narrative about like guys I've gained weight recently guys i'm depressed i don't want you to go like have you guys noticed

that nikki's arms are looking a little like that is my biggest fear why who gives a fuck you know but that is our biggest fear yeah i was fearing that matt was like her teeth are kind of beaver buck tooth but i'm not to tell her because I love her and she probably can't change it. You know, that's what I thought. Yes. Or that you were like,

oh God, they are kind of big, but it's fine. It's too late. She can't get her old ones back. I'll just be nice. I was like, they look like Taylor Swift's

and I'm jealous. And then I was worried my dentist like was going to be annoyed like Jesus Christ, here comes this high maintenance bitch that's been in four times this last month. That's nothing.

I go four times a month. Really? Oh, yeah. My dentist has me on a list. She says she has written in her notes that no other person at her practice is allowed to talk to me. What? Because I've been there so often. Because I'm full of problems and I can't explain it

and I have psychosomatic issues. I can't even talk to you. And I keep getting surgical interventions that don't work. Because if they talk to him, they might say something that will set off a thing that he needs to fix.

And she told you that? She wrote it down in the notes and then I went one time to the dentist and she and my... Well, he asked where the bathroom was to someone and they wouldn't even look at him and he started to suspect things. So he looked in the online portal

and it's like, patient is insane. My dentist that can talk to me was on a trip to Italy and I made an appointment and I went in with teeth pain and the dentist came in. She looked at me and I was like, well, can you help me with this?

And she said, sure, I can help you with this. She went out of the room, looked at the notes, came back in and she said, I'm sorry, I cannot help you. And she left the room and then she sent in a receptionist to play interference. That is so fucked up. You were in pain.

So no one helped you? It's not. No, it's in his head and they knew that this woman is correct she's protecting brian's good dentist his own self she's like yes maybe and you know what your doctor should have said is i'm not weighing in on your teeth it is not in my jurisdiction and i'm not to give you advice they should know their lane but it's like okay we gotta take a break. We're gonna come back.

We're gonna help some people because I think we have some advice to give in our FanThrex. And we're gonna get to FanThrex today. Don't even think we won't. We'll be right back with your calls after this. Catch Jon Stewart back in action

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All right, we're back. And we're talking to Brian because we're not at his dentist office brian um after this episode after this episode i can't believe it's up to you disclaimer it's up to you whether or not to take our advice after what we all just talked i mean yeah i think i think we're set to give some we just i, yeah, I go to you guys for advice. Noah's been quiet. She's the best advice giver. Yes. I don't know if I'm the best, but I try.

You are one of the best. Empathetic, understanding. Compassionate. You do the thing where you like say, you repeat back to the person what they're worried about and like confirm like you're not crazy for feeling this way. And then you offer advice in a gentle way that always makes me feel seen and hopeful.

You're very good at it. Very good. Sometimes she's like, what a mess. Excellent compliment, by the way. Excellent, specific,

honest compliment. Sometimes people are shitty at compliments. I read a book about this that's a good compliment i think i'm very good at compliments i will compliment myself in that way thank you nikki oh yeah brian thank you actually yeah i'm sorry i took that away from you and gave it to myself from you um thank you for that compliment all right let's get to Fanthrax. Fanthrax! Thank you, Avi. All right, who do we have?

Well, I wanted to read a quick Fanthrax that we got on Instagram from Caitlin. So she listened to Not Horseworthy when Julie was on the pod talking about her concussions. And she goes, and Nikki's, okay. So I just listened to the recent episode with Nikki's mom and couldn't believe she was called pig woman. My dad is one of eight and his sister was also called pig woman by her siblings.

Whoa. Curious if that's a generational thing. My dad and his siblings were born in the 50s through 60s yes same my mom's born in 59 wow pig woman is all they need to meet that must have been like some kind of comic book character or something pig woman they i think they should have a little they should meet up and all the pig women of america should have a meeting i can't believe my mom made it out alive and i i am as normal as i am and she is as normal as she is to be well chris is like i even loved you when you were a pig i mean when you when you're whatever size you are you're okay so i have some information

about pig woman apparently yes apparently in new jersey in 1922 a uh man and a woman were murdered next to a and their bodies were found next to a tree and the uh prosecution's star witness was named the pig woman oh my god yes her real name was jane gibson she who lived in the neighborhood and why was she nicknamed the pink woman do we have any she was well i haven't read that's this Oh my god. Yes, her real name was Jane Gibson, who lived in the neighborhood. Why was she nicknamed the pig woman? She was born in the 50s. I haven't read the whole thing, but the prosecution told the jury that the pig woman was dying and

wished to get the real story off her conscience. Why is she a pig woman? It doesn't say. It just says she was known as the pig woman. What the hell? This sounds like an episode of perry mason she was a witness to a murder okay um i'm guessing she took care of pigs no one would call someone actually in the 20s who knows okay let's get to let's get to some voicemails here's uh the first one from molly do you have advice on what to do when you develop feelings for a friend and they're like a best friend and you hang out all the time?

And you just have these feelings that have built and you just like they're just like boiling out, you know, you just want to tell them but you're also so scared of it's like if it doesn't last in or end up in like a relationship there's always that weird layer added to your friendship and you can't go back and i don't know man advice help help just just please help oh yeah girl oh man so sweet i bet he has a crush on you too i mean most of the time it is reciprocal i was getting turned on just listening to her voicemail for some reason great voice um yeah you know why Because it's so awesome having a crush. Yes. Especially one that you get to be around all the time and they don't know it. Molly, as much as this is hard, something's either going to happen with this guy or not

going to happen. Nothing will ever feel as good as having a crush feels. It will, nothing will light you up inside not eternal love not fun not your wedding day not casually dancing on the dance floor with your betrothed nothing will ever feel as good not heroin no drug can ever make you feel this way it is i'm jealous i'm honestly jealous because i i will never have this again. If I win with Chris the rest of my life, I'll never have this like unrequited or like seemingly hope

that it could be requited crush. You're filled with hope and possibilities. It's exactly what you're talking about. And they could like you back. It's so good. And once you find out if they like you, it's fine. It's not as good as not knowing. Then you learn their flaws. Yes, and once you find out if they like you it's fine it's not as good as not knowing then

you learn their flaws yes and then you get bored and then you both like each other it's this mystery that feels so good so as uncomfortable it is know that it is just a great feeling and really fun and you will someday hear someone talk about it and feel the same way i do which is like anya's making a face like i am well yeah you were kind of looking making a face like I don't think I remember liking that feeling so much because you used to my crushes I always remember being like I know why this is called a crush it's just like oh there's so much tension there I love it it's like I won't let myself have it I'm going to enjoy the hunger so much tension there. I love it. Having a crush is part of your anorexic thing.

It's like, I won't let myself have it. I'm going to enjoy the hunger. And I'm always like, I want the meal. Having a crush is being in a eternal state of anticipation.

Yes. Yes. It's Christmas Eve forever. And that's what I like. I don't like Christmas. I like Christmas Eve. I don't like June 1st,

my birthday. I like May 31st. It's better than my birthday. I don't like June 2nd. It's the worst. I don't have, like, like christmas eve i don't like june 1st my birthday i like may 31st it's better than my birthday yes i don't like june 2nd it's the worst i don't have like i love being in my relationship but i love when we miss each other and we're like about to see each other first time that's all the good stuff and then and i'm not wrong because studies have been done and your dopamine levels rise rise rise rise if you're going out to eat and you ordered food that you're really excited about it's rising rising rising oh you see it coming the waiter's bringing it peak peaking peaking you take

your first bite plummet that's when it starts to go down and you think you're like no this is the most enjoyable part it's not plummeting but it's it's descending from that first bite on but you gotta give her advice right before the first bite yeah i'm just saying i have to suggest i have pitches i have two pitches of what she could try to do. One thing she could try to do is say that she is looking to go date. She's getting on the apps or whatever

and she wants to get his advice. And then she can kind of feel out how he feels about giving her advice. I'm guessing Molly has already tried this. Isn't that the first in your toolbox of like mentioning another guy you think is cute or something worked if i know my laser i feel like there is some sort of but i could be wrong but i think that is great advice you you you you you test the waters to see if they get a little jealous you gotta test the waters it's the worst when they don't and

oh god anya has a whole song about it i have a whole life about it notice me anya's song notice me is a really good song to listen to molly um because it's even though she was sleeping with that person who didn't who she was just friends with that's the worst is when you're hooking up with a friend casually and you love them and they don't feel the same way back. It's been five years. Any day he's going to want to be my boyfriend. What are some pitches? What about doing that thing where

you say if we're both single in 10 years we'll get married and see how he reacts to that. Okay. I'm not crazy about that one because it's too forward. I think what i've done because i've been this girl many times and i molly i think you probably know he likes you back but he's just you're like waiting for the next shoe to drop because i don't think you would even call in and have hope if you didn't kind of know he liked you right but maybe not maybe he

totally sees you as a friend i think that no guy hangs out with a girl constantly as a best friend unless there's some kind of vibe there ding dong yeah unless they have a girlfriend already and then you guys are like have this because i've had best friends that are guys and like is he a guy is it a girl we don't know it's just her friend okay yeah i i think it's a guy? Is it a girl? We don't know. It's just her friend. Okay, yeah. I think it's a guy, but I could be wrong. Maybe I'm just injecting that into it, but okay, whatever. So the person is probably

like you. I have the answer. I know what to do. Oh, great. Okay. Okay, so first thing, what we all know not to do, 100% do not do this. Do not get this person a gift or something like that don't fake anything what you should do is for the next month start acting aloof yep just don't just maybe you can't hang out so often maybe you're just a little bit busy don't bring anything up specific of what

you want to do yes and then over, you might see him start pursuing. He'll start to get a little nervous. He'll start pulling his collar. Go on dates. Go on a date. Start scheduling dates and don't even,

no, do tell him, but be casual about it. But schedule dates just for the, like, because I know when I really am in love with someone,

I don't want to go on dates with other guys. Like, I know who I like. But you just, just do it for him. Here another thing dress up look cute look hot every time you see them skin touch your hair a lot and don't feminine energy dying to hang out like don't be desperate and if you want to just like cut to the chase and this is what i've done every single time with guys that in this i've i think every single guy i've ever

had anything with i was friends with first maybe not every one of them but 90 and this doesn't work because i never ended up with any of them but i did end up dating some of them i've told this before you'll be hanging out as friends just casually and you go oh my god i forgot to tell you and they go what you go i like you and you just make it seem so casual and you go i like you and they're like they'll start to like laugh and you're like yeah oh my god i forgot like i like you i think we should like make out like you just say it like it's nothing yep i've done that funny should we make out then it's funny yeah you just go oh my god you know

i was just thinking and they're like wait what like you want to see a movie or something like you'll think you have like an idea you just go we should make out and they're like take it will be funny and so the laugh first and then that kind of cuts the tension i don't know that but that can work with a very passive guy i think who needs who cannot make the first move but i i have had experience well let me say one thing of course here's the good news you cannot have according to all these big thinkers and philosophers you cannot have attraction attraction to someone who doesn't have attraction to you is that right yes it has to go both ways but what about all the times that you've like longed for

someone and they didn't like right it doesn't mean they're gonna do anything about it or they're serious or they're a great partner but if you're feeling an attraction you're not crazy there's a vibe and maybe that person's trying out people before that didn't they definitely weren't attracted to me were they i think it's more than like wanting to fuck them oh okay like like feeling a sparkle i wanted to fuck lots of people and they don't want to fuck me at all when you're feeling like is there something here there probably is but it doesn't mean they're great for you i had it happen once with a friend who I would never, ever, ever thought of as attractive. And I couldn't believe it when it happened.

But I did want to hang out with them all the time. And we were hanging out a lot. And we were very good friends. And then one night, I was like not even crushing on them at all. And they were like, let's go to a speakeasy. And we were hanging out and just talking and i don't know what happened i was like god i'm cold cold in this place it's freezing oh i'm a little cold because i just wore a little dress and he's like you're always cold and his skin

yep it's something happened where i had some vulnerability and i'm usually the alpha with this relationship but i wasn't that night i had period. I hadn't showered in two days. I had greasy hair. I was throwing out some kind of weird hormone pheromone. I didn't care about them at all. And he was- That's all alpha moves right there, what you just described.

It is? Yeah, you're like the total alpha. You're giving off your hormones. You don't give a shit. Yeah, he was like, let's go for a drink. This person that you're talking about likes alpha women. So I think that Brian's not far off. Let's go for a drink I have to say that this person that you're talking about likes alpha women so I think that I think Brian's not far off

let's go for a drink and I'm like no I'm tired I want to watch Real Housewives and he's like get out of your house

let's go for a drink meet me I'm bored let's go for a drink I'm like fine I was just like so cranky

I mean this is the way you want to be I wish I liked this person at the time and then we go I'm cold next thing I know he puts his jacket on me or i like somehow we're like closer together than usual and then i don't know what the fuck happened and he he looked at me weird and i looked at him weird and then i think he said should should we kiss? And I was like, ew, no. Oh, no.

And then I was like, no way. And then he's like, I think we should. And I was like, you do? We're like friends. And he's like, I think we should kiss. And then we kissed. And it was like 20 minutes of, I looked up when we were done with the kiss. I came up for air.

And the entire bar that was full was empty and they were closing down I'm like how did I lose at least 20 minutes of my life and it was like an amazing kiss and a disaster of the next few months of my life but it was so fun to just like have this weird thing happen with a friend and are you friends now or yeah we're friends now we came out of it it had to happen we were hanging out too much too often and you know we're not that close anymore but like i consider them you know an acquaintance and it was it's sort of like it's like are you really gonna have a zit on your face for three weeks it's like a whitehead and you're never gonna pop it that's how I look at it like it's got to

blow at some point but try do incremental I remember the whole thing of like what if we ruin the friendship I'm like fuck the friendship my pussy's wet he's not your friend we got a situation down here

I'm uncomfortable every time we hang out I remember that you were like i don't care about our dumb friendship i remember he looked so sad when i said that he really seemed bummed and to tell you the truth we don't have a friendship anymore because i got my heart broken and i was a bitch about it and so he will never trust me or really be my friend again. And I did ruin the friendship because I, because you can't really go back on you. You'll never be as close to that person as you were.

You can't go back so that you are running that risk, Molly, but it doesn't sound like there's any other option. You got to pop that zit. Well, take the steps first, take the steps before you get to the thing where you just come out and say it. Take the steps. Do the aloof for a month. the thing where you just come out and say it. Take the steps.

Do the aloof for a month. I want to hear an update. I'm sure this voicemail is old because we haven't done these in a while. Can you tell us an update of what has happened since? Because I know that you didn't wait for us to give you advice. Something has happened.

You were chomping at the bit, girl. And if all else fails, play him this podcast and go, do you want to hear a podcast? And then that's how you can tell him. Even though I don't think that works except on tiktok you see people be like tell your point to your crush in the car and they'll like point to the guy and the guy's like really and then they start making out and they live happily ever after have you seen those okay let's get to the next uh phanthrex okay here's a very cute voicemail from katherine nik, I have been a bestie since your Not Safe days. Oh my God. And it has been so interesting to grow with you. I love the Not Safe podcast

so much that I even listened to Brian's Alien podcast. And in that time, I had just graduated high school and I loved you and Chris's relationship and I would often compare it to my own. And now years later, the guy that I was seeing then and I are back together just as you and Chris are back together. And here I am again listening to your podcast with Brian as I'm again about to graduate this time with my masters. It just feels like I've been zipped back to the summer of 2016 and I love this weird parallel cycle that we're on. And I can't wait to see where it takes us.

All of my love, Bestie. I love you so much. Holy fuck. That really touched me. Me too. Thank you so much you haven't listened to any of my shit

I'm sure where's our journey I want to talk about our relationship I'm sure it's just off with you guys right now just like it's

it's off and on that's so sweet no that is so freaking sweet and it means so much to me because I've been around long enough now

that I have fans from so many different stages and they'll be like I know you from freaking sweet and um it means so much to me because i have been around long enough now that i have fans from so many different stages and they'll be like i know you from nicki and sarah days i know you from not safe days i know you from you know last comic standing days like i had a fan charlie fields come to my show last in vegas like no it was the phoenix or no sorry tucson and he was my first fan ever he found me from last comic standing season four 2000 it was 2006 and i have another fan from that time too matt who we text still and it's just like so cool to like grow up with people and i i really i it's so cute to me when people say like i watched nicki and sarah in high school and now they're like adult children you know adult people it's just it's really special and i love that you're off and on again with your person and um

yeah and there's no shame in being off and on again i think it's i say a joke in my act that chris and i have been off and on for 10 years and it always gets a laugh. And I'm like, that's the setup, you guys. That's just the facts. It always gets a laugh. And I'm like, what is so funny about that? What is wrong with people that like stay together or like that? Not that stay together the whole time. Nothing wrong with that.

Good for you. That break up and never get back together. I don't understand it. I don't get it. Final thought. It's like you it. I don't get it. Final thought. It's like you have a lot of resilience to you. I think it's cool that you guys obviously, you know. People can break up and not get back together.

I don't get it. You once spent every waking. Let's say you lived with a person. You once lived with this person. They were your everything. You said, I love you. You had hopes and dreams of spending your whole future together then one day you break up and you don't talk at all anymore and the best case scenario you're like trying to be friends

and we all know how that goes it doesn't really work you're co-parenting or whatever it's i don't i don't have the strength for it i am so in awe of people that can seemingly do the thing that everyone does, which is break up forever. I don't, I just don't, I don't understand how you could do that. Every time Chris and I break up and I do think, okay, this could be forever. I don't even let myself entertain that. I can only break up because I know we have the ability to get back together at some point. That's the only reason I can break up, if that makes sense. Have you guys gotten back together with people you've broken up with? Yes. Oh, yes. Oh, my God. I mean, I did in high school. My first ever girlfriend, she was two years older than me, and she kind of like scooped me up

out of obscurity to date me. Was that her dance move? That was her dance move. The scoops. You got the punch and she had the scoop? This is like, and then she, one day I found out that she had

given a blowjob to her ex-boyfriend because she felt like, the explanation was she felt like she owed him one because of all the time in high school that fucking makes sense somehow you know like that that was probably enough to make you go i guess you're right yeah you know like i'm sure you accepted that on some level and i was high broken hearted and I was playing music as so loud that, you know,

my dad was like, can you just... What was your song back then to help you? I was listening to Red Hot Chili Peppers. Oh, okay. Sometimes I feel like

I don't have a partner. Okay. Yes. So literal. Yes. I only listened to literal songs I'm single now you know she sucked his dick and he was his ex like stuff like that uh and then I was very distraught and then like six months later I I just was like you want to get back together and then for some reason I was fine with it and we did and then we did it for like a whole six months later, I just was like, do you want to get back together? And then for some reason, I was fine with it. And we

did. And then we did it for like a whole other year. Okay. Yeah. I don't think that, I think it's the cool thing to do. And I also am someone who is terrified of committing to anything for the rest of my life. And so breaking up forever is just not ever

like the song. I will. We are never, ever getting back together. Could never say that to someone. Cause it's just too, it's I would have to start the grieving process and I'm not going to do that. So I just always want to leave that level of like yuck with someone.

That's what happens to me. I'm like, Ooh, you're giving me the yucks. Like I can't ever picture us. Yes. Ever being physical again. I'm done.

Goodbye. Forever. done. Goodbye forever. I guess. But yeah, yeah. But I don't know. I just, there's a part of me that says like, maybe, like even when I move out of apartments that I'll never move into again, there's a part of me that's like, I could go back if I wanted. Oh, I could definitely go back to every apartment I've ever lived in.

This is the point. That's the point I want to make. It's not that I want them back. I at oh I could definitely go back to every apartment I've ever this is the point that's the point I want to make it's not that I want them back I at least want the option and so I don't know it's like I always knew I always felt with Chris like if I really want to make this work and not that he's just like someone that will just take me back whenever because it certainly was not that way I just always knew if I wanted it, we could make it happen. And that's another thing, like Chris and I have not been easy. It's not been easy.

And all you hear from couples about how they knew when they knew is that it was easy. It was finally easy. Shut the fuck up. I don't relate to that at all. It doesn't make me feel good. It doesn't make me feel hopeful. It doesn't make me feel hopeful.

My relationship has been a struggle. There are times when it's easy and that's fucking great. But it was not easy. And you know what? Neither was my career that I love so much. Neither was having nothing I've ever, neither was like getting into shape or learning a guitar. None of it's been

easy. All these things have brought me immense joy. None of it's easy. I've enjoyed, but I've enjoyed the pain because it makes me appreciate Taylor Swift songs more. It makes me so much happier because Chris has even said before when we've been breaking up and I've been like, please, let's just like go to therapy and like we can work through this. Like we've worked through harder. There's been times where he has said, like, do you ever just think like we're just trying to make something work that isn't working and that it's just time to maybe give up he said that before and like you know times where there was no really hope and that we had to overcome a lot of stuff and a lot of stuff was said we pulled a real shiv

and tom wamsgams last episode if you know what i'm talking about where we cleared the air and things are said and there's no resolution we're just having all this dirty stuff out there. And it's felt like, and I go, look at all this. We can now clean this up because we see it, right? And he's gone, no, this is too much. And I've always said, but if when we overcome a really hard time where we both want to like call it quits and we make it past that i feel so much cooler and better about my relationship because we can withstand anything if we were able to get through this and it makes me feel not that it's like that's what i should wish for everyone to have like just hard times in a relationship but now when stuff comes up

with chris i'm like, well, that's nothing. Like we've already dealt with way harder than that. And I think that, you know, every relationship is going to face those hurdles, whether it happens within your relationship or circumstantial things outside of it. But it's, for me, I don't like when people say, it's going to be easy.

You'll know because it's easy. It just has never been easy with him and i um and unless it unless it is when it is it's great when we're on the couch and we're having like but um but now i think we could handle anything yeah because of what i feel like all the fights that i've been through like the big ones with matt they've all really made us closer and more committed of course in the moment it sucks, but I don't think we would have been as solid if we hadn't seen

those dark times. I wonder what's going to happen with Tom and Shiv. Oh my God. I can't take it. It's not good. Watched it last night with Anya. Watched it the night. I'm going to watch it again tonight. I watched it twice. I watch every episode twice because they're masterpieces. Yeah, I could watch it again tonight. I watched it twice. I watch every episode twice because they're masterpieces.

Yeah, I could watch it again tonight and analyze it because there's things you catch. Brian? Noah? Brian doesn't have no idea what we're talking about. I know the names of the characters. Oh yeah, Tom and Shiv. I know their relationship from season one. Oh yeah. Well, let's just say

no one on this show is a good person. Of course. They're all self-serving. They're all just, but you root for some of them because you know what? None of us are good people. Humans, who just said it? I was just listening to.

Kendall. No, it wasn't Kendall. I was listening to something. Andrew Tate. God, no, no, no. This was a really good quote. Where was it, Anya? I thought it was Kendall. I was sharing to something Andrew Tate this was a really good quote where was it Anya I thought it was Kendall humans are gonna

humans people are the worst humans humans are the worst people was that succession I thought it was Kendall yeah humans are the worst people no it was some podcast's a quote from something I just heard yeah humans are the I've always said humans are the worst people no it was some podcast I was listening to

and oh it was I think it was the last days of August the suicide podcast I've been listening to but humans are the worst people and it's true

like and this is why I'm so upset final thought on this Taylor Swift Matt Healy thing if you are someone out there who's like Matt Healy's problematic

and we don't want our girly dating him why is he probably deserves better because a number of things he want he once made out with one of his audience members who had a sign that said will you be my first kiss and he didn't check to see if she was legal turns out she was but he didn't check problematic um another one was he was on a podcast and someone did an impression of an asian voice and he laughed problematic uh another time was he used the r word and then when he apologized he used the r word again to say i'm sorry for saying the r word problematic okay none of these are big yet any one of you swifties out there who are so up in arms about our girl, our blondie

dating this problematic dude, look at who you date. Think about the guys you date. Do you think none of them have drunkenly said something racist to their friends? Not that I think that's okay, but do you think they've never sped in a school zone

or called their mom a cunt to her face or maybe their mom a cunt to her face or or maybe done maybe fingered a girl in a dance floor when she didn't really want it of course your drunken idiot boyfriends have done that you think none of them ever held a sniper rifle up to a north korean child and forced him to play guitar i'm just saying no one's perfect and even if your boyfriends your perfect mormon perfect like pristine boyfriends never did any of that shit they've at least thought some fucked up shit no one is perfect leave her alone she's allowed to date whoever the fuck she wants did it ever occur to you that she doesn't owe you

or me anything it doesn't matter who she dates it It doesn't matter what you think, the person you think she should date, that she's letting her fans down by associating with someone who once liked a tweet from JK Rowling or whatever the fuck you have it in your head that she's now associated with a problematic person. And by the way, problematic is the most problematic term I've ever heard in my fucking life.

Stop using problematic because it's this tent term that you can use that can expand between liking someone's tweet of someone that once said the n-word jokingly and that you're problematic because you like to tweet of theirs three years later and you don't know that three years prior they used the n-word in a joke or they sang along to a rap song once and said the n-word you're problematic for liking their tweet so that can mean problematic that you like to tweet of someone who is problematic or it can mean that you like you know fire bombed a uh a synagogue marathon right like it's that's what problematic can be so you can just make this

blanket statement about matt healy being problematic you don't know any of the facts and when you do they all list out like like you're just, who do you want her to date? You know, because the Dalai Lama just made out with a kid. So anyone who seems to be so pious and pure for our dear Taylor Swift, she's allowed to date whoever she wants. You're never going to like whoever she dates. You know why? They only. You know why you're never going to like who she dates?

Because you want to date her. Because you are in love with her just like I am. And you want her all to yourself. You know, Joe wasn't good enough for her at the beginning either. You're jealous. And you're jealous not only of the person that she's dating because you can't have her and you want to be Matt Healy and you can't be. No, I'm not gay.

Yes, you are. You're gay for Taylor. You know you are. Anyone who's getting on Reddit and going, he's problematic. Here's why. Oh, my God. Joe, please come back and save her oh my god a third plane hit the swifty towers Matt Healy's at her concert whatever you're saying you're these are the things I'm reading you're obsessed with her you think she owes you something she doesn't owe you fucking anything anything and also you're jealous because she's having fun. And you're in a loveless marriage.

You're in a relationship that's boring. Or you have lots of love. Let's say I love my partner, Nikki. You don't know what you're talking about. Okay, but it's not as exciting as the sex Taylor's having right now. And you fucking know it. And you'll never have that again. Because you can only have that sex in the beginning of a relationship.

So you see your girl out there having so much fun. And you're jealous. You're jealous she's with someone else that isn't you and you're jealous she's having fun. And that in your life is miserable and you know the person that you're with has done way more problematic things

if you combed through everything he ever tweeted or ever said or ever thought just as much as Matt Healy did. Matt Healy's not a bad person. He's a guy who drank a lot and does dumb shit.

He's a rock star who's been enabled by fans who love him. You would do the same shit. He's a rock star who's been enabled by fans who love him. You would do the same shit if you were him. He's, and he's apologized for everything he's done. So shut up, shut up. And just remember, Taylor Swift owes you nothing, nothing. She doesn't owe you doing a three-hour concert in the rain,

but she gave you that. We think that she, I get under the impression that she owes me something rain but she gave you that we think that she i get under the impression that she owes me something but she owes you nothing she can date whoever she wants she can date kanye if she wants it doesn't matter it's not connected to her music chill the fuck out and you know what nikki you should chill the fuck out too i know i'm about to stop okay so thank you for listening to the podcast that is my final thought on matt healy and taylor swift and that is it leave her alone alone. Let her have fun. Stop being jealous. That's all for now.

Thank you for listening to the show. I need to catch my breath and have a cigarette. Damn. And don't be careful. Just leave her alone and let her have fun. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show and he's bringing his

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the hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf, featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart woman sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships

and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him.

From Novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.