The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #341 Divorce Lawyer's Marriage Advice, ChatGPT Joke Rating, Grudge Holders

Episode Date: May 17, 2023

Anya rings the alarm on stuff people don't think about before marriage that she learned from a divorce lawyer. Nikki and Brian have their own takes on lasting marriages. Nikki changed Brian's life when she told him to stop using Google for his searches and instead look on Reddit. After a hang with her mom, Nikki has a lot to say about getting plastic surgery, exposing her body and bodily insecurities. They remember the big butt trend, rate jokes that ChatGPT wrote in the style of Nikki Glaser and go through Nikki's Reddit Dump. In the Final Thought they dissect why some people can't move on after getting an apology and why they should. ——— Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Anya's Patreon: patreon.com/anyamarina Brian Frange: brianfrange.com More Nikki: IG More Anya: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IG  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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He was like, I'll take you to the top. I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Emi Olea, host of the podcast Crumbs.

For years, I had to rely on other people to tell me my story. And what I heard wasn't good. You really f***ed last night. It felt like I lived most of my life in a blackout. I was trapped in addiction. You had to grab the lamp and smash it against the walls. And then I decided I wanted to tell my own story. Listen to Crumbs on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here. Ooh. Ooh. Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello.

Welcome to the show. It's Nikki Glaser Podcast. Podcast? What did I say? Off to a great start. I'm here alone in St. Louis. Noah's in Arizona. Brian Frangie is in Los Angeles.

Anya is in New York. We're all alone. I know. We're all alone i know we are all alone betrothed is on the on tour avi is where he is in dallas what work stuff oh how do you feel about that fine fine i enjoy the time alone where i could just be gross and just do whatever I want. Why is that the first thing we go to? It's so nice. I do not change anything if Chris is here or not. Come on.

Maybe I fart more. Is that what you mean? Yeah, I mean like if I pick my face or something. You just said gross instead of fart. Yeah, I think that's what they meant. I eat the same food every day i'm just like i don't need i don't care if lunch is the same as dinner whereas if we're together i think we try a little harder for each other okay same god meal planning is so exhaustive

you have to like like what do you want chris and i just get separate things you're smart oh my god i just read this article written by a divorce lawyer. I sent it to you guys. Oh, yeah. What did that say? Will you give us the highlights? Advice on marriage. It's really well written.

It came out a couple of years ago. And my sister sent it to me. I don't know what that means. She's like, warning, warning. But no, he's like, this is the most important thing he said. He's like, marriage is the most legally significant thing you can do other than dying. It changes your property ownership rights. It changes your obligations when it comes to support.

It changes all kinds of legal rights. And you don't even get a pamphlet when you get married that explains that to you. Your inheritance rights change. I would think having a child would be up there, too, with legal rights. Yeah. He says, like, a partnership, sharing children, all that. He's like, he was like a romantic and saying whenever people come into his office, he urges them to go to counseling. And he's just shocked at how many people get married without thinking about it.

He's like, more people put thought into getting a car than getting married. I mean, that's why I'm shocked by people doing well i think he's saying it should be more romance oh it should be more like like treasure the idea of marriage and give it more thought like you would your new car um kia sorento yeah and think of the car that's gonna get you through all phases of life it's like if you choose something in your 20s, you're going to choose it. Everyone's like, I want a Lamborghini or a Ferrari. But you have to think about all the phases of life. What kind of car is going to get you through all that?

You want that four-wheel drive. You want those heated seats. You want... Well, that's why I'm always like, why do people buy a Mazda? Like, why do people buy Malibus? I just don't understand. If you have this amount of money, why wouldn't you look at Kelly Blue Book and get the most reliably rated car

that you could get for your money? Because there's so many cars that are shit that are in the same price range as something that's reliable, like a Toyota Camry or a Civic. You know what I mean? Yeah. Honda Civic.

Yeah. I mean, America's got a car culture and people are are influenced by marketing and you know one year you're going to be like that car makes me uh but if you're buying a low-end car who gives a fuck what like there are no cool cars when you're paying oh i disagree thousand dollars really okay there's a There's a huge difference between having a Kia Sorento and a Mazda 6, which are in the same. But Mazdas are going to probably be better rated, right? Why would anyone buy a Kia then? Especially nowadays because you can easily break into a Kia.

Oh, yeah, and you can steal them. My Uber driver told me about that. They're stealable. Okay, so what else did we learn in this marriage thing? Okay, so people need to give it more thought, which is, that's why I said I don't go to people's weddings if you're in your 20s getting married and you haven't been together at least four years. I don't think your marriage is going to make it. That's the only prerequisite for me thinking your marriage can make it in your 20s. Four years together at least.

But otherwise, what are you doing? But that's me projecting it just struck me how we don't really think about it and you have to go to a divorce lawyer's office so he goes a lot of people just have no idea what they're already in for like he said your inheritance rates change your ability to select a beneficiary for your life insurance policy has changed your ability to hold property in your sole name just changed. And he goes, the first thing I do anytime anyone comes into my office is I just try to get them up to speed on what they're already involved in.

Wait, you can't buy property in your own name when you're married? You can, but if you already are a proper... I guess they're just entitled to half. I don't know. That's why I'm going to have a million carve-outs. I'm going to have like... you're doing the prenup but why why get married so you can visit each other in the hospital and have a wedding which i mean so what are the benefits of you get to share health insurance oh that's right okay you get a tax break tax break a little tax break it's amazing how much is it it's negligible it

has to be negligible or everyone be getting married like they're all moving to texas you get a free to avoid taxes you get a free footlong from subway i know that once a year you get uh no what i was like what day is that if you go into subway married they give you a free sandwich. You didn't know that? He did say most divorces are the result of a bunch of tiny resentments over time, not one big thing. He quoted this thing from Bonfire of the Vanities. Do you guys remember that movie? He said there's this line where they're like, how did you go bankrupt?

And the guy goes, I went bankrupt the way way everyone does very slowly and then all at once and he goes that's how divorce happens it's very slowly and then all at once is this news to anyone i mean do you guys think that people get divorced because of one thing like you can see it coming a mile away like it always starts with little things like he doesn't pick out the fucking trash he never helps me with the kids i have to do all the laundry or like she doesn't fuck me anymore like it everything starts with that's what everything in life if you pick up um a bad habit let's say you start cheating or you start uh using drugs or something you start with just like i'm a little bit anxious right now i just need a little extra pills to get me through tonight and then the next day you go i need some more and then it snowballs it all starts with something small right i say it's even earlier i can tell when

couples are gonna get divorced before they get married i've i have i i'm not gonna say who but i have my like people that I know are married. I've got three or four of them pegged that 20 years at most, but I believe sooner for some of them. 20 years is a good run. 20 years is a good run.

That's a successful marriage in my opinion. I've got a few that I'm like, this isn't going to last. No way. And also, I lost my train of thought again that's all right that makes you likable well no that's not why i'm doing it yeah you do look like you're pointing to a chart or something like postcards you have like i have all my cards i have my all my lines for the podcast written down on the wall here

grab a pen. Grab a Sharpie, Brian, like me, and just start pointing, and it'll come back to you. I lost my train of thought, too. I don't remember why I brought up the divorce lawyer article. I'm in a brain fog today. We're all high. That's why we didn't tell the listener. I think that you brought it up because we were talking about-

Meal planning. Yeah, and how hard it is to cohabitate with Yeah, and like how hard it is to cohabitate with someone. And not just hard at all is. What I was going to say was I know who's going to get divorced but then sometimes they throw a curveball at me and they have kids and then I'm like well now they're going to last another 10 years.

Yeah, that'll... Well, that's a classic trick. Let's have kids to make, to save this let's get it together to save it instead of focusing on each other dogs they move in together to save a thing i've done all these tricks too or like at least thought about doing them of like this will keep him around or this will soothe her i think is a lot of people. She wants a baby. I'll get her a dog. What do you think is more likely to save a marriage, a dog or a cat? I think a cat because they require so much less work.

So you think a cat will make your marriage last longer than a dog? Well, I think either are bad options. I think therapy would be the best option. So many people have the worst opinion about couples therapy. Like it's, it means you're already broken. I've heard like really intelligent men be like, then your,

your relationship's over. It's done. Then it's dead in the water. If you go, I heard something very helpful for my therapist about couples therapy. Okay. So, um,

Avi, I mean like Avi and I, we have a pretty like good, strong relationship, good communications for the most part. But there are some things where we're just not aligned with. And we had this thing, and I was like, and I said, I told him that we need couples therapy, but we're only going to go to couples therapy

if he sees a therapist on the side. Because it's not fair that I have to see a therapist and then a couples therapist amen sister let me guess she didn't like that she said uh do not give him an ultimatum and then she said look for couples therapy you can do like you know six weeks and think of it as like a six-week course before marriage like a prerequisite before marriage. It's kind of like you're taking a class and you're resolving all these things before you get married.

Yes, exactly. And I thought, I mean, just like turning it around like that as opposed to like going to therapy to fix something versus going to therapy to be prepared. Yes. Or it's like physical therapy. Like, you know, if your arm's hurting, you go to the physical

therapist for six to eight weeks and that should be enough for you to learn the tools to continue maintaining the shoulder. And then you don't have to go. If you go to physical therapy every day or every week for your entire life, you're addicted to physical therapy.

Right. I did like that there was an end date in that where she's like six weeks. And I said, oh, yeah, I guess I can go and just say, hey, we want six weeks crash course. I do believe that everyone should be working on themselves, whether it's like reading books about like their selves. Like there should be some level of like I could improve. I just don't understand when people think they just are right their entire lives and they were born right and everything else is the problem, not them. Like that just doesn't. And I think that people can acknowledge, no, I have issues, but I can just solve them on my own.

Well, then why aren't they solved yet? Why does this keep coming up? Like you need help for it. Why? Again, physical therapy. Why do you go to that? But you won't go to something for the stubbornness. But that's how you get.

That's how you get guys to go as you compare it to like something. Sports. Yeah, honestly, it works. That's Chris denies that that is why that he was open to it. But I do think I believe. But maybe I'm wrong because he denies it and he's not a liar. So, but he, I thought that what really got through to him about us going to couples therapy was when I said,

why do you go to a trainer? If you have, you have arms and legs and there's weights, why can't you just figure it out then? Cause he's like, if we can't figure this out, then what are we doing? I'm like,

cause you need someone to tell you what to do. And then I thought that like made it in my mind i was like that was his epiphany to be like okay that works but he he still maintains like that did not change anything that i thought i was like but it's it's sound logic there's no there's no your brain is a muscle and so is your heart and you're looking pretty weak bro that was an organ and i think those are organs muscles are no muscles uh your heart's a muscle around the heart wait heart's a muscle is your heart a muscle i'm gonna google it right now muscles contracting it i don't know maybe you're right your heart's a muscle your penis is not no yeah right uh that was the name

of that book right yeah it's my first memoir. Your heart's a muscle, your penis is not. Your heart is a muscle. Google has confirmed it. This is from the Scottish National Health Service. I can't work out your heart. Or I guess you can. If you do cardiovascular exercise, it makes it stronger.

Boy, we sound like a couple of idiots. Okay, your brain is not a muscle. Your brain is an organ. However, this is from the Houston Methodist Church. So I don't know who to believe. Is this where we get our information? Why is Google showing you those kinds of results? Because Google is a sham.

Google is going downhill fast. Right now, they went too far into the ad zone and now when you Google something, you get five sponsored ads first. That's why you go to Reddit to Google things. Oh my God. Nikki, you've changed my life. When you said...

Her favorite phrase. Nikki, you've changed my life. Instead of... Remember that old show this is your life from the 70s no I don't because I wasn't alive but yes you have a celebrity on and then they go

you know Kirk Douglas this is your life and then they have all these people and the second grade teacher is like I taught you math and he's like I don't remember you you should have a thing instead of this is your life. It should be, Nikki, you changed my life because then I'll bring you more joy.

Wait, why did I change your life? What did I say to you? Two months ago, you were giving me advice to just Reddit things instead of Google things. Reddit should be the new Google. I've been Redditing things nonstop and I feel like I've gotten better advice. I've learned information so much faster. Reddit is the best thing ever. It's the best thing ever.

But let's be clear. It's not fact-checked. Right. Neither is Google. True. But you can find more facts on Google. No, because on Reddit, you find links. People write links to questions. If you have a question, there's someone...

I mean, any ailment or side effects you want to know of things? There's communities of people. That's what you're looking up. I'm doing that too, Brian. Personal anecdotes work really well, especially with things like side effects.

Did you take this medication and get any side effects? If somebody says something wrong on Reddit, other Redditors will be like, that's wrong. And on Google, if the Houston Methodist Church is telling you that your brain is actually, you know, your soul incarnate,

there's no comments under that saying like, that's not correct. You don't even get like the argument. Yes. I think people are overwhelmed by reddit but it's really not that scary and it's not it's it's nothing to be feared like tiktok or like i don't understand what these kids are talking about like there's a couple things you need to know when it says tldr it's too long don't read yeah there's like a couple um uh eli is explained like i'm and then it's usually eli five or uh i don't know what are

other eli in uh if this was sports or eli oh oh that's what i did for the bachelor oh right do they do that yeah they do that there's like a reddit for everything it's so exciting and we're gonna do um a reddit dump today which i'm excited about but it's not like twitter where the community of reddit is very supportive and they want you to get the information whereas if you post a question on twitter they're much smarter and informed they want to help because you upvote what there's upvoting happening so there's like a consensus of like this guy's comment is the best and just i just find it interesting because the worst part about the internet that people can hide behind an avatar and not really show themselves

and say whatever they want, that actually is cool there because people are free to share really embarrassing, really vulnerable things. And you read these stories of people's lives and whether they're true or not is up is up for debate but sometimes i feel like i can suss out who's i mean some people will say that's a shit post is another term that people use on there is a shit posting if you're just like kind of trolling and making something up but it's just yeah it's my favorite thing to do and i assert my favorite is always ask reddit because

they just ask interesting questions and then people share their stories like what's the most frightening thing that's ever happened to you what's the worst pain you've ever felt in your life what's the worst odor you've ever smelled those kind of things are so interesting as a comedian you are sopping up other experiences and just

information and it's just a great way to experience the world from your little cave in your bedroom that has blackout curtains i love it and we're gonna do reddit dump right after this i think maybe not but on this episode you just wait and see john stewart is back at the daily show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with the daily show ears edition podcast dive into john's unique take on the biggest topics in politics entertainment sports and more joined

by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors and with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of

models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a playboy model. Lingerie, topless. I said yes, please. Because at the center of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behaviour. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him

and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I started to live a double life when I was a teenager. Responsible and driven, and wild and out of control. My head is pounding. I'm confused. I don't know why I'm in jail.

It's hard to understand what hope is when you're trapped in a cycle of addiction. Addiction took me to the darkest places. I had an AK-47 pointed at my head. But one night, a new door opened, and I made it into the rooms of recovery. The path would have roadblocks and detours, stalls and relapses. But when I was feeling the most lost, I found hope with community.

And I made my way back. This season, join me on my journey through addiction and recovery. A story told in 12 steps. Listen to CRIMS as part of the Michael Duda Podcast Network. Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you know that companies hire the most in the first two months of the year? Or that nearly half of workers are worried about being left behind? I am Andrew Seaman, LinkedIn's Editor- large for jobs and career development. And my show Get Hired brings you all the information you

need to, well, get hired. People are forming opinions of you even before you log into the Zoom or walk into the room. And so you really have to think about what is it I want to display. You don't plant a garden and then just walk away and expect it to thrive. You are in there pulling out the weeds. You're pruning it. You're watering it. It's the same thing with your network. You should always be in there actively managing your network. If you don't feel confident to say a number, even admitting that to a recruiter is going to be far better than saying, well, what is your budget for the role?

A lot is in the follow-up, right? Don't wait to follow up. Whether you're a new grad, an established professional, or contemplating a career change, Get Hired is for you. Listen to Get Hired with Andrew Seaman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you like to listen. So last night, I went over to my parents' house because my friend, his dad died recently. So I'm just like trying to every time that I have any time free, I'm just like, I got to get in parent time. Cause you never know. And so I went over there, my dad was at band practice.

And so my mom was hanging out alone and I walked in, she's watching real housewives of orange County. And she always does this thing where she's like, you can change it. And I go, well, are you watching it? She goes, no, you can change it. And I'm like, well, you can watch it if you want. Like how much more time is left? I just started it. You can change it.

And because she knows I hate those shows because it's just there's a woman on that show that has the biggest lips that are sticking out of her head like Donald Duck. Like I haven't seen like they look like Frisbees in her mouth. What is that? It's injections. It's just too much injections. That's not on purpose that they want it to look that big? I don't think so. But at that point, this happened to me before,

you stop seeing your face the way other people see it. You just get adjusted to your face. It's like anything, like if you have like floaters in your eyes, you kind of get used to them. So you don't really see it, but it's, go my mom goes what did she do and i'm like those lips are insane and she goes oh god and she and i go i've done that before though and she's like you better watch it and i go oh yeah i would hate to end up on a show that my mom can't pry her eyes off that would be the worst thing i go you don't seem to have an issue with it she goes i can't stand looking at that

shit and i go you were just if i wouldn't have come over you would have been glued to this so it's always funny to me when my mom is like kind of nikki don't do this thing that luanne would do and i'm like or like some awful behavior of one of these housewives yeah no it wasn't lisa renna is new. People that watch the New Jersey Housewives know exactly whose lips I'm talking about. They're worse. Lisa Renna's... I like when a lip... I know when lips are full, but it's like the skin in front of... like behind them

even starts to protrude. Like the skin is like pushing out. Like it looks like you can remove the lips. Yeah. Like a Mr. Potato Head. Yeah, it's stretching the skin a little bit. Like on the skin. And so the skin... It looks like it's a duck, you know? It's a little duck. And I Yeah, it's stretching the skin a little bit, like on the skin. And so the skin, it looks like it's a duck, you know? And I've had it happen to me too with too much filler.

It's just like this girl just got too much. And it'll go away. It doesn't matter. But I just find it funny that my mom is always like, don't do that. Don't say that. And it's always something that I go, but that person has an enormous career because of this stuff. Or, you know, when we were doing our reality show, my mom would be so worried. something that I go, but that person has an enormous career because of this stuff. Or when we were doing our reality show, my mom would be so worried.

What if people are going to think this and that? And I go, think about the worst person you know, like the most heinous personality on any of these shows. And there's several of them on these Housewives shows where the people are just horrible people, and they say awful things all the time. They're backstabbers. They're li they're fake they're dumb and you still watch them so what is gonna happen people are just gonna like you watch you more and if you met any of those women out mom you would go up and say can i get a picture i love you you would never maybe in the recesses of my

mom doesn't like troll but but I can see how she, these people get a lot of hate online, but these people go out and about. Ramona is never being faced with someone being like, you dumb cunt. Even though that's all people say about her online or whatever. I like Ramona, but you aren't faced with it. It's just online.

It's a little bit to how your mom views you because these are things that she feels you may actually do, so she has to warn you. these are things that she feels you may actually do so she has to warn you. It's not like she's like Nikki don't do what Casey Anthony did. She's not warning you against stuff like that. She's warning you against getting lip

fillers. So it's interesting. It is interesting because even when we were going to the Taylor Swift shows I was wearing a really short skirt and you could kind of see the bottom part of my butt sticking out and I just didn't care because I would care if I was going to a place with a lot of men because it would seem like I want men to look at my ass and it would be like kind of getting men's attention and I don't like men's attention when they're just like I don't like I don't I just don't like men being like over me so um I was like I'm'm going to a safe place with like children, which a lot of people go.

Why would you wear that around children? Because Taylor's wearing it on stage. She's wearing swimsuits. And like, why is this acceptable if I'm at a pool? But it's not here. I just don't get it. I don't get why you can't wear. My mom goes, that's pretty short.

And my mom wasn't even hanging out. It just if I bent over it. And so I ended up wearing gym shorts underneath because my mom was that's pretty short and my butt wasn't even hanging out it just if i bent over it and so i i ended up wearing gym shorts underneath because my mom was so like oh my god i don't think so it's pretty short and i go is a kid gonna see my and there aren't that many kids there by the way i'm i'm just saying like there's more kids than probably men well that's not true but or i would say straight men but it was just like why what is gonna happen if i wear a short skirt like what are people gonna think i like to pry it apart and go like what's gonna what let's let's play this out they'll see your vagina and then what they'll think you're my mom will fall in

my mom the other night was like, Chris probably thinks those kids are crazy because we went to dinner with my sister's kids. And she goes, does Chris think those kids are crazy? And I go, no, I don't think so. And she goes, he probably thinks they're crazy. And I go, okay, so what if he does? What's going to happen? She goes, I just don't want people thinking Lauren's kids are crazy.

What happens if they do? Because then they'll think that she's not doing a good job. And I go, so who gives a shit? So they think she's a bad mom, which is not true. Because it reflects on your mom. Because then she'll think, oh, they think I raised her badly. I raised someone who's a bad mom.

Yeah. But who really cares? That's how I feel so impervious to any judgment. I was thinking about my Taylor Swift rant from a couple episodes ago, and was like oh my god are people gonna come after me and I go oh my god if I unsubscribe from every Swifty thing I'll never see what people say about it I can totally miss if it like gets picked up and people are pissed about it or they're like because I know they will be and by the way I was talking directly to swifties on that one like the the fanatical swifties not the everyday swifty who's like oh i like that folklore album i'm talking about the

girls on reddit who are like how could she do this to us those swifties are gonna hate me for what i said but i was also like i could i it literally doesn't matter what anyone thinks about me ever if i don't read it i don't care what people say about me behind my back. If I don't have to ever hear it. And that gets us back to what we were talking about, about criticism. I don't ever ask Chris, do I look fat in this? Because what I don't know, I don't care about. Most people don't care what anyone is doing at any time.

When they do comment on Reddit, it's because they're getting something out of it they really don't actually care no one cares about what anyone does at any time unless you're on a plane and then everybody cares what you're doing but other than that nobody cares yeah yeah i mean in their real life but just being someone in the spotlight where people have strong opinions about what you do it like it can get to you of like, do these people don't like what I said? I mean, it's happened to me before where I've read things that are like,

the worst thing you could think about yourself, someone found a way to synthesize that hatred that's in your brain and put it perfectly into words on a forum where everyone is reading about you. I think that's giving the troll too much credit. You're thinking that this person spent a lot of time thinking about what to say and then they posted it.

It was so obvious they just were able to jot it down. They jotted it down and then they went on with their lives and they're not thinking about it. I look so fat or whatever. This is my mean quotes. When I say I never ask anyone, do I look fat? This person didn't even need to be asked. They just knew it and put it somewhere where I could see it.

And I just stumbled upon it accidentally. I never seek it out it out and so it's like but if you don't see it it doesn't exist it's like the way i feel about ghosts at some point in my life i had to say ghosts don't exist because otherwise i'd be scared all the time when i'm alone all the time i was a kid i was scared constantly of ghosts and then one I go, if I convince myself they don't exist. And I think people who believe they exist are cuckoo. I can live a peaceful life because I'm not looking for this thing. And so that's what I do with, if I can do that with people's opinions of me,

I'll live a great life. That's so true. If you don't see it, it doesn't exist. I mean, it does, but I'm not even kidding. Like your life.

I've never seen about kim kardashian if she never like i think about taylor swift and i'm like i really hope she's not looking at any of this i guarantee you it's hard for her to eat she can't go online without someone saying like there's nowhere online where someone's not talking about her so it'd be impossible but she she didn't do anything wrong in dating this guy people are very upset about it and uh all these things but she could she could avoid all of it and then it wouldn't matter and she could keep living her life and not adjust anything and that's what i'm interested in is people who avoid everything and just keep living their lives and wait for the wave

of hatred or whatever to subside and then they come back out and it's not there anymore because people have moved on to something else. Yeah, you said it once to me. Successful people don't give little stuff energy. They just don't. Don't sweat the small stuff. Yeah, you're like, you were bothered by something and you were like, I just realized I read somewhere

that successful people don't like let stuff bother them. So I dropped it. Oh, yeah. I was worried about someone being mad at me. One of my friends being mad at me. And I was walking on the street being like, I have to explain to her like that's not what I meant. And now she's going to think. And I was like, would Taylor Swift ever be obsessed with this?

It would. Because I was about to hijack my entire day. It was put a gun to my head and said, you know what? You're going to do what I want you to do today, which is nothing except think about this. You're not going to get anything done. It's a wasted day. And so looking at it through that lens did help me of like,

and there are so many things that come up in the girls chat that I'm in with all my friends that I'm just like, man, because that doesn't, you know, this thing, my friends bringing up that would never bother me. I wish I could give them my brain for the day yeah borrow it because that thing would never occur to me and

that way they could get something done today by the end of the day they're like now i'm a swifty fuck yeah it's again i'm hungry for rice cakes and vegan cream cheese. Okay, that's a little dig. But, um. No, I love, I like your snacks. I got into your snacks. Okay, thank you. Okay. Um, but I'll take it. But, um, yeah, you're right.

Like, I just feel like, and I'm the same way. Like, I get into self-hatred things that I drop on the girls chat where I'm just like, I hate myself today. And I'm sure there's so many. I try to think about what my friends are thinking about. When my friends say something crazy or that I would never worry about, I'm always like, God, I wish they could see it my way.

I try when I'm in those moods to imagine my friends' brains and how they perceive it and trying to borrow their brain for the day. You're good at empathizing and putting yourself in somebody else's shoes I just want to I don't want my brain

sometimes because I'm hung up on this thing that doesn't seem that no one else seems to care about I don't think there's any reason why someone borrowing my brain would help them no no one wants that same somebody would just be

obsessed with their fucking teeth all day long and staring in the mirror and like, is this too long? Yeah, I've been there before, though. I've been there obsessing about little things. I was trying to think of the teeth thing for you. I was obsessed with, I mean, I look back at pictures of my teeth and I was obsessed with a tooth thing for a really long time. I was obsessed with my legs. Really? And you look at other people's legs. All you do,

all Ani does when we were watching Succession was her teeth. I was like, oh my God, this is going to be a teeth-a-palooza for her. I just knew that you were still in teeth mindset. And so we were like watching Succession together. Texting or like in the same room? Texting. I just knew that you were you were trying to get out of yeah i kept i kept being like i gotta rewind i missed a bunch of stuff yeah because i'm staring at texting nikki about what exactly is wrong yeah well shivs oh they're a little darker and she still works i'm like yes i've been doing that i have yeah because when

you're looking for like a new car or you start seeing cars everywhere you start noticing cars when you're looking for like a new backpack you start seeing backpacks everywhere like there's our brains betray us constantly and they're always doing little tricks like backpacks are always everywhere i tend to focus on them when i'm looking at backpacks or looking for a new backpack. But it's not like they just started showing up, you know? Wait, why are you obsessed with your legs, Brian? Your brain is an organ and it needs to be exercised. We're in the Houston Methodist Church.

Yeah. My legs, I don't know. Did you guys have this growing up? Yes. Were you ever self-conscious about the size of your calves? Oh, yes. Yes. Oh, yeah.

My friends used to say that I was one of the Gaybauer brothers because Dan Gaybauer had the largest calves. And so Kirsten's probably laughing right now listening to this. She would be like, she would call me Dan Gaybauer because his calves were ginormous. He was like a normal size guy, but his calves were huge. And she'd be like, and I think one time I made the joke, which is which is the worst where i was like i had the same calves as dan gaybauer and her laughter was so confirming that it like ruined my life you know yeah and i have huge calves that's so my calves are bigger than andrew's when we measured them your calves yes so your issue is the opposite

of my issue i felt like my legs were too scrawny. I had little chicken legs. We should measure. We should. I mean, I've done a lot of squats since then and I think my legs have gotten a little better, but I still feel self-conscious about my calves. And when I was growing up, I would do calf raises all the time.

Aw. And I just wanted my calves to get bigger. Did you see that guy on MTV who got calf implants? Did you ever see that one? Yeah, I did. Yeah, it was good.

I mean, not good. They look like chicken breasts. Yeah, it was huge. Um, but yeah, I can see that.

Like I noticed when guys have scrawny legs, it's not like I'm like, I would never fuck him, but I'm just like, Oh, that poor guy. Cause I know he's probably self-conscious about like, I'm just projecting.

There was a picture of me with chris in it from 2016 where i was wearing these i made the i made the mistake of buying shorts from bonobos which is just not a good place to get shorts and they were white and you know they were too short you know how like adam sandler wears shorts and he's got great calves they're long they're long wear long shorts okay i can tell you name a guy a famous person i can tell you if they got good calves that's interesting that's your thing yeah my thing is forehead size nose eyes too close together um too much fat around your back area lower back fat arms we all have our thing

of obsessed and know what other celebrities have and nobody is thinking about it I wasted so many years of my life obsessing about my ice skating calves are too big I never should have spent 7 years in the rink

ice skating who cares the thing I hated most about my legs calves are too big. I never should have spent seven years in the rink ice skating and develop. It's like, no, who cares? Well, the thing I hated most about my legs is that they were too big. And now my legs are the most complimented thing on my entire body by a landslide because I never used to wear shorts.

I never used to wear skirts because I hated my muscular legs. And now it's the thing that is my most complimented thing. I was hiding it my whole life. I had no idea for 20, I would say until two years ago, I started embracing my legs because I just didn't give a fuck anymore. And then I was like,

whoa, I have good legs. I had never heard that before. I never thought of it ever. I just got made fun of for having two muscular legs. You're like the nerdy girl in an 80s movie who wears a ponytail and glasses. Yeah, took off the glasses. It's so bizarre to me

the thing I hated more than anything about myself. I always wanted my sister's legs to be taken from her in a car accident because they were so perfect. They were such little tiny, like she had Giselle legs

and I always wanted those legs, no fat on them. If you squeeze them as tightly as you could, there would be no cellulite. There's just none i was always so jealous and saralina has those kinds of legs too and i always wanted them and now uh that's just not it's just so weird that it was the opposite of what i thought um the whole time it does seem like a lot of guys have calf issues yes they do oh yeah yeah you do all these calf exercises.

Some people in high school would walk around with calf weights on their ankles all day to try to get their calves bigger. And then it turns into hairline. Yeah. Yes. That's the male obsessiveness. Yes, of course. You guys aren't worried about your butts like we are.

We all became obsessed with butts. Not having one, then having one. Now it's back to having one. Not having one. What's good now? I feel like most men that I talk to about these things, they say they like big butts.

Yeah. Isn't that what's good now? Because they can't lie. I don't think they're lying to me. Well, hips don't lie and butts. Wait, are you guys worried? Do you think the Ozempic thing is saying now everyone's got to have small butts? Yes. Because that goes against what the men are celebrating.

I guess it's not about what men want as much because it's like- What? It's not anymore? Because, well, the problem is, and Taylor Swift said it perfectly in her special, if you're large enough to have a butt, you have a tummy. If you're large enough, if you eat enough to have the perfect butt, you have a tummy and your arms get sausagey. And then if you're thin enough to not have sausagey arms and a flat tummy,

you have no butt. And so you can't fucking win, to quote my girl. You can't fucking win. So there's, you know, it's just, but you can win and win, to quote my girl. You can't fucking win. So there's, you know, it's just, but you can win, and it's called a BBM, and they suck the fat out of your stomach, and they put it in your ass. And so that's the way to win. Even though I saw a documentary about that, it looks terrible. I think what a lot of men want in their heads, and this is not what I want, FYI,

but I think they want a rail-thin waist and a huge ass. Oh, cool. I think that's what men want. Yes. I don't know, boobs. Do guys not like boobs anymore?

No, they want huge, gigantic boobs, a rail-thin waist. It needs to be, basically, if you were in the jungle, you would be eaten immediately because you wouldn't be able to escape anything. That's what they want. Unless you can nail it with your huge ass. Yeah, they want us disabled.

They want you top-heavy on the breasts, and then the waist incapable of holding them up, and then an ass that can't get you through a thin cave what is it about that ass that like because women i mean for so long having a big ass was the worst thing possible yeah and then it switched and i don't think in the past it's ever been desirable to

have a big ass until until 2018 it was the first time women were like i want a big ass it's not just you know usually trends come and go like the 60s big ass. It's not just, you know, usually trends come and go. Like the 60s big ass was where I don't think they've ever been in until the Kardashians. Well, that's why I like Big Butts and I cannot lie was a huge revelation. That was a huge

that was a statement at the time. Like people were secretly, secretly they were like, I like Big Butts, but I don't want to say because everyone likes oh yeah they had to be ashamed about it because that was during the 90s of like the fat free phase and like waif thin girls yes that's what the whole song is about and he's like ashamed that he likes big bad big butts yeah he's coming out about it like he's like coming out of the closet yes yes and oh my god that's crazy that it was like revelatory for someone to

say that and that's why he's like i cannot lie i can't lie i'm not gonna keep this secret anymore that's so funny i like big butts a preference for a big ass on a woman was something to be ashamed of because it was so that not the. That's really interesting. I never thought about it that way. And what are the kinks today? What are the ones today that people want to shout from the rooftops about but they're afraid getting pissed on? Yeah, getting

pissed on, anal. Anal, I feel like no one's no one. Oh, I guess for women wanting anal, but for men saying they want anal is like as easy as saying i want a glass of water i think it's easy yeah it's you're supposed to have seven uh glasses of anal a day yes yeah um oh i thought you meant for men to admit they want to be pegged oh no to get no no no no that's another 10 years straight man and you want to get pegged that i think it used to be

gay to say you wanted to fuck someone in the ass, like a woman in the ass. Guys were kind of ashamed of it. Oh, really? I didn't know that. But why is it so normal now and it wasn't normal before? What was so shameful about it then? I don't know, but I can only speak to the trends

I'm sensing on the field. I think it's porn, obviously. Oh, yeah. Adol is just ubiquitous in porn. Definitely furry stuff is on the field. I think it's porn, obviously. Oh, yeah. Like, Adolin is just ubiquitous in porn. Definitely furry stuff is on the up and up. Furry and anime stuff is on the rise. I don't know. There's sometimes some

animated stuff on porn where I go, this ad is almost getting me, because it's like a giant man and a tiny little girl. Like, not girl, but like a tiny, like, it'll be like a cartoonishly it'll be like an ape man like a giant giant like it'll be like a monster like a king kong fucking a little tiny woman like on the top of the empire state building and i like it even though

he's like tearing her up oh my god i'm like what the fuck is wrong with me like now i need cartoons because nothing no human can even give me what i want to see anymore i haven't watched porn in a really long time actually i'm pretty proud of my i'm not proud of myself actually i kind of miss it things are so great you gotta check out the landscape because it is there the advancements in porn technology i mean i was there a couple weeks ago. What are you talking about? Yeah, it's not been years. Are you kidding me? Porn's always leading the way in tech.

Yes. They're always the ones that are ahead of everybody else when they're adopting technology. Like deep fakes. That was porn first. Yes. Lots of things. Yeah, because we all just want to fuck things.

I mean, guess what sex leads everything and that's why it's like so bizarre to me that we can't talk about it openly because it literally is every it's everything that anyone is motivated by and if you are asexual sex the fact that you don't want sex is something that's on the forefront of your mind a lot like it really defines who you are so even if sex is not something you're interested in, it defines who you are, the mere fact that other people want it and you don't. So sex is everything.

Did you know that the first successful full heart transplant was done in a porn? No, it wasn't. No, I'm just kidding. It was just a technology thing I was saying. I couldn't think of any examples of deep fakes. Yeah, the polio vaccine was... It was invented by Ron Jeremy in 1973. Yeah, I mean, it's all...

Yeah, but I haven't dabbled in that in a while. Are you worried about deep fakes? No, I would... I mean, yeah, I am just on a, like people putting my face in porn. No, I'm not worried about it on a personal level, but in,

on a level of like for the, our media and like the truth. Yes. Deeply. And chat GPT. I mean, people, I don't know anything about this.

This is kind of like a, we know nothing segment, but people who do know about advancements in AI and the threat they pose to humanity are so fucking alarmed at chat GPT. One expert that was on the Sam Harris podcast that I was trying to listen to, but I couldn't understand half of what they were saying

because they're so smart, said that he thought it was going to be 20 or 30 years from now by the time that uh that chat gpt something like that would exist and he is an expert in this field and he says it is happening at such an alarming rate i mean every job is going to be replaced by this eventually that you can literally type in chat gpt write a joke in the uh about uh traffic cones in the style of nikki glazer and it will write a better joke than i could no it won't i mean i i mean it's you don't know what i've been into these days i can i'll do that right now and we'll see what joke i guarantee you have it yeah i have it i i i

use i i i am on the forefront of all this traffic cones trash well i gotta log in so i need there's time okay well we'll give you a second okay so last night i went over my mom's house and um my mom's they're not divorcing so it would but you know she's not we know about marriage and property and it's she's her name's on it um and we started watching the departed and um because it was just on we tried to watch it we watched one episode of intervention but we were both like crying by the end of it because it was bringing up old wounds i think of like you know just you know when i almost died and stuff so uh we were i think we both were like let's not watch anymore even though katie did live at the end we thought i thought you ever try to predict on

intervention like is this person gonna be okay oh they die sometimes no they just like leave treatment or they relapse right right right you know like at the end it'll tell you they relapse after 92 days or whatever it is person's drug of choice katie heroin and crack and she was so smart and this girl is 28 and she started doing heroin she was like like she's been doing it for like 13 years and she lives with her boyfriend who she doesn't even fuck anymore and he's just giving her heroin because he loves her so much and like doesn't want her to struggle and get sick and because she's such a nag but he doesn't even they don't even fuck anymore um she just he's a drug dealer so he has it and i guess he doesn't have a problem with it because he's like fine kind of and but her

family hates her so much she has been in rehab 13 times and they've done that many interventions for her so the family is just the sister called intervention the tv show it is like please can we do this and the family is like we're not doing the same more we're done with her it's over and I've never seen a family so like I have to move on she's dead to me because she is already, she's going to die. She's never going to change. And they all finally convinced the mom because the mom's like, I can't be hurt anymore. I have to let her go. And they convinced her to do it and they confronted her and she went, but the, she was like, I have to go home first. And they're like, why? And she's like, I'll go

to treatment. I have to go home first. And they're like, why Katie? Why? And she's like i have to go home first and they're like why and she's like i'll go to treatment i have to go home first and they're like why katie why and she's like well because i need to get my things and they're like we'll get your things for you tell us what you need and she's like they go do you need to go home because you want to use and she's like yes of course i'm never gonna do it again and they're like you know what okay we'll let you go and it was nice because i thought i thought they're gonna lose her because they won't you they won't let she was like i already showed up to this thing with not enough heroin in my system because i thought i was signing a paper you guys told me i was signing a paper so i only did enough to get through signing a paper i'm already freaking out and it was like let her go do some h and then she'll go and she went to treatment and like 90 days later she's a lot

like she has fat on her body again and she's just just kind of like, and I don't even want to Google it because this was in 2014. But I don't think Katie made it. And I want her to make it more than anything. But I just don't. I don't know. I was like her mom. I was like, I've lost hope in this girl. But I really hope she did because she was so smart.

Usually people on those shows are so like they're set they're always smart like heroin addicts are usually like very intelligent and drug addicts are they're usually smarter people than you would think but you wouldn't know because their brains are fried but she was like everything she did she was like oh i know my life isn't good i'm doing a documentary right now to be an example for people not to do drugs. So things aren't great for me. And then she'd go and like hit the pipes. Yeah, I told my mom, I go, I listened to this girl's podcast. She was so self-reflective.

I really liked her. But I don't even want to Google it because I don't want to know. There's several Katie's on intervention. So don't tell me. But I want to believe she made it. But I just, if I was a betting woman. Ryan, type in a joke about traffic cones done by Katie from Intervention. Yeah, let's find out if

she is dead. No, the problem was she was never going to... There's some people that it won't kill. She was just not... She still looked beautiful. She still had all her hair. Oh yeah, there's so many functioning heroin addicts. Oh my god. But she wasn't even getting high anymore.

The intake people were like she doesn't get high anymore. She just gets not sick. So she was totally lucid. It was just like she just wasn't throwing up. She was never like, what's up guys? Nodding off or anything. I know. It was awful and she was so aware of it. It was a really

good episode. I think it was season 13 episode 1. It's on Hulu. Okay, Brian, what did it say? I'm failing miserably. It's not letting me log in. I'm sorry. Oh my God. How much is your membership?

It's saying oops. It just keeps saying oops. How much is it? No, it's free. It's still free. Wait, you can just get ChatGPT for free? Yes, you can just get it for free. But I'm telling you this, it's not as good as you think.

And I would not worry that much about AI replacing everything. I can't wait to be replaced, honestly. You know what can't replace? Bird rescue, which is what I'm going to do as soon as this job is taken from me. I'm going to just rescue animals. And robots can't do that yet. So I'll be fine. I'm very proud of the W know the wga because we are

fighting to get some rules set in place for uh have you been on the picket lines i've been on the picket lines i've been picking really every day well not every day but almost every day i go well i'm very lucky because i live within walking distance of um amazon and sony so i can just walk to either of those lots whenever. What's the vibe there? Vibe is great. I love Yesterday, Cheryl Hines. Adam ruins everything. He's the spearhead

of that. He's the face of this. He was on the negotiating committee. He was elected to be a board member. He's amazing. What he has to say about it. Put a microphone in front of the guy. Adam Conover, who Brian has rights for currently for his YouTube channel. Right. You still do that? Yeah, sure. Yeah. He, um, that guy is the best. So you, so Cheryl Hines showed up. Cheryl Hines was on the line, uh, at Amazon yesterday and I got, and there was a, she wanted

to take a group photo with a bunch of, of picketers. I wouldn't go up to her and start talking to her. That's inappropriate, but she wanted to take a group photo with a bunch of of picketers i wouldn't go up to her and start talking to her that's inappropriate but she wanted to take a group photo and then she waved me over and i was in a i'm in a group photo sweet there's a chance i might show up on her instagram page oh my god let's stay tuned yeah um but no and then at the uh netflix studios yesterday i did a show with cheryl hines she's so nice oh you did yeah i did a game show with her uh like six months ago and she was lovely to me and there that was the game show i talked about on the show where um there was one person who was not nice and i'll if i ever get a talk show i will i can't wait to book her and then cancel her and go it was because you were rude to me on that one show we did and um now you can probably figure out who it is because if that show

ever comes out it's not cheryl hynes i know you just narrow it down there's two other women on it too so now i feel bad because one of them is nice and you won't know which one wasn't that cool or yeah so anyway uh here's my thing how many days how many hours are you are you walking around they uh they oblige you that's what they say to walk for four hours a day monday through friday and i'm not sure everybody's doing it are you doing that i i will not confirm or deny whether or not friends well that's the thing no i don't gotta make some i go well so the first day I did it, I just want to say quickly that at Netflix yesterday, Imagine Dragons showed up.

That's why I saw that. And they did a free concert for the writers. Were you there? No, I was at Amazon. Oh, who showed up there? It seems like. Yeah, Hootie and the Blowfish showed up and they begged us for money. And I was like, this is not.

But it's really, I feel very proud of the union and it's fun. But I go there and the first day I showed up, I have no friends. I didn't know anybody that was out there. I was kind of surprised, but it's because everybody that I know is on the east side, is in Hipsterville, and I'm now on the west side. So the east side is like where all the writers that I would know would be picketing. You want to make friends and go, hey, what do you write? So the first day, I didn't talk to anybody.

I walked around in a circle. I felt very lonely. For four hours or some there in? Some amount that would keep me obliged to the union. Yes. And the second day, I was like, you know what? I am going to talk to somebody. So I did a couple of laps with the picket line.

And I just looked for people who are also alone. Yes. Yes. And I found a guy and I walked up to him and I said, hello, do you want to talk or would you rather walk in silence? You sound like an AI. That's the problem. Okay, you said, would you would you rather walk in silence? You sound like an AI. That's the problem. Okay, you said, would you rather talk or walk in silence? I said, hello, do you want to talk or would you rather walk in silence?

That's a good opener. And he thought about it and he said, you know what? I'll talk. That's nice. And so then we wound up talking. And now every day since, I've talked to a different person on the line. By saying that line? Sometimes they talk to me.

Oh, yeah. Well, Brian, you're very personable. Yeah. I would be lucky to be next to you in a picket line. Yeah, we talk and, you know, we talk about all sorts of shit. We get deep fast too. Yeah, I guess it's like you got to be out there if you're not working. I would probably be out there if I lived in L.A. doing it.

But well, it's such a great situation because, you know, you're going up. It's like you're going up to a person and you're asking them to talk and you know that you have to be there for hours. And so it's not like you're talking to someone. You're like, God, I wish I could just leave. Why do I have to be there for hours and so it's not like you're talking to someone you're like god i wish i could just leave why do i have to be here you have to be there so you're like guaranteed at a certain amount of time talking to somebody but you could just kind of lap them or something or kind of like mosey back or go oh i gotta tie my shoe and like find someone else that happened once and it was really embarrassing why well i mean i was this person tried to get away from you yes this person came up to me she was like drama or comedy and i

was like oh comedy that's okay that's the opener that's the drama or comedy and i was like oh comedy and she's like oh and then i guess the conversation it only lasted like less than two minutes because then she was like all all right, I got to go. And then she saw, oh, hi, Lindsay or whatever. And she got away from me as fast as possible. Right. I didn't say anything that would cause her to do that.

It was just, she sussed out the vibe. Maybe she was interested in you and it came up that you were engaged. That didn't come up. Because that would make me, oh, it didn't? No. Maybe she saw your wedding

she looked at my IMDB page I think and was like this guy's not worth my time oh you're right she just privately googled it

real quick or reddited it okay we'll be back with a reddit dump after this Jon Stewart is back at the Daily Show and he's bringing

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and how Pixar is nurturing a creative culture. Listen to Building One on the iHeartRadio app, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, we're back. Let's do Reddit Dump. This is your Reddit Dump. Okay, um, why do um oh these are the dumbest celebrity tweets so it's from pop culture chat it says dumbest celebrity tweet and it's bb rexa who um i played against her family in family feud and she was very lovely but she had a dumb tweet that i probably would have made the same mistake it said so she's responding to a tweet that says if you had the

chance to time travel where would you go and she wrote i would go to paris 1940s oh my gosh that's just someone who grew up being a pop star okay um let's hope so okay yeah no kidding um um okay so someone so in the comments though is where people listed all other celebrity tweets that they loved and there were some good ones okay so this one said uh not so much dumb as poorly timed but i still cackle when i think of the time the weekend tweeted let's go just as russia bombed ukraine okay lindsey low this someone posted lindsey lohan's tweet she said why is everyone in such a panic about hurricane i'm calling it sally in parentheses stop projecting negativity think positive and pray for peace oh my god um oh this one was painful this is from rita aura who i also i mean i don't mean to name drop but i'm also on a show with her

last week um on thursday's celeb game face with my mom on e we played against rita aura and her sister but this is rita aura said, dropping my new song Monday, if this gets 100,000 retweets, it has 1,800 retweets. Oh, no. People purposely did it. People said, biggest secondhand embarrassment

I've ever had for a celeb. The fact that she pretended she was hacked because she was nowhere near the RT amount she set. She said she pretended she was hacked. Oh, this one is so good okay so asap ferg um so someone posted about asap ferg he goes asap ferg announces the name of his forthcoming album and there's a link and asap ferg responds second and then the guy writes back sorry if there is an inaccuracy somewhere something we need to fix

and he goes you said forthcoming album it's only the second oh no that's so cute that's a cute one um then joel austin you know that fucking hick yes yeah um who didn't let hurricane uh you know victims stay at his compound uh which by the way i was kind of thinking about that and i was like i don't know if i'd want a bunch of hurricane victims at my house either but maybe i'm reading it wrong like i remember everyone was so mad at joel i hate joel austin because he's obviously a smart enough guy to know that what he's preaching is not true and he's a charlatan and a corrupt person.

But I don't know that I want a bunch of displaced hurricane refugees at my beautiful compound either. But I would do it because I didn't want to be a dick. But you can't blame the guy. Am I wrong? For tricking all those people?

No, for just not. The biggest thing that people get mad about him. Yeah, they said, remember when Joel Osteen refused to let victims of Hurricane Harvey into his church? And it can hold like 15,000 people after they've been flooded out of their homes. He saw what happened to the fucking Superdome in New Orleans. It turned into like a homeless camp. I'm sorry. But it's a church. Yeah, it's a church.

It's like the whole point of a church is to welcome in the you know the the uh people who are suffering yeah it's like if it was a house that would be different which was like a lot which was like a curb your enthusiasm storyline i get it but there's a lot of money that goes into that church to make it nice i hate this guy i want to be clear i think he is the devil i think he's a bad person i every time i see him on tv i just go yeah but i don't kind of blame him for this because it would have been completely trashed but i guess you're just supposed to allow that if you're a church it's a really nice enough money to rebuild okay so fuck that guy keep their doors locked and so fuck them they

really yeah well it's like all, but it's been for decades. It's like, why doesn't, why don't churches have open doors? Cause they, because the homeless need places to go and they'll, it'll get trashed. Don't we want to keep things nice sometimes?

But like, I also don't know what, what do you think the solution is? Go to Joel Osteen's. The reason why it's upsetting is because it's hypocritical. It goes against what he's preaching. He's like, you know, help people, turn the other cheek, Jesus, all that stuff. Charity.

Charity, the cross. He says all those things, and then when it comes time to put his money where his mouth is, he doesn't do it. Yes. But there's also the thing of, of like it would have gotten trashed i i mean i just i want someone who's smarter than all four of us to weigh in on this because i don't see why wanting to protect something that a lot of money and effort has been put into building i mean maybe you make it hurricane like refugee accessible and like you build it so that it can like with that in mind that someday this is going to be a place where people are going to need to go

i don't know yeah none of us open our homes to victims of things so and not that it's his home i know it's his church but like you don't open would you want them would you go to a gym that you is your gym that your business that you run, or your business, your cafe, and let people sleep there? But it's a disaster. Where are they supposed to go? It's temporary.

Temporary disaster. It's not like this is a solution to homelessness. FEMA, the government, is supposed to come in. That's where our tax dollars are supposed to go to. Yes. So I'm not defending Joel Osteen. Actually, I kind of am. I don't know what's wrong with you.

What the fuck is happening, you guys? I mean, I'm with both of you. Are you wearing a Joel Osteen shirt Actually, I kind of am. I don't know what's wrong with you. What the fuck is happening, you guys? Are you wearing a Joel Osteen shirt right now? I have a jacket on. Don't let them see. Okay, so Joel Osteen says, this is the tweet that is embarrassing. A true friend walks in when everybody walks out. Okay, that's hilarious.

A true friend doesn't rub it in when you make a mistake. They rub it out. Oh, no. I love an accidental masturbation joke. Hell yeah. That's a good friend. Dr. Phil tweeted once in 2013, If a girl is drunk, is it okay to have sex with her?

Reply yes or no to Dr. Phil. Hashtag teens accused. It just seems like he's asking. He's asking for his show yeah but also i don't know again i found nothing wrong with this tweet because it's asking if a girl is inebriated people i think people are shocked by this because they're like of course it's not okay i'm sorry no one would be conceived if our dads didn't fuck a girl who had been a little bit drunk or drunk. I just don't believe that people have sex. I think it's, do you know what I'm saying?

Maybe I'm wrong. I'm like, am I begging to get canceled? I don't know what I'm doing. Wait, can you, can you, you're saying that? Yeah, I look into my brain. Thank you. What, you're saying we wouldn't have been born? He says, if a girl is drunk, is it okay to have sex with her?

I think people are upset about this tweet because they're like, of course it's not okay to have sex with a girl that's drunk i think it's the reply yes or no i don't know for some reason like it's funny have a different choice it sounds like he's checking before he takes action yeah that's why it's funny but my think people are offended because they're like of course it's not okay but i would say yes it's okay to have sex with a girl who's drunk but also this is i mean again i'm this is another uh thing that is a sticky situation but i think most people who have sex the girl is drunk like as long as she consents it's uh yes but then what if she's like yeah fine like what if she's like that yeah what if she's like the love is blind person then can you have what do you mean sleep what's

her name yes no the the girl from love is blind here with the baggy cheeks a good impression micah oh my god it depends what level what it reaches a level where where it's not okay anymore where is that alcohol makes you do stupid things alcohol is a retardant i don't think that's the right word for it because the retardant is something that flames out it is well it's not it's not only the present it makes you stupider it makes you dumber that's why you do things that are like or uh quote unquote brave i almost said hashtag brave um that's why you do things that you're like, Oh, liquid courage. It's not because it makes you courageous. It makes your, your, um,

sense of fear and observing things around you. It diminishes those things so that you are able to step out on that ledge. You are able to say that thing to that person. It's not because you're like suddenly have self-esteem enough to do that. You're just stupider. So why is it okay then if girls get stupid? They'll only fuck you if they get stupider. Shouldn't that be wrong then? Any amount that makes you dumber and less with it? He should have asked,

is it okay to have sex with someone borderline unconscious? He should have asked, is it okay to have sex with someone who just got their PhD? Oh, because they got smarter. Yeah, that really bombed. Man. That wasn't that bad. I mean, I saw the logic of it.

Chat GPT write that for you? Okay. I was able to log into chat gpt and i was able to ask it in case we want to go back to that yes please i have i have five nikki glazer jokes about traffic cones okay great number one traffic cones are like the kardashians of the road they're everywhere they're distracting and no one knows why they're famous. The problem is traffic cones are not famous. Listen, I thought

the first two were good. They're everywhere, they're distracting. Let's come up with a better one. no one knows why they're so orange. Oh, that's good. I like that. This is why you're so orange. Oh, that's good. Yeah. I like that. See, this is why you're on the picket lines.

They're everywhere. Protect that talent. All right, all right. I was thinking of shoving them up your ass or something. And then I was like, well, that's not what the Kardashians do. They're everywhere. They're distracting. And they almost exclusively date black people wait again okay what's the other jokes you know what's worse than hitting a pothole hitting a traffic cone at least with a pothole you can pretend you're off-roading. With a traffic cone, you just look like a drunk driver.

What? I like this. I dare you without context to go on stage and try one of these jokes and see if it gets a laugh. Don't tell them it's chat GPT. I'm telling you, this shit is not good.

It's not good. I don't trust traffic cones. Because, hold on. Wait, let me just go back to that joke. So, a traffic cone,

wait, say it again. You know, what's worse than hitting a pothole? Hitting a traffic cone. At least with a pothole, you can pretend you're off-roading. With a traffic cone,

you just look like a drunk driver. But there's logic behind that. Because it's copying your logic. It's plagiarizing you. I know. I like it. It's not off-roading. A pothole is in the road. I know, but it can feel like because you're bouncing into this pothole,

you can feel like you're like, oh, I'm rugged. Rugged terrain. That makes sense to me. You know what's worse than hitting a pothole is what getting killed at least when you get killed you can pretend you're stop I am defending chat GPT they pick two things that happen

on the road to compare them it kind of makes sense the only problem is you don't hit traffic cones that often and there's no there's no reason to compare the two Joel Olsteen you've defended Dr. Phil's date rape you don't hit traffic cones that often and there's no reason to compare the two. You've defended Joel Olsteen, you've defended Dr. Phil's date rape,

and now you're defending ChatGPP. Oh my god. I just want to open a bird rescue. Okay. I don't trust traffic cones. They're always telling me to go slow, but they never offer to pay me for my speeding ticket. What the fuck?

This is insane. I love this so much. It's our special friend. Is this kind of insulting? Because this is what it thinks the Nikki Glaser joke is. No, it's good. I'm proud of it. This is only version one.

It's so cute. It's like a kid learning how to do comedy or something so cute it's like a kid like learning how to do comedy or something like it totally sounds like a five-year-old like and that's funny that one is the best one of the three because traffic cones do wait so they never so they don't trust make you go wait a minute so i'm it doesn't make sense you're confused for a reason the traffic cone they're always telling you to go slow but then oh but then they never offer to pay for your speeding tickets that does not make sense no in chat gpt's mind going slow and speeding are the same thing and

it's equating well it would make sense if it said but it never plays for your tickets when you get pulled over for going too slow yeah you know like Yes. It's thinking a speeding ticket is like a ticket you can get for going too slow, which I guess is a thing, but we would not call it that. There is a stand-up comedy robot. Did you know this? A Japanese I think robot. Oh yeah, I've seen those on YouTube.

It's a literal physical form. Really? Mechanical robot that goes on stage and it tells jokes. And the scary thing about the robot is stage and it tells jokes. And the scary thing about the robot is that it can tell jokes, unlimited jokes every second. And soon it will be able to have

AI audience members. So it's like it can tell, it can test out unlimited jokes ad nauseum to unlimited audience members. So it might actually be able to come up with good jokes. Well, I'm guessing a Chad GTP would laugh at that joke

that was just told. Right. Because it doesn't know. It wrote it, so why would it not think, why would it be able to judge whether it's good or not? It's tough when it comes to humor. Taste. Okay. Well, this is one more tweet that is really funny. So, some performer called Shad Moss, I guess, I don't know who that is really funny um so some performer called shad

moss i guess i don't know who that is it said travel day nyc press run for growing up hip-hop let's go i promise to bring y'all the hottest show ever may 25th on we tv and it shows a picture of him he's just taking a picture you can't see him in it of a private jet. And then someone on Snapchat posted that guy. Um, and he says, so this guy, little bow wow. I guess that's a little bow.

Wow. Is shad, shad Moss. He goes, so this guy, little bow wow is on my flight to New York. But on Instagram, he posted a picture of private jet caption traveling to New York today.

And he's like, you see him, you see him like looking at his post on his phone like in on a Southwest flight in the back. It's so good.

And then, yeah, that's so sad. I know. Let's go to final thought. Noah, I want you to play the one where the guy's talking in his car.

And this is labeled how to keep someone from getting defensive in an argument. These three responses will keep somebody from getting defensive. My name is Jefferson Fisher. I'm a trial attorney and I teach people how to argue and communicate. When it's your turn to respond in an argument, you can actually keep somebody from getting defensive. If you want, start with what you agree with. You don't actually even have to agree with what they said. You can go macro and just agree that the two of you are talking.

For example, you can say, I agree that this subject is worth discussing or I agree that we should talk about this. As long as you use the words, I agree, you automatically bring down the wall. Number two, tell them what you've learned. It can be as easy as after listening, I've learned that this topic is really important to you. As long as they hear the phrase, I have learned, it makes them feel like they're educating, like they're understood, and now they're less defensive. Or number three, you can try using the phrase, that's helpful to know. If you tell them that they've been helpful, it makes them feel like they're invested in their own mutual understanding, and then they're going to be more receptive to what you have to say. So try that and follow me.

How good or how simple and kind of manipulative are all of those? I know. I can see it working. I hate that it would work because that, I mean, it's just like how dumb are people easily tricked? You could be like, I agree with you.

You're a dumb piece of shit. I've learned today that I've learned a lot from you that you're stupid and I hate you. But he even says like just macro things. I agree. We're talking about this. Yeah. Just to say that is so funny to me.

I agree that we're both inhaling oxygen right now and our hearts are muscles. That is good to find a place of common ground at least to start. Yes. I mean, women do this all the time you read a dating book and it teaches you how to talk and you're like oh i have to learn how to be like you're right about this idea i actually had yes i do find this to be very helpful in talking to men but it or i mean i I think I'd see through this. I would want this a little bit more.

And like when I'm in arguments of someone doing these things for me and saying what they've learned or what they understand, but I do this, this is, this is how I communicate. Like if I get into a, a, a tiff with my beloved,

I always try to say, I always try to see his side of things and explain to him what his side of things is so that I don't have to hear it anymore. And so that he knows I get it. You know, like I want to, but at the same time,

they don't like to be interrupted. So you might have to listen to it again fully. And then you can take a beat and go, here's what I think you've said. But I also find that sometimes that doesn't actually work because they'll, you know, and I've done this before, too, where you hear someone repeat. You know, for instance, recently I was like upset about something that someone texted me, and I didn't just let it slide. I was like, that wasn't cool or funny or something.

I replied, I don't like it. And the person said, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean it that way. And I was so proud of myself because what I did start typing back was, yeah, that really hurt because of blah, blah. I was going to explain all of my feelings again. I didn't explain my feelings at first. I just go, that's kind of, that didn't feel good to read or whatever. And then the person apologized. And then I was going to go because, and you know why it didn't feel good, but after they gave me the apology and I was writing all this stuff explaining

why exactly that did hurt me, even though they just acknowledged, acknowledged I'm sorry I didn't mean it that way and I go why do I need to send this just I want to do what I want from others which is when I apologize and say I get it I'm sorry I didn't mean it that way they forgive me and move on they don't keep going back to it and going because it did hurt that you said it like this and that did make me like I understand getting needing to be understood and feeling like, okay, they don't really get it. They're saying they get it,

but I need to repeat it. But I was really proud of myself to erase that entire message I was going to send, explaining, because I hadn't explained yet why it was hurtful. And I needed them to know that.

And then I go, no, they, no, I don't. They know it was hurtful. They said, sorry,

this is over. And I just said, thank you. And done. And move on. It's that, it was hurtful. They said, sorry, this is over. And I just said, thank you. And done. And move on. It's that urge. It's kind of like a primal urge to twist the knife. Because if you got hurt, you want the immature thing, which you successfully averted, would be to make them now hurt in retaliation.

And you were like, you know what? I'm going to be, I'm not going to do that. And make them feel worse about it. Yeah. And you have them in a vulnerable position where they've just apologized so that you know that they're open to like taking more punches. Yes. You know, like whenever I apologize and I'm like, I was wrong,

pile it on me. Like I can now, I'm just like, I'm a punching bag. Like I'll apologize for everything. I'll give you so much more of like, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm like, you can't get it enough from me. I'll just keep everything I'll give you so much more of like I'm sorry I didn't mean it I'm like you can't get it enough from me I'll just keep piling it on so why not just keep telling me and it hurt when you did this and this and this is how it hurt and it's just like once someone apologizes try to let it go try to walk away from it at least until your anger subsides because

you're still angry from before they apologized. And you still want to be, you like not a grudge holder at all. No, I'm not. I let grudges go because I want people to do the same for me. Yeah. Do you ever get to the point though, where you, I can forgive anyone for anything.

Literally. I always say Trump could go. I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was doing and I would forgive him. I really would. I believe that. I hate him more than anyone i've said it on the podcast before i'll say it again is that you i mean you

have forgiven people for things that uh i can't believe well yeah because if they're sorry if they really make an amends and they say i can't believe i did that i don't know because no one wants to be the person no one can help what they are even if you murder someone you can't help that your brain chose to murder instead of talk it out or whatever like you have a fucked up brain and if you are able to reach a point where you go i can't believe i did that i mean i really do think when people say like oh my god i can't believe that person you see these fathers hug a criminal in court and the criminal like murdered their child and you go how could that father ever hug the person who killed his child and you were just mind boggled by it i would be that father if the criminal really was like i can't believe i did

that i've done soul searching in prison i this these are all the things that steps in my life that led me to take your son's life instead of doing anything else, I would be able to see this person couldn't help that. And they hate that they did it. And I relate to that feeling. Do you know how many things I've said in my life that I'm like, so embarrassed by? Who can point a finger and say they've never done something they regret? So just forgive people because you've done it too. Well, forgiving is not an entirely selfless act. When you forgive someone, you are also releasing yourself from holding feelings of negativity and having that person have any power over you anymore. Yeah.

Those people can take over your life, take over your brain, and you could really spiral into a depression just because someone's wronged you. And if you forgive them, it's just a release. It's the same thing. It's hard to do when they don't apologize though. Then I hold on to it. If they don't apologize, I just love hating people. And so many resentments can never.

So often you won't get that apology. Maybe the person's dead. Or maybe the person just isn't capable. They have a personality disorder that makes them incapable of feeling empathy or feeling bad about what they did that still forgive them still forgive as joel olsen would say still forgive them then i struggle with a lot more because it's you doing it for yourself at that point actually i don't struggle with that because i am able to look at it as like a brain abnormality like they are sick in the head as opposed to like they

are a bad person um yeah i'm able to see it like they don't have an arm you know like a guy with an arm no arms can't hug me so a guy with a part of his brain that didn't get developed can't feel empathy for me can't feel can't see what he's done wrong he's a narcissist that's a personality disorder it's a diagnosable thing a narcissist. That's a personality disorder. It's a diagnosable thing for someone to have a narcissistic personality disorder, which makes them incapable of giving a fuck about you. You will forgive them, but you will never let them do it again. That's the, I mean, you can forgive them to release yourself. You don't, you don't forgive them.

You can, you just excuse it because it's like you're mad at someone for not doing something that that has a disability i look at it as a disability something that's not their fault that this person cannot apologize or be a good person and is sociopathic and is jealous and is trying to ruin my career by saying these shitty things like i've had people do horrible things to me behind my back uh you know that one comedian in st louis who was like a bully to me? I still hate her, but I know that she, I feel sorry for her childhood, and I feel sorry

for how she was bullied in life to be so threatened by me that she has to like, she tried to ruin me, and I would have been the same if I were born into her brain with her life experiences, I would have done the same thing to me. So I cannot fault her. But I can still hate her from afar.

And I will. Forever and ever. Thank you guys for listening to the show. That's it for today. Don't try to send me people of guessing who that person is. I'll never reveal her name. Luckily,

you wouldn't know her name because she never made it. It's not Kathleen Madigan. Don't guess that. She's dead to everyone. She doesn't exist anymore in comedy, and it's a great, great gift to me. Thank you so much for listening.

That was mean, Nikki. Don't be so mean. Stop. Okay, I'm just joking. I really wish her the best, her and her daughter, whatever. Even though I will say that when she got pregnant, I texted Amy Schumer like, oh my God, my bully is pregnant,

and she goes, you won. And so that was a nice day in my life. All right, thank you guys so much for listening to the podcast we will be back tomorrow don't you even think we won't i am in europe right now we will be in london on i believe friday night so if you are uh in the uk please come out and see us we're on the european tour in the middle of it this is a pre-taped episode you didn't know until now did you maybe you did because you saw my instagram and i'm in europe and you're like how is she um in Europe? But anyway, thank you so much for listening. We will see you on the podcast tomorrow.

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I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy in my adult. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Emi Olea, host of the podcast Crumbs. For years, I had to rely on other people to tell me my story. And what I heard wasn't good. You really f***ed last night. It felt like I lived most of my life in a blackout. I was trapped in addiction. You had to grab the lamp and smash it against the walls. And then I decided I wanted to tell my own story. Listen to Crumbs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.