The Nikki Glaser Podcast - #342 Self Critique, Private Parts, Hug Technology, Tech Neck & Butt Surgery

Episode Date: May 18, 2023

Nikki uses her "nananana" technique so that she never sees her own performances. Anya does too sometimes. Brian finds it to be pleasant. A newly discovered hack about face washing sparks a conversation about how the ladies wash their private parts. Nikki shares her anxieties about touring abroad. They play Top1 Bottom1 and discuss features of a car. They pretend to have perfect postures while Brian tells a story about getting surgery on his derriere. In the Final Thought, Anya talks about Fraxel laser and Nikki shares a crying technique to alleviate anxiety.  —Rate and Follow This Show!— Watch this episode on our Youtube Channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast Follow the pod on Instagram for bonus content: @NikkiGlaserPod Leave us your voicemail: Click Here To Record Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour Anya's Patreon: patreon.com/anyamarina Brian Frange: brianfrange.com More Nikki: IG More Anya: IG More Brian: IG More producer Noa: IG    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season. But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more.

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I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Woman sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to the Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am.

Welcome to the show. It's Nikki Glaser podcast. How the hell are you? Great start. I'm in on a roll. That's kind of good. I can do it almost. I know.

I'm getting there. It's been like five years of trying. Anyaa what is it like for you to hear your song when we start the show because for me when i go into radio stations and they'll like play my intro and it'll be like me doing a roast clip i always have to go i have to sound like you i go i plug my ears and i go because i don't want to hear it your voice yes Yes, yes. I can watch myself on mute. I cannot watch myself with my voice coming out. It's so ironic because,

thank you, dear listener, for appreciating this thing that I cannot. I expect people to consume. It is the reason I have any kind of living in this business, yet I cannot tolerate it. And now I'm being open about it. I am not telling people to watch things with me or I can't wait for you to see this thing

because I'm going to watch it. I'm not watching anything I do, because I lived it. But I do want you to watch it. I remember Kate Beckinsale on The Tonight Show saying she never watches any of her movies. And I was almost like offended. Like, how should we watch it then?

But I get it now. And I just want to be honest. I'm never going to watch anything I do. how do you feel about listening to your own voice i think when you are gonna record your first like well you already put a song out but when you eventually record an album you will feel differently to it when i watched myself on your e-show i was like like it's weird to watch myself moving around in space as a person but hearing my song is like i can't believe this is me i can't believe i get to be on her show that's so cool right it's like that okay plus i worked on it with other people yourself on a

podcast where you're just talking and i avoid is it because you're like i'm gonna say something stupid or uh i don't like the sound of my own talking voice is speaking voice different than singing voice it's probably harder to like accept yourself just being unfiltered and who you are and a recording is something you worked on tirelessly approved many mixes of you know what i mean yes like when you watch your hbo special are you a little more accepting? No. Hell, the entire time. There comes a point where it's just so much that you don't even notice it anymore.

And you kind of start to go, oh, I see what people might like about this. I think I heard, sometimes I see a clip of mine and I'm like, oh, that was great. And it's because at first I think it's not me. I'm like, who's this girl? You know, there's this moment, you know, where you catch your own reflection and something and you go, who's, oh my God, she's cute. And then you see yourself, you realize it's you and you go, oh, disgusting. Have you ever had that though, where you're like, wow, I look amazing in that. Like, yeah, I mean, there's always been times where you're like, God. And, but I just go, it was good lighting.

It was a good angle. It was one of a thousand shots. I never really give myself credit for it, which you shouldn't give yourself credit because beauty is either money or genetics, which two things you really don't have any control over having. Can I just say, I don't want to hear myself noise. It's very pleasant.

Yeah, it's like a lot of people will go like, I don't want to hear myself. Uh, noise is very pleasant. You're yeah. It's like, I mean, because a lot of people will go like, blah, blah, blah, blah. And everyone's like,

shut the fuck up. Mine's gentle. It's a soothing lullaby because I don't want people to know that I'm doing that. You know what? I'm in a radio station. It's embarrassing that they're playing a clip and I just go like, I don't want them to know that this is something I can't do because it seems so immature of me. I'm ashamed that I can't listen to my own voice, even though I'm trying to be more out about it.

But I do record myself playing music all the time when I'm practicing. Not the whole time. It would just be too much footage. But I like to record because I can't, you know, I'm not always on Instagram live, like practicing in front of people watching. So sometimes I'll record it because it makes me accountable to, I don't know what someone who might find my phone after I die, like there's, there's going to be evidence of it. So I, it makes me sit up straighter. It makes me try harder. It makes me focus a little bit more. And so I have, um, a bunch of those recordings of myself

and I can listen to myself sing and be really disappointed in it. I mean, I can hear stuff that is unforgivable sounds I make that I just go, what are you even doing? For some reason, I can forgive it and I go and I can keep doing it. For some reason, I don't get as discouraged

at how badly I sing. But when I'm watching stuff of me talking i just can't stop thinking why did you say um so much why couldn't you think of a more creative word why did you use that word twice in a sentence when it was like a you know what are they called like thousand dollar words and i'll use it twice which negates me even using it once because people know that i got a calendar yeah and then i use it twice and it's like oh that's the only word she knows um for that thing and that's so often i just see these like little chinks in the armor of my coolness where i'm like

you're not that cool you're not that interesting i can just see through it so much and i become so just i become very very critical um i know exactly what you mean i mean we're putting up a lot more clips on our podcast and i'm just um which i'm sorry grateful no i'm so grateful for because a lot of times the podcast i'm just like that's a really authentic version of me i'm not trying to be that impressive so then i cut myself some slack where i'm more comfortable and i'm yeah for some reason it doesn't bother me as much my you know my face falling off my skull however is depressing every single time and then i compare myself to the chicks in the office and their clips where it looks like her chicks in the

office is a podcast that for some reason every morning i was like is nikki going into the office no no oh my god i don't even know what this water cooler conversation happening i'm missing out no chicks in the office is a podcast i follow and they just have like they're just smart cool girls in their 20s who are just you know who i probably would have wanted to be in my 20s and who i'm more like now i just relate to them and i like what they talk about and I just like them. But every day I wake up to a clip of them looking beautiful and cool and saying cool things

and not stuttering too much and not looking stupid and they look perfect. And I send Noah a clip every day being like, we should try this angle. What about this kind of lighting? And it's like,

well, bitch, you're almost 40 like you we don't a time machine if you did your podcast in one of those it might change the way your face looks but other than that i think i gotta go jenny mccarthy and just start wearing sunglasses every fucking time that's the way to or a ball cap some people only yeah i mean it's very uh kendall roy yeah well that's what I'm trying to do. I just hope I live longer. That's a nice one. Where did you get that? Oh, what's that store in the mall that everyone gets hats from?

Lids? I got it from Lids. I got it from Lids. It's nice. Yeah, I like it because it's pretty big and it has nothing on it. And my head isn't very good for hats because it goes like, it is like this. You're like a guitar pick this you're like a guitar pick sorry I'm very focused on

guitar picks recently I need to have a hat that's a little bigger that's what I'm seeing everywhere it's the backpack syndrome you're looking for a backpack you see it everywhere yes I've been obsessed with guitar picks I see that's what your head is and it's pretty apropos I have not shaved my beard in

like over 10 years. I don't even know what I look like. What? My wife has never... You mean you trim it? I trim it. Sure, I trim it

with a little scissor. I was going to say, it just decided to stop at that length. It stopped at that length. Every morning I get up and I yell at it and I say,

don't get any longer and it actually listens. But no, I haven't ever had a clean shaven face. My wife has never seen me without a beard and so it's... I think my... I haven't ever had a clean shaven face. My wife has never seen me without a beard. And so it's, I think my, I don't have a very well-defined chin.

So. It gives you one. Well, that's the classic. That's the beard thing. Men with not good chins like to grow beards. It is jarring to see. Yeah. You just see like a soft face.

I'm just like, oh, you have, I didn't know you. You just like oh you have i didn't know you you're like he i can't say it but it's just like a different person a little bit yeah that's why i like it when chris does it yeah but it is different it is just i love it's just like who's this guy i'm like nervous around like you know is my boyfriend okay with this like yeah he feels the same way when i shave my puss so he's like who's this gal who's this tiny little girl you going to kindergarten sorry um yeah that i guess that it probably is the thing i mean you guys notice hair length down there you must um sure yeah yeah it depends on the situation but uh sometimes i'm just a little too lazy and i don't get all the all the nooks and

crannies and bobs bits and bobs like you just don't get all those spaces and there's little tufts that come out do you notice when the when it's shaved no no. No, I don't think I do. If a guy's got a big hairy bush, is that like annoying? Yes. I haven't really encountered that. So yeah, probably. But I mean, I don't know. If you love someone, you can kind of put up with whatever they got going on down there.

Sure, sure. In any respect of that. Well, I know that some men will say like like i like a big bush is that do any women like a big bush no no i like but some women like i would compare it to chest hair um some women are so into chest hair and some women are like i'd rather not might not have him have chest hair i don't mind like hairy shoulders or like a hairy back like i wouldn't chris doesn't have those things but that wouldn't bother me i'm not crazy about full bald a full bald chest or head uh neither no you're talking about balls

oh full who would ever do nothing down there? I mean, don't guys sometimes go full on? Yeah, and porn. You're right. Porn has no... I've seen that before. It doesn't ever stand out to me in porn, so I must enjoy it. Is it bad that I'm thinking about Gleb right now? I wonder if Gleb has nobody here at all.

He's so hairless. Yeah. He posted the other day and he had like some hair on his forearms and i even took a screenshot my dancing with the stars partner he is like one of the prettiest men i've ever seen nikki wardus before we met him in person i was like no and then i met him i was like oh my god it's insane it's just one of those things i heard about that about who there was someone talking about running into a celebrity and they sophia vagada and they said she's otherworldly it just

can't it's not it doesn't make sense it will disrupt your equilibrium as a human being to just be in the presence of it that's how i felt when i met selma hayek oh yeah i bet she was like five feet tall she was shorter than me and i'm five two or five three she had the tiniest waist this was in like 2000 or something and it was just like how does someone like this shape exist did you meet her at a radio station i was with a friend at a at the tonight show and um she was backstage and just what friend was doing the Tonight Show? Somebody in a band. They were playing with Jewel.

And she just walked by? Yeah, she walked by. And I was just like, that is not a normal human being. Speaking of Salma Hayek, we were talking on the girls chat yesterday about the revelation that you're not supposed to wash your face in the morning after waking up. And no one, this is just starting to take flight with women. I think women are just learning about this because I just learned about it two weeks ago because I saw Hal Messiah talking about how she never washes her face.

Like that's the secret to her beauty. Yeah, right. That she never washes her face in the morning. And I was like, oh, great. I just, one less thing to do. But my pillows are dirty, so I should probably do it. Like I drool on them. I don't wash them enough.

I just don't. They're gross. And so I probably should wash my face in the morning. But then yesterday, Kirsten said, yeah, my facialist said I shouldn't wash my face in the morning. No one told me. And then Anya's like, oh, yeah, facialist said i shouldn't wash my face in the morning no one told me and then anya's like oh yeah facialist told me that 20 years ago and i and i'm like why didn't you share that with me you lived with me you saw me washing my face in the morning never once did you

go silently you don't need to do that i wasn't like creeping in our tiny bathroom staring at you washing your face i mean but like these are things women should share with each other like no if if everyone knows that how did I that not get to me at some point why did I have to see a tiktok of Salma Hayek I felt the same way when I first heard I was like also why didn't I think of that I'm putting 40 worth of moisturizer on my face at night why am I washing it all off it kind of makes sense my my lady told me use some warm water but really just around your eyes because you want to keep all those oils on. Wait, so when are you showering?

Are you showering at night? Because then if you're washing your face, do you shower later? We're really saying don't use soap on your, don't use cleanser on your face. Like, you know what I mean? You could shower. Just strip the oils. But just don't strip all the stuff off. Oh, shower and avoid your face.

Kind of like how you shouldn't wash your hair every day. Yeah. Oh, I see. Kind of like that. Yeah, I think so. But it's just like, it's one of these things that I'm like, how did I not know this? How have I? But then Kirsten's like, I'm going to save on product.

And I go, I'm not. Because in tandem with learning that I don't need to wash my face in the morning, I learned that you need to double wash at night. So amount of product they get you somewhere and you can never win well i never always treading water why did you keep that from me because i just learned it two weeks ago double washing because it but i bet you anything you wash enough the first time because you're like a slow efficient person and like you get things done whereas i'm just like like i just wash really hard really fast and then wash it off here's another fucking mind-blowing thing okay so the other day i was at chris's and i wonder if i can say what happened

i think i can okay so we were we met up to go to get coffee at his and and do some work right next to his apartment he doesn't have a car right now so he just walked over met me i'm like oh let's go watch succession at your house after this so i drive my car which is a block away from at the starbucks to his house i'm driving and i see him walking in the alley like back and i'm i just pulled up next to him and I'm like, sir, do you know where I can get any cock around here? I'm just so hungry for some cum. And I don't know where to get any.

And he's like, well, there's like a, I think there's probably like a, you can go to Whole Foods down there. There's people working there. Like he was just sending me. And I go, but sir, I need it now. Like I was just trying to be like, I was trying to be sexy but like also make him laugh because i was just like and he just kept avoiding it like being funny and sending

me elsewhere i'm like but i think i want yours and i was like please sir please he eventually was like okay park over there you can come in and i'm like thanks sir and uh but as soon as i went in i was was like, can I shower first? Like before we do anything? Cause I just, I didn't, wasn't planning on having relations that day. And, or at that time, I guess. And so I went in the shower

and it was really quick as all my showers are. And I was like, you got good soap. And I liked that stuff. And I go, I'm so fast. And he was, I was like, I think, and I definitely got it all. And I smell and i was like no i didn't i still smell and he's like yeah you really got to get in there i go what

i have been just scrubbing like kind of like that's like that little sound is how each pit i spent it is not enough to get an oink o go song you gotta really go hard and i was like this is so insane to me i cannot believe i put a lot of soap in my hand and went in my crotch and all the spaces and it's still i still had body odor and it wasn't like my natural scent it was like stink you know and it was still there and i was like whoa i have not been doing this enough like i don't scrub my body enough and it brought me back to one time on not safe my show where brian worked and i remember one time benji remember benj of course uh benji aflalo he was one of my writers and he was talking about his he had a

really hot girlfriend at the time and he was telling us about her like skincare regimen and like how she puts like oils on her body and then does a scrub and does dry brushing and like the tedious steps that it took to be a hot girl i mean she was like one of this like most beautiful girls with perfect caramel skin and like just glowy young but he said that she has this whole regimen and she like loves doing it and it just made me like furious because i hate doing anything like loves doing it and it just made me like furious because I hate doing anything girly like that and it makes me feel like less of a woman all those things and I go god I only scrub my pits and my crotch and then that's it I don't scrub any other place I just let the water get to it and like shampoo run down like I would never

wash my arm skin unless it had like actual dirt on it you know like that i could see i would never like do a i would never and he goes i just i remember it so well he goes well maybe you should try sometime it was just like the way he said it made me realize he smelled me before like i just knew it like. And I, his voices started coming into my showers when I start doing my just like three point wash. And I go, I hear Benji go, well, maybe you should try it sometime. And then it was confirmed the other day

when I smelled my pits, it didn't. And Chris was like, yeah, you gotta like really get in there. So recently I've been doing a lot more scrubbing to get at it, but that is so annoying that it can't just be enough. What, before before soap what did we have nothing people just stink like now we have to always smell perfectly pristine

no body odor it kind of got to wash your ass you know that red fox the red fox album you got to wash your ass yeah i guess that it was a problem back then you you you must wash your ass but i'm just not now i'm scrubbing enough but this only happened a week ago back in caveman times before toilet paper people used rocks to wipe their ass rocks that makes sense you know what oh this is a huge hack if you ever have a snagged nail that like is just like catching on things and you know your nail kind of breaks and it has like a dividend and you need you need a file so bad or you need a clipper and no one around you has one any kind of brick wall or like wall any kind of building you just scrape your finger along the

side and it's perfectly filed down that was a major turning point in my life because there is nothing more annoying than having it and it keeps getting caught on little hairs yeah when you like push oh god i had my mind blown last year and felt very betrayed by my fellow woman when i was just casually mentioning that i don't know i don't use soap like in my vagina and everyone's like huh weird and i'm like you guys use soap in your vag oh for sure oh my god it would in the hole in the hole wait in the hole what do you i mean what hole are we talking like i don't go all the way up like where a tampon lives like okay i don't like i don't like finger myself like like soap yes yeah i go in i do it like i'm like you know just like rooting around oh no it doesn't hurt i don't know i mean it hurt when i was you just use water then how are you getting the stink out if there's no

soap i don't have a stink i just really shave the sides with soap i scrub the sides i'm not gonna put soap in like imagine putting soap in your dick hole brian but then you wash it out but it doesn't hurt why wouldn't it hurt i clean out the inside of my dick do you really i have a little straw i so every every more like a straw cleaner wait noah do you use soap before we take a break actually you know what tell us when we get back from break does noah use soap in her vagina hole which not up in the hole my point is you wash it off afterwards. So there's no residue of soap. It's a clean slate,

but I guess you're kind of erasing the oils and natural pH balance. We'll find out about Noah's hygiene habits after this. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money.

We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt, or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early, well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money

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One says, you're not enough. The other says, keep going. You can do this. They're always talking. The one you listen to shapes your life. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. On my podcast, we explore how to hear the voice that matters, the one that leads you to courage, wisdom, and love.

It's not about perfection. It's about direction. Millions of listeners have fed their good wolf. Now it's your turn. Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers.

I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, Minnie Questions. Over the years, we have had some incredible guests. People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends, EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair. And now, Mini Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories, and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique.

Listen to Mini Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. All right, Noah. we've all been waiting. We had to listen to a BetterHelp ad to get to this point. And we're going to need BetterHelp after you reveal. What do you do down there? If I don't use soap inside the flaps and stuff, I smell so bad.

I need soap. I think as I've gotten older, my smell has gotten worse. I don't know. I have to do a double wash on pits. And then you don't wash it in the morning. What about deodorant? Don't you just put deodorant

on after and then the stink is covered up? On your pits? Yeah, on your pits. It's like spraying for breeze when a dog shit on the carpet it's like it's covering up the smell but the smell is still there yeah i don't think anything's wrong with i mean that's fine if other people do it but i just i do think it strips the oils or like you're like a vagina is a naturally cleaning thing everything's clear clean around it i definitely get way in there with water.

I have to say, though, out of everyone I know, you have more vagina issues than anyone I know. No, I don't. It's because of perimenopause. Thanks for bringing that up. But I mean, like, you'll just have like, I just feel it's not even like you have like, I'm not saying that you have disgusting things happening down there. You just are like, it feels off. No, but that's just because I'm an HSP 25.

That's a good point. Yeah, you are at HSP 25, which is a highly sensitive person. And she scored a 25. And I think I scored like a negative three. For the listener that thinks that I have insane vaginal issues, I did have recurrent UTIs between 2019 and 2020 because i was all of a sudden you know in a new relationship and having a lot of sex plus going through perimenopause

and you know the tissue gets a little bit less supple than when you're like in your 20s so i figured it out if anybody wants a tip d DM me. And everything's fine now. So I don't have issues. Wait, can you tell us now what the tip is? You know what it is. It's my little hormone cream. But where do we get it? I got it from my naturopath. It's just a compound cream.

And thanks, but no thanks to my Western OBGYN who prescribed seven rounds of antibiotics, which didn't do shit. Except it fucked up your stomach probably that many antibiotics i mean it cures it for like a week and then they recur because the problem is like your tissue isn't as supple and then you but then my naturopath is like just use this acidophilus a cream with light hormones and it totally fixed things well if you're d if you're damning will you give us the name of your naturopath if we dm you sure like what's oh okay she's busy forever but she's gonna get great inundated any natural every woman has this

shit happening on like down there get a calm my issue is it's just starting to like i always heard joan rivers talk about how she looks down her vagina now when she's when she was like 70 i think she was doing this bit and she's like when did i put on bunny slippers like it's falling down and that's natural like do you find your vagina is like falling off kind of like getting like long like not like some days it's like wow high and tight you look great it's like sometimes with my face i'm like wow your face looks like really structured and it doesn't feel like it's saggy and baggy. And then other days, my vagina looks like it slept on its face.

Do you know what I mean? It has a sleep mask mark on it. I mean, gravity exists. It's true. But I do think you can do little exercises. For sure, Hilaria Baldwin is doing some kind of crunches. No, this is inner stuff. This is outer, like outer things.

Yeah, I was going to say it corresponds with my face. Like I've been noticing that my face is getting lower and so is my vagina. Yes, it's so your face. Just like the skin on your face just starts to droop off a little bit. Do you ever think that if we lived our lives upside down, how great our... Yes, it's totally exactly what it is it's like your grandma's

jowls that's what the sides are on my vagina like the it's happening because but some days like it looks fine so it's like it but i do see why women get lifts down there to like make it all look like not tight like because i think the hole stays the same like i don't feel that getting like looser or anything i think it's if anything sex has been like painful for me recently where i'm like like it's it's not painful but it's just it kind of is painful where it's like oh that's what i'm talking about that's because as but it's not because it's like it's because it's like it pokes me inside like it's hitting oh It might be that your cervix. So at different times of your cycle. My cervix is dropping.

God damn it. No, at different times of your cycle, your cervix is really high at one point, and then it's lower. I believe when you're the most fertile, it lowers down to be like, gimme, gimme, gimme that stuff. So that's why I never knew this.

Why is it sometimes poking and of course it like a turtle's head yes it is exactly like a turtle's head wait the vagina the cervix pokes out like a turtle's head oh one of those goblins from a it is i think so it's like a little notice i read this book that changed everything. It was called something like taking control of your fertility. And I was so angry when I finished because I'm like, no one ever taught me any of this stuff. Like when you're growing up, you're like, why do I have all this discharge? Gross. I'm gross.

It's like, no, this discharge corresponds with your cycle. Oh, my God. The day the discharge started happening was so disturbing and thank god i always had good girlfriends that i could be honest with stuff like i i really i've always been this way and as open about my like things going on in my body i've never had to have secrets that i carry with me forever because i've been lucky enough to have kirsten floriman who i met in fourth grade who i never like you know I think a lot of girls like struggle with like I'm bleeding down there like what does it mean or like there's

weird things I never had that because I always had a friend who I could tell it to I wouldn't tell my mom I wouldn't tell my sister I wouldn't tell anyone else but Kirsten I remember I confided in her that there was like there would be like gel jelly type stuff like in my underwear and it would like come out and we nicknamed it gelatin and so we'd be like are you gelling today and we literally were doing the shoal dr shoal's ad campaign decades before it hit the market because we would say like i'm so gelling today and um i remember we went to go see pleasantville and we both that way i think that was the day when we both acknowledged that we have gelatin and then it felt cool and like i was sharing it with someone kirsten was also someone i didn't get my period till very late and i didn't

think i had a hole to put a tampon in because i could not find my vagina hole for the life of me and kirsten looked up my vagina and showed me where the hole was not with her fingers or anything but like she kind of pointed at it and i was like holding it open being like where and she was like there and i was like oh it looked a lot smaller than i pictured it being because tampons are like bit it's not as big as a tampon right like it it kind of cinches um and it turned out it was my asshole so that was a confusing few years before i opened up the Tampax instructions. You were constipated for quite a while with that tampon up there. Speak of being HSP negative 13, I have no idea.

I am not connected to my body at all. And that's why it's good I'm going to the somatic therapist or whatever to start navigating what happens in my body. I don't know. And I've talked about this before. I don't know when I'm constipated. I don't know. And I've talked about this before. I don't know when I'm constipated. I don't know when I haven't pooped. It will just, I will just be in pain. And then I watched Ali Wong's special, Don Wong.

And she said that when she was filming a movie recently, she got so constipated because she was so nervous that she didn't shit for like two months. She can't remember shooting in San Francisco or shitting in San Francisco or Vancouver. And that's where she was shooting the movie. And she was like, I had no San Francisco or shitting in San Francisco or Vancouver. And that's where she was shooting the movie. And she was like, I had no recollection of shitting in either of the cities.

And that she went to go get a scan to figure out why she was, she thought she was pregnant. She was experiencing a horrible abdominal pain. And they were like, you are full of shit. And I felt so seen because I was like, I felt so stupid when I did dancing with the stars. And after I got eliminated, I was able to eliminate like pounds and pounds of shit that

were in my body throughout that whole thing because I was so fucking nervous. But I didn't know I wasn't shitting. Like, who doesn't know that they haven't taken a shit for a month? I can see for a couple of days, like not realizing. But yeah, a full month of not shooting because you know a lot of times it doesn't feel like you have to shit doesn't like you're holding in your poop like i have to go but i don't want to you don't you have the urge well i'm gonna ask you a question as i travel one foot up your body are you one of those people that's like i forgot to eat lunch

you know that i'm not so then what's the diff because i don't enjoy shitting like i do eating eating shit i don't emotionally shit like that's it if i if i need to like release a feeling i'm not like i should just go shit you know like eating for me is what i do when i have nothing going on it's the first thing i reach for like eating fills up all my time the way some people go on tiktok like that's my food so it would never occur to me. Shitting is a very important part of many people's day. I go into the bathroom to de-stress. I'll just sit there.

I'll know nobody can bother me in here. I can look at my phone. What do you have children? What are you? Who is bothering you? You are on the picket lines trying to pick up a friend. Who is bothering you in there? Just the world.

The world. It's a place where nobody can it's like an airplane it's like an airplane yeah it's like you're on an air oh it's so comfortable sometimes the last place you have you can't be bothered yes and then you sit there and you go and you look on your phone or whatever and uh i i call it procrastination i do it all the time i do it like once a day yeah i don't i but i don't want to sit and just my shits just come out ready to they're made to order you know like did your parents have like a gross what was your family's culture around pooping

like ours i never cared about it really my dad was always like i got a poot i'm like who says poot is that a michigan thing he's from michigan p-o-o-t i got a poot did you poot and everyone's always asking everybody oh we didn't check in success but i also have a huge fascination with anal and so that is all locked into pooping as well like whether i want to admit it or not because it's so gross like the idea that poop comes out of that hole and it's so disgusting and so like depraved and you would have something go in it sexually is all connected for me and the shame of pooping versus like the there's like some kind of discipline in it like good job you went poop because i think that freud anal stage thing is yeah good girl like i when i when you're a kid and you go poop for the first time on your

own it is a big moment for the whole family like you get a gold star for it um and i do remember my dad wiping me like i i can still have memories of being like wipe me and i wasn't like yeah that feels good but it was like there's something locked into all of this that i don't want to pry open it was your first performance also the first time you got a laugh speaking of um performance i want to go see a live sex show when we're in europe is that like happening everywhere in europe the red light district i know it's like a touristy thing to do like it's like going to times square like people roll their eyes at it like oh you're going to m&m store but i want to watch those m&ms fuck like i want to see a live sex show um i've let's do honestly

i was thinking it is the only thing and people are going to be horrified by this i'm going to europe to so many cities i have no bucket list at all there is literally zero things that i care to do or see i don't like being a tourist i think it's embarrassing i think it's embarrassing to be american i don't i think they don't like us i think they're annoyed with us i hate when like you try to talk their language and they talk English back it just seems like they're just so disgusted with you

and they like my clothing I'm already worried about like oh they're gonna be like oh Lululemon like all Americans wear leggings and like shirts I don't know

like I don't even know how Europeans dress but I have no ability to do it you'll be surprised I'm so nervous about this and how uniform it is you'll be like oh my god it nervous about this. Uniform at it.

You'll be like, oh my God, it's so West. Everything is so Westernized. Like globalization has occurred 15 years ago. You totally have a point. But now like I was in London a few years ago and I was just shocked at like, oh,

it's just New York. It's just London, but they're speaking English for some reason that it's London. I agree with you. I was there for Chris's surprise and I was like, okay, but they're speaking English. For some reason that it's... London, I agree with you. I was there for Chris's surprise, and I was like, okay, this is... I can get around this. There's some... I have massive anxiety about going to countries

where I am American, and I think that they hate me. I think they're going to be waiting for me to fuck up and, like, misunderstand something and go like, oh, stupid American. And I don't know know because i don't look at immigrant or like people visiting here that way i look at tourists from like you know oh we're from florida coming to the tom square i hate them but i don't hate like german tourists i'm like oh of course they don't know their way around it's the exact opposite when i see a couple or somebody from a different country in America, I'm like, man,

these guys have it going on. Yeah, you are amazing. Yeah. But I am so embarrassed. I can only speak about the culture of Israel because I'm from there and I know people who are still living there and stuff and they are so impressed that an American

would come there and perform and stuff. I remember when Metallica played there in the 90s. It was the biggest deal. I think it'll apply to other countries in Europe where they're just like, wow, you came here to be a part of our culture, to see our culture and perform for us. It's a big deal because you're traveling so far and stuff.

You guys don't get nervous going international and like looking like an idiot like constantly because you don't know the like i was going to france for sure customs for maybe i'm just associating maybe i am oh russia they don't like us well my russian is terrible and they make no bones about letting me know and they made fun of me last time. But what if you knew no Russian and you just chose not to speak it and you just spoke English to them? Would they care?

They'd probably be nicer. But I loved it. It's still exciting. I'm so excited to go. We'll have fun in Amsterdam. They don't give you any credit for trying? We're landing in Berlin tomorrow. I'm not that impressed.

And I am so glad Chris is going with me because I am going to be a little mute dog on a leash with him. I'm just going to have him do everything because I don't want to appear dumb and if I do, I want it to be because I am just a following housewife.

I just want people to be like, she's a caged woman. That's why she's dumb. As opposed to I just don't want to bother anyone. I don't want to dumb as opposed to like i just don't want to bother anyone i don't want to get in anyone's way i don't want to stop on the sidewalk and have someone like walk past me and be like oh stupid american like i just don't want i want to represent america okay i want to be ashamed that i am american i want to like i want to be like reverential to like you guys are better than us we know that i i i'm having a lot of um shame issues around going

i i don't know what it is what is what do i do about this and what should i look forward to that i'm not understanding because all i can think that i'm looking forward to is going to a live sex show because we don't care and frank's house the van gogh museum and then a live sex show yeah i do want to go to yeah i do want to go to like a concentration like i want to go to like a holocaust type thing uh unfortunately as much as it's weird to say you want to go do that but i do yeah go to and then just don't be one of those people that take selfies at auschwitz oh that would be fucking insane we're definitely not going there we're going to amsterdam you hand someone a camera and say will you take this for me and then you get next to the sign and that says work sets you free and then you smile no like

your ass to the camera yeah you do duck lips like i'm just excited for the food in tel aviv i heard it's the best how well tel aviv food hell yeah like that i have no problem the food is freaking me out everywhere also but tel aviv i would eat that i would eat hummus and uh you know israeli salad with like the chopped up cucumbers and onions and tomatoes for every meal the rest of my life no questions asked so i'm okay with that but like i don't know i went to spain once with sister, and it's just meat and cheese everywhere you go. And the portions are so small, and I feel like I'm a dumb American that is going to need more. And they're going to be like, oh, you want a refill on your Coca-Cola? And they're just going to be disgusted by me.

It's all my shame about myself coming out through the eyes of people who don't give a shit about me. That's the truth, is that they'll just go, we don't care. Just don't tip us because we don't give a shit about me. That's the truth, is that they'll just go, we don't care, just don't tip us because we don't do tips. Well, it is anxiety-provoking to be vegan, first of all, anywhere. It's hard because you don't want to be hungry

and stuck without any food. But then traveling abroad and being vegan is also challenging, I imagine. Especially if you don't speak the language. You've got to be able to communicate, does this have anything in it? How do you say, I imagine. So that's probably cool. Especially if you don't speak the language. You got to be able to communicate. Oh, does this have anything in it? How do you say, I am difficult?

Je suis difficile. That's in France. All I want to learn in everything is, I'm sorry. Yeah. Thank you so much. We'll be out of here in a second. And yes, I'm ordering one person, but I'm going to order two meals for one person.

Like last night I went to dinner and I ordered more food than anyone would think one human could eat. And I just feel I'm already insecure about that in my own country where we eat like, you know, every meal is Thanksgiving. There's a chance that you get to Europe. I'm just going to supplement with kind bars.

There's a chance you get there and you're pleasantly surprised and everyone's a lot nicer than you think. And then it'll just take a couple of days for you to get used to it. And all of this stuff is just... But then by that time I'm in a different country. And then it takes a couple of days and you just leave right before everybody likes you. Every time, which is very apropos for life.

I wish I could just be excited but i'm excited for the shows because they could be horrible because there could be just language and culture barriers and things you know just references that don't fly um but i don't care because of course there is that i'm from a different place and if you don't like me in Berlin, I won't come back there again. Like if the show goes poorly, it's not like I'm like, I need to have a residency in Berlin. I would like to go back there to visit on vacation.

This is just a way for me to test out every country and then come back because I'm familiar a little bit because I've been there before. But aren't the people that are going to go to your shows in Berlin fans of you? Do you think they're like scooping up people

at the Munich Times Square? I think a lot of people might be excited just because like an American is coming. Like it's when the NFL goes to Munich and they're like,

let's just watch this. Like Noah was saying like, oh my God, this person's coming here. We must go and they don't know anything about me except they see a picture

and they're like, she must be funny. It's the thing that used to happen to me in my career before I had a name here, which is you just perform at comedy clubs and people show up because it's the comedy club. And they don't do any research and then they hate you because it's not their type of thing. But it does feel okay.

I already have kind of put myself in the position, closed my eyes and pictured bombing so badly on stage with like dead silence and just things not going well at all like the worst set possible and i'm ready for it bring it on like i can survive that i don't care i can still have a good day the next day it won't affect my i want to have good shows i'm going to try my best but i can't control this and if i bomb in berlin oh that doesn't sound great it's like my grandpa did um if i if you bomb in london oh yeah if i bomb in london no that will be because i would let london there's a lot of i don't know london might be a little bit more embarrassing because that's a place where i see other comics thriving and i'm just comparing myself to others where i'm like you gotta be you gotta i don't know i'm just there's a lot of I'm like, you got to be good. You got to. I don't know. I'm just.

And there's a lot of Americans abroad who will come to your shows. Yes. It's uncharted territory and it's exciting and it's totally normal that you're having anxiety about stuff like food and oh, everyone's going to hate me as an American. Because that's easier to focus on than shit. What if I'm terrible on stage? And. Oh, I would never. But I'm not kidding you i don't care yeah that's not i'm not like avoiding that thought i don't care but aren't you going to be like i'm not connected guided around aren't you going to be met at the airport and isn't there going to be no saying like go here go there no oh okay so this is like each other yeah we have onion each other

yeah it'll be fine so you just got to show up at the theater at the time of the show without any yes help yeah okay i'm going shopping for a bunch of protein bars today just in case too because i don't want to be stuck with nothing to eat. But they'll probably get confiscated because customs, I don't know, I always feel like I'm going through with illegal substances. Customs is just the worst way to start out any kind of journey. They need a complete PR. Someone needs to go in and shake up customs to be more inviting because it's just the worst way to start this thing

where you're like, I'm in a place where I'm not feeling comfortable. I't know how this is gonna go i don't know if they have uber here i don't know how to get to places and to start off you have someone suspicious of you in a screaming at you to get off your phone and it's just like it's it's mean it feels like i'm actually being loaded in to go to auschwitz like it feels like you're just cattle when you get off the plane and you have to walk a mile to the place. Does anyone else have this stress with customs? I got global entry and it's three minutes

and it's amazing. You just walk right through. You don't have global entry. I got that years ago because we go to Mexico all the time. Nikki, you might have something like that. I don't have global entry. I know I don't. Does Clear give you anything or no? Oh my god, I'm having heart palpitations right now. You're going to be fine.

You're going to be just fine. Also, they don't look at your bags in customs. You go through customs first and then you go get your bags. I know, but then they look at my bags then. Unless you're bringing in meat or animals and cheese or something, you'll be fine.

I'm bringing in a couple parakeets. I'm excited for your jokes that you write on the road or the insights that you have about each city. That's going to be really fun. I don't have any of those. You will. I have none of those. You're going to come up. You're going to get to Berlin and be like, what is going on with all this bizarre graffiti?

I am so bad about making observations about cities that is honestly one of my biggest um god i'm stinking so much right now i'm getting so stressed out about this trip that my bo i haven't packed at all are you packed uh i have half uh one quarter of a bag packed i got my i haven't mics for a podcast there's gotta be something adapter passport i gotta get excited there's gotta be something to be excited about there's gotta be something to be positive about you're going on i'm excited about sleeping getting into bed at the end of the night with my boyfriend after i've accomplished a show and knowing like we have some hours until we have to like get up again i think I'm just like scared I'm so scared

and my mom's scared that there's gonna be a terrorist attack I'm not scared of that like she's like you're going to places where there are bombings and I'm like

we have smash shootings every fucking day America is way more dangerous than Europe way more but she you know she's just a Midwest mom every country has

we have travel advisories for everyone coming in here like beware it's the most dangerous isn't that crazy that people like in France if they're like Every country has a, we have travel advisories for everyone coming in here. Like beware. It's the most dangerous. Isn't that crazy that people like in France, if they're like,

I want to visit America, the State Department or whatever the State Department of France is says, beware, you might get shot if you go to America. That seems crazy

because, well then why don't they say you might get run over crossing the street? It's, I heard a statistic and I'm not trying to diminish mass shootings at all, but if you took out the deaths that occur from mass shootings, like every year there's however many deaths from gun violence,

if you subtracted the amount that die from mass shootings from that number, it would be negligible. Like you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. It's so little so that seems crazy it's not that it's not we shouldn't be upset about those 60 or 100 lives lost but compared to 60 000 100 out of that 60 000 it's it's you wouldn't notice it year to year other gun violence that's not a man yeah like people who die by suicide or die by just gun violence like you know uh one-offs murders um but mass shootings it doesn't add a big number to that number overall but you could

still get killed in a non-mass shooting in america that would never happen in france because they don't have guns like we do right they have knives and stuff like they're stabbings and you could look i would much rather be shot than stabbed, but I'm not saying which one's better. I mean, they're all fucking horrifying, but being stabbed. Why go anywhere in that case? You can't just have that kind of fear.

I'm not scared. I'm just scared of the judgment and then they hate America because of something I did. I answered a text message on the street and so I had to stop in the middle of the sidewalk and then they were like, oh God. So I'm just not packing

all my American flag shirts and my hats and my bikinis, which I have so many of. Okay, let's do a quick top one, bottom one. How about it? How about break first?

Okay, let's break first. I thought we could get it in in three minutes, but you don't want to try? You know what? I challenge you to get it in three minutes okay wow three minutes top one bottom one um here we go the category is features of a car features of a car let's start with the bottom my least favorite feature of a car is when you cannot change the Bluetooth settings when the car is in motion. Let me do it whenever I'm driving. You know I'm texting while driving.

You know I'm pulling up maps while driving. Why don't you let me do the Bluetooth? Why does it have to be in park? That's some bullshit. Okay. Anyone else? Bottom one would be beeping security features that just distract you and beep at you. Instead of protecting you, they're just distracting you by beeping in your face every five seconds.

Oh, like when you don't have your seatbelt on? Like when you're, are there cars that if your side view mirror gets too close to a wall, it'll start beeping. If you're backing up and you get too close to something, it'll start beeping. Instead of keeping you from doing stuff, it's just beeps are coming at you from every direction i feel like you might be a bad driver no i'm a good driver i don't have the beeps in my car similarly i hate gigantic screens like people have like flat screen televisions in their car now how is that not distracting you? Distracting. Agreed. Anya. Sunroof.

I spent $1,800 on laser Fraxel. I don't need to get more sun damage. Thank you very much. I'll use the windows if I need. Oh, I love sunroofs. Really? You don't want a sunroof on any car you own? Nope.

All right. Noah. I agree with Brian. These safety features are just out of control and one that i realized i hate was yesterday when i quickly tried to pick avi up from the airport and i just like had my foot on the brake and i tried to open up the trunk and it wouldn't let me because the car was not in park and then it's it's protecting you girl yeah okay what happened to laissez-faire i want to go back to when we didn't even have seatbelts sounds amazing remember when the cars was just an open thing and there was no seatbelts and the windshield

just kind of went like halfway oh my god have you ever seen a dummy with the feet up on the console you know how you ride on road trips? And if you get scared, don't watch it. Because you, oh my God. Don't ever, I will never, ever sit like that again.

Because it is, it will ruin everything. You think that Fraxel laser that you wasted your money on, you won't have a head to even see how good your skin is. If you put your,

don't ever lounge like that, ever. I'm telling you listeners, please. And when we get back, we're going to find out the best feature. That's how I did it in under three minutes. Nice. 2025 is bound to be a fascinating year. It's going to be filled with money challenges and opportunities. I'm Joel. Oh, and I am Matt. And we're the hosts of How To Money. We want to be with you every step of the way in your financial journey this year, offering the information and insights you need to thrive financially. Yeah, whether you find yourself up to your eyeballs in student loan debt,

or you've got a sky-high credit card balance because you went a little overboard with the holiday spending, or maybe you're looking to optimize your retirement accounts so you can retire early. Well, How to Money will help you to change your relationship with money so you can stress less and grow your net worth. That's right. How to Money comes out three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for money advice without the judgment and jargon. Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Can you hear it? It's the whisper of two wolves inside you. One says, you're not enough. The other says, keep going. You can do this. They're always talking. The one you listen to shapes your life.

I'm Eric Zimmer, host of The One You Feed. On my podcast, we explore how to hear the voice that matters, the one that leads you to courage, wisdom, and love. It's not about perfection. It's about direction. Millions of listeners have fed their good wolf. Now it's your turn. Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if you asked two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, Minnie Questions. Over the years, we have had some incredible guests.

People like Courtney Cox, star of the infinitely beloved sitcom Friends, EGOT winner Viola Davis, and former Prime Minister of the UK, Tony Blair. And now, Mini Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Each episode is a new person's story with new lessons, new memories, and new connections to show us how we're both similar and unique. Listen to many questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions, limitless answers. All right, top one, one bottom one features in cars what is your favorite feature in a car anya i love a seat warmer in the winter time nothing cozier than

my non-soapy vagina getting warmed up yeah just get heating that little uh hatchery up i use it in the summer too. Incubated. No, they're so good. They feel like you're peeing your pants initially and then it stays. And now they have coolers. Because as someone who used to wet the bed, it feels good at first

and then it's horrible. Yeah, I have one in my car. I drive a 2010. Oh, really? They had seat coolers then? I guess so. Yeah, or there's just like a little guy blowing on me down there but yeah it's like

it feels so good I love that and yeah the seat coolers are really nice Brian what's yours? My car doesn't have it and it causes me agita but I love a seat that adjusts itself

you can have a preset seat adjustment so you say oh this is how my seat is and then you said that's brian's setting and then when someone washes your car or somebody fixes your car or god forbid a valet driver adjusts your seat when they're parking your car you can you can rest assured to put it back because i remind myself man i've got long legs i just remember like god everyone's so short i'm so tall it like reinforces for me what i need to know about myself that day or i'm like my vagina's so long today i just scoot it on back i don't want a valet driver ever ever to drive the car i'd rather just park it myself i hate when there's a valet i just want to park it myself

i don't mind it what Why do you hate it? Because they're just in your space? Sometimes they adjust the seat. Are you not, when you are staying in a hotel, do you not like the maid to come in? I don't let the maid come in? No.

I had a feeling. But I do. This is someone who doesn't like people in their space. It would be nice if I could let the maid come in just to keep up appearances so that she gets paid, but then also not do anything. Maybe if she just wants to come in and talk for a few minutes. I love when they've come in just to keep up appearances so that she gets paid, but then also not do anything? Maybe if she just wants to come in and talk for a few minutes. I love

when they've come in. It just feels, no matter what I do, I could never straighten in the way that they do. No, of course not. No, no, but I don't want to be straightened. I just want to be left alone the whole time. My mom's always like, you put away your jewelry. And I'm like, they're not going to

stop thinking everyone's trying to steal from you all the time just is it what happened to just trusting the universe and not being paranoid about everything even though that's the story for me going to europe um my favorite thing i on in a car i just found a couple weeks ago when i was in la and sarah lena came to pick me up in her new um what's the one that has a g g wagon oh my god there is a feature and if besties if you have this if you've ever been a g wagon you know this it is revolutionary so when you turn like a sharp turn or something and you know you kind of like your your body like shifts to either side it will hug you so that you stay perfectly. Like all of a sudden the seat will just kind of like,

and it seems like it would be annoying. Like why do I want something? It is so fucking comforting on a cellular level to have your car hug you and just like make you feel like you're like chummy with it where it's just the kind of like, oh, I got your back. It is so amazing and

i wrote to chris i was like sarah lena's car has this feature where he goes where it hugs you and i'm like yes and he's like is it a g-wagon and i go i don't even know what i was in because i don't pay attention to things so i wrote her being like is it a g-wagon and she was like yes it is and i'm like we gotta get this feature in more cars you got it it is amazing i am i i am looking for a new car and like i think it has to be something that has that hug technology because it just feels so fucking good i agree with you that fingers you it's amazing oh my god i agree that this is that's a great feature and it's but isn't this bad for society that everything is making us so comfortable all the time

like any little thing that can discomfort us we have now a device for to make us comfortable yeah we're like I don't like it the wind I'm uncomfortable all the time

yes there's no amount of comfort that will actually make me feel comfortable so I invite it when I can't have it in my life because I don't like comfort. And so when it's forced on me, it feels really good. I envy the people from the 1700s who were not comfortable ever, but they just were like, well, that's just the way it is. And they went on their lives and it didn't bother them as much.

I think our threshold for discomfort is getting is getting lower and lower until it's going to be like we're all going to have like fibromyalgia by the time we're you know well that's why we sit horribly because we always have back seats and back in the day they just had to sit and learn how to position their bodies so that they were balancing kind of on their pelvis where this was like the base and you just kind of balance your body by sitting up straight so it's not like you're like now when we think sit up straight you're kind of all tense and you're like i'm sitting up straight if you just figure it out you can just balance your spine where it doesn't it feels like you're balancing a broom you know you're not like when you're holding a broom upright on your palm it doesn't take any effort even though it looks really impressive

you can do that with your spine but we don't have to do that anymore because we're constantly sitting in chairs with backs so we all have horrible alignment because of comfort because of this thing season of alone it was like up like season four or five before a woman was fine like i'm building a chair with a back and then she was like this is the best thing ever and she had the best season because she was just chilling in her chair with the back takes i hate when you gotta sit on a stool somewhere it forces you to be to have good posture though yeah i can't really enjoy yourself on a stool yeah i was at a restaurant the other day and um i looked over to a table next to us and there was a baby sitting in a baby seat

and he was just sitting upright he was not supported he was not leaning back and he could just like he was just like babies have perfect posture if you well i did the alexander technique for a really long time and it teaches you all the stuff about alignment and how to sit up straight it's not it shouldn't be a hard thing to do you're just doing exactly what your body's meant to do if you but she my teachers always said if you look at babies they are never having tech neck where they're bent over they're never sitting with like on the floor playing with blocks and their back is hunched they're sitting they're perfect and they're not trying a baby isn't

trying to look good or have good posture it just is and that's how we all start out and then chairs And chairs and beds and all the things of modern leisure lead us to be lazy and not engage our core. So our muscles, you know, you're not using your muscles at all when you're leaning back on a couch. Where usually you would be doing something. So, yeah, babies never have to, they never have hunchbacks. Look at babies play on the floor it's so annoying and when they walk their butts kind of stick out and their tummies go out and because they're balancing they're learning how to balance perfectly so that they can stand and it's like holding a broom on your palm they're not like there's no muscle being really used to hold that

up because they're balancing it and we start to think like that you can walk and you you're so much the other day i was like kind of aware of my posture when I went to go visit my parents. And I was leaving and my dad was like, I forget how tall you are. And I'm like, God, even my dad noticed something. I gained like an inch probably by just not hunching and just not, and not being like,

I'm a proud peacock and walking around with my chest up, but just naturally easy sitting up straight. Anya has perfect posture. She never has a hunchback when she's sitting, ever. Lately, I've been noticing, as you age, things get looser. And in pictures, I started noticing last year when I was playing guitar, I was hunching a little. And so now I'm working on doing back exercises. But when I hurt my shoulder, the physical therapist was like, this is a weird hack, but get on the floor and crawl like a baby. Your body has a way of realigning itself and setting itself back to zero.

And I was like, what? And then I did it. And I was like, this is amazing. Just crawling on the ground on your stomach, like lying down. And you do that. She's like, just lay down on your stomach on a yoga mat. Like you're in a house that's burning? Mm-hmm.

Okay. Like just completely pancaked. And then like, she's like, then just crawl around, like not on floors. With your stomach on your, I don't understand. Kind of like if you're doing pushups and then you're all the way down. You're just like, you're not pushing up.

You're just kind of there. Okay, so you're just kind of wiggling? And she's like, just wiggle there on the mat and it was you really do feel like oh my body is relearning the natural place it's supposed to be like we do you're right we do so many messed up things with our daily lives whereas if you just spend time on the ground you'll be fine hyper vigilant right now about getting this lump on the back of my neck that is already starting to happen from, and I see it everywhere. I see people on their phones hunched over their phones with this tech neck thing happening. And the best way to do it that I learned in Alexander technique is like, when you turn to look at your phone, you can look at anything in your lap and you don't have to

hunch over your head. What you do is you look, pretend that through your ear holes, there is a rod, right? And that's where all the movement comes from on your head. So to look at your phone, all you need to do is move that dial. So your head adjusts down. Your neck does not move forward in any way. It's just your head. I'm doing it.

On that rotation dial. Do you know what I'm saying? Like this? I'm just doing it straight up. Go up and down. My head? Yeah. Yeah, like that. So the turning point is where your

ears are it's not where your neck is it's not at the bottom a base of your neck where it meets your spine that all stays totally still and you can look at anything up or down without going like this with your neck and that really changed things for me you're just moving your eyeballs no no no you move your head your head down but It's like, picture like the place where it's moving is a rod going through your fucking skull. Oh, I see. Don't jerk your whole head around. No, it's just, no, no, no.

Yeah, don't you move your neck at all. And then where is your stomach? Is your stomach on the ground when you're doing this? Yeah. Make sure you're on all fours. Make sure your tongue is on the roof of your mouth when you put your tongue on the roof of your mouth get on your stomach and put a rod through your ears well the only time i'm ever crawling on all fours naturally

when you just said that i was like oh the next time my boyfriend breaks up with me and i'm begging him to stay that's the only time i can remember being on the ground. Perfect alignment while you're weeping. Yeah. I'm like, oh, you know what? This is returning me to a natural state. My primordial state.

The point is you wouldn't have to do all this stuff if we didn't have the car that hugs you and stuff like that. Yeah, that's a good point. Maybe jeeps have it right though.

Like they're so uncomfortable. Like old school jeeps. Yeah point. Maybe jeeps have it right, though. They're so uncomfortable. Like old school jeeps. Yeah. Well, jeeps give you a pilonidal cyst, which is something I have to deal with. You don't want that shit. What the fuck? You don't want that shit, let me tell you.

You know what they say. What's a pilonidal cyst? A pilonidal cyst is a, you know what a cyst is. It's like a little cave underneath your skin and then uh it uh gets filled up and then you know if yeah so you can get one on your on basically your uh um your tailbone area and it's called a pyelonidal cyst and it's wait do you press it and it's like does it hurt oh it's so painful it's so painful and It's so painful. And then you sit on it. I had it when I was a little kid, like when I was 13 or 12. I felt it sitting on the floor of the gym, like doing stretches at gym class because it was a hard floor.

And that's when I first realized it. And for my entire life, I thought it was just that's how everybody was. I thought everyone had a painful... Did your doctor tell you it's a Jeep thing? You wouldn't understand. Yeah, he, it's a Jeep thing? You wouldn't understand. Yeah, he said it's a Jeep thing, bro. And then when I was like 18, I went through a bad breakup.

Or maybe it was... No, it was like a little later than that. I went through a bad breakup and my pilonidal cyst flared up so bad I couldn't walk. And this was like... Oh my God. It was New Year's eve and we had to find

a doctor that would be willing to see me and I went to the doctor and um they at a hospital and they uh put me over a table and they injected me with some uh paink, and they took a scalpel, and they started cutting my tailbone area. And the only way they knew to put more painkiller was by the volume of my screams. Oh my God. They were like, are you waking up from a good night's sleep? Because we know that you wake up screaming.

And that was when I first learned about this palnylcyst. And that didn't cure it. That was just to get rid of that initial flare-up inflammation. But it was just going to come back. It's like a corn. I get corns on my feet. And this is how I knew Noah didn't have a corn. Because she told me, I think I had a corn when I was a little girl.

Because my grandma, what was the story? Well, it was my mom ripped it off with, you know those like corn sticker things? Oh, yeah. The cushions. Dr. Scholl's. Yeah. So we were using the yellow liquid to try to dry it out. And then my mom had put the cushion on and she wanted to take it off.

And she ripped it off like a wax strip. And this long root came out. I started bleeding and screaming. God, I want to eat it. That's awesome. My grandma came out of the kitchen like screaming, what's happening? Oh my God, that is the most satisfying

thing I've ever heard in my life. How long was that video footage? Was that a wart? That was a wart, most likely. If I, based on me not having

any kind of real knowledge but watching more footage of warts being cut out and corns being cut out than most doctors who do that for a living, I have watched hundreds of footage

because it's just so satisfying to me.ns will come back unless you put use cushions the rest of your life so corns are a result of a bone hitting it's a result of pressure over time and corns will always come back because it's some bone in your body that's like misaligned and it's hitting this part so i get the same corn every week i like scrape it off with a scalpel and have to like it is a little bead of callus it's not like a there's no virus in between my toes and it hurts they hurt so fucking bad yeah uh lee and then um uh a wart is only lives on the top layer of skin and it is attached to your blood supply so if it bleeds it's most likely a wart because it is getting ripped from the blood supply that it is feasting off of

and um and they they will often come back too because you don't you think you got it all out but you leave a virus behind but warts can be taken out and won't return again if you get the whole thing so i think that if you ripped that one out and it didn't come back it was probably a wart and because it bled you're supposed to freeze warts though aren't you supposed to freeze them and then they come out and then they kill it and then it come and then you can take it off and the fact that you said to dry it out corns are already dry there's no drying that needs to be done they're callous so they're just little hard balls and warts are like these juicy things that need to be kind of frozen or burnt in a way that they become like drier and they you you know you bust up the blood supply and then you can rip them out

and it's so good i don't ever want to see a juicy like wart being like sliced at i want it to be dry and i want to scrape them out do they all have roots like that like a little they're not roots is a like the black dots you see in planners warts are not roots those are blood vessels that are attached to your blood system so those are just dried blood they look like black dots but it's dried blood they're not roots nothing has roots it's totally i know all this talks about warts because i can hear your mouth watering a little bit why is my mouth watering about warts it's so disgusting i love that about you i there's not enough footage of them being cut out it's like there's a deficit online i've seen all the ones that appease me i need more it's almost like i want to create like influencers that because i

know people have warts out there. I had a bestie once who said that I could scalp her wart out backstage at a show. I can't do that because one time my mom had a corn and I sliced her foot and it still bothers her to this day. I hurt her nerves. So I cannot. I know. I feel so horrible.

Honestly, it's the worst thing that I did that to her. Because I thought I could just get it. Because I do it to myself all the time and i don't make myself bleed but she has thinner skin um emotionally and so she's such a baby now i like sliced her foot and now it's been two years and she's still not healed from it it's so embarrassing that i did that to her and i'm so sorry mom but um well can i just finish the thread on my at ass. Yeah, yeah. So I actually did cure it eventually. I can't wait. I got, I had to get ass surgery six times. She got back together with you? Yeah, she got back together with me. I mean, why did it flare up? Because you were broken up with. It's clearly

psychosomatic a little bit. Well, the pilonidal cyst is not psychosomatic. I don't know why emotionally that would have made me flare. Just like immune system stuff and you know you when you get stressed out your body reacts in weird ways and in this instance it made that flare up but so surgery six i had to get ass surgery six times in order to finally get it all out because the first time i did it i went under anesthesia and they did what's a closed thing so they they cut they scoop it out like an ice cream scoop and you have like a- Did you get to see it? Oh my God, yeah.

Well, there's like, well, the first one, they scoop out like the size of a fist. I can show you a picture. What? The size of a fist in your tailbone area. And what does it look like? And then they sew it up. Like fatty?

And that's called a closed surgery. What does the thing look like? What does the cyst look like? The cyst. Outside your body. Is it like fatty tissue? Is it like. It's like you're a chunk of flesh with like little cave in it.

Wait, is it like a lipoma? I thought a cyst was a bag of fluid. A cyst is underneath the skin. It's like a little cave. And it forms little cavernous lines that you need to make sure you get the whole cave cavern system or else it'll just come back. And it does fill up. But a cave is hollow.

So is it hollow? It's like you're, it's like, this is a flesh, a hunk of flesh and your skin's covering it up. So you don't see anything, but maybe you see like a little hole, like a little tiny little baby pee hole.

And like liquid can come out of there because if there's but underneath the skin it's like an underground a subterranean cave system okay and that's not good you're not supposed to have that and that can fill up with fluid if it gets infected and then it comes out a little tiny baby hole ew and then it can form little tendrils of cavernous systems no i don't want to hear that sounds like a giant war and the longer you have it the longer and then it can form little tendrils of cavernous systems that go throughout your and the longer you have it the longer you have it the bigger and more complex the cave system gets

so a size of a fist they took out of your ass they sliced out a fist size they sliced it out of my ass and then they sewed it up and then I had to wait 8 months for it to heal it you know when i when a wound that big heals it it fills up from the bottom up and um it healed i go back to the doctor and they do their their search and they miss the cave find the the kids

in the cave they find they find those... The soccer players? Yeah, those soccer players. The soccer players were all in there and they get out. Okay. Yeah, and they found another cave. They said, oh, we missed the cave. We got to cut your ass again. Oh my God. And they said, but this time we're not going to close it up

because you have a better chance of it healing if you cut out the fist and then you just leave it open and so they cut out the fist and this is what i have pictures of i can show you pictures of the uh open wound if you want i want to see it um they they cut out the fist and then you just and then you have to uh pack it with gauze and repack it three times a day and can clean it out and it's incredibly painful and i had to have my dad help me pack my ass wound. And that was the second time. Wipe me, dad.

Wipe me. Yeah, exactly. That's what I was thinking of when you were saying that. Yeah. That was the second time I got it. And they didn't get it all out either. I waited another eight months. It filled up.

They didn't get it all out. So then I had to do it a third time. I went to see this amazing doctor an nyu doctor named brian harlan and he was like i'm gonna take care of you this guy is like super confident i went to him he cut my ass open and uh and it healed up and then but then he missed like a little bit So he could do a little bit of the cave. So then the fourth surgery. I still don't understand the cave thing, but we're going to get pictures on there.

We're going to get optics on this. He did it. Then he just had to do like a half surgery. And then he had to do like a 20% surgery. Then he had to do like a 10% surgery. And then finally, after years of having like an open ass wound, it healed up. No caves. Oh my God. of having like an open ass wound it it healed up no oh my god i just put on cyst jeep and typed

it into google and pilonidal cyst comes up like it's webmd there's like a picture of one yes a lot of people in world war ii got pilonidal cysts because the jeep hopping up and bumping up and down on those you know on those roads in germany uh made their asses flare up. It's also genetic. I had it since I was a little kid. It is a cave and there could be hair in it. Oh yeah, the hair. Hair and skin.

Was there hair in it? It was his dead twin. Oh my God. No, I hate this. Okay, final thought. What are those twins called wait can we circle back no and hear about your 18 1800 laser on you did i hear that right i got that i was exaggerating it's like 1200 is it teratoma what is that thing called when they find a dead twin in your stomach? We want to hear about your $1,200 laser. Okay.

Now? Yeah. Okay. But wait, have you heard of teratomas? No. It's when people are like, something's bothering me. And then they look in their stomach and they're like, there's a full set of teeth and a bunch of hair. Oh, yeah.

Yes. It's like your twin that you didn't know you had. Okay. Well, I got a fraxel laser the other day in case you're wondering why i look strange like i survived a house fire look at this without the ring light look at can you see i have so much weird stuff on my face that's just that looks the same as when i get micro needling oh really looks like yeah i look pretty burnt when i do that yeah Yeah. But no, I think it's like $1,200. You get it done once a year, and it just keeps things even and fresh and new.

But it is great. Did it hurt? Yeah, but not terrible. The radiofrequency microneedling is the worst. I did get numbed up. Doesn't seem to do much. But it must. She did do a weird thing at the end where she's like uh before i start this i'm gonna

give you some valtrex i'm like why and she's like they give you valtrex have you had a cold sore i'm like no she's like you've never had a cold sore in your life i'm like no she's like anya do you have history of cold sores i'm like no and then she goes you've never had a cold sore in your life. Like weirdly aggressive. I was like, I have not. But it's fine. You haven't? I'm on her side. I did not break out and it's fine. But yeah, she shamed me for that.

For not having one. Yes. Usually it's the other way around. If everyone says, yes, I have a cold sore, then why does she even ask the question? If she's so in disbelief that you didn't have one why would she even ask i don't know yeah i was offended when they offered valtrex to me for when i got a laser as well because i was like no i got one one time and i meditated away i'm good but it's such a traumatic thing that your body probably creates them because cold sores are stress related. Yeah. And your body thinks it's being burned alive because it is.

So your body wants to like you. This wasn't the kind that you have to like put straps down and they have to like buckle you to your seat. No, but I definitely. Because your body will flight. I was like like making a lot of noises and fidgeting a lot. It was like involuntary. Yeah. Stuff. Yeah. But it was like involuntary yeah stuff yeah but it was over pretty fast it is insane to do though you're just lying there going what am i doing i'm burning

myself alive yeah you did that i love people right what you did that too right i remember when we were i did i did one i don't remember exactly what it was it's the kind that makes you look like you know those cartoons or like i guess it would not cartoons but um drawings uh from the 1950s that have every person has like a dot like they're filled with dots like they're almost comic book type things you look like that you look like you have like a grid on your face so it's grid like whatever that was i did that and they had just they had to velcro my hands to the sides of the chair and hold me down and keep um they put these things in your eyes so that you don't possibly almost open your eyes like there's plastic in your eyes it's like a contact lens that has a little flap sticking out so that you

because if this were to get anywhere near your eye you'd be blind forever and ever and also because your body said this before your body thinks it's being lit on fire and it it no matter what your logical brain thinks thinking oh this is fine i'm paid for this and there's a doctor in the room your body will supersede that and say we need to sprint into a lake you need to find a body of water and so you need to be held down because your body will try to run what does this do for you? Because it thinks it's being burned. Gives you self-esteem.

That's actually less. That's happened to me when I've gotten my lips done and they numbed my lips, right? So when they stuck the needle in, I couldn't feel it. But all of a sudden, my heart started racing.

Right. And I was like, oh my God, my body knows that trauma is happening. And this is why i will never get my wisdom teeth removed i'm way too scared really that's the most amazing sound is hearing someone use pliers and pull out your wisdom teeth that crack crazy oh i was asleep for it oh i was awake i was just like what is happening right now well i hate the sound of your lips being injected i hate when i can hear you know i was getting prp on my scalp when i thought i was losing all my hair and so they would like inject my own blood

that they whipped around in a machine back into my scalp and each time it would go i hate that sound it was like thousands of and i was so grossed out that i put on noise canceling headphones and listen to my own stand-up um no i was i was going no no no no the whole time because i couldn't stand it it was such a horrible sound but yeah i don't that's an interesting thing i bet anya because you're an hsp 35 or whatever i bet that is why a fraxel laser still hurts when you get numb because you are more in tune not with your logical brain but with what your body is feeling. So your body, despite being numb, still knows it's under attack

and you're so in tune with that little voice that it still registers as hurting because there's no reason it should hurt if you're numbed up. Oh, no. It definitely still hurts. I mean, although I've had people tell me, like, I have a very high threshold for pain. Yeah. I feel like we're a simpatico there.

I have a very high threshold for pain. I don't think anyone's ever been told they have a low threshold for pain because everyone I know thinks they have a high threshold for pain, including myself. No, I think. Does anyone out there think that they have a low threshold for pain ever ever been told by a doctor wow you're because it's almost like going to get a massage and they're like you're tight and you're like oh thank you because it makes you feel cool well i know during times of my cycle i'm much more sensitive to pain and like when i used to get bikini waxes the girls would be like are you pmsing because you're really flinching a lot you know because

the week before i think you can be very sensitive yep and isn't that right lined up with emotional pain like how we think these two aren't connected is insane to me anyone that doesn't think physical pain is emotion related related to your emotions because before your period you're crying a lot more i like rosebud baker's pregnant right now and she has a new bit that i just saw yesterday and she's like the only difference with being pregnant is that i just cry all the time i cry about anything and she's like and men are she was like i just love it's a superpower because now i can make men nervous all the time because i'm crying constantly and they're always scared of me and it was it's i thought that was an interesting part of like being pregnant is that you just would cry all the time i and that's i'm like i should

get pregnant because i'm looking for ways to cry more and i just don't know how cry more and plan again i really want to be able to get it out how do you guys cry i know i've asked this literally a billion times but like i wish i could just sit on my bed and get it out oh yeah i wouldn't worry about it it'll happen no because it ends up me eating in the middle of the night instead of it or yelling at someone or hating myself if i cry like everything gets like balanced i know a good cry is so easy way to cry on the reg i would be so happy and right i don't know i don't know because i i don't know either pretty easily and but but i know the cry you're talking about like when it's building up and everything's just piling on and everything's

so stressful and then you're going insane you're feeling no choice it's like an orgasm all of a sudden i'll do that and i'll also start laughing psychotically i think sometimes laughing psychotically also does the same thing as the crying and that you can definitely force okay my actual my somatic therapist taught me a cool move to get emotions out or to like get yourself out of a state of feeling anxiety you stand up and you just rush your hands back and forth almost like you're skiing down a hill you know like up and down and then you bend over as you're going down and you back up again and you hold water bottles in your hand something with a little bit of weight could really help and just keep jerking

almost like you you know remember that one time anya when i told us to like beat a pillow yes like over and over just take a pillow and just thrash it into the couch like that could help so maybe i'll do that because that would probably stir up some emotions and get them out but i feel like i just need um i i just need to talk about what i'm going through and then tears start coming out but i don't think i get asked enough about what's going on by because i avoid voicemails for a friend and we do it all day long to each other and there's no judgment it's like you can leave as many as you want i have that but i don't i get a no i don't want on my girls chat if i cry every time it would just be like you guys would go like oh jesus no we wouldn't it's cathartic it probably helps somebody else but i the other day was doing it i was in a totally good

mood and i was just talking about stuff and then i was like i'm gonna dig a little harder with that It's cathartic. It probably helps somebody else. But the other day I was doing it. I was in a totally good mood. And I was just talking about stuff. And then I was like, I'm going to dig a little harder with that one. And started uncovering stuff. And then out of nowhere, I just started crying. And I was like, oh, I had no idea I was even upset about this thing. That I buried. It's like being constipated.

I had no idea. It's like a wart being pulled out. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. By the little root. Okay. constipated i had no idea yes okay well we gotta go but we have um podcasts next week from europe um we are in europe right now but we've pre-recorded these because we wanted to do the first week just without having to do podcasts but we will be live from well you know as live as we can be from europe next week um remotely can't wait to do it. We'll be, well, Anya and I will be together in the same room. Chris will probably be joining us for many of

those and I'm looking forward to it. Thank you guys so much for listening to the podcast as always. We'll see you next week and does anyone else want to take this? I guess I can't. Just start crying.

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